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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months

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yakuza: dead souls - american vibes, bigass guns, and why zombies are super weird to have in ryu ga gotoku thematically/ideologically speaking

so i've been playing dead souls recently (hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah) and although i'm having the time of my life with it, there was something about it that kinda felt off to me, and i think i've figured out what it was, but i'm gonna have to walk you through a bit of my thought process to get there.

my first instinct was that it felt... american? and upon further examination i think that boils down to a couple of things:

everyone suddenly has lots of guns and also way way bigger guns

high emphasis on individual heroism (this itself is quite typical for rgg, but it manifests differently here; more on that in a bit)

military/government incompetence, which must be solved by the right individuals having the biggest and bestest guns

[for the sake of transparency i will note that my experience with zombie media is pretty limited and skews american (and i myself am american), so that may create bias. however, the 'this feels american to me' instinct is a rare one for me even in genres where i have seen little/no non-american media, so i think the fact that it did occur to me is notable. what about dead souls triggered that response when little else has? that's why i examined it and, truthfully, i think there's merit in the idea itself.]

the first point is pretty self-explanatory. america's got more guns than it does people, and its gun worship is infamous. japan's ban on guns (aided by its being an island state) means there's far fewer guns in the country, as well as far fewer people with guns (and likely far fewer guns per gun owner, excepting arms dealers/smugglers) than somewhere without such a ban. obviously, there are guns anyway. due to their illegality they are clustered within the criminal population, which explains their presence within organized crime within the series. very few guns will be sitting around in the homes of otherwise law-abiding citizens.

and yet, when the zombie outbreak hits kamurocho, plenty of civilians suddenly have access to quite an arsenal. everyone has the knowledge they need to aim, fire, and reload smoothly and quickly; ammo is infinite for certain guns. characters we've never seen using firearms before suddenly have shotguns under their couches (looking at you, majima). it's not only very different from reality, it's very different from guns' place within the series up until this point, when they were limited weapons used primarily by the enemy.

and they're making a zombie shooter, so of course they would have to do this. it has to be unrealistic to be simultaneously in this setting and in this genre, in the same way that yakuza solving their problems with bareback fistfights instead of guns is itself both unrealistic and necessary to being the kinds of games rgg are.

my point is that this is a kind of focus on and valorization of gun ownership and competency unusual for the series and setting. further, it serves as an argument for why an armed, competent populace is crucial typical in american media.

which brings us to the third point (we'll get to 2 in a minute). guns are often marketed as self-defense weapons. the implication is that the government's defense of the individual (via law enforcement or the military, but particularly the former), are insufficient. this is objectively true. if someone pulls a gun on you at the gas station, will a cop manifest out of thin air to intercede? no. that's impossible. but if you have a gun, or if some bystander has a gun, you or they may be able to do something with that gun to stop the armed person. thus, there is an undeniable gap in the effective immediacy of such responses.

many gun advocates also point to the incompetence or insufficiency of law enforcement, even when they are present to stop an armed aggressor. the fact that law enforcement do not have a 100% success rate in protecting the citizenry is also objectively true.

so, when you are in danger, arming yourself increases your chances of being able to put down (or at least take armed action against) a present or potential threat. whether it is viewed it as a supplement to or a replacement for law enforcement, it is meant to make up for the shortcomings of the government's ability to completely protect all its citizens. it's a safety net for state failure.

back to dead souls. rgg has always centered political corruption in its stories, including politicians, the police, and sometimes even the military, though usually the former two. sometimes this is treated sympathetically (i.e. tanimura, a dirty cop, whose dirty-cop-ness allows him to work outside/against the law to help disadvantaged people, not unlike how kiryu views being a yakuza), and other times it's simply a matter of greed or lust for power (i.e. jingu).

however, something that's almost never touched on so clearly is government incompetence. when the government fails to help people or hurts them or does corrupt things, it's usually due to a competent, malicious bad apple who is removed from power by the end of the game. this implies holes in the system because it keeps happening all the time, but that's on a series-wide scale, a pattern ignored by the series in favor of the individual game solution of "this guy's gone now :) yay".

but in dead souls, the SDF's barracades fall, their men are killed, they are unable to help protect the people outside or inside the quarantine zone. they are weak in a way the government usually isn't in these games. and who is stronger than them? our individual good guys with guns. so we need to be armed because the government is weak and can't protect us. boom. america.

returning to point 2, i'd like to say that dead souls is not particularly more individualistic than any of the other games in the series (other than, perhaps, y7). rgg is an incredibly individualistic series, actually. its protagonists are usually men who defy, oppose, and skirt around the law as a way of helping others and doing what is truly right (with a few exceptions, like shinada and haruka). the romanticized view of the yakuza as a force for helping the community in the face of government incompetence is a real one, and one that tends to manifest itself most in kiryu and how the series treats him. it shows us yakuza who aren't willing to kill, yakuza who cry about honor and justice and humanity and brotherhood, yakuza who never dip their hands into less palatable crimes, or only do with intense regret (and only ever as part of their backstory). the beat-em-up style emphasizes this as well. i mean, what's more individualistic than a one-man army?

put more clearly, this series is about men defying legal and social laws and expectations to live in a way that feels right to them, and about making themselves strong enough to combat those who would get in their way. the individual is placed before the society in importance, (though generally in a way that benefits the community, because they are good guys who want to use that agency and power for good).

all of this is true in dead souls as well, technically. those who live on the outskirts of society are the ones who actually save the day, and the ones who go in there and save people rather than just walling them off and pretending like they don't exist. they have the guns, which are illegal and mark them as criminals, but this broken law is what gives them the power to save themselves when the government will not, and to save their community if they so choose.

where dead souls differs is in the nature of that strength.

rgg places a lot of emphasis on self-improvement, both of one's body and of one's character. do both of these, and you will be strong enough to back up your ambitions. what allows someone to carve their own path in life is the ability to put down ideological and physical resistance by having resolve and the ability to tiger drop whoever won't be swayed by your impassioned speeches. you make yourself a weapon. you make yourself strong. in dead souls, that strength comes from an external, material possession. strength is something you buy (or that you take from someone else). who is able to survive the apocalypse comes not from the heart, nor from rigorous training, but from who has the most, the biggest, and the most bestest guns. it's an intersection of capitalism, militarization, and individualism. simply, deeply american.

[when i was talking myself through this a few days ago, i spent a lot more time on the capitalism + individualism stuff, but i think i'll keep this moving. consider this aside the intermission]

dead souls also differs for a few other interlocking reasons. it can be described with this equation:

zombification of enemies + lethality of guns = loss of emphasis on redemption

if your best friend turned into a zombie, could you shoot them? or your child? or your lover? it's a common trope, but it's a damn good one. watching your family, your neighbors, your town, everyone turn into a husk of themselves, something that looks like them but cannot be reached, is deeply tragic. it's even more tragic when these husks are trying to kill you. unable to be reasoned with and unable to be cured, you must incapacitate them before someone innocent is hurt--or hurt, then themselves made dangerous; each loss adds to the number of threats surrounding you. your life is seen as more valuable than that of your zombified friend, not only because the zombie is attacking you and it's self defense, but because they are no longer a person to you. to be a zombie is to no longer be human; zombification is dehumanization.

and so in a series so focused on connection with one's community, on saving innocent civilians, often on saving kamurocho specifically, one would expect similar tropes to occur. even if one's friends aren't turned, perhaps the cashier at poppo you chat with sometimes is. it's the destruction of that community and of the members one has tertiary relationships with that i expect would occur most within a kamurocho zombie story, since they are likely unwilling to axe anyone more important than that, even if dead souls isn't canon. i'd especially expect to see that in the beginning, before the need to kill zombies rather than contain or redeem them becomes apparent.

this does not happen.

i cannot speak for the entire game, but i can speak of gameplay choices that affect this, and ones i think will not be subverted throughout, even if they are somewhat contradicted by plot events i am presently unaware of.

kamurocho is not a community to protect, nor is it filled with your fellows. it is a playground filled with infinitely respawning, infinitely mow-downable, infinitely disposable zombies. you are meant and encouraged to kill them by the thousands, and never to hesitate or consider whether they may be cured or who may be mourning them. who may be unable to identify their loved one because you were trying to reach a headshot goal from hasegawa. you are not meant to consider them as human, nor beings that were once human, nor beings that could be human again, in the eyes of the zombie shooter. they are merely bodies, targets, and obstacles.

the zombies are contrasted with the true humans, those barricading themselves within the quarantine zone or those living in ignorance outside it. humans are meant to be saved, zombies are meant to be killed. the player character is the only one who can truly help with either of these goals, because the other humans are cowardly, ignorant, or unarmed/helpless. you must be their savior. to be a savior is to eliminate zombies, who are less than human.

the black and white nature of this is also emphasized by another gameplay characteristic: the lack of street encounters. when you traverse the peaceful parts of kamurocho, you are never attacked. you are also never directly attacked by the humans within the quarantine zone. kamurocho feels very different without its muggers and hooligans, but it's because this is a zombie shooter, not a beat-em-up. in a normal rgg title, you'd subdue threats by punching, kicking, and throwing them. you'd use your body in (supposedly) nonlethal ways. dead souls does not have a combat system meant for civilians. you have your guns. you subdue threats by shooting them, preferably lethally. the game doesn't want you to do that to humans, so you never fight humans. this furthers the black and white divide between the salvation-worthy, noble humans and the death-worthy, worthless zombies. combat is only lethal, and only used against the inherent other.

this leads me to the part of dead souls i find most conflicting with the ethos of rgg broadly, and perhaps its greatest ideological/thematic failing.

because the enemy are incurable, dangerous, and inhuman, you must kill them to protect yourself and others, others who are still human. humanity is something that is lost or preserved, but never regained. once someone's gone, they're gone, and you not only must kill them, it is your duty and your right to kill them. you should kill them.

in dead souls, there is no redeeming the enemy.

and that's a big problem.

rgg is about a lot of things, but a key one is the ability of people to change for the better. its most memorable, beloved villains are those who see the light by the end and change their wicked ways (usually through some form of redemptive suicide, though that's another essay in itself). its pantheon of characters is full of those who come from questionable backgrounds struggling to be the best people they can be, to live as themselves authentically and compassionately. it's about the good and the love you can find in the moral and legal gray zones of life/society, and the potential/capacity for good all of us have, no matter how far we may have fallen. it is a hopeful series. it is a merciful series.

this is something bolstered by its gameplay. countless substories are resolved by punching a lesson into someone until they improve their behavior, either out of fear or genuine remorse/development. the games don't just discourage killing your enemies, they don't allow you to (yes, we've all seen the "kiryu hasn't killed anybody? umm. look at this heat action" stuff before, and while they've got a point, i believe it's the narrative's intent that none of this is actually lethal, based on how laxly it treats certain plot injuries (cough cough. y7 bartender) and the actual concept of taking a life, the gravity it is given by the text, particularly when it comes to characters crossing that threshold into someone who has killed. explicit killing is not an option open to you, even when you're being attacked by dozens and dozens of armed men. conflicts are resolved by simply beating up enough guys in this nonlethal manner.

but dead souls is a shooter. to avoid conflict with the series' moral qualms about letting its characters kill, the enemies cannot be human. furthermore, the zombie shooter genre can only fit within the series if its zombies are completely inhuman. this means their pasts as humans cannot be acknowledged, nor the possibility of a cure, nor the characters' own potential conflicts about killing them; or, at least, not in a way that impedes their or the player's ability to gun them down afterwards.

if you can't kill humans in your series, then it cannot be possible to save (in this case, rehumanize) zombies. this is especially true in a game where you are unable to fight humans, and thus human lives are universally more valuable than zombie lives. because if you kill a zombie that can be cured, you are, in a way, killing a human.

and so, in a series where you should always assume your enemies (and everyone, for that matter) are capable of reason, compassion, change, and redemption, and where they are always worth that effort, even if they reject it in the end, dead souls' enemies are irredeemable and only worth swift, stylish slaughter. there are only good guys and bad guys. good guys must be protected, lest they be turned irreversibly into bad guys. good guys are only protected by killing bad guys, and the only way to save good guys is to kill every last one of the bad guys. do not spare them, and do not ask whether or not it's right. only kill.

i love dead souls. it's a silly game. i like seeing daigo in decoy-drag and majima gleefully cartwheeling his way through zombies and ryuji with his giant gun arm prosthetic. it's fun. but when i was trying to figure out what felt off about it to me, one of the words that came to mind (besides american) was indulgent. that, too, felt odd, because i love indulgent media. i am not one to scorn decadent, hedonistic, beautiful high-calorie slop type media. if dead souls was just fan servicey, that wouldn't really bother me. i am a fan and boy do i feel serviced. it rocks. but i think my problem is in what dead souls is indulging.

i think dead souls indulges in the desire to cut loose, and to see these characters cut loose. thing is, they're cutting loose all over kamurocho, and all over the bodies of people they used to (at least in concept) care for. with lethal weapons. it is catharsis via bloodbath, not by pushing your body and mind to the limit in man to man combat, but by pulling a trigger before the other guy can hurt you, or even think about hurting you, for the crime of existing as the wrong kind of thing.

and i just don't think that's in line with rgg's beliefs.

yes, it's probably fair for dead souls' characters to kill zombies. i'm not against that. i'm also not against games letting you do purposeless violence. i spent a good amount of my elementary school years killing oblivion npcs for shits, like. that's not what bothers me about dead souls.

rgg as a series has always taken a hard stance in both its game design and narrative choices against killing and for the potential for redemption in its enemies. and i think the lengths to which it goes to promote that despite the probably-lethal moves you do and the improbability of a harmless do-gooder yakuza is one of the most endearing things about the games. so for this one entry to disregard that key theme for the sake of a genre shift that flopped super hard, well? i dunno. it feels weird i guess. it's out of place not just because it's a dramatic shift in gameplay and style and also zombies are only a thing here (and the supernatural/fantastical are thus only prominent here), but because of what those shifts imply.

so, uh. yeah. my pre-dead-souls thoughts that dead souls wasn't that out of pocket bc rgg's just kinda weird? turns out it was actually super weird to have a zombie shooter in there, but for way way deeper reasons than anyone gives it credit for.

(footnotes in tags)

#1) i deemphasized the physicality of shooting to emphasize my points about the viscerality and personal nature of rgg #brawls and the colder more detached nature of gun use relative to that but i do NOT mean that shooting has no physical component to it #obviously it takes a lot of skill to shoot quickly and accurately and lugging a bigass gun around kamurocho would tucker me out for sure #2) no i don't think all those things i said were american were usa-exclusive. it's a big world out there. i'm just saying those things #combined feel like a particularly american flavor of thing to me #3) there's probably more to be said about the connection between wanton killing and american styling or anti-immigration theming in zombie #stories or dead souls But i figured that was a bit too disconnected to the funny zombie game. this shit was a lot anyway y'know?#4) also i don't think most of this was intentional on the part of rgg studios. i genuinely think they just wanted to make a fun zombie #shooter and didnt really think about it all that hard. whenever you make smth there's gonna be implications you never considered. it happen #5) is it ballsy to write a giant essay on a game i'm like 1/4 the way through? yes. i've done smarter things. i'll revisit it when im done #if i'm wrong then i'll figure it out probably. but like. i don't think they'd set up the hasegawa objective stuff or have akiyama just #unflinchingly start shooting zombies and then later challenge that. we'll see but my hopes aren't high y'know? i know rgg #6) i should also clarify that violent catharsis is a) a part of all rgg games and b) cool as hell. it's the lethal bit that doesn't fit with #the series y'know?#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #like a dragon #yakuza dead souls #dead souls #classic skrunk 4 hr middle of the night impulse essay hooorayy

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new-ronantics · 2 years

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/41122650

hello byler tumblr pls check out the fic i posted if you’re in the mood for a good old cheesy byler confession :D

#this took me so long to write it’s embarrassing #but i’m proud that i finished it LMAO #ft. rain + wills painting + nancy wheeler being gay + jonathan byers being anti mike wheeler + el being a lot smarter than mike #ALSO FT. MIKES LETTERS !!!!!!!!#byler #byler fanfic #will byers #mike wheeler #stranger things

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optiwashere · 7 months

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I liked doing this last week, but it will get kinda repetitive in the coming weeks. So I'm not sure if I'll do it often while I'm posting the modern/band AU, but oh well!

It's another Saturday morning in a blanket with new music. Truly all I could ever need to write.

Here's what I've been working on...

Modern/band AU is fit and ready to start posting this upcoming week. Chapter [redacted] is complete, and I'm now far enough ahead that even a few weeks of busy life won't stop a regular posting schedule. And if I keep up writing then I'll be able to post around Xmas without needing a break!

Chapter [redacted+1] has an opening sentence, which is often the hardest part.

The outline for the AU has been modified a little. Combined three chapters into one, split out another chapter into two. Probably lots of consolidation to be done otherwise. There's a weird bit in the outline that's kinda fuzzy, but I'm sure I'll knuckle my way through it since it's not thematically deep. Might even be another chapter consolidation. This fic is definitely going to be longer than the 40k I was hoping it would top out at...

Editing the previous chapters has been a fun exercise in trimming the fat! I still want there to be scenes that are just ~vibes~ but I axed 1k words and the whole thing is cleaner for it.

More Minthara/Lae'zel is in the works, but it's mostly only the skeleton of an idea as I've had to rework it multiple times. I've a little under 1k actually written, and I'm not too convinced of what it is at the moment either. Quite frustrating.

Another seedling of an idea for non-smutty Asheera/Shadowheart fics. But it's really just "Shadowheart meets Asheera's parents" and boy I'm not ready for the mixed emotions Shadowheart's going to feel in that one. You know it's not just going to be fluff.

The Gauntlet/Nightsong segment for my core Shadowheart/Asheera series has a skeleton of an outline now. The POVs have been picked, the core beats are there, and I know it's going to hurt like a motherfucker to write some of this.

#random rambling about writing #anotheropti fanfiction mind soup #OK a lot of these tags are truly mind soup so I don't advise anyone to take them as anything but letting off steam #if I was smarter I would just type the shit in these tags into a word doc and delete it lol #in which I look at the modern/band AU and wonder what I've gotten myself into #the anxiety of feeling like it's a disaster already and mentally preparing myself for that #mixed with the panic of realizing I'll be locking myself into months of it #bc I *cannot* stand having unfinished works #if you've been wondering why I'm writing as much as I can before posting anything this is why!#if I get hit with a week of hating what I've put out in the world then I can recover and still have chapters out #which is...#it's the same feeling I get when I submit writing to literary agents #except agents will tell you bluntly that they don't want it whereas people in fandom just glide by #as is everyone's right don't get me wrong #but I have severe problems with imposter syndrome and it's always worst when I'm posting longer stuff #and translating these characters to a modern setting and struggling with their characterizations gave me -10 to Will saves #so it's like “who is this for? is this for me and only me? does anyone need this? why make myself upset?”#anyways that was a lot of venting so now I write

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memes-saved-me · 1 year

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I miss season 3 Robin

#they dummed her down so Nancy looked smarter #then had her be a fumbling idiot for a lot of scene when in s3 she's literally keeping the scoops troops alive with Erica #i love her but the shift in writing is insane and so noticeable

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arainesque · 2 months

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I'd love to jump into the head of someone who is more emotionally aware than me. (I'm not smart, please don't interpret this as that) but I've always intellectualized things (always) for as long as I can remember.

I'd just love to experience the world from a perspective where you know what you're feeling.

#ME MAKING NO SENSE #i really do try so hard #also #i THINK a lot #probably more than the average person #but /thinking/ genuinely means !nothing! in terms of being smart #i have the dumbest thoughts even though i /think a lot/#so please don't take this the wrong way #also the 'average person' is actually -probably- a small amount of people #i think a LOT of people are just pretending #like they're better than a lot of /us/ (sorry for dragging you all into this but pls relate to me)#but they're secretly suffering #that's my take for the day #i genuinely feel like i was born to THINK but to NEVER ever /solve/ anything whatsoever #that's up to someone else #also probably why i feel so stagnant in fic-writing because i've explored most of the underlying spiritual-scientific causes of the emotion #THATS WHAT I KNOW #some of u all are SO GOOD at capturing the actual emotion #im in genuine AWE #pls know that #(obviously there's so so so many people like me)#so scared of sounding narcissistic #you're probably all smarter than me #HOPE UR ALL GOOD if u /god forbid/ got this far <3

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ichiharas-familiar · 2 months

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Below the cut for discussions of fictional abuse/violence, my own sexuality, sadomasochism etc. Nominally about chainsaw man discourse but really about all discourses that claim to be able to determine whether something is horny by how much it hurts to watch.

If I see one more post claiming that Makima being hot or being intentionally sexualized is in diametric opposition to her being truly evil and harmful to Denji I am going to scream. Makima is a sexualized figure BECAUSE she is evil. The suffering is the point. The cruelty is the point.

There's been some normalization of BDSM (and also of course an ensuing backlash) but a lot of it has laundered D/S and S/M desires through an idea of 'really all of these are about wanting to be strongly desired' or 'really all of this is about wanting to avoid guilt for your sexual desires'. I don't think this is surprising, those motivations are strong for a lot of people! But this forgets that for some people the pain and distress are the point *in and of themselves*.

My evidence for all of this? Sadism is a fundamental part of my sexuality, i have my own mind and discussions with other sadomasochists to go on. I'm not going to get into it too much but believe me when I say that a large part of sadism can in fact be an eroticization of the long term damage and suffering of the subject. For me, and for most sadists I would assume, this desire is largely limited to fantasy, fiction, and roleplay (IE I would feel massive guilt if I actually caused a partner this sort of long term harm). There are masochists like this as well (See: Chainsaw Man's erotic appeal). Portraying something as deeply physically/emotionally/psychologically damaging to the person affected does not preclude an erotic reading. In fact, it often enhances it. I feel like this is an extremely obvious point but it seems to disappear a lot in discussions. Maiden Rose is not *not* sexualizing rape and abuse because of it's extreme focus on physical pain, bodily harm, guilt, shame, and suffering, those are the things it is sexualizing.

And simultaneously, eroticization does not preclude an intention to provoke empathy or facilitate catharsis for people who read these series. Again, I feel like this should be obvious- I have read series including eroticized suffering that have also made me *sob* (while being hot).

And also honestly I really resent the idea that erotic pleasure is fundamentally different from other pleasures. Moving into live action, Martyrs is one of my favorite movies of all time. One of the reasons I think it's so brilliant is that it is designed in such a way that almost all of the pleasure one might normally obtain from portrayals of violence (think of most horror or action movies here) is removed. It is not beautiful, it is not cut in a way to build anticipation, the perpetrators of violence are mostly incredibly nondescript, they never seen to enjoy what they do, and the movie forces you into a place of extreme empathy for the protagonists- who are the victims of truly awful torture. I would still say that watching it is a 'pleasurable experience' for me. I get no glee from it, no sexual arousal, no adrenaline. But I am still enjoying watching a portrayal of another person's suffering! If I didn't enjoy it, I would only have watched it once. The pleasure is the intellectual pleasure of watching a well constructed piece of art, the emotional pleasure of *controlled suffering* that you know is not actually happening to you or anyone else and will end when the movie stops. These are real pleasures, and they are just as motivating in seeking out stories for me as erotic pleasures (in fact they are far *more* motivating most of the time). I think people hesitate to call these feelings pleasure when they come from something with such an intense subject matter, but they are pleasures.

#a lot of this is really obvious and has been said in a better way by people smarter than me #rent lowering gunshots. unfollow me if you like but I was getting so frustrated #some really bad stuff is happening in my personal life rn so i feel compelled to distract myself by getting hyperfixated on something.#maybe I will write more rants. who knows #No conclusion. you figure it out :)

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biff-adventurer · 3 months

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btw i am VERY embarrassed of all the stuff i write p much all the time even when i share it so it's like... you either share it b/c you feel the need to put it out there, or you keep it to yourself b/c you don't feel it needs to be out there... simple, easy... post and then hide under your desk, that's what i do

#ooc;;#i want my voice to be out there #i don't need it to be loud or popular #i just want to make sure that there's more opinions in the mix #so people smarter than me can consider it and either use or discard it #a lot of people these days are playing characters who are gods or ancients or supernatural immortal beings and like...#stuff like that makes me feel like it's important that i write about ppl who aren't particularly special #my character is a guy who doesn't know that he has superhuman strength and that is a big power fantasy right there #so i'm not saying it's a bad thing #but my stories are really about people's feelings and relationships in spite of all the cool stuff in the background #and i realize every day that there just aren't a lot of those as much as i think there are #so i want my voice to be out there for ppl like me who aren't overtly special #but who experience a wide arrange of emotions during the adventure of our lives

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toytulini · 1 month

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god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh

#toy txt post #it doesnt feel quite right to me...........#maybe im just a Morning Person. lol. lmao even #idk how much that is true vs in high school i felt very much like a morning person bc #i was taking my adderall with coffee and then it would all wear off right at the end of the day and id crash soooo hard and have like.#anxiety attacks every night and just be generally overstimulated and irritable as hell #which is mostly managed now by me trying to be smarter about caffeine consumption (amount + when) and on a lower dose of adderall #but it does feel like a lot of that shit mentioned would be adequately covered by like. being able to take time off work to go to the #doctor etc. idk #im half joking these days when i ID as a morning person but legally none of you are allowed to get up my ass about it🔪#bc of the nocturnal bullshit i pulled on second shift for like 3yrs after everything around me decided to start closing early after the #pandemic hit even tho theyve re lifted every other miniscule precaution they ever enforced #probably bc no one wants to work night shift at the grocery store for like 12$ an hour. fucking offer better pay idiots #god even when i was a package handler working the super inconvenient hours of 3am-like. 9. 10am(inconvenient my ass that was ideal hours.)#the main reasons ppl left for other jobs: hours suck and they got offered better pay. they cant adjust the hours. so they shouldve #increased the pay to retain. and maybe have more structured start and end times that were less up in the air #like all the drivers leave at 9am so if theres anything left on the truck thatll be for tomorrow. since that fuckin happened anyway. idk.#honestly wouldve been more important to me to have consistent start times cos thats one of the things that pissed me off about that job was #like youd go in and before you left youd have to ask what the start time would be tomorrow cos they kept jumping all over the place by like #15min increments and like its once thing to do it on occasion to try to deal with like Bad Weather but it was like fucking Daily #and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard. but sometimes they wouldnt. and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard #and leave it up there forget to erase it and it would still be there but they told you as you walked out actually its not 4:30 tmrrw its 3 #idk. i know the main real reason i miss it is cause it was part time and the day ended at like 9am usually

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57sfinest · 1 year

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2, 3, 7 and 24 lol

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

mmm i'm gonna go a little sideways from the prompt because harry isn't necessarily my fave but i just do want to say i don't think this man is topping. i think the emotional fallout from martinaise has stripped him of his ability to ever top or dom or be in charge in any sexual capacity like ever again. someone tries to get him to top and he gets the thousand yard stare like oh no... i dont top..... not since The Accident..... like already immediately post-amnesia you've got these comments saying sober sex is scary for him, his blood flow is bad from the alcoholism so his dick is operating at a generous 48% capacity, he's got chronic pain + will probably feel that bullet in his thigh forever and ever and this is a perfect storm that equals to This Man Aint Topping. physical and emotional agony if this man even tries. you put this man in a situation where he's expected to top and he says 'i can't... not after everything women have been through...'

that being said i think if you can convince him that there is a shortage of tops for the future communist utopia of revachol & you remind him "from each according to his means" etc he might try. like if you tell him mazov topped then it might actually work. but otherwise call this man a cheese pizza cuz there's no topping here

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

there have been many. but i think one that angers me the most is the idea that dora was somehow wrong for leaving harry. i did see once (many months ago) that she should have stayed because of what the breakup did to him and i know for a FACT that person completely missed the point of the last dream on the seafort. that shit was crazy

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i'm very good at maintaining my own separate opinions so there's no character i HATE but [strapping on my bulletproof vest] kim took a back burner in my brain for a while because the sheer volume of genuine sincere unironic 'kim is a good cop and his purpose in life is to be harry's support system' i saw was like. mind numbing. i'm not talking about lighthearted fun with his character i was seeing people genuinely believing that shit and i got so sick of it that kim became a secondary consideration for a while. i do love him his character is super interesting & i'm currently working on an analysis, but i think it was a case of oversaturation for a few months there

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

i am lucky to have not seen much but i think one of the things i see start some conflict is that there are 2 equally good and valuable types of Disco Enjoyment: 1) silly goofy fun and 2) full 10th-grade-english-teacher-mode analysis. and people can do both but i personally have deleted several anons who i think didn't realize this fact and therefore took my character analysis posts as personal attacks on the Silly Goofy Fun activities rather than the braindumps they were. most of the rancid shit i HAVE seen has mostly come down to: we are looking at the same thing through different levels of detail and canon-compliancy and are forgetting that Ignoring That Shit is an option

#harry refused to bottom before martinaise (wouldnt even acknowledge hes bi). after martinaise he wont top. cant top.#walking out of the bedroom covered in kiss marks but limp dick thousand yard stare etc guys cmon he just cant #he can try very very hard maybe if he is really pressed to it but he won't be any good at it.#he forgot how to top. the amnesia took it from him. but have no fear. my boy still knows how to lay there and get choked out #also i do love kim i just . a lot of racism surrounding the way (mostly twitter people tbh) he is treated #especially in the context of becoming harry's entire support system & that being framed as his whole Purpose. that sort of stuff #it's ok though i wanna write some fics with him soon #kiwipost #ask #ask game #& also my analysis posts are never meant as 'i am smarter than you' i NEED to tear media apart with my teeth or i grow ill and die #i just post my thoughts bc it keeps them organized & people might like to see new angles

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