orelux10ebrae85

[orelux10ebrae85]

I am going to say this now:

To anyone that celebrates St. Valentine's Day with their significant other, please celebrate in private. There are those of us, like me, who become envious/jealous when couples display their affections and love for each other. Granted, I will be most likely at work on that day, but I have been nursing a dry spell that I have had since 2012.

In addition, do NOT give me any advice! None of it works. All the advice given will only work if you are a neurotypical extrovert. I am neither neurotypical or extroverted.

#valentines #spiteful #neurodivergent #lonely

[orelux10ebrae85]

It will be a dark day when the blood spilled in the name of Liberty and Ideaologies open the Gates of Hell.

This has been bouncing around in my head for a few weeks now, and the quote (I don't remember who said it, and i may have misread or misquoted), "The Tree of Liberty must be watered by the blood of patriots and tyrants." has made me question if a nation born of bloodshed can last as long as it has now.

#laments #dark thoughts #sadnees #state of affairs #war #reality

[orelux10ebrae85]

Train of thought when faced with an attractive female:

1. Wow, they are beautiful!

2. Hands and thoughts to yourself, Orelux; they are usually spoken for.

3. If thought no. 2 is false, proceed with following parameters: a) be helpful without being creepy, b) collect piecemeal motes of confidence and courage, c) don't appear as an idiot.

Paradigm for failures:

3a failure: apologize and never bother her again.

3b failure/expiration: be professional, and dismiss self quietly, because all hope is gone.

3c failure: lay bare regret, and never interact until otherwise contacted

[If in compliance with thought 3, proceed to 4]

4. Mentally question if I am actually approachable.

Programming when they express interest in me:

I. Self-deprication. If constantly countered, proceed to program II.

II. Silently question if she is being friendly out of pity, or if she is not right in the head. If neither, proceed to program III.

III. Panic

#something wrong with me #relationship #friendship #friend shaped #anxitey #neurotic #help?

[orelux10ebrae85]

Okay...

Why am I fantasizing about hooking up with a girl with a fem-V (cyberpunk 2077 cover) haircut, dresses like a tomboy, and has the goldilocks amount of milk and cake while being built enough to haul two fifty pound bags of cement (one in each arm) without breaking a sweat?

#fantasy #relationship #agender #genderfluid #wtf #help?

[orelux10ebrae85]

Possibly controversial shower thought:

No one is born vegan.

#shower thoughts #funny #controversial

[orelux10ebrae85]

Listening to loud, angry music... eating to sustain myself... living a hollow and shallow life... realizing once again that I have forgotten how to cry.

#depression #lonely #emotionally damaged #sadnees #sad thoughts

[orelux10ebrae85]

Choking on a coping character?

Okay, I created a 5e Human War Wizard that was orphaned at birth, sired by an asshole Warlock father (believed to be dead, because of Undying), bullied/abused by fellow orphans, and taught how to use magic by a dragonborn abjurer. He was never adopted, and only the infirmary nurse (a female tiefling) gave a flying fuck about him, but couldn't afford adopting him. I am having a hard time creating other characters (as one who plays D&D is want to do), but can't seem to finalize or create other characters (as failsafe).

STR 12, DEX 16, CON 14, INT 18, WIS 13, CHA 5

He is heavily scarred from all damage types (except radiant and thunder), and wears a mask to hide his mangled face and missing eye. He's designed to be a cipher that seemingly persisted by sheer will alone.

I am hung up and choking on this creation...

His name is Erlund (norse for outsider).

#dnd #do not meddle in the affairs of wizards #emotions #pain and agony #lonely #solitude #creative block #help?