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theanatomyletter · 5 years

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here is a perfectly sane response to the climate emergency

Right so like 3 days ago once everyone found out a couple weeks too late that the literal amazon rainforest is on fire I went into a sort of anxiety/depressive spiral and it was terrifying!!! I was scared and shocked out of doing anything and kept thinking of all the bad things that are happening and how we are all going 2 die and kept thinking of how to make more ppl understand that climate destruction is part of the same racist project as white imperialism and I’m !!! Stressed !! And I was scared and freaked out!!! I remember as a kid one of my favourite things ever was the book Journey To The River Sea by Eva Ibbotson and I s2g that book made me a person it taught me so many things about what it means to love a place and to be alive in the world and how to sustain a sense of self and community in meaningful connection with that it means to be alive and here and breathing and it’s a book about the rainforest and the river and so I’ve just been,, thinking of it a lot, little blue butterfly from the cover floating thru my brain and all that. It’s hard!!! I thought I was afraid of not saving/earning enough money to do a masters next year but I was actually afraid of the consequences of the climate emergency. Pay more attention to your emotions and honour them for what they are and figure out what is at stake for you, what does it make you feel that the world is in crisis. I think that’s important

Depressing chat aside after I panicked and felt radicalised (what does that even mean?) I found this twitter thread which was basically like these are all the terrible things that can happen and here is how we stop them and at first I felt SO SCARED because there’s NO WAY we can actually organise mass strikes at this scale!!!! We have never had to organise at this scale before, I panicked and got really scared and went on a rant about how we have to use existing structures to fix things because we don’t have the time or resources to organise at this scale but like. I now think we actually do, I found this resource for organising strikes globally from 20TH TO 27TH SEPTEMBER and like, we have the Internet and we have a month to plan and prepare and if you are able to strike you absolutely should !!!!!! There are people smarter than me speaking to the urgency of this, I’m just having some feelings and writing this on my phone notes, but like. Read about strikes in your area. If there aren’t any, find resources to help organise one. Text your friends your colleagues your family whatsapp group the people you went to school with, spread the word and organise how you will sustain your community in that time

As a side note after I went on panic rants all over my social media I think I realised that terrifying people into frenzied action won’t work because it’ll often just scare them into inaction (that’s what it did to me) and I felt better only once I found that resource for actual organisation, the mass general strike felt like an impossible project until I found out it’s already being planned. So like, don’t be helplessly scared, we have multiple years to fix things, and I think this is important: REMEMBER TO BE ALIVE AND HERE AND BREATHING, it’s important to actually feel the absolute miracle that is consciousness otherwise all of the saving the world will have been for nothing. Take photos of your friends and give hugs to your pets and get drunk and go dancing and remember that what matters is that feeling of being so achingly alive and aware of your existence in the world when you look at the sky and feel dizzy with how small you are and how yet the whole universe is inside of your brain, remember to breathe and feel glorious and loud and bright and reckless.

On that note, I was having a hard time giving a shit about much but I copped on a bit after I talked to my friend Naoise Dolan (buy her book it is out soon !!!) I felt like calmer and more like I was allowed to enjoy things and write things (that’s why I finally pulled it together enough to do this) and so I LISTENED TO THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM ON REPEAT and I’ve decided I love it, here is my ranking of all its songs from worst to best, I have so many thoughts, the lyrics are golden, I’m so happy to be alive in the world at a time we can make things better and listen to music like this that’s tailor made (sorry) for us to forget about any guilt we may feel from bopping to boardroom produced songs about corporate feminism

18. Miss Americana and whoever the fuck

Idk what this obsession is with high school motifs (shout out Mike Dolan for pointing this out) like it’s just weird for a 29 yr old to use school as a metaphor for her love life. The “you win stupid prizes” bit sounds nice though. It’s like a low-key creepy obsessive song like why is she doing that funny voice? Is it meant to sound vaguely haunted? What’s going on

I’m also just tired of “America” (the white kind) as a cultural construct and it being used as an expression of identity in popular culture like we get it you built a nationalism out of “gas stations” and “hallways” and “whatever” but you’re still racist, Stop. Like it’s just an inherently violent construct and nobody white is reckoning with it responsibly so at least maybe stop romanticising it or just shut up. Heck yea I’m reading too much into this. I do what I want

17. You Need to Calm Down

This song is bad. It’s so bad. The lyrics are pointless, the ohoHHHH is annoying, her voice is irritating, it’s also just gross and patronising and tries to do twelve things at once (are we leading a parade to pat ourselves on the back for telling homophobes to “take several seats” or are we saying we “all have crowns” wtv that means?)

This song is actually just gross and it doesnt even SOUND GOOD

16. ME

It’s less problematic than you need to calm down and that’s the only reason it’s slightly less bad. It’s a garbage song idk why it exists i’m so mad at it

15. Paper rings

IM SORRY tHe mOoN is HIGH like your friends were the night that we first met I’m sorry WHAT miss swift we get it you have been near drugs, Jesus CHRIST this song is a juvenile childish self important mess. The lyrics r awful and her voice is sneaky and weird and she does weird noises and the chorus is dumb like the “uhuh that’s right” makes me want to give CHITTAR. Also she says darling WAY too much in this album like we get it you’re dating a Brit. It’s not The Worst song because if you pay zero attention to the lyrics or her voice it’s kind of fine sounding? It’s so bad tho lol, I remember when she wrote Mine and the video came out I was like wow wild this is weird and adult and why are you pregnant but this one is even MORE weird. I also HATE every time she says dreary mondays and “baby boy” (GROSS) and I hate that she keeps repeating it lol. The I hate accidents line is kind of fine

14. I forgot that you existed

I hate the lyrics and I hate the premise (we get it you’re indifferent that’s why you wrote a whole song about it) BUT it’s such a bop, it’s very /this feels like a perfect night to make fun of our exes/ vibes and I would be LYING if I said I didn’t enjoy that. Yes we exists

We are pretending her fake laughter and starting to talk in the middle of songs things isn’t real though. It wasn’t cute in we are never ever etc and isn’t cute now

13. I think he knows

I love the 16th avenue bit, it fills me with giddy happiness, the rest of the song is shit, and also lazy. Also stop being obsessed with being 17, it was weird in starlight and is weird now

The bridge is also sort of nice but not nice enough to redeem the rest of it

12. London Boy

Im sorry I promise I know this song is bad. It is bad. I hope it’s ironic? But it’s bad. It’s a weird colonialism complex fetishisation of posh brit whiteness and its even more gross when it’s like “btw IM american, DOUBLE whiteness”, it’s icky and bad. It is a bad song. I apologise for enjoying it and I promise I am ashamed but also u know what, if you ignore the lyrics entirely and pretend you’re 15 and un-enlightened about the violence inherent to the fetishisation of an english identity……….maybe a fun tune. I know. I know. I am sorry. I promise I enjoy it only ironically

11. The man

Corporate white lady feminism? With the word HUSTLE in it? In this economy? Yes obviously

The lyrics are a bit ehhhh but some of them are quite clever and I think she’s quite honest in this song in a rare sort of way without trying to exaggerate it for shock value and it’s a very like, this is my life, here you go, sort of tune, it doesn’t do anything for women’s rights but I think it sounds nice and is probably fun to dance to, and “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man” and “if I were a man, I’d be the man” are fUN lines !!! Idk how wild this comparison is but like, I feel this song is trying to deal with similar things as I know places (a very privileged rant, if you will, without much self awareness) but I think The Man does it better because it’s less self important and has less ambition about it solving or expressing the world’s worst problems.

10. False God

Ok, so, what is it with the religious motifs in this album, i don’t get it, though it kinda works a lot in this song? I wanted to rank this higher but after a few listens it got slightly grating, the beginning is a bit unecessary too? Like it’s trying to create this weirdly artificial aura of glamour and sophistication, it’s quite an unnerving and haunting song and I quite like that about it and it makes me a bit surprised and startled. This thing she’s doing with like slow, building, repeating tunes i think has worked the best in this song (we might just, get away with this, religion’s in your lips e-,ven if its a False gOd) also, THE ALTAR’S IN MY HIPS, OOF, the chorus does the trick honestly and i love when she’s like slightly laughing but in a wry sort of way. Love it tbh, something about it just makes me a bit stressed though and not in an intentional way (i think)

9. It’s Nice To Have a Friend

Miss taylor who gave you the RIGHT, to shove your hand into my chest and grab my heart and step all over it. I love it and it makes me cry and it’s so soft and sweet. Zero complaints abt it it’s a beautiful song. There r just MULTIPLE EXTREMELY GOOD SONGS that’s why it’s not like my absolute fav and im confused too as to why it’s so low but like. Idk. it is a very soft and sweet song. I love it. If anything maybe it’s a bit uncreative n lazy but i think that’s slightly on purpose so doesn’t rlly constitute a criticism

8. Death by a thousand cuts

I like this song a lot a lot. The lyrics are SO GOOD IM SO HAPPY SHES DOING GOOD LYRICS AGAIN. I love the “one for the agEs” line and i’m generally a slut for any mention of chandeliers in music or poetry (dont ask), her voice is delicate but proud and wild and i’m a fan, honestly, cannot wait to bop to this. The My my my bit is annoying tho

7. The archer

I HATE the bit where she says CoMbAt but otherwise this song is soft and lovely and gentle and I love it !!!!! I love the lyrics and I love her gentle restraint of how she slowly unfurls them and then let’s go in “help me hold onto you”, there is such a commanding frankness to it, it’s an ask for collaboration, an ask for honesty, an ask for I want to do this with you

I think it’s one of the strongest tracks lyrically and she also shows like great skill vocally which has been annoyingly missing from so much of what she’s recently produced. I feel like there’s a bunch of annoying stylistic choices (the they see right thru me bit is grating) but like the song overall is lovely, I think you can feel in her voice she knows she’s created something good and it’s not the usually insufferable IM A GENIUS vibe. WHO COULD EVER LEAVE ME DARLING, BUT WHO COULD STAY !!!

6. Soon you’ll get better

Made me cry. We’re not talking about this one

5. Lover

This song is soft loving, slow whispers, careful realisations that you can build a life with whatever you like and love will save everything, I love it, I love it I love it I love it, “can I go where you go?” moves me to tEARS it is such a soft and gentle expression of care, it is such a kindness, it’s such surrendering, such reckless care, I love it so much, it’s so hopeful and also sure, it’s so frightful but also unafraid. I think this is one of Taylor’s most earnest songs ever and it does the thing of combining that earnestness with brazen daring that doesn’t turn into embarrassment only because she commands her lyrics with such certainty, and that’s rare and often I think that daring has ended badly for her (LOL most of reputation) but here it’s done so beautifully and w so much happiness and LOVE, this song is truly just a beautiful lil piece of art with so much happiness dripping thru it

4. Cornelia Street

This song. This SONG. It builds up so beautifully with this ever so slightly hesitant fascination with its own emotions, i’m so obsessed with it, the lyrics are lovely and perfect, i was expecting it to feel slightly forced and oddly specific because wtf is a cornelia street anyway, but it WORKS. I think it wants me to think of like a glowy streetlighty street and it DOES THAT, “filling in the blanks as we gooooo” sounds so gorgeous and does that thing with her voice which literally is just showing off that Yes She Does Know How To Sing and it’s so certain and sure and restrained and open and bare (again in “i thought you were leading me onnnnn”). Also, “the city screams your name” should be a tired cliche but its just an excited expression of abandon im,, in love. The song is so shaky and uncertain but completely confident and relaxed at the same time and it FEELS EXACTLY LIKE COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING IT TO LAST FOREVER, also like, when did she learn how to write good bridges again because yEs

3. Daylight

Solely for the lines “i’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye // i don’t want to look at anything else now that i saw you” she deserves a grammy it actually pierces my emotions and makes me want 2 explode, this song is sooooo lovely and it has the vibe that makes me feel like i’ve already heard it years ago (but maybe thats because ive had the album on repeat 2 days straight) but it’s just,,, very good and it feels like sunset and glitter and i think is a perfect ending to a great album i love how it builds intensity and then strips it down and just,,, love it.

2. Afterglow

This is i think, one of the most beautiful things this woman has ever produced, one of the loveliest and most powerful songs ever made, i love it so very much. She finally learnt how to do autotune properly lol, this song is like, a crescendo of emotion, everything is falling down around it and it’s like a little haven of bare, frank honesty and complete surrender, of complete vulnerability, the whole song sounds like an act of care and an act of expressing pure emotion, it’s so gorgeous. It moves so softly and doubles in on itself and she’s sorry and sad but so proud of this love and so certain of its importance, “i’m the one who burnt us down”, it’s such a zooming in on a very specific emotion and it’s done so well, i love it

1. Cruel summer

I LOVE THIS SONG. I LOVE THIS SONG. The lyrics are flighty and exciting and shivery, WHAT DOESNT KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE- plug that shit into my VEINS. This song makes me feel like it’s 2015 and nothing is real yet and I’m living inside a YA novel and my biggest problem is my crush being mean to me and I’m RELISHING in that freedom and indulging every last drop of emotion because being alive and paying attention to it is incredible and Extremely Cool Actually (I DONT WANT TO KEEP SECRETS JUST TO KEEP YOU, dead right gal)

That said. Organise for the climate strike. Read up on what’s going on so you can answer questions in your family whatsapp group. Field those conversation, DO THAT EMOTIONAL LABOUR (again, what even), spread the word. But take care of yourself !!!! Listen to Taylor swift and remember that we are an absolute joke of a species, we went to the MOON, we can do this, I love you

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thehalfworld · 7 years

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Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 4]

I’m on a roll.

There’s more rape in this one; it’s not really described in detail, though. There are also references to what occurred in the last chapter, and an instance of mostly consensual sexual activity (although it stops short of actual sex).

Recap: Last chapter, Tiaa’s foster parents Dave and Marie left on a trip, leaving her in the care of “Uncle Larry” (Dave’s brother), who promptly began beating and raping Tiaa. After one such incident, she ran off into the woods and encountered a strange man who claimed to be her father before blacking out.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

AN = No flames pls, theres no point!if u dnt like my story dnt read it, its as simple as that!

I never got the whole “don’t like, don’t read” thing. How can you know if you like it if you haven’t read it?

btw atlantiana is NOT marisue be cause look she is NOT perfect and not everyone in the stiry likes her! she has problems and she has flaws and shes UNHAPPY would u like her life?i no i wouldnt, its totally tragic and horible.u flamers arent even makin sense1

Having bad things happen to your character doesn’t make her less of a Mary Sue. Loads of Sues have tragic backstories. Look at Batman.

Chapter 4 - la push

I sat quitely on the la push beech apart form the party that was going on beside me. Mike Nooton was following me round like a pulpy and he was so borin! None of the things he had to say were interesting but I was nice to him because he wasnt a bad guy.

That’s actually pretty in-character for the guy, if I remember the Twilight Saga correctly. He’s nice, but not very interesting. I think Bella even made the puppy comparison at one point.

My thoughts were elsewhere - i could'nt stop thinking about the events of last night, when uncle larry had raped me and I had had my scary vision in the forest and a tall p[ale guy in my mind had cale me his daughter. I didnt understand any of I felt so so awful that I had been rapped by that hideous pervy SICKO when I had bin saving myself for the right guy and for marriage and my virginity was torn from my grasp by that twisted guy, it was so crule and unfair, it made me want to cry

So uh… what happened after she blacked out in the woods? Was her dad gone when she woke up? Did Uncle Larry do anything else to her after she returned home? Did she return home?

"omg MIKE watt are you doing talkin to HER?" I turned round and saw four nasty faces learing at us. It was the chearleaders I had seen in the cafetearia, and one of them was the girl dateing Ewdard Cullen, the brown hare girl who was standing at the back looking moody but not saying anything

You know her name! You’ve called her by name before!

"Stop being mean Jessica" mike said angerly "tiaas' awesome and if you can't see that its just you bein blind and shallow and stupid like your all ways are"

Think this is the author calling out her flamers or what?

"yah I mean look at her clothes, she looks like a stupid goth biaach with her slutty top and short skirt and fithnet tights is she a RAT HOOKER or what?" Jessica screamed.

Man, I love this fic. “RAT HOOKER” is a great insult.

She was realy ugly when she shouted even though she was technology a hot chick and was dressed in skimpy pink clothes.

I don’t remember Jessica that well from the books, but I think she was described as short and a chatterbox. I don't think she was a cheerleader or had a particular fondness for pink. Also she was dating Mike at one point after Bella set them up with each other.

"you no what Jess, you and YOur frends are SO shallow and YOU are the real slut! you and bella and angela and laruen may were short skirts and low cut tops an stuff but that doesnt maek u beautiful! Its watt underneath that counts!" mike shouted

Wait, so are they sluts because they wear revealing clothes or because of their behavior? Because right here it seems like Mike is criticizing them based on how they dress, which is a bit weird when we remember Tiaa also wears revealing clothing (“fishnet top” ring a bell?).

"yah, speakin of witch" said a sly blond girl in the gang who was called lauren, pointing at me "watts with her breasts, they are huge, I bet they are fake!- she laughed and her friends all laughed too even bella and angela who had been quiet until then.

I don’t remember a damn thing about Lauren or Angela but I remember they both existed. One of them was definitely shy but I don’t remember which.

I got up and pushed past them and ran away into the darkness. I cold hear them all laughing at me and i felt so embarrased I was relay sensitive about the waste I looked I hated the fact that it made all girls hate me and all guys stare at me, I would have given anything to be ugly or just inviable. I wasnt stuck up and didnt think I was beta than anyone else because of how I looked I just wanted people to treat me like a normal person! I could'nt help being slim and blond with relay big boobs it wasnt my fault I hadnt done anything wrong!

Remember in chapter 1 when Tiaa talked about how she used to be self-conscious about her appearance but got over it and now doesn’t care what people say about her?

-are u ok?" said someone from beside me

If you don’t have that MCR song playing in your head right now I don’t know what’s wrong with you.

"who arr you?" i asked. 3 realy pretty goth girls were standing there smilin at me and I smiled back

Oh, of course, the Sue’s backup choir.

-we are tyffani, abigaille and rochelle" they said smiling "you seem cool, do you want to be our freinds?"

I like the idea that Tiaa could be multiple friends.

Judging from the names, these three are children of that white mom whose baby name photo went viral on the internet. The one who named her kid Lakynn or something.

"ya of course, i'm just a bit meloncolly cause those horrible chearleaders were bein mean jerks and saying my boobs were fake" i said

"omg, u mean jessica and bellas gang? They hate us too because we dont care what they think" said tyfanni "they are just jealous cause youre the prettiest girl in the school now and theyre all plain next to you but we dont care about stuff like that, we only care about peoples personalities “

“That’s why we made sure to talk about how pretty we think you are.”

"cool" I said, and we talked for hours

I talked to tyfanni, rochelle and abigail for hours and they were so cool.

How long was that again?

I'd never had proper freinds before who didnt care watt i looked like or where I came from they just liked me for me, and I liked them cause they were uber cool and we had loads of stuff in common! But after a while they all went home and I stayed on the beech.

Glad we skipped the scene where Tiaa has fun with her friends so that we can get back to the part where Uncle Larry assaults her again. Nice to see the author prioritizing.

It was getting late but I didnt want to go home to uncle larry in case he raped me on his car again.

Phrasing seems to imply that if he raped her in a different location it would be alright.

Soddenly I heard a voice from behind me.

I hope “soddenly” is an intentional double entendre.

"well tiaa, thou seem to be causing quite a stir at school" his voice was smooth and sexoy and from another time.

Who could this be?

Edward.

Never would have guessed!

"what do you mean!" I demanded

"basically every gay at school wants to have sex with thee, and every girl wants to eat thee alive for it, hows that for causing a stir my lady?" he smiled and kissed my neck.

Wait, every gay at school? Including the gay boys? This girl is powerful.

"shut up jerk! Btw I met youre girlfriend before, bella I think her name is! I dont like her or anything, but how the hell can u cheat on her like that and kiss me how u did? Its sick ur a cheatin bastard and i should tell everyone. Tyfanni told me you and bella are like the schools golden couple or something, watt would happen if I told ppl how you had acted in that corridoor with me?"

Uh… the fic would go in a direction I don’t expect it to and it might be redeemed somewhat by at least being less predictable?

"OMG SWEET LADY! THY MUST NOT TELL ANYONE! " he screamed "it was a moment of madness thats all! Im so so sorry for watt happened,i hope thine can forgive me, but ive promised myself to bella and thats just how it is, no matter how much thou intrests me"

Use of OMG may seem anachronistic, but that abbreviation has actually been in use since the early 1900s, so it’s totally reasonable that Edward might use it. Although probably not out loud.

"fine, then stay away from me " I shouted as I left to go home but he followed me and grabbed me and pushed me down on the grind.

I think he’s sending mixed signals.

I was burning with anger and fury but I wanted him so deafly i didnt even try to resist him.

So deafly?

He new how much i wanted him and it drove me mad. He put his hands inside my panties and i gasped. I was soddenly desperate to sex with him and i tore my clothes off and i was in my underwear.

Again, I hope that’s innuendo, but in this fic it’s actually possible the author thinks “suddenly” is spelled like that.

I took off my bra and showed him my naked heaving beasts.

Nothing turns a guy on like naked heaving beasts!

"have sex with me now edward " I whispered

" i cant " he said, although his body was on top of mine and his fingers touched my nipples

"please, i'm begging you" I said, hating myself for being such a dirty hore but unable to control my burning desire

No one in this fic has any self-control whatsoever, huh?

-NOOOO!" he shouted and ran away crying.

I put my clothes back on slowly feeling so ashamed and embarased i could hardly move. I could'nt beleive i had begged him to do sex on me and even worse he had said no!

Okay, I guess Edward has a tiny bit of self-control. Which is good, as he is a vampire and would probably be eating people left and right if he was totally unable to control himself.

I went home and uncle larry made me cook his dinner and suck his cock while he ate his food and then he raped me and hit me with a shoe all night and i didnt even complain cos i felt like i deserved it for being such a horrible slut even though it made me want to die inside.

Bread, eggs, milk, squick. Uncle Larry seems more interested in hitting Tiaa than raping her, incidentally.

Uncle larry finally left me alone and I thought about killing myself as i cryed and cryed as i fell slowly into a dreamless sleep.

Aw.

Next chapter

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

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ollie-otter1 · 7 years

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LAST

1) Drink: Water ofc

2) Phone call: Idk it must have been like years ago I actually made a call, texting am I right

3) Text message: To my boi Joshua Smailes <3

4) Song listened to: Elvis isn’t dead jfc thats like the best song to ever exist

5) Time you cried: Like 20 mins ago when I saw my cat for the first time after two days

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated somebody twice: Not even once, yay

7) Been cheated on: Pretty hard to when ur single all the time

8) Kissed someone and regretted it: My cats breath was pretty bad that time

9) Lost someone special: Great grandparents

10) depressed: Seasonal depression oh boy

11) Gotten drunk and puked: I don’t throw up rly when drunk I just fall asleep unless im doing more shots

Fave 3 colours:

12) Black

13) White

14) Like some sort of nice purple thats almost black and starts arguments because you cant tell if its purple or black

IN THE LAST YEAR YOU HAVE YOU

15) Made new friends: Well like 2 is more than 1 yay

16) Fallen out of love: Well I’m over that 4ish year crush on this straight guy (finnaly) so yeah

17) Laughed until you cried: Like all the time tbh

18) Found out someone was gossiping about you: No I’m friends with ppl who can actually keep secrets so if it happens (probs all the time because they hate me) I would never find out

19) Met someone who changed your life: Literally everyone, I could have just met you and would change my life course to live together in alaska or some gay shit

20) Found out who your true friends are: Well I got my Bro AARON and my Boi JOSH ayyyyyy

21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Lmao who would want this tho

(no btw)

MUCH

22) Facebook friends: 210 but I accept everyone so I only talk to like 3 tops

23) Pets: I had a dog that my shitty stepdad stole, A cat that ran away but will totally come back I love you Booth pls do, and another cat that stays loyal unlike my other cat

24) Want to change your name: Like the idea but wouldnt like the change tbh

WHAT

25) Did I get for my birthday: Money for driving lessons and that was literally it and I hate driving kill me

26) Time I woke up: 6:50 because the straight guys in the dorm I was in wouldnt shut the fuck up omg I hate u if ur reading this

27) Were you doing at midnight: Trying to sleep buy ayy these straight boys kys

28) Can’t you wait for: A relationship (im so lonely)

29) Was the last time you saw your mom: Like 10 seconds ago

30) Was something you wish you could change about your life: The fact im retarded, have no social skills and spend all my free time staring at walls as I descend into my depression instead of preparing for uni

31) Are you listening to right now: Dan and Phil... yeah

32) Gets on your nerves: TWO FUCKING THINGS OMG LITERALLY KYS IF YOU DO THESE (Dont actually unless ur a cunt) CHEWING WITH UR FUCKING MOUTH OPEN, AND LEAVING THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN WHEN UR USING THE FUCKING BATHROOM I DONT WANT TO SEE U HAVING A SHIT THATS THE REASON THE BATHROOM HAS A DOOR JFC

33) Talked to a person named Tom: I have an uncle called tom but we dont talk

34) Is your most visited website: Probs facebook to spy on everybodies lives and why theyre better than me

35) Elementary school/primary school: Coningsby St Michaels, a bigger waste of time than my life

36) High School: went to a grammar school called Qegs can I hear a hell yeah (I fucking hate this school)

37) College: Sixth form I guess, I dont get ur american shit tbh

38) Hair colour: Gonna dye it black soon but brown rn

39) Long/short hair: Short but might grow longer for emo tbh

40) Crush: Literally a new crush every day I might be asexual but everyone can just fuck me pls

41) Do you like about yourself: I’m learning to like my body I guess but still hate everything else lol

42) Piercings: Industrial, my nose between the nostrils I cant think of the name rn, and two lobes on the same ear

43) Blood type: Wtf

44) Nickname: Ollie I guess, or O-O for my cousins

45) Relationship status: single and wanting to die

46) Zodiac: Cancer, just like what my life is

47) Pronouns: Idc tbh call be cunt for all I care

48) Favourite show: DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STEVEN UNIVERSE IT IS MY CHILD AND MUST BE PROTECTED

49) Tattoos: Want but no :(

50) Left or right handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: Nearly had like 5 surgeries but dodges them all yay for body health

52) Piercings: First was the industrial, not at all painful

53) Best friend: My boi AARON CAN I HEAR A WHAT WHAT

54) Sport: Lol probs country dancing or some gay shit I did at primary because football was too straight for me

55) Vacation: Like my grandmas or something? We dont get out much

56) Pair of shoes: I still actually have my baby shoes tbh, well at least the right one, theyre so cute as well

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: Dinners ready soon idk what it is but im so hungry

58) Drinking: Water <3

59) I am about to: Games to avoid responsibility

60) Listening to: OMG I’m listening to Elvis isn’t dead ofc for like the 200th time today <3

61) Waiting for: Either death or a relationship, but we all know which will happen first (death)

62) Want to see: Alaska omg I love the geology and its so nice over there <3

63) Want to get married: If my significant other does idc either way the wedding vowes and speaches would be far too awks for me to handle

64) Career: I’d love to be a secondry school or college teacher and become poorer than I am now yay

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/kisses: WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION IF U HUG ME IM LITERALLY URS ID SUCK A DICK FOR A HUG RN JFC (I love hugs)

66) Lips/eyes: Probs lips, I never remember eye color and whatnot so its probs not that important for me

67) Taller/shorter: Taller ofc

68) Younger/older: If it was a dude older ofc, if it was a chick then defo younger

69) Romantic/spontaneous: Romantic all the way, I’d love a dude to lift me by my feet and kiss me... I watch too many romantic films tbh

70) Nice arms/nice stomach: There is not better quality for a man than a cute lil beer belly omg, but for chicks nice arms are cool

71) Sensitive/loud: Sensitive, bc loud can get a bit too annoying after a while

72) Hookup/relationship: I would hate to hookup with people bc sex is just so overated

73) Troublemaker/hesitant: Either tbh im not too bothered about this

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed a stranger: Lol nope stranger danger and whatnot

75) Drank hard liquor: Probably, I never remember what I drink

76) Lost glasses/contact lenses: I never buy new pairs, I loose them and are forced to buy another

77) Turned someone down: The one guy who had a crush on me I turned down because it was a lil too weird for me why am I like this literally the one person to ever like me

78) Canoodling on a first date: If by canoodling you mean reading the bible can I get an amen

79) Broken someone’s heart: I guess that one guy but who would want me enough to have their heart broken lmao

80) Had your own heart broken: Literally all the time omg why are straight guys so fucking hot :///////

81) Been arrested: nope im too pure

82) Cried when someone died: I dont rly think death is anything too be sad about tbh its something everyone experiences and shouldnt be something to hold you back, for all you know they might have wanted it or prefer it to living??? if ur into religion and all that

83) Fallen for a friend: Literally all the time, for an asexual im such a whore

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: Literally never

85) Miracles: If someone asks me out for the second time, then yeah sure

86) Santa Claus: I did until mother fucked that over for me :’(

87) Kisses on a first date: I’d need a date for there to be a kiss tbh

88) Angels: Nope

89) Love at first sight: Well thats me in a nutshell so yeah basically

OTHER

90) Best friend’s name: AARON (Anna (tee hee))

91) Eye colour: Like some green blue combo idk like I said Idc about eye colour

92) Favourite movie: honestly I hate this question, I love literally every movie I watch so how can I rank them? at least ask for a fave genre, that would make it easier

1 note · View note

tellywoodtrash · 7 years

Text

ishqbaaz lb: 2 - 6th january

i thought i’d be all caught up and back on schedule by now, but somehow i find myself behind by more than a week’s worth of episodes again. oh well.

maybe this week’s my week. in the mean time, here’s the second installation of liveblogs.

2nd january

preview: whut the whut???? is shivaay drunk again? is he dreaming this? is anika dreaming this? am *I* dreaming this???? 😯😯😯

lmao these three sisters are rudra's nightmare come alive; the bhaabi he never wanted, HIS FATHER'S MISTRESS, and the cult leader who kidnapped him. 😂😂😂

this bloody house and family is so fucking big, they should implement whatever technology uber implements in its cars, to keep track of what family member is where. 😒😒😒

rudra's denim shirt/trackpants outfit is pushing the limit on "athleisure" methinks. 😕😕😕

GOD DADI YOU AND YOUR SCREECHING. JUST... SHUSH.

they should really get someone else to dub for the dadi actress, coz her voice. lord above. 😬😬😬

oh no shivaay thinks anika's playing. 😟😟😟

dadi looks downright horrified at the thought. dadi, it's ok. it's how billu and biwi do foreplay. stay out of their sex life. 🙄🙄🙄

lololololol the fridge is about to start ringing. 😂😂😂

give it up tia. you're not gonna win. 🙄🙄🙄

FIGURE IT OUT FASTER YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. 😑😑😑

lmaooooo "bhaabi fridge main kaisi pohunchi???" 😂😂😂

there's a sentence no one ever plans to say in their life. ever. 😂😂😂

PLEASE NOTICE THE FACE OF THE FRIDGE MOVING DUDE. ZERO REACTION. ALL IN A DAY'S WORK FOR HIM. he must move a lot of rich ppl's fridges with bahus in them. 😐😐😐

i was like "ok she's cold but not THAT cold that you need a bonfire in MUMBAI" before i realised tht this was a prinku scene. 😶😶😶

ok, acp is like... RIGHT UP in their damn group now, and no one's like "who's this weird, fully grown man who's appeared out of nowhere and staring intently at one of our friends? 🤔🤔🤔"

what the hell does he even want??? 😒😒😒

yes priyanka, leave the group and isolate yourself, while you're being stalked. that's the smart thing to do right now. for fucks sake, this chick has the survival instincts of a fucking dodo. 😒😒😒

oh great. three MORE rapey boys. just what the show needed. MORE RAPEY BOYS. 😤😤😤

(lemme save you all the trouble of wondering how this is gonna go - acp is gonna save her, she's gonna be indebted, he's gonna be all conflicted coz omg why did i save her i hate her and they'll angstily marry each other and be the most boring-ass couple ever. 🙄🙄🙄)

i need to know what makeup primer/fixing spray anika uses that's waterproof, crying proof, torture (by shivaay + daksh) proof, freeze proof... like... what sorcery is this????? 😯😯😯

ok rudra, if you think of her as your wife, why don't you just ACCEPT it, and TELL HER? why is this plot still where it was 2 months ago????? 😑😑😑

i want sAumya's jammies. they look comfy af. 😊😊😊

oh look. husband was here all along! 😚😚😚

aaaaand he's yelling. ouff. give a girl a second to wake up properly! 😒😒😒

ok relax my man, you're in mumbai, not the north pole, that a hand outside the blanket will make her get the chills. 🙄🙄🙄

aw, he's "snug as a bug in a rug"d her! 😚😚😚

"akduuuu!" 😂😂😂

honestly boys, you can find better porn on the net, you don't have to get your jollies from watching priyanka change into a nightgown ffs. 🙄🙄🙄

romi's outfit is cute af! i want! 😊😊😊

i don't like this new YELLYYYYY svetlana. 😑😑😑

wow ok yeah that plan sounds CLEAR AF, thanks svetlana, for being so precise and detailed. 🙄🙄🙄

A+ eyeliner though. if only you lent that laser focus on explaining the plan. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

oh this... credo, and hand gesture thing is... here to stay? not a one time thing from that reveal scene? 😬😬😬

it's reminding me of a hateful version of the thing the planeteers do to summon captain planet. 😂😂😂

BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAINNNNNN NAFRAT!!!! 😋😋😋

acp is shocked to learn that someone else is moving in on his "make priyanka feel violated with rapey harkatein" niche. THAT'S HIS CURB, DAMMIT, AND HE'LL BE DAMNED IF ANYONE TAKES IT FROM HIM!!!!!!! 😡😡😡

just once in my life, i want someone to be as excited about me as rudra is about anika. 😪😪😪

"aap fridge mein kyun chupi thi? aap waisi hi itni cool ho!" 😂😂😂

dadi: don't do anything that can get you killed, lololol!

seriously, dadi??? is that how you warn someone??? is the actress playing her wrong, or is she being written weird? either way, i can't fucking stand this character since shivaay and anika got married. 😒😒😒

@ ruMya: can you two just bang and get over it? 🙄🙄🙄

"hum risk sirf tabhi lete hai jab humein yakeen hai humaara prince charming humein bachaane aayega."

the day i risk anything in hope of a MAN coming and saving me is the day i die. of disappointment. 😑😑😑

headline of tomorrow's oberoi times: 30+ year old man gets his kicks from eavesdropping on youth and their discourse on romance; forces wife to participate in chichori harkat as a means to feel her up under the stairs.

why's he hugging her to his chesttttt? like cute af and all, but... lol, why? 😂😂😂

aw rudraaaaaa. 💗💗💗

aaaaaaand, there. you had to ruin it. asshole. 😒😒😒

waah, seediyon ke upar bhi romance, neeche bhi romance. 😏😏😏

where's my boy ommmmmmmmm? why isn't HE feeling up a PYT somewhere in the vicinity of this staircase???????? god knows if anyone deserves it the most, it's him! 😐😐😐

play a romantic song from this decade maybe???? 🤔🤔🤔

ok shivaay, she's your wife. you can seduce her in your room, ya'know. 😶😶😶

ok fine, i won't be such a unromantic grouch. carry on. continue fondling your wife under the staircase, like a horny high school kid. 😌😌😌

what do you mean "roka kisne hai?" YOU WERE ON HER LIKE WHITE ON RICE BRUH. pfffffffft. 🙄🙄🙄

the bad dubbing is ruining this scene for meeeeeeee. i'll have to watch it again on mute to get my kicks. 😫😫😫

wow. so this is what it's like when shivaay is romantic. nice. why couldn't you have just persuaded her to marry you her like this?????? 😐😐😐

shivaay, back in his room, googling "help i think i love my wife" and "how to make my wife love me". 😂😂😂

tia's hereeee, looking extremely becoming.😚😚😚

LMAO that HUGE step back he took when she mentioned the baby. 😂😂😂

oh i think tia's in that phase of her pregnancy when women get super horny. 😶😶😶

lol, i've never heard of the word "rest" as a euphemism for an orgasm, but this show has been so ~~~pathbreaking in so many ways so sure, why not? 😕😕😕

*while being seduced* "... i need to finish my emails!" 😂😂😂

lmao what an ISHQBAAZ. truly amazing. dadi, come take a look! 😂😂😂

anika strolling into that room like, BITCH STEP THE FUCK BACK, THIS WORKAHOLIC ROBOT IS MINE!!!!!! 🙃🙃🙃

3rd january

preview: I KNEW THE NEW HUNKY SERVANT WOULD BE SHADY! I KNEWWWWWWWWW IT! 😬😬😬

tiaaaaa was notttttt expecting anika to be so ferocious after being frozen like an bag of peas. 😂😂😂

shivaay's deep resigned sigh + "tia, you brought this on yourself" face lololol 😂😂😂

"nakhre noor jahan ke" hee hee 😂😂😂

"kasam shivaay BABY ki" LMAO 😂😂😂

shivaay's enjoying this smackdown too much lol, he's intervening soooooo reluctantly. 😋😋😋

"ACHAAR KE DAAG KI TARAH DHEET" omfg appropriating this for daily use irl 😂😂😂

might as well hang a sign around shivaay's neck saying "property of anika" 🙃🙃🙃

for that matter, tia's too, coz anika just OWNED HER ASS 😎😎😎

damnnnnnnnnnnnn anika, is this what being cold does to you??? i just get very angry and miserable and eat a lot of carbs. 😐😐😐

lololol the instant disappearance of her giggles. 😋😋😋

patidev is taking full faida of display of haq. 😚😚😚

MAIN ROZ BRUSH KARTI HOON HAHAHAHA 😂😂😂😂😂😂

shivaay's not interested in your dental routine right now anika, he has lurrrrrrrve on his mind! 😚😚😚

(that look he gives her teeth tho, lol) 😂😂😂

it's weird that he's being SO romantic all outta nowhere. with a woman he served divorce papers to THIS MORNING.

(yes, this is the same day. god. i'm exhausted just thinking how long their damn days are. 😫😫😫)

bruh, parde toh bandh kiye hote. the whole house is getting an eyeful of your seduction game. 🙈🙈🙈

which is suddenly A+ btw. looks like googling "how to make my wife love me" gave him some fucking amazing results. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

such cute how they can't control their silly smiles and giggles at each other. adorable idiots. 💗💗💗

lol she literally jumped out the window to get away. 😂😂😂😂😂

relatable af. i woulda done the same. 😶😶😶

yes shivaay, what's happening to you? your constant smiling and being all romantic and shit is freaking meeeeeeee out. 😬😬😬

ouff, from that cuteness to this rapey nonsense. 😒😒😒

LOL ACP'S PUNCH. 😂😂😂

acp toh shivaay ka bhai nikla in phone tod department. 😐😐😐

where the fuck is everyone, did they just leave prinku alone? 😒😒😒

why doesn't the third dude deserve a name? 🤔🤔🤔

TUJHE CHAHTE HAI JAANEMAAANNN. abhishek and sumit have been watching too many b-grade 80's bolly movies. next they'll reply "bhagwan ke liye tujhe chod denge toh hum kya karengee?" 🙄🙄🙄

GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. honestly, i am so fucking done with this acp and prinku track. i could honestly not give less of a fuck about them. 😑😑😑

yes acp, keep watching as they tear her dori and violate her. best. 😒😒😒

anika, pay attn to hunky servant. he just gave you a clueeeeee. 😐😐😐

anika, you need to get a job. 😗😗😗

pft. acp ki herobaazi. mujhe nahi dekhni. fwd. 😒😒😒

can shivaay enroll prinku in some damn self defense classes ffs???? while he's at it, some personality development classes as well. 🙄🙄🙄

lmaoooooooooo TUM MERE HO. 😂😂😂

what the hell is with this show and songssss from the fucking 90s. can they not afford copyrights to anything newer??

such dramatic dupatta odh-ing was unnecessary. hand it over like a normal dude, bro. 🙄🙄🙄

prinku's feeling the angsty lau feelings right on schedule. 😒😒😒

since when is there this giantasss plate glass window in shivaay's room? 🤔🤔🤔

snort. hunky servant's evil smile. lololol. 😂😂😂

lol what the hell is he doing with the pointer toy i use to irritate my cat? 🤔🤔🤔

what in the world is shivaay wearing? 😟😟😟

lmaooooooooo. the cat toy is being used to melt whatever's holding the glass. 😂😂😂

yeah honestly anika, why do you ask? 😐😐😐

tia speaks the truth. get a job, anika. a hobby maybe. 🙄🙄🙄

like, i love anika and all, but god, i love tia so much more. she's a cold hard bitch who gets hers. 💗💗💗💗💗

or tries very hard, at least.

by this time, you could have run back home to save him by now. 🙄🙄🙄

looking at the angle the glass was falling, he was out of the danger zone. but yeah, the flying shards... oh well. 😐😐😐

TELL ME WE GET SOME AWESOME HURT/COMFORT SHIT OUTTA THIS, WITH ANIKA NURSING HIM BACK TO HEALTH. *smoochy noises* 😚😚😚

4th january

preview: idc what these ppl are yelling about all i care about is that OM IS BACK OM IS BACK OH HAPPY DAY OM IS BACK I FEEL LIKE I HAVE REASON TO LIVE AGAIN MY LONG HAIRED ARTIST BOY IS BACK!!!!! 😇😇😇

ouff, move slower shivaay. 😒😒😒

UM HOW THE FUCK DID THE GLASS JUST SHATTER SPONTANEOUSLY??? WHAT NONSENSE. 😒😒😒

GIRL, HONESTLY IN THIS TIME YOU COULD HAVE RUN THERE. 🙄🙄🙄

pft. he's fiiiiiine. just has some glass in his hair. nothing that tadi waala hair gesture of his won't fix. 😎😎😎

what's om screaming about? boy stand still and smile so i can drink you innnnnnn. 😐😐😐

what logic. there's just one paraaya, compared to allllll these apne. 🙄🙄🙄

tej, again, he's a self made billionaire. he doesn't need your money. 😑😑😑

ouff. men and their egos. 🙄🙄🙄

shivaay's been shook out of his near death experience stupor thanks to all the yelling. ouff, this fucking family. can't you let a man ponder his mortality in peace????? 😒😒😒

rudra, maybe have less selfish reasons... like, something more compelling than a fucking SANDWICH????? 😒😒😒

anika's brain be like OH BETE KIIIIIIIIII 😂😂😂

this should be a rasm for the new bahu too, witnessing the first bullshit fight that occurs in this family on a near-daily basis. 🙄🙄🙄

for once, shivaay's angry grabbing is justified and not icky. 😶😶😶

god stop being such an angsty emo bunny, om. such a drama queen you are. 🙄🙄🙄

ouff this damn new servant. 😑😑😑

yeah we got that, om. give us the REAL REASON. 😒😒😒

ooooh i think tej's trying to marry om off to some richhhhh heiress??? 🤔🤔🤔

CALLED IT!!!!!!

why's pinky making that self righteous face? it's what she was doing to shivaay too. 😶😶😶

arre bas itni si problem? nothing a little google-fu and facebook and instagram stalking can't solve! such baat ka batangad. 🙄🙄🙄

i mean, i gotta agree with tej here, arranged marriage really isn't a revolutionary concept. why's om getting so hyper like a damn white kid who's never heard of the concept? 😐😐😐

um, that's so not the reason to have kids????? 😒😒😒

he wants lurrrrrrrrrrve, tej. he wants LURVE. 😗😗😗

god this fucking murdery servant dude is getting even more footage than OM and it's pissing me offfffff. 😒😒😒

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, i mean if this argument came from anyone other than shivaay. 😂😂😂

to play devil's advocate though, he was in a relationship with tia and THINKS he knows her though. 😕😕😕

lol tej has the same idea as me. 😙😙😙

LMAO OM'S BRAIN LITERALLY SHORTCIRCUITING BEHIND TEJ, I AM LOVING IT LEMME REWIND 😂😂😂

lololololol even better the second time. 😂😂😂

bro, someone explain the structure of the oberoi businesses to me. please. i don't get it. what does shivaay do, what does tej do, how does any of this shit even work????? 😕😕😕

they're really modelled on the ambanis, i guess. 😗😗😗

tej, maybe don't disclose your petty so openly? 😬😬😬

ouff, dadi, why do you even bother? just go back to tirupati or whatever. take om with you. live in peace. 🙄🙄🙄

yeah shakti. just shut up. let a mom defend her son. 😑😑😑

what's wrong with this fucking servant, he's just going around the house tampering with everything shivaay touches. 😦😦😦

ouffffffff, jungle waala chutiyapa abhi tak khatam nahi hua. 😒😒😒

lol that weird scream. 😂😂😂

god, that's one determined rapist, going to attack prinku IN THE MIDDLE of getting his ass kicked. finish him offffff, acp. 😑😑😑

um acp??? large knife being aimed at ya girl... 😕😕😕

of course... of course acp is the one who gets slashed. 🙄🙄🙄

i wanted a shivika hurt/comfort scene. ouff, looks like i'll have to settle for this off brand nonsense instead. 😒😒😒

no? prinku's just letting him walk away? cool. 😗😗😗

ouff tej, you're like a dog with a bone, om don't currrr about your damn business. 😑😑😑

god how many times will we have to watch the same fucking argument between om and tej. i'm so bored. 🙄🙄🙄

ok tej, just stfu. THEY WERE JUST STARTING TO GET ALONG AND BE ALL CUTE AND FLIRTY AND SHIT. WHY YOU GOTTA RUIN ITTTTT????? 😑😑😑

ouff pinkyyyyyyy, shushhhhhhh.

this episode is so fucking boringgggggggggggg. ouff. 😑😑😑

oh no is svetlana back in tej's life now?????? OH NO. 😬😬😬

thank god at least one sister in the kapoor fam has a strong seduction game. watch and learn from di, tia + romi. 😎😎😎

who is svetlanaaaaa gunning for om to marry????? 😐😐😐

OHNOEOHNOEOHNOE 😯😯😯

i have this teeny tiny feeling that maybe om may end up marrying the chaddha girl, through some tej + svetlana dhokebaazi, and he's gonna hate her, but she's gonna turn out to be super nice and shit and worm her way into om's heart. #tellywoodtrashKiBhavishwyawaani 😇😇😇

dadi about to keel over from a heart attack. 😐😐😐

i feel zero sympathy tbh, coz dadi kinda deserves a tiny heart attack from the way she handled the shivaay/anika thing. 😒😒😒

the oberoi kid deserving bachpan-waala slapping is behind you, tej. he's less slap-worthy these days but give it a week or two, he's going to do something to deserve it. 😕😕😕

anika be like lord almighty i miss my bua. she was easier to handle than these ppl. 😮😮😮

calling it already, jhanvi is #bestMom2k17 👸🏽👸🏽👸🏽

good riddance. bye tejjjj.👋🏽👋🏽👋🏽

precap: shit, i thought my "bye tej" straight off dispatched him into the afterlife. 😬😬😬 nope. just some rando chick. om's girl? 🤔🤔🤔

oooh, shivaay making anika some mighty big promises. 😚😚😚

5th january

lol @ tej's hissy fit. 😆😆😆

this servant seems to have a damn phd in killing ppl. 😐😐😐

LMAO, pinky is meeeeeee. 5ever interested in the drama, but super side eye-y of it. lolololol. 😂😂😂

anika, honestly, i mean, i get your urgency, but is this the time? 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

gaaadi hai, underwear nahi, that two people can't use one anothers'. just give him the damn keys, driver. 🙄🙄🙄

oh the plan was to kill tej all along? i have no issues with that. carry on, kapoor sisters. 🙃🙃🙃

GOOD LORD. RAPEY DUDES ARE ALSO KAPOOR SHILLS. WHAT NONSENSE. OUFF. 😒😒😒

also how the f did they send the mms to romi when acp smashed the phone last night???? 😑😑😑

anika, girl. you soundin' cray. 😶😶😶

lol the scenery chewing that this servant actor is doing. amaze. 😆😆😆

i want jhanvi's earrings. 😊😊😊

svetlana's super nonchalant "what?" at tej's impending death, i love it.

i've changed my mind, i think i love svetlana. i'm modeling my 2017 personality after her. 😍😍😍

tia, stop being such a weak bitch. 😐😐😐

OH NO JUST WHEN I GOT ON #TEAMSVETLANA, she's about to go do some suicidal stunt?!?!!! GODDAMNIT, WHY???? 😩😩😩

tej should have read @phati-sari‘s post on how to deal with failed brakes. 😊😊😊

yeah no one who takes an airbag to the face emerges looking completely fine like that. that shit deploys at like 300 kmph. 😒😒😒

oh shit u ok svetlana???? 😯😯😯

guessing this is svetlana's plan to make her way into the oberoi mansion. please don't let this end up with her marrying om tho. that's just super yucky. 😬😬😬

anika, you need to learn to communicate better. no one would believe what you're saying, the way you're saying it. 🙄🙄🙄

lol “dimaag ki dahi” what an un-shivaay like phrase. 😂😂😂

@ruMya: could you two kids just kiss alreadyyyy? 😐😐😐

ugh acp ka ott filmy dialogue. hope those big words are antiseptic and save you from catching some kinda nasty-ass infection. 🙄🙄🙄

“bohut khoon” my foot. 🙄🙄🙄

"main bura hoon, par gira hua nahi."

LMAO WHAT NONSENSE, HOW IS YOU FORCING HER TO MARRY HER IN ORDER TO TORTURE HER ANY BETTER THAN MAKING THE MMS? IF ANYTHING, IT'S WORSE. 😒😒😒

can you two get off my screen already????? 😑😑😑

thank you.

CAN YOU TWO IDIOTS STOP FIGHTING ABOUT THIS OUT IN THE OPEN LIKE THIS???????????? 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽

oh boy, om's gonna fuckin' loseeeeee it. 😬😬😬

lol his crossed arms + "both of you shoulda died" expression. 😋😋😋

god tia, TOUGHEN UP. nafratbaaz my ass. 🙄🙄🙄

svetlana doesn't even look thaaat injured tho? like she's just got a few scrapes... 🤔🤔🤔

BREATHE, SVETLANA, I JUST STARTED LIKING YOU!!!! 😩😩😩

why is no one (anika even) noticing tia losing her shit while seeing svetlana like this? 😐😐😐

LMAO TRUST THE OBEROIS TO KEEP THEIR FIRST AID KIT IN AN ORNATE GOLDEN FILGREE EMBOSSED WOODEN BOX. 😂😂😂

loving jhanvi, pinky and om's #idgaf expressions. 🙃🙃🙃

fwding to when svetlana finally wakes the f up, coz we all know she's gonna. 🙄🙄🙄

om asking all the real questions. 🙃🙃🙃

ok that answer doesn't make sense, tej. 🙄🙄🙄

nothing gets me more heart eyed than when om calls ppl out on their shit. 😍😍😍

what “jaan par khel kar”???? she just happened to be in the way with her car, there were zero allusions that she did it intentionally. 🙄🙄🙄

finally, tej lending some credence to anika's story. 😶😶😶

pft, i only watched today's episode for the shivika scene i was promised in yesterday's precap, and instead i had to watch a whole episode of them bickering and have to wait until the next ep. 😒😒😒

6th january

preview: yay, team's all here and on a mission!!!!!! 😊😊😊

lmao the knife still in the tyre. looks like murder servant isn't that smart after all. 😆😆😆

lmaoooooo no pointtttt calling security, come on shivaay. 🙄🙄🙄

sup khanna? new year, new facial hair! 😏😏😏

lol you know khanna is here only to make fanmixes on his otp. i bet he has a thriving youtube channel filled with footage of you two. 😆😆😆

why's he calling tej when he's just indoors???? 🤔🤔🤔

says the person who whatsapps her mom from the next room about how the cat is chewing on my leg. 😶😶😶

um shivaay, please to notice that your wife is currently having a breakdown? 😶😶😶

this moment is coming across as super fake on anika's part. the whole stumbling around and talking to self thing. 🙄🙄🙄

“aap BHI mujhe chod ke chale gaye toh?” awww. baby. *pats her hair*

god shivaay, why is YELLING your go-to for everything? you didn't even try to reason with her normally, before going to yelling. 😒😒😒

bad writing/shitty editing or shitty acting on nakuul's part? 🤔🤔🤔

"main kahin nahi jaunga. na main khud jaunga, na tumhe jaane dunga."

aw. but also, kinda creepy and dakshy-sounding. depends on what mood you're in while watching. 😕😕😕

HUG!!!!! 🤗🤗🤗

oh come on, you could have totally hugggggggged. why's shivaay having sudden commitment-phobia??? 🙄🙄🙄

lol jhanvi, why so obtuse? how can someone so smart, be so fucking stupid? 😑😑😑

LMAO PINKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I FUCKING LOVE YOU 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

never let it be said that true love doesn't exist in this show. 👭🏽👭🏽👭🏽 offering to murder your sister-friend's husband's mistress is the GREATEST ACT OF LOVE that has ever been displayed in the 170-odd episodes. 💗💗💗 #female relationships mean everything to me

pinky's disappointment at jhanvi not taking her up on the offer = the best. 😂😂😂

"naagin ko full fats creams ka milks pilaao" amazing. 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

also, subtle meta reference at svetlana actress's gig on a naagin show? 🤔🤔🤔

does anika even know the whole deal with svetlana? how????? 🤔🤔🤔

kanji aankhein be shocked at...?

oh. murder servant's game is up. bye boo. it was fun watching ya overact the fuck out of everything for 3 days. 😙😙😙

rudra's brief for this episode: make an exit within 30 seconds of scene and take sumo with him. 😑😑😑

170 episodes too late, but yes, please change the security staff. 🙄🙄🙄

oh god, time for anika to maarofy heavy sanskaari statement about patni protecting pati from blah blah blah. 😑😑😑

my expression, exact same as tia's. 😒😒😒

oh boy, anika's leading tia into a phone throwing type moment. the wily minx. 😬😬😬

ooh, is this the first time tia didn't call shivaay SHIVAAY BABY? 🤔🤔🤔

lol shivaay, not much of a date if she goes alone. 😐😐😐

oh boy shivaay, don't piss tia off. she's gonna ramp up the attempts to murder you. 😬😬😬

i thought she was gonna snap his neck right there and then. 😂😂😂

lololol anika's face. 😂😂😂

methinks the shivaay doth protests too much. 😚😚😚

snorttttttt, idk if she's enjoying this or not, but I CERTAINLY AM ENJOYING THIS. 😂😂😂

nakhra is not a very hard word. neither is noor jahan. are you just stupid, shivaay? 😕😕😕

this is a silly, quite badly written scene, but they're so cute when they're unable to stop grinning around each other. 😘😘😘

tho shivaay is unusally happy for someone who almost got murdered twice today. 😕😕😕

time for oberoi mystery inc. to convene and discuss. 😎😎😎

in the most open, obvious fucking location in the house. amazing. not a single bright crayon in this box. 😒😒😒

^^^^ ACTUAL PICTURE OF THE OBEROI BOX OF CRAYONS. 🙄🙄🙄

when will my om get a girl to walk with, who loves him the way he deserves to be loved? 😞😞😞

"laser". pfffffffft. IT WAS A CAT TOYYYYY COME ON. 🙄🙄🙄

where did all the furniture in this room go? 🤔🤔🤔

lmao AJAY VERMA. might as well be named john smith. 🙄🙄🙄

also, of course he didn't come from the agency you fucking idiots. 😑😑😑

DRAMATIC TADI WAALA POSTURING! 😎😎😎

i'd be downright disappointed with tia if she wasn't eavesdropping rn.

NOOOOOOOOO DON'T LEAVE! LISTEN TO THEM PLANNING WHATEVERRRRRR! FFS TIA, ARE YOU INCAPABLE OF DOING THIS WITHOUT SVETLANA HISSING AT YOU AT ALL TIMES???? 😩😩😩

may i remind you all that they were making out like svetlana was almost in a fucking coma. still, not a single person watching over her to find that tia is visiting her and calling her "di". 🙄🙄🙄

lol svetlana's giant hair eclipsing her head bandage tho. 😂😂😂

i'm bored with this scene so here are the oberois as mystery inc. team members:

anika = velma 🤓🤓🤓 (because orange. and she's ultimately gonna be the one who solves everything.)

shivaay = fred 👦🏽👦🏽👦🏽 (requisite cis male eye candy; mileage may vary depending by case.)

sAumya = daphne 👧🏽👧🏽👧🏽 (occasionally does shit, but mostly here to fulfill the cute quota.)

om = shaggy 🙇🏽🙇🏽🙇🏽 (coz i'm sure 87% of his chill personality comes from the fact that he's 420 blazin' it up in that studio of his.)

rudra = scooby 🐶🐶🐶 (self explanatory.)

I WANT TO BURN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE UGLY FUCKING VESTS THEY PUT ON THIS MAN!!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡

ooooooooh anika sleeps in the room now! progress! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

"anika? hi? good morning? 😶😶😶" lol. awwww. 😊😊😊

goddamnit shivaay, why the fuck are you always yelling??? honestly, that too so early in the morning. 😒😒😒

"you sleep like a log." "kaun log?"

snort. 😂😂😂

"dhang ke kapde"? you rather liked this outfit the last time she wore it. couldn't stop feeling her up every two minutes. 😏😏😏

"breakfast banane jaa raha hoon, TUMHARE LIYE."

NOW i'd say my man’s on track to redemption. 😚😚😚

what can i say, i'm a hungry bitch. feed me and i'll be yours forever. i'm very much like a raccoon that way. 😇😇😇

OOOOOOOOH A GIFT. 💖💖💖💖

wait, should i be worried? 😟😟😟

coz y'know, the last time he handed her a gift wrapped box, it had divorce papers. 😕😕😕

OOOH AN IPHONE. ANIKA FINALLY JOINS THE IPHONE FAM.

inaugarate it by dirty facetiming each other. 😏😏😏

sahil is a 7 year old. AT BOARDING SCHOOL. he doesn't need a fucking phone. 🙄🙄🙄

ooooooooh. "pyaar se." girl, watch what you're asking for. you couldn't really handle his pyaar a day back. you jumped out the window coz it was too much. 😋😋😋

goddamnit, this smooth motherf... where's he suddenly getting these moves from???? 😯😯😯

ok it's an iphone. not that there's a lot of variety to CHOOSE from. calm down, shivaay. 😑😑😑

his smiley romantic mood makes me both awwwww, and also be a little freaked out. 😬😬😬

mostly freaked out. i'm really not used to it. i'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 😕😕😕

"toh yeh pyaar se tha, ya dobara koshish karoon?"

holy shit. i... uh... 🤐🤐🤐😯😯😯

*loses my damn mind for a second*

ok i’m back... BUT WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE SHIVAAY WE KNOW AND LOATHE????? 😮😮😮

GODDAMN HIS SEDUCTION GAME... JUST... NO WORDS. 😶😶😶

i nearly jumped out my damn skin just like anika when he came back.

"phir se blush kar rahi ho."

GET OUTTA HERE, ANIKA AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THESE FEELZ. JUST GO MAKE THE FOOD. GO. SHOO. 😩😩😩

"yeh blush kya cheez hai???? main kar bhi rahi hoon aur mujhe pata hi nahi hai!" haha awwww 😂😂😂

sAumya looks cuddly af man. i wanttttt a hug from herrrrrr! 🤗🤗🤗

why is she not dancing in her own room tho? 🤔🤔🤔

the fuck is this???? 😒😒😒

ohhhhhhhh, it’s an ad for some shit. fwding. 🙄🙄🙄

also, why is it suddenly night if shivaay just woke anika up? 🤔🤔🤔

bloody hell, what a waste of screen time, this is an extra minute i could have spent staring at om's face. #respectOmkara2k17 😩😩😩😩

#ishqbaaz #ishqbaaaz #ib episode liveblogs #episode liveblogs

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