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the-cat-chat · 8 months

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August 12, 2023

Bones and All (2022)

A young woman embarks on a 1000 mile odyssey through America where she meets a disenfranchised drifter. But all roads lead back to their terrifying pasts and to a final stand that will determine whether love can survive their otherness.

JayBell: Going into this, I knew it was a cannibalistic love story, so I made the conscious decision to have an absolutely open mind. Honestly, I don't know how anyone could possibly go into this movie without being at least a little mentally prepared.

So here's the thing. I actually do like the story. If you take away all the cannibal aspects, it's simply a coming-of-age love story. It's about a girl, on her own for the first time, trying to discover who she is and what she believes in without the influence of her parents' beliefs and expectations. And honestly, that's pretty relatable. As you grow, you are forced to decide things for yourself, the life you want to lead, what's right and wrong, and how much you should value the opinions of others.

But of course, the cannibalism is in the story, and I can't just ignore it. And trust me, I wanted to. I found this depiction of cannibalism more visually disgusting compared to the depiction of cannibalism in Fresh. I was more psychologically disgusted with Fresh because it presented cannibalism in a way that forced you to see the possibility of cannibalism in familiar foods that you've had before and enjoyed.

Don't get me wrong, in Bones and All, the sight of tearing flesh and the nasty sounds are gross, but the whole situation seemed a little too absurd and out of the realm of possibility that it almost made it all the way back around to comical. Like sure, maybe someone hides human flesh in a meatball and forces me to eat it. I can see that happening, and that idea is completely terrifying. But can I see myself chomping on some strange rando that I find at the grocery story? Thankfully, no.

If I remove any thoughts on cannibalism and just look at the coming-of-age story that's at its center, I can digest the narrative more easily (pun intended hehe). That said, there were a few grievances.

At one point, our main couple has this argument and they split up for a while. Not only did I not completely understand the root of this argument they had, the viewer doesn't get to hear their conversation when they reconnect. What made our main girl decide to come back? Does she apologize? Does he? Where has she been? Is he angry at all? Maybe this scene is more explained in the book, but I feel like it's an odd choice to not have it in the movie. Plus, the weirdo stalker cannibal following our main girl has a hair fetish or something, and I wish that was explained a bit more.

In the end, I enjoyed this movie more than I thought I would. So I consider that an accomplishment. But I also don't think I can ever see Timothee (Champala—)(Charlat—)(you-know-who) again in the same way.

Rating: 6.2/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: This movie. My gawd. I could probs write a whole book on this movie and the acting and the plot and how I literally haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since we watched it and did I mention OMYGAWD!!!

Soooo I tried reading the book knowing I had every intention of watching this movie. I couldn’t do it (now like 30% of me wishes I would’ve stuck it out a bit). And when I saw the movie on Amazon Prime when we were lost and destitute for a movie to watch- it was like the stars aligned. And I kneewww this would be weird and we’d suffer organ damage. But we did it. And I gotta say the least I’m kinda concerned.

Bc the more I think about the movie the more I think I kinda liked it. Barf 🤮 I knooowwww. What is wrong with me? Someone call the doctor I need a lobotomy!!! But yeah obviously half the time I was cringing and screaming internally and saying ewww and omigaaawd. But two things can obviously be true- and I have a love hate feeling towards this movie.

Like it was absolutely bizzaaaaare. Love that. It was so out of this world crazy and unlike anything I’ve ever seen that it was just transfixing. I wanted to know what the actual fluff was happening. And like why are they like this? And why’d her dad leave? Where’s her mom?? Sooo many questions. And like why are the cops after Lee? Where’s his dad? Was he an Eater too. Also Eater? Ew. Is that really the agreed upon name the team picked?

And the actors. Omigawd they were sooo good I loved Taylor Russell as Maren and obviously Timothée Chalamet as Lee. But let’s give the ickiest shout out to Mark Rylance as Sully. For the love of goooooodnesss. It balances on such a David Lynch Twin Peaks vibe which I love but in a horrifically unsettling way, and then maximizes to a total Forensic Files freak vibe of “someone pls get me outta here pllllssss.“ And by here I mean take me away from my brain and soul.

And the detailsssss. The way some characters have like bite marks??? Ummm okay?!? The sounds??? Barrrrrf. Like who said it was okay to unlock all my primal fear and ickiness. Bc it’s not I know I signed up for it but it’s not okay. And the fliesssss. And that poor old lady. - and she hasn’t died yet and it shows how cruel Sully is when he’s acting like he’s sooo kind. But like how when they eat her- gawd help me- And her pictures are all there in the room showing she had a life that connected her with others and she was probably someone’s granny and then all the creepy dolls bc that’s what old ladies do is collect dolls. Ahhhh!!!

I do have complaints obvi- I’m meee. Ummmm soo first thing we’re gonna glaze over is the mullet. And the weird KISS dancing scene. And then how people are cannibals. I know it’s a big one. And the weird hair rope Sully has. No. Just no. And I hate the ending- the ending’s a big no. Like a girl can’t just work in a bookshop and be a cannibal with her boyfriend. And Lee’s sister. 😢

Okay so I guess I kinda hated it. 😬 IDK anymore I actually feel a bit broken. But I think it is worth watching even tho it’s uncomfortable and weird bc it is bizarre and unusual and entertaining. It’s interesting too how there is meaning laid into the story so subtly bc you’re just like this is disturbing and gross why am I watching this weird stuff? Oh bc it’s actually about human connection and identity and how we all fit in together and just finding another person that understands and accepts without needing to change you? Ahhhhhhhh I can’t. Really. And that’s my essay- you can go back and forth that this is awful and oh this fit in the bigger picture like that so good, and I’ll be thinking about this movie at least once a week for the rest of my life. So yeah, question of the century, is it yay for trauma or genius!?! I haven’t a clue.

Rating: 6/10 Cats 🐈

#movie #movie review #timothée chalamet #taylor russell

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multiplayingorg · 1 year

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Dead Space 2: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

| Repost: Originally posted by Steve "Slurms" Lichtsinn on January 17, 2012

OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT.... WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING? THE SHIT IS THAT!? BURN IT WITH FIRE!

If you know me at all, you know I buy a lot of games. You might also know that I almost never pay full price. Dark Souls and Star Wars: The Old Republic were the only games in 2011 that I did shell out top dollar for, everything else was picked up at some sort of a discount. Towards the end of the year, some of the games I bought on sale from Amazon came with promotional codes to get 5 bucks off certain games in January of this year. I didn’t really plan on using the codes seeing as they were only to be used one at a time and only on the top selling downloadable games from 2011. The list is comprised mainly of The Sims expansions and games I’ve already owned in one way or another. Oh well.

Then EA started dropping prices on a few titles on the list. Grand Theft Auto IV was the first. I’ve owned the game before, but never on the PC. The price dropped all the way to 5 dollars. After my promotional code was applied…it was free. I may never play the game, but it was free.

The same thing happened a week later, but with Dead Space 2. A game that had been getting a lot of talk on podcasts I listen to in regards to “great games from 2011.” I’m not much of a horror game type person, just as I’m not big on horror films, but again… it was free. Unlike GTA though, I figured I’d give Dead Space a shot.

I downloaded and installed the game, then attempted to play it. I immediately had an issue with the menu. For some reason if you have a device such as a flight stick or a keypad (like the Logitech G13 as was my case) it screws up the camera and makes the game unplayable. I unhooked the G13 and reinstalled the game (tried fixing it via the txt file, but it didn’t work) and then once that was done everything was hunky dory.

Since I hadn’t played the first Dead Space, I took the few minutes to watch the “Previously on Dead Space” video that was provided in the menu. I really dug that they put that in rather than trying to get you up to speed within the game. I’m sure people who DID play the first title were quite appreciative of it as well. After the video ended, I went in.

Warning: Very light spoilers about the first handful of minutes into the game ahead.

I went in expecting things to pop out at me as if I were walking through a haunted house. Scary, sure, but also somewhat lame and annoying in a way that makes me want to hurt someone. Instead I was greeted by a man interrogating me, slowly unraveling the idea that I had some important information in my brain but was being treated like a psych patient, straight-jacket and all. Then shit went south. I wake up to a man who is visibly panicked trying to wake my character up in order to get moving.

Still in a straight-jacket because my panicked friend didn’t last long after waking me up, I proceed to run down the hall as FUCKING CHAOS ensues all around me. Necromorphs (big, nasty, half human, half goddamn gross creatures) are tearing apart people and crawling out of the woodwork. Although it’s in space… so there’s really not any wood. Metalwork? Yeah, crawling out of the metalwork. I have nothing but the ability to run, so that’s what I do.

I eventually make it to a sealed office where I run into the doctor who I met in the beginning of the game. Dude. Went. Nuts. I won’t spoil what happens; apart from he gets you out of your straight-jacket and gives you a flashlight. FORESHADOWING!

I soon walk into a room that has no lights. GOOD THING I GOT THIS FLASHLIGHT! It’s then that the game starts to scare me. Say what you will about me, but I will repeat: I am not a fan of the horror genre. So I begin to make my way through this room, dead bodies laying on the ground and sitting in chairs, and I just know something is going to pop out at my defenseless ass. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. So I hit escape and quit.

Look, the graphics are really great, the controls feel awesome, and if you like horror games I suggest you give it a whirl. It’s not for me though. This isn’t to say I’ll never play it again, but never again right before bed.

Maybe on a bright spring morning or something…

with extra lights in my cloffice…

and my iPod playing KC and the Sunshine Band.

#throwback thursday

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imreadydollparts · 4 years

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Asked about smoothing pony hair (nylon) in general

I’ll try to get this all together in one go....

How to get from:

To:

Most important

is that your flat iron has multiple heat settings.

That is 100% my secret. I lucked into the right flat iron about 15 years ago.

If it's just on-off it's most likely too hot. If it's low-high, also tends to be too hot even on low.

Mine has 30 temp settings, but they are 1-30 not the actual temps so I can’t give any advice as to what temp I’m using on what hair, just what flat iron setting.

I generally stay on heat setting one (which on my particular iron is low enough to not melt Kanekalon, while also high enough to smooth nylon) unless a hair is particularly stubborn, then I will turn it up by one dot on the dial at a time, testing it every time it reaches temp again.

youtube

Very rarely does my iron melt hair but it has happened with the color-change streak on a Splash n Color Teresa and with Creata doll hair*. Nylon can handle a little more heat but is also very willing to take a shape, so doesn't need much.

Mini Tip: I’ve found that wet hair smooths out more easily than dry. The steam, I guess. As long as your flat iron is set right for your fiber the hair will not melt, so you can do it dry if you want, but wet goes better.

Second biggest tip is that Amazon thinks I have a cat and a dog but I don’t.

That’s because I use pet combs and brushes on doll and pony hair.

Metal tines, as long as they are smooth (I had some combs that were punched from a sheet of metal and the tines were squared off and sharp) are best for plastic hair fibers because plastic combs have seam lines on the tines that can snag and tear hair.

A cat slicker brush like this is best for regular brushing because, just like a detangling brush for people, the wires will bend and let go of a knot instead of ripping out the hair.

@firespirited told me about this type of steel comb and it is amazing. The tines don’t bend [on mine] and the comb hasn’t warped at all even with repeated use and some heavy tangles. You can turn the comb on it’s end and use the last tine as a pick when needed.

And this exact flea comb has been MVP. I picked it up relatively recently and have been amazed by it’s durability (only recently have the tines started to bend a little and that’s after roughly 300 dolls and ponies and pulling pretty hard on some of them). It also does some kind of magic on doll hair.

The spacing on this comb is also so fine that it can pull out more dirt than a soap and water wash did. It’s excellent at removing lint, bug parts (had centipede legs and dead ants that were falling apart in pony hair recently), and most animal hairs as long as they aren’t aligned with the fibers. Have to get those with tweezers.

Often I’ve gotten through the rough comb out with the steel comb and the fibers felt like they might need hit with the flat iron, but after making a few passes with this flea comb it’s perfectly smooth and doesn’t need heat anyway.

Leading the flat iron with this comb (as in having the iron right behind the comb while flattening and combing at the same time) has helped a ton with smoothing out the tips of the hairs. Without doing that, there’s usually an inch or so of bad scruff left over after flattening. This takes it down to about a quarter inch which is a lot less loss after trimming.

(Amazon affiliated links to the brush, steel comb, and flea comb.)

Third biggest is conditioner.

Even if the hair doesn’t feel very dry, a little time in some conditioner will make it flatten more easily.

Any conditioner will help, but some do work better than others. I ran out of some Herbal Essences conditioner and bought a GALLON of Mane n Tail. Mane n Tail has been kind to MY hair, but wasn’t as effective on doll/pony hair as the Herbal Essences. Suave is another brand that’s worked well.

I’ve also had very good results from an after-coloring treatment mask from Garnier and tend to save that one for the worst feeling hairs.

Also important:

Realistic expectations.

The hair won’t feel perfect after flattening. Most of it will feel really great, but the ends will generally still be crinkled up a bit. That means the very ends of the hair will feel bad, still, and so will any shorter hair with the end being up in the main uh..... I don’t know clump of hair? You’ll be able to feel it if you run your hand down the hair. You can ignore those, pluck or trim them, whatever you want.

You may also have to condition and flatten multiple times to get the results you’re looking for. Don’t be discouraged if the first flattening doesn’t get you there.

Here’s a badly matted Disney Animator’s Collection Rapunzel with the left side combed out:

And after the first run through the flat iron:

And here after three or four conditionings and flattenings (I don’t remember exactly how many):

As for how

The order in which I do things changes depending on the state of the hair. If it’s very tangled and matted I usually won’t try to wash it until I’ve detangled it with the steel comb, because it’s difficult to rinse again and I don’t like working with soapy-wet hair.

If it’s particularly gross and dirty, though, I’ll go ahead and wash it because I also don’t like to touch nasty, or sticky hair. I use dish soap. It’s effective on a lot of different kinds of yuck and won’t harm the doll/pony or it’s hair.

Assuming the hair is too icky to touch comfortably:

- Wash and rinse, followed by a towel drying (or laying out to dry if I’m doing a LOT of them at once) and then set to work on the tangles with the steel comb.

- Starting at the ends comb the hair, slowly working your way up to the root, very carefully, gently picking apart mats with the wider-end of the steel comb or the end tine on a metal-tined hair pick or rat-tailed comb (there weren’t any rat-tailed combs when I went shopping for one so I got a pick and it works fine) until all of the major tangles are gone.

- Tip to root, very carefully with the finer end of the steel comb.

- Tip to root, very carefully with the flea/nit comb.

- This is where I generally apply conditioner. You can either apply it directly or if I’m doing a lot of Barbies all at once, I like to put some cool water in a dish, mix in some conditioner, and lay them so their hair is all in the same dish. That saves some product. Then let that sit however long you want. There is no too long, don’t worry even if it dries in the hair. It’ll rinse out fine. Then rinse well when you’re ready.

Mini Tip: Some people will tell you to flat iron the hair with the conditioner in. You can do that if you want. I haven’t found it makes much of a difference unless the hair is desperately dry, and in that case I’ve found it more effective to apply a very thin coating of petroleum jelly (put a little-little bit in your palm, rub it around until your hands are just a bit greasy but not very, run the hair between your hands a few times) and heat that in, as opposed to regular hair conditioner.

- Towel dry, and while it’s still damp, section it out and hit it with the flat iron. BE CAREFUL flat ironing wet or damp hair because you will drop boiling hot water into your own lap. Just be cautious. Keep a towel in your lap.

I generally flat iron from root to tip, leading the iron with the flea/nit comb. This works out fine if you’ve detangled properly.

- Repeat conditioning through flat ironing steps as needed. The first flat ironing is generally not enough when the hair was badly matted.

*For Creata brand doll hair, carefully detangle, comb, and wrap with your curlers, put the head in a plastic baggie then- or directly into- a mug of water, and put it on a candle warmer for a few hours.

#long post #doll hair #mlp #tutorial

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lanx-reads · 6 years

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DNF Review: Throne of Glass

Final Rating: */***** or 2/10

After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king's council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she'll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she's bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her ... but it's the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead ... quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

Throne of Glass isn’t the worst book I’ve ever read, but it certainly was one of the most infuriating, which is why I was only able to read about 50% of it.

Since I didn’t finish it, I am only going to review the issues and things I disliked within the first half I read of it.

I also wanna note that I did read spoilers for the ending to confirm some thoughts I had and will be touching upon those.

Since this is my first DNF Review, I am gonna discuss why I picked up this book in the first place, the writing style (which is something that, for the most part, doesn’t really change from beginning to end), the premise (rather than the plot since I didn’t finish the book), the things I liked about the book, what I disliked about this book, and finally why I put it down.

Why I Picked Throne of Glass Up

So. A year or two ago I wanted to get back into reading. Due to a lot of issues and things in my personal life, I completely stopped reading for pleasure during my Sophomore year of high school, which meant I had stopped reading for... about 4 years? Which made me really upset as I had always been an avid reader! And since I was getting really passionate about writing, I figured I should get back into reading.

So I made a post on tumblr asking what YA books people recommended. I had been reading YA when I stopped reading (well... a mix of YA and MG, but mainly YA) so I figured that’d be the best place to start.

Numerous people recommended me different things, but one anon recced Throne of Glass to me. It was a fantasy (a genre I mentioned liking in my post) and they told me that though they hadn’t read it themselves, they had a friend who adored the series and that it was really popular so it was probably pretty good.

The. Really popular bit made me nervous, but nevertheless, I went onto Amazon. Bless me, actually, because I decided I’d try and read the little promo Amazon gives you before buying it.

I DNF’d it after half a page. I had never DNF’d a book so fast and so hard. The first time, what made me DNF this book was Celaena complaining about her looks while being in a prison. Like... girl...... priorities....

Months later, I started seeing people talking about this book a little as I got back into reading. Getting curious, I read some reviews, both bad and good, and decided to give this book another shot.

It was as bad as I thought it would be, if not worse.

The Premise (What was this?)

Honestly, I still don’t really know what I read. What even is Throne of Glass? What is life, in fact? What is the universe? I don’t know, but I feel like I’d figure out the latter two questions before I figured out the first.

So. The premise, or basic story idea of ToG is basically... Cinderella... mixed with Assassin’s Creed... mixed with the Hunger Games.... I dunno about anyone else but when people describe a piece of media to me as a mix of two or more random-ass things, I start getting nervous.

But honestly I have no idea how else to describe Throne of Glass. I couldn’t tell what this book wanted to be! And that was really what fucked me up. It wanted to be a big epic fantasy. It wanted to be a mystery. It wanted to be about girls in pretty dresses kissing pretty boys and having to choose between them. It wanted a princess aesthetic but with a character that has to be nasty to be an assassin. ToG, to me, is a long book of wants that didn’t deliver.

But said that, nothing was as poorly thought out as the plot. The plot is what confused me most, ground me to a halt, and said, “wait, what?”

Okay, the plot is basically Celaena joining this competition to win her freedom to become the king’s champion. Only issue is... a king’s champion is a real thing. And is something for mainly knights if I recall.

Back in the olden days of yore, when kings needed to fight against one another, or if someone wanted to challenge the king to a duel, they would have a champion to fight in their stead. If you’re a king, you don’t wanna fight your own duels, that’d be nuts! What if you died?! Then what would happen to your kingdom? That’s what a champion was for.

The champion is basically chosen/hired by the king. The thing is, what Celaena is... describing is well. Not a champion. Not really. I mean... I guess it’s kinda champion-like? It’s really vague in the book and it boils down to “you do dirty work for the king” so basically a hitman?

Thing is... the king is a king... why doesn’t he just hire an assassin? One who hasn’t been caught (looking at you, Celaena!). I mean, in the long run, that would be a lot cheaper than hosting a giant competition with a bunch of criminals who aren’t loyal to you, who will turn on you at any moment, and can’t be trusted? I mean, just ‘cause he has them swear to be loyal to him don’t mean jack shit, c’mon.

The entire plot of this novel falls directly apart as soon as you know what a king’s champion is! And honestly, the fix to this would be so easy. You could still have the competition, but instead make it between knights or wannabe knights or something. Have Celaena be a knight instead. She acts like it anyways; being all brash all the time and desiring the center of attention 24/7. Or if you really want her to be an assassin, fix her fugly personality and have her be an assassin pretending to be a knight.

And the king being “”crazy”” isn’t an excuse. Using crazy as an excuse is... one kinda insulting and gross and two, lazy. It means nothing and is a cop out at this point. Also, he did nothing in this book to seem crazy to me, really. He’s an asshole and abuses his kid but... besides that he’s basically nothing. He’s an evil king. He doesn’t even have an actual name. That’s how bland he is. There was no thought put into him at all. And again, this too could have had an easy fix. Rather than saying he’s crazy to excuse his nonsensical actions, all that had to be said was: he and his court want entertainment. That’s it. That would have given the competition the perfect excuse to exist in the first place. Sure, it’s not the most interesting of reasons or anything, but it’s better than the book being completely silent of why there’s a competition in the first place. Why does a king need a competition? Why between criminals who will stab him in the back? It’s never explained and it’s dumb.

God. There are SO many ways where ToG could’ve been better. Just. Better in general. There is so much lost potential here with the plot, which is where half my frustrations come from.

So. The premise falls apart after thinking about it for over .2 seconds. The second part of the actual plot of the novel (well, at least what’s described on the back of the book, not what I actually got) is a mystery. But... this mystery is really cliche. Someone taking out the competition. Wow. Never seen that before.

Also, I did spoil myself the ending to see if my guess of who it was was correct and welp. Winner winner, chicken dinner! It was indeed Cain. As soon as he swaggered on stage, and the narration hated him, and Celaena hated AND was a lil racist towards him, I knew it was him. His detailed magic ring and the fact he kept getting bigger apparently every time we saw him also clued us in. There was less foreshadowing in this book and more “beating you over the head with a Cain.”

Also, none of the other members of the competition really got... anything? Most were unnamed or Celaena dismissed them right away. Why even have these characters in the book if they aren’t even gonna be named? I get it’s a big cast, but still. Hunger Games was able to do the bare minimum of this, I mean at least all the tributes had names. Big casts are hard to write, so why not shrink it down a little? It won’t affect the story, in any case.

So instead of a cool mystery and badass competition, the premise of the competition fell apart, was mainly summarized and not seen from what I read, and in general the tasks were boring. No real fighting, nothing with a lot of tension or excitement. Just boredom. The mystery wasn’t even lukewarm. It was ice cold. I don’t even really know what the pages were filled up with... random bantering that told us nothing more about the characters than we already did. Celaena not knowing what guy to choose. Her wearing pretty dresses. Her reading and playing the piano. Her shittalking about girls with this other chick. Just. the most random stuff. It was fluff. Which is fine. I like fluff! I like pretty dresses and romance and all that!! But not in a book that promised me a MURDER MYSTERY and ACTION.

Maybe the action would’ve picked up if I kept reading. But something tells me... not so much. If excitement doesn’t happen before the rough halfway point of your book, something is wrong. At least, to me it is.

The Writing

A lot of people thought the writing was pretty it seemed. Numerous negative reviews praised the writing. I admit, there were some pretty quotes in there. But most of it was clunky and reminded me of Eragon (not good) or just. Laundry list. I can’t pull up the quote right now, I don’t have the book, but I remember when the library was shown to us, the narration just listed everything inside in a sentence with commas. The same was done in the king’s chamber besides a little extra detail on the fireplace. None of the descriptions of the settings were any good.... and neither were the pretty dresses! It was just “this dress is cut bad” “the fabric is ugly and feels bad” and such. What was the fabric made out of? What cut was the dress? There were so many little things like this that bothered me throughout the writing.

Lots of filler paragraphs that led to nothing were everywhere too. Sentences that danced around world building were common too. Again, don’t have the book, but at one point Chaol and Celaena were discussing books they liked and instead of name dropping some titles, giving us an idea of what sort of books these two like to read, it was just “Chaol listed some titles to Celaena. Celaena nodded approvingly” or something like that. Lazy. Boring. Pointless. Filler.

There was so much filler writing in this. And so much... passive writing. Especially when Celaena was traveling to the castle and beyond. “Celaena felt” was used so often that I nearly started counting how many sentences began with that. Sometimes, yes, telling is alright. But SHOW us how she feels! Don’t tell us she finds the castle breathtaking but daunting or whatever! Show us! What’s her expression look like? Her body language? What is she thinking? The moment she saw the castle was supposed to be powerful and tense but it wasn’t because the writing was passive when it shouldn’t have been. Passive writing isn’t the worst thing ever, but where the writing would’ve benefited from being active, it was passive instead, which also made the book a kinda bland read on a technical level. The writing stayed the same throughout. Sentence length wasn’t played around with much, sentence type didn’t change much. The only stand-out pieces were mainly dialogue.

I like active writing. I like an active writing style. Throne of Glass was passive. And you know what? I get it. I write in third person too. It’s hard.

But writing is hard. Publishing is even harder. This is a published book and I expected better, especially with how popular it is.

And yes, this is a debut novel. I kept telling myself that when I was reading this. But... I’ve read better debuts. I’ve read better fanfictions online. This is a New York Times best seller and a favorite of many. It should’ve been better.

The (little) Things I Liked

Gonna bullet point all this, hope none of you guys mind~

Celaena being feminine and proud of it. Haven’t really read a character like this yet and as someone who is writing several proud feminine characters, it was nice to see

Chaol. Just him in general. Best character and I loved him.

SOME of the banter was pretty fun.

That one scene with Celaena working out in her room was A Good TM

Some of the one-liner descriptions were pretty good and I enjoyed them.

I actually liked some of the traveling bits in the beginning. I thought it would skip straight to the castle but we got to savor a little in the journey there. It was nice (tho it went on too long and got annoying and boring to read)

The (many) Things I Disliked

A longer bullet point list, hope you all are ready! I’ll try and go in a somewhat chronological order

The plot made no fucking sense

Dorian. The only Dorian in my heart is Dorian Pavus and also he was so one-note that I almost cried.

The world building? The little world building that was like. Actually present was so bland... it read like Typical Fantasy. Listen. If I wanted Typical Fantasy I’d go play one of the many re-releases of Skyrim, okay??

Celaena was just unlikeable and her entire character was contradictory. She acted more like a mercenary for hire or a thug than an assassin. Assassins wouldn’t wanna be in the center of attention, people!

Also Celaena acted really dumb in parts and it made me cringe.

Chaol as the captain of the guard made no sense. He’s too young!

In fact, Celaena as the best assassin made no sense. She is also too young. Also, if she got captured and is KNOWN, she is hardly the best. The point of being an assassin is...... being unknown... c’mon.....

The tests. The back of the book made them sound really cool but they were just? Running around a track? Some softcore parkour? The archery contest actually made sense I guess but it would’ve been cooler if they were hitting like. Actual moving targets rather than just. Bulls-eyes.

Also most the tests were just kinda brushed over? At least The Hunger Games was.... well most the book took place DURING the Hunger Games so like.

The king had no fucking name what the shit who doesn’t name their fucking VILLAIN?!

Cain. Like. He was so stereotypical. I looked up to see if he would end up as the villain at the end and I was right, how disappointing. Also, naming your villain Cain is like.... idk... literally is there a single protagonist named Cain? Genuine question

The girl hate. Like, I get that girls are people and not all girls are gonna get along or anything but like. There were throwaway lines that just made me roll my eyes and scrunch up my nose.

THE FUCKING GLASS CASTLE MADE ME SO MAD OH MY GOD WHY WAS IT THERE. And if the castle looks the exact same on the inside in the glass part as the stone part, what’s the point then? How is this nation, which is at war, have a glass castle? That thing is gonna shatter. How did they make it? Why did the king make it? The most we get is the implication is that he’s crazy but that’s.... gross for one and two, lazy. You know what would’ve been cool tho? If the king was just a zealot who worshipped his human gods to the point where he wanted them to always see his victories and be able to see him wherever he went, so he created the glass portions of the castle so he could be seen by his gods the entire time. I thought of that idea in the span of 10 seconds. Sigh.

AND I AM STILL ON THE GLASS CASTLE SHIT listen. If this was a whimsical fantasy and everyone went with it, I wouldn’t have SUCH a huge problem with it, tho it would still be kinda dumb (mattering on context...) but legit. Having your characters point it out doesn’t make them look smart, it makes the author look silly. “It’s a dumb idea, I know it’s a dumb idea, but I am going to write it anyways. For The Aesthetic” listen. We’re past the age of aestheticism. Let’s get our heads outta the 1800s, k?

Honestly there were descriptions but I couldn’t ever get a good image on what was going on, which is weird. All the descriptions were for like. More finer details? But the overall look of the entire world was just blank in my mind. I dunno how else to explain it.

So. Much. Filler. Celaena! Get outta your room and let us explore some! I can sit alone in my room myself irl, I don’t wanna read some chick do the same!

Same with the book shit. Like we could’ve gotten some amazing world building just based on the books Celaena read but whatever that was brushed over too??

Honestly a lot of reading ToG was like reading a textbook where words go through my eyes and their meaning seeps from my ears and I find myself 20 pages in but no idea how I got there and don’t remember a single word of what I read.

The writing style for the fighting. When you write fight scenes or tense scenes, you want your writing to become choppier usually and sharp. It changes the mood and tone of the scene. The author just used the same flowing prose she had for the rest of the book, which was kinda dull.

I wish we had seen the murders. I mean, the book is in third person and does switch POV at times! I wanna read some good blood, guts, n gore!

L O V E T R I A N G L E O F H E L L

I thought Celaena was supposed to be sickly?? But like after a few chapters in the book that’s like, forgotten, besides her throwing up after running? Why only after running? Why doesn’t she worry about this or her health much? Seriously her physiology makes no sense.

Celaena’s mental health is also questionable. She’s completely fine after being tortured for a year and in a death camp and only has bad nightmares every once in a while?? That ain’t how PTSD works. Seriously what was going on in her head? What was the author trying to portray? You don’t do this shit half-assed. Either throw yourself into the research or go the Harry Potter route.

There is one character who is fat and he is ofc, a terrible person (I am talking about Dorian’s younger brother, ofc. Sigh. And yikes)

Celaena sometimes talked and acted like she was younger than what she actually was?? I think being childish was supposed to be part of her personality but it doesn’t mesh with her being an assassin. Unless she was doing it on purpose as an act. But she obv wasn’t so......

Yulemas. Honestly, I put the book down around when it was mentioned. It’s a dumb name and I can imagine what sort of celebration it is.

The timing and pacing of this book is weird. The king needs to learn what an itinerary is. I think it’d help him out.

Why I Put Throne of Glass Down

Mainly for two reasons: one I had just bought some books at the library and wanted to read those instead. I just wanted to read a good book again. The second reason is just as simple: I was incredibly bored.

There was just so much filler for me. Characters talking about random stuff, walking around, trying to figure out a mystery I figured out as soon as the first murder actually happened. It was all so boring to me.

And then... Celaena started suspecting Nehemia. Her only friend in the castle.

I dunno why that did it in for me. I think it’s because I didn’t wanna sit through at the very least 50 pages of one of the poorest red herrings I have ever stumbled across. I can (somewhat) deal with a book that promised me action and gave me bad romance with pretty girls and boys. I’ll complain a lot, give it a bad rating most likely, but I can finish books like those. What I can’t deal with is a clear waste of my fucking time. At that point, I was already 99.99% sure Cain was the bad guy. I was already tired of Celaena in general since she is such an unpleasant character for me to read. I did not wanna sit through a plot point that just insulted my intelligence and made the book all the more longer than it has to be. I have no idea how someone can make a book this bland and boring so long. I honestly cannot understand how I got pretty much 50% of the way in, and feel like I have moved nowhere when it comes to the characters and the plot. I don’t know how I could be pretty much halfway through this book and feel like not a SINGLE action scene has happened. (Yes, I know there have been actions scenes, but I didn’t like them or the way they were written. They weren’t exciting for me.)

All this realization just kinda came crashing down on me with Celaena suspecting Nehemia. And I was quite done with all of it.

Maybe the book would’ve picked up. Maybe the entire premise, story, characters, and writing style could’ve changed in a single page flip. But I seriously doubt that.

I’m tired of wasting my time with books I am not enjoying. If I’m gonna read a bad book, I at the very least want it to be entertaining.

And Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas wasn’t even that.

#bookblr #Throne of Glass #Throne of Glass Book Review #DNF #one star review #My Book Reviews #DNF review #long post #fandom hate #book hate #negative review #what a queue-t

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anchorsandadderall · 6 years

Text

A Man Who Doesn’t Know

Written for Sterek Week

Day 5 Theme: Quotes and Lyrics

Also on AO3

Continuation of Another Day in the K-9 Unit

I'm a man without conviction I'm a man who doesn't know How to sale a contradiction? You come and go, you come and go

-Culture Club, “Karma Chameleon”

Stiles is actually being completely helpful and the best friend ever. It’s really not his fault that he has no idea what ‘man the front desk’ actually means. Scott neglected to mention that part. It probably had something to do with the giant stack of files on the desk, but Stiles figures he does less damage by playing Angry Birds than by trying to pick an arbitrary place to stick files.

Scott really should know better.

The front door swings open, as announced by the small cowbell attached to the handle.

“Welcome to the animal clinic,” Stiles says, without looking up from his phone. The bell clatters again. And again. Stiles sighs and looks up because is someone really letting their kid just ring the bell for shits and giggles? He’s just about to ask, in a really passive aggressive way, if he can trade a roll of smarties for some peace and quiet, but… oh shit.

Derek has Isaac by the scruff of his neck and he’s trying to pry the rope attached to the bell from the dog’s mouth. Isaac, though, seems to have taken particular offense to the bell, shaking his head and growling as he tries to pull it free from the door.

“Isaac.” Derek sounds like he’s growling right back at his dog. “No. Drop it.”

Stiles really debates crawling under the desk to hide until Derek goes away. He can’t handle this level of hotness on his Saturday. He’s not prepared! In the mornings at work, he can prepare himself. Steel himself for it, even. Put his metaphorical shoulder down and take the hit of brutal hotness when Derek comes in with Laura and opens doors for her and helps Carol at the front desk with refilling the jug on the water cooler. Scowly kind-heartedness in a body made for ogling just does things to Stiles, he can’t help it.

Derek finally wrestles the rope free and pulls Isaac into the office, not looking up until the door is safely shut, putting a pane of glass in between dog and bell. “Was it really the best idea to put a dangling object on the door to a vet’s o- you.” He blinks at Stiles, dropping the rant mid-sentence. “I thought you worked at the police station.”

“Uh… I do.”

“And you work here too?” Derek raises an eyebrow. “Is this a tuition thing or a ‘just love dogs’ thing?”

“Yes!” Stiles agrees, and he’s not completely shutting the door on the idea of crawling under the desk still. He’s not prepared for an actual conversation here. “I can fix the bell. You’re right. It’s a totally bad idea. I mean, if it’s that distracting for a dog, just imagine the poor people bringing their cats in, right? They probably think it’s a toy too.”

“Aren’t cats usually in those carriers?”

Oh god. Abort. Stop talking. Please stop talking. “Some people bring their cats in on leashes. It’s pretty normal.”

Derek looks at him for a few seconds and Stiles is pretty sure he’s trying to figure out if Stiles is trying to be a smart ass, and god, if he figures it out, he needs to share with the class because Stiles has no idea anymore. He just knows that he’s alone in a room with Derek Hale and he needs to fill every single second with inane sound or he’s going to fill it with something worse. Like a compliment on Derek’s shirt. Which is a white t-shirt that comes in packs of five in any big box store, and it’s even smudged a little in the middle with what looks like oil. It’s not a shirt you compliment. It’s a completely plain weekend shirt for doing dirty chores in. It just looks really nice on Derek. Most things do. Everything does. And nothing would probably look really damn good and holy hell, how did Stiles even get here??

“Dog Walker.” Derek knocks sharply on the counter in front of Stiles, making him startle backwards. He reaches out and catches his shoulder when it looks like Stiles might actually flail himself right off balance. “Careful. And stop spacing out.”

“Right. Sorry,” Stiles says, and resolutely does not lean into the warm hand on his shoulder. “So. Uh… are you here for an appointment?”

“Yeah. Isaac is getting his shots.”

“Right!” Stiles fumbles for the jar of dog treats (at least he knows where that is) on the desk and pulls one free. He sprawls across the desk, hanging down to Isaac’s level, holding up the biscuit. “Hey, buddy. Remember me, your old buddy Stiles?” Isaac gives him a once-over, then promptly takes the treat from him. Yep, just as engaged as ever. Good ol’ Isaac.

Stiles and Derek make small talk while Stiles pets Isaac. They talk about how Isaac is doing (fine), how does Derek like owning a dog (it’s fine), and the weather (also fine). It’s awkward, but not quite as awkward as admitting that Stiles has no idea what he’s supposed to do. He could yell back for Deaton, but there’s probably like… a file needed for this stuff. And Stiles has a nasty feeling Isaac is a new patient in need of a new file and that’s well outside of Stiles’ area of knowledge here.

Stiles is just about to resort to entertaining Derek with riddles when Scott saves the day by coming back. He drops into the spare rolling chair and gives one good kick, wheeling over until the back of his chair hits Stiles’. Stiles sits back down in his chair as Scott drops his head back and sighs heavily.

“Rough morning?”

“You wouldn’t believe it,” Scott groans. Stiles glances over his shoulder and notices that Scott is holding a lizard. Like… a really big one. It has some wicked-looking claws, but it’s just clinging to Scott’s shoulder and kind of chilling. There’s probably a story there, and Stiles really wants to ask, but Derek clears his throat and reminds Stiles that… right, place of business.

“So… did I get the date wrong or something?” he asks, looking between Stiles and Scott. He sounds agitated. Fair, considering Stiles has stalled him with random bullshit for a good ten minutes.

“No!” Stiles says immediately, and hopes that’s true. Scott didn’t actually get the chance to show him where the daily appointment schedules are or anything. “No, sorry. Uh… Scott, I think this is Isaac’s first visit?”

Scott immediately sits up, going back into professional mode. This involves handing the giant lizard off to Stiles when he gets up and immediately grabs a clipboard that has blank forms clipped onto it.

“Sorry about that! Okay, let’s get a file started for you dog.”

“Why do you have a lizard?” Laura asks when Stiles shows up for their Wednesday morning update with his binder on the trainee dogs, a banana, and Scott’s newest orphan clinging to his shirt.

“It’s a green iguana,” he says, dropping his binder and banana on the table before negotiating the iguana’s tail so he can sit down.

“I can see that it’s green.”

“No, I mean that’s the species. Not super imaginatively named, right? Plus they come in all colors. Some of them have some red or gold or-”

“Still doesn’t explain why you have it.” Laura scoot her chair a few inches away from Stiles, eyeing the lizard.

“Long story. Short version is that some idiot probably bought this guy as a baby when he was small and cute and they never picked up a book to figure out that he was gonna get big and have claws and need a lot of space, so they very responsibly just ditched it in the wild to-”

“This isn’t a short version,” Laura interrupts.

“Right.” Stiles sighs heavily. “Scott wrangled this guy out of Allison’s yard. He was trying to take over the bird feeder.”

Laura waits a few seconds before making the ‘keep going’ motion. “Okay, but why do you have him?”

“Oh. Scott has to work, and Amazon isn’t delivering lizard cage stuff until sometime before 8 pm. I’m babysitting. Lizard-sitting. I’m gonna call him Jackson.”

“After the lawyer’s kid?” Laura asks, still confused, but resigned to be so. It’s probably not the weirdest thing Stiles has ever done.

“Appropriate, right?” Stiles beams. Laura gets him. And she only asks as many questions as she really, really has to. That’s why Laura is awesome.

It’s a brief meeting because the new trainee dogs are doing well, aside from one of them new puppies being a little more aggressive than they prefer. It’s okay, though. They’re still little enough for Stiles to try and train that out of him.

“Let me know how that one is doing next week,” Laura says, shutting the binder and pushing it back over to Stiles. “So, did my brother call you last night?”

Stiles stops dead in the middle of trying to peel his banana around a heavy armful of iguana. “No. Why? Did he say he was going to?”

“No. He was just in a pissy mood. More so than usual.”

“And that makes you think he talked to me?” Stiles rolls his eyes. “Thanks.”

“Fine, that sounded bad,” Laura concedes. “It was just weird. Normally I can figure out what his issue is. Has he called you at all?”

Stiles shoves a bite of his banana in his mouth to buy himself a few seconds to frame this in the least awful way he can. “Once,” he mutters around his chewing. “I uh… made it weird.”

Laura raises her eyebrows. “When did he call you? What happened?”

“He called me to ask what Isaac’s last name was because he was making him a tag at one of those laser kiosks.” Which was kind of the most adorable thing ever. “I got nervous and panicked and ended up offering to come help him make the tag. I don’t remember if I even answered his question or just jumped right to implying that he can’t type basic information into a machine feeding him prompts.”

Laura nods, keeping her face absolutely neutral. Cop neutral. “Oh.”

“You want to laugh right now.”

“No, I don’t,” she says immediately.

“Liar.” Stiles pulls the peel down further on his banana. Jackson stretches his neck out and helps himself to a massive bite from the fruit. Stiles makes a face, watching him chew it, feeling bits of banana hitting his shoulder and back when they fall out of his mouth.

“Gross.” Laura makes a face. “Stiles!”

Stiles blinks, about to take a bite from the pitiful amount the greedy lizard left him. “What?”

“Don’t be disgusting. The lizard was chewing on that, just let him finish it.”

Stiles gives Jackson the side-eye and sighs, holding the remnants out to him. “Fine. I guess you get the rest of my snack. Asshole.”

Stiles is sitting at his desk in the kennel, tapping his pen idly on the desk as he looks at Theo’s file. What’s the best way to really word this…

“I mean, I don’t think ‘bullying’ is the right word,” he mutters. “That’s got a really negative connotation, y’know? I don’t want to put that kind of a black mark on his record. I think he’s just playing. It’s not like he actually hurt Liam, right?”

Jackson hisses from his perch on Stiles’ shoulder. One of the heavy tactical jackets protects Stiles from those curved claws (he thought about trying to trim them but, in a rare moment of clarity, decided not to assume that reptilian nail care in any way resembles canine nail care) and has made Jackson into a decent companion for the afternoon. He’s a good listener. “Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should hold off on documenting anything for now.”

Stiles is deep in discussion with Jackson on maybe using one of the calmer, adult dogs to try to adjust Theo’s temperament when the door opens. Stiles looks up, expecting Laura or maybe one of the officers partnering with a trainee dog. It’s not. It’s Derek.

Derek just looks at him for a few seconds, looking as startled as Stiles feels.

“Are you talking to that lizard?”

“Yes,” Stiles says, because he can’t come up with a single better answer at the moment.

Derek takes another second to process that. “I’m actually not surprised by that answer,” he says finally. “Isn’t it… did Scott give it to you? The guy at the vet’s office?”

“Yeah. He shows his affection by showering me with stray animals,” Stiles snorts.

“Is that what you do, too?”

Stiles blinks at him. “What?”

Derek just looks at him, then shakes his head. “Never mind.” When he steps into the room, Stiles hears the jingle of dog tags and realizes Derek is holding a leash. He looks over the edge of the desk to see Isaac sniffing the air for all the familiar scents.

“Isaac!” Stiles leans over the desk to reach down and pet him. This one is really too tall for that to be a good idea, and Jackson hisses his displeasure when Stiles spills over the desk far enough that his feet leave the ground. Stiles feels Jackson crawling further down his back to keep from being dumped off. Well, that’s going to be tricky to fix. But for now, he can get in a thorough petting, smoothing out the kinks in Isaac’s curly fur and watching them spring back into place.

“You just saw him yesterday,” Derek reminds him.

“Sorry. I get excited when I see him. He looks so much better.”

“He looks… exactly the same since I adopted him,�� Derek says. He crouches down beside the puppy (and into Stiles’ line of sight, dammit) and examines him. “I mean, his fur grew a little, but he’s pretty much the same, right?”

“He just seems happier. He didn’t really like the cages or the regimented days he had here.”

“Oh. Good, I guess.” Derek rubs behind his ear. “He’s settling in pretty well.”

Stiles feels their fingers brush as they both focus on petting Isaac. Oh god. Say something. Say something about Isaac, that’s a safe subject. But also stop petting him before that happens again.

“Hey, he got his tags!” Yes, good idea. Talk about the dog tags. And maybe that super awkward phone call too. But Stiles has already started, he can’t stop now. He catches the new silver disk hanging from Isaac’s collar and flips it around to see the engraving.

Isaac Stilinski-Hale

Stiles has to read it again to make sure he saw that correctly. He did. Not that he knows what to do with that information.

“Uh…”

“I… he was yours first,” Derek says, hastily pushing Stiles’ hand away from the tag. “I tried to ask you over the phone, but you didn’t really answer me, so I just… hyphenated it to be safe.

A slight whine escapes Stiles as he falls in love a little.

“That’s cool,” he manages, his voice barely catching at all. “He can have it hyphenated. I… you even gave me top billing. That was nice of you.”

“I guess.” Derek tilts his head. “You’re turning kinda red.”

“Blood is rushing to my head,” Stiles says immediately. Which is totally true, even if it’s probably really not the issue. “Um… can you grab Jackson so I don’t dump him off when I stand back up?”

“Jackson… the lizard perched on your butt?”

Of course he is. Because Stiles has the worst luck ever. “Green iguana. Yeah, him.”

“So was yesterday… your birthday or something?”

Stiles blinks, mercifully distracted from the tugging sensation on the seat of his jeans and the knowledge that Derek is having to untangle an iguana from his pants. “My birthday? No, why?”

“Oh.” Another tug. Something that Stiles swears are Derek’s fingers, gingerly working at curved lizard claws. “Anniversary?”

Stiles shifts and twists, trying to find a way to crane his neck and look back at Derek. “Anniversary of what?”

“I thought maybe Scott gave you a pet for your… anniversary or… I don’t know. Because he missed you or something. Seems a little big for a dorm room but-”

“Scott isn’t my boyfriend,” Stiles says in a rush. His brain goes right into ‘salvage’ mode. Oh god, Derek thinks Scott is his boyfriend. “He’s my best friend. But definitely not my boyfriend. His girlfriend called him about Jackson being in her yard, scaring the birds away from the birdbath and stuff. The iguana, not the lawyer’s son. So, Scott went to help her because he’s an awesome boyfriend and really loves Allison. Allison is his girlfriend. They met while we were all in high school and Allison had just moved to town and-”

“Stiles.” Derek crouches back down into Stiles’ view, Jackson tucked around one arm neatly. “You’re not dating Scott. Got it. Now stand up before you pass out.”

Stiles wiggles his head a little in what he hopes is a nod, but it’s actually hard to tell after being upside-down this long. When he drops back to his feet, the world spins a little as the blood rushes away from his head. “I’m not dating Scott. Or anyone. In case you were wondering. You probably weren’t, but now you know anyway. Um… are you dating anyone?”

“Your nose is bleeding.”

Stiles blinks at him. “Is that a stalling tactic?”

“No.” Derek grabs the back of his head and makes him lean forward. “Sit down, your nose is actually bleeding.”

Crimson splatters appear on the linoleum floor as Stiles gropes behind him for his chair to sit down. “I feel like this isn’t enough of a medical emergency to avoid this conversation we started,” he says, trying to keep his words from turning clumsy as the copper tang hits the back of his throat. He finally got up the nerve to say something, and damn it, a little bleeding from the head will not deter him now.

“Stay leaned forward. I’ll go get you some ice.” Derek shoves Jackson back into Stiles’ arms and Stiles groans as he hears the kennel door swing open.

“We should get coffee and talk about whether you’re dating anyone!” Stiles calls.

“Coffee is good,” Derek calls back. “Now sit still, I’ll be right back!”

The door swings shut, and Stiles is left alone. He’s got a nosebleed, an iguana clinging to one arm, and a sort or proto-date for coffee and dating discussions. It’s a… it’s a weird sort of victory. Definitely a victory, though.

#sterekweek2017 #stereklyrics3 #K-9 Unit Trainer!Stiles must once again navigate the waters of romance #they're rough #and choppy #and the more violent waves have thrown some unwanted guests on board

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smugwanderlust · 4 years

Text

Hello all, I hope everyone is having a splendid quarantine. Ha! What a ridiculous thing to say because I am sure no one is actually enjoying the quarantine, but if you are, good for you.

Like I mentioned in my last blog I am pretty stressed out over all of this and I know that I am not the only one. My husband is an assistant supervisor at a vitamin factory, Designs For Health, and due to high demand he is working way more then he should. Not to mention that half the employees had to leave temporaryly because they were deemed high risk, which results in my husband work 60-90 hour work weeks. Which of course translates to me parenting solo. That is my own personal stress and I know that a lot of people have it worse then me so I am not complaining. Simply, getting my thoughts out of my head.

I’ll be relived, as will most of the nation when this whole thing blows over and life can get back to normal.

Anyways, I am way off topic here. I wanted to talk to you guys about my acne problem and the solutions I have found that have helped me.

First let me just say that I had a slight acne problem in high school. I’d breakout here and there but never anything super serious. Which was very fortunate for me. I think it was because I didn’t wear makeup and I had pretty strict diet. It helped, I guess (depending on how you look at it), that my boyfriend at the time didn’t like it when I wore makeup and was not a fan of junk food. Looking back he was kind of an asshat but c’est la vie. He was a former quarter back of his high school and had big dreams of making it into the NFL, until a snowboarding accident tore that dream apart. Insert dramatic music, dum dum dum…

Anyways, because of his dreams he was always careful of what he ate and watched what I ate as well. Not that I ate much because I had a slight…ok maybe more then slight… eating disorder. I remember one time after school, my ex and I were hanging out and I grabbed some potato chips out of the pantry and he watched me eat them. I counted and 10 chips in he said that was more then enough taking the bag away from me and putting it back into the cupboard. I asked him if he thought I was eating to much and he said, and I’ll never forget this, that I was gaining a little weight but he didn’t like it when I ate junk because it made my face break out. I told him that I could cover it up with makeup and he said makeup was for girls who had something to hide. That if I took care of myself I wouldn’t need it.

Well, I was 115 lbs, and far from fat. It came across the wrong way but the point was a valid one. (Also I just want to say that he turned out to be a really great personal and pastors at a church now. My memories are of him 10 years ago.)

Really quick, let me embarrass myself by showcasing me in high school! What a laugh…

15 & Glamorous (My goth days…)

Back when too much eye-liner was the “cool” thing to do

16 & Sunburnt

17, friends, & the beaches of Mexico

17 & Rocking my first selfie…(yikes!)

Senior Prom

Class of 2009

16 & Sunburnt

Class of 2009

17 & Rocking my first selfie…(yikes!)

Senior Prom

17, friends, & the beaches of Mexico

Back when too much eye-liner was the “cool” thing to do

15 & Glamorous (My goth days…)

Senior Prom

Class of 2009

Senior Prom

17 & Rocking my first selfie…(yikes!)

16 & Sunburnt

Anyways…

When it comes to our skincare and our acne problems one of the first things you can do to help your skin is give it a break. A break from oily makeup and lotions. Also, give your body a break. Being healthy on the inside WILL reflect on the outside. This is coming from the queen of pizza and M&Ms, so believe me, I know how hard it is to switch out the bad for the good. It is my number one thing that I do though if I am experiencing a breakout, cut out the junk.

Like I said, I didn’t have too much trouble with acne in high school, but I had huge amounts of trouble with acne after I had my first child and my pre-thirties hit.

I am almost 30, let’s have a moment if silence…

Ok, moving swiftly on….

Let me show you some pictures of my skin last January.

Gross right?

I tried everything from witch hazel to 29 different skincare lines. Which was A LOT. I bought the high end items at Ulta Beauty, best sellers on Amazon, and almost everything Target had to offer. I also paid for expensive facials, but NOTHING, was working. It was crazy and very embarrassing. Not to mention terrible for my self-esteem.

Anyways, I needed to find something, anything, really that would make my skin look better.

I reached out to my cousin, who is a consultant for Arbonne. We tried a few products and for the first time in this get-this-acne-the-hell-off-my-face journey I had relief. Now I have a solid skincare routine and my face looks SO MUCH BETTER!

See for yourself:

The photo on the left, is screen grabbed from a video I did with my daughter, I didn’t even have enough self esteem to take a selfie last year. Sad right? Well the photo on the right is me one year later and all I am wearing in the second photo is mascara. The difference is evident. However I posted a few more fresh-out-of-the -shower pictures to further drive my my point home.

As you can see I still have few problem areas but overall… IT IS MUCH BETTER! Not bad looking for being a few months shy of the big THREE O (30 in case that was confusing.)

So, here is the deal, I am not an expert or some famed blogger trying to make the big bucks… Is that even a thing? hmmm…

At any rate, I am going to give you some solid tips that really helped me overcome my acne problem.

Acne Tips & Tricks:

Cut out dairy, gluten, soy, unhealthy fats and sugars. I know that this is a tough one, believe I KNOW. I could eat frozen pizza, Dr. Pepper, and M&Ms DAILY. I am a firm believer that if you are healthy on the inside it will reflect on the outside. I am sure there is a lot of science behind this but today I wanted to blog from the heart and not give out an overkill of information.

Use Tea Tree Oil: Tea tree oil can be a powerful weapon against acne. Several studies have shown that it helps reduce the severity of a breakout. You can make your own acne treatment by mixing one part tea tree oil with nine parts water and applying the mixture to affected areas with a cotton swab once or twice a day, as needed. This for sure works for me, if I of course, combine it with other helpful get-rid-of-acne tricks. Another way to go about this is adding a few drops to your moisturizer.

CHANGE YOUR PILLOWCASE! OK, I know that you don’t want to be yelled at for not changing your pillowcase – especially by some random blogger – but I swear on the bible (Forgive me Jesus) that this works. Think about all the nasty oils your body, hair, and face create throughout the day and at night? Then you sleep in that fifth night after night after night. Ew. just, EW y’all. I change my pillowcase / sheets at least once a week. Even if you shower at night – your sheets still collect the nasties! Especially if you’re doing the nasty (sorry grandma.) So change em!

Use a fresh washcloth daily. Ugh, I know, this only means MORE laundry… and trust me I get that. I mean I have a seven month old and a three year old… plus a spouse who rarely does chores. So I get it, I really do, but when a washrag sits out for awhile its collects bacteria and then you wash your face with it… at that point you are only spreading the bacteria all over your face. This is also true for dishtowels. Consider this: Nothing is ever completely germ-free, even a fresh towel that has just come from the dryer. Yikes! So naturally a used washcloth that is left to air out each day gives bacteria and other microbes more of a chance to grow and spread. Yummy… only not so much, right? Each time you use a cloth to wash your face, dead skin cells get caught in it, providing even more food for the bacteria that gather in the towel. Laundering your washcloth regularly may not kill every germ it contains, but it will lessen the overall amount of bacteria and decrease your chances of catching an illness [source: National Institutes of Health]. I know, I know, I said I wouldn’t poulute you with sources tonight but I had to on this one.

Take time to relax: Stress and anxiety are a big cause to my acne flair ups. I have learned to take time for me and relax when I am feeling overwhelmed. As hard as this may be sometimes. and believe me I get that too, but it is needed and will help you look/feel so much better. So do something for you, write, read, watch a movie, girls night out… whatever, just take the time relax and de-stress.

Clean your makeup utensils: I CANNOT stress the importance of this enough. Just as bacteria grows on washcloths, it can grow into your beauty items as well. For more information on this please read my blog, Makeup Brush 101.

Haircare: If you have oily or greasy hair and you wear it down a lot, or you have bangs and it rests on your forehead the oils will spread to your face. If your haircare routine is leaving your hair oily then it’s time to find something new. You don’t want those oils transferring to your face. When my acne flairs up I tend to wear my hair completely out of my face until it clears up.

Don’t pick your face OR pop those pimples: There is so much information on this topic that I am simply going to leave you a link, that you should check out, because it has some great advice. Very Well Health.

Stay hydrated: Like I was talking about earlier it is important to have a healthy gut and part of having a healthy gut is drinking ample amounts of water. Seems weird but I double my water intake every time I have a flare up because toxins flush out my system faster.

Have a good skincare routine: THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! Why?

Our skin sheds itself daily

Beautiful skin is a lifelong process – If you want gorgeous skin 30 years from now, the choices you make today will make that happen.

PREVENTION IS EASIER AND CHEAPER – Taking good care of your skin health daily will save you money in the long run. Skin problems like deep wrinkles, hyperpigmentation, acne scarring, or other skin issues can be prevented with a daily skin care routine and can prevent costly trips to a dermatologist or plastic surgeon in the future.

When you look good you feel good.

Consistency is Key: Trying a new product once or twice and expecting to see dramatic results won’t happen, unfortunately. The best way to see results with your skin is to keep coming back time after time, day after day, and sticking with it. In the end, you’ll see far more results with a long term plan than you will with a week-long “miracle treatment.”

Skin is your largest organ so protect it!

In the end, everyone has different skin, different genes, and a different lifestyles so it is very important to find a skincare solution that works for you and sticking with it. I obviously have my routine down pat. I don’t want this to be some annoying sales pitch, because it is not. These tips can and will help you as long as you maintain good skincare habits along side them.

Now, if you are wanting help finding a good skincare solution, I would be more then willing to help but that is up to you.

Feel free to reach me at [email protected] or my Facebook page.

Love you all & thank you for reading!

Until next time.

Acne 101: How I solved my problem. Hello all, I hope everyone is having a splendid quarantine. Ha! What a ridiculous thing to say because I am sure no one is actually enjoying the quarantine, but if you are, good for you.

#acne #blogging #life #personal

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thisaintascenereviews · 7 years

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Album Review by Bradley Christensen Cobra Starship – Viva La Cobra Record Label: Fueled By Ramen Release Date: October 23 2007

I was browsing Amazon earlier this week (well, the week that I’m writing this, anyway), looking for other nostalgic albums to listen to, and I came across Cobra Starship’s sophomore LP, 2007’s Viva La Cobra, which was an album that I used to listen to quite a lot in my freshman year of high school. Here’s the funny thing, though – I never listened to any of Cobra Starship’s other albums, although to be fair, most people haven’t listened to their last couple of albums, either. After this LP, they signed to a major label, and they turned into a generic, lame, and forgettable pop / dance band, eventually breaking up a couple of years ago. Most fans remember their first two albums, though – 2005’s While The City Sleeps, We Rule The Streets and 2007’s Viva La Cobra, the latter of which I’ve heard, and that I’ll be talking about today. I’ve never heard While The City Sleeps, however, but even then, the album was essentially a solo record for frontman Gabe Saporta, who came to prominence in the early 00s with the pop-punk / emo band Midtown. I haven’t listened to them, either, but I need to do that sometime. I didn’t realize that Viva La Cobra came out in 2007, though, otherwise I would have revisited this LP first, because I loved this album during my freshman year of high school, like I said. I’m not sure if I picked this up when it came out, or sometime after, but I do remember listening to this in the winter of 2008, so I’m sure I picked it up shortly after it came out. Similarly to the last album I reviewed, Travie McCoy’s debut solo LP, 2010’s Lazarus, I don’t have my original copy of the album, but I haven’t listened to the album in years, so I’ve never been sure if the album would hold up. Throughout my nostalgic kick that I’ve been on, I’ve told myself one thing: even if the album itself doesn’t hold up, or that I don’t love it as much as I used to, not only is that to be expected, but it’s still been a lot of fun listening to these albums that are ten-plus years old.

Reactions have been mixed on a lot of albums that I’ve been into lately, but I have to be honest, Viva La Cobra has held up quite well, and it’s definitely one of my favorite albums that I’ve been “catching up with,” so to speak. Lazarus was a decent pop-rap album that had some good songs on it, but for the most part, the album was forgettable, generic, and lackluster. It wasn’t outright bad, but nothing that made me want to go back to it. Luckily, it was only about 35 minutes, but by the end, I was still exhausted from it, because of how generic it was. Viva La Cobra is the complete opposite of that LP in every single way, although this LP is just as short, only around 36 minutes. I’m surprised, though, because I didn’t think this album would hold up as well as it does. If I had listened to this just a few days sooner, I would have put this album on my list of ten underrated albums from 2007, but I could always make a part two. At the same time, though, this LP isn’t perfect. It’s got a few problems, but they’re nothing consistent, let alone run through the entire album. Cobra Starship was always a very unique band, because they mixed pop, rock, and dance music into a weird, unique, and odd sound that was never just one thing. I’d categorize them as a pop-rock band, just for the sake of simplicity, but they were more than that, though. Songs like “My Moves Are White (White Hot, That Is),” and “Pleasure Ryland” are very electronic-oriented, but songs like “Smile For The Paparazzi,” “Guilty Pleasure,” and “The City Is At War” have a harder-edged, guitar-driven sound to them, so they’re very hard to get a grasp on. I really like that, though, because every song has its own sound to it. Every song on this LP is very, very memorable, catchy, and unique. Its sound is probably my favorite part, because of how interesting, unique, and awesome it is. I can’t say that I’ve ever heard an album like this, whether it was ten years ago or today.

Saporta is also a very good aspect of this album, because he’s one hell of a frontman. He’s not amazing, per se, because he’s no Patrick Stump. His voice isn’t that good, but it’s still very good, nonetheless. He pulls off the hooks quite nicely, and his voice is very versatile, especially on how diverse the album’s sound is. Saporta’s just not the songbird of our generation, or anything close to that, but his voice is still good. I enjoyed it back then, and I still enjoy it now. He’s got a lot of charisma, range, and power to his voice that I enjoy greatly, but I wouldn’t call him one of my favorite vocalists. I also wouldn’t call him one of my favorite lyricists, because this LP’s lyrics are the one aspect of this album that I’m very mixed on. I don’t know how I feel about the lyrics on this album, because they range from being very clever, well-written, and funny to being awkward, weird, and awful. From what I’ve read, Saporta started Cobra Starship to let loose a bit, as well as approach music from a more joking perspective. The lyrics on their records aren’t meant to be taken too seriously, and that’s totally fine, because I don’t take anything on these albums seriously. Well, there are a couple of songs with more “serious” lyrics, and go figure, they’re probably the best. “The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime)” and “One Day Robots Will Cry” are the two songs on this album with a more “serious” set of lyrics, and they’re written very, very well, so I’m kind of shocked that more songs aren’t in a serious vein. The funny thing about these songs, though, is that they don’t distract from the joking and humorous tone of the rest of the album. I think it’s that the sound of the songs are what you’d expect from the rest of the album, ultimately sounding like they’d still fit on the album.

The humorous lyrics definitely range from quite funny to quite awful. Songs like “My Moves Are White (White Hot, That Is),” “The City Is At War,” “Kiss My Sass,” which features Travie McCoy, actually, and “Pleasure Ryland,” just to name a few, are the songs that have funnier, sillier, and more enjoyable lyrics, but this LP gets really weird, awkward, and just plain bad a few times. The one song that I don’t like, at least in terms of its lyrics, are “Damn You Look Good And I’m Drunk (Scandalous).” The song itself isn’t bad, and it’s got a solid hook, but the lyrics are atrocious. It’s not meant to be taken seriously, but the song is about how someone is sexually attractive when the narrator is drunk, and how that person is so trashy, he wouldn’t take them home to his mother unless she were dead. Yikes, talk about a bad and unfunny lyric, but it gets worse. Some random rappers show up to deliver an incredibly unpleasant and terrible verse about how this woman is very unattractive, nasty, and possibly a man. It’s an awfully transphobic and disgusting lyric. Even 13-year-old me thought that lyric was really gross, but I wasn’t sure why. I sure as hell didn’t think it was funny. There’s also another song about prostitution, and how it’s absolutely amazing. That one’s not offensive, it’s just super awkward, because I can’t say that I’ve ever heard another song that has a song about that, but whatever. The lyrics are very much a mixed bag, but the album itself is great. If you can get past the lyrics, and I could understand if you can’t, you’ll find a diverse, unique, and interesting pop-rock / dance-pop album to get into. The songs are catchy, fun, and energetic, as well as diverse as all hell, and Gabe Saporta is good vocalist that works well with the sound that he’s trying to create. I think he pulls it off well, and the album holds up relatively well ten years later. It’s definitely not the most underrated album of 2007, but it’s a bit underrated, nonetheless, especially because they got a lot worse on their next couple of albums, ultimately disappearing before breaking up.

#cobra starship #viva la cobra #gabe saporta #midtown #pop #rock #pop-punk #electro-rock #electronic #travie mccoy #patrick stump #fueled by ramen

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lovelyfantasticfart · 4 years

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

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Ever since 1999’s The Blair Witch Project sent early internet denizens scouring the web to figure out if its spooky, shocking story was actually true, we can’t seem to get enough of found-footage movies.

In the 19 years since Blair Witch’s theatrical run, 18 found-footage horror movies have made $15 million or more at the box office — which constitutes a financial success, considering how cheaply most of these movies are made. (See: The Gallows, which made almost $24 million on a reported production budget of $100,000.) That’s about one hit per year. As niche tastes go, found footage has a nice track record.

The subgenre has also seen its share of genuine blockbusters. Blair Witch and 2008’s Cloverfield became bonafide cultural phenomenons during their days. Two of the Paranormal Activity movies topped $100 million at the US box office and another grossed $80 million, huge hits for three consecutive Halloweens.

As streaming takes over, the market has continued to grow for the kind of low-budget, easy wins that found-footage films can provide, and the barrier to entry for filmmakers looking to try their hand at some quick-and-dirty handheld scares is lower than ever. Searching “found footage” on Amazon Video yielded 222 results.

So what is it about found footage? In an age when you can pull a phone out of your pocket and record movie-quality video, I think there’s something deeply authentic and compelling about a movie that mimics something we ourselves might shoot. It’s escapism in its rawest, most intimate form. Pair it with the primal emotions of horror, the genre that’s home to most of these films, and you have a reliable formula.

Personally, I love found footage, and think it doesn’t get enough credit for how flexible it is: It’s a subgenre that can work for everything from claustrophobic chamber dramas to fantastical epics like Cloverfield and Troll Hunter. I myself often find the cheaper ones, in their rawness, more compelling and more legitimately unsettling than the found-footage movies Hollywood produces. The amateurish aesthetic only heightens their effect.

But as any fan knows, the quality variance is high, and not just because seemingly anybody can make a found-footage movie. You’re as likely to find a dud as something memorable — and you can never be sure which you’re going to get, given these films rarely attract top-tier stars or directors that might serve as some kind of proxy for quality.

However, in the defining paradox of found footage, that can also be their strength. Strip away the big names and movie magic gloss, and you’re left with a couple actors, a camera, and a story — and when the right combination clicks, it can result in an effectively terrifying experience.

This fall, I jumped headlong into the world of shaky cams and sudden pans to something creeping around the corner. I’d seen the big hits and the cultural touchstones — now I wanted to burrow deep into the found-footage catalogs on Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Shudder. (If you haven’t seen The Blair Witch Project, it is on you, my friend, to correct that immediately. I think it holds up. Just don’t expect the scariest movie you’ve ever seen.)

I found some great horror flicks. I also saw some duds. So, as a Halloween treat, and in an effort to uncover some hidden gems, I’m pointing you in the right direction with this list of some of the best found-footage horror available on streaming. And I ranked them, because why not.

(Sadly, I cannot recommend that you watch [REC], the 2007 Spanish entry that’s probably the masterpiece of the subgenre. The only version available to stream is a very bad English dub and I would not wish that on anyone.)

The details: USA, 2014. Directed by John Erick Dowdle. Available with subscription on Netflix.

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Why watch: Sometimes, all a found-footage film needs is the right setting. This descent into hell (played here by the Paris catacombs) is visually mesmerizing, which makes this movie worth your time even if the scares can be a bit inert and the drama a bit hackneyed. Plus, Perdita Weeks is compulsively watchable as Scarlett, the alchemy student who brings a documentary crew and ex-boyfriend in tow, and the hellish final act is appropriately bizarre and discomfiting.

This is one of those found-footage movies with an impressive sense of scale: You’ve taken a real journey by the final frame.

Try if you like: The Descent. With its narrow passageways and suffocating sense of claustrophobia, the comparison is inevitable.

The details: USA, 2013. Directed by Karl Mueller. Available with subscription on Shudder.

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Why watch: It’s best to go into Mr. Jones knowing as little as possible. Part of the joy of Halloween horror movie season is stumbling upon titles you would never otherwise look for and seeing where they take you. That mindset can only help when watching Mr. Jones, which takes likable characters and distinctly creepy imagery and applies them to a story that becomes quite the head trip. To say much more would spoil the fun.

Try if you like: Unbreakable — but, again, I’m reluctant to elaborate. Let’s just say found footage has a special ability to, in its practical limitations, force filmmakers to be more imaginative.

The details: Canada, 2012. Directed by Christopher MacBride. Available for digital rental on Amazon and iTunes.

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Why watch: This one benefits from a great set-up: What if the man raving about the end of the world outside of Congress was right?

I’m a sucker for any found-footage story that’s framed as “everything went wrong for this documentary crew.” There isn’t much more here than a killer premise and a memorably creepy finale, but that is one beauty of the found-footage genre: These movies often don’t need much more than that to be successful.

Try if you like: Rosemary’s Baby. The occultism is omnipresent, and the movie is less interested in scaring the pants off of you than in constantly nudging you about how near to your own reality this whole scenario seems to be.

The details: USA, 2016. Directed by Phil Guidry, Simon Herbert, and David Whelan. Available with subscription on Amazon Prime.

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Why watch: The most horrifying thing in Savageland might be the dialogue uttered by some of the white, openly racist side characters who populate its mockumentary pastiche.

Say this for the filmmakers: They’re willing to let those characters be as nasty as need be. They don’t pull any punches in this gory tale set in Arizona near the US-Mexican border. Through a narrative not unlike that of Making a Murderer, we learn the story of a Mexican immigrant who might have been wrongly accused of a truly gruesome crime.

This is another small film, made on a self-evidently low budget, that has a big imagination and is bedeviled by tough, urgent political questions.

Try if you like: Get Out. It’s certainly not the scariest film on this list, but, like Jordan Peele’s masterwork, this movie is more interested in making you uncomfortable than making you jump out of your seat.

The details: USA, 2016. Directed by Nigel Bach. Available with subscription on Amazon Prime.

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Why watch: This is a genuine one-man show that might leave you wondering if Nigel Bach just took $1,000 and rented a random house for a weekend. Bach (who receives every notable credit here) plays Tom, a man who thinks he’s buying a house that will make for a quick flip and a tidy profit. But then the furniture starts to move on its own.

As found-footage set-ups go, Tom’s reasons for filming are left a little … vague. But you don’t come to these movies looking for iron-clad logic. And even with no budget to speak of, Bach’s film still got to me, thanks in part to an unforgettable final shot, which has been a staple of the genre since Blair Witch.

Try if you like: The Blair Witch Project. The setting is totally different, but Bad Ben marries a do-it-yourself-attitude with an impeccably realized atmosphere in a way that echoes found footage’s breakout movie.

The details: Canada, 2011. Directed by the Vicious Brothers. Available with subscription on Shudder.

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Why watch: Finally, a little self-awareness: Colin Minihan and Stuart Ortiz, a.k.a. filmmaking duo the Vicious Brothers, effectively spoof those ghost hunter shows that were briefly a hot trend, while still building toward a genuinely suspenseful second half.

A key element of many found-footage films set in one place (which is a lot of them) is geography. Each haunted house or hospital has rooms or hallways — or, in the case of Grave Encounters, tunnels — that start to gain a personality and help build expectations that skilled directors like the Vicious Brothers can then exploit as the audience grows a little too comfortable.

Try if you like: Scream. It’s not taking itself too seriously but there are still solid scares to be found.

The details: USA, 2011. Directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman. Available for digital rent on Amazon and iTunes.

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Why watch: Looking back, it’s honestly impressive that the Paranormal Activity series squeezed three worthwhile movies out of its premise. There was so much potential for this franchise to get stale — and it did, eventually — but it took longer than you’d think.

The mythology really took over as the series went along, and the third film’s exploration of the story’s universe, while turning back the clock a little bit, gives it a fresh feeling and a gloriously gonzo finale. The 1980s, with their flickering, ever-skipping videotapes, are a great period for the found-footage aesthetic.

Try if you like: Any Paranormal Activity movie. This is a series you can jump around in, so if you’ve only seen the first or gave up after the second, this is the franchise at its best.

The details: USA, 2015. Directed by Stephen Cognetti. Available with subscription on Amazon Prime.

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Why watch: Critical to any found-footage movie is the set-up. Why are they filming? Why do they keep filming? Why, for the love of God, do they keep filming?

As set-ups go, Hell House LLC’s is pretty great: A crew of drifters put on haunted houses for money in random towns over the Halloween season. They like to record themselves for the memories and to document their talents in scaring their guests. There’s an implied history that adds some heft to the characters and their relationships.

But as the movie goes on, the haunters become the haunted. Their latest house has a bloody backstory, and, as we learn at the very beginning, something is going to go horribly wrong on Halloween night. But what?

This movie is extremely seasonal in the best way. There are also clowns. I’m not going to say anything else.

Try if you like: It. With its strong sense of place and some seriously scary clowns, Hell House LLC is a nice compendium to last year’s huge horror hit.

The details: USA, 2013. Directed by Blair Erickson. Available for digital rental on Amazon and iTunes.

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Why watch: Your definition of “found footage” might vary, but much of The Banshee Chapter is archival video or in-universe uncovered footage placed within a mockumentary framework. It counts.

It’s also, scare-for-scare, the most frightening film I’ve seen this year. Director Blair Erickson just knows how to craft a terrifying moment, and the film’s backstory of real CIA programs adds to the disquieting ambiance. It’s unsettling throughout, and you’ll yelp at least once.

Try if you like: District 9. Especially in its formatting, the film is reminiscent of that movie’s blend of found footage and conventional moviemaking.

The details: USA, 2017. Directed by Patrick Brice. Available with subscription on Netflix.

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Why watch: The Creep films constitute the only found-footage series that doubles as an enthralling, inexplicable character study. Mark Duplass stars as our killer, Aaron, who is … reflective on his murdering ways. He likes to share. He likes to talk. He even hires random people off the internet just so they can film him talking — for starters, anyway.

The first Creep, released in 2014, is good, but the second, which brings Desiree Akhavan’s Sara in as Duplass’s sparring partner, is even bolder. It’s sort of funny, highly uncomfortable, and totally terrifying in a few sequences.

Try if you like: The Silence of the Lambs. Duplass’s unforgettable performance, combined with his complicated relationship with Sara, a worthy foe, reminds me a lot of the Hannibal Lecter-Clarice Starling classic.

The details: Japan, 2005. Directed by Kôji Shiraishi. Available with subscription on Shudder.

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Why watch: This is the mother of all horror mockumentaries. Whereas many other found-footage movies go small, Noroi runs in the opposite direction, with a speaking cast of well over 25 characters and a nearly two-hour runtime.

The film follows paranormal researcher Masafumi Kobayashi, who embarks on a hellish odyssey while investigating an odd woman, her mysterious son, and some strange deaths. Along the way, we get a taste of everything: Japanese variety shows, classic talking heads, presumably recovered footage from Kobayashi’s own files. It gets very meta when actress Marika Matsumoto shows up playing a possibly possessed version of herself.

Noroi is more interested in building a searing sense of dread than conventional scares, but images from its final reel will still burn into your brain. Shiraishi is maybe the world’s only found-footage auteur (he’s made at least four others over the past decade or so), and Noroi shows all the things he can do with the form.

Try if you like: The Ring. Maybe that’s a bit obvious. But J-horror does have its own distinct mood, so your feelings about the most successful American crossover are probably a good indicator of how much you’ll enjoy Noroi.

The details: USA, 2014. Directed by Adam Robitel. Available for digital rental on YouTube.

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Why watch: A possession movie that starts as a drama about Alzheimer’s disease, The Taking of Deborah Logan offers such a singularly brilliant premise it’s a little baffling that nobody thought of it before.

For this subgenre, The Taking of Deborah Logan stands out as an impressive artistic achievement. It is first and foremost a painfully relatable family melodrama, with affecting performances and fully realized characters. But the terror comes hard and often in a second half that goes off the rails in the best way, when our millennial documentary crew discovers they are filming a very different story than they originally imagined.

Try if you like: Hereditary. Jill Larson and her remarkably malleable physique dominate this movie much the same way Toni Collette owned 2018’s best horror film. Both films successfully plumb issues of mental health and psychology with a demonic motif.

The details: UK, 2013. Directed by Elliot Goldner. Available for digital rental on Amazon and iTunes.

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Why watch: What makes Final Prayer work so well are the relationships: a semi-disgraced ex-priest is joined by a goofy, agnostic cameraman and a mildly authoritarian church official to investigate a demon-haunted church in rural England. The performances are strong and the characters actually get the time to talk about life and reveal themselves a little.

The trio sets up cameras in their house and the church and they wear headsets almost constantly because they’ve been charged by the Vatican with figuring out whether there is any evidence for this alleged haunting. It adds a little authenticity, providing an answer to that ever-present found footage question of why they’re filming and why they keep filming. You get agonizingly still, quiet scenes while waiting for something to move in the sanctuary (a la Paranormal Activity) and more kinetic action when we switch to the characters’ point-of-view.

It’s creepy throughout, without leaning on jump scares. Then, at the end, the story goes in a wildly unexpected direction.

Try if you like: The Exorcist. Final Prayer’s horror incorporates a lot of Catholicism, in a good and thoughtful way.

Original Source -> 13 found-footage horror movies actually worth watching this Halloween

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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bourbonandblonde93-blog · 6 years

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Skincare can get ridiculously expensive.

The creams and oils, treatments, masks, chemicals, needles, injections.

It’s all overwhelming AF.

So lately I’ve been trying home remedies to improve my skin that won’t break the bank. And I’ve come across some freaking gems along the way.

The Facial Massage:

I’m obsessed with rubbing my face. It’s honestly life changing. And if you think I sound crazy, try it yourself tomorrow morning because its 100% FREE – and it works. Simply clean your face and hands thoroughly to avoid spreading bacteria, apply a daily lotion or oil to your fingers and start rubbing in upwards motions on your cheeks and in between your eyes for 5-10 minutes. It’s the first thing I do when I wake up, right after turning on one of my fav podcasts. I’m telling you, your skin will immediately feel tighter and look brighter. You’ll be thanking me later. (here’s my fav oil – not under $5, I know. but close enough) Inspo by: Lauryn Evarts @ The Skinny Confidential – HIGHLY recommended blog to follow.

Shave, Shave, SHAVE Your Face:

Yes, you read that right. Shaving has proved to be the most effective exfoliate I’ve used so far. Not only does it remove the hair on your face, but the dead skin as well. I can legit see old skin coming off my face when I do this – gross, I know, but effective AF. Afterwards, my skin absorbs moisturizers and oils quickly and efficiently. And my make-up goes on flawlessly with no baby hairs! I promise your hair won’t grow back thick and black like people swear up and down it will. And the more you do it, the less you have to. (even better, these Tinkle brand razors are under $5 for a pack of 6 on Amazon rn)

Drink A Shitload Of Water:

Literally every supermodel interview I read or watch, they always say the secret to healthy skin is to drink your bodyweight in water. It sounds so simple and obvious, yet so many people aren’t getting an adequate amount of water on a daily basis. The 8×8 rule says to drink 8 glasses of 8 oz. per day – so 64 oz. To keep track, I normally get a bottle of SmartWater in the morning, which is about 34 oz., and refill it when I’m finished, so two bottles satisfies my quota for the day. Aside from the water bottle purchase, this is another basically free tip.

If you want to be GREEN, buy a reusable water bottle and refill it throughout the day. (I try my best to do this, but honestly, I always forget my bottle at home or work…)

Homemade Lip Scrub With Shit From Your Kitchen:

The skin on your lips is extra sensitive and deserves extra care. There are a lot of products out there to exfoliate and moisturize your lips, but I’ve found that an at-home concoction is a quick fix when my lips are beat up and need a little love. This recipe is super easy and most people already have the ingredients in their kitchens, so there’s little to no extra cost. Mix it thoroughly and be aggressive! It might hurt a little, but it’s important to get all the dead skin off. Being rough with them will get the blood-flow going too, so when you’re done you’ll have a nice, natural pout. Lip Scrub:

1 tablespoon organic cane sugar

½ teaspoon unrefined coconut oil

¼ teaspoon sweet almond oil

½ teaspoon vanilla extract (preferably made with glycerin)

⅛ teaspoon raw honey

At-Home Steam Facial:

If you’ve never had a steam facial at the spa, you’re depriving yourself. But luckily, this service is easy to recreate at home without the expensive tools and machines. Typically, a salon will put a moisturizing mask on your face, then sit you in front of a steamer for about 10 minutes. The at-home version isn’t as glamorous, yet still extremely effective. Clean your face of any make-up and dirt, add a thick layer of moisturizer, turn your sink on as HOT as it can go, and grab a towel. When the water gets hot enough to start steaming, lean over the sink and throw the towel over your head so all the steam will be trapped by your face. The benefits of steaming are extremely detoxifying, opening your pores so all the oil, dirt and bacteria under in your skin will lift up and out. It’s also insanely good for your sinuses and respiratory system – highly recommended if you’re sick. For best results, exfoliate right after to clean the nasties out of your pores even more.

While these aren’t my best of the best tips, they’re the ones that’ll give you a serious bang for basically no bux. Comment below your skincare routine and keep an eye out for my favorite products for glowing skin!

-xoLK-

Outfit deets:

– Missguided pants – American Apparel crop (in white) – Lulu’s heels – Rebecca Minkoff choker –

Photos by: Madison Katlin Photography

Five Things Under $5 That Changed My Skincare Game For LIFE Skincare can get ridiculously expensive. The creams and oils, treatments, masks, chemicals, needles, injections. It’s all overwhelming AF.

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kianatina · 7 years

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Tattoo Healing Process

Tattoo Healing Process Day By Day

We already wrote about the general aftercare process earlier, but I want to talk more about the tattoo healing process day by day. Giving tattoo healing information in ‘stages,’ rather than a day-by-day plan, skips over quite a lot of things. In example, Stage 1 of the tattoo healing process includes your artist putting on the wrap, you taking it off, sleeping in your first night, learning to delicately clean it, and so on. In other words, it encompasses three different parts of the tattoo healing process day by day, and only provides general answers. This page fixes that for all you tattoo lovers.

Prepare yourself for a complex breakdown of the healing process of a tattoo. We provide tattoo healing process pictures alongside detailed descriptions of the different days of healing. I grouped some days—where different sizes of tattoos respond differently—and provide instructions for every situation within those days. On top of that, you learn how to speed up the healing process of a tattoo, how to ensure your colors look vivid for life, and even what signs to look out for while your tattoo heals. Most importantly, this page prepares you for one of your most important tasks—taking care of your body as it heals.

If you don’t find the answer you’re looking for, check our tattoo healing F.A.Q. in the last section of this page, or request an answer in the comments section (don’t worry—we don’t bite). For a more beginner-friendly guide for the aftercare process—along with some tips on pre-care—check out our Ultimate Tattoo Care and Tattoo Aftercare Guide.

How Long Does it Take for a Tattoo to Heal?

As I mentioned before, bodies respond very differently to tattoos depending on your activities, care routines, immune system, and even diet. The vast majority of the time, though, tattoo healing stages vary only because of their size. A small tattoo heals incredibly quickly—almost like a bad scrape. With color. That stays there. Okay, maybe that’s a bad analogy, but I promise a small tattoo heals much more quickly compared to a large tattoo.

Your immune system deals with the ink, sending things called macrophages to ‘seal up’ the ink. Once the macrophages take their positions, they stay there for as long as they live, making your tattoo permanent. But this involves one big problem—the amount of macrophages, white blood cells, and red blood cells your body carries around. Generally, plenty of red cells get to the tattoo site and start clotting as soon as they can. With larger tattoos, though, it takes a little bit of extra time for them to cover everything. White blood cells and macrophages, on the other hand, fluctuate in number quite a bit depending on your health. Covering larger areas proves more difficult for them.

More on that stuff later, though! Let’s go straight to the tattoo healing process day by day, now. At the beginning, all tattoos show the same signs and symptoms. As time goes on, their variation goes up, so I put a time window on things. I go over how to boost your immune system at a later point in this article.

Tattoo Healing Process Day 1

My instructions start a little bit before the inking process. While I write the pre-care process in far more detail with our Ultimate Tattoo Care and Tattoo Aftercare guide, some bits of it matter a lot. Consider shaving the tattooing area early—or your artist shaves it for you. Avoid drinking alcohol, as this will increase your blood pressure and tick off your artist. More blood pressure=less clotting=blood everywhere. Eat a medium-sized meal beforehand high in nutrition.

Ask your artist about using a tattoo glide or moisturizer beforehand. I personally use Hustle Butter Deluxe, thanks to its flexibility and usefulness at every stage of the healing process. Put a thin layer of the lotion on to keep the surface clean, moisturized, germ-free, and ready for a tattoo. Your artist may even use some of their own as a tattoo glide—which prevents the pen from catching and allows for smooth movements over the skin.

Hustle Butter Deluxe

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If dealing with tattoo pain scares you, also ask about tattoo numbing cream. These creams quickly and efficiently numb your skin, lasting from thirty minutes to four hours. The duration depends on your application method and brand. Many times, artists already carry these and will sell you some. In the event that they keep none in stock, I suggest looking at our Best Tattoo Numbing Products article and selecting one that matches your needs. Of course, numbing creams for large tattoos may wear off before your artist finishes, but it still dulls the pain for a while after that!

Once your artists inks your tattoo, they apply a plastic wrap to it so the tattoo stays protected on your way home. It also helps with clotting. Follow their advice and remove it when they suggest. This usually falls before bed time. After removing the bandage, tons of clear orange liquid called plasma will leak out. Along with that, tons of excess ink and blood ooze out. It looks gross and nasty, but that constitutes the norm.

On your first day with the tattoo, stick to airy clothing suited for permanent stains. Because, of course, your tattoo continues to ooze all that extra stuff for days. Keep every article of cloth, clothing, towel, sheet, blanket, or washcloth pristine and clean while your tattoo goes through the first day of healing. Do not submerge your tattoo in water—if you feel the need to rinse it, use a wet washcloth and carefully dab the area. Follow up with a dry washcloth to gently pat the area dry. Avoid scrubbing the area for now.

When you sleep, avoid touching your tattoo to your sheets. Not only will that stain them, it also runs the risk of putting your tattoo in contact with germs. Keeping your tattoo open, exposed, and free from contact goes a long way towards keeping it clean and healthy. Close your eyes and do your best to sleep. Congratulations! You made it through day one!

Tattoo Healing Process Day 2

The next day, you wake up to a nightmare. You know, just business as usual! Your tattoo continues to ooze ink, plasma, blood, and every other liquid your skin makes. Your tattoo looks raised and swollen, and sometimes bruising occurs. A needle punching you repetitively naturally creates that sort of raising. Your tattoo serves as an open wound at this stage, so treat it with care. Contact with your tattoo hurts, but bear with this necessary evil as you care for your tattoo.

Lots of concerned clients call in asking why their ‘ink is falling out’ or their tattoo ‘looks infected with yellow pus.’ First of all, the bottom layer of tattoo ink always stays put, so never worry about all the extra stuff that flows out. Secondly, dealing with infections proves difficult for artists. After all, we don’t exactly practice medicine! Your artist serves as a good first step, though. If something looks strange, but turns out normal, your artist knows all about it. If it looks weird, they refer you to a dermatologist, general practitioner, or emergency care. I talk about bad signs and reactions later on in this article. For now, rest assured that bad reactions happen rarely!

Preventing infection takes the main stage on Day 2, as far as I am concerned. I highly recommend using H2Ocean Blue-Green Foam soap at this stage. In order to wash your tattoo, spray the foam on directly. Gently rinse using a wet towel. Remember—avoid scrubbing! The foam soap helps because it applies easily to a surface and involves no lathering. Use a clean, dry towel to gently dab it dry.

H2Ocean Foam Soap

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Tattoo Healing Process Day 3-6

When you enter the third day of healing, the tattoo still looks swollen and bruised. Your tattoo still hurts, but not as much as Days 1 and 2. Depending on the size and type of your tattoo, you start to visibly see the healing process. Many artists regard this as ‘Stage Two’ of the tattoo healing process. But, clearly, the tattoo healing process day by day contains much more detail than the description of a mere stage.

At the same time, as I stated, the healing process varies from person to person. On one of these days, you start to see scabbing occur. Your wound slowly closes up as your immune system works overtime. Your swelling gradually goes down as the scabs appear. If your swelling remains or gets worse on one of these days, talk to a doctor.

In order to ensure your body wards off infection, I recommend using a tattoo cream or tattoo soap. If the H2Ocean felt like it stung or simply made you uncomfortable, try using Ora’s Amazing Tattoo Salve. Apply a thin layer on top of your tattoo and carefully spread it around. This works best because it only uses natural antibacterial ingredients—rather than rubbing alcohol! Rubbing alcohol (or peroxide) damages your tattoo ink, but every soap and their mom uses it, so avoid non-tattoo products like the plague.

Ora’s Amazing Tattoo Salve

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People react differently to healing, so you may not see the scabs appear. Instead, the tattoo starts to peel and itch. This means you took excellent care of your tattoo and prevented infection, for the most part. Careful attention to the tattoo ensures that it stays germ-free.

Tattoo Healing Process Day 7-14

By now, your tattoo certainly starts to scab or flake. As your scabs start to fall off, they itch like no tomorrow. Unfortunately, scratching the scabs risks damaging your tattoo. The very bottom layers of your skin—where your permanent tattoo ink resides—heals faster than the top layers of skin. However, pulling the scabs that flake off or itching too hard pose the risk of pulling up your healthy bottom layers. So how do you deal with that incessant itching?

Several methods work. First, put a paper towel or clean cloth on the tattoo and apply pressure. For some people, a little bit of pressure relieves the itching feeling. When that stops working, you can use your numbing cream from before to dull the sensations in the area. If you didn’t already purchase some, check out our detailed reviews of tattoo numbing creams. Lastly, a small bit of soap and water encourages your scabs to peel off naturally.

Now that your tattoo sealed up, a liquid soap works best. I recommend Tattoo Goo Deep Cleansing Soap—the brand simply works best with all my clients. Their liquid soap comes in small amounts, but you only need a few drops to clean your tattoo. Spread the soap thing on your tattoo and apply water with a washcloth. Gently massage the area with the cloth—just short of scrubbing your tattoo—to moisturize those scabs and stop the itching sensation. I recommend washing the area no more than twice each day, since too many cleanings could dry out the tattoo, and too much water may damage your ink.

My Favorite Tattoo Care Products

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Tattoo Healing Process Day 15-40

At last, the final traces of your scabs vanish and disappear! Small tattoos finish healing completely at about the three week mark. Larger tattoos take up to forty days. At this point, use tattoo moisturizer to quell any aches and speed up the healing process. For more information on the best tattoo moisturizers, check out my detailed recommendations here. I highly recommend Hustle Butter, since it works on any day of tattoo healing!

While your tattoo completely seals during these days, soaps containing alcohol still seep into the skin. The skin of the tattooed area takes six weeks or more to completely heal. You notice that your tattoo looks faded or washed out during these days. The skin forms scar tissue above the tattoo which slowly sheds away. So when your tattoo appears gray, worry not! Your tattoo healed normally.

Tattoo Healing Process Day 41+

Finally, you count your tattoo among the perfectly healed! With your diligence, your tattoo looks beautiful. However, your tattoo still requires care. ‘Why?’ you might ask. ‘I did everything I was supposed to! It’s healed perfectly.’ And, while that’s a wonderful feat and I congratulate you for it, still more awaits you.

When you commission an artist to ink your tattoo, you sign an agreement with your body, too! Over time, your tattoos fade, stretch, and bleed into other areas of your skin. However, using certain techniques staves off this activity and prevents your tattoo from looking terrible after many years. I talk more about things that damage healing tattoos and what to avoid later on, as well as how to make tattoos heal faster—adhering to those points as much as you can, even after your tattoo heals, keeps your tattoo preserved.

I want to bring the bane of all tattoos to your attention, though. You encounter this universal ink destroyer on a daily basis, and scientists even linked it to cancer! Too much exposure destroys your skin and eyesight and may even affect your sleep schedule. Don’t worry, though—you also need it to live. I speak of the sun!

Sunlight gives us lovely tans and helps the body synthesize Vitamin D. Without the sun, your nutrition would wither away, and your sleep schedule goes crazy. By no means should you avoid it every day! However, the broad spectrum light that the sun provides also proves dangerous to our skin and tattoos. UV light damages ink and burns our skin. So, what do we do? The only thing that makes sense. Tattoo sunscreen!

Coppertone Tattoo Guard

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I review all the best tattoo sunscreens here, but as a general recommendation, Coppertone Tattoo Guard Spray works for any lifestyle, lasts a while, and keeps your tattoo ink safe. It contains no ingredients that harm your tattoo ink and lasts for several hours. Reapplication takes mere minutes. Apply sunscreen whenever you go outside—for any reason—and stick to that daily routine. Ten years from now, your tattoo still looks new!

Infected Tattoos and Tattoo Reactions

Seek a doctor for any medical questions, especially if you see anything weird. Black lines (similar to blood vessels) leading away from your tattoo shows a blood infection, rather than leaking ink. Blood infections spread rapidly and need emergency room care. Swelling that lasts for more than three days also points to an infection. Have a doctor treat it as quickly as possible so that it doesn’t endanger you or your tattoo! Green pus also depicts an infection, although watch for other symptoms if you used green ink in your tattoo.

To prevent infections, I cannot stress enough that you should avoid swimming, working out, or touching your tattoo with your hands. Working out exposes you to equipment full of sweat and grime, plus, it stretches your skin out when it needs to heal! Lakes, rivers, and even swimming pools contain harmful compounds and bacteria that eat away at your tattoo. In fact, someone in Texas disregarded this advice and went swimming in the Gulf of Mexico days after getting his tattoo. He died of septic shock after flesh-eating bacteria permeated his tattoo.

Tattoo inks cause allergic reactions in some people. Most artists turn down a ‘dot test’—a small dot to see how you react to ink—so look up the ingredients yourself and see if any of them cause you problems. If your tattoo looks swollen on top of certain parts of your ink, rather than others—see a doctor immediately! They give you medication to reduce the swelling until your tattoo heals, or they help remove the ink, depending on what the situation calls for. Blistering on top of your tattoo also bodes ill for you.

Things that Damage Healing Tattoos

On the opposite side of proper care, irresponsible action slows down your healing and sometimes even prevents it entirely. Ignoring advice from your artists, doctors, or this page could cost you an arm, a limb, or a life. An infection or allergic reaction takes very little time to spread throughout your body, so if anything causes you to question your health, seek the advice of a doctor right away! On top of that, avoid all of the things I list here.

First, swimming absolutely destroys your tattoo in more ways than one. First, the water gets into your tattoo and ruins the ink. In the case of a chlorinated pool, the harsh chemicals break apart your tattoo ink and destroy the design. Until your tattoo finishes healing, all types of liquid permeate the area and get to your tattoo. For the same reason, only tattoo specific products work to help your tattoo heal. Anyways, if you decide to skip the pool and go straight to the beach, drastic infection follows. Beaches, rivers, and lakes contain bacteria that quickly becomes deadly when exposed to a large wound. If you come into contact with dirty water, assume the worst and thoroughly wash it.

Strangely enough, rapid weight gain…or weight loss affects your tattoo negatively. At your tattoo session, your artist stretches the skin to ensure a nice, even design. When you gain weight, your skin stretches past its limit—sometimes unevenly! As a result, your tattoo looks strange. Weight loss shows stretch marks that change the appearance of your tattoo, depending on its location. More than anything, working out dramatically increases your chance of infection. Not only does your tattoo bend and stretch—causing it to heal slower and unevenly—but it also exposes your tattoos to dirty, grimy workout equipment.

For the duration of your healing, avoid sunlight. Without adequate layers of skin to protect your body, you risk serious sunburns. For the same reason, the sun quickly damages your tattoo and causes it to fade. In just a day’s sunburn on your tattoo area, years of sun damage happens.

Keep your tattoo free of wrapping and bandages after the first day. Although exposing it to the air seems ‘dangerous,’ concealing the wound promotes even more bacterial growth. Keep it nice and airy, moisturize it with tattoo-specific products, and avoid touching water to it. If you must shower, keep it quick—and avoid baths entirely. Do not expose it to normal soaps or shampoos, which contain rubbing alcohol (normally called hydrogen peroxide) that basically destroys your tattoo. Never scrub or pick at your tattoo.

How to Make Tattoos Heal Faster

Beyond what I put here, several ways exist to speed up the tattoo healing process day by day. Most importantly, watching your nutrition plays a big role in healing. Keep your immune system and skin health in top shape, both before and after your artist inks you. For both systems, vitamins play a critical role. While we still struggle to understand exactly how they affect the body, adequate amounts of Zinc, Selenium, Iron, Copper, Folic Acid, Vitamin A, B6, C, and E keep your immune system up and running and your skin healthy. It takes several days for your body to completely absorb nutrients, so maximize your nutrition to calories ratio and make your ‘tattoo’ diet a daily diet!

Furthermore, keeping your tattoo nice and moisturized discourages scabbing, keeps the itching away, and prevents infection. While I described the maximum amount of times you should wash, I never explained the maximum amount of times you should moisturize. Quite simply, whenever your tattoo feels dry, apply a few more drops of moisturizer in a thin layer. The thin layer keeps it from sealing up your wound, and if you use tattoo-specific moisturizers, then they pose no risk to your tattoo ink. It also helps your body focus on keeping bacteria out while it reconstructs your skin.

Avoid touching your tattoo with your hands or dirty linens. Your hands constantly touch things coated in bacteria—and that includes your phone and keyboard! Before you wash, moisturize, or interact with your tattoo at all—make sure you clean your hands. Similarly, dirty clothes and towels pose huge risks. Only use clean materials around your tattoo. Avoid pets, dirt, water, and anything else that potentially contains harmful bacteria.

Lastly, pay close attention to your body’s reaction to the tattoo. A careful eye catches any ill signs, and the faster you find them, the faster your doctor fixes them. Sometimes they solve the issue as easily as giving you antibiotic pills or antihistamines. In no case does asking a doctor about tattoo problems threaten your actual tattoo, so call your practitioner quickly if something strange comes up.

Recommended Tattoo Aftercare Products

I already mentioned all of these in passing, but let’s focus more on them for a moment. Of the hundreds of products my clients and I tried, these five perform particularly well and suit the needs of many. They keep tattoos safe and healthy, speed up healing, and many of them even earned the title ‘cruelty-free’ in regards to their ingredients. Check them out and see which one suits you most!

H2Ocean Blue Green Foam Soap, 1.7 Fluid Ounce

H2Ocean made this soap specifically for tattoo use. The foamy soap spreads easily on sensitive new tattoos and makes application a cinch. It contains no paraben preservatives or petroleum, two things which work against the natural healing process of the body. On top of that, you can count this soap among the few vegan-friendly tattoo products. Most tattoo artists keep H2Ocean soaps in their shop for use on clients, but you can grab some for personal use online.

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Goo Deep Cleansing Soap for Tattoos

Along with H2Ocean, Tattoo Goo serves as the best brand name in the tattoo world. While its package lacks the flashy design of H2Ocean’s products, the content inside more than makes up for it! This soap quickly and effectively soothes your tattoo. It cleans thoroughly and prevents infection with its unique formula that reaches deep into your skin. It only takes a few drops to quickly clean your brand new tattoo. People with sensitive skin see no reactions from this stuff, either.

Buy from Amazon

Hustle Butter Deluxe

I already mentioned this, but Hustle Butter Deluxe works great at every stage of the tattoo healing process, and ranks among my favorite tattoo products. For tattoo artists, it serves as a tattoo glide and quick moisturizer to minimize scarring. After your artist finishes, it works great to reduce swelling and soothe itching. After your tattoo heals entirely, this soothing moisturizer works great on any dry skin. It uses all vegan ingredients and no animal testing went into the making of this product. Since this tattoo cream only recently arrived to the tattoo scene, your best bet is to find it online.

Buy from Amazon

Ora’s Amazing Herbal Tattoo Salve

This stuff tops the list of organic and vegan tattoo products. Every single ingredient occurs naturally in nature. It contains no lanolin, petroleum, mineral oil, fake scents, or artificial colors. On top of that, it drops ingredients which cause reactions in sensitive people—which includes aloe vera, wheat, grain, and gluten. Not only does it safely heal tattoos, but it also works well on all kinds of bumps, bruises, and burns. Due to its organic nature, if you suffer from allergies, I recommend checking its ingredient list. It reads almost like a recipe of tasty things, but ingredients like tea tree oil or cedar leaf oil could cause you to sniffle.

Buy from Amazon

Coppertone Tattoo Guard Continuous Spray

Coppertone rules the sunscreen scene, and they saw the need for a tattoo-specific product. This spray-on sunscreen protects your tattoo from the sun without the negatives of typical sunscreen. First, it leaves no sticky or white residue behind, which means your tattoo shines brightly in any light. Secondly, it contains no ingredients that harm your tattoo ink, even in the event that your skin absorbs the sunscreen. Lastly, it sprays on quickly and easily—a must for people who wear it on a daily basis. The hypoallergenic part serves as a cherry on top.

Buy from Amazon

For a more complete look at the best tattoo aftercare products, check out our full reviews here.

Tattoo F.A.Q.

Tattoo Healing F.A.Q

Sometimes, you only need simple answers to simple questions. Here are the ones I receive the most during work. If you have any more questions regarding tattoo healing—or tattoos in general—feel free to ask and leave a comment. Providing quality information to a tattoo lover like yourself is my priority!

Do tattoos hurt?

Absolutely! They don’t have to, though. Plenty of numbing creams exist, including ones specifically made for tattooing. The amount of pain you feel depends on the location, personal pain tolerance, and the size of your tattoo. Bony areas and soft tissue feel horrible. On the other hand, fatty areas like your thighs and arms feel fine.

Why does my tattoo look faded?

A variety of reasons exist for faded tattoos. Immediately after healing, scar tissue covers the tattoo and causes it to appear dull and faded. Over time, your skin heals and shows the true colors of the tattoo. Picking at your scabs and dry skin can cause blotches of faded ink on your tattoo. Lastly, sunlight poses a huge risk to tattoos over the months and years. Neglecting to use sunscreen results in a faded and blurry tattoo.

Are tattoos safe?

Absolutely! Artists sterilize the area, use single-use needles to ensure you receive no disease, and hopefully use safe inks. Your artist, doctor, and this page provides you with all the information you need to avoid infection. In an emergency, tattoos can be removed quickly with laser removal or skin grafts. The biggest risk is an allergic reaction to the ink—which correlates with food coloring allergies!

Can tattoos cause cancer?

Cancer is caused by damaged cells healing incorrectly. Anything that damages your cells can cause cancer—this includes sunlight, working out, certain fatty foods, and cuts and scrapes. Check what sort of ink your artist uses to ensure it isn’t toxic. Otherwise, tattoos are very safe and less dangerous than the things I listed.

Are tattoos bad for your blood?

Only if you experience an allergic reaction from the ink or an infection from the wound. In the case of an allergic reaction, your doctor can usually prescribe antihistamines until the swelling ceases or move forward with removal options. For infections, tattoos pose no more risk than a scrape or cut—just take care of it and wash it like we talked about!

Tattoo Healing Process Day by Day

Hopefully these tattoo healing process pictures helped you understand the healing process of a tattoo. Every day after your artist inks you, your tattoo enters a new step of the healing process. The rate varies depending on your nutrition, behavior, and the size of the tattoo—but the care techniques stay the same. For a complete breakdown of the aftercare process, check out our Ultimate Tattoo Care and Tattoo Aftercare Guide.

With the growing popularity of tattoos, some people disregard tattoo safety and assume it will heal on its own. If you know anyone like this, then please tell them about the dangers of poor healthcare, or at least things which risk their health or body. Aftercare saves you a lifetime of hassle by healing the wound quickly, efficiently, and with as little contact with bacteria as possible. Aside from the health aspect, it feels a little like tending to a garden. You chose to take something beautiful and put it on your body, and with a little bit of care, you watch it heal into something bright and wonderful.

~Alexandra

The post Tattoo Healing Process appeared first on 101 Tattoos.

from https://www.101-tattoos.com/tattoo-healing-process/

from 101 Tattoos - Blog http://101tattoos.weebly.com/blog/tattoo-healing-process

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cindyevelyn · 7 years

Text

Tattoo Healing Process

Tattoo Healing Process Day By Day

How Long Does it Take for a Tattoo to Heal?

Tattoo Healing Process Day 1

Hustle Butter Deluxe

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 2

H2Ocean Foam Soap

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 3-6

Ora’s Amazing Tattoo Salve

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 7-14

My Favorite Tattoo Care Products

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 15-40

Tattoo Healing Process Day 41+

Coppertone Tattoo Guard

Buy from Amazon

Infected Tattoos and Tattoo Reactions

Things that Damage Healing Tattoos

How to Make Tattoos Heal Faster

Recommended Tattoo Aftercare Products

H2Ocean Blue Green Foam Soap, 1.7 Fluid Ounce

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Goo Deep Cleansing Soap for Tattoos

Buy from Amazon

Hustle Butter Deluxe

Buy from Amazon

Ora’s Amazing Herbal Tattoo Salve

Buy from Amazon

Coppertone Tattoo Guard Continuous Spray

Buy from Amazon

For a more complete look at the best tattoo aftercare products, check out our full reviews here.

Tattoo F.A.Q.

Tattoo Healing F.A.Q

Do tattoos hurt?

Why does my tattoo look faded?

Are tattoos safe?

Can tattoos cause cancer?

Are tattoos bad for your blood?

Tattoo Healing Process Day by Day

~Alexandra

The post Tattoo Healing Process appeared first on 101 Tattoos.

from 101 Tattoos https://www.101-tattoos.com/tattoo-healing-process/ from 101-Tattoos https://101-tattoos.tumblr.com/post/163212173472

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101-tattoos · 7 years

Text

Tattoo Healing Process

Tattoo Healing Process Day By Day

How Long Does it Take for a Tattoo to Heal?

Tattoo Healing Process Day 1

Hustle Butter Deluxe

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 2

H2Ocean Foam Soap

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 3-6

Ora’s Amazing Tattoo Salve

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 7-14

My Favorite Tattoo Care Products

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Healing Process Day 15-40

Tattoo Healing Process Day 41+

Coppertone Tattoo Guard

Buy from Amazon

Infected Tattoos and Tattoo Reactions

Things that Damage Healing Tattoos

How to Make Tattoos Heal Faster

Recommended Tattoo Aftercare Products

H2Ocean Blue Green Foam Soap, 1.7 Fluid Ounce

Buy from Amazon

Tattoo Goo Deep Cleansing Soap for Tattoos

Buy from Amazon

Hustle Butter Deluxe

Buy from Amazon

Ora’s Amazing Herbal Tattoo Salve

Buy from Amazon

Coppertone Tattoo Guard Continuous Spray

Buy from Amazon

For a more complete look at the best tattoo aftercare products, check out our full reviews here.

Tattoo F.A.Q.

Tattoo Healing F.A.Q

Do tattoos hurt?

Why does my tattoo look faded?

Are tattoos safe?

Can tattoos cause cancer?

Are tattoos bad for your blood?

Tattoo Healing Process Day by Day

~Alexandra

The post Tattoo Healing Process appeared first on 101 Tattoos.

from 101 Tattoos https://www.101-tattoos.com/tattoo-healing-process/

0 notes