#very drastically inconveniencing real big enemies

[johnandrasjaqobis]

we had part 1 of dreamteam's final fight tonight (about 5 and a half hours of combat and boy howdy we ain't done)

and in a move i don't think i'll ever top

preceded by "okay so this is really really stupid but I have nothing useful I can do right now"

Vic got a high enough athletics check to grab Asmodeus, who we are currently fighting, while she was 15ft in the air. and then rolled a high enough athletics check to grapple her

which let me use this handy little magic item I've had since the beginning of the campaign, the manacles of weakening, which immediately drop her strength score by 4 and give a point of exhaustion.

we determined that the grapple check score set the DC for breaking free. so it was 27. and with that lowered strength she failed multiple times.

and I am still absolutely THRIVING from that, my little 21 year old half orc who went into this game just looking for a dwarf who had been kidnapped has now successfully grappled and weakened a god, not to mention the two crits he got on her while raging, like

that was just one insane thing out of so many insane things in this chunk of combat, dreamteam my beloved we're certainly going out with a bang

#I'M SO PROUD OF MY BOY #he might not do a ton of damage but he maintains his strategy of just #very drastically inconveniencing real big enemies #because now she is also distracted by my ancestral guardians so PSYCH u got disadvantage on every attack that's not me FOOL #he's so good he's so good i love vic so much #dreamteam #viconis

[starnova-between-two-worlds]

This is as much of the past as you’re gonna get out of me.

Music: Save as Draft-Katy Perry 

So I’ve been away at school most of the time, as me and my guardians had planned it out over the summer. So I haven’t been blogging and when I do get the inspiration to blog it usually gets replaced by something else. But that being said...yeah, the title. 

I guess I’m ready to discuss upon those repressed memories at least a little bit. I am still not ready to go into any detail, and honestly, I never will be. There are some things I will only ever trust the closest, most intimately connected, most familiar people in my life (that means soulbonds) with. Those, and psychologists. The exact story of what the fuck actually went on throughout my childhood is one of those things. But I’ll delve into it in the lightest way possible, and to do so I’m going to be able to explain a little bit the nature of my dad’s wife’s still-unknown disorder.

My dad’s wife (also, I’m sick of all the people who insist upon going “Don’t you mean your mother?” Do you people like understand at least a LITTLE BIT while I’d be hesitant to call this thing my mother when the closest thing I’ve ever ACTUALLY had to a mother is a character from a Square Enix game?) is the kind of person who, for whatever reason, stopped developing emotionally at around 4 to 6 years old. She has the kind of worldview that a very young child would have: is doing this going to make me feel good? Yes? Then I’m going to keep on doing it. Is doing this going to make me feel bad? No? Then I won’t do it, I refuse. Unlike a young child, she is unable to be taught out of this (any attempts to do so will result in laughter, “Shut up!” “Mind your business!” “Don’t tell me what to do,” etc. So you just don’t bother, you just walk away from her and cut off any sort of attention supply). 

As a result of her distorted worldview and stunted emotional growth, she does not see people--or even other living things, like animals--as people. She sees them in terms of exactly how they make her feel good in the moment, or how they don’t. In the case of the latter, they’re “useless” and “she doesn’t want to be bothered with them” and “what good are they?” Essentially, she is a child playing with her toys. She will play with a toy for as long as it’s fun for her and makes her happy. But then she’ll get bored with it, and throw it aside, the moment it starts inconveniencing her or making her feel bored or in general just stops stimulating her brain’s pleasure center. But unfortunately for her, human beings aren’t just toys. They don’t just lie there lifeless and waiting for the child to pick them back up again once they’re thrown aside. But this is a concept that she does not understand, and cannot understand, and so she reacts to it with aggression and hostility. Anyone who’s dealt with or even been a little kid (and I’m assuming that’s all of us? Any replicants out there?) has seen how very young children aged 4 to 7 play with their toys. They play with it, get bored, throw it aside, move on to the next toy, play with it, get bored, throw it aside. Now imagine that these toys are people, with living systems, their own wills, and functioning minds...(Toy Story just got dark as HELL, didn’t it?) 

Okay, so here’s a Haunting Ground parallel for you. Because using videogame parallels to talk about things makes them feel more familiar and natural to me and it’s therefore easier for me to talk about, so fucking deal with it. I want all of you who are familiar with Haunting Ground to think about Debilitas. For those of you who are not familiar with an obscure 2006 Capcom survival horror, Debilitas is the very first stalker enemy you encounter in a game about being chased around a fucked-up castle by 4 different stalker enemies. He is essentially a big, dumb kid who sees Fiona as a fun doll for him to play with. He’s the only one not trying to get dat Azoth, but because he has the mental age of a 3 to 5 year old, his idea of “playing” with his “toy” is what a human being would call being manhandled and violated. Let’s step off of HG for a second and think about how little kids play with their toys. How does a VERY young child, 4 or 5 years old, play with a doll? I’m gonna let you fill in the blanks of that answer by thinking about how you played with your dolls at 4 or 5, or watched your siblings/cousins/relatives/babysitting charges play with their dolls at 4 or 5. Or you can simply refer back to Debilitas and how he laughs hysterically while he picks Fiona up and grabs her, or forcibly squeezes her against him, or tosses her down on the ground, simply because he cannot grasp that this is a person and not one of his toys. 

You got all that? Good. Now I want you to forget about Debilitas entirely because that’s as close as the parallel gets Remember: Debilitas is a big, dumb kid who doesn’t know what he’s doing. Until HE DOES, and you smack some sense into him (with a chandelier, no less) and he realizes that shit, this is not a doll and this is a person, and tucks his tail between his legs and stays away from you for the rest of the game. 

Instead, I want you to imagine a Debilitas with the mind of Lusamine from Pokemon Sun/Moon. So that when you knock some sense into her and something happens to make her realize her “dolly” is a real human person...

...all she realizes is that she’s going to be in big ass trouble if she doesn’t do something to make sure the fingers point the hell away from her. 

...and she’s Lusamine, so she has all of the mental cognition to be able to do exactly that. 

But she’s still, at the core, a 4-to-5-year-old girl who just wants to keep on playing with her dolly. 

Imagine that monster.

You’d forget everything about it for most of your life too.

And you’d be spending most of your life taking drastic measures to block it out...

That’s all you’re going to get out of me. 

(And now you know why I severely hope Lusamine dies a horrible, painful death and gets tentacle raped by Nihilego in hell forever at the end of Pokemon Moon. I haven’t beat it yet.) 

#reality #star gets really fucking raw #shit happens #repressed memories #abuse