#I use a Meeko replacer that makes him different | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

likea-writingdesk-blog · 6 years

Text

I have this plan for the future. This impossible, somewhat well thought out plan. I don’t really have much to look forward to, so I give myself something to look forward to. I give myself this dream of living in a castle in France or Canada--hopefully the latter--with my close friend and whomever she ends up with. Or maybe even just in a large apartment by myself. Who knows.

But there’s going to be books. Lots of them. Like a wall to wall bookshelf. Or maybe a mini in-home library that replaces some useless room, complete with a little reading nook that would be in a bay window overlooking the cityscape, or even just one of those papasan chairs with fluffy pillows and soft blankets and a nightstand next to it.

And I’m going to have an art studio. A messy one with paint splatters on the floor and walls and half finished paintings leaning haphazardly on stools, easels, against walls, windows. Sketchbook upon tattered sketchbook filled with shitty charcoal drawings and reckless graphite scribbles would be piled up in the corners, waiting to be looked through again for that much needed inspiration.

And I’d have an empty room--the biggest room in the place--with hardwood floors and a grand piano and a guitar and a microphone. I’d use that room to finally teach myself how to dance, how to play, to start singing again like I didn’t have a care in the world. I’d be as loud as I wanted to be until my throat was raw or I was yelled at to shut up. Even then I’d still continue because I’d finally be free.

I’d have an island in the kitchen that I would sit cross-legged on in the middle of the night and eat ice cream. And I’d completely destroy that kitchen because of how many times I’d decide to screw around with baking and not follow the recipe.

I’d make a large mug of tea--you know, those mugs that are more like soup bowls-- and put on a large sweater and just sit outside in the middle of the night, be it raining or snowing or clear skies.

I’d go on late night walks just for the hell of it. Just because I’m restless and need to get out of the house, away from my life, even for just a few moments.

I’d be stupid and reckless, if only because I can. Only because I never got the chance to do that as a teenager. Only because I love the feeling of fear, of danger, of not knowing what’s to come.

I’d finally be able to buy the clothes I want, the books I want. I’d be able to finally be myself.

I’d create shitty cosplays with even more shitty wigs and shaky make up.

I’d decide I want paint my bedroom at an ungodly hour and probably paint it this gaudy yellow that I’d decide I hate in the morning.

The living room would have an unbelievably soft rug that I’d curl up on in front of the fireplace when it’s cold, and I’d have a hot mug of cocoa or tea or coffee, and I’d be watching cheesy movies.

And I’d have a cat. A black cat whom I’d name Meeko. And I’d spoil the hell out of him.

I would drive up to the mountains just to get that change of scenery--just for a day or two.

I’d travel. God, would I travel. To different cities, states, countries, not even planning ahead. Just buying a ticket and getting on a plane to a land far far away.

My walls would be littered with these stupid black and white, pastel, over exposed photographs. One wall would have fairy lights all over it--multi colored ones, not those bland yellowy lights--and there’d be so many polaroids clipped to the wire with roughly painted clothes pins.

And there’d be so many crafts that I failed at but kept anyway because of how stupidly funny they looked.

And lastly, I’d finally be able to save up enough for top surgery and testosterone and maybe even bottom surgery. My name and sex would be legally changed. I’d finally be happy with myself. And I’d have a significant other who wouldn’t care how odd I was. They wouldn’t care about my past, and they’d just love me for me.

I’d be happy and together and okay.

I’d be me.

#me #this is me #future hope #one can dream #right?#impossible dreams #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled words #just me writing my thoughts on a page

0 notes