thingsiharboradisdainfor

[thingsiharboradisdainfor]

I Despise the Turducken

Though the holiday season has long since passed, my hatred for a certain festive meal prevails. The culinary abomination that is the turducken originated in the United States, as all horrors do. I may be unqualified to speak on the turducken as I haven’t (and never plan on) experiencing it, but the mere thought of it fills me with such rage that simply can’t be ignored.

For those blessed with oblivion in regards to the turducken, allow me to tarnish the peace you may have once felt. Picture this: One plucked turkey, a Thanksgiving staple, and on its own perfectly enjoyable. But alas, all that is good must be ruined. In this case, with another variety of poultry: the duck. The unsuspecting turkey will soon find another bird stuffed where ‘the sun don’t shine’ as the saying goes. This process is referred to as ‘engastration’ which couldn’t sound less appealing if it tried. ‘Engastration’ is reminiscent of a medical procedure your doctor recommends after you eat gas station sushi. And, because this dish is of American origin, one cannot stop there- yet another bird is mercilessly shoved into the sorry asshole of the second. Traditionally, a chicken is subject to this miserable end. This grotesque Franken-bird is then finished off with some form of stuffing in its cracks and crevices, just in case the diner has yet to develop some form of organ failure. I can’t begin to comprehend how undignified this must be for both parties involved, fowl and person.

The monstrosity is then baked and served to the crude barbarians that enjoy it. 

#I despise the turducken #abhorrent american cuisine #turducken #thanksgiving #rage #text post

[thingsiharboradisdainfor]

Welcome to the blog.

Initially I planned to send my thoughts out into the void with no preface whatsoever, but it seems prudent that I supply at the least a vague introduction. 

It is with the utmost remorse that I welcome those who had the misfortune of discovering this blog. Really it is more for my personal entertainment. Perhaps it will come to be good source material for a hypothetical therapist I have yet to see. Enjoy.

#about me #but also not #welcome #i'm so terribly sorry