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winterskies · 2 years
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When things go wrong
Bad things happen. Each of those thing is a stone tossed into the waters of our lives, creating ripples spreading out from where it lands. Some of those ripples are more like tidal waves, threatening to drown us. Eventually, though, as they spread out they become ripples again. From that moment of impact, everything, absolutely everything, is changed. Not a molecule remains the same. Our little…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Above you will see a photograph of all my family, taken four years ago on my daughter’s wedding day. Today, two of those people are gone. The groom, one of the prettiest grooms I have ever seen, passed away one month ago. The young woman with the long black hair was my daughter-in-law. She passed away one year ago this month. September 25th will mark one month since Jamie passed, and one year…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Do you remember 2020?
Do you remember 2020?
I don’t know about you, but the year 2020 will be forever engraved in my mind. If I were to capture it in a single picture, it would be of my daughter and me in the kitchen, wearing gloves, using disinfectant wipes to clean the outside packaging of all the items we had picked up from the grocery store before we put them away. That is, until the stores ran out of disinfectant wipes. There is a…
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winterskies · 3 years
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When God doesn't answer
When God doesn’t answer
I have to admit, I pray differently than most people. There is never an occasion when I offer up a prayer for favor that Michaela does not pass through my mind. I belong to the metastatic breast cancer community, and I see these women post scriptures promising answered prayers, healing. I am a part of that community, and I pray for myself too. I also pray for healing, certainly, but most of all I…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Another kidnapping victim, another story
Another kidnapping victim, another story
If it seems as though I have disappeared since Michaela’s kidnapper was charged, you are right. Nor is it just my blog. It is true on Michaela’s facebook page also. It started out as a technical issue. Facebook is always changing things up, and not always in a good way. I intended to use Michaela’s Facebook page to do things like post other missing children, or people in need of help, but I have…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Springtime in Cancerland
This morning I stepped outside, and I noticed that some of the early blooming trees have started sprouting leaf buds, and it took me back to last year. It was Springtime when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer last year, and I had also just moved to my little corner of rural Iowa a few months before. I was so completely in love with this place, with my open yard that was filled in the…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Happy Birthday, Michaela!
Tomorrow is Michaela’s birthday. I have struggled mightily with what to do with this day since she has been gone. For some years, I had a group of friends who came to my house, and we would sit in a circle and remember Michaela. But time and tides ended that practice. For years after that we would have a family remembrance, with a birthday cake. Then one day I went to pick up a birthday cake and…
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winterskies · 3 years
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So many feelings....
So many feelings….
What an emotional basket case I have been this morning. The first thing I laid eyes on this morning was a post by a woman I follow on Facebook and Instagram. She is very young and very beautiful and she has metastatic breast cancer. She is a single parent with three kids, ages ten and younger. Her older daughter’s face is engraved in my mind. I pray, and pray, and pray for this young girl, that…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Merry Christmas, everyone!
I just wanted to write a short note for Christmas. I have received a number of messages of concern for me at this time of year, and I wanted to respond because I know that very many people have suffered losses, especially this year. My first Christmas without Michaela arrived just weeks after we lost her. We’d passed through Thanksgiving five days after the kidnapping. There had been no sense of…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Michaela's case has been solved
Michaela’s case has been solved
I am writing this on Saturday, December 19, 2020. In two days the Hayward Police Department, Alameda County District Attorney, and FBI will announce to the world that after 32 years and 32 days, they have identified and charged Michaela’s kidnapper with homicide. They have not found Michaela, but they have identified her kidnapper. He is in prison for murder, and is currently on trial for two…
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winterskies · 3 years
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When all that's left of me is love...
When all that’s left of me is love…
I bought a journal not too long ago, a beautiful one, with gold edged pages, for the purpose of writing messages to my children. I keep a journal, but that’s for me to sort out my own thoughts. This one is a gift to my children for when I am no longer here. I wanted to use it to write down some of my favorite memories, words of wisdom if I come up with any. I really just wanted to tell them that…
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winterskies · 3 years
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Michaela, never forgotten
This is a difficult morning. It started out with a dream in which I was supposed to be giving some public address. I was in a strange place, and for some reason I couldn’t shower, or wash my hair, and I had no blow dryer or straightener, so I had this huge bedhead which people kept trying to tell me was okay. My suitcase and clothes were in the trunk of someone’s husband’s car, and he was mad…
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winterskies · 4 years
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A long journey into the future
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Today I laid down in the couch. It’s been a sleepy day, but once my head was on a pillow, I felt wide awake. So I closed my eyes and just checked in with God. I said, I could talk to you, God, but I’d rather listen, so maybe you could talk to me. Immediately I started seeing a long, long road winding out into the future, to places and people I had never met, a road with a ribbon of rainbow…
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winterskies · 4 years
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Nameless fears
One day recently I laid down on my bed and took a nap in the middle of the afternoon. I woke up facing the window, enjoying the exact view in the photo above. One of the things I love about the older houses here in Iowa is the lower windows. They sit right at bed height, so you can enjoy the view while lying down. But on this particular occasion, I looked out the window, and I felt fear fall on…
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winterskies · 4 years
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Unanswered questions
What do a missing child and metastatic cancer have in common? Unanswered questions. The unknown.
I am a person who likes to have information, and to have it now. I want to know what is happening, when, where, and why. Just ask my kids. They are all adults now — the youngest will be 27 this year, and the oldest besides Michaela will be 40! I have them on the Find My Friends app on my phone,…
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winterskies · 4 years
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No more scripture journeys
No more scripture journeys
I just want to let you know that I am not posting any further scripture journeys, or Bible studies, and I have removed all the ones I did post from this blog. I am absolutely nobody to be undertaking such a venture! I don’t know where I am, where I am going, what I really believe about all these things. In fact, I reached the point of deciding to just toss it all out.
I was devastated by…
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winterskies · 4 years
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Struggling with faith
I spoke recently of my thoughts on death, and several people responded with their very hopeful experiences with death, and I thank you. Now I am asking if you can respond with your experiences with faith, because I struggle constantly with mine.
I am currently doing a Bible study with Beth Moore. It is on Galatians and is titled, Now That Faith Has Come. In the first video of the series, Beth…
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