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jamiedc-they-them · 4 years

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The loyal sidekick (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: “Agents of shield x reader where the reader grew up with daisy and daisy promised to never hurt her after she got her powers but when hive was mind controlling her the reader was the one she hurt instead of Mack like the broken ribs and all that jazz. You can finish it from there? Thank you!!”

“Y/N? Y/N, wake up!” You heard a voice say to you and a hand tap your cheek a few times. You tried to give an answer, but you only lightly groaned instead, “Y/N, I need you to open your eyes,” The voice ordered you again, “We’re home now, we’re safe.” It reassured you, as if the speaker could tell one of the reasons as to why you hadn’t opened your eyes yet.

Again, that hand tapped your face, but after it stayed. The owner of the voice changed; you weren’t sure whether or not you had been moved or what had happened.

All you remembered was the pain you felt. One that had died a little since then.

“Y/N?” This one was softer but held more concern than the other; the first was more authoritative, hiding that concern. This voice allowed the concern to come through.

You slowly opened your eyes, seeing Jemma Simmons looking at you with both a doctor’s and friend’s concern. That concern turned to relief, however, when she met your eyes. She did, however, shine.

“They’re awake!” Jemma called out, your ears ringing a little at the sound; she looked at you with a silent apology at your reaction.

Mack was the one who had entered the room; while he looked relieved to see you, he also looked guilty.

“Hey, Y/nn,” The man said as he came over and put a large hand on your leg as if to reassure himself that you were in fact alive.

“Do you remember what happened?” Jemma asked softly, but you saw the pain in her eyes as she asked it.

You did; you remembered it all.

You and Daisy had been together since the orphanage; as far as anyone was concerned, you were blood siblings put together. Hell, she even managed to get your name changed on the file to fool anyone who doubted it. She wasn’t going to let it be doubted. She was your sister as much as Jemma (and later Elena) were to you as well. You were her sibling, as much as BUS kids (and Mack and Yoyo) were to her.

Now, she was taken from you. She was gone, gone with a man you both hatred mutually, Grant Ward. Well, it wasn’t exactly him, he was gone. This was just a thing wearing his body. In a way, though, it felt to you like he was always that the day the truth about him came out.

Coulson was leading the charge, but you were second. That worried the team, they knew you’d move mountains if you could find her. You’d both give up everything to find someone who was a sister to you and a daughter to Coulson. As you both knew, she could be saved.

“Losing you to save her won’t help anything, Y/N.” Jemma tried to warn you; she and the others saw the toll this was taking on you. Her expression of her worry about losing you to the dark wasn’t treated as gravely as she wanted it to be. It didn’t provoke you to change your mind. It only made her realise that you had realised that you might not come back.

“You aren’t going to, Jemma. But…if I have to, then I will.” And that you’d made your peace with it.

“We’ve got a ping.” Coulson told you as he entered your room; he had you as a second in the search for Daisy. You both weren’t really thinking as agents anymore here, just concerned members of a heavily fractured and damaged family.

“Where?” You asked.

It wasn’t too far from you. You just had to get there. You were so close to getting her back, you just had to go there and find her. You didn’t care if Hive was there, that was secondary to you; you weren’t inhuman, so he’d have no need for you.

“I’ll go,” You heard Mack said as you entered the living area, seeing him talking to Coulson. Your back dropping onto the floor made both look at you.

“Team ready?” You asked your friend, he nodded. Mack, however, looked between you both.

“Y/N, this is insane!” Mack argued, worried for your fate if you went.

“She needs us, Mack.” You said in a monotone voice.

“And you need backup!” He was determined to go with you, to make sure that you’d make it back alright. He understood your pain at finding out your friend had been taken. But the lengths you were going to were pulling you down a dark path. One he was going to try and save you from, yourself.

His want, however, fell on death ears.

“I have backup, Mack,” You looked to Coulson, “I’ll bring her back.” You swore to him.

You knew she’d do the same if the tables were flipped and she was one looking for you.

Now, however, you were walking into untouched ground with your sister. She wasn’t fully herself, under the control of Ward. But you were sure as hell going to try.

Mary Sue Poots, that’s who Daisy was before she was Skye and then her current name. You had one, but you urged her to find a new name.

“What about…. Skye?” She asked you one night as she looked at the thing that had inspired her name. You too looked up at the thing, letting the crickets do what they did for a bit longer.

You then answered her, “I think it works.” She knew you were honest and just blowing smoke up her ass; she smiled at your answer and pulled you into a side hug. She had seen gangs of people in the orphanage, but you were a two-person crew.

Not that it mattered to her, though. You had her back, she had yours. That was all you both needed.

You had been split up a few times before, both different foster families that didn’t take you as that pair.

However, you both made it back to the starting place of origin (whether that be by running away or being sent back).

It would always go the same way:

“Oh, thank god.” One of you would say a variation of that as you initiated a hug on the other; both just enjoying the moment of being back with your best friend.

After that, it would be talking and/or patching of any wounds.

You were family, and you always found each other and helped each other in the end.

Mack led one team, trying to find what Hive was doing. Sure, you landed with them, but you quickly left from then and went on your own path.

Coulson had a different come link for you; he knew his voice would be the main one you’d listen to for this scenario. You felt safe with his fatherly voice and concern guiding you. He was the one person you and Daisy looked up to and got a net positive from it. Every other parental figure was either damaged beyond some sort of repair; or just evil from the get-go and bad people.

A vibration rocked through the area you were in, you caught yourself before you fell, however.

“Coulson, what the hell was that?” You asked, pressing your ear to your comms.

“Kree, Mack’s handling it, Y/N.” He assured you, silently telling you to get back on track.

You kept moving, now with more people standing between you and Daisy. For the most part, SHIELD was distracting the newcomers.

Still, one found you.

He swung his axe at you in an attempt to clear you of your head, the axe missed but not by much. You then aimed a kick to push him back, he stumbled a small bit, before he swung again; as you dodged, he brought it down.

You barely got out of the way of that one, the axe scrapping your leg as you fired at him. The sound of your pistol was louder than you remembered, he was sent back, but still wasn’t dead yet. He kept coming.

This time it went hand to hand; you kicked and punched all you could, put your all into it. But that all proved to be for nothing as he grabbed you by the throat and threw you.

When you landed, you rolled along the floor a little, groaning in pain as you did so. When you came to a stop, you pulled your hand into a fist; you were hurt, in a bad shape. But you couldn’t stop, not when you made a promise to both Coulson and you.

It had been a year or so since you and Skye had both left and found a van for you both to live in. It wasn’t the best living conditions, cramped and all that. But, after your last house, Skye knew she had to get you out of there. She couldn’t take it anymore; not the scars you had both started to collect over time; not the trauma you were forced to endure; none of it. You were both tired of being hurt for nothing other than to make some nuns happy and probably do their bit for god.

Yeah, your time had definitely done a number on you both; it definitely turned you more jaded, but Skye was a bit as well.

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re ok, you’re ok.” She said to you as you shot up from another nightmare. You would both be brought back to the memories you tried to burry every so often. Only thing was, in the world you lived in, you couldn’t exactly turn to someone for help without getting ripped off. So, you leant on each other for that support.

“Just…just give me a minute,” Skye gave you as long as you needed to recover from whatever your dream was. Morbidly, you had a bunch of memories for your brain to bring up for your pleasure.

She put a hand to your knee, slowly as to not startle you and make you see her as a threat for am moment too.

“I swear to you, Y/nn, I’m never going to hurt you. Never, as long as I live. I promise you.”

You were still on the ground, the world seeming to go muffled for a moment. Yeah, you were definitely in a fucked up way right now.

You heard someone talking, and you wondered why you weren’t meeting the business end of the Kree’s axe.

It was then that you had heard it, the sound of the person you were looking for. The person that had used this same power to save you time and time again.

Daisy Johnson had taken the Kree down with said ability, but she then laid her eyes on you.

“Y/N….I told Fitz to stay away.” She said, trying to be firm but she softened a little bit.

“Yeah, sorry. You said that to Fitz. You didn’t say that to me. Funnily enough, he left that out when he told us what happened.” You said in pain as you got up to your feet.

As soon as you looked at her, you saw the conflict inside her. You could see the look in her eyes that was fighting between toxic loyalty and genuine care for you as a friend and family member.

Ok, maybe your arrival here wasn’t the best; but you were here now, you’d found her and that was what mattered. Now you just had to bring her back.

“I’m doing this for you, Y/nn. I am doing this to help you guys.” She told you as tears started to pool in her eyes, the conflict growing and growing in her eyes.

She went past the bed that held the blue alien that had so nearly taken your life, “We’re going to turn you into an inhuman. We can finally be that dream team we always wanted to be, right? The heroes that we always talked about? You and me.” She held out her hand to you, this was the her you knew; the her you’d come to save. The one that wouldn’t leave you behind.

“They can stop, Y/N, they can stop worrying about Daisy and Y/N Johnson. They can let us go and let us be. We can be free from them. They can stop bullshitting their worry about us. They’re scared that, at a drop of a hat, we’d leave. You know it, and so do I, Y/nn. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is to protect you from that pain. This is that; I’m doing my job as your sister right now. All I need from you, is for you to join me. They made us into soldiers! We can break that cycle.”

Part of you wanted to go with it; part of you wanted to say, “yes”; part of you wanted to go with your sister and become a super-powered individual and be by her side.

But, you closed your eyes and sighed; doing so gave Daisy her answer.

As a tear ran down your face at what you knew was going to happen, she blinked her own away as well.

“Then I’m sorry it’s come to this. But, if you won’t join me.” She held out her hand; the next moment, you had been thrown backwards.

You rolled again, but this time Daisy walked forward; you drew your ICER, only for Daisy to kick the weapon from your hand before she then punched you in the face. You fell back to the ground with a broken nose.

“Close your eyes, Y/nn,” For a moment, it was the genuine voice of Daisy. But, it soon got overtaken by Hive’s wants, “This’ll hurt less for the both of us.” She said as she punched you over and over again. When she was sure you were almost unconscious, she put her hand to your chest and used her ability.

You were almost gone, but you still felt this pain. You felt bones start to croak. She let out her own cry at your one; trying to drown out your pain and focus on her own in this moment.

She was shot the next moment by Mack, after he had stopped the experiment.

“Let them go,” Skye growled as a SHIELD agent handled you a little too roughly, “They had nothing to do with this, I’m the one you want.” She said, more panicked this time at the unsure result of what SHIELD would do to you.

She found herself in a room, talking to two agents; one older and one younger, a little older if not around the same age as her. She pleaded innocent, but the video was what had done the two of you in.

“Where’s Y/N? What did you do to them?” She asked them; Coulson caught the look of fear and concern in her eyes and tone as she spoke, looking between the two.

“Tell us what we want to know and maybe we’ll –” The younger one, Ward, started to say. But he was cut off by the older one, Coulson.

“We’ll bring them to you, least we can do for kidnapping you.” He said; Skye nodded instantly at the offer.

“Come on, help me get them in.” Mack said, not caring about rankings at this point and more about this friend making it out of a borderline suicide mission alive.

They dragged your body in; as soon as those doors closed, May knelt down and tried to find a pulse. She let out a sigh of relief when she found one.

“Y/N? Y/N, wake up!” She said as she tapped you on the check to try and get a response; unfortunately, she did not get one. At least, not one that had you shooting up awake or even opening your eyes, “Y/N, I need you to open your eyes,” She said next in an authoritative voice as if that would work. It didn’t, “We’re home now, we’re safe.” Ok, that one was a lie (and she did feel bad using this against you) but home was always a word that would make you snap to attention if you were awake.

Here, however, it had no effect on you.

“Where is she?” You demanded as you walked through the base, panic striken.

“Y/N –” You cut off one of your best friends,

“Dammit, Jemma! Where is my sister?” You were yelling at this point; in your early grief and fear, you missed Jemma’s flinch at your tone.

“Y/N, she’s fine.” Bobbi said as she approached you, seeing both her friends about to probably have a an argument. She was quick to try and stop it from turning into that.

“I should’ve been there.” Jemma snapped to attention at your words, her eyes widened as her mind ran through the countless outcomes of those words had they been true.

She knew you weren’t thinking straight, a frazzled and tired brain working on overdrive and pure fear would make anyone say anything.

“You could’ve died, Y/N….I couldn’t lose Tripp and you at the same time.” You looked to Jemma at the name of your apparent fallen friend. He’d died?

You can’t even remember if you fully morned him in that moment; as you simply ended up on the other side of the place where Skye slept. You only grabbed a stool and placed yourself there, not allowing yourself to be moved for anything.

You may not of been able to be there for her when she needed it, but you were there now. Willing to do anything to help her.

“Simmons!” May had normally been good at hiding her emotions, but you were the kid of the team. Despite how much she would’ve denied it, her maternal instinct was active when it came to all of you kids; but namely you and Daisy, the two that had grown up with nothing but each other to lean on for support.

Daisy had found her parents, you hadn’t. You didn’t really care about that, however; thought about them? Sure, but you had too much on your plate to care right now about who they were.

Right now, though, all that mattered to them was making sure your lived.

“I found my mother, Y/N.” You smiled at your friends words, genuinely over the moon for her; she’d found her family. After a long search, it had yielded results.

“That’s great.” You said, even though your smile was a little bit pained.

Skye, secretly Daisy at this time, could see the pain in your smile; she grabbed your hands in hers, “Your still my sibling, Y/nn. No matter what. Y/N and Daisy Johnson, how’d that sound?” She offered to you.

“You can’t just give you your name –”

“I can do with it as I wish. You’re my family Y/N, you all are. But, you were first person I got to call that and they stayed.” She told you, firmly.

“What about your parents?” You asked in fear. Daisy only pulled you into a tight and affirming hug.

“I’ll talk to them and explain it to them. Trust me, you’re getting that god damn name, no matter what I have to do to do that.”

Simmons had you on the bed with Lincoln (the actual doctor on the team) helping keep you alive.

“Jesus, what the hell did Daisy do to them?” Lincoln asked as Simmons passed him the tool he needed to continue helping you fight for your life.

“It’s not Daisy.” She reminded the man that had become a good friend of hers, despite some fights and differences of opinion. Plus, having an actual doctor on sight helped alleviate some of the pressure on her shoulders.

“I know,” He assured her as he gave her the tool back and moved onto the next part of the procedure, “It’s just…when we get her back…she’s gonna be crushed.” Jemma knew he was right with his words.

Your words about being there for her when she transitioned popped back into her brain. She couldn’t help but think about the aftermath of all this and what it would do to you both. You, injured, maybe with life-altering injuries; and Daisy, with guilt.

Two of her best friends in the whole world in pain because of each other and nothing she could do apart from, most likely, watch them break. It killed her inside. It truly did.

Daisy Johnson was a fighter, she always had been. But, this was one fight she had ssadly lost. One fight she probably wouldn’t recover from.

So, even as she uttered those words, “I’m coming home.” It was without even an ounce of happiness to them. No, only hatred; self-hatred to the tenth degree. She’d hurt her friends, all of them in different ways. But, only you and Fitz physically.

God, where you even still alive? Shit; no, genuinely, where you still alive?

She walked through the doors that had felt like home so many times a ghost of her former self. Sure, she was free from Hive, but not her actions. Nothing could make up for them.

Especially what she did to you.

The fact that she didn’t see you made it worse; she let tears pool her vision once again at the lack of her best-best-best friend being present on her return.

No one uttered a word, that made it worse. Maybe you were gone; maybe Daisy Johnson had killed you. Maybe she’d broken her promise just like her familial ties with these people.

It was just like the orphanage, only now there was no safety net; no you there to catch her and help her stand up on her own two feet again.

She only kept falling and falling into the void.

The door opened, but she was sure it was just Coulson (again) to try and make her see that all was forgiven and all that bullshit.

However, when she looked up, she saw you. At first, she thought her mind was playing tricks on her, that I was all a lie.

But, then the pod door opened and you stepped into the room.

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” She said as she backed away from you; she, however, didn’t dare raise a hand against you. She wouldn’t do that to you, not again.

“Daisy –” You said softly as you approached your sister, but she back up more as she yelled,

“No! Don’t come any closer!” She couldn’t even meet your eyes. As she looked away, you grabbed her face and forced her to look at you.

“I’m alive, Daisy. I’m not dead.”

“But I hurt you.” She whispered brokenly as she let out a sob as she replayed the beat down she gave you over and over again.

“Hey, hey. It’s ok, it’s ok.” You told her as you pulled her into a hug, despite her resistance to it.

“No, no, no! I hurt you! I hurt you!” She was howling by this point with pain. You only held on tighter as she tried desperately to do anything to get you to let go.

She did anything except the one ability that would make you let go. Her powers.

“Here.” Skye said as she entered the van, handing you the food she’d been able to buy. It wasn’t the best food in the world, but it was enough to see you through.

“Thank you.” You said politely as you ate your chips; she, meanwhile, at her single burger.

“Want some?” You said, earnestly offering them to her. She smiled softly at your offer, shaking her head and pushing them away.

“No, they’re yours.” She told you.

“They’re ours; now, come on.” You assured, pushing them in her direction again.

“No, Y/nn, I’m serious. Eat your food, I’ll eat mine.” She said stubbornly.

You rolled your eyes as you did as she asked you to do, “Why do you do that?” You asked, seemingly out of the blue and with a hint of anger.

“Do what?” She asked, a little defensivly.

“That; give me more food than you?” You clarified.

“I’m older –”

“But hungrier.” You had a point.

“And I will eat something else later when we get to our next stop. I promise, Y/N, I’m fine. But, to answer your question,” She tapped your nose in a teasing but loving fashion, “You nosey little…that’s what family is. Sacrifice, time and time again.”

For once, Daisy was taking her own advice as she sat with you on the bed; you held her hand, but no words were shared between you both.

The others had gone to stop Hive; but, with your injuries, you stayed. Even without them, you would’ve stayed anyway; missing an opportunity to stop the man who had caused you this pain to stay with your sister.

Family meant sacrifice, again and again.

“They’ll stop him.” You told her, to try and lift her spirits.

“Sure they will.” She said, pessimism oozing from her words.

“They will.” You said, firmly.

“How’d you know?” She asked; seemed you’d swapped oldest and youngest sibling for a moment.

“Because I have faith in them. You’re intel wasn’t wasted; you’re home now.” You told her.

“This won’t be my home, not anymore.” She spat.

“And why not?” You asked.

“Because look at what I did, Y/N! Look at what I did to all of you!” She stood up and waved her arms around to get her point across.

“Well then, what’s the plan?” You asked her, taking her completely by surprise. She even opened and closed her mouth a few times at your words.

“What?” She had to ask, she had to be sure that she had heard you correctly.

“I said, “What’s the plan?”?” You repeated your question.

Yup, she’d heard you alright.

“Are you insane?” She snapped at you, desperately wanting you to be joking.

“Daisy,” You said as you grabbed her hand with your free one (with the arm that wasn’t in a sling), “We’re family, we’re always going to be. This hurts like a bitch, sure. But, it wasn’t you. I saw the real you fighting back against it. So, you lost this battle, but not the war. I’ll be with you to fight that war until I can’t anymore.”

Lincoln, someone that had started to become a friend to you, was gone. He had given his life to stop Hive; himself and Daisy almost, almost, had a romantic-ish goodbye.

The moment after their decleration of love, his blip was gone.

As Daisy fell, weeping and begging for it to be turned around despite it being too late. You only watched your sister, knowing you couldn’t do anything as if this moment. But, afterwards, you could.

You both knew each other like the back of your hands. So, you knew her next move. You waited by the hanger door, the only exit to this place. Soon enough, Daisy appeared in more goth like clothing.

“Y/N.” She breathed out your name in shock.

“Hey,” You replied casually as you placed your own bag down on the floor; Daisy approached you, “Van’s out front.” You told her.

“You’re not coming.” She stated, firmly.

“When have us being split up ever worked out in our favour?” Ok, maybe too early for that one. But, the truth of it did hit Daisy, even if it hurt.

“Keys.” She held out her hand; the keys filled them the next moment.

She then picked up both of your bags, “You do what I say, when I say it, got it?” She gave you that older sisterly stare she had from time to time.

You rolled your eyes, “Yes, ma’am.” You gave her a mock salute.

With a breath, she led the way out.

You weren’t going to let her walk this path alone; even if you didn’t fully approve of it. You knew you couldn’t change her mind, just as she couldn’t change your own about coming with her.

You were family. You were family that always found and backed each other up. You’d make sure you both lived up to that. No matter what.

#daisy johnson x reader #daisy johnson imagine #agents of shield imagine #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d imagine #agents of shield x reader

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redscullyrevival · 7 years

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Fool’s Fate: The Tawny Man Rundown

@sonnetscrewdriver I’ve moved on to Dragon Keeper!

Plot/Setting/Narrative

Jesus

Okay

Holy shit???

I need a moment

Alright, so lets start easy

Being the Age of Sail nerdo I am this book’s voage bits were amusing and then a bit dissapointing; an apprecaition of sailing and living the sailor LifeStyle isn’t really a Six Duchies thing it seems, huh?

I was SO excited with getting a glimpse of my precious Bingtown babies in the last book that I was stoked for a high sea adventure in this book but wah waah mostly it was sea sickness and brooding

Honestly I let myself down because this is a Fitz story and, well, how else would the sea be depicted?! LOL

Poor Thick

Poor everyone for the most part, yikes

Farseer had a lot of mystery to it, a lot of slow burn world building/concept reveal with answers eventually given; Liveship Traders showed it’s cards on the table for the most part but thrived of the suspense of all the threads coming together or possibly unraveling; Tawny Man is the first series where I understood events before the characters did, the results of which made the series much more subdude than the last two.

Not in a bad way, just, ya know, different.

“Life Is Change” is very obviously the big overarching connecting theme between the Realm of the Elderling series and I only have praise for the fact each series has it’s own distinct tone and approach to the same (and shared) characters - it’d be a hallow utterance if the book narratives themselves did not change and grow series to series.

The change in Tawny Man is big; it’s big for the narrative space and it’s big for Fitz and it’s big for the reader.

And you can accept the change or reject it, that’s a option we as the reader has.

I choose to embrace it.

But oh man, oh my god, I will miss The Fool. I’ll miss “Fitz and The Fool” as a unit. I know there is a new series and I’ll get to it eventually but I’ve got four Rain Wild books (YAY!) before I come back to Fitz and his part of the map so this is a solid goodbye for a while and it feels odd to part with them in the place we do.

Odd, but new.

I’m talkin’ out my butt - I’m a little sad okay?! But I’m happy too.

And I think that’s what this book was going for; a kind of reaffirmation that life and change is hurt and happiness and a lot of effort went into guiding readers through feeling that message as well as understanding it on an informative level.

Ultimately I enjoyed Tawny Man more than Farseer, it’s just much more my-type-of-story.

I never really agreed with/bought into Fitz’s choices within much of the Farseer Trilogy. I understood Fitz’s logic of course, so his choosing to let expel his pain and hide away (and all the other choices along the way) were not make or break issues for me; there is much to enjoy simply being along for the ride.

But with Tawny Man it was very satisfying for me to see Fitz come back again and again to his past decisions and not cast them off as impervious to change or impossible to face.

That’s a beautiful message.

I embrace that message very much in my mind and I will try to embrace it within my own life as well.

And this isn’t relevant to anything but a little thing I’d like to preserve for my own amusement: This was the first book I’ve ever read on a Kindle! Lee got me one for my birthday for my “Year of Book” project. It took a little time get use to but once I adjusted I really enjoyed it - particularly the fact that if you are reading a borrowed book from an online library it shows you what others have highlighted as they read! I found that very interesting and I enjoyed highlighting my own favorite bits (which, not shockingly, coincided with many other people’s favorite bits).

For Rain Wild Chronicles I may start a new section for these write ups where I relay some of my highlighted sections, ‘cause why not? These are already long and useless, might as well really own them.

Fitz

I know there is a lot we could talk about when it comes to Fitz in this book

But I kinda already covered him in the setting/plot/narrative section above

And I really just want to let anyone bothering to read this know that I’ve never liked Fitz more then when he cleaned up and donned fancy Jamaillian digs and walked into Molly’s family chaos to tell a grieving family he is FitzChivalry Farseer and he’s gonna look after them.

I was shocked and horrified and thrilled and laughing

Fitz truly changed! It wasn’t just description of his inner change (although that was lovely, good for The Fool, thank you Fool) but the end of the book drags a bit as it does so as to allow Fitz to act on this inner change - which is something I’ll never hold against Hobb.

So many books end quickly after their narrative climax but Hobb likes a good post cuddle and god bless her for it.

Cutting a story off after the final movements have played is dramatic and can help events stand out as an experience in an audiences mind; but there is unique pleasure in seeing the individuals of an orchestra pack up their belongings and shuffle out isn’t there? There is a true affection for humanity’s relentless plodding along in those final chapters. Fine by me.

The Fool

So I freaked out towards the end there, ya know?

And much like with when it happened to Fitz, a part of me thought it a cruel thing to do, to bring someone that far gone and that brutalized back.

I understood the thematic ouroboros of The Fool’s return and as a fan it was a relief of sorts but there is still that small part of me that found it cruel all the same.

I’m floored with how moved I was by the aftermath of the Fool’s death. Fitz’s quest to find the body and then to restore dignity to his friend - that was some rough stuff.

It wasn’t “true grief” like with Nighteyes (for me anyways) but rather a form of anticipatory mourning, but in reverse? Hard to explain.

The point is yes, I cried.

Oh oh oh how I hope The Fool can learn to manage in a world they can’t see into or shape. I hope to see the Fool again after visiting the Rain Wilds.

Hap

lol

fuckin’ Hap

I love this idiot

I love how all around Hap epic and fantastical things happen and his story is just him coming of age and figuring his shit out

Good for him

Does he know who Fitz really is though?! This was never addressed?!

Prince Dutiful

Dutiful cracks me up

I love how he’ll go into PRINCE MODE and be near perfect Sacrifice and royal and awe inspiring

then he laughs at boogers

Dutiful is hilarious to me, how I see him switch back and forth between mature young prince to out-of-his-depth-survivor brought me much joy

I love his friendship with Thick; I love how he falls for Elliania’s transparent baiting; I love how he’d be cool outwardly but skill “WTF is happening?!?”

What a joy!

Chad

In the last book Chad really slipped through my fingers but now we’re back to our normal rocky relationship.

I like Chad

but then I don’t

And I think, finally, I’m okay with that duality

Thick

My sweet little man

Everything about Thick is my favorite thing

I especially love how he is often described as being bored

Discussing intrigue and espionage and dragons? BORED

Hahaha!

No wonder he and Nettle get along so well

I especially loved how he decided, for himself, to stay with Fitz on Aslevjal

I’m excited to come back and hear more, learn more, about Thick

Nettle

I wouldn’t wanna be on Nettle’s shit list, would you?

What a storm of a person!

Nettle isn’t very defined still, she is a bit reactionary and never quite gets totally fleshed out by the end of the book.

Which is a bit of a shame.

But! Nettle of the Dream World is a different story.

She feels much more defined there and I dunno, maybe that’s intentional?

I like her but I’d have to spend a lot more time with her in the solid narrative space rather than the abstract dream/skill narrative space to really have opinions or emotions over her as her own character rather than her as a character and how she relates/involves/moves Fitz, Burrich, Molly, or Thick.

Elliania

Elliania has a similar disadvantage as Nettle does but at the same time she still has more definition (to me) then Nettle; her motivation and actions are followable and her personality is filled in with Outisland society.

And she ain’t afraid to smack a bitch up with her titties out.

So she gets some mad bonus points right there.

I really felt for Elliania’s struggle and she totally won me over in the scene where she comes up from inside the Pale Woman’s domain dragging her forged sister and mother with her.

One of those scenes where the grandure, emotion, and awe of it all was very powerful

loved it, love her

Web

YEAH

Don’t need permission to do what’s right - fuck yeah

Web’s the friggin’ best guys

I want a spin-off of him teaching Old Blood children and Fitz

Swift

This little shit

I love him, I love all of Molly and Burrich’s wild children, but Swift gave me anxiety lol

I’m actually really intrigued by Swift but he’s too brief and wild at the moment, I hope he mellows out a bit but still keeps that confrontational fire and uses it for good

Burrich

NO.

God

Damn

When my man showed up on Aslevjal I was shocked

I was so mad

I was also very happy of course but ughgughgu

I WAS CONFLICTED and had good right to be

Oh this man, I really adore Burrich even though he is a flawed person - that’s what is so compelling about him though.

We kept learning things about and from Burrich up until the very end.

I’ll miss you, Heart of the Pack.

Molly

I’m devastated for Molly

I’m Happy for Molly

I’m very pro-Molly in general even though she is a bit vague

Like, she is more than just a plot device but not by a whole lot, ya know?

What I wanna do though is sit her down and have a real heart to heart; ask her if she really thinks Fitz will ever be truly free himself of his duty, from his duty to the Farseers or from his own idea of honor.

That man is going to leave off on some quest or some shit you know it, I know it, she must know it!

Be safe Molly, but happy, but alert

#realm of the elderlings #The Tawny Man #Year of Book #fandom talks

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paper-daisy · 7 years

Text

Cruel Fairytales

He switched you, didn’t he? How long have you been …?

But he didn’t need her to answer that. Not really. In an instant he knew. God, he was such a fool. Such a selfish, love-sick fool.

His mind raced back over all those small moments that they’d ever shared; a look that lingered too long, a touch that was hesitant to leave, a small, knowing smile that they exchanged in a room full of people, yet their eyes only saw each other. How in the last week those little moments had become overt, a mistaken hand on the arm became a purposeful movement, a knowing smile had finally translated into words. And he was so stupid, so utterly lost in his own damned feelings of elation, at the joy of he and Melinda finally, finally, taking that longed for step forward that he never stopped to think, never even considered that this was so horribly unlike her.

Alright, what’s up?

You tell me.

You’re talking. More than ever.

Because you’re not.

Melinda May doesn’t talk, never had much need for it. If it takes an average person twenty words to get their point across, May can do it with a single look. He should’ve known, should’ve realised that May’s chattiness over the past week - month? - obviously wasn’t her. Not really. Just some code written by a cruel madman, who had obviously been cunning enough to spot something in Coulson that he’d spent decades keeping hidden. They’d always been close, but they had their boundaries for a reason and he should’ve known that May wouldn’t have suddenly decided to cross that boundary, just because of yet another close call.

You’re not allowed to be gone. Not yet.

Was it even her that said that? Or the LMD, who’d been designed to get close to him? He still remembered that jolt of fear and wonderment and hope as he’d heard Melinda talking to him when she’d been unaware that he was right next to her, trapped in that rapidly darkening other world. She’d mentioned that bottle of Haig and his mind had gone back to that dark, wet night, both of them bleeding, hurting, yet still brimming with the satisfaction of having pulled off a near impossible mission. How close they’d come to each other in that bland hotel room, how he’d seen ever drop of water that still clung to her hair, how he could feel her breath on his skin …

… how he had pulled away, chin low, hand on the back of his neck as he muttered something about professional boundaries. How she had folded in on herself, stiff, sad, accepting. How he had halfheartedly offered to share a drink with her from that stupidly expensive bottle they both managed to wrangle from Fury, a reward for a job well done. And she had refused.

“Maybe, some day,” she’d said softly. “If we ever have a worse mission … then maybe we should try this again.”

At the time he’d laughed at the idea of them possibly facing a worse mission.

Me and May? No. It’s not like that.

And it really wasn’t, just not quite in the way he’d implied. Phil didn’t need to get to know her, not anymore. He knew her. For the last thirty years he’d been with her more often than not. And he loved her. He’d probably loved her longer than anyone else in his life. Yet, even then, it’d taken him years to fully admit to himself how much he loved her. After all, distance, boundaries, that was all his decision. So it was never his place to be jealous, and he wasn’t, not of her and Andrew (although he would never consider his early arrivals to their home as a way of spending more time with her outside of work — he was just punctual) or her other relationships (but he never really liked the idea of her and Ward, even before the whole Hydra thing — it was just that she was too good for Ward). He told himself he loved her like a friend.

And then she’d left.

May took off on vacation and never came back. So I lost my right hand, too.

Looking back, it was probably her short retirement that finally cracked something deep inside him, making him truly look at his own feelings for the first time. That made him realise that ‘friendship’ really wasn’t the correct word to describe what he felt for her. But he was still loathed to act on that, not when she still had things to work out with Andrew. Not when it was obviously one sided.

Something had changed between them, he was certain, but that change didn’t seem to be either good nor bad. A shift, an imbalance. A dance that somehow had become one step out of time. They pulled close, they pulled away. Phil looked for and found comfort with Rosalind for a brief moment, before she - and Andrew - were brutally torn away from them both.

That should be you up there.

No. I’m right where I belong.

After Daisy left and SHIELD was reborn again, they would go weeks without seeing each other. Was it his own self-centred imagination that made he believe that May might’ve missed him? Or was there something really there this time? Now he was back to being a regular agent, a company man, he felt like he and May were now back on much more even, familiar grounds. In some ways their relationship seemed to reset even so much so that, the first time he’d returned from a four week mission, she had invited him to train with her. At first he’d laughed - they hadn’t done that since the Academy - before he’d caught that look in her eye and realised that she was absolutely serious. She wanted to train, with him specifically … just like the old days. They’d met at six in the morning, spared, he talked breathlessly between punches and she’d used his distraction well to her advantage. When they’d finished he couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer and jokingly asked her if this was because she thought he was too out of shape to be a field agent anymore. And her answer had stunned him into silence.

“No,” she said, pausing to take a sip of water, eyes averted. “It’s because I miss you.”

He’d thought he’d be devastated at loosing the position of director, but if this was what he got in exchange then he was sorry he didn’t do it sooner.

It’ll be good to see Fitz and Simmons.

And May.

Yeah … I think you look forward to that more than I do.

Mack, Yoyo, Daisy … they had all made suggestive comments about him and May ranging from Mack’s sly smiles, Daisy’s questions about their pasts and Yoyo’s overt, smart-ass statements. And he’d deflected, avoided, shrugged it off, never once mentioning any of this to May. Now he felt stupid, reckless. If his team could see that his feelings for May might’ve gone beyond mere friendship then it shouldn’t surprise him that others would see it too. That they might take advantage of it. Every time he thought of how that replica played his emotions, how it carefully gave him every little scrap of attention that he’d always craved from her, he hated himself even more. He was so wrapped up in his own desires that he’d never even stopped to think … now Melinda was missing, lost to the world or possibly, even …

No. He couldn’t even think it. Surely the universe wouldn’t be that cruel? To have her survive one near death experience (It was a death experience - I’m over it.) only to have another twist of fate come along so soon?

Do you want to know what I saw, Phil?

Yeah.

I saw you. Don’t let it go to your head.

There. If he were to pinpoint when he should’ve begun to suspect that something was wrong, it was that moment. She had died and while Simmons had brought her back, she hadn’t been with her the whole time. May had been alone with Radcliffe and his personal robot-aid for days and with May in a weakened state and Radcliffe already in possession of her brain scans, it would’ve been the perfect time to swap the real thing for a fake. The idea that she would’ve seen him as she lay dying, him, was beyond laughable. It was simply impossible. His own death had led him to a deep interest in the subject and from all his readings the common theme he’d found was that people tended to see something that gave them a profound sense of peace — a beautiful garden, a calm ocean, loved ones long gone. Why on earth would she have seen him? He had been there at some of the most painful moments of her life … he had caused her pain with his orders, his callousness. He should’ve known from then that it wasn’t the real May. Just some fairytale that tricked him in the cruelest way possible.

Where’s the real May?

I am the real May! Her thoughts, her memories … her desires … that’s all real.

But he was already shaking his head. No, a soft voice chanted in the back of his, cutting through the numbness as he stared this replica in the face. No, it’s not real. None of it. Her desires? Why would a robot speak of May’s desires? That she could somehow desire you? He could still taste her. Maybe twenty years ago, but not now. Not after everything. He could still feel how soft and silky her hair had been, slipping though his fingers. False fingers on a false hand. Not real. None of this was real.

“May would never betray me.”

And suddenly he saw the LMD for what it truly was. It’s face hardened, finger tightening on the trigger. “Radcliffe made some adjustments.”

He knew if Daisy hadn’t shown when she did, he would now be dead. He guessed its desires only went so far.

But he couldn’t destroy it. Not yet.

Radcliffe took something from me. Her name is Melinda May, and she means everything to me.

Saying it out loud wasn’t nearly as terrifying as he’d imagined it. Because this wasn’t about him; it should never have been about him. This wasn’t a declaration of love — it was a warning of what that love could do. He would find Melinda, he would bring her home, and he was absolutely destroy any and all who did this to her.

***

So ... who else thinks Phil’s going to sacrifice himself to creepy Russian dude to get May back? That’s totally going to happen because the AoS writers are mean, and they won’t talk about their feelings until well into the third story arc. Calling it now.

#philinda #philinda fanfiction #melinda may #phil coulson #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#because even though i need to finish my other fic #this needed to be written #stop hurting melinda may and phil coulson 2k17 #send them to ireland

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psi-psina · 5 years

Text

‘bout to die

I finished Assassin’s Fate and I need to blurt a few thingsout right now because I am LITERALLY on the fuckin brink, this book has ruined my LIFE I have loved Fitz and the Fool since I was 14 years old. Fitz especially, and I literally can’t stand this.

Firstly, the second that Bee became a POV in Fool’s Assassin I knew with the WORST kind of certainty that Fitz would die in some way or another in this trilogy, which became even clearer when he was finally allowed to ‘step out of the shadows’ and be given his true legacy in Fool’s Quest. So I was, in a way, prepared for his death to be a thing that happened, but I still just cannot abide the way that it did happen. I knew the ending, whatever it was, would be at least as bittersweet as all the other ROTE books. The ‘sweet’ in this one though, just is not there. The way it’s written, there is no closure or catharsis for Fitz and the Fool and worst of all (yes, worst of all), there is no closure or catharsis for Fitz and Bee. None. That absolutely broke my heart beyond what any other book has ever done to me. Because along with that, Fitz’s ‘death’ is prolonged and absolutely horrific, and as a READER you are forced to endure his death TWICE. The last thing we know he ever feels is “I was dying. And I had never been enough for anything.” His final thought for himself. Before that last conversation with Nighteyes. It’s so cruel and so utterly unnecessary I can’t stand it.

First of all, Fitz and the Fool. I am among the people who hoped that this trilogy would mend and bring closure to their relationship and maybe give them a life together for at least a short time. I knew upon re-reading the Tawny Man books that they would never, ever become romantic partners in this trilogy, then Fool’s Assassin made me hope again that they actually might. The painfully obvious fact that Fitz has deep feelings of love for the Fool and needs him in a way that goes far beyond ‘platonic’ is more fore-fronted than ever in that book and it’s excruciating, not least because he is never ever allowed a moment to admit it to himself, maybe not even at the very end when they merge. But we will never know.

Their characterisation in Assassin’s Fate is absolutely heartbreaking. In every prior book, their relationship is developed meaningfully in beautiful, deeply moving character driven scenes, but in this their final book, Hobb just uses ‘Amber’ to bring their relationship to a meaningless stalemate by less than 1/3 in. It goes nowhere. She goes so far as to have Fitz perceive 'his’ Fool and Amber as two wholly different and seperate people, one of whom he loves and trusts and the other he distrusts and deeply dislikes. I will never understand why she chose to use Amber as a barrier and conflict between them in that way, it makes no sense and Fitz’s characterisation suffers for it. The Fool’s also does, though not as much.

It’s also frustrating that she chose to make their final book one that they spend the bulk of stuck on a ship, in situations in which they have zero agency and are literally just spectators to the events going on around them. Hobb was always brilliant at avoiding this problem in her previous Fitz books, keeping the scope of them brilliantly focused in the 1st person narrative, but for this big finale she brings together characters from all the other Elderlings books, to the point that it is so sprawling that it doesn’t feel like a Fitz book at all. The result of that aspect is not satisfying in comparison to any of her other books. And yes the ROTE is certainly bigger than just Fitz but he has always been the heart of it. Absolutely the heart of it.

And unfortunately once they enter Clerres, all the characters simply start to feel empty. I honestly wish Althea, Brashen and Wintrow had not even appeared in this book. That’s the worst thing about all of it, and why this ending is so deeply upsetting and unsatisfying for me. Fitz and the Fool and Bee simply become nuts (to use some of Hobb’s own imagery) being carried passively along on this current of events she wants to happen in order to get them to this specific event in the quarry. The character-driven writing that has made all her previous books so compelling isn’t there. Fitz’s ‘fate’ in the quarry does not feel natural or inevitable, it feels rushed and contrived because all I could think of while reading it were the DOZENS of gentler and kinder and more satisfying ways he could have been brought to this conclusion. and that is the worst possible feeling the conclusion of a book can have, and one that NONE of her other books have ever suffered from.

Her choice to force Fitz straight into the quarry and his ‘death’ right after Clerres and giving him and Bee less than one day together and not one single moment for redemption or healing before being parted forever is....after everything Bee endured....after enduring Fitz’s continuous agonising and grief for her....it is so cruel. :/ it FEELS so cruel because it was so utterly unnecessary. There is absolutely no conceivable reason Fitz could not have been allowed to return to Buck with everyone and have YEARS with Bee and the Fool before making his inevitable way back to the quarry, and his fate.

Then there is Bee. This trilogy should not have been called “Fitz and the Fool”. Even though you finally learn the Fool’s history, this trilogy is not about them, it is about Fitz and Bee, and my heart is even more broken by what was denied them. I came to love Bee as deeply as Fitz almost as soon as she became a POV. This is Bee’s trilogy, and it becomes irrevocably so when Hobb made the final two mini-chapters of the book, the end of Fitz’s life, something that is simply witnessed by Bee, something that is framed as simply another nexus that all the remaining pieces disperse from as Bee sets out from this event onto her next chapter. We get no final afterword or closing thoughts from Fitz. That just...broke me. The fact that we don’t even experience Fitz and the Fool’s final merging and subsequent ‘passing’ through Fitz’s eyes is beyond excruciating and made it feel so horribly empty. The one, tiny bit of catharsis she could have given them, she chose not to. I will never understand why she made the choice to write it that way and it will haunt my heart forever.

I’ve never been inconsolable after reading a book before but here I am lol. I’ve never cried so much reading a book in my life. I also gotta say though, it speaks to what a magnificent writer Robin Hobb is that this is still one of the best pieces of fantasy writing you will ever read and there is basically no other writer who is a match for her voice. I just wish that this ending could have been more in the realm of soft and melancholy rather than harrowing and life-ruining.

I absolutely loved the first two books, Fool’s Assassin and Fool’s Quest were both absolutely beautiful and harrowing and bittersweet and deeply moving and I practically screamed when Fitz met Paragon in Assassin’s Fate (a moment that is second only to when Bee kills Symphe and Dwalia), this trilogy has, overall been the biggest ‘ride’ of any of her trilogies since The Liveship Traders so I am just...so gutted that she did Fitz like that in the end.

#assassins fate #robin hobb #the realm of the elderlings #rote

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