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#I’m happy you liked the last part
ssreeder · 2 years
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SREEDIE MY GORGEOUS EX-WUSBAND
(this one is possibly my longest comment ever so uhh good luck)
no fr I saw the update I was like fucking FINALLY I’m getting some good enrichment in my enclosure how do you always have perfect timing???
and just like.. 30k?? IS IT MY BIRTHDAY ALREADY WTF you’re honestly insane ilysm
fuck you I don’t love you “zuko didn’t return that night” looking ass >:(
okay ik this is a sad emotional scene but the spirits not giving a fuck about sokka is like so ironic lmao bc in the show they never leave him alone even tho he tries to avoid them at all costs T-T
bruh not sokka thinking hakoda is annoying for breathing- he’s finally experiencing a normal teenager experience :’)
oh nooooo sokka if you tell hakoda you’re in love with zuko and hakoda reacts badly fuuuuuuck
YES SOKKA SOB OUT THE SADNESS EXPERIENCE SOME CATHARSIS BESTIE WOOOO
hakoda said toxic masculinity get rekt that’s so girlboss of him
THANK YOU BATO FOR BEARING THE BRUNT IF HAKODAS ACCIDENTAL HOMOPHOBIA SO SOKKA DOESNT HAVE TO SUFFER ANY MORE THAN HE ALREADY HAS YOURE DOING THE LORDS WORK TRULY
idk how you intended this to be read but I’m picturing hakoda saying “no.. not the watch tower” like this:
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but also not hakoda doing reconnaissance on zukka-
yes sokka when it’s a question of how information gets spread the answer is always fucking reho (and I love him for that how else is anyone supposed to get anything done with everyone else being too emotionally constipated to talk to each other)
I cannot express to you how fucking frustrated I am by the communication being compromised bc of the fucking dai li bc ykw??? it’s such an incredible plot point by you since it is 100% in character for the dai li to interrupt messages bUT I HATE IT SO MUCH I’m literally going to have the time of my life when Somebody finally gets a clue about what’s going on
lmao katara something really did happen after you left but lucky for you it was a good thing!! and a bad thing bc everything always goes to shit but oh wellllll
katara you moron why did you tell them you’re leaving T-T
uh yeah no I can promise you jet is anything BUT bored jet is scheming jet is raging jet is challenging firebenders to duals he can’t win JET IS MAKING FRIENDS (well one friend and he doesn’t want to admit they’re friends but reho still counts)
oh fuck. jet you’ve really done it now.
BUT ALSO I FUCKING CALLED IT I KNEW ZUKO WOULD LEAVE JUST IN TIME IM SCREAMING THE STARS ARE ALIGNING THE PLOT US UNFOLDING THE DAI LIS PLANS ARE RUINED
oh hakoda I love how smart you are we really need a good tactician and here you are saving the day <3
also quon is a fuckinf asshole I hope he gets decked at some point xx (but it’s kinda a slay too that he just has so much audacity like it’s honestly lowkey impressive ngl)
yes bato act dumb and pretty we fully support lying and trickery in this household
also I’m placing my bets on zuko returning at the most inconvenient time in the most dramatic way possible fyi (and I’m going to eat it up bc I live for dramatic zuko)
uh yeah jet bby you’re definitely ashamed of what you did hate to break it to you HOWEVER I really do get why jet did do what he did bc he’s traumatised and also a teenager and so he was never going to think maturely and rationally (which like yes obvi that means he caused the problem BUT ALSO it’s not his fault he’s problematic) I just really need him to get some therapy dude
OKAY can I just say I love you showing toph as being affectionate outside of playful physical aggression?? it’s been ages since I’ve read a fic where toph has shown some form of affection that hasn’t been a punch in the arm! and I feel like that’s so important bc in the show most of the female characters are insanely talented in the art of combat and so often they then get reduce to Just being aggressive (like toph) or being overly emotional (like katara which is super ironic considering the ember island players tragic performance and how that was supposed to actively argue against katara being so one dimensional) WHEN REALLY they ARE BOTH tough and have feelings bc they’re literally human beings
yeah I have many opinions oops
I FEEL SO VINDICATED I LOVE YOU KATARA AND YOUR BIG SMART BRAIN she’s such a good actor my heart is squeezing in satisfaction oh lordy
shit. appa. fuck. goddamnit. REALLY?
omg this is so not gonna happen but imagine if zuko turned up in ba sing se and then all communication Issues are solved and he can help find appa like in the show :D
well not all communication issues but a fuck ton of them
YES RASU he’s such an icon I actually love him with my whole entire heart my flirty baby boy
lmao zuko had a crush on rasu
same.
shit. idk why but it’s so jarring to have be explicitly said that zukos death (even tho it’s fake news) is a casualty of war. like OBVIOUSLY but to have it put so bluntly is like damn. it’s like as a casualty of war, it matters fuck all that he was a prince or why he was hunting the avatar and everything that made (makes) him integral to the war effort bc in reality he really just is another kid who died in the war. and then THAT just makes you think, yeah he’s not all that special because the horrific reality is that so many people were casualties of the war and while they’re anonymous numbers on a large scale, in life they Mattered and now it’s all for naught. jesus crispy sreedie you’ve really got me grieving
FUCK YEHA QUON IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE HES DISMISSING JETS INTEL ALL BY HIMSELF THIS IS A WIN TEAM
sokkaaaa now is not the time to be bad at readying facial cues T-T
aang has so much more emotional maturity than people give him credit for fr. like there’s no way in hell I would’ve been able to regulate my emotions half as well as aang when I was 12 even WITHOUT factoring in the genocide of his nation
holy shit reho DESERVES SO MUCH FUCKING LOVE I WILL PERSONALLY FIGHT EVERYONE WHO DARES TO INSULT HIM AFTER THIS
also he’s so fucking wise “evil people don’t only belong to one nation, they are everywhere” LIKE PREACH they really fucking are war provides a platform for the worst people to shine
real talk if shen dies I’m gonna be devastated
ohoho nice like fic name drop right here
omg not zuko popping up at the MOST convenient time in the least dramatic way possible??? shocked but also not surprised bc it’s making perfect sense narrative wise
wheezing at zuko being consistently unpredictable bc ykw the only reason nobody can figure out what he’s planning is bc my boy simply does not have one!! ever!! and it’s legend behaviour actually I think it might be the reason he’s my fav character
okay okay okay at least sokka and zuko have bato with them for child wrangling purposes bc they need an adult. but oh no hakoda is aloooone
zuko you dumbass motherfucker did you just SURRENDER YOURSELF
ykw I take back what I said about him never having a plan being my fav thing about him I have come to my senses and have reconsidered.
ZUKKA KISS??? it’s tragic.
it’s so fucked up that ara and sokka are gonna become friends again bc their bfs got taken hostage but I’m here for it
HOLY FUCK SHIT YEAH SUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
MAI AND TY-LEE OMG MY GIRLS ALL MY GIRLS ARE COMING ITS HAPPENING ITS NOT A DRILL OMG SREEDIE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IM GOING FERAL
A Z U L A
okay so obviously appa is under lake lagoli right
and yes I’m very relieved that shen and zuko are together at least BC NOW WE CAN GET SOME MORE QUALITY BANTER AND THATS ENOUGH COMPENSATION FOR THE TRAUMA RIGHT
RIGHT??
reunion soon :3
anyways why did I think this would actually end okay with zukka and bato off frolicking to ba sing se?? how am I that delusional?? it’s like I don’t know you
I HOPE YOU TAKE A REFRESHING NAP AND RECOVER FROM THIS DOOZY OF A FINALE BUT ALSO I AM WAITING IN ANXIOUS ANTICIPATION FOR THE NEXT BOOK ITS GOING TO BE THE LONGEST AND MOST HORRIFIC JOURNEY TO A ZUKKA REUNION EVER AND I CANNOT WAIT also bc you don’t write zuko pov that means we’re gonna get a lot more shen pov?? which I think will be really fun so that’s exciting too
LOVE YOU TO BITS AND PIECES
leekie <3
OH MY GOSH, if you keep flirting with me we might just have to tear up our divorce papers and move in together.
Hahah Hakoda’s reaction to the watchtower is exactly how I envisioned it. Sarcastic & pretend shock lol.
Katara’s honesty is finally catching up with her, getting her in trouble with the Dai Li that is. But she is a strong girl and she can hold her own, I know she’ll be ok!
Ok I love that you brought up toph because sometimes I feel like fics make her out to be a lie detecting, punching, sarcastic person and just leave it at that. But she is so much more than that, all the female characters are! I hope I can do them justice.
Zuko does have a plan!!! “Don’t let Sokka get hurt” - that’s it, that’s the plan. Haha.
I hope Shen doesn’t die… but also, I can’t make any promises.
SUKI IS ON THE WAY TO HELP SOKKA!!! & azula is on the way to bomb him lol.
Im sure it’ll be fine, I love you! You’re amazing. But I also hate you because we are divorced and GRRRRRRR, but secretly we’re still hooking up and it pretty obvious but shhhh don’t tell anyone. ;)
:D
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katkafe · 9 months
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i know we’re all grieving the end of mentopolis but all i can think about is the potential for a second season.
like we return to the mind of elias hodge and everyone is so happy, everyone is living their best lives. conrad’s gotten a massive growth spurt, dan’s still running things from behind the scenes (as he does) with some help from his brothers in the balls, anastasia is finally getting the recognition (and attention..) she deserves as the new mayor, imelda and lance are in a lovely open marriage (both becoming eager investors in one thalamus and sons), hunch never runs out of mysteries to solve, and the wayward interests aren’t so wayward anymore, thanks to pasha and the fix.
and elias is so happy. he’s working a new and better job, finally helping to make the world a better place and watching gobstopper industries fall apart, from a safe distance of course. he’s with his coffee shop girl. maybe they’re married now, maybe they’ve got a kid coming along soon, but no matter what, they’re so happy together.
at this point, the prohibition is a distant memory, and mentopolis is sunny and full of serotonin and endorphins and life.
but it just all starts to fall apart out of nowhere. elias has a target on his back. the psychometer was going to be gobstopper’s big moneymaker. they were never going to let him get away with it. and, sure, the whole company’s probably getting shut down, and most of their higher-ups might be locked up, but what’s stopping them getting back at the guy that did this to them? they could pay their ways out and just cut their losses, rebuild it all from scratch if they can, but do they really seem like the types to do that? they’ll hold a grudge, and they’re going to start all over again with the same evil bullshit and make back the money elias lost them, but they’re going to make sure he never gets in the way again.
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majoringinsarcasm · 1 year
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“I hate people who mindlessly praise RWBY and deny any of its awful writing choices”
I have no idea what circles you’re in that have people like this. I won’t deny they exist bc I’m certain they do, but I’ve seen so many ppl who love RWBY with all their hearts talk about multiple things across the volumes they didn’t like or wish had happens differently or where a scene was weak or where the pacing was off. Especially after people politely explained issues they had with V9 while still throughly enjoying the volume as a whole.
Again I’m not denying the existence of mindless praise but I have to ask WHO you’re coming across who In Earnest and not as a joke say the show is 100% Perfect For Real. Bc in the 10 years I’ve been watching the show I have not seen those people. Which maybe means I’m lucky?
But I feel like RWBY specially gets so much hate and shade and ppl talk about “bad writing” every other episode for the past six volumes like. Bruh if it’s THAT bad HOW are you still watching? There’s thinking it’s bad and hoping it’ll get better and then there’s hate watching and being confused why people seem to love a thing you hate and that doesn’t sound fun At All
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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dollsuguru · 2 months
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gonna have suguru be a mix of a frat boy/a fucking NERD/and a bad bitch…….. YEAH LET’S GO!!!!!!!!
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crybaby-bkg · 4 months
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booie🥺i'm sorry if this is random and u don't have time for it, no worries!!! but y'know what i'm always thinking abt???
your fic, "in every lifetime" GOD, IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES EVER, but i've always been on the edge of my seat when it comes to villain bakugo showing up at the end. did you have any thoughts on what his life is like with you in another reality? I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED IF YOU HAVE BABIES WITH HIM TOO??? and if it's hard bc he's a villain
(i've always imagined that seeing you in another reality makes villain bakugo wanna get better for u and his daughter in his own reality, bUT THAT'S JUST ME!!) what are your thoughts??? only if you want to explore, ofc!! 🩵🩵🩵
i love u berry much in general!
CAITIEEEE MY BELOVED :D 💜💜
omg thank you so much!!!!! I always beat myself up over that fic bc I was literally like 85% done with it when I thought about villain bakugou and was like. ITS TOO LATE TO TURN BACK NOW cause that would’ve added another 3-5k words aksjdkd
but I’ve never thought about his life with you much???? but I do believe that once he comes in and gets acclimated with the others, he becomes the odd one out, instead of your Katsuki even tho you guys don’t even have kids yet!!!!
but it’s bc villain bkg does have a daughter (just one which already earns him a few scoffs) but he doesn’t….have her as much as the others do. his entire life isn’t revolved around her, he doesn’t take her hunting or show her how the world works. he doesn’t smother you in affection back home (mainly bc you won’t let him anymore) and he just becomes so isolated from the others in that sense.
but when he goes back home to his own universe, he’s a little different. he was hesitant to see his daughter often, didn’t want her to look at him in disgust and horror when he picks her up with his bionic arm, even tho the cold metal is all she’s ever known from him. he’s scared that she’ll be scared of him, that she’ll recognize his destruction on the news when she looks at him for too long. that she’ll run away in terror if he were to smile at her.
he comes over to your house the night he returns. asks if he can see her, even though its past midnight, but you let him in anyway. watch how he stands at her doorway, the soft kiss he presses to her forehead. he sits on your couch in silence for the longest moment before he speaks, his voice quiet, whispering that he wants to be there. that he wants to do better and be better. that he can’t be both a shit person and a shit father.
you give him the benefit of the doubt, but you do start to see improvements in him. he drops off her favorite snacks more, and takes her to secluded parks where he won’t be recognized. he buys her too much ice cream, but it’s only a weak apology for not being there for her beforehand. he doesn’t cause as much destruction in the city anymore, too preoccupied with showing up to parent teacher conferences, ready to cuss out her teacher for giving his baby a 92 instead of the 100 she deserved.
I think bc of his competitive nature, and especially the way the other Bakugou’s damn near cussed him out for being an absent parent and how he must be a defective version of them because none of them are this shitty—that he changes, just a little. it’s not drastic and it’s not overnight, but he realizes that he has to be better. if not for himself, than for his daughter and maybe—maybe a little bit for you too.
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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justinefrischmanngf · 7 months
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it’s not that it makes me sad per se but i really could’ve been dating someone i did actually kind of really want to date since JULY. and now the moment is literally so far gone and i didn’t realise until the moment was so far gone !!!
#like it actually doesnt make me sad because there wouldve been major complications Had we dated#and the person who i trust most in this world has told me theyre glad it didnt happen#and i think in the long run he’s not the First person i should date anyway like in an ideal world we’d date like. 2-3 years on from now when#i’d been in at least one relationship to work out how i operate in a relationship#but it’s also like i wish i had known that the opportunity was there and i wish i had taken it#and part of me goes well maybe in 2-3 years it COULD happen#but i think that does a disservice to the person he’s dating now like . i do hope they’re happy and it goes well for the both of them#AND ALSO ITS WEIRD AS FUCK TO BE LIKE OH WELL MAYBE IN A FEW YEARS ILL DATE THIS PERSON *AFTER* another person??????#like bitch who do you think u are that you’ll have managed to date ANYONE in that time and also why the fuck would u date someone without#hoping it would last????????#but thoughts ≠ action nor are they inherently moralistic#but also that’s a weird way 2 think about relationships#it’d be funny if it happened though#idk i just think that if the timing was different he and i could have so much fun dating like genuinely i think it’d be a really good time#but it’s really weird because i’m not pining away after him or anything like ik it sounds like i am#but it’s not like that it’s more just that it’s opened up all these thoughts that i hadn’t really thought possible before ?#and they’re not possible NOW bc he’s dating someone else so i’m in exactly the same position but idk#i think i’m getting too settled. i’m TOO SETTLED.#because it’s literally not normal to think oh maybe in three years we could date and it’d be better timing for both of us ???????????#unhinged behaviour. what the fuck is that.#it’d be fucking hilarious if it happened tho
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cherrysnax · 12 days
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oh yeah we were also wondering why we flock to media with dead kids that haunt the narrative both figuratively and literally and uh :) yeah we know why
#child death tw#rowan seemed so much older when we were kids#but realistically she was barely like 14#maybe even 12 or 13#Jason Todd chara and asriel. them mfs from fnaf and maria#they’re dead kids but at the end of the day they’re all apart of someone else’s story#and a lot of them come back. in one way shape or form#with the exception of maria they all come back wrong and hurt and twisted by their deaths#but still deserving of love. still craving it more than anything#being a vessel for someone else’s opinions. barely even themselves#rowan died. and a part of us died with her#that was probably uh.. yknow. That guys last real time being here#cheri took all the stuff as kid. all of it happened to them but buddy boy was still kinda around#and then rowan died and then. She did too#and then Jay had to take over for years and then cheri came back but didn’t know they were cheri until#like they were 17 because they just repressed repressed repressed#and obviously those are very shallow views of those characters#but to a hurting kid who resonated so much with them they were everything#I have no clue why I’m so introspective tonight#but my friends do call me the emotion guy so#I guess it means something. but yeah something died in us when rowan died#but something was also born. rowan was a person. a little girl who should’ve grown up and that’ll never change#but I think this year is the year that we learn to let her go#im happy i got the chance to know her when we did#I hope she’s a fucking butterfly or something really cool like an alligator if her next life#also we already knew why we flocked to this media because duh. but like it helps to know which part of us needs more healing#who needs a therapist when you have me ;)
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justanotherfanartist · 3 months
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#back on my super personal posting bs#last basketball game for the band tonight#augh and misery but at least it’s at Cool Big Semi Circle. Two hour drive at least tho. sigh.#if u from my state you know what I mean. actually wtv it’s obvious idfk Tacoma Dome moment lmaooo#man. last thing of band for the whole year kinda sucks ngl#our band is fucked don’t get me wrong but a part of me still loves it with a lot less cynicism than most of my friends n other band kids do#part of me is like yeah there’s stuff that sucks. but also this is where I’m meant to be and I’m having a good time#the reality is that our director sucks our band sucks nobody practices and we don’t really play well#but in my head#I’m doing well#i practice. a lot. because I like it#All my friends are here#I’m doing what my dad did in Highschool and being like him makes me really happy#which is especially why I’m switching to drumline next year to hopefully be on snare#I’m actually gonna kill myself if I get cymbals i fucking HATE cymbals I will fight my Director on this actually so hard#cus I don’t know shit about percussion#but my dad is a drummer and so is one of my senior friends who is sticking around after they graduate this year#and they’ve both agreed to teach me over the summer#so I’m gonna go fucking crazy hard into practicing so I can do percussion ensemble next year and do drumline too#I’m literally gonna dig in my trenches and fight tooth and nail to get what I want#and I’ve never really done that before#It really feels like I’m determined to prove myself worth of being a snare#not cymbals#not bass#snare#I feel like I was kind of always meant for this; I’ve just been putting it off yknow?#I’m the child of two divorced music majors#my dad is a drummer who was in band his whole life#he loves it. he loves it so much.#my parents moved to New York to chase their dreams and become musicians
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oneknightlight · 1 year
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2 months of improvement dude. That’s fucking insane I’m so proud
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dreamyberry · 8 months
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/9.10.23
#I am so nauseated#I can’t see the sunshine for a week that it turns immediately into a storm#this really is life huh#grey clouds and when you are happy about something it turns against you#restarting your Brain 10x#Van Gogh knew it all#sadness will last forever#and people do get weirded out at my art and see I am depressed and that scared them away#I don’t really feel like doing anything at all anymore#maybe I should see a friend#my best friend replied once in a blue moon#i am so tired of living everytime I think I’m doing good I shipwreck again#rule no 1 keep your business for yourself and count til 10 before spilling#why do I have this stupid hobbies that don’t bring me anything anyway and don’t like clubbing and all that shit#I am SO made for self destruction#though I warned myself!#how do you really love yourself#they say feeling hurt and disappointments are part of life but if you only go through life just carrying your body about#and the rest is grim days and then you get to have a couple moments where you are truly happy#than why shouldn’t I just refuse this all and jump off a cliff#I don’t do it bc it would scare me too much and for family#don’t really give a frick if I die tomorrow and that’s terrible to say but here the bitter truth I’ve been living with for a decade#with a 1/2 year pause#now back to draw myself with 10 swords in my stomach#and to everybody irl may read this I’m sorry for not being fun and lively enough n that all I have is my arguably pretty face#great to waste the prime of your life by feeling like this!
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bo0zey · 1 year
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being the oldest daughter raised by a narcissistic emotionally abusive father is just…👩‍🍳👌💋
#i don’t know why i always end up crying when i know exactly what to expect from him#the constant belittling then turning around and crying victim on how i ‘hurt’ him bc he can’t accept the fact that he did something wrong#i know i shouldn’t expect anything from him but it’s like this stupid fucking useless part of me during these moments is just#so heartbroken and frustrated because it’s not fair the child in me just wants to have a dad that cares and sees her as a human#nobody fuckjng cares if they hurt me and i don’t care if they hurt me either that’s why i hurt me too#he’s supposed to be my dad he’s my only parent left and he never should’ve been a parent to begin#i can’t believe how easily he turns things on me saying it’s my fault i never come talk to him and it’s like how the fuck#you were barely basically nonexistent the first 5 years of my life then barely there from then on out#how could i ever come to you how could i trust you just because i’m your daughter by blood doesn’t mean you’re not a stranger to me#you’re supposed to be the adult you’re my father you’re supposed to come to me and guide me why are you such a helpless fucking child#i do everything on my own i have nothing to say to you just like you have nothing to say to me#small talk only does so much i don’t want to talk to him i don’t care about our relationship#i’m just literally flabbergasted at the audacity he has to gaslight and manipulate me and ply victim when i’m the one he keeps hurting#it just reinforces the idea that my feelings are invalid my feelings have been invalid to him for the past 23years#i wish i was emotionless and unfeeling i wish he didn’t have the power to affect my emotions so strongly#i’m such a little kid i wish my mom was here i wish someone wanted to protect me and talk to me and at least try to understand me#i can’t wait to be dead i just want this to be over i’m just wasting time taking up someone else’s space#i think the only time i’ll be genuinely happy is when i’m dead#i don’t remember the last time i was actually happy unless i’m distracting myself#i’m constantly maladaptive daydreaming and when i’m not i’m at work trying to be a functioning an adult#but as soon as i’m home i’m back in my dream world where i don’t have to think about me at all#when gerard said When i grow up i want to be nothing at All that man read my my mind#ramblings#vent
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lesbiansanemi · 10 months
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These two days are going to be actual hell on earth
#I’m actually so fucking anxious about going to see my family#like it’s always nerve wracking and over stimulating and miserable#but I haven’t seen them since January#and they’re all acting super excited and like it’s gonna be fun but ik it’s gonna be the same it always is#which is tense and weird and awkward because we don’t talk to each other and know we don’t like each other#and I’m even MORE nervous than usual this time because I got a tattoo on my forearm since I last saw them#it’s a tattoo I can’t cover up that none of them know about#and I’m like what if this is it? what if this is the last straw for them?#and this is what finally leads to it all boiling over and them going ‘we KNOW you’re a lesbian and we KNOW you don’t go to church and we’re#NOT going to ignore it anymore because you did this PERMANENT THING that goes against our beliefs’#and then I will have a reaction to that. I’m not even sure what reaction but there will Be one#or will my mother and grandmother’s intense denial and desire for everything to be like it was when I was kid win out?#will they sweep it under the rug and not acknowledge it like everything else and pretend it’s all fine and we’re a big happy family#and I’m not going to hell and living a sinful life?#and my fucking sister is messaging me about meeting her bf#as if this matters. as if we’re close. as if it has any bearing on anything#as if I will still be an actual part of this family by the time she’s old enough to get married#uuugggghhhhhhhh#part of me wants it to go great and be nice and actually have a decent relationship#but I just know that’s not what is going to happen#and it’s so. blech. gross. ugh#I hate family stuff I wish they’d just hurry up and disown me so at least I know where we all stand#I’ve got t minus four days to finish mentally preparing#kaz rambles
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gatheryepens · 1 year
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Week 1 of exams done now onto week twooooo……💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
#overall I’m feeling okay#maths paper yesterday#I thought was really nice#there was a sexy integration by parts q#it was a show that so if you got the answer write then like that’s six marks in the bag#unless I loose a rigor mark 😔#but yeah I had to skip some question but came back to them#and I was like oh this makes so much sense lol#but was able to answer everything which is great#biology today was okay the two six markers were a god send#so two forehead kisses for ocr a#and the paper has some really yucky questions#but some really nice ones#the thing is I skipped so many questions cause I didn’t like the look of them#but then actually read them and was like okay this isn’t too bad#so finished the paper which is always a slay#I also had time to spare which was verrrry nice#but what made it better was the fact my friend got me for my birthday the last two hunger games books and they match the one I have#at the moment which makes me soo happy#plus prom photos#but I was also really hungry after the exam and I went to the shops to get something to eat only to realise I hadn’t finished me lunch#I had an untouched salad and crisps left😭😭#I’m thinking the chemistry paper is going to be nice#the week has being so eventful#first my school bus window breaking#then the school bus breaking down so I had to catch two buses#but anyway I’m very proud because I thought I was going to cry or have a panic attack during the exam#but that didn’t happen so I’m pleased I got through a week my friend was so right about the breathing thing like taking deep breaths really#helps#gatherrambles
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selfconsumerofmywoes · 9 months
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people always tell me it’s not good to overthink stuff like this so much but honestly, locking myself inside for a couple of days and really thinking about what i want/why i don’t want to look for a relationship at the moment has really made me feel better and more normal(?). like i don’t feel the need to rush into anything or force myself into my ‘slut era’ or anything and i’m so much more content now - overthinking works
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