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twentyghosts · 4 years

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My Science Boyfriends Mundane AU Masterlist

I have had some folks kindly ask if I plan to write another mundane AU after finishing Never A Breath You Can Afford To Waste, and the answer is: yeah, probably, eventually? Every time I finish writing one of these things I figure it will probably be my last, because how much more could I possibly have to say about the topic of: “What if these characters we know as superheroes were in love but didn’t have to literally save the world and could just have a normal job or whatever?”

And then every time, a small mouse inside my brain whispers some new idea to me and I end up writing another one. But, in the meantime, here are all the ones I’ve written (since I think it can be hard to dig them out of my AO3 page since there are so many one-shots between the longer stories.)

These all have Bruce Banner/Tony Stark as the primary ship. Perhaps you will enjoy them while I wait for the small mouse inside my brain to start whispering, “Science Boyfriends, but hear me out, what if this time they’re insurance adjusters?” Or whatever. Check the AO3 links for full tags/warnings for each one.

Never A Breath You Can Afford To Waste (professor AU, 102K words) (featuring several lovely illustrations!) After abruptly trying to close down Stark Industries' weapons division, Tony Stark has been ousted as CEO by the company's board of directors and is attempting to cool his heels and rehabilitate his image with a cushy one-year appointment as a guest lecturer in engineering at Shield University. Dr. Bruce Banner also has a one-year appointment at Shield, but his is a lowly adjunct instructor position that doesn't pay enough to meet the high cost of living in Southern California. Bruce is trying desperately to keep anyone from finding out he's living in his car, while Tony is desperately trying to ask Bruce out and can't figure out why he won't accept. But when Bruce gets pneumonia, things change. Bruce has to trust Tony with his secret, Tony has to play nursemaid, and they both have to learn how to take care of each other—and still get their final grades turned in on time.

By Any Other Name (high school student AU/flower shop AU, 12K words) Bruce Banner has a hard enough time keeping his head above water between all of his afterschool jobs and the demanding coursework at Shield Academy, the prestigious boarding school he attends on scholarship. He doesn't have time to spearhead a Valentine's Day flower sale fundraiser, and he definitely doesn't have time to date Tony Stark, no matter what his best friend Nat and her girlfriend Pepper keep telling him.

Snow Falls, Love Rises (Hallmark Channel holiday movie AU, 35K words) Tony Stark's ambitious new plan to convert all of his factories to manufacture solar panels and other green energy technologies causes some concern in the small town of Snow Falls, Ohio: the home of the StarKids toy factory. Despite the toy factory's popularity, the town's Green Party mayor, Bruce Banner, actually supports the solar panel initiative. However, Bruce's deputy mayor Darcy Lewis goes behind his back to invite Tony to be the grand marshal of the town's annual Winter Joy Toy Parade, in an attempt to convince Tony to preserve the toy factory. Tony accepts, secretly hoping to use the event as an opportunity to reconnect with Bruce. Unbeknownst to the citizens of Snow Falls, Bruce and Tony haven't spoken to each other since their boarding school romance came to an abrupt end. Can their love be rekindled, or is it as dead as a string of vintage Christmas tree lights?

Is This Heaven? No, It’s Brooklyn (Good Omens fusion AU, 60K words) cowritten with @godlessondheimite After supervising the wrong child for 11 years, Crowley and Aziraphale discover that the Antichrist is actually in Brooklyn, and they have one month to avert the Apocalypse. Although they still need to figure out a few minor details (like how to stop him, and what name he's using), they book an Airbnb and head across the pond. Meanwhile, Bruce Banner, the last living descendant of Agnes Nutter, is also figuring things out, like how can he best answer his curious mentee, Adam Young’s, many questions about the planet? Why couldn't his ancestor's prophecies have been less nice and more coherent? What role will Stark Industries play in causing the end of the world? If he took down his Airbnb listing months ago, how did two strange Englishmen rent it out? And is he really destined to live the rest of his life with the asshole who plowed him over with a Bentley? The combined forces of science, religion, and coincidences--plus the hyper-competent Pepper Potts--might just be enough to avert the Apocalypse and give everyone a happy ending.

Snap Decisions (high school academic decathlon coach AU, 52K words) High school physics teacher Bruce Banner is feeling adrift after he returns from two years in the Peace Corps and takes a new job as the coach of Infinite Horizons Academy's academic decathlon team. Their rival team, Midtown School of Science and Technology, also acquires a new coach when stressed-out CEO Tony Stark finds himself in need of some community service hours. Despite their schools' rivalry, the two coaches become friendly with one another. When New York's power-hungry Schools Chancellor Thanos abruptly closes half of the city's public schools, the two teams are forced to merge. As things begin to crumble around them, Bruce and Tony get a little help from their students in their struggle to save their schools--and each other.

Sorry If You’re Starstruck (Hollywood AU, 60K words) While recovering from an on-set injury (and the resultant problem with painkillers), billionaire playboy genius filmmaker Tony Stark sets his eyes on his next project--an adaptation of the Gamma Garcia books, a widely beloved young adult sci-fi series. The books' notoriously reclusive author, Bruce Banner, rejects all film offers, but he reluctantly accepts Tony's friendship. Their bond deepens into something more, even as personal and professional setbacks threaten their chance at a Hollywood happy ending.

Judging By The Cover (Library AU, 22K words) (featuring very cool collaged illustrations by @allofthefeelings for @wipbigbang!) Bruce Banner is a generally mild-mannered reference librarian at Malibu Public Library, but he loses his cool when local billionaire philanthropist Tony Stark proposes revitalizing the library's technology, at the cost of its collection of print books. Bruce tries his best to persuade Tony to preserve the library, but accidentally ends up dating him. Despite moral support from his friends and coworkers Darcy, Jane, and Natasha, Bruce isn't quite sure if he's cut out to share his life with Tony Stark on either a personal or professional level. Will children's librarian Thor's malevolent brother Loki ruin the summer reading club? Will the paparazzi ever leave Bruce and Tony alone--and more importantly, will Bruce and Tony ever see eye to eye on the subject of e-readers? And when is everyone going to stop asking Bruce for Fifty Shades of Grey?

#fanfiction #marvel #no powers AU #science bros #science boyfriends #bruce banner/tony stark #i have written a third of a million words on the topic of #what if these superheroes were in love but didn't have to be superheroes #*chin hands*#what if though?#long post

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preraphaelitepunk · 5 years

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Fictober19 Day 30: Semantics

Prompt #30: I’m with you, you know that.

Fandom: Good Omens

Characters: Crowley, Aziraphale

Rating: Teen (bit of swearing)

Warnings: Mild description of recurring depression

On AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843936/chapters/50566493

“That ice cream man was definitely flirting with you, angel.”

“That is no excuse for melting that lolly all over his hand like that.” Aziraphale pulled the flake out of his ice cream and bit into it with rather more force than necessary. “And besides, he was simply being friendly.”

“Friendly? Hah. Wanted to climb you like a tree,” Crowley muttered.

Aziraphale gave him a severe look. “He was doing his job. People in service jobs are required to be friendly; they are not flirting, and you’re being unreasonable.”

“I know the difference, angel. That man was not just doing his job; he wanted to lick you like that Mister Whippy.”

“Really, Crowley, there is no need to be uncouth.” He was so cute when the tips of his ears went pink like that, and Crowley found it harder maintain a proper sulk when the angel looked like that.

They strolled in silence for a bit. Eventually, Crowley said, “‘Snot his fault, really, I guess. I mean, he has eyes, of course he’s going to go all mushy when he sees you. It just gets up my nose.”

Smiling, Aziraphale reached out for his hand, gave it a squeeze. “You old softie. I’m with you, you know that, and nothing will ever change that.”

“I know.” Even after all this time, it was hard to say the words; there was still a part of his brain that screamed he was unforgivable, he didn’t deserve such happiness and he certainly didn’t deserve Aziraphale, that it was all just temporary and his angel would soon realize how he’d been conned and disappear from Crowley’s life. He’d learned to ignore that part of him, fight it, smother it with a big pile of wonder and joy and contentment until its cries were muffled. He knew it lied. Most of the time, he knew. Today, at least, he knew, but it was always there, lurking.

He gave Aziraphale’s hand a return squeeze. Today, he knew. “It’s just that, after a certain point, I do get a little jealous. Not that I don’t trust you; ’smore that I don’t trust them.”

“I hardly think you need to worry about that, my dear. I can take care of myself. Oh, I admit that I enjoy it tremendously when you take care of me, but that’s a luxury, darling, not a necessity.”

“Not that way. ’Course you can take care of yourself; you’re the bloody Guardian of the Eastern Gate. It’s more,” he trailed off, thinking.

“More what?”

“Um. More that I don’t like them getting ideas, and thinking that’s all right. Them looking at you and going ‘ooh, he’s gorgeous, I like’ is fine; that’s just normal.” He ignored Aziraphale’s disparaging snort. “What I don’t like is them thinking you’re gorgeous and that they have a chance with you.”

“I am intimately familiar with that sensation,” Aziraphale said.

“What?”

“Oh, it happens all the time, darling. You ooze temptation, and the poor things can’t help themselves. That gaggle of girls at the coffee shop? Absolutely falling all over themselves to get your attention.”

“Naw. Really? Naw, that’s ridiculous. Wait, is that why you pinched my bum?”

Aziraphale pursed his lips primly. “That might have been part of the reason.”

“So, we both need a way to tell people to back off. They can look but don’t touch, get any funny ideas.”

“I believe the traditional human method, at least in England, is rings on the third finger of the left hand.”

“Marriage?” Crowley missed a step. “Is that something you’d want, angel?”

“Hmm. Not sure.” He saw Crowley’s face and added, “I’m sure about you, my love. I’m just not sure whether marriage is appropriate. It’s a very human institution, and we’re not technically human.”

“Nglh.”

“Besides, is it even necessary? The UK hasn’t recognized common-law marriage for a couple hundred years, but that’s just from a legal standpoint. Hardly relevant to us. From a cultural standpoint, we’ve been together for so long, most people would almost certainly consider us married already.”

“Er. Given this a lot of thought, have you?” Crowley tried to keep his voice casual.

“Certainly! I’ve been researching. It’s important that we know what to call each other.”

Crowley wrinkled his brow in thought. “Seems like you’ve mostly called me your boyfriend.”

“Well, yes. I didn’t want to introduce anything more serious without talking to you about it first.”

“So we’re talking now. Spill.”

“Well, first I researched various terms we could use. We’re not boys in any real sense, so boyfriend doesn’t feel quite right.”

“It’s great, but yeah: not a boy, either of us.”

“And then there’s lover, which is just a little too . . . sticky. Paramour is the same.”

“‘Hi, this is Aziraphale, my luvvah,’” Crowley said experimentally, and laughed. “Yeah, it’s a bit too squicky. Could be fun, though.”

“In certain contexts, perhaps.”

“Like if Gabriel ever shows up again?”

Aziraphale giggled. “Can you imagine his face? ‘My lover, Crowley. My demon lover.’ He’d spontaneously combust.”

“We definitely have to use that one on him.”

“Oh, I agree, but it’s not for general use.”

“So what is?”

“Well, I thought about historical terms. Leman, for instance.”

“You are not calling me your lemon, angel.”

“Spelled differently, darling. How about soulmate?”

“Definitely not!”

“Inamorato? Significant other? Partner?”

Crowley ticked off the options on his fingers. “First one, only if I can grow a handlebar mustache and twirl it like an old-timey villain in silent movies. Second one, blech. Third one, too ambiguous. We’re not business partners.”

“Beloved?”

“Huh.” Crowley tried this one out mentally. “Works for you referring to me, but. . . . ”

“‘This is Aziraphale, my beloved.’ Yes, I see your point; not really your style. More of a pet name.”

“Not that you aren’t. My beloved, that is. Just can’t see myself introducing you that way.”

Aziraphale gave him one of those sidelong glances that always sent Crowley’s heart skipping. “Then I suppose we’re left with husband. We can just omit the societal common-law part. Unless you want the ritual of an actual marriage?”

“Nah, not big on ritual, me. Unless you want it?”

“Not at all, poppet. The only important thing is how we feel, not some silly human ceremony.”

Crowley swung their hands a bit, musing. “Husbands. ‘My husband, Aziraphale.’ I like it.”

“So do I. We’ll have to look for rings, of course.”

“Yeah, a big ‘fuck off, I’m taken’ sign for both of us. Hey, you don’t wear your signet ring any more. That could do for mine.”

“If you like, but I’d rather get you one of your own. One with no bad memories attached. Would that be all right?”

“Anything you want, angel. Husband.”

Aziraphale moved closer, so their shoulders rubbed and bumped other as they walked. “I do like the sound of that.”

“So do I.” The back part of his brain, the part where all the self-loathing and despair lived, tried to warn him not to believe it, it was all an illusion and everything would fall apart because of his own innate and irreparable unworthiness, but he squashed it with an ease that startled him. It turned out that husband was the most effective serotonin booster he’d ever encountered. Who knew a little word like that would have so much power?

#fictober19 #good omens #good omens fanfic #ineffable spouses #ineffable husbands #aziraphale x crowley #very low-key marriage proposal #just declare yourselves married #boom you're married #fluff #i wrote this instead of sleeping

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crispychrissy · 7 years

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Identity Crisis

Summary: When an Alpha demon has to posses an Omega meat suit for a mission from Crowley, things get a little awkward. Characters: Richard Baker (demon!OMC), Derek (demon!OMC), Crowley Word Count: 1956 Warnings: ABO Dynamics, sexual content (no smut), language A/N: This fic comes from a 3am giggly conversation between me and @saxxxology (who is also my beta). Imagine an Alpha demon having to possess an Omega and she goes into heat, and he’s all confused. I think I woke up my neighbors with how loud I was laughing. Enjoy!

Richard Baker. A single bachelor of twenty-eight with a successful job, and of course, he was a handsome Alpha to boot. He prided himself on being available for any Omega that would need him during their heat… but there was one thing he never had.

Love.

Sure, hearing an Omega whimper below him, begging for his knot, that was great, but he never heard anyone tell him they loved him. Not even his parents. His father, a lawyer, and his mother, a politician, he was never raised in a home where felt loved. When he presented as an Alpha, he slept around constantly, clinging to the frail overnight relationships he formed with whatever woman would share his bed. They only loved what he could provide to them: A strong body and an Alpha cock.

That’s why he found himself at three in the morning in the middle of nowhere burying a small box at a crossroads. Of course he didn’t believe the so-called witch that sold him the ingredients… but he was desperate.

He couldn’t believe that a demon actually showed, let alone made a deal with him. Ten years to be loved like he knew he should be by the woman of his dreams. Ten years to show how much love he could actually return.

The second he sealed the deal with that kiss was the moment he knew he was going to live to regret it, even though the promise of a gorgeous Omega lay in wait on his return home.

So here he was, thirteen years later, standing in the throne room of Crowley, the King of Hell, and waiting to be assigned his next task. He was wearing his favorite meat suit, a comatose and brain dead Alpha who had the plug pulled after suffocating when a two-hundred-pound barbell landed on his chest while he was working out alone. Not having another person constantly fighting against the possession was always nice, and his old body had worn out long ago, when he was still on the Rack.

Soon after that, he met another demon named Derek, and they quickly became friends, or as close to friends as demons could be. They were constantly assigned to the same tasks due to their efficiency and the strengths of their Alpha suits.

“Alright, next!” Crowley spat, lethargically waving his hand while he thumbed through a folder.

“Richard and Derek, sir. Awaiting instruction.” Richard said, a smile on his face and his hands clasped behind him.

“Right, whatever,” Crowley said dismissively. “I have a task for you both, but Richard, you need to be in a new meat suit. I had one brought up from the vegetable garden.”

“The vegetable garden, sir?” Richard asked, a confused look on his face.

“Not literal vegetables, you walnut.” Crowley rolled his eyes and huffed a chuckle, “the stock pile of meat suits I have that are comatose, brain dead, or otherwise incapacitated. The ‘vegetables.’”

“Oh, right, sir. Of course,” Richard smiled as a small female body was wheeled into the room.

She was tiny, probably barely five foot three inches tall, with long blonde hair. She was wearing a surprisingly clean pair of skin tight jeans and a light blue button down. She was attractive, Richard couldn’t deny that, but he was confused as to why he needed a female meat suit.

“A woman?” He asked.

“Yes. You two are going to be posing as house hunting newlyweds to find me an empty house big enough for a new base for a cell of demons… and two Alpha males obviously wouldn’t work.” Crowley said.

Richard raised an eyebrow. “So, wait… she’s-”

“An Omega, yes.” Crowley finished his sentence and looked up at him. “Will that be a problem?”

“No, sir. I just, I’ve had the same meat suit for a long time, it’s going to be new territory for me is all. No problem.” Richard smiled and tilted his head back, opening his mouth. A large plume of smoke billowed out of the mouth of his Alpha meat suit and wisped through the air and then down the throat of the unconscious Omega.

He, or rather, she blinked her eyes open and stretched. Richard heard a few joints in her arms pop as he reached above him and then stood from the wheelchair. Everything seemed so much bigger from down there, and he was taken aback by just how tiny this Omega was compared to his normal Alpha meat suit.

“Well, how does it look on me?” Richard asked, spinning in a circle with his arms out.

“Not gonna lie, dude. You look pretty hot,” Derek confessed with a laugh. “Might have to get a female demon into her once you’re done so I can give her a proper knot.”

“Not if I get to her first, asshole,” Richard said. He tried to laugh but it came out as a soft giggle. He tilted his head to the side for a moment and wondered out loud, “Wait, if I have sex with an old meat suit, would that be considered masturbation?”

“I don’t think so, because you’re not in her while you’re fucking her… right?” Derek said, walking over to where Richard was standing. “And if she’s dead, that’s something completely different.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Richard took a deep breath and found himself surrounded by an enticing smell of pine trees and citrus. “Man, your cologne is strong.”

“Gentlemen, enough with the useless banter. You have your assignment,” Crowley waved his hand, “Go.”

Both Richard and Derek nodded and disappeared from the room, reappearing in a small suburb outside Bloomington, Illinois. There were rows and rows of cookie cutter houses lining the street on each side, and they landed between two of them on the right side of the street. Each of them slipped on their respective wedding bands.

Richard groaned as they peeked their heads out. “I don’t see why I have to be the chick. I mean, why couldn’t I have been a Beta or something at the very least?”

“Whatever, dude. You’re not the one that has to deal with your scent right under my nose for the entire day. You smell like fresh cookies and fruit.” Derek grumbled. “And I mean that in the least homo way possible.” They stepped out onto the street and began walking towards a group of cars and people down the road.

The moment they got within line of sight of the group of people on the sidewalk, Derek slipped his arm around Richard and pulled him close to him.

Richard flinched and tried to pull away. “Dude, what the fuck?”

“We’re newlyweds, dude. Just fucking deal with it so we can get this done.” Derek tightened his arm around him and flipped on a fake smile.

A heavyset woman with poofed up red hair sauntered over to the two of them with a giant smile on her crimson lips. “Hello friends! Looking for a new home?”

Derek nodded and offered his hand. “Yes, ma’am. I’m Derek Smith. This is my wife Ric… uh, Rebecca.”

Richard offered his hand as well and the woman shook it vigorously. “What a lovely Omega you have here, Derek.”

Her eyes studied Richard’s neck and her brow furrowed in confusion when she realized there was no claim mark. She opened her mouth to comment, but swallowed the thought and replaced it with another huge smile.

“Come on! Let me get you a brochure,” the woman said as she turned and began to walk back toward the crowd of people. “All the houses on this street are for sale except for this one right here.”

Richard nodded in understanding and began to absentmindedly flip through the brochure. He felt a strange cramp spasm in his lower stomach, causing him to purse his lips and take a deep breath.

“You okay?” Derek asked, raising an eyebrow and looking down at Richard. He couldn’t help it when he took in a deep breath, surrounded by a renewed Omega scent that was beginning to affect him.

“Yeah… just felt weird. Like I gotta take a shit, but different. I don’t know. It’s nothing.” Richard shook his head and involuntarily stepped closer to Derek.

“Miss?” Derek said to the real estate woman, causing her to spin around. “My wife and I are just going to look around at the homes and let you know if we spot something we like. We definitely are going to pick one in this development, though.”

The woman smiled another huge smile and nodded. “You two kids have fun! I’ll be flitting about.”

Derek spun around, pulling Richard with him, and began to march down the sidewalk toward one of the houses on the left. They quickly bounded up the walkway and Derek threw open the door, slamming it closed once both of them were inside.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on? You smell… you smell amazing,” Derek all but growled.

“I don’t know what’s going on! It feels like I’m being stabbed in the stomach and like I got swamp ass, but it’s in the front,” Richard yelled back.

“Dude,” Derek’s eyes went wide and he began to laugh. “I think you’re in heat!”

“I’m what?!” Richard began to panic. “Is that why I feel all sweaty and wet?”

“You’re in heat! That’s why you smell so good and you’re covered in slick, not sweat,” Derek said between gasps as he bent over and continued laughing. “Jesus, I woulda thought you’d get something right about Omega anatomy.”

“It’s not fucking funny, asshole!” Richard hissed. “This feels so weird. I need to get out of this body and get into a Beta or something.”

“You can’t. Crowley will kill you if we go back without completing our mission.”

“But it’s so sticky, Derek!” Richard whined and spread his legs further apart.

“Do you need an Alpha to take care of you, Omega?” Derek purred, trying to suppress his smile.

Richard couldn’t suppress the whimper that escaped his throat, nor could he stop the throbbing between his legs. He found himself feeling empty, wanting something to fill him up. He rapidly shook his head looked up at Derek with wide eyes.

“You smell so good… wait, does this make me gay?” Richard choked out.

“I… maybe? It doesn’t make me gay, though, because your body is definitely female,” Derek said, running his eyes up and down the Omega body in front of him.

“That’s it. I’m done, I’ll send Katrina. She was an Omega when she was alive and she owes me a favor,” Richard stepped back and pressed his index finger into Derek’s chest “You are such an asshole.”

“I was only offering to-” Derek began to say right as Richard smoked out of the Omega’s body and disappeared out the back window of the house, leaving the empty body to collapse with a sickening thud on the floor.

“-help you with the problem.”

Less than ten minutes later, another plume of black smoke wormed its way into the house through the back window and down the throat of the Omega lying unconscious on the floor. Once all the smoke was down her throat, she stood up and opened her eyes.

“Hey Katrina. Been a while,” Derek purred, stalking closer to her.

“Hola, baby. It’s been too long,” she pressed her legs together and moaned softly, running her hands up and down her new body. “This one is in heat… she wants it bad.”

“Mhm. Come here, babe. Let’s break in the bedroom of this house, shall we?” Derek stepped forward and scooped her up in his arms and began to walk toward the other end of the house toward the bedroom.

Tags: @katymacsupernatural @your-modern-shakespeare @wh1sp3r1ng-impala @wheresthekillswitch @holyfuckloueh @just-another-busy-fangirl @growningupgeek @kittenofdoomage @sofreddie

ABO Tags: @kawaiilivkitty

#abo #abofanfic #alpha beta omega #no smut #funny #comedy #omega #alpha #spn fanfic #not reader insert #omc #supernaturalfanfic

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