#to quote--daggone giddy

[dirtyhands]

1.28.2021 I picked one hell of a January to do a dry one. I definitely wanted to be sober and as clear-headed as possible for it, though. Given some of what has happened and what I anticipated needing to process, I did give myself the leeway to break it with the plan to shift into February, but it looks like I’ve made it to the finish line. I’ll honestly probably keep going, since I really do want to restructure some of my habits. I miss being able to meet my friends at bars, or have people over for a drink, but I’m definitely used to being on my own at this point. If not too used to it..I get a little nervous at what adjusting to being social again will look like but I’m trying to tell myself that’s not anything I have to worry about until that’s even a real possibility. And some of the major things I’m working through are making me get over some of that anyway. Definitely some welcome experiences in being present, despite my otherwise dull and very quiet living. Though I have to say, it’s kind of amazing how much I am able to just stare blankly into space and pace around my apartment and still not be as productive as I actually want to be despite having all this free time not drinking or smoking… That said, my attention span has been completely decimated so..I guess i can’t be too frustrated with myself. It’s been a hard month after many, but there have also been some wildly surreal and sweet cathartic moments I get to carry with me forever.

#personal #c'est moi. #trans masc #ftm #dry january #it turns out i have a very big family #and this is going to take some getting used to #but goddammit it feels like a fucking dream #it's slowly becoming real #and will take more time for it to really sink in #but fuck if it's not the coolest thing that not only do they accept me #but they WANT me to be a part of it #like a BIG part of it #to quote--daggone giddy #daggone giddy to have me #also they think i'm gorgeous! #i missed a very good opportunity to make a joke and say that i come from good genes #it seems