#I made this New Year's Eve and typed up the recipe but forgot I was going to post it lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hyunjilicious · 3 years

Text

100 ways to say ‘I love you’ Christmas Edition [bucky barnes]

Summary: it’s pretty self explanatory, I guess. (FLUFF) 1.6k

Warnings: absolutely none, just Bucky being cute, awkward and madly in love with you!!

In 2018, you were in Namibia, hunting down an American terrorist that had been on the run for the better part of the year. In 2019, the avengers were scattered around the globe, executing a 'shoot first, ask questions later' type of mission that ended long after the new year began. But this year, all of your friends were home. For the first time in years, the Stark Tower was shining from top to bottom with Christmas lights, carols echoing down all of its long, secluded hallways. It was the first time you'd get to actually spend the night of 24th of December with your true family. That is, if you made it in time. Back on December 19th, you and Bucky got stuck in the depths of Louisiana, with absolutely no means of communication, let alone transportation. You decided to make the best out of the situation and turn it into a road trip, but time flew by so much faster than expected, that it was now 2:13 pm on Christmas eve, and you and Bucky were sprinting down the snow covered empty highways of the east coast, dead set on making it home in time. He wasn't that eager to get back and tried to get you to rent a hotel room and spend the night alone, but you weren't having it. He huffed and puffed about not giving a shit about Christmas, but it was the first one he could celebrate with people that loved him, in over 70 years. With every motel that you passed, he'd turn and look at you from the passenger seat, begging you to stop. You didn't even consider it. You wanted him to have the full Christmas experience. A storm was brewing and you were whiteknuckling the steering wheel, fighting back the urge to yawn for the 3rd time in the last 10 minutes. After driving for 7 hours straight, you were close to passing out, but nowhere near ready to give up. "Pull over, love" he smiled, grabbing your thigh, "Let me drive. I'll wake you up when we arrive"

And of course Bucky refused to decorate. You spent the better half of the day rummaging through boxes and looking up diy tutorials on the Internet, doing your absolute best to make your bedroom as cozy and Christmasy as possible. Candles were scattered all over the furniture, their soft light and delicate cinnamon scent filling up the room, a small Santa Claus figurine was sitting neatly by the window, garlands dripped from every corner and your Christmas playlist was on shuffle for probably the 4th time that day. As you kept busy, lowkey exasperated whenever one ornament didn't fit in as planned, Bucky laid on the bed, making nasty comments with every chance he got. He complained about the music, said the room was too hot, that the candles made his nose feel funny and not for a second did he stop begging you to drop the fucking decorating and join him in bed. You didn't wanna hear it. You kept going, bringing in box after box of ornaments, each one making Bucky more and more frustrated.

"Buck!" you whined, turning around in your hands a little remote controlled reindeer. "His leg is stuck... he keeps falling"

"Throw it into the trash" he scoffed, plopping down on his back and hiding his face in the crook of his elbow.

Of course you didn't listen to him. "No..." you mumbled, more to yourself. You sounded like a child, but you didn't care. Instead, you just sat down on the edge of the bed, all your attention focused on the broken toy in your hands, "I'll fix it somehow"

"Just throw the goddamned thing away, Y/n" he groaned, "Only on my nightstand there are other 3. We got enough"

You just shook your head, focused on getting the reindeer to walk again. It was no use. You got no utensils and your nails were threatening to break as you kept trying to open up his battery container. 5 minutes of painful silence followed, ending with you finally giving up, "I'll just put something under his leg and use it as a decoration" you whimpered, legitimately heartbroken over the toy.

"Fuck, just come here. Give it to me. I'll fix the damn thing for you"

Your heart swelled up, "Really?"

"Yeah..." Bucky sighed, grabbing a screwdriver out of his nightstand and picking up the toy. "Master assassin and I'm fixing toys" he mumbled under his breath and you couldn't help but wrap your arms around him and kiss his cheek.

Your version of paradise started just when you arrived at the tower on Christmas Eve. Bucky did as promised and then offered you a weak smile, full of warmth as he helped you out of the car when he parked in front of the Tower. You were beaming with excitement for the days that were to come. When the next morning arrived, you were sipping your coffee on the balcony, waiting for everyone to wake up so that you could all start unwrapping the presents. When the door opened you didn't expect Bucky to come out, as he never - ever, failed to sleep until noon, if given the chance. But there he was, wrapped in one of your comfy blankets, padding over to you with a coffee mug in his hand. When he reached you, he opened his arms and welcomed you against his chest, closing his hold around your body and engulfing you in the warmth of the blanket. It didn't take long until you noticed the little paper bag lodged under the elastic of his sweats, and when you asked about it, he cursed himself for ruining the surprise. He handed you the bag, and urged you to open it, insisting that it wasn't your present. When you did, your eyes landed on a knitted bunny clutching a heart to its chest. "An old lady was selling these a few weeks ago at a boutique I saw while waiting for you to meet me. I know you love to call me Bucky Bunny because you know how much I hate it. I forgot about it and came across it this morning at the bottom of my bag while searching for my charger. Now I think its stupid, a dumb rabbit and his eyes are a little bit fucked up, but he's cute and it reminded me of you, so here you go"

As much love as some of you had for the holiday, it still wasn't enough to convince the whole group to actually watch a Christmas movie. So, in true avenger spirit, you all decided to watch Terminator. After finishing dinner, you all scattered around the Tower. Some people left to change in more comfortable clothes, some helped clean up the kitchen, and some, like Bucky and Thor, remained in the living room, plopped in the middle of the couch, fangirling over Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting and the great sense of humour of the 90s. Eventually everyone gathered around them, you and Wanda being the last ones to show up. She cuddled against Vision's side, but Bucky was lodged in between Thor and Steve, and there was no way you'd ever ask any of them to move. Seeing you eye an open spot, Bucky waved you over as he stood up. "Here, take my seat". You wanted to object but he didn't want to hear it. Eventually, you sat down, and so did he, on the floor, right in front of you. Nonchalantly, Bucky pulled your legs apart and settled between them, with his back against the couch. He gathered your Christmas themed sock clad feet into his lap and rested his head against your knee as the movie began.

And like any other Christmas dinner, of course yours wasn't an exception. Natasha's recipe for apple pie was by definition the best that ever blessed the earth and none of the attendees was any stranger to that. Considering how many of you there were, as you made a point of spending the end of the year together, 2 batches had to be made. It was hectic, everyone fuzzing around the Tower, preparations on tow the whole day. And of course there would be repercussions for the chaotic atmosphere, but you'd only find out about them later. After burning through the first meal courses of the evening, it was finally time for her sweet delicacy to grace the table. Natasha neatly placed the two pies on either end of the table, proudly announcing you could all dig in. Bucky was seated to your right, and he unlike you, managed to grab a piece of pie from the first batch. You didn't think too much of it, until you started eating yours, only to realise the bottom was burned. Despite all of you trying to assure Natasha that it was not her fault and that she shouldn't beat herself up about it, she promised she'd make another one tomorrow. The night carried on as planned, but no matter how much you tried to push away the thought, you couldn't help but feel bitter about missing out on the good pie. Just when you were about to come to your senses and realise what a dumb reason for you to get upset that was, Bucky sent you text, asking you to come to the bedroom. Curious as to what this could have been about, you hurried upstairs and burst into the room, nearly crashing into Bucky's chest. He slammed the door behind you and handed you his plate - his slice of pie only halfway eaten. "I saved you a piece. These are jackals, I had to hide it. Dig in before anyone comes!"

On December 27th the buzz was starting to die down. When you put up the lights in your bedroom, Bucky said they could stay on for two days and two days only, and you reluctantly agreed to make a compromise. Just this time. The time to turn them off came last night, and since he offered to let them on until the morning, you felt like an unreasonable little shit if you were to ask him to turn them on again. It was about 7pm and you were two seasons deep in The X Files, and Wanda asked for your help. Bucky pulled out his phone and assured you he wouldn't watch ahead until you got back. It took you about 30 to help your friend with her problem, and when you returned to your room, confusion washed over you. The Christmas lights were on and Bucky was nowhere to be seen. "Fuck" he grunted.

You turned around to see him behind you, standing in the doorway, two cocoa mugs in his hands, "I made these cause I know you like them. And I wanted to surprise you with the lights but vision is a dumbass and forgot to text me and tell me when you were almost done"

"So she didn't actually need help folding the bed sheets?" you laughed, endeared by his antics.

"Of course she didn't" Bucky shook his head, handing you one of the mugs, "She's not an imbecile"

"Oh my god" you giggled in disbelief as you sat down on the bed.

"I'll squirt shit nuggets out of my ass for two days, so please tell me at least I got the recipe right"

He was so adorable, anxiously waiting for you to taste the cocoa he just made. "It's so good!" you rolled your eyes in pleasure, taking another sip, "Thank you, you're too sweet, Buck"

"Yeah, I know-" he chuckled, grabbing the mug from your palm and placing it on the nightstand. "I got one more present for you. Close your eyes and hold out your hands"

"No, Buck-" you whined, "I didn't get you anything else-"

He dismissed your words in an instant and kissed your lips, before guiding your hands up. You opened them up and closed your eyes, curious about what he could have gotten you. First, you heard him shuffle around the bed, and then you felt something rather itchy touch your palms. You nearly burst into laughter when you realised it was his chin.

"Ok, open your eyes"

And as you did so, your eyes landed on Bucky's face, as he had placed his head on your hands. He was wearing a tiara with reindeer ears, and you couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"You're my present?" you beamed, throwing yourself against his chest.

"My face is the present-" he corrected you. "Guess what it does. Take your leggings off and you'll find out"

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan fluff

211 notes · View notes

toosalty · 7 years

Text

Late Start to a New Year

So it’s February already and I’ve been sitting on my New Years post for over a month now. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t updated this blog since November.

Those of you that know me personally (or at least know me on Facebook) will know this already, but I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last few months. I’m not going to beat around the bush, my mom passed away in November. And that’s not an experience I can really put into words, so I’m not even going to try right now. On top of that, I moved out of my parents house, and I went through the hell that is finding a job with a salary to pay for my rent. When you’re going through at least two of the most stressful events that humans can go through, it’s difficult to hop back on the horse and put effort into anything but the most essential things. Not to mention the fact that, for me, cooking has always always been associated with my mom. She not only taught me everything I know, but she is present in all of my favorite memories of food and cooking. I’m sure a lot of people have this kind of association too. So, anyways, it’s been difficult to know where to start again on this blog.

But it’s time, and I have the perfect recipe to get this started, even though it’s a month late now. But hey, it’s never too late to start your New Years Resolution right?

New Years Bean Soup has been a tradition in my family much longer than I’ve been alive. Some of my most treasured memories of my Oma are sorting through the bean mix for her version of this dish. I always loved the symbolism too: painstakingly picking out all of the tiny stones that used to be mixed in with the beans, then letting it soak overnight on New Years Eve, and then finally, on the first day of the New Year, cooking it up into this amazing, hearty soup with the leftovers of the Christmas ham. It’s always seemed like a cleansing and recentering, as if the beans are soaking up all of the bad magic from the last year and transforming it into something comforting and familiar. I know I’m getting over-poetic, but this is one of those dishes that seems so simple and common, but then, when you need them to, they can mean so much more. And that’s what I really needed at the start of this year.

I’m not sure where this tradition comes from. I would assume it has something to do with my German/Irish/Dutch/vague-European ancestors that lived out in the Midwest for generations. I’m also not really sure what the recipe is. That’s another problem with family traditions, if you don’t get them hammered into stone (or recipe cards), they have to change. But I tried to emulate my mom’s version as best as I could. Of course I made mistakes, but I also remembered a lot of my mom’s tips as I went. So hopefully next year I will take my mom’s advice and get just a little bit closer to the mark so that when I eventually have to carry this tradition onto the next generation, they can be my tips and my advice.

So without further ado, here’s the recipe that I came up with for this year. I hope January treated you all well and that you remember to cherish your family traditions especially when it comes to New Years and new starts.

New Years Bean Soup

(I used this recipe and this recipe for the basic structure of this soup, but changed a few key things...)

1lb or so of at-least-12-bean soup mix (The more types of beans you can squeeze into this, the more hyperbolic you can get about the quality of the soup)

8 Cups of chicken broth (if you forgot to buy enough chicken broth - like me - then water is fine, especially if you add bouillon)

1 Christmas ham bone and all the leftover chopped ham (you remembered to freeze that right?)

Olive oil

Bacon (however much you want really)

1 cup each of chopped onion, carrot, and celery

1 tsp minced garlic

1/2 tsp salt and pepper

1 tsp mustard powder and thyme (I don’t know why there’s nutmeg in the picture? I must have used it too so I guess that’s fine?)

2 bay leaves

(Also you should make some cornbread on the side)

1. Soak your beans overnight. You probably don’t need to sort through looking for stones anymore, but if you have kids it does make for a pretty fun family activity. (Soaking the beans has to be overnight! Don’t half-ass it like me and soak them in the morning! Not only does this ruin all that symbolic value, but you will have hard beans, I promise.)

2. In your stockpot (which should be much larger than you think you need, because trust me, you’re underestimating how much you’re going to put in it), sautee the onion, carrot, and celery in olive oil until getting soft. Throw in the garlic towards the end.

3. Add the spices, beans, ham, bacon and liquids and bring to a simmer. Cover. It’s best to do this in the morning so that you can just simmer the crap out of it all day, but I guess a few hours is all you need. Like I said, this is far from an exact science. But make sure you start early enough that you can actually feed it to your family at dinnertime (unlike me).

4. Before serving, pull out the ham bone, bacon, and bay leaves if you can find them. Get as much meat off of the bone as possible and return just the ham meat back to the pot.

5. Serve with cornbread, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, balsamic vinegar, or whatever your family likes to put on theirs. I like mine with a little balsamic; my dad adds balsamic and too much pepper; and my mom would cover hers in ketchup. It’s all about personal preference. And you absolutely have to eat this soup with loved ones or, again, that magic and symbolism is gone.

Happy New Years!

#food #new years #beans #soup #blah

1 note · View note

seven-oomen · 3 years

Text

Hi, Ben! Hope you had a good day, or at least a calm one! I think your tree is adorable, and I love your tree topper! It’s so pretty! Also, my congrats if Mo leaves it alone. Most of the kitty parents I know are full of horror stories about their cats climbing the tree/trying to eat the tree/trying to eat things off the tree/etc. XD One friend’s cat earned herself the nickname Monkey because the very first thing she did the night they brought her home was go right up the tree. I’m pretty sure that was at least a decade ago, and the only person who ever calls her by her actual name at this point is probably my friend’s dad. Another friend complains every year that she can’t use tinsel on her tree anymore because her cats will try to eat it.

And omg, that Disney/TW thing was terrible. Most of them seemed to only be using the most shallow, surface level reading of the characters, as usual they seemed to forget that Disney made animated films before the early 90s, and also as usual, Noah and Melissa got left out, despite having been there the full run of the show. I think I usually headcanon Peter more CN than anything else, but I can see the logic behind some NE being mixed in there, too. Some of that could be because I tend to see his apparent desire for power as more of a trauma-based need for control than just purely for its own sake. (It might have helped if they’d been a bit more consistent with his character…)

It’s probably because I was out of the fandom for a while, but most stuff I’ve seen that addresses it typically has the Hales being of British Isles descent. I think that’s mainly because the name itself is English (I think?), and it helps to explain the abundance of Celtic mythology/imagery if it’s something they brought with them when settling the town. I’m not particularly bothered either way, though, and always enjoy a chance to learn about other culture’s customs. :D And I love how everyone just agrees that Peter is the type to just casually speak like a dozen languages, just because he can. XD Also, I’m now picturing a springerle rolling pin that’s nothing but wolf images, a quite literally hand-carved hand-me-down (that I’m going to pretend was stored in the vault.)

And yeah, I figured the other kids would adapt pretty well, but I definitely foresee an issue with Jax. I feel like it’s going to come down to one of his siblings having to step in, probably either Malia (because he actually likes her) being like “Hey, could you maybe try not being such an obnoxious douche-nozzle to my dad before I punch you in the throat? Do I treat your dad that way?”, or Ben just being like “Why are you so mean to Poppa?” and then Jackson will have to face the full effect of the sad puppy face that got sprung on Stiles. XD

I feel like it would make sense for it to take a few full moons for a turned wolf to achieve a full shift, especially if there’s no genetic component. Almost all the wolves we see turned in the show have a rough enough time adapting at first without throwing in something like that. I definitely think it makes more sense for born wolves to have an easier/quicker time of it, especially at first.

I love both of the recent previews. I seriously have been ferally screaming over the pinned one all day. XD The swagger. The mountain ash. The “goddammit Peter, he’s not afraid of you, he’s afraid for you” of it all. And the section when he’s first shifting is good, too (no matter when it was written.) That’s going to be freaky as hell, even if you’re expecting it. And the whole thing with the way his bones are cracking and such just feels like it emphasizes how warped and wrong it all is, at least to me, because as best I remember, the few times we see a full shift in the show, it just sort of seems to flow from one to the other. Also, it just occurred to me that his alpha form was almost like a perfect balance of the American Werewolf in London and Underworld versions of full shift. I’m curious to see if he maintains that version or if the presence of his mates/pack help him heal to a more normal version. Part of me wants to see him get better because I don’t like seeing them hurt, part of me really wants to see his beast form tackle hug Noah and Chris and try to cuddle in their laps. XD

And oh, man, those window seats just made me want them to have one in the rebuilt Hale house, maybe in like a loft or an upper floor, that’s big enough for the three of them to cram into, or the kids, or assorted combos thereof, in whatever forms they choose. Especially for like during storms and stuff. Just, all the cuddles, and reading stories to the littles, and taking random naps in the sunshine, and everything.

Also, now I’m picturing Noah and Chris singing shit like “You Make It Feel Like Christmas” and “Cuddle Up, Cozy Down Christmas”, or like that “Peace On Earth/Little Drummer Boy” thing Bing Crosby and David Bowie did, while trying to make Peter a surprise breakfast, and it’s adorable. And I’ve been listening to way too much Straight No Chaser holiday music to deal with the idea of them all singing together in anything approaching a rational manner. And is he not supposed to look at them like they’re part of the menu? I’m pretty sure if Peter was given the option of what he’d like to eat first…well. XD

Those poor teachers. They probably thought they’d lucked out with this one after Stiles and Malia, and then the holidays came around… (Just wait until they get the next round of Haleargentski children…) XD

And I’m going to hold you to that promise of romance XD (not really, if it doesn’t work out that way, don’t worry.) I would say “my body is ready”, but that feels like it might come across somewhat awkward. XD Although it did occur to me that given how he is about the whole “your all’s shirts are way too tight to share” thing, when it gets to that point, Noah’s probably also going to have one of those “it’s been a hot minute, so some things aren’t quite what they used to be” type moments like Chris had with Peter at the motel, though I think he’d be more likely to try and joke it off, and Peter’s just going to be like “Gods, you two really are as bad as each other sometimes”, while happily reassuring both of them, because he can, and he enjoys it.

And wow, I’ve rambled on so much longer than I meant to given that I have an early shift tomorrow (or today, really… ’>.> ) So, I hope you got some decent rest, and your meds are helping like they should, and that you are happy with what you got done on the chapter. I hope that today goes well, too, and that you find some good candy at post-holiday discount prices, if that is a thing they do there (or will that not happen until after Christmas?) Anyway, I hope you have a good day, whatever else happens. Take care! *Hugs!*

Hey hey, I honestly had a pretty good day yesterday, a little busy because of last minute store runs and an uncooperating phone. (oh joy, had to reset the bastard twice) but other than that, pretty good.

Treated myself to a new game for Sinterklaas. It’s the Spiderman Game of the Year edition, I didn’t have that game yet and it was on sale for like 28 bucks and people left really good reviews. Maybe if I get some money for Christmas I might also get me the Miles Morales one, the new one. But I’m also getting Cyberpunk cause I pre-ordered it back in April, so we’ll see. I might just wait until Miles Morales goes on sale too in a couple of months. Still have to finish Valhalla first though XD.

And you’re not gonna believe it, but Mo left my Christmas tree completely alone. He does not care about the Christmas tree. He does not care about plants. He does not care about BOXES. I honestly think my cat is broken, but then again, I am typing this while he is sleeping in my lap and purring, so who cares.

And Omg XD I am eternally grateful Mo didn’t do that but I love Monkey and can see why they got that nickname XD What a rascal!

I mostly included NE for Peter because apparently that’s what Ian Bohen considers Peter’s Alignement to be. I personally think he’s more CN too (though I am probably basing that on his trauma.)

I actually made a personal alignment chart for the characters in Once Upon A Time here. (Though I forgot to include three characters namely the Nurse, John, and Danny. I think Danny would fall under either NG or LN and he would probably tell someone if someone’s shoe laces were untied, and the nurse more under LE I guess, considering her background, though I feel like she’s not evil for evil’s sake she more or less was driven to it and as such has a strong need for revenge regardless of whom she hurts, though she tries to redeem herself later. (and that’s all I will say due to spoilers). And she would probably tie the person’s shoe laces for them, old habits die hard.) John I feel like would be CG or LN and he’d be the person to untie his own shoes in solidarity. (kinda like his grandchildren Stiles and Malia, where do you think they got that one from?)

But yeah I’m still not sure how to feel about the Disney one. I can kinda see with some of them where they were coming from but none of it feels ‘flawless’ or particularly right to me? Idk. I honestly feel like Kuzco and maybe Pocahontas were the two biggest Nopes for me. I mean Scar kinda fits, Elsa, I can see that, but none of it I truly identify these characters with. Idk.

And I feel like Peter or John probably had the foresight to store some of their most prized family heirlooms in that vault. Such as a copy of the family photo, Peter’s triskelion necklace piece, a springerle with wolf inscriptions, some video tapes of the family, personal artifacts of each family member, and Talia and John’s claws, family recipes, some gifts John made for his grandchildren, and John’s journal about the family history, werewolf lore, and lots of dirt on both Elias Stilinski and Gerard Argent.

I feel like Peter speaking lots of languages also just makes sense. He seems to be the type to have connections everywhere and to have little birds everywhere listening in for him. He would also be the type of person to either have connections to or keep an eye on the Russian and Italian Maffia, he learned French and Polish for Chris and Noah, Spanish is just a useful language to learn because it's vast. And German and Dutch were taught to him from a young age, probably some Latin too. So I can see why many people would headcanon Peter as mutli-lingual, it just makes sense for his character.

Malia and Ben ganging up on Jackson is my new favorite image. Can you imagine what the combined power of those two will be? Also just any of the teenagers realizing they can deploy the younger sibling to be absolutely adorable and people will do anything for that face, no matter what the teenagers are asking.

As for Peter’s wolf, why not both? There’s no reason why he can’t act like an overgrown puppy as a beast and still heal and slowly revert back to his original form over the course of a couple of full moons as his mind heals from the trauma.

They’re definitely getting a windowseat big enough to seat three adults, four teenagers and a couple of little ones. Surrounded by books, a few curtains and lots of pillows. it needs to happen.

And you guessed it, there’s gonna be a shy moment where both Chris and Noah get self conscious about their bodies. Noah because, well, he gained some weight, got a bit older, has some stretch marks although he’s still goddamn fit considering what he does and he tries to play it off as a joke, Peter will show him just how sexy he is, really. And Chris has another moment because he had another baby, so more pudge, more stretch marks and due to his humanity, more scars. I think I’ll let Noah handle that one first and then Peter helps. Chris of course also worships Noah’s body, because holy shit, none of them is exactly in bad shape, but Noah’s definitely been hiding way more. Also Noah’s tall now, so Chris just sort of melts when the taller man sweeps him off his feet. We also need some Omega/Omega love in this story.

And wow, now I’ve been rambling XD. I’m gonna make me some late breakfast (it’s 1 pm) and grab some coffee and then start writing.

#ben says stuff #my convos with anon #B #once upon a time comments #submission

0 notes

morethanithoughtofficialblog · 4 years

Text

Chapter 22: Selfish crying

In which you waste your time.

*Your POV*

You clearly are doubtful of other people intentions until they say it directly to you. Well, that's something that I learned today... not in the bad way, thankfully. So when I woke up and met all the monsters there, Sans asked me "in secret" if I could go with him and Papyrus to Ebott High School. He put the excuse of "i'm too old to know all that fancy crap".

Right. He's really thinking I believe that? He's the same age as I am!

However, someone who sincerely enjoyed the bizarre humor of the Bee Movie has an integrity you can't say "no" to. So I decided to go with them after saying goodbye to everybody else, and it was... interesting.

We walked there because Sans didn't know where the school was and, therefore, he couldn't teleport.

...

We got lost.

Papyrus was enjoying it, though. A lot of shops were on the way, including one that had many professional ingredients for cooking any type of dishes, which I'm sure he would only use for spaghetti. There were a lot of cloth stores, too. And a Hot Topic. And a GameStop. I sure had to check a few things, to see if there were other wonderful hoodies I could add to my collection...

I... may have a thing for hoodies.

There was this huge library as well that we were dragged in with Sans. It was amazing so I am not angry about it, but he was freaking out a lot. He didn't want to get any series of books in fear of not having all of them and never finishing the story, but he also wanted a long book. He looked every single aisle and found in most of them disappointment. Especially by the teenager ones, who just made him groan. I was glad he was in a good mood, and I even teased him a little about these novels.

"all of these angsty things suck!" He had exclaimed at me, while I was holding "Twilight" with a shit-eating grin on my face.

"But this one was liked by the..." I checked my phone, and smiled wider "Ninety-three percent of the Google users!"

"that doesn't mean it isn't trash!" He got all grumpy, which made me tease him more.

"Or what about "The Fault in Our Stars"? It's liked by the ninety-six percent! You can't deny it's good, my man!"

"it's cliché as fuck!"

"Oh, you should buy this one!"

"which one?"

"It's called... "After"! I'm sure you'll like it, Sa-"

"oh hell no! i'm not reading that shit!"

"But-"

"but nothing! i won't read it!"

I laughed way too loud, and he started to mumble things like "i'm too mature for that" or "that stupid shit shouldn't exist". Papyrus looked over books already had a bunch of books about puzzles and recipes and Sans didn't have a single thing, being way too exigent with his choosing. I grabbed a few books myself as well, some being science fiction and others of fictional history.

But Sans? Oh, he was being quite the picky dude.

"SANS, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" Papyrus started to get irritated, noticing we've been there for a long time "YOU WEREN'T THIS PICKY ON THE UNDERGROUND!"

"because i didn't have a choice!" He replied with a scream, then went to his usual quiet voice again "now that i can choose, why i shouldn't take advantage of it?"

We spent some more time looking, then, when he finally found "the chosen one".

"this is perfect! and it's a sci-fi! i'll have it!"

"ABOUT TIME!"

"You are just taking one with you?" I asked, weirded out by him not taking the chance to have the whole library.

"it turns out to be a series, and since all of the books are here... i'm taking all of them" Okay, that sounded more like him.

And we spent all of our day shopping useless things for our own benefit and forgot completely about the school admission. Sans cursed out loud when he remembered, but it was too late to change anything.

"Don't worry, Sans!" I tried to cheer him, knowing he was probably blaming himself for not remembering "We can go tomorrow to the high school!"

"YOU'LL COME TOO, OLDER HUMAN?!" Papyrus seemed really happy about the thought of it, so... I couldn't help myself.

"If you want to, then I'll go" I answered with a smile, proud of making Papy excited.

"THEN YOU SHOULD STAY AT OUR HOME TONIGHT! AFTER ALL, WE SHOULD GO THERE EARLY!" Great way of taking advantage, Paps.

I stood there in silence, and I let out a lovingly sigh.

"Sure, Papy" I chuckled a bit "I'll stay, if that's what you wish"

He squealed like a five-year-old girl and started to jump a lot. Sans chuckled and both of them walked with me to my apartment so I could get my things and then head to their house. I let both of them come in, but soonly regretted it.

"HUMAN! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!" Papyrus shouted from the bathroom, and I facepalmed myself mentally. The mirror, goddamnit! I haven't fixed the fucking mirror!

"Uh... an accident?" I shrugged, sounding way too suspicious.

"an accident?" Sans lifted one of his "eyebrows", looking at me with a mocking smile.

"(Y/N)!" Papyrus said horrified "THIS DOESN'T LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT AT ALL! THERE'S DRY BLOOD IN HERE!" Oh shit.

"Don't worry Paps, I'll clean it!" I'm so stupid.

"that doesn't clarify anything, (y/n)" Sans's expression was now with worry and suspicion, not sure what to think. I sighed, knowing that I could fool Papyrus but not him.

"I'll tell you later" I whispered to the short skeleton, even if I wasn't sure of telling him. He nodded and acted as if nothing had happened, but if you were observant enough, you could notice that something was bothering him.

After getting some clothes and personal stuff, we finally walked into their house, talking about various topics and cracking a few jokes. When Papyrus opened the door a fluffy, cute dog was there at the entrance.

"oops" Sans occasionally said.

"SANS! I THOUGHT YOU LEFT THE DOG ON YOUR RO-"

"It's so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I unconsciously squealed, then put a hand over my mouth. Sans was giving me a funny look and Papyrus looked confused and... happy?

"you want to carry her?" Sans casually asked, lifting the dog up and offering her to me. I bet I was smiling like an idiot. With only a bit of hesitation, I took her into my arms and she gently licked my cheek. I giggled softly and hugged her.

"What's her name?" I asked the skeletons.

"I DON'T KNOW. IT'S SANS'S DOG" Papyrus shrugged. I never thought Sans would be the dog type.

"her name's maya" My short skelebuddy smiled, then I gave him back Maya. She was so cute and fluffy... I embarrassed myself in front of them, probably. Can you blame me, though? I've never had a dog of my own. "i found her some days ago"

We entered the house and I noticed that Gaster nor Arial were in the house. I was about to ask Sans or Papyrus about it, but I remembered the harsh tone that Gaster always gives to the older brother. I still don't know why, but I didn't want to touch the topic. Not when everyone was in such a good mood.

"HUMAN! ARE YOU HUNGRY?" Papy asked, and I nodded at him kindly. He seemed eager about my quiet answer. "OKAY THEN! I'LL PREPARE MY FAMOUS SPAGHETTI FOR DINNER! I'M SURE YOU'LL BE DELIGHTED- NYEH HEH HEH!"

I let out a small laugh and Papyrus rushed to the kitchen with his characteristic smile. Maya ran upstairs to a room next to Papy's, which I assumed it was where Sans usually sleeps. Talking about him, he looked lost in thought and troubled, and he suddenly walked to the couch and turned the TV on.

Without saying a word, I sat next to him and stared at the television, not really paying attention to the program he was watching. In fact, he wasn't paying attention either.

"hey, (y/n)..." He scared the hell out of me and apologized quickly when he saw my reaction. I laughed a bit and told him that I was fine. He sighed. "well, uh... damn it... can i talk with you after dinner?"

I looked at him and nodded, feeling a bit uneasy. Whatever he had to tell me or ask me, I wasn't sure if I could help. After all, I'm not even able to help myself.

After some minutes, the younger skeleton put the dinner on the table and we ate calmly. Papy settled the mood by telling nice memories of the Underground. I listened to him carefully, not only as an ambassador, but also as a friend. He was pretty joyful and told me how happy he felt I was finally staying at their place. He also started to talk about how excited he was about making new friends in high school and joining any clubs. Papyrus is one of the main reasons I feel proud of being their ambassador- seeing how much he enjoys the simple things the Surface has to offer makes my cheeks hurt from smiling.

After eating, it was quite late for the young skeleton, so he decided to head to bed early. Sans, on the other hand, is like a nocturn creature. And, honestly, I relate to him.

"BROTHER..." Papyrus shyly approached his older brother "CAN YOU READ ME MY FAVORITE BOOK?"

"sure thing, paps" The not-so-young skeleton smiled, then looked at me. "would you feel lonely if you wait a minute?"

When I was about to shook my head, though, Paps intervened.

"ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO... HEAR THE HUMAN MAKE THE FEMALE VOICES!"He cheerfully smiled "I WOULD LOVE TO LISTEN TO HER INTERPRETATIONS"

Watching his face and the joy in his voice forced me to not deny his petition. I looked at Sans and he mouthed "as long as you want", so I nodded to Papy excitedly. He let out a girl-type squeal and ran upstairs to his room to change his pajamas. The remaining skeleton asked me if I was really willing to do it, and some memories of the orphanage came to my mind. I remembered when I would read to the sad kids some books, or even make some stories of my own. They would always laugh about how silly I made my voice, and that was one of the few joys in that dark place. Noticing how I spaced out, I simply told Sans that I was actually pretty excited about it. He chuckled, and when we heard that Paps was ready, we walked upstairs.

The mere title of the book made my heart melt: "Peek-a-boo with Fluffy Bunny". A huge urge to go and hug Papyrus 'till the end of times made me anxious, making me play with my fingers without thinking about it. Sans opened the book and started, which made me smile even more. The nice interaction between both of them made felt nostalgic about my relationship with my father, but I held back tears and made the best interpretations I could manage. Both of the skeletons laughed about my weird voices, especially the one I gave to one of the kids.

After that wonderful reading (that the ending made Papy cry, by the way), Pap got comfy and we turned off the lights. Getting out of his room, the newfound silence of the house put me on edge.

"hey, (y/n)" Sans startled me again, but this time such a drama didn't happen. "may we talk downstairs?"ohgodwhy.

We went to the living room and sat on the couch, trying to moderate the volume of our movements. We took a deep breath at the same time... realizing this, we laughed quietly.

"guess there are too many things to say, huh?" He chuckled. "wish things could be easier"

"Yeah" I smiled sadly. "I wish this could be way easier"

"anyway..."

"So...?"

"let's talk about the mirror, k?" Why the mirror? WHY?!

I sighed, stressed with only thinking about my stupidity. My mind was wandering of how things would have been better, what would have happened if I didn't do such a thing in the first place, etc.

"God, you are probably going to laugh about this" I chuckled at the memory, which wasn't happy at all. "It's just so... stupid"

"but you had no stupid reasons, right?" He wisely stated, making me groan internally.

"I guess not..." I put (again) a sad smile on my face, then closed my eyes, focusing on what happened that night. "Let's see... so I was having trouble sleeping one night, and, uh..."

"don't worry, i hear you" He gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath.

"I started to think. Think about life, about who I am, of how stressed I've been feeling. And then, of how much I hate... myself"

"your...self? why would you hate yourself?" His expression was more serious and worried.

"I... I don't like the way I've been monitoring my life. I don't like the simplest things about myself, too. Like how little I eat sometimes, how stupid I am, and-"

"okay, we'll work on that later, (y/n)" He stopped me from collapsing and becoming a bigger mess. I actually need to thank him for that. "you are a great person, you just need more self-esteem. i'm not the best example of it, but... i'll try to help you, okay?"

I smiled weakly, tears threatening to come out. Without voice, I mouthed "thank you", then calmed down so I could continue.

"I... I decided to go to the restroom, then, so I could... I don't certainly remember why I went there, the thing's that I wasn't happy with the bags under my eyes, how dead my eyes looked, and how tear stains marked their way into my face. So, out in anger...uh"

"so...?"

"I punched the freaking mirror"

He blinked out in amazement, not quite the reaction I expected. I truly thought he would think I was crazy, ask me instantly why I was so stupid, etc. Instead, shock and mainly worry were there.

"that's why... that's why you have the stitches on your fingers?" Huh, so he figured it out.

"Yeah..."

"so it wasn't an accident?"

"Don't take me wrong, it's just-"

"no, i just wanted to get it clear, don't worry" He let out a huge sigh, then stretched up his arms. "(y/n), as much as i'm not okay... we both know that punching a mirror out of self-hate is serious. do you hate yourself that much?"

I remained silent, the question taking me by surprise. Instead of words, only tears came out, making Sans's expression more unbearable.

"shit shit shit, i'm sorry (y/n), i never meant to- oh god, i'm such an idiot. please, i, uh, i don't want to see you sad, goddamnit, it's just-"

"Hey" I stopped his babbling, letting more fresh tears roll down my cheeks. "I know you never meant to hurt. I'm sorry. It's just... the truth is sad, you know? People used to tell me I would get far and that I should be proud of that. But now? I feel no pride. I feel only sadness and a horrible pity towards myself... I... I..."

I couldn't speak anymore, the tears were too distracting. Shushing, Sans held me close into a tight hug...

I remembered.

I remembered how many times I would cry alone in nights and hug myself. Now, someone else was willing to put my broken pieces together and to feel my wet tears. That thought, that mere thought of not being alone anymore...

I cried a little more and hugged Sans back.

I was so sad, nostalgic, and strangely happy at the same time. He kept shushing and holding me even tighter, and when I looked up, I noticed he was crying a little as well.

"Th-thank you, S-sans" I managed to say between sobs, and he nodded.

"d-don't worry" He sobbed more discretely, but still did as well. "we should talk more about this another time. for now, you should rest, (y/n)"

"Y-yeah, I think it's for the best" I cleaned the tears from my face.

"if... if you feel overwhelmed at night... wake me up, okay?" Oh, I can't do that. Not when he's being so nice to me.

"Sans, I don't-"

"no, it's okay" He interrupted me, showing a weak smile I've never seen. "i probably won't be asleep, either. it's not fair for you to feel that way... at least not when we are here to help"

"...Sans"

"(y/n)"

"I don't want to interrupt you"

"hey, i enjoy your company, k?" He let out a sad chuckle. "i won't mind if you wake me up. even if it's talking about it or just standing there... the company is nice. i know that for a fact. if it wasn't for papyrus, i... i don't think i would be here"

I nodded and thank him for everything. I gave him a small hug and he returned it for a short time, then I headed directly to the guest's room. I couldn't believe myself, but more than that, I couldn't believe him. Why in the world he is this nice to me...?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Sans's POV*

When I told (Y/N) that she could wake me up if she needed anything, it was more like a selfish petition. When I arrived in my room, even if Maya was there, the loneliness hit me hard. I got on the bed and immediately knew I wouldn't be able to conciliate sleep. I groaned.

My mind was wandering of everything she said earlier. How much she hates herself, how stupid she thought her action has been, and how unsatisfied she felt about her own decisions. It triggered me. Hell, it even scared me. Punching a mirror out in self-hate, as I told her, it's not healthy. She cried, feeling overwhelmed with how her brain has been torturing her all these years. Being alone, talking to herself, crying alone...

The mere thought of that happening made me hug myself. How has she been keeping up with that feeling of dread all this time? What has been her hope?!

I started to think, then, of how fortunate I was and how miserable I felt still. She has done a lot of things to help others and accomplished various of her dreams, but I? Oh, c' mon- being a lazy skeleton and a father's disappointment was never an aspiration of mine.

Ah, Gaster. The father that used to love me when I was a small kid, but when I rebelled against his ideas and experiments, he left me alone. I took care of Papyrus, then, when he was still experimenting with poor monsters. I say 'poor' because I know exactly what he did to them. I, after all, used to be one of his best test subjects. He gave me determination pills four days a week, then injected directly into my soul new forms of magic. He activated certain parts of my DNA so I could develop stronger points in the magic he wanted. It could have been a good project if he didn't apply it to a living being- to his own son.

The side effects of such actions scare the hell out of me. Days after taking the pills and/or injections, I would vomit or have horrifying headaches for days, to say some symptoms. Hell, even I would start to bleed randomly, and I would be so weak, that my bones were really sensible. I remember that, when I was eight, one of my bones broke with a simple movement (without magic, to make it worse). Some of the effects remain with me until these days, like anxiety attacks involving magic, random lack of magic, HP decreasing, inability to control my attacks, etc.

But, would those effects could have been worth it if I got my father's appreciation back? He did horrible things in the past and he's treating me like shit in the present, but... he's my dad. My dad, for God's sake. I said a lot of times that I wanted to be his pride... and I failed. I failed miserably to one of the strongest wishes I ever had. And thanks to that, all of my other dreams seem impossible to reach.

I hugged myself and noticed that I was right- I needed (Y/N) more than she would ever need me. I'm so selfish that, when she has more serious problems than I do, I still end up thinking on mine. A few tears rolled down, and a huge urge to scream came into my throat.

I looked into my soul, white as any monster's. One of HP, one of defense. Nothing more than that. A simple heartbreaking romance or a kid's magic attack can make me turn to dust. A part of me wants that to happen as soon as it can. But another part doesn't let go. I...

I don't want to die. I just want another chance to make everything right. To stop me from being lazy and selfish, and be more like the nerd I used to be in college. I want a second chance. I don't want to leave Frisk with an unsupervised power. I don't want to leave Flowey assessing her dangerously. I don't want to leave Tori's puns. Asgore's flowers. Grillby's bar and friendship. Undyne's energy. Alphys's quirkiness. Papyrus... (Y/N)...

I was starting to sob louder, so I muffled my sounds with a pillow. I don't want to leave them. I don't want to leave any of them. Each of those people and more have become a part of me. I don't want to leave and disappear from their memories. They have been special people for me, either in a good or bad way. I want to be special to them as well...

With tears in my eyes, I was about to try out different positions so I could fall asleep, but a quiet knock on the door was heard. I froze in place and muttered quietly "come in".

And there she was.

Quiet and shaking, I don't know if she was cold or afraid. Probably afraid, since it's freaking July and I don't think she'll ever be freezing in this time of the year.

"S-sans...?" She stuttered, hugging herself anxiously. " I... I heard a noise coming f-from your room... are you o-okay?"

Oh.

I was stunned by her quiet words, realizing she didn't come for self-comfort, but to comfort ME. The fucking skeleton who has messed up the life of his dreams and there's probably nothing to do about it. But she was there, hoping weakly that she could do something. That she could change anything. I chuckled sadly, and she approached me quietly. I didn't say a word. She sat next to me, on my bed, avoiding Maya's place on the floor. I bet she was looking at me, but I can't say. I never looked directly at her dull and slightly hopeful eyes, after all. She held me gently into an almost-non-existent hug, and all I did was hug her back tightly.

Yes, I was right.

I need her more than she needs me.

#more than i thought #more than i thought fanfiction #sans x reader #sans #x reader #chapter 22

0 notes

markclutch2-blog · 5 years

Text

All the things | Rum and Ginger Toffee Cake

This morning I went to an Italian market in town to buy jars. There, the jars are for sauce and soups, but each year around this time I snatch empty ones for eggnog. I never liked eggnog much until I started making it; this one has rum and bourbon, and gets aged for 10 days before we start sipping. It is a work in progress— I've never even typed up the recipe, but it feels like it'll always be a part of our holidays.

I started writing on November 30th, but never got far. I've spent the last half hour trying to remember where I was planning to go from that paragraph, and what I'd hoped to say, but I can't reconstruct the memory. Maybe it's still as good as a start as any, because I'm happy to be here and talking again.

The bulk of that eggnog went to the annual holiday party Nikole hosts at the Herriott Grace studio. I held some back for our household supply, but went through it faster than expected and December 15, the fridge was dry. We made another batch, the halls were decked, and the holidays were as bright as we could make them.

There was a rice pudding I forgot to serve one night that was eaten in the morning as porridge, dusted aromatically with Ceylon cinnamon. I made gingerbread dough and the boys decorated cutout snowflakes on Christmas Eve. (On the topic, do you have a favourite gingerbread cookie recipe? I wasn't thrilled with the one we used.) The trifle on Christmas Day was one of the best in recent memory, its surface regal in gossamer silver leaf. Instead of the usual sponge, the base was an egg-rich coconut cake. It was heavy with vanilla and woolly with shredded coconut, and it held its own against the black raspberry filling, custard, and cream.

Through the days, and those meals, all the things I've wanted to mention have been rattling around my brain. So, we've got ground to cover.

I've been revising favourite essays of the year and finding new ones by working my way through this list: Longreads best of 2016.

Speaking of Herriott Grace, Sean and I have a pair of these little earthenware cups for our household nog—they are matte and feel like velvet in the hand. At the party we served it in these beauties, and they were equally perfect.

George Michael rehearsing for the Freddie Mercury tribute concert . (Yes, that's David Bowie watching from one side.)

Back in September, I started another column with The Globe and Mail. I am still in the Life section every month, and now in the Style section too, as part of Kitchen Cabinet. It a feature in rotation with three other cooks—they're proper chefs, actually, and I'm chuffed to be the odd one out. That cake up top was for my December column, and it was inspired by both sticky toffee pudding (a cake I enduringly associate with winter) and the Dark and Stormy cocktail (a drink I'm happy to have in hand any time of year). The cake is vaguely stodgy, freckled with waxy nubs of walnut, the leathery chew of dates, and fiery flecks of candied ginger. You soak the cake with some toffee syrup while it's still hot, then save the rest to offer at the table. I think it's a cake that will take us to spring.

A friend was looking for vegetarian recipes and one I recommended was Heidi's Green Lentil Soup with Curried Brown Butter. It's terribly good.

I want to make these for the lads before the winter break is over. And I'm bookmarking this cake.

Ashley wrote about the Everyday Yellow Dal from Seven Spoons; I've often said that dal and rice, finished with a pat of ghee, flaky salt, and finely minced onion, is my never-fail comfort food. Ashley's words, capturing the fortifying effect of gathering at the table, are its ideal partner.

And finally, if you haven't seen it already, this piece by Molly isn't to be missed.

May this new year bring you such happiness. xo

RUM AND GINGER TOFFEE CAKE

FOR THE CAKE

Butter for pan

3/4 cup | 180 ml water

1/4 cup | 60 ml dark rum

1 tablespoon finely grated fresh ginger

Zest of half an orange, finely grated

Zest of a lime, finely grated

12 ounces | 340 g pitted dates, Medjools preferred

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

2 ounces | 60 g walnuts, toasted and cooled

2 1/4 cups | 290 g all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon fine sea salt

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Scant 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1 cup | 215 g dark brown sugar

3/4 cup | 170 g unsalted butter, soft

4 eggs

1/4 cup (50 g) finely diced candied ginger

FOR THE SAUCE

1/2 cup | 115 g unsalted butter, cubed

1 1/4 cup | 260 g dark brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon fine grain sea salt

1 tablespoon black treacle or molasses, optional

2 tablespoons dark rum

1/2 cup | 120 ml heavy cream

Seeds scraped from half a vanilla bean, or 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

METHOD

Please refer to my column in The Globe and Mail.

Newer:Sweetness | Chocolate sugar cookiesOlder:The little ceremonies | Tahini, orange + coconut toasted museli

Source: http://sevenspoons.net/blog/2016/12/30/all-the-things

0 notes

mealsforsquares · 5 years

Text

New Year’s Day

After New Year’s Eve, of course, comes New Year’s Day, and with New Year’s Day comes one of the few times I actually get to host a giant meal. I love hosting a giant meal, actually, even though it stresses me right the heck out. Last year was the first year that we did it, in an attempt to spread around some of the effort of the holiday season. It was a fairly big hit, and it was nice to expose some more people to what it is I do in the kitchen*. Sinc eit worked out so well, and I had the operational business under my belt, it was time to move on and try to really knock it out of the park.

The crowd pleaser at last-year’s business was a serious eats-style all-belly porchetta. It was chosen for its relative simplicity - pork belly is a pretty hard thing to fuck up, as just about every restaurant in the world can tell you**, and wrapping it around some herbs and spices and slow roasting it is a pretty rock-solid thing to do. And I like things that are easy to do and impressive. They make me feel good about myself.

So I took a whole belly and laid it down, scored the skin deeply. I made a spice paste of juniper berries, allspice berries, coriander, cinnamon, and some sumac. I also made an herb paste of minced rosemary, sage, thyme, oregano and tarragon. I mixed the herb mince with the spice paste, oiled them up and ground them together a bit with a mortar and pestle. I mixed in some ground bay leaves and some brown sugar, and rubbed the whole mess into the pork belly. I rolled it up tight and covered the outside in salt into which I had mixed a bit of baking soda, then cut a bunch of lengths of twine which I used to tie it up. Instead of letting it sit with the raw herbs and spices overnight, I slow-roasted it first the day before, letting it go until it was a proper internal temperature, and then when it was done I pulled it and socked it away in the fridge until the next day when I would crisp it up. I threw it in a very hot oven about an hour before service, leaving it in there until the skin was hot enough to blister and turn brown, and then taking it out rest*** and then slicing it up, removing the string in the process

Last year I was further constrained by the two pickiest eaters (who are also members of my own family) being present for dinner, and having to make sure to include them in everything. This year, especially, R had to work, which meant that vinegar was much more on the table than it had been previously, so it was time to incorporate directly into the beans. Black eyed peas are traditional for New Year’s, which is pretty great, because it’s an excuse to make a mess of beans for a bunch of people to eat. In Jonathon Sawyer’s oft-aforementioned House of Vinegar, he mentions cooking lentils in red wine vinegar for a salad. I decided to run with that idea, except I would use black eyed peas. To preserve the color, and make them look less like brown glop on the plate, I decided to cook them in a mixture of white wine and white wine vinegar, so that I could more-readily play with colors and textures.

The theory was good, but in practice I forgot that cooking beans in acid is really hard. This is probably why the original recipe uses lentils and not a bean that requires more hydration. So I soaked the beans overnight, then poured in equal parts white wine and white wine vinegar, and let the beans simmer until they were soft. Or at least, I let them simmer for seven hours. They were softening (slowly), but they weren’t finishing. I had the idea that if I raised the pH a little bit they might find it easier to accept water into their skins, so I added a healthy pinch of baking soda. A couple of hours later, the beans were the perfect texture - the acid had enabled them to hold together pretty well without mushing out, and they did eventually hydrate fully to be tender. If I wanted a creamier bean, it might not be the way to go, but if I wanted a creamier bean, it wouldn’t be the sort of thing you’d want to make sour anyway.

The beans were actually pretty astringent, so the rest of the job of the salad was to mitigate the business. I cut some homemade bacon into cubes (I give away bacon as part of everyone’s Christmas basket), and got them working in a cold pan. As the pan heated up and the bacon started to brown, I would occasionally deglaze the pan with a shot of apple cider, which made a nice sort of apple-y glaze on the bacon cubes, which I thought would be nice for the salad, even as it did at another kind of pork to the proceedings. I made some bread crumbs out of some homemade tomato bread (not mine, but homemade in someone else’s home) by drying the bread out in the oven and then running it through the food processor, for a crunch and some texture. I diced the leaves off of a head of bitter endive or chicory or whatever you want to call it and mixed them in, then added a minced onion.

The question of dressing was an important one - it needed to augment the beans, but it couldn’t be too acidic or the whole thign would lose its balance. I kept it fairly simple. I poured out a generous half cup or so of olive oil, added a little less than a third as much vinegar, and a very generous dollop of dijon mustard, which can take the acidity and really add somethign to it. I also added a generous glug of pomegranate molasses, an ingredient that I’m relatively new to actually owning, but have wanted to start using for a long time. The end result was that the salad was magnificent, although I made entirely too much of it, ultimately.

Greens are also a standard-issue inclusion for New Years, so I decided to make some. . Into the dutch oven went a huge bunch of olive oil - this is an oil-intensive preparation****. I added one big onion and two small onions to the oil and let them cook while I did the rest of the thing. I mixed together a whole can of tomato paste with some cayenne and six or so cloves of minced garlic, which I then smooshed into the oil. I had bought a holy firestorm of greens - a pound or so of collards formed the backbone, but also the rest of the head of chicory, some kale, some adult spinach, a head of dandelion greens, and a head of broccoli raab. I de-stemmed and washed all of these greens, then got them into the oil/tomato paste/garlic sofrito and let them get friendly. I added a healthy splash of water and covered them, letting them steam down for awhile.

When they had shrunk down a bit I added a couple of handfuls of adult spinach and gave everything a good hard stir. I salted them some more, and then added a huge glob of peanut butter and stirred them again to coat them in the peanut. I let them get friendly and salted and peppered them again. When they were tender, I squeezed the juice of a couple of lemons onto them to brighten them up. The effect is incredible - the effect is a bit like the greens in ground nut soup or peanut stew, only it’s a whole mess of them. It seems like an insane thing to enjoy, but it’s an utterly fantastic dish. IT was a big hit also, and it was designed to have a sort of savory, spicy richness that was there to compete a little with the pork and give everyone a break from pork fat, and also the astringency of the beans. It didn’t compete, in the savory slash unctuous flavor of the pork, but it augmented it, making it a nice little component.

Deciding that the bean salad would be lightly dressed and therefore that there might need to be a serious condiment, I made some cranberry mostarda. The day before new years I soaked a bunch of mustard seeds in some sweet wine. On the day of I heated up a bunch of fresh cranberries with a great load of sugar and a apple cider, to which I added the mustard seeds and their wine, some dry mustard, some red chili flakes, and a sachet made of some cinnamon, some cloves and some bay leaves. I simmered it until the cranberries were softened, at which point I smooshed them up and socked the whole thing away in the fridge. It set up more than I intended it to - there’s a tonne of pectin in cranberries - and made a kind of a jam rather than a sauce, but it did its job anyway, providing a nice sweet-tart condiment for the fatty, deeply-spiced porchetta.

Beans and greens aside, an actual salad-type vegetable with some actual salad-type flavor was also necessary. The Chinese believe that eating long food at new years brings good luck, and as it happens, I recently found myself in possession of a spiralizer. So the way through was clear: the way to go forward was to make the longest salad possible, out of a bunch of hard vegetables. It started with carrots - carrots are great with peanut butter, fantastic with pork, and enormously successful with vinegar*****, so it seemed it would be a slam-dunk to pair with the rest of the plate. To go with it was a daikon radish, which would be there for its spicy character but for also not being as funky and oppressive as other radishes can be (I like radishes, but they’re not a vegetable to spring on an unsuspcting someone). An asian pear was noodlefied and added to the thing to give it some crisp sweetness, and a cucumber was thrown in there for freshness and to help with the liquid content. It was finished with some parsley. For dressing some yogurt was compounded with some tahini and flavored with honey, then finished with some lemon juice and very lightly tossed with the mixed-vegetable salad.

Sauerkraut is also de rigeur with new years, and as it happens I had already made some suaerkraut traditionally in the leadup as part of the Christmas present. To make it a little more regular for the meal, I decided to church it up a little bit. I made both red and white sauerkraut. The white sauerkraut needed some real help - it was salty and crunchy and good, but it wasn’t great. So I poured the white out into a pan and added a little allspice, a few peppercorns, a couple of healthy glugs of prosecco vinegar, and a little bit of sugar to help balance it out. I let it get a little bit warm and loosen up a bit. It helped a lot. For the red I dumped that out and just added a bit of sherry vinegar and some red pepper flakes.

Other folks had provided some dolmades, white bread and beer bread (these all came from A’s dad) and also mashed potatoes (from A’s brother, who is a champion eater of mashed potatoes), and they were all pretty good. The rest of the food came out exactly as I wanted, and I was pretty happy with the way things turned out such that you could eat abit here and a bit there from the various and sundry sources and end up with a non-exhausting plate of food. As feasts go, I was pretty happy with the way that things came together. Everything that had been a crowd pleaser remained a crowd pleaser, and the whole thing was filling and plenty feast-like without being overwhelming - I was full without being uncomfortably so, which I’m willing ot chalk up to it being mostly food that is actually not that bad for us. It’s entirely possible that I may do some more working with the sour beans to make them something that cooks even slightly quicker.

Oh, and I’ll have to work on quantity, because digging out from under the impossible, tremendous amount of leftovers was pretty oppressive. I will say this: a sandwich made of toasted bread, mustard, peanut greens, pickles and a slice of porchetta is a pretty incredible way to use up a leftover, all told.

Just eating the beans as a leftover was also pretty great, but it does seem to require that you like beans at least as much as I do to get through that many. I hope I can remember the next time I do it to make them into a croquette - fried pickled things are awesome, and I bet the fried sour beans would be equally incredible.

Or at least more interesting than other regular croquettes. But this is all turning into a digression for another time. So stay tuned. Maybe you’ll get to hear about it.

* I cook for the same three people, counting myself, most of the time, so it’s not common for people outside my household to eat my food - I’m not much of a host-er and prefer restaurants for socializing purposes, mainly because I don’t go to them that often - I’m cheap, and also I’m a better judge of how I want something to taste than someone I’m paying to do it. I’m generally a do-it-myself sort of person, and I tend to go out only for things that I don’t make often - organ meats are a tough sell for my housemates, and fish is expensive enough that I’m usually pretty happy to let someone with more experience do it for me, to name two examples - or where people want to go or whatever.

** restaurants, and especially mid-range ones, are sort of the silent partners in the pork belly explosion of a decade ago. That explosion has mostly died, and that’s great, because I was tired of being surprised and worn down by the constant baconification of everything, and it also means that pork belly prices are coming down a bit. I’ve been making my own bacon for a very long time, as well as my own pancetta, and obviously there’s a porchetta every year, and it’s great to not have to pay through the nose for it.

*** It probably didn’t have to rest, as the few minutes of very high heat wasn’t enough to stir up the interior juices, and so it probably wasn’t in any danger of that, but hey, it didn’t hurt anyway.

**** it’s also, weirdly, one of R’s favorite preparations, which is strange, considering his usual relationship to greens.

***** carrots are an all-time champion pickle.

#porchetta #peanut greens #greens #peanut butter #cranberries #mostarda #king hat #vegetable noodles #spiralizer #yougurt dressing #also vinaigrette #beans #black eyed peas #very slow cooking

0 notes

nashvillewifestyles · 5 years

Text

Oh Christmas, Christmas…how happy I am to see you again. I am for sure that person that counts down to Christmas time every year. It’s just such a magical time where everything feels right in the world and the joy is overwhelming around you. I’ve always loved Christmas the most out of every other holiday but it’s even sweeter when you have children because you get to witness it through their eyes and that is really special to me.

Decorating the tree & house || This is the most important tradition for our family. I’m totally the person who decorates the day after Halloween. Don’t judge me. I just wanna enjoy my Christmas decor and mood as long as possible. The year we got a new tree from Balsam Hill and I love it! It’s the closest to a real tree I’ve ever had, such great quality. You seriously won’t believe how much their trees mimic a real win… They carefully craft the branches, the silhouette and the texture and colors of the tree. Their trees also come with premium commercial grade lights so if one bulb burns out the rest will stay lit as opposed to an entire string being out like our previous trees. We opted for the 7.5 foot tree that honestly had enough room to go up a few feet more… They have every type of size you are looking for with width and height, there’s a perfect tree for every type of space. We also decided on the candlelight LED lights and looked at it as an investment. The tree also came with gloves, a tree storage bag and all the necessities you need for set up and tear down. I completely changed up our ornaments this year and went for gold, white and silver and took out all of our red accents because I wanted it to be neutral for our living room since we have kind of a Glam BoHo theme going on. I opted for the silver and gold glass ornaments that along with the Champagne metallic berry picks to add dimension. Growing up I always admired my stepmom and my grandmother’s tree and I never knew how they made it look so gorgeous, so this is the first year I actually felt like I could compare to them. The gold and silver set comes with 35 ornaments and is not only stunning but the perfect thing you could pass down, as they are extremely high quality. The berry picks come in a set of 12 and add something glam and extra to the tree. I love to stuff picks and different textures to the tree. I also added this tree topper that I am obsessed with. I also got a new faux cedar garland that also mimics the “natural form, color, and texture of this popular ornamental evergreen.” I also picked up some ivory and gold flameless LED candles for the holiday season that mimic the flicker of real candles eliminating the hazard of an open flame and the mess of dripping wax. You can find the rest of my holiday decor on my SHOP page.

Christmas Eve Eve feast || Last year Keatyn and her dad decided to go to Publix and just get a bunch of random stuff for a feast. I decided to make it a tradition. When I say they basically got everything I mean it. Frozen pizza, cupcakes, mozzarella sticks basically anything Keatyn decided she wanted and we are going to let the girls choose every part of the meal.

Secret Santa Christmas || I’ve been doing this since high school. I think it’s a great way to be creative. If you haven’t heard of a secret Santa, what it is is you draw names from a hat and you buy a present for that person with a particular financial cap. Everyone gets together to open your gifts not knowing who your secret Santa is. I think instead of buying a bunch a random presents for your friends, it actually helps you get them something that they might really need because you were doing more investigative work to make the present meaningful. It’s also wonderful to get everyone in the same room together and I really think it just helps you feel closer overall.

Christmas Morning PJ Breakfast Feast || This is a heart warming memory for me that my stepmom does every year. She always made a hash brown casserole, breakfast sausage, bacon, eggs, biscuits and gravy…THE WORKS. everyone ate breakfast together in their pajamas after opening Christmas presents. It’s such a wonderful memory that we still do every year and I’m excited to make it a tradition for my kids as well.

Nutcracker || I’ve been going to see the Nutcracker ballet since I was a child myself but I started taking Keatyn when she was 3. Thinking she would act up, I almost regretted the decision but I’ve never seen her more mesmerized. There is something magical about watching the dancers on stage telling the story of the nutcracker while sipping on your hot chocolate. It’s been a lovely tradition her grandmother and I repeat every year and I’m excited to start taking Charlie next year.

Watching Hallmark Channel on repeat || This is a given during the Holiday season. It’s basically where you can find me any given night of the week. I watch all of the old ones that show throughout the day and I watch every single one that comes out that year and mark it on my calendar and set my DVR. This year I was pumped to see Balsam Hill collaborating with the Hallmark Channel for three of their Christmas movies. There’s just something about if that gives you that small town feel.

Christmas Movie Galore || Speaking of holiday movies there is barely a night in my home from November to December 25 that you won’t see a Christmas movie on my TV. I have a list of favorites but then I will randomly watch other movies as well. A few of my favorites are Love Actually, the Grinch, Elf of course, Santa Claus and The Holiday, just to name a few.

Hot chocolate & Eggnog || This is definitely a stable during the holiday season. Who doesn’t want to feel all warm and cozy with their hot chocolate on the couch or by the fire. Also, there are so many different recipes you can experiment to spice it up.

Volunteering || There are so many ways you can volunteer during the holiday season. A few of my favorites are hosting a toy drive or canned food drive, volunteering to serve meals to the homeless, adopt a family to buy their Christmas. Holidays are a wonderful time to give but I really hope you continue it throughout the year.

Elf on the Shelf || Glitter and Sparkles or basically a part of her family now. Keaton seriously counts down throughout the year to their return. The only negative is mornings like this morning, I forgot to move the elf and questions were asked.

Black Friday & Cyber Week Deals || Black Friday and cyber week or basically a notion that the holidays have fully started. Thanksgiving is over, it’s time to save money and buy all of your Christmas presents during some of the best sales of the year. I love the tradition of people going at midnight to lineup and get the best deals.

Roasting Marshmallows by the Fire || OK maybe I’m selfish about listing this one because we recently got a fire pit for the first time but there is something special about a chilly night and sitting by the fire, roasting marshmallows that brings me back to living in the country.

What’s you favorite traditions during Christmas? Maybe I gave you some ideas 🙂 Xo.

Do you love Christmas? Are you a put your tree up ASAP type of person or the Scrooge? Oh Christmas, Christmas...how happy I am to see you again. I am for sure that person that counts down to Christmas time every year.

0 notes

zizliine · 6 years

Text

Hello TUMBLR! It’s been a super long time since the last time I type things on a blog. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, sometimes I just jot my removable pen on a random note that always gone, or on a memo app that tend to deleted accidentally. So I decided to share my thoughts on this platform, idk what would it be, but I’m sure it’ll be healthy for my mental lol.

There is a loooot of things I have in my mind. I always have this roller coaster brain, juggling up and down.

DECEMBER 2015 - I GRADUATED! I was one of the best student you can say. Graphic design. After my graduation, there is a lot of things happened. I do regret that up until this early 2018, I still don’t know what to do with my life. Since I was a kid, I always love doing tons of things, you know it if you’ve been followed me through my junior high school blogs. I used to aim to be a multitalented someone, independent woman, and self-sufficient.

It happened mostly on being someone who is talented on doing a lot of things, "Jack of all trades, master of none”. I keep jumping on wanting to be a graphic designer, interior designer, chef, business owner (clothing store and cafe mainly), Muay Thai fighter, youtuber, makeup artists. Its crazy.

JANUARY 2016 - So this is what happened, after my graduation. My dad hospitalized, he was diagnosed with Hepatitis B at first (early 2016) and the other hospital said he got Hepatitis C afterward. Me and my mom went back and forth accompany my dad, to Kuching, Malaysia, to Singapore too. I guess it took only 6 months for him to recovered and free of the virus, THANK GOD. Because of that, my grandma was sent to Jakarta to stay and treated with my uncle, because we were busy taking care of my dad (for 3 months).

MAY 2016 - Then my Dad bought a new house, we were so busy designing the house. My dad assigned me to communicate with the interior designer, and I kept looking for design inspiration that match with my family’s taste. I always consider others, always want their taste to be contributed to the house. I want the touch of us, in every part of the house. My sister was capable of choosing the look and feel of the house, the way she wanted. My bro and my parents only told me they want “Hotel” theme, which is sleek and clean, specifically brownish n warm tone just like Marina Bay Sands hotel. The construction started around May 2016.

During that time, my dad kept going back to Singapore for a following check up, I am soo grateful that my boyfriend always had my back, up until now. Idk what to do if I don’t have him, I wasn’t that strong :)

JUNE 2016 - My lovely Auntie taught me how to bake eggtart, and it was a really good experience cos I LOVEEE EGGTART! It was my grandmother’s recipe. The outer crisps was damn good. I modified the recipe by adding some grated cheese and grounded almond. My family was proud of me and really loving the tarts. I baked a lot during that time, I gave it away for my friends and family (including my boyf’s grandma, and she sent me a pumpkin egg tart too)

JULY 2016 - Its the Hari Raya Holiday again, so my family went to Singapore again. I brought the egg tart that I baked 3am in the morning for my boyfriend’s family, I choose the best ones and hand carry them to Singapore lol. We went to the zoo, I remember how I was super influenced by Mathilda, Leon The Professional’s clothing style. On 4th of July, I was invited to Emilie’s 4th Birthday, she is my boyfriend’s cousin.

NOVEMBER 2016 - I was texted by someone, I was shocked at first, but she became my best friend now. She contacted me to become a model for her clothing store, I was with my other friend, who turned out to be my boyfriend’s cousin too. We had fun at the photoshoot, we played with makeup too. After that, I told them how I enjoy making lace choker, then we started our first business together, Dixi Choker, but it only last for a while lol.

DECEMBER 2016 - The three of us are three musketeers, we went everywhere together, it was a great time. There was a lot of great event we had, going to Jessandra’s bday party together, had Christmas dimsum & went to the church on Christmas Eve, it was really great. Then in the end of year, I bleached my hair to blonde! I had awesome time. My family went to Singapore again to spend our New Year. 30th December, me and my boyfriend went to Art Science museum, we happily bought the NASA tshirt as a couple lol. On the 2nd of January, my fam supposed to go back to Indo, but the plane had trouble so we postponed the flight, and went back the day after, just the day before my birthday.

JANUARY 2017 - On the 5th of January, my best friend Klara and Jessica surprised me at King’s Restaurant, I wasn’t expected that at all. These two girls are really sweet that I guess, I opened myself to them the most. You know, it is not easy to get close to me. I have such a cold heart. Just like cold turkey in the cold storage lol. I had a lot of Star Wars gift too from my friends and my boyfriend!

We held our grandmother’s 85th birthday party on 11 January. I forgot when she went back, but we gather all her relatives, her siblings and had our dinner at Restoran Gajahmada. She carried her peached shaped pao, very happily. She really loves pink, so we dressed her all in pink. “Dadu”, is how she named pink. I miss her so much as how I look at her pictures. During my house construction, we took our grandma with her wheelchair to visit the house too, she was so happy and resists to go back to our old house lol. She’s so funny. On January 27th, we fly back to Singapore again for Chinese New Year & go back again on 31th of January.

FEBRUARY 2017 - Klara, Jessica and me went to Kuala Lumpur for farewell trip because Jessica was going to pursue her study to New Zealand. It was a very sad moment tho, but so memorable. I’ve never really go anywhere with friends before, I did, but for a study tour to Taiwan when I was in senior high school. It’s because of the school, lol. So we had a really good time you know, we went shopping and had so many photoshoots. Cafe hoping and culinary mostly, play dress up and make up.

MARCH 2017 - On 15th of March, Jessica fly to NZ. I am not a type of person who melts easily, who cry easily in front of people cos I am trained to hold my tears as I always want to look strong. But I’m dying inside, I miss her a lot. When she was around, she talked to me a lot, maybe she does it to other of her friend too, but I listened to her as she is my only friend. She shared me her secrets, we had a lot of deep talk and quality things. You know, I’m into deep talks and building deep connections. The next day, my friend from Korea, Ji Eun (She is actually my older sister’s classmate, and her bro was my classmate, so we got so close) visited Pontianak. We had empek2, ice cream angi, and she boughts some DVD contained Indonesian Folklore animation, then we had our dinner at KBAB, played monopoly deal together with my sister.

I took my Ielts class with Klara, we had 3 months of course. I was actually disappointed with my results lol, but its okay cos the score is above the requirements.

APRIL 2017 - Me and my fam went to informa a lot to buy furnitures, it was a great experience cos it was the first time we move lol. We decide together for our garden design too. It felt great, after 3 years away from my family, we had a lot to catch up. On Easter (16 April), I went to church with Linda, accidentally met my boyfriend’s auntie and cousins. Then on April 29th, me and my family went to Singkawang. We had great time, such a wonderful road trip. This is what I love the most, when we usually have our holiday in Singapore, my dad is always busy at the casino, stucking his nose up to those machine lol. I was always busy with my boyfriend too. So this little trip helps a lot you know. Its an awesome go-getter.

MAY 2017 - My english teacher since I was in high school, the one who help my IELTS when I was going to Singapore came back to Ponti after she Moved to US with her husband. We had a great lunch at Saung Kedah. Then on 22nd of May, My boyfriend visited Pontianak! With the whole pack, his parents, his twins, lil bro and older sis. I spent a lot of time with his family. I was invited to his parent’s Anniversary, and her grandma’s new house blessing (24 May). It was a great opportunity. On 26th of May, me and bf went for a movie together, it was our first time watching movie together in Pontianak. We watched Pirates of the Carribean lol. Then I took him and his grandfather to Ice cream Angi, and we went to fix his portable wifi too. I dragged my boyfriend to Kopi Aming too, his first time trying my favourite coffee in Ponti.

JUNE 2017 - We moved to our new house! I was so happy organizing our house, especially my room. I made drawer separation system by using pretty cardboard and turned out pretty well. It was the time when I was all crazy about plants too, disgustingly obsessed. It was a bad obsession I can say, until I bought a lot of gardening stuff, seeds, and hydroponic system. It was also the time I tried to import stuff from China, started my online business clothing store. I bought my ringlight too, oh GOD I spent a lot of money. On 25th June, My family went to Singapore again. I guess it was only me, mom and dad. I went to Ikea and daiso a lot to buy organizing stuff. We went to Universal Studio for the first time (we went twice for the Halloween Horror Night, but never for the day rides lol). I introduced him the Pork Bun too, the one I had when I was in Hongkong.

JULY 2017 - It was when I went so deep into gardening. Had my pretty marigold flowers blooming from seeds. Then my Auntie came back from Jakarta and taught us to make Pizza from Pan, sweet potato purple doughnuts, and Biji Salak. It was so great. Then my cousin introduced me to Sims 4, and I was impulsively bought the game from tokopedia. Which is a huge regret now. I hate myself when I got into games, I could play it all day long until I neglect my life. That is how fast I get addicted into things.

My dad always pet a specific fish, its Red Parrot Fish. He really love it, but everytime we move the fish, from house to house, they always get stressed out. The older and big fishes died slowly. One by one, then he got new ones, I guess almost 20 fishes lol. I got myself succulents too, and I got some for my sister. I also bought a lot of IKEA furnitures, sent them through an container expedition sent by ship cos it costs so much if I use the regular one. I had fun in assembling the furnitures too. I went crazy in buying plant seeds too lol.

On July, my boyfriend visited ponti again. We surprised our friend Shella with other friends too. As usual, when my boyfriend come to ponti, we always have Ice Cream Angi with his Akong. His Akong loves Ice Cream so much. Then me and my boy went to Shinjuku, a Japanaese Yakitori Street Food. We had kaloci, tausuan, and pentol as a closing of our dinner lol. At night, we tapao Bakmie Atie for Ama. The morning before he go back to Sg, we initially wanted to have tiammie for breakfast, but the store was closed, so we ate Bakso in front of my complex, and I drived him to eat some Tua Ce Ie too. He love it so badly. (25July)

I sold my first clothing piece on 27th of July. I was so happy lol. During this month, I spent my day promoting my clothing store and taking care of my plants.

AUGUST 2017 - My auntie came back again, we made some handmade noodles and sponge cakes. I took pictures of her recipe books as she told me to. I spent my time with my Senior High School friend too, as he is a photographer, I asked him to help me to take pics for my clothing store. I asked Anggi and Michelle (my niece) to be the model.

26th August, is when my Grandma passed away. I was torn apart. I hate myself so much that I did not spend more time with her. I spend more time with my boyfriend’s grandparents a lot more than with mine. I was so sad that I lose her. It my first time to lose someone who is so close to me. She was buried on 1st of September 2017.

SEPTEMBER 2017 - We visited Singapore again. I forgot what it was for hahaha. But mainly I just had fun with my mom and boyfriend. We had nice dinners so many times. We went to China town to buy some jerky beef, and as usual my main restaurants to go in Sg are Genki Sushi, Tanuki Raw, Mcd, Menya Musashi, Kanshouku, any Kbbq or Hotpot restaurant. When I went back to ponti, I always limit my food intake lol.

OCTOBER 2017 - We held my sister’s birthday too, I bought her mangoo cheesecake. She was happy, and me and my friend surprised her for the second time at Tyga per Ampat too.

NOVEMBER 2017 - I prepared my bro’s bbq party. I made him sate taichan, bbq chicken, sauteed potato (4NOV). My housemate when I was in Singapore visited to Ponti too, they are originally from Batam & Medan. We surprised Brenda’s bday party too, twice (6NOV). First at Botani, followed a BBQ party at William’s house. I was still in a journey to lose some weights, so I bought a lot of granola during that time. I bought an expensive muay thai punching bag too. CRAZY. I always made a bold move in spending my money. (18Nov) I did see results, my waist are smaller. I visited Jakarta on 19th November, mainly for my acne treatment. Then I had nice dinner at Kintant with Gris, and Shaburi with my mom. The rests are random KBBQ, random Indo food with my cousin.

DECEMBER 2017 - I only focus doing muay thai and losing weight, I did some intense classes, follow kayla itsiness and strict with my diet. I made my weight planner, it was crazy. I bought protein powder from my protein, I was really focus in making myself feel stronger and energetic. I determined to be healthy so I can focus better. THEN MY FAMILY FLY TO SG AGAIN TO SPEND OUR NEW YEAR! hahahhaa.. its always like that.

JANUARY 2018 - So from 28 Dec to 6 January, 9 days spent in Singapore. Me and my whole fam spent times in Singapore, then my Fam went back first on 1st of January. I stayed at Derrick’s home. I accompanied him to school, sitting at the cafe and read Girl Boss book. Then on 3rd of January my dad and mom came to Sg again to pick me up! Hahahha that is how my dad spoil his 23 years old daughter. I’m old alr but he is still super protective. He was actually fly from Ponti-Jkt to had his dental surgery, but he decided to pick me up. I want to extend my day in Sg cos I want to spend it with my boyfriend. I don’t wanna be in Ponti for some reasons. It feels like I’m getting old but I have no where to go. I know its my hometown, but it feels strange somehow. I am weird, its hard for me to get along with people here. I hate those eyes staring at me with the thoughts I predict they wud say. I know it might be only in my mind. But I hate myself enough already, those questions asking me about what’s my career now, what am I working now is depressing. I need time with myself. I just want to be with someone I feel safe with, which is my boyfriend. I feel so calm whenever I am with him, might be the reason why I want to be with him forever. I am anxious every time, talking to him was the greatest feeling ever. He always giving me positive feedback and encourage me. It was great.

So I went back to ponti after that, and my parents went to Sg again. My mom was on cruise trip to Thailand & Sg.

FEBRUARY 2018 - My cousin from my Dad’s side had his wedding, somehow we didn’t go there even though they were waiting for our presence. Its kinda pressurize me when I have those thoughts abt ppl asking me what I am doing. So I decided not to go by that reason. And chosing nice dresses on not-so-confident-me is stressful too. idk why i stress everything over small things. Btw we surprised our mom too, she had her birthday! Then again, my dad and mom fly to Singapore again. Kinda bad decision tho, cos Jipek suddenly passed away. He is my best uncle on earth. I love him so much eventho I never show it when he’s alive. He taught me gardening, asked me to eat rose petals, drenching rose plants with crazy tons waters, he pet an orang utan, taught us how to draw, and a lot of things.

So yeah, idk what else to write. There are a lot of memorable things, even though I feel I did not achieve something during this past 2 years, at least I learnt a lot. I always wonder what if , what if I continue to work or just continue my study in Singapore during 2015-2018. But I wouldn’t be as close as this with my family, I won’t have time to catch up with my grandma, I wouldn’t be there when my Ama left. I feel like God sent me to Ponti to have golden time with my family. I was way too harsh with myself when people asked me why am I still in ponti doing nothing. I cursed myself everytime people asked me things abt my future. Guess what? I am okay. I learnt a lot.

- I lose 2 of my favourite people, but I was there before they gone.

- I was there to help my mom taking care of my dad and ama. So she was not alone.

- My dad bought a house and need me to help with the design.

-I learnt muay thai and made some connections with them.

-I got new close friends, Klara and Jessica, and Gerry too hahah.

-I got close to my bf’s grandparents.

-I participate in makeup competitions and started few videos on my chanel, its growing but slow hahha

-I learnt a lot abt gardening

-I hang out a lot at a coffee shop, and make some friends.

-I started my online shops and struggled!

-I did some organizing at my new house which is a great thing I guess?

-I cook a looooooot for my family, thank God they love it.

-I fly to places without my parents (hongkong with sisters) and kuala lumpur with my besties.

-I did chalk drawings at a cafe with Linda and Jeff.

-I work with 5 clients on graphic design (Rutos, Achiang, Shica, Cloud Vape, Cokoer) Some cv design for friends, and some i dont really remember lol.

-I catch up with hair dying experiment again with my mbak and myself! I permed and bleach my hair too lol idk whether its smth special to mention or not.

- I did makeup for people too and earn money for it!

Its crazy how time flies, but it was not for nothing. God has been good to me.

During 2015-2018 (disgusted with myself how i spend my time but you know, its not bad at all! )

So now its 2018 guys! There is a lot more to come. I realized when I try to do graphic design freelancing, it was really hard to manage my time, to make my income constant, pricing my work, to talk with clients and everything. I was alone to do it all.

It was hard to run an online business alone, order stuff, talk to clients, design, market my stuff, branding, send the stuff.

I know i can grow through makeup, cos I can see it is my passion now. But I need to prioritize what I need now. I need to earn money. Real money. So I decided to take my path and take a turn. I’ll be mentally stable in Singapore, working with a good amount of salary, and constant too.

All i need to do is just to play safe right now. Cos hell yeah ofc, I need money. I just need to save up. I need to be good in saving money, as what ppl say, to earn is easy but saving is hard. I need a stability, I need to anchor myself on something I am sure about. I need commitment. I need something to hang on. Which is what I have and certified is graphic design.

So now I am planning to revamp rebuild my portfolio, cv, resume and cover letter. I will target myself to apply some jobs in Singapore before March. Hopefully I’ll get some interviews. PLEASE GOOOODDDD! HELP ME! Hehee.

If not, (worst case scenario lol) I’ll take some courses, online and in school. I want to specialized in UI & UX. Then on early march, I will go to Jakarta with my sister and mom, she had an art exhibition. I wanna grab new laptop for me to work better.

But yeah currently I’m working on my works, and trying to sharpen my skills, get into my workflow, and learn some more skills on share skills ! WISH ME LUCKKKKKK <3 <3

0 notes