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amberizedcasey · 8 months

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Diego heard once that you die two times, once when you die for real, and a second time when people forget about you. He swore to himself that he would never forget Lucie, so she would stay alive in his memories until the end. It was the least he could do.

He never had much, he carried half of his world in his backpack and he held the other half by the hand. It has always been just the two of them. Diego and Lucie. And that was enough for him.

Losing her was like losing part of himself. She was his best friend, his soulmate, his partner in crime. Without her he was just a broken piece of what was once a beautiful thing.

He blames Emi for that. He blames Carol. He blames Panacea. He blames the world. But mostly, he blames himself. He should have been there. He should have done something, anything. He just wasn't enough. And she died because of that.

Benito tried to tell him that yeah it was Carol's fault nevertheless but it was also Lucie's choice in the end. He calls him crazy, and worse things.

He can't believe it. She wouldn't sacrifice herself for a kid she had just met. She wouldn't be that stupid. She wouldn't leave him. She wouldn't die that way.

He knows deep down that he is wrong. He knew her better than everyone after all.

She had made her choice, and he should respect it. She was a hero, even if she didn’t believe in that, he knows that she probably didn’t, she would have made the same choice a million times over, she was ready to die, even if it wasn't fair.

And it wasn't.

He learns to forgive himself with time. He never hated Lucie for what she did. He tells her that. They never found her body and they couldn't really bury anything in a cemetery without raising suspicions, so they made her an altar at Luis's abuela home.

He tells her about everything. About his job at the taqueria. About Benito finally going to medical school. About Wallace II. And Wallace III. About Jeffrey learning to cook. About Luis' strange but effective Spanish classes. About Emi. He tells her a lot of things about Emi. He knows that she would like to hear about her the most, beside the usual gossip.

He never got a call back from her parents. He told her not to worry about it. Her real family was there with him, and they would keep her memory alive. They would remember her forever. The good, the bad, and the truth. She wasn't perfect by any means, she made many mistakes in life, and she would have probably continued to do so, but she tried, she really tried, and she was human, and that was enough.

He tells her that, at the end of every conversation, he knows that she had trouble believing in herself, he also knows that it is silly to try to bust a dead person's self esteem but he does anyway. She was his best friend. She will always be his best friend. And until they meet again he will keep her alive in every step he takes and choice he makes.

#ordem paranormal quarentena #opq #diego thalles #lucie pocharde #i will miss them with every fiber in my being #MUAHAHAHAH YOU THOUGHT THAT I WAS DONE????#their friendship was everything to me #yeah i wrote this after seeing felps quote about richas #i was going to make it a little gay in the end but i decided to go against it and maybe do a post only for the boys polycue #this tags are way to long #i should stop now

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sentanixiv · 25 days

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Thieves Landing... MacFarlane said they was holed up here. This ain't the way to sort being robbed, John. No one steals from my family, Arthur. Not no more.

I'll handle these fools. All's I need's you to watch my back. You ain't never had to ask, Marston.

John! Keep yer goddamned head down! Sonofabitch!

You hit? I'm fine, but this asshole's about to dance with the devil!

Y'all' ain't gonna mess with us again, y'hear? Or I'll come back and shoot the rest of you!

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shelyue99 · 28 days

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I crave for soapy Winnix fic like: modern AU, Dick and Nix being together is the biggest scandal and gossip of the town. Dick’s family and friends can’t get their head around how Dick, upright, well-behaved, honors student and Boy Scout type person became involved with Nix, who is well known for self-indulgence and irresponsibility. On the other hand, Nix’s family and acquaintances see Dick as this country hayseed with no prominent background and was only approaching Nix for money. But Dick and Nix don’t care about this kinda stuff because they know they are soulmates and don’t want those who can’t understand to bother them. I’m new to the fandom so maybe there are similar fics already I just haven’t found them yet.

#winnix #i should stop now

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blurryface505 · 24 days

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Anyone else see the man in the moon and the bunny?

#moon #man in the moon #moon bunny #question #I'm genuinely asking #Because no one I know does #besides me #I can't be the only one #everyone says you can only see one or the other #That's what they said about people too #XD #now I'm laughing at my own joke #I should stop now

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autisticwench · 2 years

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sometimes at night i hear the voices chanting "build the autism nest, build the autism nest build the autism nest, build the autism nest-"

my eyes glaze over and i wake up rocking back and forth in the middle of a ring of squishmallows assembled in the corner of my room in the dark.

#jokes #actually autism #autism #squishmallow #omega behaviour #sorry #i should stop now

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btsgotjams27 · 1 year

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TIU 13 - hint:

#tiu ramblings #i'm giving so much away #i should stop now #jess rambles

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theladyregret · 1 year

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Uh oh, my analyzing of Drizzt lore combined with my analyzing of Drow Deities has resulted in me thinking of the worst thing I could imagine happening to our favorite outcast Drow.

If Drizzt became a Deity himself.

Not that I think that would actually happen but man...I can’t think of anything he would hate more lol

But also you know what they say. Those who least desire power are often the ones best equipped to actually handle it.

#the legend of Drizzt #Dungeons and Dragons #lore thoughts #I should stop now #I probably won't though

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pudgy-planets · 11 months

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Don’t be a dick.

There’s good dick and there’s bad dick.

Don’t a bad dick.

Because you sure as hell won’t get any.

#mun says things #I should stop now

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helenoverthinks28 · 9 months

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Siblings: I'll give you my kidney but you can't have a bite from my pudding

I stumbled upon a video on tiktok about how one would do anything for their siblings apart from something really simple. And you know it's true. All of those who have siblings know it's true. Of course, I am going to cover you to our parents when you are out getting tattoos, but no I am not taking the trash out for you.

My little brother had an "adventure" of sorts this summer and ended up in the hospital. He is completely fine, there is nothing to worry about now. But back then the doctors said that if he hadn't come to the hospital when he had, he would be in desperate need of a kidney transplant and probably a liver one as well. It goes without saying how worried my parents were. My older brother and I were too, but had there been the need, we would be racing towards the hospital to give him one of our kidneys. No questions asked, we would be there. And we know he would do the same too.

It's those things but also the most trivial that show how much you care about one another. It is how my little brother always picks up his phone when I call him, even when he is out clubbing. It's how whenever I call any of my brothers to keep me company while I walk home at night, they are always there with no complaints.

It's how they always check whether I am wearing my seatbelt before they start the car. They may not bring me my charger when I ask them to or tell me to go get a glass of water myself. But it's how they will pay for my coffee when we are out together and even remember my order. It's how I know they can tell when I am struggling.

So yeah, siblings. They get on your nerves. Most of the time you don't want to do what they tell you to, or don't want to give them your things. You always fight and snitch on each other over the stupidest things. BUT, they are a friend for life. You know that no matter what, they are there. Sometimes, I don't know what to do with this information. How lucky one can be, to have siblings right? No matter the scraped knees and the bruises from all the fights.

#siblings #older sibling #middlesibling #imoverthinkingagain #i should stop now #siblings be like #siblings being siblings #siblings are for life

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justkeepwalkingnothinghere · 1 year

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I was up until 4am reading this thing and got so deep into it, that I had a dream about it and now the anxiety of having to wait for the next chapter is killing me. The butterflies in my stomach have come to attack me and they won’t go away.

in all seriousness, this fic is excellent! Granted, I didn’t get the best sleep afterwards and I felt like vomiting and having an emotional breakdown at the same time after chapter 11, but the story does slowly become sweeter and sweeter with each chapter once all the angst and such is over. But do I regret it? Not a bit!

Despite it being an AU, I got to know The Collector a crapton and just desperately want to give the kid the tightest hug imaginable after this. They’ve been through way too much in their life and they aren’t deserving of it. Highly recommend this story! 10/10!

#toh #the owl house #toh season three #toh thanks to them #toh season 3 spoilers #toh au #the owl house au #alternate universe #fanfic #toh fanfic #read on ao3 #highly recommend #fanfic recommendation #I HAVE NO REGRETS!!#Watch out for chapter 11 though it has traumatized me #Holy crap this is a lot of tags #I should stop now

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crazywolf828 · 2 years

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One thing I hate about having seizures young is how much it fucks with you. See every seizure ruins your brain, just a tiny tiny bit, usually not enough to notice. Of course it depends on where they're located (temporal and frontal being the worst because they control just about everything) and how often you have them.

I got diagnosed when I was about nine or ten, while my brain was still developing, and at the time seizure meds weren't working well because my body kept building a tolerance. Some people are lucky, first med and dosage and they're set for life, most people aren't. Four different neurologists, six different meds, and two types of epilepsy and I didn't get them under control for about ten years.

Sometimes I'd go months without them, a few times I'd go a year, but sometimes they were weekly, monthly. It fucking sucked as you can imagine, what's worse is it all happened before I even turned 18. I was so bad at school because my memory was shot, sure I have some things, but a lot of the more numerical and math-ish stuff I couldn't retain. Then I developed temporary nystagmus, which no one believed I had until about two years ago because it wasn't constant. My neurologist said it it was an optometrist issue and my optometrist said it was a neurologist issue.

Fifth grade I had my first seizure, not a single teacher helped accommodate after that, kept falling further and further behind until it was so bad that in 11th grade I could hardly do my schoolwork. From having seizure destroy my still developing brain, to being overwhelmed and having to retake classes and all the other neuro bullshit besides seizures going on in my head.

I ended up dropping out and I regret that decision constantly. I wished I could do my work, wished I could pass my classes but nothing I tried worked. Eventually my seizure got so bad I just had to leave.

I'm better now for the most part, the brain can rebuild, but a lot of stuff just didn't get fixed. The biggest being my memory.

We never figured out what triggered my seizures, but my current meds keep the grand mal ones at bay.

A lot of people never really think of seizures past the dropping on the ground and shaking, maybe being sore after, but it's a lot more. Your brain is literally electrocuting itself, destroying brain tissue. I've had seizures that have given me concussions, left me covered in bruises, vomited during them, I've been unable to walk for almost a week because the muscle pain is so bad even on muscle relaxers. I've bitten so many chunks of my tongue off that it's jagged, can't eat when I do and can hardly talk because of how bad it is. Sometimes I think about how I could just bite my tongue off, I'd bleed out and die. Obviously your head hurts, but if you've ever had a migraine, an actual migraine not a headache you're saying is a migraine, it's double that pain at least.

There's so much more but this got long just, if you know someone has seizures, and maybe they can't remember things, have a hard time with faces or spelling, maybe talk a bit funny, don't call it out. Trust me, they know.

#this might be the first time im publicly mentioning dropping out because im real fucking ashamed of it #its 3 am and ill regret writing this #it got real long #i actually had another type of seizure before grand mal #my fifth grade teacher was the one who helped figure it out #they're called absence seizures #you sort of 'zone out'#say im talking and in the middle of the sentence i just stop and stare for a bit (time can vary) then pick right up like nothing happened #she noticed i was doing it a lot in class #i should stop now #i lost the thread and went overboard #don't mind me #epilepsy #long post #sort of

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jaxie-the-kat · 1 year

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I just can't help it i adore him <3

#might make a blog dedicated to Bill shitposts #and might even introduce my goofy ass version of Bill who is like lightyears away from canon #idk if anyone would care though #oh what if i made a poll?#would anyone take it?#am i just rambling?#i should stop now #bill cipher shitpost #bill cipher #draw 25

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pfizerprincess · 1 year

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I have a digital footprint the size of South America.

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suleyu · 1 year

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favourite time of the year

#mine #i should stop now

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thatprocrastinatingpotato · 2 years

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A/N: This was written during a surge of sadness that took over me. My brain does that from time to time. Anyways, hope it's good enough. I am really struggling with words these days.

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Amelia felt a pang of hurt in her chest as she looked at their picture. A slight smile on their lips, albeit professional, was beautiful. She gently touched their lips, knowing that she may never be able to do it in person anymore.

The remaining day was extremely eventful and she only broke down once when April asked her about how she was doing. She considered it a significant achievement.

She had never felt like this before. For no one. Never was she so in love with someone that being away from them caused a physical ache. Every corner she turned, she felt she would see them and they would pull her closer and place a kiss on her lips, telling her they loved her as well. They missed her too.

Her thoughts returned to that unfortunate night again and again. She felt them touch her fingertips with theirs as they sat on the swing set. She remembered their words, again and again.

They didn't want to string her along and even though she appreciated it, somewhere deep in her heart, she wanted them to stay. Just for a bit more. Although, she knew she wanted forever with them and so another day ended with their thoughts consuming her.

All she wanted was to go home, curl up in her blanket, and think about them till she fell asleep. But, that's not where it ended. Her dreams were invaded by the tall neuroscientist as well.

In the train of thoughts, she didn't realize that she dropped the car keys she was playing with. As soon as she picked them up and looked up, she saw them.

She would've thought it was a hallucination if it wasn't for their less than immaculate appearance. There were bags under their eyes. She looked at them closely, noting that they looked tired.

Before she could speak, they broke the silence.

“I can't sleep.”

A crack in the voice. It was slight and maybe she wouldn't have noticed it if she wasn't listening to them so intently.

“I can't sleep.”

Their voice still cracked, but it was unmistakable this time around. She looked at them for a second before leaping forward. Her hands instinctively wrapped around their neck as she pulled them in a kiss.

She notices their hesitation for a second before they respond. Their other hand wraps around her waist and she feels lighter. She feels that at that moment nothing in the world could make her happier.

She pulls away for a breath and looks at them again. Their eyes are closed and she presses their forehead against theirs. She could feel their grip on her. It's fiercer than usual. As if they are scared to let her go.

“I'm here.”

She assures them. Their eyes are still closed.

“You can open your eyes.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because when I open my eyes, you disappear.”

Amelia gently strokes their cheek.

“Please, open your eyes.”

It's a soft request and they finally look at her. Her eyes met theirs and she could see the utter exhaustion and unshed tears. But they smile. They see her standing right there, still wrapped around them and they smile. It's slight. They know they've got a huge road ahead. But, right now, embracing her, everything seems just a bit better.

“Let's go home.”

The ride home is silent. They are looking at the neurosurgeon intently as if she may be a dream and at any second they will be pulled out of their dream into a cruel world where they left her tearful on the swing set.

As soon as both of them get out of the car, she holds out a hand for them to take and they walk into the home hand in hand.

“Come on. Let's sleep.”

“We should talk.”

Amelia looks at them. They need to talk. But right now she can see them almost in a half-sleep slumber.

“We will.”

She says and pulls them towards her bedroom. They both take turns getting ready for bed. Amelia blushes a little, handing them their sweatshirt which she may or may not have stolen the last time she left their apartment.

As soon as they get settled in the bed, Amelia wraps her arms around them. They pull her closer and place a small kiss on her forehead.

“We need to…”

They yawn loudly before completing the sentence and Amelia moves almost on top of them. She starts rubbing their arms and calming them down and within a few seconds, she feels their breathing more even.

She closes her eyes too. Basking in the warmth of her person. She is not sure what the next morning may bring and what their talk may entail, but right here, she feels seen. She feels heard.

Her ear is on their chest, listening to the steady beat of their heart. Their hands are wrapped around her securely, holding her close. When sleep starts taking over, it almost feels like a dream. She tries to stay awake for longer, basking in their presence, but exhaustion takes over her features.

_____________________________________

She wakes up to them softly caressing her hair and cheek. She cuddles in closer and looks up. They have soft expressions on their face. But their eyes are scrunched together.

“We need to talk.”

She pulls away, but they pull her closer again.

“We do.”

“I am sorry.”

She stayed silent and gave them the space to collect their thoughts. Their hand held onto hers.

“I… I have been thinking. A lot. I still don't want kids, Amelia.”

She pulls away completely hearing that. She props herself up and rests against the bedrest.

“Why did you come back then?”

It is angry and she can feel them joining her side.

“I don't… I don't know. But I cannot have kids.”

“I already have a kid, Kai!”

She feels them recoiling a bit and she realizes that she was loud. Very loud. She takes a deep breath and pitches the bridge of her nose to calm herself.

“I am sorry. You can leave if you want to. That seems like the only option.”

“She was… she didn't want any kids either.”

She turns to look at them. For the first time in their life, she hears clear despair in their voice.

“At least, that's what she told me. She assured me again and again that there was no way she'd want kids. But then, she did.”

Amelia was listening intently.

“She started disappearing. Never gave me any reason. She ended up cheating on me with a good friend.”

There were tears in their eyes. Whatever this person did, hurt them deeply and at that moment all Amelia wanted to confront her. She wanted that person to explain why she did what she did.

“Did you talk to her about it?”

“She told me, we just wanted different things.”

Before Amelia could say anything, they continued.

“It hurt deeply. All I ever wanted was honesty. If she would've just told me what she wanted, it would've been way better. But she just… disappeared. I don't want to do that with you, Amelia. I cannot have kids. I have plans and kids were never part of it. I can not string you along if that's not what you want.”

“Yet, you came to me last night.”

Kai turned away from her. Maybe gathering their thoughts. She thought back to what they said and realized something.

“Do you think I want more kids?”

She asked and they looked at her. They nodded and she chuckled a bit.

“I am sorry. Don't get me wrong, Kai. I love Scout. With my entire heart. He is and will always be my priority. But that doesn't mean I want more kids.”

They looked at her, puzzled but she could see relief.

“Scout already has his Mom and Dad. Two loving parents. I am not asking you to be another parent to him. I just want you to accept that part of me. The part of me that's his mother. He has a whole village to take care of him. Maybe, you will have to take him out of the daycare someday. But, even that goes through at least ten other people before it comes to you.

I understand not wanting to be a parent. I never wanted to be one. I had Scout and now I cannot imagine my life without me. But, I want you to know that none of this needs to be true for you. Whatever you feel about being a parent is valid. Just… I already have a kid and I want you to acknowledge that.”

The tears in their eyes were flowing freely now. She gently wiped a stray tear and they pulled her in an embrace.

“I love you.”

They whispered. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to hear it.

“I love every part of you.”

They said it again and it felt good to hear. So, she held them tighter.

“I love every part of you too.”

For the first time in her life, it didn't feel like a life-changing admission. It felt like something natural. Like it was meant to happen. Like she was meant to fall in love with them. Like saying those words was the only right thing to do.

“Are you okay?”

They asked after a beat. Amelia knew what the question meant.

“I am fine. I know we need to talk a lot more. I just... I want to do it with you. I want to figure it all out. For us.”

“I want to do it as well. I am sorry that I left you alone that night.”

“You can always compensate me for my trouble with lots of kisses and... Other stuff.”

“Always.”

It was a whisper followed by lips passionately pressed against her. She melted in the kiss. It was slow, soft, and tender. As if Kai were trying to convey everything they felt in that moment through that one simple touch.

“I love you.”

The same admission again.

“I love you too.”

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A/N: As I said, it's weird, it's not good, I know the ending sucks, and I shouldn't even be posting this. But, it makes me just a bit happier to put forward... Something.

#kai bartley #kaimelia #amelia shepherd #lgbt #grey's anatomy #fanfic #greys anatomy #caterina scorsone #er fightmaster #it sucks #I just hope it doesn't suck too much #I know i have written way too much about this scenario #But #I was sad and this is sad and we can all be sad #i should stop now

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