throwawaywoman

[throwawaywoman]

the motor run that soothes the soul;

the marble rattle paired with little licks

on my fingertips,

the tiny claws pawing at my tummy

because it’s soft; warm, and it

belongs to me, his human.

the quiet hum in the background

of the chatter on the sofa;

the sweet purrs that show me

he is happy, safe, and loved.

#poetry #poem #escapril #writing prompt #purrr

[throwawaywoman]

"i don't fear the future anymore!" he cries;

his eyes wide, fingers trembling,

breath laced with the fear of what i'd say next.

#poetry #poem #my poetry

[throwawaywoman]

prompt 22

a bed of roses is nothing

when you’re laying with the thorn

#escapril #escapril day 22 #poetry #my poetry #poem

[throwawaywoman]

i never used to believe in soulmates

until i realised that i am stuck with you

for the rest of my life.

i sigh, roll my eyes, and i say 'thank you'

when the realisation hits me, every time. 

without you, I'm missing a limb.

you're the path I always follow

to come home.

#poetry #poem #escapril #escapril day 3

[throwawaywoman]

you are a stranger that

I know everything about.

seeing you feels as bittersweet as

watching the Sun and Moon cross

paths on a solar eclipse.

for just a moment, they fit

together, until they fall apart

all over again.

but the Sun would never scold

the Moon for shining on her own.

#poetry #poem #escapril day 2 #escapril

[throwawaywoman]

when i opened my eyes

i was in a starbucks, and i could

not tell you how i got there.

no footprints left behind, or any

breadcrumbs dropped along the path

could lead me to where i came from.

when i opened my eyes

the world opened up again

and became louder, the noise from

the cafe chattering over the

loud ringing in my ears,

grounding me through the

weekly coffee catchups.

when i opened my eyes

the world turned to watercolour,

the greyscale fading from view as

quickly as it came, draping over my

world like a weighted blanket of

colourless nothingness.

when i opened my eyes

i felt my feet again, planted on the

floor, rooted into the soil as opposed to

the floating sensation of feeling like you're

not quite here.

opening my eyes,

meant seeing myself again;

it meant seeing the world again

for all that it is,

and for all that i am.

#poem #poetry #escapril #escapril day 1

[throwawaywoman]

just my luck

i can't decide which fate is worse;

cracking the wishbone and receiving the short end,

or being told you were lucky enough to pull it apart in the first place.

#poem #poetry #my poetry #escapril day 14 #wishbone

[throwawaywoman]

yo 3 months later: i’m literally good. ofc nothing has completely gone away but i’m a lot happier and things seem easier to cope with. i’m also a lot more confident in how i look which is something i thought i’d never feel. big up therapy 

a ramble because it’s nearly 3am

so i’m going through therapy again and i have been for a month and last week i went through the absolute thick of it which has resulted in me feeling so fucking different it’s insane. like i feel… okay? i’m not thinking about my past? i’m not dreaming about my past as much? i’ve either heavily dissociated and i can’t tell up from down (cause i can’t) OR i genuinely think i’m getting better - gosh i’m too emotional about it. this is what i’ve wanted for so long, to be better, to be normal - but idk who i would be if i didn’t have all this baggage. all i know is me damaged, i wouldn’t know who i am anymore. would i be 16/17 again, in the sense of that’s the only “normal” i’ve really known and therefore would revert back to? or would i just be someone that no-one recognises or even likes anymore. what the fuck. i’m almost scared to recover because i don’t know who i’m going to greet on the other side 

[throwawaywoman]

the exact middle

to be truly neutral, your insides burn with

all you want to say, but never saying it, all you want to do, but never doing it, all boundaries you want to set, but never setting them, all the songs you want to sing, but never singing them. all you have ever dreamed, but not believing them. all you want to achieve, but never chasing anything.

the true neutral. no compulsions, no prejudices. nothing.

#poetry #poem #my poetry #escapril #escapril day 2

[throwawaywoman]

empty, except for

no matter how hard i try

to fill my life with purpose,

i am empty.

except for when you find me.

only then do you fill me up,

and i wish i was empty again.

#poem #poetry #my poetry #escapril #escapril day 3

[throwawaywoman]

of course I loved you,

but I love me more

#poetry #recovery #poem

[throwawaywoman]

you are not my soul mate

but you're making me not want to meet them

[throwawaywoman]

i don’t like winter

getting better feels like winter, where everything has to become cold before everything becomes warm again

getting better feels like winter, where the nights have to get darker before they get lighter again. getting better feels like winter, where your skin gets sore from the wind before it’s soothed by the sun again.

getting better feels like winter, where the colours we love disappear before we see them again.

getting better feels like winter. things have to get worse, before they get better.

#poetry #poem #recovery

[throwawaywoman]

a poem for my first fur baby

and even though you are no longer here, i keep you close and hold you so dear. i know another is coming along and he’ll make us the happiest we’ve been in so long, but my baby, my moo-moo, forever you’ll stay as the good boy who stole my heart away. please don’t worry wherever you are. i could never replace you, no pet by far could give the comfort you gave me. in truth, you really did save me.

so as i welcome our new fur baby into our home, he’ll sit where you sat, roam where you’d roam, eye up your toys, cause a fuss and be loved, he’ll be nothing like you. you were sent from above and above is where you’ll remain. my sweet fur baby, ‘till we meet again. <3 

[throwawaywoman]

a ramble because it’s nearly 3am

so i’m going through therapy again and i have been for a month and last week i went through the absolute thick of it which has resulted in me feeling so fucking different it’s insane. like i feel... okay? i’m not thinking about my past? i’m not dreaming about my past as much? i’ve either heavily dissociated and i can’t tell up from down (cause i can’t) OR i genuinely think i’m getting better - gosh i’m too emotional about it. this is what i’ve wanted for so long, to be better, to be normal - but idk who i would be if i didn’t have all this baggage. all i know is me damaged, i wouldn’t know who i am anymore. would i be 16/17 again, in the sense of that’s the only “normal” i’ve really known and therefore would revert back to? or would i just be someone that no-one recognises or even likes anymore. what the fuck. i’m almost scared to recover because i don’t know who i’m going to greet on the other side 

[throwawaywoman]

dreams, pt 1

I'll be over the phone

and in your head, too.

honey, if i could dream

they'd all be of you.

#poem #poetry #spoken word

[throwawaywoman]

my phobia makes me feel like a freak and that my trauma isn’t as bad as i think it is because all phobias are “irrational”. sometimes it does feel like i’m making a mountain out of a molehill with my mental health