#woof my phones chugging along

[thehelleniclunarwitch]

The Murder Academy 01

Hi, bbs! Here is the sequel to Don’t Fear The Reaper. You will need to read that series first to understand what is going on here. I have linked the series below. I hope you all enjoy!

DFTR 01  DFTR 02  DFTR 03  DFTR 04  DFTR 05  DFTR 06  DFTR 07  DFTR 08

                                                ----------------

Y/n quietly walked down the steps. She could hear Diego. He sounded angry. Y/n stopped at the bottom of the stairs and peered around the corner. Diego was pacing back and forth. He was talking quickly and loudly. Y/n watched him with careful eyes.

“I literally give no shits! If you mess up again there will be nothing stopping me from slitting your throat. Do you hear me?” Diego snarled.

Y/n gulped at the threat.

“Listen here you little weasel-” Diego snarled turning, he caught Y/n standing there peering around the corner.

“I have to go. I’ll call you back later,” Diego said shoving his phone back into his pocket.

Y/n watched with wide eyes as he slowly stalked closer to her. She looked up as he came to stand in front of her.

“Sweetheart, what are you doing out of bed?” Diego asked as one arm came to wrap around her waist and his other hand cupped the back of her head.

“I rolled over to find our bed empty. I just wanted to know where you were,” Y/n told him.

“Sorry, I had to take care of something,” Diego told her.

“At three in the morning?” Y/n asked softly.

Diego laughed. “Unfortunately, my line of work doesn’t have the 9 to 5 hours,”

“True, but at least wake me next time? I don’t like finding you gone,” Y/n said.

Diego smiled. “I can do that, sweetheart,”

Y/n sighed. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to ever get used to his lifestyle. Diego stared deep into her eyes. She was no longer scared of the man that she loves.

Diego dipped his head down to kiss her softly. “Let’s go back to bed,”

Diego bent down and flipped Y/n over onto his shoulder. Y/n only laughed as Diego carried her back up the stairs and disappeared into their bedroom.

                                             -------------------------------

Diego and Y/n sat at the breakfast table. A tea kettle sat between them, plates full of food before them, Y/n’s feet were outstretched and resting in Diego’s lap. One of his hands rubbed her foot the other flipped through the newspaper. Y/n was busy creating a shopping list as the two of the planned on grocery shopping later in the day.

“Aren’t y'all just the cutest,” Klaus beamed as he entered the kitchen.

Diego ignored his brother, but Y/n gave him a soft smile.

“There’s extra food on the stove if you’re hungry,” Y/n told him.

“How sweet of you,” Klaus said.

“Hey, how do you know I didn’t cook it?” Diego growled finally looking up from his paper.

Klaus scoffed and rolled his eyes. “If you had cooked dinner then the entire house would be on fire,”

Y/n lifted the notepad up to her mouth to hide her chuckle. Diego glared at her and then returned his attention back to Klaus. Klaus didn’t pay any attention to his brother as he popped a piece of bacon into his mouth. Klaus dropped a couple of slices of bread into the toaster.

“Really?” Diego snarled.

“It’s the truth man, you can’t cook for shit,” Klaus said finally turning to look at Diego.

“Who can’t cook for shit?” Ben asked as he entered the kitchen.

“Diego,” Klaus answered around a mouthful of bacon.

“Ooh bacon and also true,” Ben said as he grabbed a piece of bacon and shoved it into his mouth.

“Both of you can go to hell,” Diego growled.

“Be nice, Diego,” Y/n said in a warning tone.

“They are insulting me!” Diego barked.

“They are only speaking the truth,” Y/n said with a teasing smile.

Diego scowled at her.

“Oh no, I cannot having you teaming up with my brothers,” Diego said.

“It’s not teaming up, Diego, if we are only speaking the truth,” Y/n pointed out to him.

Diego began to pout. Y/n only smiled and went back to writing her grocery list.

“Y/n definitely needs to come and spend some time with us,” Ben smirked.

“Diego just think of all of the stories Ben and I could tell her. There is so much she needs to know,” Klaus teased.

Diego was up and out of the chair almost knocking Y/n out of her own chair in the process. Klaus began giggling as he dashed away from his brother. Y/n only shook her head and sipped at her tea. Ben filled a plate with the food she had prepared and dropped down in a seat next to her.

“So how are you doing being cooped up with a bunch of serial killers?” Ben asked her.

“None of you really radiate serial killer, you know? I mean besides Luther he is quite frightening,” Y/n explained.

Ben rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry about him he’s too full of himself to pay you any attention anyway,”

Y/n laughed.

“You know you don’t have to stay locked away in Diego’s room,” Ben began.

“I know, but him and have been working on our relationship. I mean he did murder a bunch of people for me and I pretty much ran away from home. There’s much we have to discuss,” Y/n explained.

“Diego has always been the dark soul around here. He got into killing first. The rest of us kind of just fell into place afterward. It’s a nice change to see him being the opposite of what we always see him as,” Ben said.

“He hates it when I say it, but he’s so soft around me,” Y/n said with a small smile.

Ben chuckled. “I can see why he hates it, but it’s true. His features are softened. He watches your every move, but not like you’re his prey more like he doesn’t want a miss a thing you do. He loves you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother love somebody,”

“What about Patch?” Y/n asked.

Ben shook his head. “He adored her. I can’t deny that. Maybe he did love her, but his love for her and his love for you are very different. In my eyes, this is like true love,”

Their conversation was interrupted when Allison and Luther came into the kitchen. They were arguing. Loudly. They paid no attention to Y/n and Ben. As they argued, Y/n and Ben watched them both get something to drink and then sweep right back out of the kitchen once again. Y/n looked over to Ben.

“It seems like those two like to argue a lot,” Y/n pointed out.

“That’s only half of it,” Ben sighed.

“What am I missing?” Y/n asked.

Ben shook his head. “Trust me, you don’t want to know the answer to that,”

“Answer to what?” Vanya asked softly as she stumbled into the kitchen.

“The drama between Luther and Allison,” Ben said as he chugged the last bit of his coffee.

Vanya winced. “Yeah, you’ll definitely want to stay out of that,”

Vanya got herself a plate of food and came to sit with Ben and Y/n. The three of them talked about all sorts of different things. Conversations stopped once again when Five came storming in.

“Please tell me there’s coffee,” Five snarled.

“In the pot,” Vanya answered.

“Late night, little brother?” Ben smirked.

Five tossed a glare over his shoulder. “You could say that,”

“What do you do up in that room of yours?” Y/n asked.

“Well, I’m glad somebody has the brain to ask,” Five said.

Ben groaned. Vanya rolled her eyes.

“I’m out of here. I’m not listening to this shit once again,” Ben sighed.

He dropped a kiss to the top of Y/n’s head. “Welcome to the family,”

Vanya woofed down the rest of her food. “I love Five, but I’m not sticking around for this conversation,”

Vanya dumped her dishes into the sink and excused herself from the kitchen. Y/n sipped at her tea as Five came to join her at the table. She watched him with cautious eyes as he chugged more than half of his coffee and let out a long sigh of relief. He smiled over at Y/n.

“What do you think of time travel?” Five asked her.

Y/n cocked an eyebrow. “I’ve always been interested in the possible theory of time traveling,”

Five grinned. “What if I can tell you that I’m working on making it actually happen?”

Y/n sat up a little straighter. “Wait, you’ve been working on time traveling?”

“Oh, little bird do you have so much to catch up on,” Five said as he cracked his knuckles and starting in on his spiel.

                                          ---------------------------

Diego found Y/n later on in the day sitting in the giant library. She was curled up at the end of the couch, a book in her lap, her chin resting on her hand and she was dozing off. Diego grinned as he squatted down in front of her. He placed a hand on her lap. She mumbled something under her breath but then settled back in.

Before Diego got the chance to wake her up and take her out of the house for the rest of the afternoon, Luther stepped into the library. The two locked eyes and stared at each other. Finally, Luther broke the stare, nodded his head signaling for his brother to follow him. Diego sighed, stood, and followed Luther out of the library.

“What?” Diego asked as he slid the doors close behind him.

“It’s cute and all. Your little relationship, but we’re worried,” Luther said.

“Who’s worried?” Diego asked as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“The rest of us,” Luther said.

Diego cocked an eyebrow. “Really? Ben and Klaus seemed to get along with her swimmingly. Five and Y/n were bonding just this morning. And if I recall, Y/n and Vanya made plans for a girls-only lunch for later this week. So who really has the problem? Everybody or just you?”

Luther clenched his teeth in anger. “She’s a danger to our secret,”

Diego cut him off. “I killed three people for Y/n. She watched me kill all three of them. She had the opportunity to turn me in and she didn’t. So, no, I really don’t think she’s a danger to our secret,”

“I don’t want her here, Diego,” Luther hissed.

“This is my home too,” Diego snarled.

Diego stepped in close to Luther. The pair standing so close that a piece of paper wouldn’t be able to slide past them. Luther refused to look away from his brother.

“She could ruin us all,” Luther said.

“Y/n has proven herself loyal to this family,” Diego growled.

“Why? Because she didn’t turn in the man she states she loves? What is stopping her from changing her mind and not only turning you in but all of us?” Luther asked.

“If you don’t shut your goddamn mouth I will shut it for you,” Diego spat.

“Hey, what is going on down here?” Allison asked as she began to run down the stairs.

“Just a little disagreement between brothers,” Luther said.

“Right, we can call it that if you’d like,” Diego snapped.

“What is going on between you two?” Allison asked.

“Luther here doesn’t like my girlfriend,” Diego said.

Allison sighed and looked at Luther. “I thought we were going to wait to talk to him?”

Diego’s head snapped in Allison’s direction. “You’re in on this?”

“Diego, I,” Allison stumbled over the right words to say.

“If the two of you are so worried about her then why did you help rescue us?” Diego asked, his voice dripping with anger.

“We didn’t think you would have kept her alive. We thought we were really rescuing you,” Allison explained.

Diego took a step back from his siblings. He couldn’t believe this shit.

“Klaus!” Diego yelled. “Vanya! Five! Ben! Get your asses down here!”

“Diego, what are you doing?” Luther asked.

“A family fucking meeting,” Diego snarled.

Their siblings came hurrying down the stairs or out of the other rooms. They looked at Diego in confusion.

“What in the world is going on?” Vanya asked as she looked between Diego and Allison and Luther.

“I need the truth from all of you,” Diego said.

“Okay, what?” Ben asked.

“Do you share the same feelings with Allison and Luther about Y/n?” Diego asked.

“And what feelings would those be?” Five asked in a bored tone.

“Do you think Y/n is a danger to us?” Diego asked.

His four siblings slowly turned to look at Allison and Luther.

“Luther here states that all of you are worried that Y/n is a danger to us all and that all of you are worried that she’s going to betray us and turns us in,” Diego explained.

Klaus looked so confused.

“Listen, guys,” Luther began.

“I have never said that!” Klaus exploded.

“Who died and made you two King and Queen of the castle?” Klaus asked.

“Diego, I like Y/n. I don’t think that all,” Vanya said sadly.

The siblings erupted into a huge argument. The doors to the library slowly slid open. Y/n stood there stunned watching the siblings turning against each other and turning into a screaming match.

Y/n cleared her throat. But the siblings didn’t hear her.

“Excuse me,” Y/n said.

Still nothing.

“EXCUSE ME THE BETRAYER WOULD LIKE TO TALK NOW!” She shouted over their loud voices.

The siblings fell quiet and turned to look at Y/n.

“Sweetheart, you heard that?” Diego asked.

“How could I not?” Y/n growled.

“Y/n,” Diego began.

Y/n glared at them all. “I thought we were slowly becoming this weird and dysfunctional family. I guess I was wrong. So screw all of you,”

Y/n pushed past all of the siblings and stormed upstairs to Diego’s room.

“Hey, little bird come back here!” Klaus yelled. “I can fix this,” Klaus said to Diego.

“You two need to grow up,” Ben hissed as he followed after Klaus.

“Come on Diego. Don’t do whatever you are thinking,” Vanya pleaded grabbing her brother’s arm.

Diego and Luther were glaring at each other.

“Diego, Y/n needs you now more than ever,” Vanya said softly.

Five came to stand on the other side of his brother. “Vanya has a point. Let’s go. We can work out this bullshit later,”

Diego allowed for Vanya and Five to pull him away from Luther. He forced himself to look away from his brother and his sister. He had no idea where any of this came from. The past week had been a godsend. Everyone had gotten along. Diego hated his brother more than anything right now.

As Vanya and Five lead him down the hallway he could hear Klaus and Ben talking to Y/n. Diego had a feeling she would be a flight risk and now with two of his siblings against her Diego was worried that he would lose her forever.

Tagged:

@ahhhhkeya   @i-alyssa   @hedwigmoss   @les-bio-lie   @dawnson-hargreeves   @ryans-mad-queen   @alysweets   @hyradun   @lollipopdomination @awesometheydontknowiamhere    @buckyandstevegayornay  @anotherfanficreadingblog  @not-so-epic-iii   @ampbian   @liveitdoll     @gerardwayslips  @snazzydoesthings   @gorgeourrific-nerd   @olkathefoxi   @umbrxlla-acxdxmy   @soul-of-a-traveller   @harrisbn@classyasssuperbitch @misspygmypie  @officially-kendra-hargreeves@sithskywalkers   @rose-01   @carryon-doctor-lock@ynm1505 @ampbian​ @i-am-a-smol-sweet-potato​ @klausbutgayer

#Diego Hargreeves #Diego Hargreeves x Reader #Dark!Diego Hargreeves #SerialKiller!Diego Hargreeves #Klaus Hargreeves #ben hargreeves #Five Hargreeves #Vanya Hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #Luther Hargreeves #The Hargreeves Siblings #The Umbrella Academy #TUA #reader insert

[always-ascending]

Answer 20 questions

tag other people you’d like to know better

I was tagged by the lovely @domhnal-gleeson <3  I tag @jackpearcsn @masha-russia @lokidlaufeyson @ksica @aurrorpotter​ @hayleywilliamis​ @thegirlfromgatalenta and that’s not in any order of love, or a lack of for anyone not tagged.  

1. Name: Teri

2. Nicknames: My dog calls me “woof”. My cat makes a weird quacking sound at me. My husband just says “Hey!” (I think he forgot my name) 🤔 That’s about it.

3. Zodiac sign: Trust me, the scales are not balanced and the pig is running amok through the garden.

4. Height: 5′5″

5. Languages spoken: English (I was somewhat fluent in 2 other languages when I was a kid, but I wouldn’t dare try to use them conversationally now. I’d probably mix the 2 up or insult someone unintentionally.) 😬

6. Nationality: The thing I’ve really come to hate about tumblr is the assumption that everyone is one thing or another. Everything I read on here seems to assume that each person is a specific race or nationality or that the country you live in is also your heritage. Wrong. US born and mostly raised, but Japanese, Russian, mixed Euro. That’s me. 

7. Favorite fruit: Avocado is a fruit! 🥑

8. Favorite season: 🌹We usually suffer from 6 - 8 months of gloom and rain here. Bring on Spring!  ☘️🌸 Let that shiny thing in the sky make an appearance! 🌤

9. Favorite scent:  Coffee or ginger, tough call. 

10. Favorite color: Strangely, this seems to change. I was going through a warm orange tones phase for years, but since this summer, shades of lavender through violet and moments of yellow seem to be calling. Purples are colors of change. Yellow is for nutters. I guess I’m chugging along on my last brain cell. 🤪

11. Favorite Animal: Ya know, come the end of each day, just throw me in a room full of puppies or kittens and let them climb all over me. That’s all I ask. 

12. Favorite fictional character: Not plural? Just ONE?! I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but Remus Lupin.

13. Coffee, Tea, or hot chocolate: It’s evening now, so tea. Ask me in the morning. It’ll be coffee. 

14. Number of blankets I sleep with: 🔚 I FORBID THIS QUESTION! ❌ I BANISH IT FROM ALL “GET TO KNOW YOUR FRIENDS” TAG GAMES. ❌ “Evanesco!” You’re welcome.

15: When was my blog created?: This specific blog was created in 2016, but I only used it for testing themes and the such. It’s only been in use since April, because I gave up waiting for tumblr to fix my original primary. Then, I went on semi-hiatus for 2 months shortly after. So, kinda weird - my sideblogs and groups are actually older than what is now my primary blog. 🙄 I first posted on this site in late 2009. I’m like a tumblr dinosaur at this point. There are very few of us left.

16: Favorite subject: I have so many minions. I really shouldn’t play favorites. The others might become disobedient.    

17: Currently watching: There’s a bag of chips off to the left of my screen. Very distracting. Should I eat them? Oh, yes. I think I will. 

18: Favorite band: Uh, hell if I know. I listen to a lot of 80s music, but I have the CD soundtrack to The Greatest Showman in my car, and some big band music loaded on my phone. I’m all over the place. 

19: Instruments played: I used to play piano, guitar and drums. It’s been a while. I’m kinda over it as the latter two were more of a teenage angst choice, but sometimes I wish I had kept up on piano. 😔

20: Favorite book: Good Omens! Or... the Harry Potter series. Agh! There’s some Stephen King ones I really love too. And then The Night Circus was pretty fantastic. Neverwhere was a fun ride too. Okay, I’m going to stop right there. 

#tag games #i know I owe a few of these and i'll get to them eventually

[wadupkev]

Why I Changed Jobs 5 Times During COVID

Writing for me has become a unique way for me to process and reflect in my life. I find it soothing to sit at the keys of my computer and slowly watch, like a viewer of a movie on my own life, a story come to life, yet I have already lived it.

There is something real about reflection. Looking back at a situation and seeing it through a clear windshield that once was caked over with dirt. It’s freeing, it’s encouraging, it helps us grow and I am so grateful for that.

This last year for so many has been, dare I say, hard? Does anyone growing up ever think about what kind of destruction a global pandie could cause let alone what a pandie even is? I want to be careful how I write this reflection of my last year because I know the pain and suffering that others have been through because of the ‘rona. Real, life-altering pain. Although my life has been shaken up this year it certainly could have been a lot worse so please know I am writing this knowing the privilege that I have. I hope you see the things that I have learned as the main takeaways rather than the vehicles of transportation that took me to them. Also know that I love you and am so grateful you are reading this. Even if this is where you stop reading I hope you know how loved you are.

Lets rewind a bit.

March 2020

Wowsers. I was living man. The NCAA March Madness tournament was right around the corner. Being in the last semester of grad school with not a whole lot going on class wise, I was soaking up my time in the athletics department at Nebraska. I was scheduled to work the basketball tournaments first and second rounds in Omaha. I would get to be on the floor watching the games live, in the press conference room during interviews, distributing materials as a “runner” to the staff onsite. In the midst of all of this I had begun just a few months prior really starting to look through the job sites and start applying for gigs I thought I would do well in. Something I would love.

How exciting right? Finishing grad school (which funny enough during my freshmen year of undergrad in 2014 I switched majors to avoid going to grad school lol s/o God) with hopes to work in a profession that I had been dreaming about for a little over 5 years. I was working national events, attending sporting events left and right, being front and center as a “fan” or graduate assistant. I was starting to explore where I wanted to live post grad school. The cool thing about college athletics is that there are colleges ALL over. The idea of what a post school life would look like was becoming really clear. This vision that had taken shape over the last 5 years was coming to the point where I wasn’t quite sure what would be next. But things were getting clearer each day.

I remember driving to Omaha a couple days before March Madness was set to begin with my roommate. The night before we saw the first of what would be many NBA games cancelled. Not thinking too much about it at the time, Zach (my roommate) and I were in the car when the alerts that no fans would be in attendance at the games for March Madness came through. My family had tickets to come watch the games. I was on the phone with my dad chatting about them no longer coming to Nebraska to visit and enjoy some college basketball. We hung up and then the alerts just kept coming. Rumors that the whole tournament would be cancelled, then seemingly strong sources stating that it was cancelled. By this point I had dropped Zach off to go on his spring break trip and he was already in Florida. Uh oh. Could he even come home? Stuck 1,700 miles away from school (tbh at the time I did not think he was in the worst spot).

It was sports that did it for us. The moment we knew something awful was about to happen without the magnitude of what it could do in our minds. A quick pause, do you remember when you found out about this whole thing? For some reason I think this is my generations global event that we will look back and no exactly where we were and what we were doing.

Anyways, to continue, ten days after the basketball tournament was cancelled, I received an email from a job I had applied to a few weeks earlier and the head coach was asking to chat about a role. If I am honest, I had forgotten that I had applied for this particular role because of how many jobs I had been applying to during that time. I had figured since I hadn’t heard anything that they were not interested. Slightly stunned, but excited about the possibility to interview, we talked for a while on a Monday and then continued that conversation with a second round interview with his whole staff on that Wednesday. During our Wednesday chat, towards the end, he had told me that I would have a decision, good or bad, by friday. “That’s so soon but rock on.” I thought. I loved the idea of knowing soon. Oh how this would come to bite me. Friday came and went and I heard nothing. What would you think in this situation? At this point I really did not know what the scale of COVID-19 would be. It had shaken things up but I thought it would last a couple weeks. In my mind, I went to “Oh they probably offered the role to someone else, that person is taking the weekend to think about it and they didn’t want to tell me incase this person turns down the role in which case I’ll hear something either Monday or Tuesday.” Somewhat logical right? The timing made sense. I was convinced someone else got the job.

Monday rolls around. This is all happening during Lent (the 40~ days before Easter) in which I had decided to do my bible study in my room immediately after waking up instead of checking my phone first. I had been charging my phone in the living room, which I continue to do now, so that the temptation wouldn’t be there. Expecting to hear something that day or the next, I was distracted to say the least. While I was reading that mornings devotional, I just kept thinking “How crazy would it be if when I go out to the living room to finish my response to the devotional on my phone and I would see a missed call already?”. I had woken up at like 8ish I want to say that morning so I was really doubting to see something. I wrapped up the reading and walked out to the living room and no joke, the first thing I see, it says “Missed Call: Coach Taylor | 3 minutes ago”. WHAT?! Literally as I was thinking “oh man what if he’s already called?” while reading, he had indeed tried to call. I was shocked. I very speedily finished my response to that demo. My apologies to anyone who had received my text that morning because it was NOT my best. I rushed through it trying to not be distracted, but I couldn’t think of anything else. What was he going to say? I immediately called him back. “Good news and bad news Kevin.” Oh boy. Here we go. “I wanted nothing more than to call you on Friday and offer you the job.” Okay……and? “I got a call from HR about an hour before I was planning on calling you saying that the university is freezing all current hiring processes until further notice. You are our guy, we just don’t know when we can get you out here.” I mean, pretty awesome phone call to me, being extremely naive to the timeline that the ‘rona would follow. I thought that tops a couple weeks and boom, I get out to this job. A dream job for me out of grad school. I had connected really well with the head coach and the rest of his staff. It felt so right. I decided at that point that this would be worth waiting for. However long. In my head, I would go home for a couple weeks, spend some time with family, and get out to the job in the middle to end of May. I moved home hoping to not be there too long.

And then the weight of what the ‘rona would do to our world started to pile on. More and more cases. More direction about masks, staying home, virtual events becoming the norm. Every couple of weeks I would connect with Coach Taylor and see how they were handling things, what the update on the possible timeline could be. It keeps getting pushed back. Maybe June 1st. Well maybe July 1st (start of the new fiscal year for universities). These arbitrary dates kept coming and going like the wind. August 1st then August 17th which was the first date of classes. Now what I want to make clear is that this potential employer was not simply stringing me along. No one really knew what to expect with this virus. He was hopeful and encouraging to talk to about the future of this role. In the midst of all of this, I was at home with my parents not knowing when I was going to leave. 24, grad degree, living at home. The story I told myself was that I had failed. That I had made it through the right hoops at the right time to finally get to the hoop that was too high up to get through and to fall down on my face and not be good enough. Then, in the middle of August, I got a call from the Coach in which he informed me that it would at least be Spring of 21’ before they would be able to consider a hire.

Woof.

Not what I wanted to hear. It could likely mean a full year living at home before they could consider hiring? Oh man.

I had picked up a job working 6pm to midnight at Lowes unloading trucks. More on this in my last blog.

I felt lost. I felt alone. A handful of my grad school friends had already secured jobs before COVID. The few that hadn’t yet felt really far away. All the people I was spending time around still had their jobs and were still chugging forward when it felt like I had been cast one hundred miles back in life. It was hard.

I sat down into a conversation with one of my incredible mentors, Tyler. I explained the whole situation like I had done a million times already at that point. I explained how I likely would have a full winter to wait out before this dream role, or even hiring in college athletics in general, would resume to normal. He asked me a couple questions and then said something that challenged my current thinking. “Kevin, think about it. When else are you going to have an entire winter, to do whatever you want, ever in your life again? No responsibilities, no restrictions besides the ‘rona. Use this time to have a little fun. Don’t go into debt, but enjoy this time. Think about this as an opportunity to do something you otherwise would never get to do. You ski a lot right? Go be a ski bum.”

Now. This idea had not been completely foreign to me. On a backpacking trip in 2015, one of the group leaders had mentioned how he had been a ski bum at Vail in his 20’s. Immediately Ty(the groups leader on the backpacking trip)’s stories starting becoming vivid memories. I remember him telling me of the 100+ days he spent skiing, living on a couch eating ramen and PB&Js to make it by, just living.

I went home that day from lunch with Tyler and applied for a job at Copper Mountain. “Ski Instructor, hm that sounds like something I could do” having taught just a handful of friends in college how to ski. S/O Tyler Leasure crashing into a tree at full speed. The immediate excitement of possibly spending a winter in the mountains of Colorado was quickly brought back to the ground. I would only be doing this because I wasn’t where I actually wanted to be. I was only doing it because my dream job had seemingly fallen through the cracks. I ended up getting offered the job at Copper. Finding housing was a true pain in the but until a friend connected me with a mutual friend. I am so blessed to have even gotten a place to stay in Summit County. I was a day or so from telling Copper I couldn’t come because of not finding housing.

December 1st, 2020

I moved up to Dillon, CO. A place I kind of, but not really, wanted to be. I would hear from my friends that they were so jealous of me. They wanted to be a ski bum but couldn’t for a host of different reasons, all legitimate. But here I was, working a job that so many were “jealous” of, and I wasn’t happy.

I want to be careful here because I know how this can look. “Oh you had to go be a ski bum and thats the most trying time of your life? Okay, Kevin. Take a seat and let me tell you what real pain looks like.” I really hope to not come off like that here. This was a tough spot for me. The life I had envisioned for so long and was so close to coming to fruition had disappeared in an instant. I hope you can understand what that feels like.

I was frustrated. I was skiing and I was frustrated. HA. What an oxymoron. But then my mom handed me a book. A book on lament. An unfiltered prayer to God. Raw and emotional. In the book the author said something so simple yet so profound. “Hard is hard. Hard is not bad.” Pffffffff dude come on! This hit me like a BRICK! I had been looking back over the confusing time spectacle that is COVID as hard and that it sucked. But nope. Hard is going to happen in our life. That is what it means to be human. We can’t avoid it. Hard is hard. It is not bad. Hard reveals idols and mine could not have been more apparent. I had placed this job and my career on a pedestal so that when it didn’t come to reality, I was mad. It hadn’t worked out how I wanted it to.

But then I started thinking, and it may be a cliche to a lot of people, but if I place my happiness on the other side of this job working out, when will I ever be happy in my life? Because if this job does work out, I will have trained myself to put happiness on the other side of some thing and will always continue to do that. If I couldn’t be happy as a FREAKING SKI BUM when could I ever be happy? This rocked my world. I started meditating. I started trying to be more present. To live in the now. To enjoy the now for what it is. We spend so much time living in the past and future that the now rarely ever gets any focus. Do you see how unhealthy this is? I could see this trend going in a bad direction. If I started saying that I would only be happy when I was in a relationship, that would be such a toxic way to approach and treat any woman. If I could only be happy once I had moved away from home, would I ever really have somewhere that I could consider home? If I could only be happy when I started making adult money, how would that affect my view of finances and the pitfalls of only ever wanting to make more money? I had to change.

Living in the present. Enjoying skiing was the biggest priority I had. I had made a couple good friends in Summit County, Justin and James, and we had started planning some ski trips. We went and skied Telluride together and I started to fall in love with the sport again. I got to ski Powderhorn with some boys from my days in Grand Junction. I was spending a ton of time taking laps in the park at Copper. I started getting some bigger jumps down, started throwing some tricks. I was loving skiing again. I was getting better and seeing a ton of progression. I was enjoying being a ski bum. The future still seemed unclear but I was happy. I was happy where I was. It’s something that I think is so crucial to our lives. If you can’t be happy now, when will you ever be? I was done trying to become happy and was simply being happy. I started seeing the little blessings of everyday in a hard situation.

A situation that once was only frustrating was starting to bear its fruit.

I joined a bookclub with two really really solid guys and it has changed my life. In a book we just finished called Cry Like a Man the author Jason Wilson says “Only when the wheat is cut down, broken, ground up, and baked in the fire is it ready to feed one or many.” I had been broken down. Mad. Frustrated. Angry. Fearful. All the while God had been shaping my heart into something useful for myself and hopefully through conversation or even this blog, useful for others. I tried to keep a heart posture open to being shaped but it was not easy at times and I definitely was doubtful so often. But with the little that I did hand over to Jesus, he created something in me far greater that I could have imagined. Someone who appreciated this last year. Someone who can say now that I would go through this whole waiting game again knowing what it would bring out of me. Knowing what I would learn.

I recently received a job offer from that same dream role I had mentioned earlier. I could not be more thrilled and excited to start that. But until then I am soaking up time with family and friends.

I am so grateful to so many people for their roles in pouring into me this last year. I was in a rough spot and can’t say thank you enough to those who talked with me, sat with me, cried with me, and loved me so well. To those people, thank you.

I hope you have people like that in your life because holy smokes did I lean hard on those people. Their selflessness was a very needed light in my life. It’s what we are built for right? To live in community and relationship with others? Yes, I understand that we aren’t supposed to do that in large groups indoors without masks with the ‘rona still around, but it is so so so important to have a group of people you can lean on in hard times because they WILL come. Who are those people for you? The ones you can trust to be there for you when it sucks and just listen? Not to try to fix the problem or tell you a story that in many ways one-up’s your story, but to simply sit in the suck. To sit in the uncomfortable. It is a skill that I have now realized is a rare one. But those people are the best and so needed in everyones life. I hope you think about who those people are and say thank you to them.

I love you. Thank you for reading this far. Having read over this blog a few times, I get slightly emotional every time. Not because I am still sad, but because I know where I was and where I am now. Because I know that in the breaking down process is where life really has value. I am so grateful for you. If you could humor me with a favor, shoot me a text or message somewhere if you read this whole thing telling me one thing you learned during this last year. I would love to hear about it. I also would love to let you know in a more intimate way how thankful I am that you decided to read this. Hopefully you learned something through this as well. God is so good.

I LOVE THE HECK OUT OF YOU, DAWG. ALL THE LOVE.