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#So. thank you forever. ily. sorry for the occasional whining
lonely--seeker · 4 months
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I twisted my ankle in front of a store today, people actually were concerned enough to ask if I was fine. I almost FELL right on top of a toddler. I can't go out of my room without embarrassing myself for 15 minutes. Now I can't sleep because it hurts enough to be annoying. Spare me from my suffering this new years eve by depositing $100 in me account.
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poppyseedfics · 1 year
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ALJDFASLFJ SORRY i forgot to put which prompt list 7 + nazuna on the domestic prompts :3 ily both mwaa
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Nazunaaaaaa the beloved. Thank you for requesting!! We love you too, hope you have a wonderful day and enjoy <3
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Sleeping in and cuddling the entire morning
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Nazuna Nito
You weren't even sure what time it was when you awoke. The curtains were drawn shut but light still seeped into the room from above and below. You groaned, stretching your limbs as you rolled over to check on your beloved.
If asked how long you had just spent staring at Nazuna as he slept, you could not give them even a vague guess. He was just so undeniably pretty. So cozy, so warm, so inviting and just oh so cute. Even when he began to move, your first and only thought was 'What if he rolls over and I can't see his face.'
Lucky for you though, he didn't. Instead, an arm snaked under you and pulled you closer, his other arms draping over your waist to lock you in his grasp. Yawning, Nazuna finally popped an eye open to greet you.
"G'morning."
You leant forward and placed a kiss on his nose, returning the greeting.
Neither of you made an effort to move after that, just basking in each other and the dim light. Your eyes began to close again and you let them… until you felt the gaze of someone on you. You tried to ignore it but after a few minutes you cracked an eye open to find Nazuna just staring at you, a goofy smile on his lips.
"What're you staring at me for, hm?"
Nazuna laughed, inching his face closer.
"Oh so you can stare at me all morning, but I'm not allowed to do it back?"
You playfully rolled your eyes, beginning to shuffle away in attempt to get out of bed. Nazuna immediately caught on and tightened his grip, keeping you close.
"No no no! I wasn't done!"
You laughed, settling back down. You didn't particularly want to argue against the current predicament. Although you were going to ruin his fun. You nestled yourself closer to him, fitting your head under his chin and curled up. You heard Nazuna whine for a moment, but he eventually settled as well, running a hand through your hair and placing the occasional kiss against the crown of your head.
Time lost its flow. The entire day could have come and gone and neither of you would be the wiser. For the two of you, the morning stretched forever, it would wait until you were content… if you were ever content with the time spent cuddling.
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winwinnns · 3 years
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feels good (s) (f)
dom!jaehyun, sub!reader (fem), soft dom jaehyun, daddy kink, fingering (fem rec), oral (masc rec), there isn’t really aftercare
besties been thirsting over jaehyun. here’s your water babes ❤️ ily. @1-800-jaehyun
requests are open!
“fuck that feels good.” you groan.
jaehyun’s hands were squeezing your shoulders, thumbs digging circles into the knots in your back. he was giving you a quick massage while you sat between his legs.
“you’re super tense baby, why didn’t you say anything sooner?”
you let your head drop forwards as his hands worked their magic.
“don’t know.” you responded simply.
his thumb dug into your shoulder. you winced in pain.
“fuck ow-“
he sighed and kissed your shoulder before laying his chin on it. his breath on your neck making you shiver.
“you really need to get a professional massage.”
“i don’t have time.” you sighed.
he pressed a kiss to your neck and continued untangling the knots in your muscles. he moved his hands further, pressing into your lower back. you let out a moan, immediately slapping your hand over your mouth in embarrassment.
“damn it feels that good?” jaehyun teased, twisting into the spot again.
he leaned in close to your ear. “you don’t have to be embarrassed around me baby. i’ve heard you moan plenty of times”
your face flushed. you knew that of course, but that didn’t make you feel any less embarrassed. he was giving you a massage and you moaned out loud like he was fucking you.
he chuckled at your silence and kissed the space below your ear. you moved your hand away from your face and took deep breaths to calm yourself. jaehyun pushed his palm into another part of your back, causing you to drop a higher moan.
“fuck!”
you brought your head up and groaned. you could feel him smirking behind you.
“you’re very vocal today” he remarked.
“shut up”
you felt so good, finally feeling relief from all the stress that collected in your back. his hands worked your muscles for a couple more minutes, he slid his arms around your waist, burying his face into your neck.
“feel better?” he asked.
you scoffed lightly. of course you felt better! you felt almost euphoric.
“yes baby, thank you”
he hummed, lips ghosting the junction between your neck and your shoulder. after sitting in a silence that felt like forever, he pressed his lips to your skin. nibbling occasionally. you sighed happily. you felt so good right now you could barely even think, another type of knot forming in your stomach.
“mm jae” you lean back into him. “feels good.” you feel him smile on your skin.
“good.” he says, sucking dark marks into your skin.
you groan and bring your hand to his hair, massaging his scalp. it seemed impossible to feel better than you were, but jaehyun was proving you wrong.
“fuck baby.”
he smiled against your neck and brought his kisses up to your ear. he hums and bites your lobe.
“that’s not what you call me right now baby...” he drawls out.
you moan lowly.
“daddy. i need more”
you loved calling him that. it was like giving him some of your power, and you loved that he was stronger than you.
he brought his hands down to your thighs, rubbing the soft skin. he squeezed the flesh and moved up towards your core.
“you want this baby?”
you nod. “yes please.”
he grins and goes back to marking your neck. his hands when under the waistband of your panties.
“up.”
you lift your hips so he can pull them down. you finish pulling them down your legs and throw them off the couch. his hands squeeze your thighs before he runs a finger up your slit. you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. he rubs your clit slowly.
“fuck”
you roll your head back. jaehyun takes the opportunity to cover more of your neck. he speeds up his fingers. you moan loudly.
“feels so good i need more.”
he brings his other down to prod at your entrance.
“shit jaehyun feels so good!”
he stops his movements.
“no no no daddy please i’m sorry”
he resumes, his fingers pumping faster inside you.
“that’s what i thought.”
you felt like you were floating. you felt so relaxed. it was so fucking good. on top of that you had jaehyun’s hands on you. you wished you could live in this feeling. you let out a loud moan, the knot in your stomach about to burst.
“please daddy i’m gonna cum”
he returns so kissing your neck, fingers going even faster. you were about to lose your mind. jaehyun seemed so sense this and smirked on your shoulder.
“feeling good baby?”
he knew the answer to that. you assumed he just wanted to hear how broken you were just from his fingers. you nod, unable to form coherent sentences.
soon you were releasing on his fingers. you laid back against his chest, drowning in the euphoric feeling.
once you’d come down, you felt his cock poking your back. suddenly, as if it was a reflex, you got to your knees facing him. he stroked your hair.
“such a good girl for me, getting on her knees without me having to ask.”
you eagerly reached for his pants. he chuckled and pulled his dick out of his sweats. you leaned closer to him, taking the head into your mouth. you ran your tongue over his slit. he threw his head back. you smirked around his cock and took as much as you could into your mouth. his hands shot down to bury themselves in your hair.
“fuck baby.” he hissed.
you moaned around him, the vibrations making him throw his head back. he let out another moan, pulling you deeper on his cock. you bobbed your head on him, pulling grunts out of his throat.
his thighs started shaking. you knew he was close. you swirled your tongue on the underside of his dick. you pulled off almost completely, keeping his tip in your mouth. you sucked on it until you were satisfied. you took him all the way in your mouth again, swallowing around him. his fingers tightened in your hair.
“holy shit babe.”
you bobbed your head.
“shit!” he whined.
he started thrusting into your mouth, chasing his pleasure. with one last thrust he came in your mouth.
“don’t swallow yet.”
you pulled off his cock, cum leaking from the corners of your mouth.
“show me.”
you opened your mouth, showing him you obeyed. his fingers lost their grip in your hair coming to cup your face.
“good girl. you can swallow now.” you obliged swallowing the hot liquid down your throat.
you laid your head on his thigh, breathing deeply. he stroked your hair.
“you did good babe. i’m proud of you.”
you smiled and looked up at him. you kissed his thigh while maintaining eye contact with him.
“i feel so good right now.”
you leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth.
“thank you baby.”
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irondadficrecs · 5 years
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could you rec some fics with co parenting (tony and may) peter? kinda love those lol xx thanks!
I sure can because, my darling, i love those, too! ily, thanks for asking x
Look What We’ve Become by jwriter819 series
Peter was having the worst day ever.
Worst. Day. EVER!
After being out for a week due to a “fever” he’d finally returned to see that there was a science project due in three days.
Typically that wouldn’t have been a big deal.
The problem was it was a group project and they’d all been in groups before Peter came back. That meant the other two students who were out sick earlier in the week were also in need of a group.
Flash Thompson and Jake Moran.
Best friends.
Peter tormentors.
When Peter makes a terrible decision, will this change his impending adoption?
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Spider-Baby Mama by PinkEasterEggs
“And between next week and now,” May went back to strict mom mode. “You’ll be grounded.”
“May?” Peter shot out of his seat, eyes wide and darting between the pair. “What? No! Not fair!”
“I think it’s very fair,” Mr Stark cut in. “Be glad that your Aunt is more benevolent than me; i would’ve said 2 weeks.”
“Ooh, that does sound good,” May smirked. “2 weeks it is.”
Peter gets in trouble at school and its up to May Parker and Tony Stark to prove just how good they are at working together to parent their spider-teen.
#2: Co-parenting
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I’ll Love You (When You Can’t Love Yourself) by josywbu
“You know you’re a hero, right?”
The kid’s voice sounded so self- assured and certain where it was usually rambling and timid, that he had to look up to meet his eyes.
In which Tony doesn’t believe he’s a hero and Peter doesn’t want to hear it. Because even superheroes need someone fighting for them sometimes.
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it’s a big, scary world by SamExists
How does Tony Stark learn to deal with always being terrified about losing his kids in a world and universe that is so much bigger than anyone ever knew? Well, as a start, he talks to May Parker.
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Hard to Love by Gruoch
If someone had told May that Iron Man himself would one day occasionally show up uninvited to her quiet little apartment and intrude into her quiet little life, she would have laughed them out of the room. But then her life seems chock-full of unpleasant surprises these days.
Or, Tony Stark wants a bigger piece of the pie. May Parker learns to accept help. Peter just wants to keep the peace.
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for good by Madelinedear
“Sorry, May, we can’t all be best friends with a celebrity.”
May opens her mouth to retort reflexively, the words ‘we aren’t even friends’ on the tip of her tongue before she closes her mouth. Because they are friends, now. They’re way past that point.
Oh my god, she thinks somewhat hysterically. Tony Stark is my best friend.
(or; Tony Stark, May Parker, and the road to something like friendship)
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An Unexpected Visit by LadyAnneNeville
When May Parker opens the door to Tony Stark dropping by unexpectedly for the second time, little does she know he brings a request that will change the lives of her and Peter forever.
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Embarrassing your child totally counts as parenting right?
viii. (disco) fever by tempestaurora
https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558628
“Please don’t make me watch this,” Peter whined, moving to lean on Tony as he did so.
“No can do, buddy,” Tony said. “It’s movie night. It’s May’s turn. Law is, we have to watch this.”
“Don’t act like you’re not excited,” Pepper commented, pulling her feet up onto the cushions. “You’ve been humming Stayin’ Alive all day.”
Tony grinned. “That’s because it’s got a great soundtrack. I am excited. May’s turns are the best turns.”
May’s turns were the worst turns.
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justreadingfics · 6 years
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Looking For a Heartbeat (2/?)
Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader
Series Summary: You and Bucky used to be in a relationship. Feelings were hurt, you left. It’s been two years and you’re back. You both will handle the reunion well, won’t you?
Chapter Summary: You two have a small interaction. Steve’s back. You don’t want to stop helping Bucky, even if he doesn’t know a thing. How long will you be able to keep the control of the situation?
Word Count: 3.4k
Warnings for this chapter: angst, past break-up, unresolved feelings nightmares.
 A/N: Here’s chapter two. The idea came from this anon request which has been waiting on my ask box since forever: Do you still do requests? I really want a story where the reader has F.R.I.D.A.Y. wake her up whenever Bucky has nightmares so she can calm him down and Steve finds out. @lesqui Ily.
Please, let me know what you think.
Part 1/Part 2/ Part 3 
Masterlist.
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 You hated parties. So much. Yet, there you were. The voice of your grandfather echoed in your mind, telling you that going to events, socializing, and making contacts were an essential part of the job. “Kicking some asses isn't all this is about, pumpkin,” he used to say.  You remember going with him at very early age, having to memorize the name of all the big players and how each of them could be beneficial to SHIELD.
The perks of being raised by one of the founders of the powerful organization. Even years after his death, you couldn’t help but following his lead, not missing one single event like the one you were at now.
Leaning on the balcony, you took a sip of your champagne, scanning the place, identifying at least a dozen of people you would have to socialize with before the end of the night.  
However, before you got into action, your gaze landed upon him. Bucky Barnes. The former Winter Soldier. Four spots away from you at the bar, asking for a drink of his own. You wondered what Steve had to do to drag him there. Since he got to the team, he had been keeping to himself, interacting with almost nobody, except Steve and occasionally Sam.
You knew the famous brainwashing wasn’t a problem anymore and he’d been doing well on the missions he had been assigned to, but your efforts on exchanging a bit more than the good mornings and hellos with him, it was to no avail.
The man intrigued you. Not to mention he was hot as fuck. Considering the two samples you worked with, the 40’s should have been a damn good decade to live in.
You were taking another sip of your glass when he inadvertently turned his face to you, catching you gawking. You quickly moved your gaze to your front. But your eyes were also quick on betraying you, seeking for him again.
And then you saw something you had never seen him doing before: he was smiling. Bucky Barnes was fully turned to your direction and sporting a small, yet gorgeous smile on his beautiful mouth. The man who hadn´t acknowledged your existence so far was aiming the sweetest of smiles at you.
You felt a broad grin of your own tugging at your lips and some weird fluttering feelings taking over your stomach.
Oh, shit... this can’t be good.
~~~
Why is the fucking kitchen so far fucking away? The thought pops into your mind while you drag your feet to said kitchen, aiming to fill your empty whining stomach, hoping to be lucky enough and find nobody there. You haven´t managed to sleep for a single minute since the night before. The moments with Bucky and the last words he said before you dashed out of his bedroom ended the possibilities of you having any kind of rest, as you kept reliving them in your mind.
I’m sorry…I’m sorry…
They weighed over you, over your heart especially, bringing out emotions and feelings you thought you had done a good job on burying inside the depths of you. It isn´t so, apparently, for those simple words were enough to erase two years of your life. Two years of running away, two years of forgetting. Or trying to.
You wonder if you really made the right call on coming back. Being away seems a very good and reasonable decision now, why did you have to go and change your stupid mind? You take a deep sigh, pushing the kitchen´s door open. You know damn well why you changed your mind-
“Good morning, sunshine.”
Of course luck wouldn´t be your friend that morning. “Morning, Nat…” you murmur, “Sam...Wanda…” you nod to the other only two occupants of the table, who wish you their mouthful “good mornings” as you walk to the coffee machine and help yourself with a cup of strong espresso, before joining the group.
“Okay,” Natasha drags the word after a moment of the three of them staring at you, while you fill your plate with some of the eggs and bacon from the pan on the table, “what exactly ran over you last night?”
You let out a bitter laugh, you surely look like shit after the hell of a night you had, “Like I´m the only one here with sleeping troubles every now and then.”
Wanda and Sam shrug and keep eating, finding no lies in what you said, while Natasha smirks, “I missed you. Thought two years away from us, simple avengers, would change you. I´m glad it didn´t.”
“I don´t think simple is the word you looking for, Tasha,” You don´t have to force the smile curling up your lips. You´ve missed everybody, but Wanda and Natasha would always hold a special place in your heart. Your little squad, having your back no matter what.
“All right, but the real question is: to what do we owe the honor of having the illustrious director of the infamous European branch of new SHIELD among us?” Sam says the words with mocked drama, wiggling his brows and imitating quotations marks over  new for the effect.  
You roll your eyes at the remark, “They hate you call them that, you know?” You swallow your coffee and sigh after he chuckled and kept looking at you, waiting for a response. Apart from Steve, Wanda and Natasha, It hasn´t been so hard to avoid explaining to the rest of team the circumstances of your presence since the beginning of the week, considering the come and go due to missions and personal matters, like the long delayed honeymoon of Tony and Pepper. You guess you can’t avoid it any longer, “Ahm, it´s former director, actually. I’ve resigned.” You smile tightly at him, “I’m back to stay.”  Your both hands firmly hold the cup in front of you.
His jaw drops and a sound, which you can’t distinguish between a scoff and a genuine laugh, comes out of his lips. You raise a brow at him, as Natasha keeps her classical unperturbed expression and Wanda takes a nonchalant sip of her milk. His gaze switches between you three, “Are you serious?” he asks, at last.
“Yup”, you shrug, gulping down some eggs and hoping for the miracle of not having to discuss the matter any further.
“What the hell happened? This was all you ever talked about ever since I met you.”
You’re taking a breath to face the questions, when the miracle you were hoping for happens in the form a sexy former assassin.
“Ok, Wilson, enough of bacon and chit-chat. You’ve been successfully dodging from that sparring session with me for too many times, now.” Natasha snaps out of her seat, dragging Sam with her by the collar.
As relieved as you are, you know Sam isn’t stupid to fall for that, but, lucky for you, he’s also the most comprehensive motherfucker you know. He swallows back whatever he really wants to say and goes along, “I’m glad you’re back anyway. We really missed you.” He pats your shoulder before being drifted out of the room.
You can’t help a small smile to cross your face at his consideration in leaving the subject behind. Or for later, if you really knew him. Shaking your head slightly, your gaze falls upon the up till now silent Avenger in the room, who is smirking at you, with her arms folded in front of her.
“What?” Your eyes narrow at Wanda.
“You know what? You were right.” Her smirk grows bigger at your quizzically shrug, “All of us have trouble to sleep.” She elaborates, grabbing her cup and plate and turns her back to you, walking to the sink, “By the way, one nocturnal troublemaker in special is strangely still asleep this morning.”
You choke on your coffee. While she dries her hands using a dish cloth, you can’t see her face but you’re mostly certain she’s sporting one of her radiant full grins. If you can expect scolding and advices against what you did last night, you know you wouldn’t receive them from Wanda. She has always been the most supportive of you and Bucky and she was heartbroken with the break-up.  She used to say she shipped you two, or something like that.
Wanda walks back to you, stopping behind your chair and leaning down to wrap her arms around your shoulders. “I think what you’re doing is great. He hasn’t slept that well in…well, two years.”
Before you can respond in any way, she props a kiss on your cheek and is out of the kitchen in a swift move, leaving behind her a slightly lighter heart than the one which has entered the kitchen this morning.
~~~
The rest of your day consists on being in the main office, trying to catch up with what you missed these last two years concerning missions, team rearrangements, new additions and work methods… You have a lot to study and analyze, which you’re kind of thankful for, since locked inside a room alone, you don’t have to play the avoidance game you and Bucky have been engaging to this last week. Also, it’s always been easy for you to use work as a way to take him and everything concerning you both out of your mind, at least for a bit. Mission accomplished. You’ve successfully driven your mind away from him and haven’t seen Bucky the whole day.
Except the day isn’t over yet.
Late in the afternoon, a throbbing pain lodges in your head, and you decide to hit the gym and exhaust your body instead of your mind for a change and, hopefully, relax. Everyone usually does their work outs in the morning, before their day’s responsibilities, so you are pretty confident you’ll have the place all to yourself.
Just like you expected, you find yourself running on one of the treadmills with no one around. Earphones drumming your favorites beats in your ear, you keep speeding up, the endorphin rushing through your body, easing your headache and running down to your limbs.
The slowly shift from numbness to aching in your joints brought by the heavy exertion doesn’t stop you from accelerating even more, breaking a personal record. You’re drenched and panting when something catches your peripheral vision, right by the door, making you trip on your toes and hit straight to the ground.
You groan at the pang you feel in your ankle and bring your hand to cover your eyes, pulling your earphones with the other, tossing them aside, cursing at your clumsiness, trying to recover your breath, even through clenched teeth.
“Are you ok?”  
Fuck.
You open your fingers to see between them, meeting a pair of blue eyes hovering over you. The very same blue which has knocked you down all those years ago, and keeps making you trip on your feet.
As he stares at you, worry etched on his face, you incline yourself up, supporting your weight with your hands on the floor, as he crouches in front of you. “My right ankle,” it´s all you mumble, having almost completely forgotten about the pain.
Bucky then focus his gaze on your feet, and you try not to wince when he gently wraps his hands around your aching ankle. The touch is clinical as he assesses possible damages, but is incredibly soft and, as it has always been, even with the metal, it’s warm, subduing the ache right away. Goosebumps trails up your skin and his heat rolls off on your body in burning sparkles. It´s the first time he´s touching you after two years and all you can do is stare at him, and control yourself not to scream, run away or throw yourself at him and kiss him breathless.
His attention is stuck on where he´s touching you, “There´s no sign of trauma,” His voice is dry and contained.
Even if he isn't looking at your face, you nod and expect him to let go of you then. But he doesn't. Your breath hitches in your throat as his thumbs draw lazy circles on your skin. The touch is barely a brush, light and soft and you could retract yourself from it if you wanted.
But you don’t.
You’re frozen in place while your gaze follows his flesh hand when it unhurriedly slides up the back of your leg. You stop breathing altogether and he seems hypnotized by his own hand when it stops right in the middle of your calf. Your eyes flutter shut. It’s overwhelming, bringing you to old memories and new sensations. A simple touch and you´re a puddle on the floor, willing to drown into him again.
“Bucky...” you finally breathe through your daze.
Your voice calling his name seems to snap him out of his own stupor, because too soon his hands are out of your body and as you open your eyes, you face the hardening of his features, still not looking at you when he stands up promptly.
He offers you a helping hand, and when you´re up, it’s only a moment before he takes a safe step back, avoiding the closeness. “Are you ok to walk?”
You’re the one who avoids his eyes, when he finally looks at you. You nod, feeling the pain in your ankle easing down.
“Good. Some ice and anti-inflammatory ointment and you should be ok.” Just like that he’s out of the gym, apparently forgetting whatever he was going to do there.
The phantom of his touch still lingers while you gather your stuff and drag yourself to your room. You sigh deeply when you realize the simple truth: he left a longing plastered in your skin. An aching longing for more.  
~~~
Late that night you find yourself again in his bed, running a timid yet soothing hand over his chest and whispering calming words on his ear, after Friday gave you the warning.
Your mind can’t help but travel to the afternoon events. The tiny interaction may seem insignificant on the surface, but you how much it’s meant to you. He’s spent a whole week ignoring you, not talking to you, running from your presence, and you, mimicking his behavior perfectly, both experts on staying away from each other.
But then he touches you… and all you want is more. Damn with the past, damn with the mistakes, the bad decisions. The heartache. You want him. You want him to want you, to kiss you, to touch you, to…
“Y/N?”
The whisper makes you promptly turn back around to find Steve, in tactical uniform, standing by the bedroom’s door with an almost comical expression of confusion on his face. Bucky stirs by your side and you’re quick to put a finger over your lips, signing for Steve to be quiet.
He sighs and nods toward the front door, before walking away.
You take one last look at Bucky’s peaceful form and cautiously leave the bed to follow the Captain.
“What am I seeing here?” he whispers almost in a harsh way, turning to you with folded arms in front of him when you close the door behind you.
You stare at your fidgeting fingers and use the same low tone to answer him, “I just couldn’t leave him on his own, Steve.”
Looking up at him, you catch the sternness leaving his posture as he takes a deep breath and regards door behind you for a second, “Does he know?” His gaze travels to yours and you shake your head in response.  
You stare at each other, conversing through your eyes, like only two people who know, understand and nurture a deep love for the same person could. He´s the one to cut the silence, “He never goes back to sleep so peacefully, you know? When I’m the one in there.”
It’s so fucked up to feel good about the information, considering you´ve been away for so long, but knowing you´re still the only one able to take him out of his torment brings you a shameful sense of pride. And hope. You almost can´t help a small smile to shape your lips, so you decide to speak to hide it, “Did you just got here?” You point to his battered uniform.  
“Yeah, came straight here to check on him. He seems to be just fine,” he smirks “I worry, though. About both of you.” His eyes bores into yours, “Are you ready to deal with it? With him?”
The meaning behind his words makes your chest smaller and you take a minute before speaking again, not really answering his question, “I think he was dreaming about me, the first night…”
“Wouldn´t be the first time.”
You mimic Steve’s tightened lips before they start trembling, “He said he was sorry…” You swallow back tears, casting your eyes away and staring at the door.
Steve places a gentle hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze and you look back at him.  
“I- I, wanna keep doing it. You said he usually doesn’t go back to sleep well. I wanna help him.” You grace your voice with resolve.
He removes his hand of your shoulder and contemplates you for a second, “You have to talk to him, though…Not just about this, but everything else.”
“I will, just… give me some time? Please?” You aim pleading eyes at him.
He nods and smiles softly when you let out the air stuck in your lungs. “Have I said I’m glad you’re back, already?”
You chuckle, pulling him for a hug. He hugs you back promptly and you’re so thankful for Steve Rogers. You know it’s been hard for him, too. Yet, there he is, supporting and offering his shoulder for you.  
“I´m starving, wanna go grab something with me in the kitchen?” He whispers softly, moving his hand in circles around your back.
You hear the silence inside the room before nodding and letting him pull you by the hand.
~~~
With Steve’s approval, having Friday waking you up becomes routine. It isn’t every night it happens, though, which is great for Bucky, but if you’re going to be honest, you long for the moment you can be close to him, talk to him, feel his body heat washing over your skin… He hasn´t spoken to you ever since that day in the gym, so you spent the days waiting for the nights.  
Steve´s been giving you the time you asked for, but you know the situation can´t be sustained for much longer. You need to talk to him, once and for all. You have to do it. Maybe tomorrow… or the day after tomorrow…
Tonight, Friday wakes you up later than usual and it takes longer for you to calm him down, due his agitated state. You hear him calling your name again, like it happened sometimes before, and you whisper you’re there, careful enough to get the message to his subconscious without waking him up.
You always leave when you’re certain he’s back to a peaceful state of mind, but maybe with the whole familiarity of the routine, you’re feeling dangerously comfortable and you´re not sure at what point you doze off tonight. All you know is the next thing you see is your hand laying upon an empty mattress.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Your heart rate rises when you follow the rusky voice. He´s plastered against the wall next to the bed, bare chest heaving and glossy eyes staring at you. You don´t miss his hands clenching when you move to sit on the bed.
Taking in a deep breath, you see no way out, before forcing a steady voice, “We need to talk.”
 ~~~
Part 3 
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wannaonescenarios · 7 years
Note
heLLO it’s a jihoon stan but not a jihoon stan but a seongwoo stan here to send you a promPT to help with your writer’s block :’) how about that fake dating au where you want your sister to sTOP setting you up by pulling up a fake boyfriend with uh,,, daniel!! ily lily lol
ask me a prompt + w1 member from a list here! 
smh u fake stan !!11!! but thanks for requesting lovely
i tried to keep this as gender neutral as possible!!
prompt: I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP
also i changed the prompt a bit bc i realized after i wrote it, that it’s a bit different sorry jkfng nothing to drastic so its ok!!
- ok backstory!!! 
- you and daniel have been best friends since freshman year of hs after becoming friends during a project you two were paired together for 
- despite not knowing each other at first, you guys were quick to become friends after daniel invited you over to work on the project and you ended up loving his cats lol 
- you two eventually went to the same college but majoring in different things and by then, they two of you were basically like two peas in a pod !!! (and occasionally the three musketeers if seongwoo wanted to join in lol) 
- you two were so close to the point where people expected you to get together and would constantly tease you guys (aka seongwoo: #1 fan of you two) 
- and while it was frustrating, you lowkey didn’t mind it at all like lbr,,,you couldn’t deny that daniel would be a perfect boyfriend!! like he was so cute but also so sweet and the fact that you knew him since high school made it all better bc it almost felt like you wouldn’t mind dating him since you knew him all this time 
- and while you were fine with watching daniel date different girls throughout your hs career (and lowkey it hurt) you decided to stay single and devote yourself to your studies
- but that led to your sister not having it 
- somi (your sister who was younger than you despite acting like she’s the older one smh) would constantly set you up because she was tired of seeing you single even tho she’s in hs lol 
- and while you appreciated that somi just wanted you to find a s/o so you wouldn’t be lonely forever, it was quite annoying going on dates you know you wouldn’t like bc she had a habit of setting you up with the weirdest guy 
- (although she did set you up with a man named dongho, and while he looked very imitating but a huge softie inside, you wanted to stay friends thank you v much) 
- finally, you ended up snapping at her and told her that you had a s/o and appreciated it if she stopped setting you up for dates 
- what a big mistake u made lol 
- somi’s eyes only widened and while she lowkey didn’t believe you, she wanted to invite your s/o over for dinner!! and to find out if you were lying or not lol 
- u know that meme where it’s like ‘’in this moment, you knew you fucked up’’ 
- yeah thats you rn lol 
- and after hanging up on somi on ft, you proceeded to scream in ur pillow bc you knew somi would never let you live it down if she had found out you were lying smh 
- and while you were laying down in bed, contemplating on life, an idea struck you 
- and while it wasn’t the best, it was the only option you had right now 
- so with a deep breath, you picked up your phone and sent a text to someone who you hoped would help you 
- ‘’daniel? i need your help,,,’’ 
- ‘’why did i agree to this again?” 
- daniel could only groan as the two of your stood in front of your home where your sister lived 
- your parents would out, so it would only be somi, you, and daniel (which you were silently grateful for bc you knew your parents would drill daniel to no end with questions) 
- ‘’you owe me anyways so you can’t complain’’ you scolded before knocking on the door while daniel whined again 
- it was true though,,, daniel owed you after you helped him do his hw for a class he was failing lol 
- before you knew it, the door opened and somi had tackled you into a hug 
- ‘’aaAAA i missed u!!” she could only cry before pulling away and land her eyes on daniel (whom she was surprised to see) 
- ‘’really?? daniel?? everyone thought you would get together at one point’’ she laughed before pulling you two in 
- and its awkward at first bc the three of you are sitting down at the table eating in silence because even though daniel has been to your house many mAny times,, this time was different 
- but slowly, daniel begins to open up by telling a joke or something and the awkwardness is broken bc really daniel?? a joke about cats?? is that really all you have to say??? 
- (daniel in the back: eXCUS EME I WOULD HAVE U KNOW THAT MY CAT JOKES ARE V MUCH APPECIATED THANK U V MUCH)
- and it’s nice,,, because it’s like daniel and you are best friends again and you guys are sitting here eating dinner like you guys usually do 
- and for the rest of the time, you forget that it’s even fake 
- you and daniel share secret smiles and maintain constant eye contact with each other (with somi silently screaming in the back) and it’s like you guys forget that this was only a ploy for somi to fall for
- and when he leans forward to press his lips against your forehead, you can feel the warmth from your cheeks intensify and you could only shy away from daniel to calm the beating of your heart bc kang daniel just did thAt and it was so soft
- with daniel, it’s as if he realized that he liked you all along. you who helped him get with other people, only to realize that the reason why they never work out is bc he compares them to you. you who shys away from his touch and looking at you like this, red and shy, makes his heart beat even faster (if that’s a thing)??? 
- like woW,, he’s fallen deeply for you 
- and the end of the dinner, when you bid your sister goodbye and the two of your walk home, you can’t help but feel a bit saddened that your guys time ended 
- before you end up going into your house, you wave goodbye but daniel only steps forward and locks his fingers with yours 
- and you’re like??? daniel?? 
- and it’s now or never,,,because who knew when daniel would wimp out and he didn’t think he would have any courage left after this moment
- ‘’you know,,,after all this time, you helped me get with different girls but i think the real reason why they never work out is because i can’t help but compare them to you. i’m sorry it took so long, but i really like you. and i hope you’ll accept my feelings.’’ 
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Daddy Shiro and Baby Keef are so cute, I just binge read every single thing you have. I have a request if you have the time? Like six year old Keith and Shiro going to the zoo and Keith and Keith riding around on his dad's shoulders and sharing ice cream and it's all fun until they stop for bathroom breaks and while shiro is going he has keith stand RIGHT by the door and hold his phone and tells him to yell if he needs something, that he'll be right out i a minute or less. Buuuut keef is +
a baby and easily distracted and while he’s waiting and holding on to the phone and keeping his foot on the exact brick his daddy asked him to stay by, he sees a poster of a LION. And holy cow. They hadn’t seen the lions yet. Surely he can just meet his Daddy by the lions. So he leaves the phone on the brick and he can obviously read signs he’s a big boy so he makes his way to the lions on his own but accidentally goes down a zoo keeper path and gets a little lost and he’s terrified and heMADE A MISTAKE HE WANTS HIS DADDY. Meanwhile Shiro hurries out of the bathroom and Keith isn’t there. The phone is there. Keith is not. WHY WOULD KEITH LEAVE THE PHONE SOMEONE HAD TO HAVE TAKEN HIM and cue panicked dad, he’s ready to flip the entire zoo upside down. Shut the gates. No one leaves until he finds his baby. Hit me with all the angst you have. Okay sorry for the long request ily
Oh goodness was this ask a wild ride from start to end AND I LOVED IT. Omg, I love Zoos for this AU and this ask was too funny! I had a blast with it and I hope there is enough angst for you nonny, I had more but I am a sucker for fluff! Sorry it’s a bit late, I’m still sick and been working :/ but I do hope you enjoy it and thanks for your patience. I love when you guys send in asks for this AU. Enjoy!
x.V.x
              SometimesShiro understood why parents had leashes disguised as cute little backpacksattached to their children. Sometimes.
              Normallyhe was against (and slightly appalled) by such treatment towards children, butright now Shiro was beginning to understand why parents wound up using them. Itwas exhausting keeping up with Keith today at the zoo, and more than once Shiroalmost regretted bringing the six-year-old.
              However,the smile that was lighting up Keith’s face and his little innocent look of aweshoved aside any doubt or frustration. He’d do anything in the world to keep that sparkle in Keith’s eye forever.
              Though,Shiro was just glad that Keith’s friends had all been a bit too busy to hangout at the zoo toady with Keith and Shiro. He didn’t know if he could handlethree more rambunctious little kids. One was enough for now, thank you verymuch.
              Keithnormally wasn’t too emotional and didn’t show too much outward excitement,especially out in public. In crowded, loud, dirty places. However, even withKeith being hesitant with crowds and annoyed by all the loud noises he washappier than Shiro had seen in a long time, to be able to see all of thedifferent types of animals up close. Keith had his stuffed animal close to him,where he could constantly rub and stroke the fur and had a little stress ballin his pocket in case he got too nervous, but Shiro could easily tell when thecrowds were getting too big around an enclosure; or when Keith didn’t haveenough room and they needed to leave asap.
              He wasquick to pick Keith up and head off to the neck exhibit in the zoo, alreadytalking about the next animal they were going to see. Keith would usuallyinstantly calm down in Shiro’s arms before getting more excited about the nextnew animal to see.
              So farhe’d seen elephants even bigger than his house!
              And lazycheetahs that didn’t do much besides whine.
              He evensaw a baby giraffe that was taller than his daddy!
              Thenthere were the fluffy little penguins that waddled in a funny way and themonkeys that were kinda mean to each other.
              Overall,Keith was having a terrific time at the zoo, even with all of the otherannoying people.
              The daywas cloudy, which meant that it was less crowded than usual due to the weatherand Shiro had gone early enough to try to avoid the mid-day rushes. Overall, itwas a lot less crowded at 7:45 am than it was at 1:00 pm, but even with all ofShiro’s precautions he couldn’t avoid crowds entirely. Keith simply opted tostick close to Shiro and he seemed alright so far and at the rate that the twoShiroganes were going at, they would be done with the zoo before 11 am, withplenty of time to each lunch and escape the mid-day rush.
              “Okaybuddy, what should we see next?” Shiro asked, swinging Keith’s arm as they maneuveredaway from a crowded exhibit for the Otters. Keith was still smiling aftergetting his picture taken with an otter in the tank right next to him. However, Shiro knew he was starting to getnervous of the people squeezing in around them and it was time to head to thenext animal exhibit.
              “Ummmm,I dunno. What else is there to see?” Keith frowned, his little heart beating ata much more normal pace the further they went from the otters. Shiro paused rightoutside a restroom area and studied the map. He was trying to decide whichexhibits would be least crowded but while still being exciting enough forKeith.
              Shiroeyed the bathroom, realizing that he did in fact need to go, after spending solong wandering around and keeping hydrated (Veryimportant daddy to drink lots and lots of water. You finish that water bottle!).
              “Holdon, here. You decide which animal you want to see next on the map, while daddyhas to use the bathroom, okay?” Shiro asked, handing over his phone and the mapto Keith. Keith nervously fiddled between his lion and his ranger hat (with thestring cut off) before nodding. He was a big kid now, after all, and that meanthe didn’t need his daddy by his side everysecond. Shiro smiled and gently stroked Keith’s cheek.
              “Okaybuddy, now you stay right here. I’ll be super quick.” Shiro promised, to whichKeith nodded once more without looking directly at Shiro. Instead he focused onthe map in his hands with a determined look, causing Shiro to chuckle. Quicklyhe entered the single bathroom leaving Keith alone outside.
              Luckilythere wasn’t too many people outside of the bathrooms and Keith didn’t feel aspanicked being alone. He clutched the phone and map tighter in his hands beforeshifting his stuffed lion under his arm. Keith looked away from the mapmomentarily, before looking around the area he was in before his eyes wideneddramatically.
              Therewas a sign indicating the new exhibit on the lions.
              Keithhad never seen a lion before.
              A lion.
              A lion.
              A lion!
              Keith’seyes sparkled suddenly and his entire body vibrated with sudden excitement. Hecould feel himself beginning to rock back and forth on his heels in excitement. He could get to see an actual lion today!The map dropped from Keith’s hand and he clutched the stuff lion even tighterto his body. As he rocked, Keith glanced back and forth between the sign andthe still closed bathroom door. Suddenly it felt like his daddy was taking forever.
              Keithbit his lip and continued to rock.
              That’swhen a thought came to him. What if Ijust meet him there? Like how Hunk meets his baby sister at work? Yeah, daddywill just meet me there and I can save us a spot! With the logicaldescision made, the six-year-old decided to leave his daddy’s phone down sothat his daddy could get it back right away before he scurried off towards thesigns.
              “Daddy Iwanna see the lions.” Keith said over his shoulders, reading the signs like thebig kid that he was and scurrying off in the right direction. Leaving Shiro andhis phone behind. As he left, he didn’t hear his daddy washing his hands andfinishing up.
x.V.x
              “Alldone. So where did you decide to go?” Shiro said as he exited the restroom.When he was met with silence, Shiro frowned and then his heart sunk.
              Helooked around, spinning around in circles, several times before he realizedthat Keith was gone. Keith wasn’tanywhere around here. The area had gotten slightly more crowded since earlierand Shiro felt his heart beginning to race.
              “Keith?Keith?” He called around, looking everywhere around the bathroom. “Keith?Keith, sweetheart, this isn’t funny! Where are you? Keith?!” Shiro nervouslywandered around in circles, trying to look in every place that Keith could behiding but found no luck. His palms were beginning to sweat and his breathingwas starting to come out in short, painful breaths. There was a sudden andsharp squeezing feeling that wrappedaround his heart like an icy cold fist.
              “Keith?!”
              Where could he have gone?
              “Keith?!”
              What if someone took him?
              “Keith?!”
              What if he’s hurt?
              “KEITH?!”Shiro froze when he caught sight of hiscellphone lying on the floor. The same phone that he had given Keith earlierwas just lying around unattended on the ground. Shiro felt his throat tightenhis heart leap out of his chest.
              Instantly,his mind began to imagine the worst case scenarios. Like Keith being kidnappedand taken out of the zoo, or Keith being stepped on in the crowd, or Keith falling into an animal enclosure.
              “Oh mygod! Keith, Keith!” Shiro snatched up his phone, pulling harshly at his hair ashe tore down a random path in the zoo. He shoved past people, occasionally stoppingto ask if anyone had seen his precious little boy, but no one had. Shiro felt his worst fears beginning to be confirmed.
              “Keith?!Keith!”
              “Excuseme sir, is everything alright?” Shiro whipped around so fast at the suddenvoice, startling the poor woman. His eyes were wide with panic and unshed tearsand the woman, who turned out to be a worker for the zoo, began to piecetogether what was happening. After all, she had seen many cases of missingchildren and panicked parents in the zoo. It was a big place after all; kidswere bound to wander off.
              “Youneed to lock all the gates! Don’t letanyone in or out!” Shiro suddenly commanded, eyes still wide, heart stillracing and skin beginning to pale.
              Thewoman blinked owlishly. This was new.“Sir, please, if you could calmlytell me what is wrong, I can help you.”
              “Fuck,we don’t have time! My son – my son is gone!We need to make sure they don’t leave.” Shiro gripped his hair to the pointthat the woman was sure he was going to rip it out and she swallowed.
              “Sir isyour son lost?”
              “He’sgone!” Shiro practically wailed, sounding a lot less intimidating than he couldhave and the woman felt his heart soften. She smiled sympathetically. “Oh god –I’m a terrible father. How could I have let this happen? Someone probablygrabbed him – some creep!”
              “Sir, wedon’t know if anyone took your son. He could have just wandered off.”
              “You don’tknow if anyone didn’t take himthough!” Shiro roared but the woman didn’t seem bothered by his sudden burst ofanger. Deep down, he felt guilty and knew that this wasn’t her fault but hismind was in a bit of a frazzle right now.
              “You’reright. I don’t know. Neither of us know, but panicking will not help your son.” The woman reprimandedfirmly causing Shiro to flinch back. “I need you to calm yourself and get ahold of the situation if you want us to help you find your son.” Shiroswallowed thickly but his heart did not stop beating wildly in his chest.
              “But –he – he could be so scared right now, and alone.” Shiro choked out, barelykeeping his tears at bay. The woman’s expression remained firm but she feltherself soften at the man’s worry for his son. It was obvious that he loved hisson but unfortunately these accidents happen.
              “Hemight be, and that is why I need you to be calm. For him. He’s going to be very scared when we find him and freaking outwill only scare him even more.” She was right.Shiro nodded shakily and the woman smiled. “The zoo will do everything in itspower to ensure that your son is found safe and sound and that everything willbe okay. How about you tell me your guys’ names?”
              Shiroswallowed and took a deep breath. “I’m Shiro. My son is Keith and he’ssix-years-old. His favorite color is Red, he doesn’t like crowds and he’sautistic…”
x.V.x
              Keithwas beginning to regret not waiting for his daddy.
              He hadn’tfound the lions yet and he was tired. And scared and nervous. Keith hadwandered down a more secluded path, off the main pathways when they suddenlybecame too crowded for Keith’s likings. All of the people and noises weremaking Keith itch and feel antsy and he didn’t want to be around them anymore,especially without his daddy. So Keith had taken a more secluded path by thetrees, which lead to the lions.
              Thoughhe didn’t’ read that this path was for Zoo Keepers only.
              Keithfelt the beginnings of tears building in his eyes. I wish daddy were here. I want to be in his arms. Keith sniffledto himself and clutched the lion closer to him. Keith only took a step furtherbefore he had run straight into a very solid form and fell back onto his butt.Frightened, Keith panicked and did the first thing that came to mind.
              Hescreamed.
              “Whoa, kid.What are you doing back here?” A deep voice rumbled over the sound of Keith’sscream and Keith turned frightened eyes up towards the stranger and found hisscreams were caught in his throat.
              The manhad deep brown eyes with flecks of green and gold in them under the sun, and darkskin. But what caught Keith’s attention first were the dozens of scars littering the man’s lower face and around his eyes.Trailing down Keith could see similar scars all along the man’s arms and legsthat slid up into his tan shorts. Justlike daddy.
              The manstared at Keith with an annoyed expression (probably because a brat wassomewhere he wasn’t supposed to be) before his eyes softened in suddenrealization. This kid looked familiar.
              “Keith?”
              Keithjumped in shock, at the gentle question from the man. “H-How do you know myname?! N-Not supposed to talk to strangers.” Keith almost buried his face intohis lion, frozen where he stood, as the man slowly began to kneel down to Keith’sheight. His heart was racing, not because of the man’s scarred face but becausehe was a stranger that knew his name.
              “Keith.Where is your father, Shiro?”
              How did he know daddy? Keith clamped hismouth shut and the man blinked.
              “I am Antok.I am a friend of your father, Takashi Shirogane.” He knew daddy’s whole name? “We served in the military together.”Keith’s eyes widened. His daddy had vaguely talked about serving in themilitary before Keith was born and he’d mentioned the names of some of hisbuddies there, though Keith had never met any of them before. Antok’s name didsound familiar.
              “H-Howdo I know you’re not lying?” Keith eyed the man suspiciously, trying to hidehow nervous he was. He scowled when the man chuckled at him and smiled softly.
              “Well, Iknow that your father has a prosthetic arm made of robotic material and metal.It’s his right arm.” The man said and Keith felt his eyes widen. How could he know that about daddy, unless…
              “Can youhelp me find daddy?!” Keith suddenly jumped at Antok, causing his to blink inshock and slight discomfort. He was never good with kids – many were scaredjust at the sight of his face but Shiro’s kid didn’t seem bothered at all. “Ilost him and I don’t know where the lions are and now I’m scared. I wanna seemy daddy again!” Keith sniffled pathetically and Antok panicked. He really wasn’tgood with kids and tears.
              “Ah,there, there.” Antok awkwardly patted Keith’s head before pulling out hisradio. “Here, I bet your father is looking for you at this very moment. Let’sradio to the head center and let them know what’s going on. They’ll be able tofind your father.” When Keith’s eyes lit up brighter than the stars, Antokcouldn’t help but smile.              
              Shiro’skid was pretty cute.
x.V.x
              “Daddy!”
              “Keith,oh my god, you’re alright!” Shiro had grabbed Keith out of Antok’s arms andheld him as tight as he could against him, without even realizing who had beenholding Keith. Keith burst into tears, instantly burying his face into his dad’sneck. Shiro rubbed his back, unable to fight back his own tears as he rubbedhis son’s back and comforted him.
              “You’reokay. You’re okay.” Shiro whispered over and over again. Eventually Keith andShiro both calmed down but Keith refused to leave his arms and was exhausted,so Shiro decided a scolding could wait until they were home. When Shiro turnedto face his son’s rescuer, his jaw almost dropped.
              “Antok?!”
              “Hello,Takashi.” Antok waved with a monotone voice. Even under his usual mask, Shirorecognized his right away. “I see this is the son you have told us much about,though I wish our first meeting would have been under better circumstances.”Shiro nodded dumbfound and thanked the gods for his luck.
              “Antok,daddy’s friend.” Keith said tiredly.
              “Uh,yeah. Did Antok tell you this?” Shiro smiled after blinking. Keith noddedsleepily and Shiro shifted to rest Keith on his hip.
              “Fromarmy. Antok help me.”
              “Thankyou Antok. I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done.” Shiro held out hishand for the man to shake, only for Antok to clasp a hand on his shoulder.
              “It’salright my friend. I would do anything for your family after all you’ve donefor me in the military.” Antok said, causing Shiro to choke up again. “I amhonored to finally meet your son. He is a very special boy.”
              Shirosmiled softly, brushing back Keith’s hair. “That he is.”
              “Daddy,we still gotta see the lions.”
              “Anythingfor you my sweet boy.” Thank you forkeeping him safe.
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jessvsbrain · 5 years
Text
The Letters That No One Will Read
If anyone does come across this, know that these are old and I’m no longer in crisis. I’m putting these here as a safe place so that I can delete it everywhere else but still go back and read all of the guilt that kept me from hurting myself if I ever get to a bad place again. 
I wrote these coming down out of a manic episode during which I put myself in about 13,000$ of debt, pushed away a lot of good people, and decided that at the end of my big trip I would kill myself. Go out with a bang, so that everyone would remember the good times. Most of them were written on the plane ride home, and trying to say goodbye was entirely what kept me from killing myself. I don’t think a day will come when I can look every person who I love in the eyes and say goodbye, so I won’t. 
June 10, 2019
It’s an odd feeling, writing your goodbye letter. I’ve written this once before and it was probably a lot more eloquent than this will be. It was years ago. I had a lot more love in me then, even if I couldn’t see it at the time. All of my love is out of me now, I’ve given as much of it as I can and it lives with all of you now. Please keep it forever. I hope you can forgive me, but I know that you won’t. I don’t blame you. I blame me and I hope that you will too; this is all my fault. I have bipolar disorder. I’ve written about it at length, but I won’t give her any more of my words except what is important to this story, the story of how I failed you all. I have bipolar disorder and most of you don’t know what that means. The ones of you who think you do still probably don’t, but to the few who saw me in my true psychotic moments and stayed: thank you. My mental illness is what killed me, try to remember that in the moments when you hate me. Please, if you can, don’t hate me for this. I’ve known for a long time that I don’t want to be here anymore. I’ve felt so guilty knowing this and not saying anything, and I’ve felt even more guilty for the things I have said about how I’ve been feeling. I know I am so loved, I know this is going to hurt you all so much. I need you to know this is not spur of the moment. I have felt this way many times and I’m tired of being stuck in this cycle. I know this is awful, I deserve for you to hate me. I love you all so much. I’m so sorry. Aries We don’t talk anymore, but I still love you as much as I did the day that fate put us next to each other on the choir bus on our way to competition. The way I loved you always had me confused, but I hope maybe without me you’ve been able to sort it out. I haven’t been able to, I still see you in the faces of strangers and in the bottom of shot glasses. I hope you find your direction in life, or maybe you already have. Tell your mother I’m sorry for lying to her about the pictures; I still feel guilty about that. I feel guilty about a lot when it came to you and I. I never stopped loving you, even if my fear and insecurity made me bitter. Taurus Isn’t it fucked up that you were one of the most influential people in my life, all those years ago and under such abysmal circumstances. Kids are so mean, I’m glad we got to meet as adults no matter how briefly. I still think about you sometimes, I hope you’re better than you were. Your ghosts will always haunt you, but try to make peace with some of them. Thank you for playing pretend with me all those years ago under the city lights. I loved you, I don’t know where you are now but I’m hoping it’s somewhere better than where you were. You’re so talented, share that gift with the world for as long as you can. Gemini We’ve been through so much together through so many different parts of our life. You’ll be angry with me and I won’t be here to see it, but it’s justified. You’ve been through so much and do such a wonderful job calming your anger, I hate myself for adding to your struggles when you’re doing so well. Follow your joy, not your obligations. I haven’t gotten to see your talent firsthand, just glimpses of you dancing when we’ve been out taking the world as our own, but I have seen your passion. And your passion is beautiful. You are beautiful. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. Cancer My dear girl. We’ve been through it all together, haven’t we? You’re the sweet half, the good and pure half. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be strong for you anymore. You don’t deserve what I’m going to do to us, but but I know you aren’t surprised.  We’ve known this inevitability for years. Thank you for being the part of me that is responsible for all of the people that these notes are written to. You are the part of me that they’ll forgive, if they can forgive any part of this monstrosity that I’m soon to become. Leo Thank you for making me a part of your family for all of these years. I love you, and I love all of them. Please tell them I’m sorry. Tell A all of the wonderful things that I already know you’re going to tell her because you are a great mother. Don’t forget to take time for yourself, too, and that it’s okay to ask for help. Thank you for coming back to me again and again, through all of the turbulent years where our own warped mirrors made our friendship look shattered. It never was, and it never will be. Not even now. I’m sorry. Virgo However creation works, you and I came from the same star. You are so strong, and even when it’s so dark inside you are the only person on earth who can make me laugh until I don’t want to anymore because it hurts. You’re creating such a beautiful life and I’m so honored that I got to be a part of so much of it. I hope that you never stop learning. I hope you never stop finding the absolute best shows and movies and music. I hope you see Regina again some day, and I hope she sings a lullaby. Libra I Don’t be afraid to give your love away. Things won’t always turn out well, but it isn’t about how they turn out. You’ve come so far on your journey and you have no idea how much it means to me that I had the opportunity to be your friend and see your growth over time. Despite your struggles, you have been my voice of reason since before I knew that I couldn’t trust what my head was telling me. Thank you for all of the nights that you answered my frantic calls, talked me down. Thank you for seeing the bad and still being my friend. Libra II Our friendship was literally founded on you helping me in my hours of need. Over time it’s evolved from complicated calculus problems to life dilemmas, but there hasn’t been a moment in all the time that I’ve known you that you haven’t been a marvelous friend. I’m so thankful for all of your sound advice and have been so inspired by your determination and humor, even in the face of turmoil. Please hold on to that spark that makes you you, never dim yourself or let anyone tell you to tone it down. You are one of the most delightful humans I got to know. Scorpio I’m so sorry I put so much on you. You are my best friend, and you are worth so much more than you know. Please listen to yourself once in a while, you don’t give yourself enough credit for how wise you really are. I’m sitting next to you now and feel so much guilt that I can’t sit next to you forever like we promised. Follow your passions and follow your dreams. You love, and that is the most beautiful quality that a person can have. Remember to give some of that love to yourself, and make sure that you aren’t being led astray from your morals and your goals. Sagittarius I I never stopped loving you. We were so unhealthy together as friends and I’m sorry that I couldn’t see that and try to be better for you. Please take care of yourself. I forgave you a long time ago, I hope you can forgive me too. Sagittarius II You’re going to be pissed at me, and you’re right to be. Tell your family thank you for always being so generous with inviting me into the fold. Never stop believing in yourself, you’re doing wonderful things. I know we joke about luck, but you do deserve everything good that comes your way. I love you and the way you’ve kept your wonder and hope through every amazing and horrible thing you’ve gone through. Sagittarius III I love you differently than I’ve ever loved anyone. You make me feel so peaceful and so loved in a way that I had never experienced before. Be unapologetic in your goals, but keep yourself grounded. I love you, thank you for making me feel safe during times when I didn’t know what that meant. The problem was never you, I wasn’t able to take care of myself and in the end it all became too much. I mean every word I ever said, every time I send ily a million times in a row and every hour that I whined about missing you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be what you deserve. Capricorn I I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in your personal growth. I’m so proud to be able to have been a friend of the the smart, successful, honest, fiercely loyal woman you’ve become and will keep becoming. We’ve shared so many beautiful, fun times and I treasure them now and wherever is next. Don’t let the world make callous, hate me if you need to but don’t hate the world. I love you. Tell your mother and sister that I love them too, and that I’m sorry I wasn’t as strong as they are. You ladies were always an inspiration to me. Capricorn II It still amazes me that after all of this time, people still call me by your name. I always get a nice laugh out of it and think of you fondly. Thank you for sharing stories about your adventures and for occasionally coming back home so we could have some of our own. Travel far and never stop dreaming. If you’re never sure of anything else in your life, be sure that you have the unmatched ability to make any place feel like home. Aquarius I I can’t write this letter. I love you. I’ve written you so many words, you can read them if you would like. I’m sorry. Aquarius II You were there for me in ways that no one else was able to be, and I’m so sorry I put that on you. Try not to feel guilty for moving on with your life, everyone who loves you wants you to be happy, and there are tons of us. I hardly know what to say- I’m letting you down and I promised you that I would always be there for you. I love you. Aquarius III You’re wonderful, and you’re never going to stop being wonderful. Remember that. Thank you for all of the stupid memes, all of the times you answered my late night calls, all of the laughter and inside jokes we made. Keep your head up, enjoy your life, travel far and see the world for me. I know you don’t always think so, but you’re one of the bravest people I know. Pisces I I wish we’d had less distance between us. You were my favorite mentor, the most perfect work mom I could have asked for. I’ve missed your smile and your laugh for a long time. I’m sorry that I didn’t come visit more when I still had the chance. Pisces II The brightest person I know, please never let the darkness take over. I know it’s there, and I know it’s hard, but you shine so beautifully. Thank you for keeping me on the ground when I was flying off of the world itself. You always gave me the best of yourself, made the best of our time together.
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