#And hes still 6 years old and has had very little opportunity to learn how to read | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stonemags · 1 year

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SUGAR BABY AU

Ch.6 Mishandle

Characters in this series: Reader, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers, Darcy Lewis, Maria Hill, Kate Bishop, Pepper Potts, Valkyrie, Shuri

Summary:How much can you trust people that are the closest to you? Can you put any trust into strangers? After being tricked so many times, you can be sure to trust one person ... yourself. You should have left it that way, to bad you give second chances like fliers on the street.

Warnings: age gap relationships, sugar mommy/sugar baby relationships, swearing, mensplaning, all story is gonna be +18, you are responsible for your own ass.

Word count: 8915

A/N: This one is coming out faster this time, to make up for the wait ive put you all on. I hope you will enjoy it. Feedback is always walcome! Previous chapter

Your desk is covered in papers, the screen too bright for your liking, your eyes are stinging after hours of sharp focus on the monitor, but this old computer is not really cooperating with you. Loud noises are distracting, making it hard for you to finish your tasks, and you have a lot of them. Your boss, Loki, has put on you a first adult-ish assignment. It's your chance to no longer make coffee, kind of work, even more that fresh inters came in so they are at the bottom of the chain right now. That's how it works. The amount of work stresses you out but you are not going to let the opportunity slide. You can finally edit a text that will end up in one of the less popular magazines, but it's still going to be out. Doesn't matter how insignificant it will be, your name will be on this work and you need to give a 100% out of you.

It's been 2 weeks since Carol's party, you haven't seen her or any of her friends since that night and to be completely honest you thought about Natasha and Wanda …. not more than once. When you came home and changed the bandaid on your hand the next day, you reminded yourself of how caring and worried they were, but also very smug and self indulgent, after that… nothing. You had school, work, shifts at the bar and your friends to care about. Not mentioning your phone caller issue that you will have to address and take care of at some point. Your life fell back into place after that night, gym, school, work, repeat. You have to keep the flow going or it's really easy to get lost in this kind of lifestyle. It's like running at full speed, you can't trip. The faster you go the harder you are going to hit.

“You better do it right yn.” That low voice scared you coming from behind your shoulder. Loki was always creepy, not in a perverted way but still creepy.

“Yes boss, on it.” Short and sweet, don't discuss with him, you have learned it the hard way. It's for the best to make him feel validated. You assume that he had a rough childhood by the way he treats other people and by the not so quiet conversations he has with his brother in the office. You can't help but hear them, all the workers do, and you learned to have some understanding towards him.

You are at your last working hour, the phone is thrown into the drawer so it won't occupy you but your smart watch is vibrating with the amount of messages you are getting. You ignore every single one of them even when the vibration is traveling up your arm, leaving goosebumps on your skin. Last ten minutes you spend on cleaning your desk and putting your stuff into the bag. As you run down two flights of stairs you think about your plan for the rest of the day. You are done with work for now, you have spent half of the night doing extra work for school to get a little bit ahead and it worked amazingly on your anxiety, or the lack of it. You decide on visiting Steve on your way home, even if you don't have a shift at the bar, you enjoy spending time with him. As someone opens the door in front of you to let you exit first, with a short “thanks” you are outside, changing your plans immediately after you feel the warm sun. At this time of the year it is rare and you are planning on using that antidepressant window. The skin on your face feels like it is covered in a thin layer of warmth getting deeper inside of you, embracing your brain in an endorphin hug. You will visit Steve later, for now you are going to grab a nice coffee from the bike/coffee stand near the park and have a walk with your headphones on, ignoring the whole world.

“Can you start picking up your goddamn phone!” You turn around just in time to stop an angry Darcy right in front of you. Her face seems worried just as she is angry. Right behind her there is Carol clearly having a laugh at her girlfriend's tantrum. When you see her smile you can help but join and embrace Darcy in a hug.

“Sorry Darcy, work stuff. What’s up, what's so important that you came here?” It's unusual for any of your friends to arrive at any of your work places, from your work friends they know only Steve as they hang out at the bar sometimes, but they dont push to get to know everybody around you and you are grateful for that. Darcy points at the car that her girlfriend is already entering and with a big sigh you throw behind you all the warm sunny plans you had and follow along. The car always smells new and you are wondering if Carol is actually exchanging her car for the same one, just new, from time to time. Seems like something she would do. Leather seats squeak under your touch and you take your place in the backseat and you hate every second of it. It's like wearing leather pants, for you it feels like biting a cotton towel, or having your sleeves getting wet, when you wash your hands. Uncomfortable at least.

Carol starts driving and Darcy looks at you with a really excited expression on her face.

“No.” You say to her, making her confused right away.

“I didn't even say anything.”

“But you are going to, and you are excited, which means i have to do stuff, and you could text me what’s all this is about, but you didn't, so kidnapping me is the only way for me to participate in whatever evil plan you made.” She seems almost offended but it lasts three seconds before she starts laughing.

“You know me so well.” She is slouching over the back of her sweet so she can face you and it makes Carol uncomfortable, worrying that if anything happens the seat belt would work correctly. With one hand on the wheel, Carol puts the other on Darcy's thigh and turns her around. She turns off music and with a steer voice starts talking.

“Yn can hear your love, don't do that please.” Darcy takes Carol hand into hers not taking off her thigh, just to confirm that she understood and she is sorry.

“Yes daddy, I'm sorry.” Carol is rarely mad at Darcy, she doesn't really have a reason to, they made for each other, at least in your opinion, but when she is Darcy will use any pet name she can to melt her girlfriends heart and get on her good side again, and it's clearly working wonders.

“You are having a date Yn.” Carol informs you and you know this is a way of hers to mess with Darcy, the fact that she wasn't the one to share the news infuriates her.

“I was supposed to, ugh…. I have an outfit for you at Carol's house and we will give you a ride to the restaurant.”

“That's amazing, thank you very much… but I have work. My shift at the bar starts in-”

“In two days Yn, I have access to your calendar, don't try anything with me.” Feeling defeated, you slouch back a little bit and let your eyes follow the world outside of the car. Carol turns on the radio again after a minute of silence, assuming that everything was said and it won't be irritating for anyone. For a second you even let yourself sink into music and the outside world. Sun is peeking through the small alleys between the buildings, falling on your face in a pattern. You remember briefly that when you weren't able to fall asleep as a child your parents, or someone, you can't really remember, was taking you into the car and driving a couple of times around the block. Street Lamps or the sun flashing from time to time on your face was making you feel good, safe, comfortable, like there is something so bigger then you and everything around you. You found comfort in unlimitless nothingness and even now as an adult you feel safe. You are able to fight the sleepy state, well maybe you drifted away a little bit, and as you see Carol's house you are fully conscious again, anxiety of what's coming slowly creeping in.

You enter the house, talk with Carol and Darcy about the last party and upcoming events, work stuff, your studies and Darcy's new projects at her school. You can never fully understand what she is talking about, too much chemical talk but you are so proud of her and happy that she can feel fulfilled with where she is. You are always interested in Carol's work and life, maybe that's why you are the closest to her among all your friends. She appreciates the way you treat her as her, not as Darcy's girlfriend or treat both of them as one, because as close as they are, they are still themself. They help you prepare, get your hair fixed, put a nice outfit together, and Carol even let you borrow some of her perfume. In no time you are back in the car going to the unknown location, to meet with a stranger. You are reminding Darcy that you agreed for half an hour of this show and then you are going to be even. She tries to extend it for an hour, using arguments like “ you can't get to know a person in half hour”, or “ you won't be even able to eat”. As you pull in front of the restaurant you see three Michelin stars in the front of it and you almost choke.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IN HERE I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET A GLASS OF WATER WITH MY BUDGET!” It was louder than you anticipated and the doorman put his focus on the car in front of him. He started going into your direction but Darcy opened the window at the right time.

“Everything is okay, we just need a second.” He smiled and without any words pointed at the parking spot a little bit further from the main door. Carol took a clue and parked there. Darcy took her seat belt off and turned to you, making you jump.

“Darcy this is too much, and why do I even have to get so dressed up for someone I will turn down in the first two minutes?” You don't want to do this, and you can't be more clear than that. As bad as it sounds you are planning on being just as honest with your date.

“Give them a chance, Jesus, why are you so negative, they're gonna pay for you.” She got out of the car and opened your door rushing you outside. The restaurant is far enough from your house to have a real struggle with coming back, so you have to rely on Darcy and you are not enjoying this feeling. Just when you stepped outside it came to you what she said.

“They!? What do you mean by They ?! Darcy is that -'' You can't even finish, Darcy closes your door, jumps back into her seat and as in a getaway car tells Carol to drive. You can only hear a faint have fun coming from her window. You run your hand down your face, taking a deep breath in and decide to get through it as ripping off a bandaid, fast but painfully. You straighten out your outfit, little crevices created by the short ride are easy to clean up and the cleaned up outfit helps you a lot with your confidence. You feel like you will need a lot of it during that dinner. Constant tag and pull with the redheads is exhausting and staying afloat as they try to drown you down feels like a survival chore. You can't help but be angry at Darcy, you know she wants good, you know you promised but you feel a little bit betrayed. You can't really pinpoint why but the feeling spreads uncomfortable through your body, or maybe it's just the cold that went back with the sun setting down. Beautiful purple color of the sunset lets you grab the last bits of energy, hope and the feeling of rest. You know it will end as soon as you turn around to enter the restaurant or when the sun will finally set. It's sad that you can't wait for the latter.

“Half hour Yn, just half hour.” You talk to yourself hoping it will help you feel the back bone of your character and get through it smoothly enough. What 30 minutes can do right?

You enter the building, or rather you are led by the doorman through two sets of doors. After the second one you are met with a man in a suit, he looks important, you are wondering if that's the owner, maybe a menager, they are always around right? He looks so elegant that his status needs to be at a high level. Little lost in your head you hear him speak when the doors are closing behind you.

“May I take your coat miss?” Miss? Coat? You thought that this man is… and he is just…. It's going to be long, thirty minutes.. This is not something you enjoy, not something that is a part of your world. You just need to survive this. You are wondering how the man will know which coat is yours. He didn't give you a number nor did he take your name. It's all strange and the coat belongs to Carol, you are worrying now about getting it back later.

Restaurant seems much bigger from the outside. The building is huge but the dining area pleasantly small. The kitchen must take a lot of space, you think to yourself approaching a Host of the restaurant. Small wooden desk in front of him looks amazing. Golden leaves decorating the legs as a vine. The whole place is in darker colors but it gives a more elegant and fancy look to it. Smell is not overwhelming which is usually a problem for you in the restaurants, not in this. You can hear a light chatter around,

“Welcome, do you have a reservation?” He asks you with his back straight, his tie carefully secured around his neck. Do you have a reservation? This whole thing feels so out of blue, catching you off guard in every single step, it seems.

“Um… I….” You can't recall their last name, why can't you recall their last name? You fall back into the memory, you follow the steps of the day you meet them. You went to work, bus ride, Wanda opened the door for you, she had her suit on, her shirt was open, she had a messy bun on top, she had this nice perfume on her, the same she used last time you saw her at the Carols party. You could feel it clearly when she was tending your wound. Darcy introduced them to you. She said their names, they are both lawyers or Wanda is a lawyer and Natasha is in finances, yes that seems correct. Did she say their last name ? You remember now, she didn't but they gave you their card…. which you didn't even look at, before throwing it away. Then it comes to you, you were supposed to text them last time after the accident, they gave you a new card and you actually have it on you at the back of your phone case. It is very embarrassing trying to get your phone out of its case but also necessary. Host is waiting for you patiently, his face emotionless, he was definitely well trained for his job.

“It should be on the name-” You finally take out a card and look at the last name. “-Romanoff, or Maximoff. One of those.” It's strange to see that they are married, but they still use separate last names, it might be just for business and you decide on asking them if you will have to speak at all. At least it's going to be something to talk about. You smoothly follow the host to your table, moving between the tables you can see all the food prepared for other guests and your stomach lets you know about its empty state. Smell coming from each of the tables will not be very helpful in the next 30 minutes, because there is no way that you are going to let them pay for anything, not with these prices. At the far left corner of the restaurant you can see Wanda and Natasha chatting between each other, their hands together on the table, Natasha is lightly smoothing her wifes hand with her thumb, laughing at something she said. It's the first time they don't seem like big, scary rich assholes, more human than before. You are afraid, or maybe you are sure it's going to drop as soon as they are going to see you. First to notice you is Natasha, she lets go of Wandas hand and stands up to greet you. You don't want to make a scene in the restaurant, so you kiss her cheek as her hand lingers on your waist and you do the same with Wanda. Looking at them, seeing how dressed up they are, you are glad that Darcy made you wear the clothes she prepared, if you would dress yourself, you would for sure stand out, not in a good way. You take your place on an empty chair when Wanda starts speaking to you.

“I hope you didn't have any problems finding us?” She sounds soft, soft enough for you to find it degrading.

“Except not knowing your last names it was pretty easy.” You say in a rough voice and that makes Natasha look back to the man that brought you to the table.

“You didn't have you, I gave him clear instructions. It's not that hard to do the only thing you are here for. I'm going to talk to him.” She drops the napkin on an empty table and stands up. You are not sure how you find your voice, maybe it's the nervous atmosphere that Natasha is adding to, or maybe your empathy for a fellow customer service worker, but you speak up.

“Sit down!” To your surprise, she does with a shocked face, while her wife laughs a little.

“Can we just order and get this over with? It feels like work.” You ask and that makes Wanda look at you quizzingly.

“What do you mean baby? Get it over with?” You put down the menu that you were reading and look her in the eyes.

“I promised Darcy that I will be here for at least half an hour. It started five minutes ago and I'm counting the time. I didn't want to be here and I found out just when she dropped me off that I'm meeting with you both.” She looks hurt and you need to address that before it gets more messy, even more that Natasha looks angry. You look between them and continue.

“Look-” You run your hand on your face, as it is supposed to take off the worry. “-I’m sorry, but i'm not looking for dates, or relationships. Any kind of relationship.” You say pointing your finger between them.

“Can we just spend this 25 minutes talking or whatever and I promise you won’t have to waste any more time on me.” That makes Wanda's face soften. She looks like she is about to say something but Natasha cuts in.

“Sure, let's just order something.” In the next three minutes you placed an order and as much as they pursued you to get something to eat you didn't get anything. You got a coffee which cost twenty five dollars. You regret that decision, thinking that you would be okay with the tap water. Your stomach starts to hurt with how empty it is and all the smells are affecting it in a horrible way. Wanda and Natasha placed their orders and food came in faster then it took to order it. They are really at the top in this restaurant. They start eating while you enjoy your coffee. Wanda tries to start a light conversation, to make it a little bit less awkward for all of you.

“So Yn, Darcy told us you were working today, was it a good shift?”

“Decent, I got my first article to do a final edit to.” You say and take a sip of coffee, looking at Wanda enjoying her pasta alfredo. You feel yourself salivating and you probably look too long at her food, because it makes her wonder if you actually want anything.

“Yn, are you sure you are not hungry?” Wanda says and her wife finally joins the conversation.

“We know we picked an expensive restaurant, let us get you something to eat sugar.” She is about to call the waiter to the table again.

“No. No, Natasha no, I'm really okay. Please don’t.” She looks at you, deeply studying your eyes, knowing that you are doing that because you are uncomfortable with the prices, but still she doesn't want to go against you, as much as she wishes she could. With each passing time she spends with you, she realizes that you can be destructive for yourself, and she would gladly take that away from you. You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket but you decide to keep it there for the next fifteen minutes. Time feels like it stretches itself, making you feel like it has been over an hour. You keep your fingers on the brim of your coffee mug, trying to make your legs stop shaking, and your muscles twitching. It's not that you are nervous, you are past that, but your medication is wearing off and you can feel it. At this time you would either take a second dose if you were at work, or with your friends, or just people in general, or you would take some actions to make yourself comfortable. Caffeine doesn't help, and it was a bad idea as it just makes you more and more sleepy with every second. Your left hand is laying on the table and the tablecloth feels awful against your fingertips. Material feels like it lingers on your skin even after you pick your hand up, it's too soft and too harsh at the same time, like a used sandpaper sheet. You wish you could pick your hand up but you can't. It feels embarrassing to do so, not because of the action but because of the reason to do so, so you force yourself to keep it that way. Only fifteen minutes longer. It feels like you said it to yourself an hour ago but with the time speed in your brain, it was only a minute. You are physically restraining yourself from counting seconds, numbers help you stay sane but you can't do that right now, if you would, everything that two woman in front of you are speaking about would go into the void, and as a center of entertainment for them right now you can’t allow yourself to drift off, they would notice. Clutter of silverware feels like it's happening at the front part of your skull, Lady at the table on your right has some good insights about new generations of doctors, she is a doctor too, she has her id clipped to her bag. Man to whom she is speaking is sweating a lot, he is nervous and it seems like they are on a date. One girl, a waiter, has had enough of today, she stands at the corner next to the bar, nobody can see her, or maybe nobody just pays attention, except you. Sometimes putting on a work uniform equals disappearing. She is running her hands on her thighs, looking up to the ceiling, she tries to stop crying. That makes you look around the room, a man in a big suit is red on his face, he was just yelling, or arguing since you didn't hear anything before. He shoves food into his mouth like it's going to calm his nerves.

“Are you even listening?” Natasha calls out and just then her voice breaks through all the loud noise around you.

“Hm? I'm sorry I just-”

“Wasn't listening. Look, I understand you don't want to be here, but a little decency wouldn't hurt you. We are trying hard to get to know you, not use you, not sponsor you, not even embarrass you, just get to know you. I don't understand what's so awful about it.” She throws a napkin at the table and stands up.

“I need to use the restroom, I'll be right back.” She looks at her wife when she speaks, she is mad, you didn't mean to make her mad, or disappointed, you really do appreciate the interest.

“Nat, I really didn't mean to- '' You are trying to defend yourself but she is already gone, you lie your head low and massage your traps with your hands, it's painful but helpful. You get this uneasy feeling inside your stomach and you can't say if that's the lack of food or the nerves. Just then you realize that you picked your hand up from uncomfortable table cloth and you make a mental note not to put it down at the same place.

Wanda swallows the food she just finished, your time is almost up and you are grateful for it, even more that since the moment you went into the restaurant you were doing nothing more but disappointing everybody, including yourself. You decide to speak to her, maybe try to explain yourself a little why you are acting that way.

“Im sorry Wanda.”

“I know.” A moment of silence lingers between you when she grabs her wine glass, not taking her back off of her chair, stretching her arm out.

“I'm sorry about her, I’ m not saying she is not right yn, i feel the same way, but my wife is just very frustrated by you.” You hang your head low, like a child being scolded, you tell yourself that you shouldn't care about their opinion, but it matters, everybody's opinion matters and you hate that about yourself.

“I wasn't aware that I was that irritating for her. That's just an additional reason for why you shouldn't waste your time on me Wanda.” She smiles at you and shakes her head.

“Sexually frustrated Yn, emotionally frustrated. She really wants to get to know you, and she is being on her best behavior holding back every second we are spending with you.” That makes you even more confused.

“What do you mean?”

“You are a precious one aren't you?” This time you can be sure it was degrading.You straighten up your posture.

“That little stunt you did at the party?” She leans in, making you once again lost in the smell of her perfumes. You don't say anything but she can see on your face how oblivious you are.

“You remember that moment when Natasha went to you to simply try and devour you? That little stunt you pulled with her belt? Please you had to see her reaction, she has the same look every time she looks at you, and to be honest i don't blame her. I had a fun night thanks to you baby, it's a shame you weren't there.” She finishes the sentence and then her wine. You feel like you have finished all the air, it's hard to breathe and it's too warm, and you don't understand those feelings, they put you in a fight or flight state, but at the same time you are glued to the chair, not able to move. Wanda puts her hand on yours and interlocks your fingers, you are not able to stop her or yourself.

“Yn, breath.” She looks a little worried but at the same time highly entertained.

“What's going on?” Natasha comes back to the table and her voice brings you back and makes you let go of Wanda’s hand like it's burning you.

“Oh nothing love, I just told Yn how much fun I had because of her after the party.”

“Wanda-” Natasha says in a scolding way, seeing the state Wanda put you in. “- I apologize for my wife's sugar. Sometimes she can't keep her mouth shut.” Their holding hands and being so tender with each other, it makes you feel like an intruder.

“I thought you like it wide open.” Wanda's comment makes you choke on your coffee and it goes down the wrong pipe, sending you into a coughing spree. A girl, the waiter you saw before comes right in to check on you. You assure her that everything is okay, but she still leaves a glass of water for you on the side, sending you a warm smile. Wanda and Natasha cut the topic seeing in what way it's affecting you and you fall into light conversation for the last couple of minutes. You ask them about work and they can't say much other than it’s classified sounding like from csi miami series, but either way you are very much interested in stories they encounter while being at work.

Your phone vibrates a couple of more times and at the fifth time you can’t not pick it up. You assume who is trying to reach you but as you pull your phone out of the inside pocket in your jacket you can see that you were very wrong. You have ten messages and five missed calls, all from Shuri, and she never calls you. You immediately get this worried look and they can see it.

“What's going on Yn?”

“Is everything okay?” You don't even pick your head up to look at them.

“I'm sorry I need to call back. I'm sorry.” You dial Shuri on your phone and call her back without getting up from the table. You just turn your body side to them to get a little bit more private. She pics up after two dial tones.

“Shuri!? Is everything okay? What's going on?” You are holding your phone with your right hand and playing with the rings on your left hand. Your voice is low trying not to disturb anybody's dinner or conversations, fortunately your table is far enough from others. Natasha and Wanda pay close attention to you, their hands together in a caring manner.

“Now?” You ask and look at your watch.

“I'm really far away from the city-” You pinch your nose with your fingers.

“- I can try to call a cab-” A moment of silence from your side let's Wanda slip a fast question.

“Is something wrong?” She whispers to you laying her hand on the table close to you. You look at her apologetically.

“-it's not about the money Shuri. I'm just limited right now. How much time do I have? An hour? Okay, yeah I'm going to figure something out, don't worry about it I got you, just send me the location.” With that you hang up the phone and start looking around to collect your things, which you don't have because everything is in your coat. You look at them and you don't know what to say, you are just about to cut short a 30 minute meeting in which you already disappointed them so much. They are both worried that much you can say but Natsaha is definitely clenching her jaw, it's not a good sign. You try to find in yourself the right words to turn them down one last time, but you can't, not with this level of stress.

“I need to go.” You stand up looking between both of them. You take thirty dollars from your pocket and put it under your coffee mug.

“I'm sorry.” With that you leave them and don't provide them any explanation, to be honest they didn't ask. You move into the exit and wait a second for the man to give you your, actually Carol’s coat. You thank him and go outside trying to figure out what you are going to do.

Natasha and Wanda, a little disappointed with how things went, decided to finish dinner and head home. Fifteen minutes after you left they exit the restaurant and wait for their car to be brought. Just as they receive keys from the worker they hear a loud conversation on the side of the building. Natasha looks around the corner and sees you packing around with your phone in your ear, for a second she thinks about leaving you but her wife walks past her towards you.

“I understand but I don't have enough cash! You know how far it is, i can cash app the money whats the problem?! No don’t- . Ugh!” Clearly someone hung up on you. You are looking at your phone typing aggressively, you seem worried out of your mind.

“Okay Yn what's going on?” Wanda asks when her wife joins her and you are surprised to see them. You take a second before you reply.

“I can’t find a cab, it's nothing really. Again sorry it turned out this way.” Your phone rings again and you pick it up so fast that the second ring tone doesnt come.

“Yes, yes I called. I need a cab to the city center-” You pace around not being able to stay in place, even more that you just got this feeling in your legs that you can't describe. Each night before sleep, when your medicine wears off completely your legs have this tingly feeling, like slight electric shocking waves going through your muscles. It's nothing pleasant. Usually a hot shower helps but the alternative is just to keep moving, so that's what you do.

“- HOW MUCH? Okay yeah, yeah you too.” You sit down, cross legged at the curb, your left palm is open while your right is holding the phone, lightly tapping it on your left. Natasha crouches in front of you and tries to catch eye contact. You don't look up so she snatches the phone from your palm.

“Hey!” You reach to grab it back but she already gave it to Wanda that stands behind her.

“Tell us what's wrong, sugar?” You look between them, they look at you gently, worried, trying to read your expressions while you are breathing heavily with stress, your upper back is tense and you would love to shake it off of you. Without giving them too much information you speak up.

“I need to pick up someone from the city center and I should be there-'' You look at your watch trying to figure out how much time passed from your conversation with Shuri. “- in forty minutes. I called a couple of companies but they either don't have anybody in the area, or they don't have a cash app and I don't have that much cash on me.” You explain carefully, trying hard not to sound crazy or overemotional, even if you feel your body shaking. Natasha is standing up, it makes you feel like she is hovering above you, and you don't have energy to fight for your phone. To your surprise she stretches her hand towards you and helps you stand up. You follow, and the feeling of her skin on yours is very different from Wandas. It's hard to tell if that's a good or a bad thing. With both of them your whole relationship, if you can even call seeing them three times, a relationship, you had an off feeling but at the same time some connection that wanted to be made.

“Come on, we’re gonna drive you.” Natasha says with her face straight, she takes the space leaving no room for you to decline. You are in the tight spot, Shuri is counting on you and you are needed, there is a big possibility you won't be able to do this without their help, and oh god how much you hate it.

“No, i'm going to- i will-” Wanda interrupts your protest already opening the front passenger door for you.

“You will do what? You are out of options, Yn. Get in.” And you do, with her hand on the small of your back you take the space next to Natasha. For a second you are confused about why you are sitting in the front seat.

“ Tell me where to go.” Natsaha doesn't even take a look at you, she seems pissed and you don't blame her, you would probably hate yourself in their position. ruining the date, making them do something for you, ruining their day schedule. They both probably have a thousand better places to be right now, and they are stuck with you. Awkwardness of the situation doesn't help the anxiety you have about the passing time, you are scared of running late, always, but in this situation even more. After giving them the address and helping with directions from time to time you are 5 minutes away from your destination.

“So who is Shuri?” Wanda asks from the back seat, taking your focus off of the road in front of you.

“Oh she studies at the university with me, she is Tony Stark’s best student.” You explain briefly.

“That Stark? What a small world.” Natasha comments taking a fast look at her wife in the back mirror.

“ That's nice, baby, but I meant who is she to you.” Are you imagining things or does she sound jealous? You can't help but wonder. You are not sure what makes you open up in front of them in any way, but you do.

“She is my-” you make a little pause, wondering what words you should use. “-friend, a really good friend.”

“Hm a really good one you say?” Wanda is pushing you a little bit trying to bring some more information out of you.

“Yeah, we were together for two years, she is like family to me. Actually her whole family kind of took me in, as a part of them.” Too much Yn, too much, You bite your tongue, probably a little too late, you are mad at yourself for revealing that much about your past, to total strangers. That was always an issue for you, if someone was willing to listen you were eager to talk. That's unfortunately not a safe thing to do, at least usually.

“So we went out to pick up your ex?” Natasha is straight forward, and strangely you respect that. At that moment you arrive in front of elementary school.

“Actually no.” You answer quickly and get out of the car, looking straight at the little boy waiting with his teacher near the gate. You walk in their direction.

“JUNIOR!” You yell out for him and the moment he sees you, his backpack is on the ground and he runs into your direction. You catch him into your arms and spin him around as he hugs himself close to your neck, securing his legs around your torso. You walk still holding him up to pick up his backpack. You didn't realize that both Natasha and Wanda got out of the car and were approaching you.

“It's been a while since we saw you miss Yn. Have a nice day.” Teacher sends Junior T’Challa a wave and goes back into the building. You are written down on the list to pick up Shuri’s nephew. It's not the first time for you to do that, but it's true that it's been a while. Boy refuses to let you go as you try to pick up his backpack. Before you can do it, struggling a little bit Natasha snatches it from the ground looking down at you.

“Yn? Who is that?” Junior asks you and to be honest you hoped that they would already leave.

“This is Natasha and Wanda, they drove me here, which I'm very thankful for, but now they have to go. Right?” You hope that the hint is not too small.

“Actually we have the whole day reserved for you Yn. You and this little boy now.”

“Im T'Challa Junior.” He says proudly, getting out of your arms at the same time.

“It's Shuris nephew.” You kneel down, fixing his jacket. The water proof material got stuck in the zipper. You take the piece out and zip it all the way up, trying to keep him nice and warm.

“She got stuck with Profesor Stark.” Boy gets visibly sad after that information. You are thinking for a second if you should do something with him, or just get him home and take care of your responsibilities, which to be honest are piling up. You got three texts about essays that are needed for tomorrow. All for the same class and the same topic, which is the worst case scenario for you.

“Don't worry, Yn here is actually taking you to the theme park. We are going to have a lot of fun.” Natasha throws information out of nowhere, without asking you, giving you any heads up, and taking full control over the situation, and you thought for a split second to get violent with her. How dare she use a little boy's emotions against you? Yes, sure, it's a nice thing to do, but you told them specifically that you don't have too much time, that you have half an hour for them and that's it, that you don't want to be near them or do more than necessary to keep your promise. Which part of that she didn't get? Wanda notices how angry you got after her wife’s idea, and as much as she thinks about resolving this issue, this also might be a good idea to show you that they are not so bad. She kneels down next to you to get to the boys and your eye level, her eyes are soft, apologetic almost.

“It's going to be fun, Yn. You’ll see.” Junior gets excited and follows Natasha to the car, you are right behind them with wanda. How are you supposed to take happiness out of his hands? You are not a monster.

“Cheer up Yn.” Wanda is walking on a very thin line.

“Cheer down Wanda, this is hopefully the last time I have to see you both.” Leaving shocked Wanda behind, you get into the place with Junior on the back and let Natasha decide where to go. Make him happy, and survive. That's all that matters right now. You would give your life for this boy, what's one day, even if it means you staying up all night to catch up with your work, because of course you agreed to take those additional papers for tomorrow. You need money, lots of it, so you need to work… a lot. Just as you were getting nervous about it and your bank account your phone started going off with text messages. One after another, drilling a hole in your calmness. You don't even read them, you decide to call right away and you can't be bothered enough that you are not alone.

“What do you want?” Wanda looks at you worried, but smiles at the little boy to keep him calm.

“No.” Some arguing can be heard through the phone on the other side of the call. Even when you put it on the lowest volume, it's so loud that they can hear.

“You do want me to starve, don't you?... At the end of the week, that's all I have to say to you. Leave me alone.” You finish your call and mute your phone, of course after filing Darcy and Shuri up on what's happening and where are you going. Wanda and Natasha didn't ask, hoping you will explain what the call was about, it didn't sound good.

The rest of the day passed good but horrible slowly. Junior had so much fun, riding with Natasha and playing games with Wanda, or sitting down and eating corn dogs with you. Seeing him happy makes you happy, but the mental load that you are carrying with you is heavy enough that you can't relax or enjoy this for even a second. Going through stuff in your head is a normal thing for you, but at the end of the day, when you're actually sitting down to do what you have to do you feel like you went through the same task five times already. It's simply dreadful, not mentioning the lack of any satisfaction when you are actually done.

Shuri tells you that she is already home, Junior is tired, and you are also so ready to go home. You asked Natasha and Wanda, who were trying so, so, so hard to get to you in any way, that it was irritating at some point, to give T'Challa a ride. Normally you would feel bad about it but it was their idea in the first place.

Shuris home is a little bit outside of the city, not far from the subway thankfully. When Natasha parks her car at the side of the street, you collect your bag and get out of the car. Walking to the other side of it you zip your jacket up, goosebumps all over your body, reminding you physically how cold it is at this time of year. Street lights give off your favorite time of the day vibe, even if it's far till three am. You open the door on the right side and slowly unbuckle Junior from the seat.

“Don’t.” You tell Wanda, seeing her undoing her seatbelt, also to go out and help you. Surprisingly she listens to you. You take the boy into your arms and let him hug you half asleep, you hold him up with your right hand and take his backpack with your left. It's heavier than it looks. Actually they both are, or maybe you are just really tired, it's been a long day. you go to the gate with him and Wanda and Natasha are watching your every move. You ring the bell at the gate and later the main doors are open. Two people go out of the house, the older woman takes the boy from your hands and the younger takes the back pack. Redheads can't hear a thing but they can see you talking with the younger woman.

“I don't know how to thank you. He texted me half way throughout the day, how much he missed you and how much fun he is having.” Shuri is so genuine with you, she always was, pretty tough sometimes, but always real, and you respect that.

“You know I love this boy, he is family.”

“And you are ours Yn. You have always been, and you will always be a part of this family.” These cheesy moments between you two is not something any of you are used to, even when you were together,” i love you” sounded more like a, “bye i see you later”, rather than “my heart is with you every second when we are apart”. Romanticizing your life much? Maybe, but how can you not, when you want to survive in this world, with your heart intact. Shuri hugs you for a goodbye, and gives you a light kiss on the cheek, which does not go unnoticed by your dates.

“I don't like it, Wanda.”

“Would you calm down Nat? You did everything today to push her away, and each moment I've been trying to fix the situation that YOU created, you were shutting me up.” That accusation is shocking for Natasha, and she will not back down from defending herself, even if it's coming from her wife. She almost starts talking again, giving her piece of thoughts on the topic, but she sees you walk away and that takes priority at this second.

“We are going to talk about it at home.” She points her finger at Wanda, her voice sounds like flowing out through clenched teeth, and she is definitely not agreeing with Wanda. She doesn't even point out to her wife what's happening, she just goes out of the car and walks fast after you, Wanda confused but right at her heels.

“And where do you think you’re going?” The force with which you turn around makes Natsaha stop immediately. Your eyes are dark, your jaw is clenched, as well as your fists.

“Natasha, calm down!” Wanda joins you at the side of the road, it's really quiet in this neighborhood, the only sound slicing the silence is the roaring of the car that was left with the engine running. You pinch the bridge of your nose, irritation, exhaustion, this feeling of wasted day get to you, overstretching your patience to the fucking limits. You don’t care, you can’t find in yourself to care, and your promise was fulfilled. You respect and love Carol, but it doesn't mean that you have to feel the same way about her friends.

“What are you, five?” This is definitely not something they expected of you. Even everything they have heard about you, always patient, collected, good, the view in front of them doesn't fit any of this.

“How dare you deciding about my day, my plans, and using feelings of a little boy to get me to do something, just because your fucking ego is bruised?” Natasha makes a step to your direction, bringing her finger up to defend herself and her wife.

“No! I'm not done!” Taken aback she doesn't interrupt you. As horrible Wanda feels about making you feel this way it's really interesting for her to see someone putting her wife into place.

“For the whole day you are talking so much, about wanting to get to know me, getting close to me, but you did absolutely nothing to make me feel comfortable in your presence. When you gave me the ride, seeing the position i was in, i though, just for a second, this can be good, we can try this out, and then…then you took your fucking place and made me feel like i have no say in my life.”

“You are being so dramatic Yn! We gave you and this boy a great day, you should be grateful!” Natasha had enough.

“I have a test tomorrow, an article to edit, and three essays to write, that should be done by now. And no, I don't have a second deadline, I don't have more time, and I will have to stay up all night, without sleep to get everything done on time. In the morning I have work, then a test at university and then my shift at the bar! You thought I had thirty minutes with you for fun? If that means that im being dramatic then fucking yes, I am dramatic!”

“You are working too much.” Wanda comments with this horribly soft voice of her, condescending reasoning, like it's so simple for her, like she can solve all your issues, if you are just willing to give them all control over your life. You scoff at her like she said something funny. Natasha takes out her wallet, and takes out two thousand in cash, you never saw this amount of money in cash, well maybe once when you were working in black.

“Is this enough to buy your time? Your pride? Is that enough for you to get over yourself and let someone take care of you or at least fucking try?” She steps close to you, so close that you feel warmth coming from her body, creating too much of a contrast with the weather, you feel sick. Wanda grabbed her wife's hand, but it wasn't enough to stop her from speaking a couple words too much. You look at the money in Nat’s hand. Couple of papers that would solve your issues for at least two months, something that means nothing to her, that she has too much of, something that would save you. The control that it has over you is not fair, but life isn’t fair, it never was, it never will be, and you are highly aware of it. You look her in the eyes, and you grab at the last bits of your control, pride you have for yourself, those bits of respect that you are trying to save.

“You ignorant fuck, you really dont get any of this do you? Fuck you Natasha.” You leave them and start your long way home, this was a mistake, and you are glad that it's over, finally you can focus on yourself again. All they did since the day you met them is make your life fall apart with every way imaginable. It's good that it's over Yn, you tell yourself and enter the subway, already starting writing your first essay on your phone, the topic power laughing at you, as the universe decided that you are its best comedy.

Next chapter

tag list : @autorasexy @lizziejolsen @natashaswife4125 @sayah13 @romanoffskisser @lijo-8 @jjiiuuisssagcebrcw @natashaswife4125 @dumbassbitchwithnotits @teenybean, @marvelwomen-simp, @ripofflizzie

#stonemags #natasha romanoff #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x you #marvel #shuri x reader #darcy lewis #darcy lewis x carol danvers #carol danvers #wandanat fic #sugar baby au #sugar mommy

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valy-gc · 9 months

Text

I can't imagine the MC as a girl. For many reason.

And I'm 30, so it can't be "me"

Here is my Twisted Wonderland MC ^^

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Dust comes from a rather complicated world, since his home world is in the grip of a zombie apocalypse. His parents (father and aunt) died when he was very young, he don't remember them and he still managed to survive on his own for a time, hiding in burrows, since he was small enough to sneak in. He was found by a group of survivors after a few years.

Since he couldn't remember his name, and from crawling underground he was covered in dirt, they nicknamed him "Dust".

He's a bit on edge due to his usual lifestyle, but he manages to relax. Despite the difficulty of his world, he wants to return home, because the group has become his family. (or maybe bring them back to the shelter at Twisted Wonderland)

I know it didn't turn out that way, but I imagine him hitting the mine monster with his shovel, his favorite weapon, which he keeps with him as a precaution, although he is often called to order by the teachers. He's still a little wild and don't mind sleeping outdoor even in the snow.

He's really good at self-defense.

He has several scars, but no bite marks. He is also missing an incisor.

He also lost the little finger and ring finger of his left hand. Have been bitten so he cut them himself.

He thinks he is around 16 years old. He is not sure. His parents died when he was 6, he never really had the opportunity to follow the course of time and can't remember the exact date.

In fact, he is 18 years old.

He don't remember his birthday date either. So the TWST characters celebrate it for June 28.

His real mother was actually an hamadryad but he learn it way later. She was accidentally killed by his father, because he forced her to get away from her tree. He have slighly pointy ears.

Back in his world, he was wearing whatever clothes he can found, being often obliged to repair it, he has therefore learned to love sewing, even if it is not his favorite activity (too calm for him). He also usually stay barefoot.

Since he's in Twisted wonderland, he discovered the "clean" and new clothes that exist. He likes things that are casual but also cute. He start to wearing girls' panties with cute designs and bows on them. He say :

"Why only girls be allowed to 'ave adorable underwears?? Who said it been only fer girls?? I want teddy bears, bows an' cats on me panties too!!" He have a "pirate-like" way to talk

Gay - Polyamory/polysexual - cis male

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His relationship with the different characters :

He has a very father-son relationship with Crowley, although they argue quite often. He treat Grim just like a cat-friend. He likes to stroke his fur. He's not used to taking care of himself, it's not his priority in his world, but he likes it when Vil decides to do it for him. He actually loves to hang out with the tweels ! Especially Floyd ! He can sometimes take naps and can actually sleep anywhere... and so he ends ups sleeping next to Leona or Silver. He likes to make Malleus confuses. It's funny. He likes to do some training with Jack. He also loves cooking and so can spend some times with Jamil or Trey. He knows a lot about surviving skill and eating what he can... so of course he get along with Ruggie! He likes doing music and can craft "instrument" out of anything, join sometimes the light music club to have fun with Lilia, Cater and Kalim. He's amazed by technology, since his desolated world don't have it anymore, so he likes to annoy Idia, always asking him to show him things. (he'll start playing games with him) He likes to work at monstro lounge sometimes. He argues often with Sebek but he think he's funny. Always hang out with Ace and Deuce to make trouble. Think Riddle is funny when he become all red. He knows how to use a bow and hang out sometimes with Rook to train. He respect Trein and sees him as a father figure too. He likes to play with Lucius. He always encourage Epel to be himself. He sometimes laugh at Crewel and bark when he call him a puppy. He's pretty sporty, since he's an apocalypse survivor, so he get along very well with Vargas and is very good at sport classes. He likes to go to the store and meet Sam, even if he's not familiar with the concept of money. Learning about this is very interesting to him. Want to slap Rollo Think Chenya is really funny Think Neige is fake (too good to be honest), he don't understand why he's seen as prettier than Vil Love to hang out with Najma

#disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst #twst wonderland #twisted wonderland #art #twst fanart #twst mc #twst yuu #twisted wonderland mc #yuusona

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simpingandprocrastinating · 2 years

Note

I wanna know more about your OCs, but I don't know what specific things to ask about. Is it alright to ask for five random facts about them?

No problem sweet anon, I've got you!

I wasn't sure if you meant just 5 facts or 5 facts for each of my OC's so I went with 5 for each. Also because it took me a little longer to answer, I added some extra Hogwarts AU facts.

She decides to become a vet because WoL gives her the opportunity to understand what's wrong with the animals.

‌She visits Nepal with Koichi to see Polnareff, the last man who saw her parents before they were killed.‌

Bini loves to slowdance with Josuke on the music of Prince or Roxette. ‌

Bini sees Tomoko as her mother figure, because she lost her own. ‌

When Bini was younger her favourite stuffed animal was a duckling called 'Dukkie' (Dutch translation: Duckie)

‌Jouichirou is the only child of Josuke who got to meet Joseph (Chirou was still a baby). ‌

‌He acts like he's all tough but when he's alone and listens to his favourite songs, he will sing them aloud. If he's in a good mood, he'll even dance to them, but if someone catches him, he'll be really embarrassed and even try to deny he was doing it.

‌At the age of 25, Jouichirou is 6'5"/195cm in height.

‌5-year-old Jouichirou had a crush on aunty Alexandra Parker. Since Jotaro is married to Alex and is his big example, Chirou also asks her to marry him, but with a candy ring.

‌Chirou's earrings are based of Jotaro's signature part 6 look: the chain hook and the star on the left side of his collar.

Hogwarts edition:

‌Jouichirou would be in Slytherin.

His patronus is a Bat.

‌When a girl comes to admits she has a crush on him, he'll be humble. He rejects her in a way she won't get hurt, maybe loves him even more. He will kiss her hand and tell her there's someone better out there for her than him.

‌During his school time, Touma took it upon himself to become class president.

‌Touma is on the school swim team.

‌His favourite season is winter, because he used to go outside with aunty Gogo when it was snowing. They'd build snowmans and she even learned him how to ice skate.

‌He's scared of heights.

Hogwarts edition:

‌Touma would be in Hufflepuff.

His patronus would be a Newfoundland.

He's is actually pretty great with little kids. ‌

Sei is bisexual. ‌

Seiua's type are proud, loyal, and headstrong men/woman. Let's say if Seiua would meet Ermes Costello, he'd definitely ask her out.‌

This boy can't cook. If he's in the kitchen, he'll burn it down. Keep him away from the stove!

‌He loves reptiles.

Hogwarts edition:

‌Seiua would be in Gryffindor.

His patronus is a Stoat.

Kazumasa is interested in history and wants to become a history professor.

‌He likes fashion alot.

‌Kazu was born on th 2nd of February.

‌He is lactose intolerant so he has to take lactase tablets to digest dairy products.

‌Kazu does have a stand (hence the ability to see stands) but he can't use his own because its locked away in his soul. This means he doesn't know it's name and what it can do.

Hogwarts edition:

‌Kazumasa would be in Ravenclaw.

His favorite spell is Capacious extremis, an extension charm.

Minami's love language is physical touch. She loves to hug her friends and family.

‌She was born on the 25th of December (Christmas).

‌Nami is a sweet tooth, she loves candy.

‌Minami is definitely a morning person, and even a bit too energetic for some people in the early hours.

‌While visiting the Kujo household, Minami first met Narciso Anasui and instantly got a crush.

Hogwarts edition:

‌Minami would be in Gryffindor.

‌She would be in the Gryffindor Quidditch team as a Chaser.

Fumihiro is actually a pretty intimidating young man.

Hiro has green eyes and auburn hair.

At the age of 25, Fumihiro is 6′1″/185cm in height.

He is very protective of Bini and doesn't like Josuke in the slightest.

Fumihiro and Rohan are good friends.

Hogwarts edition:

‌Fumihiro would be in Slytherin, just like Bini.

His favorite subject is Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Alex belongs to @ahoge-fish & Gogo to @helpimhyperfixating.

#jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo #jojo no kimyou na bouken #josuke higashikata #jojo josuke #jojo's bizarrre adventure #josuke #mun bini answers #Jouichirou Higashikata #Touma Higashikata #Bini Sugimoto #Fumihiro Sugimoto #Seiua Higashikata #Minami Higashikata #Kazumasa Higashikata #Higashikata family

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inu-mothership · 2 years

Text

Inu-Mothership Spotlight Saturday: August 6, 2022: Shippō!

Hello everyone! We here at the @inu-mothership are so thrilled to bring you the very first of our new list of fic recs! We are moving from ship-specific lists to character lists, and the first character to be featured (voted on by the members of the inu-mothership Discord server) is Shippō!

Yes, everyone's favorite little troublemaking/strangely full of wisdom/thorn in Inuyasha's side kitsune is our first featured character! We've had a lot of help with one, and we are so grateful! Special thanks to our members at Mothership, and to the members of Gilded Sapphire, both of whom gave us some amazing fic recs ❤️

This list is long, so in order to make this a little more manageable, we have broken it up into two sections: Shippō Ship Fics, or fics where Shippō is paired with another character prominently, and Gen/non-Shippō Ship Fics, or fics that are either Gen fics or fics that feature another ship prominently, but where Shippō is still a major character. We hope you enjoy this list; it was a lot of fun to put together! Stories are listed in alphabetical order, below the cut 🦊

Shippō Ship Fics

Bound By Choice (SessKag/ShippoSouten; E; complete) by @mrfeenysmustache/AshMish111, @mynightshining, @sereia1313, and @moon-ion/thetroll

Kagome hadn’t thought of the feudal era outside of her dreams as of late, though she’d been in her own time for over a year—not, at least, until she was walking along the street and noticed several shops with names like ‘The Spinning Top,’ ‘Big Dog Toys,’ and ‘Little Horse Cafe.’ For some reason, they reminded her of the past.

Devil Devil (InuKag/ShippoSouten; E; ongoing) by @lavendertwilight89

Kagome was an anxious 19 years old girl who was always looking over her shoulder because she knew (whether anyone believed her or not) something was there and watching her...and then the demon came.

Iris in Bloom (SessKag/ShippoSouten; M; complete) by @moon-ion/thetroll

Kagome's human friends have come and gone, leaving Kagome alone. InuYasha, too, has abandoned her and so Shippo decides to take Kagome back with him for healing. His wife, however, has other ideas, and the new husband she has in mind for Kagome is none other than Sesshomaru himself. And, well, Soten always did play for keeps.

Lasting Impressions (ShippoSouten; M; complete) by ErynBenae

When a group of humans ask Soten to help them protect their princess, she has no intentions of accepting, but when they present an opportunity to face a memory from her past she becomes determined to redeem herself from an embarrassing first impression. Her plan was to prove how much she has grown, but she quickly finds out she has a lot more growing to do. Can she find a way to sort through her feelings and create genuine relationships, or will she be returning to her solitary life alone.

Shippō’s Day Off (InuKag/ShippoHojo; T; complete) by @neutronstarchild

I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking to yourself: why would I sit and listen to the travails of a fox demon about a day that he skipped school? Well, I will tell you why. Because it’s a love story. No, that does not mean that you’ll be stuck listening to me go on and on about stolen glances and hidden touches. Oh no. Sure, that’s there, but that’s not exactly the point. So, will you stick with me? Because if you do, I will tell you about the day that I got my idiot friends Inuyasha and Kagome together, the day that Mr. Manten ‘resigned’, the day my stupid sister found love in a police station, and ultimately, what it is that a fox would do on the last ‘sick’ day that he would ever have before graduating and going off to become an adult. So, will you stick around and listen? Good.

Tails from the West (SessKag; ShippoSouten; M; complete) by @moon-ion/thetroll

Pack is an altogether new concept, but it is one they are learning together.

This is a series of related one shots about the relationships of everyone involved as they learn, together, what it really means to be family

Transform (SessKag/ShippoSouten; M; complete) by @sereia1313

A family picnic goes a little awry after Inukimi discovers Kagome's face paints.

Gen/Non-Shippō Ship Fics

Big Brother (Gen; G; complete) by @unlockthelore

Shippō didn't want to do this. If anything went wrong, then his whole life would be over. But Kagome always had a way of calming him down.

Blinded By Fate (SessKag; E; ongoing) by @sereia1313, @moon-ion/thetroll

Every culture has a different version: mirrored souls, the red string of fate, bonded hearts. It's supposed to lead to happiness, but as Kagome quickly finds out, there is a severe lack of choice in the matter.

But as she's soon to learn, fate will not and cannot be denied.

Carry the Mantle (Gen; T; ongoing) by @unlockthelore

In the aftermath of his final trial, Shippō returned to Kaede's Village in search of his family only to be given a new trial he could never prepare for.

Coffee Confessions (InuKag; T; complete) by @ruddcatha

Shippo Kitsune is at his favorite coffee shop near college enjoying a cup of mocha latte when he becomes an unintentional witness to a confession. Who confesses, and what is the outcome? And how does Shippo relay it to his friends?

Dog Demons Can Be Cat People, Too! (InuKag; T; complete) by @ruddcatha

All Inuyasha wanted to do was find a companion to help make his days alone less lonely. Was it his fault that he was a dog half-demon who got adopted by a cat? But when the adoption counselor almost called him a slur, he was saved by a single thing: a woman named Kagome, who took over the process. Shippō was going to get a home, and Inuyasha? Well, Kagome does like the grumpy ones.

Flower Festival Ficlets Chapter 1: What Makes Mothers (Gen; G; complete) by AshMish111/@mrfeenysmustache

Shippo watches Kagome, full of fire and ferocity, and he tucks away pieces of her in his heart and soul. She is a marvel. She is his mother.

A Fox’s Family (Gen; G; complete) by @mrfeenysmustache

Shippo is coming home from the Fox exams to a fun scavenger hunt set up for him by Inu and Kags that shows off all the awesome skills he's learned. The prize at the end; him finding out he's gonna be a big brother

Gluttony (Gen; G; complete) by @mamabearcat

An unattended backpack full of sweet smelling treats... what's a small kitsune to do?

In Hindsight (InuKag; T; complete) by AshMish111/ @mrfeenysmustache

Hindsight is 20/20. Or.. it’s supposed to be anyway. A Drabble series about overcoming our misconceptions and all the little ways we talk ourselves out of happiness. InuKag Post Canon

Keep Them Safe (T; complete) by @mamabearcat

Inuyasha blinked, trying to get his eyes back into focus, and did his best to ignore the pounding headache and ringing in his ear. His eye stung where his blood had dripped down past his eyebrow, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

Apart from Shippou, who was currently tugging hard on his sleeve to get him to sit back down, everyone in his pack, everyone he cared about were all out there putting their lives on the line. He belonged out there with them.

Keeping Score (InuKag; G; complete) by @fawn-eyed-girl, @neutronstarchild, @ruddcatha

Shippō and Kagome think that Inuyasha’s ears are adorable. They love when his ears twitch, and they want to see his ears twitch more. They make a bet to see who can make his ears perk up more during the day; whoever has the most “twitches” by the end of the day wins! So what happens when the hanyō gets wise to their game?

My Mother and Father (Gen; G; complete) by arashiwolfprincess

Shippo wakes up one evening after a long day of shard hunting and fighting against one of Naraku’s henchmen. He starts thinking what’s the group is to him and what’s his spot in what he feels like a family they became. His thoughts turn to Kagome and Inuyasha as they became his new parents without him realizing it. He wishes to call them his parents but is afraid of what their reactions will be if he accidentally does.

Oh, But You’re Good to Me (InuKag; E; complete) by @witchygirl99

It’s a terrible photo, really. The action figure takes up the entire bottom of the screen and part of both of their faces. Shippo’s giggling though, eyes shut and crinkled in his mirth while Inuyasha looks at him. His expression is clearly fond. It’s the softest Inuyasha has ever, ever seen himself.

This is fatherhood, he thinks a little wildly.

He sends the photo to Kagome.

Inuyasha is a single father. Shippo is his adopted son. Kagome isn't supposed to be in the picture, but somehow, she returns anyways. A story about family, love, and all of its obstacles.

The Price of Growing Up (Gen; T; complete) by FFcrazy15

"How do you tell a kid he's gonna die?" When Shippo's bravery has unforeseen consequences, the kit must grow up sooner than expected—literally. Four oneshots about everyone's favorite fox, facing all the challenges of growing up: mortality, responsibility, prejudice, and finding true love.

Puppy Kisses Chapter 6: Found Family (InuKag; M; ongoing) by @superpixie42

This chapter rated T : Canon-Divergent Summary: Shippo’s attempt to play a prank has unexpected consequences.

Sloth: Pocky, Pranks, and Protecting Pack (Gen; G; complete) by @neutronstarchild

Shippō really loved being taken care of. Letting others feed him, carry him, and even think and fight for him was what any orphaned kitsune deserved! But, when Kagome gave him pocky when he did something for the Inutachi, Shippō began to wonder, what else was open to him if he tried a little harder?

Snoring: The Sixth Love Language (InuKag; T; complete) by @superpixie42

Somewhat against his will, Inuyasha finds himself sharing a hut and its one small futon with Shippo after a thunderstorm traps them in a foreign village. But Shippo's snoring means Inuyasha won't be getting any sleep, and instead spends the night alone with his thoughts.

The Sweetest Sounds (SessKag; M; complete) by @sereia1313

Sesshoumaru is driven by many things, but the reason behind joining his brother’s pack is the pure and unadulterated need to quench his curiosity about the miko.

Take Some Time (You Might Find) (Gen/InuKog; T; complete) by @murpymurpwriter

Inuyasha and Shippo have wandered across Japan's mainland for nearing 15 years, brought together by the heartbreak of Kagome's return to her own time. They have no purpose, no connection to the world beside each other...until Kouga, bloody and lost, falls on their doorstep.

Trick or Treat (InuKag; T; complete) by @clearwillow/BrigidtheFae

Oneshot. There comes a point when Shippo's disguises make even Inuyasha paranoid. Is it really Kagome that he's seeing at the well, or is it the runt in disguise? Only one way to find out. InuKag

The Truth About Love (InuKag; T; complete) by @witchygirl99

The redhead rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want, Romeo. The name is Shippo and I'm a Cupid. No, not human. A Cupid. I poof around and make you all fall in love." He said the last bit with a drawl, fingers fluttering for emphasis. "And apparently you can see me." Inuyasha was desperately in love with Kagome. This was the very least of his problems.

What Do They Know? Chapter 1: Sloth (Gen; T; complete) by @alannada

"I hear them talking. They whisper and judge me behind my back." A small collection for Inuyasha's Seven Deadly Sins Week on AO3

You Don’t Have to Take the Medicine (Gen; G; complete) by @smmahamazing

Based on the prompt, “I’m not gonna make you take the medicine, but it’s there.”

#inuyasha fanfiction #spotlight saturday #inu-mothership spotlight saturday #august 6 2022 #shippo!#shippo ship fics #non-shippo ship fics

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magicalyaku · 1 year

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I forgot what I wanted to write as introduction (again), but who cares. To everyone’s surprise, I did read books in December!

Reverie (Ryan La Sala): To prepare for the end of the year I took a look at the TBR I posted in January and realised there's still quite a few books on it I did not touch this year, ahem. Reverie was one of them! It was an interesting read. Like not my favourite but damn, I am so starved for everything speculative fiction. So I ate it up. When I read in the author's bio at the end that Ryan La Sala watches anime and started out with Sailor Moon, suddenly a lot of the book made sense. The friends group with magical powers, the over-the-top battles, the flashy villain(ess). Very anime. But I like anime, so all is well.

Too Like the Lightning (Travis Beaudois): For Christmas I wanted to give my friend a cheap little gay ebook as a bonus to the other gift. On her wishlist though was only some strange book, apparently written by a 12-year-old and unedited and maybe it's still good, but I felt I'd rather give my money to a person who actually has taken the time and effort to edit their book. A while ago I read a recommendation for Too Like the Lightning here, so I picked it up to check if it might be something my friend might like. It's a cute book. Nice characters, nice development, really feel-good atmosphere. I liked it! But I also know my friend reads for the porn und I honestly couldn't remember the smutty scenes afterwards. 8D I mean, there were some. And they weren't bad. My ace-brain just does not remember. Cute book, though.

In the Middle of Somewhere (Roan Parrish): I decided against Lightning for my friend and thought about what other book I could pick instead. A review of Lightning compared it to Roan Parrish which was one incentive for me to buy Lightning in the first place because I really liked the one Roan Parrish book I read before. But that was vol3. Gifting vol3 would be weird. I should go with vol1. So I borrowed it from the library to test-read. xD And damn, it was good. Definitely a lot more spicy and intense that Lightning, but also funny and real nice to read. Daniel was more interesting than he appeared to be in vol3. And aw, when Leo had his first appearance! And then Will, too! That was fun. While reading Lightning and Middle of Somewhere back to back I noticed how weird it is to have stories with just two characters interacting and no one else around. Consequently my favourite scene of the book was when Daniel, Rex, Leo and Will spent Halloween together.

Where we left off (Roan Parrish): Afterwards I told my other friend how I'm done with the dirty books for the year and of course I lied, because the next day I started rereading the 2nd sequel to Middle of Somewhere. What choice did I have? I just like Leo and Will! (as in together but also as separate characters) D: This is an interesting one though, because there's so much character work going on. Leo is thinking and reflecting and learning about all these things like physics and yoga to the point he's able to apply something he learned there to something else in his life. Good boy. Also he has an actual group of friends to balance out his obsession with Will.

The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels (India Holton): Well. I read this because of a recommendation. It was interesting and entertaining. For a while. I like how it just rolls with the absurd ideas and behaviours. But it also uses a lot of words and at some point I was like "There's still 150 pages left?!" I was getting very impatient. The romance didn't help. For the first 6 chapters I was so confused. There's a bunch of badass ladies around, why would she fall for a man? And then I remembered, that this isn't a queer book at all. uAu" Wasted opportunity. And I hated the smut scene! Why was it even necessary?! Changing the perspective three times? Ugh. So yeah, entertaining for a while, but ultimately not my cup of tea.

I’ll be home for Christmas (Mason Deaver): A bonus story to I Wish You all the Best, hardly qualifies as a real book. But. I bought this in summer after finishing the main story and put it off to read it in-season. And then I almost forgot. uAub It’s cute and short and a nice follow-up.

Mirrored in Evergreen (B. Pigeon): This one was a little odd. In the beginning I was slightly confused to the order of events and wtf is going on but it's a short book so with just a little patience things are set in order. I did like the characters. The way Rowan is so no-nonsense about everything was very unexpected and welcome. Rosemary was also nice. And I definitely liked the overall atmosphere. That sort of despair, melancholy, nostalgia. That's what it felt like for me anyways. I don't think I understood everything. I'm surely still blind to half of the characters’ motives, but overall I did enjoy reading the book. And because of that remaining sense of mystery I can totally see myself rereading it in the not-so-far future.

Howl (Shaun David Hutchinson): Earlier this month I started reading You've Reached Sam because I had a hot melancholic second where I felt like I could use a little bit of pain so we can suffer in sympathy. The next day I was already over it und shelved the book because I didn't want to deal with the suffering. And then I picked Howl for my last book of 2022 and guess what I got! It's SD Hutchinson so it's not as straightforward and also not about the romance so it's easier to read for me, but goddamn the SUFFERING! Why can people be so shitty? Ugh! I do like his stories though and the way he tells them.

And that’s it! Stay tuned for my Best-of that I still have to compose (effort) and TBR (too easy)!

#yaku reads #december wrap up #books #booklr #queer books #queer lit #lgbtq books #reverie #in the middle of somewhere #where we left off #roan parrish #too like the lightning #the wisteria society of lady scoundrels #i'll be home for christmas #howl #shaun david hutchinson #mirrored in evergreen

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bambaooo · 1 year

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2022

i doubt anyone is still on here anymore lol. shit, i barely am, i saw the las thing i posted and i dont even remember when it was lol

but yeah, 2022 was a wild ass year. alot has happened, and probably the most eventful year of my adult life thus far.

soooo, in january was my last month of work at my job at the time. I was put in a weird position where the contract I was working for ended early and i was laid off. i feel like any other person would have been freaking out, but luckily i was still finishing up my last semester of grad school. For the first time since graduating undergrad was basically free any not working. coming from me, ive since i was in highschool I was always the type of person to want to work work work and make bread. So basically from once i could work when I was 16, i was working every chance i could get until this month. I looked at it as my opportunity to finally take somewhat of a break from working cause I know I wouldnt get an opportunity like this again.

Although i did have hella plans for the next 6-8 months after finishing my job, i still had grad school to finish so basically from February to like Mayish I kinda just laid low and just took hella walks, worked out, and did school. i was going to sleep pretty late every night, waking up whenever and just going with the flow. there were some events scattered here and there like family parties, Allison’s cousins’ wedding in march which was fun.

But come end of April into May, is when the real fun shit began. Went to the first of many muisical preformances. the first one was Brian McKnight which was wild. He is hella good live. and then shorly after I finished grad school. First I finished grad school with two fucking masters degrees. One witha 4.0 and the other with a 3.9. I want to take a moment to realize how wild that is. In undergrad I legit was on academic warning and have a 1.7 gpa LOL. shit was wild. But also early on in May we went to see jame arthur in silver spring which was fun. Around mid May I went to Miami fora day trading conference, definately a wild expereince. I learned a lot, but also met a lot of cool people. First solo trip and it was fun. A few weeks later went to my friends wedding wehre i got to catch up with other hommies and it was chill.

Before we knew it, it was June. Something in the water was definiately something to remember, dope to see all these live performances and just be out and about. Glad to have experienced once while it was in DC for probably the only time ever. And literally a day or two after I went to trip 2 of the summer to Massachusettes for adrians weddings. First time doing a road trip like that, and it was pretty fun. Being with old friends, in a new area, just enjoying life. I was able to eat edibles, get drunk. and try lobster by itself for the first time ever and it was a good time. Stopped by in jersey on the way back and went to jersey smorgasburg and it was dope! it just kinda sucked a little while after, cause I found out i had covid a day or 2 after coming back from from the trip. but luckily it was very mild and was good to back by 4th of july.

After a few more weeks in july, i was on my way to SoCal. 2nd a last solo trip. this trip was probably one of my favorite trips I have taken in my life to be honest. teh weather was good, was able to go to the OC fair, smorgasburg LA, and went to a reggae festival. I know the way I am with island music might seem a little weird to people, but shit, that festival was fun af. Going to concerts by yourself is fun af. Also while I was there i got to meet up with some VCU hommies and my cousin!

After getting back home it was only a few more weeks until the last trip of the summer. Me and Allisons first trip of the year to Miami after her semester ended. It was fun too cause i didnt really go to the beach when I went in May. And I got to eat a bunch of food that I didnt get to eat the first time too. Its honestly just nice to hangout and do what we normally do, but in a different environment.

A few weeks afterr we did a little trip to RVA/charlottesville. Allsion got us tickets for WIcked and it was dope. We were able to explore around richmond, and I got to show allsion on my favorite places to eat in rva.

During this whole last few months from July to septermber I was consistently apply for jobs, going through interviews be lowkey being stressed about job searching. I was stressed, but not that stressed cause I knew id get a bite eventually but not knowing when was stressful. Luckily in september I got my first offer and was able to start my job in october. Fully remote and working in my field.

October was a bunch of going back and forth between DC for work stuff and learning shit. November I kinda realized that I will have a lot of free time and that its gonna be alot of free time and pulled the trigger on fulfilling my lowkey dream of working in a grocery store.

Holidays this year were very chill and nothing to crazy. Thanksgiving we bounced around between Allisons and My family. Christmas was more bouncing around MD and VA, being around familiy and enjoying ourself. It was honestly the first time in a while that Christmas felt like something worth celebrating. Also I actually reached out and caught up with friends. Like i feel like its very rare for it to happen, but getting together with my friends is something I will always enjoy. and tonight its NYE. My ass is at home, with no plans cause I got work a whole foods tomorrow and im completely okay with it. My life has been full of celerations and family and im okay with going into the new year chill.

2022 has honestly been such a blessing. Going into the new year, many people want to exceed what they did in the previous year, but im already at the point that I am accepting that this past year was just so crazy that 2023 might just be a chill year. I remember I had a year i called teh “rebuild” in like 2017 or 2018, when it came to lifitng, but this will be a different type of rebuild, financial and health rebuild. I want to get my money right and get back lifting again.

but yeah, 2022 has been just full of blessing and i am fortunante to have been able to do the things that I have been able to do this year. Unlike 2022, I do not have any big plans for the year, and whatever happens will happen. Im excited for it, and am ready for what ever comes back at me.

#12312022

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abrahams-rib · 1 year

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Proactive Parenting vs Reactive Parenting

I often times think about how I was raised, especially when it comes time to deal with certain situations with my own child. Due to my own abuse, I thought just providing my sons materialistic needs were enough. I didn't want to "abuse" him like how I was, with constant beatings and degrading language so I did the polar opposite and spoiled him in a sense. I needed him to know I loved him, so my form of discipline was very reactionary instead of proactive. I didn't realize until it was presented to me that I was actually still in my own way neglecting my child. I want to be clear and let it be known that I do not believe a woman can raise a child alone. Children need their fathers or a father figure in their lives, it's very important for many reasons whether it be a little girl or a little boy. I was raising my son of the preconceived notion that life would eventually work things out for him, that the behaviour problems I saw would eventually go away.. like he would grow out of them. Boy, was I delusional because that is not how life works or the proper way to raise a child. Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it" I was not instilling the proper discipline or healthy skills and character for him to become a good child and eventually a good man. Not only that I was still healing from the trauma of my own childhood thinking that I can just do the bare minimum and things would be okay. It was only when I began to heal from what I went through as a child was I able to see the damage I had done on my son. Raising a child is a lot like programming, much like how this wicked world tries to do to us all on a daily basis. I had to gut out everything we both thought we knew about our Mother - Son relation and re-install healthy and functional qualities. I came to notice that over time without noticing I was less of a parent to my son and more of a friend. It took a little over a year of deprogramming, introducing new discipline, following the scriptures guidelines in Sirach on raising a child, and remaining firm and consistent. To be honest I failed more than a few times, and I caved when I saw him cry still worried he might think that what I was doing was abuse. I second guessed myself and reacted out of emotion more times than I want to admit. I love my child but I had to realize that cockering him was not love and would inevitably lead to his downfall as a adult. Now with him almost being 8 we are at a point where he expects consequences for his actions and he is a lot less entitled than he used to be. Thodah Abba Ya.

I remember growing up how there was so much yelling, I was never allowed to ask why and everything no matter if it was an accident or a childlike mistake led to a severe beating or punishment. The thing that I like about gentle/proactive parenting is that it allows the child to participate in there discipline and gain better understanding of the lesson by asking questions and getting the opportunity to feel shame and repentance on their own. For example, say your child spills something, they were never supposed to have in the first place. Instead of snatching them up and whooping them or punishing them, you ask what happened and allow them the space to be honest. The child is honest and then you inquire about why they did what they did, then you tell them that it's their responsibility to then clean up or repair whatever it is they made a mess of. While you watch them fix their own mess you ask them what they could have done differently, you advise them on the better thing to do and by the end of it, if you have been raising your child well from a young age they should apologize because they were not met with wrath but rather disappointment which I have learned has a much stronger effect. I am still on a journey as a mother and I know I have more to learn as my son grows and I have more children. I am excited to see how YA'OH's plan comes forth in our lives. If you are a parent I wish you well in your journey as you heal and learn to parent your children in the most healthy way.

#parenting #motherhood #singlemother #growth #discipline

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ourotteradventures · 4 months

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July 2023 to February 2024

It amazes me how fast time is flying, and I realize it more when I come to make posts and do updates about our lives. I know that they say time flies when you're having fun and to a degree I understood that - but for the first time in my life, even during the shitty parts, I find that it is going back exponentially faster than it has before.

We'll start in August 2023 and work our way to the present... I started the academy in July and boy oh boy - did I think I was in purgatory. The military has put me on some pretty shit details and assignments but the worst thing that can happen is time drags on. I am one of those people that I can do anything super shitty for long periods of time to expedite and end the suffering as soon as possible. Which is a great trait...until you are forced to play the waiting game and cannot expedite the process at all.

We had welcomed a new kitten into our little family as well because you kept begging for another cat. Thus, Hades was born. I went to the shelter to find an all black kitten that they said was there, and as I walked in someone had walked out with her. You told me to just check the area and see what other cats were there (I should have known that was the ruse). I walked down the first aisle and this tiny gray kitten rammed his face into the fence, 6-7 months old and named Sushi. I pulled his tag and said that I would spend time with him in the room. We checked out a few of the other all black cats that were there, but they were either too old to be around our current cat or they were meant for a solo home. As soon as we got into the room I sat on the floor and he came right up to play and get some love. You went to the front and well...the rest is history.

Next, my son came back from his dads and we had our first real integration into parenting with him and us and all of the in between. It was a very rough transition period and I felt like I was going to lose everything all at once with how it was going. In time, it has evened out and is significantly improved. I hope one day you see that he does look up to you and just wants to be involved. Sometimes I wish that he was just our kid and that I didn't have to worry about the other individual. Sometimes I wish that I could just smooth everything over and call it then and there. Other times I see it as a growing and learning opportunity for everyone involved, including myself. One day, it'll all be in the past and I'll wished I had savored it more. I already have experienced that and I knew it would happen and that still didn't lessen the blow.

We got you a knew job and you started your own field training. It is insane to think about the sheer ground for growth that we have covered in less than a year for both of ourselves. I'm so proud to say that we are doing this together and that we're setting our future selves up for comfort and success in retirement. Plus, we bought you a new car! You're very first car and loan on your own! That's exciting (and daunting, fuck taxes) :]

After a long six months I finally finished the academy. With all of the drama, sickness, pain, and recovery that I had to endure you guys got to pin my badge. Everyone except for my dad and some of his family canceled on me. That was what I expected from people and I knew better than to get my hopes up, but I had hoped that this time would be where I was proven wrong. I wasn't. It solidified my next steps and what I was going to do moving forward with cutting people out of my life for good and not wasting the time or energy to send a text/call. The days of trying to make people understand how they hurt me are over. They knew what they did when they were doing it and they can stand on that business - I'll stand on mine.

Now we're into the field training phase for me and you've just finished yours. First grade is coming to a close here soon and then we'll take our first real vacation that we have planned. It's also the first vacation I have taken in 12 years and I think that I have earned this. I will get to meet some of your family and I will get to see where you grew up. This is huge for me, but it's even bigger for you.

When we first started dating you were huge on the "not letting pieces of your life mix". I know that you want to keep things separate and unblended which is fine. Anything that is done is something I wish for you to do in your own time when you feel comfortable. We'll get to roadtrip and spend time seeing different states that I haven't been to before. I'm close to halfway of seeing the United States in total and this is going to be amazing. I'm daydreaming and planning it little by little when I'm feeling down.

To top it all off, you've mentioned or your mom has mentioned marriage. Which, does scare me a bit (not because of you) just because of the sheer amount of paperwork that comes with it. I also don't ever want to feel like I am trapping you into something you don't want. I want to watch you pursue your goals and dreams and cheer you on like you've done for me. Some of it will be harder for you and some portions will be harder for me, but I am determined to work it out for the both of us.

There is something special about you and I can't exactly put my finger on it, but I do love it. There is this feeling; like driving in the late summer/early fall, in the early morning with the sunrise, windows down, a light breeze, and listeining to classic country on backroads. That's one of the ways that I would describe how you make me feel. The way that you find a new song that you fall in love with and just keep listening to trying to chase the initial feeling it brought you...but I never lost that first feeling of hearing the song. You're an absolute treasure and I know that there are certain things that you want to change and improve for me. I adore that and it's admirible, but I made it a point in this relationship that I would not fall in love with potential (or ever again). I make it a point to not let my insecurities or past trauma creep in and ruin what I have and create a cognitive bias wormhole. I want to grow old with you and have a house in the middle of nowhere and homestead.

Who knew that wanting to bake homemade sourdough bread was the gateway to going off the grid?... I feel like that should be a study. Every day that I wake up and I don't want to do life or keep pushing I think about you and how you've made everything so wonderful - even the bad parts where you had no control in it. I'm so glad that I got to meet you and that this relationship has become what it is. I'm also stoked to see what it becomes in the next decade. When I meet your family we'll have been together for almost 2 years. We'll have known each other for 2 years.

You are singlehandly taking on such a huge task with me and I don't mean that in a pick-me type energy light. When I am having a medical episode one of the first things that I think of is you to bring comfort and solice to me in that moment. I also think about how this is going to impact your life and going forward, if it gets worse, what I will do to ease that burden on you. I didn't ever see any of this happening, but I most certainly did not see me having what appears to be partial seizures from severe head trauma and memory loss on the bingo card. That is terrifying in so many ways and I am terrified for you and my son. I'm terrified for anyone who is personally invested in me and my wellbeing for how this will go. It can induce a panic attack and a spiral, but the thing that stops that from happening is how softly you've said "We'll figure this out. We'll make this work. We're in this together." and you just stumbled into this.... that's so crazy for me and I think it is one of the first times of my life that I've been this raw with anyone for such an extended and indepth part of serious matters - and I've never had this kind of support. It makes me so happy that I cry from time to time. I finally feel loved and safe. It took a lot of struggling and suffering with the wrong people, but I found you.

youtube

#Youtube

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jdlopes777-blog · 6 months

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DAY - 1 - MAJOR RESET - World War 7 within myself. DEC 2nd 2023 ,

RESTART - from World War 6 in JANUARY 2023

I’m 38 , and I about to hit 39 , this is a everlong struggle to be a better SPIRIT , SOUL , inner man , the outer man has had dominion over my temple. I belong to Jesus Christ almighty.

Fighting the good fight of FAITH and WELL BEING. ITs been tough just to be here now typing this. Im either typing my life on TUMBLER , or writing it down on my journal.

My life has been bitter sweet , I made decisions that led to where I stand today. I do believe wether terrible painful 😞 decisions The Lord doesn’t mean no harm. FREE WILL can make you or break you. Even to your grave.

I have intoxicated my existence to the point of death. I tried to take myself out when I was 27 years old and my last breath never came at 5:30am. The enemy is real but why can I not let that hit home and register and a new MIND SET be born at 27.

I had a chance at 17 , 20 , 21 , 24 , 26 , 27 , 29 , 31 , 33 , 35 , after those catastrophic events war at within myself all due to external and internal factors deriving from bad circles of influence and decisions that infected my soul by un equally home myself to another human being and the 🌎 world.

I am like a land , I’m like a wholly land the entire world wants to take over and run over and destroy it because I am the RIGHTEOUSNESS OF GOD in Christ Jesus for what he has done for humanity. Took the punishment for all of us all. I have been made righteous for what HE DID , not anything of me. For my penalty of sin is death and Christ tells step aside son , this is not your battle but MINE.

Receive it , it is my GIFT 🎁 to you , GRACE…..

I was born in DEC 12th , 1984 , according to my mother and gramma a 4am baby before the sun came out. Gramma takes and took amd stole the center stage , per the family in Managua Nicaragua I was the baby of the BARRIO , along with my baby girl side quick NINOSKA , a girl baby born around the same time.

At 17 she was the one for me , so I THOUGHT , ….she was beautiful to me. I thought this at a point in my time I was in my prime , healthy , virgin, away from the toxic world that was ever so fast unraveling at light speed with technologies that I had yet to be introduced to so at that very moment all I had was 📝 📄 PAPER and PENCIL .

She was my sweetheart PEN PAL , from NICARAGUA the barrio I was born in MANAGUA , and me in WHITTIER , CA - Fred C NELLES. Youth Correctional Facility. A little more back , this all started from when I was 10 years old , my father lifelessly beat me for at least once every 2 weeks , a savage beating with a shiny leather belt with a piece of metal from a business suit any opportunity he had , sometimes 3 times every 2 weeks since I was 5 years old.

WHY DAD ???

Father of mine , sent my mom to learn English , and go to adult school , my mom was about 22 years old , and she only spoke u less she was spoken to. THE SANDINISTA way , the very thing that gave me ASSYLUM , to enter the USA , as a political ASSYLEY , the very thing we left that country for was the very thing that my father brough with him to 🇺🇸 AMERICA in 1987 , Los Angeles then Santa Ana OC , in CALIFORNIA.

The derailment of my childhood which then DOMINO EFECTS into my teenage hood troubles and eventually ADULTHOOD. My father prior to this was a HERO 🦸‍♂️ in my life like any child should grow up into am adult and say. ………….

Before I go ( I DONT BLAME my father anymore, I have grown up to accept my up bringing. and realize that it was tragic but like a song I heared my SWEDISH MADIA , The Lord has helped me and is still helping me get through it all as he goes before me everytime anywhere good or bad.

youtube

The song above has a BAR that says , SHOW em how you backflipped from TRAGIC

Show em how the struggle made MAGIC.

THE NUCLEUS of the journey to a KINGDOM of TRAGEDY, TRAGIC KINGDOM ,

It was 1989 , had to have been a week day I was already getting ready to start KINDERGARTEN at FAIRHAVEN ELEMENTARY in Santa Ana , CA , My father was a powerful self employed man , a prosperous salesman. He lives a FRUGAL lifestyle. My father one afternoon , in a studio apartment we lived in , had just recently paid for my moms younger sister to come to USA to live with us.

She was probably 18 years old fresh low hanging fruit from the tree 🌳 virgin probably. While my beautiful poor mother was at school learning to speak English , something my father and her should have been doing together. The very thing that could have made my family into BILLIONAIRES. My mother was a woman of HONOR , gracious , humble , natural beauty , with a cute squint , a queen 👸, my father threw away a BILLION dollar club ticket to BRENTWOOD , CA over a an AFFAIR with my moms younger sister , my father tells me and the twin younger brothers of mine. Kids get ready in 15 minutes. We are going to the park.

Those 15 minutes were longer or so I recall , so I went inside the room the only room in the apartment that had only one restroom a tiny studio. There he was having sexing with her in the bed my mother and father shared. The ONLY bed in the place. I saw it and I remember it like it was yesterday. The door was unlocked , and I saw them both naked , fucking , FORNICATING , or ADULTERY , destroying a married Front row seat ticket. VIP pass I helped myself to ,

You can’t tell a CHILD wait for 15 minutes!!!! A child won’t give you not even a a minute. But yet I remember waiting for at least 7. I was obedient in life up to that point. I was alway trying to please my dad and be the best kid for him , I would look for him up that point. Like any 5 year old child does today. I was forced to grow up quick at the speed of life up to that point.

I’m

There seeing it for at least 4 seconds , my world got hit with a NUCLEAR WEAPON of full destruction, I COULD NOT UNSEE the scene. Now my father becomes the enemy , a terrorist in a child life . My father died that moment in my life. He died and I died too , the moment he walked out and beat me to death a savage beating. The first time I had ever seen the BELT that would torment me the next 7 years of my life a TRIBULATION of 7 years , I am in awe 🫢 to think 🤔 about it and I type and reflect this very moment here now in the present.

for the next 7 years I lived in a prison , a child like prison , locked up and the key was thrown away In fear that I might say something to my mother when she came back. It was a very EXPENSIVE price , blood 🩸, sweat 😓 and tears 😭. To keep me intimidated , full of fear , afraid , I couldn’t be a child have fun be loud , run around , make friends , go out and play. While I noticed other kids play in my neighborhood I couldn’t. I guess that’s what led to my first attempted SUICIDAL idea in my life. When I was 6 years old after many beatings , I jumped off a second floor BALCONY. from that same apartment ,

Wether I was actually trying to kill myself or not subconsciously or consciously , I would hang out in that balcony which was the only thing I was allowed to do. It was like 5 by 12 , place crowded with junk. I played alone there UNSUPERVISED , I thought I could fly , how could I have not thought of tue danger in falling , well I did , next thing you know I get up , walking all the way around and climbed the stairs bleeding 🩸 from my CHIN I think I could have snapped my head back , but truly THE LORD avoided the loss of life. I know this now looking back.

I was a WONDERER , I would wonder off , to get away from my father , I was afraid of him a real fear. So I would purposely wonder off and get lost in public , and then I would get scared of him finding me so then I would return I was not brave enough to follow though running away.

Anyway …. Back to the situation at hand I just almost killed myslef , and I walk back up bleeding tore up from my chin because I landed flat on my stomach on concrete below from 20 ft , I had to climb the balcony and stand in top on the balcony wall , in order to get maximum flight time of 20ft or so or more. 24 ft max , ( I’d have to go the crime scene and measure to be exact ) …….

I open the door amd as soon as my mom saw me I CRIED , and she calls the ambulance and 911 and all that chaos. I went to the hospital , NUMB , I’m not sure what my mother told the paramedics , but the hospital wanted to know what happened. I remember the doctor asked me if I was trying to be like Superman or Batman. I wish I was either so I could have kicked my fathers ass raw like he did to me. I got 12 stitches under my poor child chin and with NO ANESTHESIA probably because they were I afraid I had a like a concussion and the hospital rather let me feel it then put me to sleep and risk not waking up.

I cried like I was dying I felt every stitch going in and out. They had to tie me down on a board as they tried to stitch me up and my mother had to help along with nurses. Then I got passed that , it came to pass , then I was hospitalized for like 2 or 3 maybe 5 days until results came in that I was clear from severe trauma to my head. I still had one more person to deal with , my father , I could see him in the door of the hospital room door with his arms crossed , I wanted to cry 😢 not because I was happy to see him , but because I knew he wanted to whoop my ass for that stunt.

And so this is how It all began , I wish I had good news , but this is not a happy story , it’s just a moment in my present time to remind myself where I have come from and what I have survived , and that life is not over and it won’t end here NOW , the Lord has proven to me that after trying to take my own like 3 or 4 times maybe 5. HE never allowed it and hasn’t yet to happen , he hasn’t called me back ,

HEAVEN HASNT CALLED ME HOME 🏡, the Lord is not done with me here on earth. I’m back flipping from tragic things. And making struggles into prosperous things with a PURPOSE for HIM. His word says that the work HE started in me HE will complete , the moment I’m called by HIM.

Imagine living like that for at least 7 years until came times that I was being a menace to myself and others , I was confused , I was sent to NICARAGUA , at 7 to 8 and was dropped off I another monster being replaced for another , it’s like JOSEPH sold to slavery by his siblings , I can relate being una foreign land and not knowing anyone , and this is where I meet my baby queen at 7 years old , first time swing her after my father had fled the FEDERAL investigators , for his fraud schemes , we fled the country in 1992 to 1993 , drove Two cars and packed them with as much stuff as we could , and drove away to NICARAGUA 🇳🇮 in car through MEXICO , with my mother , my mothers younger sister , whom is now PREGNANT with child , my father seed , something my mother DID NOT know about , I wonder what my aunt told my mom to make her not suspect the AFFAIR , stay tuned for that story , in another chapter.

There were some other things that happened to me as a child in this country under the care of my gramma now but even a loving 🥰 sweet woman could not spare me from more trauma , I nearly died of a skin cancer like desease , I got like a skin cancer , and by the GRACE of God I did not die. For some reason I attracted creeps , But aside from all that , it was Summer of 1992 , and I spent Christmas of 1992 in Managua under another fear of someone hurting me. I got home sick and I missed my mom. For the love of God why can’t I be with my mom under her arms hugged and feel safe. without a creep after me in MANAGUA , and another tyrant like my father watching every little thing I was doing.

The only good memories I had was with ERNESTO a boy friend of a girl called ROSA a daughter of NINOSKAS mom , the Doctor NINOSKA of the Barrio. I was a child who needed LOVE and I thought I was in love with this girl. That was short lived. My parents left back to USA to face the hard truth and reality of their actions with the government. And they took with them the pregnant woman my moms younger sister , who is close to giving birth to CHRISTOPHER LOPEZ , my little half brother , half cousin. He was born in FEB 2nd 1994 , my fathers SECRET CHILD.

I came back to USA 🇺🇸 Never knowing when I would see NINOSKA again. I came back in time to jump on the second grade with Ms HETZEL , at FAIRHAVEN Elementary , Now my aunt was public enemy in my world # 2 because now she was mistreating me afraid of the same thing because she knows I know I saw her stupid naked ass , losing her VIRGINITY to my father , God only knows how many times they fucked , aside from that one time I witnessed.

Back to blood 🩸 sweat 😓 and tears 😭, clashing heads with my father and my moms younger sister and my mom never aware of any of it , bottled up inside for YEARS !!!! at least 7 in the presence of those 2 evil 👿 people. I was DAMAGED GOODS , at times the savage beating would welt my skin and trigger the shape of the belt with blood marks , had to hide those. Most were on my back and arms and even hand whenever I would beg my father crying 😭 to stop it hurts. Grabbed me my one arm and whooped me with that belt from another.

By now at 7 years old I have so many issues. Sexual and physical and mental and emotional.

The rest is for another time …….. lots more to talk about that…from 1992 to 1999 …..

Then from OCT 20 th 1999 to FEB 14th 2005 at the age of 20…. and on …………

BACK TO TODAY …….. 12-2-2023 …………..

story to be continued ……………

DAY 1 is today , and I pray to the Lord I am given the strength to ABSTAIN , from yesterday mindset …..

#my life story #from rags to riches in christ jesus #as far back as I can remember I always wanted to be a good kid #tragic childhood memories #I want to be made whole #I want to be free from my self #I want to be healthy and prosperous in all areas and aspects of life #a book 📚 in the making #from Nicaragua to USA #political assailee #life reflections #music #from nothing to something for CHRIST #DONT GIVE UP #keep fighting the good fight of faith #great things coming #Youtube

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polyphoniclandscapes2 · 1 year

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Do You Remember When We Just Lived?

Still from the music video for “W8WTF” by Zebra Katz x Boyfriend.

I started on guitar rather than keyboard because it made sense to me as a way to approach music theory. Maybe because of my dyslexia, I learned in patterns, always grouping things; I would never latch on to the letters or numbers. The visual layout of the fretboard made sense. It was a good place to start. I enjoyed playing guitar.

I was in bands. I think there’s still a Myspace page for one song. The music is horrible, but you’ve got to start somewhere. Testing out the waters of my songwriting abilities. Even though we might be the harshest about the beginning stages of development of our own craft, at the time I was really excited that I recorded a song and I put it online. I shared it with Jesse Boykins. Jesse’s sweet and always gave me words of encouragement. From there, I had another band. And it was like we were making worlds. Felt like I unlocked my purpose in those early years.

During that journey, I was undocumented. Music saved me. Being in bands saved my life. I cannot express how difficult it is to live in America without proper working papers, and without being able to get a job. I worked in Caribbean bars. The pay was forty dollars for a shift from 6 p.m. to 3 a.m. And then you work for tips. They’ll take advantage if they can, even your own people. When I defaulted into that, that was one of the greatest challenges in my life.

Right before that, I graduated from Parsons School of Design. I couldn’t get the graphic design jobs for which I was qualified because of my status at the time. I didn’t quite have an understanding of how bad it would be when my student visa ended. In my naiveté, I was confident in my abilities. I really did everything I could to get the H1 visa. I would be on a job and ask them to sponsor me and they’d say they wouldn't be able to at this time, or that they already sponsored someone else.

If I’d gone home to Jamaica, at that time, there just weren’t any opportunities. I was twenty-one, still a baby. And straight, mentally, in the sense of conformity. I made a very hard decision to stay. But at least I was in New York City, a place where I could express myself. I was starting to take steps—playing in bands and enjoying all that freedom. I was living day by day, taking the punches as they came, figuring out where to go from there.

I had met queer people when I was a student at Parsons. But when measuring queerness, you have to factor in the intersections of Blackness. A lot of the queerness I saw was through a white lens. When I met gay Black men, things started to open up for me. When I met my dear friend André Singleton, he saw me. He saw me before I saw myself.

Just by talking to me, he helped me, because otherwise I wasn’t comfortable speaking about my sexuality. He would invite me to house parties, little gatherings, kikis. They were doing little runway walks. Ballroom practice. I didn’t know what it was, at the time. He told me to watch Paris Is Burning. I know that film has its issues, but it was still an introduction for people like me that were outside of the culture.

André introduced me to the writings of bell hooks, which changed my course. All about love. It started my process of rethinking the Black family under colonialism, within the framework of Blackness, of existing and overcoming and reclaiming, and loving yourself. The revolutionary practice of self-love.

I was trying to unlearn what had happened in my life back in Jamaica. I was trying to unlearn self-hate. I even looked back at my old journals. I had certain crushes back then, but I could only write them down in code. I’d just give a little compliment. I was so fearful, but the community I was invited into encouraged me not to worry about that. This was new to me, to not have to worry about expressing myself. And then the other books I was introduced to—by Toni Morrison, James Baldwin, Alice Walker—those are the books that helped me open up and see myself.

I was reading American books. I felt like I had to learn about America now that it’s the country I live in. In Jamaica, I grew up thinking that Black people didn’t write books because I was only exposed to white writers. The literature I was asked to read in high school were books like To Kill a Mocking Bird, Of Mice and Men, The Scarlet Letter. But I had the desire to read the books about us. I found books about us in America.

My education really started in this moment in the US. I had received a colonized education in Jamaica, where I felt that teachers picked on the students who were not the strongest and called them out, like a hazing. It was done to me over and over. One time, one of my high school teachers called me out for talking during a lesson, but in doing so called me one of the dumbest kids in the class. From moments like this one, I have trauma about learning. I felt that colonized academia was violent.

The beautiful thing is that throughout my life I've had people who believed in me. Otherwise, I would not have gotten to where I am. No matter whether you want to see it, the universe conspires to help us along our journey, to soften the blows whenever they come.

I always had my art. I began to draw when I was five. I didn’t paint before now though. I started painting during the pandemic. It’s unlike music for me in that I don’t even have to think. Music is a different beast. I have to really apply myself because of how technical music production is. People try to glamorize music-making, but it’s hard work. We musicians have natural instincts, sure, but to apply them is a craft that takes constant work, practice, and we are always learning.

I have a strong desire to play in a band again. Some day. The songs I wrote for my next album, coming out next year, will be really fun to perform live. I’ll be able to play guitar on them. I’m not too bad. It’s like muscle memory once you have the foundation.

I learned to produce through working with bands, which informed how I wanted to build musical worlds. Some won’t remember, but production software from the late ’90s and early 2000s was intimidating. I learned ProTools while at Parsons in a sound production class, and I never wanted to touch it again.

Around 2006 a friend showed me Ableton, but being broke, I lived hand to mouth, and it was difficult to make work. It was becoming difficult to subsist. One thing I promised myself was to remain housed at all costs. Everything I earned from my shitty bar job I put towards rent, which was about six hundred a month. I often got by on one meal a day. My mode of transport was my bike. I couldn’t afford the subway. I was navigating a system that was working against me. But with the belief I had for life, I just thought I would figure things out eventually.

When I got my Greencard, I was trying to get back into my field, into graphic design, but firms wouldn’t hire me as I had this gap in my resume from when I was undocumented. It just broke my heart. It was like I was being penalized for something that worked against me. There are always these things in life, these rules, like if you can’t account for discontinuous labor.

I love to dance in vibrant spaces. That’s why I’m drawn to nightlife. I thought it possible to move into DJing only because my bandmate Erica was spinning. I really respect DJing as an artform. First of all, it’s a technical skill. It implements musical theory. You have to learn rhythm. People think it’s intuitive, but it’s not. I come across a lot of people who can’t land on the first beat. At first, I still wasn’t quite sure if I could follow that interest because it was so male dominated. I was around all these male DJs. Music studios were similar. I’m just gagged that it took until the twenty-first century to have these conversations. Women have always been here, always, but without getting recognized or getting paid adequately.

Just seeing Erica was encouraging. It looked fun. I respected the craft of it. I’m interested in learning. Sometimes if I see the craft of something I’m interested in learning it, but if I don’t see the diversity of its makeup maybe I’m not so interested. But with DJing I ultimately was. It suits me, maybe. I’d trained my ear for a long time, but I didn’t have the money to get started on turntables. Even with CDJs, its expensive. I got started with a cheap Numark Serato DJ controller. I could have done that in my bedroom forever. It just felt liberating.

Voguing ball, 2018. License: CC BY-SA 4.0.

To start, I was playing whatever was popular at the time, which wasn’t anything good. I was trying to build the party I’d started, called Fake Accent. That was my start at building a space for queer, trans, nonbinary Black and brown people. From there I found my way to ballroom, Jersey club, Bmore club, etc.

Let me backtrack a little here: I found ballroom first. That was through André Singleton and some others. When I heard “Ima Read” by Zebra Katz, I was like: What is this? I’d listened to a lot of music. I don’t restrict myself to genres when it comes to learning. But this was a genre I’d never heard before. It leapt out at me. I’d never had such a visceral response to a track.

It has two musical elements: the voice and a sub kick. And I thought: How are you making a song? From what we learn in Western music, that’s not a song at all. Is ballroom the music of my ancestors? It is music outside the framework of Western influence. I wanted to hear more of that. It was not something you could get from the radio. How do I get access to that?

My friends told me to come with them to a ball. Going to certain kiki spaces. I went to Eric Johnson’s house whenever I had the privilege of being invited. Just this realization that there is this whole entire world. That we must never stop seeking those worlds. Never be complacent with what one is fed. That there’s always more. That is my realization in life. I’ve been able to find myself in this position in life because of my curiosity to find truth.

Ballroom is a truth that I found. A community that helped affirm me. That being Black is an incredible. Ballroom is a response to being on the fringes of society. It’s a response that says “no, I’m here, I’m human, I exist, and I have my brothers and my sisters, and we will celebrate us.” The only other place I saw that was in dancehall sessions in Jamaica. In dancehall, when you are at a session, it’s just good energy. The place where I grew up, at the parties and sessions that I would go to, everything was very community centered.

There was one street dance I went to, in a town close to Mandeville where I grew up, in a more rural area. The sound system was set up on the street and the whole community came. Somebody starts cooking food. To me ballroom is connected with those experiences. It made me so happy to find ballroom in New York. It really connected the dots for me. I was so interested in the sounds. I met Mike Q, Byrell The Great, LSDXOXO, and others who were influenced by ballroom.

I had very limited understanding of Black queer culture until I saw Paris Is Burning and started learning about Pepper LaBeija, and then later on, Marsha P. Johnson and other activists. It was a lot. It was a long journey just to get to feeling empowered. That’s what I struggled with. I struggled with feeling like I didn’t have a voice. Feeling that I was invisible, because of colonized conditioning. Invisible in the sense of not even existing. It wasn’t until I found community that I felt like I could exist, that I was worthy of life.

I love and respect ballroom but still feel outside of it. So, I had to create another space that centered Black queer, trans, and nonbinary Caribbeans. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I’m interested in bringing people together. It’s not a capitalist pursuit. But now I’m having to learn about capitalism. Capitalism isn’t quite practiced in the Caribbean. It’s too small. We grow our own produce. We live off our land. We have means to survive outside consumerism.

I had to find a venue first and build from there. The challenge of finding a venue was just riddled with misogynoir. I knew men who could easily get a night. I kept pushing and the place that opened up for me was Branded Saloon. Gerard Butler gave me the opportunity. Every Friday I would play, and it just started to build up. I was using Instagram to promote the night, to attract queer Caribbeans. I had straight Jamaican friends, from a former life who came to support it. And then new people. I would see the queer and trans people come through. It was actually building! It ran at Branded for two years, then I moved it to Friends and Lovers to get a bigger space. Then I got a residency at Trans Pecos.

Papi Juice were doing amazing work. iBomba was also an amazing party. I created Fake Accent to specifically center Black queer, trans, and nonbinary people. I was the only one who looked like me, running parties at that time. I was the only queer Black AFAB person for a while who was creating these spaces. Whenever I’m asked how I did it, I say I just never allowed the rejection to keep me down. I always tried to find a way to make things happen. To grow.

I want to see more people like me in my life. We deserve space. That spark really started to catch in the most beautiful way. I had a little stint at Red Bull Music Academy working on one of the festivals and curated one of the events. For the event I curated, I invited Papi Juice, Juliana Huxtable, many Brooklyn qtpoc collectives for the lineup.

They gave me a meager budget to work with. They had no faith. They thought the tickets wouldn’t sell. It sold out. Red Bull took that model and have used it since—because it worked. This has been a challenge. How to communicate about Black queer, trans, and nonbinary spaces? How do we navigate capitalism and what it extracts from us? Because what they do is extraction, not support. I must keep blocking the extraction to protect myself. That’s why the build in my life is gradual, unlike those who’ve just catapulted. There’s always compromises, but I see how dangerous that can get. Where are we now? With all of that fighting that we did. There’s inclusion now, to a certain extent, in theory, but I’m trying to come to terms with the club no longer being that revolutionary space that we wanted it to be. It’s still not nothing.

The club helped create someone like me. The club helped create someone like Juliana Huxtable. It’s a school. We taught each other. Like a science experiment. It works because there could be that one night when we really got to live. Every single bit of those little times that we had we can recall like “oh girl remember when we just lived?” That’s where I do believe the revolution is still there.

This is controversial, but I’m a little critical of the hedonistic aspects, the escapism. They can be beautiful and elevating, but it can also be disruptive. A lot of people don’t last in it. Now that I’m ten years in, I’m saying to myself that some aspects are not sustainable. I’ve had to make adjustments on my rider not to include alcohol, but rather natural, healthy foods.

Now I’m shifting into: How can I advocate for care? How can I advocate for taking care of our bodies? Because I know what we all want. I know we all want to be free. And I know why my previous album, Get Free (2020), was successful. It’s not because it’s a techno album. It’s because of what I was expressing within the genre of techno. And that’s my whole universe, my whole life’s work. My whole journey. That’s what I’ve decided to do with my life, to share in acts of liberation. That everyone has the power, but that collectively, we can all have the power.

The dismantling of patriarchal views in music is something I’m deeply interested in doing. I’m interested in techno, but from the standpoint of its history, with what I discovered from my own research and curiosity. I call my music techno, because it is TECHNO. I like ballroom because it has the energy and attitude of techno. I’m not as deeply drawn to house music, as it is sweeter. I’ll implement certain elements of house, but I’m drawn to techno for its ferocity, its aggression.

Music making is art, but its devalued. Could you imagine a world without hearing music? The brain and body need it. I’m deeply drawn to the mysticism of music. But with every single step of research, what am I seeing? Who gets to make the music? It makes me sad that there are systematic things in place to block someone who’s assigned a certain gender. Who might have all of the tools and the curiosity, but they’re not encouraged, not supported. For me, when it came to being a producer, only a few people have supported me. What is this thing where people don’t see if for you? What is that projection?

I’m trying to figure out: What is gender? How does that work here? Its why, besides Blackness, I also like to focus on gender because when it comes to a creative form like music, gender has a lot to do with who gets to make it. Cisgendered men are not discouraged by default. Particularly to produce, you need encouragement. When you start in a field of study, you have your teacher, and they’re supposed to help you build confidence. There’s a lot of technical aspects to producing and it helps significantly when those skills are passed down. Those skills from what I’ve observed are mostly passed from “bro to bro.”

Most of what I’ve learned about production I taught myself. It was hard. At the time, with Ableton you got a handful of YouTube videos maybe. They didn’t tell me the advanced things. If your homies aren’t there to teach you then you could take a class, but I didn’t have the means. I just had to figure it out. I was not good in the beginning. Making stuff, throwing it into Ableton. Man, I can listen to some of my early stuff and my highs are so hot, taking out all of the mids so it’s just really crunchy. It was raw. Not sure if I like any of my early stuff cause I can hear all my inexperience.

But what I learned down the line is that in music-making there are no rules. Sound is a really tough thing to control. Certain frequencies don’t work well together on the same bandwidth. I know my shit but I’m no sound engineer. You have to really study that. I have the creative, I have the musical ideas, but in order to make my music I had to learn everything. I engineered a lot of my early work. I’m glad I did it, because it got me to where I am and gave me confidence. With each release I got a little better. I’d learn a little bit more about how to balance my sound.

My album Get Free came from a place of absolute urgency. I was fed up. I’d already made Ode to Black Trans Lives (2020) featuring D-L Stewart. That was my soft coming out. I have a voice and I wanted to use it, even if it’s not me on the mic.

Actually, I wasn’t going to make Get Free. I had plans for a more experimental album. But then I was researching Underground Resistance and the Bellevue Three, the whole story of the origins of techno. And I thought this is fucking amazing. When you’re queer, an immigrant, Black, a lot about the genre of techno as it is today was saying no to me. I wasn’t interested in the colonized version.

I just wanted to learn the way home. I had always heard this Eurocentric version, lacking a certain soul or a certain life, monotonous. I get that the genre is about repetition. I get the abstractness of that approach. We’re all trying to play adjacent techniques. We’re all playing club music that’s a four-four beat around 140 BPM. You can find a techno track and mix it in, maybe with a different syncopation. Or that extra kick between the three and the four, like ballroom usually does. Or finding Baltimore or Jersey tracks, the more subby-low end sounds. But then I thought: what do all these families have in common? They’re all subgenres of one another. I wanted to go deeper. Deconstruct it. Trace it back.

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“Freek N’ You (Mix),” New Dance Show, 1995

Then I found the New Dance Show (1988–94), heard the music that was being played back then, saw Black people dancing to it. What is going on!? This is exactly what I’m trying to get at. There’s no clear path to finding this. It takes a lot of finding your own way. I’m drawn to techno because of its intensity. I’m drawn to a lot of music that has intensity. I’m drawn to jazz, I’m drawn to nu metal. If there’s a heaviness, that’s my tea.

***

I was apprehensive with techno because of how it is presented. New Dance Show opened the door for me. Black techno in Detroit had such a natural, organic development. Pioneering a genre. New genres often come from a place of oppression. Fighting it by rising above it. It reminded me of reggae starting in Jamaica. How Lee Scratch Perry started messing around to create dub. And then how dancehall, as a subgenre of reggae, started as a counterculture when reggae became too commercial, too coopted.

The same fucking thing happened with techno. Club music is a derivative of techno. Club music lives within Black and queer spaces, but we get separated from our ancestral genres, that we’re naturally drawn to, but erased from. I found it suspicious not to have the Black people who made the music on the cover of their techno records. I had questions. Was it intentional erasure? If there’s no cover art, you assume the music is faceless. Then anyone can latch on and treat it like their own thing. It’s very important for me that I’m on every single cover of my releases. Björk did it. We don’t have the space; we don’t have the luxury to be invisible. It’s a practice of aligning image and sound. Aligning your legacy.

We have these limitations around genre where people in my West Indian community say things like “techno is white.” You’d become something of an outcast for being into it. I was listening to all this dance music growing up, like Crystal Waters. But then later on I was told that I’m not supposed to like techno? That you’re white if you listen to that. But I’m just a person whose curiosity won’t accept what it’s given. I need to investigate, especially when I really love something. Its really that moment, with techno, of reclaiming our history. I have as much right as anyone else to make techno, and for my music to be labeled as I want it to be labeled.

Like with rock and roll: there was Little Richard, a Black, queer artist, right at the start. But with techno it’s getting to the point where I can’t even engage with the discourse on Twitter about the origins of techno. There’s so many forms of institutionalized racism in music. The prime example is payment. I want to talk about these things to help the children. Even if I’m one of the ones shifting from the underground to a wider audience, my pay is still lagging. They always say you have to break the market first, but in Berlin where I’ve played for several years, venues that didn’t book me before, that are booking me now will say, “Oh but you haven’t played this club.” Well I haven’t played your clubs cause, GATEKEEPING. If you watch the biopics about James Brown or Ray Charles—it was the same thing. How can we change these practices?

You can’t pay rent with visibility. And there are other issues still happening now that make me wonder how anyone think it’s ethical, like an exclusivity clause within your own city for example. I don’t knock artists who are taking it because these clubs have the power. But of course, then we could talk about the deep institutionalized racism expressed through how DJ bookings are done.

The only club owner who’s been supportive of me this year is John Barclay of Paragon and Bossa Nova Civic Club. He doesn’t put clauses on me. He doesn’t tell me how to promote the night. He supports the artists within the community.

It’s hard to talk about some of these things without getting real about some of the violence around nightlife. Sometimes I feel like giving up. It really has not been a cute situation. But I believe in the power of music. But it’s in a place right now where its very mixed. The coming together in the clubs as a revolutionary act—they found a way to commodify and extract it. And remove us from it.

#Queer Art & Theory #Blackness #Transgender #Youtube

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falling-pages · 3 years

Text

the Hosts as Dads

I'm late for Father's Day but WHOOPS! have some fluff

Tamaki:

Literally his greatest wish in life is to have a family, so he would be desperate for kids

As soon as you’re ready to have them, he’s ready

Worships you and your baby bump

To him, you are a goddess--you create life, you carry the most precious gifts in the world

He passes out the first time you go into labor

And is a bawling MESS when he holds his child for the first time

Cannot stop crying and cooing over the baby

Wants as many kids as you do, and then begs you to pop out another one

Maybe 5 or 6

Impulse buys EVERYTHING

Tamaki we’re only having one baby we don’t need three cribs

Tamaki we already have three toy boxes FULL--

Raising his sons to be little hosts and his daughters as little ladies

Spoils them ROTTEN with all the affection he never received as a child, but they’re all so sweet and not brats because he’s their dad

Refers to himself as “père” or “papa” and you as “maman”

Teaches his babies French, of course

He has very strong European genes, so most of the kids end up looking more like him

IMAGINE THE TINY TAMAKI DOPPLEGANGERS TODDLING AROUND SPEAKING HALF-FRENCH HALF-JAPANESE

Honestly? Becomes a stay at home dad

Teaches his little ones to play piano

Kyoya:

Doesn’t have the first inkling of how to raise a child

Straight up when he finds out you’re pregnant his first words are, “Good, the Ootori Company will have an heir.”

Kyoya I stg--

Holds you in extremely high esteem as you carry your children

Not really the doting type, but he does make sure you have everything you could ever want

Very subtly checks on your comfort, if you’re in any pain, etc and tries to fix it

Chooses not to watch you go into labor. He doesn’t think it proper and he honestly believes he will be a hindrance

He stops breathing when he sees his child for the first time

A little baby girl with a full head of black hair

Of course he loves her, but he doesn’t know how to articulate it

All he knows is that he doesn’t want to be like his own father

But one day you were out of town overnight, and all the nannies had gone home so when the baby cried, Kyoya had to check on her

And when he held that baby and truly looked at her, looking at his future, holding his entire world in his arms, he fell apart

Sat in the rocking chair and CRIED as his baby went back to sleep

After that his favorite thing to do is have her nap on his chest while he reads a book

And just likes to look at and admire her

Second child is a son

Daughter is bossy and business minded; son is laid back

Both kids need glasses

Hikaru:

Okay we know this boy has no patience and very bad impulse control

So it comes as no surprise to anyone when he knocks up his college girlfriend

Is a surprisingly well-adjusted dad

His parents were never really around for his childhood, and even though he had Kaoru, his little baby boy doesn’t, so he’s as hands-on as possible

Proposes to his girlfriend on their child’s first birthday. All the pictures have the kid smashing cake in them

Every single host is dying at the opportunity to babysit

Hikaru is still as reckless as he was when he wasn’t a father

I mean, he has a little more common sense, but not much

Thank God for Kaoru

Imagining 19-year-old Hikaru sitting in his sophomore tech & software classes with his baby in one arm and writing notes with the other hand

Showing up to his first day at his internship with a diaper bag, computer bag and baby strapped to his chest

You and he wait a while before the next kid--get married, start your careers, settle down

Baby boy is the ring bearer

Your son is pushing six when you have another baby boy, then three years later you have a girl

The middle child is an absolute angel, while the oldest and youngest are devils

Hikaru likes to sing to the babies when they’re fussy. He’s horrible at it, but nothing calms them like their father’s voice

Crawls into bed with them to soothe them when they have nightmares

Imagine walking in on them one morning, toddler’s head curled on Hika’s chest, him sprawled out, both of them drooling buckets

Roughousing with his boys and his girl, playing football, wrestling, just being a goofball

Please. dad Hika with a baby strapped to his chest is sending me to the astral realm

Kaoru:

He would love to father his own kids, but I firmly believe he would adopt as well!

Have two of his own, and then adopt one or two

Would also be a really great stepdad, I think

Cracks Dad jokes as soon as he finds out you’re pregnant

Normally a sensitive soul, he becomes extremely protective

Holds your hand and kisses your forehead during labor

Has the biggest, brightest smile through his tears when he holds your son for the first time

Does most of his work at home

Also keeps the baby in a harness strapped to his chest

He loves carrying the diaper bag and will bite anyone who tries to take it from him

His kids are his biggest inspiration, so he decides to open a kids clothing line

Your babies are the models

Because of that, one of them pursues modeling as a career and Kaoru couldn’t be more proud

They all look like him, but they don’t look like Hikaru, which is weird and messes with your head

He’s the perfect Dad. He spoils them but is also very disciplined

Spends quiet Sunday afternoons sketching and cooking with them

Mitsukuni:

All his babies are tiny. Doesn’t matter how tall you are. Your children are tiny

They have his body type, too. Small, bird-like, narrow bones

But they still kick ass

He didn’t give them a chance to opt out of martial arts. They don’t have a choice--it’s the family business, and they will learn it

Unsurprisngly, they’re all very good at it

They train often with Uncle Chika and their cousins

He cheers and coaches them on at competitions

He’s offended when they don’t share his sweet tooth

I mean, they like candy. What child doesn’t? But you raised them to not be obsessive about it, which displeases him

Takashi:

Lord. Don’t get me started on him as a dad

He is a family man. It’s in his blood. That’s how he was raised and trained and taught

So he will pump eight or ten kids into you if you let him

Cries the first time he finds out you’re pregnant

Worships you like a desperate man kneeling at the temple of his god

Belly kisses. Forehead kisses. Really tender palm kisses. Kisses, kisses, kisses.

How else could he thank you for giving him the most special gift?

Even more protective than before

Scary dog privileges

Has to have a hand on you/the bump at all times

He’s so tall that he has to lean down a little to reach it, but he doesn’t mind

Prefers to hold both you and the baby, so he reclines on the couch and pulls you and the bump into his lap, wrapping his arms around you and encouraging you to rest against his chest. Let him carry the baby for a little while

Thinks you look ravishing in the maternity clothes

Stares daggers at anyone who tries to touch your bump, curling an arm around it and turning you away with a low growl

Goes slightly feral whenever you reach your due date

Each labor is difficult, but he lets you crush his hand. He’s pretty silent, but he wipes your forehead and grunts with you. Seeing you in pain makes him feel pain

When that precious little baby is delivered, he just stares at them without a word. He can’t believe that you and he made something so perfect and innocent and pure

His hands are so big. He can hold the baby in just one palm

Smiles the brightest when holding his child

He was raised with honor and chivalry and a moral code, so he raises his children the same way

Teaches both his sons and his daughters how to be kind, gentle, and nurturing while also teaching them self defense and other fighting moves

Diaper changing pro

Y’all have kids pretty close in succession, so while you’re at work he can be seen walking with a baby in a chest harness, one strapped to his back, one in a stroller and a toddler holding his hand

Sorts out and categorizes what heirlooms will go to each child

BIG emphasis on birthdays. He’s a man of tradition, and feels happiest when his children are honored.

all of your kids have his jawline and his height

#ouran high school host club #ohshc #tamaki x reader #ohshc x reader #kyoya x reader #hikaru x reader #kaoru x reader #mitsukuni x reader #takashi x reader #tamaki suoh x reader #honey x reader #mori x reader #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #hikaru hitachiin #hitachiin twins #kaoru hitachiin #mitsukuni haninozuka #takashi morinozuka

2K notes · View notes

chemicalpink · 3 years

Text

Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader

Words: 4.7k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff if you squint really hard, childhood friends to lovers AU

Warnings: unprotected sex, bathroom sex, infidelity, JK is a heartthrob that is bad at feelings, YN realises she’s been in love with JK all along.

A/N: this is me trying to write longer fics, I liked how this one came out yayyy. This goes out to the @thebtswritersclub monthly prompt _____ to lovers, in this case it’s childhood friends to lovers. I just- I really liked how it came out, I’m so excited to know what you guys think of it.

Summary: Falling in love is such a curious thing in life, Jungkook would know best, after pinning over you for years on end, only to have his best friend take away his opportunity, or does he?

The sun was shining brightly over the park as you made your way down the slide, hot skin scorching at the contact with the yellow plastic, although you couldn’t bring yourself to care as much as your mother would, meeting Sungho at the end of it, who was covering his eyes as best as his arms would allow him to do, summer was almost coming to an end and you two had decided to spend every single second of it together, much to both of your mothers’ dismay who had long decided to take turns to tire both of you out by the neighbourhood park, nothing too exciting, if it weren’t for your young imaginative minds combined, which turned you into the closest a six year old could get to being a menace.

As you smiled brightly at your friend, you couldn’t help but turn your head towards an almost inaudible whimper coming from the shaded side of the park, finding a kid around your age plopped down by the tree, desperately drying his eyes with the back of his hand, small sobs coming out of his lips as three other kids, which you knew to be a little older than you and quite disrespectful at that, kept laughing at the boy, so really, what else were you supposed to do if not come in to save the day. “Come on Y/N they’ll make fun of us too” Sungho said as he tried to tug you away, only to have you stand your ground firmly

“If they make fun of me, I won’t cry” you crossed your arms stubbornly over your chest

“Y/N let’s just go”

“You go, Sungho” Sungho was always the type of kid that your mother kept reminding you to be more like, always righteous, never picking fights like you were known to do, but you really couldn’t stand watching the mysterious kid crying by himself while no one else did anything in the slightest. So you stood between him and the three kids that were still making fun of him, head high, fists up by your sides in a superhero pose “You shouldn’t make fun of others”

“Why don’t we make fun of both of you then, Y/N?”

“At least I can put my shirt shirt when I’m dressing myself, Areum” the girl looked down for half a second before staring you down, full of rage before huffing and turning around in true mean girl fashion.

You turn back to find a pair of bambi eyes staring at you, sobs silenced, although his chest still showed him trying to fully catch his breath. You extend your hand for him to take it so that he could stand up “I’m Y/N what’s your name?”

“I’m Jungkook” you were quick to grab his arm and pull him to where Sungho had watched the whole scene with Areum, now staring at the way you dragged the slightly shorter boy towards him

“Well Jungkook, this is Sungho and I just decided that all of us three are going to be best friends forever” the small boy smiled at that, bunny teeth showing in the process, eyes sparkly with wonder and pure appreciation, contrasting the look on Sungho’s face.

“Y/N I think you need to have girl friends to have these sleepovers with, Jungkook and I are boys” Sungho says as soon as you pass him the mirror and he is left staring at his reflection with a ton of glitter eyeshadow on his face, you turn to look at Jungkook, who is currently sprawled out playing with his nintendo, a set of pigtails adoring his head along with the hottest pink lipstick you could find

“I don’t mind it” he stuffed his mouth with chips as he continued to play on his console, not sparing any of you a look, although you smiled at him fondly, grateful to have him play along whenever Sungho didn’t feel like it, which seemed to be more and more as all of you grew older.

“Well I’m going to take this off” he said as he ran into the bathroom to wash his face. Good luck trying to get rid of glitter.

You huffed out a sigh at how boring it was getting if Sungho didn’t like to play your games, along with Jungkook being stuck inside his own little world. “This is so boriiiing”

“It was your idea Y/N”

“Yeah but you guys are no fun”

Jungkook pauses his game to turn to look at you “We can watch a movie if you’d like”

If someone were to tell 6 year old you that twelve years later, the kid that used to make fun of you would turn into your best friend, you would have probably laughed in their face, although as years went by, Areum had finally gotten better in terms of personality, up to the point where she had a full on talk with you before you decided to give it a try, even more so as she now took it as her job to protect you in high school, seeing as she was a year older than you.

“Jungkook has changed” the brunette said while taking a seat next to you inside the cozy smoothie shop, crumpling up her receipt inside her bag distractedly as you just stared at her, not knowing what had prompted her to talk about your best friend, Jungkook wasn’t exactly what one would consider popular, especially amongst the higher grades, especially not given the bickering grudge he held against Areum after all those years.

“What do you mean?”

“Just- seems like before summer he was this scrawny little thing, deer eyes, soft smiles” you looked at her intently, Jungkook had gone on vacation with his family for weeks as soon as finals were over, leaving with the promise of hanging out for the few days before school started again, similar to how you were now hanging out with Areum, her having arrived back a few hours before Jungkook “Now- well”

There were a million thoughts running inside your mind, some seemingly more plausible than others, tow hich yopu found yourself asking “Areum, did you fuck Jungkook?”

“I mean- we were both staying at the same hotel Y/N” Areum sipped on heir smoothie as a way to act coy about it, wide eyes turned the other way at the prospect of having said out loud that her latest conquest was none other than little Jungkook, the guy she had always made fun of for one or another reason

“Oh god you slept with Jungkookie” and you really tried to picture her, accepted into college, beautiful Areum, long lean legs, model faced Areum, flirt queen that always seemed to go for older guys Areum, paired up with sweet Jungkookie, sure, your best friend was cute, handsome even, there was no denying it, he was just not- Areum level handsome, Areum liked going out to party, let men shower her in drinks while Jungkook absolutely loved staying home battling Sungho in the newest video game that was around “I-I have no words”

“Y/N- Y/N don’t judge until you’ve tapped it” your friend seemed to space out for a second, as if looking back at her time with Jungkook, dreamily. “The guy got buff”

And sure he did, not only did Jungkook was now full of muscle, he also apparently had renewed his wardrobe, bought a motorcycle and apparently had even grown a few centimeters taller, or at least that much was said by Sungho as you three met up for lunch the day before classes started again, trying to catch up as you did every year when the three of you didn’t get a chance to hang out much.

“So are we getting that newly released game Kook?” Sungho mentioned in what appeared to be the background, your eyes completely fixated on whomever the man sitting in front of you was, definitely not your best friend Jungkook.

“Nah dude, I sold all my consoles and games to buy my bike” your eyes widened at the confession, probably mirroring the uttermost shocked look that Sunho was also sporting. Jeon Jungkook selling his videogames was definitely a sign of the apocalypse. You were about to make a comment before you heard a very familiar voice behind you, making you turn your head towards it.

“Jungkookie, you wanted me to come over?” her eyes had that sparkle in them which you have come to recognise as her being infatuated by someone, even if she didn’t really talked about it openly, you turned towards Jungkook in disbelief

“Yeah, Areum, lose my number”

You consciously close your mouth at the exchange as Areum backed away from the table muttering an ‘oh..okay’ as Jungkook smiled daily at her, your eyes lock in surprise with Sungho’s, both of you silently agreeing that this Jungkook was certainly a new side neither of you could yet guess whether or not you would continue to be able to befriend, although the history between the three of you spoke volumes.

And just like that, enough to get whiplash from it, Jungkook’s lazy uninterested eyes were replaced by the squinty smile you had learned to adore over the years, bunny teeth showing as his laugh resonated in the restaurant “Oh god you guys should have seen your faces!”

Your eyes travelled along the expanse of the space you three were in, looking at Sungho for a clue to pick up about what was happening, coming up empty handed as he spoke first “Dude I almost had a heart attack, I thought you had sold your games!”

“Oh no that I did” Jungkook took a sip out of his drink calmly

You tried not to show how nothing made sense in your mind “And that thing with...Areum?”

He placed his cup down, looking at you with wide eyes humming softly “Yeah that was a thing too, she’s been texting me non stop after we hooked up. I’m just glad I’m back with you guys”

So Jungkook had changed, that much was true, just not as much as he let people believe. Sure enough, the guy was now pure muscle, rode a bike everywhere, and made it his lifeplan to conquer as many girls as his schedule allowed him too; he also made a few other friends outside of your friends' circle, enough for rumours to go around about him being involved in shady business, or him hooking up with somebody’s mum. Either way, if you were to turn a blind eye to his social persona, Jungkook was still your and Sungho’s little Jungkookie, bambi wide eyes that teared up whenever it was movie night and you picked some chick flick, bunny teeth and loud giggles as he played a prank on Sungho, even though you could tell his heart just wasn’t in it as it was before.

“I’m gonna ask Y/N out” Sungho has asked Jungkook to meet him outside of campus on the first weeks of college as all three of you decided to attend together, uninterested on whatever it was that he was about to tell him, but trying to keep up his fractured friendship with the man (and you) he had shown up, even so a little fashionably late to make his point clear.

“And you’re telling me this because..”

“I don’t want to make it awkward, Jeon” Jungkook scoffs before rolling his eyes at Sungho “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you little boy crush on her for years”

“What I think you haven’t noticed is that I don’t do feelings” Jungkook retorts as he approaches him “And although I find Y/N to be quite fuckable if you ask me, I appreciate her enough not to put her in a weird place like you’re about to do, asshole”

Once weeks rolled around, things kept on being as the were after that fateful summer where Jungkook completely reinvented himself, even as semesters came and went, Jungkook grew a bit more separate from both Sungho and yourself, although it became a little harder to discern whether it was because of Jungkook or due to the fact that Sungho and you had started dating during the first semester of college. Sungho had no real answer to give you when asked about it, saying that outside of the scheduled movie night you three kept on sharing, he barely even texted Jungkook on his own.

“I heard your girl is getting married” his friend said as he handed him an opened beer, taking his place back against his bike in the middle of the night after some race they had gone to near the outskirts of Seoul.

Jungkook took a swing out of the bottle, squinting at the questionable choice in alcohol “I don’t have a girl Jihoon”

“Oh? Then what’s Y/N?'' he felt the blood draining from his face, heart heavy, breath hitching inside his throat as soon as your name left his lips. Of fucking course Sungho would try to marry you before you graduated. That bastard.

It was quite funny really, Jungkook knew from the very start, back when all three of you had 6 years old and you had saved him from a set of mean kids in the park, that Sungho was never fond of him, or rather, of the relationship you had developed with him, sure, the two men had bonded over a few shared interests as they grew up, but the only thing that kept them together was you. Sometimes Jungkook guesses it could have been him instead of Sungho, asking you out, sharing nights together, even being about to get married. But those thoughts were only wishful thinking, he had long ago decided that you deserved so much more than what he could give you, what with his eternal fear and inability to give himself up to others. So he had let you go, never thinking about the possibility of Sungho taking a place he wasn't worthy of either.

"Good for her"

It wasn't long after learning that you were engaged, that the invitation arrived to his apartment, just a few days after graduation. It wasn't really a surprise anymore, even back when he first heard the news, it wasn't that surprising, he guessed it was the years of knowing both you and Sungho, learning your patterns, that he had somehow seen it coming. It didn't make it any less hard to wish you weren't about to walk down the aisle to a man that wasn't him though. But he kept repeating to himself to stop being selfish, he had lost his chance, not that he ever had one to begin with, but as long as you were happy, he would be too.

And you really did seem happy, so he was willing to just ignore the way that his chest seemed to constrict every time your eyes locked on his from across the room as the rehearsal dinner, you were sporting a gorgeous emerald dress, the same colour as when you two first met eighteen years back, his mind spinning with impossible scenarios as each minute that passed really just turned out to be a minute closer to watch you walk down the aisle to another man, one that was supposed to be his best friend at that.

“Bride’s or groom’s” A sweet female voice called him as he sipped on his fifth? sixth? champagne flute, finding a woman staring at him with what he has come to recognise as lust.

“Eh.. you could say both”

A glimpse of recognition could be seen in her eyes before she spoke again “You must be Jungkook then, the overseeked bachelor”

“In the flesh” He smirked at her as she took a hold of his hand, guiding him upstairs to where you and your soon to be husband had booked bridesmaids and groomsmen alike for the night. Not that the blonde had anything to do with how utterly horrible he was feeling about the whole wedding situation but perhaps fucking his frustrations out would help just a little.

Jeon Jungkook was never the one to stick around until morning, that much was true, and although he might be known for a varying of unspeakable things, nothing could have prepared him for what he had to witness at ungodly hours.

He picked up the rest of his clothing after half dressing himself, not even sparing a second glance at the woman that was laying on her bed peacefully, careful not to make more sounds than the inherently necessary, his curiosity is peaked as he hears faintly moaning and skin slapping skin coming from the room next door, seeing the door barely open, and against his better judgement he peeks inside only to feel his heart pounding against his chest, blood rushing inside his ears as he can’t seem to look away from the image presented to him. Sungho, your soon to be husband, the one that he used to consider his best friend for years on end, the oh so righteous Sungho, ever morally correct Sungho, bending your other so-called best friend and maid of honour, Areum, over the comforter as he fucked into her. A few hours before he got married to you. After everything that he had put him through, making him believe that it was in your best interest top let you go, that he should have handed you over to him, that he was the best option out of the two of you to build a life with.

Jungkook sees red and doesn’t quite remember anything other than Areum running out of the room as he punches Sungho in the face, receiving some punches back.

“You absolutely disgust me”

The bastard has the guts to laugh at him “You know, Jeon” he goes to inspect his face in the mirror “If you burst Y/N’s bubble, you’ll forever be remembered as the stupid little boy that was jealous enough on her wedding day to ruin her life”

Jungkook clenches his fists by his side before deciding to turn his heels and leave the room, vision still blurry in anger, breathing ragged, a small trickle of blood making its way down from his eyebrow as he almost automatically walked himself to the other side of the hostel where he knew you must have been resting, taking a few too many second to decide to knock on the door.

“Jungkook? What are you- oh god” sleep seems to leave you as soon as your eyes lock on his beat up face, him smiling at you in a futile attempt to have you not worry that much about his well being, but of course you were already searching for a first aid kit as he took a seat on your bed “Jungkookie, what happened?”

And perhaps he didn’t think it through that much, but he couldn’t let you walk yourself into a marriage blinded by the persona Sungho had always made you believe he was. “Y/N” he took your hands in his, stopping you from rubbing any more antiseptic into his cut “You’ll hear,a nd probably have already heard, too much shit about me”

His eyes beg you to stare at him intently, and although the whole scenario had you giggling out of nervousness, it soon died down “Kook, what are you talking about?”

“Y/N- Sungho is not the man he’s made us think he is” your eyes scan his face for any more clues on what he’s saying a syou feel a beeping sound closing in on your ears, overwhelmed by the situation “And he’ll probably say this is me just being a jealous asshole after being in love with you for more than half of my living years but-”

You stare at him in horror as your hands remove themselves from his hold as if he was burning, standing up from where you were seated next to him, feeling your whole world being crushed down a few hours before what was supposed to be the happiest day of your life “No” you take a step back as you hold your chest, feeling hot tears welling up in your eyes “Jungkook please don’t do this shit to me”

“Y/N just- don’t marry Sungho” somehow he had willed his voice to remain calm

Your head shook fervently at him, as if somehow the action would make him retreat his words “Sungho loves me, Jungkook”

His eyes were ice cold at your words “He loves you enough to fuck Areum a few hours before making you his wife”

He really didn’t mean the bite on his words as he said them, this had nothing to do with you and everything to do with that asshole you called finacé, so he could completely understand when through your tears, chest heavy with rage and head spinning you asked “Please leave”

And he did.

Everything seemed like a fever dream. The words that Jungkook had said, the implication that it had. And really, if it weren’t for the fact that Jungkook was gone from the whole ordeal, you could have sworn your life that it was nothing other than a nightmare, Areum was as bubbly as ever, helping you get ready. Sungho’s good morning text still found its way into your inbox. Jungkook had not only accused you fiancé of cheating, but had said he had always been in love with you, no further proof to his words, so you decided to go as planned, yet you found yourself hyper aware of every move Sungho made, especially when they involved Areum.

You stood in your pristine white dress in front of a couple dozens of guests as traditional words were spoken, your mind a thousand miles away as you kept on looking towards the door, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they would open up, Jungkook would show up and stop you from making what could potentially be the worst mistake of your life.

"If anyone objects to the marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." your eyes trail to the soor, yearning to hear Jungkook’s voice amidst the otherwise silent chapel, but it never came.

“Hey, Y/N come dance with us,” one of your bridesmaids say as the night progresses after dinner, some loud beat taking over the venue at the reception, making everyone stand up to dance, including your now-husband as you find yourself sulking sitting on your designated table.

“I’m fine, you go” you try to flash her the biggest smile you can as she goes, leaving you once again with your thoughts. Thoughts that mainly involved Jungkook, figuring that after all these years, life had managed to finally separate you, heart yearning to have him close to you, the more you became aware of your current life path, the more you realised what a humongous mistake you had made. You had always thought that marrying Sungho would give you a sense of utter happiness, of fulfillment, whether what Jungkook said was true or not, as you watched your husband having the time of his life without you. If he were Jungkook, he would be seated right by your side.

Jeon Jungkook, as deviated as he appeared to be to everyone, as much as he slept around, he had demonstrated to be the most loyal human being by your side up until the last second of your friendship, unlike Sungho, he had always been interested in what you wanted to do, had always let your voice be heard, had helped you through rough times when Sungho was nowhere to be seen, perhaps you had chosen the wrong best friend to fall in love with a few years ago, the wrong man in your life to marry. It had been Jungkook all along. It could have been Jungkook all along.

Your eyes fixate on the way that Sungho whispers something on Areum’s ear and you feel your blood boil, more out of self-pity and annoyance at letting such a man manipulate you rather than jealousy as you stand up to make your way to the bathroom, in hopes of freshening up before coming up with a plan to fix this mistake.

You sigh as you hold yourself up by the sink, looking at yourself in the mirror, pondering just how deep you’ll have to dig to come out of the mess when you hear an all too familiar deep chuckle behind you “So you realised”

You turn your back to the mirror to face Jungkook “That Sungho was an asshole or that I’m in love with you?”

His eyes turn into those deeply surprised deer shape you remember from when he was younger for a split second before they’re filled with something else between lust and deep appreciation as he backs you up further against the sink, a tattooed hand coming up to your chin “Does that mean I get to kiss you with no regrets now?”

“Would you kiss a married woman, Jungkook?” you ask playfully, matching the brattiness in his tone

“Only the ones whose husbands are assholes” and so his lips capture yours in a sweet quick kiss that has you wrapping your arms around his neck, leaning in once again, escalating from a very much due kiss filled with words that are unable to be said, into a fiery pit in the low of your stomach at the prospect of kissing Jungkook while still being in your wedding dress, just a few hours married and kissing another man.

Jungkook’s hands have abandoned their place on your figure in favour of trying to undo the little buttons on the back of your dress, breaking the kiss to complain “God just how many buttons does this dress have?”

Soon enough your dress lays forgotten on the floor, matching lingerie covering your body as Jungkook has most of your body up against the mirror, panties aside in favour of having him fingering you, arms almost failing to keep you upright as he mouths at your skin, moans escaping your lips regularly as he pumps and curls his fingers inside you, lewd noises taking reverbating on the small bathroom’s walls, a faint trail of bass coming in from the party “God you’re so perfect Y/N” he grunted as you heard his zipper coming down before feeling the tip of his cock teasing your entrance, his hand coming up to grip your hair making you face the mirror, makeup completely wrecked, the sight almost unrecognisable to you, a slight burning but pleasurable sensation on your scalp “I bet that bastard Sungho wouldn’t be able to wreck you like this” without further notice entering you from behind, your walls clenching against him as you felt him slowly but firmly making his way in and out of you at a building rapidly pace, a moan slipping past your lips and Jungkook shushing you in exchange as he increases his speed and you bit your lip to forbid any noises from coming out, afraid of being heard even when you knew it would be almost impossible to do so over the loud party noises, this bathroom being so far away from it.

Jungkook had placed your right leg up the sink, hitting an even deeper spot that had you building your orgasm at an incredible speed, throwing your head back in pleasure, feeling him completely inside you as heat pooled in your lower belly.

“K-Kook I’m gonna-ah! I’m gonna cum” a few flicks on your clit with his expert fingers as he helped you keep yourself upright did the trick as Jungkook made sure to somehow thrust even deeper, a loud moan scaping you as he spilled his warm seed inside you, quickly adjusting back his boxers and trousers as one of his fingers collected some cum that was dripping down your thigh to push it back in, letting go of you to hold yourself up against the sink, pulling your panties back in place.

“Think that counts as a wedding gift?” he turns to leave the bathroom, leaving you heaving to haphazardly step inside your dress as you trail behind him, finding him resting against a wall, his bike roaring a few meters away as he smiles your way knowingly as he puts on his helmet, throwing another one your way "So.. all ready to leave that asshole of a husband now or should I wait another 15 years?"

#thebtswritersclub #kwritersworldnet #ksmutclub #bangtanarmynet #bts smut #btscreatorscorner #jungkook smut #jungkook imagines #bts imagine

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jarigui · 3 years

Text

haikyuu boys babysitting with their s/o !

genre/s: fluff

pairing: kageyama x reader, suna x reader, and atsumu x reader

contains: f! reader, timeskip hq boys, talks of having a baby and marriage

notes: n/a

KAGEYAMA TOBIO

he’s a little hesitant in accepting your offer to babysit your 6-year-old cousin with him. he’s awkward with kids, and they aren’t that fond of him either. they wouldn’t approach him because they’re scared of him. but you assured him that your little cousin will like him.

they didn’t get along at the start. your cousin hid behind your legs when you introduced kageyama to him.

your cousin will only ask for your help and not kageyama. although he already expected it, kageyama still wants to put in the effort.

so when he saw your cousin playing with a ball outside, he took the opportunity and played with him. you were in the kitchen cooking dinner, while the kageyama approached your cousin.

“do you play?”

your cousin turned around and shyly nodded. “a bit,”

he crouched down so he’s at eye level. “what do you play?”

the little boy looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. “volleyball and um, soccer,”

kageyama grinned. “i play volleyball too,”

your cousin raised his head to look at kageyama. “really? i want to learn how but i don’t have anyone to play with.”

“i’ll teach you,”

with a wide grin, the little boy raised the ball to show to your boyfriend. “then play with me!”

kageyama’s grin got wider and ruffled the kid’s hair. he played with him in the backyard and even taught him the basics. your cousin was amazed by kageyama.

“wow!” the little boy jumped in awe. “you’re like those guys on tv! the ones who jump really high!”

they played for hours on end. after you finished cooking dinner, you went to the backyard to check on the two of them. you were surprised when you saw kageyama and your cousin laughing while playing volleyball. kageyama was on his knees, trying to get closer to your cousin’s height. the little boy was laughing and squealing while playing.

you called them both for dinner and your cousin came running to you. you crouched down to catch him.

“did you see him? he’s like those guys that i watch on tv! he was cool! earlier, he jumped so high and then he spiked the ball really hard like this!” your cousin placed his hands up in the air to imitate him.

kageyama jogged up to both of you while smiling widely.

“really? he’s that good?” you glanced at your boyfriend.

“yes! he promised me that we’ll play again when you visit me next time,”

you raised your eyebrows. they were already planning for next time. you smiled as you look at your boyfriend who was looking at the two of you fondly.

you told your cousin to wash up since it’s time for dinner. he happily obliged and ran upstairs. you walked up to kageyama to wipe his sweat with your hanker chief.

“i thought you said you’re awkward with kids,”

he placed a kiss on your temple. “maybe not with this one,”

SUNA RINTARO

suna is a natural with kids. since he has younger sister, he knows how to handle kids pretty well. this weekend, your sibling told you to babysit your 5-year-old niece and 6-year-old nephew.

suna let your niece play with his hair and even tie it with her pink clips and hair ties. you smiled at him and fished your phone out of your pocket.

“you look adorable, rin,” you snapped multiple pictures of him.

“babe, don’t send that to the twins.”

he kept the clips and hair ties on the whole day since your niece told him to not take them off. he glanced at you and smirked.

“how about we put some on your aunt’s hair as well? so she won’t feel left out.”

you whipped your head in their direction and saw your niece looking at you, as if asking for your permission, and suna smirking at you.

you sighed and nodded. both of your hair was filled with cute pink clips that day.

he also got along with your nephew. suna would play whatever game he wanted to play and watch whatever video he put on. you have a feeling that your nephew thinks your boyfriend is cool and looks up to him. you notice how your nephew looks at him, listens well to what your boyfriend says, and even copies him sometimes.

he also got embarrassed when you tried to help him take a bath.

your nephew looked away. “i can do it, i’m big now.”

“but i’m just helping you so it’ll be easier,”

your nephew noticed suna looking and his eyes widened a bit. “i’m not a little boy. i can do it.”

suna approached the two of you and crouched down. “how about i help you take a bath?”

your nephew looked at him for a long time before nodding. suna helped your nephew took a bath while you helped your niece.

during dinner, both of them were doting on your boyfriend. your nephew was curious about him and asked a lot of questions. they found out that he’s a professional volleyball player and appears on tv sometimes so their amazement just grew bigger.

by the end of the weekend, both of them were clinging to suna and hugged him tight while saying goodbye.

“how dare you steal my niece and nephew away,” you glared at him.

he smirked. “what can i say? they just love me more.”

you playfully roll your eyes. he wrapped his arms around you and snuggled to your neck. “you know they asked if i’m going to be their uncle,”

your brows furrowed. “what?”

he raised his head to look at you.

“they asked me if i was going to marry you so i can visit them more often,”

“what did you say?”

“i told them that their aunt has to say yes to my proposal first,” he mumbled against your skin.

MIYA ATSUMU

atsumu was excited when you told him that you’ll be babysitting your 2-year-old cousin for three days. he was even the one who said that he wants to tag along. when you asked him why he said that it’ll be good practice for the two of you in the future.

taking care of a two-year-old kid is tiring, but atsumu was there to help you every step of the way. you taught him how to change the diaper, prepare the meals, and even how to put them to sleep. he was very eager to learn and was attentive.

there was even a point that he didn’t want you to lift a finger.

“just take a rest, babe. i’ll do it.” he stood up to soothe the crying toddler.

after that, you saw atsumu and your cousin sleeping on the couch. atsumu was lying on his back while your cousin is comfortably sleeping on your boyfriend’s chest. you secretly snapped a picture of them and then placed a blanket on him.

one night you saw him on the dinner table talking to your cousin like he’s talking to an adult.

“yeah, it’s kinda hard, isn’t it? not being able to walk properly. i’d be pretty frustrated too if i have to use a walker to go wherever i wanna go.”

your cousin mumbled something incoherent and your boyfriend nodded like he was agreeing.

“yeah, yeah, i went through that stage too. it just gets better from there.”

you tried stifling your laugh and walked towards them. “what are you doing?”

he lifted his head to look at you. “we’re having a heart-to-heart talk.”

you giggled. “what?”

you approached your cousin and saw that she’s already sleepy. her eyes are already half-closed.

“i should get her to bed,”

he immediately stood up and walked towards the two of you. “i’ll do it.”

“you already did everything today. you must be tired. i’ll do it.”

atsumu shook his head. “no, no. in the future, you’ll be tired from taking care of the baby too. then of course you’ll be recovering from giving birth too. then i heard that there’s also postpartum-“

“babe aren’t you taking this practice thing a bit too seriously?”

he sheepishly grinned at you. “there’s nothing wrong with being prepared.”

he scooped your cousin in his arms and carried her to her room while you followed behind them.

he gently placed her on her bed and sat beside her. you followed him and sat beside him.

“do you really want a baby soon? they’re pretty high maintenance,” you said quietly while looking at your cousin.

he turned to you and grabbed your hand to place a kiss on it.

“it’s okay. i’m sure we’ll both do great in maintaining them.”

while he was peppering kisses to the back of your hand, your cousin snuggled closer to atsumu. you saw him smile gently.

atsumu definitely had a baby fever after that.

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greensaplinggrace · 3 years

Note

do you have any darklina fic recs?

I certainly have a few! But first I want to clarify that I don’t really read fic when I’m writing it, and since I have so many fics in the works right now, I haven’t really been reading a lot of fanfiction. So this list probably won’t be as extensive as it could be.

Here are some other great fic recommendation posts, however:

DARKLINA FIC RECS by @vicioux

DARKLINA FIC RECS // part ii by @vicioux

Darklina Ruling the World Together Fic Recs by @clubofthestarlesssaint

Tumblr Ficlets

Aleksander’s First Memory by @kestrafagnor

Fivan Talk About Darklina by @jomiddlemarch

a little light in the great, big dark by @valkyrhys

Alina tells Mal she’s with Aleksander by @lorsanbitch

Darklina week day 5: intimacy & touch by @starlesscne

AO3 Fanfiction

if it ain’t me by larry_hystereks (Incomplete - 10/13 Chapters)

alina’s in her second year at Yale when she meets aleksander at one of his frat parties.

a hookup with the potential for more, only if alina wasn’t still struggling to piece herself together from last year’s breakup.

or: alina, zoya, their trust issues, and the men that fall for them

---

I’m only at about chapter 6 of this fic currently, but so far it’s one of my all time favorite Modern AUs. The characterization for Alina and Aleksander is incredibly well done, and the entire fic itself is so feminist and queer in such a refreshing way. Aleksander and Alina are bisexual as fuck, both with their own separate complex lives, and much of Alina’s own traumas and relationships are explored outside of Aleksander.

There’s some Zoyalina, with Nikolina friendship and endgame Zoyalai. There’s some mystery and some tension, but nothing too extreme, and a lot of the fic is merely an exploration in growth and overcoming one’s history and learning how to move on in healthy ways. I love it.

She Wears a Collar (With My Name) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

She is immortal, and whatever lingering hints of humanity she may have once had have long been bleached from her heart.

I will grant you one wish, boy, if it is in my power to do so. What does a Shadow Smith most want?

"You," he answers.

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 2: Role Reversal

---

This piece is just exquisite. This author’s writing style is one that I particularly enjoy. Their stuff is always so uniquely composed and crafted, and this one especially is a work of art. The way Darklina as a relationship is portrayed in particular is fascinating to me because it’s a role reversal but it’s still so complex. Aleksander’s character is nailed.

the bright sun was extinguish’d by athousandwinds (Complete)

Somewhere, deep in the dark forests of Ravka, a boy grows up on stories of Sankta Alina of the Wastes, the Sun-Scorched Saint.

---

This fic is just straight up magnificent. It’s so engaging and I love love love the way a role reversed Aleksander who joins the army is portrayed. He reminds me so much of Demon in the Woods Aleksander, as if he’s exactly what a grown version of that young boy would be. When I say I adore his characterization in this I’m not lying.

If I wanted any completed fic I’ve read to have a second chapter, it would be this one.

Winter in the Little Palace by redisxwing (Complete)

Written for Yuletide 2020.

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

Warning: Baghra is written as a harsh and arguably abusive parent, and this is darkfic about that relationship, with a side of shipping. Everything is terrible (except the parts that are pretty much okay).

Canon divergence pretty much as soon as Alina gets lessons in summoning.

This fic is likely not compatible with King of Scars (or any subsequent work).

---

As is said in the summary, this one makes Baghra a bit more extreme. If you’re a fan of Baghra, this fic probably isn’t for you. But since I’m not a fan of Baghra, I had no problems with it.

My biggest praise for this fic is in regards to the character interactions and the POVs. There’s a brilliant grasp of unique perspective and how to convey it, and that talent is carried over into the way character interactions are brought to life in the text. Also, there’s a scene where Alina gets kind of protective of the Darkling, which is one of my biggest weaknesses when it comes to Darklina.

Good Ideas by FelixRivers (Complete)

Alina Starkov had a very good idea. Aleksander Morozova would definitely agree. (or: Alina wants to go camping and Aleksander won't complain)

---

This fic is just straight up adorable and hilarious. They’re such a cute couple and Alina’s POV is great. It’s just pure fluff and humor 💕

I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you by SanktaJenya - @sankta-arya (Complete)

Winter had been hard on Old Baghra and Ana Kuya was worried about her, so she decided that Alina should make the trip to her cottage on the other side of the woods to bring her some food and kvas. On her way there, Alina meets a stranger...

Darklina Red Riding Hood/Company of Wolves AU

Darklina Week, Day 4, Fairytales

---

This fic has a splendid grasp of tension and atmosphere. It’s very enchanting and dark and intriguing, and it nails those aspects with absolute precision. I love the style and the way the fairytale is incorporated into the narrative. It’s truly a masterpiece.

The Wretched by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“We are strangers, but I want to help.” He growls at her, mocking and mistrustful. “I understand,” she said. “You think I am one of them. I certainly look like one of them. But I want to help you. Will you let me?” Prompt: fairytale. Alina saves a dragon.

---

Okay so I’ve mentioned this one before as one of my Top 5 fics of all time and I still stand by that. I can’t even describe why I love this fic so much except that the pacing is amazing and the prose is stunning and the story is beautiful. Aleksander is a dragon and Alina is a witch, and their relationship is just so...interesting and fascinating and lovely. I would literally kill for this fic. There’s such a softness to it as well. Such a tenderness. Idk, I just really love it.

Show Me Who You Are (I Want To Know) by Ceris_Malfoy (Incomplete - 12/?)

Alina takes her future in her own hands and makes her own decisions.

---

This is a great “what if Alina had stuck around after the reveal” rewrite. It doesn’t have Mal bashing and in fact still writes them as close friends, which is something I’m fond of in Darklina fics. Aleksander is allowed to be soft and Alina is allowed to be powerful, and I really enjoyed the take on their dynamics as a power couple wherein Alina is given a lot of control.

There’s something to be said for the way Aleksander is written in the scenes where he must be honest and earnest with Alina. I really enjoy the way they both come to equal ground, and I’m even more fond of the way Alina is allowed to grow darker without losing her light. She also engages a lot with quite a few other characters, developing tons of friendships and alliances on her own that help strengthen her as an individual character.

on this bridge between starshine and clay by @rhea-imagined (Complete)

"His breath narrows for a moment, his fist clenched tight before he forces himself to loosen it. She is his only opportunity for salvation, but vulnerability is not a cape he wears easily. “In those days, there was less prejudice against Shadow Summoners. But everyone fears the dark, in one way or another.” He does not look at her as he waits for the penny to drop, half-hoping it stays suspended in the air."

In which Alexander comes clean to Alina and tells her about his true identity in hopes that this will help convince her to take down the Fold.

A rewrite of the fountain scene in episode four, with a good!Darkling that is trying to make amends.

---

This is my all-time favorite good!Aleksander AU. He’s kept in character despite the major changes made to his motivations, and Alina is given a lot more agency in her own story. It’s the first fic in what might become a series, but it can stand alone beautifully.

I love how Aleksander and Alina’s relationship is allowed to grow tense without breaking, and how it’s a clear sign of change but not abandonment. I love how both characters are able to think for themselves and become self-aware and are given the chance to think critically. I love the character interaction so much because it’s honest and fresh and engaging. Everything from the smallest action to the most off-hand thought is in character and meaningful and incorporated with an amazing style of writing. It’s a very refreshing piece, and the writing only makes it that much better.

Bunnies of a Feather Stitch Together by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Just as Alina called to the light, gathering and twisting it into a ball in her hands, the door swung open.

Kirigan blacked out the door frame. His appearance enough would have surprised Alina, but there was something clutched in his arm, something dark and floppy. It almost looked like the stuffed toys that had been passed around to the younger Orphans." - Alina and The Darkling bond over a love of soft things

---

Soft stuffed animal shenanigans. Bits of trans!Aleksander, which I’m very fond of, as well as just a lot of fluff with a bit of something bittersweet and sad in a good way.

Half Lie by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Baghra always talked of the demon that had stolen her daughter." Or, Alina learns the hard way that the Darkling isn't the only one who deals in half-truths

---

This one is trans!Aleksander, and it handles it in a very interesting way. It’s quite sad, and deals a lot with Baghra & Aleksander’s relationship through Alina’s POV. I want to give a warning for transphobia, because it does center around that a lot as the premise, but it really is worth the read if that isn’t a trigger for you. This is one of my favorite trans!Aleksander fics, and the way it handles emotion and grief and pain is quite extraordinary.

The CEO and Helioseismologist by mrthology (Complete)

Aleksander Morozova doesn't get sick. He's the CEO of one of the most successful companies in the world, one that he had built from the ground up with blood, sweat, and tears. He exercised daily (usually), maintained a healthy diet, and kept himself fit.

He wasn’t sick.

Too bad no one believed him. And too bad Genya decided to call Ivan to take him home before also calling Alina to take care of him.

Maybe, just maybe, being sick wasn't so bad. Especially not when he has such a wonderful girlfriend.

---

Both of the fics in this series are great, but I love this one in particular because I’m an absolute sucker for hurt/comfort. Anyone who’s been on my blog for a while knows that it’s my all time favorite trope to read, and this fic fits the hurt/comfort trope to a T in the best of ways. It’s very tender and in character, and Aleksander and Alina are so soft with each other. It’s adorable and really makes you feel for Aleksander, and the caretaking is done perfectly.

All the different layers of dark (thousand little suns) by Anuna (Complete)

One month after the Winter Fete, Aleksander returns to the Little Palace, and Alina has been missing him.

Episode five canon divergence in which Alina had never left Os Alta.

---

This one is soft emotional hurt/comfort smut. They’re both so open and vulnerable with each other, and it’s so beautiful to read. I love the writing style and the emotion in this one. It makes my heart ache in the best way.

An Honourable Man by liviy695 (Complete)

A reimagining of the scene after the winter fete. Alina catches a glimpse of a caring Darkling after he returns from integrating the Conductor. Plus, no Baghra interference.

---

This one is what it says on the tin, in that Baghra doesn’t interfere and they’re allowed to talk after the Darkling interrogates the Conductor. But more than that, it’s a great imagining of how a scene where Aleksander reveals Marie’s death would have gone. There’s a sort of quiet to it that I appreciate, with grief and solemnity weighed against care and vulnerability.

I see the real you (even if you don’t, I do) by Anonymous (Incomplete - 8/?)

A series of questionable decisions lead Alina to meet the Black General a bit earlier. Butterfly effect ensues.

---

I’ve only read half so far (I hadn’t realized it had updated!! 👀👀) but I’m already in love with this fic. Alina’s dialogue and perspective is perfect, her relationship with Mal and the other cartographers is great, and I really enjoy how much personality she has. Aleksander is so smitten, but more than that, his characterization is soft but not weak. It feels almost as if he’s swept up by Alina, instead of the other way around, and I quite like that.

Of parenting by Anuna (Complete)

Alina finds out how her husband handled yet another parenting situation.

---

This is pure adorable Darklina parenting fluff and I live for it. Yet it doesn’t lack depth and in fact explored Alina and Aleksander’s relationship with parenting quite well.

i have a longing by LRCee - @ladylyannastark (Complete)

“So, Alina Starkov, risk-taker, how did you end up being editing’s newest wunderkind?”

Alina Starkov is rising in the publishing world. Singlehandedly responsible for editing (see: rewriting) the hottest book of the year, she lands a coveted spot at Morovoz Publishers. It's the position she's always wanted, at the biggest publishing house in the country. Life is perfect. That crush on her boss though, that's gotta go.

---

OKAY! I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH!! Let me tell you, as someone who is not too fond of Boss/Employee dynamics, I was very wary going into this fic. But boy did it deliver in a way that was perfect for me.

The relationship that develops between Aleksander and Alina is complex but healthy, and it never feels as if there’s too much of a power imbalance or anything that would make Alina feel forced or unhappy. The tension lies purely in how she fears others will perceive her, and not in how unhealthy her relationship with Aleksander is. For somebody who’s often attracted to unhealthy ships, I have to say that my favorite fics are usually ones that don’t have that type of dynamic between the characters. This fic delivers on that.

Also, Aleksander’s POV surrounding his struggle with his Russian heritage and his feelings for Alina is amazing, and has some of the best writing and characterization I’ve seen.

You receive: an evil demon; I receive: human souls by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

The next morning while she tried to tell herself it was a dream, that of course there wasn’t a fucking demon in her house, she found a note taped to her fridge.

“You might eat this shit,” it had written, “but I would like some fucking souls please.”

Darkling Week Prompt 7: free choice. Alina has a demon in her house.

This is absolute crack, and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

---

May I just say that this is the most fun I’ve ever had when reading a fic. It’s interesting with a bit of mystery, and Aleksander as a little shit of a demon is hilarious. Alina in this fic is great too. It’s such a unique take on her POV, especially when you reread it after knowing the ending. 10000/10, this fic is brilliant in every way and I love it.

I had been lost to you, Sunlight by BrytteMystere (Complete)

A Girl became a Woman, became a Sankta, became a Goddess.

Or: An Immortal Alina calls upon merzost to reunite with the Prince of Shadows she lost long ago. She may have lost herself in the process.

But then again, maybe time and endless wars did that instead.

---

You really just have to read this one to get it. It is utterly haunting and fascinating in the best of ways. The writing style is strange and novel and fits so well with the story being told. The composition of the fic as a whole is genius.

I Look Inside Myself (And See My Heart Is Black) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"When is a monster not a monster? Why, when you love it, of course."

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 6: Favorite Quote • King & Queen • Monster

---

Once more, this author comes through with an absolutely breathtaking writing style and story. The imagery is elegant yet brutal, simultaneously horrifying and glorious. There’s a certain way these stories are written, like fairytales, where the beautiful becomes the macabre and becomes ever more stunning because of it. It’s very dark but in a good way - an almost bewitching way.

Afterlife by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“You are asking me to leave?”

“Not asking, shadow,” she said. “Telling. Time to get unlost, loser.”

Day 3 Darklina Week prompt: Modern AU (I mean, barely)

Alina expels ghosts from purgatory.

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@aceofnowhere once again bringing the best of the paranormal to the Grishaverse. Literally everything you write is amazing idk why I’m even pointing out individual fics when I could just rec your whole page. But anyways!! This is fun and interesting and Alina is a badass. Aleksander is, of course, compelling and dark and kind of a little shit, and it’s all incorporated seamlessly into an existential paranormal narrative.

Once Upon a Shooting Star by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"But most of all, she was drawn to a vast darkness that reached out above all of them, a void so hungry for companionship that she knew she could fulfill."

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Let. Alina. Be. Feral!! Anyways, I clearly have a type when it comes to storytelling, and it’s whatever the fuck this person has got going on. Feral!Star!Alina is literally the light of my life. Her interactions with not only other people but the world in general are so well done, but my favorite parts about this fic are the numerous ways her relationship with Aleksander is described and depicted.

I love the dark and light imagery, especially with how it’s portrayed as them filling in the gaps of each other’s lives and supporting each other instead of trying to block each other out. There’s such clear passion and joy and love and devotion between them. The central focus of this fic is on her and Aleksander’s relationship, the interplay between them and their powers and the way her light fills his loneliness, the passing of adoration and trust and reliance between them. It’s very beautiful and I love it.

A Blaze of Light by Keira_63 (Complete)

They discover the Sun Summoner in the burnt-out remains of the Shu laboratory in which she has spent the last seven years of her life.

Or, the Darkling finds himself with a Sun Summoner whose greatest wish is to burn Shu Han to the ground. He is happy to oblige her.

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👀👀 Badass Alina and Badass Aleksander. The ultimate power couple, and Alina burning a path through Shu Han before they both burn a path through the world together. The darkness and rage in this one are handled very well, and the way that rage turns to coldness and then resolve is done so well. This fic is very cathartic and also very furious, and reading it is certainly a trip down emotion lane.

One more for the Road by Rist (Complete)

He returns to the war room shaken, and finds an Alina that cannot leave without at least having tried.

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This one hurts so much but its soooo gooood!!! Very smutty but also very tender and very bittersweet. Sad and soft all at once. I just... love the way Alina and Aleksander are written so much, and Alina’s complicated feelings for him are explored in such detail and depth. This one is truly worth the read.

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startanewdream · 3 years

Note

James and/or Sirius laughing at Harry for growing (or trying to) grow a beard 🧔

That’s it

That’s my comment

Ahhh, it's midnight for me I work early tomorrow but I just *had* to write something along these lines!

Set during winter break at Year 6 (or my fave pining Harry time). Warning for some slang and also that I edited on the phone

________

“Fuck. No, no, it can’t be… fuck!”

The first slang would have made Sirius stop on his way down the hall, but the tone of desolation that follows it, added by the most hopelessness he has ever heard in Harry's voice, makes him open the door to his godson’s bedroom without waiting for an answer.

(Always risky when it comes to teenagers, but it seems to be an emergency)

The first thing he notices is the rotten smell, then the smoke coming out of a cauldron with the fire beneath still lit; sparkles are coming out of Harry’s wand, which he holds high (underage magic? That he won’t tell), but then Sirius’ gaze falls on Harry’s face and he ignores anything else.

Because on Harry’s face there is something so horrendous that Sirius won’t dare to call it a beard. It’s hair.

Harry’s chin spots the same hair as in his head. It’s a dark messy beard that makes him look as if his hair grew all around his mouth.

“What the hell?”

“Don’t laugh!” Harry tells him immediately, a little bit threatening, but Sirius is truly too shocked to even break a smile. This thing is too ghastly for even him to crack a joke about it. “I… I messed up, okay?”

“Kid, that’s an overstatement,” Sirius says, getting closer to his godson slowly. He touches his beard. “How did you get hair on your chin? That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Ugh.” Harry throws a guilty look to the cauldron on the floor. “It’s Grandpa Monty’s fault.”

“Unless his ghost came back to screw your face, it seems as if you did this to yourself, kid.”

“No, I… Look!” He picks a scroll, waving it in front of Sirius’ nose. “I found his old notes in the attic. Five-Second Eazybeard! I swear I brewed the potion exactly as he wrote.”

Sirius eyes the smelly potion.

“Are you sure it was your granddad’s notes? This doesn’t seem like Monty's style at all.”

“Well… I thought so. He was the potioneer in the family, right? And he invented Sleekeazy!”

“And then he didn’t launch anything else,” Sirius reminds him, looking at the potion instructions.

“Because he was rich enough and didn’t need more money?”

Sirius laughs. “Nah, Monty was curious enough to keep inventing. This was probably an attempt that didn’t work.” Sirius shakes his head, smirking. “Look, I am not trying to pull a Lily here, but trying untested potions? That’s a bad idea, Harry.”

"I haven't had problems so far," Harry mumbles to himself. As Sirius is about to ask him what he means by that, Harry grabs his hand suddenly. "I learned the lesson, ok? Now you gotta help me!"

Sirius lifts an eyebrow. "The only thing that would help you is a scissor."

"I've tried! The bathroom is full of this thing, but it just grew back! I've tried to cut it magically, and it's all the same. You are the adult here, do something!"

"What do you want me to do? I can't do an antidote just looking at the ingredient list! You need Lily, just call her—"

"I…" the part of Harry's face that is not covered by hair flushes. "I can't. She is at the Burrow now, helping Mrs Weasley with the New Year's party."

"Then let's go, I am sure it will be easy for her—"

"No!" Harry looks in panic now, his eyes widened. "She cannot know what… what happened."

"Lily will know as soon as—"

"Not… not Mum, it's… look, that's fine. Mum will be back tomorrow, I will just spend the New Year hiding in my room pretending I don't exist."

"Harry… there's nothing to be embarrassed about. You know, growing hair body is perfectly normal at your age—"

"Ugh, stop teasing me."

"I wish I could, but you look truly horrible." Sirius winks at him, sitting on Harry's bed. "What prompted you to do this?"

Harry's flush intensifies.

"I was trying to grow a beard."

"Oh, really?"

"It's… it's stupid, okay? But Ginny was… I mean, I heard some girls saying that they enjoyed guys with a beard and I can only grow that stupid stubble and—argh—I just thought I could give it a try but now I have hair growing all around my head and—"

"You are babbling, kid, I got it."

"No, you don't." Harry runs his hand through his hair, looking very much like James when he is most nervous. "You get to grow a beard when you want it. You get this whole shining hair. You get women to sigh for you and I… I am just this stupid teenager who can't even have a full beard."

Sirius blinks. "You are worrying way too much, Harry. And, well, if you want to be assured, you are nice—girls have taken a fancy to you, haven't they?"

"That's just the Chosen One thing, it's not really… me."

Sirius fights back a smile. Harry seems really desolate.

"Look, you've grown well. You are still growing. I am sure people notice you. You have your mother's gorgeous eyes and you do look like James—if there is any comfort in this, I remind you that James got Lily to feel attracted to him, so you can't be that bad." Harry frowns, and Sirius isn't sure if it's because he doesn't want to think of their parents being attracted to each other or if because he doesn't trust Lily's opinion on this matter. "I am sure Ginny thinks you are attractive, beard or no beard."

Harry jumps.

"Who said anything—"

"Oh, are we still pretending you don't fancy her?"

Harry looks away. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Yeah, sure. So you don't mind going to the Burrow now and showing up like this?"

"Of course I do! I mean… Ron would tease me."

"Ron."

"And the twins. I mean, look at this!"

"Yeah, I would be upset if they didn't. So many joke opportunities. You are hairy, Harry."

Harry puts his hands in front of his face. Sirius refrains from telling him this doesn't hide his beard at all.

"So… what do I do now?"

"We truly need Lily's help on this… we need to go to the Burrow."

"I can't—"

"Don't worry." Sirius breathes heavily. "Your godfather won't leave you alone on this."

_________

"It was an accident, Lily," Sirius tells her, his hand playing with the hair over his chin. His new grown hair beard reaches his chest and Sirius is almost finishing a braid by now. "I was trying some old potion, and then Harry was close and it just splashed in both of us."

Lily lifts her eyebrows, her eyes moving from Sirius to Harry and then back.

"An accident?" she repeats, incredulous.

"I am so sorry," he says, the portrait of innocence. "Could you help us with an antidote? And before you say anything, I know I shouldn't have tested an unknown potion. But do this for Harry, not for me. Poor kid doesn't deserve to spend the night hiding. It's a New Year's party after all!"

Lily shakes her head, amused.

"Fine, because you asked so eloquently. I will grab my potion kit, a hair inhibitor should be enough."

"You truly are the best, Lily," Sirius tells her, beaming.

Harry waits until his mother is out of the room to let out a relieved breath.

"Thanks so much, Sirius," he says.

Sirius nods, still messing with the hair on his chin. It's so weird and it looks as ghastly in him as it does on Harry.

He doesn't regret applying that potion to his face. His sacrifice worked just as he planned to: with two people having hair growing out of their chins, the attention was divided and with Sirius taking the blame, people felt sorry enough for Harry to not mock him much.

"Hey," they turn around to see Ginny coming closer, holding a tray with some sandwiches for them. "Mum thought you would be hungry while hiding here."

"Thanks," Sirius says, because Harry seems too busy pretending to look outside the window, anything so he can try to avoid Ginny looking at his beard.

Ginny nods at Sirius, but she approaches Harry anyway.

"Your mum is already working on the antidote, don't worry," she tells him gently. "Look, it's not as bad as that time Percy tried to grow a moustache, remember?"

Harry chuckles. "You are so lying."

"I would never," she assures him, voice light. "Look at me."

Harry turns to her almost as if he can't control it. His eyes soften as he gazes upon her, and Sirius is suddenly reminded of how Lily always looks when she sees James.

Ginny raises her hand slowly, giving Harry plenty of time to back away, but he just stays quiet as she touches his beard, her fingers running through it. Sirius suspects Harry isn't even breathing anymore.

"It's soft," she tells Harry and for a moment they just stare at each other. Sirius decides that he is really witnessing a moment that he doesn't want to, but his attempt to quietly leave the room only alerts them to his presence. Ginny's hand falls back as if she got electrocuted. "Anyway, you look better without it."

Harry grimaces. "I guess that stupid stubble is better than this."

"Stupid stubble?" Ginny blinks, evidently surprised. "It's not stupid, I… I mean, girls love it on you."

"They do?"

"Yeah, well, just thinking about your stubble brushing my skin—I mean, their skin, as in other girls' shoulders, or holding your face while… never mind, I just… I just heard it, that's all. You are drawing a lot of attention."

"I know, all this Chosen One stupid thing—"

"It's not it... you are really oblivious to your charm, Harry."

"You think I am charming?" Harry asks, longing evident in his voice now.

"I…" Ginny hesitates, turning away as if she doesn't want to answer this while looking at Harry, and her eyes meet Sirius. He smirks at her, knowing perfectly well her answer. Ginny's face reddens even as her jaw sets in a protective instance. "Yeah, with the stubble. Everyone knows it. It's common knowledge. I… I have to go, I think I heard Mum calling me."

Sirius could point out that Molly didn't call her at all, but he opts for just letting Ginny go, his smirk more than enough to let her know she didn't fool him.

At the other corner of the room, Harry's face is spotting a huge grin, watching the door with a dreamy expression.

"She likes my stubble!" He declares happily. "Oh, I need to take off this stupid long beard now."

Sirius shakes his head at Harry, amused. At least Harry won't ever complain about his inability to grow a beard again.

#Eyes glistening #Jily lives AU #Sirius being a good godfather #Harry having teenage issues #i will edit it better in the morning

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