#GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING SAC!!!!!

[bucky-beetle]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#Spoilers for 109 jrwi #episode 109 #jrwi #jrwi 109 #CHIP NO #DONT YOU FUCKING #DUMBASS CHIP AAAAHH!!! #GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING SAC!!!!! #>:[ #Queen >3< mwah mwah mwah!!! #DONT MAKE A DEAL WITH THAT FILTHY BITCH!! #GET OUT OF THE FUCKING SAC >:[ #ACTUALLY YELLING AT CHIP LIKE A CAT THAT HAS BEEN EATING PLASTIC!!! #GET OUUUT!!! #GOT FUCKING DAM IT KRIS WHAT TJE FUCK IS HE DOING!?!??

[firefly-sky]

i’m sorry but sheila broflovski being homo/transphobic is the biggest fucking bullshit ever like if anything gerald was in canon transphobic to mrs. garrison? and sheila was the one who defended her and explained transgender stuff in a way that a nine year old could understand and then in fics when kyle comes out he’s suddenly disowned thrown on the streets homeless and selling crack for food like there’s no fucking way any of y’all really think she’s a raging homophobe 💀

#using humor to get my anger out 💪 #sheila broflovski #sure sheila’s fucked yo but all the parents have #and at least she’s trying for her kids and husband #that’s more than i can say for the other sad shit sacs of parents #south park #skipper speaks #kyle broflovski #gerald broflovski #broflovski #broflovskis #i’m referring to mr. garrisons fancy new vagina #s09ep01

[infizero]

oh i should probably clarify also with that art that. in my hc afab inkfish's "boobs" are actually just extra ink sacs lol. so no nipples or anything. which is why. there aren't any in that drawing. just so we're all on the same page here

#there is technically kind of canon basis for this hc because there was that shirtless glitch and the male inklings at least are not #depicted with nipples. so yknow #this also coincides with splatoon's society being a matriarchy (ex: the only octoling soldiers we ever see besides eight are female) #which again is not technically canon. just something i know in my heart to be true #i could go into further detail about the extra ink sac thing but i wont lol. but yes they're able to regulate how much ink is stored #so for turf war for example they have to be empty so everyone is on the same playing field #which does result in the very funny side effect that that would mean getting top surgery would nerf you. anyways #also all inkfish are intersex to me. no canon basis for that one i just think it'd be cool #you rlly think shit like ''biological sex'' matters in splatoon. who cares im a fucking squid dawg check this shit out #serena.txt

[princeofcyberpunk]

eepy guy eepy guy

uh anyway heres all the stuff i acquired from the con

i can nawt recall any artist names rn i apologize im just showing my silly things

that picture is horrid!!!!! my god

fun shiny raincode print. genuinely shrieked when i saw someone selling shit of this game and bought it on the spot. wonderful 11/10!!!

highlight of the entire con (besides the person who ran up to me cuz i was cosplaying Alice from American McGee's Alice and took a picture w/ me ;w; /vvvpos) was this Pokemon Legends: Arceus protagonist print. hoooolyyyy shit dude i cannot even begin to tell you how much i adore pla but its a lot !!! (a lot!! a lot of concussions!! /ref) and this art is gorgeous and i love it and AAAAAAAA

xiao print (feat. a usb cord lmao) i got cuz one of my besties bought two and got a third free so they chose xiao and gave it to me cuz hes my favorite genshin lad. hes so pretty !!!!!!!

i cannot begin to recreate the unholy noise i made when i noticed someone selling FUCKING KAGEROU PROJECT SHIT WHATTTTTTT /VVVVVPOSSS. in case u dont know what that is its this rlly complicated vocaloid album/manga/anime thats hard to explain but it goes hard. and by hard to explain i mean im a huge fan and i genuinely have no idea whats going on. anyway!! the character is Ayano Tateyama :3c and the print is gorgeous omg (i wanted to get either/both the momo and kano charms too but i banned myself from buying charms cuz im afraid im gonna lose them D:)

gorgeous p5 print that i cannot believe i didnt notice until the third day lmao???? i love everyones expressions so much dude theyre all so silly!!!!!!!!!! i apologize to the artist having to hold up their square reader over their display as i blanked on what my fucking email was for the receipt. call me the fool arcana cuz im a fuckin dumbass /j

#princeposting #sac anime #sacanime 2024 #in case you went and wanted to know who i was: #on day 1 i was dressed as my oc and was wearing formal attire w/ a bunny eared tophat w/ playing cards on it #day 2 i was genderbent Alice Liddell from American Mcgee's Alice (shoutout to the 3 ppl the entire day who knew what it was i will treasure #those interactions forever) #had a (prop) knife that i held by the blade instead of the handle the entire day bcus i didnt want it to be in the way of ppl walking #day 3 (today) i had on a Chococat inspired outfit for my friends' and i's group cosplay thing for Sanrio #very fun having to quite literally tuck my tail between my legs in the artist alley to avoid ppl bumping into it or it getting in the way / #(it has wire so it kinda stuck out) #AND ONCE AGAIN WHOEVER WAS WEARING THE PRINCE AND EMPEROR COSPLAYS OMG YOU GUYS ROCK #there were a lot of splatoon cosplays there but no other manga cosplays that absolutely made my fucking week seeing that dude ;w;

[the-gay-prometheus]

I have now seen Koraidon (new legendary Pokemon from Pokemon Scarlet) in its Not Motorcycle and Not Bipedal form - aka its normal, natural state and

I take back everything negative I've ever said about it.

It is baby, it is perfect, I love it, I would kill for it, I am holding it so gentle in my brain

#game freak. game freak you FOOLS #you utter BUFFOONS #you have created the perfect pokemon and you defile it by making it have wHEELS???? #that it doesnt even use??????? #listen. *listen.* i could forgive the dewlap throat pouch thingy. totally acceptable for it to have that. #but even then why the fuck it gotta be out every time you get on its back????? #I'll accept it in its bipedal 'im gonna fight god' form because yeah bitches be using throat sacs for threat displays irl. its a vibe. #but why the absolute fuckity fuck does it need to be inflated when its just vibing or running around with a guy on its back????? #also why he curl he tail into a wheel beneat his hind legs?????????????? #let my guys tail go free it aint do nothin wrong #he dont need WHEEL he got LEGGIES #let his tail whip around and wiggle when he run and jump!!!!! not be curled underneath him as if he scare!!!!! #pokeposting #a brief pause in frankenposting

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the thing abt me is that if u complement me in an academic context i will melt #me walking into every interview: fuck this school. i dont wanna go there. im sad. on one is gonna want me. i can hardly function. fuck this #me walking out of every interview: fuck. the project is cool and they said nice things abt me 😭 #fuck. the guy from the lab i interviewed with basically said if u wanna be here i can make it happen. i like ur style and i think ur a #super good candidate 😭 and he quoted my wanky writing bc i got a bit flowery and idealistic lol #and hes on the admissions committee so he was like: yea i can support u if u want just let me kno #and fucking hell the project is cool. but the thing is i think id have to be less of a sad sac bc i think he expects a lot and is hands off #but it is a big institution with a lot of creative ppl and theyre good abt supporting interdisciplinary work #so like the opportunities there would be pretty fucking great i think. hhhhhh god. theres no way i could take the uk one now #fuck. wtf am i gonna do abt that? do i bow out now before ive committed so they have a shot with another person #or is it too late for that bc they already put my name forward to the committee #god dammit. this was the one i was supposed to b like yea no shot am i getting this. and now im like fucking considering it like #the opportunities.... but id have to live in new jersey... it would b closer to home i guess. id b back on east coast time #and i could work with Yellowstone organisms. and i bet the classes r pretty fucking rad education wise #god. decisions. im gonna play Choices by the Hoosiers like a million times #thats what i did wjen i was deciding to go for undergrad. and then i didnt even decide. i was just like... well i dont wanna go to the #place all my classmates r going. i will go 3hrs away. then 12hrs by plane for my masters #fuck. at least it went well. everyone was nice and the 2nd guy i talked to was like: #even if u dont go here. email me if u end up working with zinc and i can help. and i was like 😭 #i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol #i was way too nervous. but it was ok. but also i dont understand wtf other incoming phd students r like?? #like they say im a good candidate and ive got good background and im like ??? what sort of losers r u looking at if u think im good? #i just think maybe what i wanna do is unique and very specific so im like not trying to do just anything. i have standards lol #and apparently im more coherent than i give myself credit for. i talk good sometimes and i have enthusiasm when i dont feel like im dying #god. i was not expecting this. i dont belong at a school working with tech startups like wtf. i come from a place of slightly trash #universities lol. well my undergrad uni wasnt so bad... well i mean the city is the butt of a lot of ohio related jokes tho. im looking at #u klinger. fucking mean streets of toledo. whatever the school im at now is worse. couldnt even keep my boss here smh #anyway what the fuck. and i got a lotta writing done today what the fuck #me being competent???? unheard of. god. imagine if i had my shit together. i could kill god. algae and other scientists would fear me #unrelated

[kasprs]

brain been the worst its been in years and i cant catch a gd break

#ive vented about it too much on twitter already i know everyones tired of me depression posting #so ill just leave a little bit of it here too to give the fine folks following me there a bit of respite lmao #shit sucks tho i need to move to sac already so i can at least be a depressed bitch in a new city #somewhere that actually has a nightlife scene at all and has plenty of places i havent already explored and new people to befriend #where i can actually work in food service again and not have to commute 45-1hr in either direction to be somewhere my vibe #the sooner i can get out of salinas the better fuck my life #kasper.txt

[imwritesometimes]

"but what will you do if she ends up not liking her marriage?"

like.... lmao.... WHAT? what will *I* do?!??! nothing! she chose to run off and secretly marry a guy years older than her that she'd known for a couple months. she chose this as a grown woman over 30 not some naive 19 year old relative I should intervene for

#what if he steals her money what if what if what if like MY RELATIVES IN CHRIST I DID NOT DO THIS #I DID NOT TELL HER TO MARRY THIS MAN. I ASKED HER WTF SHE WAS DOING. I WAS IGNORED. #THE OBVIOUS. MASSIVE. RED FLAGS WERE IGNORED. SHE IS NOW DICK-NOTISED. I AM NOT DOING SHIT. IT IS NOT MY FAULT. #and furthermore like lmao she straight up fuckin DITCHED me after years of 'omg we're like SISTERS' #the SECOND she could hang around bougie ass sac town political upper crust groupies like #let all them help her out if she gets in a fuckin bind #what am *I* gonna do like bitch tbh I'm gonna laugh like wtf #delte later #I just really needed to get that out holy fuck

[skull-storm-daily]

7/20/2022 (high cost deck)

#inscryption #kaycee's mod #high cost deck #skull storm daily #would you believe me if i got elk-morsel totem again. AGAIN. #truly ecstatic i fucking love these runs they're really.... the GOAT. heheh. #got undying goat and undying pack rat as soon as physically possible of course #VERY last card i picked up and put a sigil on was double strike lammergeier which was VERY nice #but alright as the expert who's gotten to try out elk-morsel totem runs three times before and won two of them let me tell you the REAL mvp #if you find yourself on the elk-morsel path and you're set to go with your undying goat. the best card you'll pick up otherwise. is RED HART #literally literally literally yeah go ahead and stock up on moose bucks to get your run going but listen get as many red harts as you can. #play your goat and then continue to sac all your elk cards alternately with undying goat to build up that attack power #and then sac your red hart onto it. HUGE boost to the power there based on how much momentum you've picked up #and THEN. sac your goat onto THAT again. to save the attack power boost from red hart. so it doesn't drop the next turn #and then you can sac literally whatever card you want onto that like a dire wolf or lammy bird or whatever and get those TEETH #i never. really got to do anything with my teeth this run but that's beside the point #but yeah holy shit red hart underrated mvp of elk-morsel runs #undying goat + undying pack rat really useful for fishing for good items you might need too

[secrosss]

new dunmesh ep was so fucking awesome i am going to eat my foot

#i speaku #spoilers here in tags as i ramble so watch out if u havent read the manga/ watched the ep #BUT ITS SO FUCIKINGGG BLOOODDYYYY #the last shot. fucking spectacular. superb #reading it didnt really register to me just how bloody the whole part of this thing is and i love how fucking casual these guys are to bloo #marcy just holding onto laois severed leg w a smile on her face and just. the blood stained hands in general... #laois pulling out the Sac and the grime and shit and how you can almost imagine the smell....... #THE PIECE OF HAIR. #THE FLASHBACK........ #senshis reaction to marcille being a freak.. #laois and falin..................... uueueuuuuuwuueue #chilchuck being hit on the head twice by a piece of concrete AHKJSHKJAHS #oh fuck i just realized i think a part of it didnt get animated where marce found chil and asked if he was ok and chil got snarky w her #it was replaced w senshi and man im kinda sad they didnt include that #but hey. at least chil swearing at laois was there #ok ill shut up now #IM SO EXCITED FOR NEXT EP !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dravidious]

"Mono-red is best" "Mono-black is best" Foolish mutterings from foolish fools too foolish to understand their own foolishness. Don't you see? Can't you feel it in the air? This standard is the season...

... of black-red artifact sacrifice.

#original #not shown: all the beautiful monocolor cards that support this strategy as well #Voldaren Epicure pings the opponent and gives a convenient blood token #Vraan Executioner Thane to amp up the burn #i originally made this as an aggro deck but then i realized just how much continuous value you can generate #Stormclaw Rager is a fucking monster with how much card advantage it can generate #related: i put 3 Stormclaws in my blood token deck and it was EXACTLY what that deck needed #the deck can generate massive piles of blood tokens but then runs out of cards in hand #and yeah you can sac blood tokens to fish for the perfect card #but why bother when you can just draw ALL THE CARDS!!! #and get a big creature along the way #and a huge shout-out to Oni-Cult Anvil for tying together the artifact-sacrifice and creature-sacrifice themes #as well as providing incredible value over time by generating a free artifact creature to sacrifice every turn #and they STACK! #the tap ability becomes pretty irrelevant once you get another sac outlet #but that's because other sac outlets include STORMCLAW RAGER!!! YEAH BABY!!! #and of course Voldaren Epicure is best friends with the Anvil #turn 1 epicure turn 2 anvil and bada bing bada boom you immediately start up your life drain engine #get a Vraan in there next turn and you can ruin your opponent's day in record time

[strigops]

found another a. vulgare in with the p. haasi's ://// thankfully it was the bin full of old dirt and babies that were too small to pick out from their rehouse that im keeping around until theyre big enough to grab so theyre already quarantined from the larger group, but it still makes me nervous as i have NO idea how the hell the vulgare got in there. also thankfully it looked and was definitely behaving healthy so i chucked him in with my "do over" culture of a. vulgare that at least appear to be rickettsiella-free (which is nice bc he was red, almost all of my new founding individuals are wild types).

watching my haasi's like a hawk for signs of infection but theyve been very subdued since the rehouse so its difficult to tell via behavior. the original florida vulgare bin is essentially full of zombies and i only have like.. 10 or so healthy individuals in my start over culture out of probably 200, it would devastate the haasi's as the only way of knowing if theyre infected to the point of showing symptoms is a white belly, which they already naturally have (also the reason all my new founders are grey; the other morphs can have a light belly and its SO hard to tell who's infected and who's just naturally lighter). nervous but optimistic as the only two rogue vulgare at least SEEMED to be healthy and there will hopefully be no more intruders.

#i am honestly v sad about the florida bugs #they were my fav culture :( rlly hoping i can get a new group of them bacteria-free #theres still probably around 150 in the original bin but i just cant bring myself to sac the ones that are still behaving normally #ordered some new tweezers and will probably pick out and euth the ones that are rlly bad off :( #still fucking baffled as to how they got in my haasi bin like you guys have a LID with a LOCK

[rubys-domain]

i finally beat apep by myself for the first time

god that was an awful experience. 0/10 would not recommend

#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !! #(for the pedants out there: ik it's not actually apep. but it's inside apep so that's what i'm calling it) #also yes i used food buffs #i attempted to do it with a melt team at first. and yeah it got the thing's health down much faster #but i was also royally fucked over because i was relying on bennett for heals #and dodging was exceptionally difficult cuz for some reason its hitbox is wider than its actual body #it was impossible the first time since i didn't have kazuha and my sucrose is still c0 and no sac frag on this account #ig jean could've worked theoretically. but i don't have her either #my lack of good cc made the second phase pretty much unclearable #my cyno team probably could've cleared it if i just switched out fischl for kazuha #but that team still has massive er issues and would've been painful to use against this boss #yanfeis damage is still pretty mediocre since i cant consistently keep up hydro aura for her to vape. her raw damage is still underwhelming #and poor girl would just get swatted around like a ping pong ball #i arrived at this shatter team through process of elimination. mostly for layla since i was gonna need as much protection as possible #and xingqiu for the hydro to freeze the second wave monsters with #the food buffs were absolutely necessary since it would've taken way too long otherwise

[katsukikitten]

Actress reader and Actor Bakugou have to enact a sex scene. Of course they've got one of those little modesty covers for his dick and for you but you'll still look naked in the shot.

But there is just something about the way that he's grinding into you, his cock hard from the action of course and since your characters hate each other (just like in real life) it's supposed to be a rough passionate scene, it's hate fucking after all! Your moaning only gets louder the more he "fucks" into you echoing around the studio with tons of people looking over the two of you but his eyes are trained on you and when he thinks he hears something a little more than the over the top obvious fake sounds your character is meant to give, when it ebbs into something real (fake to real sounds per the script) he gets a little too into his character.

"That's right, take it, take this cock. Mould to me so that every other man knows that you're mine and mine alone, princess."

"You'll have to fuck me harder than that to make me cum, prince." Spitting back the title his character so hates and the nickname you've come to call him off set and in interviews if only to burrow under his skin. His eyes flash with anger and for a moment you think you've regained control.

But his thrusts come harder after that and suddenly you're trying to cover your face with your arms but he moves to pin them to the plush pillow over head. His voice rough, deep, panting out in such a mind numbing growl.

"No, I want to see the exact moment I ruin you."

Covered cock somehow grinding against your clothed slit just right, your clit throbs from the repeated action, making you lock your ankles around his waist.

Head thrown back to expose your throat that he comes down to bite as he "cums" just as he's supposed to although the lines were wholly improvised. Shuddering over top of you with his tongue lapping up the rough teeth marks he's left on your pretty skin. Pulling away to grab your jaw roughly, rutting into you with pained groans as his tongue slips into your mouth "prolonging" your release and his.

"CUT!" Comes the doctor's voice, slicing through the tension reminding you both exactly where you are. Bakugou pulls away but not too quickly, grabbing at the blankets to cover you even if the whole world was going to see your tits bouncing from his rough thrusts thanks to the network allowing borderline soft core porn on air.

"Let's take fifteen to review and recenter!" Comes the directors sharp voice and so Bakugou helps you up on shaking legs, pressing you into his side as he walks around in nothing but that "modesty" covering.

"Wow! That seemed so real you did the fake to real moaning so well!" People linger to pass you compliments until they see Bakugou snarling down at them, rushing away from the always grumpy actor. He makes sure you're sat on the couch in your dressing room, both of you lock eyes for a moment and it's obvious by his smirk that this jackass can't help but stroke his own ego.

"Ya that sure was a performance from you, ya know I almost would have thought it was real, princess." He mocks you, giving you some knowing look as your cheeks still burn from how good he was from grinding alone.

"In your fuckin dreams Prince." He can only suck his teeth and chuckle darkly at your retort. Going to cup his fat length and sac, a squishing sound can be heard and it makes you hyper aware of the wetness between your thighs. He pulls away his hand slowly, silvery strings connect to the thin fabric and his fingers before they snap and he looks up at you. Smiling devilishly, palming his damp cock sticky from more than just you but you don't have to know that.

"Then I must be dreaming huh?"

#bakugou thirst

[moongreenlight]

Have you ever seen that corny ass skit where it’s the girl talking to her husband asking him to fix things and he says “I’m not a plumber” “I’m not a carpenter” bla bla bla and then one day he comes home and the girl’s like “oh yeah I had the neighbor come over to fix the things you wouldn’t” and the neighbor says she can either bake him a cake or sleep with him as payment so the husband asks “so what kind of cake did you bake him?” And the girl says “I’m not a baker?”

Very much Neighbor!Price x stay-at-home-mom!reader coded :)

Mdni. Nsfw below cut.

Neighbor!Price who’s found a quiet little cul-de-sac to settle in when he’s got some time off. It’s a little neighborhood, mostly older people who’re thrilled to have a man like him around to help bring out bins and offer to mow their lawns or rake their leaves or shovel their drives when he’s around.

But somehow he’s found the only other younger family in the area living directly next to him. Parents are a few years his junior, and they’ve got two young kids. He assumes the boy, the older one, is early elementary age- sees you herding him into the car in the morning with a pack lunch and a backpack that’s nearly the same size as he is to and from the house in the morning and afternoon. And the girl, the younger, must be in pre-k, because she’s only out for half the day and doesn’t get the same pack lunch her brother gets.

He’s gotten to know you pretty well. When he’s around, the two of you will chat while you’re tending your garden and he’s working in his garage carrying out some odd project or another. He thinks you’re sweet. Likes the way you wear overalls with a little top when you’re planting flowers in the beds out front. How when you bend over or stand at the right angle he can imagine you’re not wearing a top at all.

He hates your husband. He’s crass and rude and never waves hello to any of the neighbors- odd for such a friendly little community. Leaves for work early and comes home late and leaves you to fend for yourself all day. Doesn’t know how to interact with you or your kids. And Price is almost certain he doesn’t fuck you the way you deserve to be fucked because his bedroom window looks over your living room and he’s caught you on the couch with your hand down your pants more times than could have been coincidence.

He’s known to be the neighborhood handyman. Got a little workshop set up in his garage and a general knowledge about nearly everything, so it’s not uncommon that he gets a knock on the door a few times a week. Usually it’s some of the older neighbors popping over to see if he can fix their TVs or help their grandkids connect to the Wi-Fi, but it’s a pleasant surprise when you turn up on his porch mid-morning.

You’re scrunching the ends of your soaking wet hair in a towel. Apologizing as soon as you hear him turn the deadbolt. Feverishly going on about how you must have blown a circuit in the bathroom trying to dry your hair and you’d usually be able to manage but your husband shoved a bookshelf in front of the breaker and you can’t get through to it.

He’s sweet about it. Always is, but especially for you. Follows you over to your place and promises you no less than ten times that it’s really no trouble. He’s happy to help. It’s a quick fix, but he drags it out as long as he can. Insists on following you up and down the stairs from the basement to the top floor twice to make sure everything’s working properly.

He notices that the bathroom door sticks and that the fire alarm in the hallway is chirping from a low battery. You apologize for the toys in the living room and the clean laundry pile on the couch and the state of your house. Say that your husband is racking up a hefty to-do list with a small laugh that’s just a bit too forced.

He’s thrilled to tell you that he’s got some free time later in the week and says he’ll come over if only to help out your husband. Makes some backhanded remark about how your husband is clearly a busy lad. You refuse- of course- sweet thing that you are, but he turns up the next day after you’ve taken your kids to school anyway.

He tails you up the drive so there’s no way you can shut him out. Shushes you when you try to apologize for one reason or another and takes off to fix not only the sticky bathroom door and the fire alarm batteries, but also the dripping kitchen faucet and the garbage disposal that’s been broken for months.

You try to stay clear of whatever room he’s working in, chirping short responses to whatever nonsense question he asked in an attempt to lure you over. It was only when he was about to head out and he saw you leaning on the dryer to keep it shut that he saw his golden opportunity.

You were clearly trying to hide it, but even with a small load of clothes in, it sounded like you’d thrown a pair of boots into a tin garbage pail and shook it hard as you could. You tried to shoo him off, but he wasn’t having any of it.

There’s enough skirting around the subject to give you chance to turn down his advances, but when he realizes you’re not outright telling him to go fuck himself, he’s essentially taking it as a challenge to see if he can’t push you to that point.

Hoists you up on the still clanging machine and pushes between your legs on the weak pretense of needing you there to keep the door shut while he works. The machine shook the straps of your top down off your shoulders and made him acutely aware of the fact that you hadn’t had the time to put on a bra yet. It made his pants near painfully tight on the crotch.

He’d try and make idle chat. Your kids and plans for the day, but it’s entirely too hard for him to focus on anything other than the way your thighs are pressing together as the dry cycle started to bang the machine around more. He makes a light comment about how he’s not sure how you get anything done around the house with the dryer in this state. Your laugh is breathy.

And when he leans over you to reach to the back of the machine, he can feel the way your soft panting breaths fan his neck. Confirms his suspicions.

“Alright?”

You’re chewing the inside of your lip while you nod. Clearly starved for stimulation if all it takes is a dry cycle to get you off. Poor thing.

It’s stuffy in the laundry room. Adds to the appeal. Makes your shorts ride up and stick to your legs. Your thighs are dewy and glide together when you shift under his gaze.

“You sure, doll?”

The two of you are almost nose-to-nose. You’re leaned back, caged in by his big arms that look even bigger in his almost obscenely tight shirt. He’s smiling. Letting his eyes wander to your collarbones. The way your throat bobbed when you swallowed.

Before you could choke out your answer, the dryer stopped. Chimed the alert and slowly stilled. You took a shaky breath and nodded once more, looking like you couldn’t decide whether to be disappointed or relieved. He backed off, stretched out his hand to help you down.

You lead him to the kitchen. Ask if you can get him anything. Tea or food. He declines. You say something about stopping to get cash when you’re out picking up your daughter in a couple hours. He declines again.

“John, really, I appreciate your help. You have to let me get you back.”

You’re filling the kettle with water anyway, leaned just slightly over the sink. He knows it’s impolite to stare, but he’s never had very good manners when it came to things like that.

“Bake me a cake or somethin’, then. Sleep with me. Won’t take your money, though.”

You whirl around and end up sloshing some water down your front. Doesn’t seem to phase you. Your eyebrows are damn near at your hairline.

“I don’t know if that’s appropriate, considering…”

He snorts a soft laugh. It’s kind- not at all suggestive. Like he’s playing off a clever joke.

“What? Baking me a cake?”

You purse your lips and set the kettle on the stove.

“Never been a very good baker.”

He about hurdles the kitchen island like he’s running track.

“That right?”

You make a thoughtful sound before clicking on the burner. He can see you biting back a smile. You finally turn to face him. Leaned back on your hands with your head cocked slightly to the side.

“I just don’t know that it would be appropriate given our- my- situation.”

It’s his turn to hum and nod. Take a few steps forward, slow and slinky like a predator stalking toward its prey.

“Sure.”

You chew your bottom lip. Try to find some resolve in fussing with your wedding ring. It’s horrible. Small. He can’t help but think about how he’d be able to get you a much better one. He takes a few more steps forward.

“It’s complicated, John.”

Your voice is mousy now.

“I know.”

A few more steps forward and he’s back nose-to-nose with you. Pinning you against the counter.

“I just-“

“Then tell me to go home.”

The button of his jeans grazes your groin and sends sparks up your spine. You recoil slightly, but he’s got his massive hands on your wrists to keep you in place.

“My husb-“

“Don’t. S’not what I said. Tell me to go home. Tell me to go home, and I’ll leave. S’easy as that.”

The coarse hair of his beard brushes along your jaw. Visible goosebumps rise all the way up your neck and down your arms.

“John, he-“

A throaty growl from him.

“He’s not getting a lick of you.”

And then somehow he’s got you on your back on the couch. Shoved off the pile of laundry and pushed you down. His eyes are near pitch black and hungry. Ravenous. He tears off your shorts. Doesn’t wait for you to hoist your hips, just yanks so hard that you’re a little worried you’ll get thrown off the couch with them.

He is wretched. Planting wet kisses from the inside of your knee all the way up to your sex frustratingly slow. Big hands splayed over your hips to keep you from bucking up into his mouth. He’s got this maddeningly smug smile on his face like he’s waiting for the perfect moment to say I told you so. Like he knew this was going to happen from the start, you were just too stupid to see.

Your underwear is embarrassingly wet from your little go on the dryer. Your pussy puffy and sensitive underneath. You whine when he kisses over the damp spot. Laves his tongue over your folds without pulling them to the side. He makes some comment about the state of you that borders on snarky, but you choose to ignore it.

When he finally does rid you of your panties, there’s a moment of clarity where you realize what you’re doing. You push up on your elbows and try to roll out from under him, but he gives your clit a mean slap that forces you back onto the couch and ends your protest. Sends you to that liminal, clouded headspace where all you can focus on is how desperately you need to come.

It’s clear he’s savoring the moment. Running the point of his tongue through your folds. Teasing at your hole. Artfully swirling around your clit, but never close enough to give you the friction you’re so desperately craving. Planting hot, wet kisses on your inner thighs. Leaves a few love bites in his wake like he’s boasting; so certain your husband wouldn’t get close enough to notice that he had no problem decorating you as he pleased.

You’re a mess. Being taken apart stitch by stitch. Panting and whining and begging for more. Your orgasm is coiling tight under your belly without him having to do much. Any other time you’d have felt a little pathetic, but you were too preoccupied to care now.

He finally brings his hands up and you think he’s about to stuff you full, but he only lets his fingers drag slowly along your sensitive sex. Collects some of your arousal and pulls it up toward your naval. Watches the goosebumps form under his touch.

He rucks your shirt up with his free hand and immediately wraps his lips around your pebbled nipples. Tongues at them. Lets his teeth graze teasingly over them. And whatever one he’s not got currently in his mouth, he’s working his fingers over. Pinching and flicking until you’re teary eyed and squirming under him.

And then finally, fucking finally, he ducks back down and fixes his mouth on your clit. Sucks gently on the swollen bud for just a moment and then companies his mouth with two fingers bullying their way inside you.

The stretch is almost uncomfortable in its suddenness, but you quickly get used to it. The pleasure is blinding. Forces you to throw your head back against the cushion and screw your eyes tightly shut. A string of high, needy moans float through your gaped lips.

He’s sweet, Jesus, is he. Hums and groans with his mouth still on your bundle of nerves. Pulls away just enough to tell you how pretty your pussy is taking him before going back to work on your sensitive clit. You want to scream. You think you may actually come entirely undone on this couch if he doesn’t stop.

And then your orgasm coils so tightly within you that it explodes outward. Tears through you and leaves every square inch of your skin sizzling. He doesn’t let up. Pins you down by the stomach with his forearm and continues down his warpath. The sounds his fingers make when they sink into you are so pornographic that it makes your face hot.

You eventually find it in you to warble out something that sounded like please, too much. And he pulled off, still with that smug grin pulling his lips now surrounded by glistening slick caught in the hair of his beard.

He gives you one last kiss. Lewd and wet and so searing hot you’re worried it will actually blister the sensitive flesh of your cunt. He’ll sit back on his haunches and fuss with the button and zipper of his jeans before saying something horrible and cheeky like

“C’mon, doll. Thought you were set on payin’ me back.”

#he sees a family with a present but shitty father and says ‘it’s free real estate’ I hate him #moongreenlight #moongreenlightwrites #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod x reader #141 headcanons #captain price smut #captain john price smut #captain john price x reader #captain john price #captain price #price cod #john price #cod price #141 x reader #x reader

[piplupod]

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#not going to be able to sleep tonight probably and i hate this so much #i bet theres like a massive sac of eggs behind the counter #or a spider colony #im going to die fjfkdl i cant do this #i hate this so much and I feel so fucking stupid #i want to sleep so that im not conscious but i am terrified to sleep bc then spiders can crawl on me if they get in my room #which they have before. giant house spider (dont look it up) waltzed across my carpet last year #then another spider another night but much smaller just a few months ago #i cant do this fjfjdl there was also a fungus gnat yesterday somehow #i dont have any rotting food that i know of so im worried theyre in my houseplants now #i hate it here and i cant get out and i need to die bc theres no other way out of this at all #im not ever going to be able to function bc i cannot be around bugs anymore bc im so incredibly fucked in the head