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stevensaus · 1 year

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Instacart's Customer Service Hung Up On Me After Claiming No Responsibility For Website's Listings

While I have had my difficulties with customer service in the past -- most notably trying to reach an actual human at Google several years back -- I have rarely had such an unrepentantly bad experience as I had today with Instacart's customer service and the bait-and-switch that I experienced with their website. As a result, I would be extremely cautious about giving Instacart -- which bragged of US$2.5 BILLION in revenues in 2022 -- any money as a consumer or as an investor in their probable IPO later this year. Going From Annoyance To Anger Because Of Horrible Instacart Customer Service I have been using Instacart during the pandemic, and particularly since I started working third shift. Sometimes there are replacements, sometimes things aren't in stock, and that's annoying, but doable. As an Instacart+ member, I will also sometimes specifically make an order to get one item, and then add on other things that would be "nice" to get. Caffeine -- specifically, generic diet soda from Aldi -- is one of those central, key items for me. That particular item was "material" (using the FTC definition here) to my decision to make an order at all today. So I was pleased to see that Instacart's website listed that soda as "many in stock."

Since there were "many in stock," I made sure I selected that specific item only -- because that item is half the price of the closest brand-name competitor. I was surprised to get out of the shower to find that the shopper had refunded the item, saying that there were none in stock.

I double-checked with the shopper and I re-examined Instacart's website, which still listed there as being "many in stock." Instacart's website still claims that there are "many in stock" as I write this. So I decided to contact Instacart and ask what led to that disconnect. And that, friends, is where this all started to spiral.

Instacart's entire business model is based on the idea that you give them money so that they can make things more convenient for you. Finding out that the main (or "material") reason you made an order at all -- something you were assured is availabe -- turns out to not be available seems to violate the whole value proposition of the company. The first customer support person I chatted with said that it was the store's fault -- something that was repeated time and again by Instacart support personnel. I was told that the sole resolution was that they would "escalate it." That was an unacceptable "resolution" for me. I'd just been burned by trusting Instacart's website, so saying that I should just trust that it would be escalated and handled by someone at Instacart, sometime in the future, seemed like less of a resolution of my issue and more of a "make the guy go away" kind of thing. It got worse from there. I asked the representative to not disconnect from the chat while I checked the rest of the (just delivered) order. Almost immediately, that representative handed me off to someone else and disconnected from the chat. That second representative did not review the prior chat. I said: "I have an issue with Instacart saying that a SPECIFIC item that was a key part of my order had 'many in stock' -- both before and AFTER the shopper said there were NONE in stock." That agent did not respond, immediately transferred me to someone else, who then immediately closed the chat competely.

So I called. As an aside, I thought it very interesting that while Instacart seems to think it's cool to just say they are recording those conversations without giving you an opportunity to opt out of that recording, their representatives get really bent out of shape when you say that you are also recording the conversation for quality control purposes. I outlined the situation to the next representative I spoke to ("Toby", as best I could make out), including my increasing anger at having been "hung up on" in the help chat as poor customer service. Toby also tried to deny that Instacart had any responsibility for the listings on the website, saying that those listings were up to the stores in question. I asked Toby point-blank if it was Instacart's official stance that the listings on the website may not reflect what is actually available. Toby denied that, then again tried to say that what was or was not available is not Instacart's responsibility and that substitutions were available for that reason. Bait And Switch It's worth taking a moment to really dwell on this. Over and over again, the customer service representatives at Instacart were consistent about saying that Instacart had no responsibility for what was or was advertised as being available on Instacart's website. Across the board, Instacart employees asserted that it was entirely the fault of the supermarket. Here's the rub, though. I did not make a purchase from that supermarket. I made a purchase from INSTACART. Saying that I could have chosen a substitution that cost twice the price sounds after advertising a lower-cost item being readily available comes pretty damn close to the definition of "bait-and-switch": Bait and switch is a fraudulent activity whereby a company advertises goods at an incredibly low price with the aim of substituting for them with inferior or pricier alternatives at the time of purchase ... instead of getting the item initially advertised – the item that “baited” them to come and shop, the company attempts to do a switch and sell the consumer an entirely different product. In many instances, the item the retailer is trying to sell is either of inferior quality or more expensive than the advertised product. Either way, it is an act of fraud that is punishable in a court of law. Unfortunately, once the customer visits the store, he is confronted with ... he tablet or other advertised product is out of stock, but the customer is informed that other, similar options are available – for a higher price. The FTC's definition is even more damning: According to the FTC's Deception Policy Statement, an ad is deceptive if it contains a statement - or omits information - that: - Is likely to mislead consumers acting reasonably under the circumstances; and - Is "material" - that is, important to a consumer's decision to buy or use the product. I then asked Toby to tell me what Instacart was going to do to keep me as a customer instead of canceling my Instacart+ subscription immediately. I was told, again, that the only resolution on the table was to trust Instacart to resolve the problem in the future. And then it got even worse. When I said that I wished to cancel my subscription and recieve a prorated refund for the nine months left on it -- approximately US$75 -- I was transferred to another representative, who told me that a refund was not possible. They could cancel my account, but I would just have to forfeit the remainder of the subscription. I'm not keen on paying for things that I've canceled. When I said that I would wait until a weekday in the hopes that someone with more authority would be available, that representative -- who repeatedly interrupted and talked over me -- hung up on me. It could have gone so differently. Here's a few things to keep in mind. First, I would be writing a very, very different post if Instacart's customer service had been competent or empathic. In 2007, I wrote an entire article in an advertising magazine about how Amazon's customer service exceeded my expectations. While Amazon has since been exposed for a lot of bad behind-the-scenes workplace conditions for workers, that kind of good customer service also has done a lot for the company. As I wrote in that article, It is not just common sense that a customer’s trust is good for business. In 2001, a study was published in the International Journal of Service Industry Management. That study showed that customers who trusted a company not only think more favorably about it, but they began to talk about that company to their friends. Customer trust leads to both future sales and honest word-of-mouth advertising. If I'd been offered anything -- from "we'll give you $16 credit with us for your next soda" to "here's the $75 prorated part of your subscription you did not use" -- I would feel neutrally or even positively about Instacart. Instead, I'm annoyed, angry, and seriously wondering how long Instacart is going to survive in a more-competitive environment with this kind of arrogant customer service. Putting It In Perspective The fact that this is a small amount of money is exactly why I am so irritated. There is absolutely no reason for this to have gone this way, unless Instacart is either hopelessly arrogant or is so cash-strapped that my $75 somehow matters to a multi-billion dollar company. Instacart was founded a decade ago, with an annual revenue in 2021 of US $1,800,000,000. The company is currently led by CEO Fidji Simo and COO Asha Sharma, and recently told employees "that revenues jumped more than 50% in the final quarter of 2022, while gross profit climbed more than 80%," according to an internal memo cited by the WSJ in February. Other sources, according to reporting in PYMNTS, told the WSJ "that Instacart’s full-year revenue rose 39% to around $2.5 billion for 2022, while it processes $29 billion in overall sales, a 16% increase from 2021." Instacart initially planned an IPO in 2022, but delayed that plan, and is still considering that IPO in 2023 despite the Fed increasing interest rates and a historically bad year for IPOs in 2022. For a company whose entire existence is based around the idea of convenience and customer service, you would think that US$75 -- or 0.003% of Instacart's two and a half BILLION dollars of revenue from last year -- would be a small thing. Instead, Instacart's policies and godawful customer service have changed me from a customer who willingly paid for the service to one who wants nothing to do with them -- but is more than willing to write 1700 words detailing exactly how messed up their experience, from the bait-and-switch on the website (y'all have had a decade to figure this out!) to the scripts the CS reps had to read from (Chief Marketing Officer Laura Jones may wish to really reflect on those), to the corporate policy about not offering prorated refunds to aggreived customers. I can only assume that I am not the only person to have this experience with the company. It's far more likely that I am the tip of the iceberg, and just the one writing about it where other consumers, investors, and even the C-suite at Instacart itself may find it. Given this experience, I would be extremely cautious about giving Instacart any money -- either as a consumer or as an investor. Featured Image by ElasticComputeFarm from Pixabay Read the full article

#bait-and-switch #customerservice #instacart

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dashingwishes · 1 year

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Oh okay my biases for groups I love: EXO (Baekhyun), SNSD (Taeyeon; my female ult), Red Velvet (Seulgi), Monsta X (honestly I DONT KNOW, choose one for me :) - and Enhypen (Heeseung). Yeah, these are my favorite kpop groups <3

Yes, many turkish foods have meat in them. But the good thing about them is that there‘s also meat-free options like you could just leave out the meat or use cheese instead. But our cuisine is also more than just kebabs or lahmacun. There’s so many vegetarian or even vegan dishes made out of lentils, bulgur or chickpeas. Ahhh it‘s so versatile I wouldn’t know where to start. My family is very considerate of me being a vegetarian. Like my mom or grandma know I wouldn’t eat that one particular food if it wasn’t vegetarian. It‘s not even that I‘m insisting on having food cooked for me. I can handle that myself. But you prolly know how moms or grandmas are. They want to feed you. For instance, they cook mine separately in a different pot without the meat or there’s times they don’t use meat at all. I‘m glad my family is like this. It‘s not necessarily common especially for middle eastern fams. But I like my fam‘s mentality. I‘m very grateful <3

I don’t care when they‘re eating meat in front of me but with fish nah I‘m more sensitive because they‘re my favorite animals. They can eat it - of course, please have what you want - but I don’t like seeing dead fish so I just leave for my room :D but I‘m 100% fine with them eating meat in front of me. I‘m not one of those vegetarians that‘s trying to convince others to be vegetarian themselves or making them feel bad for eating meat. I DO NOT CARE. Eat whatever you want. As long as y‘all don’t bother me, I‘m fine with you eating meat. And we‘re living Germany that means we‘re also having non-turkish foods. There are so many cuisines from all around the world. In supermarkets there are international aisles or there are restaurants, even afghan ones.

Nope, I‘ve never been to the US. But it‘s on my top travel destinations. I want to travel to every country on planet earth, so I‘ve already been to many european countries but only left the continent once when heading to the anatolian or asian side of Istanbul 😂

What about you? I feel like I‘m spamming. It‘s your turn, I‘m listening to your story :D

Great choices! I love Enhypen’s music so much! And Heeseung is my bias as well 💖 & Sunoo & Jake are great too! And for Monsta X I would choose Hyungwon for you ✨

Yes I know like I said Turkish food is my favorite. When I was Istanbul the food was one of the best part of the visit. I know there’s a great selection of vegetarian things too like Dolma which I love so much! And Borek & Bulgur rice as you mention, Salat too everything is good. And I have seen some restaurants serve Hummus as well which I love eating I even bought at Aldi yesterday. Of course I know they always scream out your name saying dinner is ready or making sure you ate something.

I am glad they respect and don’t try to eat meat around you. That is super sweet and thoughtful. You’re super kind for not forcing them saying it wrong to eat animals. I don’t like eating beef these days because it makes me super sick and I throw up. I can’t digest anything it happened because my anxiety and health issues.

We eat other culture food too but as long it is halal you know how it is. Oh my Afghan food have you ever had any before?

Aww I hope you get too see more places. Oh what European country have you been to? Which was your favorite?

Me well I was doing some homework assignment, I clean the house. And I have test I need to study for which I am not ready. & we are invited to a party on Saturday which is exciting. No worries it will take time for me to open up talk more. It’s okay you’re doing fine 💕

#asks #monsta x #hyungwon

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cerberus253 · 5 years

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The Long Aldrich Fanfiction Nobody Asked For (Aldi x Reader(F))

READ IT BEFORE TUMBLR TAKES IT DOWN

Table of Content (If ya just want “certain” parts):

- Set Up, “Only moments ago you were found out” - Meeting Aldi, “Almost like waiting for that request,” - Foreplay, “Aldrich beautifully chuckles.” - Cunnilingus, “Oh yes, my dearest scruple of nourishment!” - Intercourse, “Aldrich licked his lips as he watched you” - Blow Job, “Aldrich leaned back and layed down” - Resolution, “Thou looks as if finished.”

Only moments ago you were found out to be slinking in the once market streets for whatever you could scavenge. Unlike the average resident of Anor Londo, you cannot solely survive on little to nothing, for you are a rare delicacy in these parts of the forbidden land. As far to your knowledge, you are the only living human for miles, and from the reactions of the elite, it is worse than rare. From what you have witnessed, everyone kills everyone who is foreign to these parts, however, when you were kidnapped, murder was not the goal. Death would have been a quick and easy extermination, but you felt something dreadful was being planned for you by how careful they were not to mortally wound your body. You struggled and grabbed anything you could use to fend yourself, but the undead were far too strong and knocked you unresponsive.

Regaining consciousness, you could not see. Your hands were bound behind your back and you had a ringing in your ears. With ungraceful movement, you stir by accident and alert your captors. They placed you on your feet and forced you to walk. By the sound of shuffling, you guessed you were surrounded. You had no idea where they are headed, but it must have been far away from the market because you were freezing cold from the amount of time spent outside. It was eerily quiet, even for this desolate kingdom.

Finally, you sensed the entering of some building. By the sounds bouncing within, it was lofty and elevated, which meant one thing: stairs. You already have a habit of falling down stairs and it has not happened for months, but this lucky streak might end. Using this as an excuse to be annoying, you state the fact to the soldiers, to which they ignored. Eventually you did manage to trip on some steps, and because you were bound, you could barely help yourself to get up. A few more scenes of this the soldiers finally gave up and carried your grinning self the rest of the way up.

The tower was absurdly tall. You felt the air around you grow thin and drop temperature even more. The armored knights did not put you down, for there were more of your worst enemy, until you were directly in front of the door.

Almost like to return the favor, they dropped you on your back with a loud ‘thud.’ Forced to get up on your own, it felt warmer in this newfound building. Pyromancy is a familiar ability, so maybe that had something to do with the sudden temperature change. Prayers are heard from the distance in the echoing halls, and large beast sounding feet are heard mucking about, coming closer. If it was not for the blindness, you would not of been scared of a monster acknowledging you, for you have become so used to terrifying creatures they have become normal, all the way to the point where you are fascinated by the array and colorful variants of beasties; you have even become friends with a couple of them! This one, however, came far too close for comfort. You felt the musky and heavy breathing from this animal’s gaping maw. It must have recently eaten something because you were about ready to vomit by the pure stench of flesh. Luckily, it was just curious about you, and the soldiers had you move forward across the vocal filled structure.

The knights stop you in front of a large wall, which then revealed to be a door once opened. Whatever room you are about to enter was no ordinary living space. You could hear the jumbling and disgusting squish of who knows what, but your best guess was pure bone and flesh because it reeked of it, even worse than the previously met creature’s. The smell was so vile that your eyes watered. A few seconds later, you are unable to smell anything. You could breathe clearly from it, but apparently the stench was so bad it fried your sense of smell. Despite the vast danger that will highly happen, you were oddly, and silently, impressed.

Sloshing through the unknown muck, the captors drag you some feet into the room, forced you on your knees, and then left, closing the door behind them. Silence. Silence was never a good sign. You learned through your years in the monster infested streets that being scared only hinders a person from thinking correctly. Unknown if taught or developed through denial, you make light of a horrible situation. You talk to yourself, beginning with a large sigh,

“So, uh, may I have this blindfold off now? I would like to see this room. You know, to see if it’s as wonderful as it smells.” Despite the unsmellable miasma, you were still curious on seeing the carnage in the room. Anatomy has always interested you, even though you would mourn for an animal being murdered in your sights. Waiting for any noise to occur, you shift your position to something more comfortable and relaxing, for you are terrified, but you know you can deceive yourself from that feeling by sitting criss cross with a forced smile on your face. Whatever comes for you, you want its guard down.

“Hello-o?” spoken in a sing-song voice from your lips. “I would love to meet whoever I have been presented to. I bet you’re really nice!” You knew for a fact this thing was not going to be nice, yet you smiled like the sun.

Almost like waiting for that request, you heard something on the far end of the room. It swashed and churned the flesh on the floor with back prickling success, like it was made from the innards. The commotion made the thing sound immense, yet graceful, for it made a slithering sounding pattern, even though you could also make out the glopping noises of it sticking to the floor. You heard the oozing, the sucking and spurting of muck and the clattering of bones like a wind chime, patiently moving closer to your presence. It stops, and you waited for a follow up response, but there was none.

“Hello! My name is [YNH] and it is wonderful to meet you! Can you get this blindfold off? I would like to see things, please! I wanna check this room out.” Any normal person would stutter and be selective of their words in a situation like this, but staying calm is your top priority and being in denial about the apparent danger is the only way you know how.

There was no answer from the beast.

“So, uh, how about this weather, huh? Freezing. Hope your muckiness doesn’t freeze on you. Boy, wouldn’t that be annoying.” More awkward silence ensues.

“May I see you? I would love to see you! I bet you’re wonderful to look upon.” You question why you say such things during inappropriate situations, but you are most likely going to die, so might as well.

You feel a presence closer to your visage, and by judgement, it is inches from you. Heart racing and ready for unimaginable pain, you regard the sensation of something brushing the sides of your head, and to your surprise the creature took off the blinding material.

“My my, I began to wonder about my next meal's arrival. I did hope it was something delectable, but I never knew it wouldst be so...cheerfully naive,” it finally responded with a tilted expression. Although gurgled and hearing of strain, the voice sounded reagent and light, teetering on the male and female threshold of vocals.

You gaze upon a semi-human creature. The top half is of a taught pale skinned human with long snow white locks. A helm that resembled the setting sun covers half of his lean face, covering his eyes and nose but revealing cracked, yet glossy, violet lips. Royal attire of dark purple and gold hung loosely about his skeletal figure, ending in a long, split ended dress of fiber strands that puff out like a bird’s feathers. Below that mostly normal looking torso sprouted an unholy amalgamation of flesh, muck, grime, and remains, all forming together to shape an elongated tail. You could have sworn you have seen some pulsation.

Noticing you are staring at him wide eyed, he begins to speak again,

“I must give thee praise for thine attempted courage, but false emotions dost not deceiveth the Saint of the Deep. I can smelleth thy fear and it is as delicious as flesh itself,” he says with a smile. Feeling his eyes bore into you as you struggle to keep up your act, you just shrug and smile ‘I guess.’

The masked creature circles you as if curious on what is before him. You watch quizzically and try to read him, but you are only as inquisitive as he is. He crosses his arms with a scowl.

“You okay? What, do I have something on me? Do I not have enough meat on my bones for you, sir?” You really have to stop nudging others like this, it is just tempting them to eat you.

He leans in closer again, placing the back of his hand against your face, tilting his head and yours in the process. You felt a rush of blood go from your heart to your cheeks, but that was only from surprise and fear, right? After a few seconds of what felt like forever of physical contact, he jerked his branch like fingers away from you and pulled himself aback. You were becoming light headed but managed to stay put. Since when was the last time someone made passive physical contact with you? You were shocked and wanted it again, but right now is not the time for such foolishness. Pay attention and see when you can wriggle free from this disastrous situation.

While being distracted with your thoughts, his hands quickly wrapped around your neck. ‘Dammit!’ You thought. ‘Only if my hands were free I could dig my thumbs into his trachea!’ However, you noticed that yes there was pressure, he was not choking you, but rather... feeling for something?

His lips part with a small gasp,

“By the divines, thoust can not be... This is wonderful!” He pushes two fingers where your neck meets your chin, feeling your pulse. His aggressive prodding made you hear and feel your own beating heart struggle to push blood to your head, making it difficult to breath. Enjoying the scene, he cocks his head in amusement and grins,

“In all my years I never thought a single one of you wouldst be in existence still.” The Saint lightly traces your jawline with a single finger, watching you shutter. If he has not interacted with a living human being, then everyone around here must have had a second death in a most gruesome manner, and it seems he was that second death. However insane, his diction and manners say you might be able to talk yourself out of this. Make a deal to bring more food to him? Offer him a bigger treat? Whatever the case, you need to get out of here.

Before you had the time to react, he grabbed the back of your head and slammed it sideways into the grime. He waited for you to struggle and realize you were not going anywhere before he leaned his skeletal rib cage upon your back, positioning his cold lips right against your ear and whispered in a hungrily seductive tone,

“Dost thou hast any idea how long I, Aldrich, hast waited for pure blood, hot with fresh youth, spilling into my mouth? To sink my teeth into that soft skin, tasting every drop of essence in thy frail corpse? Peeling thy veins and arteries as you moan and scream in agony for me?”

With these words spoken, you feel your heart pounding in your throat. Just dying was one thing, but slow death is a curse that fills a slot of one of your greatest fears. Breathing heavily, you held back any wincing and tried your hardest to keep calm. Fear swirled unending in your head, inhibiting the lack of tracks for your train of thought. Aldrich could smash your head in right now, he would break your bones and keep you alive long enough to watch him enjoy your corpse. Despite your horror, your lack of normality within what you call a brain slurs the alarming danger with curiosity and attraction. What? Why? You are into unnatural things that are not others’ cup of tea, but nothing too grotesque. Anatomy and physiology are a personal interest, and you are skin deprived, but could these two characteristics really somehow create an unholy offspring of the ability to get off to dread and gore? Have you become that lonely and numb to violence that you blackened your bar of interest with taboo subjects?

You heat up and sweat with terror and that unnatural longing. Aldrich senses this and demands more apprehensiveness from you, running his boney hand down to your hip, squeezing and piercing your flesh. The warm blood from your body quickly drains from the wounds and you can feel his claws massaging the inside of them. With this bleeding and his heavy breath against your cheek, you want to beg to be touched, but what an ego-centrical thing to ask from a creature that eats people for breakfast. Why would he do something like that? You are just a flesh bag, nothing more nor less to Aldrich.

You accidentally let out a faint mixture of noise of a wince and moan. Oops.

“Ah, so my scarlet swan can singeth. Pray, my dear, continue. The more thou continue, the longer thou wilt live.” His voice wraps around your brain and you listen to the song of the siren. Who knows if he can see the expression on your face, which is that of frustration-- not for the situation you are in, but disappointment that you are into this.

Aldrich scratches into your back with rhythmic circular motions, going up from your hip to the side of your ribs, then curving onto your back and going south to your sides. You struggle in preventing yourself from gyrating to the movements.

With a moan, he speaks again,

“Oh, by the stars, thy warmth is such a specialty for me. I forgot how much I longed for this moment. I simply cannot wait until I-” He cuts himself off, and then proceeds to lift himself off of you, however still pinning your head to the ground. You perk your ears up in hopes you catch a sound of a hero, but alas none.

“But if I continue forth with it, however always being with me forever, I wilt never be able to see nor toucheth thee ever again. I want more than anything to eat and consume so thou wilt never be able to leave, but…” He trails off, talking to himself and sounding worried. “Oh, what a terrible position to be in.”

“A-Are you confused?” You stupidly ask in a cracked tone. Maybe forming a personal connection will convince him to let you go, but at this point if you prevent him from eating you, do you want to leave? He seems interesting as a person, and there is an artistic elegance about him that you want to study… But what are you thinking? This will not happen, no matter how strong your fantasy is.

The devourer turns you over onto your back, still having his right hand pinning, but square on your chest. Completely forgetting to check how bad your wounds are, you are mesmerized by the angle of Aldrich presented to you. He is looking off to the side with his smooth chin between his pointer and thumb. With a calm and collective pose, he breaths steadily. The slight breeze in the room loosens his silky hair and has it fall gently from his sharp shoulders; it seems to gleem in the moonlight, as well as his crowned mask. The room is dark, but moonlight pools in, bouncing off of every moist surface and turning the translucent drapes into ghosts. You can see small white and grey particles floating around as well, which is most likely dead skin flying. The atmosphere within the chamber intensifies the beauty that is Aldrich to you. ‘Fascinating,’ you think to yourself as you study him from head to torso. You want to see the rest of him, but with the position you are in, you cannot. Disappointing.

You still know you are in danger, but your heart is pumping for a different reason. Referencing of how he is, you know he will never consent, but disturbingly you long to hug him and feel his body like he did to you. Hopefully he has a heart you can listen to, following every beat it makes and its changes when you touch him specifically. The mere thought of kissing and biting him makes you weak and moist. And those lips, those violet dead lips-- ‘GAH!!! What the Hell am I thinking?! Knock it off you shit!’ Thinking angrily at those atrocious passions, you bury that inevitable explosion. ‘Don’t worry, me. Once I’m out or when I die it will end. The nothingness will come back and you won’t have these deep dark feelings anymore. Feeling nothing is better than self loathing.’ That last thought made you sad and unable to look upon Aldrich with fascination anymore, only the expression of longing for something you never had.

“Something must hast distracted thee, for thou dost not stare at me with those soulful eyes of wonder nay longer, and the drum in thy chest hath decreased.” Aldrich startled you when he spoke, and you were able to lock eyes with approximately where his would be. In a saddened expression, you dismiss him,

“It’s nothing. Just stupid mental stuff.”

“Now now, stress wrinkles the skin and we dost not require anything such, especially me.”

“Psh.” you sullenly hissed.

“Nay need to gift attitude, child,” he sharply responded. Feeling embarrassed and afraid you might get on Aldrich’s bad side, you generalize what is on your mind.

“It’s just loneliness, that’s all.” You shake your head as you speak, trying to be casual.

“I see. How strange that thy mind wanders to that place instead of focusing on the situation thou art in now. Normally victims art scared stiff, but thy...hm. Impressive.”

While you shrug in apathy, he leans in closer to you. Immediately your heart wants to burst out of your chest, and you accidentally smile and blush, darting your eyes back and forth between him and empty space. His delicate lips form a smile, and strangely it felt more personal than aggressive.

“I want to feast upon thee, but thither is something I feel I wilt miss. Something that even becoming a part of me will never fill.” Seeming like he realized what this now looks like, he pulls himself back again,

“However, I am still deciding, so dost not raise thy hopes just yet. I wouldst like to ’observe’ thee a bit more.” While stating this, he dragged his sharp finger down your torso, all the way to your naval, and you were no longer pushed against the ground. You could try to get up casually and then book it somewhere, far away from this monster, but your stupid affections are keeping you put.

Now that Aldrich has backed away a little, he is now towering over you, giving a clear view of below his hips. The fibered dress looks scratchy, but you would do anything to feel it, to cuddle and stroke the raven black strands. And the tail, that tail. It is immense compared to his body and greatly juxtaposes the human half, but despite the ugliness and filth it harbors, it is fancy. The goop shimmers like running water in the sunlight and the bones are protruding in such a way they look like decoration. Giant ribs stick up from the back to form an inverse cage, almost like spikes. Between these bones are rotting tendons that hang about like silk decor. Boils and skulls poke out from the muck but are positioned like dark spotted patterns going along his form. And everything is speckled with black tattered feathers and tarps, like a destroyed royal hall. You want to observe it further, but now is not the time.

Aldrich beautifully chuckles. However still sounding distorted, your lust for him just makes that flaw even more alluring.

“Thou stare at me with begging eyes, but they art not of freedom, art they? Nay, thou lengthy for something else. Something putrid in the eyes of common folk, but absolute heaven for thyself.” As he says this, he runs his hands up your stomach, across your breast, and cradles your face in his frail hands. Aldrich smeared the blood from your wounds across your body and painted your cheeks with it. Your face flushes with blood beneath your skin when he leaned into you for the fifth time, but he did not stop just inches from your face. He lathers your warm pink lips with the deep redness of your blood and kisses you passionately.

Filled with blood and saliva, you taste the fusion of the Devourer and you in your mouth. It took you a few seconds to realize what is happening, but once you did, you immediately accepted it. Closing your eyes, you kiss him back.You breath heavily and moan with satisfaction, and he bites your lip to make you drain even more. His silky lips overtake yours as you struggle to be just as aggressive. Becoming lost in the moment and ignoring the danger, you slide your blood soaked tongue into his mouth, licking his. A smile crosses Aldrich’s face and without missing a beat he pushes your tongue back, making his enter your mouth, taking in everything he can and almost reaching your throat. You want to touch him, dig your fingers into his thin skin or run them through his smooth hair. By keeping your hands bound behind, he is still torturing you, whether he realizes it or not.

Aldrich detaches his mouth from yours and begins to kiss your neck, ultimately leading to biting so he can lick the drawn blood. As much as you were enjoying this, you are worried about him puncturing your throat, but the thought dissipated from mind when he dragged his hands down to your breast, squeezing them. He pecks you bloodied kisses down to your collar.

“I demand to witness more of thine illustrious living corpse, and take in all the warm heat thou hast keep locked away.” As Aldrich speaks his words with lustful breath, he tears your clothing off, having no cares if he rips parts of flesh along with it. He takes in the beauty that you radiate. ‘Oh God, yes,’ you thought. ‘Do more, do anything more to me to have me beg for your touch!’ It is odd that everything is happening so fast with someone--something--that you just met, but oh lord, who cares! This beautiful beastie is elegant to be around; hearing anything escape his lips sings a lullaby to your soul, and certainly he is no stranger to appalling interests. If your unfiltered and awkward talk did not drive him away, then there would be little to nothing standing in your way to winning him over now.

Aldrich snuggles his face into your chest so he can listen and feel your heart beating for him. He cradles your breasts and pleasures your delicate tits as you move and embrace his heavy life force against your skin. You moan and nudge more and more, feeling yourself become saturated by the minute. Thinking Aldrich sensed this, he slowly drags his hand southward, grazing your side and tracing your hip. You feel the rough touch of his fingers reach underneath your trousers, lifting up your panties. Heavy sighs are released from your throat the closer he got to your clitoris. His blood soaked fingers mixes with your pleasure fluids, placing his fingers on the inner vulva and rising them to your little plump bulb of pleasure. Quickly you suck air into your lungs, to which Aldrich giggled at your surprised reaction. He lifts his head to meet your pulse and sucks on your neck. Your body moves along with the rhythm of his motions against your clit, occasionally rubbing your breast against his distinct collar bone. The harder and faster you breath, he does the same with his fingers. The rush of energy jolts through your body as he squishes the clit in between two of his bones and switching to circular motions against it occasionally. Finally, you feel it. Your body jerks with anticipation and you verbalize your thoughts, “Oh please, yes!” Upon hearing this, Aldrich uses a single finger to flick and touch your clitoris as fast and hard as he can so you may feel the most pleasurable rush. With a heavy and loud moan, you arch your back once climax hits. Aldrich slows his movements and pulls his face away from your neck, a string of thick blood drips from his smiling lips, which, to your surprise, looks more lovely dressed with you.

You lean in for a kiss, to which he welcomes. He frees his arms and hands and places them on the ground above you. Where you two done? No. No no! You wanted to lavish in this moment for a while longer. Without opening your eyes, you speak in a meek voice,

“More, please… I want more...”

You felt embarrassed about asking to go further than accepting what you have already been given, but you wanted it; you did not ask, you demanded, albeit poorly. Come on, this is your first time. Do not be hard on yourself!

Opening one eye, you see Aldrich’s magnificently grotesque tail swishing back and forth slowly and gracefully in the tar-like fluid. He had a smile across his cracked porcelain mouth.

“Oh yes, my dearest scruple of nourishment! I was not planning on being done just yet, for I hast not been entirely satisfied.”

Aldrich moves back and lifts your pelvis up, slowly pulling off the rest of your attire. A cool gust of air touches your crotch and you can feel the sticky fluids pull away. You watch as he splits the strands and lick his fingers, then throwing your pants to the side. He props you up and unties your bonds, continuing to transfer his palms to hug your thighs. You gently place your hands on his and Aldrich shutters, still fascinated by how thermal you are in comparison and how calmly you are touching him. Staring longingly, you run your fingers through his hair. It is as soft as you thought it was. Aldrich pushes you back so you may lay down, then proceeds to move his face closer to your genitalia.

He kisses your clitoris to give you the sense of how his lips feel down there. After he senses you wince in delight, he belligerently pushes his tongue against the entirety of your crotch, kneading his tongue across it. As this happens, you let out a musical groan of pleasure. He licks and flicks in such an aggressive and loving manner, just the way you knew you would enjoy it. It may not be literal devouring of flesh, but he smooshes his mouth and tongue upon you in mimicry. He makes no jerking motions as his tongue massages you, wriggling and writhing in smooth patterns inside, touching every sweet spot he can reach. Every little touch made from his tongue and lips you overhear the wet and sticky sound of departure. You listen to him swallowing your discharge created from the previous endeavors, along with the blood that soaks the both of you.

After a while, Aldrich focused his oral movements singularly on your clitoris, but he was not finished with the other. Locating your vaginal opening again, he glosses two fingers over it teasingly. Salivating his digits, he pushes them deep within you, puncturing your walls. The pain was sharper than menstruation cramps, but it was bearable, especially with your sense of tenacity with adornment.You lay there with closed eyes, focusing on the amorous vitality those slender fingers are granting you. With all his pressure inducement, he pushes you back and forth, your curves and chest shaking along with the rhythm. Every time he pulls you he grips your pelvic bone. Looking up, he sees your content face and watches your body move along with him.

Pulling out to daub your vulva, he absolutely enjoys teasing you. Seeing you so happy, he lifts his hand, waiting and watching. Growing worried, you lean up and, almost immediately, fear crept in again. Did you do something wrong? Did somehow someone stab Aldrich? ‘No,’ you thought, ‘something like that wouldn’t have happened so quickly.’ Checking to see if he is still there, you are greeted with a sly smile and a light giggle.

“Dost not fret, I am still here.”

You smile and shake your head, relaxing.

Aldrich pushes his fingers in again and shakes you more violently now. He wants more sound from your throat and sustenance from your body, and thus you do what he requests. You reach the same point again, but the build up was much more intense. You clenched the ground and gasped for air, and before you knew it, the milky white fluid of squirting released itself from your cervix.

Stunned by how much came out, you look at Aldrich for judgement. He only glanced at his hand, which is now mixed with blood and ejaculation fluids, turning pink a little. As you sweat profusely, he ingests his soft hot meal. It almost looks like he is staring at you, but you never can tell with that golden crest on his face.

So much has happened in the last hour with being around this man. At first you thought you were dinner, and now you have just become the consenting play thing for a monster. After two climaxes, you think you are done. With the accumulation loss of blood, water, and energy all around, you just want to lay down and rest for a while. Could you go again? I guess you will have to wait and see if Aldrich does something to cause that puffy lust again.

Contenting sighs relieve from your beloved monster. As he rolls over onto his back, he puts his hands behind his head and stares at you with his rose stained mouth. You lay on your side and clasp your hands together to rest your cheek upon. Observing him intensely, you notice squirming movements underneath his lower plumage. At first you did not recognize what was happening, but then once the cylinder-esque organ arrived, it dawned on you he is manipulating his mucky lower half to copy that of an inhuman cock. This mimicry is fat and thick, pulsating with the grime it is made out of. The tip is sharp yet rounded and its circumference increases as it meets the body, however, it forms what looks like to be a plump knot at the base. Tiny bumps of various sizes line around the attachment point and gradually forms then fades up the dorsal of his shaft. Two small parallel fin strands run up from his knot to his head under his ventral half. Lastly, like a faded beacon, his tip has a mauve tint, standing out and looking lovingly sickly.

Aldrich licked his lips as he watched you stare and decide what to do with his gift. Growing impatient, he moves his hand down to run it between his fingers in an urge to have you come closer. Of course it works and you crawl towards him. He adoringly brushes his finger against your hot cheek once you are in close range.

“I’m...going to screw up.” You honestly did not want to bring down the mood, but you felt like you had to warn him so he is not so disappointed in you; it felt wrong to mask this thought.

“Tush tush, mine own dearest,” he speaks as he lifts himself from his back. Aldrich helps you on top of him. He is not too wide, but your feet barely touch the ground, so you settle with planting them on protruding bones. Cupping your backside, he hoists you up, and you take his cock and feel for your opening. Once found, you gently slide it into your tight pussy, and because this is your first time at intercourse, you struggle to fit him in all the way, but you would be damned if you did not have this creature inside of you, so you bare the pain. Feeling every inch of him push and rub against your vagina was like heaven, especially when his head forced itself against the highest point of your uterus, making you squirm. You never had anything like this enter you, and so when your opening attempted to pucker but was stopped, you really felt the massivity of his dick.

Aldrich whispers in your ear,

“All thou needth is to follow the primordial urge thou hast did bury within thy breast, and I am sure thee shalt please me.” Upon hearing this, you bury your face into his rigid chest, trying to find a heartbeat, but there was none to find. He is a dead corpse, just like the rest of them.

Grabbing onto his apparel and pushing your feet against the carbon steps, you begin to rotate your stuffed hips. At first it was painful, but as you self lubricate, the pain subsides and you relish in the love making. Aldrich clenches obsessively to your butt and encourages you to go faster. Gradually you speed up, savoring every stroke your soft vaginal walls make against his stiffness. Your breast and stomach follow and squish the softness of your body onto him, pleasing your hard tits.

With raspy breaths, you gaze to your left to see your monster’s exposed neck. You see his sinewy tendons bulge against his faded skin and you hear and feel his high gasps of pleasure behind your shoulder. All those lines, ridges, and muscles attached and working to form his neck anatomy captivates you. Your lips want to kiss it, your tongue wants to taste it, and your throat wants to consume it. Before you could stop yourself, though why would you want to, you open your mouth to as wide as it can expand and bare your teeth. With as much bite force you can muster, you sink your canines into his tissue. Aldrich, surprised by this action, winces. He digs his claws into you and loudly squeeks, cracking his voice. Not knowing your own strength and scared by the new noise produced from him, you pull yourself back and continuously plead that you are sorry. You did not want him hating you and you knew you would screw up. Oh why does nobody listen to you?!

“I didn’t mean to I swear! I was just--I was just going along with--following what you said about the primordial urge and I just--I’m sorry--!”

“More.”

“...” Your brain is trying to process his answer while you have a dumbfounded expression. So you did not screw up?

“Just...do it again?” asking to make sure you knew what is being requested.

“Do it. Bite me. Drink the drops of sorrow of mine flesh and alloweth to drip down thy throat in pleasure.”

You pause for a moment, then wrap your arms around his neck and shoulders to have a solid grip. Biting down yet again, he groans and squeaks in delight of your hot mouth piercing him. The more he whimpers, the more feminine and raspy his chord’s production become. Usually you would find this noise pitiful and saddening, but this time it excites you and you bite harder, ripping skin away and running your tongue against raw flesh. You move your hand down to right beneath your gut, feeling his thick shaft inside, violently thrusting. With one arm around your back, he pushes you against him like wanting your particles to mix with his, but alas this only leads to more moaning, biting, and the spreading of ruby red blood across each other’s corpses.

Aldrich penetrates your skin as he becomes increasingly ready to ejaculate. He breathes harder and squeezes you greedily, only letting up when he releases inside of you, his throat creating the most beautiful noise of innocent cries. Once tolled, the sensation of lukewarm cum rushes inside of you, overfilling your uterus. You look down and see it seeping out, drooling onto his shaft. Slowly you pull yourself off of Aldrich, watching his semen ooze out and stick to anything in close proximity. Thick filaments stretch from his soaked cock and your saturated pussy as you detach from him. As you sit down, you squeeze his black fluids out of you with occasional thick clumps where some of his rotting flesh came off while cumming. Aldrich mashes his face into yours, kissing, and touching, you again to display his gratification from you.

“Thou hath felt absolutely extraordinary! I take absolute rapture from stuffing thee with my dead seed. Oh what ecstasy!” With every sentence ended, he purrs and kisses you again and again, all the while you cup his face ever so delicately and sweep your thumbs against his cheeks. Every time he kisses you giggle, having him struggle to dance his lips with yours.

“Thank you, thank you!” you laugh.

“I am...so joyous thou decided to stay here and alloweth each other to satisfy the other.”

As Aldrich said this, you could not help but feel he sounded vulnerable. Is he lonely? Does he feel separated from the world? Supposedly he only kept you alive because he wanted to experience your uniqueness longer, but judging how kind he was during the sensual moments and what he just said, which included the both of you and not just him, it sounded like this creature might be exposing his soft side, even if just a bit. The thought released butterflies in your stomach and you could not help but squish his cheeks with the tips of your fingers and rotate them, giving him the smushed lips of adorableness, and rub your nose and forehead against his with loving laughter. He was confused at first, but Aldrich accepted the weird physical affection you gave and laughed along with you.

“Thou art mine now; Mine forevermore. No one shall toucheth nor harm thee while I am still drawing breath, my scarlet swan. I will own thee and thou wilt love me for all eternity, and thus I shalt giveth whatever thee dreams.”

“Yes, I will. I will love you, mon cher,” you reply sweetly.

Aldrich leaned back and lied down with a fulfilled sigh. He laid his arms and hands above his head, relaxing on the floor.

Feeling not only you need to repay him for giving you multiple orgasms, but you are also not done playing with him just yet.

As you watch him lay there, breathing slowly, his chest rising and falling gracefully, your eyes gradually draw down to his crotch. His cock is moistened with his mockery of semen, and because they both are of a deep abyss like blackness, the only difference you can see are the textures: One is a little bumpy looking while the other is smooth as glass. Such beauty in what others believe is unholy to look upon. You graze your fingers against his hips, twitching nerves with every movement made by you. Looking up at him, he is still not facing you, however his breathing has become slightly faster. Aldrich’s cock is so firm against your light touch with the backs of your fingers, feeling all the fake veins submerging out. You touch and squish every crevice at your own pace, watching him progressively dance his torso. Once you have felt him up, you place your middle finger right on the top of his head, making circular motions with the tip of your finger, moving loose skin to make a little crater around his opening. As you do this, he lets out a little noise of smiling giddiness, to which you respond with the same. Underneath your finger some remaining cum squirts out, having you go to squishing his sensitive head with your middle, pointer, and thumb. You bring your hands down to his knot, wrapping your entire hand around his shaft. Starting off slowly, you move along his cock, pinching his head between your thumb and pointer finger. Aldrich practically sounds like you when he was massaging your clitoris, heavy and weak.

Rubbing your pussy against him as you move back, you lean over so your stomach is barely hovering over his body, resting on your elbows. You are scared but excited to try this, and so you begin with giving him a nice strong heavy lick on his head. He has an old umami taste about him as you lick up, down, and around his pulsating pleasure stick. You kiss and graze your teeth against it, having him sound like you when he fucked you with his tongue, high pitched and wincing for more. With every smooch and lick, his semen runs into your mouth and down your throat, having a bitter meaty aftertaste. Aldrich moves his hands down to grab at your hair, motioning you to suck him off, but you refuse just to tease him, continuing to cradle his cock and kiss it energetically.

Moaning and undulating your subtle breast upon him, your mouth makes its way to his head, covering his shaft with spit. You bunny kiss the tip and press your tongue against the opening. Looking up, you spot Aldrich moving in pattern with you, his rib cage pressing up against his pale skin, sticking out with every topped motion. Watching the skin move like rough latex from the bones push you closer into taking the mouthful.

Opening your mouth just enough so your rosey lips slip around him, you slowly stuff him into your mouth, lightly biting down to orally hug him. You are unable to take him entirely, but that is made up with poking him with your tough tongue, making shapes, and massaging your hands against whatever of his gooey cock still exposed. Pulling back, gagging with spit, then pushing him back in, with hot drool and post cum seeping out from under your lips, humming with delight all the way, you hear Aldrich’s sexual groans. With each occasional voice crack made from his tight pipes, you move faster, becoming more assertive and sucking him like a lollipop. His taste may be rancid, but the both your happiness is far too great to stop for some bad meat.

“Yes! Please do not stop. Faster, my dear!”

You sink your nails into his hips of gush, making him twitch with satisfaction. Aldrich’s breathing heightens and you feel him thicken and throb in your mouth. Realizing he is about to climax, you quickly bring your wet lips to his tip and push your thumbs into his veins and tendons.

Before you know it, dualizing with his squeakish howl, you feel this lumpy and disgusting tang suddenly burst into your mouth. Startled, you quickly pull your head back, semen and chunks spilling from your oral cavity. Wine colored thick liquids spurt from his cock. Despite the horrific taste, you still leaned ahead and drank him down. You were definitely going to be sick after this, but let us just focus on the now and burn that bridge when you cross it. As you sip him, Aldrich holds your cheek and strokes your crown like an owner to his obedient pet. He looks down towards you and you look up at him, only to shy your eyes away because you just end up giggling and smiling, being unable to finish your self entitled task. However, when this happens, all he does is beam and pet you.

Finally you grow tired of his taste and sit up, soaked with blood, spit, sweat, and cum all over your mouth, dripping down your neck.

“Thou looks as if finished. Lucky for thy tired little head, I believe I am done as well.”

“Heh, yeah,” you respond, yawning.

Aldrich hoists your plump body up so your shoulders meet. He wipes your neck and chin clean with his apparel, then holds you close and lies down on his side. You gladly accept his post sex cuddles and close your eyes, burying your face into the crook of his neck like he is a stuffed animal.

“I may not consume thee after all, now having a reason to keepeth thy heart’s alive and beating. Thou wilt satisfy me in different ways, I am sure.” Aldrich’s throat vibrates as his cooing echos through you. You have never really said this to anyone before, but maybe you can say this now and not regret it later,

“I love you.”

He squeezes you tighter.

“Good. Thou shalt love me forevermore, even after death. Maybe then, once thou hast died, I wilt mix thy particles with mine so thee shall never leave me.” Aldrich kisses your head.

What a strange way of flirting, this guy has, but it does not scare you away. You felt you can trust him because for some nobody such as yourself to change a devourer’s mind from seeing you as food to looking at you as an actually human being seems like a difficult task for anyone.

“However, I am starved. Thou hast been outside these walls, does thee knoweth of any wonderful spots to snack?”

“Yeah, a few.” Aldrich never stops thinking about eating, does he?

“Sublime! We shalt dine together as loving mates, my dearest.” As he says this, he rocks and kisses you as the both of you lay there in the rotten muck of the royal chamber of Anor Londo, just listening to each other breathe.

--- OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE NEVER AGAIN

#dark souls 3 #aldrich #devourer of gods #fanfiction #sfw #totally #yup #not lying here #tumblr staff do not interact #lemon

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messrsmemoirs · 6 years

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What do you think Remus was doing before going to teach at Hogwarts? Or if you answered that already, what do you think his feelings were on teaching? Do you think he ever had a dream job?

Before teaching at Hogwarts, I think Remus spent a lot of years sort of lost, and drifting. Both physically, being sort of out of work more often than not, but also emotionally. Remus had to really figure out who he was now that his entire world had sort of dissolved beneath him. Not only had he lost his friends, who were more than likely his entire social circle and formed part of his identity, but without Voldemort there was no need for the Order, either. There was no need to band together, no need to stay together after the war. So Remus had war brothers and sisters, but they weren’t close like the real thing or like his friends. And without the Order, Remus didn’t even have a purpose, or in the most basic sense, a job to do. Remus woke up the morning of November 1 1981 and he had basically become redundant and suddenly very, very alone.

What happens to people when they come home from war? From what I understand, there is this very strange feeling of familiarity that is somehow not familiar whatsoever. Once the celebrations had died down, Remus would have been left in what probably felt like a strange parallel universe: everything is the same, like Diagon Alley, Hogwarts, wizarding society... People say hello, the food still tastes like it used to, and familiar comforts like cups of tea are always there. Hell, the cup he left by the sink is still there, in the same spot. Only now, it’s like Remus can’t ever imagine living that life even though he has all the memories testifying to it’s existence. And there’s this gaping, aching whole of wrongness right about where the other cups in the sink are, with ghosts in the residue of tea at the bottom that were drunk by people who don’t exist. Not anymore. I think the first year Remus spent by himself he didn’t actually do much at all except survive.

Now I do of course like to imagine that he had some help. I really don’t think someone like Mother Hen McGonagall would have let Remus just wander off into the shadows. She knew what his bond with his friends was like. She knew that he’d effectively lost it all, etc. And I think she would have done what she could to check in from time to time, but there’s also a certain professional boundary between her and a former student that I don’t think is really let go until Remus himself becomes her colleague, so I think it was largely letters and maybe some surprise appearances of a Tabby cat with spectacles over for tea when she didn’t hear back from him. Someone like Moody would have... well, not checked in, I suppose, because Moody is an Auror and he’s, you know, Moody. But I think Moody would have invited him to do some odd jobs with him, or recommended him to others needing some work done. Moody isn’t going to hug Remus and tell him it’s okay, but Moody will certainly let Remus pick up his wand and fight the depression away with some exercise--and hey, if bad guys go down, that’s just a plus, right? Wink, wink. Maybe Hagrid kept in touch from time to time, running errands for Dumbledore, who would also have been keeping tabs on Remus I think because he’s not a heartless bastard like fanon tells him to be, and I think he did care for Remus on some level.

But we have to remember that Remus is also this very proud sort of fellow, and after he had gotten over the worst of his depression and stood up on his own two feet once again, he wanted people to think he had it under control. So those contacts would have died down, and then Remus would of course have had to move out of wherever he had been living once the last of his money from James had been used up and he didn’t have work enough to keep his place. Now, depending on whether you think of Lyall as having been alive, Remus could have moved back in with him for a time before deciding that he didn’t want to be a burden on his family. Again, this is the pride talking, but there are also still Death Eaters out there in the world. Death Eaters who may still do terrible things like what happened with the Longbottoms, even though the war is over. If they know who Remus is, and they probably do, Remus is always at risk. He may also not want to stay with family for that reason.

Now as far as things he could actually have done over the years, I think we’re looking at a selection of odd jobs and actual, open homelessness.

What are the sorts of jobs available to a werewolf? Remus has not been publicly outed yet, and so he can maintain some work for a time if his absences don’t become noticeable as a pattern. I do think Remus would have shown up for work the morning after spending the night eating himself alive, though, if he felt he had to. Look at PoA: obviously the timing was poor, and of course there’s the whole “dementors are going to search the train and it’s practical to have Remus there for chocolate remedy slash plot reasons”, but he still would have been pretty much dead to the world at Hogwarts. And there’s no way of knowing whether his absences from teaching were his own choice (given that he’s actually doing much better since he’s in control under the effects of Wolfsbane) or maybe Madam Pomfrey drop-kicking his stubborn ass into bed where it belongs, but either way, Hogwarts was our only window into his career life, and Remus is shown taking breaks after full moon and it’s something that was subsequently noticed by Hermione, a 13-year-old girl. Now suppose there’s a 50-year-old witch or wizard with a business and a family who has a prejudice against werewolves, and how far do you think Remus could make it disappearing at the worst possible time? And even if he didn’t, he does sorta look like he gets hit by a truck every month or so, like suspicious clockwork.

Suffice it to say that legitimate, over-the-table work is not going to be very reliable for Remus. Unfortunately, he’s much more likely to get a job where people don’t ask questions, and those jobs are the less reputable sort. Smuggling illegal dragons eggs, or cursed artifacts--things that someone like an expert in the dark arts could handle. Maybe grunt work like the shipping industry where trolls do the heavy lifting but there’s paperwork to be filed and boxes to be packed, and how else are we supposed to get things like the Monster Book of Monsters to the book store? Wear some gloves. This also leaves Remus open to possible blackmail: “I’ll keep you on, but if you cross me I’ll send the Capture Unit after you.” (Of course, Remus isn’t stupid, and he’d reply, “And I’ll be sure to tell them the names of all your associates and your business partners,” etc. So it’s a careful dance.) And it makes him unintentionally part of the stereotype of werewolves as criminals, because even if all he wants to do is live his life and eat supper once a week or so, he’s doing work that society considers bad and if he’s caught all the responsibility is on him.

There’s also the potential that he worked outside of the wizarding world, too. Muggles don’t have the same knowledge of werewolves; they don’t openly fear them so much as they have this ghost of a fear that’s now a fun Halloween costume. Nobody’s going to actually believe that Remus J Lupin is a very real werewolf in modern day England, ha! So why not get a job as a cashier, or as a bookstore clerk, or a stock worker? It pays. Though I realize as I type it that there’s of course the problems with exchange: is one pound worth half as much in sickles or knuts? Could Remus work full time at Aldi and still barely make enough to eat? Surely there was an economic boom for wizards following the decline of Voldemort, but what about England as a whole? Did the exchange rate sort of stay comfortable close, etc? We just don’t know if it was really feasible for Remus to live as a wizard and work as a Muggle, so maybe he worked and lived as a Muggle.

Between those periods, though, I think Remus was not fortunate enough to avoid homelessness. I think he would have lived in a colony at least once, even if he hated it, simply because they had resources he needed at the time. He would have left ASAP, of course, but still. I expect he would have learned to keep himself clean and trim in the sink of a public bathroom, washing himself in the cold with some rough spells meant for tougher work that actually sting a bit but at least he’s clean afterwords. I think he probably learned to sleep on the Tube, maybe riding it back and forth a few ways until he woke up and was kicked off or felt people staring. And I think he did his best to appear in control at all times, even if he never felt like he was and would actually refuse help if it was offered.

I do have some thoughts on what his dream job could have been as well, and I’ll add that onto this ask since it’s relevant.

I do think Remus wanted to teach. In a perfect world, I think he could have gotten the job early and even earned himself a nice pension. But I think Remus realized from his time as a Prefect (or even tutoring other students) that he had a knack for it, and that he really enjoyed helping others learn. I headcanon that the briefcase he had with the peeling letters was a gift from the Marauders, so that he could have it for his first day on the job. And, he did have it, didn’t he? (*sad little sigh*)

Anyway, I have these other headanons that Remus grew up knowing how to speak Welsh since Hope was Welsh and Lyall met her in Cardiff. I imagine that Remus lived in Wales for his early life, and that they moved around a lot but tended to be in Wales for a while before eventually settling in rural England (i.e. a certain cottage in Yorkshire we may all be familiar with). And about this time in the eighties, Wales was getting it’s language back, so to speak. It was historically beaten out of the speakers, literally. And around this time, the government of Wales was actually beginning to put up bilingual street signs, and Welsh schools were popping up. I play with the idea sometimes of him having an apprenticeship or something at one of the newer schools who would have needed a fluent speaker. You never know, right? Honestly, the things that happen in life...

Anyway, I can always think up some specifics if that’s what you’re looking for but I hope this sort of covers most of your questions!

#remus lupin #the dark years #text #Anonymous

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elizabethenroute-blog · 6 years

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“Wisdom comes with winters” - Oscar Wilde

I’m not sure if this is really how Oscar Wilde wanted his epigrammatic wit to be used, but stuff it, it works with my blog.

I truly feel that I have gained wisdom this winter. Not just all the typical year abroad mush you hear about with gaining confidence and independence and blah, blah, blah. I’m talking about sitting on my mountain, high up in the Italian alps, watching from afar and seeing how bloody disorganised the UK is when it comes to winters.

My social media this weekend has been filled with family and friends back home enjoying arguably the most snow the UK has seen in many years. Hopes of a white Christmas are seeming more of a reality, while the country is responding to the frosty falling skies in the way it always does: panic.

Today alone, I’ve seen articles about roads being closed, school being cancelled, public transport disruptions and even church services having to be reorganised. Ordinarily, I’d be joining in. Relishing the thought of no school in the morning and getting ready to drink my body weight in hot chocolate.

Then I had to move to South Tyrol. It reads like a breakfast cereal - all of the bad driving of Italy combined with the weather and organisation of Austria, meaning snow isn’t even allowed to think about being a problem, and you can get a great start to your day. I’d like to be able to tell you how much snow I’ve had in the past couple of weeks, but I can’t tell you, I’ve no idea. The stuff barely has time to hit the ground before it’s plowed away, and the vast majority is normally cleared by the time I leave my house at 7:10 in the morning.

The attitude towards it here seems almost unnecessarily organised for my poor British brain. Snow equals snow days for me, which means a day off school, hours spent sledging and building snowmen in some random field, religiously chugging an unhealthy amount of cocoa, marshmallows and whipped cream, all whilst watching the chaos that inevitably ensues nationwide with bewilderment. We’ve all had to deal with snow before, so why can’t we deal with it?

Nope, here we have to be almost aggressively efficient. Of course schools are still open, don’t be daft. Trains cancelled? What are you, crazy? What do you mean the roads are too dangerous? What are you on?

Nobody dashes to the supermarket to buy a lifetime’s supply of milk and bread, all because one snowflake has hit the pavement. Nobody is seen cursing and swearing at their car as they attempt in vain to scrape away at their windscreen with their credit card.

That’s a good point actually, clearing windscreens. I’ve lost count of the number of times I was late for school because the windscreen had frozen, so my parents either tried to scrape it away (credit card or debit card, the choice is yours) or ran back inside to put the kettle on, so that they could chuck boiling water over the subzero glass.

They just don’t do that here. In fact, some of my colleagues were in hysterics when I told them about the kettles and the credit cards. I’m pretty sure you can buy credit card sized pieces of plastic for window scraping on Amazon, so that you don’t actually have to use your credit card.

Here they have these magical inventions. They probably do exist in the UK, but I’d never seen one before, which means they don’t exist. They’re these mystical scraping brushes which, believe it or not, provide everything that a credit card or kettle can when it comes to snow, but do everything in half the time. I just tried to look on Amazon so that I could bless your lives with this witchcraft, and after typing in “snow scraper car brush”, they are available. You’re welcome.

However, this wisdom coming from winters hasn’t just come from me laughing at the UK from afar. I’ve been very much humbled myself, namely due to something called winter sports.

Skiing and ice-skating. Ice-skating and skiing. One of them I’m now an absolute pro at. The other, not so much.

I successfully didn’t knock out at least fifty children when I went ice-skating this weekend (which for me is an achievement because I normally spend most of my time ice-skating making ice-angels). This is something I am very proud of, because these kids were like some kind of kamikaze ice toddlers.

I think one child, who I aptly named the power ranger due to his red and white snow suit, had actually been hired to assassinate me. He wasn’t even skating, but rather his whole technique was to run like Mystery, Inc. at the beginning of a cartoon chase, but somehow actually moving. He didn’t even stick to the unspoken rule of everyone skating in the same direction. You could actually use this kid in biology lessons as an example of natural selection - this cherub chose to run back and forth horizontally across the rink. For an hour and a half.

I don’t know where his parents where, but my bet is they threw him on the ice and then went in search of Glühwein, and I don’t blame them to be honest. The point of the story is that I didn’t hit him, accidentally or intentionally.

Then there was skiing. I was sent out here with a pair of kids’ Aldi salopettes (perks of being 5’3”) that my Mum happened to pick up one day a few years ago with the thought “ooh, those might come in handy”.

Indeed they did. Last weekend I hopped on a bus up to La Villa, Badia - a picturesque Ladin-speaking town in deepest-darkest South Tyrol, complete with the honour of hosting this year’s skiing world cup.

I was optimistic. Probably too optimistic. I had the kind of naïve optimism that comes with having literally no idea about what you’ve just signed yourself up for.

My coach was one of the other British Council teaching assistants - the lovely Alice from the French alps - who told me she’d be more than happy to teach me as we were chatting away one Friday afternoon over a mug of Glühwein. Sure, I said. Who better to teach me than someone from an area where kids are practically fresh out of the womb and straight on to skis?

Unfortunately, there were no Bunny slops available to us that weekend in La Villa. No problem, I thought. I’m the kind of person who usually survives being thrown in head first - let’s carry on anyway. So, there we were, sat on the ski lift. You have to ski off the ski lift. How are you supposed to ski off a ski lift when you can’t ski? This was only the beginning.

Alice - who I have to apologise to because I was a terrible pupil who is incredibly competitive by nature and I don’t take well to not being able to do things - didn’t know what she was letting herself in for. Once at the top of the slope, her idea was to let me just slide down, thinking I’d get a feel for it and figure things out somewhere between that point and the bottom. I, hardly able to stand up for 0.5 seconds before faceplanting the powder, was by no means just going to slide down and figure it out.

I have many bruises and my whole body ached this entire week, but most importantly, I was not completely traumatised. I will be trying again (most likely after Christmas) once I’ve given myself a bit of a break after the last time, and I’ll throw myself into ski school to see if I can at least find a way to stand up on skis.

My Dad can tell you that I’m probably the worst person you could choose to play Monopoly with. Or any board game for that matter. I’m just too competitive, too determined, and frankly just obstinate. These characteristics can be a curse at times, especially when they rear their ugly heads at what’s supposed to be a nice family game of Trivial Pursuit. However, they mean that I simply can’t let things beat me, and skiing is no exception.

I’m going to suggest a deal. If I can bring myself to get back up a slope, Britain should bring itself to, quite frankly, pull itself together. WE GET SNOW EVERY YEAR. IT SHOULDN’T BE A SURPRISE ANYMORE.

Until next time,

Beth ❤️

#skiing #ice skating #snow #british winter #snow days #hot chocolate #winter #south tyrol #alta badia #year abroad #third year abroad #italy #oscar wilde

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omnomwithrob · 6 years

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Chan and Jan Forever.

Rob and I like to take turns treating one another to Valentine’s Day every year. Since I took him out last year on a little tour of Wicker Park (http://omnomwithrob.tumblr.com/post/158763402502/a-very-wicker-valentines), it was his turn. So, on the weekend after Valentine’s Day, he took little Rose and me to a cabin on Flint Lake, near Valparaiso, Indiana.

It was only a little over an hour drive, but we felt worlds away from Chicago in this sleepy Air BnB. It was super rustic and charming - I mean, LOOK at this kitchen!

When we woke up on the morning of Saturday, February 17th, I started putting the groceries we’d brought along to good use. Rob and I have always enjoyed bagels and lox, especially after 9 months of not being able to have smoked fish while pregnant (see my joyful reunion with it here: http://omnomwithrob.tumblr.com/post/172835640722/lox-of-love). Plus, I thought it would be an easy-to-assemble breakfast that doesn’t really require much equipment. Sure enough, this combination of everything bagels, vegetable cream cheese, smoked salmon, capers, and red onions came together in a flash. Did you know you can get smoked salmon at Aldi? I didn’t until I was shopping for this trip - not bad!

After breakfast, we decided to do some exploring in Valparaiso and find a place for lunch. We walked down Lincolnway, which appears to be a main drag through town, and we enjoyed some coffee while window shopping. When we got hungry, we popped into Figure 8 Brewing for lunch (http://figureeightbrewing.com/).

Speaking of things I couldn’t have while pregnant, can I just say how lovely it was to lazily sip on little flights of local porter on a cold day in a brewery? A leisure activity after my own heart. In no real rush to do anything, we snacked on these little pretzels with beer cheese. The pretzels were good but not great - they didn’t have loads of that savory pretzel flavor, but they were house-made and did manage to have a crisp outer crust and chewy interior. The cheese was also good but not great, though I did appreciate that it was made with some of Figure 8′s own sour cream ale.

For my entree, I was still feeling like having something warm and gooey, so I ordered the jalapeno havarti panini - inside the pressed French roll were tomatoes, spinach, bacon, havarti cheese, and charred jalapenos. I really liked the flavor of the charred jalapeno - I’m so used to having them pickled that the smoky char was a nice change of pace. Per my warm and gooey craving, I sort of wished that the spinach and tomato had been cooked prior to being pressed, but the melty havarti cheese still brought it home for me.

Though I thought this was a tasty and unique sandwich (I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like it on a menu before), my biggest qualm with it was that it was actually surprisingly small. Thank goodness I had a side of corn chowder to round out the meal. Well, sort of thank goodness - it wasn’t great! It was overall pretty bland, but I did detect and appreciate a subtle layer of spice from some jalapenos.

Rob went more for familiarity with his entree selection - a brat and a side salad. The brat was infused with Figure 8′s oatmeal stout, and I think it was supposed to come with onions, relish, and curry ketchup, but it appeared with only stone-ground beer mustard. Rob did not seem to notice or mind, as the beer mustard was pretty good and had a very strong mustard flavor - it was probably the best part of Rob’s entree, as the brat itself was pretty standard.

Our palates weren’t exactly blown at Figure 8, but it was exactly the experience we were hoping for - a lazy afternoon with all the time in the world to sip tasty beer, with plenty of room for our huge stroller and our sleeping baby. On our walk back to the car, a bakery called Designer Desserts caught our eye (https://www.designerdessertsbakery.com/), and we decided to pop in for a cupcake.

This place had a very impressive array of flavor options - seriously, dozens upon dozens of gorgeous cupcakes. Rob, who has become quite the chocolate and peanut butter fan had...the chocolate peanut butter cupcake. Surprisingly, it was a little lackluster and not quite as artisanal as I had hoped it would be. I think the problem was that the chocolate wasn’t very spectacular, which for a chocolate cupcake with chocolate frosting, really needs to be on point.

I shocked myself by ordering the “simply vanilla,” which is not something I would have done in most dessert shops, let alone ones with so many other options. But something about a vanilla cupcake just sounded so appealing, and I have to say, I do not regret this decision one bit. It was far and away the best vanilla cupcake I’d ever had; it was perfectly moist and had the spongiest texture I have seen in a cake. Though the frosting was sweet, it wasn’t JUST sweet, which I feel is the fatal flaw of most frostings. It also had a deliciously bold vanilla flavor, which added that lovely, almost floral depth of good vanilla. One of the best desserts I’ve ever eaten.

Around this time, it started to snow, and I wasn’t about to not be in front of a roaring fire at my Valentine’s getaway cabin during a snow. So, we drove back to Flint Lake, and Rob built us a wonderful fire while we watched the snow and played with Rose. When dinner rolled around, Rob built us yet another fire - in this woodburning oven!

We had read in the reviews for this cabin that making pizza in the woodburning oven was a must. Rob and I had never woodfired a pizza before, but it seemed like the perfect opportunity to try. We decided to go with a Forno Rosso-inspired sausage and mushroom pizza (http://omnomwithrob.tumblr.com/post/169509148807/peet-suh-suh), which started with a few ingredients I’d made at home and brought along - pizza crust and marinara sauce (recipes linked in this throwback from our first year of marriage! http://omnomwithrob.tumblr.com/post/93313058917/sunday-funday).

While the oven heated up, Rob made the most of the fully-equipped kitchen to saute the mushrooms and brown some sausage - do you want a surprise that’s better than Aldi smoked salmon? Sausage from Target. I’m serious, the Market Pantry hot sausage is the best ground sausage I’ve ever bought from any grocery store. It’s got the perfect amount of flavor, spice, and fat. You’ve really got to try it.

Once the dough was rolled out, the sauce was spread, and our sausage, mushrooms, and mozzarella cheese were applied, it was time for the grand experiment - the woodburning oven. After some struggle to remove the pizza from the peel and insert it into the oven, we could see that the worst was not behind us, and every time we peeked at the pizza, it looked less and less appetizing.

The crust was rubbery and unevenly cooked, and the whole thing, top and bottom, was covered with a layer of ash and soot. Completely inedible. I was discouraged by the loss of our ingredients, but we still had enough to give it two more tries.

The second pizza may have come out even worse than the first one. We weren’t sure where we’d gone wrong - sure, we were rookies, but we followed the instructions our hosts left us for using the oven, and we still had this terrible disaster! I’m not so naive as to think that there isn’t some art to using an oven like this, but I remain truly perplexed as to how we failed so miserably. By this time, it was almost 11pm, and I was not willing to chance another ruined pizza. So I turned up the oven as hot as it would go and put the last of our ingredients in there on a cookie sheet for, oh I don’t know, ten minutes or so - I just eyeballed it until it looked like the crust had cooked through.

That last pizza was immaculate. Not only were we starving, but it had goat cheese since we’d run out of mozzarella, which was the perfect, creamy sharpness to go with our crispy crust, garlickyy sauce, spicy sausage, earthy mushrooms, and sweet basil.

We returned to Chicago the next morning, following a pretty bad brunch at Le Peep (one of the few brunch venues in Valpo and unfortunately not worth writing about - http://lepeepvalpo.com/). Despite this and the Great Pizza Disaster of 2018, this was a marvelous and totally memorable weekend. The real highlights for me were the leisurely beer tasting, the best vanilla cupcake ever, and that last pizza - not to mention a cozy, snowy cabin weekend with my two favorite people. Though I’m not chomping at the bit to give woodfired pizza another try, the struggle we endured that night was funny almost as soon as it was over, and something we will probably never forget. Overall, I would recommend Valparaiso to any Chicagoan looking for a nearby escape from the city, and I just love Rob for creating and embracing this experience with me.

Caroline

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benjamingarden · 4 years

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Saving Money On Groceries + What We Eat

By far, the number one question I am asked is "what do you eat?" I used to share our meal plan's but it was a lot of work and I honestly wasn't sure if it was something that really interested anyone. Well, apparently it was! Part of the reason for some of the questions is because my husband and I eat very differently, so some of you are also trying to figure out how to make a similar arrangement work. Other reasons are that we are all trying to find new ideas. I find myself wondering the same things and watching other blogger and vlogger grocery hauls and meal planning sessions on you tube. There was a time (long ago) that I didn't pay attention at all to our grocery budget so I would buy ingredients and try tons of new recipes regardless of cost. Ugh....I don't even like to think about those days. At that time I was still trying to build my recipe book (although I now realize there was a MUCH more efficient and cost effective way to have done so) so I was making a ton of new recipes. What I've found is that in the past 10 years we don't try too terribly many new items and as of the past year or two, I actually don't mind eating the same thing multiple times a week. So the way I cook and what we eat has continued to evolve over the years. At one time I was able to stick pretty closely to a $60.00/week budget. It now changes on the season. During the summer and fall I can keep it around $60.00/week because we grow so many of our vegetables. We do preserve vegetables for use later in the year, but I still buy some fresh from the store in winter so it is anywhere from $60.00 - $80.00/week. I can share more about that in a later post if you'd like (this one is already quite long). Although I do enjoy cooking for the most part, I don't enjoy spending hours in the kitchen. Since we work from home it is much easier for me (I can prep ahead, make things in stages, take something out to defrost that I forgot to take out the night before, etc.), but I'm really not interested in spending too terribly long cooking.

Frugality In The Kitchen What we spend on groceries has evolved as well (thankfully). Our personal goal is not necessarily to eat the dirt cheapest food available, although we've gone through financial times where this was our most important goal. Instead, we try to eat organic and/or local food when we can while sticking to a moderate budget. We've also incorporated into our budget a few "treats". For instance, the 2 teas that I absolutely love are definitely not the most inexpensive brands. But I make cuts in other places so I can enjoy these teas without any guilt whatsoever. While there are many tactics that I've shared on the blog, the most important "rules" I follow are: 1. Rarely eat out. It's just too expensive and usually not so healthy. Besides, when you only go out occasionally, it's more of a treat and not an expectation so it's appreciated as such. 2. Don't purchase lunch, snacks, or coffee out. Again, this has been a HUGE expense for us in the past and something that is so easy to eliminate. It's all about preplanning and creating new habits. 3. Stop wasting food. Have you honestly looked at how much food you throw away? I did about 12 years ago. I would write it on a list (along with it's approximate cost) every time I threw something out and it shocked me. Meal planning is what allowed me to turn that around. 4. Pay with cash. Although we now pretty much buy the same things so it's not such a struggle coming in at or under budget, this has been an integral part of slashing our grocery budget. If you set aside your budgeted amount in cash you have no choice but to stick with your budget because when the money's gone, it's gone.

5. Use a meal plan. You don't have to go through the actual process of meal planning, but having an idea of what you'll be eating the next week is the only way you can accurately purchase all of the food you need and not overbuying. On this same note, make a list for every single shopping trip and follow it. 6. Have back-up plans on hand. Yes, plural. It is inevitable that something will come up at least a couple of times a month. You forgot to defrost the meat, you don't feel like eating any of the meals you planned, something has come up and you don't have time to cook what was planned, etc. If you aren't prepared for these times, take-out or eating out will feel like the only options. Having a few freezer meals, pantry staples, and/or frozen pizza's on hand will be budget lifesavers. The freezer back-ups we currently have on hand are frozen pizza (one vegan and one with meat & cheese, although surprisingly, my husband doesn't mind the vegan version), Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken (can be thrown in the oven while rice cooks in the rice cooker), frozen lentil/bean burgers as well as frozen beef burgers, and frozen vegan chili from a recipe that I made excess of purposely for freezing. The chili is great because I eat it as is, and I also keep cooked ground beef in the freezer in single batch portions, so I can add burger to some for my husband. If you aren't fond of freezer items, keeping a few ingredients stocked in your pantry for super simple meals also works. I keep a list of easy meals (that don't necessarily require defrosting) because when I'm standing in the kitchen at 6pm with no plan and we're starving, I don't always think of options. Some of the meals on our list are: Spaghetti, Veggie Stir-fry with Rice or Millet, Breakfast for dinner, Burger with Mac and Cheese, Szechuan Noodles, Southwest Quinoa, etc. We almost always have the ingredients on hand and they can all be whipped up within 1/2 hour (same time it takes to get take-out!). 7. Choose your store(s) wisely. Warehouse stores are great for some things, but not all. Aldi has great prices but they don't have a large selection. Trader Joe's has some great exclusive items, but some of their other items may be higher priced than if you bought them at your conventional store. Paying attention to prices and being willing to shop at multiple stores, when it makes sense, can be a huge budget saver.

Our Typical Meals So, what exactly do you EAT, you ask. I eat whole food plant-based with no added oil, refined sugar, and very little salt. Jay eats a pretty standard diet of meat, veggies, dairy, grains & fruit. We are both fine with gluten so we do not eat gluten free. I eat almost completely whole grains although Jay is pretty resistant to most whole grains. We have a set 35 or so meals that we choose from for dinner, and throw in a new one to try from time-to-time. Here is what is typical for our daily meals: Breakfast I almost always eat oatmeal. It's inexpensive, nutritious, and filling. While I've begun disliking baked or cooked oatmeal, I have recently fallen in love with eating rolled oats (not quick oats) like cold cereal. I'm not sure why I never thought of this before. I was listening to Dr. Esselstyn speak one day and he was saying that every single morning he pours rolled oats into a bowl, adds fruit and then tops it with non-dairy milk. It was intriguing to me. So I tried it and loved it! I add sliced bananas or berries, a tablespoon of chia seeds, and oat milk (plus a little extra) and allow it to sit for 10 minutes (it softens the oats and they soak up some of the milk) and then dig in. Jay either eats cold cereal (with fruit/berries on the side), toast, an egg sandwich, or breakfast burrito & homefries.

Lunch I eat a green salad (using whatever veggies and beans we have on hand) sometimes as the only meal and sometimes as a side to soup, avocado toast, or toast with nut butter. For the salad dressing, I really enjoy balsamic vinegar, or a mustard/maple syrup/vinegar blend, and I top my salad with a few pepitas and a tablespoon of flax seed. Quinoa is added frequently as well. I've come to love salads which is good because it's a great serving of greens (soooooo nutritious), fairly inexpensive and fills me up so I don't eat so much of anything I'm eating the salad with. I do like to make this chickpea sandwich occasionally - it's really good! Jay usually eats a sandwich, sandwich + soup, or leftovers. The soups I usually make vegan and oil free and then add meat to his. Sometimes he requests a salad with chicken as the protein.

Snack Seasonal fruit! If we have some fruit that was going bad so we threw it in the freezer I'll make fruit smoothies to use that up instead. I definitely have a sweet tooth so every once in a while we have a small piece of good quality chocolate too. Popcorn, tortilla chips, or nuts are rare, but also snack items in our house. Jay very rarely gets potato chips, but does so from time-to-time usually in the summer. If I've made any baked goodies (very rare) we enjoy them during our mid-day snack rather than eating it later in the evening.

Wintertime Dinners Here is where I try, when it's possible, to make something that both Jay and I can eat and then the additions for him are usually meat and for me are usually salad. Making 2 separate meals is a pain. It's why I went from being vegetarian for 14 years to eating meat when we moved in together back in my 20's. I'm figuring it out though. I'm never in the kitchen for longer than an hour so I make a lot of simple meals or I make full recipes of my meals and I will eat leftovers throughout the week. For Jay, he only likes leftovers at lunch so I will cook up meat or grain in bulk and use that to build new recipes throughout the week. Some examples of when we can eat some of the same:

Southwest quinoa as my main meal (small salad was my side). It's quinoa, black beans, cilantro, corn, peppers, and tomatoes. I added a sprinkling of cheese to his and a baked chicken breast on the side. Sometimes I eat this on top of greens like a burrito bowl.

Roasted veggies such as sweet potatoes, regular potatoes, cauliflower, squash, mushrooms, onions, and carrots. I usually have greens on the side and I bake a chicken breast with the veggies for Jay. I like to drizzle balsamic vinegar over mine.

Broccoli rice (rice cooked with vegetable broth, seasonings, and broccoli chopped and added at the end) as our side and my main is a salad with whatever veggies and beans we have on hand. Jay's is a sautéed chicken breast.

Mushroom risotto as our side with a green salad for me and steak tips for Jay. I usually add steamed broccoli or cauliflower.

Spaghetti is made completely vegan and oil free and then I bake pre-made meatballs to add to Jay's and I add beans and greens to mine. We serve salad as the side.

Taco nights I make beef tacos for him with peppers, fresh salsa, cheese, and guac. The ground beef is pre-cooked and frozen so I just have to defrost and add to the shells. I fill mine with refried beans (pre-cooked and frozen or I use canned) along with the same peppers, fresh salsa, and guac. The side is usually rice.

There are also many meals where I make 2 completely separate meals: Some of Jay's favorites:

Salisbury Steak is beef patties cooked with mushrooms and onions. I make a gravy and then serve it all over white rice. I don't eat too much white rice so I usually just make a different dinner for me.

Skillet pork chop with mac and cheese is another where I don't eat any part of what I cook for Jay. I usually serve him broccoli or cauliflower on the side, so I do incorporate that in my dinner.

Chicken and dumplings is a great way to use leftover chicken and he LOVES it. Again, I make something separate for me.

Whole roast chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy and a veggie or two on the side.

Some of my dinners that Jay doesn't eat any part of are:

Baked falafel with a green salad.

Steamed veggies (fresh or frozen) over millet or quinoa. I drizzle them with either balsamic vinegar, homemade liquid gold sauce (recipe found here) or a Dijon mustard sauce.

Baked potato with broccoli, beans, and homemade "cheese" sauce (it doesn't really taste like cheese but it's delicious) and a side salad.

Veggie pot pie with black pepper biscuits is a dish I have been LOVING for winter. The recipe is here and she has a gluten-free variation. The recipes I've tried from her blog have been really really good.

Grain bowl with quinoa or millet usually as the grain and topped with greens, beans, corn, peppers, cilantro, tomatoes, and a drizzle of liquid gold sauce or a chipotle sauce.

Lentil Stew is one of my favorite wintertime treats. It has lentils, potatoes (sweet or regular), carrots & kale.

Lentil loaf with mashed potatoes and vegan mushroom gravy is also really really good. I don't make it often but when I do I savor it.

Desserts While we certainly don't have dessert every night, when we do it's usually either "nice cream" (frozen bananas blended with non-dairy milk, a dash of maple syrup, cacao powder & vanilla extract) or fruit. I do keep a few non-dairy ice creams on hand although we rarely eat them because of the sugar and fats in them. Lately I've been enjoying a cup of non-dairy hot cocoa (sweetened with maple syrup) from time-to-time. It's delicious!

Beverages I drink water or hot tea. I gave up coffee a few months ago and it was really the best choice for me. I do (rarely) drink decaf coffee and, as noted above, hot cocoa. My husband will only drink sweetened iced tea and coffee. Try as I might to get the man to drink water, there is just no way to get him to do so.

How about you? What types of things does your family eat? What grocery budget tips do you have?

Saving Money On Groceries + What We Eat was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)

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ecotone99 · 4 years

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[RF] A world beneath your own

Do you ever feel like you're missing out? Like everyone else knows something you don't?

Maybe you're walking down the street and you see two people laughing and time slows down as you pass them, and they look at you like you're a freak. Or maybe you're driving down to Aldi to get the weekly shop, and you glance out of your driver's window and see a young couple holding hands - a girl you might have fallen in love with. Or you spy a family through a living room window watching television, or at the dinner table joking and discussing.

And sometimes you find yourself in this strange, isolated world full of tall pine trees with their middles illuminated by cutting street lamps. And nothing feels real. And everything speaks the language of concealed danger, and the shadows claw through the sunlit days like demons waiting to be set free. Of anger. Of hatred. Of revenge.

That is the world I live in.

I never go on Reddit, or online to speak. I think it's all just a way of escaping. It's not real. It's all just a sick fantasy world; lost people running away from the dark and the cold outside, pretending the four walls they're currently confined to isn't a prison. Denying the fact that they're a wild animal caught in a trap.

If you get past the gloss and the glass and posters of people smiling and all the sparkly high heels, what you're left with is the mud and the soil. The concrete and the grey and the dog shit.

I make myself laugh.

The thing is, God is dead. Nietzsche said it, and now it's all true. There is no meaning. Nothing matters. It's all sex and money, and the rest is just a distraction. Even though, there are some of us who feel something else. That power matters. Dominance. Control. I am one of those select few.

You may have seen me walking around somewhere in the middle of the night once. You may see me buy a sandwich from Tesco on a Friday night, or on Tuesday getting something else to eat. Maybe I'll eat a pizza, or cook myself a lasagne. I'm a bad cook though.

Sometimes I make myself laugh.

It's difficult to snap yourself out of a delusion. We all have them. Sometimes it's hope: I will be happy one day. Someone will come. Someone will see me in pain. Someone will love me. Daddy will come home. Mummy won't drink anymore. And sometimes it's a cynical view to distract you from your will to power. Whatever it is, it is all a delusion, a distraction from raw reality; raw truth.

Raw truth isn't nice. It's actually pretty ugly. See what I did there?

People prefer to be comfortable, and I understand that, but as I say, some of us want something more. Some of us don't want to watch Netflix and go on Reddit and be distracted. Some of us want to seek the truth no matter what the cost. Even if it means death, and I admit, that is scary for anyone. Death is the unknown. The world beyond.

I knew a girl once in my secondary school who committed suicide. I was in love with her. We used to look at each other in the hallways and in class. I was obsessed, and I cried for weeks because I was too shy to talk to her. It was painful. Then I moved away and two years later I found out over Facebook that she had taken her own life - her hair mysteriously dyed an out-of-place orange. She hung herself using a belt and a door knob. I'm still uncertain how people do that. What was she thinking? Where did her mind go?

Sometimes I crack myself up.

Freud was clever. He wanted to seek the truth. That's why he invented his theories. The unconscious. That sneaky clandestine aspect of the brain. All the things we do in dreams. The jealousy and the huge monsters and the infinite corridors. The tornados and the massive tsunamis and the destruction and the chaos. The terrifying potential lies dormant behind the eyes of consciousness, festering away like rotten fruit, attracting flies, creating bad smells. Polluting the world.

It's a fucking strange world we live in today. Such a lonely world.

I told myself when I was 19 that I had to murder someone. A vision of me appeared beside my bed - a vision of the man I knew I could be; my self-actualised manifestation. He told me that I was weak. That I was succumbing to depression and nihilism. He told me what I needed to hear, but didn't want to acknowledge. I needed to kill someone in order to feel in control of my life again. And not just anyone.

The thing is, about murder, it's a lot less glamorous in real life. Murderers aren't particularly evil people or smart people or even sneaky people. Anyone can go out in the dead of night and stab a homeless person, or a prostitute, or shoot a jihad dead in the dusty plains with a rifle. They're easy targets. That's not how you achieve control and self-actualise.

Some of the most notorious serial killers like Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy, they murdered out of a sexual fascination. It was also about power, but polluted with delinquency and sexual degeneracy. Not pure. Not righteous.

I don't necessarily have an interest in being righteous, but the idea of killing for sex or of killing an easy target doesn't excite me. I feel like killing for justice, for raw truth, for ultimate power over someone else too weak to seek the truth, that is the pinnacle of masculine achievement. That is how you reach the divine state of being. Some call it enlightenment. It's different for everyone.

The mind is like an onion, and reality is just an image of what you project based on the level you happen to be on. Once you've peeled away all the layers, all you're left with is black. You become blind. You lose all your senses except smell. You smell everything; the sweat, the shit, the snot, the rain, the lights, the darkness, the kitchen, the eyeballs, the skeletons.

People lose their personalities and become primates. They lose their faces. Their skin melts away along with their identities. They then become objects - physical manifestations of matter that interact with other bits of matter. Almost as if they could have been splurged out by some white matter gloop machine and painted by a Warhammer nerd. Porcelain dolls. Rag dolls.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and laugh at my handsome face as it contorts into something that manages to scare me.

Before I decided to kill someone, I used to steal, and vandalise buildings. I'd wake up at 2AM and instantly jump out of bed with my pre-assembled rucksack equipped with a spare set of clothes and big rocks. Then I'd take the pitch black footpath to the town and, with my hood down, hurl the rocks at WHSmiths, McDonald's, Wilko's. And then I'd leave a message to the police: "I am the Zodiac... You will decode this message if you wish to find me... If you do not post the details to your Facebook page, I will strike again... And do something different."

You may have seen me before. Me and you might have shuffled past each other on a crowded train once, or maybe I asked you where a specific item was in a supermarket three years ago, or maybe you taught me at school, or maybe I am the friend of a friend of a cousin that you've never heard of. And maybe you have some connection to me or my victim. Part of you wants to reach me and talk to me. Part of you is as lonely as I am.

When you drop a plate and it smashes on the floor, you feel defeated. But what if the plate drops you on the floor and feels defeated, and you smash into 50 ceramic chunks? What if my mind is broken? It's not. Sanity doesn't exist. That's just another lie people tell themselves as they flick through Twitter or post an ironic meme on Reddit.

I can pinpoint exactly at what age when I fell down the rabbit hole.

I was 17. My only parent, an alcoholic mother who abused me, neglected me and treated me like shit, decided to abandon me, so I left home, aged 16. And then at some point I stopped denying. Living on my own in supported accommodation with rats, literally and metaphorically. I stopped picking my nose and I started picking my brains. I started imagining my mother burning alive, her flesh reappearing only to disintegrate again as she screamed in agony.

I gazed upon the abyss; the singularity. Pure, unadulterated truth: pain in its most horrific form. Boundless anxiety and primal fear - loss - terror - horrific depression - burning rage - hypochondria. Then total despair. I wrapped myself up like a newborn baby in my duvet and weeped into the carpet floor for hours. I couldn't take it.

I had been mistreated. My childhood had been tainted with lies and lost opportunities. I would never recover.

I looked through Facebook and saw pictures of people laughing; knowing what I didn't the whole time. Knowing a sense of security and not doubting themselves and who they are. "Ha, fuck their stupid comfortable little identities." I was jealous, deep down, but there was no way back. Not anymore.

It was at this point a sense of odd peace descended on me; a moment I termed the Dawn of My Awakening. The eye of the storm. I thought back to everyone who had ever wronged me, made fun of me. It's not like I was bullied heavily in school, but after school, the people in the social housing, they were so horrible. They ripped me up. I was nothing from that point onward.

I thought I'd cried all the tears I could. I honestly thought I was a psychopath.

Sometimes I make myself laugh.

That is when I entered the next layer of the onion. Those people I walk past in the street - they are murderers. All the smiling people, and even the ones who don't - the inwardly serene people. It's subtle, you have to catch it. You see it in the ease of their actions, the minor flourishes of a hand or the lack of twitching lips. Stability. The foundations of which cannot be anything but the fulfilment of unconscious desires: the sex, money, power part of the brain that ticks and chimes like Big Ben. The private resounding in the brain. The reptilian.

The reptilian sentinels with their menacing diamond-shaped pupils and cold personalities that allow them to walk all over humans like me. The lizards with their slippery elongated tongues with lisps that lash out like cracking whips. The screaming children and the reversing cars that shield them in the sunshine halls of suburbia. I hate them all.

I hate the parks and the children and the houses and the cars and the volleyball players. I hate the computers and the iPhones and the sunglasses and the law degrees and the depressed parents who yell at their children outside community centres. I hate the warm days when it's so easy to pretend everything is going okay, and I hate the posters of the smiling people. I see behind their eyes the neglected skeletal figures of Hell. I hate the adverts about shampoo and sitcoms like Big Bang Theory. I hate the fashionistas and the pretentious Starbucks employees, and the fat girl who works as a cashier who is always laughing way too loud.

I hate it all.

Don't infect me with your la dee dah land of grown ups. Don't lecture me with maturity you've constructed out of your own neglected ambitions. Don't fist bump me the hand you used to masturbate to girls on Facebook, or neglect your responsibilities as a man with a video game controller. I don't care about you, or /this/.

In truth, I am a lonely animal who lives off of small pleasures, so if you see me, offer me a friendly smile. Maybe open a door for me. Don't be angry at me. It's not entirely my fault. The dice of fate were loaded. If you are kind, I won't harm your children. I won't hunt productive members of your society. I won't hurt the economy. You'll do this for me. Otherwise we're going to have a disagreement. Otherwise, I'll think about taking action. But for now, I'm dormant. And I will stay that way. For now.

I take my job as a clinical psychologist very seriously. The days of feeling self-conscious when I don my dark-brown trench coat are long since gone. The imposter syndrome fades into the background along with the rest of the distractions.

I care about my clients I deal with, which are mostly young men dealing with aggression and depression. I feel for them. I relate to their stories and their pain and their anger. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better, but I don't, and so I have to deal with reality. I tell them as much truth as I can afford. I tell them they need to get off their backside and fend for themselves because nobody else is gonna do it for them in this cruel life.

These are the children of alcoholics, abandoned by their fathers, by their families, by society.

I zoom out and listen to the silence and gaze up at the full moon in February. I imagine the waves crash against the cliffs as they once did in my childhood. The feeling of salty freshness bashing against my ears. That is just enough to soothe my anguished soul until the next big thing knocks me down like a sack of potatoes. Like a smashed dinner plate.

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danekarimi-blog · 5 years

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Aldi insiders share why its checkouts are so small

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Please see ourPrivacy Noticefor details of your data protection rightsThank you for subscribingWe have more newslettersShow meSee our privacy noticeCould not subscribe, try again laterInvalid EmailSupermarket giant ASDA has announced it has reduced the price of a selection of its toys this weekend.In fact, some are even less than half price.The deals are bound to be popular, as we all know how the cost of toys for the little ones can add up.Supermarket of the year announced and it not Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury or MorrisonsEven better, that the toys which have been reduced include big brand names including NERF and My Little Pony.Hot Wheels is among toy brands which has had its products reduced in Asda this weekendThe offers are now available in store and online, however we don expect them to be around for long.All items are already hugely popular with kids, so parents will be keen to snap up the offers.Do you find this 4 ASDA kid jumper offensive?The stand out deal is the Nerf Rhinostrike which was 90 and is now 45.Other offers include the Hot Wheels Track Builder Black It Kit which is now 14 having been reduced from 27.97.And My Little Pony Ultimate Rarity Pony is better than half price at 10 having been reduced from 22.97.Like us on FacebookFollow us on TwitterWhat's OnallMost ReadMost RecentFusion Festival79 pictures from a brilliant weekend at Fusion Presents and Fusion Festival 2019Kings of Leon, Little Mix and Rudimental where among acts to take to the stageMusic NightlifeTake a look back at Fusion Presents and Fusion Festival 2019Fusion Festival19 pictures as excited fans arrive at Fusion Festival 2019 ahead of Little Mix's headline showThe band are set to take to the take stage at around 8.40pmMusic NightlifeDay two of Fusion Festival 2019Lark LaneWe visited the Old Police Station on Lark Lane and this is what we foundThe space is now a thriving part of the south Liverpool communityMost ReadMost RecentLiverpool FCMohamed Salah laughs off Sadio Mane incident on Instagram after Liverpool's win over BurnleySadio Mane was furious after being substituted during Liverpool's 3 0 win over BurnleyLiverpool FCWhat Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp won't ask Mohamed Salah to do after Sadio Mane furyMane was furious with Salah after the Egyptian failed to pass to him late in the 3 0 victory at BurnleyCourtsJailed in August: Faces of 49 criminals jailed for crimes linked to MerseysideAn overview of some of the most serious cases linked to Merseyside that have concluded in August.

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wellpersonsblog · 5 years

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Acts of Kindness for Kids

Looking for some Acts of Kindness for Kids? Here are 75 simple ideas that can be done by kids young and old to help make the world just a little bit happier!

Hi friends!

Wanted to pop in to talk about random acts of kindness for kids. A couple of weeks ago, I shared the photo above on Instagram with the following caption:

Lately after swimming lessons we’ve been passing a lady on the corner with a cardboard sign. A few weeks ago Squish asked what it said so I told him, “Homeless. 2 kids. Need help”

We talked about how sometimes bad things happen and people need a little extra help. And about how lucky we are to have all that we do because there are a lot of people out there with less.

One of the biggest lessons I want to teach my kids is to always help when they’re able whether it’s with their time, money or resources.

He seemed to understand but quickly moved on to another topic. This week we saw her again and totally unprompted, he said “Mom, we should get a snack for her and her kids.” And I couldn’t resist.

I recognize that there are people out there who hold signs like that as a scam. But in my heart I want to believe she’s a good person who just needs a little extra help right now.

So I turned around and we went into the store. He picked out some of his favorite crackers and I added granola bars and water and he marched across the parking lot and handed her the bag.

Talk to your kids. Have the hard conversations. Teach them to BE THE CHANGE. They’re listening.

In a world full of so much hate raise them to know the importance of being kind and helping others.

So here’s to hoping there’s a couple kids in my house learning this important lesson and a couple kids out there who are a little less hungry for the next few days.

Today Squish heads back to school and thus our #100milesummer challenge comes to an end. We hit our goal 12 days early. That means we did 100 miles in 72 days. Squish walked, biked or scootered every single one all on his own. He learned to ride his bike without training wheels. Little Miss mastered her scooter and did several miles completely on her own as well. I’m so proud of them.

Now that school is starting, we were looking for a new challenge. I realized that from the first day of school until Squish’s birthday is 75 days. After our random act of kindness after swimming lessons, I thought it might be fun to put together a list of 75 random acts of kindness so we could tackle one each day from no until his birthday.

Here’s the list I came up with-

75 Acts of Kindness for Kids

1) Pick up trash (this could be at a park, on the side of the road, in a store) 2) Send someone a card 3) Donate some old clothes or toys 4) Leave drinks for the garbage men (especially if it’s hot out!) 5) Leave cards for your neighbors on a walk 6) Pay for the person behind you in line 7) Leave a dollar in vending machine 8) Tell someone’s manager what a good job they are doing (maybe you had a great server at a restaurant or cashier at the grocery store) 9) Send a postcard to a friend (even if you’re not traveling, grab one for your fav local spot!) 10) Make meal or snack for mom or dad 11) Leave nice chalk messages on a walk (ie Have a great day! or Thanks for being a great neighbor!) 12) Make blessing bags for the homeless (fill a bag with a reuseable water bottle, socks, underwear, gloves, tooth brush and other hygiene items they might need) 13) Give a stranger a compliment 14) Invite someone to play with you (at school, at the park, for a playdate) 15) Leave crayons/ coloring book somewhere (the auto repair shop, the pharmacy, a cart at the grocery store) 16) Drop off food for firefighters or police officers 17) Make a fabric scrap blanket to donate (get a few scraps of fabric, make cuts along the edges and tie them together) 18) Make cards for sick kids at the hospital 19) Decorate a jar to save spare change to donate to charity 20) Bring your neighbor’s trash bins up driveway after trash day 21) Leave positive, empowering notes on the mirror in public bathrooms (You’ve got a great smile or you look fabulous in that color, etc) 22) Decorate a bookmark to leave in a library book before you return it 23) Bring allergy-friendly treats to a holiday gathering 24) Teach someone something new 25) Collect pop tabs for Ronald McDonald 26) Leave sand toys at park 27) Decorate hand sanitizer for nurses or teachers 28) Leave a note and flower on a windshield telling someone to have a great day 29) Bake cookies for someone 30) Hold the door for someone 31) Write a thank you note for a coach or teacher 32) Color pictures for nursing home residents 33) Hide a note in daddy’s wallet or mommy’s purse 34) Offer to take a pic of a mom and her kids 35) Record an “I love you video” for grandparents 36) Make playdough for friends 37) Bake muffins for your parent’s coworkers 38) Hide a new Hot Wheels car on the playground for a kid to find 39) Put away carts in the parking lot 40) Make birthday boxes for a food panty- include things like cake mix, frosting, balloons, candles 41) Support a local farmer (shop for some fruits and veggies at the farmers market) 42) Plant wildflower seeds by the side of the road, in a parking lot etc 43) Leave a jar of bubbles at the park for others to play with 44) Make sandwiches for the homeless 45) Leave pennies for Sandy or a quarter in the cart at Aldi 46) Let a parent sleep in 47) Take out the trash 48) Do something nice for your siblings 49) Paint “I love you” rocks or tokens 50) Hide a joke for someone to find 51) Tell someone what you love most about them 52) Donate old towels to an animal shelter 53) Donate old books 54) Leave snacks for the package delivery people 55) Spread holiday cheer for an upcoming holiday (mini pumpkins with happy faces on them, heart stickers, christmas ornaments) 56) Adopt a family for Xmas (Salvation Army, Angel tree etc) 57) Leave an envelope of coupons in a shopping cart 58) Make a homemade birthday present for someone 59) Turn a jar or can from recycling into vase and fill with flowers for someone 60) Buy someone a cactus or succulent 61) Make a card for the bus driver 62) Help do the laundry 63) Bake treats for a new neighbor 64) Make a busy box to leave at a restaurant (Get a lunchbox and fill with crayons, stickers, small toys and other things to entertain kids while waiting) 65) Mail a hug (Stretch your arms out wide and trace your hands, arms and head. Cut it out and fold it up to mail) 66) Park far away to leave closer spots for someone who needs them 67) Send a good luck card for back to school 68) Help rake leaves 69) Buy something locally made 70) Leave tennis balls at a dog park 71) Wash the car 72) Pick up toys without being asked 73) Ask someone how you can help them today 74) Draw a picture for a teacher 75) Read your sibling a book

I tried to keep these acts of kindness for kids pretty general but some of these are tailored slightly to our family, the time of year etc so feel free to adjust as needed. You could pick and choose from this list to make a smaller challenge if you wanted!

I wanted to turn our list into a book so we can bring us with it over the next couple of months and refer to it when we’re deciding which act of kindness to do. I also wanted to make it somewhat visual since my kids can’t read yet, so I found images that depict the acts to make it easier for Squish to identify the one he’s looking for or make a decision.

If you’re interested in that version, you can grab your free PDF copy below. To save paper, you can print 2 or 4 pages per page when you print it out and then just cut out all the pages and staple them into a book of 75 acts of kindness for kids! (Obnoxious amount of star stickers not included)

Enter your email below to grab your free PDF! And if you start this challenge, be sure to share on social media and use the hashtag #bekind75

Start spreading kindness!

Enter your email for the free PDF.

Send it to me!

You will be added to the Lean Green Bean email list. Unsubscribe at any time.

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label::after{height:4px;width:8px;border-left:2px solid #4d4d4d;border-bottom:2px solid #4d4d4d;-webkit-transform:rotate(-45deg);-ms-transform:rotate(-45deg);transform:rotate(-45deg);left:4px;top:8px;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-alert{background:#f9fafb;border:1px solid #e3e3e3;border-radius:5px;-webkit-flex:1 0 auto;-ms-flex:1 0 auto;flex:1 0 auto;list-style:none;margin:25px auto;padding:12px;text-align:center;width:100%;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-alert:empty{display:none;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-alert-success{background:#d3fbeb;border-color:#10bf7a;color:#0c905c;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-alert-error{background:#fde8e2;border-color:#f2643b;color:#ea4110;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-spinner{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;height:0px;width:0px;margin:0 auto;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;right:0;width:0px;overflow:hidden;text-align:center;-webkit-transition:all 300ms ease-in-out;transition:all 300ms ease-in-out;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-spinner > div{margin:auto;width:12px;height:12px;background-color:#fff;opacity:0.3;border-radius:100%;display:inline-block;-webkit-animation:formkit-bouncedelay-formkit-form-data-uid-1a07103e67- 1.4s infinite ease-in-out both;animation:formkit-bouncedelay-formkit-form-data-uid-1a07103e67- 1.4s infinite ease-in-out both;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-spinner > div:nth-child(1){-webkit-animation-delay:-0.32s;animation-delay:-0.32s;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-spinner > div:nth-child(2){-webkit-animation-delay:-0.16s;animation-delay:-0.16s;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-submit[data-active] .formkit-spinner{opacity:1;height:100%;width:50px;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-submit[data-active] .formkit-spinner ~ span{opacity:0;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-powered-by[data-active="false"]{opacity:0.35;}@-webkit-keyframes formkit-bouncedelay-formkit-form-data-uid-1a07103e67-{0%,80%,100%{-webkit-transform:scale(0);-ms-transform:scale(0);transform:scale(0);}40%{-webkit-transform:scale(1);-ms-transform:scale(1);transform:scale(1);}}@keyframes formkit-bouncedelay-formkit-form-data-uid-1a07103e67-{0%,80%,100%{-webkit-transform:scale(0);-ms-transform:scale(0);transform:scale(0);}40%{-webkit-transform:scale(1);-ms-transform:scale(1);transform:scale(1);}} .formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"]{border:1px solid #e3e3e3;max-width:700px;position:relative;overflow:hidden;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-background{width:100%;height:100%;position:absolute;top:0;left:0;background-size:cover;background-position:center;opacity:0.3;z-index:1;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] [data-style="minimal"]{padding:20px;width:100%;z-index:2;position:relative;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-header{margin:0 0 27px 0;text-align:center;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-subheader{margin:18px 0;text-align:center;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-guarantee{font-size:13px;margin:10px 0 15px 0;text-align:center;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-guarantee > p{margin:0;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-powered-by{color:#7d7d7d;display:block;font-size:12px;margin:10px 0 0 0;text-align:center;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-fields{display:-webkit-box;display:-webkit-flex;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-webkit-flex-wrap:wrap;-ms-flex-wrap:wrap;flex-wrap:wrap;margin:25px auto 0 auto;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-field{min-width:220px;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-field,.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"] .formkit-submit{margin:0 0 15px 0;-webkit-flex:1 0 100%;-ms-flex:1 0 100%;flex:1 0 100%;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"][min-width~="600"] [data-style="minimal"]{padding:40px;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"][min-width~="600"] .formkit-fields[data-stacked="false"]{margin-left:-5px;margin-right:-5px;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"][min-width~="600"] .formkit-fields[data-stacked="false"] .formkit-field,.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"][min-width~="600"] .formkit-fields[data-stacked="false"] .formkit-submit{margin:0 5px 15px 5px;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"][min-width~="600"] .formkit-fields[data-stacked="false"] .formkit-field{-webkit-flex:100 1 auto;-ms-flex:100 1 auto;flex:100 1 auto;}.formkit-form[data-uid="1a07103e67"][min-width~="600"] .formkit-fields[data-stacked="false"] .formkit-submit{-webkit-flex:1 1 auto;-ms-flex:1 1 auto;flex:1 1 auto;}

Enjoy! –Lindsay–

First found here: Acts of Kindness for Kids

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