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#I was just trying to watch compilations but it feels like every other one was frost doing smth like this
f-oighear · 2 days
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The Big Black Clover Fanfic Recommendation Post
I've been talking about making that post since forever and I think I've finally finished compiling them!
So. Grab a notepad. Take out your TBR list. Get ready to bookmark or mark for later. And let's go.
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I guess I should start with a few disclaimers 🫡
I haven't read every fic out there and there are notably a few fics I know I'm going to love but haven't started yet. I think I'll update the post regularly.
The fics on this post are fics I enjoyed and remember having read. considering how many things I forget on a daily basis, it means a lot.
I have my favorite characters, tropes, and themes and this will definitely show.
I'm attempting to organize the fics in categories but ofc some shippy fics also have feels or are angsty or are fluffy, same for the AUs... An attempt is made to organize them based on the vibes I remember (I’ve read some of those literal years ago).
If you're in this post and you think I've put your fic in the wrong category: don't hesitate to reach out!
For the shippy fics, I have my favorite ships but I'm a multishipper sooooo there's that.
I'm recommending oneshots, multichaptered fics, entire AUs, series and fics that are unfinished and probably never will be. Do keep that in mind if you don't like reading abandoned works (you'll be missing out but I can understand).
Let's start! It'll be a long one.
General/Feels/Character studies
💜 Threads, Solarwitchwrites
Vanessa is a stitch witch. She is the best stitch witch of her generation, possibly in an age. But she has one power she doesn’t brag about: she can see the threads of fate that bind destined souls together. It’s rarely been useful, often it’s painful; but sometimes she gets to watch something amazing unfold.
💜 A World Without You, Acacia_May
Vanessa grows concerned for Finral when he begins to act tense and distant after they return from the Forest of Witches. In her attempts to comfort him, however, she may find some comfort of her own.
💜 Teammates, Cour104
Still adjusting to her newfound freedom after escaping from her cage and the Witch Queen, Vanessa has a nightmare. Finral is there to help her through it and remind her that she's no longer alone.
💜 You're Not Alone, IAmStoryteller
For Noelle, there has always been one person in her corner. For Mimosa, there has always been one person that made her want to be better. Noelle Silva and Mimosa Vermillion are cousins, but they are also each other’s greatest support.
💜 It Used To Be So Simple (Once Upon A Time), WildFlowerWoods
A collection of short stories about the childhoods of various Black Bulls, among other things, containing my own headcanons.
💜 fated, orphaned
Some Magic Knights are bonded by something stronger than just kinship. (Charlotte x Yami, Asta x Noelle, Nozel x Vanessa)
💜 Think about it (series), thoughtfullyrainynightmare
This is a collection of short drabbles that exist to give insight to the canon characters presented in Black Clover from my personal perspective. This is about how I see them
AUs
🩷 Black Bulls Pirate AU, Firefutte
An infamous pirate crew sails across the sea's waves. Many rumours and stories exists of this crew. Always one thing they all have in common and that's the tale describing them as chaotic, lawless and crazy hooligans in dire need of mercy from the gods. In reality they're simply living as them, chaotic, lawless and crazy hooligans they may be, but this ship's crew have found a family amongst each other in a world that denied them such comfort for years. And they would have it no other way if you asked them, such is the reality of The Black Bull.
🩷 Mimosa & Noelle Ideale AU, IAmStoryteller
Seven-year-old Noelle and Mimosa run away from home while traveling with their grandparents. Meanwhile, 16-year-old Zora is trying his very best to be a Super-Wizard and takedown corrupt Magic Knights. But one day he runs into two little girls who clearly are nobility, but also who need help. This changes everything.
🩷 Black Bulls Steampunk AU, IAmStoryteller
The Black Bulls Crew is about to officially retire from being sky pirates. After years of working together and becoming a family, they agree that it’s time for one last hurrah to prove that they are the best of the best, especially after they heard about a map for the infamous treasure of Elf King.
🩷 New World, Bulls99
Following a second devastating defeat to Vanica, Noelle expects to die peacefully - painfully, but peacefully. Instead she wakes up in a world where everything seems upside down. But how much is really different?
Romance
❤️ Ubi Amor, Ibi Dolor, Supernaturalgrant
“He’s dumb as fuck.” She asserts bluntly. It surprises an honest laugh out of Nozel, which seems to amuse her slightly. “You know that, right?” “I can’t force him to be with me, Mereoleona. Even I am not that high-reaching.” He tells her honestly. Or- Fuegoleon and Nozel break up when Nozel is promoted to the Silver Eagles captain, neither of them really knows why. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)
❤️ Running Out of Time, IAmStoryteller
On the day that elves reincarnated and Zagred the Word-Devil nearly gained a physical body, something went wrong—Zora Ideale and Kirsch Vermillion wind up in a time loop. They have to relive the horrible, long day over and over again, while reluctantly working together to figure out why. (Zora x Kirsch)
❤️ The Clover Kingdom in Chaos: A Dire Tale, Mamavino
Over a month after defeating Lucius Zogratis, new troubles lie ahead. When Sol comes knocking on Yami's door in a panic because Charlotte is missing, he acts indifferent at first. But what happened after their tea-drinking date? And is it true that she has been trapped by a curse again? Yami puts every effort into finding out what happened and sets out to find Charlotte. Noelle Silva falls into a strange sleep. Rouge, Vanessa's cat, is now attached to young Silva's life. Nozel insists on having his sister in the palace. But that also means opening the doors to the Black Bulls. This will certainly provide some challenges. In addition, all the spirits are falling ill, and everyone seems to be in a total panic. Mereoleona, Asta and a small team sets out to seek out the cause and solution to all this. Is it all connected? In the library they will find help, or is it an enemy After all? (Charlotte x Yami, Nozel x Vanessa, Mereoleona x OC, Fuegoleon x OC)
❤️ Night of Vows, Vilandel
She kissed him again, more deeply this time, smiling as she felt him giving in to the kiss. As they parted, she poked his cheek and said with a smirk, “Consider this a vow I just made.” (Nozel x Vanessa)
❤️ wildest dreams (because falling's not the problem), IAmStoryteller
Yuno/Langris/Mimosa series (Yuno x Langris x Mimosa)
❤️ This Was A Mistake, JaylinnW
“You really think this will be a restful break,” the larger man grinned. “You are in for a surprise. You will not be getting much time to relax,” William opened his mouth but Yami stopped him. “I’m not talking about that, Goldie Guts.” He paused, smirking. “Well not only that. I’m talking about the fact that we brought all our idiots with us. I know my bulls- shit’s gonna hit the roof.” “It won’t be that bad I’m sure,” William moved away from his boyfriend to get up from the bed. (William x Yami, minor Nozel x Vanessa)
❤️ Masquerade, IAmStoryteller
The Masquerade Ball hadn't happened in many years in Clover, but that changes when Julius Novachrono decides that it's high time to bring back some old traditions. (Asta x Yuno, Nozel x Vanessa, Finral x Leopold, Magna x Nebra, Fragil x Luck, Zora x Kirsch, Letoile x Gordon, Gauche x Grey, Rill x Charmy)
❤️ Green, Pink, and Grayscale, juviin
Soulmates are a thing of the past, or at least, they should be. So why does the youngest child of the royal Silva family see no colors? (Asta x Noelle)
❤️ Now All My Dreams are Melting on the Asphalt in the Heat, IAmStoryteller
Vanessa Enoteca, the lead singer and guitarist of the Punk band Arresting Dark Weave, is asked by her mentor/friend/first love Yami Sukehiro, the lead guitarist of The Black Bulls, to compose songs for his and Charlotte Roselei’s wedding. Except, she has got to work with Charlotte’s friend Nozel Silva, the First Seat Cello Player of the Clover Kingdom Baroque Orchestra, who just so happens to a composer. Can Vanessa and Nozel create some amazing songs for the Yami/Charlotte wedding in time? Or will it go up in smoke? (Nozel x Vanessa)
❤️ MUSIC CONNECTS ALL, UNLESS IT'S OFF BEAT, orphaned
In Noelle's defense, it was all Kahono's fault. Noelle so happens to be listening to Kahono's rant before she gets into this entire complicated situation that had just happened, (fuck fate, by the way), and now she had dug a hole too deep to get out of. Who the hell was Tchaikovsky, what the hell was a quarter note, and why are there eighty–eight keys on a piano? To think it just started with a simple walk on the beach. (Kahono x Noelle)
❤️ Children of the Future, LightNova
When Yami and Charlotte had been summoned to see the Wizard king they had not been expecting to find out they had a 19 year old daughter from the future! Nor had they been expecting even more children from the future to appear in their world shortly after her. Just what was going on, and who was sending them here and why? (Charlotte x Yami, Finral x Vanessa, Zora x Nebra, Gauche x Grey, Fuegoleon x OC, William x OC, Julius x OC, Yuno x OC, Asta x Noelle)
❤️ I'll Be Home for Christmas, HotaruGFC (JaclynGFC)
Charlotte gets an invitation to a wedding, and she can't go alone. (Charlotte x Yami)
❤️ Oh What Am I Supposed to Do Without You?, Supernaturalgrant
“Mercury poisoning.” The silence that follows Owen's statement is deafening. The occupants of the room share looks of utter confusion. “That’s like saying Fuegoleon has third-degree burns from that cool ass fire arm situation he has going on.” Yami’s the first to break it. Or: Nozel is diagnosed with mercury poisoning and forced to give his magic up until the can find a cure. Chaos ensues. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)
❤️ Paper Hearts, KaLolasFantasyWorld
Helena Drazel is a twenty five year old Royal from Diamond Kingdom. She's a charming and cheerful woman, ready to leave the sheltered embrace of her family's estate. Her mother previously a Clover citizen and an old friend of late Acier Silva, gets her daughter an invitation to study healing magic in the Capital. Because of that friendship Helena is placed under the care of Royal House of Silva. However the siblings, especially the eldest Nozel, are not so fond of her at the beginning. (Nozel x OC)
❤️ Boys will be Embarrassing, loafingdragon, subtleassiduities
A series of stories documenting Fuegoleon and Nozel's totally-not-gay-completely-serious very-manly escapades over the years. (Fuegoleon x Nozel)
❤️ Damn Eyes, musicalinny
The first time their eyes met he doesn't notice that he actually gave a damn. (Zora x Nebra)
❤️ (Not) At first sight, BBRosenfeld
Finesse is bethrothed to the son of the Vaude family, and she doesn't really mind. However, she was not expecting how much he'd grow on her. (Finral x Finesse)
Fluffy, Funny, Fix-it
💚 Flower Crowns, Angeliccharizard
During an off day, Asta decides it's a great idea to bring a devil to a church
💚 Owen vs The Black Bulls, WildflowerWoods
Owen has seen a lot in his time as a doctor in the magic knights infirmary, even more since his promotion to head of the royal infirmary, overseeing both the magic knights and ordinary patients. he has dealt with his fair share of stubborn visitors, people hiding injuries and patients trying to escape out the window—Lord Julius himself was a common offender for the last of those—but even treating Mereoleona Vermillion's self-inflicted burns was better than the Black Bulls. There was nothing that could have prepared Owen for the Black Bulls.
💚 Why Asta (and Liebe) are Banned From the Kitchen, Bluemeanies
After Yami's katana becomes Demon Slicer and joins Asta's grimoire, Asta and Liebe start looking for other things that could be good anti-magic weapons. Liebe might be taking the concept a little too far.
💚 Early Black Bulls (series), Acacia_May
Early Black Bulls Days
💚 An Impossible Decision, MysticalShizz
Mereoleona’s head pops into view, first taking in you, then turning to observe the small girl perched on your hip. Her look of confusion slowly morphs into disbelief, then into incredulity. “Did … Darling. Did you steal the Silva’s youngest child?”  Fix-It fic where Mereoleona and spouse reader adopt Noelle.
💚 Ghosts, IAmStoryteller
Julius has a bit of a secret. He can see ghosts of his dear departed friends.
💚 Doggy Days, Undefeated_Lionmess
Yami sends Vanessa, Finral, and Charmy to explore a dungeon. Only two of them come back still human. Finral supposes he’s had worse days.
💚 That One Time When Julius Was Late, wintermelon_soldier
"We're late... again," Marx said with a worried expression. "Don't worry, Marx. I'm sure everything is just f-" The Magic Emperor pushed both doors open hoping to greet the Captains only to be welcomed by a vast wasteland. The conference room where it once stood is replaced by a large, empty landmass with no trees or building in sight. "W-what in the world is happening?" Marx cried at his mentor.
💚 The Vice-Captains of the Magic Knights (series), IAmStoryteller
The Vice-Captains of the Magic Knights series
💚 Teenagers, Kaitouahiru
Yami was going to talk to Julius about the recruitable age of Magic Knights. Make no mistake, Yami did not care that fifteen year olds were being put in dangerous or life threatening situations. He didn’t care that they could be drafted to go to war if the situation called for it. He cared that almost none of these brats knew how to do basic home skills.
💚 faith bleeds through the cracks, TellNearaToWrite
Yami knew three things. First, that being a squad captain was shaping up to be a lot like fatherhood, and second, he was definitely not cut out for that shit. Third. Well. Julius had a lot to answer for, that was for sure. The least he could do was help a bit.
Angst!
🧡 Geranium, Azuvist
The flowers in Yami's lungs never really stopped growing. (Yami x William)
🧡 Black Clover: The Blood of Fate, ChanceQueen
In a dark alternate universe of the clover kingdom, there is one question that no one ever wanted to ask, let alone know the answer to. A question that wraps its claws around you, ripping scars that cannot be seen and will never heal. What if Vanessa had never manifested the red thread of fate?
🧡 Megicula's Curse by MaryJoeycoco
After everything, the Black Bulls thought they were safe. They thought Noelle took care of the devil Megicula. They soon realize how wrong they were. Now it's up to Asta to save her but he soon realizes how his feelings change about Noelle through the nightmare land. (Asta x Noelle)
The Silva Fics™
Yes, they get their own category. It's the birb siblings. They deserve it.
💙 Artifice, subtleassiduities
When a retrieval mission traps Nozel with a dangerous and powerful artifact, Nebra and Solid struggle to find help before time runs out for him. But their attempts are thwarted by a widespread, rapidly progressing phenomenon: Everybody in the Clover Kingdom is forgetting about Nozel Silva. Their only choice is to depend on one another-- and Noelle, the only other person who can hold onto a memory of their dear brother. Their rescue mission forces them to face their own memories, twisted against them in ways they may not be able to overcome.
💙 Casa Silva, Mouxe (SPANISH)
Conjunto de historias que comenzo para mostrar la relacion de Acier Silva con sus hijos durante la infancia pero termino convirtiendose en relatos de la relacion de los hermanos silva.
💙 Lay Beside Me, Under Wicked Sky, Avacelt
Noelle leaves, and the chips fall where they do. [Silva family!fic, post-canon]
💙 The Boy Who Played with Water, BeamMeUpCas
Nozel only becomes aware of the extreme lengths his siblings were going to torment their youngest when Nebra, of all people, appears sweaty and disheveled in his office, stuttering and stammering about how Solid has Noelle trapped in a water bubble in the rose garden and she isn't moving Or: Solid nearly drowns Noelle. Nozel flips his shit and becomes the halfway decent big brother he was meant to be.
💙 My Father Told Me (series), succulentsunrise
My Father Told Me is a series, which attempts to understand the effects that the Silva parents must have had on their children, and how the age gaps and personalities between the children themselves affected their relationships.
💙 Make an Effort, IAmStoryteller
Solid isn’t very nice or kind or gentle. He knows this, but when he is hit with the realization that Nozel and Nebra might not know that he loves them, he sets out to show his love and appreciation for his two older siblings. And maybe, extend an olive brand or two…
💙 What Yami Saw by BeamMeUpCas
Nozel needs a favor. Yami will maybe not hold it over his head for all eternity but he'll take great delight in letting Nozel think he will.
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Idk why the carnival made Frost specifically such a sex pest 🧍‍♀️
We have Mr. Light which like isn’t homosexual subtext ITS JUST HOMOSEXUAL TEXT even though nothing actually went down
He kisses Gideon cause he’s a “frog” prince but it’s kinda just them making out 🧍‍♀️
That Lavender lust drink that made him drink in the weirdest suggestive way possible while making eye contact with Kremy
The kitten/baby fever thing that made everyone throw up cause of how he worded it
HIM FUCKING GIDEONS TROLL-SONA IN PUBLIC + all the “you just have to learn to ride the tiger- SHIT WAIT” type jokes that came with
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Slut shaming him 😒
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halsteadlover · 4 months
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𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬
• Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader.
• Summary: just a compilation of Charles’ ig posts showing how much he’s obsessed and in love with you and his baby.
• Warnings: none just pure fluff.
• A/N: I know I know… I’m a sucker for dad fics I just can’t help it 😭😭 this is my first time posting a smau so please be kind with me I know it’s bad 😭 let me know what I can do to do it better and what you think ❤️ love you all xx
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charles_leclerc You have never been more beautiful than you are now mon amour. Watching you grow our baby is one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed 🖤
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user1 Charles whipped Leclerc is back in town!
charlos123 screaming, crying throwing up 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
landonorris find yourself someone who loves you like Charles loves his wife (I'm 5'10 girls)
oscarpiastri Shut up no you’re not
user88 💀💀💀
yourusername Je t'aime plus que la lune et les étoiles mon amour ❤️ We’re both so lucky to have you (I love you more than the moon and the stars)
charles_leclerc Je t'aime beaucoup plus bébé❤️ (I love you so much more baby)
versclerc the way he just answers her comments 😭
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charles_leclerc For you mon amour.
For you, who looks in the mirror and doesn’t like what you see but is truly the most breathtaking woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
For you, who every single day gives me one more reason to love you even more, something I didn’t even believe was possible. Feeling something so strong for someone that the word ‘love’ isn’t enough to describe it.
For you, who taught me the meaning of true love and what’s really important in life.
For you, who are so beautiful that it still surprise me even after so many years being together how you manage to give me butterflies in my stomach.
For you for whom just one look is enough to make my heart race and my hands sweat.
For you who are the most beautiful thing life has ever given me.
For you, who can brighten my darkest day, who can make me the happiest that I’ve ever been.
For you, who gave me the most beautiful gift I could have ever asked for.
We can’t wait to hold you mon petit, please hurry up 🙏🏻❤️
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user24 GOOD FUCKING BYE
user98 Dragging my teeth on the concrete
mstleclerc CHARLESJSJSIDJSOSKSNSJ OMFGGGGGG 😭😭😭
carlossainz55 you’re making me want one of those little shits
Liked by charles_leclerc and yourusername
landonorris I almost shed a tear not gonna lie
Liked by charles_leclerc
arthur_leclerc I’m so happy for you brother I can’t wait to spoil my nephew ❤️
Liked by charles_leclerc and yourusername
charles_leclerc By the way my wife just bursted out crying seeing this post and I was about to make a video but she literally threatened to kill me if I did ❤️ God I love her 😍
f1fun_12 This is such a Y/n thing to do 😭
sainzzzzzzzzzzzz As she should!
yourusername I can’t put into words how much I’m grateful for you and for everything you do for our little family. Our son is so lucky to have you as a father and I couldn’t have chosen a better husband. I’d be so lost without you baby, I love you more than my life ❤️ ps: stop making me cry for fucks sake I don’t have any more tears in my body thanks
charles_leclerc Can you please unlock the bedroom darling?
yourusername Nope, that’s what you get for trying to filming me
yourusername UNLESS……. You bring me a ketchup sandwich
charles_leclerc it’s already on the way my queen 👸🏻 your wish is my command
user7612 A KETCHUP SANDWICH??? What???
yourusername @user7612 it’s not my fault okay?
monof1 the fact Charles is so used to her cravings that he’s not even questioning them anymore 😭
charles_leclerc @monof1 fun fact: never NEVER argue with a pregnant woman especially if that pregnant woman is Y/n
monof1 @/charles_leclerc OMG CHARLES HI I LOVE YOU
charles_leclerc posted on his story
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Viewed by yourusername and 99251 others
yourusername
What did I do to deserve you?
landonorris answered your story:
You’re so whipped mate
charles_leclerc can you blame me? Have you seen my wife and THAT baby bump?
carlossainz55 answered your story:
Yeah ok we get you’re in love and bla bla bla
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charles_leclerc There are only a few days left until our baby arrives and I’m scared and impatient at the same time. My wife is sleeping next to me now breathtakingly beautiful and I’ve taken some time to reflect on how these 9 months have flown by and I can’t believe it, it seems like it was just yesterday that we found out we were expecting a baby. I can no longer remember what my life was like before knowing your existence, little one.
I can't help but imagine and think about you in everything I do and every step I make, thinking about how beautiful it’ll be to see you take your first steps, to see you run around the house, dirty everything, to see you measure my helmets, to see you trying my race suits, to see you go to school, to see you grow in the beautiful and amazing person you’re going to be.
We’ll probably argue sometimes, although I’ll make sure that never happens, but whatever happens, just know that I loved you more than my life from the first moment since I saw that positive pregnancy test and I hope you’ll never forget it even if we have any argument.
Mommy and I are so eager to finally hold you in our arms, hear you cry and take your first breath in this new life. It hasn’t always been easy, I’ll be honest, and it won’t be easy but I wouldn’t change anything. I love you mon petit ange. 🖤
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user90 CHARLES 😭😭😭😭😭
maxlecsainz I swear it’s not that I don’t want a baby it’s just men are not like Charles Leclerc
y/nmommy1 who wants to take a quick bath with a toaster?
user65 I’m on my way sis
y/ncharles82772 wait for me I’m taking a nap on a highway right now
norrizzzzz528 I know it’s the bare minimum but seeing the way Charles loves his family makes my heart so happy 😭😭😭
lewishamilton I’ve never thought there would be a day where I’d be jealous of Charles Leclerc but here we are… Jokes aside I’m so happy for you mate 🖤
Liked by charles_leclerc
user209 you’re so real Lew
landonorris when will the child see his fav uncle?
arthur_leclerc EXCUSE ME?
lorenzotl you’re so delusional
carlossainz55 Yeah. Clearly I AM already his favourite one
pierregasly you’re all so wrong @/yourusername said he’ll like me the most 💁🏻‍♂️
charles_leclerc @/pierregasly she literally never said that?
pierregasly @/charles_leclerc oh shut up you know it’s true
user42 what is going on in this comment section??? 💀
daddylec16 the way they can’t never leave Charles in peace even in his comment section 😭
maxverstappen1 Once I saw Charles crying his eyes out because Y/n sent him an audio with the baby’s heartbeat since he couldn’t make it for the ultrasound
user66 OH MY GOD!!!!!!! 😭😭
maxalonso1995 STOPPPPP GIVE US MORE MAX
charles_leclerc THAT’S NOT TRUE I was just having an allergic reaction to dust
maxverstappen1 @charles_leclerc oh c’mon Charlie
user66 CHARLIEHSJSJDJJS FUCK OFF
charles_leclerc @/maxverstappen1 it only happened ONCE
leclercfan12 every day Charles comes on this app and has to fight for his life poor baby
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charles_leclerc Our little boy Jules Hervé Leclerc is finally here.
I can’t even put into words how over the moon we are right now, I feel like my life just started all over again. Watching my wife give birth to my son is an experience I’ll never forget, you’re a force of nature baby I can’t thank you enough for everything you do for me.
And to my little Jules I love you more than the air I breathe I can’t way to start this new life with you ❤️
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yourusername Don’t let him fool you guys he went to sleep after I GAVE BIRTH
charles_leclerc OMFG THAT’S NOT TRUE DON’T LISTEN TO HER
yourusername hehe 😆 just kidding guys he’s the best. I love you so much Cha, Jules and I are so lucky to have you ❤️
user765 STOP THE WAY CHARLES IS CRYING IN THE FIRST PIC
user22 WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN
mclarengirllll112 JULES HERVÉ LECLERC DO YOU HEAR ME FUCKING CRYING
norrizzzzz528 WHAT IF I JUST KILLED MYSELF
user976 OUR PRINCE IS HERE EVERYBODY MOVE
daddylec16 I know I’ll find someone who loves me like Charles loves his family. I just know it
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General tag list: @hngbrooks, @alexxavicry, @halstead-severide-fan, @mrspeacem1nusone, @allivzs, @omniaimy, @cursedashes, @kmc1989, @klovesreading, @firetruckstuckley, @23victoria
Charles Leclerc tag list: @softicecr3eam, @halsteadbrasil, @bwormie, @ssprayberrythings, @mynameisangeloflife
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roseykat · 6 months
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TITLE: Sexual habits
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SUMMARY: an OT8 blurb of each of the members’ small sexual habits.
WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work and page whatsoever.
TAGS: mentions of sex, orgasms, notions of nipple play and biting (nothing major)
MASTERLIST
BANG CHAN
You know that video compilation of when everytime Chan laughs, he squeaks? He does the exact same thing but in the bedroom too. When the pleasure is exceedingly intense for him, he will moan and what not. But amongst those erotic sounds that come out of his mouth, are tiny squeaks. It’s like he does it because he can’t take it. As he watches his cock slide in and out of you, glistening with your juices, Chan is a moaning (slightly squeaky) mess.
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MINHO
Furrowing his eyebrows during sex. It’s his face of concentration and it’s insanely hot. He might look angry, but he’s the complete opposite. Similar to others, it’s just his way of expressing what he’s feeling on the inside whenever he fucks you. His mind is trying to hone in on the feelings that your pussy or mouth makes him feel, because of that, he’ll hiss at the pleasure building while his eyebrows knit together. It makes you wish you could take a photo of him in that state if he’d let you…
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CHANGBIN
Has a very strong habit of lip biting. Usually when you ride him, Changbin will watch down his abdomen at the space in between your legs where his cock slips away smoothly. As a result, he’ll tend to bite down on his bottom lip out of frustration at how good he feels and how good it looks. In saying that, he also has a tendency to bite your lip whenever the two of you are making out or kissing.
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HYUNJIN
Needs to orgasm at the exact same time as you. To him, there’s something about cumming with you that he finds so indescribably hot and also makes him orgasm harder. It won’t usually take you long to cum and neither for him, but the only difference is that if and when he is waiting for you to reach the same height as him, he has to try with every ounce of his strength not to bust so early in order to cum with you.
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JISUNG
Rolling his eyes. With a very over sensitive body, Jisung isn’t immune to dealing with large volumes of pleasure. So when you edge him - he’s fucking gone. He goes from swearing into the air, cursing at nothing bc of how good it feels, then his words melt in his brain before they come out. It’s easy to reduce him to just moans and grunts all the while you get to watch his eyes continue to roll back sometimes. It’s an interesting observation seeing a person just lose all grip of reality. However, you swear that his eyes will get stuck in the back of his head one day.
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FELIX
Grasping or holding onto you. This seems obvious bc sex can be complicated when you haven’t got a hold of something. Like grabbing someone’s hips or ass, areas as such. But that’s not the type I mean. Felix needs to hold onto you bc he enjoys the intimacy of it. If he’s fucking you missionary, his left arm is underneath your body, above your shoulder blades like he’s trying to hug you. When you’re riding him, he sits up with you so his arms can wrap around your body when you roll your hips down onto his cock. It brings his skin closer to yours and he’ll never ever get enough of just feeling your body. Not even in a sexual way sometimes.
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SEUNGMIN
Checks in on you a lot. While we (most of the time mainly me) sometimes proclaim him as a bit of mean/hard top/dom at times, he’s also very caring. When trying new positions, he’ll ask you things like ‘is that okay?’, ‘how do you feel?’, ‘tell me what it’s like baby’, ‘need me to go faster or slower?’ There’s something about him asking those variations of consensual questions that turn you on even more bc it demonstrates that he’s in tune to the moment and with what’s happening but most importantly, because he cares about your needs and overall loves you a lot.
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JEONGIN
Seems to have a habit where he bites and or nips. Half the time, Jeongin doesn’t even mean to do it and doesn’t realise that he is until it evokes an emotion out of you. Your neck appears to be the spot that he goes for because he finds that that’s where you’re the most sensitive. If not, then he goes for your earlobe. Or in more heated situations where his mind flies out the gate, he will lick, bite, and suck on either one of your nipples. He loves the way that when he does it, you arch your back which presses your chest further into his mouth for him to torment you.
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hotvintagepoll · 1 month
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Propaganda
Margaret Lindsay (Frisco Kid, The House of the Seven Gables, Scarlet Street)—she was born in Dubuque, Iowa, then moved to England to make her stage debut. She framed herself as a British actress and moved back to America to try Hollywood, then starred with James Cagney in a bunch of movies. She was in the Ellery Queen movie series and The House of the Seven Gables. She never married (I suspect lesbian stuff) but lived with her sisters. She dated Cesar Romero and Liberace (I told you. Lesbian stuff.) Please include the pic of her in the tie [included above]
Mae West (She Done Him Wrong, I'm No Angel)—She is an absolute icon, the OG sex symbol. Every word from her mouth was an innuendo and she was proud of it. I guess one could say she slayed. She got Cary Grant his first acting role, as well. How could you NOT vote for someone who says such iconic stuff as "I do all my writing in bed; everybody knows I do my best work there" or "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." SHE COINED THE PHRASE "IS THAT A GUN IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU JUST HAPPY TO SEE ME?" I LOVE HER!!!
This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.
[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]
Margaret Lindsay:
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Mae West:
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Her voice! Her body! She was thick as hell and SO confident.
Mae West is often called the queen of the sexual pun or innuendo, she was an early sex symbol and a comedy icon. She also has a quote saying "When I am good, I am very good. But when I am bad I am better!" which is possibly the peak of hot girl energy ever. (Including the clip here)
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for an era that didn't have much wiggle room when it came to women that studios wanted in their films, it's refreshing that she was in her late 30s when she skyrocketed to movie fame. she was also curvy and witty and raunchy, an absolute icon!
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Legendary sex symbol. Like 500 vintage iconic quotes and double entendres. "Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? " "When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better" / "It's not the men in your life that count, it's the life in your men" / "I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time." , "Marriage is a fine institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. " / " How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches. Never mind the six feet. Let's talk about the seven inches! " Look the pictures don't do her justice just watch a compilation and tell me that voice doesn't do it for you
youtube
She was a SEX GODDESS at a time when that was an extremely scandalous thing to be, and she worked it! She was sardonic, sarcastic, funny...and stacked! Favorite quote (from Night After Night, 1933): Random woman: Goodness! What beautiful diamonds! Mae West: Goodness had nothin' to do with it, dearie.
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i personally love this silly production number from one of her lesser known movies
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She was arrested for indecency and chose to serve 10 days in prison instead of paying the fine for the publicity, and she claimed that she refused to wear the ugly prison outfits so she wore her silk lingerie the entire time. Also one of the first historybound vintage fashion icons (although vintage for her was the Victorian era)
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carolmunson · 1 year
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let's go, don't wait (e.m. x f!reader)
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inspired by this prompt by @edsforehead - it's not exactly the same but i did my best! summary: modern!eddie's been single since 2020 and aside from getting his dick wet after weekend shows at the hideout, he hasn't been going out of his way for love until his friends make him. cw: 18+ for adult themes. alcohol use, swearing, some sexual themes. some discussions of bad parents. eddie had some sad parts of his childhood. all around this is a fluff piece so nothing too bad. (11k) eddie is 32, reader is 30. so older!reader i guess, idk. i already started writing the part two which is almost entirely smut.
Jingle. Click. Creak. “Mmmm.” Eddie knows that groan anywhere, the deep primal urging of a one Gareth Emerson and the giggles of his girlfriend, Tatianna Edwards. They stumble into the apartment, lips attached, hands grabbing and fisting each other’s layers from the cold. 
“Hi guys,” he calls out, his tone was as bored and annoyed as he hoped it would be. His eyes don’t leave the TV, transfixed on the screen while he watches another YouTube compilation of the best guitar solos of all time. He disagrees with most of them, but it’s enough to drone on in the background while he scrolls through his Twitter feed. He’s never even posted. Not once. Not even a picture on his profile. 
“Hi Ed,” Tati chirps, clicking the side table lights on. He can smell her Chloe perfume when she comes to give him a hug hello. Her arms wrap around him from behind the couch, cheeks touching, a few of her butterfly twists falling forward over his shoulder. 
“Did you stay in tonight?” she asks, pressing a glossy smooch to his cheek. “Sure did,” he huffs, arms crossing over hers in a semblance of an embrace. Her gold bracelets are cool against his skin, her gold rings match his silver ones. He thought when Tati entered the picture that he and Gareth would’ve started to drift apart. Instead, Tati became Eddie’s new best friend – Gare really took ‘date the girl version of Eddie’ to heart. They were two peas in a pod. “You should’ve come out, there were a lot of single girls there – you’re a good dancer, you coulda snagged one,” she sounds like a mother trying to set him up. Eddie tilts his head up and looks at her from below, her deep skin shimmering with the glitter fallout from her eye makeup. She always looks pretty with ease, even with her makeup smudged – like she meant to do that. 
“Oh, I’m sure,” he smiles tightly, but the look falls to something soft when Tati lets go and her almond shaped manicured nails rake gently over his scalp through his conditioned curls.  “You can’t just keep picking up girls from shows, dude,” Gareth chides playfully, coming around the couch to sit next to him, “They’re starting to get waaaay too young for you at the bars.”
“Yeah, perv,” Tatianna teases, ruffling his hair before curling up on the recliner closer to the TV.
“Can we please not talk about this again,” Eddie sighs, sinking further into the cushions. He presses on his eyes with the heels of his hands, “You do this every time you guys come back from a date.”
“We gotta get you on Hinge, or something,” Gareth says.
“Tinder at the very least,” Tatianna follows.
“Okay, I’m going to bed,” Eddie grunts when he gets up, a little dizzy at the speed before he finds his footing, “Don’t be too loud tonight.”
“Just trying to help!” Tati calls out, “You deserve to be too loud at night, too!”
Eddie sucks his teeth before he turns the corner to the hallway, disappearing for the night while his friends fell more in love. 
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It feels like they’re disassembling a bomb. Eddie sulks in a seat at the kitchen table while Robin, Steve, Nancy, and Gareth chatter behind him. Jeff and his wife sit across from him with just as much excitement as the group opposite them. Eddie frowns, bangs too long over his eyes, hands sweating onto the back of his banged up stickered phone case.
“I think you should put the picture of the guitar last, it doesn’t have your face in it. I’d swipe past you,” Robin points at the screen in front of him while he tries to make sense of his Hinge profile. 
“Well you’re a whole lesbian Rob, so you’d swipe past me anyway,” Eddie’s clipped words make the group laugh instead of making them back off. His shoulders sink immediately. This was mortifying.
“She’s right though,” Steve pipes up, “They’ll think you’re some weirdo who's obsessed with his guitar if you — well, actually then maybe it’s fine…” 
“Why don’t you—” Jeff starts.
“You’re married and you’ve been with Alycia since 2014. Your opinions are void,” Eddie interrupts with a sigh. 
Jeff lets out a laugh from his broad smile, “Look, I’m just saying. Why don’t you focus on your answers to the questions rather than the pictures? Girls love stuff like that. You’re smart, you’re a good writer.” 
“Babe, they’re not gonna care about his answers if the first picture they see is of an out of focus guitar taken on an iPhone 4S,” Alycia cocks her head at Jeff, “Like, at least be honest with him.” 
“I know you’re squinting in that picture from Jeff’s wedding but maybe you can put that one first,” Nancy points to the screen and then scrolls down a little. It lands on a photo of Jeff and Eddie, both sweating from the night's activities. His dress shirt is unbuttoned half way down his chest, silver chains and tattoos on full display, tie tied around Jeff’s forehead like a makeshift Rambo. 
“Yeah, you look really good in it,” Robin agrees. 
“Wait, wait, wait!” Tati shuffles into the kitchen, “I got in touch with the photographer from the show two weeks ago at Wraith Bar and he’s sending me some pictures.” 
“You can use the six pictures you’re tagged in from the last three years,” Tatianna scolds, “You look like a bum in them.” 
The group frowns and tosses glances at each other, it’s true. The more recent pictures they had of Eddie were far and few between. He was either blinking or off to the side, blurry or ducking out of frame. Every picture where he looks like himself was either from a show or had Chrissy in it, and he deleted all of those three years ago.
“Stop, you look so fine in these,” Tatianna squeals, “The girls are gonna love you.” Everyone but Eddie huddles around Tatianna to scroll through the pictures. Some of him mid shred with sweat pouring down his chest. Some of him screaming into the mic, hair wild and wet around his face. There was one, that he begrudgingly really liked, where his head leaned back into the light with a winning Munson smile. It was when he heard the opening drums to cover ‘The Immigrant Song’ as a gag – but not really a gag ‘cause he loves that song. It gets everyone at the bar pretty excited – even if they only know the song from School of Rock. 
Eventually, Eddie isn’t even holding his phone, it’s being passed between Tati, Steve, and Robin while he dictates his answers to stupid questions. By the time his profile is finished, his head is hidden in his mass of curls, resting his forehead on his forearms at the table. 
“Are we done now?” he asks into the space between his face and the woodgrain. Despite the winter air flowing through the kitchen window, he’s overheated with embarrassment. There are suddenly too many people around, too much talking, too much giggling at his expense. He tilts his head back up and takes a full breath through his nose and out through his mouth – “Oh shit! You matched with someone!” “How? I didn’t even look at anyone yet,” Eddie’s brows furrow while his head slowly comes to center. “Don’t worry about it, dingus,” Robin chides, “Just talk to her.” Eddie takes the phone and looks at her profile. Rachel, 27, Vet tech. She’s pretty, soft eyes, great smile. He swallows thickly before he goes to his ‘Matches’ and types three letters that felt like they took ten years to write: Hey.
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The chats start fast and die faster, some flirty banter here and there before he’s too nervous or quickly bored. His heart squeezes every time he gets a notification, a buzz in his pocket, a reminder of a message. Some girls don’t want a relationship and that’s fine, that’s just not what he’s looking for. Some girls ask the big questions first and he can’t answer right away. Some girls just aren’t his type and he isn’t theirs either. 
The first date he goes on ends with her excusing herself to the bathroom before they even get to order dinner. She doesn’t come back — he’s not even sure what he did. It started off fine, she was pretty with blonde hair and blue eyes. Fun and easy conversation, a voice that sounded like powder puffs and sugar scented perfume. If he blurred his vision a little, she could’ve been Chris. But she wasn’t Chris. 
Maybe that’s why she left. Maybe she got the vibe that he was preoccupied with her looking like his ex. 
Maybe it was because he said, ‘You remind me so much of my ex-wife,’ before they got to order dinner. 
His second date wasn’t much better. He was proud of himself for not going for another Chrissy look alike, but it was clear that this new girl was on a hunt for a husband. 
“So are you planning on getting the tattoos removed?” she had asked, pursing her red lips. He was surprised at how well her lipstick stayed on after eating a pasta dish. Whenever he wears makeup for a show, it smudges before the lights come up. 
“Uh, no why?” he asked.
“Just y’know, thinking ahead — family photos and whatever,” she shrugged. His mouth had never run so dry in his life. The chicken alfredo turned in his stomach. 
The third ended up being a quickie in the bar bathroom only for her to leave right after and unmatch him without as much as a ‘Thanks for a good night!’ He at least wanted to be a gentleman about it. 
The fourth fizzled out and neither of them felt the connection. 
The fifth felt weird because they had talked so much on the app that they didn’t have anything left to talk about when they went out for drinks. 
A month had gone by and all he had to show for it was five bad dates and dozens of unanswered chats. Eddie was found sitting in his bed in the dark, only the light on his phone keeping him illuminated while he thumbs through Instagram. Another app that he has for no reason, he never posts, he never shares anything. He just scrolls.
He wonders if Chrissy’s on Hinge. Eddie’s stomach lurches at the thought of coming across her profile. All blonde and blue eyes, all sweet and spunky, all the right answers to her curated questions. Photos of her in the Maldives, in her friend’s weddings, of her in Chicago after she moved. His heart hammers, sweat collects on his bare chest, heating up the chain lying flat against it until it sticks. He quickly swipes out of Instagram to his home screen, a photo of Robin and Steve flipping him off from the stage after a Corroded Show during load out. He holds his thumb on the app until all the apps shake, thumb hovering over the ‘x’ on the corner to delete the Hinge for good. 
What’s another three years of being single? 
“Ed?” he hears Tati on the other side of the door, her soft knock following her voice, “I got Indian and I’m not gonna eat it all. Gare doesn’t want it, you want it?” 
“Yeah, sure,” he hums. She opens the door and sighs at the darkness. He squints as the light pools in from the hallway and sees her lean her shoulder against the door frame.
“Are you in here sulking?” she asks, one brow raising.
“Yeah, Tat, I’m in here sulking,” he groans, laying flat on his mattress, “I like to sulk. Let me sulk.” 
“Don’t sulk,” she puts on a pout and flicks his light on, leaving the containers of rice and chicken saag. He groans when the light stings his eyes, tossing a forearm over his face. 
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her voice falling into kindergarten teacher territory. She never realized her profession would come so handy living with two grown men, “Why’re you being such a baby in here?” 
“I think I’m gonna delete the app,” he murmurs, still hiding under the protection of his tattooed arm. The pressure feels good on his face, releasing the tension starting to brew behind his eyes. He hadn’t eaten since his lunch period at work, the hunger was starting to catch up to him. 
“Don’t delete it,” she shakes her head, crawling onto the end of his bed. She takes her twists out of her jumbo claw clip and readjusts to pull them all back away from her face. Tati eases his phone out of his hand and slides her glasses on, flinging his dead arm off his face to use his Face ID. He whines, face scrunching is disapproval.
“I told you to stop doing that,” Eddie complains, sitting up against his pillows before crawling out of bed to get the food waiting on his dresser, “Do you have any naan or…?” 
“Do I look like a food bank, Munson? Damn,” she tilts her head and he raises his brows in a silent ‘Well, do you?’
She sighs deeply, “Yes, I have extra naan but you can only have it if you don’t delete the app and eat with us in the living room.” 
“Those are two totally different asks, Tati,” Eddie huffs. 
“I don’t make the rules,” she shrugs before starting to laugh, “Actually, I totally do.” 
The phone buzzes in her hand and Tatianna’s grin only widens when she sees the notification, “You have a new like.” 
“Whatever,” he shrugs, face laced with disappointment and frustration, “It’s gonna be another dud. Why bother if there’s no point? Like, this can’t actually be how people meet each other —“ 
Tatianna opens her mouth to protest but Eddie interrupts his own thought before she can speak, “You and Gareth are the anomaly.” 
“What if the sixth time’s a charm? She looks really cute,” She smiles, teeth bright against her smile, cheekbones glistening where her moisturized skin hits the light. 
He rolls his neck and sighs while Tatianna continues to encourage him, “Just try. You owe yourself that. Chrissy wouldn’t—.”
“Fuck Chrissy, Tat,” Eddie’s voice raises slightly, suddenly defensive. His chest burns at the sound of her name, heat rising up through his neck to his face,  “I don’t really give a fuck what Chrissy would and wouldn’t want. ‘Cause if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have to be on these stupid fucking apps.” 
“Whew, tell me how you really feel Ed,” she says while she stands up off the bed to walk towards him.
“Look, I get you’re still mad about how things went down with Chris. I know you’re still hurting, but you’re denying yourself a chance to start over — just shoot this girl a message. She seems cool,” Tati speaks so gently to him that he soothes instantly. She offers his phone, still open on the new profile — he’s hesitant at first but he takes it from her to look at the screen. 
There you are. You are cute. Your profile is simple: your name, age thirty, your opening tagline ‘idk i’m just out here i guess’. He lets a puff of air out of his nose at the sentiment — ‘Same,’ he thinks. 
“Fine,” he says finally, “I’ll look through her stuff and I’ll message her. Are you happy?” 
“Thrilled,” she smiles, “So thrilled that I’ll even let you have the extra samosa.” 
He follows her out of the room with his phone and food in hand, looking at her fondly when she passes him a tinfoil covered piece of naan in the kitchen, “You’re my best fucking friend, dude.” 
“I thought I was your best friend?” Gareth pouts from the kitchen table, D&D notes littered in front of him. 
Eddie scrunches his nose, tilting his head while he considers, “You’re alright I guess.” 
When the food is done and he’s gotten a proper look at your profile he decides to bite the bullet — fingers shaking while he matches back with you. He doesn’t start with ‘hey’ this time because Robin and Steve said that was boring, so he tries something new: 
wild that you’re just ‘out here’, me too. 
lol, twin behavior. how’s your night?
Eddie’s heart hammers at the response. He’s surprised at the reaction, he hadn’t had that with any of his other chats, normally expecting them to die off after the first ‘Hey, how are you?’ pleasantry. But maybe this could be different, maybe this could be fun. 
scored some indian food from one of my roommates so it’s one of my better nights. 
ooh, i’m so jealous. i have buyers remorse from some baked ziti i ordered. should’ve just made it.
what did you get?
chicken saag, still jealous?
i’m more of a saag paneer girl but consider me over here seething.
Eddie grins into the phone, cheeks hot while he thinks about what to say back. He skims over your profile again, eyes stilling at a photo of you laughing on what looks like a cruise deck. The sun hits you like a golden streak across your eyes. The caption reads ‘the last time i felt a single shred of genuine happiness’, he huffs an airy giggle before going back to the chat. 
you’re funny, did you know that?
um ya, i’m the funniest person i know, actually. 🥰
that's crazy cause i’m the funniest person i know. and since now i know you, it’s looking like we gotta battle for who the funniest is.
Jesus fucking Christ Munson, why can’t you just be normal? Why can you just say ‘lol’ and call it a night? He frets. His leg bounces while he waits for your reply, food rolling in his stomach. The cool metal of his rings is welcomed on his warm cheeks while he leans against his hand on the arm of the couch. The few minutes he waits for the buzz of his phone feel like eternities. But there you are to save him from his embarrassment:
lmao okay. where did you wanna battle?
there’s a bar in the city that i think could host. you around tomornight?
tommorow night* sorry, fuck, i was trying so hard to be smooth with it.
TOMORROW***** FUCK. LET ME LOG OFF FOR ETERNITY REAL QUICK.
yiiiiikes! embarrassing. but this proves you actually might be funnier than me. i’m not a sore loser so i’ll go on a date with you if that’s what you’re asking.
do you drink? it doesn’t have to be a bar.
i do! where did you have in mind?
there’s a spot called little spoon saloon in the city if you’re familiar. sorta cozy.
oh yeah sounds great for a battle 🙄
but yeah i know it, that’s not too far from my place. maybe we’ve seen each other before and never known it. two ships passing in the night~*
does seven work for you? i know it’s a monday, so we can do earlier if you gotta be up early or something.
sevens fine :)
okay :)
:)
:)
see ya tomorrow! Eddie bites his lower lip, breathing steadily through his nose while he sends over his number. Anything to get out of looking at the app for at least another day, anything to spare him from potentially running into Chrissy’s profile despite her being in a different state. It was getting close to the holidays, she could be around at any moment. 
Before he can spiral, his phone buzzes again – this time a text from an unknown number. His grin widens, too caught up in the excitement bubbling in his chest to feel Tatianna’s stare from the recliner. hi, it's me. jsyk if you don't reach out by like, two tomorrow -- i'm considering it a cancellation and i do have a 50% cancellation fee. sorry! 
50%? stop selling yourself so short, kid. but don’t worry, i won’t cancel. no? you’re not scared to battle? i’m never scared of a battle. :) (A lie.) see you tomorrow. 
“What’s got you smiling like that?” Tatianna smiles, cheeks tight from being unable to hide her excitement. “Are you talking to a girrrrrl?” Gareth teases. Eddie let’s out a ‘tssss’ while he stands up and stretches, quirking a brow at his best friend. “Is it a girl? You takin’ her out?” he asks again. “Yeah G, it’s your mom,” he shrugs, “Night y’all.” “Ed,” Tati whines, “Come on.” Pink floats across his cheeks, itching his nose to hide his goofy smile behind his hand. “Yeah, it’s a girl. And yeah, I’m taking her on a date tomorrow,” he groans. Tatianna squeals, shimmying with giddiness while the recliner rocks with her. Eddie’s too caught up in hiding his face, “Ugh, she’s cuuuute, Tati, what am I supposed to do?” 
“Show her what she’s been missing,” Tati shrugs, “Everyone needs an Eddie.” 
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Last night, Eddie fell asleep caught in a memory that became a dream. He’s eight years old at the YMCA, Wayne sitting in the stands watching him – this is maybe two weeks after his dad dropped him off before he got sent to prison. Wayne wanted to make sure his schedule stayed the same as it could, so Saturday swim lessons it was – today was diving off the block. Eddie had been dreading this lesson for a month, knowing that level 2.5 meant you had to at least try. In level two, they had you stand on the block just to get used to it. He could barely breathe for the ten seconds it was up there, tears stinging his eyes while his teacher encouraged him to come closer to the edge. Three of his classmates had already asked if they were allowed to jump off. It looked fun but it was just so high up. What if it hurts? What if he landed the wrong way? He was up soon, standing behind the block with the rest of the kids, shivering from being out of the water. He could dive off the edge of the pool just fine – in fact, his teacher said he was a great diver, especially for an eight year old. So it should be no problem to dive off the block, he just had to do the same thing he always does. Just higher. 
Gareth, before Gareth was his best friend, climbs up the block and puts his feet at the edge of the white plastic and metal. His teacher, Miss Tiffany, tells him to put his arms up and bend his knees and to dive at the whistle. The whistle blows and Gareth leaps – but he doesn’t dive smoothly into the water. 
“BELLY FLOP!” Jason Carver yells from the edge of the pool where all the kids who already dove sat. They start teasing him relentlessly, Miss Tiffany helping him out of the water to inspect his red belly. Tears well up in Gareth’s eyes, his mom leaning over the bannister from the seating area. “Are you okay, baby?” she asks. Gareth burns red with embarrassment, only encouraging the cackling kids to get crueler. 
Miss Tiffany puffs her whistle three times, “If you tease again, you’re not allowed to go to free swim. Do you understand me?” 
The group quiets, slowly kicking their feet in the water. “Alright Eddie, you’re up next!” 
He gulps, climbing up on the block slowly before standing to full height with his eyes closed. He takes a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth, like his Uncle Wayne taught him to do when he was feeling nervous. When Eddie’s eyes opened, a chill ran through his chest – for some reason the block seemed higher than ever. 
“Ready Freddie?” Miss Tiffany asked, treading water in her red bathing suit. She grinned up at him, knowing that the phrase always made him giggle – but not today. 
“Arms up, knees bent,” she continues. Ed looks down at the water and the room spins, he can hear Jason and the class giggling. Hear the splashes from the kicks of their feet. 
The whistle blows. He doesn’t move. The whistle blows, again. He puts his arms down. “You okay, Eddie? You can do it! You’re a great diver!” she cheers. 
Eddie chews on his lower lip, thinking about the smack of the water when it hit Gareth’s stomach. The laughter. The teasing. The potential of the pain. The whistle blows again. Eddie climbs down off the block, sniffling when he makes it back to the pool deck, “I don’t want to Miss Tiffany.”  
“C’mon Ed, I know you can do it! Do you want me to save you for last?” she asks, her smile still bright and encouraging. Eddie sniffles again, eyes burning with tears while Jason and his friends start to tease him, too. “Swimming sucks,” he bites, stomping towards the boys room, grabbing his ratty towel off one of the benches on the way in. He’s only in the locker room for a few minutes before he hears the door open and Wayne’s apologetic voice talking to Miss Tiffany from the deck floor.
“He’s just goin’ through a lot right now,” Wayne says, his gruff voice rattling off the metal of the room. 
“Eddie?” Tiffany’s voice calls. 
“Come out here, son,” Wayne calls, “Y’know, if your decent.”  
Eddie sniffles back his tears again, shuffling over to the door while Miss Tiffany waits with his Uncle.
“Do you maybe wanna stay a little late today and we can practice diving off the block when class is over?” she offers, “I know it can be scary to do it in front of your classmates, but I want you to pass to level three!” 
“No thanks Miss Tiffany,” he mumbles to the tiles on the floor. 
“That’s okay Eddie, maybe we can try again next week. How’s that sound? I know you can do it,” she says softly. 
“Okay,” he murmurs before turning on his heel and moping back into the locker room. Wayne was waiting by the check in desk when Eddie emerged after changing, his ratty towel slung off his shoulder. 
“You okay?” Wayne asked.
“Yeah, can we just go home?” 
“Sure kid, was gonna stop and get us some lunch if you wanted,” Wayne’s eyes crinkle with his smile, “Wanna go to McDonalds?” 
Eddie returns the smile half heartedly, “Yeah.”
They walk to Wayne’s pick-up hand in hand, despite some parents thinking he’s ‘too old’ to be doing that. He needed the support, and his uncle was never one to make him feel like he didn’t have it. 
“So d’you wanna try again next week? Your starting form was great, buddy,” Wayne asks while Eddie puts his seatbelt on. Eddie considers it. Getting to the edge of the block and making Jason Carver eat his own words. Making him look like a loser for a change. 
But the words ring in his ear ‘BELLY FLOP!’ The relentless teasing if he didn’t do it this week and then messed up next week. He’d be a baby and a joke. 
“I don’t wanna do swimming anymore, Uncle Wayne,” he huffs.
“You sure?” his uncle frowns, putting the car into gear, “You’re really good, Ed. Y’could be on the swim team.” 
“I don’t wanna come back. I quit,” he repeats. He crosses his arms while they pull out of the parking lot, watching the rest of the kids pool out of the doors with smiles on.
Eddie wakes up to his alarm blaring, back in his 32 year old body. He swears that the air of his bedroom smells like chlorine.
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Eddie made sure to text you at 1:59 PM like an asshole. 
still on for tonight? :)
so close to having to pay my cancellation fee. 
but yes, still on for tonight :) 
sorry, work’s been wild today. would’ve texted you sooner!
you’re off the hook…
for now. 😡
He likes your little attitude, he decides. That little hint of sass in your messages keeps him on his toes and it’s not lost on him that this is probably how you flirt. He wonders, selfishly, how easy you are to fluster. You both exchange a few back and forths before he’s finishing up work for the day and heading to Wheeler’s for a campaign chat. 
The texts completely drop off while he gets ready to see you. He takes an extra long time in the shower, using the tiniest squeeze of Tati’s curl cream when he comes out because it makes his hair look good. He scrubs his face raw before shaving, following up with the skin care routine he kept up with, even though Chrissy curated it for him. 
Once dressed, he stepped quietly out to the living room to grab his jacket in the closet and pull out his boots. 
“You used my curl cream, I see,” Tatianna crosses her arms. He blushes. 
“Don’t be mad, I just wanna look good,” he puts on a faux pout, eyes rounding while he slides the leather over arms.
“You look really good,” she smiles, “It’s gonna be great.” 
Eddie shoves his socked feet in his Docs, worn in from years of wear, and looks up at her, “I’m kind of excited.” 
“You should be! I don’t know, I just have a really good feeling about this one,” she smirks, “Text me at some point, let me know how it goes.” 
“It’s a better indicator if he doesn’t text you, Tati,” Gareth says, coming up behind her, “You look sharp, dude.” 
“Sharp?” Eddie rolls his eyes, “What’re you? Eighty?” 
Tatianna clicks on her phone to look at the time, “Can you get the fuck outta here? You’re gonna be late!” 
“I’m going, I’m going!” he laughs, arms up while he grabs his keys from the hook by the door, “Wish me luck, bye!” 
Eddie felt sick. Suddenly feeling like he was standing at the edge of the pool in ‘98.
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When he got his keys in the ignition of his Honda Civic, a text came through immediately. He swallowed tightly, in some way expecting it to be you. In some way, expecting you to be canceling on him. 
Instead, it was Tatianna in the big group chat: 
here, we made a playlist for you
Eddie clicks on the Spotify link and laughs. First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182
First Date - Blink 182 First Date - Blink 182 First Date - Blink 182 First Date - Blink 182
And so on. The music automatically connects, the opening guitar ripping through his speakers. Eddie quickly types up a response on his phone before pulling out into the street. 
very creative, edwards.
someone in this house has to be. ‘In the car, I just can't wait, to pick you up on our very first date. Is it cool if I hold your hand? Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?’ He rolls his eyes as Mark and Tom serenade him in the car, laughing at the lyrics. It’d been a while since he’d listened to this album, let alone this song. While he won’t admit it to Gareth or his girlfriend, it was exactly what he needed before he got to the bar. 
‘Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear? I'm just scared of what you think, you make me nervous so I really can't eat.’ “Let’s go, don’t wait, this night’s almost over,” he sings along, fingers tapping on his steering wheel while he waits at a red light. He’s on the fourth replay of the song by the time he pulls up. The ignition cuts off the lyrics before the chorus, he takes a big breath before opening the door. Just a couple minutes past seven, but he told you he was running a little late, so you wouldn’t be mad. His phone buzzes to Robin, Steve, and Jeff reacting to the playlist Tati sent. Alicia, Jeff, and Nancy sent him sweet good luck messages. Robin and Steve sent them a picture from a bar they were at, flipping him off. ‘Break a leg, dingus,’ came in her follow up voice memo. Eddie considers making this new picture his phone background. 
He swallows hard when he gets to the door, his bottom lip getting pulled between his teeth in apprehension. He nods to himself, “You got this, Munson.”  Another deep breath, he’s still ten, he’s still afraid to dive off the diving block. What if it hurts? What if he belly flops? 
‘What if you don’t? What if you dive this time?’ He thinks to himself. He opens the door to the bar, his ten year old self puts one foot on the diving block. The chatter of a few conversations at once is disorienting, so is the low light of the bar in comparison to the neon outside. The man at the entrance asks for his ID and he awkwardly fumbles for his wallet as if it’s not obvious he’s been old enough to drink for eleven years. “Here, man,” he says, somehow nervous he’ll get caught with a fake like he’s nineteen again. The security’s light flashes over his birthdate and he passes it back with a short and gruff thank you. Eddie takes a few steps before checking his phone to remind him what you said you’d be wearing.
in a red cut off sweatshirt, jeans that look like dickies – hard to miss! white airforces! i’m here, looking for you if you can’t spot me just approach the most off putting girl at the bar, it’s probably me :) 
He smiles into the light of his phone. You’re are funny. His phone lights up again, another text bubble added to your previous one. Eddie’s heart hammers in his chest when he looks at it, knowing you’re really only moments away. got you a guinness cause that’s what you said you liked on your profile. it looks like battery acid tbh. there’s a couple seats by the end of the bar, i’ll grab them. He looks up from his phone finally to see a blur of red start maneuvering over to the end of the bar. That’s you. Oh shit, that’s you. Oh shit, you’re – fuck. You have a fat fucking ass in those jeans. He swallows again, shaking the horny thoughts out of his head through the tendrils of his hair. Another deep breath through the nose, out of the water to the diving block just to dive again. He walks the length of the bar and hears his name, your voice in real life – not through a voice note or on your profile. “Ed?” 
Eddie catches your eye and his heart sinks and leaps so quickly he thinks he’s going into cardiac arrest. You’re real pretty, even more so when you grin at him from a few feet away. You wave him over and he does his best to walk confidently towards you, taking his jacket off while he does. He doesn’t know it, but the other girls at the bar are looking. He’s all broad shoulders and dark tattoos, two silver chains and understated rings. Full lips and doe eyes. Tatianna never told a lie, he was unmistakably handsome – he just didn’t know what to do with it. You toss your hair when you speak to the bartender from the end of the bar with a bright smile. The man puts two drinks in front of you and you leave cash in their wake. Eddie winces when he sees you pay, but tries to ignore the sting. In a way, it feels like he’s already losing – like he’s playing Sims with Robin and he’s not on track to get a gold reward on date night. You’re hot and you know it, but he can tell it’s like you just found out. Your eyes are flirty no matter what you’re looking at, you’re full bodied and it’s like you know it’s making him salivate. Eddie can’t help but be nervous when he takes a seat next to you, fingers immediately drumming on the bar top in front of him. “Guinness for you,” you say, sliding the pint glass in front of him. “Thanks,” he smiles, “You didn’t have to do that. I asked you out, you’re not supposed to be paying for me.” 
“I know, but – why don’t you get the next one and we’ll call it even?” you offer. He nods while he takes a sip, eyeing the lighter orangey liquid in your glass. “Did you get a cider?” he teases. 
“It’s a grapefruit beer, thank you,” your brows furrow at him while you take a sip. You have a good face, part of him wants to say that but it seems like a weird compliment. ‘Nice face.’ Like, what does that even mean? His tongue feels heavy, he can feel the sweat building under his curly bangs. “Weaksauce,” he laughs, scrunching his nose, “Grapefruit beer? Not for me, toots.” 
“Yeah, because you drink battery acid!” you tease back, “You’re a stout snob, huh?”
“Nah, just never heard of grapefruit beer. I always drink Guinness – or like, Miller light. Never really stray,” he shrugs. 
“You wanna try mine?” you ask, sliding the glass to him. 
“You sure?” he watches you nod and brings the beer to his lips. It’s tart, a little bubbly, hitting his tongue on the off beat from the stout before. It settles and then it’s sweet, he wonders if you’re the same. Eddie smacks his lips, “I don’t hate it.” 
“That’s such a stout snob thing for you to say,” you pull a face, bringing your drink back to sit in front of you. “I’d offer you a sip of mine but I know you don’t like it,” he smiles, “Wouldn’t want to ruin the taste of your dessert beer.” “Fuck off,” you shake your head and smile, taking another sip of your drink. The Guinness in his hand makes him feel less nervous, but not all the way – toeing the line of the end of the diving block but not scared to look down into the water. He can tell you’re nervous too by the way you pick at a hangnail on your thumb absentmindedly, the way you cross and uncross your legs. Eddie’s eyes linger for a moment at the way they spill over each other, squishing flat on the seat of the stool when you keep them uncrossed. He tries to discreetly follow the line of your thighs to your hips, up to your waist before getting ahead of himself and pulling his eyes away. 
“How was your day?” you ask. Not the question he was expecting. “My day?” he asks, brows raised while he tries to recollect anything before getting ready to see you. “Uh, my day was good. Yours?” You fucking dumbass, you couldn’t just spare one detail? She’s gonna think you’re an asshole. “It was fine,” you answer quietly. Your smile fades a little and he feels a panicked chill rush in his chest. “S-sorry, I should’ve elaborated. I sound like such a dick, sorry,” Eddie feels the heat creeping up on his cheeks, a clamminess starting up at his hairline, “I um, I went to work. Came home, went to a friend’s house for a minute and we talked about a campaign we’re putting together next weekend. I had some dinner, and then I started getting ready to see you and um – uh, now I’m here.” “Campaign? Are you a politician or somethin’?” you quirk a brow while you look him over. He feels insecure under your gaze, he hopes you like his tattoos.  
“No, no, it’s for Dungeons and Dragons.” Saying it outloud makes him feel like a loser, even though you don’t react like you think so. 
“Cool,” you smile. 
“Do you like, even know what that is?” Defensive already, waiting for you to make fun of him. Waiting for this to end up another mistake. Waiting to belly flop. 
“Yeah, I know what it is,” you answer quietly again, this time your shoulders, “Have some friends that play.” 
“Oh, cool. Cool,” Eddie nods, chest tightening, toying with his rings while you reach for your drink, “Um, I’m — yeah, sorry if that came off like, dickish. I didn’t mean to—.” 
“No, no, it’s okay,” you shake your head when you say it, almost like it’s rehearsed. Like you’re always ‘okay’-ing something. 
“Sometimes people think it’s weird when I tell them, I dunno,” he shrugs, still looking down at his rings, “If I’m being honest I haven’t been so great at this whole dating thing.” 
You smile again and he looks up in time to see it, his breath hitches. You’re very pretty. 
“If it makes you feel any better, I learned how to play Magic the Gathering twice to impress a boy. Two different ones,” you grimace, scrunching your nose, “Gross right?” 
“Oof, that’s rough,” he jokes, “Magic the Gathering? That’s like, way worse than D&D.”
“Well the difference between you and me, is that I don’t still play,” you bite back, cocking your head while you take another drink. “Didn’t impress those boys after all, huh?” he raises a brow and your mouth falls open in faux offense. 
“You’re so mean,” you gasp.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he drawls, “Should’ve put that in my profile.” 
“Oh, so you are mean?” you grin. 
“The meanest,” he grins back, teeth straight and shiny. Full lips pulled tight against them, “How was your day?” “I worked,” you shrug, “Not as exciting.” 
“What do you do?” he asks, turning towards you on the stool, leaning one arm on the bar. He relaxes into the seat, legs spreading wide while his free hand runs nervously over his thigh.
“I’m a personal assistant to a jewelry maker,” you let out a half chuckle through your nose, “It sounds fake when I say it out loud. But basically, I just keep her schedule and run errands and keep her shit in order. She’s an older woman and she’s not the most tech savvy in the world — great at what she does though, really eccentric but I feel like you gotta be when you work in the arts like that.” 
“That’s cool,” he says softly, watching you talk, “What kind of jewelry does she make?” 
“Oh you’ll love this, since you like D&D and stuff,” you start, your excitement is infectious, his heart thrums, “She makes fine jewelry for the most part, but also makes anodized chain mail jewelry and wearable pieces for theater and ren fairs on the side. I told you, eccentric.” 
“Oh, so she’s a little alchemist, huh?” he smirks. 
“Kinda, yeah,” you shrug, heat hitting your cheeks while he keeps his gaze on you, “It’s cool to watch the first few times, and then you get bored.” 
“I’m sure it’s the same for people who watch my band,” he laughs. You shake your head, a curve pulling from the corners of your lips while you finish your beer. 
“Alchemist,” you repeat with a playful roll of your eyes, “You’re such a nerd.” 
“What do you do for work?” he notices you fully turn when you ask, your knees toward him. He remembers Steve telling him once that it was always a good sign when they do that. Like Steve knows anything about body language and dating these days, he’s been platonically attached to Robin for years. His little guard dog. 
“I’m a teacher,” he replies, knocking back the remainder of the Guinness in his glass.  
“Hm,” you hum, looking him over suspiciously, “That’s surprising.” 
“I work at a performing arts school,” he rolls his eyes, “It’s 2023, I’m allowed to have tattoos.” “What do you teach?” you squint when you look him over a second time, “Actually, let me guess – drama?” 
“Music theory,” he corrects. 
“Ooh, big brain,” you joke, “That’s cool.” 
“Big brain? I don’t know about that, I just like music,” he shrugs, “It makes sense to me.” “When I was in high school everyone always talked about how hard music theory was – like, all the band kids,” you explain, there’s a sparkle starting to glint in your eye when you talk to him. “You were hanging out with the band kids?” he tosses a sarcastic knowing look before taking his glass in his hands, “And I’m a nerd? I dunno girl, it’s not looking good for you here...” “Even worse, I was dating one,” you grimace back. “Fuuuuck, you were really fighting for your life in 2009 huh?” Eddie laughs low, lower lip tucking in between his teeth to run his tongue over it. 
“2007, 2008 all the way to like, 2016,” you hide your face in one hand and he wishes you wouldn’t. 
“Damn, that’s a long time,” he observes, “You didn’t marry that guy?” 
You lift your head back up, and shake your head, “It was on and off for a long time, he’s not a fan favorite. It’s uh – it’s why I normally don’t date musicians. I almost didn’t match with you ‘cause of your first picture.” 
Fucking Tatianna. 
“Eek, sorry,” Eddie puts his hands up, “Should I go?” “Do you play bass?” you wince.
“I play a lot of instruments,” he chuckles, “I can play the bass. But I’m not like…a bass player, if you know what I mean.” 
“Oh, I know what you mean,” you breathe out a sigh of relief, “Made that mistake more than once.” “What’s your favorite instrument that you play?” you ask, it’s almost girlish. He ponders it while you cross your legs, the toe of your shoe barely brushing the back of his calf but he knows it's there. You rest your chin on your fist while you watch him think about it. His brown eyes glint in the reflection of the light overhead, plush lips parted while he runs his hands over his stubble. “I think I’d have to say…electric guitar? I’ve been playing that the longest,” he hopes you think that’s cool. “Is it the same one that’s in your pictures?” 
“The Warlock?” he asks with a grin, “Yeah, that’s my girl. Best relationship of my life, prob’ly the only lady who talks more than me.” 
“It’s really nice. I like the color.” 
“Thank you,” he says quietly, eyes darting to your knees where they sit between his, “Um, can I get you another drink? Do you want a beer or…?” 
“If I get a real drink will you stop making fun of my beer?” 
“I promise.” He slides off the stool, sad to see your close proximity to him fade away when he stands up. 
“They have food here, right? I’m sort of hungry, if that’s okay,” your voice gets sheepish when you ask. 
“Yeah, that’s okay. Did you eat dinner?” The words fall out of him too fondly. 
“I had like, a huge spinach salad,” you explain, “Might not have been enough.” 
Something tells him to press further before he buys you more liquor, lest this date go to the wayside too quickly, “Did you eat lunch?” 
“I worked through lunch.” 
“Did you eat breakfast?” 
“I had a smoothie,” you confess. 
“Okay, so before I get you a drink, why don’t I get you some chicken fingers or something?” he insists. You’re shy in your smile back to him, nodding along at his advice. Yes, you should eat more before you keep drinking with him. He doesn’t want you to think he’s just trying to get you tipsy, he’s never been that kind of guy – even when he’d bring home girls from the bar. (They’d at least be the same level of totally obliterated as he was.)
He beams back at you when you nod, “Atta girl.” 
He doesn’t notice when your thighs clench. 
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The last chicken finger is eaten, the last fry of the basket he got for you to split crunched through. The conversation had lulled, not because you weren’t interesting – the nerves were getting to him, creeping up like vines along his chest. The look over the diving block at the water, it’s slow waves teasing him to jump. 
“So um,” you began, swallowing your final fry and wiping your hands on a napkin, “Since you’re a teacher, how was school today?” 
Eddie’s so used to this question that his response doesn’t change, always the same quote from the same movie. Forgetting he doesn’t know you like that, his mouth moves quicker than his desire to play things off cool.
“The worst day of my life, what do you think? Gosh!” Eddie sounds more like John Heder in 2004 than John Heder does now – but when he hears himself say it, he’s immediately embarrassed. Eddie opens his mouth to apologize, nervous you won’t understand but instead – you laugh. And what a sound that is for him to hear. 
“Oh, shit. I haven’t watched Napoleon Dynamite in years. Like, not since grade school.” Eddie laughs with you, “Sorry, sorry, that’s like my go-to reaction at home when my roommates ask me that. I should’ve said something more normal like, ‘It was fine. The kids can’t stop trying to take TikTok fancams of me.”
“Roommates? Fancams? You’re so hip, tell me more,” you enthuse. He puts a finger up to stop you at first, locking eyes with the bartender so he can finally order another round of drinks. 
“What kind of real drink do you want?” he asks. 
“Just a marg on the rocks, salt,” you shrug. 
“Psh, I said a real drink,” Eddie teases with a roll of the eyes, but they soften when you go to argue back, “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” 
His toes inch towards the middle of the diving block.
“You’re cute when you’re mad,” he flirts. Eddie can see the heat hit your cheeks, the creep of a smile slowly curving upwards, you’re embarrassed. Nervous like he is. Maybe this is going just fine. 
When the drinks arrive he slides the margarita towards you and sips his own Jack and Coke slowly through the tiny bar straw. 
“Okay, so. I have two roommates. Gareth, who’s been my best friend since I was nine; and Tatianna who has been my best friend since I was twenty-nine,” he explains. 
“So why aren’t you dating Tatianna?” you challenge. You miss the straw when you reach for it with your mouth, it slides over to the other side of the cup. You try again and miss, cheeks burning while Eddie looks at you continue to fuck up. His eyes glint mischievously while you hold in your frustrated laughter, “Stop looking at me.” 
“It’s fine, I’ll wait while you get your life figured out over there,” he jokes, checking ‘the time’ on his wrist, “Shouldn’t be too long until you finally get it.” 
“You’re so annoying,” you grit out playfully while you capture the straw between your teeth, “Should’ve put that on your profile, too.”
“Anyway,” he continues, “I’m not dating Tatianna because Gare’s going to propose to her when they go on vacation in a few weeks.”
 “Oh! Yeah, that makes sense,” you nod, “Probably not a good idea to date your best friend’s almost wife.” 
“Yeah, definitely not well advised,” he shakes his head, pulling his hair up off of his neck for a minute before dropping it down, “Plus, her last name is Edwards and I dunno…don’t think I could live with myself if I was ‘Eddie Edwards’.”
You laugh again and he hoped you would. It’s a goofy laugh, you don’t try to sound cute when you do it. He knows you must be a loud laugher, if your small ones are any preview to what you could really do. You don’t sound like Chrissy. Her laugh was dainty, feathery. Like how they teach you to giggle in an etiquette class – all soft edges, all smooth lines. 
“You wanna take the girl’s last name?” you raise your brows, “Very forward thinking. Progressive.” 
“I don’t know, something about it’s kinda hot right?” he asks cock of his head, “Plus, my dad sucks so I don’t want to keep repping him by having his last name.” 
“Oh wow, my dad sucks, too,” you reply cheerily, “We have so much in common!” 
“What was it you said before? ‘Twin behavior’?” 
“Twin behavior, yes!” your hands meet both of his knees where he sits across from you, your tone is light and earnest, “You get me.”
Eddie takes in a hitch of breath, desperate to keep his cool when he feels your hands on him. It’s not even sexy but he could shoot straight to the moon if you asked him to. You use his knees as leverage to hop down from your stool, grabbing your drink before nudging him with your hip. 
“If we’re still battling though, there’s an air hockey table in the back room if you wanna play,” you offer. 
“Are you any good?” he wonders, hopping off the stool to follow you to the back. 
“I’m amazing,” you grin, “Actually won seventeen first place trophies in the intergalactic air hockey competition – of course I’m fucking bad at it, that’s why it’s fun to play.” 
Eddie laughs this time, it’s gruff and nicotine soaked. You’re already winning the battle for funniest person – you’re sharp with him and he’s starting to like it. He runs his hand over the side of the air hockey table in the empty back room, more and more pleased that he put this date together on a Monday. He slides a dollar into the machine so it whirs to life, the neon lights flicking on with a stutter. 
“This reminds me of birthday parties when I was a kid,” you muse to yourself, reaching for the hockey disc trapped in your goal, “Can you help me?” 
He nods, hand grazing your back to get you out of the way – you’re warm to the touch. If he was a braver man he would’ve pulled you into him but he’s not, instead squatting down to reach further into the goal where your game piece was. 
“Hm,” he murmurs, reaching further back and barely touching the top of it, “It’s in here, it’s just back there. I can get it, just –” he sucks his teeth like he did the night before, getting to his knees to try. Music plays over head, stuff the new crop of bar goers would consider oldies. You smile at the opening ‘Damn, shawty snappin’...’ of T-Pain’s ‘Buy U A Drank’, but even more surprised when you hear Eddie sing along softly to himself. 
“Snap ya fingers, do yuh step, you can do it all by yourself. Babygirl, what’s your name?” “Not you knowing the lyrics,” you laugh. 
“I was in highschool in 2007 of course, I know the lyrics,” he huffs, standing up, “I think it’s a bust for air hockey.” 
“That’s fine,” you shrug, “We tried.” 
“I know the club, close at three,” he lip syncs to himself before, turning his attention to you, “What’s the chances of you rollin’ with me?” 
You back and forth to each other in time with the lyrics before settling back down in your spot at bar. 
“You even know the Yung Joc part? Damn,” you laugh again, he loves it. 
“Why’re you so surprised? Is it the tattoos?” he asks. 
“Well yeah, you definitely give off a ‘loved Avenged Sevenfold’ in high school vibe,” you scooch your stool closer to his, your knees slotting between his open ones like a perfect puzzle. It’s not enough though, and he’s not sure if it’s himself or the Jack and Coke that encourages him, but he reaches for one of the legs of your stool to pull you closer. 
“Hey,” he says, your faces only a few inches apart. 
“Hey,” you respond. You catch his eyes flick briefly to your lips before they meet yours again. You can see the light smatter of freckles over his nose, long faded from the summer. 
“You’re right, I was really into Avenged Sevenfold when I was in highschool.” 
“I figured. I was into that whole scene thing, back then. All those singers that are mad at their dad’s and like, in retrospect, all hate women I guess,” you realize it as you speak. 
“I probably would’ve thought you were cute,” he guesses. 
“No, you would’ve called me a poser,” you correct, “Don’t lie.” 
He hesitates before nodding, “No, no, you’re right I definitely would’ve called you a poser. Did you like Fall Out Boy and all of that shit?” 
“Don’t shit on the music I liked,” you frown, “That’s not cool.” 
“I’m not, I’m not,” he assures, pulse speeding, “I promise, I’m not. I’m sorry.” You continue talking about music, high school, college, some ins and outs. Nothing too serious. Nothing too intense. But by now, Eddie’s feeling nice and if one thing’s for certain:
He wants to fucking kiss you. Toes at the edge of the diving block, Miss Tiffany’s whistle caught between her teeth. 
“So now that we’re three drinks in, can I ask you a personal question?” you ask, your eyes a little glassy. You’ve confessed that you’re tipsy, but aware, that if you have one more drink you won’t be – so Eddie already paid the tab. 
“What do you wanna know?” he asks.
“Why’re you,” you enunciate, implying he’s something, “On the apps? It’s hard to believe that someone like you would be single. Unless you have like, something deeply wrong with you, but you’ve been all green flags so far.” 
Your hand falls back to his knee and he eyes it before sliding his own hand down his thigh to lace your fingers with his. 
“You want the real story?” he asks, lifting your hand up of his knee to play with your fingers in both of his hands while he talks. His hands are warm and calloused on the fingertips, but the rest are soft. Lacing and unlacing, running his thumb up the lengths of your fingers, tracing your palm. 
“The real story.” 
“You gonna tell me why you’re on the apps after?” 
“Sure,” you nod. You look gentle, at ease. He eases in, too. 
“I got divorced in 2020,” he confesses. It feels like a weight off his chest to tell you, “Married my high school sweetheart, things were great for a long time, but y’know. People grow and – the pandemic was not kind to us.”
“Oh, I’m…I’m sorry to hear that,” you offer softly. 
“It’s okay,” he smiles tightly. “I guess I was both surprised and not surprised at all when she broke up with me. Almost relieved, I guess – that I didn’t have to play the part of her husband anymore. Not that she was a bad wife or anything, she was great she just – I don’t know,” he rambles, “And I don’t know, I just threw myself into work and my friends after. Girls after shows. Was too scared to like – go on dates incase it ended up like my marriage and –” 
He laughs, “My friends were tired of seeing me be so sad, I guess.” 
“You have such a solid support system,” you comment, “You mention your friends, like, every other sentence.” 
A beat. “I like that,” you nod and smile. He can’t get over how you look when you do that. 
“Why’re you on the apps?” he asks, your hand now cradled between the two of his, his fingers grazing your wrist. 
“I’m six months out of a six year long relationship,” you let out a breath through your nose and drop your shoulders a little, “Figured it was time to get back out there – enter my slut era.” 
“Oh yeah, you’re super slutty,” he teases, “That’s actually the first thing I thought when I saw you. ‘She’s in her slut era.’” “God, fuck offfff,” you giggle again. 
“But yeah, I ended it. I figure I should make that clear,” you say, “Just in case that’s like, a red flag for you. But I don’t know, we just weren’t growing in the same directions. Things felt done way before I left and I – I don’t know. I think I was just scared. I took some time for myself and now, here I am.” 
“It’s okay that you ended your relationship, it’s not a red flag,” Eddie’s voice soothes you when he says it, “If you told me you like, cheated on him and then hit him with your car then maybe yeah, I’d be a little concerned. But you’re an adult, you just know what you want better this time around.”
“Yeah,” you agree. Your eyes meet in a silent confirmation. His eyes flick to your lips for a second time before tucking his lower lip between his teeth again. 
BELLY FLOP! 
“You wanna head out? It’s getting a little late,” he offers. 
Your brows raise in surprise, “Uh, sure, yeah.” 
“Not that I don’t like spending time with you,” he assures, letting his fingers linger over your hand while he stands up, not wanting to lose contact just yet, “Just don’t want to keep you out too late.” 
“Oh yes!” you start with an old southern twang, “My daddy’ll be out there with his pistol if I don’t get home ‘fore sundown.”
“You’re funny,” he laughs, letting go over your hand to reach up and squeeze your cheeks affectionately. You both put on your jackets and head outside, both of you wincing in the cold of the winter air. 
“I’d really like to do this again, if you want,” a shy blush reaches his cheeks, meeting the pink from the cold. 
“Yeah, I’d like that,” you’re just as shy in your response, “This was fun. You’re fun.” 
“Thank you,” he flushes deeper, trying to prolong the inevitable. What if he belly flops? What if it hurts? What if the kids make fun of him? 
“I’d offer to drive you home but I’ve had a few,” he says, hand reaching out to fall on your shoulder, “I feel good to drive but like, god forbid anything happens so – I’m happy to get you a car or pay for it for you.” 
“That’s really sweet, thanks. Let me just um,” you pull out your phone to get in Uber with a speed that impresses him, “It’s really not that pricey, I’m close-ish by.” 
“Still,” he says, “Just wanna be a gentleman y’know?” 
“You’re very gentlemanly,” you flirt. Eddie stiffens, nervous, palms clammy. 
“So um, I’ll see you soon?” he asks, opening his arms to give you a hug. 
“Yeah, for sure,” you nod while you let him engulf you. His scent is warm and spicy, mixed with tobacco. You guess either still smokes, or he used to, but he never got up to have a cigarette in the hours you were at the bar. Eddie let’s go and cups your cheek briefly before giving you a gentle but winning smile. His warm brown eyes linger for the last time on your lips, now they’re slightly parted, waiting for him. His toes curl over the edge of the diving block, his knees are bent, arms up over his head...I don’t want to Miss Tiffany. 
Swimming sucks.
“See ya.” 
You quirk your brow for a moment, having expected much more than a hug, “Oh, um…see ya.” 
He walks half way down the street to his car, heart thrumming in his chest in embarrassment. He should’ve just done it. FUCK. He should’ve just kissed you. 
But what if it hurts? What if she leaves? What if you can’t make it to level three? What if they laugh at you? 
He breathes heavily through his nose while tears threaten to well up in his eyes, staining his eyelashes. What if you don’t want to see him again after this? What if you change your mind? He sighs audibly when he turns the key, phone auto connecting to the speakers. He turns up the radio while the car revs to life, pulling on his seatbelt and putting the wheels into gear. He leans back in his seat to pull out of his spot only to see you still waiting for the car outside of the bar. 
Blink-182 blares through his speakers, hitting him straight in the chest.
‘Let’s go, don’t wait, this night’s almost over. Honest, let’s make,this night last forever. Forever. And ever. Let’s make this last forever.’ 
What if he did stay a little later after class? What if he got the chance to move on to level three? 
Fuck it, he thinks. He turns off the ignition, shaking out the sounds of Jason Carver and the kids laughing, the sounds of their feet kicking in the water. Just Miss Tiffany and her whistle. He gets out of the car, determined. You’re still there, head whipping around to see him coming towards you while you bounce on the balls of your feet in the cold. 
Arms up. Knees bent. “Ed? My car’s gonna be here in a sec–” Whistle. His hands reach out to your cold cheeks to pull you in before his full lips capture yours. His eyes flutter close at the contact, feeling your mouth react to his in time. Soft and needy, hydrated. You immediately know how to keep his pace while he separates and goes back in for more. Wet but not messy, passionate but not feverish. The smoothest dive he’d ever done in his life. Your hands escape your pockets, fingers sliding behind his neck to pull him closer, sliding through the nape of his hair. He breaks away for a moment to delicately push your hair out of your face and really look at you before pressing his lips to yours again. You only stop when your Uber beeps from across the street. 
“I wanted to do that all night,” he mumbles sheepishly. 
“I wanted you to do that all night, too,” you giggle, breathless and blushing, “Thank you.” 
“Thank you,” he says, running a hand over his face, “Let me know when you get home, okay?” 
“Okay,” you nod, hurrying across the street as the car honks again,  “Bye!” 
“I’ll put something together for next time!” he calls out. ‘Cause there will be a next time. 
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Tatianna is leaning over the back of the couch with her chin in her hands when Eddie opens the door. Her cheshire cat grin matches his own. 
“So I didn’t hear from you all night,” she starts, her voice syrupy smooth, “So that means it must’ve went really well.” 
Eddie sighs dreamily, kicking off his boots at the entryway and hanging his jacket on one of the hooks by the door. 
“Ooh, you like herrrr! I can tell! Look at your stupid face!” she laughs, pointing at him, bouncing on the cushions. 
“Tati she’s…fuck,” he shakes his head in disbelief while he walks towards her, “There’s either two ways this could go.” 
“Yeah?” she asks, looking up at him, “And those are?” 
“I’m gonna marry her, or she’s gonna absolutely fuckin’ ruin my life.” 
“I like her already,” Tati grins, “Sit down, tell me everything.” 
“Yeah, yeah, give me a sec,” he grumbles, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He plops down onto the couch while Tati grabs two cups of tea from the kitchen that she made especially for the recap of his night. Gareth had been long asleep for an early morning at work tomorrow. 
Eddie takes out his phone, two unread text alerts lingering on his home page. He opens them, smiling stupidly into the screen.
i’m home :) you’re a really good kisser by the way. 
glad you made it home safe. you are too. :) but you started off pretty kissable so, that’s probably why. you’re making me blush over here, stop it. 
Eddie lets out a soft chuckle through his nose, clicking out of your text conversation to go back to his home screen. 
He deletes the apps.
3K notes · View notes
thevirgodoll · 1 year
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Doll Diaries: 10 Ways to Begin Living the Doll Life.
To introduce my brand and my mission, I have created the first guide on how to Live the Doll Life.
This is the first of many posts to build around what a Doll means.
This is a compilation of all of my advice from past posts, my values and things I recommend aspiring to. It's an initiation of some sorts, and will be a sneak peek to what my website and Patreon will entail. This covers who you want to be (your ideal self), who you are right now (your current self), your measure of confidence and value (your worth), and your reality of who you are (your traits and individuality).
Welcome to the Dollhouse!!!
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A huge part of what made me choose "Doll" as a brand is the movie, Life Size (2000).
In Life Size, Eve stood up for what was right, was ambitious, and learned how to honor her feelings as a real person. I highly recommend giving it a watch (I haven't seen the second movie, only referencing the first) to really get a feel of the energy I want to cultivate and embody. Now, let's get into it!
1. Embrace everything you already are.
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Just because you are in a pursuit of becoming someone new does not mean you have to discard the things that make you who you are. Embracing who you already are and who you were is key to building self confidence. Who you are now is worthy of love and gratitude.
Ask yourself:
What can I forgive myself for?
What are my current strengths and weaknesses?
How can I show myself gratitude today?
2. Love people and speak life into them.
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A true Doll does not engage in taking other women down. The biggest issue in today's world is that negativity has become a hot commodity. It is so insidious once it gets started, and it has been normalized to tear other people down in shady, subtle comments. These things bear no fruit. Understand now that talking badly about people and hating them only increases their sun.
What makes the difference between a Doll and another person is that everything she says has a purpose. Before speaking ask yourself:
Is this necessary? Is this true?
What do I gain from saying this?
Would I want to hear this?
These questions will make you distinguish between feelings and facts. You may not even know why you don't like someone at first, but asking yourself critical questions will teach you to see things from a different perspective. Most of the time, this has taught me to keep certain things to myself! If you don't know what you feel yet, the best thing to do is be quiet. It really is true that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. ***There are obviously exceptions to the rule, such as emotional abuse, bullying, etc. Defend yourself. Just don't be the one to be a catalyst to someone's downfall.
3. Be a student of life.
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In this Dollhouse, we are eager to learn!!! If you want to lead others, you have to be willing to admit that you can be wrong. Even though Dolls are well adored and well educated, we aren't always right. Well, a lot of the time I am, but that's not the point!
Ask yourself:
What is this trying to teach me? What can I take away from this?
When was the last time I opened my mind to something new?
What could I have done differently? If I am resistant to feedback or change in this present moment, why?
4. Take pride in your appearance.
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We aren't perfect...but we might as well be the closest thing to it. Make the decision now that you want to look your best every day. This doesn't mean wearing a full face of makeup 24/7, but this does mean being put together. A Doll should never leave the house without looking presentable, and if this is difficult, it's time for a change! Remember in The Princess Diaries when Mia got a makeover to become a princess? She looked like a completely different person and all it took was a new routine in beauty maintenance.
Obviously, you don't have to go to the extremes like she did. There's nothing wrong with glasses, thick curly hair, or thick eyebrows. It's all about making those things cohesive, which is the point of the makeover. I suggest you go on Pinterest or other platforms to find inspiration for what you want to look like. Create a routine around looking your best for YOU...only you know what flatters you the most.
Ask yourself:
What do I feel when I look in the mirror?
What influences me? What does a Doll look like to me?
What would a physical change do for me right now? And why am I doing it?
5. Have people in your life that align with you.
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Friends can inspire us, or derail us. It is extremely hard as you get older to sustain friendships because once you leave grade school, there aren't any commonalities keeping you around people you know. Sometimes, we hang onto people longer than we need to.
A verse from the Bible that I often keep in mind regarding friends is Proverbs 12:26:
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Ask yourself:
Would I take advice from this person? Why or why not?
What are the pros and cons of having this person around? How do I feel after hanging out with them?
What do they do for me? Is this reciprocal or transactional?
Is this person bringing me closer to or further away from my dreams, goals, and aspirations? Do they value what I value?
During conflict, how has this friend treated me? Do I trust them? Can I go to them when I need them?
As far as relationships, that is different for everyone but the questions are relatively the same. Some people stop their entire journey towards becoming the woman of their dreams because of love. Guard your heart!!!
Ask yourself:
Does this person align with my beliefs and values? Have I vetted them to see what type of person they are?
How does this person take care of themselves spiritually, mentally, and physically?
What is their story? Is this person aware of that story (whether it's with family, exes, friends, etc.)?
What can they offer me that I cannot give to myself?
Why do I want to be with this person?
6. Truly begin to believe you ARE 1 of 1.
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Everyone is different, especially you. Your energy is highly sought after, all you have to do is acknowledge that. In order to live this lifestyle, you gotta appreciate differences in people around you so you can avoid guilting yourself into assimilation/conformity.
Individuality is everything... don't trade that for the approval of others. Social media has revealed how much originality women lack... so be a breath of fresh air. Think of this as Miley Stewart becoming her alter ego, Hannah Montana. The best way to see the new you is a alter ego. Celebrities have used alter egos to embody a side of them that is full of tenacity and candor...basically what they wish they could be. Real life examples are: Sasha Fierce (Beyoncé), Roman (Nicki Minaj).
The arc of an alter ego comes full circle. At some point in the Hannah Montana franchise, Miley came to terms that she lacked nothing in being who she really was because the star power was already in her. Therefore, she let her go and embodied those qualities in herself as "Miley". After hard work it will be the same for you, and you will appreciate who you are even more and not have to separate the two.
Ask yourself:
Who am I? What makes me special?
What do I love most about myself?
What is my signature and aesthetic?
What are the qualities of my alter ego/archetype?
7. Be a woman of substance.
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It's useless to work towards being an it girl if you have nothing to talk about. So many women have star quality on the outside, but they are surface level and it prevents them from being seen positively and it takes away their chance of being an it girl.
Learn about current events. Learn about past events. Learn about events that are yet to come, and form an opinion.
You have Google at your disposal, so there's really no excuse to be lazy. Find your passion...most people are empty because they don't do anything they love. Be well versed in multiple topics. I know we say beauty and brains, but it really is hard to come by these days. Most people do not read anymore, nor do they take the time out to learn things themselves.
When it comes to school, that counts as substance as well if you're actually taking classes you're getting something out of (which is a whole other post). I would be remiss if I did not mention that education isn't for everyone. But for those of you that are going to college or are in college like me, this is one of the most important stages of your life. You're on the cusp of greatness. Life happens, but no matter what, we gotta get that degree no matter how long it takes.
Ask yourself:
What's going on in the world right now?
When is the last time I read a book or did something educational?
What are my hobbies? What are my habits? How do these things speak to my intelligence and who I am?
What are the things I want out of my education and what are my goals for this upcoming semester?
8. Dedicate time to your healing.
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Just because everything looks perfect, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. This journey towards being that girl will not get rid of your need to heal.
Healing is a rugged path that one must travel their entire life...your journey in becoming the person of your dreams never ends. Give yourself grace on things that you didn't know before.
As always, I recommend journaling to understand your thought process. Sometimes, I look back at my entries in my diary and realize that things weren't as bad as they seemed. Sometimes, though, they were...and for my healing process it became crucial to (when I have the capacity) revisit the moments that shaped my perspective.
I know everyone says this, but there no shame in getting help. No amount of Doll Diaries I give you or confidence lessons/advice from others will matter if you are ignoring what fills your heart with dread at night. Like Megan thee Stallion says, bad b*tches have bad days too.
I am in therapy and I take medications for my mental illnesses, and that made all the difference. Tips are in my mental health tag.
I recommend a spiritual routine that works for you. This may include meditating, praying, going to church, taking quiet time...it's all up to you, but it gives me purpose and structure when feeling existential.
Dedicate life to something bigger than yourself. Remain on the path by upkeeping discipline. Outside influences can lead you astray, but you are the difference between stumbling and getting up, and stumbling and remaining flat on your face. This will involve giving up certain things, such as music or shows or even people that push you further away from what you believe in.
Lastly, have a list of coping mechanisms that you review in crisis. Often, things get overwhelming and we won’t get the chance to sit down and journal or go read something. With that, it’s helpful to make a list of things that you know will help you cope and survive no matter what (while acknowledging the absence of these means you’re getting bad again.)
Here is a very small portion of my list:
cleaning my space
spending time with my dog
playing video games
writing, drawing, music
Ask yourself:
When's the last time I had a break without feeling guilty or lazy?
What positive practices do I have in place to keep me stable? What negative practices do I have in place that prevent me from being stable?
How am I currently working towards improving my mental state? What do I know about myself mentally and spiritually, and how can I use that to transcend?
9. Learn the art of detachment.
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People talk about being unbothered, but I don't think everyone truly understands what that means. In this Dollhouse, unbothered does not mean being nonchalant and void of all emotions. Feelings are natural, and I am not sure where someone mixed that up. What creates "unbothered" energy and "detachment" is by realizing you cannot control everything and that majority of the time, it isn't personal. This is one of the hardest lessons out there.
Ask yourself:
Is this really in my control?
How can I focus on the present moment?
And ultimately, remember you cannot fix or please anyone. Keep your composure even in the face of negativity. Your reactions and perceptions to everything you deal with is the most important thing, and will be the common denominator when it comes down to your experiences. Two books I read that changed my perspective and helped me maintain this lifestyle on this was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty.
10. Above all, live in YOUR world!!!
Make your world exclusive. Keep certain things for yourself so it retains sacredness. Be your own best friend before anyone else. Learn to embrace your own company. Don't always be accessible. Cultivate richness in your life...be willing to take risks and have a variety of experiences.
The main and most important question to ask yourself is: What does my dream world look like?
This is where the Doll Life comes into play. Barbie was marketed as being an all around sweetheart and "girl boss" with the dream life. Bratz were marketed as having individuality and a dream world experience driven by passion.
Both have core values in making sure young girls dreamed big and remained authentic. Honorable mention: Disney, as they did a great job at emphasizing dreams can come true with Disney princesses.
What I want my version of a Doll Life to be marketed as is a world where we indulge in endless possibilities and be multiple versions of ourselves at once. Where we feel like something wonderful could happen, even in the midst of trials.
We can be gentle, yet demanding. We can be feminine with masculine energy, and vice versa. We don't have to choose between one aesthetic or the other. We don't have to conform to the world, because we are in it and not of it. Dolls are seen as "perfect", and that's just the thing, I don't want my brand to be a cookie cutter definition! That's why I say I am the Doll that no one can play with. To be a Doll means to be uniquely you and standing out amongst the rest. It's a mindset, it's a lifestyle.
Don't box yourself in... remember growing up the dream life of Bratz and Barbie refused to box themselves in and remained true to themselves. Live without limits!!! Dreams really can come true. And this Dollhouse is a safe space to DREAM!!!
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Even if you don't believe it now, day by day, if you start dedicating yourself to this and remain congruent with your philosophy, you will be more than you could ever imagine. It took so much time for me to do this, but my life is forever changed. So indulge in your wishes, and create your own "life of luxury" or "dream world". Simply live by YOUR rules, and use mine as a outline to get started. I can't wait to see what all of you come up with. I hope this helps Dolls!!! *gives you the keys to your suite in the dollhouse* Proud of you!!!
xoxo,
thevirgodoll ♡
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see also:
confidence tag
other doll diaries
advice
2K notes · View notes
waklman · 1 year
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Sweet Nothings
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summary: you start to feel insecure in your relationship with bradley.
warnings: negative self talk. this blog is 18+.
word count: 1.4k
this is dedicated to anon who sent me down the bradley and babybear x taylor swift hole this is for you!!
something ‘bout you masterlist.
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Late at night—when Bradley had too many beers running through his bloodstream, he’d whisper little reassurances in your ear. I like it when you take care of me. I love how silly you are. I want you forever. I love you. It was like he just knew you needed to hear it every so often. The pilot would be barely conscious whenever he said it—draped over your body like a weighted blanket, fighting against his doubled vision, just to drunkenly quell your insecurities.
And it wasn't often that you felt insecure—but it’s not like it didn’t happen either. 
You had always been conscious of the fact that your relationship with Bradley was different—different from ones he’s had before, different from other couples around you. It was different in the way you drove the Bronco while he sat as a passenger. It was different because you called him girly pet names that should be meant for you instead. It was different because you were the one who held the umbrella when it rained on you two. It was different because you didn’t have a collection of tight sundresses, or own a pair of those tall stilettos everyone your age wore, and you never put on much makeup for that matter. It was different because he was dating you. You were different. 
And because it’s been so long since Bradley went out with his team for drinks, the reminder of how different you were, started to feel suffocating. You found yourself wishing that he’d come stumbling home, cheeks flushed from alcohol just so you could hear him whisper sweet nothings to you, in his drunken state.
Weeks have passed since he last took a sip of beer. And over those past few weeks, the voices that rung into your head, in the form of all your ex-boyfriends' compiled complaints—started to grow louder and louder by the day. You knew it wasn’t fair to Bradley that you took up old criticisms you got from the past and pitted them against him, but it started to sound so true. 
Bradley wouldn’t want someone who acted like you. What Bradley would want is someone who was more serious. He wouldn't want someone who deflected with humor. He’d want someone normal—someone who could wear those flowy skirts that you couldn’t even imagine slipping your legs through. Why would Bradley want someone who owned the same stupid pair of levi's as him? Why would Bradley want you?  
So it dawns on you tonight, right as you’re sitting in his lap watching the film, A Bugs’ life in your living room—that maybe, he changed his mind about this—about you. 
“Babybear, why are you cryin’ so hard—he found where he belonged!” Bradley lightly laughs, giving the back of your head a soft pat as you bury your face into his neck.
That ant might’ve found where he belonged, but you didn’t. You didn’t belong anywhere. You didn’t belong with him. 
Bradley allots you some time to process the ending of the movie. But as your sobs show no sign of stopping—he starts to feel uneasy. No one should be crying this hard at an insect who felt left out. 
Letting out a breath, Bradley starts to sit up from the couch, with a solid arm wrapped around your middle. “You gonna let me carry you?” He asks, voice barely above a whisper. 
Rather than replying, you push your face deeper into the curve of his neck, trying to stifle your weak cries.
“Don’t you start wrestling with me, alright?” He lightly teases, before fully standing up straight, with you hung around his waist.
Walking away from the television that’s still playing, he turns the corner to step into your bedroom. Bradley bends his knees to fit through the door-frame. You had whined the last time he didn’t do it, causing the back of your skull to make contact with the head of the door. 
It’s almost like drunk Bradley is taking over now, knowing exactly what to do with you as he carefully peels you from his front—making you sit on the edge of the bed. 
Kneeling before you, Bradley lifts his large hands to cup your face. “What’s bothering my favorite little brain,” he asks softly, extending a thumb to bat away the fresh tear that slips down your face. 
His favorite little brain. How could he even like that part of you? 
You grit your teeth together, trying to keep another sob at bay. Though, looking into his eyes doesn’t help, he doesn’t look a bit annoyed. Not like your ex boyfriend did when you got like this. Bradley’s being so patient with you.
Taking a shaky breath, your bottom lip quivers—which Bradley pets over with his thumb. “…Do you ever wish I wasn’t like this?” The rotting question finally leaves your mouth, and Bradley feels like he got shot in the chest. 
His face is marked by hurt, dropping his hands down to your waist. “Babybear, what are you—”
“I don’t—” you start to cut him off, lowering your gaze down to your lap. “I don’t belong,” you hiccup. “I feel like—I don’t belong with you,” you pathetically confess. 
At your words, Bradley’s worst fear comes alive. 
“…Are you breaking up with me?” He asks calmly, keeping his voice low—so low that he can’t even hear himself over his racing heart. 
You shake your head no, allowing temporary relief to wash over him. 
Bradley slightly pinches your waist through the t-shirt you’re wearing, hoping you would squirm from the ticklish feeling. But you don’t. 
Tilting his head, Bradley tries to catch your puffy eyes—but you refuse to look at him. “I open the doors for you at restaurants,” you start, voice shaky. He nods his head, “Yeah, you do,” he agrees. “I pull out the chair for you.” Bradley hums. 
“I do stuff that other girls don’t,” you sniffle. “That’s right baby,” he answers, palms massaging your side. “Aren’t you embarrassed of me?” You lift your eyes back to his face, watching him through a layer of tears, “Do you ever wish I wasn’t like this?” You ask again, throat tight.
Bradley darts out a tongue, licking over his lips as he comes up with an idea.
With ease, he picks you up by the waist, holding you up in the air until he slips into the bed. Then, he drops you onto him like nothing, forcing you to lay flat against his chest, cheek pressed against his steady heart. 
Running a hand under your shirt, Bradley grazes the pad of his fingers up and down your spine. “Can I tell you something?” He asks, staring up at the ceiling. 
You nod against him, heart still heavy. “I can’t imagine you any other way,” he starts, heart beginning to pound under your ear. “I wouldn’t want you any other way.” 
“You could be dressed like a clown and I’d still hold your hand, and kiss your pretty face, right in front of everyone.”
“You’re scared of clowns.” 
“I know,” he softly laughs. “But if they looked like you—if they were just like you, I would want to marry every clown I see.” 
“Thats—that’s not right. You can’t marry them all,” you frown. 
“You know what’s not right? That you think I could ever get tired of you,” he rings the conversation back. 
“If every other lifetime—I’m a clown or an ugly ant living in a colony—but you’re still there with me, carrying me around like I weigh nothin', forcing me to wear tiaras to get you to laugh, making me forget how it feels to be alone. I'll ride it out with you.”
Though his speech was intended to make you laugh, you continue to cry instead—stuffing your face into his chest, soaking the fabric of his t-shirt with salty tears and sticky snot. “Hey—c’mere my little clown,” he tickles your side, making you painfully break out into laughter. 
You squirm, unable to escape his wiggling fingers. “Ah—Please—It tickles!” You complain, voice still hoarse.
“That’s right, clowns are supposed to laugh!” He barks, flipping you over.
With you caged underneath him, he stops his attack. Leaning down towards your ear, he whispers a familiar string of words, “I like it when you take care of me. I love how silly you are. I want you forever. I love you.” 
Your eyes burn, shooting wide open. “You were sober!”
He laughs into your ear before pressing a gentle kiss to your earring. “You make me feel s’shy. How am I supposed to say all that if I’m not pretending to be drunk?"
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Round 1 - Side B
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Propaganda below ⬇️
Matt
Matt's faith in the show is really important and well explored; one of the first scenes of the show is Matt going to confession (or, well, talking to his priest since he's not really confessing at that point). Matt struggles a lot with what he's supposed to do; everyone's telling him to kill the villain and he kinda wants to, but he literally says: "I know my soul is damned if I take his life". He struggles with his faith and goes with his doubts to his priest, and it's beautiful—also when he finally gets a costume for his vigilanteing he chooses to dress as the devil, lol. (His priest tells him that nothing makes people run to Church faster than the feeling of having the devil on their heels.)
a lot of the show is about how he justifies his vigilante actions with his faith, and whether he's doing the right thing in trying to help people or just using it as an outlet for his anger. the literal first scene of the show has him in a confession booth talking to his priest (who is a really interesting character too). this is not the scene I was talking about but it's such an excellent scene with matt talking to his priest: https://youtu.be/XHZ3NbEIDdw
canonically catholic but dresses like a demon to be quirky
honestly i dont wanna type too much but i feel that matt is a great example of someone who battles with his faith because he rarely loses his faith but rather fights with why he was made the way he was and put through what he was. He believes himself to have the devil inside him but believes that God put him there
ok in the comics barring the most current run matt has Mostly been a non-practicing Catholic that very rarely actually does any catholic Activities but ends up falling back into the Mindset and very occasionally dramatically taking confession (ex. in that one issue where he takes confession, basically tells the father that he is uniquely terrible and is thinking about violently murdering someone and when the father says "you can be forgiven" hes like "AUGFH-- NO!!!!!!!!!!" and runs out) when he's gone through some shit. and i love that its so relatable
hello its me cct organizer. i have to come clean, i made this tournament because i need matt to win something. i dont think hell win the sadboy and he lost the ginger tournament and >:( hes my favoritest guy ever. Also @ who said he has religious trauma is wrong and i will fight u about it (nicely) on my main @usaigi
This guy so catholic he spends an ungodly amount of time just chilling in the church. And goes there whenever there is a moral conundrum about killing people being Bad even though it would solve a lot of problems and stop said people from killing other people. This happens every other episode. Matt is the Catholic Guilt Guy. There's actually a lot of catholic stuff in the show as a whole. Just a compilation would be like three whole episodes long.
Hes great hes catholic enough to not outrught murder people but not catholic enough to not fuck before marriage hes a bisexual disaster at all times hes besties with a priest might i add hes great hes my special little guy
his catholicism is a huge piece of his characterisation he was raised by nuns in a catholic orphanage, the first scene we ever see him (as an adult and not a flashback) is him going to confession, he is good friend with his priest and has regular debates with him, etc also in s3 he has a huge crisis of faith after he lost A Lot where he stops believing for a while and it's linked to his identity crisis where he actually wants to kill another person (a hard line he previously chose never to cross) and wants to be only daredevil and not matt murdock, when he is both and needs both to exist also when he was a kid his grandmother used to say "watch out for the murdock boys, they've got the devil in them" and it created a surprising lot of his issues
So he's both catholic in the comics and the show but he's More Catholic in the show. Like, raised in a catholic orphanage by nuns (ONE OF WHICH IS HIS *MOTHER*), second scene in the show has him in a confession box kind. Matt Murdock goes out and gets the shit beaten out of him nightly and also beats the shit out of other people and purposefully leaned into devil iconography as his theme. When his nurse friend says, he takes a lot of punishment without one complaint he says "That part's the Catholicism." It is a Core Aspect of his character (at least in the show). He makes me insane. Also the same chemicals that blinded him created the teenage mutant ninja turtles and everyone should know that.
They went to confession to a priest who they had saved as their costumed counterpart and the guy recognized them by the voice, proving that it's possible and everyone else is just dumb
he takes "i wanna fight god" to new and incredibly violent levels, while also being a sweetheart and a goofball
Actually strictly WILL NOT kill criminals. Goes wayyy out of his way to avoid it. Fights with the Punisher about it. Goes to confession booth after nightly vigilante excursions. Feels so much guilt. "How have you been holding up?" "Like a good Caltholic boy" "that bad huh" - actual conversation with his priest
So Daredevil struggles with his mission as a crime fighter because killing criminals goes against his faith. He makes it a point to not kill criminals, believing that even bad people deserve a second chance. This philosophy puts him at odds against The Punisher, who is a relentless killer. As a Catholic myself, while I love the concept of a morally conflicted superhero, I think the worldbuilding around Daredevil is lacking. If he struggles with violence and killing, why doesn't he pray to warrior saints like Saint Michael, Saint Ignatius of Loyola (a former knight), or Saint Joan of Arc? Why isn't there a community of other Catholics he can turn to for guidance, considering New York City has a sizeable population of Catholics? And why are the churches he goes to always empty? Doesn't he know that the Catholic Church supports the just war theory? I think that would have made his burden more bearable.
He goes to church and confesses to punching people and says "imma do it again can i apologize in advance" and the father dude says "no you're meant to stop now" and Matt says "no" and they do this everyday. I'm not remembering it properly but this is a canon interaction i swear
HELLO HI YES I LOVE HIM AND WILL INFOR DUMP ok so. he is a vigalantty and he got named daredevil and he is an orphan and after the age of 12 was raised in an orphanage at a Catholic church and his therapist is his priest via confession abd. also his mother is a nun he has a whole mental breakdown over god and called Job a pussy because he liked god until he got better and liked god again he said "I'm dearedrvil and not even god can stop that now" and he's so cool
matt is a freakish little babygirl who was raised by nuns and definitely has religious trauma. i hate him so much (affectionately)
he’s literally fucking insane about it i don’t know what to say here. he thinks he’s chosen by god to go on some sort of holy quest to save hell’s kitchen. joan of arc ass.
i already know hes in by default j just wanted to give him a personal shout out i love this angsty catholic dweeb
how practicing he is depends on the run, but in my favorite he is quite literally confessing to a member of the last extant order millitant who happens to be a priest at a church in hells kitchen.
i love him for having the funniest version of a trope i usually hate (person gets into confession booth and asks forgiveness not for what they've done, but for what they're about to do). usually this trope just looks silly to me bc like. the priest would just say "i can't do that" and you would have to either awkwardly explain yourself or just Leave. it's funny when matt does it because fr. lantom is probably like "what are you gonna do???" and matt's like "lol. lmao. 😊 hehehe." anyway we love this angry catholic man who dresses up like the devil to beat people up in hell's kitchen
Harrowhark
I'm pretty sure you've already got plenty of submissions for her so I'll just say she was raised in what is basically a cult (technically a nunnery but let's be real) dedicated to keeping the body of the thing that will kill God behind the rock. One of their prayers is actually "I pray the rock is never rolled away". Harrow is extremely devout as penance for her earlier heretical actions in the tomb as a child (spoiler!) so the Catholic guilt really comes through
imagine being a catholic nun and you meet god, but it turns out he’s a twitch streamer from new zealand who became god because everything got a little bit out of hand. and just before you met him you gave yourself a diy grief-fuelled lobotomy with the help of your best frenemy. imagine how insane you’d be. now multiply that insanity by nine. that’s the fictional love of my life right there.
she meets god. she’s not inspired
she’s number one practitioner of space Catholicism. The locked tomb is chock full of Christian (catholic) imagery themes metaphors etc. just look at her she’s got a bone rosary
They're Catholicism with extra bones. Everyone is a nun. They have what is basically a rosary made from knuckle bones. They technically worship the same God as everyone else, but they're waaaay more focused on The Body in the Tomb (Mary) and we get a moment where we find out that while everyone else prays the equivilent of The Lords Prayer, they're doing the equivilent of Hail Mary. And they paint their faces with skulls.
She thinks leaving dry bread in a drawer is taking care of someone. She's in love with a 10,000 year old corpse (the same one they worship). She spent ALL NIGHT digging with her bare hands to make sure a field had bones every 5 feet so she could fight her girlfriend - I mean, greatest enemy. Spoiler territory: She's been puppeting her parents corpses since she was 8 years old. Instead of grieving her dead girlfriend, she gives herself a lobotomy. She makes soup with bone in it so she can use the bone IN THEIR STOMACH to try and kill them.
The author is/was Catholic and the entire series had heavy Catholic overtones. https://www.tor.com/2020/08/19/gideon-the-ninth-young-pope-and-the-new-pope-are-building-a-queer-catholic-speculative-fiction-canon/ A good breakdown of how it's Catholic
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yuu-kumeii · 6 months
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A/N : I swear this is just a Kiyoomi drabble, the set up just got a tiny bit too long
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Ok so imagine the MSBY 4 having to make a 'day in the life of' type vlog for a promotion for an upcoming game, event, or collab. Where everyone can take turns holding the camera and vlog about their individual days and routines, so the whole video would be like a compilation vlog showcasing the team in their purest form.
Shoyo and Koutaro will absolutely just ramble on camera about every little thing that happened to them, often getting distracted when it's their turn with the camera. At times both are just going on about their mornings when either one of them holds the camera while the other 2 members just walk in silence behind them.
Being able to capture moments like Kou forgetting he's supposed to put the camera on the bench to get good enough shots of their practice, so the shots of their practice were from far away with a clear blur to it or when Shoyo accidentally dropped the handheld, picked it back up quickly and immediately apologized to the coach while offering to pay for it despite nothing being actually broken. All caught on camera, blurry figures and a lot of fast camera shakes.
Out of the 2, Kou is the one who most likely forgets the next thing he's going to talk about because he was focused on the current topic. He may be older but that doesn't mean he changed all that much, it's still ok though, the marketing department in charge of the editing said it makes him look all the more approachable.
Meanwhile, Shoyo is the 'golden boy' of this vlog. He's energetic, humble, kind, encouraging and he has just the type of face that screams 'We look forward to your support! I promise we won't let you down!'. He also does the same things Kou does, but he gets visibly flustered when he forgets. Everyone would find that cute, the marketing team just knew it.
He and Kou are on the same basis in terms of the 'pure and lovable one people just can't help but support' but they're on different wavelengths.
Kou appeals to the crowd that just craves this type of whimsy and fast paced energy, someone who forgets to think before he does most things but will be the most visibly sincere about apologizing that you can't help but forgive him.
While Shoyo appeals to a more mellowed out side, much like Kou but he's a bit more aware of his actions and surroundings. He does have his moments though and that paired with his pure hearted nature just makes it sweeter to watch.
On the other hand, you have Atsumu and Kiyoomi. Two very different players with very different appeals on camera, yet able to have some of the best back and forths throughout the vlog.
Atsumu, to no one's surprise, will try to capitalize every part of the screen. Whenever it's his turn to hold the camera, it's his turn. So much happens in such a short amount of time that it felt like he was on a multi-week reality show and not a one day vlog, he would go on and on about himself and his life story that it's hard not to feel like you've known the guy your whole life at that point.
Not to mention the amount of mishaps he tries to shake off is enough for his fans to make an entire compilation video. It's so much fun to see Atsumu trip, stagger that clearly shows he was caught off guard, then going back to vlogging on camera like nothing happened while the others laugh behind him. Other notable things were Kiyoomi 'accidentally' serving a ball straight into the back of Tsumu's head while he was explaining his routine on camera and Atsumu also accidentally dropping the camera but instead of admitting it he just pretends nothing happened.
Too bad the editing crew decided to keep that little moment in the video.
One last tidbit that showed Atsumu being just as caring as the sunshine pair was his 'attempt' at subtly promoting Onigiri Miya throughout his parts, emphasis on attempt. Because he would say things like,
"I like ta' go to Onigiri Miya sometimes, cause' I gotta brag to Samu' about another win ya' know? The food 's also good,"
"Is this an ad for Onigiri Miya?"
"...No"
Yeah, no one believes him. But it's so cute, watching him deny every accusation that he wants to brag about his twin's accomplishments as much as his own. Samu definitely put in extra fatty tuna in Tsumu's onigiri for that, don't tell him that though.
And lastly Kiyoomi, your boyfriend and very captivating volleyball player of the MSBY Black Jackals.
Every time he's on-screen, it's just a whole different energy. Calm and collected with minimal words, a drastic difference from the many life stories you get from the others, Kiyoomi prefers to be as vague and general as possible. However, even if his talking is minimal, he still manages to have some of the funniest shots in the video. Courtesy of the other members helping to fill Kiyoomi's segments.
Though the one moment you can say will stick with you, and him, til the day you probably get married (hopefully, fingers crossed). So, each of the boys have a little clip that encapsulates each of their characters and dynamics with each other. Those moments include Shoyo and Koutaro having a little game of rock-paper-scissors in the corner of the gym, everyone trying to imitate Kiyoomi's bendy wrist, 3/4 of the MSBY 4 getting reprimanded by Meian while the rest just watch with smug looks.
All the best moments that show how close they are in a little montage. The moment you're referring to, is this clip of the Jackal's gym. Empty and quiet, the lights are still on and everything is in its place. There, in the corner on a bench, is Kiyoomi sitting by himself. Munching on some dried plums from this little white packet, just sitting there.
It's not something you can explain but seeing him there alone, not to mention the way it was shot that made him look teeny tiny, just about did it for you. The second that clip was shown, you were gone, sent to the sky never to return.
He just looked so small and alone, it's so sad but it's so funny to you. It gives you the uncontrollable urge to coo at him and kick your feet a little, the b roll of the shot just slowly panning towards his little big figure on that bench minding his own business.
He's so little, so cute, so by himself in that gym and he's so going to be your fiance because you want that clip played in your guys' engagement party as one of your reasons to marry him.
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missvelvetsstuff · 5 days
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No Benefits
Bucky Barnes x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Sharon Carter
Summary: Reader and Bucky are best friends until a drunken hook up. Bucky wants a friends with benefits situation because he doesn't feel ready for a relationship but reader knows that will lead to a broken heart.
Then Sharon Carter comes to work with them.
Notes: Steve and Tony are around but retired, everything else is mostly canon
I try to keep my reader generic but as always she is female and taller than average.
I have to say I've been a bit overwhelmed at the response to this story, I hope I can live up to your expectations.
Chapter 2
Warnings: swearing, angst, a little dirty talk. Bucky's kind of an ass, Sharon is evil.
Cookie just stared at the pictures, heart racing, almost hyperventilating. She shook her head and looked at Nick Fury "This can't be right, can it? Sharon Carter can't be working against us, can she?"
Fury looked at her, concern evident on his face. "I'd like to think it's impossible but look at what happened with Hydra. We knew that Rumlow and the strike team were on our side and it turned out the entire operation had been rotten for decades."
Cookie tried to still her hands "B B But th this, this is different. Sh Sh Sha Sharon C C Carter. SHIELD founder P Peggy Carter's niece can't be the Power Broker." She felt her stomach drop and heart stop when it clicked "Oh god, no she can't but b b but Sam and" whispered "Bucky" the color left her face and she started pacing, bouncing until Nick snapped
"COOKIE!"
Y/N jumped and turned to face her boss "Yessir?"
Nick rubbed her arms "Calm down. You're no good to me like this. Barnes and Wilson are off site with Carter, right? Where are they, exactly?"
Cookie nodded "uh yeah they're um, wait let me see." She pulled her phone out "they should be, Latvia." She exhaled and it felt like she was deflating "Where my informant was killed last night."
Fury nodded "I doubt she wants to kill Wilson or Barnes so we just need to get this info to them. You'll probably have to wait until they come home."
Cookie shook her head "But what if she kidnaps them? What if they don't come back?"
Fury shook his head "We'll cross that bridge if we get to it. I need you to compile everything you have that's even vaguely related to the Power Broker and anything you can find about Carter's movements. Let's see if we can find more links between them." He looked at his watch
"I want you in my office for lunch and we'll go over everything you have." He looked her in the eyes "Alright, Cookie? I know you're concerned about your friends but we need to keep our minds clear and focused on the facts so that we can help keep them safe."
Cookie tried to blink the tears out of her eyes and nodded "Got it, boss." before hurrying to her office by way of the break room because coffee was a dire need at this point.
She made it to her office, closed the door so no one would disturb her, turned on her music and sat down to go through every bit of Intel she had that might offer any clues. There were stacks of correspondence and photos plus some undefined amount of info on a thumb drive that she needed to work through with the only other analysts she absolutely knew she could trust, Dylan and Iris. She had trained with them and came up through Quantico where Nick Fury personally headhunted them.
Cookie didn't want to take a chance by getting too many people involved in this, after the whole SHIELD/HYDRA debacle she kept a couple of people close and everyone else could wait outside her gates until they convinced her they were trustworthy. This was huge and had 2 Avengers directly in Sharon's line of fire so had to be handled carefully.
Cookie also knew that her frayed friendship with Bucky was going to make this even more complicated because Sharon could use that to discredit her so Bucky thinks Cookie is just trying to eliminate a romantic rival.
She shook her head, no time to get distracted by emotions, her friends were in danger and that had to remain her focus. By 1pm, Cookie had synced almost all of Sharon Carter's movements with the power broker. There was no doubt, it was definitely her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the other side of the world, Sam was fed up with his mission partners. Sharon rubbed him the wrong way and Bucky was too wrapped up in her to see anything but sex. Sam had a bad feeling about Sharon, she was constantly wandering off only to be found on her phone and the Power Broker seemed to get away right before they arrived, every single time.
He tried to talk to Bucky but he just laughed it off, explaining how impossible it was for a Carter to be the bad guy. "Sam you're being ridiculous and paranoid even for a spy. Sharon is just as frustrated with our lack of progress as we are. You know sometimes this is just a waiting game." He smirked at his friend "We could find you a nice girl to pass the time with."
Sam shook his head and scoffed "A nice girl? You mean like Cookie for instance, who wouldn't try to distract me with sex like yours is doing to you."
Bucky laughed "You jealous man? I'm just making up for lost time and Cookie didn't want me." His smile dropped as he thought of her.
Sam looked at Bucky with wide eyes "Cookie didn't want you? Now we both know that's not the truth, you just got scared of the idea of a real relationship and dropped her for your living cock sleeve. You're a dumbass, Barnes."
Sam's phone buzzed with a text and he smiled when he saw it was from Cookie. She always checked up to make sure they were eating and sleeping while in the field. He looked at his texts
*<3 BeSafe*CYA*
That caught his attention. CYA= Cover Your Ass. It was their code for trouble close by which meant she found something concerning but the problem was too close to say out loud.
Bucky tried to look over his shoulder "What's that? From Cookie? You fucking her?" His voice dropped and he looked angrily at the ground "I knew she would find someone better."
Sam looked at him with disgust "The fuck is wrong with you? The only reason she might find someone better is cuz you pushed her away when you should have held on tight because you're not gonna find another one like her."
He nodded towards the hall where Sharon had gone "That one is trouble. There's something not right about all this and the way she keeps dragging you off to the bedroom."
Bucky smirked "I can't help that she's insatiable. Don't want to disappoint."
Sharon was in the other room listening to their discussion, smiling at how easily Bucky stood up for her. It was simple enough to get his attention when she came back to work with SWORD and he did all the work pushing Cookie away with his guilt. She was confident that he would take her side if that analyst bitch got too close. Sam could be a problem but nothing she wasn't prepared to handle.
She used a burner phone to send a text to her associate, the Intel analyst in D.C. to let them know she would be returning stateside soon and everything was going according to plan.
In the morning Bucky woke up in bed with Sharon's head on his bare chest and groaned. The position he was in wasn't a concern but he didn't remember going to bed or the usual activities with Sharon that followed. He couldn't remember anything past his talk with Sam, about Cookie. He didn't remember eating but he must have since it had been almost lunch time when he spoke to Sam. If he hadn't eaten he would be famished by now.
He took a deep breath and tried to focus and see if he could find any memories but all he could add was Sharon coming into the room and pulling him into their bedroom.
He looked at his watch and counted hours, he had lost almost 18 hours and couldn't figure out what happened. This wasn't the first time he had lost time on this trip and he didn't like the feeling.
Sam was right, something was off.
Sharon started to stir against him "Hey baby, look who's up before me."
Bucky smiled "Mornin baby, you sleep ok? Did we have some fancy liquor last night? I can't remember a damn thing, not even fucking you for 2 hours and I'm sure I did that."
She whined "I'm that forgettable? I thought I made you feel good." and pouted, rubbing his growing cock to distract him.
He reached between her legs to find her ready "You're always so wet and ready for me sweetheart. Tell me what you need."
Sharon moaned "I need you to fuck me, Barnes. Hard and deep. Right now."
Bucky was only too happy to oblige, the lost time forgotten in their haze of lust.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In her office Cookie and her crew worked well past lunchtime until an intern showed up from Nick's office to remind them of the passage of time.
Cookie put all of the papers and photos into a box since they hadn't had time to digitize it all and write up a comprehensive report. She went over every single detail with Nick and Maria to determine what should go in her report and which points to highlight for field agents.
The rest of the day and into the evening Cookie's team had everything organized and the details and evidence all written up in a 5 page report with back up documentation available in her files. She looked up when her phone buzzed to see it was Sam responding to her earlier text
*👍🐴☔*
She smiled knowing that Sam got it and would watch out for Bucky even if he was a dumbass.
Looking at her watch she saw it was almost midnight and noticed Iris trying to read her text before she quickly put her phone away. Iris and Dylan were her most trusted analysts but even they didn't need to know about her chatting with Sam.
She dismissed them so she could have a bit to herself to reply to Sam and include some details that they didn't have the clearance for.
A few days later when Sam, Bucky and Sharon arrived back home, Cookie was there to meet Sam and barely even acknowledged Bucky or Sharon which made Bucky act out, snapping at Sharon. Sharon was annoyed that he still cared about fucking Cookie, after all the work she had done to get him under control he was still pining for that stupid analyst. She knew something would need to be done about her soon.
Sam and Cookie walked arm in arm to medical to have him checked out, then to the common room when she had left some chili simmering for him plus fresh French bread. They took their lunch and went to his room to eat.
Cookie sat across from Sam while he talked about the mission until the food was gone and he stopped, just staring at her.
Cookie stared back "What?"
He looked at her sideways "First, I love you Cookie but you look like Hell. You're worried about me in the field but you're here looking like you haven't slept or had a decent meal in weeks."
She flinched before whispering "Closer to months."
"No, Cookie. Don't destroy yourself over a man that's too stupid to see what's right in front of him. We need you here. Nick fucking Fury insists you're the best intelligence analyst he's ever met. Ever. From the man who doesn't offer praise lightly.
I need you. I can't trust anyone else to lay all the intel out just so it flows for me. Or make sure I'm taken care of when I come back from a mission?
And his dumb ass might not know it or be willing to admit it but Barnes needs you too. He's in love with you, he just thinks he's being good and noble by pushing you away. And if he doesn't figure it out, there's plenty of other men and women that would jump at the chance to be with you. So take care of yourself."
Sam sighed "Second, I know you didn't send the CYA code for shits and giggles so tell me. What do you know?"
Cookie shifted uncomfortably "I want you to know this has nothing to do with their relationship, I didn't look to discredit her or hurt him but you know I have to follow the evidence where it leads me, without prejudice. You know I-"
Sam stopped her "I know you are impartial and I trust you and your conclusions so just spit it out and we'll go from there. Ok?"
Cookie nodded and took a deep breath before blurting out "Sharoncarteristhepowerbroker" then covering her mouth and looked at Sam with wide eyes.
Sam stopped and stared "Please tell me you didn't just say what I think you said. Tell me that she's-. Fuck." He shook his head "I know you have proof. Cookie, you have to tell Barnes."
She blinked rapidly trying to clear the tears that suddenly welled up in her eyes "Nononono, no I can't tell him. He will think I'm some disgruntled woman trying to hurt my rival. You have to tell him Sam he will never listen to me. Hell he hasn't even spoken to me outside of work ever since...."
Her eyes filled up and she tried to hold the tears back but she had been keeping it all in for so long.
Sam pulled her into his chest and sighed "Alright. Give me what you have, I'll talk to him tomorrow. And what's with all the containers of Cookies?"
Cookie shrugged "I was worried about you. Couldn't sleep. I made some of your favorites, the red velvet. The frosted ones are *special* to help you sleep."
Sam hugged Cookie and kissed her cheek "Alright babygirl, lay it out for me..." They spent the next hour going over everything she had before her eyes started drooping. "Okay Miss Cookie, go get some sleep and I'll see you at the debrief tomorrow."
Cookie gathered her paperwork and left Sam's room only to see Bucky in the kitchen. She didn't want to ignore him so nodded and grunted as she passed without slowing down. Bucky just watched her leave, wondering what she was doing in Sam's room so late.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After their run the next morning Sam and Bucky sat down for coffee. Sharon told Bucky she wanted to sleep in so Sam figured now was the time.
Bucky started in on him before he even spoke "What's up with you and Cookie? You are fucking her aren't you? I saw her leave your room early this morning. Don't fucking lie to me jerk."
Sam brushed him off, "None of your damn business."
He tried to change the subject and explain about Sharon but Bucky didn't respond well
"What the fuck do you mean Sam? Sharon is not the goddamn power broker, that's ridiculous, her aunt was a founder of SHIELD. Where did you get your Intel from?" Sam looked at him pointedly, like there was any other person who Sam trusts completely.
Bucky shook his head angrily and stood up to head to Cookies office. "I can't believe you fell for it Sam. She's just trying to get Sharon back because she is with me. I turned her down for a relationship so she wants to hurt me back. Sharon warned me that she would try to pull something like this."
Sam stood up and grabbed Bucky's arm "Are you kidding me? You think Cookie would put her career and reputation on the line for petty jealousies? That she would ruin Sharon's reputation for revenge, over you? I guess you don't really know her after all." He shook his head "I'm disappointed in you man. I thought better of you. Good luck confronting Cookie, she's not interested in your shit."
Cookie was at her desk making packets with the Intel on the power broker for the top brass when Maria stopped by.
"Hows everything, Cookie? Got that power broker packet for me?"
Cookie nodded "It's right here." and reached out with a folder.
Maria noticed her hands "Cookie? What happened to your nails? When was the last time you had a mani-pedi? Is your girl sick?" She looked over Cookies hands in concern, she never missed her nail appointment.
Cookie shrugged "I don't know, I forgot. It's no big deal."
Maria looked closer "You look like Hell. Finish the packets up and take the afternoon off, you need-"
"Cookie!" Bucky roared as he came striding up to her office "What the Hell is this bullshit?"
@erelierraceala @capswife @ozwriterchick @cjand10 @wintrsoldrluvr @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @browneyedgrli @greatenthusiasttidalwave @hhiggs @dontworryboutitsweetheart-blog @behindmygreyeyes
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mikachacha · 6 months
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𝙱𝚘𝚢𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 (𝙱𝚊𝚍𝚊 𝙻𝚎𝚎 𝚡 𝙹𝚁! 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)
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Synopsis: Bada is jealous since everyone seems to be flirting with you while she's been pursuing you even before the competition
Warnings: some language, a little bit of angst, jealous Bada
(A/N: It's based off from dear Anon's request 🤧🤧)
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🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸💮🌸
Bada feels like she's gonna lose her mind as more people want your attention. Unbeknownst to many, Bada has been pursuing you even before Street Woman Fighter. She didn't know you were gonna be in the competition as well until it was revealed that you're the final member for Jam Republic. She initially thought that it was a blessing in disguise since you're gonna be working on the same set but it was the complete opposite. You're this pretty goddess and everyone wants to be the one receiving your love and affection. You were shipped to almost every single dancer in the competition, especially to Haechi and Chocol that made Bada even more pissed off. Then the Chili challenge came to play that skyrocketed your fame even further. Idols both male and female began flirting with you since they saw how well you danced. Especially when you did Kirsten's part on one promotional video since Kirsten had to attend to something and it had everyone losing their minds as they saw your prowess in dancing.
"Hey.. What's wrong? You seem like you're mad at me.." you approached Bada one time since you noticed Bada has been more pissed off. Well team Bebe told you since you're good friends with them.
"I'm not mad at you, Y/N.." Bada said a bit coldly that made you frown and cross your arms over your chest. Yup, you know something's wrong since Bada doesn't talk to you that way.
"Okay. What the hell is wrong with you? You've been acting all pissed off not only to your members and me but you're also acting so hostile towards Haechi and Chocol. Like I get this is a competition Bada but what the fuck?? This isn't like you at all!" you finally exploded and Bada looked at you, shocked at your outburst. She didn't expect that at all and now that you did, she just realized how much she fucked up. Not only with you but her team as well. She's not too sorry about Chocol and Haechi though since they're competitions. They've been flirting with you openly and it pissed Bada off.
"I'm sorry, Y/N.. I didn't mean to. I just get so pissed off seeing everyone flirting with you, seeing how everyone wants you and all that. I'm not your girlfriend, you're not my girlfriend but fuck, I don't want to see you with somebody else.." she finally admitted and you stood there, stunned before you sighed and smacked her on the arm. Bada can be the cure for your headaches but right now she's the cause of it.
"Oh my god, Bada.. Sometimes you're so unbelievable.." you groaned and went back to your crew since filming is about to begin. Bada watched you walk away, cursing herself mentally because she fucked up big time.
The next few days, Bada has been bringing you coffee, texting you a lot, giving you snacks and lunch, even sending flowers to your team's room which made your teammates tease you, especially Latrice and Ling who took photo evidence of everything and compiled it on the group chat you have with the team.
"Bada is down bad for Y/N and it's just the best. Like who the hell would send coffee, milk tea and foods like it's a routine?? She even gets flowers every single day. Like girl, what??" Emma comments and the other girls laughed, agreeing with Emma. You just received a delivery for lunch and your favorite milk tea order.
"How long has she been pursuing you?? The amount of dedication Bada has for you is making all of us jealous like for real." Audrey asked and you began counting on your fingers. You just realized that Bada's been trying her best for the last eight months to date you. She's very consistent with her efforts, except when she was in her jealous phase that it dropped a little bit but still she made efforts for you, unlike the men flirting with you on your instagram that couldn't even be bothered with meeting you or visiting you on set unless they're promised a fun night.
"Close to nine months now.. I honestly am confused. I want to give us a chance, not gonna deny that but we're competing with each other, ya know? I don't want to start a mess or complicate things between us. Between Team Bebe and Jam Republic." you pouted and sat down on the couch where the team just hugged you, understanding what you're going through.
"Y/N, honey.. I know how professional you are and how professional Bada is. I know both of you won't let your relationship come between the competition. If you really want to date her, that's completely okay. What's between you and her will be kept in private until both of you are comfortable sharing it with everyone else." Kirsten says and you hugged her tight, thanking her for understanding your situation and understanding your fears. You're very lucky to have the girls since they provide great comfort and provides the best advices.
You thought about it over and over again until you finally made up your mind. You messaged Bada to meet you at a café. You wanted to talk to her about the real score between you. You didn't want her to think that you're just leading her on while flirting with other people behind her back. You wanted to be clear with her, wanted to be clear with your feelings.
"Hey Y/N.." Bada greets and you smiled at her. You already ordered her favorite drink that got her beaming from happiness, even taking a picture of it to send to her team as she's really happy you remembered her favorite order.
"Hey Bada.. Look, I'm really sorry for how I acted when we last talked to each other. I didn't think about how you felt at all and just thought about myself and I'm really sorry for that. It's your right to be jealous.." you started and Bada reached to hold your hand across the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"It's okay, Y/N. I don't have any right to be jealous about people flirting with you since I'm not your girlfriend, you're clearly not mine.. Plus I did deserve those words. Snapped me back to reality which is much needed." Bada tried to laugh it off and you sighed, intertwining your fingers together.
"But you are my girlfriend. Well now, you are. Starting today, we're now girlfriends." you said and her eyes widened in shock and she looked at you like you just invented something really cool.
"Are you serious right now?? I'm not dreaming or hallucinating, right? Like all of this are real?" Bada asked, just wanting to check if her mind's not playing tricks on her. She has waited for this moment for almost nine months now.
"Nope. It's all real. We're girlfriends now whether you like it or not." you confirmed and a grin made its way to her face before she got up, hugging you from your seat and kissing you all over the face as she's just way too happy about what just happened.
"I swear you just made my whole year.. Thank you, Y/N.. I swear to you that you wouldn't regret anything." she says as she finally calmed down a bit. You just smiled and pulled her in for a sweet kiss. You love your goofy and sometimes jealous girlfriend.
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satoruhour · 5 months
Note
hi t!!! i hope you're well. saw that your requests are open and i'm actually nervous bec this is my first time ever sending a request (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)
may i request gojo being jealous or pouty over reader simping over a celebrity (nct maybe or mark lee especially) (i read that you used to write for nct hehehe) (i'm on nct rabbit hole for the past few days) or or or bassist!suguru teaching reader how to play the guitar maybe?
(am i doing this right? (⁠*⁠・⁠~⁠・⁠*⁠) )
anyway, have a good rest of your day/night!!!
a/n: omg my love im sorry this took so long! i hope you enjoy, i wrote both but ill post it separately :)
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five hours. that’s how long your boyfriend’s been sulking and ignoring you and throwing mini tantrums every now and then. all because you liked to tune into youtube a little too much to look at a bunch of boys (“26, mind you! why do they need so many members anyway?” gojo would say) dance and sing at the same time.
“NCT U this, NCT Dream that, what about NCT Tokyo?” gojo paces the room the very first time you explain the whole concept to him — a group of unlimited members while some are sorted into specific sub-groups that represent specific concepts. gojo gets part of it, but doesn’t understand why they needed to be so attractive.
“they do have an NCT Tokyo, actually! newly formed!” you grin, knowing this information would only set him off, and since then, every comeback, every variety show, every photoshoot behind-the-scenes video that you blast on the living room television is enough to get your boyfriend in the most terrible mood.
but one thing that really sets the sorcerer off is your obsession with the canadian singer slash rapper, mark lee. you admired the work he put in — training since he was young and miles away from his family. he debuted at only sixteen and made a name for himself ever since then, always putting in his 200% for everything that he does. mark’s face shows up way more often than the group videos, gojo notices; a lot of the specific fancams that focus on his performance, or those fan-made compilation videos.
it’s not like you’ve been playing videos non-stop, either. you offered gojo to wave his white flag whenever you went to do chores, made lunch, did some reports, but none came.
so you might as well enjoy a few more videos until you break the ice. you reach hour four when you feel a little bad about the glares he’s giving the tv, seated on the far other end of the sofa while you enjoy the fancam videos of fact check.
curiously, out of the corner of your eye, there’s just a bit of change in your boyfriend’s expression, a scowl still deep on his face but his eyebrows are not as furrowed, eyes not as narrowed and squinted as he liked it to be. having dated since high school, you already know what’s going in that head of his — you know he finds mark at least a little attractive, but his pride wouldn’t let him tell you that.
“see anything you like?” you hear the audible gasp of gojo when you call out to him, letting the video go on not because you watched it a couple times already (while not entirely wrong) but you think gojo still outshines any k-pop idol on the big screen.
“no . .” he mumbles, sinking into himself more and more to prevent you from looking at his expression; but the foot-tapping, the secretive eyes, the head bobs all give him away. you know you’ve got him figured out when you scoot over and he doesn’t move, letting you untangle his fortress of shame shown in his body language.
“you can tell me he’s pretty, you know that right?” you giggle, lifting his arm to slot yourself under it. you fit just right upon his bent knees, looking up at the familiar frown on his face. gently, you peel away the blindfold on his face, greeted with the stark blue eyes that you find yourself falling deeper into each day.
“no comment.”
you laugh at his stubbornness, a hand caressing his cheek as you try to contain your smile. even now, he’s not doing a very good job of catching glances at the television and sulking.
“okay, then, i guess i’ll just continue to watch my videos, then, since tomorrow is an off-day.”
“no! i-i mean . . uh,” gojo is torn between admiring your favourite idol and staying jealous, but he can’t formulate words when you stare at him like that; a crinkle in your eyes and just a sliver of your teeth while your eyes sparkle under the apartment lighting.
“ugghhhh . . i don’t know,” gojo buries his face in his hands, “why do you like him so much anyway? do you like him more than me?”
you hum, striking a faux pose of pondering and your boyfriend only whines again at that, accidentally putting down his knees and your support from behind you is made void immediately. if it wasn’t for your arms that hung around his shoulder, you would’ve landed on his lap pretty harshly.
gojo only huffs after also doing his part: an arm replacing his thighs to keep you from falling. there you hang awkwardly, still faced with gojo’s adorable pout, “mark lee definitely couldn’t have done that. i’ll tell you that much.”
you roll your eyes with a big grin, “oh, you big jealous oaf, c’mere.”
without warning you latch yourself onto him, slightly tackling him into a violent embrace with your lips on his and gojo sighs indefinitely like he’s been waiting all day for it. he just lets you have your way with him, letting you kiss him like you’ve never done before. he hums into your mouth, submitting to you as you climb into his lap.
“so i’m assuming you like me more than him?”
your boyfriend teases as you pull away, hands caressing your sides and sending chills right down to your centre.
“do you really have to ask?” you giggle, fully taking off his blindfold, now, brushing your fingers through his hair. through the corner of your eye, you see him play with the left and right buttons possibly to find a spicy playlist you two could get down to (his words, not yours), but before it can even start:
the playlist’s interrupted by an advert for nature republic with mark’s voice that plays through the speakers, panning out to eight other boys on a beach and smiling as if they’re aware of the torment they harboured.
your sorcerer boyfriend merely throws his hands up in frustration (“oh, come on!”), melting into the couch with a permanent scowl while the living room only fills up with your loud laughter.
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Text
Home Is Where The Heart Is
Rise Leonardo x Reader imagine
Info + Warnings: Reader's having a bad time. It's fluff anyway. No gendered language, pronouns, or Y.N used for Reader. Friends-to-lovers type beat, yearning era. Set a few years post movie. Suggestive comments, maybe.
Commentary: This is not proof read.
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He loves this.
Not- not whatever your head's doing, with the grim skies and that far away look you get every now and again and the fact that your sleep's shit and- well, not that.
The way you're laying on his floor.
He'd left the room long enough to grab some snack mix- because it's easy, it's quick, you like it, and there's something almost like nutrition there, protein probably- and when he walks back in, you're on your back on the floor, arms draped by your head, one ankle tossed over the other knee as you stare at the ceiling.
He has literal benches against the wall of the old subway car. A bean bag chair. Your favorite chair is in the corner, the one he's all but verbally declared your seat, that he always throws a hoodie in (out of convenience, mind you. That's all. No ulterior motives here, no sir). His entire bed is free- and made, thank you- and yet you're sprawled on his floor as though social norms are nonexistent here.
He really, really likes that idea.
"Comfy?" He asks playfully, moving around you with ease.
You hum a yes, and he glances back at you.
You're tired. He knows that already. But somehow, the bags beneath your eyes look darker from this angle. The weight that's been holding your sunny smile back from its full force is almost visible here.
He gets hit with a wave of want- want to fix it, want to hold you, want to make it better- so hard that he feels it physically, just beneath his plastron, fierce and yearning in his chest.
An irrational part of him thinks you must feel it somehow, because you glance over at him as it happens. "What?"
"Trying to remember the last time I swept," He quips instinctively.
You roll your eyes- the way that means you're amused, the way that he chases like a dog after a ball- and they settle back on the ceiling. "Somehow, I think I'll manage a little dirt."
It's not quite right. It's off center. Off the mark. Your voice- it's just to the right of where it should be. It's missing its shine, the playful way you meet him where he lives and make his quips-and-wordplay house your home too.
Luckily, he's pretty damn mobile.
So he moves. He nudges you with his foot, and you move your arm to lay across your torso and clear a spot for him, and he easily drops down next to you and passes you one of the bottles of water he'd grabbed and sets the snack mix between you.
He lays down next to you in whatever this other house is, and he can feel the cobwebs trying to cling to you.
"Hi," He says softly, staring at the ceiling.
"Hi," You repeat, and it's monosyllabic and neutral and means nothing but he feels like you're making a space for him at your table.
It feels like an invitation, an acceptance, like a "why don't you stay for dinner?".
He thinks he'd stay forever, if it'd help. He's good with a duster. He can help tidy things up, if you let him.
Leo wants to ask why you moved in. What brought you here, to this dreary, haunted-looking old place.
"Wanna watch some Vine greatest hits?" He asks instead.
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Not even half an hour later, your breathing has all but convinced him that you're asleep.
He's fighting the urge to check, not wanting to risk waking you up somehow.
Instead, he reaches up and into his little viewing-portal, turning his phone down slightly where it's resting on his bed. (No tired arms, no piecing together a makeshift phone stand, no risk of dropping it on your face. As easy as portals are to maintain these days, it's a no-brainer.)
The screen goes dark as another compilation ends, and instead of hitting "Play" on the suggested video, he finds your face in the reflection.
You look asleep. You look tired, and it aches a little to see.
He can let his eyes linger, now, with yours closed, so he reaches up to turn his screen off.
You're still gorgeous, he thinks with a fond half-hearted frustration. Even exhausted.
When he gets into these dark places, he looks like a wreck.
When you do it, he wants to pull you in by the waist and kiss it better.
Fucking ridiculous.
He finds himself trying to match his breath to yours. Inhale, small pause, exhale, longer pause, inhale, and in that second small pause he realizes this is how he always feels. Like you're synced, like you give him a rhythm to rely on, like you give him something to orbit around when he's knocked out of place.
It's not a new thought, but the analogizing makes something shift in his chest to make room for the sheer size of the feeling.
He loves you. That's not news. You're one of his closest friends- his closest, maybe- and he loves you.
But he's been having the dangerous thought that he might love you, lately.
Might be in love with you.
And when you do things like instinctively look at him right as he glances your way and play off of his jokes like a tennis match and text him pictures of the sunset just because you think it's pretty, he thinks it's more than a might.
But now, something's dragging rainclouds into your sky. And you've found your way to his floor, his space, his company. Again.
He'd barely even had to offer it on the phone earlier, hearing the gray in your voice and tossing the idea of company your way.
You'd barely even had to consider it. You'd just said you'd have to stop by your place, first, and set your stuff down.
You were tired enough to fall asleep, and still came.
You're comfortable enough on his floor, in his space, in his company to fall asleep.
And, if the way he knows in his bones he'd sit here for forever if it means not disturbing you is any indication, he's fallen into something else entirely.
Something that feels like listening to the ocean hit the piers, something that feels like the humming of all of Donnie's security gadgets, something that feels like brushing against his Ninpō. It's familiar, consistent, comforting.
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You make a little moaning sound eventually, rolling your shoulders some and inhaling deeply as you rejoin the land of the conscious.
It sends blood straight to his cheeks, and he tries not to think about anywhere else.
"Sorry," you mumble, voice thick and syrupy from sleep.
For half a second, he thinks you're apologizing for the sound, and he's trying to figure out how to tell you to never apologize for that ever, and actually, do way more of it.
Then his brain takes over, shuts his body up, and points out that you probably meant for falling asleep.
"Nah," He says lazily, the picture of chill. You could commit a murder on his floor and he doesn't think he'd care much.
"Didn't mean to fall asleep," You continue, groggy as you dig the heel of your palm into your eye. "How long was I out?"
He has no idea. "An hour, maybe?"
He catches your eye in the reflection on his phone screen, and you tense, and then you soften again.
"You weren't just laying here, were you?" You ask, in that gentle hidden-guilt way of yours, and he kinda wants to shake you by the shoulders until your brain reconnects and realizes that he'd just lay there forever if you'd let him, attention span be damned.
He opts to tease you, instead. "Oh, so when you think the floor is comfy-"
"You have a shell," You point out dryly.
"You think a turtle can't enjoy the floor? Rude."
You grumble something about it being too early for this, and he doesn't even bother to bite back his grin.
"Thanks," You say after a minute, catching his eye again. Your features are soft and vulnerable and open, and he has to fight not to turn to you, to let you stay in the safety of a reflection. "For being here."
"Always," He says immediately, not even considering it. It's instinctive, reactive, true.
It makes you smile, and he thinks- knows- he's a goner.
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He gets three proper laughs from you before you leave.
Two actual smiles, too. They're muted, but they're there, and he hopes he can keep his mental snapshots of them for forever. Longer than that.
You're still gray, still muted, still hazy, but you're here. You're bathed in the multi-colored light of his room and comfortable and safe, and he's wondering how he ever thought he might be in love.
And when you finally do leave- late, and only because you have life again tomorrow- he portals you straight to your room.
He catches your hand impulsively on your way out, giving it a quick squeeze, and smiling in what he hopes is a reassuring manner when you look at him.
You give him a small smile back, and it's resilient and strong and it feels like hope.
You're resilient and strong and feel like hope.
He's in love.
"Wanna do this again tomorrow?" He asks, sounding much more casual than he feels.
"I don't want to-" And you cut yourself off just as he feels an eyeroll building in his skull, bracing himself to hear bother you or be a pest or something similarly insane. "...Yeah. I do."
He squeezes your hand again and grins, and he has to swallow back something gooey and too-much. "Just say the word, and your chariot shall await," He says instead, tilting his head towards the portal.
You study him for a second, something calculating and scrutinizing in your eyes. "Thank you," You say softly, like you mean it.
"Always," He repeats softly, like he means it.
You step through the portal, your hand slipping from his, and he gives you a little salute before letting it close.
He glances at his bed.
He lays down on the floor, instead, and makes a mental note to actually sweep.
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watermelonsugacry · 1 year
Note
Hey! Hope everything’s going good! Was thinking if bandmember did anything like the vanity fair Billie eilish videos when they watch back all those interviews. Would love to see how far our girl has come
YN YLN: Same Interview, The Sixth Year | Vanity Fair
A/N: Christmas break is coming up so been busy but I also have some stuff coming out soon for your lovies! 💚
SINCE 2010 masterlist
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“Year six, baby,” YN smirks at the camera. “Alright—” She pulls on the tops of her pink sheer opera gloves that match her pink corset before clapping her hands together. “—Let’s do this. ‘Ello, m’name is YN YLN. Today’s date is October 18, 2022.”
How old are you?
“I’m 23 years old.”
“I’m 24.”
“25.”
“26.”
“27.”
“M’28 years old,” YN kisses her teeth. “M’pushing 30, mate.”
How many followers do you have on Instagram?
“I have 573K followers on Instagram.”
“8.7M.”
“60.9M.”
“94.8M.”
“106M.”
“I currently have 287 million followers on Instagram. Dunno why I have so many; I make a lot of shit posts.”
What is your most liked picture on Instagram?
2017:
“My most liked picture is one of me and the boys huddled up backstage after our last performance together with 654K likes.”
2019:
“It is a picture of me in my home recording studio with about 5 million likes.”
2022:
“It’s currently one of me photo dumps on tour. The first picture on that one is a selfie with Harry taking a bite out of m’cheek. This one has 60,036,819 likes. Which is way too many likes if m’being honest.”
How are you feeling today?
2022:
“M’feeling really good. I always look forward to these interviews. I try me best not to look at the old videos more than once so that I can best prepare meself for my current answers, yeh know? But I love that I get to do this every year. There’s a lot of like, time lapse compilation videos on meself on YouTube that show off how far I’ve come over the years but these I feel are the least cringy ones,” YN lets out a laugh.
Biggest thing to happen in your career?
2021:
“I won a Grammy for producer of the year?” YN furrows her eyebrows as she juts her chin out. “Wha’ is life? That’s insane. The highlight of me career. Hands down.”
2022:
“It’s still the highlight of me career. And I got nominated for it again for Grammys 2023. To even be nominated and be the only woman in this category a second year in a row is just super fookin’ wild. Um...I got seven other Grammy nominations for next year. I’m also on tour again—a world tour—and it’s definitely me favorite thing to do aside from making the actual music. Harry’s new album that we’ve been workin’ on for over the past two-ish years finally came out earlier this year. I’m dropping me third album before the year is up. So many good things have happened this year that it’s honestly too long to list.”
How often do you get recognized in public?
2017:
“Pretty often,” She nods her head, a chuckle pushing past her lips. “It’s pretty hard to just go out and grab a bite to eat without getting surrounded.”
2020:
“Public? Who is she? I dunno her,” YN teases. “It’s pretty rare that I’ll go out nowadays and the masks only help so much with trying to be lowkey on the street on stuff like tha’.”
2022:
“I have to admit, v’gotten a lot better at being discreet when going out in public,” She nods her head with a knowing smile. “I think I was just so used to not being ‘allowed’ to go outside or if I did I wouldn’t enjoy meself because I knew I was gonna get recognized by paps. It was really hard for baby YN there because of how everything started. Everything I did was in the public eye and no matta’ what I did, me fans always knew where I was at all times it seemed,” YN hums. 
“I love me fans and I love the times when we happen to see each other on the street, we can have like a genuine conversation instead of shoving yeh phone in me face and putting yeh hands on me without me permission. I’ve had the most amazing conversations with fans like tha’ those moments are super special to me.
But in all honesty, they need to get hired by the FBI or somethin’. Knowin’ where m’gonna be before I even do,” She huffs out a chuckle.
What’s most important to you right now?
2020:
“The relationships within me life. I think this year has really made me recognize that. Whether those relationships are with me mum, me boyfriend, me tour team, me dancers, the fans—they’re all super important to me. Makin’ sure that we’re all safe and healthy—mentally and physically—now more than ever.”
  2022:
“All of which are still very important to me. I think v’also learned to stay in touch with me emotions. I think in an industry like this, it can be very easy to just put on a mask or passively go through events to maintain an image. If I’m doing something—wether it be somethin’ major or not, I want to allow m’self to be in the moment.
I did a show recently in Austin and...” The crease between her eyebrows disappear and smile etches itself on her lips at the memory, “I was singing POV and I just stopped singing and the crowd took over. I quite literally just stood there, took out me earpieces and just listened to a stadium full of people sing my song back to me. It made me feel so...it made me feel really good, really happy.”
Do you feel pressure?
2017:
“I do yeah,” YN nods with a sincere furrow of her eyebrows. “But I have been feeling pressure for the majority of my career so I’m mostly used to it by now; It doesn't bother me as much anymore.”
2022:
“Of my fookin’ word,” She throws her head back. “I can’t even—like even the way I spoke, man. Can yeh hear that? Like, I was still in the mindset of having to change the way I talk, tweak me accent and act all prim and proper,” YN points a finger into her mouth as she sticks out her tongue.
“And what a lie. Like of course that pressure bothered me still! I was fresh into the hiatus, just dropped me first solo album, about to do a world tour by meself for the first time. I was dealin’ with so much that I remember the pressure of everything was just...it felt that I was gonna be squished into a pancake. Being in the band and being as big as we were, there was an immense amount of pressure for everything to keep going well; everything seemed like it had to get bigger and bigger and if I didn’t live up to that standard as a solo artist, it was the end of the world to me.”
“I do still feel some pressure but definitely not to that extent anymore. It’s more of like, a good pressure, I’d say. It keeps me from resting on me laurels and it makes me continue to work hard to improve meself. Like, just because I won an award for produce of the year doesn’t mean that m’gonna let it get to me head and just not work to better meself in that craft. 
But I have to admit that a lot of that pressure has been lifted off of me from me fans. They’ve just continued to give me their unconditional love and support—whether it be for a year, 2 years, 12 years—m’just super grateful that they just allow me to be me, flaws and all.”
What did you eat today?
2020:
“I ate some grilled chicken—that I made all by myself—with a side of some beans,” YN giggles as she knows by now that the fans have been having a laugh about her boyfriend’s baked beans comment over interviews in quarantine.
2021:
“I had a chicken caesar salad bowl that I probably put way too much dressing on to be considered healthy anymore,” She chuckles, playing with the chunky chain sitting on her collarbones.
2022:
“I actually had an amazing chicken wrap this morning. Just the right amount of protein and yumminess,” She pats her tummy with a content smile. “Yeh girl likes chicken, what can I say?”
Are you aware of people when you're playing?
2019:
“I think so yeah. It’s crazy because for me, it’s scarier to play in front of 6 people than 60 thousand people. But on the other hand, the noisiness of big crowds is super calming to me. I can’t really explain how. Like right before m’gonna go on stage, I like to take out me ear-pieces and just listen to them scream...which now makes me sound like a serial killer of summ’wat,” YN’s shoulders bunch up to her ears as she giggles.
2022:
“I would say that m’more aware of the audience members now more than I ever have before. This current tour that m’on is probably the funnest tour so far and it’s really because of the fans. When m’on stage and when I’m performing, I make sure to look at the people in the audience, yeh know? Like, I can still remember when the band did our first stadium tour, I honestly couldn’t see anything; they were all just blurbed together. 
But with this tour, I make sure to take the time during the show to talk with fans. And I make an effort to sing to them and look at them dancing in the pit, the outfits they recreate, the way some of them are just closing their eyes and just being in the moment. As a musician, to see people come to me show and to see how they create this environment where everyone can have fun and let loose and just have a good time is just super amazin’. It’s a really indescribable feeling.”
Are you more confident this year compared to last year?
2018:
“From last year to now? 100%,” She answers with ease, leaning back into her seat. “I think this is the most confident I’ve ever felt, I think. M’not too worried about what people are sayin’ about me because let’s face it, they are always saying something. So if yeh like me, cool. If yeh don’t, cool.”
2022:
“She’s not wrong. 2018 YN’s ego was pretty up there. Granted, me ego is still growing and sensitive so—” YN shamelessly shrugs and puts her hands up in defense. “—Take tha’ as you will. But I definitely feel more confident and secure in who I am as a person and as an artist. When the boys and I went our separate ways musically, I had a hard time sort of, figuring out what I like and the kind of music I wanted to make for meself. Even the way I thought about fashion, I knew people saw me in skirts and things like that but I remember entertaining the idea of if I wanted to continue that as a security blanket of sorts. 
When I was in the band, I took things with a grain of salt and m’very happy that I’ve kept that with me.” 
Biggest rumor about you?
2017:
“That I’ve slept with each of the 1D boys,” YN lets out a nervous laugh. “Which is gross because they’re all like my brothers.”
2018:
“Where do I even begin?” YN blows out a raspberry. “I’ve been gettin’ this one for literally years now but that m’dating my old bandmate, Harry—which is getting really old at this point,” She scrunches up her nose with a roll of her eyes.
2022:
YN bursts out laughing as she watches her old self answer, knowing full well that during that time period she was in the midst of her on-and-off relationship with Harry. 
She tilts her head to the side with a quick raise of her eyebrows, “I mean, she’s not wrong. V’been getting that question/comment asked since we were on the XFactor. And believe it or not, I still get asked that question. I just answer it differently now,” She cheekily brings her shoulder to her chin.
What do you hate being asked?
2018:
“That. The ‘who are you dating?’ question. For a long time, I just had to suck it up and just answer the question but I don’t have to answer if I don’t want to, y’know? Also, I’m my own person,” She begins to list things off of her fingers, “I’m not someone’s arm candy, m’not so-and-so’s new girl. I’m YN YLN and if all you ask me is if I’m dating anyone rather than me music, you don’t deserve my time.”
2022:
YN drops her jaw and the corners of her lips tug up in a smile.
“A feisty little thing she is,” She chuckles. “But no truer words have ever escaped me mouth. She’s right, and I still stand by that. 100%. My career is not based around a guy or who m’dating. That’s not to say I hate talking about Harry—I love to talk about him but don’t make it the whole point of the interview, yeh know?”
Craziest fan moment?
2021:
“Me first show back on tour after being held back in 2020 was really heartwarming. It a stadium show—not intimidating at all for me first show back—” YN sarcastically comments. “—so there were three levels of seating: the pit, the middle section, and then the top. While I was singing, the audience did a fan project where on the top section held up lights to read welcome back, and then the middle said we missed you, and the pit held up pieces of paper saying we love you. M’not even gonna lie, I was bawlin’ me eyes out. Like, just thinking of the amount of work that went into that...” She shakes her head in disbelief. 
2022:
“I did a show last week in LA and at the barricade, I saw this lineup of these 5 girls wearing my current and past tour outfits. I have seen some really good recreation of me fits before and it was honestly like a copy and paste, I was so shocked. After talking with them for a bit—now I don’t ever do this—but I invited them to come up on stage with me,” YN laughs. 
“I suggested we ditch the choreography for Kiss Me More but they insisted they knew it and sure enough,” YN throws her hands with another laugh. “I almost hired them on the spot!”
Do you have a boyfriend?
2017:
“Um, no. I do not have a boyfriend. I’m just really focused on my music at the moment. That’s my boyfriend,” She lets out a chuckle.
2020:
YN playfully rolls her eyes and throws her hands up, “Well I’d be the biggest liar in the world if I said no.”
She huffs out a giggle as she refers to the entire world finding out about her secret relationship with Harry on New Years Eve of that year.
2021:
“I do have a boyfriend,” She smirks at the camera with a shrug of her shoulder, leaving it at that.
2022:
YN takes a second longer to answer this question and stares at the laptop screen with a fond smile. She technically doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore, but will she let them know that? Nope.
“Well, you’d all be happy to know that Harry and I are still very much together. Still got that boy locked down, ladies,” She playfully winks at the camera with a click of her tongue. 
What makes you happy in a relationship?
2022:
“I like quality time. From staying inside 24/7 in 2020 to easing back into my busy schedule made H and I realize that it was important to set some time aside for ourselves, just the two of us. Like, we don’t even have to be talking just as long as we’re together during the business of it all. And...” A smirk grows on her lips, “One of me love languages is physical touch. It definitely wasn't on the list before so you can probably guess who made me this way but yeah. And music, of course, that’s me main form of love language. Whether we’re listening to good music, making it, singing it—anything to do with it m‘in love.”
Describe your style in 3 words.
2017:
“Figuring it out.”
2018:
“No more skirts,” The 24-year-old rolls her eyes.
2019:
“Whatever is comfy,” She laughs as she wraps her light green cardigan tighter over herself.
2020:
“Trying new things.”
2021:
“Trousers and blazers.”
2022:
She tilts her head as she bites her lip, looking up as she thinks about how to compactly frame her style now. As she says the next three words, she holds up her hand to count it off on her fingers, “Pretty in pink. And 2018 YN was a lie. I still fancy a skirt every now and then.”
Biggest thing you’re struggling with?
2019:
“I think, just being honest with meself in terms of how I feel. I think I struggle a lot with allowing meself to feel the way I feel about certain things,” Or about a certain someone. “And that it's okay to feel those things. I know, super detailed,” She chuckles.
2022:
“Yeah, 2019 YN was certainly going through some personal issues. S’crazy to look back at these videos and remember wha’ I was feelin’ during that time. S’pretty crazy. I can say that v’grown immensely from that time of my life which is very comforting to know. It’s still hard for me, don’t get me wrong, but allowing myself to feel things like love or sadness or happiness is something that I’m subconsciously reminding myself to do. 
I think the biggest thing that m’stuggling now with is to have check ins with meself. It’s safe to say that m’back to my busy, hectic, never-ending schedule so I want to take a breather every now and then. It can be a whole day, a whole 20 minutes, just a pause to check in with my mind, me body, me spirt to make sure m’okay and then be off to a career that I love very dearly.”
What advice would you give your future self?
2017:
“Have some fun and enjoy this new chapter that you’re venturing onto,” She nods with a smile.
2019:
“I would say to allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. Step out of your comfort zone and take that leap of faith.”
2022:
“What a genetic piece of advice for that first year, eh?” YN chuckles with a smirk, “Enjoy this new chapter you're venturing onto like yeh can hear how professional I wanted to sound,” She playfully rolls her eyes with a sigh. “I would say that 2019 YN’s advice is a good one though. It’s a good reminder to not play things safe all the time. As a narcissist, I want everything to be perfect, especially me music, so to be in the studio and not fall back to me old habits of what I think sounds good, try something different, yeh know? I like that a lot, actually.”
This is my mum...
2017:
“Everyone, say hello to Penny,” YN proudly presents as her stepmum comes up to her side, placing a hand on the back of her chair as she waves at the camera.
“‘Ello, lovelies,” Penny beams.
2018:
“Penny!” YN smiles brightly. When she wiggles her fingers towards her stepmum the sound of her rings clinking together can be heard.
When Penny walks up to her stepdaughter’s side, she puts her hands on top of YN’s red leather jacket to give her shoulders a squeeze.
“Hi baby,” Her stepmum gives a warm smile and gently presses her chin to YN’s temple.
2019:
Penny tucks her long, black hair behind her ears before wrapping her arms around her stepdaughter’s shoulders. 
“I love you, my baby,” She says into her hair before planting a kiss on her head.
“I love youuu so much,” YN sings as she holds onto her stepmum’s forearms over her chest.
2020:
“Y’already know what time it is,” YN dances in her seat, her arms already extended out by her side. She lets out a laugh as she watches Penny shimmy her way to her stepdaughter’s side. The tight high waisted jeans show off her curvy, fit figure and a mask covers the lower half of her face.
“It’s Penny time,” Her stepmum throws finger guns at the camera.
2021:
“Come over ‘ere, mum,” YN nods her head over to Penny. Once she’s close enough, she takes a hold of her stepmum’s hand and pulls her over for her to sit on her lap, wrapping her arms over her torso, “Love you.”
“I love you more, baby,” Penny smiles as she leans her head back to rest beside YN’s. 
2022:
“This is me mumma,” YN smiles warmly before cooing out a chuckle. “Wha’ happened?” She questions when she sees Penny walk over to her side with glossy eyes.
“Sorry, m’sorry,” She chuckles, dabbing her under eyes with the sides of her index fingers. “S’just really fookin’ cool to see how far you’ve come. Like look at her—” Penny points to the laptop screen that has 2017 YN on display. “—me lil’ baby.”
“Mum!” YN laughs when Penny wraps her arms around her daughter’s head and pulls it to her chest.
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sexhaver · 2 months
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me n bailey marathoned the first season of this show over the last few days. some thoughts:
Alan Cumming, specifically his accent and wardrobe, are by far the highlights of this show. i sincerely hope someone has made an edit compiling all of his outfits without any of the actual gameplay, because he is consistently serving cunt
like just look at this
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that being said i did keep seeing him as Fegan Floop from Spy Kids
oh right there's an actual game/competition component to this
im just gonna get this out of the way: the entire premise of the show is fundamentally flawed. they keep trying to make it sound like the three Traitors in the group are "backstabbing" and "working against" the Faithful (non-Traitors), but, like, everyone on the show (Traitor or Faithful) is competing for the exact same prize pool. it's not like The Mole (or any other social deduction game), where the secret evil team actually has different goals diametrically opposed to those of the good team and has to complete them without having anyone notice. here, the evil team just... votes on someone to "murder" every night. that's it.
to emphasize this point: the literal only thing that can ever give you away as a Traitor is being bad at lying/concealing guilt. there are ZERO gameplay differences between the goals of a Traitor and the goals of a Faithful, which means the arguments over who to vote for banishing are based entirely on "gut feelings"
nobody on the show has ever played a social deduction game before. late into the season, there's a day where all 3 Traitors are alive and it's down to 6 people total (so 3v3). anyone who has played Mafia/Werewolf/ToS/etc knows what this means: barring bullshit last-minute rules from the producers, it is quite literally impossible for the Traitors to lose, because none of them can be voted up. it takes 4 out of 6 votes to exile someone, and there are only 3 Faithful left. if no Traitor votes for another Traitor, then it is, again, literally impossible for a Traitor to be exiled. furthermore, if they all coordinate their votes on one Faithful, all they have to do is convince one of the remaining two Faithfuls to vote with them, and they instantly win $180k (split three ways). and hey, wouldn't you know it, one of the Faithfuls (Kate) was already really suspicious, and another one of the Faithfuls (Quentin) said out loud multiple times that he was voting for her!
so what do you think the Traitors did?
god this part pissed me off so much im having to pause for breathe while typing this. okay. so.
two of the Traitors voted for the third Traitor, who got voted off.
after being voted off, youre supposed to walk up to the Circle of Truth and reveal if you were a Traitor or not. the guy who got eliminated (Christian) was entirely too nice and gracious about it. me n bailey discussed this and came to the conclusion that we would either a) out the other Traitors on the stand and explain, using game theory and math, exactly how fucking stupid they are, completely ruining the game for them, or b) pretend to cry a little while walking up to the Circle of Truth but as soon as you walk behind the first other Traitor's chair you flip it over backwards and elbow drop their nose into their face while screaming "YOU STOLE $60K FROM ME YOU SON OF A BITCH"
also the guy who got eliminated (Christian) was very clearly autistic and Every Single Reason the other traitors gave for not liking him was like straight out of the DSM V diagnostic criteria ("he talks too loud and laughs weird", "he's got way too much energy all the time", "his emotional responses don't make sense")
apparently there's a season 2 but i cannot bring myself to watch it after seeing Christian thrown to the lions (ayyy Sunday school reference)
also at one point a Faithful has to leave because of COVID (this was filmed in 2020) so the producers don't let the Traitors murder anyone that night for balance reasons, but to compensate, they tell them they can like. write down three names that will be publicly revealed to everyone the next morning, and then one of those people dies the next night. so obviously this is mostly a nerf for the Traitors because they miss a night of killing someone, but the intention was clearly to give the Traitors an opportunity to sow confusion by putting one or two of their OWN names onto the list to make them seem like Faithfuls. and they even had an extra objective during that day's game where one of the three people could earn a "shield" to protect them that night, so if a Traitor was on the list, they could basically "steal" the shield from the other 2 (since they obviously weren't getting killed no matter what). but i think the Traitors heard "write down three names" and "kill" and had all the blood rush to their respective dicks because they just wrote three Faithfuls lmao. deeply unserious show
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