Ceilings, plaster
Can't you just make it move faster?
Lovely to be sitting here with you
You're kinda cute but it's raining harder
My shoes are now full of water
Lovely to be rained on with you
It's kinda cute but it's so short
The rain is hitting the car ceiling, hard. The sound reverberates, making it hard to talk.
Steve doesn't mind, they've been talking the whole night. Yes, he loves Eddie's voice, but he also loves sitting next to him and just looking at him as he pays attention to the road.
"What are you looking at?" Eddie must've felt his stare.
"You're kinda cute" Steve replies, still staring. Eddie laughs and shakes his head, as if he doesn't believe him.
Steve doesn't like it when Eddie doesn't understand how beautiful and incredible he is. He usually would argue with him about it, but he doesn't want to ruin the bubble they're in. Steve doesn't know why, but he feels on the edge, like Eddie could stop the car and run away at any moment. It makes no sense, they aren't fighting, it was a lovely evening, but the bad feeling doesn't go away.
"my shoes are soaked in water" Steve realizes, scrunching his nose at the feeling "can I borrow a pair of yours when we get home?"
Eddie turns to look at him, a sad smile on his face "I'm taking you to your house, sweetheart."
Steve doesn't understand, they usually go to Eddie's house after a date. Steve doesn't like his place, and Eddie's uncle is out for the night shift, so they can fool around and be as loud as they want to. Steve can almost feel Eddie's sheet against his naked skin, the smell of smoke, weed and artificial air freshener -Eddie insists on spraying it as a chivalry for Steve's nose, even if Steve never complains about the smell. He'd much rather smell that for the rest of his life if it meant that he could sleep at Eddie's instead of his big empty house.
The car stops.
"Time to go, big boy" Eddie's usual cheerful tone falters at the end. He's smiling at Steve, but his eyes are watery.
Steve wants to ask why they're at his house, why the mood is so off, why he's looking at him with those eyes, but the words are stuck in his throat. A small voice in his head keeps telling him to not break the moment.
Eddie leans to kiss him goodbye, like they did a million times before. Steve leans, closing his eyes.
Then it hits him.
He startles awake. He's in Eddie's van, but he's the one driving. The passenger seat is empty.
It hits him.
The heavy rain doesn't stop him from getting out of the van. He has trouble breathing, he looks around feverishly and he knows he won't see Eddie anywhere, but it felt so real, too real to not be true.
His clothes, hair, and shoes are soaked. He can't see that far around but he knows he won't find him.
It hits him.
Because Eddie doesn't exist.
And Steve doesn't remember when was the last time someone actually kissed him. Or held in his arms like he did.
The headache comes, his name goes.
Steve doesn't remember that boy's name. It feels like he has forgotten it before.
A car passes by, the driver looking at him curiously. Steve can't judge him, he must look crazy as he stays under the rain, completely soaked.
He wonders what he's doing under the rain, was he looking for something? it's on the tip of his tongue but he can't pinpoint what it is.
He goes back to his van and closes the door, shrugging.
If it's important, he will remember.
But it's not real
And you don't exist
And I can't recall the last time I was kissed
It hits me in the car
And it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before
Before
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