toritane

[toritane]

October 1, 2022

I don't know why do we live. Like, I understand life's no meaning and all we can is to enjoy these little moments of it. And I like it, really.

That's just... I'm tired. I suffer a lot, like we all do. However, I don't wanna live. I need rest. Maybe I should take mine, and never wake up again. That would be great.

But I won't do it until I become, maybe, 40 years old, idk

[toritane]

I desperately need money 🥲

[toritane]

September 29, 2022

I'm not getting enough sleep these 3 days. You know why? Because I just don't wanna go to sleep bro! That's so stupid

I'm trying to improve my skills in 3d modeling, even if I feel like this world's fallin apart.

It's hard to write sth in here. Gotta go to bed

[toritane]

September 26, 2022

I think I'm gonna go to the library. I wonder, do any of them still work? It is such a great idea! I will take fictional novels from the library, save them to my own content calendar in Notion, and then give back. I can even bring few books from home. In this way, I will save money and place for non-fic ones, so that I could reread and take notes from important study books.

I'm such a genius haha! 😃

I will also leave here a new song for every day, just to understand the post better and to save my music tastes from this period of life

#Spotify

[toritane]

September 24, 2022

The cheese sauce poisoned me. Bruh. Feeling sick all the day.

Hate this shit.

Tried to do some homework but it didn't work, so I just played Genshin and Night in the woods instead.

Did some yoga. Muscles aching

[toritane]

September 19, 2022

I'm really tired and wanna sleep. It was a tough day, I'm starting to hate the university.

[toritane]

It's so pleasant to feel cold on my skin every morning as I wake up

[toritane]

I feel like this song perfectly fits to every Junji Ito manga

#Spotify

[toritane]

September 15, 2022

Life isn't worth it.

[toritane]

September 14, 2022

It's gearing harder to maintain the schedule, but I'm trying to. Still don't know if I can manage university and studying 3d simultaneously.

[toritane]

September 13, 2022

I've already forgotten this excitement and tiredness when you've been studying all day.

Feeling like it's time to make money. We should have looked for courses with my dad a month ago, but I guess we will never do. So I'm gonna finish some YouTube guides on Blender and go make 3d models for cash.

Want to buy myself great laptop with sensor screen. And take care of my health, finally

[toritane]

September 12, 2022

I've been forgetting to take my fucking meds second day in a row. So it was awful. I felt dizzy and wanted to sleep all day 😩

In the evening my anxiety came to visit and then a panic attack and it couldn't for an hour...

Moreover, it was really hard to take myself out of bed today 1) because I fell asleep at 2 am and 2) it was a beginning of the university. What makes things worse, there were 4 lessons of 1,5 h each ahead.

I hate this day. So glad it ended 😒

[toritane]

September 10, 2022

A bit overwhelmed. Slept too much, feeling dizzy and weak, can't concentrate. And also mood is changing really fast. It's like I'm on pms, though it's the 3rd day of my period.

However, I'm really excited about university sport sessions I've already signed to. I will be a perfect opportunity to do yoga every morning and stay fit at the same time. I wanted to do wrestling for a long time already so I will feel more secure out of home

[toritane]

September 8, 2022

Fucking period. I hate that woman's body is so directed at children, like the only thing we have to do is to give birth. Hormones, fat, period aargh!

And it's so painful

[toritane]

This world is cruel and chaotic, still I find it great.

The planet doesn't care about anyone, so you have to survive and struggle to find your own way. That's why this life is interesting. It wouldn't'd be that much pleasure to make progress if you had everything from the beginning. That's why rich kids might have depression and do drugs more often than an average human, they just don't feel that strange but wonderful feeling when you, going through a hundred difficulties, finally achieved your goal.

I love it so much

#random thoughts #i love living #depression #therapy

[toritane]

05/09/2022

I fell asleep at 2 am, and there was an air alert at 6 am. Then I couldn't sleep anymore. After few hours of doing nothing found myself waking up at 3 pm lol. That was the moment I found out my regime is fucked up. Trying to restore it now.

I also made my "game corner" in notion. Pretty useful tbh, didn't expect it to be that good.

[toritane]

02.09.2022

It js brother's 7th birthday.

Our parents gave him a large Lego set, Huggy Wuggy plushie (it's creepy tho but he was desperate) and many other little presents. There was a chocolate cake with Zig & Sharko gingerbreads + pizza and sushi in the evening. Btw I didn't come with them to special kid's room but guess it was fun.

Can't believe I live with 2 extroverted people in one flat. Atrem loves to throw parties, meet new people and be with society. In contrast, I just can't live like this.

It feels strange to sit in the hall during air alert at your own birthday. Can't even imagine what those children feel celebrating their "special day" in the bomb shelter...

I also have greater anxiety than usual 'cause of the bad sleep: I watched Gumball until 5.30 am lol. It was hard to sleep due to the allergy, guess I need to wait a bit longer before sleeping on my new couch. Fucking formaldehydes.