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Janet: I'd date you.
Jack: What?
Janet: I SAID I HATE YOU.
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Larry: I would walk through fire for this family.
Larry: Well not FIRE because it's dangerous. But a super humid room.
Larry: But not too humid, because my hair.
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Conversation
Jack and Janet: Hey, what are you doing later?
Terri: Having my night ruined by whatever you're about to ask me to do.
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Larry: Who would win in a battle between Jack and Terri?
Janet: I can't answer that, Jack is my husband!
Larry: So, Terri?
Janet: Yeah.
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Conversation
Janet: Can you go to the store and get a carton of milk? If they have avocados, get six.
Chrissy, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avocados!
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Three’s Company + Reductress Headlines, Part 2
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Conversation
Janet: I can't seem to do anything right now!
Jack: I never thought I'd have to say this, but there is only space in this apartment for one unstable roommate and I have held that title for a very long time, so you are going to have to GET IT TOGETHER.
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Conversation
Terri: Janet, have you seen Jack?
Janet: I'm not seeing Jack!
Terri: What?
Janet: What?
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Janet: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate. Like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Jack: This is a lie.
Jack: I'm literally dating her. This is a lie.
Jack: SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE. WHAT IS THIS.
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Janet: What's the worst decision you've made while drunk?
Jack: Not to brag or anything, but I don't need to be drunk to make bad decisions.
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Janet: While I'm gone, Jack, you're in charge.
Jack: Yes!
Janet, whispering: Terri, you're secretly in charge.
Terri: Duh.
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Conversation
Terri, on the phone with Janet: Jack and Cindy built a flamethrower.
Janet: Oh my god.
Terri: Yeah, you should probably get over here.
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Conversation
Larry: I've got this weird feeling inside.
Jack: That must be your conscience.
Larry: Aw, man. I thought I finally got rid of that thing.
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Conversation
Jack: I know that we're best friends but I would totally kiss you if you asked.
Janet: What?
Jack: What?
Terri, in the background eating popcorn: He said he would totally kiss you if you asked.
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Text
Mrs. Roper (hands breadsticks to Jack): These are old!
Mr. Roper: You are what you eat!
Mrs. Roper: Jack, give Stanley his order of Miserable Bastard.
Source: Everybody Loves Raymond
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Conversation
Janet: Mr. Furley! Have you no dignity?
Mr. Furley: Of course not! How long have you known me?
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Conversation
Janet: Do you take constructive criticism?
Larry: I only take cash or credit.
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