#I'm being a whole fucking jester but God I do not care

[shiroselia]

Lmao guess who's being a whole fucking bother on the train rn <3

#I'm being a whole fucking jester but God I do not care #I made the train got a seat dealt with my stupid dramaten #The old people obviously annoyed at me can Deal and shittalk me about it I have headphones on

[clownhara]

is there like a jester ocs 101 i do wanna learn about them

Putting these under a read more because this might get long

My family :)

Edward Roberts-Rosales: I made too many jokes about this bastard being my dad and now he's my dad. High key wants to fuck plants. Evades taxes like no ones business. Kind of a shit guy but it's funny to watch him mess up everything so we keep him alive for that alone Max Rosales: My better dad. Can really do so fucking much better than Edward but he settled </3. Is a plant man. Likes baking. Is the dad that actually loves me. Heron Rosales: I don't do to much with her but I'm trying to do more. Max's trans sister. Wants Edward dead and honestly, we don't blame her. Average chronic pain haver tbh please get her some Ibuprofen. Boaty McBoatface: My brother who is a boat. Edwards favorite son, despite being terrified of being on boats after he was the sole survivor of a ship wreck. I fuckinh hate this thing

Project Moon adjacent ones

Despise Domek (Or just Des): Local Enkphalin hooked rat. Goes by it/they but people close to it can call them she/her. There are two remaining people who can call them she/her. Steals things from people it likes to keep a piece of them, so don't invite them to your house. Things WILL go missing. Says the phrase "Well it didn't kill me so I'm fine" way to god damn often. Ambrose Domek: Not actually related to Des at all his parents just stole Des's parents last name. We heart religious fanaticism to the point of self harm!!!!!! Has two boyfriends and has convinced himself neither of them like him. Him and Des are besties :) Keith: Real Jester-heads remember Keith. I made this bastard before Ruina came out and he keeps fucking staying relevant to whatever game is out. How does he do it. Lobcorp him is Geb and Myo's adopted son, a Rabbit, and had a complex where he's gotta prove himself 24/7 and ends up getting his leg ripped off. Ruina him is trying to find Gebura again after the whole Library situation happened, and is wildly distraught after learning Myo's whole deal. Limbus Keith is content, much older, runs a weapons shop, and is gay married to Heathcliff. Jesus Christ I made him before the new translation of Lopcorp happened I think HOW LONG HAS HE EXISTED WHAT THE FUCK

Damien Domek: Also not related to Des, just took it's last name because he liked it. They are qprs though. Also is broke as shit but mostly stays out of the Rat lifestyle by just old fashioned robbing people. Loves lying to people for fun and profit, but he is honestly a pretty nice guy. Minus the lying

Randos

Arlo: Disgusting rancid cyborg scientist who needs to bathe and touch grass. I adore him though. Ellie: Arlos little sibling. She/they user. Kills people for money and feeds the bodies to the eldritch horror that follows her around Hector: The eldritch horror that follows Ellie around. usually just looks like a dilf tbh its easier for Ellie to explain. Can't actually speak so he usually just talks telepathically while making a bunch of hums, chirps, and clicks to mimic speaking.

Oleander: Local unethical scientist that unethicaled a bit too hard when trying to revive his even worse older brother and turned off most of his emotions manually to avoid coping with the mental toil. Sad! Many such cases. Can't feel any emotions other then joy now. Kinda sucks but he certainly doesn't seem to upset about it :)

Simon: Oleadners brother. Kinda. Moreso a robot piloting Oleanders brothers body. Fucking hates Oleander but after Oleander lobotomized himself Simon begrudgingly takes care of him now. Despite his complicated feelings, he's wildly overprotective.

Cybel: A robot Oleander made! They are meant to gather as much information as they possibly can in case some horrible event happens that kills off humanity. is quite literally indestructible. Likes ice cream.

Octavius: I made this guy to be a danganrompa villain back in high school and I succeeded too well. I fucking hate this fake ass bitch

Tabb: This fucking guy. Trapped in a time loop but he doesn't know and its technically not a time loop. Met his (now) husband ages ago but died shortly after meeting him, so he revived Tabb, then the two got married, then Tabb died again so Halt (the husband) revived him again but he lost his memories then halt died and Tabb revived him the Tabb died again so Halt revived him but he lost all his memories so they dated again and got remarried then Tabb died again and you get the idea. Very nice guy, a bit anxious, perfectly normal minus the dying thing. If it wasn't for him losing all his memories and Halt tampering with shit so he was in love with him i uh. Don't think he'd actually like Halt all that much tbh

Halt: Just wants to be happy with his husband :(. Sad he unethicaled all over that science. Hey are you noticinga theme here. Also he's a cat boy but thats really not relevant to his depression issues

Urge: Halts kinda milfy twin sister. Really sick of all of this loop bullshit because she gets to watch her bestie Tabb die repeatedly, so she packed up her bags and left. Can't be in the same room as Halt without them getting into a fist fight. Do you see the themeing with their namesan d their ideals. Halt is kinda halted in place but Urge keeps pushing forward because she has the urgeto move on. Do you see it. It is almost 1 am

Russel: A kid that got roped into this whole mess because he walked in on a Tabb revival tube without permission. Sticks around Urge most of the time. Had a bad homelife to put it mildly, so Urge took him in.

Theres way more of these bastards but these are the most relevant ones. I am going to bed now. Goobnight

#asks #scp-168 #ocs #my ocs #I'll probs pop this in the queue like 90 times so it circulates for a while.

[non-neutoniangender]

Well the train is started and so I guess I'm watching episode 35.

McAdverbot .... Sam this one is good, but you can't rap lol

Top table has a new member..... :/ I'm not sure putting Fearne next to Chetney was a good idea...

Oh I hadn't realized that they lost their note-taker

10k gold 👀 Thats a lot.

I gotta say, I love portable holes as a extraplanar storage option, because they require organizing, like you can just chuck shit into a bag of holding with very little care but with a hole, its just a easy to carry, very large box.

(Also its really funny how the starting storage options are worse in each subsequent campaign, bag of holding -> haversack -> portable hole)

Treshi got involved in stuff he didn't quite fully understand huh... Interesting that he is in some ways happy to be pulled out of it.

MOLD STORAGE!!!!

I love the question of "Is Laudna undead"

"I'm tired of leaving people behind" ....I should've finished EXU

Its really interesting that they players have to ask "is this above board or does your character know this" with regards to Delilah. The whole situation is very interesting

The whole "take notes about the briarwoods" is a really funny bit. I really like how big this world has gotten that character knowledge is much bigger than player knowledge in ways that doesn't happen in a typical campaign.

Sam....... the flask...... its way too on point, but its also such an odd callback to c2.

"at this point we're friends" found family my beloved!

I need to be normal about Matt playing his wife's character.....

I'm not being normal about Matt playing The voice of the Tempest

aaaaaaaaaaaaa voice actors are good at their jobs

"That is the best use of wood I've ever heard of" Chetney 🤣 I love how much everyone is essentially fangirling over keyleth, to be fair, she is a very cool level 20 character....

Oh this was back in the ✨Enhance✨ era of the internet

"Wow that was a big waste" "Ok Jester" What a great comeback. (you poopin?)

"Sweet little metal boy" good LORDY

Poor Ashton with character development. They're going soft. He's not happy about it

SAM MADE A SPELL!??!?!?!?!?! Share Dream?!? thats so fucking cool

Also I love the casts reactions to that.

Chetney just accidentally yelling

Since Travis loves a good d6, he should play a wizard!

Finally googled the meaning of Pyrrhic.... a good title choice.

I really appreciate that Matt is continually correcting people on Xandis' pronouns, I don't appreciate the cast continually forgetting.

.....oh my god. Will is gone because the resurrection didn't work....

Thats so much worse, I hadn't thought about that....

God I had almost forgot there was a city on the moon. Moon's haunted

I really love the idea of ashton, I love how dunamancy is now a central part of the world

Anyway, these mind sequences are very cool, I love them.

How does Matt even come up with, or plan these things?!?? I can't even imagine

"There is strength, but there is pain. There is pain but there is strength" good God!! Matt, that is so cool.

Oh my god Ashton..... poor kid.

I... I love this story though. Ashton. And the chronic pain is..... wow

It's really interesting to watch them try to figure out dunamancy from zero knowledge and just random stuff.

Perhaps not definitely, but I bet Matt's description of the inside of Ashton's head with stars and possibilities would've been different if the person had seen inside a beacon before.

"Do any of us know who we are?" asking the right questions

Delilah is dying with Laudna........ good God.

Man these players created some fucked up characters.

The moment of realization that the wisdom save was against Keyleth's scry lmao.

Keyleth!!!!!! I love her!!!

I love how she's like, buckle up fuckers, you're coming with me on a trip to whitestone.

Anyway, that episode was amazing and the ending was perfect, I cannot wait to find time to watch the next one!!!!!

#critical role #cr 3 ep 35 #cr3 #ashton greymoore #keyleth

[starry-teacup]

welocme back to, who let the hands player do this

oh my god these are all the songs I've been listening to and getting sad about lately

WAIT WAIT I HAVE SUGGESTIONS FOR YOU

Welcome Home, Son -Radical Face

The first verse being alone and faded, bridging into finding people and a home in the second, followed by the third:

All my nightmares escape my head, bar the door, please, don't let them in. You were never supposed to leave, and now my head's splitting at the seams.

The third verse is perfect for it man. There's also a small outro at the end, the vibes of which remind me of the epilogue? Idk just rambling now

For the Departed -Shayfer James

I'm just really obsessed with this song rn lol because it's SO PERFECT FOR THE HAMLET AND OPHELIA SCENE AAAA but also the whole thing reminds me of the hand rampaging, specifically after Jess' death, like losing it and causing so much damage and being fully aware it'll die for it but it's doing this for a dead loved one and it has darker, more important things to worry about.

Your cries become the wind, a desperate plea best left unheard. Then my contrived goodbye, a poet's pantomime, a drunken jester's final words- now I must finish what I started. I'll write a symphony for the departed. I don't have time for second chances.

Feral dead inside hand rights

Gods now that I'm thinking about them there are so many songs coming to mind

um curses by the crane wives seems like a perfect song for the jess-and-the-hand dynamic (like actually you need to check it out), atlas drowned by gang of youths seems like a hand 'fuck it we're burning down the government regret is for losers' type song, and stubborn love by the Lumineers remind me of jess. don't really know how to explain the last one. just seems there. like she's the hand's humanity, you know? she planted the ability to love and care and be human for a while within it, but that bloom died with her.

anyways. I'm really passionate about music and I'm obsessed with the songs you mentioned. you don't have to listen to all of this, I got a lil overexcited lol, but you should really look into welcome home son, for the departed, and curses. they work really well imo

#asks #dnd #dungeons and dragons #I could talk for hours about music I like #this ask was so indulgent and you didn't even know it #thank you lol

[romeoandjulietyouwish]

What if an AU where all the Nein are independently adopted by Vox Machina?

I'm! 90% sure I've seen a fic where Caleb gets taken in by the de Rolos, but just the image of this Scrounger trying desperately to redeem himself and Percy going 'wtf that's the most pathetic assassination attempt I've ever seen. You are my son now, if I can call a bear my son I can adopt you too. Want a whole castle's resources for your magic research?'

Beau gets taken by the Soul still but instead she ends up in the Westrunn branch because Thoreau didn't want her just escaping back home easily. And while there she runs into a visiting Grog who is like :DDD Finally a new monstah who can spar with me, come along now and help me learn to read pls

Jester still has to flee home due to her prank on Sharpe, but Scanlan was in town for a gig and fucking loved that trick so he's like 'hi come with me kiddo, NO I absolutely wasn't here to bone your mom I'm a married-divorced man how RUDE'

Pike is watching a circus performance in Wildemount with Grog or Scanlan, and she sees Molly and Yasha n thinks of her and Grog. Seeing two people in need of healing and growth, she offers to help Yasha with her memory and fallen Aasimar stuff and Molly gleefully tags along for the ride

Fjord's ship blows up, and while he's sinking at the brink of death the Snea Snek tries doing its thing, only for the Raven Queen’s Champion to go 'dick move leave the kid alone, he's mine now =/'

Keyleth visits the Blooming Grove on Ashari business and squints very sadly at Cad being alone, like she has felt, and offers her help in finding his family. And maybe try to find Vilya while she's at it...

Vex finds Nott stealing the fancy jewelry Percy made her and they riddle eachother with arrows til Dan pokes his head in and Nott fucking freezes and calls him Luc. Vex and Nott are instant wine mom friends to Percy's chagrin.

OMG I love that so much!!!!

I think I've read that Caleb and the de rolos fic too! And I think that Caleb having someone who understands some of what he went through would be so good for him and especially being around a family as wonderful as the de rolos. And them also helping to foster his magic in healthy ways and allowing him to teach their kids some of his magic.

I could also see Beau being taken in by Taryon? Because they live kinda close together and he calls VM and is like...hey I have this teenager and she's so mean to me please help. But then he realizes how fucking similar they are and offers her a place in his Brigade.

Jester and Scanlan should never be allowed within 1 mile of each other holy shit but honestly they might be good for each other and entertain each other and encourage each other's bad ideas.

And god you're so right about Pike and Yasha and Molly, they're both misfits just like her and Grog who only have each other. And it honestly warms her heart how much they care for each other so she decides to do anything they need to figure out who they are.

And Vax would absolutely look out for Fjord because he too has been unwanted and unloved and knows what it's like to think you have found you place in the world and then lose it in an instant. He can't be present for him really, but he can look after him to the best of his ability.

Keyleth starts checking in on the Caduceus a lot, whenever she has a spare moment because she knows what it's like to lose your family but still have to tend to your duties. He makes her very nice tea and always looks forward to their meetings.

And I love the idea of Veth and Vex having wine club together where they talk about all the shit their kids have done in the past few weeks because it's always a lot.

#lis makes hcs #critical role #vox machina #mighty nein

[perkvpsvcho]

.

ontem eu tava assistindo candela e escrevendo meus surtos no bds, só pro meu notebook travar e eu perder TRÊS HORAS worth de comentários hilários...... not taking that chance again, pq essa porra aqui salva os posts como draft pelo menos. so.

NÃO MAS uns dias atrás eu vi o aniversário do ronin e (um dia antes do matt e eu, diga-se de passagem), ele veio NO DIA da transmissão de um ep da c2, horas antes deles ficarem live..... aí esse tempo todo eu tava me perguntando se a laura ia falar alguma coisa, quando ia ser, pq com as minhas contas, o ep que eu tava vendo tava em março e ???? aí no ep que tô vendo agora (o ep que a marisha se fode espirrandoKKKKKKKK iconic), ela FINALMENTE anunciou que tá grávida e agradeceu ao sam por estar escondendo a barriga dela esse tempo todo........... eu tô com raiva que não percebi, mesmo sendo praticamente impossível pela altura da mesa )o) ALSO ela 300% foreshadowing o nascimento do filho??? a mulher é uma bruxa! anyway vamos lá assistir a marisha lascando uma costela

BEAU WITH GOGGLES BEAU WITH GOGGLES

BEAU DOESNT CARE SHE LOOKS LIKE A NERD

...do you want me to see thru your clothes? this fucking lesbian

jester your laura is showing!!!

oh

oh

o fjord puxando os googles da cara da beau TEM QUE TER na animação

O EFEITO DA VARINHA NA NOTT TBM KKKKKKKK

JESTER OFERECENDO O ANEL PRO CALEB ANDAR EM CIMA DA ÁGUA E NÃO TER QUE SE MOLHAR KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

NENHUM DELES VALE UM CENTAVO QUE SEJA

jester i see you romancing your player's husband

UGH JESTER IS SO MY FAVORITE THIS CAMPAIGN

man i miss ashley

my girls being cute

"it doesnt smell of blood and feces" sam e liam: YET

LIAM TEACHERS PET CONFIRMADO

JESTER BEST GIRL LETS GOOOOOOO

dmpc: What's your name? Travis: Fjord dmpc: Do you have a last name? Sam: Tough a mesa:

essas piadas com ford vão LONGE

the ruby of the sea is the best lay ever

[harp sounds] laura bailey

jfc from laughing hysterically to awful traumatic mommy issues background reveal moment I LOVE THIS TABLE

grrr saaammmm's mug

THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT:

molly: extremely charming beau: very in shape BEAU. YOU FUCKING LESBIAN.

nott: are we sure we want to leave this place? people like us here jester: its only a matter of time before they dont lmfao

caleb: a todo mundo: INSIGHT CHECK

QUEBROU O CORAÇÃO DA NOTT EU TENHO CERTEEEEZAAA

marisha is a fucking beast e aí o matt leva ela pro hospital e termina preso dentro de um banheiro esse casal, sabe.........

how u doin bby

im dying babe how u doin

everybody's worried about marisha and thw whole time she's talking looking at matt

I'M GONNA GO TAKE CARE OF MY WIFE in the cutest most loving worried voice

LOOK AT HIM TRYING TO KEEP IT COOL [and failing] DOING THE ADS LIKE HES NOT LOSING IT BECAUSE HIS BABY IS INJURED

break gotta pee

MATT. IS. SO. CUTE. SHUT UP

HE FUCKING MOUTHED I LOVE YOU TO HER??????????? THIS FUCKING GUY im gonna kms

fut fut

wow... it took laura bailey being pregnant for me to think the belly is kind of cute? just dont think about it too much or its gonna backfire

nine [figures]? are they mightier than us tho?

omg we're fighting the ninja turtles

you have to be careful, we all have syphilis... EXTREME syphilis

37 POINTS OF DAMAGE ON ONE GUY

sam: oooh that's vax numbers

esse ambush TAMBÉM PRECISA ESTAR NA ANIMAÇÃO PQP

they havent had a bath in days, they kinda look like caleb

fucking love beau

marisha: this guy is our new gilmore liam: i am not seducing this person matt: you say this now marisha: 500 hours later we're fighitng gods with him

mds a marisha morrendo de rir e segurando as costelas

POOR MATTS SOUL

...eu ia só assistir esse,MASD A ASHLEY VOLTA NO PRÓXIMO FUCK EVERYTHING ELSE

#perkvpsvcho #this might be a daily post from me tbh #ash watches c2

[fitheghosty]

so... uh.. yeah remember awhile back when I said I wanted to talk about my ride the cyclone oc? you don't? well..here it comes anyway

^^ up there is a picrew of her cause I can't draw for shit lol. obviously she'd have a choir outfit but I like to think this is what she wears out of school

anywho-

special thanks to @lov3rs-go who listened to me info-dump about this stupid little gremlin of mine for so many days☠️

let's get started!!!

basics: alexandria seymour, 17, she/her, female

🎭

so- if you haven’t guessed by now, alex was in the choir, she went to the fairground, and died in the cyclone accident. yayyyyy—

🎭

alex’s title is “funniest girl in town.” she’s not like constance funny, more like the class clown that gets sent to the office all the time for being disruptive sdskdj. many times during the events of rtc she starts making jokes about their deaths to cope. It’s really not with any ill intention, it just is how she deals with stuff.

🎭

but boy does it fucking shock the choir when she does lmao— at first she doesn’t even realize what she is doing until someone in the choir calls her out because everyone is just like dead silent at all of these quick little jokes at their tragic deaths. and she does it MULTIPLE times, ocean literally wants to strangle her by the second one

🎭

she grew up as a middle child in a house with seven siblings (she included) her parents were the classic perfect family-trope, the whole town of uranium adored her family like they were celebrities of some sort.

🎭

all her siblings had talents that made them shine in the rundown town that uranium was. It was sort of a staple for her parents to brag about how great all of their children were, but not alex. she tried so hard to find the one spark, the one thing she was good at. she can’t even remember the moment when she finally gave up trying

🎭

eventually she started cracking jokes at people, whether they were mean, or just plain stupid. this striked attention towards her. her parents were finally looking at her like she wasn’t something that was meant to be hidden away, she started using it as a way to make friends- to get attention. oh god how she loved attention, she was so deprived from it at a young age that she started craving it when she realized how rewarding it was to make people laugh

🎭

she then starts to become semi-popular during highschool, but she's treated like shit— everybody just sees her as a jester that can be entertainment, but alex didn't care..at least she was noticable

🎭

in sophomore year, she goes into her science class and says, "hey, why's it so sad in here— who died?" her teacher starts sobbing..turns out her husband had just passed. cue a meeting in the office

🎭

"how was I supposed to know that someone had actually died??"

🎭

and that's how she gets into the choir— like no joke she has to stay in the choir for the rest of highschool cause of that lol. and she hates it. absolutely despises it

🎭

her story arc during the events of rtc is realizing she's more than a joke, that it's not good to hide feeling's under humor, and to let your heart open up. she also faces the crushing weight of not feeling good enough for anyone. overall self discovery is very important to her development

🎭

that's the basis of her— if you are still here congrats lmao

lines that she would say in the show :)

".. would you believe me if I said I wasn't eating some of the old candy from the old concessions box?"

*after SABM* "... y'know you really should of made a fanfiction of that, teens would've ate that up."

"I'm not scared of a robot- OH SHIT HE'S RIGHT THERE-" (oh I forgot to mention she's absolutely terrified of karnak djshs)

*after a sad fucking ballad about self-worth* "woo that was fun.." *literally sobbing as she says that lol*

"it was either the choir or the band, and I was not about to walk around with a tuba so-"

*says an insensitive joke, choir stares at her* "...what?..ohh I did it again, that's my bad.."

"is ocean being a bitch? yes. oh wait no I forgot I'm scared of her- um,you'rereallylovely ocean-"

there's so much more that I can say about her but I kinda just want to lay the basics of her and then see how it goes, I wanted to do asks with her but I can't get ahead of myself yet djdhsh

#oh god this is so nerve racking #i hold ocs close to my heart so this is a lot lol #ANYWAYS HOPE YOU GUYS ARE COOL WITH ANOTHER ANGSTY TEEN #LMAO I'M SORRY— #seriously tho i do want to talk mroe about her so feedback or anything really is appreciated #ride the cyclone #ride the cyclone musical #rtc #oc #original character #info dump #musical theater #off broadway #musical theatre #musicals #theatre #theater kid #broadway #musical oc #off broadway musical #off broadway theater #IM SO SORRY FOR SPAMMING THE RTC TAG FJDHSH #alexandria seymour

[fiovske]

Please Sol saying "I like you.I'm not saying I'm going to do anything, and I know you don't like me" is basically Beau's "it's Jester! I'm not gonna like act on it or anything, and she likes Fjord" gOD and the BACKHUG?!! Fuck. Thank you for introducing me to SolJiwan I'm obsessed lol 🥰 and I really appreciate that they let us feel the tension in the silent moments?? It's soo good😫

gOD right???? the beaujester parallels are. insane. in a way that they're giving me the full catharsis of everything that beaujes COULD have been given their trajectory which was uprooted and discarded for ooc reasons but just the entire dynamic here instead feels. fully realized and allowed to THRIVE w soljiwan!

like you hit it right on the nail w the beau's "its jester! I'm not gonna act on it or anything! she likes fjord..." vs sol's "sorry for liking you. I won't do anything don't worry. and I know you don't like me. but I'm sorry still" (which breaks my heart btw) and like the entire story w jiwan feeling that comphet, jiwan feeling sol's absence and not being able to understand why she is acting this way, when jiwan thinks sol has 'friends' she doesn't know about, when she asks what those two other guys mean to her...

like there is this same undercurrent as like when jester went to apologize to beau for 'not healing her' and even after apologizing she continued to be confused WHY losing beau made her feel so bereft, why when beau asks to room alone Jester's face falls like the SYSTEM SHOCK of it all. like realizing this person you care for deeply in a sense that you can't explain... is actually in love w you and trying their best to not cross a line. jiwan and jester and their way of showing love thru physical intimacy. beau and sol's way of showing love thru acts of service. even in their quiet moments, even when they're in the background their intimacy is never understated it's consistently portrayed!!

the backhug was insane it's such a classic like!! jiwan and comphet and trying to figure out What This Means but not ready to face Sol when she says it... and remember how beaujes backhug early pirate arc was. SUCH a top-tier moment?? soljiwan and beaujes parallels are a gift that keep on giving

and not to mention the way jiwan goes "yun sooooooool!!!!" with her whole heart reminds me so MUCH of jester's special way of saying "bowwwwuuh!!!" it's just. soljiwan remind me so much of beaujester but like. soljiwan can stand on its own in the way it isn't nerfed for het nonsense but thrives on its own bc the het nonsense of this show does not actually concern them AT ALL infact soljiwan is the backbone of the show in terms of how. even in their limited, barely 5mins screentime in each 60min ep... so much of ther story, their relationship and it's complexity is told in such a nuanced way, handled delicately and with care. I love it. I love it so much.

#beaujester #if ppl ur upset abt beaujes #go to @soljiwann #and just watch the twt thread soljiwan compilation in the pinned #i am so glad to have found these two bc #they literally made me feel better like shed that hollow bitterness cr left in me #and made me realize i was not reaching. soljiwan is what beaujes could've been #if cr hadn't explicitly nerfed it for ooc reasons. #but soljiwan stands alone even solely and that's so good. #they're a background romance to an otherwise het show #but boy do they feel like the driving force #soljiwan are the heart. the heart of it all. #sapphics will never NOT have me in shambles #bffs to lovers NEVER had a bad track #look at wyel look at soljiwan. thriving. #love to see it #im so glad u like it too anon!!! makes me happy that my recs did that! #beaujes

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Scars That Heal || Eddie Kaspbrak x Reader Series

• Ch. 11: Under Pressure •

TRIGGER WARNINGS: blatant homophobia from Nicklesmart The Beatboxing Jester™️ in disguise as someone you know, internalized homophobia throughout the whole chapter. As usual, will put a skip marker for the heavier scene before and after if you need/want to skip. It is not light, ngl 😔 [trigger words: f*iry + the f slur, each used on exactly one occasion, and (as an insult) queer. I'm so sorry, this was not easy for me either and please do not read this if any of this in any way bothers you, i won't be mad if you skip the chapter 💕]

A/N: Next chapter will be all fluff I promise 🥲, I'm so sorry, but I needed something that could solidify Richie and Y/n's friendship for good, and her helping him through his worst fear is the best way to do that and will be explored in other ways throughout the rest of the series, specifically in the sequel. all that aside, I missed you guys and this series so much!!

LGBTQ+ RESOURCES AND SELF HELP LINKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

- 𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗨𝗦𝗧 -

    Richie keeps his eyes trained on the dried mud on his navy blue slip-ons as he makes his way across town, his mind buzzing twice as fast as it normally did. He felt as if his entire body had been put through a blender; his skull still vibrating in his head turning his brain into jelly. His stomach empty and lurching as it twisted into knots far more impossible than what you'd see from a circus performer and his heartbeat could rival a hummingbird's. Not to mention he was walking with two extra legs he'd grow from time to time, another freaky affect the physical and mental toll these past few weeks had put on him and his eyesight. The caffeine he had been living on hadn't helped him one bit either he reckoned.

    Insomnia had become his best friend in the past few weeks, hence this last-minute trip to the old gravel pit just behind Derry Town dump. At least, this was the lie he told himself to pluck up enough courage to call Y/n up. Richie hoped she could talk him through it, give him some advice. He was never this nervous to talk to her and deep down in a corner he wished to bury forever - that small part of himself that begged to be free - knew exactly why. This small, repressed Richie Tozier that lived locked away in the center of his heart was calling the shots that day. Hell, he probably had been his whole life but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself yet, let alone his true attentions of seeking her help.

    All he knew is he was nervous as all hell, his palms were sweating, he couldn't stop fiddling with his glasses and he was sure one wrong move and he'd shit his pants. For fucks sake, he needed to shake this! He had already freaked Y/n out, that he knew. He could still hear her voice over the receiver. It was soaked in static and every 's', or 'c' sound she made felt like a pencil was being shoved into his eardrums cause of her shitty outdated telephone.

    "You," she had asked with a pause. "want to meet at... the dump?"

    "Yeah," he scoffed, scratching the same spot behind his ear for what had to be the billionth time out of nervous habit. "you got wax in your ears, L/n?"

    "Nope. Just, a little confused is all. You seem kinda... I don't know, squirrely," she said wearily, and through a sharp crackling hiss from the receiver he can make out a nervous chuckle on her end. "You sure nothin' jumped up your ass or anything?"

    He bit his lip. Hard. As if punishing himself for drawing her suspicions this early. What if she somehow caught on to what he was gonna talk to her about? Her walk to the gravel pit would surely give her enough time to get to that conclusion, and Richie wasn't daft. He knew he wasn't exactly subtle about... "insomnia". What with how many times he teased insomnia, called it that special nickname he knew it hated but secretly loved. That forbidden flutter in his chest when insomnia would laugh at his jokes, and the small but precious moments they shared from time to time when the others were late that would stay in his heart and mind for weeks to come. But it didn't matter now, as everyone knew; insomnia kept Y/n's company now.

    Thankfully his mouth was faster than his brain, and it fired a rapid response before a lull could form.

    "You bet your fur," he fires, his lanky arm had rested awkwardly against the wall beside the wall mount. "I am right as rain, toots."

    He of course hadn't seen it, but she had frowned at her phone. Her concern was growing with every word spoken from him.

    "Yeah," she snorts, throwing back a sarcastic remark. "Cause you sound it."

    She had eased a bit, growing soft and falling back into their usual banter. Their special dynamic always seemed to coax down his guard a bit.

    "You're talking like a 1950's gangster in a speakeasy," She straightened a little and had begun pacing as much as the phone cord would allow her. "Ya know... More than usual."

    Y/n smiled when she could practically hear the smirk taking over his face, and she certainly had no trouble picturing his hunched shoulders and intimidating snarl he was most likely dawning.

    "It's a little somethin' called moxie, kid," he spoke with curled his words, imitating all the gangsters he had seen in those cheesy old films. "somethin' you just don't have,"

    Y/n had rolled her eyes again, at least Richie could see her doing so when he heard her respond. "Right, right. My bad Baby Face."

    "Hey!" He barked, snapping his fingers and pointing at the floor as if she could see him. His voice lowered in a thick Chicago accent. "That's mista Baby Face to ya."

    "Mista Baby Face Nelson!" She strained, her annoyed shout tainted with a laugh. "Are we meeting at five or not?"

    Richie released a quick and silent breath, expelling as many nerves as possible.

    "You bet your fur."

    The exchange kept playing over and over in his mind and Richie wondered if the same rang true for Y/n. He hoped not, cause that would mean she was thinking about it too much. Hell, he was thinking about it too much now. A heavy sigh rolls off of his chest as every anxiety collectively manifests into its own dark thought.

    Fuck, he really had it bad.

    How pathetic he was.

    Eddie would surely be horrified to know what Richie really thought of him, that was for sure.

    And as if he hadn't felt crazy enough, the thoughts actually began to feel like voices calling him from the darkest shadows of his mind.

    'And the other Losers? You'll be lucky if they even look at you again.'

    Richie was surprised to find himself fighting back, pushing back as much as he could. Despite all the jokes and jabs, he couldn't be completely alone. A small part whispered in his heart that he wasn't, and he thought briefly of the turtle strangely enough but it was gone just as soon as it had come. All he knew was that whatever was telling him this thing was stubborn. But so was Richie Tozier.

    He treated it as an intrusive thought. Made a decision then and there that it was, never occurring to him what it could be if wasn't.

    No way. Not those assholes, he tells the voice. These are the Losers for fucks sake!

    The more he thought about it the more he was sure of it. God forbid Eddie did find out, which Richie had no intention of, and what would happen was in fact unclear. But no matter how he looked at it, he just couldn't picture the little spaghetti man ever cutting him out of his life completely. Not by choice at least.

    Now Ben, that lovable sappy haystack of his that was too passionate for his own good. Richie may not be the silent type but he does pick up on things, and Hanscom's affections for Beverly Marsh were far from subtle. Always opening doors for her and turning redder than a tomato when she smiled at him. Not to mention Richie was about ninety percent sure there was a poem of some sort involved. And that was just Beverly, Ben was always thinking of the Losers. Now Richie knew for sure that boy had no hateful bone in his body to the point it was fucking annoying.

    Mike, Richie felt, might be a little similar. The kid had a lot of heart, always going on about the animals on his farm. Would even go as far to say he considered them his friends, what with how much Richie knew about Mooriuel the calf and he hadn't even met her for cripes sake! Richie imagined he'd be a bit more shocked but would try some sappy speech when he came around. Would make a whole big thing of it, pat him on the back, and even invite a conversation. He scoffed at the thought, the image of Mike slapping him on the back and his signature grin... Yeah, he appreciated the hypothetical gesture but it wasn't Richie's style.

    He could easily see Big Bill sputtering up a storm, but managing a smile. He'd probably even manage to forget their differences long enough to say something stupid but supportive. And Beverly and Stan were the ones he worried about the least. Stan would probably be too indifferent to care, throw him some snarky ass comment like, "took ya long enough, dipshit," and Beverly? Well, Beverly had always been cool, very laid back. She never took shit, and she never dished it out if she didn't think it was deserved which Richie admired greatly. This was one of many reasons he was so shocked she had taken Bill's side in the fight.

    The thought brings him back down again, and as soon as the memory touches him so do the nerves in his jaw tensing up again where he had been hit. He could feel the punch all over again. And he suddenly remembers why he is here.

    He is here, he realized.

    Just around the bend, coming into view was the gravel pit. Old and crumbling it was, and overrun with weeds and bushes. One could easily scale in and out of it, and at the very bottom Rich had discovered one day was a beaten and tattered leather seat from a car that found its way from the junkyard just a ways over. This was where he told Y/n to meet him.

    Y/n...

    Jesus fuck, what would Y/n say? How would he tell her? Would she still wanna be friends with him? Would she laugh and crack a joke, not taking it seriously? Would she hate him for it? More importantly, why in the ever-loving fuck was he here and willing to tell her?

    His gangly legs tumble into a sprint as he picks up momentum descending the uneven terrain. The rubber soles of his shoes kicking up the layers of dirt and shaved gravel that lay beneath the rocks and he had to put effort into not crashing as he comes to a stop. He manages to avoid a nasty fall, completely ignorant to the fact that his right foot had been only inches away from a root peeking out from the rocks surely would have broken his neck had he made even one wrong move. He puffs out his chest, dusting himself off, and once again tries to dispel the nausea broiling in his stomach like hot tar.

    He closes his eyes tiredly as he drags his feet to the leather bench, letting his backside fall through the air and into the somewhat plush cushion with a deep groan. "Fuck."

    His fingers rub his tired eyes, his fingertips finding bits of crust he hadn't gotten earlier and his knuckles brush his glasses further up onto his forehead. Not quite knowing what to do with the overwhelming thoughts and emotions clouding him, his fingers dig further into his eye sockets until all he can see are inky splotches behind his eyes.

    Richie doesn't know why he would ever think those things of Y/n. He hadn't ever told her this, not directly at least, but she was just about the only person in the world he trusted most. He knew in his heart of hearts this was why he found himself dialing her number before he could even register what he was doing. Even after their separation and the bitter feelings they took with it, the Losers were and always would be his best friends in the world.

    So why did everything about this feel so wrong?

    From the moment the phone call ended, he felt like he was waltzing into a trap like some putz...

    "Well, look who it is..." snarled a voice from up above the surface.

    Richie's blood ran cold and it felt as if the remainder of the air in his lungs had been squeezed out like air in a deflating balloon. He whipped around at the voice, his head twisting up at the silhouetted figure so fast he was shocked he hadn't broken his own neck. The figure held their hands on their hips, thousands of the sun's rays spilling around them as they blocked out a part of the sun, an advantage they reaped from where they stood before Richie at just the right angle. His breath caught in his throat as he had recognized the voice immediately, but the figure didn't quite match the voice.

    The last thing person he needed to see right now was Henry fucking Bowers, that was for sure.

    The universe agreed so it would seem. The figure shifted, just out of the light revealing the teasing smirk of his best friend Y/n. Her hands snapped together, her palms forming a handgun, the barrel aiming right at Richie's forehead.

    "The jig is up," she snarled. "We knows it was you. You was the ones to steal from Big Bill's dame, and I wouldn't be surprised if yous was in cahoots, neithers."

    Despite the fear that had clutched his heart only seconds ago, a small chortle left Richie at how awful her accent was. Hadn't she learned anything from him? A smug smile overtook Y/n's face as he broke. She holstered her handguns and gracefully descended the pile of gravel. His smile expired not long after, and despite the thin veil of clouds creeping over the sun the light in the sky was much too hard to even glance at his friend without blinking back several painful searing tears from the harsh light. But he could still make her out.

    She was dressed in her usual ratty and eclectic garb; a mix of something far too big for her frame and something that seemed far too tight to be comfortable. Richie was certain she had never once owned even a thread of clothing that had always been hers. Her s/c brow had its usual, light glossy sheen of grease that Richie had learned very early on to not ask about. But there was something about her now, something he couldn't quite place.

    Though one question kept popping up in his mind. One that left an itch in his brain he couldn't quite scratch in his dazed state. And that was how could he have possibly thought she sounded like Henry Bowers?

    He finds himself looking down at the gravel now, wiping away as much of the sun's damage pooling in his eyes as he can. Unbeknownst to him, she watches him studiously, the ghost of her smile still on her lips as if she was enjoying his discomfort. His long and gangly limbs are folded awkwardly, still, onto the leather seat that sits on the ground. Finally, she takes a seat beside him with a huff as he had.

    As he rubs his tired eyes for a second time she takes a long look around, breaking the silence when her trip around the gravel pit lands on him.

    "Well, you've looked better." She quips, offering a smile.

    Richie snorts, pushing his slipping glasses up the bridge of his nose with a friendly smirk. "This comin' from Raggedy Ann?"

    They both breathe a small laugh and for a moment - just one beautiful, fleeting moment - Richie forgets he was ever scared. This is what he needed.

    "So," she says, pulling his gaze towards her, sending him a cocky smile as a knowing look sparkles behind her eyes. "I'm guessing there's a reason I'm here, and not helping you with your summer training?"

    Richie, for reasons unknown to him, feels his muscles tense up again involuntarily. Like a puppeteer suddenly yanking the strings, ripping his shoulders up to his ears and his muscles bracing. He felt rigid and he was, but he was doing all he could not to show it. All his unease came back in steady waves marching up the sand, but what could he do now? He could already feel her eyes burning holes into the side of his head as he kicked around a sizeable rock with the toe of his shoe, studying him. Waiting.

    Finally, his shoulders slumped in a shrug, lower lip in an indifferent pout as he looked around at the sky hanging above the gravel pit.

    "Just needed a change from all those ugly mugs, I guess," he manages a laugh, and he rises to his feet to lazily chase the rock that had rolled out of his reach.

    He can feel her eyes on him still, and he doesn't know what to make of it until finally she breaks her silence with a chuckle and rises to join him. She catches the rock with the heel of her dirtied sneakers. They're worn down to the very last thread and several shades off from the original color. She kicks the rock back to him, and they engage in a lazy game of rock soccer.

    "I can understand that," she says calmly, eyes trained on the rock as it tumbles across the gravel with several chunky clanks. "Reckon it'll be good for you, too,"

    He frowns confused without looking up at her, winding one lanky leg back before one big kick. "Whad'ya mean?"

    "Well, you don't wanna spend your whole summer inside of an arcade, do you?"

    Richie's face freezes in a frown, the rest of his body going rigid. His eyes cement on the rock underneath his shoe, willing away the veil of tears that threatened to fall. Had he not been so caught up on why he was here, Richie might have had a clear enough head to realize Y/n wasn't there for that conversation, nor had she heard about it from anyone there. Instead, all Rich can think about is the small hypochondriac boy that had stolen his heart.

    He can hear the conversation he had with his best friend, all those weeks ago when school let out. And if felt like a lifetime since he had seen that squishable, pouty little disgusted frown Eddie always put on that made Richie's inside melt. As if reading his mind, Y/n spoke.

    "This is about Eddie, isn't it?"

    Her tone is gentle but veiled. Something was concealed about the way she held herself, ever since she had arrived, something that Richie couldn't quite place. And there it was. He was right about her suspecting him, he must be. Richie battles the lump forming in his throat, and he can feel his ears turning pink under her unwavering and unblinking stare.

    Richie does all he can to fight a snarky response, not knowing how else to navigate and survive the intensity of his feelings. All he manages to do is nod.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

    "Rich, it's okay," she says, taking a step forward, his gaze is pulled to her eyes. And here it is, he thinks. The moment he had been dreading, the moment he hadn't even allowed himself to think about. "...I miss him, too."

    His face caught in another frown. That's definitely not what he expected her to say. Quickly as he could, he wiped away a spot of snot at his nose. He had managed to keep the tears at bay but now they had found another way out. He felt like a fucking fool, and he wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Of course she didn't know what he was talking about. Why would she - how would she? His spirits were crushed, and he suddenly didn't feel like getting into it now. She seemed off today, not that Richie cared. All he wanted was for this whole day to be over with, not even knowing the worst had yet to come.

    She studies his reaction, almost as if she had been waiting for this and she blinks for what Richie is now starting to realize must be the first time since she got here. Y/n's face screws into a frown, and yet there still lingered an uneasy smile that taunted him. Her eyes squint suspiciously at Richie, her head tilting in an expression he never knew he had always feared would come.

    She laughs finally, a shrill and grating laugh he hadn't quite heard before and she nudges him playfully. "Oh, come on! It's not like you've got some faggy crush on him or something?"

    When he doesn't answer, she scoffs, turning away and shaking her head in disbelief for a moment.

    Richie felt he just might vomit. Or cry. Or both. He had never felt so distraught, so dejected. So broken.

    How could she be saying these things?

    He tries with all his might to conjure a response, any fucking thing at all so he wasn't some blubbering broken chump breaking down in front of her. But for the first time in his life, Richie "loudmouth" Tozier was speechless.

    That fuck-awful grating laugh returns, a sour look screws up her face as she looks him up and down in disgust.

    "Wait, seriously?" She gapes with a scoff, making him feel about two inches tall. "You actually think he'd want to be with some fairy freak like you?"

    "F-f-uck off," he sputters, though he does not feel better.

    The trembling in his voice, the vulnerability, hearing it in himself strips any remaining scrap of confidence he had left. He's crying now and there's no hiding it. And she heard it in his voice, he knew that now as he looks at her. Her lips curl into a malicious smile and she takes another step closer, Richie fumbles a step back.

    "He isn't some," her nose crinkles as she continues to advance on him, the fire in her eyes building as he stumbles back to escape her sudden venom. "rotten queer like you."

    Y/n spits the words out like they were poison on her tongue, and this was true in every way. Her fiery stare never left Richie, it burned holes right through him as she advanced on him like a wolf on a wounded doe. They were nearing the edge of the gravel pit, and Richie had nearly run out of room when her finger stabbed his chest like a sword's final strike to the heart, pushing him to the ground as she spoke those poisonous words.

    Richie felt his backside meet several jagged rocks that brought even more tears to his eyes, though none of them hurt as much as her words. She towered over him now, the sun beating down on her back and pouring over her shoulders, trapping Richie in her shadow. She shakes her head, and he can still make out the pathetic look on her face as she glowers at him.

    "It's girls he likes. It's me he likes." she points to herself, shaking her head. "He was mine the second he saw me, but you?"

    She scoffs again, and her shadow releases him as she kneels to balance on her feet, legs folded before him with a snide look.

    "You've always been the insufferable loudmouth he couldn't get rid of." A sharp laugh escapes her, the clutch on his heart tightening to dangerous amounts he fears it will give out. "Well, I guess he doesn't have to worry about that now, huh?"

    His heart feels as if it has been ripped to shreds, the claws of the wolf had struck and now he was drowning in his own sorrows as pain as the heartbreak filled his lungs. Richie could no longer see behind the thick wall of glassy tears that blanketed his eyes, and the sounds of his own sobs amplified his embarrassment and despair. He was hopelessly broken, and he could feel himself crumble, each piece disappearing amongst the gravel underneath him until he couldn't be found. He blinked only once, but it was enough to send every tear racing down his cheek at once.

    Another malicious smile contorts her face, her e/c eyes burning darker until they looked almost a completely different shade. Her lips seemed to stretch on and on and on in a way only one thing could. And it was then that it occurred to him.

    Not one thing she had said to him is something he could have ever prepared himself for, each word constricting his heart and lungs and swelling his throat with the ever-growing lump.

    Nor was any of it something she would ever dream of saying, he knew this now.

[■■■■■■■■■■■■]

    This wasn't Y/n, this was never Y/n. She had never showed, and if he hadn't been so wrapped up in his own fucking head he would have caught on from the second "Y/n" arrived. Especially that entrance, Y/n surely would have fallen on her ass on her way down into the gravel pit never mind the fact her accent wouldn't be nearly as shit.

    But none of this mattered now. This thing that looked like his friend had him cornered, and It knew it.

    A wicked grin overtook the mask of Y/n's face that chilled Richie to his bones, and yet it also reassured him. Y/n was tough and could be scary from time to time, but he knew she could never be capable of the pure evil that now danced in It's eyes. Richie's body was already in motion, his arms and legs scrambling for any sort of grip that could take him up the side of the pit and to safety. But the gravel beneath him was always shifting, rolling out from underneath him when it wasn't raking his palms to pieces and all he was accomplishing was a small plume of dust that clung to his backside.

    Richie didn't know where it came from, but his actions were faster than his feelings as his fist collided with It's nose. And no sooner did the heel of his shoe collide in a painful crack that sent It's head back, did his eyes widen in horrific shock. The painful crack that would surely haunt him for many nights to come, had not been from the collision of his heel on It's nose but It's head - or Y/n's as this was still It's disguise - had snapped completely back and dangled completely off It's/her shoulders.

    The only thing connecting her head to her shoulders was the suit of s/c skin. Protruding from the center of her neck just under the skin was the end of her spine where it had disconnected, giving away a disturbing lack of muscles and veins in her neck as if it had been hollowed out like a pumpkin. Her head rolled back and forth limply, and Richie could feel bile climbing up his throat, ready to burst out his digested mac and cheese.

    His mind was screaming at his legs to run while all was still but a small part of him knew this was all a gambit, that it didn't matter if she was frozen stiff or not. Richie knew as soon as he booked it, It would spring to life with something even more twisted. That now, without his friends, he was as good as dead.

    And It was more than happy to prove Richie right.

    The clone of his friend sprang to life, It's head still rolling around on It's shoulders. Connected only by the skin of It's neck, and moving around like some fucked up slinky toy. Richie was already halfway up the gravel pit, bits of rock and dirt finding their way into his shoes as he kicked up the earth though that was the farthest thing from his mind.

    By the time Richie reached the top of the pit, he could no longer hear the thunderous boom of his heart attempting to break loose from his chest, which was saying an awful lot. His screams echoed out into the air only to be swallowed by the screams of other children and Richie didn't know how he knew this but he knew those were the screams of Betty Ripsom, Ed Corcoran... Georgie Denbrough. The bloodied screams of It's victims were drowning Richie as he ran for the junkyard, and he wondered if he might live to hear them stop.

    The screams were so fucking loud in his ears he could see them. Each of them a blinding, deafening, gut-wrenching, and blood-curdling scream that danced through the air like ribbons as they begged for their lives. Richie cried out and he couldn't even hear his own voice, but he didn't let this stop his legs from pumping as hard as they possibly could. He was nearly to the junkyard, surely he could use something to fend It off but he knew he was just buying time.

    He could taste the blood on his tongue from where his teeth bit into his cheek. In all his short life, Richie Tozier would not have guessed child-eating clown to be the way he'd kick the can. When ever the thought of death began troubling him, he always liked to picture something like a western. Him and his rightful enemy squaring off against good and evil, he'd shoot first and save the day but still sustain an injury and bleed out. But it'd be a hero's death. And that was something.

   But this... this was something born out of darker than evil and Richie was about to be pulled into the gravity well of this black hole and swallowed up. And he knew in his soul, the very pits of his stomach it would reach out with its shadowy arms and pull him into darkness.

    And it did.

    Richie had been rapidly approaching the edge of the junkyard without realizing and within an instant found himself on the ground, caved in on himself as he tumbled in the dirt and rocks accepting he was to join them soon enough. He closed his eyes and waited for death as a hand curled around his shoulder and pulled him around. Another jolt of shock shot through his entire body at the sudden contact, locking his jaw and paralyzing his entire body in fear as he was met with the new threat. He didn't dare open his eyes, and certainly not when he heard his best friend's voice again.

    "Richie! Richie?"

    It was her again, he realized. Y/n's real voice, the one that he heard on the telephone that was dripped in static. The one now dripped in fear.

   "Richie?!"

    When the boy opened his eyes, they were filled with terror and his sobs continued. A lense Y/n never thought she'd see Richie look at her through. Her heart broke in an instant when she realized he was afraid... of her. Instantly, she released him and let her backside fall back into the gravel. She watched through a thick wall of tears as he trembled, crying to himself, and never in all her life had she seen Richie Tozier so broken.

    It tore her apart.

    She didn't have to be a genius to realize what had happened here. Before she had even reached the junkyard on her bike she had heard his screams strangled through the wall of trees gating the area. When she had reached the gravel yard, she was happy to see him still in one piece but he was running for his life from an invisible force. The damn coward had gotten what It wanted and scared him shitless, but why would he disappear just because she showed? She had wondered.

    Now she was beginning to understand. It didn't need to be here to scare her. Just the sight of Richie in such a state was enough to tear her down and it took just about everything in her not to scream into the sky from a mix of fury and fear.

    Besides the tears that race down her cheeks and wet her legs, all Y/n could feel was a painfully numbing fear. Fear that Richie would never be the same. Fear that Richie would never speak to her again. Fear that Richie would never trust her again. Fear for whatever the fucking hell that thing did to Richie. Fear that It would do it again.

    All she felt now was fear for Richie.

    Y/n doesn't bother to fight the sob that breaks loose, her bottom lip quivers violently and her arms fall to the gravely pavement beneath her. As if her head had filled with lead, it grew heavy enough to fall into her chest where her chin landed, shaking several more tears loose.

    "I'm s-so sorry, Richie,"

    Y/n yearns to say more, but her body is physically weak from sadness and shame. Yet still, she repeats it in her mind hoping with everything in her it slips out of her mouth, or maybe if she thought them loud enough he'd hear them in his mind.

    I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry for whatever happened. I'm so goddamn sorry...

    "I'm sorry," she whimpers. "I promise..."

    I promise I'm not gonna hurt you. I promise I'm not gonna hate you. I promise I'm gonna be there for you, from now on. I promise.

    Her sniffles blend with his own, and Richie is unsure why this is the moment he knows for sure this is the real Y/n before him; maybe he was just too exhausted to think it through, perhaps it was the godawful sound she was making trying to keep herself from snotting as bad as he was but he knew It had gone. And the Y/n sitting beside him — crying with him, was the one he dialed up today. This was the Y/n he had been prepared to bare his soul to. His true self.

    So with one shaky hand — the other still tucked in close to his chest — Richie's left hand slid out from under him and across the gravel to Y/n's open palm. Her fingers were digging into the gravel, sharp edges of the rock digging into her skin as if to assure herself she was really real. Suddenly, she felt Richie's shaky palm slide underneath hers, carefully taking it.

    Y/n picked her glassy stare up from the ground to look at their intertwined hands, and she melted a little. Several of those fears — not all of them, but some — were ebbed away and she looked to Richie. He was still curled up in the dirt, his eyes closed and silent tears streaking his dirt-covered face. Each tear paved a path of clean skin, washing the dirt away in wild streaks where ever each tear had fallen. Several large and swollen beads of tears collected at his chin where they dangled, threatening to fall.

    She gave his hand a squeeze, letting him know she was there for him as she had promised him. And she was ready to sit with him for as long as he needed.

    For hours that feel only like minutes, they sit together in tear-filled silence, clinging to one another's presence and the knowledge that they are now all they have left.

    And there was no way they were letting go.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Here are some LGBTQ+ resources for mental health and self help if you feel you need them:

How do I find LGBTQ friendly therapy?

An article on safe ways to find the best sources of help that are right for you

The Trevor Project

Self Care Tips for Trans and Non Binary Folks

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[the-punslinger]

Critical Role Quotes and Memorable Moments - Campaign 2 (89/?)

Matt: “As your eyes begin to adjust to the darkness in here with the bits of pinpoint light, you can see some of that glow in here, some of the source is, instead of just being a small fire or lantern, there is a pouring river of molten rock that is slowly snaking its way through the chamber." Sam: ♪ Snaking it's way ♪

Veth: “And we're a good team, because you can, when we have to interrogate someone...” Jester: “Yeah.” Veth: “You can turn on the charm. You can woo them with your wiles” Jester: “I can make them totally fall in love with me with spells.” Veth: “Do you think we would investigate like-- because most sort of private-for-hire sort of detectives investigate like, 'Oh, I think she's cheating on me.' That sort of, like, boring stuff. Are you interested in that?” Jester: “I mean, I like the high profile cases, you know what I mean?” Veth: “I agree.” Jester: “Yeah.” Veth: “I don't want to just be, like, tracking some guy--” Jester: “Murder.” Veth: “And catching him fondling some person.” Jester: “Yeah, no, awful, boring." Veth: “I don't care about that.” Jester: “Murder. “ Veth: “Murder.” Jester: “Espionage. Veth: “Kidnap.” Jester: “Grand theft..." Veth: “Carriage.”

[As Matt presents a battle map] Marisha: “Map looks great.” Taliesin: “Map's gorgeous.” Ashley: “It is so cool.” Marisha: “Looks great on camera.” Ashley: “Look at the little waterfall on the left!” Marisha: “Isn't it awesome?” Travis: “Your maps suck.“ Matt: “Thanks. Keep me humble.”

[A whole episode of switching back and forth between two halves of the party] Sam: “Thank you, guys. Thank you three for being silent spectators for two and a half hours tonight.” Matt: “Yeah, thank you for being patient.” Marisha: “We had an hour long date, it's fine. It all balances out.” Sam: “I think we owe Travis his own solo episode at this point.”

[Sam cleaning up the hair that he shaved for his ad]

Marisha: “Look at you, doing manual labor.” Sam: “Oh well, you know.” Taliesin: “When this is over, I will totally shave your head the proper way. I will take a razor to your head.” Sam: “What's minimum wage these days? Is it like $40, $50 an hour? I don't know.” Matt: “God, Sam.” Sam: “I don't know how much people make. I don't know what money is.” Matt: “Just leave.”

Matt [on Sam’s new shaven appearance]: "That’s what it is. I made you in Warcraft before!"

Matt: “Bits of lightning crackle and descend, elements of heavy wisps and fog began to gather as you see elementals begin to curl down from above. You see three creatures made of sparking electricity, themselves like long serpents snaking their way down from above." Sam: ♪ Snaking their way ♪

[Matt hiding elemental monster stat blocks under their dice trays] Travis: "I am Kord, the storm lord. No just kidding." Liam: "It's just Travis standing on the map."

Ashley: “First things first, I'm going to fucking rage” Travis: “GOOOOOO”

Matt: “Regular strikes or reckless?” Ashley: “Reckless” Travis: “THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!”

#critical role #campaign 2 #epi130-131 #cr spoilers

[paintedwarpony]

CRITICAL ROLE REWATCH C2E110

(And further ranting and raving and campaign predictions...)

Hey guess what I'm back to talk about today you guys?

Verin Thelyss? Always. But not for this episode.

HOW ABOUT SOME MORE GODDAMN HINTED MULTICLASSED EODWULF.

Yep. You bet.

For those of you just joining this Ted Talk I posed a theory months ago that Eodwulf is NOT infact multiclassed as a paladin for the Raven Queen/Matron of Ravens as most of the fandom has considered. But is something far more dangerous and terrifying.

That Eodwulf is in fact multiassed as a War Domain Cleric.

WHICH IS BAD.

VERY VERY BAD.

At least from a D&D combat campaign point of view. Because essentially it creates an absolute malestrom of a NPC. And it turns the gut to think of the kind of fight it would put the Nein through.

*coughTPKcough*

Because the facts are this. Eodwulf is already a very highly trained, extremely powerful wizard, which is dangerous in and of itself. Add to that fact that he's ALSO a homebrewed Volstrucker and considered one of Ikithon's elites. That means there's going to be all kinds of shit mixed up in that bag of tricks that we haven't seen or yet to speculate.

My basis as to why I think Eodwulf is a cleric of some kind leans heavily on the fact that Matt Mercer himself very often grumbles and complains during campaign about how "unfair" it is that the Nein have two clerics. Yet to date the Nein have not actually gone to combat with a full party that includes a cleric (that may change with the Tomb Takers, who knows) but its certainly not an oversight by any means. I'm positive Matt is saving the use of a cleric enemy for a particularly nasty encounter or series of encounters.

Because lets be real

Clerics will fuck some shit up no matter what their domain is. Between the ridiculously long list of spells they have access to and the ability to pop other members of their team back up clerics are brawlers in the disguise of supports.

NOW HERE'S WHERE IS GETS DANGEROUS CONCERING EODWULF.

Considering Eodwulf is a wizard, and a homebrewed Volstrucker at that theres going to be alot of fire power there but Wizards are notorious glass canons unless handled or multiclassed correctly. Caleb is EXTREMELY powerful mage wise BUT he still follows wizard format to balance him from becoming to powerful. At lvl 13 his AC 15 (jumps to 16 with Mage Armor) and he has 96HP. They're at a point of the campaign where they are coming up against creatures that deal out damage in the 50s, 60s, 70s, or more in one shot. And in turn the Nein themselves are starting to be able to do that kind of damage back.

Which if Eodwulf was just a wizard played by wizard stats, even just slightly homebrewed, wouldn't make him much of a threat.

BUT THROW CLERIC IN THERE AND MAKE IT A WAR DOMAIN CLERIC?

You just turned that glass canon into a GODS DAMNED SHERMAN TANK.

That gives Eodwulf access to martial weapons, heavy armor and a PLEATHORA of other equipment that most wizards could only look longingly through a shop window at before. Not to mention the spell list expansion. His AC jumps. His HP jumps. His attack ability skyrockets as he could both cast spells and make (multiple with certain effects) physical attacks in the same round. His magical longevity bolsters as he can save spell slots until more opportune times to but continue to cause damage with physical strikes.

Not to mention the aspect of keeping the rest of his side of the fight up. Healing up other Volstrucker, Astrid, fucking Ikithon himself to keep them in combat. Hell even using FUCKING REVIVIFY to bring one back if he needs to.

Counterspell? Got it. Cure Wounds? Got it. Guiding Strike? Yep got that, too. Divine Intervention? Sure thing! Fireball? Pssht, for sure.

Considering the hint in C2E110 that Eodwulf favors electricity the same way Caleb favors fire I wouldn't be surprised if he has friggin' Chained Lighting as a go to favorite spell.

BUT I DIGRESS

Some more hints came into focuse during C2E110 to support this theory but the biggest one was said by Eodwulf himself. When questioned about what he did on the front lines Eodwulf admitted:

"I am not much of a front line fighter..."

Its kind of a throwaway line BUT is very much known and considered within D&D that paladins (like Fjord) are considers front line fighter types. But wizards AND CLERICS OF ALL DOMAINS are considered SUPPORT LINE. That they hang back and try to stay out of the thick of danger. Despite the abilities of a cleric to be absolutely savage in combat, as displayed by Jester and Caduceus over the campaign, they're still considered 'support/support line' classes.

It might not be a huge hint but the only time at the table Eodwulf showed any small bit of his own personality was when he bragged just a little about himself and admitted to liking being called a 'living magical weapon', he was also incredibly honest and forthright when he answered questions or spoke about their duty, parents, the torture that he'd been put through at the hands of Ikithon and his faith in the Matron of Ravens was no secret and peppered casually into his conversation. I think that if he was in fact a paladin Edowulf would not hesitate to talk about his pride at serving the Matron of Ravens AND the Empire in direct combat. A wiz-pally combo like that would be formidable but...

A Wiz-War Cleric combo thats a homebrewed Volstrucker and backed by the goddess of death...

Its gonna get real ugly really fast for the Nein if they have to fight him.

I fully believe Eodwulf can be flipped to the Nein's favor but I think to manage that he needs to be separated from Ikithon AND Astrid. During C2E110 he took ALL of his cues from Astrid, looking at her EVERY TIME before starting to speak or reacting to anything. He only acted a little more independent when they were outside the tower. Everything about Eodwulf's demeanor and behavior suggests someone so very lost and used to being bullied or directed one way or another that he doesn't think twice to follow instructions or vomit back up beliefs he was 'taught' but might not be his own. People like that bury their personalities and only find their way to the surface when they're separated from the supervision of their influence. Caleb as expressed multiple times he wants to win both his friends back with a much heavier emphasis on Astrid than Eodwulf. Astrid seems a much more difficult person to turn to their side imo and habors to many secrets and ulterior motives and its worrisome the way she does execute her will over Edowulf. Its clear by some of the interactions at the table that Astrid was very much the 'leader' of the Blumentrio, as she several times tried to cue Caleb with looks to stop or change his behavior and actions. Caleb has been free of Ikithon (and Astrid's) influence for so long now and grown so much in the care of his found family it didn't even cause him to balk but it worries me that if Astrid were introduced into the Nein her influence and manipulations that she does still hold over Eodwulf may start to sink in and control Caleb again as well. The encounter certainly rattled him and left him repeatedly insisting "freeing" her specifically over the course of the campaign since.

But thats a whole different can of worms...

If the Nein turn Astrid to their cause I'm almost positive Eodwulf will follow her. He cued to her FAR more than he did to Ikithon and that speaks volumes.

But I would so much like to see Eodwulf on his own, see his personality and see his own decision to join the Nein's side or not.

But truly... if the answer is 'not'...

Its not going to be good...

#critical role #d&d shenanigans #the mighty nein #campaign 2 #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #c2e110 #critical role rewatch #meta #analysis #save eodwulf #war cleric eodwulf #but war cleric is scariest #war cleric #eodwulf #eadwulf #astrid #caleb #caleb widogast #save eodwulf save the nein #blumentrio

[jinxthequeergirl]

An Hour of Bliss

Edward nygma x Gordon!reader

Summary: lucius needs help, just so happens the smartest man in Gotham walks across his path. And he knows exactly whonto bribe him with to get him to cooperate

Warning: swearing,angsty otherwise its decently i think fluffy but sucks ass so

Kiddo's, Imma be honest here I have not watched gotham in so fucking long i watched three episodes of season five then waited for it to come onto netflix so not it is and i will be rewatching season five soon but here enjoy this it was sitting in my drafts from when i was watching it

~~~~

He had walked in pretty easily, walked around pretty easily. Lucky him. He was only phased once on his way to the back, once when he saw you.

God you looked horrible.

dark bags under your eyes that he could see even from where he was standing, fresh cuts as well as old littered your arms and face.

God you still looked beautiful.

He watched sadly from where he stood as one of the other officers wrapped your arm up with bandages. Your noise crinkled when you smiled at something the officer said.

He wondered if you where doing better now. Probably not, not with the way everything was now. But he hoped it was decently better then the hell he put you through. A part of him hoped you wheren't, that your life was just as miserable as his without you besides him. The other half knew you where and was glad about it.

You looked up and met his eyes, he saw the instant confused and scared look across your face that made it seem like you'd just seen a ghost. He should've left then. But you glued him to his spot more so then he was before. The officer caught your attention again quickly giving him the chance to continue with his mission and headed to the back.

When you looked up again he was gone. "You alright Gordon?"

"Yea...i just...just thought I saw something..." She smiled reassuringly.

Ed had been in the back for less then ten minutes before he was interrupted. "Hands up." He froze and scilently cursed himself for not being more careful, but did as he was told and turned around slowly. "lucius Fox, Good to see you." He smirked.

"Can't say the same." Lucius stopped a moment and lowered his gun slightly. "Although it might be." Ed raised an eye brow.

"I need your help, if you help me know one needs to know you where here."

"If i don't?"

"One of two things I tell that whole room of officers outside that you are here, or I shoot you myself."

"I think I'll take my chances." Ed made a slight move to leave before being stopped again.

"You know, she misses you just as much...If not more then you."

He was certain his heart stopped when he said those words. "What?"

"Y/n Gordon, Jim Gordans sister? She's been a mess since you went away."

"You're lying!"

"I'm not, I know it may seem like she's not but she just doesn't want her brother knowing."

"And how do you know all this?"

"We're good friends now." Ed looked at him skeptically. There was no way all of that was true as much as he hoped it was he knew he was just saying things about you to get his help.

"If you help me I can let you see her, alone."

Ed thought. "You mean it?"

"Cross my heart hope to die." Lucius said sarcastically.

"An hour, one hour alone with her." He attempted to bargen a little too eagerly.

"Twenty minutes." Lucius shot back.

"Fourty."

"Thirty." Ed went quiet and thought. Thrity minutes was a short amount of time shorter than he had hoped to ever spend with you again,but any time to actually see you again, to see that you where really ok, and to tell you he was fine that would have to be enough.

"So do we have a deal?" Lucius voice cut through his thoughts. "Deal."

It seemed like the longest few hours Ed had ever spent with one person. Probably because he was too eager to get to the end but he went along with it. Even as he went along with it he slowly started to not like the outcome more and more because all evidence pointed to him.

But that didn't matter he helped lucius find what he needed. "The roof of The Gcpd, and hour, I'll bring y/n up and I will be timing it."

"Why are you still letting this happen? I did this? I blew this place up I...she'll think-"

"She won't think anything...y/n loves you, loved you even before this! You've done worse even with her by your side and she never left you then...I'm letting it happen because you held up your end of the deal. It's my turn."

Ed smiled slightly and followed him Back to the prestinc. He knew lucius was right you, for some reason he was never able to figure out loved him. And accourding to lucius still loved him.

"What is so important that you dragged me up here fox?" Ed turned to the door as you backed out of it facing lucius onto the roof.

"Well lets say I found something...or Someone very important to you." He jestered to behind you and you spun around to look.

"Holy...ED!?" You could only bring yourself to stop and stare at the man.

"Hi y/n."

"ED!" You raced over to him practically jumping into his arms hugging him tightly you cried excidedly into the crook of his neck. "I...i...i've missed you so...so.. much..."

"I've missed you too..." You pulled away from the hug to kiss him. Which took him by suprise but he happily melted into it and kissed back.

When you finally pulled apart lucius cleared his throat. "An hour. Thats as long as i can promise the both of you before Jim get suspicious."

Ed furrowed his brows and opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off. "One.Hour."

Ed smiled thankfully and you ran over to hug him. "Thank you..."

He nodded and let you go you both watched him leave through the door before you turned back to eachother.

"God look at you!...your hair.." You reached up to play with his grown out hair and laughed before your hands moved to cup his face and kissed him gently once more. "An hour isn't long enough.." You mumbled against his lips.

"Let's just enjoy it to the fullest."

#edward nygma x reader #ed nygma x reader #gotham x reader #the riddler x reader