#Watch out guys... This dude is going postal | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

guillotine-drop · 2 months

Text

Rating POSTAL Dudes by how good they smell:

POSTAL - 9/10: I think his habitual reclusion and distrust of the world would probably mean he’s showering constantly, moreso than any other Dude, especially if he thinks there’s a ‘Hate Plague’ going on. I think he smells basic; very simple routine, just enough to make sure he feels clean, so at most he’ll smell like some generic 3-in-1 body wash and shampoo/conditioner, maybe something slightly nicer just for himself (some decent $15 aftershave for that menthol scent and cooling relief).

POSTAL Redux - 3/10: Exact opposite of his original incarnation, this greasy son of a bitch isn’t scared of shit he just wants to throw explosives at ostriches and parades. Barely showers, constantly stinks of stale sweat, old blood, cheap leather and cheaper cologne, punctuated with the scent of burnt gunpowder. Borderline noxious.

POSTAL 2 - 4/10: Smells just as bad as Redux Dude but gets the edge here because every now and then he goes outside and uses the neighbor’s hose to blast himself. Shockingly uses deodorant, still not enough to be perpetually leather and denim clad in the great state of Arizona. Almost constantly reeks of sweat and has the recognizable yet faint scent of stale piss wafting off of him, accompanied by the scent of even staler crack and pungent fast food. Almost pungent enough to drown the rest out. Almost.

POSTAL 3 - 2/10: If you were to raid the wash cart after a double overtime football game, steal every jockstrap in the place, wring the sweat into a bucket, and then bring it all to a boil, you’d have somewhere in the realm of what a clean P3 Dude smells like. On average, however, this man has managed to combine the overwhelming sensory nightmares of cat piss and cheap spray deodorant into an almost lethal concoction, ONLY made breathable by the strange and overpowering smell of gasoline that seems to seep from his pores. Approach with caution and for the love of god: do not bring bleach or matches near this freak.

POSTAL 4: No Regerts - 5/10: Despite looking like he crawled out of a dumpster after a bad divorce or a fantastic honeymoon, P4 Dude is shockingly passable in terms of being able to stand next to him for a prolonged period without gagging or killing him. Having learned the efficacy of not being encased in leather in the desert, he’s managed to bring his pungency down several notches. Still reeks of sweat most of the time, and the smell of burger grease and pepperoni follows him like a specter of death, but the piss scent stopped clinging on as hard. He’s also upgraded from hose showers with no supplies to sink baths with tiny gas station travel soaps. It’s an improvement, trust me.

Brain Damaged - 2/10: Take a look at his living space in the title screen, then watch the game’s cutscenes. Just soak it all in. Now that you’ve done that, you can understand that his rank ass smells exactly as bad as you might think it does. If it can come out of his body, it’s probably soaking some part of him. If you think any of the clothes on him have been washed, you’re wrong. This man smells like if someone firebombed an outhouse and pissed on it to put it out. The best thing for him would be getting blasted with a firehouse and a box of laundry detergent. Please.

The Other Dude - 1-10/10: Entirely depends on how the BD Dude would imagine he smells depending on the situation.

POOSTALL Dude - 6/10: Despite the name, this one actually smells pretty decent. The clearly larger coat with the rolled sleeves implies some level of understanding about how not to smell like swamp ass and sweat soaked leather, and truthfully, he looks like he bathes semi-regularly, a rarity amongst these guys.

POSTAL Doe - 9/10: I admit fully and entirely to my lack of impartiality to this one, but I’m willing to stand by it even if I lose my Stink Judge License: first of all, sleeveless leather trench coat AND a crop top mean less overheat which means less sweat. Second of all, visually cleaner than pretty much any of the dudes which implies some kind of self care regimen. Third, and most importantly, girlstink counts positive. I will not be turning in my badge or my gun.

Movie Dude - 8/10: This may be controversial, but despite the squalor he lives in and the fact that hems a cuckold and that his life sucks and that he can’t get a job and that he’s a loser- I digress. I think Movie Dude is in the top echelons of Dude Stink solely because I think he’d have a breakdown if he smelled bad. This man uses Dr. Teals. He stinks like a mix of eucalyptus and peppermint. If ever there was a Dude who had a skin routine, he still wouldn’t, but he’d definitely think about it one day. I think by the end he gets an extra point just because he gets a little hotter the more deranged he is. Overall very pleasant but I still wouldn’t give him $4.

John Murray - 2/10: Hasselridge seems to have a very… interesting relationship with what is and isn’t normal, so unsurprisingly, Johnny Boy would probably smell pretty rough. Considering how dingy, run down and shitty everything in that town appears to be, I can’t imagine anyone else is smelling like roses either. Just avoid the entire place, not least of all because of the zombie thing.

Shtopor - 0/10: Bad.

Nottem Portant - 5/10: Despite the misanthropy, dollar store Nathan Explosion thing and the absolutely abysmal gameplay, Mr. Hatred is actually extremely middle of the road on stink. Sure, he doesn’t smell great, but shockingly he washes his ass despite the whole ‘death to humanity’ thing. He does get point deduction for not washing his hair though, grease mop motherfucker.

#yeah dude #postal #postal dude #postal redux #postal 2 #postal 3 #postal 4 #postal brain damaged #poostall royale #postal movie #eternal damnation #corkscrew rules #hatred #I stand by most of these. your guess as to which one(s) is the outlier

135 notes · View notes

sil3ntfr34k · 1 month

Note

orr p1/p4 as platonic comforting thing…

Platonic!P1 Dude and P4 Dude Comforting Headcanons

(Also matching gifs this is so cool)

Postal 1 Dude

He’s actually the worst person to comfort you. WILL make it worse

Even if your anxious about just going to the grocery store because you don’t feel like socializing, he’s trying to convince you that something bad is going to happen and now you can never go to store at all

“I don’t feel like going…” “Whatdayamean?? Why don’t you want to go? You always wanna go somewhere, what if something is going to happen? It’s waiting for its moment to strike you, to take you from this world. No! You can’t go anymore! Just stay here, it’s safest here than being out there with those… vermin.”

Somehow, he’s spiraling before you,,, He doesn’t even know what the hell is going on, yet he’s in the corner facing the wall and hugging his knees

If it’s really bad, like your having a trauma response kind of bad, he’s making it worse. You could be hyperventilating on the floor, shaking and all, and he will be there crying over your body like your actually dying

Sometimes it feels like he makes it about himself, but it’s just that his anxiety is that bad

Postal 4 Dude

“What the hell is wrong with you🤨⁉️”

Has no idea what’s going on, ever

Has a mini heart attack when he sees you upset and immediately bombards you with questions. “What’s wrong? What happened? Why are you upset? Was it that asshat down the street? Because he was fucking with me yesterday too. I’ll kill him for you I swea-“

You gotta hit him with something soft to shut him up bc he will yap until you forget what the hell you were upset about

If it’s something like a trauma response or panic attack, Dude tries his best to be there but also be at a distance. He read one somewhere that it’s best to give someone who’s having an attack space and to just ‘watch’ over them. It still kills him inside to see you like that, but he knows he can’t do much to help

If he can, Dude will make Champ go sit with you. He’s seen service dogs do that before so in his head it’s a good idea. Until Champ is trying to play with you and is trying to knock you over,,,

Cue Dude dragging Champ back again by the collar, poor guy,,,

Afterwards, he will most definitely try to pry what’s wrong out of you, even if it’s something personal. It’s not that he’s trying to butt into your personal life or make you uncomfortable, he’s just concerned (and curious. What the hell could’ve made you act out like that???)

Overall, he’s okay to go to for comfort, but definitely not the one you should be going to for that. Unless you wanna get incredibly high or drunk (or both) afterwards as a compensation

#postal #x reader #p1 dude #postal x male reader #postal dude x male reader #postal headcanons #postal 4 #postal game #postal x reader #postal dude x reader #postal dude

66 notes · View notes

nightynite · 2 months

Text

I thought this would be neat and precise, but this kind of ended up being a ramble about the Postal Dudes and how their system works. And my interpretations of them, I guess. Anyway, if you're curious to learn about Red, Dude, and Cowboy, click the read more, because I am scared as shit to post something this long without making it easily skippable.

Let's begin, shall we?

Red: Postal 1 Dude, was the host of the system for most of childhood/teen/young adult years. After 1997, he stopped. He's extremely guarded and doesn't like getting to close anyone--something that's stuck throughout the entire system and all the years they've been alive. He's quiet and doesn't like speaking often, and will avoid talking if he can really help it. Sometimes, he'll freeze up mid-sentence and be unable to continue verbally for a couple minutes. Due to how DID works, it's most likely that Red started /existing/ during childhood, and whoever was THE original kid Dude, is no longer a thing. Red formed specifically to take on everything the kid originally had to, and was hostile, reactive, and paranoid to survive. During this time as he was growing up though, along with delusions and hallucinations, he had another voice beside him. Dude, though he has been mistaken for the Demon: Postal 2 Dude, the main host of the system up until the car crash that formed Cowboy, sometimes called Green or Three (usually by mistake, or because Cowboy got too embarrassing), and after the 11 years spent in Catharsis or whatever. The Postal Dude himself, Dude, is a rather... Combustible person. He tries to play along with the people he meets and knows, but is ultimately always dragged down into a spiral of wanting to stop living this horrible life he's in. Something always goes wrong, he has nothing to live for besides Champ, and no matter what he does, he's never been able to escape the Hell that he's been stuck in for all these years. He's mostly selfish, in the sense that he's much more likely to run from a bad situation than help out someone who's in danger--unless there's something in it for him. It's hard for him to care about others, and it's hard for him to meet anyone even remotely sane nowadays. At this point, he's just counting the days until he finally snaps. And snap he did--when he shot himself in the head on Friday and ended up in a twisted hellscape of his own making. Mad Cow Tourettes Zombies are a laughing matter in the face of one million crazy and wacked out Gary Colemans throwing fucking grenades and scissors at you from every direction. I mean, seriously, what was up with that? Were those hospital attendants or just makings of Dude's mind? What the hell was happening? And why the hell were those Colemans so strong? Where the fuck did the grenades come from Anyway, back on track: Cowboy, aka Green, aka Three, aka Loser, aka Dumbass, aka Fuckwit (I'm assuming I don't need to make it any more clear?): Postal 3 Dude, a game I have not bothered playing and instead watched a longplay of because by god, that gameplay is ass. So, he formed after the car crash, and was the first one to wake up. That brain damage mixed with a nuclear blast really does something to a guy, huh? Well, once he was back on the road and fixed up, he went to Catharsis with Champ and did... Some stuff. I'm going to say that stuff was NOT everything shown in the actual game because the story is dumb to me and i think I could rewrite it and make it more fun. Haha, that'd be cool, right? Anyway. Cowboy's the most anxious of the group. He tries to be cool and act like everything's chill and like he's in control of things, when really he's usually not. He's not prone to violence--at least not as much as Dude and Red might be--but he IS going to resort to it if he can't get what he wants in a somewhat tame way. I imagine, if he and Movie dude were to meet, they would like kiss and make out under the moonlight. Who said that Anyway, if you have anything you want to know in particular about these dudes, let me know because I love talking about all my thoughts. and Stuff.

#hi. it's red #talk to me. i dare you #postal #postal 1 #postal dude #postal 2 #postal 3 #postal 2 dude #postal 1 dude #postal 3 dude #postal game #postal 1997 #my hcs #did dude #postal did dude #red #dude #cowboy

8 notes · View notes

strawbrygashez · 1 year

Text

Postal 2 Dude x Reader

Get Away

This fic is based around the part in apocalypse weekend when he wakes up in the hospital! So tw for mention of a su*cide attempt & abuse. If I need to tag something else let me know. Also no gender specific stuff for reader. Dude calls them sweetcheeks tho 🤷‍♀️

————————————————————————

A peaceful moment in Paradise, it rarely ever happens around Dude anymore but he supposes that just makes it all the better when it does occur, especially with you around. If there had been at least one good outcome of Dude living in this town and just the batshit situations he always finds himself in, it’s that it’s all really helped him appreciate the little moments more. And god was he appreciating it right now. There is no place he’d rather be right now than here with you, basking in the unusual calmness that washed over the town as you and Dude sat on a hill that allowed you two to watch people go about their daily life.

The past half hour had been comfortably silent between you two as you guys observed and snacked but Dude, being himself of course was the first one to actually speak up in a while. “Do ya think they are just like this now because I’m not down there?” He asked before glancing over to you, who was still resting your head on his shoulder. You only answered him with a shrug, not looking away from below yet. Dude seemingly thought to himself for a moment before picking up a near by napkin and whipping his fingers free of grease from the burger he’d just had. “Hm. Well if you’re getting bored I can spice things up a little bit, yknow?” A devious smile spread across his face. “Just one little sound of a gunshot and…” he trailed off as he watched you finally grin and unfocus off the mindless ‘sheep’ that walked below you two. You nudged him before finally sitting up right and stretching. “Oh shut up Dude. We were having a nice moment there.” You half heartedly berated him before moving yourself to lay on your side with your head in dudes lap. He continued to grin as he looked down at you. “Can’t help it. Watching these fuckers run around, beg for their lives, and fight each other has kinda become a stimulating thing for me. Kinda like white noise.”

You rolled your eyes with a scoff but opted out of say anything for the moment. You instead let out a content sigh as you closed your eyes which not to your knowledge, made Dudes heart swell a little. He couldn’t remember the last time someone seemed so comfortable around him or treated him like he wasn’t some dangerous unfeeling lunatic or a useless shell of a man. The only person he felt a genuine connection with was with you. You who trusted him so much to the point where even though a moment ago he suggested stirring up chaos just for the fun of it, yet, you still closed your eyes and rested on him. He knew it didn’t make any sense, he’s questioned why you stayed before but at a moment like this, all he wanted to do was enjoy the moment and watch you. He did so for a bit, only just occasionally letting his mind wonder off of you until he decided to reach out and move your hair back behind your ear since the wind had began to pick up but before he could, you suddenly spoke up, eyes opening.

“You know, this day could only get any better if you woke up.” Dude stared at you for a moment “uh, what?” He asked. “You need to wake up.” You repeated, your eyes suddenly looking up into his. ‘What in the fuck are you talking about?’ Dude thought to himself but only got out, “I..am awake?” He raised a eyebrow before chuckling. “Did you take something before we came up here? I told you tha-” suddenly, to Dudes surprise you sat up and took hold of his face, causing him to actually jump. And almost suddenly all the calmness from before had completely disappeared, he could somehow feel the people from below stop and look up at you two, he could hear what began as whispers and pieces of conversations slowly devolve into incomprehensible groans and occasional screaming, and the suddenly bright and clear sky had turned a disturbing shade of red..and worst of all your begs for him to wake up became more deeper and deeper groans. He wanted to shove you off but he couldn’t, he couldn’t move a single part of his body even when he’d wanted so badly to when your eyes slowly had gotten glossed over with a deep watery blue marble shade. “you need to wake up.”

“GAH!!!” Dude spat out suddenly as his body involuntarily jumped forward, he quickly regretted it even more as blinding lights hit his eyes and a sharp pain rushed through his head, causing him to groan. He covered his eyes as he blindly felt around for his sunglasses, starting to notice two distinct things. One being that he was definitely in a bed of some sorts, and the other thing being a constant annoying beeping sound from nearby.

Finally feeling his glasses next to him in the sheets, he uncovered his eyes just enough at first to notice the bedsheets were definitely not his, clueing him in that he wasn’t even in his house. Slipping them on, he was able to look without squinting and that’s when he noticed you. You had your arms crossed on the bed, the side of your head resting on them. From what he could tell, you were..awake?? But maybe out of it? You looked a bit rough, with bloodshot eyes with bags under them, at least that’s what he could tell from what he could see of your half opened eyes gazing into no where in particular. Why would you be wherever you two are like this? Why are you two even- oh….shit. It finally clicked for him when he’d put two and two together.

He was definitely in the hospital but why? Did some fucking civilian get their revenge for something he did in passing? Whatever the fuck it was, It did make Dude feel kinda happy that you had been there for him. He was about to say something smart until you suddenly sat back up after he’d just moved a little bit. Dude and you blankly stared at each other for a moment. Him confused with what was going on and you silently thanking god that he finally came to. You knew he wasn’t going to die according to the doctors but seeing Dude actually moving again…if you hadn’t cried yourself out already the other night…there was multiple things you wanted to say to him, ask him, fuss at him about, but you knew that it wouldn’t be any good right now. He’d just woken up so.. “O-oh. Dude you can’t…” you slowly stood up and pushed him back gently down to make him lay against the bed. He let you even though he still seemed completely indifferent to what was happening. “…your head.. they said when you woke up you shouldn’t move too much.” You continued before taking your spot back on the chair you had pulled up next to the bed.

“I..what the fuck is- agh fuck!” Dude suddenly held his hand up to the wound on his head, a awful ringing had came out of nowhere, bad enough to make him scrunch up his face. You looked down at him, a feeling of remorse washing over yet again as he began to realize what had happened to him wasn’t something he’s just gonna be able to walk off like he usually does. You slowly reached your hand up to move his away from the wound and found yourself not wanting to let go of the warmth of his hand, so you held it there by his side as you looked down, not really sure what to say. All you knew was you wanted to feel his warmth right now.

“Seriously..what happened? How long have you been here? How long have I..” Dude trailed off. You looked back up at him, he could see so much hurt in your eyes but for what? You knew he always gets up again and- “you seriously don’t remember?” You asked him. He shook his head no (only to be reminded not to move so much when that also sent pain through his head). You stared at him for a minute before somehow, it seemed you actually did have it left in you to cry again as your lips began to tremble. You tried to keep it in as best as you could as you looked back down so you wouldn’t have to meet his gaze. “Y-you shot….yourself Dude. How do you not remember?” The warmth of your hand left Dude as you went to wipe your tears that began to fall away yet again. You couldn’t even count the number of times you ended up crying the other night and this morning. Every time you thought you were okay and were ‘going to be strong for him’, you fell apart.

Dude had really needed to hear that though because slowly he put together what had happened the other night..the bitch non-stop screaming and arguing, putting out yet another cigarette on him, punching him…him reaching for the gun…..Fuck. As fucked up as it was to think, now he wished more than ever it would have actually killed him because you were here crying over him and by the looks of it, hadn’t slept at all and stayed by him for god knows how long. He hadn’t even been thinking of how it would have effected you in the moment, the only thing he knew was he wanted out so bad. There was tons of things he should be saying, so many thoughts bouncing around now but all that came out was a ‘pathetic’ “I don’t know…..I’m s-”

“Yknow, I w-watched them carry you out of the house..I saw it all..even the bitch acting like she suddenly cared and..I don’t know. I was so fucking scared seeing you like that Dude. I could barely make my way o-over here. I didn’t know what to do with myself and..” whatever else you had wanted to say in that moment left your mind as you couldn’t stop yourself from tearing up again, to the point you couldn’t try to get words out if you wanted. Dude was pretty sure that he has never felt shittier in his life watching and hearing all this..even compared to how he felt the other night. He was silent for a minute before he moved to sit up again. “Look..I’m sorry I just- I didn’t-agh!” he placed his hand up to his head again when another jolt of pain rushed through him but he carried on anyways, “I’m sorry I just..wanted to get away from it all. Not you just…everything else. I couldn’t deal with everything and the bitches nagging and just-”

He stopped himself once you sat back up, sniffling loudly and wiped most of the tears away that you could. “Don’t..don’t worry about explaining it all right now..it’s not gonna help anyone right now. You need to rest..I’m sorry I just..I just really care about you Dude. We can do this all later. I’m sorry.” You tried to give him a little reassuring look but he could tell you still had so much you wanted to get out at the moment. But as it was for right now… he took your hand again and held it tight. “Don’t apologize.. okay? I just wasn’t thinking about..yknow you. I don’t want you to think you weren’t doing enough. I just..I dunno. It’s all just fucked yknow?” Was the best he could say right now but you didn’t expect more..so you only nodded a bit. Him holding your hand did help you calm down just a tad so you felt okay enough to add something else in… “yeah..uhm if you feel that way I don’t think those cards that people left will help very much. Well expect maybe one had kinda good news..”

He glanced where you were looking to and indeed seen three cards. One that particularly caught his attention was the one that was signed from the bitch. Half of him wanted to just ignore it and say fuck it but the other half just wanted to get whatever new bullshit information out of the way since yknow, someone somewhere said it wasn’t his time yet so it was time for the same old, same old again anyways. He sighed and let go of your hand and picked that one up first, reading it out loud to himself..and what? He almost didn’t believe his eyes as he reread the part about her leaving him again and again and again..and shit he couldn’t help that feeling of excitement getting even more intense when he peaked over and saw you smiling a tad, knowing what he was double checking. “HAH! DID YOU SEE THIS?” He asked as he held it out to you. Seeing his excitement definitely did ease your own pain up a bit. Being able to see Dude give that goofy grin of his still… “mhm..I guess the dogs off the old ball and chain now so-” Dude suddenly tossed the card to the side. “Yeah, so come here!”

He grinned as you gave him a slightly confused look but complied anyways, once you leaned down just a bit, he used what energy he had left to drag you down into a kiss. It wasn’t a over the top, so emotionally passionate you could cry type of kiss but it was more than enough for you and you knew you were in for some more later but you did take it upon yourself to kiss him back slightly more deeply. Once you two pulled away, he was still grinning, “God I’ve wanted to do that..uh probably since I met you!” You couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Mhm. Same here.. and now I really can’t be called a home wrecker.” You joked. “What can I say? I’m a faithful man.” Too faithful but again, you can tell him all about how he deserves to be treated later. “Yeah, yeah.” You replied as you gently moved some of his hair out of his face which he seemed very content with, almost like he could melt. You felt like you could stay like this forever now, sitting with him but a sudden memory came up “Oh shit.. I forgot I needed to tell the doctor when you woke back up.” You said as you started to get up. “Don’t worry about it I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. It will only just be a minute. And while I’m out I’ll get you something from the vending machines..unless you want hospital food I guess.” Dude shook his head again (still not learning from the last time) “you know me well sweetcheeks. Get me my usuals.” He said finally laying back down again. You kissed him one more time on the cheek before leaving.

A little while after, the door opened again. Expecting to see you he smiled and almost began going on about whatever again but it quickly faded once he realized it was just a nurse. He groaned and tuned most of what they were saying out. The only thing he managed to hear was “you are very lucky mr Dude” which…he thought on for a minute and decided that they were right. The only reason he was lucky was because he had you around and could be with you now.

#postal dude #postal dude x reader #sorry for any errors or whatever :0

101 notes · View notes

bigboipyromaniac · 1 year

Note

HI I saw that you had request open so

can you do something with postal dude that involves hand holding?

I'm such a huge simp for postal dude, it's embarrassing

postal dude might be the most insane guy you'll ever meet

but has this weird obsession with your hand

not Kira obsession

I mean I'm sure he's cut someone's hand

but not yours

maybe

whenever your sleep with him, he likes to grab your hand

but don't sleep with him

*cough* brain damage *cough*

on a road trip to anywhere, mid-trip he would grab your hand

sometimes he bites your hand or licks it

cute aggression?

or it could be normal postal dude things

who knows

if you do go out with him for maybe his chores

he does hold your hand to resist the urge to kill someone

but he does it anyways

sometimes out of nowhere

he would grab both your hands and place them on his cheeks

even if you have cold hands

speaking of cold hand

despite living in Arizona

mans got some cold hands

like he lives in the artic, hands

maybe that's why he wears a coat in the heat

wash you hands

I know that might sound mean

but his hands are dirty

filled with blood and other things you don't want to know

Short story cause I can't think of anything else

living in a trailer park is not how I expected how life would go for me, but hey it's not bad as people say it is. I got to live with a crazy man who for some reason no policemen can arrest. He's always out doing "chores," he says, and always covered in blood when he comes back.

Whenever he's not out in the heat of Arizona, he's on top of me sleeping or watching whatever's on tv, right now he's on top of me, luckily he's not sleeping, meaning I can move a bit without him complaining.

He grabbed my hand that was hanging off the couch and placed it into his cheeks. He placed many kisses on my hand, and then took a bite, it wasn't a hard bite, but it was going to leave a mark on it, and then he wrapped my arm around him. After a while, my hand was on his red hair while he fell asleep on me, I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around us.

#postal dude x reader #postal dude #postal dude simp #i need to finish postal 4 #would smash tbh

70 notes · View notes

not-a-good-writer · 2 years

Text

Postal 1 Dude × reader | angst/comfort

A/N: Been really into postal for about a month now and I'm so sad to see how little x reader content there is of this guy. While p1 isn't my favorite dude, he's the only one I feel like I'm able to interprete well. Reader's gender, race, etc is left ambiguous. Reader has an established relationship with dude, but it can be read as either platonic or romantic.

CW: mental illness/paranoia, firearms

You slowly opened your eyes and stirred as your brain awoke. You look around the room you were in; a living room, not yours, but familiar. The heavy blinds made it hard to tell what time it was, but there was some light peaking through them. You looked down to see you were laying on an old couch, with a lanky, ginger man wrapped around you like his life depended on it.

The events of the previous night came flooding back to you. You had not heard from Dude in a few days. You knew he could have episodes of extreme paranoia, which could lead to violent outbursts. You were also the only person he really ever talked to, the only person he felt like he could trust, so you were rightfully very concerned.

You decided to go to his house across the street after not being able to sleep due to your worry. Thankfully you knew where he hid his spare key on the porch, and unlocked the door and carefully stepped inside.

You found him in the corner of his bedroom; his knees were brought up to his face, and he held a loaded gun in his arm. He looked incredibly frightened, but upon realizing it was you, he calmed down a little. He let you take the gun from him and you unloaded it and turned the saftey on, setting it in a safe place before sitting beside him.

The moment you joined him on the floor, he practically tackled you and started sobbing. You held him tight, occasionally petting his hair and whispering gentle affirmations to him. After some time, you two moved to the couch. You suggested watching some TV to try to take his mind off things, but he said that you just being here was enough.

So you stayed the whole night just holding him close and, inevitably, you two fell asleep. His face looked so peacful, it seemed like your presence helped drive away any nightmares too. You'd like to stay here until he wakes up too, but your bones ache from sleeping in an uncomfortable position and you really need to stretch.

You carefully untangle yourself from Dude, and have a nice big strength once your free. You figure you might as well make breakfast for the two of you, since you wanted to stay with him longer and Dude's eating habits mostly consisted of fast food. A home cooked breakfast would do both him, and his wallet, some good.

You make you way to the kitchen and open the fridge. Luckily he has bacon and eggs. You get everything together and get to work.

You had just finished cooking the bacon and set some coffee to brew. You were about to start the eggs when you heard a soft "Y/n? Y/n?!" It was laced with drowsiness, but still concerned. You went back into the living room, "I'm here! I'm still here, Dude." Dude was now sitting up, and he let out a relieved sigh when he heard your response.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that. I was just making us some breakfast." You sat down next to him.

"Breakfast? You really didn't have to do that."

"I know, but I wanted to."

His face softened and he wrapped his arms around you, "Thank you. Not just for breakfast, for everything. Staying the night, putting up with me..." He hugged you tighter and pressed his face into your shoulder. "Of course, Dude. I care about you, and I'll always be here for you."

You two stayed there for a minute before you pulled back, "Let's go finish up breakfast, ok? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty hungry." Dude smiled and followed you into the kitchen. He helped you prepare the rest of breakfast and you two sat at the table eating and talking. He really seemed to be doing much better, and you were glad for that; but there was still one thing on your mind.

"Hey Dude, how come you didn't answer my calls or texts?" he stilled for a moment, almost looking guilty, "I'm not upset, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." You placed your hand on his and squeezed a little. He looked at your joined hands, then to your face, and thought for a moment, before finally speaking:

"Part of it was because I was too out of it to pay attention. The other part was because I didn't want you to see me like that." You listened carefully, keeping your hand on his, "I didn't want to s-scare you. You're the only person that's ever p-put up with me... If I loose you, god, I d-don't know what I'd-"

You gently stopped him by placing a hand on his cheek and turning him to face you, you could see the tears starting to fall from his eyes, "Dude, you're not going to loose me. I'm here for you, forever and always. I wouldn't have stayed with you for this long if I wasn't in it for the long haul." You gently wiped a tear with your thumb, trying to not choke up yourself, "I care about you so, so much. I would never dream of leaving you, especially not because of something you aren't in control of."

You brought him into a hug and couldn't hold back your tears. He followed suit, and you both sat there, holding and wiping away each other's tears.

No matter what happened, you two were gonna get through this. Together.

#postal dude #postal dude x reader #p1 dude #postal 1 dude #postal 1

130 notes · View notes

bucketinyourwalls · 1 year

Text

2!Postal Dude Headcanons <3

Summary:

With this version of 2!Postal Dude consists of a mix of my own projections, random stuff I thought of whenever bored, and just how I generally see him. Based on my first run with him, and a mix of the wiki. Anyone that wants to add these to their own lists feel free! :D

General:

Goofy as hell. Still just as insane as the others, but takes it all less seriously.

Either has a list or small journal he carries on him all the time just filled with one-liners, also carries a pen so he can write down any new ones he thinks of.

Fucking dumbass.

Not the smartest guy around, but also not the dumbest. Decent knowledge with some things.

Sometimes pretends to be a full on moron just to annoy the person, or piss them off depending on if it's someone he likes or hates.

Knowledgeable in some subjects, but only if it’s something he has a genuine interest in.

Random hyperfixation on things. Tries to keep himself focused on one or two things at a time and tries to balance everything out, but always fails.

Favorite aesthetics consist of cyberpunk, post-apocalyptic, feralcore, bastardcore, and post-punk.

Feral bastard.

Bites people. Started out as a joke but was slowly integrated into his life.

Humor’s all over the damn place. Mix of whatever he can find on Tumblr and shows like South Park and Beavis and Butthead.

Has a Tumblr and Twitter account. Both just so he can watch everything unfold and doesn’t bother to post anything.

Following list for Twitter mostly consists of gimmick accounts, some of it wholesome, and others being shit he just decided was funny.

Personality built around others' perception of him, whether people he actually knows or just those on the internet.

Personality changes often, but keeps certain aspects for each one.

Bit of a people pleaser.

Mood is always randomized for each day. One day he could be the most calm and patient man in Paradise, and the next he could go on a massacre.

Mood really depends on his morning. Slight inconveniences do have the potential to fuck it all up if there was a major one before, but not on their own.

Very patient with people when younger, but that patience has slowly degraded over the years.

Would never snap at anyone when younger, maybe a few passive aggressive comments.

But now with the degraded patience, much more prone to snapping at people.

Animal lover. Always making sure Champ gets pets and food before he goes off to do his errands and will do his best to take care of strays.

After the beginning cutscene near the start of the game with him kicking Champ for pissing in front of him felt a fuck ton of guilt for the rest of the day. After he got home made sure to do his best to make it up to Champ through whatever means necessary.

Type of video games that he plays is a healthy mix of horror such as Silent Hill and Resident Evil, indie games like Cult of the Lamb and Hollow Knight, and of course shooter games like DOOM and the Call of Duty series.

For Cult of the Lamb he definitely named the cult after himself. Once tried to mod the game himself to add in or replace the decorations to better fit himself but that never ended up happening.

Just about grew up with horror. During highschool he had a fake ID so he could see the Rated R movies without having to bring an adult with him, or would just sneak in (and get caught).

Holds the DOOM series close to his crack-filled heart, with his favorite being the 1993 DOOM as a mix of nostalgia and everything that could be done. Always discovering new secrets on every playthrough.

Probably plays Call of Duty a bit less than the others, and mostly consists of him playing online and just insulting everyone since it’s fun to see their reactions. Barely pays attention to any of the campaigns.

Bisexual and Pangender <3

Age being 27 during the events of Postal 2 (no clue if he has a canon age so for the time being I’m sticking to that).

Music:

Mostly metal and rock.

Korn, Avenged Sevenfold, Rob Zombie, Dope, Limp Bizkit, Skillet, Seether, Slayer, etc.

Favorite songs with them consisting of: “Y’all Want a Single?” by Korn, “Rollin (Air Raid Vehicle” by Limp Bizkit, and “6 Gun Quota” by Seether.

Also has a few other songs in there that seem much out of place, either because he thought it’d be funny or just from him genuinely enjoying them.

Few examples being the “Bisexual Anthem” by Domo Wilson, “Material Girl” by Saucy Santana, “Masquerade” by siouxxie sixxta, ect.

Sings in the shower, most of the time keeps it quiet but will sing loudly as hell just to drive people crazy.

Cannot be trusted with the aux cord.

God help you if you’re on a road trip and he gets a hold of the cord.

Credits:

Credit for both dividers go to @kawaii-lau, after a bit of scrolling finding some dividers saw that they had some cool stuff, so check them out! <3

#postal #postal 2 #postal dude #running with scissors #rws #postal 2 dude #headcanon #just random shit I thought of instead of thinking of headcanons for Phillip Graves #I know he does say that he doesn't like video games but I'm willing to ignore that <3 #and sorry for this writing being incoherent as hell

58 notes · View notes

renegadefearstreet1966 · 3 months

Text

Chapter Three | RIP

credit to gif owner.

Angelica meets up with Deena as they stand at her locker, glancing at the makeshift memorial on Heather’s locker. Pictures fill the section before Kate strides up behind them.

"You see? It's the witch. Sarah Fier's back."

"Oh, Christ. Not you too." Deena complains.

Kate then drags the two teens away from the locker and enter the girls' bathroom.

“She reaches from beyond the grave to make good men her wicked slaves!” Kate reads the spray painted stalls to her. Her voice hoarse.

To Angelica, Kate's scary voice wasn't convincing since it sounded like a little kid at camp attempting to change their voice to make it sound more creepy.

Simon bursts from the stall in the bathroom, continuing the rhyme.

“She’ll take your blood, she’ll take your head. She’ll follow you till you’re dead.”

“Wow, you guys are dicks.” Deena curses.

“It’s just fun.”

“It’s sick.”

“What? The dude was wearing a Halloween skull mask! How is that not fun?” Simon exclaims.

“People died,” Deena says.

“Heather died,” Angelica added. “I almost died.”

Deena glances at Angelica with a sad and worried look then back at Simon.

“The dude was probably just some sad sack who hated his life, like the rest of us, except he decided, ‘Hey, why don’t I get out of here for good? And, hey, why don’t I take Heather and a couple of mall rats with me?’ There’s no angry dead witch who made him go postal. The only thing that made him go crazy is this town!”

Deena drops her jacket on the floor. Simon leans against the stall as Kate and Angelica rest on the wall.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Seems like… maybe you got a little witch in you.”

Everyone chuckles. A smile forms on Deena’s face.

“Dude, why are you even in here? This is the girls’ bathroom.”

Simon climbs up and retrieves a box that sits in the vent above the stalls. Kates touches up her hair as Angelica does the same. Deena fixes her clothes. Simon stands, holding a box as the three girls notice, turning around.

“You know we don’t believe this witch shit, right?” Kate says. “It’s just, like, fucked-up Santa Claus or something.

Angelica stands, leaning against the wall quietly. She watches as Deena approaches Kate, holding a shoe box up to her.

“What’s this?”

“I need you to give this to Sam tonight.”

“No, uh-uh. Now way.”

“Come on, Kate!” Deena complains.

“No way, Deena. I am not getting mixed up in your ex drama. Do it yourself.”

Deena sets the box down in the sink. “I’m not going to the game. I quit band.”

“Since when?” Angelica asks.

“Since who gives a shit!”

“Was band the only extracurricular you had left?”

Deena stands in her place, shaking her head before picking up her fallen items off the floor and standing up straight.

“You still have your band uniform, right?” Angelica asks.

Kate steps away.

“You just wear this shit one last time,” She finishes, smirking.

Kate grabs the box, facing Deena. “I’ve got something that’ll give you the balls to face Sam.”

She opens the box. Angelica leans over to investigate what's in the box. Inside, a few scattered pill bottles and a shirt sit untouched. Many of the medications seemed full, or half empty.

“What? You’re dealing again? I thought you stopped after this dingus’s brother OD’d.”

“Timothy?” He asks.

“Wh… Uh…. Timmy wasn’t a real OD. He didn’t actually die. They brought him back.” Kate exclaims, grinning.

Simon imitates the pegs of a defibrillator. “Ja-jing!”

“You're both morons.”

“Excuse me. Which one of us is valedictorian, again?” Kate asks. “President of every club this shithole has to offer.”

Soon they finish and the four of them walk out of the girl’s bathroom. Standing outside. Angelica glances over at the three other teens when Kate begins to speak.

“I’m getting out of here. Off to claim my place among the stars, bitch.”

In the distance, a male shouts. “Woo! The witch lives! Long live Sarah Fier!” A boy shouts, running through the hall.

The male rushes by the four teens, startling Angelica as she rolls her eyes in annoyance. The three other’s sheepishly enjoyed the show. Simon shouts happily and Kate smiles at Angelica as she stays silent, startled. Students shout and laugh throughout the halls. Both Deena and Angelica looked pissed beyond words.

Later, Angelica, Deena, and Kate stand in the gymnasium since she is a Shadyside cheerleader along with Kate as Deena was a band geek. The coach clears his throat before speaking as Angelica relives the past events.

“Before tonight's game, out of respect for last night’s tragic events, Sunnyvale will host a candlelight vigil for the victims. All player, cheer, and band attendance is mandatory.” He exclaims.

Many students groan, complaining since the passing of Heather became old news fairly quick. Angelica decided on going anyway since it's mandatory and she wanted to do something out of respect for her friend who murdered last night. She stands beside Kate when they both glare at Deena, who is by far totally annoyed about the upcoming event. She points a finger gun to her temple, then imitates shooting herself.

Angelica, on the other hand, makes her way out of the gymnasium and towards the water fountain, pushing the button and drinking the semi-cold water.

“Angelica,” Kate calls.

Angelica stands up straight as best she can and looks Kate in her eyes. Kate knew something is up.

“Yeah?”

“Are… Are you going to the vigil tonight?”

“Uh, maybe. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, just wondering because you looked so…”

“Upset?”

“Yeah. What’s going on?”

“Well, considering that I’ve known Heather since the beginning of middle school, it's hard hearing that people don't give a shit about her death. I’m going to this vigil to say my final goodbyes to her.”

“Okay. Well, at you care about her. D—don't listen to them. They don't care because this town's been fucked up since the first tragedy. If you're going because of Heather, that's okay. I won't judge. Just try not to let the other students get to you. OK?”

Angelica nods.

——

Walking down the hallway, Angelica catches up to Simon as they enter an empty break room, seated side by side against the wall in the back. Setting the joint between her lips, Simon flicks the lighter. She takes a drag before blowing the smoke out. She hands it over to Simon, who does the same thing.

“Thank you, for this. I needed this.”

“You’re welcome.”

Taking another on the last drag, Angelica rises and puts the joint out in the ashtray that sits on the desk. Coming back, she leans her head against the wall, the overwhelming thoughts of last night's events replay in her mind once again. Angelica wishes that she could've done something different, or wished she died too. But since she survived, the only thing that she can think about is the survivor's guilt she's developed over the hours.

0 notes

ehsanolsen · 1 year

Text

Dating - Classes Learned From Google

And if you're lucky, then maybe one of them will turn out to be your soulmate in this dating quiz! According to Genesis, a man will leave home to marry one woman to become one flesh. He has twelve Grammy Awards to his credit, and all three of his solo albums have charted at number one on Billboard. The former couple have three children together and share parenting duties. Congeniality. Can you name this cringey celeb couple? Can you name this cringey celeb couple? What are the names of this cringey celeb couple? Who are the people in this bizzare celeb couple? נערות ליווי בראשון לציון Or, is it because you're a little picky about who you're going to kiss on a first date? The possibility of making use of TL stored in a mineral or pottery sample was first proposed by chemist Farrington Daniels in the 1950s. During the 1960s and 70s, the Oxford University Research Laboratory for Archaeology and History of Art led in the development of TL as a method of dating archaeological materials. Singles use dating apps to meet other singles, so including a photo of you being lovey-dovey with someone, especially an ex, is not ideal. Thousands of Christian singles are looking for you to contact them.

What kind of relationship are you looking for? But don't tell us if you're single or taken just yet, because we're about to guess your relationship status with this dating quiz. We think it shouldn't be like that anymore, so we're going to set this romantic quiz to "easy" mode for today! Are you tired of tiresome men but aren't sure what the next step in your romantic life should be? One site offers hypnosis downloads -- tailored for men or women -- that boast a calming influence to create the best possible attitude for speed dating. Lol, this dude keeps cropping up with different women. Before he found love with Blake Lively, he was married to Scarlett Johansoon. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber went back and forth for YEARS right up until he married Hailey Baldwin in 2018. So, it's def "off" rn, yes? And what could be easier than saying "yes" or "no" to some cuties?

Think of the effort they have made to tell you things that are important to them and show some interest in what they are saying. Kind of crazy to think about now, but these two dated for seven years. Open your mind and think of all those advances you've endured over the years. Like, a billion years ago (aka 2002), Sandra and Ryan started dating after meeting on the set of "Murder by Numbers." Everyone freaked TF out over their 16-year age difference. In December 2019, Plenty of Fish pushed out a fix for its app after a security researcher found it was leaking information that users had set as private on their profiles, including hidden names and postal codes. A world where people can opt out of data sharing or choose to pay for their social network-choosing security and no adverts while still being able to communicate with friends using different providers. Registered members can search events and even attend them. Wait, I don't know about this. I don't know about it. But you know what?

I like confident guys, but not arrogant guys. But that's probably the hard part, because we've curated a list of the most handsome guys we could find. The fifth find was a medieval silver annular brooch discovered by detectorist Keith Thomas in a field in Penllyn, Vale of Glamorgan. She won an Oscar and found love with Keith Urban! Instead of, “I enjoy Stanley Kubrick films,” say, “The other night I was watching "A Clockwork Orange," and I found myself thinking it would be a lot more fun to watch and discuss it with someone else.” Humor is especially important. Because of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians," we've had a front-row seats to a lot of cringey-AF moments between Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. If we had a nickel for every time we watched "Cruel Intentions," well, we'd have A LOT of nickels. It's hard to fathom, but there was actually a time before everyone had a reality TV show. But he had enough time to be irked by descriptions in profiles that were consciously trying to please everyone. These profiles give you an insight into their belief systems before interaction.

1 note · View note

severeinfluencerpoetry · 2 years

Text

Dating - Classes Learned From Google

And if you're lucky, then maybe one of them will turn out to be your soulmate in this dating quiz! According to Genesis, a man will leave home to marry one woman to become one flesh. He has twelve Grammy Awards to his credit, and all three of his solo albums have charted at number one on Billboard. The former couple have three children together and share parenting duties. Congeniality. Can you name this cringey celeb couple? Can you name this cringey celeb couple? What are the names of this cringey celeb couple? Who are the people in this bizzare celeb couple? Or, is it because you're a little picky about who you're going to kiss on a first date? The possibility of making use of TL stored in a mineral or pottery sample was first proposed by chemist Farrington Daniels in the 1950s. During the 1960s and 70s, the Oxford University Research Laboratory for Archaeology and History of Art led in the development of TL as a method of dating archaeological materials. Singles use dating apps to meet other singles, so including a photo of you being lovey-dovey with someone, especially an ex, is not ideal. Thousands of Christian singles are looking for you to contact them.

Think of the effort they have made to tell you things that are important to them and show some interest in what they are saying. Kind of crazy to think about now, but these two dated for seven years. נערות ליווי בהרצליה Open your mind and think of all those advances you've endured over the years. Like, a billion years ago (aka 2002), Sandra and Ryan started dating after meeting on the set of "Murder by Numbers." Everyone freaked TF out over their 16-year age difference. In December 2019, Plenty of Fish pushed out a fix for its app after a security researcher found it was leaking information that users had set as private on their profiles, including hidden names and postal codes. A world where people can opt out of data sharing or choose to pay for their social network-choosing security and no adverts while still being able to communicate with friends using different providers. Registered members can search events and even attend them. Wait, I don't know about this. I don't know about it. But you know what?

1 note · View note

simplymurdock · 3 years

Text

“How many times do I have to tell you two you can’t just throw each other around!”

summary: simon walks (y/n) to class after meeting up with everyone.

pairing: simon x fem! reader

warnings: cruising, and mentions of overdose and death’s/killings. (if i miss any triggering topics pls let me know and i will fix it asap.)

word count: 1,674

authors note: so this is another fluff simon x reader, is anyone surprised cause i’m not. I’ve said this before but when i first watched fear street i got similar feelings from simon’s character and stu’s character from scream. And since i loved stu’s and tatum's relationship (you know before everyone started diying). I thought why not put my twist on one of my favorite scenes, plus a little freaks and geeks add in cause lindsay owns my heart and soul. but i hope y’all enjoy it !!! <3

(y/n) rearranged a few of her books before changing them out, “Hi Si,” She greeted shutting the locker door smiling up at him. “What? Come on, how’d you know I was here?” He asked defeated he couldn’t scare her.

“Saw your jacket through the tiny slots.” She said, pulling on his sleeve. “Now Kate said she wanted to meet in the girls room.” She grabbed his hand and interlocked their fingers. Sid in front leading them through the crowds of teenagers. Pushing the bathroom door open, dropping her backpack on her side looking at herself in the mirror as Simon checked to make sure it was just them.

“Great, another Shadyside killing and people lose their minds.” She remarked seeing the red spray paint across the stall doors.

“I think all this witchy stuff is kinda fun,”

She turned back to him and raised a brow, “It’s almost like Halloween all year long. We might as well call ourselves Halloween Town!” She said sarcastically.

Turning back to the mirror trying to push down the weird bump that had formed in her ponytail. (y/n) was a cheerleader, but not a great one. She was only doing it because Kate told her to, plus it got her out of gym which she hated.

“Someone’s crabby. Does someone need to cool down?” He said in the stupidly cute baby voice. And before (y/n) could protest he already had his arms wrapped around her waist. Turning her towards the stalls picking her off the ground as she kicked the closet door open. He sat her down pushing up the door as she turned to face him.

She pressed her lips together pushing ups on the tips of her toes to peck his mouth. Both breaking out into a smile. He placed a hand on her cheek about to pull her into a kiss, but she was quicker. Grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him closer, and smashing her lips onto his. But was quickly interrupted by people walking in, “She reaches from beyond the grave, to make good men her wicked slaves.” Kate sung as Simon winked at (y/n) before turning back, popping it out from behind the door, “She’ll take your blood, she’ll take your head, she'll follow you until you're dead.” He finished making Deena jump.

“Boo!” (y/n) scared getting Deena the second time. “Wow,” She started looking around at the three teenagers, “You guys are dicks,”

Kate shrugged her shoulders, “It’s just fun.”

“It’s sick.”

“What? The dude was wearing a Halloween skull mask.” Simon explained, “How is that not fun.”

“People died, Heather died. The dude was probably just some sad sack who hated his life just like the rest of us. Except, he decided, “Hey! Why don’t I get out of here for good.” and, “Hey, why don’t I take Heather and a couple of other mall rats with me?” There’s no angry dead witch who made him go postal, the only thing that made him go crazy was this town!” She ranted as everyone stated quite.

(y/n) was resting her chin on SImons shoulder looking at the girl. “You okay?” She scoffed quietly, “Yeah I’m fine.”

Simon smiled, “Seems like you… maybe got a little witch in you.” Deena scoffed, shaking her head. “Dude, why are you even in here? This is the girls bathroom.”

(y/n) walked under Simon’s arm and joined Kate at the mirror, who was fixing her hair. “Because I am,” She joked looking back at him who smiled, “That, but also…” He trailed off walking back into the stall climbing the toilet opening the vent and pulling out a large white box. “Candy store.”

“You know we don’t actually believe in this witch shit, right?” Kate stated as (y/n) nodded her head. “It’s just like a fucked up santa claus or something,” She finished leaning against the bems in between each stall. “Ho, hom ho,” Simon laughed joining his girlfriend on her other side while Kate leaned against the windows.

Deena looked at Kate trying to hand her a decorative shoe box. “What’s this?” She asked looking at it. “I need you to give this to Sam tonight.”

“Yeah, uh-uh, no way.”

“Come on, Kate.”

“No way Deena. I am not getting mixed up in your ex drama. Do it yourself?”

“(y/n)?”

“Naw-uh. Sorry, but I’m with Kate on this one do it yourself, you need the closer Dee.” She sighed looking down. “I’m not going to the game, I quit band.” Both girls looked at her with raised brows, “Since when?” They asked in unison. “Since who gives a shit!”

“Was band the only extra curricular you had left?” Kate asked as her silences told her everything. The cheerleader walked towards Simon as she spoke. “Well you still have your band uniform, right? Just wear that shit one last time.” She bent down to pick up the white box. “I’ve got something that’ll give you the balls to face Sam.” She opened the box giving Deena and (y/n) a peek inside. “Holy shit,” She said, grabbing a clear tube from the box. “I’ve been looking for this for ages.” She said, smiling widely at the clear tube of lip gloss in her hand.

“What? You’re dealing again? Thought you stopped after this dingus’s brother ODd.” She said in disapprovement.

“Timothy?”

“Wh...uh...Timmy wasn’t a real OD. He didn’t actually die, they brought him back.” Kate said as (y/n) gave Simon a smile squeezing his hand reassuring him that it was okay. He smiled at her before mimicking the defibrillator, still holding onto Sid’s hand, “Ja-jing!”

“Besides, desperate times calls for desperate measures.” She added fixing her cheer skirt.

“You’re all morons.”

“Excuse me? Which one of us is valedictorian, again? President of every club this shithole has to offer.” Kate remarked causing them to laugh as they walked towards the door. “I’m getting out of here along with these assholes, off the claim my place among the stars, bitches.” She finished smiling.

Simon rested his arms on (y/n)’s shoulders resting his chin on the top of her head. Pulling her closer to him and out of the way of a yelling guy dragging the CPR dummy with a rope tied around it’s neck and a knife in its chest. “Woo! Witch lives, long live Sarah Fier.”

“Yeah!” Simon cheered as they all lived. His face changed when seeing the clock, “Uh-oh you’re gunna be late.” He told the girl as he quickly walked in front of her and picked her up over her shoulder before she could say anything.

“See you two lovebirds at the game!” Kate yelled after them.

“Hey, be there or be square Deena!” She yelled back pointing at both of them.

“Hey,” She gasped looking back at the man holding her, who had just lightly hit her butt. So she reached down and hit his only for her face to fall see the very angry principal storming their way. “Uh-oh,”

“Company?”

“Yup,”

“Ms. (l/n) and Mr. Kalivoda, cut that out right this instance!” He yelled at the two. Simon quickly set her down as they both turned around to face him. Simon hooked his arms through hers pinning them behind her. “How many times do I have to tell you two you can’t just throw each other around!” He scolded, “I swear a few killings and everyone loses their minds.”

“It wouldn’t happen again, scouts honor.” He said poorly keeping in his smile.

“Cross my heart and hope to die…opps.” She added as the old man shook his head at the two while walking away.

They broke out into wide smiles as Simon turned around gesturing to her to hop onto his back. She did so fixing her backpack strip and positioning her arms around his neck, careful not to choke him.

He ran through the halls as they both laughed. Rounding the corner and gently dropping her by the open classroom door. Sure they could be cheesy at times but they didn’t care. It was young teenage love and both were equally clingy and energetic enough to do the cliches. Neither really caring what people said about them. Mostly saying their “honeymoon phase” won’t last forever and they’ll have to deal with the harsh reality of relationships. But after three years together they still never left the “honeymoon phase”, but still dealt with the hard relationship stuff. Both knowing that living in Shadyside could bring anything and neither one wanting to go with any regrets.

They smiled at each other, not the normal happy smile that they had one but one full of love and lust for one another. He reached down and kissed the side of her head making them both breaking into a small laugh. Before he turned back to her as they kissed.

“Meet you after class?” He asked after they pulled apart from each other. She nodded her head, biting her lip as she turned to go into her class. Their held hands get separated, each of their fingers losing each of their touch as he watched her walk to her seat before going off to his class.

#fear street part one: 1994 #fear street #fear street part one #fear street part 2: 1978 #fear street x reader #fear street 1994 x reader #fear street josh #fear street sam #fear street deena #fear street kate #fear street simon #simon kalivoda x reader #simon kalivoda #netflix horror #netflix #horror x reader #horror movie #horror #simplymurdock

984 notes · View notes

stannyramirez · 3 years

Text

❝It began as a prank and ended in murder.❞ ❝Fantastic choice! I love this one.❞ ❝It’s trash.❞ ❝Hello, this is _______, we’re closed.❞ ❝My mom used her last paycheck on scratch tickets instead of the gas bill.❞ ❝You are disgusting. And, yes, I don’t want to walk home alone.❞ ❝I didn’t say anything, weirdo.❞ ❝Okay, very funny, asshole. I’m spooked, okay? You win.❞ ❝This isn’t yours, dillweed.❞ ❝Oh, I get it. You building a shrine, or something?❞ ❝You know what? It’s time for school. Get in the car.❞ ❝This internet bullshit is potentially exactly why you have no friends.❞ ❝It’s not bullshit! It’s a community dedicated to the truth!❞ ❝Some guy went crazy and killed a bunch of people at the mall last night.❞ ❝I am telling you calmly: step out of your internet fantasy nerd land and get in the car.❞ ❝You step out of your depressed, I’m gonna die alone land.❞ ❝Stop obsessing about ____.❞ ❝Watch it, nerd.❞ ❝You see? It’s the witch.❞ ❝Oh, Christ. Not you, too.❞ ❝Wow. You guys are dicks.❞ ❝There’s no angry dead witch who made him go postal.❞ ❝The only thing that made him go crazy is this town.❞ ❝Are you okay?❞ ❝Seems like… maybe you got a little witch in you.❞ ❝Dude, why are you even in here? This is the girls’ bathroom.❞ ❝You know we don’t believe this witch shit, right?❞ ❝It’s just like, fucked up Santa Claus, or something.❞ ❝I am not getting mixed up in your ex drama. Do it yourself.❞ ❝Since who gives a shit!❞ ❝I’ve got something that’ll give you the balls to face ____.❞ ❝What? You’re dealing again? I thought you stopped after this Dingus’ brother OD’d.❞ ❝He wasn’t a real OD. He didn’t actually *die*. They brought him back.❞ ❝You’re both morons.❞ ❝Excuse me? Which one of us is Valedictorian, again? And President of every club this shithole has to offer?❞ ❝I’m getting out of here. Off to claim my place among the stars, bitch.❞ ❝Didn’t you quit?❞ ❝This isn’t how I wanted to be here tonight.❞ ❝Yeah, really looks like they give a damn.❞ ❝I didn’t think you were coming.❞ ❝Is this my stuff?❞ ❝It’s easy in times of this to down in questions of ‘why’.❞ ❝I know, too well, there are no answers that will provide reliefeste.❞ ❝There’s no peace found in the past.❞ ❝Can we just talk for a second?❞ ❝You broke up with me! Remember? So stop acting like I’m the bad guy.❞ ❝You made the choice, I just made it official.❞ ❝You just couldn’t wait to start your new fake life with your fake-ass mom!❞ ❝It might as well be the god damn moon, and you know it.❞ ❝I don’t know anything.❞ ❝I know you were always too afraid to tell anyone about us. I know that.❞ ❝And I know that douchebag out there was squeezing your ass.❞ ❝What’s his name? What’s his name, ___? The dude groping you. Touching you.❞ ❝We must not fall into darkness. We must look to the light.❞ ❝What we should do is light a fuse and burn down _____.❞ ❝There’s not much of a future in _____ with a lesbo.❞ ❝Best case is, what? Dead on the mall floor after a double shift, or maybe, if you’re really lucky, you’re the one carrying the knife.❞ ❝I said it ain’t a tragedy when it happens every week.❞ ❝Jesus. You’re doing it again.❞ ❝Welcome to the suck. Shit is doomed.❞ ❝Shit IS doomed!❞ ❝It’s like you want to lose.❞ ❝At least I know who I am.❞ ❝Stop being mad at me for wanting a different future.❞ ❝It’s not your future if you’re pretending to be someone else.❞ ❝Say that again, motherfucker.❞ ❝Come here, you little bitch! Come here!❞ ❝Pieces of shit!❞ ❝They think they can do whatever they want!❞ ❝We are not the reject pile!❞ ❝This shit ends tonight!❞ ❝We’re gonna go kill those preppy assholes!❞ ❝You gotta be kidding me…❞ ❝Where you going, you pussies?❞ ❝Stop! What are you doing?❞ ❝This is definitely a good idea, right?❞ ❝Shit, are you alive?❞ ❝Yeah, I’m alive. Yeah.❞

❝Are you okay? I’m so… I’m sorry.❞ ❝Stay away from her, you bull-dyke freak!❞ ❝It’s me, I’m here.❞ ❝Did you… see?❞ ❝Ok, we should not be down here.❞ ❝Shut up and help me carry her/him/them.❞ ❝We need to leave, like ten minutes ago.❞ ❝Hey! I got this. Chill out.❞ ❝Maybe you were just, um… goofing around? Things got out of hand.❞ ❝Why don’t you just tell me what happened?❞ ❝Sometimes accidents just happen.❞ ❝Suck it, pig.❞ ❝You are all fucking… dead.❞ ❝I’m gonna kill you.❞ ❝You better do it before Dad gets here ‘cause he’s gonna murder you!❞ ❝Please get out of my room.❞ ❝You get out of your room! You’ve been in your bed all day!❞ ❝You won’t stop until you’ve ruined her/his/their life completely, will you?❞ ❝He/she/they is/are fine, don’t call here again.❞ ❝I have priorities, jeez.❞ ❝You’re pathetic!❞ ❝If you finish in an hour, I’ll let you watch My So-Called Life with me.❞ ❝And, uh, do not eat these. These will make your little heart stop, you’ll choke to death on vomit, and everyone will be so, so super sad. Got it?❞ ❝What happened to sorting this? Lights and darks and watch for stray socks.❞ ❝Remind me what’s in it again for me again?❞ ❝Are you still wearing the same clothes from last night?❞ ❝Did you wear that to the grocery store?❞ ❝I had to work a double shift and this was all I had in the car. So, yes, yes I am.❞ ❝That’s disgusting. You’re disgusting.❞ ❝Hey, lady-killer.❞ ❝That prick is screwing with me.❞ ❝He’s creeping around our house in one of those skull masks. It’s fucked.❞ ❝I gotta go. Call you back.❞ ❝Jesus. Put something on.❞ ❝What? Make up your mind, woman!❞ ❝Maybe this isn’t a good idea…❞ ❝Oh, no! I’m so happy to have the company.❞ ❝Are you… you sure everything’s okay?❞ ❝Why would he break in there? I just don’t understand what he was doing.❞ ❝He was acting all shifty and shit.❞ ❝You need to get some groceries, man.❞ ❝He broke into the house! He had a knife!❞ ❝Whoa! With the kids there? That’s whack!❞ ❝That’s fucking right. It *is* whack. Thank you.❞ ❝Hey, you know what? You’re right. Fuck this.❞ ❝You coming or what?❞ ❝Hey, slow down, lover boy.❞ ❝I see you’re still toting around with this moron.❞ ❝She can’t quit me! I’m too pretty.❞ ❝Listen, we need your assistance.❞ ❝You want anything from the machine? I’m starving.❞ ❝What are you doing here?❞ ❝Oh, Jesus. This game?❞ ❝What game? What are you talking about?❞ ❝I’m talking about your dipshit boyfriend.❞ ❝Last night he threatened to kill us, ‘You’re all fucking dead’?❞ ❝That didn’t mean anything.❞ ❝You need to call him right now and tell him to back off.❞ ❝Good news. They’re gonna transfer you out of this shithole tomorrow.❞ ❝Perfect timing, asshole.❞ ❝Yo, ______, cash me.❞ ❝Don’t look at me, dude, I’m broke.❞ ❝He has been with me all night!❞ ❝Stop covering for him! He’s a bad guy!❞ ❝You’re out of control.❞ ❝You put me in the hospital, and now you’re here yelling at me!❞ ❝Stop making excuses. You are total chaos. And you have always been.❞ ❝Don’t blame me when you wake up in ten years just like your dad. Old and drunk and going nowhere.❞ ❝Okay, first, go to hell.❞ ❝You know what? I never want to see you again.❞ ❝Great. Have a nice goddamn life.❞ ❝Where’d you learn how to do this?❞ ❝Did they get back together?❞ ❝Where are the keys? Do you have the keys?❞ ❝I’m telling you, it was him!❞ ❝Yes! That’s what we keep saying!❞ ❝What the hell is wrong with you?❞ ❝Figure this out. I’m gonna go take a leak.❞ ❝Why do you know so much about killers?❞ ❝I know what I saw.❞ ❝You don’t believe us?❞ ❝This was a waste of time.❞ ❝Honey, we are so appreciative of this tip.❞ ❝The killer is still out there!❞ ❝We’ll do our damnedest to catch him.❞ ❝You’re a monster! You’re supposed to protect us!❞ ❝Hey, hey! Young lady/man, do NOT test me!❞ ❝I’m so sorry. I have no idea what came over me.❞ ❝Get out of here! Go find your boyfriend! Tell him you need to relax!❞ ❝Come on! Run!❞ ❝It doesn’t make sense. It’s… it’s not possible…❞ ❝Who the hell was that?❞ ❝The bitch seemed normal!❞ ❝I hate to break it to you, but ‘normal bitches’ don’t bleed black fucking blood!❞ ❝Well, she was hot and normal until she attacked me with a fucking razor blade!❞ ❝Jesus, Rain Man. How the fuck do you know that?❞ ❝That screwed my family up for a long time.❞ ❝It happens here all the time. Normal people turn into psychos.❞ ❝I always liked this sweater.❞ ❝If you get blood on it, I’ll kill you.❞ ❝What’s happening to us?❞ ❝There are people trying to kill us. Dead people, if you believe my weirdo brother.❞ ❝Look, I know I always give you shit for pretending you’re someone you’re not, but it’s not really easy for me to, you know, be like us either.❞ ❝Are you giving me a pass?❞ ❝Fine. I’m not gonna say what I was gonna say.❞ ❝Say it.❞ ❝Maybe you’re right. Maybe shit is doomed.❞ ❝I mean, here we are. We’re together for one night, and dead people are trying to kill us.❞ ❝None of this is random.❞ ❝Do you really believe that?❞ ❝No one actually thinks that this witch shit is real.❞ ❝It’s something babysitters make up to scare kids.❞ ❝No, no! Just listen to me.❞ ❝The witch’s curse is real!❞ ❝Something different is happening to us. Something way worse!❞ ❝I saw the witch.❞ ❝I can’t believe you’re wearing that.❞ ❝Oh, no, no, no. This is bad. This is really bad.❞ ❝Did you hear that?❞ ❝Whatever. Let’s just do it quickly so we can go.❞ ❝I think there’s someone in the woods!❞ ❝That was a bust!❞ ❝Yeah, maybe because it’s not like the movies, okay?❞ ❝It should have worked! It always works…❞ ❝Who gives a shit? It doesn’t matter!❞ ❝Hey, how do I not die?❞ ❝And I’m looking at you, witch nerd.❞ ❝They’re not coming for us. They’re coming for me.❞ ❝He was all sniffy and weird with my shirt, like a perv in a pantie shop.❞ ❝Let’s give these assholes what they want.❞ ❝Alright, we have to decontaminate.❞ ❝Well, not much I can do about that.❞ ❝I don’t want to go in by myself.❞ ❝Holy shit, your shoulder…❞ ❝Okay, well, fine or not, we still need to cover it.❞ ❝Do you really think this is going to work?❞ ❝This is all my fault. I’m sorry.❞ ❝When I left, I ran away from you. Because you were this reminder. I was scared of this. Of us. Of me.❞ ❝Tonight’s been the first time I’ve felt like myself in months. It’s been so long. I forgot what that felt like.❞ ❝You make me feel like me.❞ ❝You’re gonna have to look at me.❞ ❝What if… what if tonight’s it for us?❞ ❝Calm down. It was barely first base.❞ ❝Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait… Did you… *all* go to pound town? Me too.❞ ❝Smile, you son of a bitch.❞ ❝Are you sure you want to do this?❞ ❝See you on the other side.❞ ❝Come back from that, motherfuckers!❞ ❝We’re fucked!❞ ❝No. We are not fucked. She/he/they’re fucked. They’re coming for her/him/them.❞ ❝I’m being reasonable. We can’t run anymore.❞ ❝You’re suggesting killing her.❞ ❝You’d let us all die to protect her/him/them.❞ ❝This is the way. It’s the only way.❞ ❝_____’s gotta go.❞ ❝I don’t want you guys to die for me. I’m going. I’m ending this.❞ ❝We’re letting her/him/them die! We’re killing her/him/them!❞ ❝This is not your fault.❞ ❝What… what… what is going on?❞ ❝You’re not doing this alone.❞ ❝There’s another way.❞ ❝I need some help here!❞ ❝She/he/they survived by dying.❞ ❝She’ll take your blood, she’ll take your head, she’ll follow you until you’re dead.❞ ❝So…. we kill you, and just like this bitch, we bring you back to life.❞ ❝Fuck it. I’m dying tonight one way or the other, let’s try to bring me back.❞ ❝A few months ago, my brother suffered an unfortunate incident in which he ingested too much of a certain substance. He was dead for two minutes. But… we got him back!❞ ❝It’s time for your close-up.❞ ❝You need to take these in order. Pile one takes the edge off, you’re going to feel like you’re being fucked by a unicorn. Pile two is gonna bring your core temp way down. You may feel slightly sick.❞ ❝You gotta take that ‘take five’ or else it’s all gonna go to shit.❞ ❝This is what brings her/him/them back. This is Jesus!❞ ❝Remember half an hour ago when you wanted to murder me?❞ ❝You don’t have to do this. You can leave.❞ ❝Remember when you decided to sacrifice yourself for us?❞ ❝We’re ending this together.❞ ❝Die well, my friend.❞ ❝I’ll run interference up here.❞ ❝Whoa, whoa, no, no. Splitting up is not a good idea at all.❞ ❝Dude, listen to me. I know that this is all fucked, but we gotta do this.❞ ❝He’s/she’s/they’re just probably being nice because we’re probably gonna die.❞ ❝Maybe we’re gonna die, but _____ is not nice. He/she/they see something in you.❞ ❝So, see that in yourself, dude.❞ ❝We would not be this far if it weren’t for you.❞ ❝So, go, man up, and check that exit.❞ ❝What if we fuck up and just kill me?❞ ❝What if you can’t bring me back?❞ ❝Listen to me. When you left, I saw it all. My whole future, my whole life in ____. A night shift, a day shift, and a million empty beer cans, just like my dad. No way out.❞ ❝But tonight, even though we are in hell, I feel like I have another chance with you. And I’m not gonna lose you again.❞ ❝You, and we, are the way out.❞ ❝When this is all over, I am gonna take you on a date. We’re gonna eat cheeseburgers and listen to the Pixie, and makeout and have the best night of our goddamn lives.❞ ❝But, right now, you’ve gotta die.❞ ❝Now, look at me. Look at me, I am going to bring you back.❞ ❝I need to die! I need to die!❞ ❝I’m gonna figure this out!❞ ❝Finish it.❞ ❝Are you doing it right?❞ ❝I don’t think it’s working.❞ ❝It has to work. It has to!❞ ❝Everyone’s dead.❞ ❝I will not let you do this.❞ ❝I fell on some glass.❞ ❝You look like a ghost. Like you just came back from the dead.❞ ❝Shock, I guess.❞ ❝They’re to blame. For everything. That seems to easy for me, but that’s the story this department will go with unless you can help me see it differently.❞ ❝An underprivileged overachiever with bright prospects, succumbing to the quick cash of drugs. Fits the narrative, right? Nice and neat.❞ ❝You came here for my help. I should have listened to you, I’m sorry. I’m listening now.❞ ❝But there is nothing else to say.❞ ❝Do you really want your friends going down for this?❞ ❝Oh, so I’m a bad guy because I’m in here? Well, that makes you a bad guy, too.❞ ❝Anything comes to you, call me.❞ ❝Prodigal son returns…❞ ❝Man, you ain’t my family.❞ ❝I, uh, I wanted to give you this the other day.❞ ❝A mixtape?❞ ❝You don’t have to open it right now.❞ ❝You… ordered dinner?❞ ❝I mean, it’s not a big deal, it’s just some pizza.❞ ❝Ah! Stop! Don’t be weird.❞ ❝Alright, listen asshole, don’t call here --.❞ ❝You’re still alive!❞ ❝Did you touch the bones? Did you see her face?❞ ❝It’s not over. It’s never over.❞ ❝We ended it. We stopped the killers.❞ ❝But you haven’t stopped her. You can’t. She makes the rules.❞ ❝She’ll do whatever it takes. You’re not safe. She’ll find a way. She’ll come for you.❞ ❝_______’s not feeling like herself/himself/themself.❞ ❝We have to get her/him/them back.❞ ❝I’m going to get you back.❞

#meme #sentence meme #fear street #fear street: 1994 #rp meme #inbox meme #ask meme #vvitchy #film #netflix

51 notes · View notes

strawbrygashez · 1 year

Text

OC (kinda??) x Postal 2 Dude

Photos (Part 1)

SOO I really like this one official piece of Postal art work & I decided to make some Yaoi based off dude & this random guy 😎 so he’s not really a oc but he has no canon personality or name or anything to my knowledge so yeah!!! Tw ig for g0re mentions. I named him Sam!!!! :3 uhhH let me know if u guys want a part two! Sorry for any mistakes 🫡

————————————————————————

“Ah- Shit Dude I told you not to pull so hard.” The blonde grumbled from below Dude, his hand that held onto Dudes arm, tightening in grip. Dude let out a almost sadistic chuckle before loosing his grip on Sams hair. “Well sorry for trying to make your damn pictures look more realistic.” He teased before making some kinda motion similar to ruffling the blondes hair apologetically. However, it only made Sam huff before getting up off the ground and walk over to behind the camera. Dude only watched him for a moment before rolling his eyes and then starring down at the fake blood that drenched his own clothes.

In reality, there was so many different ways Dude could help Sam get more realistic imagery. He could have really roughed Sam up, brought over real blood and gory bits, strike real fear into Sams heart, and really beat the blondes jaw in, but he supposed there was no point in any of that. The photoshoot was to show of Sams skills in special effect makeup for his silly little website he had in hopes that someone, somewhere in the film industry would reach out to him about working on something together. The photos weren’t being took to showcase actual real pain.

He also supposed his fondness of Sam was the main reason he didn’t wanna do anything too crazy and genuinely terrify him. This was his one only genuine good friend he’d had in ages (besides Champ of course). So he had to repress whatever urges sneaked up into his missed up little mind to the best of his abilities unless he wanted to go back to feeling utterly alone in this shitty town again.

Dude was brought out of his thoughts once Sam let out a impressed whistle after a while of the sound of him clicking around to look at each picture. He even has a slight little grin which was rare coming from him. The man usually had a empty, emotionless resting bitch face which fit for him pretty well as a person. Sam was a huge horror nerd, darkly inclined, and loved the paranormal and real true crime stories. The only thing about him that didn’t quite fit that kinda stereotypical person was instead of a mass of messy dark long hair, he had platinum blonde hair and light blue eyes, which Dude made it a point to pick on him for, at least once or twice a week.

“What?” Dude asked as he wiped some of the fake blood off his hand and onto his already ruined shirt. Sam motioned for him to come over behind the camera before making room for him to look at it himself. Once Dude came over, he had to squint at the small picture to see it clearly. It was.. a cool picture he guessed but he wasn’t exactly sure what was so impressive about it. Sam took notice of Dudes confused expression and huffed yet again before pointing to Dudes face in the photo. “Look man! That’s pure insanity on your face right there. You look so fucking cool.” Before moving his finger and yet again examining the picture.

Dude wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about that comment…He definitely wasn’t offended or really anything like that but honestly he didn’t try to put that much energy into the ‘crazed’ look Sam had wanted from him yet. But well…whatever. He knew he just naturally seemed to scare people anyways and if that helped Sam out, then who gives a shit?

“Mm..Guessed ya picked the right type of guy for this project, huh? I know you wouldn’t want my ugly face in your pictures just for no reason.” Dude joked as he reached into his trench coat pocket for his sunglasses. The lighting in the room was killing his eyes, who turns their living room into a makeshift studio of sorts anyways?

Sam glanced up from the camera and back to him, his black expression coming back. “You’re not ugly, Dude. I picked you because you get my vision, you got cool style, and well.. I don’t know anyone around who wouldn’t be a big baby about doing this kinda stuff.”

“So you only picked me because everyone else thinks you’re weird? That’s-”

“Exactly the same boat you’re in?” Sam finished the sentence before yet again, facing back towards the camera. Dude stood still for a moment in silence before biting his bottom lip and faking a karate chop awfully close next to Sams neck, which only caused him to flinch slightly. “mm- You’re soo lucky I like you Sammy.” Dude threatened jokingly with a grin before he stood up right again. “Mhm. Anyways, I think I got some really good pictures I’ll definitely use. So go shower.”

Dude raised a eyebrow. “Huh?”

Turning off the camera for right now, Sam wiped his ‘bloody’ hands across his jeans while looking at Dude. “Put your clothes in the washer and go shower. I’m taking you to dinner.” He clarified, matter-of-factly. Again, Dude just dumbly stood there confused. “I uh- That wasn’t part of the deal. You only said you were going to pay me and-”

“Yeah? I still am but I also wanna take you to dinner.”

Dude still couldn’t really process what was going on. Sure it wasn’t anything crazy but he was making it sound like a-. Dude let out a chuckle at that thought. “You’re making it sound like a date or something Sam.” Dude said, grinning at the ‘bizarre’ idea. But Sam only shrugged. “So? Whatever.”

They both stood there, both secretly thankful for the fake blood and whatever else covering the slight redness coming to their faces. “Eh- uhm. I didn’t bring extra clothes.” Though Dude knew he was supposed to sleep over, he hadn’t really came prepared like it was a ‘sleepover’. He’d spent too much time trying to come up with a lie to tell his wife about why he’d need to be gone overnight and in turn, forgot to pack.

“That’s fine. You can borrow some clothes. I don’t think we wear sizes too different.” Sam replied. ‘Sharing clothes? Damn now things are getting even gayer.’ Dude thought to himself. The thoughts and feelings coming to Dude made him feel slightly sick, especially because it was mixed with another feeling that he didn’t know how to quite describe or wanna admit to for some reason. But.. it wasn’t a particularly bad feeling. “I uh.. Don’t you want the bathroom to yourself? You’re the one with that liquid latex on for the bloody chin thing you got goin’ on..”

“I can just clean myself off in the kitchen sink. Plus, no offense Dude but you needed to shower before I even added the fake blood on you.” He said, with of course a twitch of a smile showing. Dude frowned a tad. “Oh wow. Thanks. That’s really-” but before he could get his sentence out Sam picked up a near by rag and told him to just hurry up before heading to the kitchen. Leaving Dude to let out a sigh. Seems like there’s no way out of this.. and why didn’t Sam deny the accusation that it was a date? That question made Dudes face feel slightly warm again to Dudes dismay. Well whatever. At least it seemed like he was going to get a free meal out of all of this if nothing else.

Sucking it up for now, he finally decided to make his way toward the washer and dryer as he took in his surroundings. The home was filled with Halloween and horror decor that Dude was sure stayed up all year round. The place was just basically a big mancave which he couldn’t help but be slightly jealous of. He wouldn’t hear the end of it from his wife if he wanted to put up stuff similar to what Sam did in their trailer.

Oh yeah.. his wife. Hopefully she wouldn’t spot them out together. But he was doubtful of that happening. The bitch would never run a errand herself. Plus he could come up with some story on the spot if really needed.

#postal dude #postal 2 #postal dude fanfic

49 notes · View notes

starryknight09 · 3 years

Text

Six feet under

Febuwhump Day 9: buried alive

Read on AO3.

________________________________________________________

“This will teach you to stick your nose in other people’s business.” The boss guy, Marco or Bob or Josh or whatever his name was, said.

Peter rolled his eyes even though they couldn’t see it through his mask. He tugged again at the cuffs holding his wrists together behind his back, but no dice. They must be made out of vibranium or something, which meant this guy had spent a pretty penny to catch him. Peter almost felt flattered. After all, he’d only spent the last couple weeks busting all the guy’s dealers and cleaning up the drug ring that he’d tried to set up in Queens.

“Put him in.” The boss guy commanded.

The two lackeys holding onto each of his arms pushed him forward until they reached the open coffin dangling by pulleys over a dug out grave. Well this looked fun. The men at his sides lifted him up and slammed him into it with a coordination he didn’t think they’d possess.

“Hey!” He protested but the lid snapped shut before he even had a chance to attempt escape. He pushed against the cover with his feet but it didn’t budge. Was this thing lined with vibranium too? That could be problematic. A second later he felt himself falling before his back slammed into the coffin again, presumably having landed at the bottom of the six foot hole dug out under it. Ouch. That had kind of hurt his wrists, which were still trapped behind him by the stupid handcuffs.

“Hey Karen?” He didn’t know why he whispered. There was no way the goons could hear him. But somehow being stuck in a casket made him feel like he owed it some kind of reverence.

“Yes Peter?”

“Uh night vision please.”

His mask switched to the view filter as requested, but it didn’t help. No secret hidden trap doors made themselves known. Not that he’d expected them to. No, now he could just see where the bad guys thought he’d spend his final moments of life. The thudding of dirt hitting the coffin lid made his heart rate increase. He was literally getting buried alive right now. Yep. This situation was definitely not ideal.

“You appear to be in an undesirable position.” Karen said, completely understating it. “Would you like me to call Mr. Stark?”

“Um…” He kicked his feet up against the lid as hard as he could. Over and over. After a handful of times, not so much as a splinter appeared. He knew he probably should be panicking right about now, but he wasn’t because he still had his suit. The bad guys hadn’t even considered that he’d be able to call for help. So, all in all, this was just a minor inconvenience.

“Yeah.” He agreed with a sigh. “Call him.”

“Hey Pete what’s up?” Tony answered on the second ring and the tension that had been building up in his chest unfurled. “Madame Secretary was just asking if you were still planning on coming up for the weekend. You are, right?”

“Ok, so don’t freak out.” He started, not quite sure how to explain his dilemma without Tony going postal.

“You saying that is making me freak out.” Tony replied, voice tense. “What’s going on?”

“Ok so I might be in a bit of a situation.” The rain of dirt thudding above him had slowed. He wondered if they were using some kind of equipment because shoveling by hand definitely would’ve taken a lot longer.

“Uh huh. What kind of situation? Start using your words kid.”

“Ok, first, I just want to let you know that I’m ok. I’m perfectly fine. So when I tell you, don’t go flying off the handle.”

“You’re really not making me feel any better.” Tony interrupted.

“I’m, um, kind of stuck.”

“That’s not an explanation. Start explaining.” Tony said, and Peter could tell he was in the suit now because of the almost imperceptible tinniness of his voice.

“I’m sort of…” He winced before just ripping off the bandaid. “Buried.”

The heavy silence almost weighted him down more than the pounds of dirt on top of him.

“I’m sorry. I think I must’ve misheard you. You’re what now?” Peter could tell he was freaking out.

“I’m buried. As in underground? Pushing daisies? Six feet under? I don’t know how I can make it any clearer.” Peter explained, trying to keep a lightness to his tone.

“The attitude isn’t cute.” Tony snapped and a few seconds later Peter heard him release a long calming breath.

“Seriously Tony I’m ok. Just…I can’t get out of this by myself.”

“You promise? You’re not in any danger of asphyxiating?”

“Um, not imminently.” He answered. For a chemistry class project last year, he and Ned had figured out the amount of time a human could actually survive buried in a coffin, which had seemed a little morbid at the time, but now was turning out to be quite useful. He knew he had at least a few hours before things would start to get dire, so he didn’t have to panic, because he had every confidence that Tony would have him out by then.

“You’re really not helping out my stress levels here kid.” Tony complained.

“Sorry.”

“Just hang in there. I’m tracking your suit. I’m twenty minutes away.” Tony said, then asked in a panic, “You’re in your suit right?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok good.” He heard Tony take another deep breath. “So how did you manage to get yourself in this situation?”

“I’ve been working on busting up a drug ring in Queens the past couple weeks and apparently I really really pissed off the head honcho dude.” He explained, trying to roll into a more comfortable position, so not all his weight was on his wrists. His hands were starting to tingle.

Tony snorted. “So this guy decided to…bury you?”

“Yeah he even put me in a coffin. I think maybe he was trying to be poetic? But I don’t know. Seems like a waste of money. Like, aren’t coffins really expensive?”

Silence met his question.

“Um Tony? Are you still there? You didn’t fly into a power line or something, did you?” He tried not to sound scared, but if something happened to Tony, he was dead. Literally.

“I’m here.” Tony said, but he didn’t sound quite right.

“Are you ok?” He asked. Tony always used to joke about having a weak heart but after he’d barely survived the snap it’d actually become true.

“Am I ok? You’re the one literally stuck in a coffin underground and you’re asking me if I’m ok?” Tony’s voice got more high pitched.

“Um yeah.”

“I’ll be ok when I get you out. How does that sound?”

“Ok.” He mumbled, feeling appropriately chastised.

“Just do me a favor.” Tony requested. “Keep talking to me.”

Peter smiled. That he could do.

“Just no more talk about being buried, underground, or coffins. All right?” Tony added.

“Sure. No problem. So last week at practice, guess what Flash did…”

“You’re making that up. Morgan did not say that.” Peter laughed.

“Yes she did! I swear! If you don’t believe me, ask her.” Tony said.

“Don’t think I won’t.”

“Oh, I know you will.”

Peter made a mental note to do just that.

“I’m here kid.” Tony said, much more solemn than a second earlier.

“Oh thank god.” He said with a desperate exhale. “Because I have to tell you I’ve been trying really hard not to think about it, but it’s starting to get hard not to think about it.”

“I know.”

“Are any of the goons here?” He asked, curious, because if there were, that would be the last mistake any of them would ever make. Tony wasn’t someone you wanted to cross.

“Goons? Who uses that word?”

“I do. I like it.”

“You sound like some 1960’s mobster, but to answer your question, no, none of them are here. Looks like they hightailed it out of here after burying you.” Peter could tell he was disappointed. No doubt Tony wanted to exact his revenge.

“So…what’s the sitch? How long until you can get me out of here?” He tapped his foot anxiously against the end of the coffin.

“The sitch? Seriously kid, what kind of movies have you been watching lately?” Tony joked, which must be good news, because if he was capable of joking around then his situation must not be too dire.

“Good ones.”

“I’m afraid I don’t believe you. I’m going to need a chronological list.”

Peter rolled his eyes but the next second he got distracted by a humming scraping noise. “Hey! I hear something. What is that?”

“I’m digging you out. Hopefully it won’t take too long. Just sit tight.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” He joked.

“What’d I say about being cute?”

“Um, don’t do it?”

“Oh, so you do hear me when I talk. You just don’t listen.” Tony said, but there was no bite to it. Peter could tell he was still stressed, so instead of continuing the banter, he stayed quiet and waited patiently to be freed.

He had no idea how much time had passed but eventually he had the sensation of being lifted and placed back on solid ground. A couple seconds passed and he heard Tony grunt and swear.

“Um, I think they might’ve used vibranium on the coffin. I couldn’t kick through it.” He warned, figuring Tony had tried to open the lid and failed.

“Forgot to mention that little detail, huh?”

“Oops.” Peter smiled. “You didn’t throw your back out did you old man?”

“Here I am saving you and all I’m getting is sass and more sass.” Tony mock complained.

“You can still get me out right?” The nerves hit him again. Wasn’t vibranium impossible to damage? Isn’t that why it’d been used to make Cap’s shield. What if he was still stuck in here and he was going to suffocate and—

“Relax Pete. I’ll get you out.” Tony reassured him. “Contrary to popular belief, vibranium’s not indestructible. You just need a high enough and concentrated enough heat source. And some time.”

“Like a laser?”

“Exactly like a laser.” Tony said and Peter didn’t think he was imaging the pride in his voice.

“Do you have one on the suit?”

“Of course.”

Thank god.

“Hang in there. This might take a little time.”

Peter tried to stay patient, but the closer he got to his release, the more difficult it was to wait. He just wanted out. At least he could follow Tony’s progress. The seal around the coffin lid glowed visibly as Tony lasered away at it. Tony hadn’t been kidding about the time comment. It had to have been close to forty five minutes before the laser finally made it all the way around.

Before the glow from the last bit of lasering had faded, Tony ripped the cover off. Peter squinted from the light, but he could make out Ironman standing over him. The helmet nanobots retracted and Peter gave Tony’s pale face a wide smile. He didn’t get a chance to say anything before Tony grabbed his upper arms and yanked him up and out of the coffin, pulling the mask off his face the second he’d set him on his feet.

Peter smiled. “Oh thank you. That’s so much better. Except…ooo ow!”

“What? What’s wrong?” Tony asked, looking over him frantically for some kind of hidden injury.

“Nothing. Just I was lying on my hands and they fell asleep and now, oh, ow, the feeling’s coming back and they’re all tingly. Ow ow ow.”

Tony let out an audible sigh of relief. “So you’re good?”

“Besides still being handcuffed?” Peter complained at the cuffs still around his wrists. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Tony rolled his eyes but gripped his shoulders and spun him around. “Hold on. I’ll get you free.”

A minute later, his wrists sprang free and he winced, the movement irritating the tingling. Regaining sensation was slightly overrated. He glanced down at them, noticing Tony had left the thick cuffs on but had sliced through the chain that connected them.

“There.” Tony declared and twirled him back around. “You good?”

He nodded.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“In that case…” Tony pulled him into a relieved hug.

Peter hugged him back, squeezing tightly, not needing to worry about controlling his strength since Tony was still in his suit, although hugging the suit wasn’t quite as comforting as hugging the real thing. He kind of wanted to ask Tony to get out of it, but he didn’t want to act like a scared little kid.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled once the normal appropriate amount of time to hug had come and gone. Clearly this had bothered Tony more than he’d let on.

Tony kissed the side of his head and finally released him, but Peter could still see the remnants of tension on his face.

“You scared me kid.” Tony admitted.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He hung his head.

“Let’s just agree this was a one and done.”

“Agreed.” Peter nodded. “I have no plan to end up in a coffin anytime soon.”

“Good. You better not.” Tony said like a stern warning but the hint of fear in his eyes belied it.

“Can we go home now?” He asked, exhaustion hitting him hard as the adrenaline faded.

Tony nodded. “I’ve made the executive decision that we’re moving your weekend visit up by two days.”

Peter let out an amused exhale. “Ok, but when we get back, can you get these things off me?” He held his arms up to show the cuffs still dangling around his wrists.

“I don’t know.” Tony said, the nanotech re-forming the mask around his face. “I think I might leave them on for a day or so as your punishment for getting yourself in this situation and practically scaring me to death.”

“Tony.” He whined in protest. He didn’t think the man was actually serious, but you could never be too sure.

“Or if you want, we can discuss a more suitable punishment.” Tony said, the Ironman armor making his voice sound more serious and intimidating. At this point, though, Peter knew Tony wasn’t completely kidding. Some kind of consequence awaited him. Probably not the cuffs staying on, but something.

“Hm that coffin’s looking better and better.” He joked, pretending to look at it longingly.

“Not funny.” Tony said sternly in what Morgan had coined his ‘dad voice’ before grabbing him around the waist and blasting off into the air.

“Hey can we stop for ice cream on the way? I feel like getting buried alive in a coffin is kind of an ice cream situation.” He said, loud enough so Tony would hear him over the wind.

“No. No ice cream. God, you and Morgan are the reason I have so many grey hairs.”

“I thought that was from old age.”

“You’re really scoring lots of points today Pete.”

Peter grinned. “Are you sure we can’t get ice cream?”

“No!”

“So you’re not sure?”

“No. No ice cream!”

Later that night, after Tony had gotten the cuffs off him, and they’d had some time to emotionally recover, Peter ate his bowl of chocolate cookie dough ice cream while he watched Moana, sandwiched between Morgan and Tony.

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhump #irondad

23 notes · View notes