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virgil-isnt-a-lee · 3 months

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Kinda been procrastinating on this post for a hot minute but since I'm sick and icky, I guess I have time to sit and make it, yeah? God I'm never gonna live this down..

IT'S GONNA BE A LONG ONE Y'ALL

Okay so me and a certain someone were playing truth or dare, and like the bitch I am, I chose dare. And you KNOW WHAT THE DARE WAS??

"Ask someone you’re cool with IRL to tickle you 🙂" WHAT

WHAT WHAT WHAT?? EXACTLY MY THOUGHTS. SO I HAD TO THINK IT OVER. THEN THAT BLOCKHEAD SAYS TO ME

"Bonus points if you ask the one who said they know you love it" YOU DID NOT NEED TO CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT.

Then I was proposed an offer I literally couldn't refuse SO I TOOK THE DARE and I'm gonna tell you pookies how it went because it's been stewing in my brain for the last two days

So it STARTED when we were in math class and my friend (y'all know the one by now. Resident tickle monster. Mal knows his name, too) was already poking at my sides, which is expected of him by now, so I just looked at him and said "so are you gonna tickle me or not?" and he like looked at me, shrugged, and said "since you asked." AND I WAS TRYING NOT TO DIE YK I HAD TO BE CHILL ABOUT IT CAUSE I GOT A REPUTATION TO MAINTAIN. So he like, put his arm around my waist, pulled my over to him, and just started like SHAKING HIS HANDS INTO MY RIBS AND I WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING DYING I WAS SO GLAD THE CLASSROOM WAS LOUD AS HELL because at one point even the teacher looked over at me and kinda rolled his eyes fondly. ANYWAYS

After that we were in my next class together, and I KINDA knew I didn't REALLY finish my dare and I was thinking about it, apparently I was thinkin real hard cause he pokes my back and goes "alright what's up? You good? You're distracted. Like more distracted than usual, what is it?" And I was like DAMN??? WAS IT THAT OBVIOUS?? LIKE EXCUSE ME??

SO I TOLD HIM "can you like.. tickle me again? Idk I just kinda feel like it." AND HE JUST SHRUGGED AGAIN AND STARTED SQUEEZING MY SIDES AND SHIT and it's worse cause he sits BEHIND ME in that class so I was just like dying with my head in my hands and mdjfjdjfjsjd. That's it. And he LITERALLY SAID "You're welcome." When he was done???? HELL. I QAS SO FUCKIN FLUSTERED BUT LIKE HE DIDN'T MAKE ANY REAL COMMENTS ON IT

#HELLLLLL #HELP #I WAS JUST SO #MAJDNAJDJS #onyxs tag #fucking punk #sfw tickle community #sfw tickles #irl tickles i guess #storytime tag??#virgil speaks #more like virgil grumbles but whatever

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classic-caldwell-moment · 1 year

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@dicktat I'm back at it again, my good buddy friend buddy chum friend pal!

Title: "News Report: Femboy Hooters Demon Strikes Again!".

Category: Shitpost. LMAO.

Warnings: Body horror, violence.

Summary: Aiden thinks he needs to change professions, and Lawan is close behind him.

"I'm gonna be honest, I'm sick of your terrible driving!" Lawan gasped as Aiden went swerved down another road, slamming her head into the passenger door window, "You don't drive any better!" he responded confidently, coming to an abrupt stop at the red light and almost tossing holy water across the dashboard, "Ah yeah! Go ahead, waste all that." his companion snickered, earning a rough elbow to the ribs and a soft chuckle in return as the car revved back up and drove fast down the road, "Are we any closer to the location anyway?", Lawan shrugged loosely and checked her phone for the location once again, "Next roa- AUGHD- AIDEN CALDWELL! WATCH IT!" she broke into a yell as she bounced around in her seat, glaring daggers at the priest beside her as he almost crashed into a lamppost.

Aiden hummed and stopped the car with a groan, "I think we both know who it is in there-" he stopped mid sentance when he saw Lawan's exhausted face, she looked irritated and just entirley done with life, black blouse messy and hair even worse, definitely not helped by his uneducated driving skills, "Yup." she muttered, popping open the van door and stepping out with a click of her heels, Aiden was fast after her, almost falling onto the pavement as he got the back doors to the van open to retrieve all they'd need, they were honestly lucky the Demon that had been targeting them was so...Relaxed, all they needed as a bit of holy water, which Aiden almost spilled, a cross or two and the bible; the creature of the damned always gave up after some give and take, and they could always leave swiftly after the exorcism was performed.

Lawan took the bible from Aiden's hands with a sigh, gripping the leather bound pages tightly, "One of these days I'm going to shove this holy book so far up the monsters ass." she seethed, face feeling warm and red, Aiden snorted and adjusted his collar, coat and shoulder bag, "Please. Of all the things, our lords word is what you choose?" he side eyed her with a grin, "Let's get going.", the two religious individuals approached the bar, the last few locations this monster had targeted all had a running theme and this was no different, he seemed to enjoy roleplaying, using the servers and waitresses of food and drink establishments like dolls in a dollhouse, it would be amusing if it didn't involve the contortion and possession of those who worked there, Aiden flinched slightly as the lights flickered ominously; "Our mighty lord give me strength." Lawan murmured as the two kicked the door open with a bang, Aiden's coat flying out around him like he got struck by an incredible wind force but, the two of them knew it was due to the effort it took to kick the door in, they'd never admit it though.

"DEMON! SHOW YOURSELF!" Aiden hollered into the warmly lit bar, the lights trembling and dimming slightly, "REVEAL YOURSELF TO THE CHILDREN OF GOD!" Lawan backed him up, flicking open the bible with a dramatic page turning sound, the building shook and a green glow filled the room for the briefest of moments, before the oh so familiar figure of a bartender rose from under the bar, eyes glowing jade and smile unnatural, yup...It's him, "Hello! What may we serve you tonight?" the bartender called fondly, gesturing broadly to the two fancily dressed folk, Aiden sighed and popped off the cork on the holy water vial, "House special, perhaps?" the bartenders smile grew wider, eyes squinting playfully, "We have no time to play games with you, creature of fire." Aiden responded calmly, shrugging and tossing the cork aside, Lawan grinned back at the bartender and tilted her head teasingly; though her smile faltered when she saw the bartenders gaze glint ever so slightly.

"Aiden-" she whispered, the priest glanced at her with a raised brow, "What's wrong?" he asked quietly, "AIDEN-", the man watched in shock as his companion suddenly slumped to the ground with a crackling noise, the bartender long since discarded as the demons current host, Aiden tumbled backwards and squeezed the holy water tightly, "Oh! Oh, this is different!" Lawan's piloted body laughed softly as it rose from the floor, eyes bright green and hair dangling over its forehead, "I never thought of doing this before!", Aiden cringed and leaned away as it stepped forward, smile wide and eyes full of fondness, "Let her go-" he responded firmly, those green eyes narrowed and it recoiled with a laugh, "You make me laugh, Kid! C'mon, now I have a new body to play with, you can continue to humour me!" it wheezed, diving out of the way when Aiden tossed the holy water vial at it, "Let her go, Demon!" Aiden reaffirmed, trailing behind the Lawan puppet, which giggled playfully and slipped behind a wall fixture.

Aiden peered around the fixture but it was gone, his entire body jumping when a hand traced his shoulder with a hum, "Boo.", he screamed and swung his elbow back wildly, bag slipping from his shoulders and thumping to the floor as he raced around the wall fixture, a laugh echoed out around him, almost tripping over a chair, and then actually tripping over a waitresses unused body, "OW. OW. FUCK." he muttered, rising to his feet with a heavy sigh and narrowly avoiding the Lawan puppets mock attacks, "Oh, father!" it chuckled, leaning over a table and doing finger guns in Aiden's direction, "DON'T CALL ME THAT, I'LL THROW UP, I SWEAR!" Aiden hollered, narrowly missing the bible as he dove past where Lawan had fell to the floor, stumbling back to pick it up and tossing it into his pocket, "Father-", Aiden gagged and a booming laugh filled his ears; "WAIT- YOU WOULD?! REALLY?!" it giggled, chasing behind him as Aiden slid over the bar and ran into the alcohol storage room.

"I WOULD!" he shouted behind his shoulder, almost knocking over a good bottle of whiskey, he eyed it curiously before picking it up and racing through the room again, "Stealing?! Wow, for a man of god, you really like to break his rules!" the Lawan puppet laughed, leaning over a rack of wine by the door Aiden had entered from, "GET BENT, HAKON!" Aiden laughed back, glancing at the whiskey and sighing, tossing it in the Lawan puppets direction, its eyes widened and it ducked out of sight as the bottle collided with the wall with a saddening crack, "Man..." Aiden mumbled, sprinting out of the second door and into the rather small kitchen, made for serving curly fries and over priced burritos, colliding hard with Lawan and yelling in suprise, racing backwards and almost tripping over his own feet, "NOPE! NOPE! I'M DONE WITH THIS SHIT! NNNNOPE!" he yelled to himself, tossing himself through the first door and hurling over the bar; he was looking for his bag, where did he lose it again?

The bartender rose from behind the bar with a sickening meaty noise, meaning the demon, Hakon, had abandoned Lawan as a host, "Whatcha looking for, Father?" he cooed, Aiden wretched and the monster wheezed out a bark of a laugh, trailing after him as Aiden searched for his bag, "Where is it?! Fuckin' hell!" he mumbled to himself, peering around the wall fixture and finally setting his gaze upon it, only to hear the bartenders body drop to the floor behind him, Aiden bit his lip and began to approach his bag, so close, and suddenly it was ripped from view, "WHAT THE FUCK?!" was all Aiden could manage in response, spinning around to see the god damn meat suit Lawan had been reduced to twirling his bag on its finger, "Nice purse, babe." it giggled, Aiden's face went blank, "It's a shoulder bag." he mumbled, cheeks growing red, "Purse." it responded nonchalantly, jingling the bag playfully, green eyes growing wide and excited as it unclipped the opening, "Shoulder bag.", "Purse.", Aiden watched as the bag swung open and a bottle of holy water tumbled out, crashing onto the hardwood floors, a table and all across Lawan's pant leg, his blue eyes grew with excitement and he dove for his bag, snatching it out of Lawan's hands.

The building shook with a pained yell, Lawan's body dropping to the floor once again soon after, "WHAT THE HELL, KID?!" the demon shouted from within the walls, Aiden shrugged and carefully heaved Lawan up by the back of her blouse, his forehead damp with the sweat from running in fucking circles as this demon trailed him, "Thought you'd learn the game by now, 'Kon, always ends with holy water one way or another." he panted with a groan, Lawan was a dead weight as she leaned against him, "I thought it would be different this time!" the voice whined, the sound of clanging from the alcohol storage room signaling Hakon was throwing a major tantrum, "Sucks to suck." Aiden wheezed, wiping sweat from the back of his neck, "Now, I suppose we'll...Fucking meet you outside, Demon. But, I won't stop Lawan from trying to murder you this time." he continued quietly, squeezing his companion close.

He was done with this profession.

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