#this is what it devolved into so 🤷‍♂️

[rogueddie]

Steve needs to be touched.

He's not sure how he didn't notice sooner. Didn't really realize until his skin almost itches with it. Until he notices how he will almost chase any physical affection without thinking. But by then, it already feels too late to really do anything about it.

Luckily, Eddie and Robin are both physically affectionate people. They use any opportunity to invade his personal space, any excuse to throw an arm around his shoulders or nudge his shoulder with their own. They're always in his space so much that, at some point, he starts to expect it from them.

It only makes him more painfully aware of Eddie slowly trying to pull back, to pull away. To put some distance between them.

Steve wonders if it's becoming obvious how needy he's become. He had thought he'd been a little subtle about it- he goes straight to him and Robin whenever he starts to feel that itch, that need for contact, but they all have so much trauma that no one bats an eye. But if Eddie has noticed and thinks its... weird or uncomfortable...

He doesn't say any of this to Robin when he tries to ask her what's wrong though. It's less... asking. He basically just waits for a quiet moment to wonder; "I hope I haven't done anything to upset Eddie. He's been pulling away a lot recently."

"Steve," Robin looks a little guilty. "He's fine. You haven't don't anything. Don't worry about it, ok?"

Don't worry about it? Steve frowns.

"You talk to him? It's... I mean, it's only me then, right? I haven't fucked up too bad, have I?"

Robin grabs his shoulders. "Steve. You didn't fuck anything up. He just needs some space right now. I'm the one who told him to back off a little with you. I think it's something you both need. Ok?"

"You told him to back off?"

"Yeah, and you trust me, right?"

"Of course I do."

She nods, gives him a lopsided grin and heads to the backroom to "actually do my stupid job for once!"

Steve tries not to curl in on himself. Tries not to jump to conclusions, but... why else would she tell Eddie to back off? But that means that she's noticed how weirdly clingy he is too. She must be ok with it though... right? She told Eddie to back off, she hasn't tried to do that herself. If anything, she's been a little more physically affectionate.

So he's been making Eddie uncomfortable. He has fucked it up. Robin is just trying to be nice.

The next time he sees Eddie, it's almost too much. Knowing that he's making Eddie uncomfortable won't leave his mind, making him painfully aware of what he's doing, making sure he also keeps his distance. He won't make Eddie more uncomfortable- he's a great guy, he deserves so much better than that.

But it is too much. So Steve starts to avoid him entirely. It's easier, even though it means he has to avoid group hangouts. Even though he feels lonelier than ever. It's easier than having Eddie right there.

He can tell that the others are starting to worry about him. Even Eddie, apparently, is worried. But he keeps dismissing it all. Brushes them off. Falls back on the excuses and tactics he'd use on Tommy. It's not good, he's too cruel sometimes, but it gets them to back off.

Of course, that doesn't last long.

He wasn't fully awake when he pulled open the door and, as soon as the door opens, Eddie shoves his way inside. He ignores Steves complaints, sitting on the sofas armrest, quickly settling down with his arms crossed. He raises an eyebrow at Steve, who is still hovering in the doorway.

Steve reluctantly closes the door. He doesn't sit down. "What do you want?"

"I was about to ask you the same. What the hell is wrong with you, Steve? Did something happen?"

"I'm fine. No, actually, I'm tired. Maybe you should leave so I can fix that."

Eddie narrows his eyes. "You're lying."

"So?"

"So? Fucking hell, dude, I thought you were better than this! Or was that a phase? Miss being King Steve too much, huh?"

Steve flinches at the nickname. "I'm trying to deal with some shit right now. Being around you guys is only making it harder, so I'm taking some time alone to work through it. I'll be fine, I just need some time."

"Time for what?"

Steve grits his teeth. Even if he were willing to talk about it, explaining that he's trying to forget what it felt like to have Eddies hand on his shoulder is too embarrassing to admit.

"Steve, come on," Eddie tries, stands up and walks closer. "Talk to me. Please, I just want to help."

His hand is so gently on Steves arm. He just wants to curl up in the touch, even as small as it is.

He feels shame boil under his skin when his face scrunches up, hating how visibly close he is to crying. Especially with how soft Eddies voice gets, with how he pulls Steve closer so he can hug him, wrapping him up in his arms. Steve can't help but hug him back, gripping the back of his top tight, shaking.

"It's ok, you're ok, I've got you," Eddie is saying. He tucks his face into Steves shoulder, gently rocking them. "Whatever it is, you don't need to be alone, ok? I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

"I don't want you to be uncomfortable," Steve finally sobs. He hates how his voice cracks.

"You don't make me uncomfortable. You've never made me feel uncomfortable, I promise. I don't think you could if you tried, sweetheart."

"But Robin- she told you to back off?"

"Yeah, but that- that's nothing to do with you, ok? You didn't do anything wrong. That wasn't your fault."

He waits, but Steve doesn't respond. If anything, he feels more tense.

"Ok, Steve, come on, hey." Eddie gently pushes Steve away, holds him by his shoulders so he has to look at him. "That wasn't your fault."

"So why were you pulling away?"

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. Robin didn't want me stressing myself out, worrying all the time."

"Why would I be uncomfortable?"

"Steve. I'm gay."

"Yeah? I do listen when you talk, man, I don't need a reminder."

"No, that-" Eddie snorts, shaking his head. "I'm gay and you're pretty. And nice. And you're always curling up on me like a fucking cat. Did you really not realize?"

"Oh." Steve blinks. He isn't sure what he's feeling, but it definitely isn't negative. "Really? Me?"

"Yeah, Stevie, you. I thought you'd noticed. I stare at your lips a lot. Even the kids noticed. Like I said, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. It's one thing to be ok with a dude being gay, it's another for that dude to be crushing on you. I get it if you don't feel comfortable with any of that shit."

"No, it... it's not making me feel uncomfortable."

"Ok. That's good? Right? How is it making you feel?"

Steve fiddles with the hem of his top, face heating up. "Uh. Nice, I guess? I don't know. But not, like, bad."

"Nice as in... it's nice to feel wanted?" Eddie glances down to his lips- this time, Steve notices.

"No, um... I don't know. I didn't really think you'd ever want to look at me like that. It's nice." Steve shifts, hesitating. He doesn't want to say the wrong thing, but he really wants to admit it... "I, uh... I think I want you to look at me like that."

"Steve, please, you need to elaborate. I don't want to read this wrong. Why do you want me to look at you like that?"

"It's... uh..."

Eddie steps a little closer, gently reaching out to hold his hand. "Steve. Why do you want me to look at you like that?"

"Because that's how I look at you," Steve whispers. The thought is a little shocking, even to him- but it's true. "Oh."

Eddies thumb rubs a little circle on the back of his hand. It's nice, comforting. "Steve, I'm gonna kiss you now. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah, yes, that's ok, please."

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #steve x eddie #steddie fic #ficlet #I'm pretty sure I was aiming for something else at the start but #this is what it devolved into so 🤷‍♂️ #hurtcomfort

[pub-lius]

Quick question before i go to sleep (you don't want to know what time it is in my time zone)

How many people in the amrev community are from the Southern United States or know someone who lives here?

Not to shade anyone in particular but...

It is just very funny whenever I'm reading a Lams fic (which is very often) and Laurens says "darlin'" and the author is like "yes that's his accent"

Because, while we do say darlin, it is very not noticeable. Like unless you're a die hard hillbilly or redneck, you just sound like a default American who says y'all and ain't and ends sentences with prepositions. The most defining characteristic of a southern accent is just not finishing words, sentences and phrases. Also the accent becomes more prominent when angry.

This is starting to devolve into me giving a crash course on southern accents but its one of my favorite things about southern people. Like everyone thinks we have really strong accents, and we decided to accept that fact. So you'll hear like middle class, white southern people boast about how southern they are and they'll put a lot of emphasis on slang and stuff, but in reality, a majority of people in suburban areas (at least in the deep south) hardly have an accent.

For example, i technically have a southern Louisianan accent, but its stronger in other members of my family who do southern things like fish. And hunt. And farm ig idfk 🤠

But whenever I've met someone from further north, they've sounded just like northern people. Sorry Virginians, you're basically from Maryland 🤷‍♂️

People from the southwest have more of a "southern" accent, whereas my bf from Georgia pronounces pecan as "pee-can" and i find it very endearing (he's probably reading this so hi :3)

Tl;dr southern accents sound different (in my experience) than what people expect, and I think more people should write about Laurens saying pee-can

#historical lams #shitpost #i fucking hate people from alabama tho #like i dont even consider them a part of the region #alabama needs its own region #alabama is like the only other place in the south that speaks like texas #flordia is its own planet #you can't pin one accent on florida #georgia and tennessee have similar vibes #umbreon pls don't attack me ily #south carolina... is not like other girls #no one lives in north carolina #and virginia is in the north #also i don't believe in arkansas #i don't think its an actual place #idk why i just haven't seen proof #what else is in the south #arizona? #they speak cactus #new mexico? #idk #texas can go fuck itself #oklahoma #idk im tired #why is this post so long omg- #pls respond to this post i want to know if southern accents are interpreted differently #or if im just prejudiced against the rest of the south #which is very possible because i fucking hate all of them #/lh /j /nm #i love everyone <3

[you-are-worth-the-wait]

Inpatient. I don’t think I trust myself or my skills to do that. More power to you. I think mental health hid my weaknesses because I prolly am best at reading people, the situation, and making things up as I go in order to achieve the optimal outcome. My flaws and knowledge deficit is hidden in that setting but my strengths are utilized since the patient population is so dynamic at any given moment that you kinda just gotta make things up as you go. I had/have an idea of what you want in your career path. I listen sometimes 🤷‍♂️ you and I have a different mindset and idea of where we see our career paths going but I think we have the same ultimate goal in the end of what we feel will give us the greatest sense of accomplishment.

“Progress of feeling myself”. What did you mean by that? “Won’t work at your PCC”. Is it wrong that I kinda smiled and laughed a little even though it’s prolly such a serious statement? Prolly me defense mechanism kicking in. I know the gravity of the statement and situation and I’m sorry you feel that way. I wish there was a way I could help you get past the complications that you have in your mind. As complicated as everything is in the world around us, I never thought we were complicated. We were comfortably simplistic in our approach to/with each other. Everyone else seemed to get in our way or at least the ones who didn’t know or understand us. Too bad we couldn’t just live for ourselves.

I’m not disappointed. I don’t think that’s the correct word. I don’t know how to convey what I’m thinking and it would prolly be easier for me to let you read my expression. I don’t think I really would necessarily use words. I liken it to the blank expression you give me in the “aftermath of your bliss”. How I will try to talk to you but you kind of just stare at me blankly trying to process what I’m saying but not really connecting the dots. I think that’s what I would try to convey. I’m not sad, frustrated, disappointed, or what not because a part of me already kinda knew you’d say no. I did my best to help you the way I thought I knew how to even though I knew it may not make a difference…but I had to try. The dreamer in me hopes and dreams and is naive to the logic of reality but that doesn’t make it hurt any less when reality is what it is. So don’t think I’m disappointed in you or your response. I told you I would hate to have you look at me that way so I don’t intend to do that to you unless I felt in my mind and heart that whatever you did was worth that damnation 🤷‍♂️

How do you say what you want to say without saying it?

I’m sorry that I’m such a big deal to you that it’s preventing you from doing things that you want to possibly do. Is there anything I can say or do to help you get past whatever it is that’s preventing you from doing whatever it is that you want to do? Want me to gain weight and look less attractive? I’m on my way to that 😞 want me to get physically hurt and run down so I’m not so reckless and you feel the need to keep up with my random energy? I’m hurting pretty bad since our last league game…that’s been over 3 months ago, I think. Fashion sense and style on bleah…check. Food taste devolving…check. No usable skills…augh. Now I see why people ask me, “why are you single”? Here’s some reasons.

So can I ask you something? With everything that you are saying, doing, processing, and what nots…are you at any different point in how you feel about what you are doing, what you are trying to accomplish, or if anything…any closer to knowing what you want for yourself and where I fit in that picture. More obviously and specifically, you and me…us? Has enough time passed for me to ask that question?

You know…every day, at any given moment, with any person or situation, I find myself saying, “I just need that one chance”. Like, you cast a hundred lines out into the ocean in an attempt to catch 100 different types of fish, knowing that whichever fish you catch will be a world record, and all you are waiting for is the chance to see any line tugged once, for the chance that could change your life. I kinda feel that way. I am chaotically focused. I’ve got so many random situations where I feel like if I’m given that one chance in whatever situation, I’m running with it. Do you feel that way? Or are you focused on one thing, putting all your focus and energy into that, and hoping it works out? Life is pretty messed up and I feel like I’m just in survival mode but if that one chance comes along, it’s gonna be pretty dang fun. But till then…ehhh.

I’m stuck at another conundrum. To help a “stranger” or not financially, again. I know my life isn’t the greatest situation but I know that I am better off financially than most. Money doesn’t hold the same value to me as it does for others because of life circumstances. When it comes to “helping someone out”, there is a blurred negated line where $100, $1,000, or $10,000 may look the same to me but means a world of difference to someone else. I do know that $100,000 is significant to me. Honestly, if I told you how much I’ve “let people borrow” from me, you’d prolly think I was crazy 😶 I know I’m going off to my trips next week but I told someone to write out their expenses to me. I’ve already gone over their financial statements. I know I’m no financial advisor but I figure if I can take a look at what they’ve got going on, I’ll see what I can help them out with, and then make a determination if I could help them out somehow. Timeline of reimbursement doesn’t really matter to me. Heck, if I died tomorrow, everyone who owed me anything wouldn’t need to pay me back, and that’s free money for them cuz no one really knows about those arrangements. Well, except for the really major ones, where I had something notarized. I may be naively helpful but I’m not a complete idiot when it comes to certain things. So yeah…depending on their statements and what not, I’ll see what I can do to help them. The least I can do, right?

If I validated you, your feelings, or what not, I didn’t mean to. I’m still having trouble writing the way I’m not supposed to. If I did, could you point out what part or what I said that you could/rather do without.