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awaytoshutup · 1 year

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The Core Memories All Throughout my Life that Corresponds to Taylor Swift’s Songs/Albums

Before I start, I should warn you that this article is very personal for me and pretty much sums up why I am the BIGGEST FAN OF TAYLOR SWIFT IN THE WHOLE WORLD. But most of all, this is a story of just a regular girl turning into a woman and how she gets by in the world. Anyway, I’ll keep this short as much as I can.

2007-2009: Taylor Swift Debut Album and Fearless

These were my high school years. I first heard a song from Taylor on the radio and it was “Teardrops of my Guitar”. Sweeping the balcony with the radio on the background, when I heard this song, I stopped what I was doing and I was so stunned and amazed as to how this song captured what I was going through that time. How the lyrics were written, how it showed metaphors and how it was sung. I was going through my first heartbreak and it was incredible how one song described exactly what I was going through. When the song was over, I heard the DJ say that the artist is named Taylor Swift and I really took a hard mental note on that name ever since.

Those were the years of puppy love, shallow heartbreaks and crushing on boys and having my cheeks blush whenever I receive a text from this boy I liked. And so, my background music during those years where Taylor’s songs especially A Perfectly Good Heart, Picture to Burn, Mary’s Song (Oh My My My), Forever & Always, Breathe, Come in With The Rain, Untouchable, Jump Then Fall. Until now, I could still picture myself lying on my bed late at night with the lights off and playing those songs on loop in my stereo and just daydreaming while I make sure my parents don’t hear that I’m still awake. And of course, the constant daydreaming about my all-time crush with the song (and music video of) “You Belong with Me” and “Love Story”. Truly iconic to the young high school me.

2010: Speak Now Album

This was the year when I was at the height of my Senior Year. I was going through so much success in my academic life. I was the Student Council President, the school paper Editor-In-Chief, Battalion Commander of our CAT, and Class President and I was busy with organizations too. I was pretty proud of myself but at the same time, feeling really shitty because I was going through the greatest heartbreak of my high school life. Plus, I knew this college guy and he was really keeping me on the hook for a long time. So that’s 2 heartbreaks in total. I could still remember making a “music video” of Back to December because this college guy whom I was totally in love with, just had a fight with me, because I was jealous (even though we didn’t have a relationship to begin with LOL). I remember writing our exchange of texts to my diary while listening and crying to Back to December (*eye-roll*). I listened to Enchanted as well hoping to find that kind of romance, as well as “If this was a Movie” and “Dear John”.

So yeah, 3 albums pretty much sum up my high school life filled with the thrills of puppy love, academics, daydreaming for a perfect romance, and experiencing heartbreaks.

Now jump to 2012 which was the year of the greatest heartbreak that I had in my life so far! AND, as usual, Miss Swift gave me a background music for that era in my life too, which was RED.

Now, this was the most heartbreaking and unforgettable memory that I have which really turned my life around and defined who I am and the things that I believe in. When I was in my sophomore year in college, I dated this guy for 6 months and before we dated, we were friends first. Now, this guy was on the verge of asking out a girl he really liked but then he ended up cheating on this girl with her roommate (I should’ve noticed that first red flag LOL). So he basically broke his own heart and to mend it, he kept hanging out with me. I comforted him, spent so many late nights with him drinking and having fun. Now, I was going through an on-and-off relationship with my ex from high school during this time so I was not exactly in good shape. I was sad too and as we all know, misery loves company. Over a span of 2 months, we developed feelings for each other and we started dating. This guy is not exactly a good influence on me. I mean, I was an academic achiever and all of that went to the trash when I dated him. I started missing classes, missing my mom’s phone calls, missing school deadlines, etc. (I was sooo dumb LOL). And all throughout our relationship, I kept on defending him from my family, from my friends and from myself. This guy basically took everything from me, even my peace of mind. During this 6-month relationship, he cheated on me with his “work friend”.

Core Memory: I called him one night because I had a gut feeling. And he answered drunk with his friends making fun of me in the background because I was “clingy”. And when he spoke, he compared me to the girl he was originally in love with and told me that I am “such a fucking shit”. We didn’t speak for 3 weeks after that not because I didn’t want to but because he just wouldn’t pick up. We also broke up via phone call. Sad right? And that’s how “All Too Well” and “I Almost Do” from Taylor’s Red Album resonated with me the most and became the soundtrack of my worst breakup of all time. I could still remember telling my best friend that I promise to always listen to “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” every time I feel like texting him (LOL). And of course, let’s not forget the “I Knew You Were Trouble” song that, to me, really sounded like ‘I told you so’.

By the way, that 6-month relationship took me 3 years to get over from (hahaha).

And in those 3 years was my 1989 Album Era. The year of just friends and fun, deepening friendships, discovering more of myself and making myself whole again, regaining my self-esteem with the song “New Romantics”, “Blank Space”, “Shake it Off”, and basically singing and dancing to the whole album. I travelled a lot through the youth organization I was in, hung out with friends a lot and staying out late at night dancing at clubs, and when it’s really late, just having deep conversations about love and life with the ice on the beer melting. I remember cutting bangs and buying my first red lipstick during this time (hahaha). I remember walking to my dorm located uphill in our campus with headphones on at 5am listening to “You Are In Love” while realizing that it’s sunrise and being a little tipsy and tired, and, at the same time, happy. This album is one of my favorite albums because it really reminded me how happy and content I was during those times.

I graduated Uni in 2016 and also had my first job. In the year that Taylor Swift rose again and Reputation came out, I was in the height of my career. Getting promoted and was dealing with office politics. At that time, I was the youngest Supervisor in my company so I dealt with a lot of prejudice and a lot of learning and growing up in the corporate field. As always, Doctor Swift is very timely. Her album, Reputation, I could say, is a very ‘mature’ album compared to the ones she did before. It was also a bad-ass album and it really helped me become bad-ass at work too. One of my core memory of it was listening to the whole album after a long day while waiting in traffic in my daily commute. I listened to it in the Jeepney going to work so that hopefully it will give me the confidence that I need, and I listened to it after work while waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up to get my mind off of things. The songs “Call It What You Want” and “New Year’s Day” were actually one of the songs that made me realize that my boyfriend was ‘the one’. I remember listening to those songs while riding at the back of his motorcycle in my corporate outfit.

Slight background as to how I met my boyfriend: we met in a club that me and my friends went to. I didn’t want to date guys that I meet on clubs but this one was very persistent, and cute, and funny. Anyway, we went on one date and I didn’t want to pursue more after that because I was having so much fun being single, and honestly, I was scared of falling in love. I was ready to push him away but he was just really persistent. Looking back at it, whenever I hear the song “Delicate”, it really reminded me of how I met him. I remember crying my eyes out as if the world was going to end when I realized that I was in love with him (LOL). It was a feeling of ‘how could you want me when I am broken?’. And until now, I really think that he’s such a better person than I am.

And soon enough, when Lover was released, I was preparing for my wedding. And yes, I married that boyfriend from Reputation era (haha). Lover was released in August 2019 and my wedding was in December 2019. and I really made sure that our first dance was “Lover”. It was such a beautiful time for me. I think I listened to the whole album all throughout our engagement. We got engaged in September and only had a few months of preparation.

My husband and I did everything together for our wedding. We did our own invitations and all other errands because we couldn’t afford a grand wedding. But it was okay. We wanted a very intimate one and although we ended up with a slightly not-so intimate wedding, it turned out really great. The songs “Paper Rings”, “I think He Knows”, “Daylight”, “The Archer”, “Afterglow”, “London Boy” and all others were the ones that made me blush while looking at my husband help me with our wedding DIY’s.

Pandemic and Post-Pandemic Time with Folklore and Evermore Albums: After my wedding, my husband worked abroad and so I was left spending the pandemic times with my parents. And this was the time when a tragedy in our family happened. It was such a trust-breaking, heart-breaking tragedy for me and I went through it with my husband miles away from me. I started developing depression and I found it hard to get out of bed. My room was such a mess during this time and I remember like it was yesterday, when Folklore was released, it was a rainy day and I just lied on my bed with my headphones on crying my eyes out while listening to the lyrics. This was such a hard time for me and my family and the album Folklore sounded like hope to me when I felt like I couldn’t bounce back.

When my husband came back to the country, we moved away from my parents’ house and found our own place in another city. It was a fresh start it was around the time of Christmas and when Evermore was released. That time, we often drove through the pine trees and fog along Transcentral Highway of Cebu City every time we visit my in-laws’ place. It was a 2-hour drive and I listened to Evermore all throughout those drives. The album pretty much reminds me of the fog and the pine trees and rain and at that time, I was trying so hard to recover from what I went through back home.

Jump to the Release of Midnights (2022): I am now 28 years old and I don’t want to be dramatic in writing this era of my life but ever since the release of Folklore and Evermore, I’m afraid I was not able to bounce back from my depression and anxiety disorder until now. I think it’s not just the past experiences but at this point my life, I am also going through a lot of figuring out what I want and experiencing identity crisis and burnout. I was so happy when the release of Midnights was announced. I kept saying to my husband “How did Taylor know that I was having sleepless nights??” (LOL). It’s overwhelming for me to explain how the songs in the album resonated with me so much from scanning through my past experiences up to what I am going through now. It’s been a life of ups and downs and right now, I think this is 2nd or maybe 3rd lowest point that I went through in my life. This album though, really helped me tap the painful memories in the past and being able to see them in a new light. I am just glad that I have this album to accompany me through this tough time of finding who I am and what my purpose is in this world and being able to finally forgive those who wronged me, bounce back strong, and most of all, being finally able to forgive myself. I know I cannot keep on singing ‘I’m the problem, it’s me’ however, I’m afraid I’m stuck to those lyrics as of now. I can’t quite figure out how to solve ‘me’ yet.

I didn’t want to end this story by being a bummer but I want to add more to it as Taylor Swift goes by with her music. And hopefully, the next time I add an era to this story, it’s a time of happiness and a time of bouncing back and being able to find myself. For now, I leave this story with lines from “Labyrinth”:

‘It only hurts this much right now Was what I was thinking the whole time Breathe in, breathe through Breathe deep, breathe out...

It only feels this raw right now Lost in the labyrinth of my mind Break up, break free, break through, break down You would break your back to make me break a smile You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back Just like that’

Love,

Anne (A Swiftie since 2007)

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