Next up in our swap AU shenanigans: Wheatley and Barney!
Wheatley Calhoun (Last name still a WIP) originally applied to Black Mesa as a scientist, though through his incompetence and complete obliviousness to the fact they were trying to fire him landed him a job as a security officer in sector C.
He admires Chell and wants nothing more than to prove himself to them, which he (sort of) gets to do in half life 2 by sheer luck of being the only person available to lead a large rebellion team. G-Woman has mentioned and tends to down-talk Wheatley and Chells choice in “Best friends” as Wheatley calls them.
Barney was a Security core that was eventually moved to watching after the human test subjects when G-DOS’s neurotoxin attack killed off most of the staff and rendered some of the cores inactive. He tries to be friendly with Gordon, making conversation that Gordon is very obviously not interested in. He knows what he’s doing but was kept very in the dark about what goes on at aperture and has the horrific downfall of being clumsy, uninformed on the science, and the object of G-DOS’s annoyance (Who of course is not very fond of his intervention)
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So this post sparked a Thought
What if, when the portal turned on, Danny was caught in the middle?
And I don't mean "what if he was in the portal" - he was
what if he was caught?
When Kitty gets stuck in the portal she needs help to leave, needs to posess Jazz as her in between
The portal spat Phantom out
What if Fenton stayed?
What if Danny Fenton's body lays unseen in that portal every time he is in ghost form?
And what if, every time his in human form, his ghost half is there instead?
What if the portal is his Schrodinger's Box.
What if he can only be either in turns, form always caught at the place where he died.
I've seen takes where the portal turns off and they find Fenton's body floating there
What if they turn it off to find Phantom
The portal turns off - who knows why, maybe sabotage, maybe someone finally realized deactivating the portal to hell would probably stop the constant slew of attacks - and they find Phantom.
Phantom stands, perfectly still inside the portal.
He doesn't react to the change, eyes unseeing, body unmoving.
One of his hands lies on the portal wall, the other clutches at his chest.
His dead, dead eyes (and the Fenton's try to tell themselves he was always dead but this is somehow worse) unseeing, face contorted in a final, silent scream.
He looks like he'd died here.
Standing their portal.
Screaming.
It's their turn to scream when, in a flash of light, their precious son is standing in his place.
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What if Wheatley was not a sphere. What if he was a cube.
Cave Johnson here. A staggering number of you freaks keep breaking the intelligence dampening sphere because of its reported "puntability". To solve this, our engineers have redesigned it to look like our patented companion cubes, which are famously non-puntable. If they report a single dent in him after today, I'll be showing you all exactly what puntable means. Cave Johnson, out
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Here I go again pairing Sans' to things.
First it was with MLP characters, this time it's songs from Melanie Martinez's new era of music, Portals. Now with explanations! Okay:
DEATH - Error
"Death, is life, is death, is life, is death, is..." My reason for pairing Error with Death is pretty straight forward. He destroys things. In the multiverse, he causes death.
VOID - Geno
Being stuck in the save screen I feel is pretty close to a "void". But I also feel like he relates to the lyrics and themes conveyed in the song. The lyrics that cements that for me is "Like a priest behind confession walls I judge myself. Kneeling on a metal grader, bloody like a body that has died, and it's myself."
TUNNEL VISION - Nightmare
Whenever I listen to the song with this specific context in mind, I always imagine Nightmare going through the process of becoming goop boy. Having "tunnel vision" for his goals, and following a tunnel to corruption. Yes... I am aware of what the song actually means and some choice lyrics, but the main vibe still hits for Nightmare.
FAERIE SOIREE - Paperjam
Okay, to be fair, I had no fucking clue who to pair for a few of these songs, and this was one of them. At first I pictured all of the Sans', but that felt like a cop out. But then I imagined Paperjam just kinda vibin' and creating art to this song and I was like, okay. Sure. It's especially funny because this song symbolizes escapism via kush. I think at the end of the day Paperjam just wants to be left alone.
LIGHT SHOWER - Flower Fell
I... feel like I don't need to explain this one too much. I love Frisk and Sans' friendship in this AU. Even though Light Shower can be interpreted as a love song, I feel like you could spin it in the context of friendship easily. Sans felt cleansed by Frisk's kindness. Washed away the mold that his past grew around his heart.
SPIDER WEB - Sans
Spider Web is an allegory for internet addiction and fame. Well, Sans is an icon here, and he's not particularly happy being stuck in the middle of the spider web, slowly losing life...
LEECHES - Fresh
My reasoning for this one is also pretty straight forward. Fresh, at his basic form, is a parasite. Sucking life from his host. He's a nasty leech.
BATTLE OF THE LARYNX - Swap
I think due to his nature, he's often downplayed and seen as a joke. But poke him to battle, and he'll smile as you fall to your feet. Maybe not with his attacks... but with his larynx. He'll be silent until you cross the line. Don't you battle with his larynx tonight.
THE CONTORTIONIST - Fell
For this one, I remembered that Fell Pap is like... a huge asshole. Controls Fell with fear and intimidation. For this song though, he's had enough of contorting himself for Papyrus. He's done.
MOON CYCLE - Nymph
I fucking struggled with this one, bro. Because Moon Cycle is centered around periods, and describes a man who likes to eat a bitch out while they're on their period. Plus, I don't think any of the Sans' experience menstruation... So, I decided to revive an old AU idea for this one. One where all major characters are gender swapped, and the theme of the AU is all nature-y. Meet Nymph, she experiences periods and her powers - the power to grow flora - heighten while she's shedding any lessons and making room for blessings. (I shall see no Moon Cycle hate. It is my favorite song off this album and it needs to exist.)
NYMPHOLOGY - Dream
Dream gives me boss bitch energy. That's pretty much all the reason I have. He'll make you choke on your doubt, ha ha.
EVIL - Cross
If you're familiar with Underverse's story, I think you can gather why I chose Cross for this song. If you want to twist the narrative, then sure. He's evil.
WOMB - Ink
Same sort of reason for pairing Error with Death. Ink creates and protects, therefore his role is centered around life. In multiverse, he protects life. "Life, is death, is life, is death, is life, is..."
PLUTO - Reaper
I really don't like this song, so I just went off vibes for this one. This song gave me Reaper vibes, so there you go.
MILK OF THE SIREN - Cove
Again, this is one of those songs where I was like... Pairing a Sans with this song would be weird because they're - for the most part- all masculine presenting, and this song is about misogyny and feminine rage. So I revived another AU idea for this one. Cove is another gender bent Sans. She's a Siren who lures people in with her voice. She never feels bad when those fuckers drown.
POWDER - Dust
In the original context of the song, "Powder" is in reference to hard drugs. But obviously, in this context, powder refers to the dust of Chara/Frisk's victims. This song could be from Dust's perspective, confronting Chara after their many genocide runs. Telling them to "Clean it up - watch you die, it's yours to decide".
Well that was a lot! I'm curious to see if anyone else has given any thought into this or if I'm just weird. Let me know in comments or reblogs I guess!
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I was bored so I made a random swap AU for Portal by assigning each character a number, then going through the list of each character while using a random number generator to assign them a new role. Here we go:
Space Core is the human test subject, Rick is in the place of GLaDOS, Wheatley is Ratmann, Ratmann is the CEO of Aperture, Chell is in the place of Wheatley.
Now time to think of how this would go, I’m just gonna call Rick RickDOS and Space Core Kev for the time being:
RickDOS prioritises making his tests as cool as possible, with extra emphasis on cool stunts and near-misses.
Chell was created to keep RickDOS focused on actual tests, rather than easily distracted by explosions, which is why she’s naturally extremely stubborn and determined. Didn’t work.
Wheatley went mad due to isolation, having no one to talk to except for Hoopy the Hoop, who he carries around with him. Rather than draw on the walls, he hacks random computer monitors or even turrets to display his messages, or leaves recordings of his incoherent ramblings.
Kev is a walking source of destruction, incredibly unpredictable and easily distracted. RickDOS loathes this.
Don’t really have any ideas for Ratmann yet.
Feel free to add on any ideas if you have any.
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