#I'm having a difficult time right now

[itakeadvantageofbeingpretty]

a bit of poetry I wrote to help make me feel better right now (I don't typically share this kind of stuff, but it made me feel better, so maybe if any of you are having a hard time it might help make you feel better and that would mean the world to me)

I'm having a very difficult time right now.

My body is overflowing with emotions that I want out.

My heart leaves a hole in my chest where tears run out of, filling my bedroom and keeping me under.

I want to yell and scream and throw things to break them,

But I also want to sit on the forest floor and cry while the raindrops fall onto my face, leaving the same salty taste in my mouth as the tears of my mourning.

My body is tense and shaking ready to explode like a star to leave behind pure concentrated emotion as I cease to exist

My body is overflowing with emotions but I don't want them to be gone because then what would I be then?

I'd lie on the forest floor, no longer crying but staring into the cloudy sky through the treetops, letting the raindrops hit my eyes and run down my face.

eventually, my body becomes overgrown with vines and moss, my lungs filled with rainwater and bugs, as I once again return to the earth.

I'm having a very difficult time right now, But I'll survive.

#poetry #poems #poems on tumblr #I'm having a difficult time right now #but i'll survive #thoughts #feelings #mourning

[egophiliac]

Did peepaw come home?!

HE DID! :D! luckily it only took me three ten-pulls; I think my past experience of being so thoroughly denied a Fairy Gala Ortho made me more worried than I should have been. may the gacha blessings pay forward to everyone else! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

so far this is hands-down the funniest Lilia card, because he'll say something all edgy and badass in that deeper ~General Vanrouge~ tone and then follow it up immediately with one of the non-card-specific cutesy Lilia lines, and it gets me every time

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #i rolled for him before doing the story and when i set him on my home screen #the VERY FIRST line he said was the one where he's like 'the promise i made to revaan...my friend who is no longer here...' and i was like #excusez moi #(i'm going with revaan for now because i have no idea what it's meant to be and when in doubt go literal) #(honestly same with baul. baul feels right but who am i to say) #(i feel pretty confident about henrik but i am prepared to be wildly wrong about everything as per usual :') #anyway now the question is: do i try for the white rabbit cards or save up for whoever the next episode 7 ssr is #on the one hand i have been living for the episode 7 content #on the other hand the white rabbit event looks SO cute #truly this is the most difficult dilemma of our times

[raycatz]

I'm not including a situation where someone might be injured because in that case I'm thinking the bed goes to them by default or they are nominated for it. anyone who wants to be chatty goes to join the living room floor gang.

What are your thoughts and headcanons? Do you have thoughts on how the boys tend to approach assigning beds in inns? Who do the chain choose to sleep near when camping and why? What are their dynamics like when settling down for the night and getting ready for the day?

In "Mirror Vs Open Closet Door: Fight!" by Gintrinsic (here) Four refers to the chain's decision on how to split up between inn rooms as the "Link-per-room ratio" which I find very funny. He, Sky, and Time also talk about their thought process behind why they do or don't want to sleep in a room with some of the others which I find fun and interesting.

So! If you have thoughts and want to share them! *gestures to the post!*

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #alrighty! now for my answers- #for the ranch question I think it varies which is why I'm asking in a poll. What do you think happens most often though? #each answer is a fun scenario so it's difficult to choose #but I think they'd try to act politely around Malon and Time for the first couple visits with straws or rock paper scissors #or showing generosity by offering the bed to someone else. (I bet Malon saying they're charming is quite the incentive #for more possible compliments. The chain as a whole would want to prove her right xD ) #Once they're more comfortable in the house though I can totally see Wind and Legend making a mad dash for it while Wars yells after them xD #Wind probably ends up sharing with Four a lot since they're the littles #or Wind snuggles in with Wars Legend Wild etc #Wild and Twi/Wolfie have claimed the spot on the floor by the fireplace. #For inn rooms / castle rooms / camping - I tend to group them by how they're grouped a lot already #but a lil mixed up #Time - Sky - Wars are the good rest trio. they want a good night's rest please let them get their beauty sleep. often joined by Four #Wars goes between this group and wherever Legend is depending on how chatty he is that night. #Twi - Wild - Hyrule are snuggle/proximity buddies #Legend is attached to Hyrule's hip or sets up near Warriors to gossip and gripe. I can also see him setting up near Wild #in the eye of the storm as it were or just an interesting place to be. Wild and Hyrule can get to chatting about everything and anything #so if Legend wants background noise (Hyrule and Wild podcast omg)- #or a conversation he can be half a part of and jump in and out of while getting ready for the night or in the mornings- #this is a good place to be. add Wind and things get a bit more chaotic. #Wind gravitates to Wars and Legend too when curious and chatty. He gravitates towards Time when he wants something calmer. #Four tends to be near Sky or Twi or to Legend's group for the same reasons #I can see Four and Twi having a little book club going during downtimes where they talk about what they're reading. Sky likes to listen. <3 #Wind thinks they're nerds but so is he and he can't resist a good story so he orbits and sometimes settles in and peppers questions. #it's funny that Time Sky and Wars want to sleep the most but Legend follows Wars to chat (and ends up bringing people with him xD ) #there could be some conflict there oooo #Twi is by Time #it's almost a circle but with clusters of sleeping bags near on top of each other and filling the gaps

[khaire-traveler]

You can become so used to the darkness that you mistake it for the light. What feels safe, feels familiar, is not always as it appears to be.

#sorry that this is so ominous #it's more of a vent post i guess #I'm struggling with my depression and PTSD a lot lately #and it's becoming very difficult to deal with #sometimes with mental illness you end up falling into unhealthy cycles of thinking #or you resist the things that are good and healthy for you #I'm struggling a lot with those things right now #where i am just having a very hard time looking at the positives within my situation #but yeah #personal #vent post #vent

[yangjeongin]

HYUNJIN in PINK for @hyunpic (happy birthday 💗)

#hwang hyunjin #stray kids #hyunjin #createskz #bystay #staysource #a9gifs #malegroupsnet #*gif #*ccarly #*hyunjin #*carly:hyunjin #omg i hope i'm posting this at the right time asdfasgsdg i am queueing it....in case i am asleep....but whatever #it's okay if i'm late or early DFSGSDGG what matters is VILMA DAY #happy bday vilma thank u for being so sweet and fun to talk to always <3 and for always making me laugh i hope u have an amazing day #this is the pink set i've owed you in the hyunjin bday countdown for two years now btw SDSDGSDGSGD #luckily i had some timestamps. 75% of them didn't work but. we made it #it was both fun and a bit difficult

[strayrainbow]

For the DTIYS by @ladylunora !!!

It was really fun, Thank you for the challenge!

#I haven't done lineart in Years and colouring is so difficult right now. Still not super happy with it. #I'll probably end up messing with it more but for now it's kinda gotta be done #I'll post alternatives when I'm less sleep deprived. Maybe #hlvrai #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai benrey #fan art #my art #first almost finished piece in A While #why r colours sp harrrrdddd #I may also have 2 other pieces and an animation that I definitely won't get done in time #or even anytime soon #but the dtiys has done something to me and im Inspired #benculavanfeetmanDTIYS #frenrey #half life vr but the ai is self aware #please look at the hands i tried so hard #but not too close. dont look at the mess pls and thx

[bumblingbabooshka]

Janeway in 'Nothing Human' vs Tuvok in 'Resolutions' There's something here I know there is I can almost wrap my teeth around it.

#I can't watch Nothing Human bc the puppet really disconcerts me #but I cannot believe Janeway really came into B'Elanna's room after all that and the FIRST thing she says...her OPENER is #'Wow it smells awful in here~!' #DUDE....................TIME AND PLACE #HEHEHHE #C'MON MAN #B'Elanna: Is [putting it behind us] an order? / Janeway [normal!]: Yes. #'And what emotion is that?' C'MON MAN!!!!!! #Janeway & Tuvok #Kathryn Janeway #Tuvok #I can see why she and Tuvok are friends #'I understand you're upset but fall in line' #You can be upset but not if effects your work #<- Something which would be fine on a regular ship but is very difficult on Voyager #I think Janeway's certain coldness or ruthlessness which can be aimed at either friend or foe is an interesting #aspect of her personality #Ex: She and B'Elanna COULD have feasibly had a more touching scene together to close out the episode but they don't #I don't know if I'm explaining myself well right now I'm a bit ill and more than a bit tired #Something about uhh maybe....people under their command vehemently and emotionally disagreeing with them/their decisions?? #you can disagree with me but not if you don't follow me anyway #Voyager a ship full of contradictions #they have to all work together and they are all closer emotionally than any other starship due to their situation #but they are also still 'at work' and are expected to follow orders. It's like a 'casual' hierarchy but it's still a hierarchy #and you can't fall too far out of line bc you're someone dear to me #but you're also a valued cog in the machine #and even though you ARE valued you ARE still a cog in the machine #but you're also my dear friend. and all of these things are true at once. #all of that of course but also Janeway & Tuvok are displaying a very particular kind of shared leadership style in these moments #Janeway is obviously on the whole MUUUCH more charismatic and understanding than Tuvok but still - when push comes to shove...

[adreamingrevenant]

#my first sleep deprived contribution to the Twisted Wonderland Fandom but certainly not my last #well technically second #but this ain't about that #twst book 7 spoilers #twst book 7 #twst spoilers #twisted wonderland #hello TWST fandom have a low quality meme for now #that guitar finally served it's purpose it was like it was made SPECIFICALLY for when I got the urge to throw hands with the Fae Senate #F' those guys roughly with a rusty chainsaw all my homies hate the Fae Senate #Malleus Lilia and Meleanor don't deserve all this #I don't know if it's just because this Book came out at a coincidentally difficult time in my life where I can relate to Lilia even more #but by everything holy and unholy this entire book HURT #although the lore came in at a FANTASTIC timing for an au I'm working on lol #now I take a nap before I figure out how to link ao3 on tumblr via mobile before I work on that #all of my knowledge of years of studying Fae lore and Irish mythology is finally going to come in handy #I wish upon the Fae Senate that their second death feels vaguely like being forced into hot iron shoes and forced to dance to death :) #don't blame Malleus at all for being angry. if he wants to overthrow the Senate I'll be right there with him #twst memes

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result #and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master #but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper- #are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like #i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh #as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible #sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness #so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun #but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps #doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you #not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog #but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog #if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck #but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation- #the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines- #then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST #and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them #because now you have the drive to want to do more #now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing #long post #even longer tags #art #drawing #artists #art advice

[tamorii]

Hello folks !! My apologies for the radio silence, I've been working very hard on a comic for a magical girl anthology! My comic will feature my ancient OC Kameko as an adult in her late twenties, I'm having a blast working on this :) ✨

#here is a crop from one of the early pages #you can follow fikasha.manga on insta for updates about the anthology! #It'll contain original magical girl stories by 13 stories and right now the book is already over 200+ pages #And we're still working on bonus material hehe #It's gonna be awesome !! #OH YEAH about my own comic #It features my OC Kameko who I designed when I was 14 #She's now in her late twenties (just like me) and about to pass on her duties to a new magical girl #But she's having a difficult time since she was a magical girl for 13 years and watched many of her allies fall in battle #so she's conflicted over passing on her duties #the comic is short but bittersweet lol #I'm putting a lot of love and effort into it !!

[corset]

Our mental health has been in such an interestingly terrible place for the last month or so. Genuinely kind of fascinating to watch from different internal angles....like watching the ocean ebb and flow and change temperament at random sometimes based on weather or the moon or something. Like this shit is just terrible

#I can't even describe it #Like it isn't even just the basic stuff I've dealt with my whole life right #I've had some of this for well over a decade now right I've been very unwell for a long time #I'm a system so that tells you a lot already #Speaking of which that's been extremely hard on us lately too. Rapid switching and blending and worsening dissociative episodes #It makes it extremely....hard. I don't know how to put this for people reading this who don't just intuitively know what I'm talking about #Let me try though #Stress worsens the symptoms right. And we've been under a Lot of stress. When you have a system who not only experiences different levels #of emotion but also different emotional responses to certain things and then also expresses symptoms of your multiple mental illnesses to #different degrees and then on top of that your sense of time/cognition becomes nonlinear because you're blurry as hell in and out all the #time it becomes markedly more difficult to try and balance out/manage your other shit. Like I cannot even describe #It's like trying to climb a slippery incline #I feel truly. Crazy. Like a complete unstable fragmented freak lately it is So bad. And I feel like I'm becoming Worse /As A Person/ too #Like I just feel like I'm becoming so jaded and fucked up mentally our internal state right now is frankly very bad. If you think I've been #negative and difficult on this blog lately hoo boy is my posting on here not even scratching the surface #We're trying to do some things about stuff we can fix/control in our external surroundings but like #[Edit: in addition I have never been properly medicated or gotten help for Any of this since I was 14-15 and they weren't even helping us #for the right things.]

[nettlestingsoup]

i set a boundary with a long-time friend and now i feel ✨gross about it✨

#i think i'm probably PMSing #but i just had to ask them not to talk about something because it was making me feel weird #and i think it upset them a bit because it's a thing we've talked about since we were fifteen #it's like the reason we were first friends #but i just feel a bit gross about it right now so i needed to not talk about it or hear about it #and now i think they're upset with me #and i'm already living in this stupid lonely city where i never see any of my friends because i can't afford to get on trains #i am trying so hard not to be lonely all the time but it is so difficult here #how do you make new friends somewhere this big #and how do you keep ahold of the old ones as you change #and when you have no money or energy to keep up with them #bah i'm rambling #i'm just very very tired lately #but i think things will be ok eventually

[sage-nebula]

when I was getting my tattoo on Saturday my artist kept telling me like, "It's okay if you need to tap out, I won't be pissed or think less of you, we can come back to finish in another session," because honestly for this particular tattoo the pain was severe and about halfway through I started involuntarily cringing and squeezing the pillow I was laying on very hard and other such involuntary shows of how much pain I was in. (such as flinching hard when she had to wipe excess ink / blood / plasma away, because good god somehow the damp paper towel felt worse than the needle.)

but each time I refused. "the only way out is through," I said. nearer the end I said, "if you need to tap out though, I understand" because she had to put on a brace for her back because of the angle at which she had to be hunched over to finish the tattoo. but she didn't tap out either.

anyway I saw a meme with Shadow the Hedgehog that was like, "stop DMing me that 'are you ok' shit, obviously I'm not but we move" and my immediate thought was, "me @ my artist during my tattoo session on Saturday."

#i was under the needle for at least 5 hours #that's how much she charged me for but i was in the shop for about 8 hours #there were breaks in there so honestly it's a bit nebulous how much time she SHOULD have charged me for . . . but regardless #(i gave a generous tip dw) #part of the reason it hurt(s) so bad despite the location being one of the less painful locations to get a tattoo is that it was a cover-up #or like . . . i was changing the tattoo into something else is how i think about it #bc it was an unfinished tattoo that I had for like 10 years and i'm not that into the fandom anymore #among other reasons like it was a made up language (circular Gallifreyan) so who knows if it was even ''right'' #so i just wanted it to be something different and more fitting for the adult i am now #versus the like . . . 22yo i was when i got the original one lmao #but anyway since it was going on top that required blackout work and also putting new ink on top of old ink which is difficult to do #so it was going over the same exact spot over and over and OVER again with the needle #which really really REALLY fucking hurt REALLY bad #and still feels like the worst sunburn imaginable tbqh #but we move. BUT WE MOVE. #Stay Determined etc #(i stayed determined all right. i was NOT tapping out. I DO NOT TAP OUT DO YOU HEAR ME) #anyway

[throughpatchesofviolet]

Basically how things are going for me in the self ship department: Canto VI and the events following it have made everything hurt.

#it's just very difficult for me right now ... #I'm far more active about ship stuff in my server but posting is hard because I'm just hurting a lot ... #all I really have is I want to cuddle with Heathy ... and kiss him and bury my face in his chest-- #my brain is doing its best but I am having a hard time believing Heathcliff would love me still ... #which stings because I felt so strongly about it before ;; #but like I said--I need to write again #I'm sure if I could get *one* fic written I'd feel leagues better #r: remind my heart to beat 💢 #scattered pages

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[shima-draws]

I had a conversation with my mom about commissions--she’s of the opinion that you shouldn’t have to wait super long to get what you paid for. I’m the opposite; I think artists should be able to take as long as they need to finish a commission, and I’m totally cool with waiting for months even for them to get back to me. Surprisingly enough I’m very patient when it comes to commissioning other people lol. Maybe I just think that way bc I’m an artist myself so I totally get the struggle. (And I also take time with my comms too.) My mom is not an artist so she doesn’t really grasp the amount of time and effort it takes, so she expects results immediately. Which like. I get that too? I dunno. What do you all think? Are you the kind of patient person who’s totally chill with an artist taking months to finish your commission? Or do you want it to be done within a reasonable amount of time, like 2-3 weeks?

#IDK she said that and now I'm stressing about it. LMAO #I put it in my TOS that yeah it'll take me a bit. Bc well. Real life happens #And sometimes it's hard to sit down and pump out art you know? #But some people don't understand that. Some people want what they paid for right away #WHICH IS FAIR. I'm not saying that's unreasonable #Scratches my head idk my anxiety's already high today so I'm worrying about this too now. Nfamkdasmdsa #Anyway to all my commissioners who have waited months for me to finish theirs: You have the patience of a saint. #And I appreciate you so so so much. #Especially to that one person who's waited for SO long now. I swear to god I'm going to finish it this week #There's definitely a line to be drawn with how long people are willing to wait #AND SAD AS IT IS TO SAY. I've crossed that line before. #Keeping a consistent schedule with life and art for fun and commissions is difficult for sure 😤 #IT'S A BALANCE. It's really a balance! #Shima speaks #Actually the biggest thing for me. Is I want to put the effort in #I don't want to half ass it. I want it to look GOOD #So I never try to force myself to do comms. Bc that's not fair to me or the person who commissioned #They deserve my best effort and my best work!! #The issue is that I'm not always in that headspace to tackle comms and put in the work that's needed #IT'S FRUSTRATING.....but I'd rather make people wait for something I put time and effort into #Rather than something half-assed. You know?? #So that's a big part of it too;; why people have to wait a bit sometimes #Rubs my temples #I'm probably overthinking this WAY too much lol. Sorry it's been a stressful day