#we already got over this crush

[fereldanwench]

sooo today is my 16th anniversary with the husbando ♡

#the anniversary of our first date specifically #which is what we celebrate since we got married after being together for so long and we didn't have a wedding #it was a very cute date #we met working in a pet store and we talked a lot about video games #and i mentioned my love for tomb raider so he invited me over to play the newest game (tr anniversary) #(he was also very smooth and told me i looked like lara) #i had already beaten it at this point and i was not smooth so i said that lmao #not fully putting together two and two that it was just a reason to get together #but he was like 'well then you can show me how to play it' and i was like yeah #so he picked me up after his shift and i got to meet his roommates #and one of them told me that husbando was so excited i agreed to come over bc he had been crushing on me for a while #and we played like 30 minutes of tomb raider and then started making out lmao the rest of the night was making out and sorta watching tv #it was a great night ♡ #one of many to come ♡♡♡ #t: wench.txt

[saturnsfather]

yknow. if i had a nickel for every time i had a huge crush on someone, never did anything about it, then reconnected with them several years later only to be told that they Also Had Feelings For Me or Currently Have Feelings For Me, except because of the time distance or other factors i/we cant/wont do anything about it and then i pretty much never see them again, id have two nickels. which isnt a lot, but it sure did happen twice.

#tbd #just. reflecting #man. remember being a Kid. #funny enough neither guy was someone i cried over! i DID cry over a boy in middle school because i couldnt work up the nerve to ask him #to dance with me. which in retrospect is so silly. i did also still think i was a girl back then too #but anyway. first guy didnt work out bc by the time he told me he liked me #which by the way was WILD bc he basically admitted that the very distinct memory i have as a turning point in our relationship #where we actually became friends. was ALSO the moment he REALIZED HE HAD FEELINGS FOR ME. and it just never came up. lmao #but by then id been over him for a few years. and then i ghosted him. #second guy i reconnected with in high school and he got a girlfriend partway through that year. #but he had a car and occasionally gave me rides home from school. and on one of them we started talking #about the summer camp we originally met at. and i told him id had a huge crush on him back then #(fully equipped with the knowledge that i still did kind of have one) #and thats when he told me ‘haha woah really?? i had feelings for you too. thats crazy’ #and then we never talked about it again. #to be fair it probably never would have worked with us anyway because i have I Could Fix Him disease #and always have. #and he already had a drinking problem. at sixteen. so you can imagine how i felt about that. #anyway. all this is to say. #if it happens again im gonna k!ll myself lol #thats a joke. i will not. but i will be So fucking mad

[dangoulains-devotion]

thinking just a bit too hard about how the added depth given to tifa and aerith's friendship only increases the weight threatening to crush tifa after the forgotten capital, she already had so much to carry on her weary shoulders, she's going to have to carry even more when mideel happens, and it doesn't even stop after meteorfall, ohg od oh i love her so much i

#(sobbing and crying and snotting everywhere) AERITH GAVE HER SOMEONE TO CONFIDE IN ON SUCH A TUMULTUOUS JOURNEY #SOMEONE SHE COULD BE AS CLOSE TO FULLY RELAXED AS POSSIBLE #SOMEONE TO GOSSIP WITH OR SHARE HER CONCERNS OR JUST. BE A NORMAL GIRL WITH #YUFFIE'S THERE BUT SHE'S JUST A KID AND TIFA WOULD NEVER WANT TO HARM THE AIR OF CAREFREE CHILDISHNESS SHE MANAGES TO MAINTAIN EVEN IF #ITS BECAUSE YUFFIE IS HIDING THINGS THAT ARE CRUSHING HER #but poor tifa . gentle tifa. is now left to regret. to blame herself. #she has barret who acts like a father figure to her sure - but despite how much she cares about him and values her frienship with him #he's not aerith. he's not someone she can just gossip about first loves with. not someone she can fully Relate to. if you get what i mean #she is left to trace back the thread of how poor aerith got caught in this mess #she was the one to ask aerith to save marlene. but how did they get there? aerith refused to let cloud be a bystander in wall market #how did that happen? she made a risky choice that put her in a position where their paths crossed. why? because cloud was briefly lost #during the bombing mission. why did the bombing mission happen? she couldn't stop it. ETC ETC #NONE OF IT WAS HER FAULT... BUT SHE NEVER WANTED TO DRAG INNOCENT PEOPLE INTO THIS AT ANY SINGLE POINT #AND NOW SOMEONE WHO QUICKLY BECAME A CLOSE FRIEND IS GONE oh lord my heart #all of this added onto the things like how alone she was in nibelheim... it was just her and her dad for some years after the boys all left #and then the Incident happens and she loses that last person she had... and to an extent another she didn't even know was right there(cloud #god i could talk about her and how she has suffered more than jesus for ages (happy easter. lmao) #FF7 Rebirth spoilers #just in case?? for anyone who's only playing the remakes i guess. since this was basically already there the remakes just elaborate on it #i think about 'we found you!' 'i guess you did!' SO OFTEN #these two girls mean the world to me and i will not let you reduce them to love interest rivals #when tifa ran over to aerith's body i think everyone in the world heard my heart shattering into dust #these thoughts are a bit disjointed and don't articulate well what i mean but god. god. i am thinking about her today

[iagreewithlilithsrightsnwrongs]

smth that ive thought abt n that i dont think ive ever seen touched upon is how similar bea n lilith should be in terms of life experience. like we know canonically that bea never drank. probs never went to a party, or rave or anything like that. didnt have partners most likely, probs never had her first kiss before ava n stuff. theres a lot of first times that beatrice probably experiences cuz of ava in s2, a lot of just. normal regular first times, things teenagers or young adults do, maybe college students, whatever. the most freedom she had was when she was younger, when she "was stepping out of line" as she said, probs doing child things n being dumb, ofc.

lilith is probably the same, except even worse. because i think she was taught to be the warrior nun as soon as possible. bea was actively repressing herself; lilith doesnt even acknowledge theres anything to repress. shes just the future warrior nun, not a mere 12 year old. shes a sister warrior, not just your average 16 year old. as long as her parents were there to watch, she is nothing but a legacy. and i do think lilith had her rebellious phase, ofc. but i dont think it was while she was living with her parents, or even when she was a minor. she knew to make all those obedient, nice years count and as soon as she left for good, she declared she was a new girl, n she would now do things she wanted to do. except... she cant.

she still has to train to be a warrior nun. sure she read books, non religion books. but the guilt of not upholding her end of the bargain of being born in her family as the next in line warrior nun would soon overcome her, n she would drop it. "i'll read it in the future" "i'll try that when im older n independent" its smth all teens, especially teen girls think. when im older, i'll be free. but lilith is not allowed that at all. she knows she likes things... but can she even allow herself the time to enjoy them?? can she watch movies in peace? can she go out, maybe make friends, go on cafe dates, go to the cinema, go shopping? without thinking abt her destiny? can she??? is she allowed peace???

lilith wanted to be free, cuz she thought it was only her parents holding her down. little did she know, while her parents built her cage, she was painting it finished. with how she was raised, lilith was never thought to feel *her* emotions as lilith, but only as warrior nun. n even if her parents ever allowed her peace, she wouldnt have taken it. shes going to be the warrior nun. she has to be. what else is she, but that?

#warrior nun #sister lilith #oh hey im writing #sister beatrice #what i wanted to say is that lilith looks cool but is an actual loser #never got drunk. never went to the cinema with friends. never fangirled over some band #she was never allowed normal. n when she got her freedom she didnt seek it out. just accepted *her* normal #probs felt comfort abt it. im not like other girls. i have a world saving duty. im smart n capable n strong #but she looks at her sister warriors trading inside jokes. or talking abt the new movie that came out. #or talking abt their middle school crushes n their embarassing haircuts n their emo phases. #mary smoking n drinking freely. beatrice starting the whole cruella de jesus thing. shannon n her pranks #she was their friend ofc. but she also felt weirdly left out. like she wasnt completely whole or just unfinished #but knowing that the path of the warrior nun is singular n straightforward. so much comfort in that. so simple n right n easy #n still she yearns. shes always been greedy n ambitious. she just wants more but doesnt know how to make the first step #i do think when she got to the ocs she started to find herself. mary definitely helped. #but those 2 months we didnt see?? now THATS the lilith i wanna meet. she was uncontained. but also ruined. so whats the point?? #why still be perfect n right when she is already wrong?? why not just go yolo n try all new things?? why not???? #so yh ava bea n lilith had some wild 2 months let me tell ya

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #as much as I hate to see the social cinema grow as I get new followers. we're at a good and satisfying number. and I like that #also also also. I've introduced a friend to Hannibal (tv show) and he's loving it and I'm so happy cause none of #of my other friends have been able to stomach the body horror. so it's super cool to find someone to hype over it with #another random story that I genuinely can't remember if I said already. got told by a kid in minecraft that he's smiled a lot more around me #which. huge compliment. genuine honor to make people happy and smile and laugh #people don't laugh enough. we don't smile enough. be happy or die. and I'm too powerful to die. been there. haven't done that #cry and then laugh and then punch as hard as you can. #got to visit some of my favorite residents from the nursing home I first worked at. lotta new staff but my three favorite nurses are still #which is nice. I cried when I left that job because even though it crushed my soul I loved my coworkers and most of my residents. #I get why some healthcare workers grind themselves to the bone for the job. you're making such a huge difference in people's lives. #I tried but didn't have the fortitude for it. but it's nice to be able to go back and say hi to the friends I made and see how things are. #anyway. sorry for being weird like.. one or two weeks ago. I think things are settling out again. moving is rough but we're making it work #It's been a lot of Lear again lately. especially while being at my parents house. he doesn't mind being deadnamed as much sooo.... #idk. at least one of us is capable of surviving the dmv and the state medicaid website. heaven knows I can't manage. #trying to stop using him as a crutch for getting things done has just resulted in us not being able to get things done. #but I don't want to be someone else I want to be me. I don't want to be the armor I want to be the human inside. #I don't want to live defensively. pushing everyone away. I can't do that. #anyway. we're back home! and work is on the horizon. hopefully this job works out cause I don't want to have to apply for new jobs. #the hr rep is a man at this store and I immediately got set on edge and our voice dropped as I stepped back. #then we introduced ourselves with the wrong name and he got confused and I just felt stupid about it #but how am I supposed to know which name he's been told. he didn't even use our paperwork name. Anyway that was a disaster #but we're on track and embarrassment is not a setback but a feeling about the way things progress. and it is progress we're making

[galariangengar]

💭

#the past 2 nights I’ve had dreams with the guy I kinda have a crush on & went to the same hs/college with (but only had like 1 conversation) #like always my dreams take place in some kind of school setting #first dream was I walked around for awhile till I found one particular classroom that I went into #I then had to do some kind of project in front of the class that involved like acting??? but could have someone else help me #after looking around for a moment/I asked him to help me with my project #so he did/ I had to go to a couple of marks around the room and act out a couple of scenes #he helped out with props and was also like acting alongside with me #in the end after doing all the scenes/we did good and got a good grade #last night was a hella weird dream in the first half #I guess like me and him were like already dating and comfortable together #maybe a bit too comfortable cuz uhh I was in the bathroom in the dream and he was with me… in the stall #idk we were there for a little while and I guess he was just waiting for me #after I was done we walked together to class but uhh the bathroom like transformed into a classroom so we didn’t go that far #we were watching a movie in class and had to take notes I guess #then for some reason I moved away from him and sat closer to the front but my view was blocked by the projector #still can’t get over the fact that the past 2 nights I’ve had dreams about him… #he also recently reactivated his personal instagram account after awhile cuz some sketchy page of a girl was threatening to blackmail him #god… I really do have a crush on him… it was his birthday last week too and he reposted a video his mom posted and he grew a beard 🥰 #god I wish I could talk to him and get to know him more but I’m too chicken and too afraid #I think soon I’m gonna talk to my best friends about this and see what they think/say #UGGHHH I really do like him a lot don’t I??? 🥰😖👉🏼👈🏼 #jazz uses curse! 💜

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ay ay ay. my head feels like its stuffed completely full of cotton. bulging at the seems #its just that wrung out ive been crying too much feel. i just had to do a bunch of application stuff yesterday night #and there were way too many tears so i work up out of focus with salt in my eyelashes. so i wasnt that productive despite the fact i really #need to b rn. and i met with my boss for our weekly meeting and its just so many things i have to do #like theres this procedure for some new equipment we have and im testing it out but like she wants to see it in action and im like treading #close to dangerously unstable so the chances i burst into tears in public is quite high which is why i hide in my apartment and only go to #the lab when no ones there. but no im prob gonna have to go in Thursday and have to go drive like and hr away next week so we can hopefully #have all the equipment we need for another project thats gonna kill me. plus we got contacted by a group we were gonna work with last year #who wanna work with us again. which is objectively good like itll look real good on a cv to b involved and like even non science ppl would #prob find it cool. but i csnt feel any of that bc i dont kno how im gonna be able to go back and forth contacting the other lab group i #have to work with in order to do everything. which its like itll b fine #ive done it before. 2 of the 3 things i have done before so itll be fine. it just doesn't feel like it #it feels like im dissolving into pieces and everythings spinning too fast. theres a film between myself and everything else so i cant touch #anything and it cant touch me. #and its weird bc i know that burning myself out is what got me here but i still cant detatch myself from the soul crushing guilt of not #making every second productive. its disorienting bc my brain will b like: u should just stay here over break and get stuff done #and like no. thats objectively the worst thing i could possibly do. i just feel like a wet glob of paper towels. ive already committed #myself to only 13 days being gone. only have to trudge through like 21 days 1st. how? no idea #like im sure itll b fine but somethings gotta give before my brain implodes beyond repair. if were not there already #ay everytime my boss says something nice abt me to someone it just feels like a knife in the gut. like shes not lying but i just feel like #ive fallen so far that shes talking abt a past verson of me and it makes me sad. like idk how obvious it is but im sure i have terrible #vibes irl lol like the sort of pained twisted up little smiles u make when u dont wanna lie but u dont wanna b honest ay #itll b fine. i can feel the floorboards giving way so somethings close to giving just have to see where and in what form the metaphor #actulizes. hopefully it does so quickly bc im bored and tired of living like this. and i dont really wanna go home and explode into tears #like a child and have my parents deal with me. which they would bc theyre great. i just dont wanna worry them sigh... #unrelated #i should sleep bc i gotta get up and burn my brain out being a scribe tomorrow morning. at least i get to hang out with someone cool

[patches-and-her-selfships]

guys do i

do i have a crush on coco

#da boidie????? #i just imagined us on a (PLATONIC) date #and it spiraled into this whole scenario where i realized i was poly for wilt and coco #and i confessed to her and we started dating #please help i already had the whole thing with eduardo #and i do NOT need another fhfif crush #so if i got over my crush on eddy i can get over this one #blablabla #frens😊

[theinternetkilledmychildhood]

!!!! Something in my life went well for once!!!! Details in tags (slightly hindered by tag limit)

#so my romantic life has been a fuckin shitshow for years and even more so in the past few months #but i meet this guy at work last week who I really clicked with #we both got drinks at a sort of evening event nearby (the chalet at mass MoCA for those of you who know) after work last week #i ended up meeting a lot of new people and talking a LOT with him which was lovely #it was the most social I've been in months and i really enjoyed myself #and like. i gave him my number after work (which was how i ended up going to this thing in the first place) and afterwards??? he texted me #telling me he was really glad to see me there and he had a great time #and through our conversation i got indirectly invited to come over to his place and make/drink homemade wine spritzers (my recipe) #and at first i wasn't totally sure if this was a making new friends thing or maybe something more? #he's about 6.5 years older than me and we'd only talked twice (once at work and once at the thing) so it could've just be friendly #but we had that wine spritzers date last night and hung out for like. over 4 hours?? mostly just talking #oh boy did we talk about fuckin everything. he also told me I'm a very beautiful person in the course of that conversation #which... not many people have done in the past couple years. i can think of maybe one or two. so it's a big thing for me #and when we went inside to watch a few episodes of a show he recommended #he turned to me after the first couple episodes (which we were intermittently talking through) #and very matter-of-factly said can i ask you something? and when i said yes he said how do you feel about cuddling? #and of course my touch starved ass who already had a developing crush on him immediately said I'm a big fuckin fan of it #and we just. sat and watched like three more episodes of this show like that. very comfortably. #mostly holding hand(s) while he had his arm around me and i had my head on his shoulder (which was lovely) #but also??? with his hand between my thighs??? not doing anything but just like holding my leg #and we were like that for most of the last episode and a half of this show #and that was it! it got late and we both had to work so I left a bit before midnight #we chatted a bit and he hugged me on my way out but it wasn't anything more than that #and y'all. i fuckin. the slow pace? the honest and open communication? the clear respect of me and my boundaries but also attraction to me? #((which i barely comprehend btw)) #god its so nice to be into someone whos also into me who's like. older and at a semi similar level of emotional and mental stability?? wild #so yeah im. very much reveling in the least dramatic and most wholesome slowburn of a romantic entanglement ive had in my entire life #GOD. to be treated like an ADULT by another ADULT. it shouldnt be this crazy but it really truly is. #ive had no choirs by florence in the machine stuck in my head since i walked home and its exactly everything i feel rn #personal

[benevolentslut]

okay so big vent in the tags. don't mind me, just had to get these thoughts out.

i am open to thoughts and/or advice from mutuals

#help im crushing too hard on this girl #we dated once before but it wasn't a great relationship because both of us had a whole heap of unresolved trauma that came out in #our actions #so because of that im scared to try anything again #we're both so much better than we were before and both of us have made huge strides recently so it got me thinking about it again #and now i can't stop thinking about it 💀 #not to mention she is currently in a relationship already #i get the feeling they *might* be open to at least trialling polyamory #but it definitely adds an extra factor of #and so yeah im scared to bring it up cuz if they're not open to that then #even tho it'd be perfectly understandable it would still hurt a lot to hear #and then yeah even if they were im worried like #what if we act out again or hurt each other again #i couldn't bear ruining our friendship #but ahhhhhhhh #every time im near her life just feels okay again #every time we touch at all i can still feel it hours after it's passed #we went roller skating today and the way she offered me her hand to help me up whenever i fell over i just aaaaaaa #and she's been so supportive to me as im starting to process the fact that *both* my parents have been emotionally abusing me my whole life #and not just my dad #and my mum is continuing to do it #and then this girl was so supportive too when we went to bras n things today #i was really nervous and dysphoric going in there and she was so helpful to get me willing to talk to the person there #and to help me through everything #like its obvious that we have such a strong bond #forged that over the last 7 years #but holy shit i don't want to ruin things #but ohmygod i cant just ignore the way i feel either though can i #fuck im down bad huh #shoutout to anyone who read through all this

[ilovethecolorpink]

everything just feels so heavy

#the constant soul crushing stuff in the news #got told yesterday that my papa’s (who has been in the hospital for over a week now) body is shutting down and there’s not much more they #can do #which shed the last bit of optimism we had #only one of my friends is going to be around here for the summer so i’m already dreading the loneliness i’ll feel #my hot girl summer is not off to a strong start #mine

[miikaarinn]

BEING IN A FLIRTY FRIEND GROUP SUCKS WHEN YOU'RE FALLING FOR SOMEONE IN THE FRJENDGGROUP

#like i already liked him we just got sm closer over this weekend when my ex revealed himself to be a dogwater person and i realized. i never #had gotten over my crush on this friend #like. i liked him before i moved in right. and only gave up bc long distance is not smth i thought i could do but he makes me WANNA live #BUT WE'RE ALL SUPER FLIRTY W E/O #LIKE IF WE STARTED DATING I'D JUST END UP CHANGING THE LABEL AND WE'D KISS THERED BE SO LITTLE CHANGE

[woofety]

Sofia and Ale my beloved 🥹🥰

#padel #I wonder #I got to watch only the last part of the match because I forgot about time zones in finland #also I had stuff to do #but despite being conflicted because I like zazu and jess as well #sofia is my crush and I love ale and I've been squealing about the news of them together #since rumors started to spread - dreading that they weren't true because it would have been too good to be true #but here we are 🥰 #and they seem to fit well together and to go along and have the same motivation and energy #I'm so rooting for them you have no idea they are my dream team #and though I have to suffer to see them play against other players I like #like today and tomorrow against virginia and tamara #I really REALLY need them reaching the final #against maybe triay and ortega - and ale getting her freaking revenge against gemma oh yes #that's a pareja I want losing badly - marta for leaving sofia and gemma for ditching ale #yeah yeah I'm well aware these things happen but I'm still vindictive as hell about this 😆 #if you told me one year ago I would have been this passionate about a sport I would have laughed at your face #what the fuck did padel do to me? I only started watching little more than one year ago I should be over it already #yeah I watch some sports and I like it but I'm not that involved generally #anyway now onto suffering for italbasket (who make me way less excited 😒 #at least they seem to play better than the previous matches - as they should against serbia)