#I’m not counting Sam and Dean because their father was inconsistent and known in a way these three were not | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spnhunter4life · 1 year

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So Long

Summary: Jenna and Dean have known each other since she was 9 and he was 11. Their fathers often hunted together, so they grew up in next door motel rooms, keeping each other company and watching out for Sammy. They were inseparable until their dads inevitably fought and stopped working together. Shortly after Sam left for college, her father had been killed on a hunt and his dad had been more and more distant, so they started hunting together. In a world where everyone has a tattoo of their soulmate’s name that appears somewhere on them on their 16th birthday, it took them a ridiculous amount of time to figure things out.

Word Count: 4.6k

A/N: I’ve always really loved the soulmate cliché, so I decided to write one of my own. As I was figuring out the basics of what I wanted to do, Niall Horan’s song So Long came on my playlist. It’s a beautiful song and I realized how well it fit the story I was trying to come up with, so this is based off of it.

A/N 2: So I just jumped back on the Supernatural bandwagon. While I was never truly off the wagon per se, it was more of a background appreciation for it while I was interested in other things. But I finally convinced myself to finish season 15 and now I'm all in again.

I remembered this fic I started like four years ago. I never posted it because it wasn't finished. It's still not, but I went back and reread what I have so far, and I'm actually super happy with it. So, that being said, I'm going to admit that I'm a super inconsistent writer. I might be super motivated to write for a few days (which I definitely am right now) and then not write again for a year. That's half the reason I never posted it. The other half is because, while I don't actually write things down often, I make stories in my head constantly and I've realized that I often go back and change details to fit the new direction I've decided to go in. And so I didn't want to post this until I was all done in case I wanted to make changes. But I decided I can edit and let people know things changed if it comes to that. I'm hoping if I can get some people to see this and get a little feedback, it will keep me motivated to write. All feedback is appreciated! Tell me what you liked. Tell me what could improve. Let me know if you find any grammar errors or inconsistencies. As long as it’s said nicely, I’m glad for absolutely any comments you might have.

My plan is to update weekly to give myself time to get the next chapters done. The second chapter is currently done/super close to done. Not sure if I want to add more to it or move it to another chapter. I’ve got a decent start on chapter 3 also. With the outline I have currently, this story is set to be 8 chapters. That could easily change though.

Also, shoutout to @jerkbitchidjitassbutt. You probably don’t even remember, but you read this chapter over for me way back when I first wrote it, so thanks for the support you gave me then!

Sorry for the super long note, and thanks for reading this far if you did!

Series Masterlist

Looking back through changes Where we started from Don’t know about you but I Knew it wasn’t wrong

Ages 16 and 17 June 25, 1996

I woke up, not exactly expecting to feel different, but maybe hoping. Today I would find out who my soulmate was. At least, I’d get a first name. Even though I knew it was stupid to get my hopes up, I couldn’t help but secretly want it to be Dean’s name. I was also nervous. Did I really want to know? If it wasn’t Dean, how would I deal with the disappointment? But if it was Dean, how could I possibly approach a subject like that? And even then, it wouldn’t mean it was Dean Winchester I was meant to be with. There were other Deans in the world. And wouldn’t he have said something by now if my name was tattooed on him somewhere?

Taking a deep breath, I looked over all of the skin currently exposed by my pajamas. Nothing on my arms or legs from the knees down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 9:30. I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long, that my dad had let me!

I jumped out of bed, grabbing my towel and clothes for the day, heading straight for the shower. I’d made one friend in this small Louisiana town, a very outgoing girl I’d bumped into while getting groceries with Sam and Dean. She’d been excited to meet someone new, saying all of her friends were on vacation for the summer, and she and I were supposed to meet up soon to spend the day together.

I started the shower to let the temperature adjust and then started the process of removing my clothes, checking each inch of revealed skin for a name. Nothing yet, then. Supposedly, the name showed up around the time of day you were born. I had no idea what time that was, so I would let Alyssa distract me for the day and check again tonight.

When I came out of the bathroom wearing shorts and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail to combat some of the summer heat, my dad was just closing the door, chocolate chip muffins, my favorite breakfast food, in his hand.

“Happy birthday,” he smiled. “How does it feel to be sixteen?” He asked this question every year, but this was the big year, and it held a little more weight behind it. “It feels… pretty much the same as every other year I guess.” I told him honestly. Other than my nerves being slightly on edge with the upcoming soulmate reveal, it felt like any other day. “What are you still doing here? I thought you and John would’ve left by now.”

“That was the original plan, but I couldn’t leave without seeing my daughter on her birthday. I wanted to have the chance to eat breakfast together. The case can wait a couple hours.” He told me, sitting down at the table.

“Where are those two shadows of yours?” He teased as I took a seat across from him and grabbed a muffin. I knew he wouldn’t ask about my tattoo. He didn’t like people prying into his life and he didn’t pry into mine. He knew I’d tell him if I wanted to.

“I have no idea,” I replied as I peeled the wrapper off my muffin. “I haven’t seen either of them, but I just got up. Thanks for letting me sleep in by the way.”

“I figured one day can’t hurt. But don’t think you can go slacking off. It’s back to morning runs and training after this.” He said before taking a bite of his own muffin. “I still don’t understand why those boys aren’t here. You three make such a big deal out of each other’s birthdays, I half expected them to break down the door.” He mused.

“Maybe they forgot. And we don’t make ‘such a big deal.’ One present and a movie night isn’t too much to ask. Besides, it’s mostly Sam. Dean always made a big deal about his birthdays growing up and so Sam learned to do the same for us.” I told him.

“Yeah but a bunch of kids scrounging up enough money to get those presents for each other is a big deal.” He said with a fond smile. Taking the last bite of his muffin, he stood and grabbed something off of the counter. “Speaking of presents,” he said as he handed it to me.

“Dad, you didn’t have to.” I told him as I grabbed it.

“I know I didn’t, but it’s not every day your baby girl turns sixteen. It’s not much, but I thought you would enjoy it.” He replied a little awkwardly.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around him, Backstreet Boys CD clutched in my hand. I had found them on accident really. It was all Alyssa’s fault. I generally enjoyed the same music as Dean, but she had showed me one of their songs and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Dad had heard me humming it one day which led to an embarrassing confession.

“Don’t tell Dean.” I pleaded, knowing the endless teasing and likely judgment I would be on the receiving end of if he found out. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare.” Dad laughed, pulling away from the hug.

“I should probably go find him though,” I said, glancing at the clock. “I’m supposed to meet Alyssa soon and he said he’d drive me.”

“Have fun!” I heard him shout as I left our motel room. I saw the Impala parked by the room next door, so I knew he was here at least. Since Dean has legally been able to drive, John gave it to Dean and the two of them take either my dad’s truck or the one John had purchased after gifting Dean the Impala. As I raised my hand to knock, the door flew open.

“Oh!” John said, startled. “I was just going to tell your dad we need to get going. I’m glad you’re up.” Then he was in the motel room I’d just abandoned, not waiting for my response.

“Hi to you to.” I mumbled under my breath. I walked through the door John had left open to see Dean sprawled out on the couch. He turned to me when I closed the door and grinned.

“Hey, there’s the birthday girl!” He exclaimed, prompting Sam to run out of the bathroom, dressed and looking fresh from the shower, toothbrush in his mouth.

“Jenna! You’re here! I wanted to go to your room a while ago, but Dean told me to let you sleep. Were you sleeping?” Before I could answer him, he rushed on. “He told me you’re going to spend the day with your friend, but we’re still going to have our movie night, right? We have to have our movie night. It’s our tradition!”

“Breathe, Sam.” I chuckled. “Of course we’re having movie night. It wouldn’t be a birthday without it. Now how about you go finish brushing your teeth before you start drooling on the floor.” Content with my answer, he hurried back to the bathroom, hand cupped under his chin where toothpaste bubbles were trying to drip down.

“So,” Dean drawled, getting up off the couch. “The big 16. How’s it feel?” He walked over to stand next to me and, not for the first time, I was struck with how effortlessly gorgeous he was. His hair was tousled and still slightly damp from the shower he must have taken this morning. He wore his usual jeans, t-shirt, flannel, and boots, the amulet Sam had given him hanging around his neck, but somehow, he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen. I knew it wasn’t a biased opinion, every girl in every school always drooled after him.

“I assume it feels the same as you felt a year ago.” I replied once my brain started functioning again. “You still good to take me to meet Alyssa?” I asked.

“Sweetheart, have I ever bailed on you?” He asked, mock offended.

“Well…” I trailed off, remembering the handful of times Sam and I had been left to fend for ourselves while he was off with a girl. When I saw him looking at me expectantly, I sighed. “Not when it really counted, no.” I relented.

“Did you ask her yet?” Sam questioned, reappearing from the bathroom and heading for Dean. Dean sighed and looked at me. “Is it ok with you if Sam comes with to drop you off? I don’t know why he’s even asking. I know you don’t care, but he wouldn’t leave me alone about it this morning.”

“That’s not true!” Sam denied. “He told me I could come if you said yes, and I know you usually don’t care, but since you’re 16 today I thought you might want to talk.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Talk about what?” I asked, brow wrinkled in confusion. There’s not much Dean and I didn’t talk about in front of the kid. I don’t know why he thought there was suddenly a need for privacy or what being 16 had to do with it. “About-” he started, but then cut himself off, looking anxious. “I don’t know.” He continued, head down and shuffling his feet. “Just… being 16?”

I looked to Dean, hoping for some kind of explanation, but he just shrugged his shoulders, although he seemed a little annoyed, like he knew more than he was letting on. I wasn’t in the mood to press the issue though.

“Ok…. Well I don’t have any super-secret conversations that need to be had with your brother, so if you want to come along, that’s fine.” I assured Sam.

“Good! When are we leaving?” He asked excitedly.

“If Dean’s ready, then right now would be good.” I replied, looking to Dean. He answered by shrugging on his leather jacket, plucking the keys off the table and holding the door open for me.

With everyone piled in the car, Dean started toward the mall where I was supposed to meet Alyssa. It was a typical car ride, Sam chattering away in the back, and Dean humming along to Led Zeppelin. I told Dean where to park. Alyssa wasn’t there yet, but I was content to sit and wait with the boys.

“I thought we might have to wait until tonight to give this to you, but I’m glad we don’t have to.” Sam said excitedly, pulling a box out of his jacket pocket. “It was my idea to get this kind of present for you, but Dean helped me pick it out.” He looked to his brother with a proud smile before handing the box to me.

I was a little nervous to open it. Sam was so excited, I didn’t want to disappoint him if I didn’t like it. Although he’d never say anything, I could tell Dean was a little nervous too by the way he tensed his shoulders and bit his lip. I carefully opened the box and gasped.

Inside was a bracelet made from ribbons of silk. It was twisted around so that it looked like four different strands. The top and bottom of each ribbon was an olive green while the middle was mulberry. One of the ribbons wrapped through a gold button that was used to adjust the size. I couldn’t believe something so beautiful was for me.

“I love it!” I told them as I took it out of the box to place on my left wrist. I noticed Dean’s quiet, relieved exhale and turned to hug him. “Thank you.” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me before mumbling a quiet “You’re welcome,” into my hair.

“And thank you too!” I said, pulling away from Dean to face a fidgety, giddy looking Sam in the back. He flung his upper body over the seat to get a hug of his own. “You’re gonna have a pretty hard time topping this one.” I informed him as I sat back. Sam just grinned.

“My friend at the last school had a bracelet that she wore all the time and I asked her if that was a good idea for a 16th birthday present for you,” he explained. “She said if you like jewelry it was a good idea, and I know you like Dean's amulet, so I told him about my idea and he said we’d keep an eye out for anything you might like. There was a lot of stuff I thought you would like, but Dean kept saying they weren’t right.” I glanced at Dean and saw a slight blush gracing his freckled cheeks.

“He liked that one as soon as he saw it. I didn’t know why you’d like it any better than any of the ones I pointed out, but I know you guys know each other really well so I just told him to make sure you knew getting a bracelet was my idea.” He finished, slightly out of breath.

Before I could say anything to assure Sam I appreciated his efforts and relieve Dean of his embarrassment, there was a knock on my window. Startled, I jumped a little before facing the window where Alyssa stood waiting. Turning to look at the boys, I thanked them again for the amazing present and then opened the door to get out of the car and say hi to her. As I was closing the door, I heard Dean say my name.

“Just a second.” I said to Alyssa before opening the door again and sticking my head in. “What’s up?” I asked.

“I was just wondering when and where I should be picking you up.” He replied. “Oh, right. I didn’t even think about that.” I said, turning to Alyssa to figure out the details. “Cleary.” He teased. I looked back at him, sarcastic comment at the ready, but I saw the twinkle in his eye and knew he was just joking. I shushed him and closed the door, turning to once again face Alyssa.

“I can drive you back, it’s no problem.” She assured me.

“Are you sure? Dean doesn’t have anything else he needs to be doing, and I know he likes to do it anyway. He’s a bit protective like that. The first time he dropped Sam off at a friend’s I thought he was going to sit outside the house the whole time.” I told her, smiling at the memory.

“It’s really no problem. I don’t have any definite plans for the day so I wouldn’t know what to tell him anyway.” She said.

“Ok…” I trailed off, giving her one last chance to change her mind. She gave me a look, clearly stating that she wouldn’t so I passed the information on to Dean.

“You don’t even have a guess about when you’ll be done?” He asked. I knew he liked to have a timeline so if someone wasn’t back when they were expected he would know something was wrong. If he didn’t have any schedule to follow, he’d spend the whole time worrying, unsure if something had happened or we just weren’t done yet.

“Well I have to be back in time for movie night,” I reminded him with a wink in Sam’s direction, “so I won’t be gone any later than… say 8:30? That should give us time to watch a couple of movies before Sam passes out.”

“Yeah, ok.” Dean relented, slightly less on edge now that he had a set time. “Have fun.” He smiled. I closed the door and watched them drive off.

“Are you ready to do some shopping?” Alyssa asked with a grin.

~~~~~

“You have to have a swimsuit!” Alyssa insisted as we walked by racks of them at Kohl’s. “Not if you never go swimming, you don’t.” I countered.

“But what if you do go swimming? What are you going to wear then?” She argued. “I don’t know. I’m sure if the opportunity came up, I’d just go buy one.” I told her. “Then why not buy one now?” She asked.

“Because,” I sighed. “We move around a lot. We’re not exactly hitting up five-star hotels with pools or renting homes that have one. I think the last time I went swimming was when I was 12 and the house we were renting had a pond.”

“Ok, well I have a pool, it’s the middle of summer in Louisiana, and I might invite you over to swim sometime. Besides, I’m buying so you can’t really argue that much.” She said, flipping her strawberry blonde hair as she turned and pulled me towards the swimwear.

“That’s a nice bracelet,” she commented, looking at my wrist where I was half-heartedly searching through a rack of one-piece swimsuits. “Yeah,” I smiled. “Sam and Dean gave it to me for my birthday.”

“It’s pretty. I didn’t think boys were any good at finding decent jewelry.” She remarked as she moved on to the next rack. She didn’t like the one-pieces anyway and had only been humoring me, ironic since I was only humoring her about the swimsuits in general.

“I swear Dean has some sort of sixth sense for what people will like. Well,” I corrected, “not people. But me and Sam.”

“This one! You have to try this one!” Alyssa said excitedly, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked to where she was holding a white and blue two-piece. “I know you didn’t want a two-piece, but this isn’t a bikini. It doesn’t show much more than a one-piece would.” Seeing my hesitation, she continued. “Just try it on. If you hate it, we’ll put it back.”

“Yes!” She cheered, seeing my resignation. She handed the suit to me and led the way to the changing rooms.

It was definitely a nice-looking suit, I’d give her that much. The top piece was thick enough all the way through that there was no danger of anything showing. It had a clasp in the back and three strings to tie around my neck, two white and one robin’s egg blue. The bottom piece started like a normal bikini bottom, but thicker. Above the hips it cut in to cover only the front of my torso, leaving my back and sides exposed, and went up to the bottom of my ribs. There were three strings encircling my back, keeping the material up. It was decorated with flowers in shades of blue, and as much as I liked it – although I’d never admit it to Alyssa – I didn’t think I would be comfortable wearing it in public.

“Are you ready yet?” I heard her ask through the door.

“Kind of. I have it on, but I don’t know if I want to come out.” I admitted.

“Come on, you can’t look that bad.” She encouraged.

“It’s not that.” I told her. “I’m just not comfortable showing this much skin. I live in jeans, you know. The only reason I’m wearing shorts is because I might actually die from this heat.”

“Just come out. No one’s going to see you. I promise there’s no one else around.” She encouraged.

I sighed before opening the door and peering my head around. I was met with an unimpressed look. “Alright, I’m coming.” I relented. I stepped out of the changing stall and was greeted with a wolf whistle from Alyssa. “Cut it out!” I blushed.

“Why? You look great!” she exclaimed. “As much as I like that bracelet, it really doesn’t match the-” she cut off.

“What?” I asked nervously?

“Umm… did you find your tattoo yet?”

I was a little shocked. It was an awfully personal question to be asking someone you’d only known for a couple of weeks. “No. Why?” I asked a little defensively. She nodded toward my left side where my hand was hanging by my hip. I impulsively lifted it to my face, scanning for the name.

“Not your hand,” she said.

I slowly looked down to my left side just above my hip where, just as she said, I could see the top of thick black letters peeking over the swimsuit.

~~~~~

“Alright, right’s wrong?” Dean asked, pausing the movie. We were halfway through our second movie of the night, Mission Impossible, and while I was enjoying it, I couldn’t seem to sit still. I was sat between the two boys, Dean’s arm resting on the back of the couch behind my head, our usual seating situation on movie nights. Sam was slouched over, starting to drift off. He could never seem to stay awake for more than one movie.

“What? Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think something’s wrong?” I asked him.

“Well, you haven’t sat still for more than five minutes at a time and I can see the wheels spinning in your head. You know you can talk to me about anything right?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“I know.” I sighed.

“Nothing happened, right? You’ve seemed a little off since you got back.” He pushed, not for the information he knew I wasn’t ready to give, but for assurance that I was alright.

“I’m fine,” I told him honestly. “It’s just… I found my tattoo while we were trying on clothes. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, figure out how I feel.” I confessed.

“Oh.” Was his only response. I could tell he wanted to press for more information, but he stayed quiet.

~~~~~

“I can’t look at it. I don’t want to know what it says. What do I do?” I asked. My breath was coming faster and I was starting to panic.

“Hey. Hey! Jenna! Look at me. Deep breath.” Alyssa calmly instructed, demonstrating and breathing with me until my breathing was back to normal. “You’re going to have to see it sometime. It’s unavoidable. Right now, it doesn’t change anything. It just gives you a name. You can do whatever you want with that name once you have it. It doesn’t decide anything for you.”

I knew she was right and steeled myself to look at it, Alyssa waiting patiently. Carefully, I pushed the swimsuit strap down just enough to reveal the name underneath.

DEAN

Ages 14 and 16 January 24, 1995

Dean’s POV

I stared at the ceiling, willing myself to find the energy to get out of bed. I heard Sam moving around, getting ready for school, but I couldn’t bring myself to do the same. I knew that by the end of the day I would have letters inked into my skin. Letters that spelled out my soulmate’s name. I had no illusions about my family’s lifestyle and what it would mean for my soulmate. It would be a bittersweet moment, finally learning her name, but knowing I could never allow myself to be with her, to put her in that kind of danger.

With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I rubbed my eyes before standing up and starting to get ready for the day. I had decided I wasn’t going to look for the tattoo. I would put it off for as long as I could and see it whenever I happened to stumble upon the patch of skin it showed up on.

~~~~~

It had been a pretty good morning. My anxiety had faded to the background when a smiling Jenna came into our room with bacon, eggs and toast for breakfast. It wasn’t elaborate by any means, but it was more than we usually had and the fact that she took the time to make it for us, for me, made it that much more special.

The two of them had given me the gift they picked out right away this morning when an excited Sam decided he couldn’t wait until after school. He halfway disappeared under the bed for a few seconds, wiggling his way back out with a box clutched in his hands. He proudly handed it to me and then watched in eager anticipation as I opened two new movies, Jumanji and Batman Forever.

“Now we have something to watch for movie night too!” He exclaimed. I thanked them both and then we headed to school, Jenna’s dad dropping us off.

Now I was sitting in the locker room, changing back into my regular clothes after gym class. I had opted out of a shower, not wanting to find my tattoo in this miserable place, surrounded by strangers I would have to guard my reaction around. I had my foot up on the bench I was sitting on, switching out my sweaty socks for a dry pair, lost in my thoughts when I heard someone to my left snicker and say, “Isn’t Jenna your sister?”

My head whipped around to look at Matt, the guy who had spoken. He was a sophomore like me, and while he wasn’t wildly popular, he sure thought he was something special. “What?” I snapped, confused about why he was asking about her. My protective instincts flared up. We had only been at this school for a week, but I was well aware how attractive Jenna was, and if this kid thought he was going to try something he had another thing coming. “Why?” I asked, failing to keep the suspicion out of my voice.

“Didn’t the two of you show up around the same time? And I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the two of you coming to school in the same car,” he mused. “So you must be her brother. That’s gotta be pretty awkward. Unless you know another Jenna?”

“I don’t have to explain anything to you,” I snapped.

“Dude, don’t they have different last names?” Chimed in a freshman whose name I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful for or irritated by his input. “So unless they have different dads or something… I don’t think they’re related.” Irritated, I decided. He hadn’t said anything offensive, and his analysis wasn’t wrong, but I found I didn’t like the way he was obviously looking for Matt’s approval.

“Really? How do you know that?” Matt asked. Without waiting for a reply, he continued.

“Well that’s a relief. It would be pretty weird if your sister was your soulmate.” He laughed. “Too bad though,” he continued, having gained the attention of most of the locker room. “She’s not half bad looking. I might ask her out anyway, see what she really thinks about her pathetic, loser soulmate.”

I clenched my jaw. Having lived in tight quarters for years, Jenna and Sam had learned to back off at this, that it meant I was seriously pissed off. Matt had the misfortune of not knowing me so well. “Leave her alone.” I warned. I had managed to keep my temper so far, but if he actually made a move on her, all bets were off.

“Don’t worry,” Matt drawled on. “I’ll test her out for you. Let you know if she’s actually worth your ti-”

Before he even realized I was moving I had crossed the couple of steps to him, grabbed a fistful of his shirt, and shoved him back into the lockers. “I don’t know what you’re even talking about,” I seethed, “but you better stay away from her or I’ll make sure that my pathetic loser face is the last thing you see before I put you in the hospital.”

I turned away from him and, after taking a step, ducked, effectively dodging the punch I had seen him getting ready to throw. I spun back around and landed a solid punch to his face before grabbing my shoes and walking out the door. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the bleachers lacing up my boots that I saw it. Inked into the skin of my left ankle was her name.

JENNA

Chapter 2

#supernatural #spn #fanfic #soulmates #dean winchester #sam winchester #ofc #john winchester #dean winchester x ofc #dean winchester x soulmate!ofc #supernatural fanfiction #soulmate!au #so long

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supertransural · 3 years

Text

Dean and his “things, people and feelings” he’s already “experienced differently”.

So here’s a random 4am thought I had. You know how while in the confessional in 10x16, Dean talks about “things, people, feelings” he wants to “experience differently/for the first time”? That confession is literally incoherent if you take a perfectly heterosexual-non-castiel-point of view. It just is. Let me explain why I think that is, and prepare yourself, this is going to be long.

Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that we’re supposed to understand that conversation the way the priest understands it, that we’re supposed to see Dean the way the priest sees him: as someone who likes to have flings, who cheats, doesn’t commit, etc... basically the character that was introduced to us in the first few seasons/episodes (somewhat). I’m going to be calling that stance the “priest POV”.

The issue here, is that this is not in fact “the first few seasons/episodes”, this is season 10, Things have happened since then. People have happened. Feelings. Have. Happened. Wether it be in the form of flashbacks or present day events, we’ve seen character development. So let’s start with romantic ones.

1: The first one that comes to mind is Lisa (and Ben). He had a committed, long term, family oriented, white picket fence relationship. It wasn’t just a “I had no other place to go” kinda deal, because once he was somewhat back on his feet, he could’ve pulled a Dean WInchester and left. Except he didn’t. He could’ve cheated. Except he didn’t. He could’ve not opened up or not gotten vulnerable. Except he did. That should already debunk the “priest POV” but let me add on.

2: Cassie. Dean was insanely vulnerable with her, he loved her, opened up to her about the one big thing he never tells his one night stands, and incidentally was the one who was rejected this time around. He still has feelings about her when he meets her again.

3: Robin. His first, real girlfriend. With whom he was also in a committed relationship with, which probably would’ve kept on growing if John hadn’t been the usual assh*le that he is, and Dean had had a chance to go to that dance with her. I like to think of her as beta-version-Lisa, and also as the girl who set him on his blazing trail of leaving women after 1 day or 1 week. His dad was the one to rip him away from her, and we know he wanted his son to be the perfect masc, emotionless, order-following, womanizer. And that is exactly what Dean attempts to become, even though this obviously goes against every fiber of his being (see #4).

4: Amanda. Now you may be thinking “but hey! Dean does cheat on her! and it is a short relationship!”. Sure he does, and sure it is, as I said, ever since Robin, he’s trying to be the womanizer his dad wants him to be. But he still lets himself get quite attached to Amanda, as shown by his disdain of the school right after she dumps him in front of everyone. The only reason he liked or tolerated this school wasn’t just “the hot cheerleaders” or whatever, it was Amanda. He wants to put on this mask of “I don’t care about her, I’m a bad boy, I’m just in it for the sex”, but he’s genuinely hurt by what she tells him about his life and how she judges it, and saddened by the breakup. He lets himself get hurt by her. Bear with me, this is important, because we see it happen again with Cassie and then he never lets it get to that point again, simply because of fear and trauma (I think), for example he’s the one to start the conversation about breaking up with Lisa.

Now. What about the “he was just talking about platonic things and feelings and people” possibility. Spoiler alert, it still doesn’t work.

1: Jo. Otherwise known in my head as beta-version-Charlie, it’s true that Jo is part of those “early seasons” characters, but that only adds to the inconsistency of the “priest POV”. Dean cared intensely about her, some people think of their relationship as romantic, but I really like the “big brother/father/protective” figure idea. Whatever you believe their relationship was, it was profound, I mean he was positively shattered when she died. Again, deep feelings, longterm feelings.

2: Benny. Like seriously. Dean spent a year in Purgatory with him, saw him as a brother despite the fact he was a vampire, helped him as much as he could while he was having troubles adapting to life on Earth again, protected him through thick and thin, went against his brother for him, against other hunters, against his core beliefs as a hunter himself, just. for. him. If that doesn’t tick all the boxes of things, feelings, people he wants to experience differently for you, then I truly don’t know what to tell you. And then there’s the whole thing with the ship between them, which I somewhat agree with but it isn’t cannon enough for this.

3: Garth. Yeah, sure, Dean is condescending towards him at first, but he does care about him a lot, and probably doesn’t understand why and how Garth cares about him so quickly, or offers support voluntarily. Garth is a bit of a role model to him, that scrawny, somewhat cringy, little man is better at life than Dean is, and Dean sees that. He’s bothered by it at first, but learns to respect Garth later on, and care about him. He relies on him as a hunter, and kind of as a friend too and he lets him be the new Bobby (which proves a lot of trust grew here) (also, much later on, Dean makes sure he stays out of hunting so Garth can have a happy family life, he also accepts the fact that he’s a werewolf and that his whole family is too). That Also counts as people experienced differently and for the first time.

4: Kevin. Or as I like to call him, sort-of-beta-version-Jack. Dean feels responsible for him, he jumps into the role of a father figure more than Sam ever does, as much as Sam cares about Kevin too. He is also completely shattered when he dies, like with Jo (which is a bit of the reason why I see Jo and Dean’s relationship as a Big brother-Little sister relationship, the vibe is similar (but not identical) to Kevin and Dean’s).

5: Jody. Jody is like the mother he never really had growing up. He is vulnerable around her, opens up, she’s basically family. I’m not going to write in Bobby, because he doesn’t count as “new things”, he was effectively his father. Here, Dean lets Jody become a sort of mother to him even though his memory of his mom isn’t as tarnished as his dad’s is. He lets her step into his mom’s sacred shoes. He lets her take care of him in a way. He lets her enter his life and be here for him. New people, new feelings.

6: Charlie. Charlie is his little sister, no doubt about it. She’s his role model, he loves her deeply, he lets himself care about her and feel insanely protective of her. He lets her be Sam #2. He lets himself become a big brother to a new Jo. To a new human. He lets his nerdy side out around her, he learns from her openness about being gay. He is comfortable around her. He is constantly worried about her. New feelings, new people, new things, first time blah blah blah you know the drill by now.

7: Ash. Yes, yes, I know, another “early on” character. But as I said, it keeps on just proving my point. First of all, I firmly believe Dean had a massive crush on Ash but that’s just my interpretation. He respects Ash and looks up to him, he wants to be a bit like him, confident, comfortable in his own life and skin, happy, and he lives in a friggin’ bar for godsakes. He is the epitome of what Dean wants to be at that point in time. He wants to be carefree like Ash is. He thinks Ash is highly intelligent, and has it made. He sees what a happy man can be, one without burdens from “the life”. Ash is a bit like the cooler version of Garth (no offense to Garth of course). Does that count as a role model? I don’t know. But it sure as hell shaped Dean’s hope for what his life could one day be. And Dean cares about Ash deeply as well, he was devastated when he died (he was devastated about the whole Roadhouse burning of course, but it’s clear Ash’s death shakes him quite a bit) and is genuinely happy when he gets to see him again in Heaven, when he sees Ash content and at peace, and the fact that Ash tells him he’ll see him again one day makes him smile (btw thats something I would’ve wanted to see in the finale, but nooooo they simply had to give us a train wreck instead).

So now that we’ve established those relationships he’s already had before (and I use the term relationship broadly here, it also includes all his friends), I’d like to point something out. There are of course other people he met along the way, other people he saved who inspired him, like the gay couple LARPing as him and Sam, Ellen (beta-version-Jody), in a way Tessa, Layla Rourke, Eileen, to name a few. But I feel as though the ones I cited were the main ones that truly show how shallow the “priest POV” interpretation is.

So where exactly does all this leave us? Well, friends, exactly where I intended it to be. That scene can’t be about potential women being longterm or serious romantic partners because that’s already happened. It can’t be about friends or monsters, because that’s already happened. Canonically. Several times, in several different flavors.

TL;DR: There is no way this confession scene is heterosexual, and it’s probably about Cas, but not just him, it’s also simply about Dean himself and his comfy closet getting not so comfortable anymore.

#spn analysis #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #bidean #cas #deancas #destiel

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years

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A Nightmare In A Dream (Part 4)

Summary: Six months after reuniting with the Winchesters and her brother, things are going good for the reader. She and Dean are happily together and occasionally stay with her brother, Matty, and Sam, who has been getting him used to normal life. Life appears to be heading in a good direction when the past has a way of creeping up again and dropping a bombshell on them all...

Pairing: Serial Killer!Dean x reader

Masterlist

Square: AU!Dean

Word Count: 4,400ish

Warnings: mature (language, angst, death/murder, drugging/kidnapping, family drama)

A/N #1: This is a spin off of A Dream In A Nightmare and takes place ~6 months later. It’s recommended that fic is read prior to this one...

_____

“Rise and shine boys,” you said with a yawn when you parked next to Sam’s truck around seven in the morning. Dean stirred in his seat, Dylan cracking his neck. He took off the shirt over his face and rubbed his eyes, blinking wearily a few times. The three of you got out, Sam stepping out onto the porch with a gun by his side.

“You guys in one piece?” he asked.

“Yeah, we’re good,” said Dean. Sam walked over and gave Dean and you each a hug before turning his gaze on Dylan.

“You sure he’s not playing us?” asked Sam.

“We’re pretty-”

“Maggie, stop!” said Matty from inside as a giant blur of fur came rushing outside. The dog sat down and looked up at you, wagging her tail. Matty popped out and threw his head back. “Good girl.”

“Uh, Matty,” said Sam, Matty already pausing as he walked over to get the dog. He stared at Dylan, getting a small smile in return.

“Hey, rascal,” said Dylan. Dylan looked surprised when Matty ran over and hugged him tight. “Hey. It’s alright.”

“I thought…” he said with a shaky breath. He was crying and you squeezed your eyes shut. God, if Dylan was lying to you, it would destroy Matthew. When you opened them Dean was nudging your side.

“Look at Dylan,” he mumbled in your ear. It took a moment to realize that the loud crying wasn’t coming from Matty. Dylan had his head buried in your little brother’s shoulder, his back heaving. “When’s the last time he got a hug you think?”

“Eighteen years old,” you said.

“I’m okay, Matty,” said Dylan, wiping his face off. “I’m just really happy to see you.”

“Are you gonna stay? Dylan can stay right?” he asked, looking over at the three of you. You nodded and they both smiled. “Oh! This is my dog, Maggie. I just got her. She’s really good at tricks. Remember we were gonna get one?”

“I remember,” said Dylan, giving her a few pets. “You’ll have to show me later. We had a long night.”

“Why don’t you head back to bed, Matty? It’s still early,” said Sam.

“Okay. You guys gonna be here when I wake up?” he asked.

“Yeah, we’ll be here,” you said. “You’re making breakfast later, alright?”

“Alright,” he said. He headed inside with the dog and shut the door the four of you going up to the chairs on the front porch.

“Still want to hurt him?” you asked. Dylan shook his head and took a deep breath. “He doesn’t ever need to know what you said.”

“Thank you,” he said. “He seems good.”

“He is,” you said. “Before I fall asleep, can we go over this?”

“Sammy, like we texted on the way up, Dylan has some information about Lewis, about what happened when we were kids,” said Dean.

“I looked into some stuff last night while you guys were driving,” said Sam. “Dylan, you can tell your piece first.”

“Lewis is a grade A piece of shit,” said Dylan. “We can all agree on that. But he was pushed into becoming one. Or should I say, he gave into being one due to circumstance. You knew Lewis as your neighbor, right? Younger guy with a lot of money, parents recently died?”

“Yeah,” said Dean, sitting back in his chair.

“All that is true. What you didn’t know is that Lewis was married. He had a daughter too. The parents, along with Lewis’ wife and daughter, all died in a car accident,” said Dylan.

“I mean, that’s sad and explains where the money came from but-” said Dean, Dylan shaking his head.

“Lewis earned some of his fortune through his parents passing, that part is true. But he made a lot of it another way. Working at Winchester Corp. Junior Vice President, reporting directly to John Winchester,” said Dylan.

“No Lewis ever was a member of the corporate board,” said Sam.

“Because Lewis isn’t his real name. He bought a new identity for himself. He changed his appearance, dyed his hair, lost weight. By the time your family met Lewis, John Winchester had no idea he was actually speaking to his former employee.”

“Who was he?” you asked. “Lewis.”

“He was Jim Hockley,” said Dylan.

“Wasn’t that the guy that drove drunk and killed his family?” said Sam.

“You did your research, Sam. Yes, that’s what every paper, media outlet, even police report said. Except Jim was never in that car. John Winchester was. He got drunk at a corporate family party but you boys know your father. He could fool the best of them,” said Dylan.

“Dad didn’t have a drinking problem,” said Sam. Dean sighed and closed his eyes. “Not back then. After the attack, yeah, he did but-”

“Sammy, dad had problems. You were little but mom and dad fought about it. He pushed her once. I saw and pushed back. I never broke my two fingers on the swing set,” said Dean. “We just said that. It was a one time thing though and as soon as he realized he’d grabbed me too hard…”

“So dad was a drunk,” said Sam, scratching his head.

“Yes, he was,” said Dylan. “Jim left this party to go do some work up in the office for a few hours. John took it upon himself to drive Jim’s company car and take his family home. He ended up driving straight into a pole. John in his inebriated state was fine. Jim’s parents and wife were killed on impact. The daughter, due to her grandparents protecting her in a split second, didn’t die. John sobered up quickly, the daughter crawled out the back, and in that moment, John realized his life was about to be over if there was a witness. So he grabbed a shard of broken glass and stabbed the only witness. John quickly got out of there, made his way back to the company, cleaned himself up and went back to the party. Twenty minutes later police came and arrested Jim on a slew of charges. He was drinking at the party too so he was easily over the legal limit. Jim didn’t understand any of this until his lawyer provided an autopsy report on his daughter. There was an inconsistency and Jim put it all together. He confronted John while out on bail and he all but admitted it. John had no remorse. Jim knew he couldn’t win the court case so he ran. He ran, changed his name, and set out to destroy John’s life. One child for another except Jim wasn’t going to be satisfied with just that. He wanted John to suffer and making his child suffer for the rest of their life seemed like a good compromise. It’s never been about you Dean. You were unlucky was all, just like Y/N was.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“Sam, Jim’s family. Look up a picture on your phone for me,” said Dylan. You turned your head, Sam going still after a moment. “Yeah. I know.”

“Y/N, you look just like her, the daughter,” said Sam, spinning the phone around. At first glance you would have thought that was you in the photo on the screen.

“He saw us out to dinner one night he said. It’s when his little plan all came together,” said Dylan.

“But last night, you said the stuff about the FBI and my dad hating Y/N,” said Dean.

“Dean, your father made so many of his millions running drug through the company. He traded that information for witness protection for him and Sam. You though, you your father made a deal with Lewis that day he attacked your family. He’d let Lewis have you if he left Sam alone. So you stayed out, on your own, the FBI gave protection for the information and by the time you took over the company again, the company was clean of any past indiscretions. You would have never known. The FBI never gave two shits about Lewis. As far as they were concerned, your family was attacked because of a drug deal gone wrong,” said Dylan.

“What about the hating me part?” you asked.

“Well...Lewis didn’t happen upon our family on his own. John saw us first, right after Lewis confronted him. He offered to tell Lewis who we were so he could have his daughter back if he left the Winchesters alone. Lewis came up with a different plan.”

“So you’re saying our dad killed Lewis’ parents, his wife, murdered a little girl who he could have saved, offered me to Lewis and offered up Y/N too all to save his own ass?” asked Dean.

“Unfortunately, yes,” said Dylan.

“Telling stories without permission?” said Lewis from out of nowhere. You jumped as he walked around the corner of the cabin, a large gun in his hand. “No one move.”

“I swear,” said Dylan, staring at you. “I didn’t-”

“Oh, I put a tracker in your back years ago,” said Lewis. “Wasn’t your fault. Sounds like the kiddos know the full story now. Here’s how this goes. Dean-”

“Shut the fuck up,” said Dean. He stood up and stepped down onto the grass, the rest of you following after. “Just shut the fuck up. I am sorry your family died you waste of human space, I am. No matter who you are and what you’ve done to all of us, they didn’t deserve that and especially a child. But we were kids too. All of us and Matty. You killed our moms. You killed their dad. You hurt all of us. You already got your fucking revenge. You have a problem with John, then fine but that is his problem. We never did a damn thing wrong and we’re done being afraid of you.”

Lewis looked back and forth a few times before his gaze fell on you.

“I’d be ashamed if you were my father,” you said. “I used to think you were evil. Now I know you’re just pathetic.”

“I’m too deep in this now,” said Lewis, aiming his gun. “I know you’re right. I’ve known you’re right for a very long time. So don’t move and none of you will even feel a thing.”

You heard a shot and Dean shoved you to the ground. He felt all over you but you weren’t hit. You sat up with him, Lewis laying on the ground, coughing up blood. To your left your saw Matty, holding a shotgun.

“Okay,” said Dylan rushing over when Matty went a little wide eyed. “It’s okay.”

“He was…” he said.

“I know. Let’s go put this back inside. Maybe Maggie can show me a few tricks now, huh?” said Dylan. “You got him covered?”

“Yeah. Take care of Matty,” you said, Dean walking over and picking up the gun Lewis had dropped. When they were out of view Dean cocked the gun, Lewis trying to take a deep breath.

“Go ahead. I deserve it,” coughed Lewis. Dean aimed the gun lower and shot him in the leg, Lewis groaning. “Kill me.”

“I give you about four minutes before you bleed out. I want you to enjoy every single one of those,” said Dean, putting the safety back on the gun.

“Your father is a coward. He killed your family as much as I did. He wanted to give Sam and you both to me. He never cared for you. If he wanted to find me, he would have done it years ago,” he said.

“You kill bad people, Jim. You don’t hurt the innocent ones. When you don’t know the difference or just don’t care, that’s what makes you a monster. Don’t worry about my father. I’d be more concerned with where you’re going to wind up very, very soon.”

Lewis didn’t say anything more, just groaned a few times before he went quiet and still.

“What do you want to do with him,” said Sam eventually.

“I’ll take care of it. You don’t know how to clean up a body,” said Dean. “Y/N, go make sure your brothers are okay.”

“John offered my family up to slaughter,” you said.

“He lost any good will I had for him at murdering a little girl to save himself. We’ll figure out a plan for our dad. At least he’s not actively trying to kill us,” said Dean.

“But he wanted Lewis to catch us. He didn’t care, Dean,” said Sam.

“He’s not going to get off, Sammy. I think we have an answer right in front of us,” he said nodding towards Lewis. “Dad’s only cared about his own survival, right? He doesn’t know Lewis is dead. We get him to confess to the past murder, point the evidence towards Lewis’ death, get him caught in a trap.”

“It’d be easier to kill him,” mumbled Sam.

“Which is why we’re gonna talk about it in a little bit. Lewis just died. I need a minute, alright? Thank you,” said Dean. He walked off and over to a shed on the property, finding a tarp inside and tossing it over Lewis. He walked off around to the back of the cabin, leaving you and Sam to yourselves.

“Just because Lewis said that stuff to Dylan doesn’t make it true,” said Sam.

“You said you researched. Did you ever come across Jim Hockley?” you asked.

“It lines up with what Dylan said. Lewis was smart, he could have…” said Sam, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you think your father is capable of something like that?” you asked.

“Sadly, yes,” said Sam.

“We don’t…” you said, Sam turning towards you.

“Could you kill Dylan if you had to?” he asked.

“If I had no other choice, I could,” you said. “To protect my family.”

“Does that include me and Dean?” he asked. You made a face and Sam smiled. “Stupid question.”

“I guess the question is, is John a threat to us?” you asked.

“I don’t think that’s the question, Y/N,” said Sam. “Dean said it himself. When you don’t care about hurting innocent people, that’s when you become a monster. We both know what Dean does to monsters.”

“I know. Come inside. I need some coffee,” you said. You went into the cabin, Dylan sitting on the couch with Matty, giving a quick smile that everything was alright. Sam veered off into the kitchen as you watched Dean sitting on the back porch step.

After you had two cups in hand, you went outside, taking a seat beside him.

“Thanks,” he said, taking a sip from the mug you handed him. “Those guys okay?”

“Yeah. The nightmare is over to them it seems,” you said.

“Still a nightmare,” said Dean. “That dream we had, living back home in town, marriage, kids, getting Matty a place nearby, Sam too...it was all just a stupid dream, wasn’t it.”

“Lewis is dead in the front yard. I’d think we should be celebrating.”

“My dad single-handedly destroyed your family. Your parents were murdered. Your brothers have been detained for well over a decade. You were forced to kill. How in the ever living fuck do you not hate me with every fiber of-”

You grabbed his face and kissed him, Dean surprised at first but slowly easing into it. You broke off and cupped his cheek, Dean’s green eyes staring straight into your own.

“I love you and I’m always going to love you, De. What John did is on him, not your or Sam or anyone else. You are still the person I know loves me and will protect me and gives my brothers a chance,” you said. You took his free hand in yours, Dean closing his eyes. “We are still going to have all of those things.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he said, opening his eyes and giving you a sad smile.

“Yeah, you do. It’s almost over and then we can go live the rest of our lives safely,” you said.

“It’s already happening,” said Dean, rubbing his hand over his face. You cocked your head and he took a deep breath. “I called the old FBI touch point guy I had when I was a kid a few minutes ago. I told him my father reached out to me and was in trouble with something but wouldn’t say specifics. I told them where to meet my dad.”

“You know where your dad is?” you asked.

“Yeah. He didn’t know to be hiding from us so he didn’t,” said Dean.

“How does that solve anything?” you asked.

“Because my father is about to get into a shoot out with the FBI and he will not walk away from it,” said Dean.

“How do you know?” you asked.

“Because I told them he said he murdered a little girl,” said Dean. “I told them he admitted to Hockley’s daughter murder. He’s too much of a coward to leave alive.”

“Are you sure that’ll work?”

“I’ll know in about an hour I suppose.”

Two Hours Later

“Lewis is officially disposed of and never to be seen again,” said Dean, washing up his hands as he came back inside the cabin. You were settled on the couches around the TV, watching the news coverage. “Is dad dead?”

“Shot himself,” said Sam. “They had the house covered and he started spewing nonsense from what they’re saying before he did it. He admitted to the accident and the girl apparently. I’m sure your PR department is having a field day with this.”

“They’re going to re-open the DWI case and Jim Hockley’s disappearance,” you said.

“You’re probably gonna have to give a statement,” said Sam.

“That’s fine,” said Dean. He took a seat beside you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you back into his chest. He kissed the top of your head and you looked up, Dean’s eyes a little red.

“S’okay,” you whispered. “It’s done with, Dean.”

He tugged you up and you went back to one of the bedrooms, Dean leading you over to the bed to lay down.

“You want to take a nap?” you asked.

“Want to be alone with you for a little while. I just got my dad killed. I don’t...I don’t know how to feel about that,” he said, laying back on the bed. You went with him, wrapping yourself all around him as he sighed. “I loved him and I’m not sure that he ever loved us. Even after knowing everything he did to us, got done to us...I don’t want to feel bad about what just happened but I do.”

“Dean, do you remember when you told me about that time your spilled your dad’s whiskey on him in his office? You were about nine, you said.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember telling me what your dad did when you ruined his suit pants? Your mom and Sam were out shopping. It was just you two. You remember how he punished you?”

“But they had to be $500 pants at least. They were expensive. The alcohol was probably another hundred,” said Dean.

“Are you saying that accidentally wasting six hundred dollars deserves a hand on a hot burner?” you said. Dean shook his head and closed his eyes. “You had to lie about how you got it too. Dean. Even before your father destroyed Jim Hockley’s life, he was an abusive drunk that hurt his own family. Who knows what more he would have done to you as you got older. I know you loved him and I want you to grieve if you need to. But just feel however you need to. Be upset about it, be happy. Just don’t feel guilty for whatever you need to feel.”

“I’m sorry I doubted you, when Lewis said that stuff over the radio,” he said.

“Did you doubt me? Or did you just think ‘no, she wouldn’t’ a lot?” you asked. He blinked and you shrugged. “You looked so confused. It was so obvious you were confused, De.”

“I just...I got overwhelmed,” said Dean. “It’s so rare I’m not in control that I don’t think I knew what to do.”

“This time you do,” you said, carding your fingers through his hair, Dean closing his eyes. “Be overwhelmed and fall apart, Dean. I’m right here.”

“Y/N, you have all your shit you’re going through too,” he said.

“I might fall apart too,” you said. “Just stay close and we’ll get through today like we have every other bad one.”

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too, Dean.”

Three Weeks Later

“Matty! We’re gonna leave without you if you don’t hurry up,” said Dean from near the front door. You’d been back home in town for close to three weeks. Dean had given a statement about his father that was a lot angry but sad enough to make it clear John had been a lone wolf in his operations. Sam was officially alive again after a very long discussion with the FBI. Dylan had his new identity and was learning most days with Sam and Matty. Your brothers were making plans about what to do with themselves but it sounded like they were both interested in college at the moment. “Matthew!”

“I’m coming!” said Matty as he jogged down the hall from your old bedroom. He slipped on his sneakers and was out the front door before the rest of you, the five of you piling into Dean’s SUV.

“Should be about half hour. Hopefully we can avoid traffic,” said Dean.

“I want nachos,” said Matty. “And a hotdog. And a beer.”

“He is 21,” you said when Dean gave you a look.

“You don’t want that watered down crap. I mean, we’re gonna drink it, but were gonna get you an IPA later on, then you’ll see what beer is,” said Matty.

“How about a pale ale instead?” said Sam.

“Sammy. Lager,” said Dean.

“Matty how about a wine cooler? They taste like fruit juice,” you said.

“Oh, that sounds yummy,” said Matty.

“Maybe we can get some on the way home,” you said. Dean rolled his eyes but smiled, driving along with the radio on low. “Hey boys. Dean and I have something we want to tell you.”

“You’re getting engaged, finally,” said Sam.

“In the bahamas,” said Matty.

“On the not so secret vacation you have planned for all of us coming up,” said Dylan.

“How do you know about that?” you asked.

“You guys are kinda obvious when you’re up to something,” said Sam. “You sure you want Matty around a bunch of college aged girls? He’ll have to beat them off with a stick.”

“Me? No way. I’ve never even had a crush on a girl. Or kissed one,” said Matty.

“You’re cute and sweet. You wouldn’t have any trouble,” you said. “But yes, we’re going on vacation, spoil sports.”

“It’ll be a lot of fun,” said Dean. “And no, we’re not getting engaged.”

“We’re not?” you asked.

“Well it’s gonna be a surprise,” said Dean. “Don’t worry. It’ll come when it comes.”

“Alright, alright,” you said.

A little more than a half hour later you were parked, Sam walking ahead with the guys while you hung back with Dean.

“How you feeling today?” you asked as Dean grabbed a green cooler out of the back.

“Alright. I was watching the news this morning. For a split second, I felt bad for Jim Hockley. If dad hadn’t done those things and made him snap, he’d probably be CFO right now or something,” said Dean.

“I think Jim died a long, long time ago. A monster replaced him.”

“Do you ever think I snapped? Like after I accidentally killed that guy as a teenager and found out I liked it?” asked Dean, sitting down in the back area of the SUV.

“No. You never snapped. You never have,” you said.

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you know the difference about good and bad and how there is a gray area to all of it. You care about innocent people, you always have. You didn’t snap, Dean,” you said. “That’s what makes you good. You stop the monsters. You’re not one of them.”

“You doing okay today?” he asked.

“Yeah. Nervous about Matty but he looks like he’s doing good so far,” you said. “I guess we have to get used to normal is all.”

“Eh, normal for us,” said Dean, leaning back. He nodded across the way towards a group of guys tailgating. “One of them killed his wife for the insurance. Got away with it.”

“Dean. After vacation,” you said. He chuckled and nodded. “Want to go watch some football?”

“I would love to, sweetheart. I really would.”

_______

#supernatural #spn #dean x reader #dean winchester #spn reader insert #supernatural reader insert #serial killer!dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean reader insert #dean x #dean winchester x you #au

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