#YOU HAVENT EVEN SPENT ONE

[neuroticboyfriend]

im never going to get quality healthcare am i

#im just going to keep decaying and get shucked around from specialist to specialist #and they all do the same fucking thing. next to nothing. #they blame it on my anxiety or my weight #they dont give me the time of fucking day. ive had appointments that didnt even last THREE MINTUES #they'll run a test or two and very rarely do a procedure #and when that yields jack shit they dump me saying there's nothing they can do #and they apologize and say they're so sorry and they wish they could do more #I DONT WANT YOUR APOLOGIES I WANT YOU TO FUCKING TREAT ME INSTEAD OF HALF ASSING THIS SHIT #YOU WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL FOR HOW LONG?? YOU CANT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO DO? BUT IM THE BAD GUY FOR PLAYING DR GOOGLE? #i've SPENT HOURS TRYING TO FIGUREOUT WHATS WRONG WITH ME #YOU HAVENT EVEN SPENT ONE #FUCK YOU holy SHIT #youre just going to leave me to suffer and die. cant wait to live a totally unfulfilling life. never get the chance to live. #i know the life i want and i cant fucking have it. it's nigh impossible #i just want to be happy. but how can i be happy when almost no one takes care of me #julian rants #vent

[turtletoria]

my favorite wordgirl character, jerma

#turtlearts #wordgirl #wg #jerma #dr two brains #steven boxleitner #ok funny story. my lockscreen is fanart of jerma right #and my mama saw it and said is this the guy you like? and i was like :D YAS ITS JERMA 985 MY FAVORITE GUY #and my mama was like oh is that the guy you draw all the time? and i was like draw all the time?? i havent really drawn jerma all that much- #WAIT. OH. OHHHH..... #my mama confused steven with jerma. i exploded #but also yeah i see the similarity so much #ive come to the conclusion that i like 1 (one) kind of white guy and theyre weird and funny guys that have a rodent motif #jerma and steven and will wood are all the same to me. sorry #jerma is the rats rats we are the rats guy. 2 brains is self explanatory. will wood has lovely pet rats. #and he sings about them. his new album even has the rat motif and i love love tomcat disposables argggghhh #oogh. i want a pet rat. lovely creatures #also why do i keep putting so much effort into what should otherwise be low effort memes???????? its driving me insane #it makes the joke unfunny and the payoff doesnt equal the amt of work that went into it!!!!!!!!! arrrrgggghhh #i literally spent so many hours on the burger one and i hate it so much. cries

[semiotomatics]

i have a ~dream question~

#this has been an original post #my pollies #polls #dreams #driving #i realized today that while im obvs not the driver in my dreams im also not specifically on public transit most of the time #im just. a passenger #no concept of other passengers or a driver or even what kind of vehicle it is #my dream logic is very much ''if its not relevant to the situation who cares'' #also ''why generate actual human beings when you can just have the vague sense that a place is populated'' #idk why im thinking abt this this morning specifically since last nights dreams didnt even involve being in a vehicle #not the ones i remember anyway #i was just thinking abt patterns in my dreams in general #cause my brain does this weird thing where in all my anxiety dreams im living in the apt i lived in through elementary + part of high school #like yes its the place ive spent the most time in but also. i havent lived there in TWELVE YEARS #and i mean i did hate that place but its not like ALL my trauma was experienced there #its just weird #dreams are weird #clouds dreams

[basslinegrave]

i was being a completely sane person today (/s) and was creating a timeline tree for snm would anyone even be interested in that. and collecting my shipping thoughts (or specifics about them being a couple etc). know that i still consider my knowledge of the franchise as poor. its just tidying it up in my head so when i talk about something i can pinpoint a specific thing (i was too deep in fnaf theorizing so now i have to suffer thru a franchise that doesnt even have a canon)

in short/tldr the comics are the base that happened in every possible timeline and everything else is derived from that, happening after, except the cartoon, which shows some events the same way so that would be more intertwined; not everything is connected/within one timeline. and the cartoon is my most fav and where i see them as a true couple.

long rant ahead

on one hand i really like the time travel theory where its like comics -> ttg -> cartoon etc by them travelling back in time for that, however there are many holes especially thinking about their families and stuff so

i like the idea of things branching off. one branch is comics - htr - cartoon, as something more intertwined

second is comics -> ttg -> poker night 2 (since it references ttg events) (idk bout 1 i havent played/seen that)

third would be comics -> ttiv (or comics -> htr -> ttiv, i have no idea atm if bosco's is mentioned in the comics but it is in htr and mentioned in ttiv. ttiv is also set in the year it came out, so theres a huge gap inbetween ttiv and htr but i wouldnt say its where the ttg games happened!)

and i dont mean this in like a multiverse way, since the creator seems to dislike that, its simply just a very loose canon that differs with each installment (simply due to different people working on these imo. nothing too deep imo)

but the juicy part!! i even made brackets that im too lazy to remake digitally so i will just write it out for each bigger installment. im excluding poker night 1 as i havent played it nor watched much gameplay

M = married, BF = best friends (in all technically)

comics: M - unlikely; BF - yes absolutely

htr: M - possible; BF - yes

cartoons: M - i take it as canon here. BF - yes million percent

ttg all seasons: M - no; BF - yes.

poker night 2: M - not sure, implied dating, i take that as good enough; BF - yes

ttiv: M - absolutely not. not a couple at all. BF - they seem too tense, yes, but from my experience playing, their interactions were imo the worst in all of their media, so i wasnt buying it at some points

note - ttiv has to be like the straightest they ever were and i also see it in S.P.'s more recent work. im looking too deep into that, perhaps, but im just thinking were never gonna get anything similar to what we got from back in the 90s again, if theres any future projects

people are also saying they got married like 4 times and its making me a bit confused here. do people mean cartoon, htr dress up card, cake topper and tdph ring scene or am i missing something big?? because to me that is married once, other ones being just for jokes (first one as well but its less vague), and in the ttg games its so extremely vague i cant count that (being realistic here) that said its still fun to joke about them getting married several times, but in this case wouldnt it be more of a marriage per timeline?

and to end this, a personal tierlist

my most fave obviously is the cartoon. not only is it the easiest to work with for me, with the fast pacing and short watch time (but ofc i wish it was longer) i absolutely love how their relationship is depicted there, even if a lot of stuff there is just jokes, but if everything is a joke then its also fine to take everything as canon within this media, to me! like when haters say that people only take the wedding scene out of the intro and ignore the rest - as if the other stuff couldnt happen (isnt one of the shots them fighting a giant octopus, which they end up having an episode about too. like cmon. anything goes here) even if it was contained within this specific part of the franchise, im ok with calling them a couple here. and its S tier overall

another S tier is the comics. nothing else to say

HTR is like A tier to me, only taking off points because its soooo sloooowwww and playing it after watching the series took 3 years off my life immediately. otherwise gud game.

ttg is like A to B tier for me, because of some specifics and preferences but thats just me being nitpicky so, the games overall are good. A- it is. thats all

poker night 2 is fun, i watch the gameplay a lot lately when im too tired at midnight to do anything else, A tier

ttiv. oh how mixed i am about you. gameplay by itself and my first experience with the game - S tier. it made me so giddy more than one time and i kept wanting to come back until i finished the game fully. i dont mind the bugs, its just what i expect in VR games and even tho it made me a bit frustrated at times it wasnt all that bad. its also the only vr game i played for over an hour once and didnt get motion sick - the exception was the level at the store which seemed too bright and actually made me nauseous. which is a feeling that somehow comes back whenever i think about this game. what i dislike was the dialogue, while most of it was fun and fine, i had moments where i just burst out laughing, they (or max especially) were way too mean towards the player. i know its a joke and you could chalk it up to max being unhappy with us/jealous, but it got like, generally unpleasant very quickly. with stuff like good throw - "nice!" bad throw - *neverending insults* and the second was how painfully straight it was and like. the vibes i got from them two was like, oh theyre fed up with each other and my shipping self was just left quite disappointed. i did not get all lines during my gameplay which made it great but upon going thru every line manually after, i was just more and more uncomfortable with what they said in their banter. this drops the game to like C for me? maybe B if i squint. being generous. i also got sick of their talking animations over time... the models are fine just got to be too much. bonus points for max ragdoll physics tho. coming up with a conclusion that this is a completely separate timeline and has nothing to do with anything other than the comics and perhaps HTR. i talked so long about this one cause its the one thing that prompted all of this lol.

but its not that serious! i just knew this franchise for ages as "oh its the two animal guys that are married and its funny" and now that i got into it fully, i see a lot of the shippers are obviously daydreaming and taking things out of context - which is fun, i agree!! i also do that. but it just painted a completely different picture for me. so no. theyre not married, theyre not a couple, except for the cartoon, where its implied, which stays on top for me. but in ttg at least, they love each other, its not as romantic, but i can ship them there (so i ship them in the context of the cartoon and ttg basically)

anyway. nothing is canon for them, everything is canon for them, and everything they say or do is a joke so. its not that deep at all. they gay tho

#insane ramblings #i will tag this #sam and max #for the 2 people that will read this 🫶 #thoughts are being thunk #long post #i just went on an unplanned rant here #i was home alone today and spent most of my day thinking about ttiv and how much i hate it and love it and hate it #one could even say its textbook queerbait but since its a separate game i cannot say it #but going from showing them getting married to 20 years later sam dating random women its like. uhh idont like that #obviously #i hc him as bi or pan so its fine its just so lame. like who are they? you know. random off screen characters that mean nothing to me #and max being jealous of the player being there but allowing sam to date is so lol. i havent found the line about the other woman yet #but ive had the lines open for way too many times and i dread going through them further. but i might bite the bullet i just want context #wonder if one of them is that one afghan hound (?) from that one valentines art #when the characters get ooc in official media /j

[nyanspirals]

????? I DONT SEND PEOPLE ANON HATE IM AN ADULT IF I HAVE BEEF WITH THEM ILL SAY IT TO THEIR FACE YOU WERE MY FRIEND FOR MONTHS YOU KNOW I DONT SEND PEOPLE ANON HATE ESPECIALLY NOT ANON HATE WITH THAT LEVEL OF CRUELTY

#neon.txt #oh my god??????????? #oh my god i am so mad dude YORUE the one who wont leave mw the ruck alone i havemt looked or interacted with any of your accounts since #fucking november!!! you paranoid freak fuck you!!!!! #holy shit accusing me of shit you dont even have PROOF OF im so mad im so mad im so mad #i am not like you!!!! i am not cruel enough to send you those kinds of messages youre so!!! absolutely pathetic!!!!!! #'the timing is so coincidental'??? timing of WHAT dude i havent interacted with you in months i avoid you every chance i get!!! #YOURE!!!! UNBELIEVABLE GOD #ill delete this i know ill delete this i just ugh ugh ugh ugh #ME REMEMBERING HOW I WAS KIND WHEN I SHOULDVE SAID WHO TF DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO #YOU SPENT 3 YEARS ACCUSING ME OF THINGS I NEVER DID BECAUSE YOU JUST ASSUMED IT WAS ME DIDNT YOU LEARN ANYTHING!!!!

[stevethehairington]

book 5 of the year done!!!! im literally one book away from halfway to my goal and the first month of the year isn't even over yet fjsksk i am DEFINITELY going to hit it this year!

#SUUUUPER bummed to say tho that ive made it to the first book of the year i havent enjoyed :/ #the worst part is — its the first in a series apparently and like. i WANT to know what happens next #but also i dont CARE enough to want to keep reading the rest of the series yknow? #like. this first book was just SOOOO disjointed #it was ALL exposition #it spent 500 pages giving individual backstories for each of the characters. as in each character l i t e r a l l y told their story #which first of all absolutely BORING way to get to know your characters and second of all NONE od these characters were even likeable!!! #and the worldbuilding was just. weird. it kind of didnt make sense and felt all over the place #and FULLY felt like he was just throwing random sci-fi-y words around to make it sound cooler but like. it wasnt. #and like all these characters are together on this pilgrimage right #but it is NEVER really revealed why/what they plan to do when they get to their end destination/anything like that #and im between each of these character backstories it feels like the same stuff one person is like oh wow what a story lets get some sleep #and then they do and they wake up and they do the tiniest bit of traveling #(which is like. described in the most lackluster barebones way) and then they eat and share another story and rinse and repeat #it was SO boring #it honestly reminded me of the movie the eternals LMAO #all these characters and you get to know a little about them but not enoguh to become invested and none of them are all that interesting #and the purpose of their journey/the purpose of THEM is completely unknown is completely devoid #like it felt like there was no plot #it was. ough not good. #so yeah would NOT recommend hyperion by dan simmons :/ #mack reads

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH

#venting in the tags #maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much #but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn #im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but #i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me #feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it. #plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel #like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went #back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening #and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just #crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and #usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine. #i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better #but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that #plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut #the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad #'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like #shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those #fuck you you bitch #i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep #tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less #ps. note to anyone reading the tags #im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.

[spamtoon]

(Out of nowhere, you are approached by a familiar lightbulb-headed Cog.)

Ah, it's you, cat. Thinking you're oh-so-slick. Muttering and whispering under those raggedy whiskers of yours... Thinking I am unable to hear it all...

Well, you've simply underestimated my fantastic hearing. You probably want to know the reason why I'm here, taking a 'break' from my incredibly important scientific breakthroughs? It's quite simple, really!

(She gets close, and squints her eyes.)

I know what you are.

Farewell, now!

(She then leaves the way she came from.)

(Spam giggles immensely, covering her face... it always seems like she's giggling, isn't she? This lasts... at least thirty seconds. Longer than usual.)

And I know what I am too, Sparky! You broke through something, that's for sure. Really, broke through...

(She looks down, continuing to laugh nervously.)

You know, I find it odd you Havent tried to bulb blast me into the stratosphere by now. I mean knowing how you acted with Frostbite. Is there something peculiar about me that you perhaps can't quite track? Something about me that you... don't know what I am?

I know, I know, I'm talking to nobody again. But you were there when I had a moment today with the one the only Frostbite The Bravecog. You may be remaining. Lurking in the shadows. Knowing about these thoughts that I'm thinking.

(The giggling resumes, lasting far shorter this time.)

Your brother's a piece of fucking barp, by the way

(She braces for impact for a few seconds, wincing while smiling, before comically looking around to realize nobody's there. She sighs.)

Wow, okay maybe toony superhero show logic doesn't apply in this situation. Cool.

WAIT I JUST FUCKING REALIZED WHAT SHE MEANT but like. Dude if she meant that then what's the point I mean the whole ahh sellbot department barping knows unless you're Really low on the ladder. Heheh... maybe she did mean what I thought she meant.

Oh i'm so fucking screwed. What kind of bitch gets filament fever

#bright spark #<- for finding this again later. haha i called her sparky #the way she talks fucking tickles my brain so much im so . ohguohguohoghog SHE #SORRY THAT THIS TOOK SO LONG you see i was in the mindset that i would do this one little thing and then i would do my work which uh. #that leads to so so SO much procrastination. including on fun things! oh so fun things. #today was an event. #i also spent quite a bit of time ruminating i “would she really say that” is worse when shes literally you #to clarify. she is spam's aunt by like. building standards. not really in her found family. so its fucked up but as i said in discord this #is like. a “your mom's kinda hot” level crush. you know. also sorry i really wanted to say filament fever its been eating at me okay #nothing SERIOUS the way my f/os (and spam's f/os (plural now?? i guess?? if today was a canon event)) are #honestly mark still feels like the only real one with her to me but damn it. if spam's reflecting My Changes then she's Reflecting My Chang #spam in toontown unlike my other sonas is the most “its just you again” out of all of them and thats partially because her main #cog connection... is frostbite. they bounce off each other like we literally bounce off each other and damn it shes been so stagnant on her #own because of it. mark happened and she mirrored that because i kept fucking talking about him while we were in character and ideally #i should TRY to fix her. but also man because i'm not doing Serious lore stuff with her i dont. even know if i want to. #i kinda brushed it over the rug by saying that she relies on her constant entertainment so readily because she herself still doesnt feel #like she has a place outside of cogs only. sure she's in high roller backstage sure she's in allan's family now but shes not Doing anything #with herself the way that her friends are. mole's a ranger. frostbite cohosts. wishes... has chip. and something she doesn't have-- #living and fully growing as a toon. rather than being haphazardly slapped into a world. and in some respects she's envious of frostbite #finding themselves so quickly because she distracts herself because she's still kinda struggling with it. despite everything. yes she lives #happy and carefree a lot of the time but she keeps buying those dumb phones because when she's truly alone... her mind starts to wander. #that's what mark is for. so that spam can dream of a world where she has a purpose. even if its fake and fragile and just nothing compared #to the great friends that she already has. where she feels like its worth it doing something when she doesn't have anyone. and in that #respect. with the goons ma allan parallels in sonboy the spam cathal parallels shine. seeking tv (and to a lesser extent games) as a #method of escapism. even when one's life is already pretty good. because there's nothing else worth doing without friends or family. #the internet isn't just cool. it gives her something to be when it seems like everyone is something but her. and maybe thats a lazy #excuse for why it seems like she doesnt HAVE anything to call her own but that but damn it i'm trying my best to twist it around. #spam has such a HISTORY yknow? even if it feels like i havent established her much. #spam is the hearts to frostbite's spades not just because they're the duo of all time but because spam's fake stupid love keeps her going #sorry i just started rambling in the tags of this post about spam it. happens. she loves her friends so much i need to reiterate that okay

[pomfiores]

as per my last post, thank you for the patience akjfha and putting up with my babbling from the void. hopefully when I get my two days off back to back, I’ll be here. I do like dedicating one day to being here and bumming it out but kfjsa we’ll fucking see I guess. :/

#◟ ⋆ㅤㅤif my hair's a mess﹐my mind's a mess.ㅤ( ooc ) #i know i dont need to apologize for my attendance or anything but #i guess just for the sake of putting it out there since there's new people (which hi. hello. lovely to see you. charmed. xoxo) #hands have been tied atm but im here. moreso on discord if u rly need me or want a vil to fuck with but #ty for the tolerance :') /kithes #me looking at my inbox.. rubbing my lil hands together #I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF REPLIES. theres this one ive been on for weeks and i still havent even written it out lmao #god its frustrating #strangles my job lET ME DO SHIT #i have to collapse unfortunately. #i spent today on errands. :/ #ughgfhsafah

[simcardiac-arrested]

hey, i understand if you don't have the energy/motivation, and i don't want to force you. but i think you should consider exercising a little! even if its just 30 seconds. you might find that moving around actually makes you feel better than not moving! i personally get exercise in by (sometimes) pacing around when i'm deep in thought; maybe taking a walk outside and/or listening to a nice audiobook could work for you? (sorry if im making you uncomfortable! and feel free to call out bad behavior

i don’t think this is a weird or bad thing to say at all. thank you so much for this ask. like actually

#after i got this i went and stretched and got some push ups in which i havent done in a while #exercise always makes me feel a bit better but i also always forget to do it or i put it off bc it will take ‘too long’ #and then it takes like. 7 minutes UEHEUEJSGSJSH #went and brushed my teeth and showered too. which are not things you’re supposed to do at 3pm but eh. we ball #i also watered my plants. so if i don’t do anything else today i can at least say i did that #one of them is drying up btw and i have no idea why …… i google it and it tells me that i either water it Too Much or Not Enough #and it’s like girl. make up your mind. either one or the other #he already almost dried up once but then he started getting better and getting new leaves. but now he’s doing it againnnn idk why!!!! Freak #also i wouldn’t have minded taking a walk at all but i’ve already spent the last 2 days walking until evening #and also there is. um. a uh. a snowstorm outside. and i don’t wanna walk through the snow. #so er. happy april 30th #normal weather👍 #anyway yeah thank you anon it really did help. tjey werent lying #cramswering

[carnageacorn]

.

#girl help the ratios of the substances have shifted and i am very limited on which ones i get to re-up during my work shift #not abusing substances are for people who will keep their job <3 next week harold on the other side of this whole mess can adjust. #anyway i spent a hundred dollars on records. and i havent thrown up yet. i also havent eaten yet but we are not splitting hairs here #everybody say it with me we'll all say it right at once: #its NOT my fault if someone kills themselves EVEN if i caused the trigger #four years ago harold is chucking so many heavy objects at me through spacetime. hes so fucking mad at me and he's right to be. #anyway if you wanna get with me in the future im gonna give you one of those depression/anxiety worksheets ur doctor gives u if ur on SSRIs #im not GLAD my boss also feels very very very very bad but at least we both understand each others successes and failures RE: vomiting @wor

[13eyond13]

.

#another hot tip for recovering people pleasers / codependents is #actually talk to people about what they feel and like and want and do the same in return about your own feels #because mind reading can actually be both creepy and annoying to people who have developed those communication skills #and sometimes it can seem like youre not even actually in a relationship with them but just treating them like an npc #with a mysterious riddle you have to solve when you can probably actually just be like 'hey do you like this?' #or maybe they've already been trying to tell you what they want but you're still acting like you have to read between the lines #one of the issues codependents have is not being able to identify their own feelings desires or opinions because #they spend all their time trying to figure out and understand other people's intuitively #and are probably mostly spending time around other codependents who do the same for them #probably because they spent time in a toxic environment where that was a survival coping mechanism for them #or the only way everyone got their needs met #so at first it can be rough and embarrassing to be like #omg i don't even know who i am when im not trying to please somebody else #but start with really basic things like #do i actually want to eat this for dinner? #and try to be true to what you feel #and the more that you practise that the easier it gets to quickly identify your own needs and feels #and eventually be able to identify and express very nuanced ones as well #it is like exercising a muscle you havent worked out in years it takes reptition and time #p

[basslinegrave]

checked line play notices and saw its actually closing in february within EU :( i still think i would be able to get in somehow (maybe vpn) but i guess that will be it? its so weird now how theyre giving out stuff and putting up all past gachas when its not even worth getting stuff anymore. as for the new ones i believe those were planned so they will roll out new ones until the end... but it just feels sad seeing the stuff.. why give me so many free tickets when it doesnt matter in 2 weeks

#i havent been an active player for years now but i still went in for dailies #9 years playing this game #its wild to think that #i remember playing those old minigames until they removed them #did that a lot in class back in highschool #even made some friends ans shared art and stuff #then during one hs trip at the end of hs i spent unholy money on that game to get one item - no i did Not get it #i later switched back to a free player like the old times but got lucky with some stuff #what was nice was that my avatars bday is around the games bday so i got free in game currency for their bday events #also got hate once for having a very cluttered house. yeah thats what happens when you collect items for 9 years #never put all up anyway yet the rooms are full completely. some you cant even walk in #gonna miss this thing #but at least i will get to clear some storage lol #line play #lineplay

[hopeheartfilia]

i believe libraries are important and good. i do not emotionally care for them

Ive been having trouble thinking today, or rather expressing sentiments in accordance with an essay structure

At some point i gave up and watched a sj the x video. that helped imensly s in i can now make logical atatements again. however i am not really thinking and making connections im just sitting here like hello yes i have thoughts

And like i can see how i could write an essay on themes of estetics and the subjective and objective merits of art in relation to my theme, Should we close public libraries, but it wont change the fact that my answer is no deeper then a simple "no, are you an idiot"

and i have reasons ans back up but its just a liat of articles i could point someone towards, like hello this is research i found on the positive impacts of libraries on communities. please think of how someone would apply to a job in the current landscape of online applications if they dont have acess to a home or the internet. the answer may be libraries.

also librarians exist and libraries have other communal funtions. like reading to children. supporting local charities in various ways. serving as a social environment.

I have all the building blogs of yes one could make an essay out of theese parts

but i do t have the connective tissue. im missing the fucks given to explain. it probably wouldve helped if ive ever argued with someone over this but frankly im having a hard time actually making genuine contraaruments about Yes we should close public libraries, without making a pseudo strawman, like hello if you genuenly think we should close public libraries you eirher have no clue what youre talking about or your intentions are like. evil. whcih isnt. its not accurate. it doesnt make for a good essay

Id rather write several essays about me trying to write this essay then the actual essay

the theme decided i dont wanna fuck with it and now im here. wishing i spent the last 5 hours doing a little gouache painting instead of trying to turn my beain on and off aga-

maybe sleep would help. didnt help the last 2 times i tried to fic this "i dont wanna start this essay" problem, but at this point ive done that and moved to I dont actually wanna write it

.. i should probably talk this out with someone. as in ask them what reasons do you think someone could have for closing a library?

Also look up essay structures again. i hate doing that i prefer just reading and listening to essays and seeing where what i consider a logical train of thought goes, but im very stuck and if you cant make something you like, make something very technical

#this is about the essay i have due 6 hours ago #making something very technical sounds so boring but tjis whole essay is #which it shouldnt be #libraries are inherently interesting because they have books and shelves #theres architecture and historical significense to some #but like i dunno ive always felt my local libraries so seperated from what i hear of other libraries around the worls #and i never emotionally connected with one #if in even one of the bookstores you can actually sit down in around me there was a library with the same amoutn of books i could sit in i #frankly dont know if i wouldve gotten emotionally attached to it but it feels more likely #yes ive spent years of my childhood wanting to visit the national library #no i havent done it now that i can #its just laziness and also the front doors are giant and intimidating and sometimes im small pathethic trash

[brainmoss]

I was tagged by @sometimes-i-talk-a-lot to share five songs I actually listen to publicly, then tag ten people 💖

I'm also assuming this means songs I don't mind others knowing I listen to instead of music i blast out in public, but I don't think I ever mind sharing the songs I like if someone asks : D

So, I guess I'll go with one from each band I've listened to lately!

1. Walkies by Vulfpeck

2. Under Ice by Kate Bush

3. Medium Rare by Pulled Apart By Horses

4. Valley Of The Dolls by Marina

5. Motomami by Rosalía

Tagging @heavenknowsffs @escaping-0blivion @coastal-yearning @just-a-galactic-traveler @chaotic-gay-v and anyone else that wants to do this too is more than welcome to! : D

#quite the mixed bag of emotions i know ahah #motomami gets me so hyped the way she sings even sounds like revving up a bike #the rythm of the typical vroom vroom i mean #yes a very techincal term 'vroom vroom' #the way the entire hounds of love album second half conects makes me want to do a dnd campaign based on it #and i will! #but i need to read a lot of rules and think hard how to setup the villain stories #walkies is just such a nice cute little song for when you go on a walkie (dog optional) #im still discovering bit by bit marina but 2 months ago i spent 3 weeks in a row listening to nothing other than the album electra heart #i havent listened to the new stuff by pabh 😭 but i def gotta get to it #by new i mean last 2 albums cause they have a super recent one but i also havent listened to the other one yet #i chose walkies just cause its cute but i love pretty much everything by vulfpeck and the fearless flyers

[lordsardine]

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#i will shut up after this #but . maybe im too in over my head with what i want for my next novel but hoping the random college professor i emailed responds to me ^^; #miscellaneous #spent like 15 minutes just trying to word it right #anyways hashtag. when you want to write a book that uses asl as one of the main aspects of communication in the novel #but you dont know asl nor have you ever spoken with a deaf person #and then there's the added nuance that the deaf character i have is black. and black asl is different #so i just hope this college professor can answer some of my questions ... #also i know i need to take an asl course too #and then there's How to represent the asl in fiction which people differ on #so here i am a bit over my head and i havent even written a goddamn outline for the novel yet #so it's like... do i not make the one character black? but then would the main character still be white? i want the story to be diverse but #also need to grapple with trying not to tell the story of marginalized voices #but then there's the fact this is just a light fantasy middle grade novel so like at the end of the day............. #gah enough contemplating this story for a bit. though i will get to writing an outline at least in the next week or so