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mirasmirages · 10 months

Text

Flowers

For the July Break Bingo squares "Hanahaki" and "I don't want things to change"

Ao3

Warnings: child whump, mentions of past child abuse (non-graphic), thoughts of suicide

When the girl was sold, it didn't make her sad. She was used to it by now.

She went home with the lady, who gave her to a man, and then the man gave her to an old woman, and then she was given back to the man. An endless row of faces just like always. She didn't care.

The man gave her a name. She was used to that too. Every new place came with a new name and new rules and new people to hide from. Her name now was Valerie, which the man had said had been his mom's name. He had asked her if she liked it, and the girl had told him yes.

The man made her sleep in a big room, in a bed that was as soft as anything she had ever felt. There were blankets and books and a teddy bear that was bigger than she was and the man said she was allowed to touch all of it. The girl didn't touch anything unless she had to, and at night she lay as still at possible, wide awake and alert, waiting for something to happen.

The man's name was Henry. Mr. Henry went to work every day, and when he did, he left the girl with the old woman, who was named Maria. Ms. Maria made her eat a lot and asked her to draw things for her. The girl was careful not to let her guard down, and only ate exactly what she was told and drew exactly what she was told.

In the room the girl slept in was a big closet. It was supposed to be for clothes, but there was plenty of room for the girl to hide in there, which she did at night sometimes. It was safer there, rather than in the big open room. When she hid, no one could find her, and that was almost as good as if she could be invisible.

The girl would have liked to be invisible. If she was invisible, no one would be able to tell if she was doing something wrong, and maybe they would forget she was there completely. And if they forgot about her, then they wouldn't want to hit her or kick her or put out cigarettes on her skin or all the other things adults liked to do. Mr. Henry and Ms. Maria hadn't done that to her yet, but the girl knew it was only a matter of time.

The first time the girl made Mr. Henry angry was because she was hiding. She was in the closet curled up in a tight tiny small ball and Mr. Henry couldn't find her in her bed or under her bed or behind the curtains or anywhere, and she knew when he opened the closet door that this was when he would hurt her. He grabbed her arm painfully and dragged her out to stand in front of him. The girl screwed her eyes shut and held her her breath and waited for what he was going to do. Mr. Henry put his arms around her and held her to him really tight, and it kind of hurt, but not the way she was used to. The whole rest of the day, she kept expecting him to punish her, but he didn't.

The second time she made Mr. Henry angry was when she played with one of his guns. She had found it under the couch one time when she was hiding, and had taken it out with her when she was done. She had seen many guns in her lives, but she had touched very few. This one was heavy and black and there was a little piece on the top that moved when the pushed on it. When Mr. Henry saw her, he yelled at her to give him the gun and to go to her room, and she ran as fast as she could to hide in the closet again. She could hear voices in the living room, but she didn't listen to the words, only to the footsteps so she knew when they were coming for her. This time, Mr. Henry looked in the closet right away and didn't yell at her at all. He just stood there, until she dared look up at him and found him looking back.

They looked at each other for a long time, and the girl didn't look away even though her body was so tense with fear that it could have killed her.

And then Mr. Henry asked, "Do you want to learn how to shoot?"

He took her to a shooting range, where she wore plastic glasses and ear protection and learned how to hold the gun in a safe way. Mr. Henry got her a small gun that wasn't too big and heavy, and then he told her that from now on, they would lock their guns in a safe instead of leaving them around the apartment when they weren't using them.

Mr. Henry taught her to fight, too, with a punching bag in the gym, and Valerie got used to hearing her new name. So many people were using it for her now. It was Mr. Henry and Ms. Maria, but also Mr. Richard who was Ms. Maria's husband, and then Ms. Maya who was the lady who had bought Valerie and given her to Mr. Henry, and Mr. Aaron who was Ms. Maya's husband, and Gavin and Leo who were Ms. Maya and Mr. Aaron's children. So many people, and they all spoke to her and used her name and none of them yelled or hurt her.

The girl knew it wouldn't last. She had been sold many times, and she knew better than to think anyone would keep her. She reminded herself of that, over and over, even as the room she slept in seemed less dangerous with each passing night, until one night she fell asleep in the bed.

She woke herself screaming, and then Mr. Henry was rushing into her room with a gun in his hand. He looked wildly around the room.

"What's wrong?" he asked, looking wildly around the room. "What happened?"

Valerie didn't know how to answer. She had never woken up like that before. There was almost nothing that could make her scream.

Mr. Henry lowered his gun and came to sit at the edge of the bed. "Did you have a nightmare?"

He hugged her, and she was shaking crying, and she couldn't stop. But Mr. Henry didn't get mad or strangle her to make her quiet, he just held her until he was gone in the morning.

She woke up with a sore throat. It felt like something was stuck there, and it didn't help no matter how much she coughed. Ms. Maria asked if she had a cold and touched her forehead, and said she wasn't hot, so Valerie supposed that meant she was cold. Ms. Maria told her to lay on the couch and drink tea until Mr. Henry came back home.

The pain didn't go away. Valerie was coughing all the time, and one time, it was so bad she thought she was going to throw up. She covered her mouth with her hands like the grown-ups told her, and when she looked, there was a small, white petal there, stained with red.

She held the petal in her hand and felt her stomach sink with nausea. She knew what this meant. She had seen people with the flower sickness before. They coughed and coughed and then they died. Sometimes it took a long time, the flowers slowly growing bigger until the person choked on them, and sometimes it didn't happen like that.

The girl could still remember the blood spreading across the floor after the woman was caught hiding her illness.

Valerie knew what this meant. It mean she was no longer worth keeping.

No one was in the room with her, so they didn't know she was sick. They didn't know she was sick yet. As soon as they knew, they would get rid of her, so Valerie put the petal in her mouth and swallowed, even though it hurt, so no one would find it. If she could hide it, she could stay a bit longer. She would hide that she was sick until she died, she decided. Then she wouldn't have to be sold again.

She wondered what it would be like to die. Would it be like sleeping? Or would she be awake, like when she was drugged, unable to move or speak or anything? Or maybe she would turn into a ghost, and could stay here forever, invisible. That didn't sound so bad. She would be a ghost and hide in the wardrobe and no one would even know she was there.

When she hadn't stopped coughing for over a week, Mr. Henry wanted to take her to the doctor. He even tried to grab her arm and force her, but Valerie screamed and kicked and twisted until he lost his grip, and then she ran into the bathroom and locked the door until he promised they could wait a few days.

Valerie had coughed up a whole little rosebud that morning. She didn't know exactly how long it would take for her to die, but hopefully it would be less than a few days. Less than it would take for Mr. Henry to take her to the doctor.

But Mr. Henry didn't wait like he had promised. The next morning, instead of bringing Valerie to the doctor, he brought the doctor home.

Valerie tried to hide under the bed, but Mr. Henry pulled her out and held her still and forced her to open her mouth so the doctor could look. Valerie screamed and struggled with everything she had. It had been a long time since she had been held like this, all hard and painful and scary. She was helpless, and Mr. Henry and the doctor were just like any other adult who could do anything they wanted to her.

"I'm done," the doctor said, and Mr. Henry loosened his grip.

Valerie twisted away and looked for anywhere she could hide. Under the bed didn't work, and the closet was too close, and she was too big to hide under the carpet even though that's where she most wanted to go, so she went to the furthest window and wrapped the curtains around herself until she was completely gone.

The adults were talking, but Valerie closed her eyes and covered her ears and pretended no one else was there. Pretended nothing had happened. That no one knew that she was sick, and that she wouldn't be sent away.

She didn't know how long it had been when Mr. Henry rustled the curtain.

"I'm sorry I tricked you," he said. "Can you come out?"

Valerie didn't want to, but then Mr. Henry said "Please," and started untangling the curtain, and she didn't fight.

When she was free from the curtain, Mr. Henry sat on the floor in front of her and didn't say anything for a long time. Valerie could feel the itch in her throat that meant another flower was coming, but she pushed it down. She didn't want to be the first to break the silence, and especially not like that.

"Did you know I used to have a boyfriend?" Mr. Henry finally said when he spoke. Valerie hadn't known that, but she didn't move. "It's a really long time ago, and I liked him a lot. But there were some people who didn't like that I was dating him, so I broke it off, and told him I hated him. I thought I was protecting him. And after that, I started having this weird pain in my throat."

He reached out to take Valerie's hand, but she flinched away just enough that he gave up.

"It didn't happen so quickly for me, but after a while I started coughing, too, just like you. I pretended nothing was wrong. I started dating a woman and got engaged, and I was miserable. I was lying about what I was feeling, and those lies made it possible for the flowers to grow inside me, and they would have killed me if I had kept going."

This time when he reached out, she didn't flinch, and he tucked a piece of her hair gently behind her ear.

"There are some secrets that are dangerous to keep," he said. "They take hold and grow until they destroy us. And I don't want you to be destroyed, Val, so please. I don't know what's bothering you so much, but you have to tell someone."

The itch in her throat was growing into pain, and she held her breath.

"It doesn't have to be me. Whoever you want, just tell me and I'll get you to them. But you have to talk to someone."

She couldn't hold it in anymore. The flower was pushing up her throat, and she covered her mouth and coughed loudly, painfully, over and over, until she felt dizzy. She had tears in her eyes when she pulled her hands away to reveal the head of a white rose.

Now he knew. He had known already, because of the doctor, but now he really knew. He knew that she wasn't worth keeping and now he would send her away.

Mr. Henry took her hands in his. Her hands were so much smaller than his. The flower didn't even look that big compared to his hands.

"Please, Val," he said, and his voice sounded strange. "Just tell me. Whatever it is, it's okay. Just tell me, and you'll feel better, and we'll figure it out."

Valerie had never seen anyone get better from the flower sickness. Mr. Henry said he had, but ... Valerie hadn't really understood his story, and she didn't really want to get better, anyway. Getting better meant that she wouldn't die before she was sent away. And she was so, so scared of that.

She blinked, and a tear fell down her cheek. Mr. Henry wiped it away with his thumb.

"Is it really so bad that you can't tell me?"

Valerie's lip quivered. The words were as stuck in her throat as the flowers were. Her breath hitched.

"I ..." she started, then sniffled. Mr. Henry's hands were warm around hers. "I ... don't want to leave."

New tears sprang from her eyes when she said it. She didn't want to leave. Not by being sent away, but not by dying either.

"I don't want to leave!"

She threw her arms around Mr. Henry's neck and held on tight. Please, please, please, she thought. I don't want to leave!

Mr. Henry put his arms around her back.

"You're not going anywhere," he said, stroking her back. "But Val ... where do you think you're going? Why don't you want to leave?"

Valerie was sobbing against his shoulder.

"When you sell me," she cried. "I don't want to go!"

Mr. Henry's arms tightened around her, holding her closer.

"I'm not selling you," he said. "I promise. I'm never selling you, and I'm never sending you away."

He let her cry in his arms until she was exhausted, swaying on her feet when he released her.

"You're not going anywhere," he told her again, wiping tears off her face with his sleeve. "I can prove it to you."

Don't believe him, she told herself. This is where he sends you away.

But she let him take her hand and lead her down the hall to his office.

He opened the safe and took out a piece of paper and handed it to her.

"Do you know what that is?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"It's your birth certificate," he said. "I had it made after you moved here. It says I'm your father, and no one will know it's not true. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't planning on keeping you."

She stared at him. He was her father?

"You don't have to call me Dad or anything, if you don't want to," he said. "But that paper means that if someone tries to take you from me, I can get you back. No one is going to own you ever again."

Valerie didn't really understand how the paper worked, but she knew that papers were important. Adults could be very serious about them.

"Never?" she asked.

"Never ever," he promised.

#July Break Bingo 2023 #JBBingo2023 #Fandom: Original Work #Ship: None #Mira writes #OC: Henry Baker #OC: Girl/Valerie #This is the one I'm most proud of so I really hope you like it!

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mirasmirages · 10 months

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Making Friends

For the @julybreakbingo squares "Collection" and "Engage"

Ao3

Arwa was bored.

She had finished her pancakes and sat swinging her legs while Mom and Auntie Amara talked about all sorts of boring stuff, like the news and politics and the wallpaper Uncle Nadir had chosen for his new apartment. Arwa couldn't understand why they cared about any of that.

Since they weren't paying attention to her at all, Arwa decided to find something better to do. She slipped off her chair and went to the most interesting thing in the diner: a little girl sitting in a booth near the counter, with a coloring book and crayons all over the table.

"Hi!" Arwa said. "My name is Arwa, what's yours?"

The girl looked up, but didn't say anything. She just stared at Arwa like she was waiting for something.

"What are you drawing?" Arwa asked. The coloring book was open to a page with a horse which had as much color outside the lines as within them.

The girl didn't answer, just kept looking at her.

"It looks pretty," Arwa said. "I like this purple color. Can I sit with you?"

The girl was very shy, so Arwa took her silence as a yes and climbed up next to her on the bench, sitting on her knees now that Mom wasn't watching and making her sit properly.

"Do you wanna see my marbles?"

Arwa took out her velvet pouch of marbles and carefully poured them out on the table, making a barrier with some of the girl's crayons so they wouldn't roll off the edge.

"I have even more at home, but these are my favorites." She picked up the marbles one by one and explained what made them special. "I like this one because it sparkles, and I won that one from a girl in my class at recess, and my uncle gave me the big orange one that looks like Jupiter. Did you know Jupiter is the biggest planet? I wanna get marbles that look like the rest of the planets too, but my brother said that's stupid because Saturn has rings and marbles don't have rings, so I told him he's stupid and I can make the rings myself. And this one is the most special of all of them." She held up a small, blank marble. "It looks boring, but it isn't because I got it from a soda bottle! It's this special kind of soda from Japan that uses a marble instead of a lid, and you have to push the marble into the soda to open it! And after I finished the soda I wanted to take the marble out but I couldn't, so I asked my brother to try, and he couldn't either, so we looked it up online and figured out you have to set the bottle on fire, so we did that and my uncle got really mad because we coulda burned the house down, but we didn't so it's okay, and now I have the marble! You can hold it if you want!"

Arwa held the marble out to the girl before she noticed that one of the waitresses was standing by their table watching them.

"Hi," the waitress said with a big friendly smile on her face. "Nova, did you make a friend?"

The girl didn't say anything, and suddenly Arwa got a bad feeling in her belly. Maybe the girl wasn't just shy. Maybe she didn't like Arwa or the marbles and just wanted her to go away and Arwa hadn't noticed because she never noticed when people wanted her to go away, even her teacher said so, and her brother and her classmates all called her annoying and now the girl thought so too!

She was just about to swipe her marbles back into the pouch and leave when the girl nodded.

"You did? I'm so happy for you!" said the waitress, and turned to Arwa. "What's your name?"

"Arwa."

"What a beautiful name! My name is Delia, and this is Nova. Nova doesn't speak much, but it is so nice of you to play with her! Is that your mom over there?"

When Ms. Delia went to talk to Mom, and Arwa turned back to Nova.

"Your name is Nova? That's pretty," she said. "Did you know it means star? My name means goat, but no one knows that unless I tell them. My mom says my name fits me because I climb on everything, and my brother says it fits me because I'm as stubborn as a goat. Did you know that when a star explodes it becomes a supernova? And then it becomes a black hole!"

Nova didn't say anything for their whole conversation, but that was okay, because Arwa could speak enough for both of them. She talked about space and names and her family and animals and ranked Nova's crayons by how much she liked the colors. Ms. Delia gave them a big cookie to share and Arwa told Nova how lucky she was to have a mom who let her eat sweets on a normal day, but then Mom said Arwa was allowed to eat her half of the cookie and she felt pretty lucky herself.

When it was time to leave, Arwa sorted through her marbles and picked a purple one with glitter in it.

"You can have this one." She held the marble out to Nova. "It sparkles like stars, like your name, see?"

Nova hesitated, but held her hand out, and Arwa dropped the marble into it.

"This means we're friends," she said. "That means you can come to my house if you want and I can teach you how to play marbles."

She would have waited for Nova to reply, but Mom was getting impatient and Nova hadn't said a word all day, so after a moment of hesitation, Arwa gave Nova a hug before running out after Mom.

#July Break Bingo 2023 #JBBingo2023 #Fandom: Original Work #Ship: None #Mira writes #OC: Girl/Nova #OC: Delia #OC: Arwa #I didn't make Arwa she came to me in a dream #Any bets on whether Arwa will be diagnosed with ADHD at some point in her life?

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