#And its almost SUMMER again!

[newvegascowboy]

+

#not fallout #kal talks #ok to preface this is a POSI VENT #it just might get a little heavy #i tend to be a Little Personal on here and im going to be a lil more personal. im thinky thoughts #but man... its been a year since literally the lowest point in my life #like last march. i will say. was... really bad for me mentally. i wont go much deeper than that but maybe some of you remember. #im much much better now but i will say i was a little wary as this month and anniversary approached because i was afraid basically #(the actual anniversary passed last week and i didnt notice) #but ive managed to do soo much growing and healing from where i was last year like it is honestly astonishing #im definitely not the same person i was when i couldn't even honestly confront myself #in a way i think what happened last year was one of the best things to happen to me #it doesn't mean that nothing bad will ever happen in the future but it does mean that i survived that and i can survive whatever else #happens too #healing isnt linear i know that. like obviously im going to have setbacks and some days im incredibly whiny and bitchy #like October/November were suuuper hard on me mentally #but again - still here! #still alive and still putting laundry away and taking baths and reading books and doing art #And its almost SUMMER again! #and god i want to live this summer. #and its kind of funny how...when you think you want to die just saying thr words 'i want to live' feels like...idk. it feels like something #but i want to live #and i want to go hike at zion and i want to eat watermelon and i want to sit in the sun and paint red rocks #i wanted to die last year and it felt so real i could have but im still here and i want to live and do things while im here #that's all i guess #life's hard. its a bitch and then you die. but there are some pretty good parts to it too and every summer i remember why

[edge-oftheworld]

real talk though how much of their success was facilitated by the fact liz hemmings sees 'child with adhd' and thinks 'future world renowned musician' and just invested so much love and time and money into nurturing not only her own child's ambitions but also these two kids he brought home from school and the table drummer from her year 9 math class of 2009

#she's one of my heroes fr #she believed in them so much #this is exactly what every kid growing up neurodivergent needs #and she's a teacher. she knows things!! it's not blind optimism #liz hemmings #5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #calum hood #michael clifford #neurodivergence #adhd #i'm not a doctor #neurodivergent acceptance fr #long before there was a mainstream conversation about it #some people just get it so instinctively and let's appreciate them! #disclaimer this post came almost entirely from thinking about ashton's artist friendly episode. i'm not here to armchair dx ppl #i chose to post it bc we can all do with thinking a bit about what we're seeing before we judge people for their adhd traits #or infantalise them or whatever and i think the fandom is ready #again i'm not here to say who does and doesn't have adhd i don't know that. but i do know its traits and i want to call them what they are

[icewindandboringhorror]

I can't do much productively during the heat wave/health issue flare up/etc. like work on my games or anything where I have to sit at the computer/type for long periods of time, BUT.. I did passively sculpt a few tiny foods lol. I wanted to do one of my bigger usual sculptures, but those take so much more time and concentration, I thought something small just to keep my hands busy would be better.. close up photos look kind of weird and blurry from my camera settings or something, but overall they came out okay, especially in person.. Nearly the only reason I ever wanted to buy dolls as a kid was to get my hands on the miniature foods and plates and stuff that came with them, I've always just been obsessed with small versions of things like that, so.. why not make some! lol

#sculpture #ooops.. i could have posted this on the art blog but I forgor and do not feel like reuploading everything #into a new drafted post on a whole other blog.. not in this heat.. i have no patience lol #items are: tomato. asparagus. a four leaf clover (not food lol). some sort of folded bun or dumpling with meat inside (not based on #anything specific. I just wanted to fold a flat sheet of clay into a shape). pomegranate. cheese wheel. lemon slice. some sort of mushroom. #fish (not a real one. just made up. if it looks like any specific fish that'd be interesting). and fig. #I haven't been able to get many avocaodo pits to carve again. so sculpting. then is good for a tiny craft #WISH I COULD DO COSTUMES OR SOMETHING.. i have some pikced out. bundles of clothes laying on the floor of the closet #but GODS even before the heat wave it's just been so warm.. I know.. it's the summer. of course it's warm #but WHYYYyy............. what if it just snowed all year around and was awesome and beautiful and i was so cold and could wear 25 blankets #at all times.. what about THAT hmm?? .. the ideal.. #anyway.. my favorite is the pomegranate and the mushroom maybe #The fig is hard because in the pictures of figs I googled a lot of them have that sort of white powdery type of thing on the outside #that grapes and plums and stuff have sometimes and it's hard to convey that weird like.. sheen.. plus the purple with almost powdery blue #and little lighter specks plus streaks of light green and a little orangey on some of them. #It's okay in person I think but this doesnt show up as much in pictures. The cheese also looks betterin person than images. you can't tell #the slight shine in the pictures lol. but the pomegranates look cool and also photograph decent.. hmm #I should have made toast with an egg on it or something. that would be a nice addition #OH ALSO ASPARAGUS MY BELOVED.. though they look a little wonky. the cuticle pusher tool that I sculpt with in leiu of any actual sculpting #tools has a kind of triangle edge that was suite for the little leaf details of the asparagus so that was cool. its like..ALMOST right lol

[calumhoodgoss]

horror story of a teenage 5sos blogger

let me set the scene - its the mid 2010s, I'm 17, in the height of my 5sos fan career, im watching keek compilations all day and scrolling tumblr all night. Life is good.

Fast forward a few months and I start talking to this cute boy at school. we start going on dates, having first kisses - and first everything elses. we're falling madly in love. it's intense (and so cringy to look back at as an adult) but again, life is good! not a worry in the world!!

eventually.. it somehow comes up that my boyfriend and i both have tumblrs (of VERY different nature's mind you). we wanted to show eachother things we'd found online but we were both adamant we didn't want to see eachothers blogs (FOR OBVIOUS REASONS). instead of following each other, we would send each other screenshots of funny textposts, pictures, etc. - blacking out our respective blog names and url's to protect our online anonymity. life is good!

now by day, I'm spending all hours messaging my totally hot boyfriend but by night... by night, I'm reblogging hot gifs of calum hood, smut fanfics, imagines, general gifs of hot couples making out (ifykyk). it's the HEIGHT of tumblr fanfiction and imagine culture and I could not get enough. i was exploring things in real life with my boyfriend while also exploring online through fics. reblogging every single thing along the way. i was having my cake and eating it too and it was a fucking good time to be alive. life is so good!

of course, like any normal person, I was using my tags as a stream of consciousness. a way to get out my feelings about cal, about my boyfriend, about being a teenager, about LITERALLY EVERYTHING. Unfiltered, hormonal, teenage girl writing about the boys she likes. every. damn. night. life! is! good!

until.. all until.. my boyfriend and i were lying together in a park, under a tree, light filtering down on us as we talk and laugh and kiss - a perfect afternoon UNTIL he says there's something he has to tell me. 'what does *name of my blog* mean?'

TURNS OUT, the very first time I sent him a screenshot of something, I didn't black out my url properly and he had been SECRETLY STALKING MY BLOG FOR MONTHHHSSSS.

MONTHS

MONTHS!!!!!!

Literally just months worth of calum hood smut, so.much.smut, smut requests too!!!, soft porn gifs WITH TAGS LITERALLY EXPLICITLY ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND, countless text posts about our dates and whatever the fuck I was thinking or feeling that day, 5sos drama, EVERYTHING. EVERYTHINGGGGG. ABSOLUTELY EV ER Y THIN G

needless to say that blog was immediately scorched from the surface of the earth. and since then, I virtually haven't been on 5sos tumblr - until now. I was so mortified that I wasn't just throwing my thoughts into the void, I was literally scarred.

we're still together though lol I guess he some how liked me enough to look past the 5sos blog HAHA. he's a much stronger person than I because if the roles were reversed and he had some obsessed teenage fan blog, I think i would have gotten the ick straight away. Especially since I literally NEVER talked about 5sos with him because I was soooo embarrassed that I was obsessed with them (this was album one era guys HAHA and my boyfriend was way cooler than me in highschool). now I don't care, I play them in the shower all the time - he can deal with it hahaha

moral of the story is, idk don't tell your teenage boyfriend you have tumblr cause he will find your blog

#he showed me his blog to make me feel better #it wasnt even embarrassing #he would post his film photos on there #and some of them did really well #this was 10 years ago #before film really started having its hay day again in the main streem #he was way cooler than me #i just reblogged stories about calum hoods dick 😭 #5sos #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #luke hemmings #michael clifford #ashton irwin #***almost 10 years ago

[sapphicsnzs]

im so grateful for this corner of the internet where i can just get my frustrations out

#self obs #i will delete this later but i just need to get it out #i told my two best friends about how i got rejected and they both were just like move on lol #like i don’t think they realize how awful i feel right now like literally that was my dream and im scared im never gonna be able to do it #i also somehow have to tell my parents and that’s a whole different problem #my parents are already up my ass about me quitinh my job for no reason #well basically i think they’re trying to get me to move home for the summer which doesn’t make sense to quit my job i’ve been working at #for almost a year to come back and get a job for a month #but like i can’t think of another reason that my parents would randomly want me to quit my job #so i’m stressed about that and now i also have to tell them i got rejected and now i can’t start the part of my degree that i need for my #fucking job and fuck i’m so stressed and don’t know what to do #and im just like so embarrassed and everyone is acting like its not a big deal even tho like if i apply again i probably won’t even get it #because i didn’t even make it past the interview phase and anyways im just so upset with myself and everything #i like actually thought my life was turning around and i was gonna be happy finally but nope #anyways this is just me sobbing and trying to let out my frustrations because no one will actually listen or validate that i’m upset #whatever im gonna go drink some wine and probably pass out on the floor of my room

[batz]

.

#frank.txt #also shit is FUCKED rn . im so STRESSED #my landlord had a landlord moment so we're moving. also this place is getting unbearable #we live near freedom convoy folks and ive been called all sorts of slurs just trying to walk to 7/11 so . idk #maybe the next place will at least have homophobes that aren't as shouty and angry n shit bc GOD. GOD #that one guy that followed me halfway home just yelling slurs like yeah maybe moving out is a blessing in disguise #also this house haa no insulation which is awful in summer and winter #the next place we're going to is more expensive unfortunately but like. its insulated. doesnt have squirrels in the attic. or asbestos. #so uhm yayyy #its in a very secluded farmland area. tbh maybe thats what i need rn bc my physical and mental health arent super sturdy rn #physically feeling a bit bettr tho! just having bubble baths about it <3 #i only post now on my priv twit @dykefiend rn #once things are settled ill go back to posting art . #bc i RLLY want to draw my own stuff soon i just gotta work on commissions wnd then start PACKING #genuinely almost cried last night thinking abt how i'll probably be able to see stars at night again #its the outskirts of the city in a rural area. super rundown broken down house but gorgeous yard. all u can hear is wind ans birds #no sirens or yelling or cars!

[crowsareverytired]

about to do the hardest job in my life, changing my bed sheets

#it hasnt been changed since like summer and its almost summer again so yk

[jirai-kei-freak]

why does it have to be this way

#Why #I was doing so good this past year #There were times I was literally crying tears of joy because I haven’t felt as happy as I was in years #Now shit’s coming back and I don’t like it #Every fucking time man #“Well life is supposed to have its ups and downs” HAVE YOUVE WENT THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH #summer through all the way to the end of 2023 was one of two of the most miserable times I ever went through #I was almost never happy #Had cheap laughs for like 20 minutes then back to misery #There wasn’t a single day were I didn’t wish i was dead #Literally I would wake up and i immediately wanted to start crying #Thats how bad things were #You could see it in my face how lonely and miserable i was #I hadnt felt that empty for like a good few years since then #It was to the point where I thought there was never going to be light in my life ever again #I went through some fucked up shit and now im traumatized 10x more then i was before #The first day of school was a weak after some extremely traumatic stuff happened man #Then the new year started and everything was starting to get better #I started taking medication #I was much more happier #My self esteem boosted up #I started working on myself and became a better person #I dont think i ever had a period of my life where i felt THAT BETTER #Like I said i was crying because I had felt a massive weight lifted off my shoulders #It literally felt like i saw the light #I legitimately thought things were getting truly getting better #It’s just gonna be the same damn cycle over and over again huh? #For several months I feel depressed as shit #Then for a few months things start to clear up #Then suddenly and abruptly things go back to the shit

[dustofthedailylife]

We arrived safely in Osaka yesterday after spending a week in Tokyo.

The Shinkansen ride there was an adventure because we couldn't find the gate at the Tokyo station and had to get our tickets exchanged because we missed the train because of our cluelessness. Which worked... bless the guy at the tourist Information who just rescheduled the tickets we had. In Germany we would say "Ehrenmann". Everyone is so friendly here, no joke 🥹

When we arrived we then went to eat some Ramen and explored Dotonbori a bit before heading back to our Hotel.

I also bought some merch already that I'll show you when I get back home. Bad news is that I couldn't find the GiGO Kaveh acrylic stand in all of Tokyo or Osaka anymore. It was sold out everywhere two days after the event started. Dude 😭

#🍁 japan travel #it's so hot here atm tho #I'm never visiting Japan in the middle of Summer again #actual hell #its almost 20 degrees hotter here than back home 😂 #I am dying and frying

[xcziel]

got a bunch of little baby plants and am doing some repotting but damn i have a hard time remembering which ones can't have direct light

all but a few of them are low light types because i don't like window or overhead light (i am a cave gremlin)

but some of them need at least indirect light and i'm trying to get those situated well to the french doors (also i bought another seasonal fern bc i am weak and it's hogging a bunch of the space)

some of the tiny ones are barely hanging on and idk what to do else besides sun+ water

i thiiiink it's the tiny peperomia, the mini spider plant, and the aglaonema that really need out of the direct sunbeams and the couple of little succulents that need moved in more

the one snake plant that i haven't watered for six months needed a bigger pot so i upgraded it and i hope it takes it well. the bitty pearl pothos doesn't need a bigger pot but less sun and more drainage i think, so it got a new pot too

why do i get tempted by plants when i hate natural light so much? i did buy a *little* grow light for the corner though

i need plants that are ok with just ambient low light - the sansevieria is out of the window reach entirely but has been putting up fresh green shoots? the big peace lily keeps unfurling new leaves in the dark corner as long as it gets plenty of water?

but the other peace lily that was by the window is crunchy now and idk how to rehab it (still green? and not wilted but the leaves are crunkly so)

also i seeded some rosemary and sage and they are sprouting but the mint did not come up at all ://

#someone stop me from buying more snake plants just bc they survive #i killed my poor desk philodendron idk how and the diffenbachia too #i need more idiot proof plants but i keep having hopes when i walk past the racks outside the store #i need a palm or something tall for the living room across from the peace lily that just gets a tiny bit more light #also i want a billion succulents but one outdoor one died and its still hard to restrain myself #i need plants that light 60watt lamp light for by the bed where no natural light reaches lol #but also i need an explanation of where this indoor plant hunger comes from #i have a yard but everything out there dies come the months of baking heat #and only the grass really comes back - it's going gangbusters in the empty plant bed right now where nothing else seems to grow #(but weeds) #and if i have to bring the plants in for the summer they can't need bright light which is what they would get on the porch #also i don't want to bring bugs inside quite frankly - the spiders are enough for me (the gnat or two is too many) #i need to figure out how to get my pothos to be fluffier again rather than super leggy it's ridiculous #plant whining #i desperately want a ficus and i'm so afraid i can't keep it alive #i am very attentive for a while but then there will be a period where i keep thinking 'i will water tomorrow' only it can be almost a week #mainly i think the tap water is not great and i now i want to water with filtered water but i think i keep using more water than i should #why can't plant-coddling instincts be inherited? i just don't have that 'feel' for exactly what they need like my mom

[catchingjinns]

i have been postponing happiness. forcing myself to achieve one goal after another without taking the time to appreciate living.

#one of the worst summers surely #its almost over but i still feel immensely overwhelmed #and i realized that today has been particularly difficult because i could not answer the 'when will you be happy at last' question #i should start reading again #catch up on some old friends #go on walks #p

[littlebigplanet]

two more weeks of work,,,,,,,,

#which is really just two more days. since i only work sundays #three counting today. still have seven hrs left in my shift. fml #its fine i have the same group i had last week. i like them because theyre mostly continent<3 #absolute win for both not breaking my back changing people AND for not getting covered in urine the whole day! yippee! #i do have three inconts today but they're all nice and easy so idc #theres just five weeks left in the semester and then i go home. finally. finally #applying to work at the hospital nearest my house cause i KNOW they do per diem #i dont need the flexibility during the summer but itll be nice once school starts again in august #i cannot BELIEVE im almost done w my second year of college thats so scary. i turn 20 in six months..... eugh #🫀

[soft-girl-musings]

if therapy good, why sleep bad the night before?

#its almost 5am rebekah i am going to be exhausted yet again #it's been like this all summer #all year really #shouting into the void here

[cheerfullycatholic]

Today was bad and it was mostly my doing 🥲 hopefully tomorrow is better, my nephew's getting baptized!

#gotta give some credit to the weather though #i like saying i hate one of God's creations but i do severely dislike summer #it didnt even feel that hot today but i was sweating like a pig??? #i was just standing in the bathroom earlier trying to figure out makeup for tomorrow and it was dripping off my arms #we were all miserable #my mom my dad and i all have headaches #i almost threw up #im trying to stay hydrated but i dont think ive been keeping up with the sweat #and im just ready for fall #just gotta!!!! #get through august!!! #and probably half of september!!!! #then i will be at full power once again!!!!!!!!! #OH MY GOSH 🤦 big oopsie #i meant to say i DONT like saying i hate God's creation #its too far back im not going to fix it #i need to not type so fast and double check what i say

[salsflore]

i woke up like 10? 15? mins ago from a nap — its 10 pm now but but its okay i feel refreshed... alive... energized and ready to think about destroying my f/os

#the thing i enjoy most abt summer break is just. i can nap whenever i want. in the afternoon or when its almost night #the freedom to nap is truly the best. saves me from going crazy #i’m dreading going back to school ;;; #knowing i’ll eventually have to go back to that same old routine again is very .... #💭

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I was falling asleep because it's 4:30 in the morning but then a friend that I have a mild crush on texted me and asked what horror movies corresponds to which areas at camp, and clearly Climbing Wall is Vertigo, Aquatics is Jaws and Ecology-Conservation is The Birds, (these were her assignments) but she wanted to know whether Blair Witch fit Scoutcraft (basic scouting skills) or Handicraft (arts and crafts) more, and I said Handicraft because of the figurine things, then she asked what Scoutcraft would be, and full disclosure, I like horror movies but I don't watch a lot of them. I'm picky. Because I don't like gore or zombies and I have anxiety so it's difficult. Okay. So I literally Googled "outdoor horror movies" and tried to find one that I recognized, and thankfully Midsommar was on that list and I've seen and enjoyed Midsommar, so that's what I said. The only other horror movies I can remember seeing are Cabin in the Woods (masterpiece but doesn't fit) and one I can't remember the name of but it's about a video game and has Frankie Muniz and the guy that played Mary Lightly in Psych. And tbh, most of my horror movies knowledge comes from parody episodes of Psych. Especially the Hitchcock episode. I only knew Vertigo because of Psych. This post was a whole lot of inconsequential nonsense, but I get a pass because it's 4:30am and I'm talking to a cool girl.

#okay shes beautiful. one of the kindest people ive met #shes trans. she works at a summer camp. she knows horror movies. we became fast friends #shes so easy to talk to. we met over a one week long event and the rest of our friendship has been over text #its nice to have someone to talk to about horror movies at 4:30am (3:30am her time) #especially Midsommar because i really love that movie. im trhing to find a way to being up Cabin In The Woods #because its truly my fav horror movie and one of my fav movies period. its so good #'but austyn you said you dont like zombies or gore' stfu this movie is the exception #how can you see the travel mug bong. chris hemsworth die via atv over a ravine. the guy getting killed by a mermaid in beautiful irony #and not think that its the best movie ever written #i could talk about that movie for forever #i asked her fav horror movie and im going to watch whatever one she says #even if its gory and full of zombies. im gonna watch it. in my type of strange way of trying to connect #fuck she said the original texas chainsaw massacre. i feel like thats gonna be gory. but im a man of my word #shesaid she doesn't usually have the patience for movies or tv. truly a woman after my own heart #jk jk im really trying not to be weird i promise. but i dont usually have the attention span for movies or tv (especially movies) either #its almost 5am and i should be asleep but instead im not #now im really feeling some horror. i might make the next book i read horror again #if youve read this far and have any good horror book recommendations pls lmk #edit: i read the plot synopsis for texas chainsaw massacre and i cannot watch it. dear god.