#wrote this because wingman Bill had the potential for such chaos

[theweirdgoodbyes]

“C’mon, lemme help you. You’re breakin’ my heart.”

It’s a Thursday night, the Eagles are playing against the Patriots, and Babe Heffron is one miserable son of a bitch. He had called Bill for an emergency meeting after a particularly gruesome day at work, which including him chasing a student eloping out of the building and down the streets of Philadelphia in 15 degree weather. Why administration hadn’t listened to him about needing locks on his doors, he’ll never understand. Babe ended the day freezing, frustrated, and with a pile of paperwork. He loved his job as a special education teacher, and loved making a difference in young lives. But days like today always brought him back to their familiar spot, The Currahee, much needed beer in hand. One beer had turned into two, and then three, and then Babe lamenting his lonely existence as a perpetually single gay man.

“Pussy hound Bill Guarnere wants to help me pick up a guy? Has hell frozen over?” Babe asks sarcastically, pressing two fingers to the pulse in his neck, “Am I dead?”

“Shaddup. Don’t act like the guys wouldn’t go crazy over me.”

Babe leans forward, reaching out to pat Bill’s arm, “Oh, baby, you drive me crazy alright.”

Babe would do anything for Bill Guarnere. When they were sixteen, and Babe finally understood why he didn’t look at girls the way other guys did, he was terrified to tell Bill that he was gay. Bill, all rough edges and macho energy, had been his best friend since the first day of kindergarten. “You tryna play?” Bill had barked at him the moment Babe stepped into the classroom, still clinging to his mother’s legs. From that moment on the two of them were inseparable. The idea of losing Bill was scarier than anything he could think of, and it took Babe months and several pep talks in the mirror to muster up the courage. So one fateful night, as they drank some stolen beers on Babe’s childhood trampoline, Babe just blurted it out.

“Bill, I like guys.”

Bill was silent for a moment, before tossing his beer over the netting and rolling on top of Babe to envelop him in a giant hug. Babe hugged him back and fought back tears against his shoulder, comforted by Bill’s gruff assurances that best friends forever meant forever. Ten years later, here they are, still thick as thieves, and Bill is adamant that all of Babe’s problems will be solved by getting laid.

“Alright, ‘nough of the funny business,” Bill puts his hands up, as serious as he could ever be. “You want my help or not? I’m tired of listenin’ to you piss and moan over what’s his face.”

“Henry,” Babe sighs, thinking of his ex boyfriend. They had only dated for the summer while Henry was doing an internship in the area. He had gone back to Buffalo in August, and Babe’s love life has been bleak since.

“Yeah, Fuckface McGee, him. You were too good for him, Babe, didn’t I always tell you that?” Bill raises a furry eyebrow, forgetting that according to him Babe was too good for every boyfriend he’s had. He had also taken up the obnoxious but well-meaning habit of running every guy Babe had ever spoken to through the database at the police station, with something as small as a speeding ticket enough to make him concerned. “How long have you known me?”

“Too damn long.”

“And have I ever steered you wrong?”

Before Babe can open his mouth, Bill points at him with a shake of his head, “Don’t answer that. Take a good look around this bar and take your pick. Daddy’s gonna help you.”

Babe looks around the bar. It’s a freezing night in January, so it’s only regulars like him and Bill who have no better place to be. He scans past familiar faces until he sees someone he doesn’t recognize.

“Him.”

Bill turns to look. This stranger is sitting at the bar, eyes laser-focused on the game playing above him. Babe can’t make out the color, but can feel the intensity in them from across the room. He’s got a short crop of black hair to match his furrowed brows, a bit of stubble, and lips that Babe is very interested in seeing up close.

“That guy? The little one with the face?”

“He’s not little.”

“You think he’s on your team?”

Babe keeps looking at this handsome stranger, taking more of him in. His gaydar has always been horrible, highlighted by the confident kiss he had once given his buddy Welsh only to gently be told that friends is all they would ever be. Babe runs on the assumption because it’s 2024, and the world is a much more accepting place than it was ten years ago, that trying to hit on a straight guy isn’t the worst thing that could happen. The stranger is still wearing his coat, despite the stuffy bar air, arms crossed and hands tucked under his armpits like he’s cold. He’s found a lonely corner of the bar, and the drink in front of him is empty. He’s got an air about him that’s says “leave me the fuck alone”, and Babe sees him shake his head when the bartender goes over. Maybe he’s getting ready to leave, he thinks. Babe starts to second guess himself, and begins looking around to see his other options. Handsome Stranger’s mysterious vibe is intriguing, but the possibility of rejection would put Babe in the ground after his rough day.

“I’m goin’ in,” Bill stands up before Babe can protest and struts over to the bar, misplaced confidence oozing out of him.

Babe can only watch in horror as Bill plops himself down next to Handsome Stranger, sticks out a meaty hand, and begins to jabber away. He decides that’s all he needs to see and sets his sight on the nearest TV just in time to watch the Eagles make a touchdown. At least it’s a good day for the Bird Gang.

A moment passes and Babe finds the courage to look back at the bar. He sees Bill stomping back over to him, face contorted in a scowl that Babe is all too familiar with. The conversation cannot have gone in his favor. The guy is definitely straight, potentially homophobic based on Bill’s visible anger.

“What did he say?” Babe dares to ask. He puts his glass to his lips, praying for a miracle.

“First of all, kid must be fuckin’ blind because he took one look at me and says ‘Absolutely not’.”

Babe chokes on his beer, sputtering foam all over the table. He pounds his chest with his fist, willing himself to breathe through his laughter. It’s not often that Bill faces rejection, and the obvious wound to his ego is something Babe will savor for years to come.

“So I says, ‘Listen, toots’-“

Babe’s laughter is cut short and he groans, because of course Bill would make an ass of himself, and by extension, Babe. “Bill, no, you did not call him ‘toots’-“

“I says, ‘first of all, you ain’t my type, with the lack of tits and that pissy pout-“

“BILL!”

“-and you ain’t for me, you’re for the poor fucker sittin’ over here’”, Bill plops back down in his chair, shaking his head. He finishes his beer and sighs, like the interaction has exhausted him, “And then I walked away before I punched him in the mouth.”

Babe just drops his head down on the table. This isn’t the first time Bill has been an absolute beast in public, and it certainly won’t be the last. Babe’s minuscule dream of a night not spent alone has been dashed.

“You need a muzzle,” he mumbles to the wood, “I’m gonna have to tie you to the pole outside. Put up a sign that says, ‘please don’t pet me, I bite’.”

“Don’t be a prick. Can’t say I didn’t tr-“

“Hey.”

Babe looks up and Jesus Christ, Handsome Stranger is standing right in front of him. Although the bar is quieter than usual, the man had appeared with such silence that Babe wonders if he appeared out of thin air. He can barely believe this is real, certain that the guy was either straight or so repulsed by Bill that all hope was lost.

“Hey,” he squeaks out. Oh, Christ. He clears his throat and repeats himself, “Hey.”

The guy stares at him with those dark eyebrows still furrowed, like he’s looking at something under a microscope. Suddenly self-conscious under his unrelenting gaze, Babe runs his hand over his forehead, trying to rub away any red mark that might be left from slamming his head down.

God, up close he really is hot. His eyes are somewhere between blue and grey, complimented by the blue scrubs he’s wearing under his coat. Babe feels his cheeks turning as red as his hair, but unable to look away from those unblinking eyes. Over the hum of distant conversations and game commentary, Babe wonders if Handsome Stranger can hear his heart thumping out of his chest.

“You his friend?” He sticks a thumb at Bill, who immediately straightens up.

“His best friend, actu-“

“Give me your phone.”

Babe could fall out of his chair. There’s no way.

“My what?”

“Your phone. It’s right there.” Handsome Stranger points to where it rests on the table next to Babe’s glass.

“Oh, yeah, sure, here.” Babe scrambles to grab his phone and unlock it, handing it over quicker than he would like to admit.

The stranger taps at it and then quickly types something in and hands it back to Babe. He looks to see his contacts open, with a new addition: Eugene Roe. He doesn’t recognize the area code, explaining why he’s never seen this Eugene before tonight.

“Cool beans,” is all Babe can think to say because holy shit, he did not expect Bill to actually pull through with this. When he looks up again, Eugene Roe is gone. He looks to the door just in time to see it swing shut, catching a quick glimpse of white sneakers walking away.

Bill gives him a shit eat grinning and grabs his shoulders to give him a rough shake.

“Cool beans? What are you, fuckin’ twelve?”

“I panicked,” Babe defends himself. He can’t help but smile and looks back at his phone. He wonders if it would make him seem desperate to text him right now. Yeah, it would, he decides, maybe he’ll wait an hour-

Bill cackles, a sound that shocks Babe back into reality. “Never say I never did nothin’ for you, even though that guy is already on thin fuckin’ ice with me. Now go buy me a beer. The king is thirsty.”

Babe happily obliges, making his way over to the bar in a half-daze. While the bartender pours Bill’s beer, Babe looks back over to where his handsome no-longer a stranger was sitting. Eugene Roe, he thinks, who are you?

(Now posted on my ao3 with some edits! https://archiveofourown.org/works/53977666#work_endnotes)

#wrote this because wingman Bill had the potential for such chaos #as of right now this is a one shot but we shall see what happens! #fanfic #fanfiction #band of brothers #hbo war #band of brothers fanfic #band of brothers fanfiction #baberoe #eugene roe #babe heffron #bill guarnere #modern au #Maddie writes