#why? hm. perhaps he doesn’t really envision him as a god. perhaps he prefers to see him as something more personal

[anghraine]

“waking up in a minefield” - fic (3/4)

The thing I’ve been whining about! Well, more of it.

fandom: Star Wars

characters: Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor, Leia Organa; Jyn/Cassian

verse: script AU (follows from threshold of a dream and part of the past, but now you’re the future, and overlaps with in tongues and quiet sighs)

length: 4.5k my god why hast thou forsaken me

stuff that happens: picking up from part 2, Jyn, Cassian, and Leia finish catching each other up, while Jyn struggles with her ambivalent feelings about Leia and accidentally drops a bombshell on Cassian.

Out of exhaustion or shock, Cassian stared at Princess Leia. “Dissolved the Senate? Then who …”

“Regional governors,” said the princess. “Not that it matters, really. I already broke cover above Scarif.”

“You were at Scarif?” he demanded.

Princess Leia lifted her chin. Heading her off, Jyn said,

“She’s the one who received the plans, Cassian.”

He just blinked, as if unable to process it. Maybe he knew something about Leia that Jyn didn’t. Not that Jyn knew anything about her at all, except her identity, and her role as courier, and … the other.

Slowly, he replied, “I don’t understand.” Turning a new frown—puzzled rather than indignant—on the princess, he shifted slightly nearer to Jyn. She couldn’t see why, considering the confinement of the bed and her own bruising grip on his wrist. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“I already had an errand on Tatooine,” Princess Leia said, not even pretending to patience. “We couldn’t chance our odds with the battle even before the Death Star showed up, so—”

“You didn’t know that I was alive,” interrupted Cassian. “You didn’t know about Jyn. You can’t have been here long. You’re—”

Okay, that was faster than she’d expected. Now he held himself as stiffly as Jyn, eyes narrowed at the princess. Jyn didn’t have his information, the familiarity that would let her catch some significant change from the usual. But she was a good judge, regardless.

“Why are you here?” Jyn asked. She’d blurted it out, but now that she mentioned it, she did wonder. It took no effort at all to look as if she found it suspicious. “Did the Council send you?”

Leia seemed about to say something, but paused. “More or less.”

Definitely hiding something, Jyn thought. Cassian gave no hint either way; sitting in a hospital gown, upright for the first time in days, fingers curled towards Jyn’s hand on him, he managed to exude professional neutrality.

She loosened her grip just enough to rest her fingertips over his pulse. Not quick and thready, like at first, nor the sluggish beat she’d felt when they drugged him. His blood thudded a steady, even rhythm through his veins, just as the droids had assured her it would. But Jyn trusted the things she wanted to believe even less than the ones she didn’t. This, she could feel with her own senses, the thrum of life under her fingers.

Mine, she thought involuntarily. No, she didn’t mean it. Did she? She’d saved that life, first on Jedha, and then when she all but single-handedly carted him out of the Citadel. Of course, he’d saved hers too, and probably more times. If either might have incurred any debt, it had to be cancelled out by now. He owed her nothing but respect and some amount of loyalty, but—it was just—

“Well, whatever they want, it’s going to have to wait,” Jyn said. “He’s still recovering.”

Cassian tensed. “If the Rebellion needs me—”

“It doesn’t,” said the princess, with unconcealed exasperation. Not much of a spy, was she? “Not today, at any rate. Can you walk?”

Jyn’s discomfort thawed, slightly. “We don’t know yet. He just came out of bacta, and his fourth surgery before that.”

“Surgery?” Leia regarded Cassian with a mix of respect and displeasure. “More than one? Then you’ll definitely need recovery time. I thought it was like—” Her face tightened. “You won’t be doing anything for awhile, Andor. You’d better get used to the idea.”

He scowled. “Your Highness, you know that’s not a possibility.”

“What, do you think you’re irreplaceable?” demanded Leia. “The only injured soldier here? Don’t be ridiculous. We’ll treat you like anyone else.”

Torn between relief and annoyance, Jyn said, “See? I’m right.”

“Anyway, you’ll be given what work you can manage,” Leia told him. “The same as anyone else. I’m sure Draven will find something that suits your … uh. Talents.”

Jyn didn’t really see how useful spying could be in the heart of the Rebellion. To go by his face, neither did Cassian.

“Yes, there are so many people to recruit here,” he said.

“Not into the Rebellion,” said Leia. “But into Intelligence? Sure. Derlin’s wife, say.”

His expression instantly went from disdainful skepticism to alarm. “Major Derlin has a wife? Since when?”

“Yesterday,” she said smugly. “I only heard about it on the way here. Apparently, he eloped with Maru Issa out of Central. That is, moved to shared quarters on the other side of the base.”

Cassian, usually so contained, looked completely baffled. “Derlin?” He paused. “And Issa? Isn’t she …”

“Maybe twenty-five,” the princess confirmed. “Force knows what she sees in him. Except the moustache, I guess.”

Jyn, not understanding above a quarter of this if that, frowned. She certainly would never have envisioned Cassian and the princess of Alderaan gossiping about a superior officer. Maybe all the spies were like that, but it was … difficult to imagine, even with it happening in front of her.

“Moustaches aren’t exactly rare,” she pointed out, with a meaningful glance at Cassian. After one surprised look, he bit his lip, and Jyn shifted her eyes.

Leia snorted. “Believe me, Derlin’s is exceptionally rare. He isn’t that bad, himself—”

“He’s a tyrant,” said Cassian coldly.

“I can’t believe you’re holding a grudge over something that happened before you could shave.” Leia shook her head. “Let it go. Well, they must have hidden the relationship very well. Doesn’t seem like Draven knew. He’s already plotting how to poach Issa, so I’m sure you can make yourself useful.”

“Hm,” he said.

To Jyn, that approach seemed as bizarre as it was trivial. Saw always split up couples. Even if a relationship lasted longer than most of them did, the intensity couldn’t begin to compensate for distraction and jumbled priorities.

Cassian looked up at her and winced. “Ah, sorry, I didn’t—we try to keep spouses together.”

“In the Rebellion?” Jyn said. “That’s a bad idea.”

“Obviously, for military operations,” replied Leia, with the edge of impatience that Jyn was already finding familiar. “This is Intelligence.”

Brows raised, Jyn didn’t bother responding to an answer so blatantly inadequate. It was Cassian, instead, who filled the gap.

“Lone operatives are vulnerable, and some objectives require partnerships,” he said in his low, level voice. She vastly preferred it to Leia’s harsh one. “Those are safer if the partners trust each other, feel comfortable, know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. And the leadership’s view is that keeping spouses together can strengthen their … investment in success.”

“Investment,” repeated Jyn.

Leia gave a short laugh. “An agent who loses their nerve is much more likely to find it again with a”—she slanted a glance at Cassian—“companion at stake. So I hear.”

Jyn didn’t know whether the princess meant that she’d never had a lover or never lost her nerve. Either seemed entirely possible.

“Huh,” she said, remembering Draven’s open hostility when she admitted to her hesitation in the vault.

Interesting.

After five minutes of dull nothings, Leia had yet to explain her presence. Was it about Alderaan? She hadn’t appeared to recognize or expect Jyn, but that didn’t have to mean anything, with a spy. Still, she seemed very much more focused on Cassian, and she hadn’t outright denied that Command sent her here, even if she didn’t bring immediate trouble with her.

“I’m a patient, not a visitor,” Leia said abruptly, as if reading her mind, though her attention stayed on Cassian. “You can stop trying to figure out some secret purpose, Andor. Draven insisted on an examination and I’m waiting on the droids, that’s all.”

Jyn felt slightly more suspicious. “Glad we could help you pass the time. Right, Cassian?”

“Right.” He met her glance with a slight upwards twitch of his brow, cooperation flowing as easily and naturally as it had on Scarif. “Did you tell the droids to meet you in my room, or …?”

The princess rolled her eyes. “They won’t have trouble finding me. I was curious about seeing a dead man and a strange woman in the next room.”

“Thanks?” said Jyn.

“How did you two make it out, anyway?” Leia folded her arms, her back steel-straight. “Never mind that, how did you make it through?”

She didn’t look particularly interested. Intrigued, perhaps—somewhat. Mostly just talking for the sake of talking. Jyn didn’t go in for that, as a rule. But it took no great leap of imagination to guess why Leia Organa might want a distraction.

Beside Jyn, Cassian shifted. He didn’t know, she didn’t want him to know yet, but Jyn felt certain he meant to respond with the same terse summary she herself would have offered in other circumstances. If she would have offered anything at all. Now, though … Jyn could give the princess of Alderaan her moment’s diversion.

“I’m sure I’ll be briefed eventually,” Leia added. “Unless it’s classified?”

“I don’t think so,” said Jyn. She looked quizzically at Cassian, and he shook his head. “Well, we had disguises to get into the facility. Cassian passed as an Imperial officer, and I was a technician, and of course K-2SO …”

She swallowed, Cassian’s arm tightening beneath her fingers. Jyn didn’t see anything in his face, nor expect to, but his nails dug into his palm. When he forced the hand straight, the curved impressions lingered in his skin.

“Kaytoo was Kaytoo,” she finished.

Even here, packed into the tiny room with Cassian, awkward and uncomfortable around the princess, she could hear his screams as Kay died. Like her own, when her father—Papa—Papa, who’d—it wasn’t his fault. He was a prisoner. There’d be no hope at all if he hadn’t seized the chance for sabotage. Just Jedha and Scarif and Alderaan, over and over and over.

Had Princess Leia screamed?

Jyn shoved the thought out of her mind, and felt a moment’s unexpected gratitude that she’d been forced to recount her actions so many times already. By this point, she could do it without thinking, almost detached from the rise and fall of her own voice. The only hesitation came from Cassian’s presence at her side: or rather, her consciousness of it, of his separate perceptions, since he corrected nothing and only interjected here and there.

“—Cassian took out two of the deathtroopers, but he got shot and fell.”

“How far?” Leia demanded.

“A bit,” said Cassian.

Jyn scoffed. “A few levels, with some beams to hit on the way down. You’re lucky you’ll walk.”

“I’m lucky I’ll live,” he said, which she couldn’t really disagree with.

“Back there, I didn’t realize you had.” With a deep breath, Jyn focused back on Princess Leia. “I thought about climbing down to him, but I—”

Cassian’s arm jerked. “You what?”

He was staring at her in what looked like utter horror. With a twist of his wrist, his fingers gripped her hand. “You thought about dropping to that platform? With the plans?”

“Only for a second,” she said dismissively.

“You could have died. The fall alone—”

“You’d know,” said Jyn.

“I did not fall on purpose!”

“You’re still being a hypocrite.” At his disbelieving expression, she lifted her chin, and dug her own fingers into his hand for good measure. “How many times have you risked our mission? I’m sure General Draven would love to hear about you getting tossed into a cell for shooting one of Saw’s people to protect me. Or about you going back for me with Jedha crumbling above us.”

Colour crawled up his cheeks, which Jyn counted as victory. “Keeping you alive was a requirement of the mission, Jyn.”

“Only to contact Saw,” she retorted. “You’d already found Bodhi, and somehow I don’t think your mission parameters included getting crushed in a bunker. Or blown up by Alliance bombs on Eadu. You didn’t just consider taking a risk, you actually did it.”

Jyn remembered pulling the plans out of the archives, the unexpected force propelling her arm with the weight of the data tapes, body swinging and Cassian crying careful! His fingers instinctively reached towards her—for the tapes, she’d assumed, though without any possibility of reaching them. But no do this-do that followed the fumbling outstretch of his hand, no urgent warning, just you okay?

Settling into a comfortable sense of righteousness, she decided that he had no moral ground whatsoever. Or pragmatic ground, at least.

“Those aren’t the same,” he insisted. “There were others to send ahead, and no certainty. You had the plans.”

Words aside, he sounded much less indignant, face calm again. His grip had relaxed but for the aimless pressure of his thumb on the side of her hand. Under her skin, her blood seemed to track it, a stream of warmth flowing back and forth.

“Not that this discussion isn’t fascinatingly insane,” said Leia, eyeing them, “but I still don’t know how you got out.”

With a final vindictive clench of her fingers, Jyn withdrew. “Well, Cassian was completely still by the time his body hit the bottom, and—the angles were wrong. I assumed the worst and kept climbing.”

The rest of the story only took up a minute or two, with almost the entire battle passing beyond her own observation. After all, though she and Cassian had been soldiers from childhood, they left that to others on Scarif. They split off as thief and spy: by now, the roles that fit them best. With only a glimpse of the battlefield as she and Cassian hobbled into their stolen shuttle, neither could recount anything beyond the merest details. Jyn didn’t even know how her friends had died, if it were blasterfire or explosions, something lingering or that terrible wave of light. Selfishly, she hoped for one of the first; she hated the idea of anything protracted, all the more a creeping, remote death that could not be fought or resisted. As it was, too many must have died that way. She would let herself believe that three men in that vast battle had found quicker ends.

Cassian stayed silent through the end of Jyn’s recital, no longer offering even his slight additions and asides. He looked a bit like he had under the drugs; not dazed, but certainly distracted, almost puzzled. Some idea must have caught his attention. Maybe Derlin of the moustache and marriage and long-ago offense.

Although she had no idea what the man had done, Jyn couldn’t help but respect Cassian’s decade-long grudge. She herself did not easily form grudges, but when she did, she kept them well-polished for years on end. If other people wanted to be weak and inconstant, that wasn’t her problem. Or Cassian’s, apparently.

Leia was asking him something about his climb to the roof, which Jyn had never really wondered about, beyond the fact of it. There was only one way up.

“But if you’ve got spinal injuries, then I don’t see how you climbed a vault.”

“The same way I climb anything,” said Cassian. “Just more painfully. You’d do the same.”

“Yes, but you’re not—” The princess’s limited supply of tact snapped off the end of the sentence.

“I’m not you,” he agreed. “Speaking of which, did you do the same?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Leia.

She could hardly have sounded more unconvincing. It was rather like watching a speeder crash, Jyn thought, resigned. You could see it coming, but nothing you might try would actually stop it from happening.

“I’m talking about your escape from the Empire,” Cassian said.

The princess’s jaw tightened. Otherwise, she gave no sign of surprise. “No. A Jedi apprentice broke me out of prison, and we swung over an abyss, not out of one.”

All right, Jyn hadn’t known about that. How could a Jedi apprentice even exist? Weren’t they all … maybe she meant someone like Chirrut? But some might have escaped, surely. There’d been so many, once. If so, she could only imagine how thrilled Chirrut would have been. And her mother—

She stiffened, holding herself firm against the heavy, twisting sensation in her gut.

“An abyss?” said Cassian. “What sort of prison were you in?”

“I’m sure Draven will tell you.” Then, seeming to reconsider, Leia shrugged. “The Death Star.”

“A Jedi broke you out of the Death Star?” There was, at least, some small pleasure in seeing him so utterly flabbergasted. The princess actually smiled.

Not that Jyn felt any different. Trapped inside the Death Star was—she couldn’t imagine it. Escaping it, still less.

“How did you get away?” Cassian demanded. “What did you do with the plans? Has the Empire seen them?”

Leia gave a long-suffering sigh. “Obi-Wan Kenobi and a smuggler helped us escape in his ship. I’d hidden the plans in my astromech droid, ejected him in an escape pod, and sent him to find General Kenobi before I was captured. He was never found by the Empire, so I can’t see any way they might have discovered the plans. We’re analyzing them now.” She rose to her feet, rubbing one hand against a clenched fist. “It’s got to be nearly done. Where are those damn droids? I need to get back to Command before the Death Star arrives.”

“Arrives here?” Cassian’s face went expressionless. Without warning, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, and was on his way to his feet by the time Jyn could react. She reflexively pressed her arm against his chest.

“You don’t have permission to get up yet.”

“Since when do you care about permissions?” said Cassian, in his most reasonable tone.

Jyn scowled. “Since I picked up a partner with all the self-interest of a five-year-old.”

She wouldn’t have believed him capable of real embarrassment, but a flush ran up his cheeks again, even as he grasped her wrist. Still, he didn’t look embarrassed beyond that, just startled and uncomfortable, wetting his lip as he looked down at her arm. Well, if he was searching for weaknesses, he wouldn’t find them. Certainly not in his current state. Maybe he meant to catch her off-guard; his own grip had lightened as soon as she spoke.

“That’s an insult to children,” Leia said.

“Thank you, Infanta.” Ineffectively, he tried to push Jyn’s arm away. “You’re sure the Death Star is coming?”

“Yes,” said Leia. “That idiot Solo—the smuggler—well, the ship was bugged. I figured that we’re doomed if we can’t take out the Death Star, anyway, so we might as well bring it into a convenient range.”

She said this as matter-of-factly as she might have explained hair-braiding techniques. This tiny girl had bet the survival of the Rebellion on a message that the Rebellion itself had rejected. They’d backed Rogue One on Scarif, to be sure. Eventually. Jyn’s transmission would never have reached anyone without the fleet above them. Even so, a battle above an Imperial station was not at all the same as risking the entire Rebellion on faith in—in her father. In Jyn’s own account of him, and his execution of his planned sabotage. Within the day, she would live to see him vindicated, or join him in the Force. She and Cassian both.

And every single person here, of course. But she knew them only as components of the Rebellion; it was as components of the Rebellion that she dreaded their deaths. Should she survive, Jyn would continue on her path, with or without them. If Cassian died—

“Jyn?” He was frowning up at her, instead of down at the arm restraining him. His expression had gone from uneasy and impatient to something softer, eyes steady and concerned. “What is it?”

Behind him, even Leia studied Jyn’s face. She couldn’t quite care, except to wish that the princess would go away. Unfair, but Jyn would rather not contemplate her death, Cassian’s death, with a stranger looking on. All the more because it was a stranger to whom she owed gratitude. A great deal more than gratitude.

“Nothing,” she said, returning her attention to Cassian, and relieved at the steadiness of her voice.

Jyn didn’t want to die. She supposed she could still escape it: abandon this place where she’d never truly been welcome, even do it in the hope of fighting another day. There were many ways to fight. But she had no more intention of leaving now than she had when she spoke with Mothma. She’d stayed with Cassian on Scarif for a reason, hung onto him when he could offer nothing but a burden on her shoulders. If he died, she had meant to die with him, fighting the Empire. She still did.

Put that way, it sounded like—she didn’t want to think of what it sounded like. She’d spent fifteen years trying to forget.

“Shouldn’t the doctor be here by now?” Jyn said, grasping at the first thing to come to mind. “I don’t know how long we slept, but the droids could be conducting tests, or something. How is the pain?”

Plainly undeterred, Cassian ignored this to examine her more closely. His dark eyes had widened, concern ratcheting into alarm.

“Is it your leg? They might have missed something.”

“That was a sprain,” she said irritably.

“Obviously it wouldn’t be a sprain if they did miss something,” said Leia, with every appearance of indifference.

“Thank you,” Jyn grumbled. “No, they didn’t.”

Cassian’s frown deepened. “Some other injury, then. Your shoulder?”

“No,” she said, both aggravated and warmed. “I’m fine, except for my father’s monstrosity coming to destroy all life.”

“Jyn—”

She was not going to have this conversation around Princess Leia. Jyn dropped her arm and turned towards the door.

“I’m going to see where those droids are.”

By some luck—amazing that she had any left—the door whooshed ope. A 2-1B droid, perhaps the one that Jyn had already dealt with, stalked in.

“Speak of the Sith,” Leia remarked.

The droid swivelled to study her, unimpressed. “Leia Organa. You are not medical personnel. You have not been authorized—”

“You’re here to test Captain Andor?” she said. “I was just leaving.”

“Your treatment will be administered in four and a half minutes,” it informed her. “Captain. Please remove your outer covering for the examination.”

“I’ll be outside,” Jyn said hastily.

She and Leia escaped with remarkable speed for two women under a hundred and sixty centimeters. Almost as soon as they did, however, Jyn realized that she had no idea what to do next. She couldn’t go anywhere until the examination finished; she couldn’t order the princess away; she didn’t want to talk. Leia, for her part, seemed no more comfortable; nevertheless, she didn’t return to her own room.

Jyn refused to fidget, but the impulse was there. However little she’d wanted to be around Leia with Cassian, still less did she want to be around Leia without Cassian.

Finally, she said,

“What is your treatment for?”

“Minor nerve damage,” said the princess.

Jyn inhaled. There were only so many ways that someone in Imperial custody would end up with nerve damage. Minor or not.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out.

“What for?” said Leia, her entire body facing straight ahead.

That came as a relief. Jyn would have had to meet her gaze otherwise, unflinching, and—it was easier, this way, to say what she knew had to be said.

“About your planet.”

Leia’s voice only grew harder. “Thank you.”

For another minute, they stood in an even more intensely awkward silence. Then the princess said,

“I don’t blame him.”

Now Jyn did look at her. It wasn’t particularly enlightening; Leia didn’t move, her face as stony as her voice.

“Sorry?”

“Dr Erso,” she said, glance flicking in Jyn’s direction. Just a moment. “He didn’t order the attack, and he’s dead in any case. The Empire did this.” Her right hand curled into a fist. “And the Empire will pay for this.”

It was nothing Jyn didn’t know already. She certainly didn’t consider her father responsible for this, never had. Nevertheless, the tight ball of tension under her ribs unravelled, a little.

“Yes,” said Jyn. “They will.”

The door opened again, and 2-1B emerged—with Cassian, fully dressed, behind it. He walked with a cane, presumably extracted from one of the medical cabinets, and a slight limp. But he was walking, and with no signs of pain.

Jyn grinned, wide and unhesitating. She didn’t even try repressing it. He smiled back, the unsteady curve of his mouth as quick and thoughtless as her own.

“Cassian! You’re—” She’d already taken an eager step forward, but self-consciousness caught up with her, and she rocked back. “You’re discharged?”

“Against my advice,” said 2-1B.

“I’m not waiting in a bed,” Cassian retorted, which was so precisely what Jyn would have said that she almost smiled again.

The droid gave an annoyed click. “You’ll be expected back for tests every day, Captain, or we will send a very stern message to your superior officer—”

“Yes, yes,” said Cassian. “Are you ready to go, Jyn?”

Leia regarded them both thoughtfully.

“Yes,” Jyn said. “Yesterday.”

Jyn and Cassian both said their farewells to Princess Leia—Jyn thought with very admirable cordiality—before 2-1B ushered her off. Then they were something like free, walking side-by-side out of the medical bay and into the sunlight.

After all her annoyance, now she almost felt uncomfortable not having someone else around. Ridiculous.

She cast a sideways glance at him, as brief as she could make it. His clothes hung on him more than ever. That was ridiculous, too.

“Have you eaten today?” Cassian said abruptly.

Jyn prickled. “Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been there almost every time I woke up,” he replied. His fingers twisted on the cane. “It’s hard to imagine that you’ve been eating regularly on that schedule, but I wasn’t sure, with you wearing my clothes and all.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you want to know,” said Jyn, doubtful.

Cassian gave her an incredulous look. “You considered climbing down the vault and you’ve been hovering for days. I think I can ask if you’re hungry.”

Oh.

“Are you planning on holding that against me forever?” Before he could answer, she added, “Besides, I don’t have any other clothes to wear.”

“I don’t mind.” Cassian’s voice sounded off. He cleared his throat, but didn’t say anything else.

It soothed her, some, that he was so obviously as uneasy as Jyn herself. It soothed her in a different way that he wasn’t trying to hide it, that he never did.

“Except Kay,” Cassian started to say.

She didn’t have to wonder at the edge in his tone, this time. Just hearing Kay had her own mind spinning back, and he’d been incalculably less to her. She had no idea what he was aiming at, though. Or what it had to do with anything else they’d said.

Jyn waited, silent. Words did not often come easily to her, and she knew better than to risk them when she didn’t understand. Cassian, though, always found something to say; he’d find words sooner or later.

He turned his face away, tongue darting out to wet his lips. Jyn wasn’t sure if she wished he’d stop doing that, or … not.

“No one’s ever—”

Oh, she thought again. And it wasn’t hard to say,

“Me either.”

Cassian turned back to her, his smile slight and hesitant this time, but no less warm. His eyes did the work of that—a nonsensical idea, but it caught her as she looked and looked back, her own eyes held wide open under the Yavin sunshine. Without a word or gesture, they’d stopped their aimless walk.

“All right,” Jyn said. “I’m starving.”

#anghraine's fic #script au #rebelcaptain #/ #// #/// #//// #///// #jyn erso #cassian andor #leia skywalker organa #otp: welcome home #star wars #i kept trying to check for continuity but at this point i'm going to stab myself in the eye if i re-read this again #so feel free to point out mistakes i'm just #aghdfjak; #waking up in a minefield

[araminthe-ispwitch]

I'm in love with a fairytale

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Yuri on Ice

Rating: K+

Pairing/s: past-Georgi Popovich/Anya

Summary:

Once upon a time, there was a man named Georgi Popovich. Somehow, his story is trying to compete for the title of "Greatest Romantic Tragicomedy of All Time."

Alright, here we go, my late birthday fic for my stupid emo son! (Still can't believe they made his b-day the 26th.)

As I've mentioned in The Accursed Tale of Viktor Nikiforov, Georgi's oneshot is the literal side of the song "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak (y'all should really watch his live performance of this seriously you won't regret that handsome man). Whereas I've waxed lyrical on the life that Viktor had to choose for the career he has taken, I've... uh... pretty much just did a short play on Georgi and the disaster that was his love life during the anime.

But no worries. Remember that woman he went on a date with in Ep. 10? :D

Cross-posted in: AO3 (don’t bother with the FFNet version because FFNet rejects songfics so I had to edit out this poetic fiction of mine there—but as if that’ll make me stop writing them because of the music industries’ logic)

Important Stuff to Note: 1) This is a song fic, in which I've closely followed the lyrics to portray Georgi's life. Which means you really should watch/listen to "Fairytale" by Alexander Rybak. (not just because it's the greatest song of 2009 what are talking about)

2) Envision the structure and flow of this fic as an AMV about Georgi. Makes better sense considering how short this is compared to Viktor's oneshot, right?

3) Those lines centered, bolded, and italicized all together are the lyrics... and other stuff. ;D

4) A lot of short flashbacks in here, too.

5) This is not my usual writing style, oh no. But nevertheless, hope you enjoy and appreciate this minimalist approach I did for this oneshot.

6) Did you listen to the song yet? :v

I'm in love with a fairytale

Part 2 of the Two Sides of a Fairytale series

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who dreamed of romance.

He dreamed so hard.

Like, really, so damn hard.

All his life.

Oh, god, this boy...

Years ago, when I was younger

I kinda liked a girl I knew

Georgi adjusted his collar for the fifteenth time, straightening the lapels as he stood in front of his floor-length mirror. Everything must be perfect today.

It was just another date with his beloved, most precious Anya—their 13th date, actually!—but everything must still be perfect.

Georgi Popovich wouldn’t settle for anything less when it came to his one true love.

She was mine and we were sweethearts

That was then, but then it’s true

Georgi’s jaw fell and so did the bouquet he bought on the way to his date.

His Anya—his precious, most beautiful Anya—was in the arms of an interloper!

This cannot bE—

“ANYA! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY ANYA!”

He was about to hit the stranger where it really hurts, but then suddenly, his angelic Anya—

“Let go, you idiot!"

Three seconds on the leaf-covered ground later, Georgi looked up at his girlfriend with a flabbergasted look on his slapped face.

“A-Anya, my love, why are you—!”

“We’re through, Georgi.”

I’m in love with a fairytale

Even though it hurts

Georgi stared at his fallen bouquet. It hadn’t been trampled in the wake of the chaos that happened in the last few minutes, but Anya might as well have trampled on them the same way she trampled on his tender heart.

‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind

I’m already cursed

“ANYA, NO! IT CAN’T BE TRUE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S BETTER THAN ME?!”

Every day we started fighting

Every night, we fell in love

Groaning, Georgi crossed out Procedure Number 16 on his list. He looked back at the tabs of articles open on his laptop as he repositioned the ice pack on his head.

Surely there was a way to get Anya back? She couldn’t possibly be satisfied with that oaf!

There must be a way.

No one else could make me sadder

But no one else could lift me high above

“Anya, my love, I—!”

“SECURITY!”

I don’t know what I was doing

When suddenly, we fell apart

“His theme is what?”

“Coach, don’t you think he’s getting way into this…?”

Georgi ignored the others as he repeated his routine on the rink. He knew they were all watching him and pitying him—largely because he’s been crying non-stop while practicing—but he won’t let their opinions get to him.

He’ll show that wretched woman!

Nowadays, I cannot find her

But when I do, we’ll get a brand new start

Georgi practiced with renewed vigor after hearing Yakov’s news. Viktor was gone! He was now the top skater they have and he has a shot at reaching the Grand Prix Finals!

Finally, he can show the world the fruits of his labor!

And he’ll get to rub his victory at stupid Anya’s face, too! Now she’ll regret dumping him!

I’m in love with a fairytale

The setting couldn’t be more perfect. Anya will also be competing here in China! What a marvelous way to display his intrinsically artistic program to the world!

Just she wait... He'll prove that those... those... stupid Instagram photos of her and him kissing don't mean a thing to him...!

Even though it hurts

I’ll hunt you to the ends of the earth, and I’ll find you! I will cast an eternal curse on you!

‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind

Never mind! I’ll save you with a kiss right now, my princess!

I’m already cursed

Never mind… I will… take a break for… now…

She’s a fairytale, yeah

Georgi watched as Mickey landed another flawless jump. There was so much more emotion in his performance now that it wasn’t hard to deduce what he was skating for.

The scene tugged at his cold heartstrings and he had to smother a sob.

He promised himself that his Free Skate at the Cup of China was the last time he’d cry for her.

Even though it hurts

“And you are…?”

“Georgi! Georgi Popovich! You looked beautiful out there, Anya!”

“… Why, thank you~!”

‘Cause I don’t care if I lose my mind

“Dinner?”

“Y-Yes! My treat!”

“Hm… Why not?”

I’m already cursed

“Will… Will you be my girlfriend?!”

...

..

.

“Georgi! I’m so sorry!”

Teal-colored eyes blinked into focus as a familiar blonde woman came running towards him. “Ekaterina, are you alright?!” he asked, standing up with hands outstretched, ready to steady her if she wasn’t.

Ekaterina sat down on the park bench with an exhausted huff and flashed him an apologetic smile. “I didn’t think… it would take me so long…”

“You didn’t really have to hurry so much… I could have waited,” said Georgi with concern as he sat back down. Try as he might, he was too busy guiltily reminiscing what happened a year ago at this very same park anyway.

But Ekaterina just waved him off with a chuckle. “But I didn’t want you to wait.” When she peered up at his face with those sparkling gray eyes of hers, Georgi couldn’t find it in himself to chastise her any further—not when she looks so happy.

Why was she looking so happy?

“Here…” She then passed the small box she had brought to him.

“Hm? What’s this?”

Georgi’s eyes widened when he found a variety of sumptuous-looking cupcakes inside. “Try one,” Ekaterina urged.

He chose a cream-colored one and took a bite. “Oh, wow, these are delicious, Ekaterina! Where’d you buy them?”

“… I made them…”

Georgi had to thump his chest to avoid choking, but when he finally calmed down, he looked at Ekaterina like she had revealed herself to be an angel.

“Y-You did?! Really?!”    

The blonde looked down at her lap, but she was glowing red with pride and joy. “W-Well, I… I didn’t want to not bring anything for you like last time so…”

Georgi blinked in confusion. “Oh, you didn’t have to. I mean, I’m fine without anythi—”

“But it’s our date and I wanna bake something for you!” she cut him off loudly—before turning even redder as she realized what she had just squeaked.

Georgi, on the other hand, tried to still his thundering heart and chant to himself that he ought to take this new relationship slow. Because… Because…

He glanced at the beautiful woman next to him, fiddling with her bag’s zipper as she avoided his adoring gaze. Because this time, I want her to want to stay with me.

But it seems… he won’t need to worry much about that, he thought in awe as he took another cupcake.

“Thank you, Ekaterina… They’re really good!”

“O-Oh! Y-You’re welcome!”

“I guess this means you’d make a great housewife, then!”

“…!”

“Ack! Sorry! I-I… F-Forget I said anything!”

“N-No! It’s… It’s fine…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“… Maybe I can make you some Stroganoff next time…”

“…! E-Ekaterina…!”

“Eh?! G-Georgi?! Are you alright?!”

… Crap, I’ve been cursed again.

The End. . . ?

Perhaps not.

But at least this little boy is still dreaming with all his heart.

A/N:

Okay, so unlike the other oneshot, this doesn't need much explanation 'cause, well... it's literally the song itself.

We can say that Georgi's been in love the fairytale that is Anya herself, yes. But my preferred symbolism here is that Georgi's been in love with the idea of love and romance itself. Honestly, I actually believe that the situation with Anya with hadn't been the first one. (Perhaps he had a crush that didn't do so well back then) With this, the chorus makes so much more sense: that even though Georgi's been hurt, he just loves it and wants it so much--almost like he's cursed--that he doesn't mind trying again, even if it means he might get hurt again. In conclusion, my son is a gutsy risk-taker and I just love him so much. (which is why i sprinkled this with comedy because he just inspires my funny bone so much)

I've taken the liberty of calling that blonde woman in Ep. 10 "Ekaterina" as a placeholder name, and I've gone ahead and interpreted a possible persona for her. I already have so many headcanons for her... Crossing my fingers that she's finally The One in S2... >~<

Also, if we'll compare my two oneshots in this series, Viktor's is more about his whole life while Georgi's is just specifically about his love life. AND Disclaimer: Just because Viktor's is longer doesn't mean he's my fave between the two, okay? :v

I'm gonna go ahead and announce this: if I do oneshots about these two again, Georgi will have more because he hasn't gotten his happy-ever-after yet (while Viktor already has Yuuri in canon lol). Also, why did I try to compare them with this songfic series? When Georgi has enough trouble being in Viktor's shadow? Simple. Georgi is supposed to be Viktor's foil in their story. By exposing Viktor's flaws and "ordinariness", Georgi shines more as a likeable and relatable character. Either way, I just hope what I wrote made you guys root for him more.

Belated happy birthday, my stupid son. Easy with the romancing, alright? :v

And with that, Two Sides of a Fairytale is finished. :)

#Yuri on Ice #Yuri!!! on Ice #YOI #YOI!!! #Georgi Popovich #yuri on ice fanfic #yoi fanfic #Alexander Rybak #Ara's writings #fanfics

[my-heart-is-but-a-gentle-moon]

Just Dance // Silent Disco !!!!! I danced like the raven and Rue from Ahiru

THE TALK WITH HALLIE WAS SUPER FUN!!!!!!!! We talked about her galas (Charity fundraising ones ! Reminded me so much of the RFA Christmas Charity Event !!) and her pretty dresses 👗

And of her occasional love for Metallica and Metal Bands and their strange and similar calming effect with Opera.

!! She used to disco dance too - she was pretty embarrassed about it and hasn’t really told much of anyone about it - But wow that makes it really special to me >///< !

This is what brings me peace !

Silent Disco!

The Wind Activation 💗💞💗💖💗💘💗 !!!

She’s like a magical source of information!

I’m pretty sure Hallie is also an empathic, highly sensitive person - and this is why she treasures her alone time, despite what mom might say. It probably drained her too ^^’.

Our talk was amazing! And it all stared by me sharing how I was dancing on my own 💗💞💓💞❣️💗 The Magical Raven

Mashups. Collaboration. Singing, writing, dancing, poetry, prose, photography..!

They need me to be vulnerable, to be deep in my truth and the way I see and feel my own truth ((Clarity and unconditional love))

As a child I really really loved singing.

Joyfully, in front of others, share it.

Be bold, be brave with it in my life.

To attract someone in my joy, not in my pain.

Only the happily single can find true love.

Collage and digital photoshop/design.

Yoga/Chakras Anodea Judith

In the amusement park I did see a guy with a professional camera and I Was actually taken by that :O..

It then made me think about Jihyun though. He preferred the camera and photography because he didn’t feel good enough and like he’d be judged and criticized for his own artistic self expression too.

Regarding hobby passions - Be loyal to what you love (Doggo barking in the background) - I’m still looking for it - what makes me happiest creatively, I’m actually kind of looking forward to more of my single life right now - Victor Oddo ‘His daughter was upset, angry at what she perceived was a mistake (filling the tub with orbeez and doin’ the orbeez challenge n then getting sick) and he responded with ‘nonono! You did amazing, good for you ! You took action towards what inspired you at that moment. Every time you fall, every time you ‘make a mistake’

Chakras - 17:00

I envision my muscles healthy and strong, with the ability and knowledge to protect myself with the gifts of the universe and my own willing effort.

And the fierce, clear, firm yet compassionate courage to find and speak the truth of my needs and emotions with clarity and confidence.

I Hold My Body Sacred -> Healthy High Vibrational Food, Exercise and Humming/Singing, silent disco dancing. Self Respect to say No to what bothers me or is uncomfortable for me. Massage and Water Heat.

Grounding with sea and sun. 💓.

Yuval said I had phenomenal English. Mom back then told me I was intelligent, always striving for knowledge, I am spiritual and empathic - though I Am wounded right now. What lessens the pain is understanding where they come from, even when you decide and express that that type of behavior is not for you.

I Follow My Heart -> Daily journaling of my feelings, thoughts and what in life affects me, developing and exploring my artistic side?

From black and white thinking to the complex duality of gray within us all. Pray for those we resent, as they are struggling too. But know what serves us and what doesn’t with clarity.

Hallie’s mom’s dress reminded me of an ash faerie -> It really inspired me and reminded me of the Phoenix rising from the ashes ! I also encouraged her ‘You can always make your own little private ballroom, pour a lil champagne, wear your dress, feel pretty and dance to whatever songs you love, humming and singing along to them. 💗💓❣️💘 Just for yourself’ -> I allow my inner divine child to do this too.

We had a really great talk ! Yuval suggested I watch the HaGashash -> add more happiness and laughter and joy to my heart.

I nurture this funk/groove/magical lullaby classical dancer -> shapeshifter of animals, crow, raven, flowers, swan, groovy whatevemebob Just as I used to in my 2AM dancing in the living room, with the moon and my headphones 💗💞💗.

In Jihyun’s route it was all about Unconditional Self Love after the wreckage..

I don’t think I’m actually in love right now. A symbiotic attachment to the label of twin flames? The sentiments of our past? As well as the repel to that? My own divine masculine and feminine are still wounded - knowing and fearing that they’re not ready for a relationship yet.

No. I went through meditations to heal that fear. Now I’m feeling a little tense still, like right now it would be draining, I’ve looked into the situation you’re in right now, Jumin.. There are, hm. I’d still like to hold onto the hope of a future for us together, I do....I’m still not sure if those are because of sentiments to the past or ?? God. Not knowing makes me kind of anxious. I still care about the betterment of your life because of course I still really care about you.

Maybe there’s more held within me that I don’t know of yet? I’m not sure if it’s good or bad :x

I need to connect to my Archangels too, to really understand it a lot deeper. Within my own family and with this situation I’m in right now.

I do know that my hobbies are a main thing I wish to cultivate right now !

Because of my anxiety? I feel like he’s not ready yet and I do not wish for a re-run of what happened. I lowkey also kind of feel like we’re holding onto something that brings us pain and that isn’t good for us either?

Though city life does not suit what I envision for my future. I definitely envision a cottage and a garden safe haven, and Forest animals for sure ! there are photographs I took that lift me up and I’m thinking about getting back to digital collaging

But I feel that there are..Like...hmhghhh How do I say thisss..Like you’re still caught up with old habits? Autopilot? You are really caring to your surroundings and I did read that you Are aware of your need to meditate and look within yourself, which I’m proud ^^ !

But need to let go of your previous programming that are holding you back from being your truest self? (I am in the process of doing so as well ^^’)

What are hobbies you wish to get into that will bring you joy? How would be best for you to manage your time so you’ll still have time to connect to your own self and to the divine?

It’s draining but because Jumin is still such an important person of my past that I still care about from afar right now, I wish for him to be able to do well in his life..

And Regarding Saeyoung..with ‘nothing to lose’..I feel like..I would regret not being able to spend time with Saeyoung if he were to leave..Not out of ego, but like an overarching cloud of grey, electricity of lightnings in my heart and a wallowing abyss of what could’ve been. .... Best friend....Ow. Okie: I can feel thorns happening from these expectations - knowing how it would hurt him..

But he has been such a treasured support...And I realize, I know how he’s so much more than that ! orz

And..you know. Maybe it is foolish. Foolish to try and hold onto the 0.000000001% of hope for life but I still think it’s worth it. To continue holding onto life. It’s just like in Jihyun’s after ending where you really, really nearly gave up all hope - But Vanderwood and even I was at the very same mindset ! To finding Saeran ! !!! And, you did in the end ! The divine is always there to give guidance :o ! I’ve been relying on them quite a bit too, even with the uncomfortable sensations that I’m still trying to figure out and let go of??

It’s trueee...;;;..I have wallowed too much in carrying around my mistakes??? And grudges and hurt I wanted to heal and bury but didn’t know how?? I felt obligated to carry out Forgiveness as that is what God would want and because of a genuine desire to have the connection turn lighter. To love and pray for even those who’ve hurt us..By trying to understand where they come from too.

Of course it doesn’t mean I should stay as a ‘Yes complier’ always. I am planning to first develop my own healthy boundaries ! ònó

And the dream I have that I’m not willing to give up on is living close to nature, the thriving, luscious forest and the crystal clear, flowing ever sparkling blue lake, gardening - wild bushes and succulents all around...

Worms ! Are definitely important in decreasing organic food waste and creating a very mineral nutritious soil for the plants 💗💞💖💘 AA! I can already imagine the delight of singing to them TvT !!

And both close and connected to the divine together ! A person whose values towards the universe match mine !

..

She’s right. That kind of lavish lifestyle isn’t for me. City life, lavish parties, clubs, drinks, or jealous/controlling patterns. It brings back my childhood patterns and inner wounds. As mine do to his. But again, when we are both more balanced within ourselves - just like in the video of ‘Why you will marry the wrong person’ - No person is ever, well,

Not because he doesn’t deserve forgiveness and understanding and prayers for his pain and struggle and in overcoming those, but because his lifestyle does not suit what I envision for myself.

I also don’t feel like he’s comfortable in his own essence yet ? Like he hasn’t filled that hole within himself with the new sides of himself he wishes to build, rather than filling it with booze, work or, well. Relationships/sexual endeavors, perhaps he’s still caught in trying to fill himself with his arranged marriage girl?. Those are addictions that are hard to let go of, I agree - Just like Saeyoung with his own as well.. The positive side is that most people in current society Are very tempted by distractions - Of course I don’t wish for infidelity, as no one should nor deserves to go through that.

But Even I was, with anime too. It was inspiring though and motivated me when I was in high school! I’m not gonna lie and say I’m not tempted to rewatch some of my favorite ones. I was also, well. I’m overcoming the desire/need to receive external validation.

But the divine can really shed light on what we can do to better our own situation, and our own..inner look within. And actually following what hobby type of endeavors each wants to go on.

I read that Jumin was really working hard..Taking care of business and everyone in his life.....Trying to escape his mind..? To feel worthy by doing and accomplishing? I’m sure he’s working hard. .. I just feel like he, might not be tending to delving into his inner workings with the help of the divine more?

(!! The reading just now told me that you know that you need to do that. I’m proud of your inner knowing ! - But it is important to know that now is definitely not the time.)

Looking towards our future as individuals (it is important for me to say as individuals first) and how to build to that in the now moment !

I was also .. Hm.. Those were pretty dark matters within my own family. I’m on the path to understanding the complexity and my own handling of other’s grey and multifaceted areas, as well as my own.

Well, especially my own right now. Creating better habits..!

I am still balancing my own and pursuing new hobbies for myself (Gardening! Photography! Spirituality! Silent Disco :O ! Self Betterment !) and wish to have my future coupling be with someone who’ll expand with me spiritually, who’d be dedicated to that path with me.

I still feel rather rigid and repelled in regards to connecting with Jumin right now. It doesn’t feel like, he’s ready or balanced with his own essence yet.

I am still progressing in slow steps towards my own betterment as well.

What stops me from progressing things with Saeyoung despite him being such an incredible person in my eyes? And maybe Saeyoung doesn’t care if he dies but even while I’m caring for my own schedule and healing and hobbies - But of course I do..Of course life does, of course the divine does !

What’s holding Saeyoung back from hope? Cynicism? His situation in the agency?

If I reset the game and go through Jihyun’s forgive ending where you two reunite and Jihyun doesn’t die and causes a hell of a lot of grieving in Jumin’s side of things - and you are out of the secret agency and working in C&R instead and have a way better life there for yourself, would that be better??

I’m not in love with Jihyun, nor do I really have a crush on him or anything, he really is more of like, a soul partner and I share a kinship with him in regards to life and plantation and art - deep platonic coupled with intrigue? but it is the best ending in my opinion for everyone involved.

I really do admire his growth there too.

The way Saeran heals there and !! You know ! Miracles can definitely happen !

Not only in computer games, but there are people who’ve accomplished their dreams in National Geographic too!

And it’s hard for me too, I agree But there is also the saying ‘Shoot for the moon! If you miss, you’ll become one of the stars’ !

And, I am also still holding hope towards Jumin’s strength in bettering his own situation. Sending out a big ‘You can do it!’ ‘I believe in you!’ from the heart to Us all !

I was influenced to do so thanks to Mary Jane and it reminded me a lot of Ichigo’s heartbell from Tokyo Mew Mew and I also just - Really did wish deep down to encourage !

Why am I cautious to commit? I don’t. Know yet what the future holds for me romantically and I’m not sure where Jumin stands, nor am I looking to get cheated on again, and lifestyle wise I’m not willing to give up on my dreams of living next to nature and animals and gardening and flower pressing, have it incorporated to witchcraft too ! for my whole life and again, a life where my partner and I are both highly connected to the divine and Art ! (yes, even when it’s a work in progress in my own life ^v^’)

Foolish? Maybe. But I also know that now is not the time to reunite.

I can’t save everyone. Stick to my own values and biggest dreams.

The lifestyle I wish for is village life, lakes, cultivating and nourishing ecological gardens - A safe haven of natural life ! Bunnies, squirrels, fireflies, some bees, proper protection from wasps and mosquitoes and the like ! Succulents !! Pretty flowers! Recycling natural food with harmony in worm composting..! (Still a slow pace venture in regards to that ! But I will ! Their help is necessary for my highest vision !)

Saeyoung is sweet and charming and funny and supportive and wise, sometimes bitter and handles some really heavy things as well - sometimes dorkily awkward and insecure - I really admire him - but romantically it’s like..I still feel awkward about it? Like, my feelings of romantic attraction aren’t there?..; part of me also doesn’t wish to hurt Jumin. .... Breathe. Center yourself. My decisions are not about him. What is it that I wish to do? I don’t wish to hurt Saeyoung when I’m not serious about it yet. I do like Saeyoung, I do like musing about a life with him or dates with him occasionally, but am I ready?

Oh my god and reminiscing !! AA. Just hanging out with him is really fun though. I reminisced over summer events !

Especially cause I’m in such close proximity to the beach !

Reminiscing over chats with him !! Te le pathyyyy~~~~

His nonchalant ‘whoops’ LOL.

heheheh and, and ! God, I missed Jaehee’s anger.

OMG. Victor Oddo’s response to his daughter’s feelings of anger towards what she did was ‘No, nonononono, what you did was amazing. You took action into what inspired you at the time and whenever we do that, there’s always a chance it might not work out, it’s not about that ! making mistakes is valuable cause you can learn from them !’

‘Whenever we make a mistake, slip off or fail - There’s a lesson to be learned there somehow’ (Just like mine today with my search for maybe buying a camera. It didn’t work out but I gained insight into maybe instead in the future - in Israel to buy a newer phone with better, more high def camera settings and I can check camera options out. See really how deeply interested I am in that. And I Do have my chakras to get me acquainted with myself and my own body too.)

I don’t know how I’d be able to help Saeyoung with his own depression and suicidal tendencies, but my higher self is saying ‘Just by being there for him’. In our own journeys of recovery. But it’s also, like, The hobbies, friends, the family trip, connecting to my archangels in regards to my past lives’ effects on me right now, scheduling more journaling too. are what I wish to do the most.

Am I in self defense mode? I still don’t feel prepared to being in a relationship with Saeyoung. I wish for friends ! And

The Seagull told me I’m livin life too safely, to bring up a more lighthearted attitude !

Hm. Looking at things deeply and with clarity..Sentimentality conceals life’s complexities..

I like Jumin, somehow I still do. I do realize that he’s not ready yet. Plus I don’t know if in the future he’d be willing for us to go, lol, Farm style ! (I do have to say, the art of him in farm/village wear 💗💞💗) - But he still has things to figure out with his own self.

But right now it’s definitely - The journey of connecting to my archangels, creativity in regards to like - That’s what I wish and am taking steps towards ! - singing, prose, dancing, digital design, blogging about my photos too!

And figuring out how my past lives affect my current situation with my family and in relationships too. With the connection to my archangels.

I wish to express my own values, delve and express my own hobbies and creativity online.

Making a mistake, is valuable. Even if I fail, or make a mistake, or mess up..

Wow. I really do want to fill it up with my own hobbies and the delight in those. Journey of self discovery the more I follow my passions !

#ou #kay #that’s not a conclusion #but my current thought process and state #well. my desires towards friendship and hobbies as my main thing Are true though #the others are too ! true I mean ! #just #???? not clear completely yet???