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yanderemommabean · 2 days

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My dearest butterfly,

I usually pride myself on having a way with words, never having my tongue tied, never having to stutter or stumble, and yet, with you, I find it hard to even breathe let alone speak. Ever since the day you stepped into my clinic, stepped into my life, I’ve found myself in a fog, never able to say what I feel, to speak with confidence, like without you I'm some sort of shell of myself.

As a doctor, I assumed I was ill, sick, perhaps coming down with something that would pass with rest and time. However, I found out the truth- I was sick of course, but nothing that would be cured with needles and antibiotics.

My dear butterfly, I have come to find out, my ailment is love sickness. As cutesy as that sounds, what I mean to say is- I'm utterly obsessed with you, and cannot rest or feel alive until I see you in my sight, or feel you by my side.

The fact I am blessed enough to touch you, to examine every area, intimate or not, to be trusted with your darkest medical secrets-It fuels me more than any other patient has. With you, curing you and your health just has more meaning to me, has more depth and humanity. You have that way about you, making me feel deeper than any human ever has, reaching my core and burrowing deep within the walls of my heart.

This letter is nothing but a love filled ramble, but one I simply had to write. I can no longer hide how I feel, how I crave. I don't expect you to know what to do with all of this information right away, so, I’ll give you a few good rules to go by while everything sets in and has time to process.

This is all true. I adore you, deeper than anyone could ever adore you, and more intense than any past lover could ever dream

I refuse to let you try and deny me. You can be coy, you can be shy, you can even need time and space, but you wont be with anyone else but me in the romantic sense. I’ll take whatever precautions I need to ensure this rule is followed.

I mean you absolutely no harm, however, as mentioned above, I’ll do what I must. Just sit back and take in what you need, but know, I’m utterly sick for you darling, there’s no way you can turn me away, be your attempts silly or desperate.

I’ll be sure to send this letter over the weekend to give you more time, but, if by chance the postal service messes up, a few days letting your mind wander at your work wouldn’t be awful either.

I’ll see you soon, my love. We’ll discuss this more in person, where my words are sharper than the pen I used, and my voice will convey just how serious I am about all of this.

All yours, only yours,

-Doctor Lee.

(-Mommabean, hope you liked!)

#yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #my ocs #doctor lee my oc #dr lee my oc #yandere doctor #yandere serial killer #yandere oc #yandere letter #yandere male #yandere prompts #mommabean

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mrsparrasblog · 3 days

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Advice from Price

Sometimes it feels strange, but as a writer, it's like the characters you create live in your mind - rent free, and you sense them judging you every move. "Why are you not writing my happy end, babe?" - Kyle. Let's just overlook my midnight thoughts for now. I promise I'll be fully focused next week- finishing the Makarov fic and my requests, but these days have been quite shitty. I had my first final exam today, tomorrow is the state Championship of my Apprenticeship, and I'm having numerous interviews for an exchange year. Anyway, enough rambling.

At times, I think about Price and the advice he shares with me throughout the day- always sitting like an Cartoon Angel on top of my shoulders. I thought maybe I'd share them with you, in case you need advice from Price too :)

If this fic isn't your cup of tea just ignore it I clearly made it for myself and don't want to be judged lol:(

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Overcoming Perfectionism

You: "What if I don't win? What if I'm not the best? What if my grades slip?"

Price: "You're one of the smartest and most capable women I know, if not the smartest and most capable. You've worked hard for those grades, and I'm confident you'll ace whatever test comes your way. But let's entertain the idea that you don't. It wouldn't change how I feel about you one bit. You're already my best girl. You don’t have to be perfect to earn my love, Darling."

You: "Sometimes I feel like if I don't have good grades, I lose the only special part about me. Having good grades is the only thing I can do, and if I fail that, I'll just be ordinary."

Price: (He would sigh at your words, acknowledging your fears even if they aren’t logical to him) "Darling, you're so much more than just your grades. You have a bright personality, you're sweet, kind, and beautiful. No matter what happens, you'll always be special and extraordinary. There's not one thing in the world that could make you ordinary to me."

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Gaining Weight

You: "John, love, I gained weight again," you sighed, looking at your body in the mirror. Of course, you were incredibly beautiful, but sometimes the monsters in your head just didn’t want to shut up.

Price: "Where's the problem?"

You: "You don’t mind?"

Price: He would smile warmly at you, his smile like in the campaign you know what I mean "No, you're already perfect just the way you are. That slight extra meat on your bones makes you even cuter, besides, there's even more of you for me to love and manhandle." He would make you laugh, letting you forget all your concerns.

Needless to say, he showed you just how much he didn’t mind your body. All night.

#cod #cod mw2 #cod mwii #cod x reader #call of duty #tf 141 #john price #captain john price #captain price mw2 #captain price #price x reader #price #141 #cod fic #captain johnathan price

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staghunters · 2 days

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Happy Birthday to her! Vampfic Jackie you will always be famous :3

Alt Version and ramble under the cut haha

Wowza, a whole year!

Wouldn't have thought it to feel so long and short at the same time. If I had to look at all the stuff that happened inbetween posting that first chapter and whatever I'm doing now, there's so much change in there. And definitely all for the better!

I've met so many cool people in the span of this year. Very noteworthy case being @ordinaryhorror, since we started talking because of vampire!jackie, and then werewolf!jackie, and before you know it, you're on a train to Spain hugging the biggest dork in the world (love ya, my buddy, my pal). Oh no now there's a series rewatch, Ah no now a discord server and mutuals and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so many nice peeps!

Talking about fandom as something Big in my life feels a bit cringe, but in this case that rings very true. I think I put somewhere before that, ever since I got into YJ, my inspiration for making things has spiked for the first time in over a decade.

AND for the first time it really got me into writing fic. So that's why this is a bit of a special occassion, since the vampfic was the first multi-chapter thing of considerable length that I started with. It really forced me to think about a number of things like: - how the fuck do I outline things - what's good pacing - this could be a fun thing to include, but would it make sense - aaaaa multiple characters interacting and they all have their own personality and likes/dislikes about others aaaaaaa

A great lesson!

I liked working on it, and where the story ended up. I don't really re-read it except for the comments and chapter 7, since of that one i really am proud. On other fronts I feel that if I were to stare at it for too long, the flaws would begin to annoy me and I would want to fix things, which is not something I want to do.

If anything, I want to put the same level of energy into a new project.

Thanks for reading! And if you didn't, still super-duper thankful to have you here. Just knowing that there's people in the world that vibe with what I think of/make really is enough to me

Cheers <3

#yellowjackets #the vampfic #doodl #jackie taylor #technically the bday is on the 26th (tomorrow) but I'll count it because of leap day #digital art #clip studio paint

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canisalbus · 2 months

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Different Italian anon, but the thing with Tuscan C is that it's pronounced like a very strong H sound, which is extra weird cuz the letter H makes no sound in Italian, normally. It sounds the way Spanish pronounce the J. We say it's "aspirato". So then people from there will say things like Hoha Hola (coca cola), and it's funny. It's also extremely contagious, I got family in Florence, you spend 3 days with them you start doing it too before you even realize.

#that sounds really endearing actually #answered #anonymous #this is entirely beside the point but I still feel sort of bamboozled by languages that have silent letters #or when letters have multiple pronunciations that vary wildly from word to word #and when the sound and the letter don't seem to match like how J sounds very close to H in Spanish like you mentioned #I'm generalizing a little but none of these are really a thing in Finnish #in Finnish words are pretty much always pronounced the way they are written if that makes sense #I don't know the language terminology but I think phonetic spelling is what you call it #each letter represents a specific sound and you string those together #when you hear a word you can always tell how it's written and when you read a word you know how to pronounce it #even if you're encountering the word for the first time and have no idea what it means #it's comparatively direct and predictable there's practically no need for guessing or memorizing #also the stress is always on the first syllabe and it's so subtle it might as well not be there at all #which sometimes makes spoken Finnish and Finnish accent sound kind of monotonous there isn't a lot of intonation #I was extremely confused by the concept of spelling bees as a kid #anyway long tag ramble but this stuff is just interesting to me

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13eyond13 · 3 months

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love it when a character that's hard to read intuitively for you has like a dedicated fandom interpreter who can just glance at their blank face in a panel and then give you a 3k word essay on their innermost thoughts & desires & fears and neatly tie it back into the themes & whatnot as if it's the most obvious thing in the world

#im talking about griffith btw #guts i feel i get intuitively - maybe because i have some personality traits in common with him #and we get more about his life concretely told to us in canon. so he is a bit easier to pin down as a character and feel attached to for me #but whenever i was reading the manga i just kept wanting more insight about griffith's actions and feelings #like ok yeah its fun to have mysterious antagonists and suspense /tension etc but its also fun to feel like you deeply understand them too #and i felt like that was a bit missing from him for me in canon #so reading about him in analysis and fics is the most fun for me rn #he always felt kinda half unreal to me- which maybe was the point of him - but i wanted a bit more about his childhood or something?#and wished we had more stuff explicitly from his pov in the story to read or explanation about his transformation or wtv #and now he's so much more closed off to me even than he was in the golden age. i keep waiting for him to explain stuff and he does not #ANYWAYS all this rambling to say some people out there are very good at interpreting him and making his like. insecurities #more obvious to me bc i didnt really get that side of him from canon intuitively well #also im really enjoying reading the first few berserk fics ive read #there may not be a ton of them out there but there is def writing talent in the fandom #i'll share some recs once i'm done sifting through most of what's out there to read #also (not to tie everything back to death note but it IS my home fandom after all)#i feel griffith is obvs the more light-like character here and L maybe a bit guts-like? but unlike berserk in death note #light is the one you get to know best and L is the mysterious / unreal one you don't get a lot of concrete insight into #and in the DN fandom I can read the more mysterious character intuitively but had to warm up to the less mysterious one instead #and the mystery of L makes sense to me and doesnt bug me as much due to like - he HAS to hide a lot about himself or else he will die lol #so some similarities there but also some opposite feels as well #berserk spoilers #p

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siliconforbrains · 3 months

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Okay, it's like 10pm on a work night and I haven't had any coffee today so my thoughts are a little scrambled BUT. I WAS THINKING.

(About In Stars and Time of course I'm always thinking about that game)

A couple of years ago, at the height of Steddie -my sister was big into it and recced me some fics okay- I read this fic about Steve dealing with time loops ("The one in which a time loop is fucking exhausting" by badpancake) and there was this specific detail about the epilogue that stuck with me.

It was the idea that, once the time loops were done and over with, people would slowly start to remember bits and pieces of what happened in earlier loops. After being fractured for so long across dozens of timelines and experiences and outcomes, time was finally healing, and broken shards of lost memories would find their way back into people's minds.

And that got me thinking about a post-game what-if scenario where the same happens to the gang as they travel through Vaugarde.

Like they still don't remember everything -just bits and pieces. Experiences so emotionally charged that they found a way to cross the sands of time and reach them again.

The question is, what would those memories be? The first answer that comes to mind is some of Siffrin's deaths, of course. I can't imagine watching your friend get pancake-d by a boulder would be pleasant, nor witnessing them turning their own dagger to themselves. Or offering him a slice of your favorite snack only for him to go into anaphylactic shock in front of your very eyes, for that matter!

But there would be other instances too, wouldn't they? Death is not the only thing that shook them to their core. What about their first death to the King? Or Bonnie's fate at the end of Act 3? What about basking in the blissful feeling of victory against the tormentor of your land only to turn to look at your friend and know something is very, very wrong?

What about fighting through the House with a party of 4 instead of 5, bloodied, confused, staring in the face of the King knowing you're about to die and wondering why your friend left you all when you needed them most?

I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this, but I've been rotating this concept in my head since this morning and thought I'd get it out on here so y'all can suffer with me tehee

#maxisrambling #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #isat siffrin #i genuinely don't know if i'd ever write a fic about this concept #esp bc i already have like 3 wips im working on and i don't need another #but if i ever were to it would be like. a post-game fic where the party realizes just how bad the loops were #how they affected siffrin and how they mightve affected /them/#(bc love this found family to death but siffrin probably downplays a lot of the loops stuff until confronted /lh)#and meanwhile sif has to deal with the knowledge that his family is remembering things he never wanted them to remember #seeing things they never shouldve seen #and is probably filled with a fuckton of guilt about that bc even now that the loops are broken they're hurting them #they all need a hug oh my god #OFC it would have a happy hopeful ending but NSDJKVNDJKFV angst hurt/comfort <3 #okay im done rambling hopefully this makes sense #im gonna go pass out now id say sorry but I'm not lmao xoxo

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anachronistic-falsehood · 5 months

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the situation with dream rn is so fucking insane. imagine fucking gumball calls you a faggot in an uber and slaps the shit out of you. and like i'm not defending nicholas' behaviour either but he was very drunk and in the middle of a manic episode. gumball rocked ur shit dude. and on top of that, video/audio proof of dream sexting at least one minor came out so even if you somehow disregard all the past evidence of the stuff that came out with amanda and anastasia then like!! you can't fucking excuse this!!!! and now people are contacting the orange county police department about these new snapchat messages that came out!!! TAKE HIS ASS TO JAIL!!!

#whiskey yelling into the void #dream situation #i am just flabbergasted so much is happening all at once #sorry if this post makes little to no sense i'm just rambling trying to process everything holy shit #please let dream see some fucking consequences for the love of god let him actually get punished for this #i don't know how his career is still intact

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blorbosinmyheadcentral · 5 months

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Really curious to know where in the heck people got this "Caine is an old man" thing from

#rambles #Really. Where is this information from. I know gooseworx revealed all of the humans' ages but there is nothing on Caine or any of the AIs #It makes sense why that is because he's a frickin BOT. Are you going to tell me chatGPT is a middle aged man??#But sure he has a “coded age” or whatever; let's entertain the thought.#He clearly reads as an adult. But OLD???#What supports this???? We don't know how much time people have been in the Digital Circus or how long it has existed #“Years” is too damn vague. There is no specific sense for the passage of time #There's no way to determine his age that way #He could very well be younger than everyone in that place #Then is it his mannerisms??? HE'S A FREAKIN RINGMASTER #Are people just collectively assuming Caine is old just because????#I haven't found ANY basis for this ANYWHERE. GODDD #And it's annoying especially when people use this to justify antagonizing shippers #end rant #*hits edit button* AND ANOTHER THING #Look. Even if Caine IS old. That's okay #Everyone in the show is canonically an adult #I'm just baffled at this because people assume it's an absolute truth when we just. don't know.

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dootznbootz · 2 months

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I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...

Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.

I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.

I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.

Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D

I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬

Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D

#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up #I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness #away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭#PLEASE #...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like...#I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring #whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af #save me morally gray circe #<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though.#Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #anti madeline miller #anti circe #<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS #Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:(#...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤#I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me.#Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place.#She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her.#I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:(#tw sa #kind of??? idk #barely mentioned but yeah #Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso

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shimmershy · 5 months

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Im impressed by how much you're art evolved to today, do you still think about your art in the past and how you evolved to today to obtain this level of quality and story telling ?

Thank you very much! :D It always means a lot when other people tell me my art has improved over time. I feel like I can definitely see it in little ways. It's just super nice and cool when other people see improvement too! Like wow it's not just me, I really have come a long way with my art.

But yeah, I do think a lot about the art I did in the past and how I got to where I am today. It's really fascinating to me how the skills that kind of come naturally now were all things I had to learn over time. Like to some extent, I can just "feel out" where facial features go now without thinking too much about it, whereas in the past, I know I had a lot more trouble with that. I feel like I tended to draw eyes too big and I had a really weird way of drawing noses. I don't know. I also had pretty bad same-face syndrome I think. But yeah.

When I'm sketching in my sketchbook, I like to flip through the whole thing and look at all the sketches I've done in the past couple years/months and look at the way they've evolved over time in a "big picture" way. It's cool. I think it's especially because although it's a little more than just a hobby now, a good deal of the improvement came solely from my passion and excitement to just bring ideas to life. I was never really "practicing just to practice", and although I did do little studies based on photos from time to time, most of it was just me noticing things and picking things up from the real world but also from art styles I really enjoyed. And wanting to create something that meant something, and just trying until I was happy with it. Like I definitely never had "natural talent" - that doesn't exist - but I've always had a passion to create, and I feel like the act of drawing as a way of expressing my ideas has always come kind of naturally to me, probably because I did it so much when I was younger. It's always been my "thing". It's just cool to see that passion I've always had turn into art that I'm really proud of today!

#ask #godofchaoss #sorry for getting kinda ramble-y I tend to do that. especially when talking about art and process stuff.#I love drawing sooooo much. did you guys know that? were you aware?#I don't know if all this reads as conceited at all. you don't have to read all that skdhfskd I just. I actually do think about it a lot.#I'm not trying to say I'm the best artist ever or even that I'm a good artist! I'm just like. happy with where I'm at.#because at the end of the day I'm not even doing it to be good or for other people to think my art's good.#I want to create stuff that feels important to me. I have ideas I want to make Real and drawing is my way of doing that.#and so it's like. I make things that are good To Me. and To Me my art is awesome!! it makes me so happy!!#and then sharing my art is just a bonus because it means a lot to me that the stuff I draw for myself can #mean something to other people too. :)#I don't know if that makes sense but. yeah. sjdfhksdf I could go on and on I'm sorry I have way too much to say sometimes.

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banefultyrant · 3 months

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I was going to wait on this and another post until I had his carrd completely finished, but here we go.

Enver Gortash & Morality // @banefultyrant

So this has been prematurely kicked off by this post stating, "Tragic backstory explains behavior but does not excuse it."

This is so true, and especially in regards to this disaster dumpster fire of a human being. Because he isn't just a dumpster fire. He's this level of dumpster fire:

Now, to my point.

Enver Gortash—as he will absolutely refuse to acknowledge his original name because of everything tied up in it—has been through a lot. Though I can't remember if it was ever openly stated, I would absolutely agree with general fandom consensus that his mother abused him. I saw a post floating around the other day about the difference between how his parents are treated in game, and I couldn't agree more. [ If I can track the post down again, I'll link it here as well. ]

He was, seemingly at a young age, then sold to a warlock because his parents couldn't settle their debts the right way. Whether his mother is telling the truth or not, she claims she either sold him or they forfeit all of their lives over the shop debt. [ Also, who in the hell were they in debt to that their lives were at risk because of their debt??? Was it actually debt from the shop, or from drinking or gambling? Or did they take a loan from Dangerous People to keep their shop running??? ]

From there, he then ended up at the House of Hope, where he was canonically tormented and tortured by Nubaldin simply because he was 'mischievous' and because Nubaldin found it entertaining.

"I used to work in the prison, ensuring no desirable people left the House of Hope. Now, I guard the portals to ensure that no undesirable people enter." [ Why don't you work at the prison anymore? ] "I made a mistake. Raphael doesn't tolerate mistakes. We had one houseguest by the name of Gortash, a mischievous little blot of a boy, and he slipped through my fingers." [ Gortash was here? Lord Enver Gortash? ] "Lord? Is that what he calls himself these days? The sniveling little shit. He was the son of a cobbler or somesuch meagre tradesman, sold to Raphael by his loving parents to pay off their petty debt. Lord indeed. I used to bruise my knuckles on his whimpering little face. I'd like to have snapped his neck."

So he escapes that literal hell because he just can't take it anymore. He winds up on his own, with nothing but his cleverness and his drive to never be at anyone's mercy ever again.

[ A lot more below the cut. ]

Now, his mother claims he was evil from the start, but I've not once seen any dialogue options that support that. She says he was always making a racket. She says he was too clever. But she never offers anything even remotely adjacent to explain her claim that he was evil out the gate.

[ Perhaps because she was and she simply didn't care for a clever little boy asking questions, pointing out when she was being unreasonable, or saying that he didn't understand why he was being punished when he did something that he's done a thousand times before and she never said anything then, et cetera. Abusers can never have the problem. The other person has to be the problem. The villain. The complication. The scapegoat. There's something wrong with the other person and that's why they are perfectly justified in doing what they do. ]

Regardless, you have a young boy sold to a warlock and placed in the House of Hope, and was apparently a 'desirable person' based on the fact that Nubaldin was in charge of making sure none of those left and when Gortash escaped, Raphael considered it a failure.

[ Considering how foresighted Raphael is in terms of potential, it makes perfect sense to me that he might even have witnessed how clever the boy was once, perhaps he had even stopped by to make clear to his parents that their debt was owed and he would see it paid, one way or the other. Perhaps he saw how Enver was treated and found it contemptuous that such people should be able to waste so clever a mind. Or, perhaps the warlock had done so on his behalf and relayed such information to Raphael who then had them to pass along that he would accept the boy as payment.

Now, though I won't project my thoughts onto anyone else's Raphael, as for my own over at @thishouseofhope , while people claim that 'Raphael loves only himself' coughcoughHaarlepcoughcough, that isn't true. Or, at least, not entirely.

I think Raphael has a hard time connecting with others enough to care anything about them in actuality, yes. But I think where that starts to falter is in cases where he sees a bit of himself or his own situation reflected back at him. Would he admit that? No. But he sees it all the same, recognizes the similarities even if only subconsciously. And though I haven't gone into much detail with Raphael's early years over there yet, suffice it to say a brilliant, clever mind stifled by and suffering under the shortsightedness, derision, and abuse of a parental figure? It would definitely strike a nerve, whether he intended or not, whether he acknowledged it or not. HINT: He most certainly would not. ]

Within my own canon, this meant Raphael saw Enver and saw something of himself reflected in the boy and his situation, and, as such, there was a certain amount of fondness for him, particularly with the potential he could see for the boy's future with so sharp a mind. In a verse with my friend on discord who writes Enver, that included Raphael taking him on as a protege. Had it not been for Nubaldin's pointless cruelty, I have little doubt that Enver might have come to enjoy his time at the House of Hope, as Raphael would always provided new things for him to learn both of practical and educational import, and Enver, who was clever to start, would have jumped at the chance to learn anything and everything he could, particularly if Raphael caught onto his interest in mechanics. No doubt Nubaldin said that the boy simply escaped, otherwise, had Raphael realized the cause, I don't know that Nubaldin would have survived to tell the tale. ]

But, as always, because I can't help myself, I digress.

We have a young boy with promise and potential who ran because he was being abused again and was terrified of remaining where he was, who refused to be at the mercy of anyone else ever again and set his mind on making certain that it never would happen again.

At some point, he throws in his lot with Bane. He starts to accumulate wealth and power and influence through whatever means. His mind, his body, his blood and sweat [ but never tears, because he won't cry anymore, won't show that weakness ]. He will do whatever it takes to ensure that no one can ever harm him again, that no one has the power to do so. And how does one do that?

You make certain that you are the most powerful. Powerful enough that no one can touch you.

Free will, is the problem. That becomes evident to him shortly into his worship of Bane. No matter how many laws and rules and punishments exist, there will always be people who still choose to suffer them—because they could, because it was worth it, because they didn't care, because they didn't think they would be caught, et cetera. So long as free will might exist, then you would continue to have thieves and drunks and debtors and murderers and abusers.

So eventually, this plot of the Absolute is developed and! my! doesn't it solve it all! Not only does it set him in a place of power where nobody could touch him, it also solves all of those other pesky problems because there will be no more free will, only the will of the Absolute relayed to all of its subservients.

"A new age is upon us. Gods have mercy upon those who would stand in our way… I want to lead this city to glory — not scorch its earth."

When the player character approaches, Tav or Dark Urge, he talks about wanting to lead the city into an age of prosperity and safety, etc. And he isn't lying. He means every word.

Because, in his mind, this is the only way to reach that outcome. Does he want power? Yes, because, much as you hear the themes with Astarion's companion quest line: Power means safety. Power means no one can hurt you. Power means that you dictate the lives of others, rather than having your life dictated to you. To paraphrase, when the player character tells Astarion that those with power have a duty to protect those without, Astarion roughly responds, "People with power had 200 years to save me from Cazador, and no one ever did. No, it was the Mindflayers who freed me."

In all honesty, it's much the same for Gortash, except he was at an even greater disadvantage than Astarion in one respect—unless more information comes out about Astarion's past later—and that is this:

Enver Gortash has never known anything else. There is nothing before his abuse, before his servitude and continued abuse, before he set out into the world at a young age and suffered its cruelty on his own.

It is all that he has ever known.

But!

He sells Karlach to Zariel! Yes, just as he was sold, and yet, even still, this is done not out of malice or cruelty, but with the belief that he thought he was doing what was best for her. If she remained on the streets, she would either be jailed or dead in a few years, and she deserved better than that. Being sold to a devil was what set him on his 'right' path, made him who he is, so maybe that's what Karlach needed also? And, knowing her as he did, he truly had no doubt that she could be running the place in no time. She would have power enough to protect herself, just as he intended to claim for himself at the Gate, and it would mean they could be allies. He set a piece in the right place and if she would just do as she ought to have done, she could be doing so much better for herself — just as he has.

He was going to kill the refugee children! In his mind, most of them miserable little orphans with no prospects beyond pain and suffering. It would be a mercy to them, truly, and—as my friend, Shadow, mentioned in one of our discussions about Gortash's thoughts on this—their deaths would at least mean something in the grand scheme, rather than their bodies simply being stepped over and promptly forgotten. Their deaths would sow discord between the refugees and the citizens of the Gate, further unite those within against those without and solidify his position as a protector. With any luck, the refugees would attack in retaliation and affirm the citizens fears that they were followers of the Absolute threat after all. And regardless of how it went, it would create further chaos that he would be able to bring to Order.

This is NOT to say that his behavior should be excused.

However, much in the same way and for the same reason that I would defend Minthara and Nere both, I can fully understand his thought process, why he does what he does, though I certainly don't agree with it. Just as with them, I would question the level of accountability one can be held to when one knows no different. I would very much, in some ways, say that Gortash is nearer to having had a Lolth-sworn drow upbringing than a typical human one. His entire understanding of the world is through abuse, violence, betrayal, and transactional interactions. His solution—the Absolute religious hoax—is one that makes perfect sense within those bounds. It's logical, nice and neat. A brilliant plan, cutting the problems that plague the city—and, indeed, the world—off right at the source.

There won't be anymore murders in the streets. There won't be anymore pickpockets or petty crime. There won't be anymore gambling dens. There won't be anymore children abused or sold to settle debts. There won't be anymore crime, period.

The populace can put all of its effort and energy into making the city more unified and prosperous than it ever has been —

Because that is the only choice they have left to them.

[ Doesn't that sound familiar? "She is, of course, free to choose the only option she has left." ]

In his mind, how brilliant and elegant an answer to those pesky problems that no amount of laws or punishments have ever stopped! A villain? No! He's the savior who will deliver this city to a new age! A great age!

[ And doesn't that sound familiar, too? ]

In the words of Jason Isaacs himself, "It was a thrill to join the Baldur's Gate universe, but I fear that the magnificent Lord Enver Gortash is being mischaracterized as a villain. In a brutal world of betrayals and butchery, he's learned to lie better and backstab first. The joy in voicing him — apart from the obvious pleasure in getting to look so glorious — was that the creative team and I got to play loose enough to find ways that he could enjoy the ride and make the players hate him more!"

Enver Gortash has done terrible and unforgivable things, much as with most of the cast in the game, companions or otherwise…. but the whys. The whys are important, and the whys are what not only further show the depth of the character… but also provide interesting possibilities for futures wherein he escapes his fate in the game.

#|| if it feels good — tastes good — it must be mine || { about // enver gortash }#|| out of control || { ooc }#// I don't know that all of this makes sense or if I'm rambling but there's a broad overview #// May hone it a bit after dinner.#// We shall see.#long post

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dotterelly · 3 months

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[This is entirely stream of consciousness and I know only a small corner of the lore so forgive my ignorance]

There are 9 keys, but only 4 were present for the meeting. At least one cucurucho was murdered just before they got sent to prison. I'm curious how close they'll weave the creators personal lore to the over arching qsmp lore? Will some of the personal lore villains turn out to be in that group of 9 that have keys? Richarlyson told Philza the mission to purgatory to rescue Celbit and Baghera would be in a week or two, and I wondered a little why Richars picked Phil specifically for that, and seemingly only Phil of all the adults? When he does have other people about who he could asked. Like Etoiles would have been so down, he lives for that kind of adventure and he'd do anything for Pomme. So I was thinking maybe there's a plan for Philza (as leader of Bolas) to encounter purgatory lore and maybe come face to face with the watcher? Or maybe I'm overthinking it, maybe it's just that he's the only one Celbit and Baghera would trust and follow in their probably fragile state of mind? But heck knows how they'll prepare for that mission now. It's unclear how much of their stuff will survive the upheaval. I really hope Missa is there when Phil leaves for that because he's definitely not telling Chayanne and Tallulah where he's going and why because they'd never let him go alone. A lot is uncertain about the effects of the reset, but Rose's sanctuary is for sure saved. Like it makes absolutely no sense to the lore if a sanctuary protected by a demi Goddess would get destroyed by something that isn't world ending. On the other hand this is definitely going to significantly sap her strength and I wouldn't be surprised if the sanctuary were to be compromised in the not too distant future.

OK I'm going to shut up now.

#qsmp #sorry i only recently got into this as a hyperfixation while going through a month long anxiety attack #on the plus side I'm basically caught up on all of Philza's vods #even if it was at the expense of my sleep #but to be fair i wasn't really sleeping anyways because anxiety so #wooooo unhealthy coping mechanisms #but i haven't had anyone really to talk to about this crap #none of my friends are in it and though they listen to me ramble i know none of it makes sense with the lack of context #please help me I'm dying for people to screech with #Tumblr don't let me down!

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the-n3w3st-g1rl-g1rl · 8 months

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I'm realizing that the fact that Rudy and Noelle call Kris "Krismas" implies that Christmas is still a thing in Deltarune's universe. Like, it's not called something else or anything. So even though their religion centres on an Angel, I guess Jesus is still part of at least a religion in their world idk I'm tired

#it's 1:00 am I'm thinking about things #I mean it makes sense that the same kinda religions would exist #I just feel like there weren't many other references to christianity specifically #idk shit about religion tbh hhhhh #like I know that the holiday family's whole aesthetic is very christmassy.#ofc I know that but like #with the monster holiday in undertale being established as a seperate thing #like with the gyftrot and all that #I guess I always felt like the holiday they celebrate would be. gyftmas or something #although I guess we haven't met a gyftrot in deltarune yet so maybe that's dumb #idk idk #I'm a mess please don't call me stupid I'm just a wreck right now because tired and foggy #thank you for reading my weird 1 am ramblings

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seriousbrat · 3 months

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hi i'm really curious to hear your opinion on this post: https://www.tumblr.com/oxydiane/693952155206500352/honestly-people-who-are-insufferable-about-the?source=share

well first off idk what they mean by people being insufferable about the prank exactly but i think it's just common sense to hold Sirius responsible for it. like it was his fault lol. I don't know if recognising that your favourite characters (and Sirius is one of mine) have flaws and did bad things sometimes counts as "crucifying" them rather than just enjoying the characters as they are, so I'm not sure what they're referring to. they do say in the tags that they don't think Sirius was in the right to be fair, but I think it's somewhat disingenuous to claim that Sirius wasn't expecting Snape to go down there when there's no evidence for that and even if true it wouldn't change the outcome.

I think there's a tendency in fandom to think you can only like characters if they're understood as 100% good flawless people whose every action is justified somehow. to me not only is this boring it's just kind of ridiculous. I think there's no way around the fact that Sirius did something that was objectively extremely fucked up not only to Snape but also to Remus, and then later displayed little remorse for it as far as we know ("‘I’m bored,’ said Sirius. ‘Wish it was full moon.’") and like... who cares? In the sense that to me, that just makes him an interesting character. And I don't think it erases his good qualities, it just makes him complex.

As far as Snape, like I said in another post I do think that he had some responsibility in the matter. And as a Snape fan this is worth discussing imo and the same exact thing goes for him as it does for Sirius. I think his obsession with discovering what the Marauders were up to went past the point of reasonable and that's why he was so easily manipulated into going down into the willow (for someone so intelligent, walking into an obvious trap is not his greatest moment lol) and we're shown in canon that this obsession was also interfering with his ability to be a good friend to Lily. If I absolutely had to choose then yeah, I think Sirius is more at fault than Sev but that's not as interesting to me as exploring the different motivations at play in the situation. Either way it's kind of a dishonest reading to try and make excuses or handwave rather than accepting that Everyone Is Terrible and just being okay with that.

I guess my point is, are you really a fan of a character if you have to overlook their flaws and weak moments in canon? it's a question worth asking. I love both Snape and Sirius because they have flaws but also admirable traits and I'm chillin feeling absolutely no need to defend anyone lol

edit- oh also I agree with your replies to that post, I've just seen them :)

#and at least the other snape fans i follow dont excuse his actions at all #probably others do but so do marauders fans #turning off reblogs bc I don't have anything against OP its just general tendencies in fandom imo #even if you argue sirius hadn't expected him to go down the willow he's smart enough to know its a possibility that he would.#so given that it makes no sense for him to have done it if he wasn't okay with snape going down the willow #i hope this makes sense! lol I'm always rambling #palequeenchild #replies #severus #sirius #the prank

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