#A sudden change like that when its 3am? I cant be normal. So i was stuttering and giggling and just being unable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

graciouslypure · 4 years

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I was texting my girlfriend on breast pumps, when a sudden surge of emotions swept me.

It was past 3am when my baby was placed beside my bed. The ambience in the ward was serene, I was still numb due to anaesthetics, too exhausted of the 12 hours drama of bringing a little khalifah into the world. Both of us slept through Subuh.

After few hours of sleep, I could finally feel my body. I got up slowly, reached for my precious baby, and he started crying. Miraculously, Allah granted me strength to attend to him for the first time. He cried so loud that the nurse came and assisted me. "Susukan dia, puan."

That's when it all started.

I did not know how to properly cuddle him, awkwardly lifted him and placed him to my chest. He couldnt latch, and after few attempts, not even a drop of milk came out. I started panicking. All nurses that came near my bed that morning helped me to breastfeed and alas, when my nipple cracked blood, my baby had a taste of colustrum. The pain was so intense, but the pain of hearing and watching my baby in hunger was much much much more.

So the nurses just assisted the baby to latch and let him there for a while. Then he was quiet. I didnt know if he got any milk or not, but he seems comfy. Then, his first poo. It was the hardest thing. The nurse came again to guide me. It was so new to me. Having taken care of four siblings when I was little, it didnt occur to me this would be so awkward and daunting. "Puan pegang betul-betul anak puan." Maybe stressed seeing me handling my baby, she changed the diaper and swaddle him. Yes. I didnt even know how to do that.

At this point, I started feeling stressed out. I called my husband but to no avail. Ibu called informing my husband just woke up after reaching home at 4am after the procedure. "Tapi dia kata nak datang pagi..." Ibu comforted me, "Sekejap, dia penat sangat tu dah macam zombi, ibu bagi makan sekejap lepas tu terus pergi hospital." When he came, I cried and cried and cried and scolded him for coming late.

I was like a child, asking the teacher on how to draw a ball. I kept asking all the nurses who came on the techniques of breastfeeding, even my mom and aunties had to teach me. Its normal not to have a flow of milk at first, but my baby, is one hungry baby. Maybe because of the stress, I couldnt produce well. His cries didnt help either. So that evening I asked my sister to bring formula milk. And of course it was against the hospital rule. With a syringe, I fed my baby. Relieved I was.

On the next nurse round, "mulut baby macam dapat susu dari syringe je ni," aku senyap. Dalam hati, "ye, saya beri susu formula," That night, condition worsens. No milk, I had to beg the nurse to feed him. So for two midnights, my baby was fed. Other than that, zero. Nada.

I was at the hospital for five days for them to monitor me after the operation. One night, the baby just could not stop crying. The other mothers in the ward were with their babies sleeping peacefully, so they were outraged by the screams and continuous cries from mine. That was my limit. I almost went cuckoo. I begged and begged the nurses to take my baby. The nurse for that round pitied me, took the baby from me and there I was: my peaceful 30 minutes. On third night, I was exhausted. Really really tired. I even asked: " boleh tak lari dari hospital?" "Puan masuk ada prosedur, keluar pon ada prosedur." I cant take it anymore. When the specialist told me my wound was healing well, I was over the moon. Means I could go home. Unfortunately, due to no breast milk, my baby was down with jaundice. That spared us another two long nights at the ward. It was horrible!

I had many supportive visitors, but all they saw were haggard new mother and chapped lips baby out of thirst and hunger. I was embarassed. I was mad at my self, for not being able to function, mad at the baby, for crying non stop, mad at the rules for not allowing formulae milk in the ward, my heart was filled with anger and madness instead of gratitude and thankfulness. It was disastrous.

Finally when I got home, I suffered mild postnatal depression but from the support from family and friends, I survived. My milk slowly came after massage, the conducive homey environment and ibu's confinement foods helped stress to fade, baby's jaundice went off. Slowly joy started creeping in, all the madness went away and I am one grateful mama.

Alhamdulillah.

Note: Still traumatized by the experience, I took extra effort this time round to be more prepared. Looking back, I would still cry on this particular experience. Allah please.help.me.

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nightphans · 5 years

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A crumbling world

Hey this is lil fic I wrote with some help for phandom wars on twitter:)

One shot:

Genre: angst I guess,unrequited love:,),

Summary: dans world is crumbling.phil,his best friend,unrequited lover, whatever title you wanna use is dead.And dans falling falling apart.

And then he woke up.

Prologue (which I didn’t write):

Everything had seemed to be normal. Dan and Phil were out, just having a good day. They were walking home from Starbucks with lunch as it was pretty nice outside. Dan and Phil were crossing the street when Phil dropped his sunglasses in the road. He bent down quickly to pick them up, Dan had already crossed the street. Before Dan could react and before Phil could finish crossing the street, a high speed pick up truck comes through and smashes into Phil. A sound of glass breaks and the car comes to a halt. Dan drops everything he is holding and rushes over to Phil, sitting next to him. A shards of glass lay around Phil, his head bleeding out from the impact of the car and the ground. Dan let's out a blubbering sob as Phil breathes lightly, not speaking just looking up. Dan lifts Phils head into his lap. Phil just looked up. There was a bruise forming on Phils face. Phil was losing a lot of blood.

“Phil look at me, please stay alive please. Please” He whispered softly as he heard sirens approaching.

Phils body got cold. His breathing barely there.

“Please Phil stay here with me. “ Dan begged as Phil became pale, his body no longer ridded of human life.of joy.of spirit.

His eyes no longer had their spark. Only dead pools of blue. He sobbed as he carressed Phil's face. Phil let out a very tiny last breath before what little life he had left dissapeared. Phil died. Everyone watched as ambulance and police rushed them away. The driver only sat in their truck, shocked at what happened. Dan didn't noticed anything around him, his world crumbled as the only best friend he had was gone.

“N-no..n-NO THIS-TH-THIS CANT...PHIL” Dan pleaded, Phils blood on his hands.

Then everything went black.

•

Drowning.

Dan was certain he was drowning. The question was, in what? misery? depression? Perhaps even grief?

Scratch that.

It was tears.

Dan's eyes slowly cracked open. The familiar darkness in his room fell over him. He felt his sheets. He was in his bed. He felt terrible. Exhausted.

Sitting up slowly, he stretched out his legs. His hand brushing the back of his neck,immediately meeting the wet, warmth plastered on his neck,hair and cheek.

Strange.

Looking down, feeling around on the luminous white fabric hidden amongst the dark void of his room, it was apparent his pillow was stained left, right, and center with a puddle of droplets.

He sighed deeply, rubbing his burning eyes.They were tired,almost drooping in the anticipation of sleep.

Unfortunately every time he closed them he was reminded of everything.

A choked sob barely escaped his throat as he dwelled back on the dream only previous minutes, even seconds ago.

Phil.

God, that absolute shit. Of course, Dan knew he wasn’t really dead. And yet…..

It had felt so real.

He feared that if he closed his eyes again, the endless pool of black behind his lids would merge into yet another image, another nightmare in which he’d have to watch Phil’s lifeless form lay pale and limp, Dan’s best friend’s blood on his hands as he held him, watching him take his final breaths. Watching those sparkling eyes fade to a fragment of what they once were.

Watching The glow Phil seemed to always be emitting, faded out of existence.Reduced to just a memory.

Phil reduced to just a memory.

Dan closed his eyes,remembering the events that had caused his best friends sudden death.

A hint of bile seemed to rise up to his throat,mainly due to the recoil he felt at the realisation that phil could be removed from existence any day now.

Any.fucking.day.

And then Dan’s mind wandered ,what would it be like once he died?

Sure, people would miss him, he’d make an impact. But in the long course? In a century’s time? No one would have even known he was there.

The thought made him feel sick.

He’s joked about the inevitability of death but…..those were just jokes. In truth, it terrified him, it would terrify anyone, right? He wasn’t alone….right?

And anyways, He didn’t believe in a higher power, so where would he go after death? What would it be like? What would happen to everyone who ever knew him?

But then he recalled phils limp form in his own shaking hands,remembered the agonising screams that unknowingly left his own mouth while he called for help,for both himself and phil

Even the thought of ever sleeping again seemed like a fucking joke.

Dan closed his eyes, attempting to count to 10. He felt his exhausted body get begin to rest but his head continued racing. His eyes felt heavy. For days he got little to no sleep.

What if- no,don’t get distracted

What time is it anyway?

I wonder if Phil would’ve min-

Fuck it.

He lifted the duvet over his shivering body, slipping each foot into his slippers; which Phil, coincidentally, had given him for Easter. His thin, nimble fingers reached for the light switch on the wall.

His shadow seemed to be shaking behind him against the shimmering light, he looked away.

Phil wouldn’t mind, he thought, after all….we’re friends.

Best friends.

If only we were more

Dan clenched his fist, digging his nails into the layer of skin sitting upon his palm,focusing on the pain in order to erase those thoughts. He took in a deep breath, breathing in time with his own footsteps as he left the comforting yet depressive state of his own room, taking small strides until at last, his destination had been reached.

There was no point dwelling on what could have been.

The past was the past. He couldn’t change that.

If only he could.

If only he had made the move back then.

If only-

He knocked on the door.

After an awkward moment of silence and uncertainty Dan knocked again, he heard a muffled grunt, some footsteps followed by a shriek of pain and then a string of curse words.

Dan chuckled fondly, knowing Phil, he had probably stepped on a Lego-like object or something of the sort.

After two agonising moments filled with anticipation the door opened, a tired Phil revealed behind it.

Messy black hair, soft pale freckled skin, obnoxiously bright boxer shorts and a sore-on the eye blue t-shirt.

Phil

Rather than looking down to see 2 pairs of fierce, yet mesmerising crystals that were held within Phil’s eyes, Dan was met with the folds that covered them, blinking away sleep that probably seemed oh so desirable at the ungodly hour of 3am that Dan had never seemed to notice it was.

Dan smiled sheepishly once Phil finally looked up at him with slight confusion and perhaps a hint of annoyance. However, his expression changed completely when he seemed to notice how red Dan’s eyes were,how oddly pink cheeks were stained with cooling droplets,perhaps even the strained smile that had failed to mask dans evident emotions

“Are you okay?” Phil’s deep, sleep ridden yet concerned voice disrupted the natural flow of Dan’s thoughts.

Dan nodded absentmindedly, walking into Phil’s room and shutting the door behind him

“Sorry” he barely whispered, voice barely audible due to the scratchiness and obvious hurt from all the crying.

Who even thought of crying? A horrible adaptation really. Feeling vulnerable? Okay! Let’s make liquid pour out of your eyes, a key feature on your face, so everyone knows!

Thanks evolu-

“Dan?” Phil repeated for the third time, gently shaking the brunette, causing said boy to look up in a daze. He really needed to control his day dreaming.

Or night dreaming since it was like, 3am? If that was a thing.

God, he was a mess.

“Dan? Hello? I’ve been calling your name for the last minute….can you hear me?” his voice seemed to hold genuine concern, looking Dan straight in the eyes once he knew he had caught his attention.

Dan eyes began watering, tears brimming at the soft skin, skimming over the dark bags he had received in return of late nights procrastinating video ideas and aimlessly scrolling on the internet till the very peak of dawn.He couldn’t help but tear up seeing phil very much alive.

Thank god.

Phil shushed him, embracing him into a comforting hug. He had no idea what was going on, but what he did know was that this was Dan, who seemed so fragile and helpless at the moment.

Phil couldn’t bare to turn him away. Dan tried to hold in a shaking sob but it only made him cries louder. His breathing was shaking and he felt as though his lungs would collapse. Give in at any moment.

Dan wraps his arms around Phil’s body tighter. Their chests are pressed together, flesh touching flesh, and Phil feels so comfy and soft and warm. Dan’s crying into his shoulder, babbling incoherent pleas and apologies. “I’m sorry, i’m so sorry. Please don’t leave me. Please. I need you. So much.”

Phil runs his fingers through Dan’s messy hair, making him cry even more because he’s so scared of losing Phil. Losing his touch, his smile, his stupid puns. Dan can’t imagine a life without him.

“I won't leave you. I promise. “ Phil said softly, holding Dan gently, scared of breaking him almost. He wondered what could have made Dan fall apart like this, perhaps a bad dream?

Dan nodded,pulling apart reluctantly.He looked phil straight in the eyes and it only took phil to gently place his hands on dan for everything to come spilling out of his mouth,like an overflowing dam that had finally had its barrier removed.Or the gate separating celebrities from their fans had been broken down.

The thought almost made him giggle.

Almost.

By the time dan had explained everything to phil,he was engulfed in a comforting hug,Phil gently wiping away the tears freely roaming down dans face.

“- I just…..I was so scared I had lost you” dan blabbed openly while Phil listened “so fucking terrified,had to see your face completely pale and just horrible because fuck phil I love you so goddamn-“

Dan froze,breathing heavily and inconsistent. Fuck,did he just say that?

Did he really just say that?

Fuck

Before phil even had a chance to respond,dan was up.It had never been a natural instinct of his to face the consequences of what he did,it was always flee the moment he opened his goddamn mouth.

God. This was such a mess.

Dan was already ripping through the blankets,shaking heavily as he almost power-walked to the door,muttering small ‘sorry’s to disguise his obviously fractured breathing pattern.

Everything was spinning,why was everything spinning?

Suddenly an anchor seemed to pull him down,a steady being held him tightly,repeating his name over and over.

It was Phil,that was recognisable,so why couldn’t Dan answer back?

Oh right,he was having a panic attack.

After another 20 minutes of trying to calm dan down, Phil had succeeded. Of course,he was still crying and his breathing was still slightly fragmented and disjunct.

But at least he could breath

“Dan? honestly….” phil shook his head fondly,smile evidently concerned yet amused,eyes twinkling.

“You need to stop jumping to conclusions god…..did you seriously think I would get angry at you telling me you love me? I know that,I love you too,I always have” he chuckled

Dan's heart skipped a beat,his face showing a range of emotions. Confusion, happiness, surprise, hurt from the previous events.

“R-really?” Dan choked.

Phil nodded smiling “of course! You know that! Everyone knows that! After all, you’re my best friend”

And just like that, Dans world crumbled once again.

@phanfictioncatalogue @pfclibrary

#a crumbling world #phanfiction #angst #nightphans fics #yeet #phanfictioncatalogue #unrequited love #fanfiction #phanfic #phan #dan

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years

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3AM Drive - Thru (JJK x You x The8/Minghao)// Chapter 13

MASTERLIST

“Jeon Jungkook?” Y/N exclaimed, she cant help but smile so widely. Jungkook chuckled.

“We are halfway around the world away from home, and of all the faces and all the places, we had to meet each other. If this is not fate, then I dont know what this is,” Jungkook walked over to Y/N, grinning with his bunny teeth showing.

———————————————————-

Its only been a few days, but Minghao is going crazy. He tried to reach Y/N, texting and calling but not once was it answered. Worse, the text is not even delivered. Is she really that mad at him to the extent that she dont even bother to open her phone? Is she busy? She did go there for business meetings afterall. Did something happen to her phone? Worse, did something happen to her?

So many thought crowding his mind and he knows, no matter how he tries to distract himself with dancing or helping Hoshi with new cheographies, only a reply from Y/N can ease his mind.

His mind returned back to the night of the party while he slide down at the corner of the practice room.

After he send the text to Y/N and told her that he will be out as soon as he meets the new girl group, he quickly grabbed his clothes and change. Totally forgetting to take out his phone from the suit he is currently wearing.

Once arrived at the after party, their manager gather them together and introduce them to the representative of a cosmetic brand that is interested to cast them and the new girl group for their new advertisement campaign.

After the formalities and unofficial agreements has been made, the representatives tells them to let loose and share a toast. Minghao politely refused at first, but both the manager and S.Coups glared at him, silently telling him not to be rude. One shot of toast turn to many others as apparently business people have many things to toast to.

He’s guessing that is when he got insanely drunk as his alcohol tolerance was never high anyway. Bits and pieces of him dancing, laughing and being extra friendly with the girl group members came back to him. Even in his drunk state, the thoughts of Y/N is still evident in his mind but he cant even seem to remember his own name at that moment, let alone that Y/N is waiting for him somewhere outside in the cold.

What he does remember is him helping one of the girls home. She, apparently is a lot drunker than he is and had drunk forced him to help take her home. With his already half sober state, he helped her back to her apartment. While trying to help her enter the building, she grabbed him out of the sudden for a kiss and that must be when the papparazzi snapped the photos. The photos that Y/N had seen. He immediately push her away, asks the building doorman to help her and call a car to get home. He straight away passed out when he reached his room, too tired and too drunk to think of anything else.

The memories of that night makes him shudder. He swears that he wont ever touch a drink again, even for formalities or business deals, never again. Maybe except on his weddjng day with Y/N. Minghao shakes his head to that thoughts. Yeah right, like she would ever even speak to him again.

Despite not receiving any respond from Y/N, Minghao still keeps on trying. He sends long text messages explaining the situation, asking, no, begging, for forgiveness and daily good morning and good night texts, hoping that when Y/N finally opens her phone, she will understand and maybe forgive him. As for now, Minghao can only wish for the days to come faster, yearning for the day Y/N was scheduled to come back from her trip. He promise himself, if by some miracle Y/N forgives him and still wants him, he will finally succumb to his feelings and never letting her go ever again.

Days passed by, and nothing change. Minghao still tries to distract himself with extra practice and dancing, and he still relentlessly texting and calling Y/N, which still have her phone off.

“Oh shit,” a voice from across the practice room snap him back to reality. Minghao looked up from his phone to see DK, Mingyu and Seungkwan looking at him. They seem to be gathering around, looking at something Mingyu is showing on his phone. And by the way they were looking at him now, he’s pretty sure its something related to him. Is it rumors about him and the girl group again?

“What?” Minghao is irritated.

“Nothing hyung,” Seungkwan quickly hide the phone behind him.

“Okay now I know its definitely something,” Minghao gets up and snatched the phone away. All three of them, including Seungkwan, who has been thoroughly informed by Mingyu, knows about the ‘tragedy’ between him and Y/N, and they know better not to mess with him when he’s in this kind of mood.Minghao sends them a death glare and looks at the phone.

BTS’ JEON JUNGKOOK & SONG Y/N SPOTTED IN A CAFE IN SPAIN! Are they on a secret romantic getaway together?

Below the headlines are photos of Jungkook and Y/N sharing a cozy lunch in a small cafe in the middle of Spain. Most importantly, they are laughing and happy. Minghao almost threw the phone against the wall if its not for DK who went to snatch the phone away from him.

Is this why you didnt even bother to power on your phone? Was I right? Did you finally realize your feelings for me are just temporary and gone back to Jungkook?

And as if the universe is mocking him, his phone dings, indicating a text message is received. He eyed the screen to see who’s the sender.

Y/N ♡

———————————————————– “You cant be serious?!” Y/N screamed. She’s not one to loose her temper easily, especially when its towards an innocent worker.

The airport staff just told her that they have lost, no, quoting them 'misplaced’ all her luggage. After a long night of not sleeping yesterday, jetlegged and the emotional stress with what happened with Minghao, Y/N just feels like punching somebody right now. And the staff who delivered her the god awful bad news seems like a very good candidate. What kind of business class flight is this? This is why she should have listen to her father and just take the company private chartered flight. But no, she just had to insist on taking the normal flight.

“We..we are sorry miss. But we will find the misplaced luggage in 72 hours,” the airport staff stuttered. Y/N close her eyes and rubbed her temples.

“Fine! Like there’s anything I can about it anyway. But be informed that I will never ever board your flight company again! And a very personal complain will be sent straight to your CEO!” she huffed and walked away. The staff just nodded weakly. It was not in Y/N’s nature to get angry and act rude to others, but she just cant take anymore bad news today.

“Dont worry miss. We will straight away plan a shopping trip to replace all your lost belongings after you are well rested,” her assistant rush to catch up with her fast pace.

“Fine,” Y/N rummaged through her carry on and finally realized something. “Arghhhhhh,” her scream almost gave her already frightened assistant a heart attack.

“Miss are you alright?”

“My phone is in my luggage! My lost luggage!”

After she had send the last message to Minghao, she was so upset to the point she immediately turn it off and carelessly just threw it inside her luggage. She cant and wont be using it on the plane anyways. Especially she knows that Minghao must be having a terrible hangover and there’s no way in hell he would be awake at 7am.

Y/N did look forward to read his explanation, if there is any, or any reply from him once she reached her destination. As much as what happenned last night upset her and broke her heart, she stills believes in Minghao. She believes that he wont do that to her on purpose. He won’t, wouldn’t he? He said he love her, didnt he? And now… this shit happen!

“We..we can also buy a new phone, miss,” her assistant stuttered. Praying to God that Y/N wont scream at her this time.

“What’s the point… it will take time to reconfigure it again for me to get all my texts and stuff, and that is if they can retrieved it,” Y/N almost feels like crying now. “I guess I’ll just wait for them to return my luggage,”

After a relaxing shower and a nice short nap, Y/N is ready for her shopping trip to find a few neccessities for the next few days until her luggage is found. She still have about 2 days before all her meetings start, and she plan to use it wisely on food and shopping.

Y/N had requested to go on her shopping trip alone and ask her driver to just take the car and wait for her at a coffee shop. She knows she can spend hours in one shop alone and she understands how boring it is for a middle age man to follow her around for things like that.

After a couple of hours, and with dozens of shopping bags in tow (of course she bought more that just to replace her lost belongings), Y/N spotted a cafe not far away and decide to take a short tea break before continuing round two.

As she was balancing all her purchases between her two hands and steadying herself to walk on the cobble stone walkway in her 5 inch heels, a man who seems in a rush bumped into her, causing her to fall flat on her butt, all her bags strewn everywhere. The man says a quick sorry and rushed off, not even bothering to check if she was okay.

Seriously, can today get any worse?

“Excuse me miss, let me help you,” a man addressed her in English, picking and passing her one of her bags and offering her a hand to help her up. She brushed the dust off her skirt and looked up to the man, ready to thank him.

“Jeon Jungkook?” Y/N exclaimed, she cant help but smile so widely. Jungkook chuckled.

“We are halfway around the world away from home, and of all the faces and all the places, we had to meet each other. If this is not fate, then I dont know what this is,” Jungkook pulled Y/N up, grinning with his bunny teeth showing.

“Its so so so nice to see a familiar face!” she jumped to hug him, hands around his neck. After the day she had, it is really nice to see someone familiar. Y/N is too caught up in her happiness that she didnt realize she is hugging Jeon Jungkook a little too intimately.

Jungkook, on the other hand, can feel his heart beating faster and faster because of her actions. Calm down, Jungkook. It’s just a friendly hug.

“Wow, someone seems to be happy to see me! You must be having a bad day, Y/N,” he teased. “But by looking at that,” he points to the shopping bags strewn everywhere , “I might be wrong,” he laughs.

“Oh shut up! I am having a bad day. The worse actually,” Y/N playfully smack his chest. Jungkook laughs and helps her pick up all her shopping bags.

“Let’s go for a drink, and you can tell me all about your bad day,”

————–

“Andddd that’s what happen. I mean, I could have been kidnap right now and my team wont even have a way to contact me. Well, atleast now I can get kidnap in a stylish outfit,” Y/N raised one of her shopping bags. Jungkook chuckle.

“By the way, what are you doing here? You didnt tell me you were also flying out yesterday,”

“We are here for a fansign and a photoshoot for our summer package promotions,” Jungkook explains. The thought didnt cross his mind yesterday to tell Y/N that he is also flying out. Nothing crosses his mind that night actually. His thoughts were consumed by Y/N and Y/N alone.

Just sitting there in front of her in McDonald’s, wearing his beautifully tailored suit and her in such a gorgeous dress, he never felt happier. They were talking and joking and laughing just like old times and Jungkook wishes for nothing more than wanting that moment to last forever.

And now, so far away from home, she ended up in front of him again. Talking about her day so animatedly. Telling him things like they had never went through a bad time. Laughing with him like he never broke her heart. Jungkook cant help but just stare at her. If only you are still mine. He shakes his head and smile.

“Y/N, if you have time during your trip, maybe we can explore the city together? The hyungs never wants to go around with me,” Jungkook pouts.

“Hey, what a great idea! I’m all alone anyways. My team never wants to explore places with me. Something about 'not wanting to hang around with the boss’. I’m an amazing boss, and I’m also a great friend! I dont understand whyyy,” Y/N complains.

Her pouty action makes the butterflies in Jungkook’s heart went on a rampage. He shows his bunny smile, “Great. Then I will pick you up at your hotel everyday when we are both done with our things okay?”

Y/N simply nodded. Not sensing anything other than maybe Jungkook is really trying to reconcile their friendship. Y/N suddenly grab his hand.

“Let me send all my things to the car and let’s go to the beach before we go home. Its almost sunset!” Y/N excitedly jumped up from her seat. Jungkook just agree. Y/N asking him to go to the beach with her, laughing with him, agreeing to sight see with him everyday in a foreign city…

If this is a dream, he dont ever want to wake up.

————-

“I’m sorry it took longer than expected Miss,” the airport staff apologized profusely. Y/N just nodded, says a quiet thanks and wheeled all her luggage away. To be honest, she is still angry about the incident but right now she just wants to get back to the hotel and dig her phone out.

The first thing she did once she reached her room is plug in the charger. Once her phone lights up, she quickly finds the name she had wanted to reach for days now. She starts reading all his texts. More tears starts strraming down her face with every text she reads. He had explained the situation. He had asked for forgiveness. Although apparently he didnt actually went home with the girl, he did get drunk and left her alone in the cold to party and kiss the said girl. Y/N knows he doesnt mean it but still, what he did hurt. She can forgive hin for being stood up, the drunkeness, but the girls? Of everything he can forgive a man for, infidelity is definitely not one of it. But is it cheating if they are not even together?

Just then, her phone dings, indicating a new text message. Minghao. She quickly clicks the icon.

I love you Song Y/N. Please come back to me.

Y/N close her eyes and let the tears flow. Since the night that she confessed, Minghao never actually says he loves her again so directly. She knows he finally believe her when she said that she’s sure of her feelings for him, but she really dont know, at this moment, if she can forgive what he did so easily. Minutes passed, and she finally typed back a reply.

I’m sorry. I need time.

———————————————————– Chapter 14 Preview (FINAL EPISODE)

Jungkook kneeled down on one knee, one hand holding hers and another one holding open a small ring box.

“I dont want to ever lose you again. I dont ever want to feel regret for letting you walk out from my life ever again. Song Y/N, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, showering you with the love that you deserve. Will you marry me?”

With tears streaming down her cheeks, Y/N smiles.

Minghao quickly turns away from what he saw. It seems that his one mistake will haunt him forever. It costs him to lose the love of his life.

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wanna1things · 7 years

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Roommate!Aron Kwak

is my boi arrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

Genre;; fluff + college!au + roommates/flatmates!au

Warnings;; ?? food stealing ??

Pairing;; Aron Kwak x reader

Requested;; YES (by anon here) and i am finally getting it done thank you for your patience

Summary;; Someone keeps stealing your food… There’s only one person it could possibly be, and that’s your pesky roommate Aron...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1068

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I WAS TRYING TO FINALISE A STORYLINE and I decided the best artists always put a bit of themselves into their work so i added the reality which is my own flatmates stealing my food uh…. it’s a bit shorter than i wanted but the storyline cant really be lengthened out that much lol

when you moved into your college dorms everything seemed normal

that was until you met your roommate

you were originally surprised enough when this;; really beautiful human ;; walked through your door and announced himself as your roommate

but then as he revealed how weird he was

you;; had difficulty understanding how your life came to this DHSHFH

first of all

he turned up to the dorm with thomas the tank engine bed sheets

you immediately knew this guy was YOUR kind of guy

“hi, my name’s aron kwak, and i suppose i’m your roommate then;;”

“haha yeah probably;; i’m y/n”

he nodded and placed his stuff on his bed and tapped your shoulder for some reason best known to himself and went to get the rest of his stuff

SECOND OF ALL

he burst into song at random moments

one night you were trying to sleep at like 3am after a major cram session

when out of nowhere, aron who had previously been sleeping like a log

started singing????

i mean his voice was beautiful but at 3am?? Boi

THIRD OF ALL

yeah he just steals your clothes

got an oversized hoodie?

its now aron’s normal-sized hoodie

I mean he’d give it back to you but don’t expect it to not go missing like 3 seconds later lmao

it’s safe to say you were confused

as the weeks of your roommate-ship went on you realised he wasn’t only weird as hell but he was also pretty hilarious

he’d brought one of those projector things that changes your phone into a like projector lmao idk how to explain

and y’all were just watching a film because uh

his friend minki came over for ““““““date night””””””

so they invited you to join in watching the film lmao THIRD WHEEL

when out of nowhere he starts making really terrible puns;;

one day you both entered a ‘ready steady cook’ contest to win £50 starbucks vouchers LOL

and that was the day you learnt more of aron’s secret talents

he’s like?? a master chef

?? clever, funny and can cook? what a man

this all changed when one night, your packet of doritos went missing

you were really looking forward to tucking into the packet you bought at the store a couple days back when it was on offer

but when you got back to your room it was gone??

at first you were at a loss to who could’ve taken it like uh;; mysterious dorito thief is terrorising campus maybe??

but then you realise

there was really only one person it could be

DARN IT ARON KWAK

quicker than lightning you pulled out your phone and began typing an angry message, hitting send and then running to the store to buy some more doritos

they were more expensive this time around but you best believe you were getting that doritos fix even if it killed you(r bank account)

you also picked up some more chocolate buttons on the way (because yes, chocolate buttons are LIFE)

when you got back you put your doritos and new chocolate buttons down with the rest of your stash of food

aron appeared looking soppy af

he mumbled a sorry and flopped down on his bed

normally you’d be worried but this guy just stole your doritos like uh NO sympathy

JUST KIDDING of course you were worried doritos were a minor issue

you sat down next to his bed and smiled at him yknow that awkward smile you do when people are sad lol

he sighed in response and rolled onto his back

“Heyy y/n do you think i’m annoying?? Or weird??”

ok you were a bit taken aback because ?? this guy who exudes confidence and eternal happiness is self conscious?? This is not right

“Noooo way jose you’re not annoying!! And you’re weird but like;; in an endearing way lol idk”

He rolled his eyes at your attempt at complimenting him and mumbled a thanks in response

“If you find it endearing does that mean you loveeee me~~~”

back comes the usual aron kwak

but as he said those words you realised ohhhhh uh oh

soMEONE has a CRUSH on the doritos thief UM (in case you are unaware, that is u with the crush)

about 3 days later, you come back to your dorm and you’re greeted by the soft smell of cookies as you enter your room

and you’re a bit confused like?? why does it smell of cookies tf??

when you get properly inside your room you notice aron sitting on his bed with a plate full of chocolate cookies

he smiles at you as you walk in and he points to the cookies as if you didn’t already notice them

“these are to make up for me stealing your doritos!! i hope you enjoy them lol!!”

Um THANK YOU ARON <333333

as you sunk your teeth into the first one you had the sudden feeling that something was up

so you looked over to your stock of food and you noticed

your chocolate buttons were missing

BOI;;;;;;

you grabbed your pillow and whacked aron STRAIGHT across the face

he was taken aback for a second but then he smiled and it was oddly shifty

“what if i tell you these are also apology cookies for me using your chocolate buttons?”

in that moment you swear you were about to fight this boy

but he suddenly stood up out of nowhere and came over to you

“Ahh but y/n i’m seriously sorry,, and i’m also serious about something else lol look at the plate”

if you guessed that the boy put a damn confession letter on the plate you right

cheesy ass

I mean it kinda failed it was completely soaked in grease LMAO

ANYWAY

of cOURSE you accept the confession from the weird soft boy (i mean who wouldn’t amirite)

CUE YOU TWO BEING COUPLE GOALS

you go around uni like you OWN the damn place, making puns everywhere, being generally weirdos

you meet the rest of his squad (cough cough baekho minhyun and jonghyun) and at first minki is mad because his date nights with aron are GONE

BUT they love you probably even more than aron because you make less terrible jokes yeeeeeeeeeeeeee

ALL IN ALL y’all the cutest, weirdest couple

you bet aron’s still stealing your doritos and your clothes (and your HEART) forever

me? i love aron and would stab myself in the eye if he asked me too;; half of my albums are inadvertently his version too SJHGDF

#aron #aron kwak #aaron kwak #kwak youngmin #nu'est imagines #nu'est aron #nu'est #nu'est w #ak #college!au #au

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gaberoothekangaroo · 7 years

Text

uhhh. so. i did a thing. and now i am having Feelings™ at 3am and have no chance of going to sleep anytime soon

i made a mistake!!! i was writing and i became inspired by my left ear going silent and decided to look up info on deaf/hearing impaired persons. i thought it would be cool to add another “””””””disabled””””””” character to the list of stories id like to write. (personally, im tired of always reading about abled bodied white tweens. hetero white tweens. so what better way to fix that than to do it myself.) so i went to some hoh sites and watched a shit ton of youtube videos and pulled out the books ive got on it, and now ive fallen down a youtube hole.

to be super honest, ive always wanted to learn sign language but its...like coming up to a wall that you know you have to climb over, but you just have to figure out how and so you keep standing there and you might try to climb over it a couple of times but you spend the majority of your time staring at the wall because youre overwhelmed. same thing with my approach to sign language and braille.

for those of you that arent aware, ive got mid to high end moderate hearing loss in my left ear. things get muddled. a little charlie brown womp womp goin on. right ear, not bad. maybe a little fuzzy in certain situations, but otherwise pretty normal. i myself smush shit together when talking so. i was drawn to learning french because its a language built on lack of pronunciation and i excel at slurring my way through every speaking test ive ever had. and for those of you that also arent aware, ive got some pretty horrendous vision. ive got 20/70 with visual snow syndrome which gifts me with photophobia and tinnitus (that tends to make my hearing worse). the visual snow never leaves and makes the words look a little fuzzier than they actually are. photophobia for those that dont know the word, is light sensitivity.

my vision problems bother me more than my hearing does. yeah, its annoying for all of a sudden my left ear to go offline. im not aware of all the little background noises until theyre smothered out of existence and it pulls me out of whatever im doing. my vision sucks because being on the computer hurts my eyes. doing art hurts my eyes. i have to add extra light to really help me see value changes sometimes. white paper is not white but like...10% grey. when im painting i cant always see the value changes so i either make everything too light or i end up making my painting muddy. words can sometimes start slipping together. reading street signs fucking sucks and i memorize how to drive places. i dont know street names, i know landmarks and how to drive that way. its given me depth perception issues. ive never been able to read shit on the board. im always squinting outside because the sunlight is too bright. my screen is always too bright. the lights in my room are sometimes too bright, but being in the dark really puts strain on my eyes. fuck driving at sunset cause i cant see fuckall and im going to end up crashing one day. sometimes my eyes get stuck being unfocused when im really tired because my brain is like ‘im done, im punching out, go to bed cause im done interpreting sight’. my brain starts trying to fill in gaps sometimes, like i see things that arent there or read things that arent there.

with all...that...learning sign language seemed. not silly? but like...not useful at the rate of decline my eyes have been going. and braille seemed like a good idea, but it really scares me because i feel like if i learn it, it means im resigned to the fact that my eyesight will go kaput. its not a fear that makes sense; just cause i learn braille doesnt mean my vision will disappear; but the fear inside makes it feel that way. i also fear the loss of self: like no more art, no more photos/shows, no more nature/rainy days that i can see, no more driving. it means that my mother would be right and i would 1000% be a burden. it just...i feel i have to rush to get my degrees and to see things and do things because i feel like im always rushing against a clock; when will your eyesight go? when will you lose the things you like? when will you lose yourself? how long will you be you?

to get back on topic and away from my never ending internal panic:

i want to read characters like me. people that struggle with their disabilities, but persevere and keep going and kick ass. but i dont find that many. and i want to change that. i want to write about people that dont get to see themselves in fiction, dont get to see themselves as the hero. i want to read inner turmoil like this. i want to find more kin in books, not just the sometimes kin of poc or lgbtq. i want to read about a protagonist thats worried about trying to find a boyfriend and trying to overcome a disability in his life. i want to read about the girl that fought her demons and rose above her disability and clawed tooth and nail for everything she wanted and more in life.

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