tossertozier

[tossertozier]

DONT LEAVE US HOW ARE YOOOOUUUUUU

ily bestie but i’m pretty sure no ones here anymore. this place is a goddamned ghost town. i’m doing pretty good tho, trying to get back into writing with a focus on some OW’s that have been sitting in my pocket for licherally years. how y’all doin

[tossertozier]

hey guys

how y’all doing

i just remembered that i hoarded the username stanpat when the ship started climbing in popularity

evil of me

[tossertozier]

AHHH HOW ARE YOU!!! I was literally about to start haikyuu, I’m guessing it’s worth the hype?!

i was joking about the pipeline bc truly i don’t know anything about the fandom & honestly i’m not sure if it’s something i like need outside content for?? there’s nothing i specifically ship in it or anything but

i do think there are qualities that would attract someone to the IT fandom that it shares. it’s funny & sweet in its own way & the entire emphasis is on platonic relationships. (much like how i think the best things in canon IT is the bond between the seven)

found family for the wiiiiiiin

but with a LOT less damage (in haikyuu) nsnskxjxjd

#i know its like an anime sin to watch with dubbing #but my dyslexic adhd ass could not keep up with the subs #and for what its worth i think the dub actors do a nice job #if youre new to anime and daunted by subs #even if they sound like fully grown men #*hello fellow kids*

[tossertozier]

is there an IT fandom to haikyuu fandom pipeline

if not. can i make one.

#im kidding i still love the kids #but these other kids... #daichi sawamura is everything bill denbrough thinks he is

[tossertozier]

early mid twenties for me so far is just a lot of staring at a wall being like “i have no idea what do with my life”

should i write a not fan fiction novel should i go back to college should i move countries should i go throw rocks at a tree until i feel something i just don’t know!

#i have come to angst to you all bc i cannot keep pacing circles arounf fiance #hes like do whatever u want baby ill support u #and im like can u just pick #and hes like ljterally no i cNnot #RUDE

[tossertozier]

this is probably an unnecessary question, but do u think it would have been too late for reddie if they didn’t get together when they did? (in & tfat lolol) like if they at least went to college before getting together?

god considering everything in the fic was building up to that moment like that really stupid moment it’s literally inconceivable to me that they wouldn’t. i don’t know! i’ve let this sit my ask for so long bc i have no idea.

i think part of what went into that is that slowburn gets dragged out pretty hardcore bc of several random inconveniences ~in the way~ in the chapters preceding. like georgie and richies problems with bill and sonia and the other random little things that happen. like all in all the moment in question was decently unromantic. they were standing outside of bill’s house after eddie visited his mother in the hospital mere weeks away from moving very far away from each other. like there were a zillion reasons not to.

but overall what i wanted it to feel like was that regardless of what was happening in the plot the character feelings were so strong that it was impossible not to. like what was going on just truly didn’t fucking matter to them anymore. and the stuff piling on top of both of them just couldn’t deter either of them anymore. bc let’s face it, richies insecurity and eddies anxiety are really the mountains that had to be climbed to reach this point, not so much the plot. it was kinda supposed to be like... idk i feel like a lot of times it feels like with love or whatever we have a lot of life obstacles for us to overcome to get to a point to reach it, but in this, like there were plot inconveniences sure, but really what had to be overcome was richie and eddie themselves. it was never about noah or any sort of plot device standing in their way. the only thing really standing in their way was themselves. so once enough of that mountain was climbed (and there sure is a long way to the top) it was like we can no longer ignore this it is no longer physically possible

it is quite possible none of this made any logical sense and if so i apologize!!

#like yes i would be lying if i didnt say like #i wanted the reader to be tearing their pillows apart if they didnt kiss #but i wanted that feeling to stem from getting the same feeling from the two of them #like we will absolutely lose our minds if we dont kiss #because they know #so well #how impractical this is #they just dont have the energy to care #only kith

[tossertozier]

ohmygod i'm crying. something is wrong guys...i miss bill so much bless his heart. is &tfat bill mysteriously an actually very good baker. &tfat bill in a flowerprint baking apron is something that just unlocked in my brain

it hasn’t really come up in the fic bc &tfat really could be renamed as “the gradual but steady downfall of bill denbrough” and still be accurate but i honestly fuck with this headcanon

really when i envisioned their characters i pictured richie/bill friendship founded on being those two guys who are frustratingly good at things they don’t deserve to be good at but in completely opposite ways??

richie as not really having to try hard at all academically so long as it’s not take home work. like richie will nail a test in any subject. doesn’t really have to listen in class to retain information.

and bill being like frustratingly good with his hands/anything physical? like just really good hand eye coordination? like art? give him like five hours and a hundred tries and he’ll do it. baking something? sure. just stupid little things that take a certain amount of skill and somehow bill just does them and it makes people want to tear their hair out but not really bc bill was a likable guy and actually decently humble about it? but *fucks around and barely tries and somehow succeeds* is KEY to bill for me.

#still is! #a likable guy #sort of #hes just going through it #were getting there with him im going somewhere with it trust me!!!

[tossertozier]

if i could draw literally at all i would do a comic of bill in IT!verse trying to tell adult authority figures that there’s something in derry using the “it feels a bit wet” tone in the clip from the video i just reblogged

SOMETHING IS WRONG

something is wrong

i’m gonna just say this enough times until hopefully someone tells me what to do

SOMETHING IS WRONG

the silence is deafening.

#i like that on my blog i have to reference when im talking about canon #lmaooooo

[tossertozier]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

#accent and all #hes more bill to me in this clip #than he was in any given frame of it ch 2 #‘fucking around and somehow still wins’ #thATS THE BLUEPRINT OF BILL DENBROUGH ARE YOU KIDDING

[tossertozier]

thank youso much patty blum that's actually precisely what happened chapter 87 par. 14 line 79 when richie and eddie finally fish [part 1 to my past-read fic tributes, &TFAT by @tossertozier LOV u]

#gods i cant grt over tbis CAN WE JUST #PLS I LOVE IT SO MUCH

[tossertozier]

who in the losers club dances around like an idiot for cardio with soundproof headphones on and who stands there watching them fondly for ten minutes without saying anything

#a story from me and my fiances home tonight #:) #i can dance just not casually its mostly flailing and jumping #i know the answer to this bc its in my 8tfat five years later story but i wanan know whsg yall think

[tossertozier]

thank youso much patty blum that's actually precisely what happened chapter 87 par. 14 line 79 when richie and eddie finally fish [part 1 to my past-read fic tributes, &TFAT by @tossertozier LOV u]

#oh my god i love them #theres so much atfention to detail here... #its so GOOD OH MY GOD #LOOK At IT #im gonna frame this i s2g #richies hat :)

[tossertozier]

What inspired you to keep be/nverly pretty one-sided in &tfat? (I mean, to me, their relationship right now in the fic actually reminds me most of how they are in the book as kids I think? Minus the love poem kind of stuff and adding way more individualism to them). I think I'm just used to them technically being the only "canon" ship and so then their story frequently gets reduced to "Ben lov Bevi, Bevi don't, Bevi eventually do" when these hoes took their Time.

cool q!

i do know a lot of losers fic tends to write benverly as the groups token stable couple. totally fine! i just see it differently. i think having a stable couple is very useful narratively so in &tfat’s case it is stanpat and reddie has already begun to follow the example they set (subtly) just because where the characters are in their lives it made a lot more sense to me for stan and pat to be capable of doing such a thing.

(mild fic spoilers ahead but really probably stuff we all already know just hasn’t been explicitly mentioned) bev is just not at all in a place to accept romantic love in her life right now and doesn’t even really know what love will look like to her. she has no concept of how she wants to be romantically loved. And i just want to mention that’s okay. she doesn’t need to figure it out immediately, it’s not where her priorities are at at the moment. she’s 18 and about to go to college in a new city. life can be very whole and complete without romantic love.

and ben’s fixation on beverly is a little sad bc it’s 1/2 real genuine appreciation of his best friend & 1/2 fantasy of a person who doesn’t exist. he’s kind of mentally manic pixie dream girl’d bev, sees her as a solution to his bottom of the ocean self esteem. which she’s not. bev doesn’t exist to make him feel better about himself. i’d talk more about this but honestly i don’t want to talk it to death bc it is a big part of his upcoming closing character arch.

(real fic spoilers ahead) i realize everyone was really nervous when reddie got together “early” in the chapter count with so many left but really the intention was never to do needless reddie drama with the remaining chapters. it was to close the remaining character archs, because &tfat was supposed to be indicative of life in general when you’re a teenager and as all we all know, the world does not stop turning because your best friends started dating. in fact, sometimes the world just gets stranger. the ones that i feel are still particularly up in the air are mike, ben and bill!

[tossertozier]

Hello! I’m just wondering, in & that’s for all time, were Richies glasses something he was able to hide behind? Is him not wearing them as of now, signaling that he’s actively trying to be more transparent? Thank you!!!

oh i like this question!!

richie + glasses is an intentional theme in &tfat! sometimes i like to leave these things open for interpretation bc i think it’s more fun to let the reader dictate what my decisions mean to them, but i think it might be fun to shed some light on what i was going for with the glasses (but if you read this and you’re like i don’t see it that’s valid too!)

richie wears contact lenses whenever he’s in character at the faire. (historical accuracy mostly being the world driven reason for this) but i think most actors would tell you there’s a lot of self underlying any character you choose to play. subconsciously, richie’s love of playing characters really stems from not feeling good enough as he is. (hence his tendency to slip into accents whenever he gets uncomfortable in the fic, or his confession where he tried to do accents until eddie asked him to stop) if anything, the characters are more of the mask than the glasses. but the person he is, the one who wears thick glasses, also kind of makes him uncomfortable when he dwells on it, too. (which is kind of a link for me to the original text, where richie hates having to put his glasses back on when he returns to derry, bc it makes him feel like a loser.) he disassociates often. rich overall has had very low self esteem (not necessarily just his looks, but about who he is as a person) the entire fic.

now, as his self-worth is building, i do mention his eyes a lot more as he becomes more accepting of himself, and all that entails (including all of his characters, because they’re apart of him, too.) as he’s growing and understanding his emotions, he’s becoming more accepting of himself as a person, and therefore, allowing himself to be more present in his self and it flows into many things in the narrative (he’s on his phone less, he’s smoking/vaping less, etc) the other characters are more likely to notice things like his eyes when he’s truly present in conversations just because of his subconscious behavior. both “in character” and out of it, he’s starting to like his characters for the parts of them that come from him and not for the idea of being someone completely different.

thanks for asking! i enjoyed talking about this :)

[tossertozier]

serious question:

what heterosexual couples in media do you enjoy/ship? i’ve been thinking a lot about what attracts fandom so heavily to lgbt+ couples, other than a genuine lack of representation and i do get that that’s a big draw. but i also think honestly the writing het couples get makes the dynamic so dull and flat and tropey that it gets uninteresting?

like, for example, while watching parks & rec, i genuinely enjoyed leslie and ben. the tension in their relationship is interesting from the get go and the forces that keep them apart are legitimate. when i saw anastasia on broadway, the main couple literally had me tugging on my hair bc i wanted them to be together so much. (i find that musical couples are never really compelling to me, i really think that’s the only time i was emotionally impacted by a couple on stage, and i’ve seen a lot of theatre.)

anyways, i’m interested to hear your thoughts :) straight couples you ship or thought were particularly well portrayed or interesting

[tossertozier]

i hope you having as good a time as i am :) i missed seeing you on my dash, & i know this past year was especially hard for you so i believe it is incredible the work that you have created and the people you have touched. if there is anything we can do for you back please let me know

ah god you’re so sweet!!

it has been fun. i’m working on the next chapter now. i just rlly felt i had things to say in that fic i couldn’t write down in another. i am still worried the voice & tone are different now but hopefully the difference isn’t jarring or anything. rlly just the fact you guys are still around means everything to me... thank u

[tossertozier]

me writing anything that stan happens to not be involved with: not nearly enough stan here, is there? i wish stan were here.

#i still can’t believe my early notes about this fic were like #what do i do with stan #LAUGHABLE #TRULY LAUGHABLE #i just found a kale chip in my hair #i have short hair #wtf