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sexybritishllama · 3 months

Text

strap in folks it's time for another neopets drama update

some background reading before we begin: back when neopets wanted to introduce customisation (i.e. dressing up your pet) in 2007, they decided to 'convert' all existing pet art to align with a rigid body structure, rather than all having unique poses. it was just not feasible to create new pieces of art for hundreds of different pet poses every single time they released a new clothing them

customisation had been highly requested up until this point. however, the conversion was NOT popular. in some cases, particularly for basic colours, the change wasn't huge, but in other cases.... uh....

you get the idea. the more expensive colours like plushie, faerie, grey, royal and darigan got the worst of it because they had the more unique poses pre-conversion, and therefore it was largely agreed that the change to the stiff 'samey', frankly kinda goofy converted look did not look great

most users did not get a choice in having their neopet converted and it was done automatically, but if you had one of these colours where the change was huge, you were given the choice of converting or retaining the old pose (but not having the option to customise your pet). those pets that retained the old, pre-conversion poses are therefore referred to as 'unconverted', or UC for short

once a pet is converted, there's no returning to UC. you also couldn't create UC pets anymore, making UCs a limited resource that would only increase in value with time, particularly as people abandon their pets, leave the site, get frozen, etc.

i could write an entire dissertation on the drama that UC pets have caused for the pet trading economy, the neopet account black market, and general retention of the userbase, but to sum it up, people REALLY want UC pets. they are the single most coveted status symbol on the site

we skip forward now to 2023

the neopets team are planning to introduce UC pets back to the site, so that people will be able to create their own UC pets again for the first time post-converstion (legally at least)

they drip feed bits of information over the year about what this will look like. the main points are

changing a pet to UC will be done via some kind of item bought with neocash, the premium currency on neopets that you need to spend real money to get

putting this item on your pet will give it the UC art style appearance

so. not much really known. but expected release is set for january 2024

yesterday, they hosted an AMA focusing on the new UC pet system and how this was going to work. noticeably absent is any explanation of how much this is actually going to cost and whether it is going to involve any kind of gatcha mechanic, so that's causing our first lot of concern

second lot of drama is that the new UCs aren't actually going to be COMPLETELY the same as the old art, as they're making some small changes for style consistency, see below (old on top, new below):

the biggest drama, however, comes from how they're dealing with the 'original' UC pets. ALL pets will be getting forcibly converted on the 23rd, with anyone who has a pet that is already an original UC immediately receiving the UC neocash item. there's mention of possibly some kind of trophy or badge recognition for particularly old pets, but it's vague, and generally seems like it won't be possible to distinguish between the original UCs and these new ones

the people who already have OCs are not happy about this

people are allegedly pounding their pets, cancelling their premium, and quitting the site in protest. the boards are flooded with people complaining about the changes and laughing at the downfall of the 'neo-elite' in equal measure

it's t-minus 5 days until the second great conversion goes live. let's all pray for our souls

#eloise talks #neopets #neotag #this isnt even going into peoples displeasure at the fact you dont even need to be the og colour to make it oc #i.e. from what we can gather you can have a red kacheek #apply this nc uc item #and then it can look like an uc faerie kacheek?#AND the drama over this now destroying the uc market and possibly requiring people to get gift boxes for trading #i can keep going

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mousehole5000 · 3 years

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the rest... of... book 4..... through chapter 225

i sad.

“He was lying to himself and lying to others! All nothing but deceit! No matter what, it was impossible to pretend nothing had ever happened, and it was impossible to return to before!!!” - i know :(

“Before Feng Xin went, he was afraid. Now that Feng Xin had gone, he wasn’t scared any longer. But, even though he wasn’t afraid anymore, he was in deeper agony.” - ah yes. being afraid of your friends leaving so you do things to drive them away so you can have something to point to and say that you were the one who made the choice and you dont have to fear it anymore. except that has never once worked out ever and turns out losing people just means you lost them and it still hurts. not that i would know or anything.....

“He saw upon the table there were a few plates of horrid-looking dishes that were now cold. They were what he made the queen take away without eating a single bite the night before. Now, he pulled them over absent-mindedly, and ate everything, not daring to leave behind a single leaf, afraid to miss a single grain of rice. After he ate he started puking.” - this broke me and the bad cooking isnt funny anymore :(

all this happens after they have money again. no further commentary on this chapter

i know for a lot of book 3 i just wanted hua cheng to go away but now i would give anything for wuming to come and interrupt these interactions with white no-face

“Lang Ying, a brute commoner, led an army and destroyed Xianle. With the aura of the king enveloping his body, ordinary evil wouldn’t be able to come close to his person. However, at this moment, what Xie Lian brought with him were millions of souls of those who died on the battlefield!” - interesting to think about this story from lang ying’s point of view. the bit about his wife and child... oh my god... the things we carry with us...

“Will it really be alright to leave him like this? How about, I give him a cup of water?” - cup of water motif is back... ouch

“One person. Just one. Really. Just one person was enough!” - for like 20 minutes after reading this i really was just sitting here thinking about every time a stranger did me a small a kindness and the times i did the same it just made me cry harder i love people and they really can be awful and choose to be cold and cruel but it means that when they choose to be kind..... it doesnt negate the cruelty but its still indescribable.. and being able to see that and remember that even after all the pain.....

ugh still just thinking about the times ive gone through something that changed me and having the cold numb fear that i would never be the same as i was before that i would lose some precious part of me forever and wondering if this would be the thing that finally did it... i dont know if ive ever actually experienced a piece of media that really make me think about that tbh

“Stop thinking so highly of yourself! I don’t need you to teach me anything, I can learn on my own. If you represent heaven’s will, then something like heaven’s will should be destroyed!” - why is defying the heavens so sexy.... keep it up (edit after white no-face identity reveal: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!)

the fact that xie lian went through what he did and got nothing out of it and in fact lost everything he had left due to the trauma,,,,, but just one person is enough for him to willingly offer to do it again, even if all he could save is one person,,,,,, crying again.... and who it is who takes it all on instead... ok...

“After all, everyone knew that Mu Qing ascended because he cleaned up all the remaining stubborn resentful spirits in the old capital of Xianle, so to understand it as “generous and kind” wasn’t unreasonable. In any case, everyone in the old capital of Xianle were all very grateful for him.” - its not unreasonable at all!!! this boy picks cherries for his mom and the neighborhood kids leave him alone

“Shaking his head, Xie Lian contemplated, then he ladled two large bowls of rice, one offered inside the Temple of Ju Yang, the other inside the Temple of Xuan Zhen. Finally, feeling that everything served its purpose, he clapped his hands close, completely satisfied.” - please i just want them to be friends again

ruoye........ xie lian bidding farewell to the tiny red flower.... ok i feel a totally normal amount about all these things

book 5 time!!!

xie lian king of taking a third option.. no one dies in the kiln at all we’re just leaving bitch

“Xie Lian didn’t know why he had to use his hands to cup Hua Cheng’s cheeks, but he did so subconsciously, probably so he could comfort him, but also because Xie Lian was afraid Hua Cheng’s face would be frostbitten by the snowstorm.” - gay people.....

“This giant stone divine statue must’ve been sculpted when Hua Cheng was trapped inside the Kiln, when he was severely beaten down and in intense suffering.” - ohhhh my god. okay. okay. look. i get it....

“The divine statue obeyed his command and took off with a gigantic, wide step, going along with the rolling current of snow. One slide was several miles, and the snow waves it created crashed around its body. Because both its arms were open, even though it was a body of a million tons, it still maintained good balance.” - HELL YEAH!! HELL YEAH LETS FUCKING GO LETS GOOOOO

the statue that requires transfers of spiritual energy... statue of make you kiss me i see how it is.....

“Hearing this, Hua Cheng raised his brows, his expression seeming to say, please have them beat each other to death, that’d be great.” - when you dont like your SO’s friends and they dont like you

“With a sharp sword in hand, Xie Lian was like a tiger with wings added, his might increasing exponentially, and he struck out!” - YES!!! GET EM!!!!

“No one could blame him for not knowing what was going on. Perhaps, he was confused the entire way: Why was he beaten? Why was he buried inside a wall? Why was he turned into a daruma doll? And why did he have to turn into a sword, too? There was not a single point where he’d figured out what was happening.” its okay qyz its okay i know honey me too

HELLO?? SQX IS BACK???? omg what a development omg omg okay okay interesting... okay so shi wudu would have rather died than lose everything but shi qingxuan is still trucking

“Hua Cheng responded lazily, “Oh? So you mean to say, beggars can’t save the world? Is it because they don’t have the ability to, or because they’re not worthy?” - KING okay i know this is a motivational tactic but also... who was it who took on all the souls for the human face disease and did in fact save the world back then hmmm?

absolutely enthralled by the fact that in chapter 207 we find out that the guoshi is in fact just. still here. and the name of the chapter is "Seeking Affection; Ghost King Fakes Displeasure” which i mean that happens too but fjasdlkfajsld

bruh okay. okay. okay. everything is happening okay. okay. chaos in the heavens okay. ling wen is still invited to kiss me on the mouth tho idc

“Indeed Yin Yu didn’t have enough confidence, and said weakly, “Chengzhu has shown me grace, he saved me…” “I know,” Jun Wu said. “He even helped you pacify and send off the resentful spirit of Jian Yu, who died during banishment, am I right?” - awww im glad they resolved that bit that whole situation was awful also give me the forbidden hua cheng ghost king lore...

“Yin Yu finally couldn’t take it anymore. He clenched his fists tight, his knuckles cracking, and he whipped around. “I DO RESENT HIM! I DO HATE HIM!!! BUT, SO WHAT??” - yin yu kiss me on the mouth right now

“Xie Lian hugged him. “It’s alright, it’s alright. These are all small matters, really. Your Highness Yin Yu, just live in this world for another few hundred years and you’ll know that none of that really matters. Either driven to madness or really wishing someone would die, whichever. Who in the world has never had such thoughts? I’ve even thought of massacring all in the world who had wronged me, it’s true, and no lie, I’d almost done it. But look at me, haven’t I shamelessly lived until now? You haven’t actually done anything in the end, and that’s the most important thing.” - he’s right im crying again

“But…in the end, I…still think…it’s so unfair,” Yin Yu sobbed. “If I was already destined to be no one remarkable, then at the very least, I…wanted to be a kind and perfect person. But…I couldn’t even do that. It’s really…so unfair. And truth to be told, even in this moment, just thinking that I’m dying for Yizhen, this little dummy, I still can’t get over it. I can’t even let go and die with a heart with no resentment and no regrets, what is that.” - YIN YU YOU CANT DIE NOOOOOOO youre the only man in this whole book i would kiss why does this always happen im actually really sad ;_;

“If the Rain Master was killed directly, and a better heavenly official couldn’t be found to replace her, the people put food above all else; if agriculture isn’t running smoothly, the world will be thrown into chaos. You don’t let people eat, people won’t give you a job. Besides being displeased with the Rain Master, the people of the world might also begin to be dissatisfied with the great god above Rain Master’s head. Which means, if he isn’t careful, the fire can burn all the way onto him. If things aren’t controlled adequately, it might incur riots to topple gods.” - rain master my friend rain master... also yes!!!!! food production!!!! critical!!!!!!! theres a lot you can get by without but food is not one of them!!!!!

“Feng Xin was Xie Lian’s servant, his good friend, but not his slave. He could’ve built his own home, had his own family. And he had actually already met those people, but the encounter just had to be during Xie Lian’s first banishment, the toughest days they suffered back then.” i am very sad about all of this

hua cheng in the palace of ling wen looking for the brocade immortal while the heavens are in complete chaos as the world turns on its head and STILL taking the time to beg for kisses is making me lose it fjalkdfjlsd

oh my god the guoshi and the cards thing..... hmmmm

delighted that mount tong’lu has such great significance beyond just being the kiln or whatever

hmmm crown prince of wuyong... its truly sad... but dude.....

the way that the heavenly capital is literally built out of previous gods... wow

the outright attempt to continue to cycle of trauma that failed simply bc 1. xie lian is his own person and 2. xie lian recieved kindness and gave it back to the world even to the people who refused to help him im ;_;

the absolute mess of xuan ji/rong guang/pei su/banyue/ke mo going down in the palace of ming guang... entertainment

okay i think im to a point where i dont have any possible spoiler knowledge in my brain about what happens next (only thing i have is theres a joke about he xuan eating that i dont understand yet and i think we might get like an emily corpse bride moment but if we do i dont know why) but oh my god things have escalated

#oh my god the next one might be the last??? we'll see #what a ride for real #tgcf liveblog #ty to everyone who comments or reads even a bit of these i appreciate you #mouse mumbles

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miraculous-writings · 5 years

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Hey drama queen, I posted that because I saw your post trashing on people fic just because of the tag. To be honest, I only want to take criticism from a reader who actually read my fic, not from someone who only read the title and then assume that the fic is trash. I tagged it as r*pe because of a scene where a female oc forced herself on Shun, it was still r*pe because it was against his will, and Hajime didn't involve in it. So is that abusive to you? What I just want to say is read the fic before jumping to conclusions.

^^^^ i think this was a submission? Idk but it was anonymous

Anyways heres my response

Hahah hey guys I dont like it when ppl dont appreciate me making the characters you love go through traumatic events and if they express they hate it when i force their characters to be r*ped for the sake of my fic i make passive aggressive posts and then send you anon messages bc im, obviously, in the right.

Dude write what you want but you are literally insane since u legit said writing is boring without forcing a character to be r*ped. As someone who has been r*ped an uncountable number of times-- fuck you. Someones life story can be 1000000% wonderful without having it happen to them. Idc WHAT context you put it in! You're garbage! Its one thing I DONT have to read the fic to know youre just shitty. Being r*ped isnt something that is necessary for character development in a character where it never canonically happened, nor is it necessary for the development of a future relationship. In fact its more likely to ruin the characters future relationships.

Just shut the fuck up i blocked you on like 2 accounts after you followed me just to vague me. You obviously just wanna start drama and youre looking for some spice in your life but im not here to provide it. Go hide in your little r*pe romanticism hidey hole and stay away from me.

Call me whatever names you want, this is the reaction from someone who had ACTUALLY gone through it. Its not all sparkles and rainbows and you can come out of having it happen to you just fine. No. Thats not how it works. And I didnt write any type of constructive criticism for anyones r*pe fics bc hey guess what? I didnt read them! Bc i dont need to be reminded of what happened to me when i was 8 / 12 / 15. Neither do a TON of other readers. We dont gotta read to know we wont like it. And we are fully allowed to express displeasure in the majority of our fav ships fics having r*pe in it. And p.s. my notes about abusive wasnt because of your fic im guessing, THERES LITERALLY TONS OF HAJISHUN FICS THAT HAVE BOTH R*PE AND ABUSE. MULTIPLES. NOT JUST YOURS. I NEVER EVEN PAID ATTENTION TO YOU SPECIFICALLY. In fact I'd say idk you but i recognize your name but ive never done anything more than glaze over the tags of your fics and scroll away. I had nothing against u bc ik ur allowed to write w.e u want. I just knew id never read any of your fics. But now youre out here making passive aggressive posts and making it obvious you wanted me to see them, and sending me dumb anon shit littered with stupid insults. When you didnt even understand the point of my post. And youre baselessly thinking im "attacking" you or someshit. No i expressed a negative emotion about a broad range of fics which have triggering subjects that have been posted over time ever since I joined the fandom, and its only increased lately.

But no. I wont read ANYTHING with r*pe or abuse, ever, bc it will inherently be triggering and most likely garbage to me. If you cant create conflict without traumatizing characters you just arent someone whose work id ever want to read. Post whatever but people are allowed to not like it. I never sent you or anyone else hate for it, but if i make a post on my own blog explaining my dislike / hatred for r*pe fics you have ABSOLUTELY NO reason to go out of your way to make passive aggressive posts directed specifically at me that you want me to see and send dumb anon shit. Im allowed to have negative opinions and it wasnt even directed at your bullshit specifically so fuck off.

#fucking disgusting #just fuck off #i literally can not explain in words how #utterly repulsive this is #submission #ask #asks #anon

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jimdsmith34 · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

Im at the point now where I either need to move to Alaska (where the ratio of men to women is two to one), become a lesbian or get a new vibrator (along with 10 cats) and call it my own happily ever after.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

Even others youd never imagine those with daddy issues, those who sort of look like horses or those who have meltdowns over French toast that doesn’t have enough butter are the ones with the boyfriends who are both good on paper and have beards.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

source http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/12/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we.html

0 notes

adambstingus · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168071955292

0 notes

samanthasroberts · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/

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allofbeercom · 6 years

Text

Being Single Is F*cking Horrible, So We Need To Stop Lying To Ourselves

This will not be polite.

Honestly, if I have to read one more article about how fabulous it is to be single, Im going to throw up in my mouth.

Thanks, but get out of here.

Lets not glorify a subject that makes me want to drown my single sorrows in a bottle of malt liquor, shall we?

The fact of it is, Im so cool, and everybody else sucks.

But, Im the one whos single, and these people are the ones with boyfriends.

Give me a couple seconds while I yoga breathe my way through making sense of this, and then I’ll continue with that vomit-in-my-mouth feeling.

Im not saying being single is always a disaster.

Being single is amazing when youre in college, when you feel like Samantha Jones is your spirit animal or when youre going through a colossal reinvention and dont want any dicksto steal your focus.

But being single isnt so amazing when youre too amazing to be single.

I can be jaded, and hell yes, I can be bitter.

And half the time, all I want to do is chew a bunch of Xanax and pass out for two weeks straight, just so I dont have to dwell on my dire relationship status.

But instead, I will take the classier approach to believing in my inner-cool and not-psycho self.

I’ll pour all that good energy into the world and hope itll boomerang back to me (or something).

“Like hello, love? Are you there?”

“Ive been a really great girl this year!”

“Cant you come and find me, please?”

If anything is going to boomerang back to me at this point, it doesnt feel like its going to be love.

I just feel like Im so beyond this.

I dont want to feel like I could star in my own comedy show about my most awkward sexual encounters.

I dont want to learn any more lessons that feel as confusing as science projects.

I dont want to feel like I could write a novel about the worst pick-up lines Ive ever had the displeasure of experiencing firsthand.

So where are all these boy meets girl stories?

I want to be the girl at the caf who needs the milk and meetsthe boy holding the milk, and then we fall inlove forever (or whatever).

Im also willing to get hit by a cab, if thats what it takes to fall in love.

I just feel as though the universe has already put a certain amount of these scenarios on the Earth, and theyve already been used up by every other basic bitch.

Here I am, sloshing through a typhoon of subpar experiences that everybody tells me will only help me realize what it is I want and dont want in a relationship.

You live. You learn.

Okay, well, Im also not Alanis Morissette.

I know what I want, and I know what I dont want.

There is no silver lining.

I shouldnt need another shot of tequila to try to convince myself this dude doesnt already completely annoy the sh*t out of me.

I shouldnt have to hear how guys are just too intimidated by pretty, intelligent girls and are terrified of rejection.

If youre not going to talk to me first like a true man, then stop undressing me with your eyes from across the room.

Then, I can go back to chuggingdrinks without any expectations, and I can keep texting my friends about how I hate everyone tonight.

My mother suggested I go to a museum or get a new hobby, as if climbing a wall or seeing a Matisse will suddenly fulfill that gaping hole in my life.

And it only gets worsebecause everybody who is taken sucks.

I just dont get it.

They say babe 100times a day.

They are the chronic daters.

They are the ones who drink pinot grigio at sports bars and dont know how to cook dinner.

And what is it with these couples never matching?

The guy is always hotter, and the girl is maybe a seven (at best) and always has a stink eye.

She probably turned him into a vegan, cries when she gets wasted and forces him into every duck-faced selfie on her Instagram.

But, hes just as bad for giving in to it, and I could never envy that kind of passive dude.

So carry on, boy and girl vanilla.

Im just the queen of doggy style over here, and I can cook a lasagna to save the world.

I’m simply looking for a permanent shuffleboard partner wholl screw me whether I win or lose and not feel the need to cuddle after.

But those two can enjoy their brunch.

Im just gonna go home alone, drink a beer and masturbate.

And thats when Facebook happens.

I dont know why I still have it.

The only posts I can stand these days are either about hockey, ugly dogs or bacon.

Otherwise, I just cant because of all the marriage and the babies.

“Oh, I remember that girl from college.She was always hooking up with a different guy every other day,and now she has two kids whose names begin with the same letter.”

“What is up with thosepregnancy pictures?”

“Why do they have to make hearts with their hands like that?”

“Are they really that happy smiling at an aquarium or under an apple tree?”

I get that people change.

I just dont get how these psycho or boring people have found love and lives for themselves (even if a little clichd), and I havent.

I just cant deal with itfor one more second.

I guess its good, though, that in this barren love life of mine, I still believe in how cool I am, regardless of how much everybody else sucks.

I just dont want to be single anymore.

I want to be done f*cking around, so I can give myself wholly to one person who doesnt give a sh*t about all thedumbass sh*t I dont careabout, either.

I just want to order delivery with two sets of plastic forks and have the same man kiss me forever.

Is that really too much to ask for in life?

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/01/being-single-is-fcking-horrible-so-we-need-to-stop-lying-to-ourselves/

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