#We weren't allowed to watch Christmas movies growing up

[becca-e-barnes]

As a romantic, sentimental shit, I decided to add a little spin off to the Moving In series.

While I'm not a huge fan of Christmas, Christmas Eve always felt really special to me. Christmas Eve traditions in our family have changed a lot over the years but I'm really excited to start my own! I've been trying to imagine what my perfect Christmas Eve would be like next year and it'd be pretty damn close to this.

If you celebrate it, have a lovely Christmas tomorrow! If you don't, I hope you have a wonderful day!

There's no way to keep the cat off the twinkling fairy lights on the tree. You've tried every trick the internet could offer but nothing stops her; except her own sleepiness.

After a long afternoon fighting the lights (and losing), she's curled up in the armchair, peacefully sleeping.

The tree is safe.

For now.

"Your fluffy murderer is asleep." Bucky hums contentedly, pulling you impossibly closer to him on the sofa.

"Good." It's about time. Even the TV playing Olaf's Frozen Adventure doesn't seem to be disturbing her and she loves that movie.

You're surprised the heat hasn't knocked Bucky out yet. Between your body heat, the matching pyjamas you're both wearing and the glowing embers of the fire, you're surprised he's not asleep too.

"What's Santa bringing tomorrow?" Bucky teases, running his hand from your hip to your waist, slipping his hand under you top and letting it rest there.

"I don't know! Hopefully the stand mixer I asked for... Maybe some baking supplies... Some cat treats maybe." You smile at the thought and feel Bucky laughing against your back.

"That cat of yours has not made it onto the Nice List, sweetheart. No chance. Santa won't be visiting her." His lips are curled into a smile as they drift from your collar, up the back of your neck.

"She's been good the rest of the year. She's only been naughty since I put the tree up." You feel like you have to protest on her behalf, even though you know Santa will be bringing her plenty of cat treats.

"So there's hope for you too then if that's how Santa works. If he excuses short bursts of naughtiness, you might still make it." His hand trails its way back to your hip, slipping just under the waistband of your pyjama shorts.

"I've been good this year and you know it!" You tease, pressing your ass back against him.

"Oh see no, this is naughty." Bucky corrects you, kissing your neck with a little more pressure.

"I don't think so. You seem to like it so this is me being nice." You wiggle your ass against the front of his pyjamas, enjoying the evidence of his interest.

"Don't argue sweetheart, that'll put you firmly on the Naughty List." He knows you hate reasoning like that.

"Well, if you've been so good this year, what's Santa bringing you?"

There's a short pause but the kissing over your neck doesn't stop.

"I don't know... I don't need anything." He didn't ask you for anything for that same reason. "I have everything I need here."

"That's gross. Grow up." You know he can't see the way that made you smile so you're free to affectionately bully him for saying it.

"You're so right." He laughs, somehow shuffling even closer to you.

"I'm sure if I got down on my hands and knees in front of the tree and looked right in at the back, I could find a gift with your name on it." You go back to rubbing your ass against his crotch, tempting him to escalate.

"Sweetheart, that view alone would be enough of a gift." He's got a special way of making you feel like a temptation, without ever objectifying you. God, he's wonderful. "But I want to see that pretty face. I want to lay you down under your tree and unwrap my gift properly."

"Unwrapping your gift early will put you on the Naughty List!" You try to feign disgust at the very suggestion but really, that's all you want.

"Then I'll be the happiest man on the damn Naughty List this year." He laughs, scooping you up and laying you down on the plush carpet.

"You're more of a terror than the cat." You giggle before his lips are pressed to yours, kissing you with an intensity you really quite enjoy. His tongue slips past your lips, rubbing against your own and it's almost dizzying to start so intensely.

Your fingertips dig into his broad, muscular back and shoulders. It's easy to let need cloud your brain and he doesn't seem to mind as he sheds his pyjama top.

"We aren't matching anymore." You smile, reaching for the bottom of your own top, pulling it off in one swift motion.

"Excuse me. You're unwrapping my present for me." Bucky pretends to be horrified but your decision has its perks. He's now got full access to your breasts and it's like Christmas came early for him.

He wastes no time, sucking and kissing and licking your breasts. His tongue flicks over your stiff nipples, enjoying the way the sensation makes you squeal and writhe under his mouth.

"Bucky... Please." You whine after a while, desperate for him to move on.

"Someone's needy." Bucky smiles, raising an eyebrow before he reaches down to remove the bottom half of your pyjama set.

Fuck, he's not wrong. His fingertips trail against your sex, checking to see whether you're as aroused as you sound and he's almost surprised to find you are.

"God, you're so wet. I'm going to make this pretty little pussy gush for me." He slips a thick finger into you, followed by a second and he's thrilled to realise you'll be able to take him already. He can take the edge off for you now and then take his sweet time licking his own load out of your fluttering cunt once he's given you what you need.

"Please." You whimper, noticing he's offered you nothing awfully useful. He hasn't curled his fingers to stroke your walls, he hasn't moved at all actually.

"I wanted to take my time with you." Bucky begins, removing his fingers and taking off his pyjama bottoms. "But that's not what you want right now, is it?"

You shake your head, giving in to your own desperation freely, knowing he'd want you to be honest.

"That's okay, sweetheart. Let's take good care of you." The residual heat of the fire warms your bare skin as Bucky arranges your thighs, settling himself between your legs.

"Good girl." Bucky hums, dragging his thick, bare cock through the evidence of your arousal, coating himself in the slick mess between your legs. "So pretty for me."

He watches the way your body accommodates him so willingly and your whines remind him not to keep you waiting.

His thick, leaking tip presses to your entrance and the feeling of him sliding into you is breathtaking. It always is.

Both of you stop breathing for a few short seconds until he's slid the whole way home, buried as deep inside you as your bodies will allow.

"Hey, look at me." Bucky whispers, holding the side of your face gently with one hand, making you realise you'd closed your eyes.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" He begins to pull back slowly before pressing back in, setting a slow rhythm.

If feels wrong not to tell him the same. It's wrong not to tell him how wonderful you think he is. It's not fair to let the moment pass without mentioning that you love getting to do this with him and be vulnerable but still feel safe. You love having him in your space and spending time together and getting to enjoy these tender, intimate moments at the most random of times. But those aren't thoughts for now. Those are thoughts for when you're both fully satisfied and cuddling together, breathless and tired and entirely aglow on this same carpet later this evening.

That feels right.

"You are the most incredible man I've ever met." You reply instead, tugging gently on his soft, dark hair to pull him into a kiss.

You hear him groan against your lips, offering the same intensity as before. He speeds up his thrusts to match his mouth, sliding in and out of you with purpose and a delightful need to spill his release into you as he's coaxing yours from you.

"Play with yourself." His instruction is clear and driven by his own need. He needs to feel you cum before he can allow himself to do the same and his orgasm really seems to have snuck up on him.

Your hand slips between your bodies with a practiced ease, finding the little bundle of nerves between your legs, rubbing it in tight circles.

"Good girl. Fuck, I wish you knew how you feel. So wet and soft and warm." He hasn't taken his eyes off your face and that only lets you see how pleasure is evident all over his. He's almost overwhelmed and it's so lovely to watch.

"Fuck, I'm so close." You whine, begging him not to change a single thing. Not his pace, not his angle, nothing. This is perfect.

"Cum for me, sweetheart. Go ahead, I'm right behind you. I've got you."

The release is all consuming for a good few seconds, your body fluttering and twitching, milking Bucky's from him and he so willingly gives it to you. He groans gentle praises as he works both of you through your highs, taking every ounce of pleasure he can get from you while giving you as much as possible.

When your peak and his have both subsided, he slips out of you, giving himself a second to catch his breath.

"If you weren't on the Naughty List before, you definitely are now." You giggle, kissing his forehead repeatedly.

"I'm just getting started." He smiles, kissing your lips before moving down your body to kiss between your thighs.

#Bucky Barnes x reader smut #Bucky Barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #becca writes spice #Olaf's Frozen Adventure is a top tier Christmas movie and I will hear NO SLANDER #We weren't allowed to watch Christmas movies growing up #so I might watch the Grinch for the first time tonight #I sat for hours last night and did a lovely set of Christmas nails #with little handpainted intricate snowflakes #and I'll have to take the nails off on Wednesday morning to go work in the coffee shop :( #I did ask Santa for a stand mixer so cross your fingers for me

[fantasyiswaybetterthanreality]

My Experience with Lego Friends

So way back in 2011, when I was but a wee 8ish year old, my mother and I were walking through the Walmart toy aisle. We moved through the girls section and saw this:

And my mom screamed. No Joke. An employee came over to ask what was wrong and she yelled. "There's Lego's for girls!!!"

That was my first introduction to the franchise/Lego theme. Now I was just as excited as her. Before Friends, I only had one Lego set that Mom had to search extensively for because there weren't really any proper sets for little girls.

So she bought me Lego Friends.

And more Friends.

As a budding Lego lover, I built them. I watched the corresponding TV shows on Netflix. I talked about them with my friends. I received a bunch of sets on my Birthday and Christmas.

A few years later, Lego started to release Disney Princess sets and Lego Elves. While I never got into Elves while they were released (something I regret now that I'm older), I watched the mini movie and series that were released on Netflix.

And then in 2018, Lego rebranded Friends for the first time.

Originally in 2012, Lego Friends advertised a young group of highschool girls and their subsequent adventures in their hometown of HeartLake City. This is what the lineup looked like:

(From Left to right: Emma, Stephanie, Olivia, Andrea, & Mia

Four white girls and one African American, and an extremely light skinned one.

And the "new" line-up in 2018:

(From Left to Right: Andrea, Mia, Emma, Stephanie, & Olivia)

One Asian, one one Hispanic, one African American (dark-skinned not light), and two whites.

Now my 12 year old brain was mad about the changes, especially since American Girl (another toy brand I loved) had rebranded one of there lines and honestly, butchered the best parts about the line.

But after someone told me it was wonderful that they were being more inclusive, and after I looked at some of the sets, I came around.

So I continued to collect the sets. I watched the corresponding show on Netflix.

Then January 2023 rolls up, I innocently stroll down the toy aisle at target and see

"What the hell is this? What's wrong with the logo?" (<- Actual thought from my brain)

After a quick scope around the Friends section, I figure out it's another rebrand. Now, I'm on the fence, holding out judgement.

A few months pass, I see a few new Lego models. A boy in a wheelchair, a girl with half an arm, a girl with Vitiligo. I'm starting to feel hopeful about the rebrand.

However, the core 5 girl squad don't seem to appear as much. So finally, I turn to google like a normal person. And find out that they got rid of the core 5 girl squad and that there's a "New Generation of Friends".

...

Yeah, that ticked me off. The girl squad was my favorite part of the Friends brand.

So after finding this out, I go on a mini-boycott, because apparently, I am still a petulant child when it comes to Legos.

And then around September, I tread into the Lego section of a store for the first time in a while.

And spot a set that has the cutest animal in it. The familiar longing itch to buy a new set returns. My mom approaches me, and we start talking about the rebranded sets. She points out a couple sets with cool architecture.

And I let myself enjoy window shopping for Legos again.

Fast forward to Christmas, I get a set titled HeartLake City Community Center. I haven't built it yet, but I'm looking at the box \/,

Wait a minute, who's that in the corner? Is that who I think it is?

IT IS!!!!!! IT'S STEPHANIE!!!!! AND SHE'S THE MAYOR. HAJKSHJKDHKJLSAS

So I make a red string/conspiracy board theory, that this 2nd rebrand of Legos is *literally* the next generation of Friends. Like, the core 5 grew up and these are all the new kids that live in the city.

I bring this up to my parents, and Mom's thinks it's an awesome theory since it's been a decade. The girls should be allowed to grow up and have adult lives.

I don't think much more about it until I'm browsing the Lego store this afternoon for Lego Monkie Kid Sets, and come across a new set titled Andrea's Modern Mansion. Of course I click on it.

(All following pictures are screenshots from the Lego website)

Front ^ and back \/

Wait, what's that in the middle?

Are those pictures?

THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie and Mia graduating! Family portrait! Andrea with her baby! Olivia and Emma!

That's it. The rebrand has won me over. I love seeing all this later in life core 5.

Stephanie's the Mayor, like her idol from the original show. Andrea's a singer, has won some awards, is married, and has a child.

I can't wait to see what they do with the other girls.

Also, look at the reunion!

They're doing karaoke! I can't take it.

#Lego #Lego Friends #lego sets #lego shows #core 5 #Lego be careful #you almost screwed this up for me #Watch your rebrands #At least you know better than American Girl #Yes i'm still salty about the Beforever rebrand #I will drag it through the mud #for the rest of time #Ruined a perfectly educational doll brand #lego monkie kid #I'm going to buy a set #as soon as possible

[shatar-aethelwynn]

I grew up in a relatively sheltered environment. Not smotheringly so (though frequently frustrating), but there is a lot I never experienced growing up. And that extended to what I was allowed to read and watch. My mom didn't really care for TV so my sisters and I were always encouraged to go play instead. We didn't have cable, just the normal stations, and there were soooooo many shows we weren't allowed to watch for a variety of reasons (Scooby-Doo was allowed but only because she couldn't find a way to justify her dislike, but X-Men or Pokemon? Nope.) We watched stuff on Saturday mornings if the parents were out though. Always keeping an eye on the driveway to turn it off as soon as someone got home. And with books I have always been a huge fantasy fan. But my mom was always worried that I would read stuff she didn't think I should. I was careful. I knew what I could and couldn't read most of the time. Sometime I knew she wouldnt like it but found a way to spin it as acceptable (like bringing home a Laputa dvd from library because "Its like the Disney Atlantis movie but in the sky instead" or Rurouni Kenshin as "just a samurai story"). Sometimes she would insist on reading books first, especially if it was an adult book or controversial in Christian circles (my cousin sent the first 2 Harry Potter books as Christmas presents when they were new and we werent allowed to have them until she read them first). She introduced me to Terry Pratchett though (Reaper Man was my first). As I got older she relaxed more and even told me that even though she doesn't always like my choices of reading or viewing material that she trusts me to keep my head on straight. Because from a young age there was one thing she repeatedly told me whenever I brought home another stack of fantasy books from the library: make sure you remember that there is a difference between fantasy and reality. And now I see all this Discourse going around and think that might have been one of the most valuable lessons she taught me as a child. Because it's obvious that a lot of people never got that one.

#didnt think this was a difficult lesson to learn but here we are

[cocastyle]

Poems and Mistletoe

Pairing - Ben Hanscom x reader

Word Count - 3,343

A/N - so I feel like there is never enough of all the Losers out there so I’ve decided I’m going to try and write a piece for some of the Losers who don’t get as much love starting with Ben! I really loved this idea and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as me because Ben really deserves more love!

Prompt - Ben Hanscom has liked Y/N L/N since they met on his first day of school. It being the Christmas season and all, Ben finally decides to admit his feelings towards the girl in the form of a poem. It just is a matter of getting the poem to her that was the problem.

The day Ben Hanscom met Y/N L/N was the day that Ben knew he was a goner. It had been his first day at a new school, having only just moved to Derry a couple of days before, and he had been introduced to his tour guide Y/N by the principal.

Ben swore he had never seen someone as beautiful as the girl that had stood before him. Her h/c hair fell down to just below her shoulders, her e/c eyes so mesmerizing that Ben could do nothing more than gawk, and her smile—oh her smile was unlike anything Ben had ever seen.

It was the kind of smile that brought butterflies to his stomach and made his cheeks heat up. It was the kind of smile that made him feel like his heart was bursting with pure joy although he had been in a bad mood ever since he moved there. He knew then and there that he would never get tired of that smile.

Y/N had been a great tour guide and Ben remembered staring at her in admiration as she greeted so many different people as they walked down the hallway. He had no clue, but the four boys she had smiled and shared hugs with would end up being his best friends by the end of the following summer.

In that moment though, no one else seemed to matter and somehow along the way Ben mustered up enough courage to talk to the girl. And boy, when she sent him that smile of hers in his direction, he knew he was done for.

From that day on, a friendship flourished between the two, Y/N being the boy's only friend up until the summer had began. Then came the dreaded summer of 1989 and something about fighting a demonic clown and barely escaping with their lives and brought the two even closer together with both each other and their other friends—Stan, Mike, Bill, Eddie, Richie, and Beverly.

Ben still remembered the events that had taken place that summer, something that would never be able to leave him and that lived on in his nightmares. He had never been so scared in his life, but the worst of it had been when he saw Y/N floating in the air, having been caught in the dead lights by It and not showing any signs of breathing.

Ben shuddered slightly at the thought before quickly shaking his head. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about things like that, especially not when he was desperately trying to finish the poem he was writing. It had to be done in the next five minutes or he wouldn't be able to give it to Y/N in time.

Ever since the summer, Ben had realized that his feelings for Y/N were a more serious than he had thought. What had started off as a crush had turned into what he could only describe as love. But Ben had no idea how to tell her, afraid of what he might hear if he did.

So that was where the poem came into play. It was a way for Ben to express his feelings without coming out and saying them, that way, if Y/N didn't seem to notice just what the poem meant, then it wouldn't hurt him in the end. The only problem was getting the poem to her.

The Losers were having a Christmas party at Y/N's house and had decided to have a Secret Santa. They had each drawn names and Ben had been secretly hoping he would get the girl that was always on his mind, but he had ended up getting Stan much to his dismay.

However, Ben hadn't let that stop him and was planning on giving Y/N the gift in private, that way the other Losers weren't at all offended by not getting a gift and he wouldn't have to hear a bunch of crap from Richie about the poem.

It took Ben the whole entirety of the five minutes to finish the poem before he was rushing out the door with Stan's gift in his hand and the poem for Y/N in his pocket. Riding his bike with the present in his lap was quite difficult, but Ben didn't want to have to have his parents drop him off so he just sucked it up in the end.

Luckily Y/N's house wasn't too far from his own, so Ben was there in only a couple of minutes. He could already see some bikes laying on the ground outside, so Ben ditched his beside the others before taking in a deep breath and walking up to the door.

He was just about to knock on the door when it opened up to reveal Y/N who was laughing and beginning to walk outside. She jumped slightly in surprise at the sight of him before smiling widely. “Oh, hello, Ben. I was just about to check and see if I could see any of you coming down the street,” Y/N said happily.

“H-Hi, Y/N,” Ben muttered, his cheeks growing a bit red as he stared at the girl in awe. She was standing there with a white sweater, black jeans, and her hair in a messy braid. Ben swore his heart swooned at the sight of her.

Y/N smiled at the boy and titled her head before pointing behind her. “You want to come in? We’re just waiting on Richie to show up and then we were thinking about exchanging gifts and watching a Christmas movie,” she said.

Ben nodded weakly and Y/N’s smile widened before she turned to walk inside. The boy could feel the poem burning in his pocket and gulped slightly before going to reach for it. “Uh. . .actually, Y/N-“ Ben began, but he fell silent when the girl turned back to look at him, her e/c eyes staring at him making him forget what he was about to say.

“Ben?” she questioned and that seemed to snap the boy out his thoughts. Ben stuck his hand into his pocket and had just grabbed ahold of the poem when a voice exclaimed from behind them, “Look at you two, standing out here in the cold when the warmth of a house is literally right there. Fucking losers.”

Y/N chuckled softly and rolled her eyes to look behind Ben where Richie was standing. “Says the boy who is also standing out in the cold. So fuck off,” Y/N joked, earning a laugh from Richie while Ben just sighed and took his empty hand out of his pocket.

“Nice one,” Richie smirked before nodding towards the door. “So we allowed to go in or are we all just going to continue standing around like a bunch of dumbasses?”

Y/N chuckled and opened the door for the boy. “Thanks,” Richie said, smiling softly at the girl before ruffling her hair and walking inside. Ben was about to follow behind him, but a hand on his arm stopped him.

The boy looked to his right to see Y/N looking at him curiously and almost hopefully? “You were going to tell me something,” Y/N pointed out.

“Oh. . .um. . .it can wait,” Ben assured her.

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows, her smile falling slightly as she asked, “Are you sure?”

If Ben didn’t know any better, it almost seemed as if Y/N wanted to stay out there with him. But he was only kidding himself. Why would Y/N want to be alone with him?

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Ben told her, giving the girl a tight lipped smile in response.

Y/N stared at him in silence for a minute before nodding. “Okay then. Let’s go inside and do the gift exchange!” Y/N exclaimed as she grabbed the boy’s arm and quickly drug him inside.

Before Ben knew it, Y/N was pulling him into the living room where the other Losers were all conversing, Richie having already situated himself between Eddie and Stan on one couch while Mike, Bill, and Beverly sat on another.

“Ben!” Beverly greeted, a bright smile on her face before the other Losers quickly greeted the boy as well.

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m a little late,” Ben told them, but Bill waved his apology away.

“It’s f-f-fine, Ben. No n-n-need to apologize,” Bill assured him.

Y/N smiled and sat down on the ground before patting the spot next to her for Ben. “Come on then. Let’s get this started shall we?” she asked. “I’ll go first.” She then reached under her Christmas tree and pulled out a small bag before turning to Ben and holding the bag out to him. “I had Ben.”

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise and he set Stan’s gift down in front of him before gently taking the gift from Y/N. Shyly, the boy took the tissue paper out before he pulled out the gift inside. He smiled brightly at the sight of an architecture book, architecture being something that he had grown an interest for over the past couple of months.

“Wow, Y/N,” Ben whispered in disbelief as he ran a hand over the book.

“That’s not all. Open the card,” Y/N said excitedly as she grabbed the boy’s arm and shook it gently.

Ben gave her confused and amused look before pulling the small card out of the bag. He pulled the card out of the envelope and chuckled softly at the cheesy Christmas card before opening it, his eyes widening at the sight of two slips of paper on the inside.

“You’re joking,” Ben muttered in disbelief, his eyes flickering over to the girl in surprise. “Y/N!”

The girl just shrugged and the Losers all tried to crane their neck to see what was inside, but Ben was quick to hide it, not wanting the others to see it. Only Y/N and Beverly were the ones that knew about his obsession with New Kids on the Block and he was not about to let the boys see the two concert tickets Y/N had gotten him for the New Kids on the Block concert that would be coming in town in a couple of months.

“I got two so you could enjoy it with someone else,” Y/N whispered so that the others wouldn’t hear. Ben looked to her with a goofy smile, already knowing he wouldn’t want to go to the concert with anyone other than the girl in front of him.

“Thank you,” Ben whispered, still in shock.

Y/N smiled and reached out to hug the boy before saying, “Merry Christmas, Ben.”

Ben didn’t have time to say anything else before the others began to exchange their gifts. Ben didn’t even notice the other gifts, his attention still on the book and concert tickets which he couldn’t believe the girl had gotten him.

He finally managed to pull his attention away long enough to watch Y/N open her gift from Richie, the boy having gotten her the Bruce Springsteen record Born in the U.S.A. and a framed picture of the two of them from when they were toddlers, Stan, Richie, and Bill hugging the two from behind while the young Richie and Y/N laughed at each other.

Ben couldn’t stop himself from smiling at the look of pure happiness that had dawned the girl’s face, Y/N instantly going over and hugging Richie tightly while the boy tried to act like it was no big deal.

When everyone was finally done opening gifts, the Losers all crowded onto the couches and began to argue over which Christmas movie they should watch.

“A Christmas Story!” Richie exclaimed as he squirmed between Eddie and Stan, trying to get comfortable.

“What the fuck? No way! We’re watching A Christmas Vacation,” Eddie argued as he shoved the boy back. “Quit shoving!”

“I say we watch A Christmas Carol,” Stan suggested.

“No!” Eddie and Richie both exclaimed automatically while Stan pouted.

Y/N chuckled and shook her head at her friends before standing up and wiping her hands on her pants. “Well, I’ll leave you guys to figure out which movie we watch while I make some popcorn,” Y/N said before walking off, not noticing the way Ben’s eyes followed her figure out of the room before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper.

“I’m going to go see if Y/N needs help,” Ben announced quickly before rushing out of the room, the others not noticing because they were currently trying to stop Eddie and Richie from shoving each other.

It was like Ben could hear his heartbeat and his own breathing in his ears, the realization that he was about to be alone with Y/N and give her the poem he had made for her making him grow nervous.

He made it to the kitchen in time to see Y/N putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave, the girl turning around upon hearing footsteps and smiling at the sight of Ben. “Oh, hey! Did you need something?” Y/N asked sweetly. “A drink maybe? Or some food?”

“Oh, no. No. I’m good,” Ben assured her. “I just. . .” He took a deep breath. Here is goes. “I wanted to give you something.”

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and watched as Ben shyly walked over to her before holding it his hand that was holding the piece of paper. She smiled slightly at him, a curious gleam in her eyes as she gently took the paper from him.

Ben was quick to look at his feet as he heard the crumbling of the paper as she opened it up. Y/N stared at the paper for a moment before it dawned on her that it was a poem, that Ben had written a poem for her. Ben cringed as he heard the girl softly whisper out the words on the paper, suddenly realizing just how awful it sounded.

Before long, she had finished reading the poem and a silence had fallen along the two. Ben squeezed his eyes shut, the fear of rejection washing over him. But then he felt something soft on his cheek and his eyes opened up in surprise as he saw that Y/N had kissed his cheek.

His whole face went red as the girl pulled away, a bright smile on her face as she looked at Ben with an unreadable expression. “Thank you, Ben,” she whispered as she held the paper close to her heart. “I love it.”

Ben gawked at her for a second before nervously scratching his neck and saying in a low voice, “I just. . .I wanted to give you something for Christmas. I was actually hoping you would be my Secret Santa, but I knew either way I still wanted to give you something. Sorry it’s not anything expensive. I don’t really have the money.”

Y/N smiled warmly and quickly shook her head. “I didn’t care about the money. This is probably the best gift anyone has ever given me, Ben. It was thoughtful and from the heart and I couldn’t ask for anything better,” she assured him, her words making Ben smile slightly.

He let his eyes flicker up to meet her eyes and the two stared at each other in silence for a minute before Y/N whispered, “I have feelings for you too, you know.”

Ben blinked in surprise, silently wondering if what he had heard was right and if Y/N had actually been able to pick up on the hidden message in his poem. But then he seemed to realize just what she had said and his eyes widened.

“You. . .you do?” he asked, Y/N nodding in response. Ben didn’t know what to do as he looked at the girl, his eyes wide while his mouth fell open slightly hit let agape.

It was Y/N who broke the silence with a small chuckle before she went to grab the finished popcorn. She returned a minute later and held out her empty hand to him. Ben blinked and looked to her hand before looking back up at her face. Y/N just smiled warmly at him, “Come on. They’re going to wonder where we’ve been.”

Ben could merely nod in response as he hesitantly reached out and reached for Y/N’s hand, the girl intertwining their fingers together almost instantly while Ben continued to look at her in awe, his face growing redder by the second.

Y/N gently tugged him along and out of the kitchen, but Ben failed to notice that they had gone out a different way than they had entered until Y/N stopped just below a doorway.

Ben furrowed his eyebrows and went to question the girl encore he noticed she was staring above them with a smile on her face. The boy slowly let his gaze flicker up and his face instantly reddened at the sight of the mistletoe above them.

His eyes flickered back down to Y/N with wide eyes and she chuckled before beginning to lean forward, her face pausing inches away from the boy. Her breath mingled with his own and she seemed to crowd all of his senses. She hesitated there, waiting to see if Ben would pull away, but when he didn’t, Y/N leaned forward the extra couple of inches before her lips brushed against his own.

Ben had never felt anything like he did in that moment. For kissing Y/N under the mistletoe was something he had never expected to happen and all he could feel was pure bliss and euphoria in that moment. It was like his heart was bursting with joy and love while his hand that was holding onto Y/N’s shook nervously.

He didn’t even know if he was doing any of this right, Y/N being both his first kiss and the only girl to have ever liked him.

Her lips were soft and for a moment it felt like Ben was on cloud nine. But then she was pulling away and Ben had to remind himself to breath before he managed to open his eyes once again.

He was still face to face with Y/N, their noses brushing against each other as they stood there red faced. Y/N had never looked more beautiful than in the moment with a light blush dusting her cheeks and her eyes glistening with happiness.

Ben couldn’t even comprehend what had just happened, the reality of having finally kissed Y/N being enough to make him speechless. But then she was giving him that damn smile of hers, only this time he knew that it was out of love.

He would never get tired of that smile.

Y/N finally pulled away from the boy and Ben swore it looked like she was glowing. How he had managed to get someone like her to have feelings for someone like him was beyond his imagination and he knew he couldn’t have been luckier.

She gently let go of his hand and smiled in his direction one more time before disappearing from the doorway and into the living room to join their friends for the movie. That left Ben standing there in the doorway, the young boy still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

Finally, it all seemed to hit him and Ben couldn’t stop himself from grinning widely and touching his lips before whispering to himself, “Holy shit.”

It took him a couple of seconds before finally managed to move his feet once again, his legs carrying him to the living room where he would end up sitting beside Y/N and holding her hand as the Losers all watched a Christmas movie.

Ben had never been happier.

* * *

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[coolb944]

The Balance Between Selfishness and Selflessness

I'm not going to lie... This balance is a hard one for me to walk sometimes. Ok... Maybe a little more than sometimes. I grew up an only child with no brothers or sisters I had to share with, loved greatly by my parents and extended family. My parents were poor when I was born, but managed to attain upper middle class comfort by the time I went to college, which I did not pay for - they did. I certainly never would have known we were poor growing up, as nothing at the time made me feel that way. Looking back now I can see the signs... "Do you take American Express" became my pre-qualifying mantra anytime I went out to eat with my parents and my grandma, as that's the credit card my grandma had, and she took us to eat often. No American Express, we didn't eat there. At the time, however, the reason we were using my grandmother's credit card so much to eat never entered my mind. I went to private school from 3rd-12th grade. I got exactly what I wanted for Christmas almost always, as well as my birthday, and when I got my first car, my parents paid for it - a Guards Red with linen leather interior 1986 Porsche 944 automatic that was a salvage title, which I argued and pushed for on the basis of gas mileage, value because of the salvage title, relative slowness, and great safety Porsche engineered into the car (it did in fact prove its safety at one point down the road). They paid for the next several cars I had too.

So, as you can see, in so many ways, life was not bad; my childhood into adulthood was rather great by most standards. It also made the bad aspects stand out hard. I was bullied and teased a lot as a kid, by my cousins and the kids at school. My father had deep anger management issues, making him very intimidating and causing me to never feel very close to him. My mother was over protective, which ended up isolating me from many things that may have otherwise given me more courage and self-esteem, as well as a greater apprehension in the way I approached certain aspects of life. I knew I was gay by the time I hit middle school, even if I didn't know the term for it. My parents, heaping their hopes and dreams on me for me (and for themselves in ways - my mother so loves children and dreamed of holding newborn grandchildren), and being very strict about how I should present myself to the world, down to what I wore, how I talked, how I walked, pushing me to try sports, while in certain ways children need, it all placed great expectation I never felt I would ever meet. The criticism, the opinions, the comments, they were constant. When they found out I was gay, I was sent to a Catholic therapist whose goal, at base, was to convert me to being straight, or as close he could get me. I ended up living a lie for a while after that, taking on a girlfriend whose heart I broke once I moved for college. I broke up with her, knowing I would cheat if I didn't.

The bad is what ended up diminishing my self-esteem and causing intense self-doubt, and which led me to be afraid of pursuing my life the way I wanted to. This all brought depression, which was, coupled with sudden, unexpected deaths around me, especially that of my dad when I was 18, magnified for me and made me see nothing in the future but sadness, loneliness, emptiness - True Hell. I allowed the depression and all it brought to win, and it has wrought havoc in my life that I'm just starting to pick the pieces up from. Alcohol and drug abuse; incredibly risky, bountiful sex; wrecked credit and over-spending. Repeatedly. Bad. Decision. Making!

Now, in my sobriety, having broken from the behavior cycle the alcohol and drugs, especially meth, had me trapped in (daily they still sing their siren song from deep and long in my memory), I've gained enough reprieve and time to reflect on my behavior to learn how to cope with the selfish tendencies my upbringing and my life experience can often cause me to lean toward.

Yesterday, for example, my mother stayed home from work sick, and not having a car, relies on me to help her when need be with what she needs from outside the house. Mind you, after destroying what independence I'd built for myself, I'm extremely grateful she and my aunt have allowed me to come live with them. But despite this incredibly gracious act, the little things of daily life can still creep up on me.

I'd had a plan for my day, which was entirely smashed by my mom needing more assistance than usual because of her being ill. I helped her with all she requested, but I had a very difficult time shaking the feeling of losing the day and being upset about it, which came out very pointedly in my interactions with her. The feeling of loss of control of my time was made even more stinging by the fact that when I finally was able to work, I worked Uber all the way up from the South Bay to Santa Monica and back, and didn't get a single ride the entire time.

I concluded the day chalking it all up to the fact that some days are not ours, and they weren't ever going to be. That is the realization that has continued to resonate with me today. I've apologized to my mom, and I'm realizing, once again, that each day is a crap shoot, and that I need to remember to handle it all with grace and serenity. I also need to accept that if the signs are saying it isn't my day, accept that it isn't, and celebrate the positives of what has made it not my day. In that way, I make it my day again.

The fact that I have the means to be selfless, to help, to be the kind of guy people can rely on, is something to celebrate. I wasn't always that guy, and I often didn't have the means to be. Because Uber was dead, I went home and watched a funny movie and had a night off. It's really the laugh and kind of night I needed and didn't even know it. Mind you, I'm a touch panicked today because of expenses versus money I need to make, but provided I do what I need to with my time, it will all work out.

One day at a time, working consistently towards my goals, keeping my attitude where it needs to be, in the middle, balancing it all. And that's really where true happiness lies, balancing selfish and selfless. Fact is, they both will add up to happiness if one balances the two. Lean too hard to either side, and unhappiness wreaks havoc. Don't let unhappiness win... Ever!