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lily-blue · 1 year

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☆ characters: radio dj!woong & script writer!you ☆ genre: secret admirer au, college au, fluff, angst ☆ summary: it’s a story about a popular boy who has a secret admirer - except that you’re not the one who mustered up the courage to put her feelings in words ☆ words: 13,5k ☆ also: i’d like to dedicate this story to @dat-town ♥ merry christmas, love! 🎄 ☆ taglist: @soobin-chois

Fridays were the most tiring days of the spring semester, but Woong wouldn’t have had them any other way even if he could have changed his morning seminar to an afternoon one or had a long enough break between his classes around lunchtime to eat at any other restaurant than the ramen place he was unhealthily frequent at. What if he had changed one unpleasant thing in his day and all the good ones had gotten altered too?

Listening to his professor’s lifeless voice at 9AM while he was talking about music theory might have been draining, but Woong usually sat right in front of you and there were only a few more entertaining phenomena on campus than your bickering with Woojin. He genuinely doubted the two of you were aware of how loud you could be, but he didn’t intend to enlighten either of you. His mornings would have been definitely duller without you two and your ridiculously creative ways to put your friend back in his place without cursing.

The highlight of his ridiculously short lunch break was Donghyun who had dance practice those mornings, which meant he always ate his entire body weight in chicken ramen while Woong slurped on his large bowl of beef ramen, giggly. Their conversations were diverse, but somehow, Woojin and you always came up in them in the most random ways. Like last Friday when you had been late from your morning class and rushed into the auditorium in pink pajama pants. It had been a story too fun to not share until Donghyun had told him it had been his fault that you had overslept. He hadn’t known you were the type of person who offered emotional support video calls to her friends when they needed someone to keep them on track while working on an assignment, but somehow it hadn’t surprised him that much. He was convinced you didn’t have a single mean bone in your body.

Stretching his sore body while waiting for your late night brainstorming session to continue (then finally end), Woong read through the script draft you had given him and Daehwi before you had left for the bathroom. It wasn’t finalized yet, only containing the outline of Tuesday’s radio show and a few ideas for the monthly special segment, but it was well written and neat as always. One look at it was enough for him to know you had worked hard to save as much time for the three of you as possible. He was hopeful you would all be able to leave the studio around 11PM.

Woong’s eyes widened in surprise and a silent oh sound fell from his lips when he noticed a pastel yellow envelope among the disorganized sheets of paper. His gaze strayed towards his co-host’s pile, but he saw no suspicious letter in front of Daehwi.

‘Hey, did anyone come into the studio while I was at the toilet?’ He asked although he knew it was ridiculous. It was already past the last lecture because the boy next to him was unlucky enough to attend Mr. Choi’s Microeconomic Theory I. instead of Mr. Nam’s, so it was very unlikely that random students wandered around the building. Not to mention that you would have been royally screwed if anything had happened to the studio’s equipment, so one of you always stayed in the room even if you all needed a restroom break.

There was no way someone had sneaked inside to slip this letter in his script.

‘No. I was on the phone with Hyewon, but I’d have seen if someone had walked in that door,’ the younger boy said before his gaze shifted from Woong’s pouty face to the envelope in his hands. ‘Why?’

The older boy looked down at the letter, too, and shrugged. He wasn’t sure whether he should have read it in private or he was allowed to open it in front of his friend, but he was intrigued; he was more curious than worried or scared.

So he sucked in his lower lip and picked the seal flap’s edge open, bewitched by the flowery scent of the paper the envelope hid.

Despite his rather naive personality - his friends never failed to jump on the opportunity when they could call him out on his childlike innocence -, Woong knew it was a love letter even before he took the paper in his hands and his gaze fell on the printed letters.

His secret admirer addressed him with a cute nickname and made a list of those things they liked about him - things he would have never thought anyone could have found attractive -, then finished the message with a promise of future letters. There was nothing that could have indicated who had liked him so much, which was disappointing. His only clue was the fact that they listened to the uni radio because that was only available on campus.

‘Do I wanna know?’ Daehwi asked, making Woong realize that he might have been sulking a bit too visibly. Should he have shown the letter to him in case he recognized the writing style or something? The thought made him blush furiously. The letter’s content was too personal; he didn’t want to give him a reason to tease him, either.

‘Nah, it’s noth–’

‘I’m sorry it took so long,’ you tore the door open with an apologetic smile, drawing both of their attention to you effortlessly. Your clothes were disheveled and your hair fell into your face in a couple of messy locks. Still, you looked pretty with your loose ponytail and rosy cheeks (at least, to Woong). ‘I had to run up to the fourth floor for these, but I brought one for each of you,’ you explained with theatrical hand gestures, careful not to shake the energy drinks up too much.

‘Thanks, you’re a lifesaver,’ Daehwi exclaimed, reaching for the grape flavored drink while you slid the mango one towards the other boy.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t find your favorite. But I saw you yawning while we were reading through the listeners’ messages, so drink it up. There’s no way we can finish this up in time with just Daehwi,’ you shot a playful albeit apologetic smile in Woong’s way, making the boy wonder whether your kindness towards him was strictly platonic or you had something to do with the letter he had found in his script.

Could you have been in love with him?

Honestly, he had never thought of you as more than a friend’s close friend who also happened to be his coworker at the uni radio. You were nice and funny - and undoubtedly pretty -, but despite your friendship with Donghyun, you had never initiated any conversations with him outside of the studio when it wasn’t related to the show. Obviously, you didn’t turn him down when he walked up to you to talk about something else, but those conversations were so brief, Woong often wondered whether he could have ever gotten to know the real you; the you you were outside of the studio.

Seeing your furrowed eyebrows and the worry in your eyes, Woong’s gaze fell on the mango energy drink as well. Since when had he been fidgeting with the can so absentmindedly? He cleared his throat and opened the drink before you could have thought he hated your choice. It really didn’t matter that much whether it was his favorite or not.

‘Mango is good. Thanks,’ he reassured you and you acknowledged his answer with a relieved sigh and a smile that for the first time since he knew you, did something to the boy’s heart; it made it beat quicker while his chest and ears got super warm.

Woong realized he was in trouble when he had a hard time paying attention to what you were saying because he was too focused on how pleasant your voice sounded to his ears; then he knew it for sure when he started to come up with hopeful yet illogical reasons why it couldn’t have been anyone else but you who had left that envelope in his script.

You knew both Daehwi and Woong were popular on Seoul National grounds. They were not only amazing singers, but their show focused on their listeners instead of campus gossip, so they earned brownie points left and right with their caring side, detailed advice on personal matters, and dorky sense of humor. Girls wanted to date them; guys wished to be their friends, so they could have stood under the same spotlight. While you…

You also daydreamed about meaning a bit more to Woong than a hard-working script writer he could rely on, but accepted the role you had in their life. Being close, but not close enough meant you weren’t a real treat to their fans. You might have doubted anyone would have slid into your dms or gotten your number somehow just to threaten you and ask you to leave the boys alone, but one could have never known with people.

‘You’re doing it again,’ Woojin pointed out while he turned on his laptop and opened a new, empty document for the lecture that made no sense to you. You preferred sticking to the same one throughout the semester, but he was his own person, so you never really teased him for it openly. You teased him for a bunch of other things anyway.

‘Doing what?’ You raised a brow in question, slowly turning your head back ahead. You had two lectures in total that you shared with Jeon Woong and this one (un)fortunately wasn’t the one where he sat right in front of you. As you were watching him chatting with his friends, you let out a dreamy sigh.

‘Drooling,’ he said with an unamused click of his tongue that earned him a scoff and a light punch in the shoulder. While you were a firm believer that violence should have never been the answer to anything, especially to insults where one’s emotions were already heightened or out of control, your best friend had a way with words that made it easy to throw your morals out the window. (Though, if anyone had asked Woojin, he would have said your punches were as good as being hit with cotton candy. Your noodle arms could hurt no one.)

You wished you could have been as brave as those girls who gathered around the boy’s desk in the second row. You would have loved to talk to him in breaks, too, but your nerves got the best of you whenever you were around him and there wasn’t a safe, fixed topic to discuss like during your meetings where you talked about your ideas for their next show or the success of the previous one.

‘Why don’t you ask him to be your partner for the group project?’ Woojin suggested plainly, reminding you of your professor’s last email and the upcoming presentations you wished you could have replaced with a written exam.

‘Duh, because we do every group project together,’ you retorted, feigning annoyance since he should have known better than anyone that you would have never considered pairing up with anybody else until he was in the same class. You two were a well-functioning duo from the get-go; working with Woojin was not only comfortable for you, but efficient, too. He brought the best out of your procrastinating ass, while you made sure he didn’t forget to eat or drink once he immersed himself in studying.

‘Not this one, snowflake. Donghyun already asked me,’ Woojin told you, the look of betrayal on your face painting a guilty frown on his own. The mere fact that he called you by your nickname was telling. You knew he felt bad about the situation, but you were also aware that he wouldn’t have chosen your other friend over you if he hadn’t thought it was for the better. Which also meant that you wouldn’t be able to convince him to take you back with your sad eyes and pouty lips. ‘Look, I’m an introvert. You’re also an introvert. Interviewing random students together would be a disaster,’ he reasoned, making an excellent point.

There was no way you could have interviewed twenty students in a single week and written a detailed analysis on it with your social battery dying. You needed someone who could easily walk up to strangers, helping you out with the first phase of your project. And that someone clearly wasn’t your best friend.

You let out a disappointed sigh and created a new headline for your upcoming lecture, jotting down the topic you knew you would discuss and the current date.

‘So you took away my only other friend in this class,’ you complained, pondering whether you should have actively searched for a partner or you should have waited until someone came up to you. Arg! You should have made more friends during orientation week last year. It would have made everything a lot easier if only you had remembered a few names at least. Was the petite, blonde girl beside you Miyeon or Miyoung? Should you have asked the guy in the first row who only ever spoke up during classes when Mr. Jung involved him in the obligatory discussions?

‘Ask Woong!’ Woojin suggested, his voice so nonchalant it made you wonder whether he had ever paid attention to you when Woong was around. Your small voice, shy smiles, and warm cheeks should have been telltale signs that you were a lost case when it came to the boy. With your tendency to leave your assignments last minute, you would have avoided him until you had barely a day left to finish everything.

You saw your professor walk into the lecture hall moments before the cute exchange student from Europe tapped on Woong’s shoulder, your heart sinking into your stomach when her pretty smile turned upside down right in front of your eyes. There was no way you could have asked him to be your partner. He either had one already or he had someone in mind because otherwise he would have never turned her down so quickly. You had once seen him giving a campus tour to a freshman despite how frequently he himself got lost between the buildings just because he couldn’t have said no to someone in need. He had to have a good reason why he had rejected her before she could have talked him into teaming up with her. A reason you had nothing to go against.

For the next one and a half hour, you locked this problem in the back of your mind and didn’t stress over it until your professor dismissed the class and the girl on your left started to shove her things into her backpack. You had seconds to address her or your chance to team up with her was out the window and you couldn’t have afforded that.

‘Hey,’ you blurted out the exact same moment she said:

‘I heard you still need a partner. Would you like to work with me?’

If you had been one of those cool anime characters you liked so much, an entire mountain of weight would have been lifted off your chest as you processed her question. Smile beaming, it was almost embarrassing how quickly you jumped on the opportunity.

‘I’d love that!’ You said, enjoying how effortlessly she took charge of the situation when she introduced herself as Miyoung and shoved her phone into your hands, so that you could have added yourself on her kakao.

It soon turned out that while you had an empty period before your Music, Social Life, and Scenes class, she had piano practice on another floor, hence you bid your goodbyes quickly and promised to contact each other about the details in a couple of hours, which was… already a lot better than you had expected. Maybe, Miyoung would be able to motivate you to do your job, too, and it wasn’t only a Woojin thing. You were definitely hopeful.

Since your best friend wanted to write a brief draft of those questions Donghyun could have asked from the students they would interview, you told him you would kill some time in your go-to coffee shop before you joined them in the library, then promised to buy him a latte and a ham and cheese croissant in case the other boy didn’t need anything. As a broke uni student who majored in music with a pedagogy minor, there had to be a limit to your generosity, too. You couldn’t have spent all of your allowance on textbooks and your friends.

You were already in the corridor when someone called your name, the husky tone embracing you with familiarity despite the breathlessness in the syllables.

You slowed down your steps, then stopped entirely.

‘You’re fast,’ Woong stated with a warm smile, trying to catch his breath with his hands on his knees. You furrowed your brows, unsure whether you had forgotten an important promise or a meeting and that was why he tried to hunt you down. ‘I was thinking… would you like to work on the group project together? I heard Donghyun paired up with Woojin, so we’re both partner-less…’

If Woong said anything else, you didn’t hear it. Your surprise completely overwhelmed your senses and by the time you were pulled back to reality, he was already looking at you with his pretty, hazelnut eyes.

There was an itchy knot in your throat that made it hard to speak, but you swallowed it with an awkward smile and wrapped your slim fingers around the strap of your bag to ground your messy thoughts. You didn’t want them to wander in case you had this one chance to tell him how you would have gladly been his partner if only you hadn’t been such a coward and asked someone else to play it safe.

In your defense, you had no idea Woong wanted to work with you of all people. He had never shown any interest in you academically and the two of you barely interacted outside of the studio. Even when you did, your friends were always there to fill the silence.

‘It’s really nice of you, but I already found a partner. I’m sorry. If I knew…’ you rambled, the need to come up with as many excuses as possible within the shortest period of time turning your sentences into a slurred monologue.

‘Nah, it’s okay,’ he cut you off with a reassuring smile, but while his voice sounded stable and unbothered, his body language seemed off and his eyes looked disappointed. He put too much effort into brushing aside your apologies; his exaggerated waves and playful eye rolls felt insincere, which made you worried.

You would have never thought you had the courage to hang out with Woong just for the sake of it without your friends as they were your safety net, let alone propose a friendly date with him, but as you kept your eyes on his face, something inside of you begged you to open your mouth and force those words through your teeth.

‘I’m on my way to ABNEW. Would you like to join?’ You asked, mentally preparing yourself for a rejection while your heart was simultaneously yearning for a positive reaction.

You told yourself that you wouldn’t be disappointed even if he turned you down, because you had asked him about the campus coffee shop to make up for already pairing up with someone else. If he didn’t want to or couldn’t join you, that might have meant he was fine without your company as well, which should have been a relief.

However, when he agreed to spend his free period with you, you couldn’t stop grinning like a madwoman. It was embarrassing, how happy this sudden turn of events made you feel when an hour ago you had been adamant that you couldn’t have uttered a coherent sentence in his company, not with his attention focused solely on you.

Arriving at the shop, it turned out that you had been wrong. Sure, it took a couple of minutes, but eventually, you were able to calm your nerves with your cinnamon latte in your hands. You even brought up topics the two of you had never talked about before: your obsession with oat milk, the chinese drama you were currently watching, and your dream to work for Arirang. It was nice: letting him get familiar with more sides of you and getting to know him better in return.

The more time Woong spent with you in your natural habitat, that didn’t include your shared classes or the studio, the more sure he became that you were his secret admirer. It was because of those subtle signs - signs that you might have liked him more than a friend - that he hadn’t noticed before, but couldn’t overlook anymore. Like how he always had a piece of your attention even when you were talking or listening to someone else; how you knew his favorite snacks, drinks, and comfort food by heart and surprised him with them when he was lacking energy or motivation; how your cheeks dressed into the prettiest shade of pink when he prioritized you and your needs.

However, just because Woong knew he wanted to give you a chance and see whether the two of you could have worked as a couple, too, it didn’t mean he had the slightest idea how to approach you about the letter. He didn’t want to push you too much in case you weren’t ready to confess; you had put a lot of effort into making sure it remained anonymous after all. But it slowly started to frustrate him that he couldn’t claim the seat beside you during lunch break when your other friends were around or that he couldn’t hold your hand just because he felt like making you blush without said friends giving him weird glances.

‘Jangjun, Daehwi, and Seungyoun said I should keep the blonde, but Woojin, Donghyun, and my mom voted for my natural hair color. Clearly, I’m in desperate need of your opinion,’ the boy said between two bites of pepperoni pizza while he also tried to make you smile with his dramatics.

‘I don’t know. Should I be offended that you’ve already asked everybody else?’ You asked in a playful manner, a lot more comfortable around him than you had been a couple of weeks ago. It was fascinating to see the small changes in your behavior the less eagerly you hid your personality behind your thick walls. You were still one of the nicest people Woong had ever met, but you were also witty and your tongue was sharp when you felt cornered.

Woong swallowed the food in his mouth and tilted his head to the right, observing your soft features to make sure there wasn’t a single pinch of real hurt in your eyes. The jalapeno slices on your pizza might have been a bit too spicy for you, but otherwise, you seemed fine.

‘Why should you? Your vote will decide my next hair color,’ he retorted with a mischievous smile that got wider upon seeing your sauce-coated, pouty lips. He giggled at the funny sight, but gave you a napkin before anyone else could have noticed what a messy eater you were.

‘Fine.’ You took the napkin from him and wiped your lips and chin to make sure all the dirt was gone before you reached for your coke and refreshed yourself with the bubbly beverage. ‘I think you should go for your natural hair color. Don’t get me wrong, your blonde hair looks so fluffy I’m sure it’s a lot silkier than mine. Like seriously, you need to share your haircare routine with me before I do something crazy and chop off my dry hair with a kitchen knife…’ you rambled, getting lost in the details like you often did these days: a cute habit of yours that might have been as old as time, but was still new to Woong. He had yet to figure out whether you did it when you were super nervous or when you were enthusiastic about something. Considering the topic, he hoped it was the latter. ‘What I really want to say is… you look like a fairy like this and it’s so pretty, but there’s something in the way your natural hair color highlights your warmth as a person. It makes you look more approachable: less otherworldly, but still handsome.’

Objectively speaking, Woong was well aware that he was attractive; people around him made it pretty obvious with the way they treated him. However, hearing it from you felt different. Your words had more weight and fell from your lips more genuinely. They filled his heart, but left holes in his chest that made him yearn for more. He wanted you to compliment other aspects of his being, too, not just his looks.

Although he was curious whether you had anything else to say, the boy couldn’t get over the fact that you called him a fairy just like his secret admirer had done in that letter. Your unique choice of word fed his certainty; he might have had strong assumptions before, but now he was outright convinced that you looked at him as a potential lover, too.

And this was all he needed to put down the pizza slice he was munching on and demand your full attention with the prettiest, most hopeful smile he could have mustered.

‘Would you like to go on a date with me?’ He asked with his heart pulsing in his entire body. Woong liked to think he was an expert in social interactions - he had managed to befriend his Math teacher as a freshman high school student and had a pretty smooth three years with him while his classmates couldn’t have stopped complaining about his hardcore exams and unfair grading -, but he had never asked out anyone, nor had he had a crush on a friend, therefore he was a tad bit nervous.

‘What?’

Scratch that… one glance at your furrowed eyebrows, parted lips, and bewildered eyes was enough to make him super nervous. Had he misinterpreted the signs? That wasn’t an option. You were quite literally a blushing, stuttering mess at arm’s length. You were clearly affected by his question and the concept of a date with him. He couldn’t have given up so soon when there was a chance you were just shy.

‘A date. Just us. We could watch a movie or check out that fancy dessert place where you can decorate your own cakes,’ the blonde boy suggested, promising himself that he would accept your decision with an encouraging smile whether you rejected him or not. He also promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure this wouldn’t have a negative impact on your friendship. You were too important to lose.

‘I…’ you spoke up a bit unsure, slim fingers drumming on the edge of your half-empty glass of coke. You avoided Woong’s eyes, but he knew you didn’t do it to hurt him or imply your decision. Instead, you needed time to find your voice and he was more than okay with giving you as much as could soothe your nerves. ‘Both sound pretty nice. I’d love to go on a date like that… with you,’ you mumbled, quiet but sure in the way you slowly lifted your head and looked him in the eye.

You had no idea how happy you made Woong at that moment.

‘Cool,’ he claimed with a nod before he reached for his half-eaten pizza slice and took a huge bite from it, humming around the thin pasta, cheese, and pepperoni like a giddy child.

That afternoon, you chose a day for your first date and eased the pressure of expectations it put on you with childish banters, like when you told him you refused to match your outfit with his, yet he was hellbent on how couples who did that were cute.

You called Woong a menace so softly, it almost felt like a nickname, and whined because the idea of people staring at your couple outfit made you feel uncomfortable, which the boy understood and was willing to respect. Because regardless of Woong’s overzealous reasoning, you could have shown up at the dessert place next Saturday wearing a sack, he would have been fine with that, too. He just wanted to spend more time with you and earn the permission to hold your hand.

In theory, you knew what first dates were like. Naturally, most people put more effort into their appearance when they met someone they liked romantically; they also spent their money more easily that day, so that they wouldn’t have been labeled as a miser. First dates were crucial: they could make or break the future of a relationship, which made them almost as scary as exciting, if not a whole lot scarier.

It wasn’t the first time your heart sank into your stomach at the thought of possible worst case scenarios, especially not when it came to Woong. Ever since you had started to spend quality time together without your friend group, you were often terrified that one poorly chosen word could make him realize that you weren’t worth it: his energy, those secrets he shared with you during your 11PM conversations, and the attention he gave you when so many other people yearned for a piece of it along with his heart.

You obviously didn’t think you were worthless or unlovable. Woojin would have killed you and dragged you back to life to kill you again if he had ever heard you speak so poorly of yourself. Still, even your best friend should have admitted that going on a date with someone popular was a concept ordinary people like yourself needed time to process. Not necessarily because of the most confidence-shattering questions like why he would have wanted to go on a date with you out of all people or what was so special about you, but because your mind had to catch up with your silly heart to believe it was reality.

You had had a crush on Woong for so long, of course, it felt like a dream.

A dream too good to be true until he picked you up on Saturday and walked with you to the nearest bus stop because neither of you had your own car. Despite the small talk you initiated while you were waiting for the crowded vehicle and the awkward silence that embraced you during the ride, you couldn’t have pinpointed a single thing that made this date different from your previous dates with Woong. And you meant this in the most positive sense of the word: familiarity.

Obviously, you were still nervous that one day he would wake up and realize you were too plain for him, but the small skips in your heartbeat whenever he smiled at you fondly greeted you like an old friend would have and that was enough to ease your worries. It was just him, the boy you had liked more than a friend even when he had been a friend. Things might have changed, he might have finally shown some interest in you as a girl, but essentially, you and your fond feelings were the same. You had nothing new to be scared of, just what you had already been accustomed to.

‘Should we decorate a whole cake or just two slices?’ You asked with a small pout when even after staring at the wide range of options for five whole minutes, you couldn’t decide what to pick from the menu. Thank goodness you had already agreed on making your own cake, because if you had had to choose even the type of dessert you went with on top of every flavor and size you could have ordered, you would have spent your whole date in this shop. And you had a movie to catch in three hours.

‘What about two whole cakes?’ Woong pondered, pointing at the smallest options that were about the size of your two palms next to each other. It was tempting, very much so, but you didn’t intend to upset your or the boy’s stomach with so much sugar.

‘You didn’t skip your lunch on purpose, did you?’ You turned towards the boy with your full body, concerned that you should have chosen a diner over the dessert place when you planned to eat popcorn and gummy worms for dinner.

‘Maybe I did…’ the boy admitted with a sheepish smile and while you were super excited about this place, at that moment, you would have been more than fine with leaving if that had meant he wouldn’t have starved later. ‘Or maybe I was just too nervous to eat,’ he added, his confession melting your heart because even though you had eaten a sandwich an hour ago, you felt the same way. It was nice to know you weren’t alone.

Since you would have also hated to be the reason for the sudden change in your plans, you didn’t wish to put Woong in that position. Instead, you quickly thought through your options and smiled at him when the most reasonable solution hit you.

‘Let’s decorate two slices and grab some street food before the movie,’ you proposed with a small bounce in your movements, rocking back and forth on your feet with your hands linked behind your back. Your chest felt warm and your skin was burning around your neck when Woong reached towards you and ruffled your hair.

‘So thoughtful! I love it, let’s do that!’

And you did that. You picked two slices in different flavors and walked up to the counter on the other side of the shop where you could coat your desserts with chocolate, fondant or icing, decorate them with fruit slices, marshmallows, crackers and more chocolate, then pick a marzipan figure to complete the aesthetics.

If you wanted to be honest, you had more fun designing your cake than how proud you were of the outcome, but Woong did a much worse job and he was still proud of himself, so you figured it was okay. They both tasted like a piece of heaven, anyway, and in the end, that was what truly mattered (and the memories you two made).

At first, you were a bit wary that there were certain topics you should have avoided on your date such as your struggles with oral exams and your rising anxiety whenever you thought of the presentation you had to give on pop music next week, but when Woong brought up their radio show with Daehwi, it felt like a permission to talk about anything.

Moving from one place to another, munching on cakes, fishcake and tteokbokki, you shared more with each other than your food. You confided Woong in your insecurities, your regrets, and your family background you rarely talked about. You also got to know that in spite of his easy-going personality, the boy had a hard time keeping more than three or four friendships alive simultaneously because he tended to give too much of himself to those around him and easily forgot about people who weren’t right in front of him.

Some things Woong told you were easy to comprehend; others were too complex and foreign to you to grasp. Still, you made sure he knew you were listening with the intent of getting familiar with the way he thought and felt, because he did the same for you.

If you could have chosen what to do on your first date with the boy all over again, you might have told him you wanted to speak and listen more instead of spending two hours in a dark, noisy room, staring at a screen, but overall, you had a pretty good time.

And the best part was that it didn’t end with the movie or your long ride back to the campus. Woong insisted on walking you all the way to your dormitory, so that he knew for sure that you got home safe.

‘I didn’t know dating can be so much fun. Thank you for today.’ You offered him one of your bashful smiles as your steps slowed down, then came to a temporary halt in front of the main gate of the girls’ building.

‘Does this mean there’s a chance you’re up for a second date, too?’ He asked just as smiley as you were while you turned towards him with your entire body and willed yourself to look up at him, right into his hazelnut orbs, instead of avoiding eye contact. You had no reason to shy away from him now when he clearly wanted to go on another date with you.

‘Yeah… If you promise you won’t skip lunch next time,’ you teased, choosing to embrace the situation instead of running away from it. You had already survived a whole afternoon in his company. You had eaten delicious food together, brushed hands in the dark, and laughed so hard, your guts hurt from happiness. What else was there to be afraid of?

‘In that case, we should grab lunch together on our next date. We could go to the amusement park right after. How does it sound?’ The question fell from Woong’s lips playfully, making it easy to anticipate your next date and yearn for a dozen more.

Munching on your cheek from the inside, you bit back a flustered chuckle. You thought of all those drama leads you admired and envied, then took a deep breath and said:

‘Like you’re planning to sweep me off my feet.’

You would have never called yourself a spontaneous person. You were terrible at going with the flow because uncertainty often made you anxious, but right then and there you took a leap of faith and stood on your tiptoes. Your eyes were closed when your lips landed on Woong’s cheek, but luckily, you didn’t miss your aim. An accidental nose kiss would have definitely mortified your soul and locked away your adventurous side.

‘But you’ve already done that,’ you whispered against the boy’s soft skin before you pulled away, satisfied to see how stunned he got because of a simple, chaste peck. It meant that your paces weren’t that different, which was a relief.

You waved him goodbye before he regained his composure; your grin twice as wide as it had been seconds before when you chose the stairs to the third floor instead of the elevator. You needed a good excuse for how fast your heart was beating and a bit of exercise might have been able to do the job.

An ice cream date and a retro roller skating slash milkshake date later, Woong was ready to ask you to be his girlfriend. He genuinely liked your company: your closeness and your rosy cheeks whenever he initiated a new form of skinship in public; your sweet and encouraging texts that turned into nagging from one moment to another when he was about to fail behind on his assignments; your long walks back to your dorm after their radio show. He liked you at 1AM, when your face was bare and your moles more prominent and at 1PM, too, when you talked with your mouth full during lunch breaks because Woojin couldn’t stop teasing you. You were who he wanted to be with. It was clear considering how much he anticipated seeing you each and every day. He just wanted to make it special even if Jangjun called him a simp for acting like he was about to propose.

Since Seungyoun’s ideas had been too extra and rather than helping him, Donghyun had clowned Woong for calling for an emergency bro meeting two weeks after his first date with you, Woong had asked his mom about romantic gestures and chosen one from the classics. He had bought you a pair of silver earrings because you rarely wore any other jewelry and a box of square donuts from your favorite shop since he knew for a fact that no matter how much you loved them, you deemed them too expensive to buy them for yourself just for the sake of it. They were birthdays and holidays kind of special for you: just what he aimed at on Friday when he planned to pop the question after your adorable goodnight peck.

Woong found the familiar, yellow envelope with the new love letter in it in the same place, at the same time he had done the first time. It was slid between two pages of the script you had given him at the beginning of your brainstorming session.

Back then, the blonde boy had been too afraid to read the message in front of his friend. This time, however, he thought being teased for being admired by the person he was also whipped for was a small price for reading your letter on the spot. Therefore, he picked the seal flap’s edge open with great care, then took the paper in his hands with a giddy smile on his face. You were so cute, asking for a break before he could have found it.

Something tugged on Woong’s heart when he saw that you started the letter with an apology. It made him feel uneasy because he seriously couldn’t have thought back on a single thing you should have felt sorry for. Could it have been because you had fallen asleep during your video call last week? He had already told you it was fine. Or because Woojin had called him a taken man in front of other girls the day before? Gosh, that was absolutely okay with him, too. If anything, Woong couldn’t have waited to be officially taken after tonight. You worried your pretty little head too much.

But then you went into details and those fragments pulled the rug out from under the boy’s feet. You were rambling about your assignments, your need to blow off some steam, and how you had gone to an outdoor concert with your friend and ended up catching the cold. You swore up and down that you had intended to write to him at least once a week, but you had been too drained to keep up with both your academic life and his radio shows. Nevertheless, you were sure that he had done great with Daehwi and playfully suggested that they should have made a YouTube channel where they uploaded their shows once they were over.

It was a useful idea, something he would have brought up in the second half of your meeting on any other Friday night… This time, however, he was too shaken up by the realization that you weren’t his secret admirer.

Woong’s hands were trembling when he shoved the letter back into the yellow envelope. He didn’t want you or anyone else to see it before he could have talked with you. He had to talk with you first.

Speaking of you, shouldn’t you have come back from your restroom break by now?

‘I’ll step outside for a couple of minutes. Call me if she comes back in the meantime,’ Woong asked his friend with one leg already out of the room. With his back to Daehwi, he shot an uneasy smile at the boy from above his shoulder, then left before the younger could have uttered a simple:

‘Sure.’

Woong had dozens of questions he wanted to ask you. Although, he knew you wouldn’t be able to answer any of them since he had never told you about his secret admirer. He had incorrectly assumed that they were you and now that it was clear that they weren’t, he was a lot of things, but most of all: confused.

He obviously still liked you. You were funny, kind-hearted, caring, and very pretty. You were everything he looked for in a partner, but all of a sudden, there was this other person who seemed to know him on another level and cheered for him from the shadows. They supported him like you and…

He tried to message you, call you to ask you where you were and what took you so long. He felt desperate to be near you before the mess got bigger in his head and he could have started acting differently around you, but you didn’t pick up your phone.

‘Come on! Where are you?’ He mumbled when he didn’t find you in front of the fourth floor vending machine, either. It was like you weren’t even at the building, which made no sense. You would have never abandoned your brainstorming session, not without a word, not when he and Daehwi were clearly waiting for you to come back from your break. Woong might have been mistaken about the letters, but he knew you weren’t that kind of person.

Still, when he couldn’t find you despite checking every restroom the building had to offer, he decided to rush to the nearest 7-Eleven, too, as the convenience store was right outside of the campus and you had the tendency to overestimate your speed when you had places to be. The closer he got to the ground floor, the clearer he could picture you with snacks in your hands and an apologetic smile on your face. Now that he thought about it, the vending machines had indeed looked a bit empty when he had passed them.

Woong’s lips pulled into the proudest, brightest grin when just like he had predicted, in front of the building’s main gates, there stood you with a plastic bag in your right hand, but it soon wavered when he noticed that you weren’t alone. And that you weren’t walking towards the glass doors, either. Instead, you stood there like a fly frozen in amber, unmoving and stiff, which urged him to speed up his steps.

‘… playing dumb. You two got closer after the first one. I bet you told him it was from you,’ one of the two girls around you said accusatively, pointing at your chest from a distance to give emphasis to her words. Woong had no idea what was going on, what these people could have had against you, but it was clear that they made you feel uncomfortable in your skin. If the way you were munching on your cheek from the inside hadn’t been enough, your failed attempts at speaking up for yourself would have still spoken volumes.

Woong saw you shook your head and took a defensive step backwards when the only guy in the group took one towards you.

‘You think he will still want you when he realizes that your relationship is built on lies? You basically manipulated him into dating you. How fucking sick is that? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?’ The boy kept throwing his accusatory questions at you and while Woong couldn’t have said with confidence that he understood the situation perfectly, he knew he would have never forgiven himself if he had kept watching from the sideline as they were screaming at you.

So he stepped between you and them, shielding you with his body at the same time you said:

‘I don’t…’

Woong reached behind his back to take your empty hand in his, then checked on you from above his shoulder when you squeezed his palm. It felt weak, almost uncertain, like you were conflicted whether you had the right to seek comfort in him to begin with.

‘What’s going on? Are they harassing you?’ He asked, wondering whether they had told you something that made you act this way - they couldn’t have talked about him when they had said you manipulated someone, right? you had never once tried to influence his decisions in any way, goddamnit! - or you were just too intimidated to react to his closeness the way you usually did.

‘The hell? We’re not harassing her. We came here to defend our friend, dude. She stole the credit for her letters,’ the guy claimed angrily, his lips pressed into a thin line when one of the girls slid her palm on his biceps to calm him. Despite everything, Woong was grateful for the help; he doubted he could have dealt with a guy this big if all hell had broken loose.

‘She’s lying to you. It’s Hari. She’s the one who wrote you those letters, not her,’ the other girl with the messy bun chirped in, visibly shy, but just as harsh with her accusation.

And then it clicked. Stolen credits, anonymous letters, dating… They were talking about the letters he had gotten and his secret admirer. Woong wouldn’t have been surprised if they had been the ones who had slid the envelope into his script.

‘Well, I appreciate that you’re here to clear up this misunderstanding, but you clearly make her uncomfortable,’ Woong started as diplomatically as possible, well aware that he was the one to blame for this mess. Not you. ‘And for that matter, she doesn’t know about the letters. It was me who asked her out, not the other way around,’ he reasoned. His heart sank into his stomach when he realized that your fingers were about to slip out of his hold. Were you mad at him? Were you shocked? Was it your confusion that tried to put some distance between the two of you?

Woong could only hope that you didn’t let go of his hand consciously, but just in case you did or your thoughts were just as fuzzy as his, he decided to take you out of the situation that was messing with your mind before your brain could have rewritten your memories from the past weeks. He turned towards you and gave you all of his attention as he gingerly reached for your hand and pulled you inside the building.

‘Are you okay?’ was the first thing that left the boy’s mouth when you were finally alone and he could cup your face in his hands. Woong’s thumbs caressed your cheeks anxiously while he was waiting for you to speak up.

In the deafening silence, he wished he could have been able to read your mind.

‘Did you think it was me?’ Your voice was so quiet, it was barely above a whisper, but since he stood close enough to you, Woong could decipher every word. He sucked in his lower lip, unsure whether you really wanted to hear his answer or this was a rhetorical question. After all, those guys had made sure you knew the two of you had grown closer around the time he had received the first letter. ‘Did you ask me out because of that letter they mentioned?’

Woong’s palms fell from your cheeks to the crooks of your neck. The boy was a lot of things: loud, childish, forgetful, oblivious… but he wasn’t a liar. Thus, he swallowed his nervousness and chose to tell you the truth. He liked you. Logically speaking, the circumstances shouldn’t have changed much between the two of you if you had liked him, too.

‘I mean, yeah. I started to look at you differently after I read the first one,’ he admitted shyly while his thumbs fondled your skin absentmindedly. Your heart was beating just as fast as his, he realized, when his finger found a more prominent vein.

‘I see,’ you breathed, your calm tone pushing the boy’s mind to overdrive. Something was off with you, your voice, your posture. Had your shoulders been droopy from the beginning? Why did your eyes look so dull all of a sudden?

‘Hey, it’s not like that. Sure, I didn’t think of you as a girl girl before that, but…’ Woong tried to explain the situation in detail, so that you would have understood that even though he had needed that extra push, in the end, he had fallen for you because of the little things that made you you.

But you weren’t listening. Instead, you cut him off mid-sentence and took his hands off your neck with a resigned smile.

‘I think you should give her a chance,’ you whispered, breaking something in Woong with the way you deliberately avoided his eyes.

‘What?’

‘Hari. Your secret admirer,’ you explained. Every word that fell from your rosy lips added to the wall you were building between the two of you. You might have stood at arm’s length from him, but Woong felt like you had never been further away. You were slowly slipping through his fingers and he had no idea what to do to keep you close. ‘Her letters clearly mean something to you. I think you should give her a chance. Take her on a date,’ you pushed, like it was easy. Like you hadn’t just told him to go out with someone else.

Woong had to force his next question through his gritted teeth.

‘But what about us?’

He didn’t want to be upset. A part of him doubted he had any right to feel that way - at least, towards you -, but even though he saw the logic behind your request, it was hard to not feel unwanted because of your calmness. He hated how calm you were acting on the outside.

‘I don’t know,’ came your answer before he heard you take a deep breath and your eyes met. Was he seeing things or your eyes were teary when you smiled at him? ‘Daehwi is waiting for us.’

You didn’t wait for Woong to figure out whether he liked the letters so much because he had thought they had been from you or you were right. You just turned your back to him and took the first steps towards the elevator.

That night, you left without a word, before Woong could have packed his things and walked you to your dorm. The earrings in his backpack were just as heavy as his footsteps or the silence that embraced Daehwi and him on their way to the boys’ residence on campus.

Letting go of Woong had been one of the hardest decisions of your life. However, it had been a decision you had had to make for both of your sake.

You weren’t angry with him. If anyone, it was Woojin who refused to talk to the blonde boy ever since he had learned about Woong’s reason for asking you out. You had tried to tell him, he was acting ridiculous, that their friendship should have meant more than your broken heart or those tears you had shed during the weekend, but days later, he was still adamant. He said you were his best friend and Woong could easily survive a few weeks without him until you got over your break-up. He didn’t care that you had never been officially together.

‘Stop giving them those stares. You’re making me anxious,’ you whined at ABNEW between two classes, half-determined to spend your free period in bed, half-willing to work on your group project with Miyoung who was still standing in the line in front of the counter, waiting for her drink and those muffins Woojin, Donghyun, and you had asked for.

It was bad enough that your presentation was due within a week and you still had to figure out the structure of your slides, but hanging out at your go-to coffee shop at the same time Woong and Hari did was a whole new low for the day. You had never wished to study in the library so badly.

‘Why? It’s not like her friends aren’t staring at you when you’re around,’ your best friend spat back bitterly, his tone just as black as the coffee in his hands.

Munching on your lower lip, you slowly turned your head towards the couple in the back of the shop and let out a disappointed sigh as your gaze fell on their smiley figures. You weren’t sure what you had expected when you had told Woong to give a chance to his secret admirer, but based on the dull pain in your chest, something told you that not this.

‘He looks happy. It’s better this way,’ you explained, hoping that you sounded at least half as convinced as you felt. It all depended on perspectives, after all. ‘Donghyun-ah! Tell him to stop staring!’ You turned towards your other friend, seeking help where you could only find a frown. So typical.

‘Like he listens to me,’ Donghyun retorted, although he did reach out to the younger boy to gain his attention.

In the following silence, you were sipping on your latte while you busied yourself with trivial things: you created a ppt file, chose a minimalistic theme for your slides, and searched for a few pretty, monochrome icons with transparent background on the internet for later use. You also wrote your names on the first slide and changed the fonts where it was needed. You were desperate to do something, anything that could help you forget about Woong and his love life. Now that you weren’t a part of it, it shouldn’t have been your business.

Too bad, none of your friends had come to the same conclusion yet.

‘She isn’t that cool, by the way. I mean, she’s obviously pretty and she’s kind when she needs to be, but we have a seminar together on Wednesdays and she lowkey looks down on people who are on scholarship,’ Donghyun broke the silence when you started to drum on the edge of your mug absentmindedly; a clear sign that you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You looked up at the boy’s face with sad eyes, feeling conflicted about his words that had meant to be reassuring. Were you allowed to feel relieved that Hari wasn’t the perfect girl you had assumed her to be based on how much her friends loved and supported her? Maybe. But it still felt selfish, because Woong seemed to like her a lot. ‘I don’t even know how she knows who are on scholarship. It’s not like people openly talk about these things.’

You, on the other hand, had a few guesses. She either came from an influential family or she was more popular than you had initially thought. Both sounded a bit scary, especially because both options came with enough power to ruin lives in a collectivist society.

‘But most of Woong’s close friends are on scholarship,’ you mumbled as you lifted your mug in front of your mouth and took a small sip from the sweet beverage. You didn’t like where your messy thoughts were about to go. You didn’t like the odd mixture of fear and excitement that slowly consumed your body.

Yet, there was a hint of a genuine smile in the corner of your mouth when the boy patted your upper arm with his hand.

‘Exactly. I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you,’ Donghyun said encouragingly, earning a scoff from Woojin with his positivity. Neither of you needed to be a genius to realize that the younger hated the idea of false hope the boy’s words might have been giving you.

Thus, you lifted your chin high and decided to prevent all hell from breaking loose for the nth time with your most believable nonchalant smile.

‘I don’t,’ you claimed - a ridiculous lie, really -, then took another sip from your drink to steal yourself a little time to actually consider this as your next step in your long journey towards absolute recovery. Because sooner or later you had to face the facts: you had had your chance and you had blown it. Who said Woong would have wanted to be with you once he broke up with his girlfriend. If he had broken up with his girlfriend to begin with.

‘That’s the spirit!’ Woojin exclaimed with a proud smile that honestly warmed your heart. He acted so unlike his age, being your big brother who wanted nothing but the best for you when you were actually a year older. You shot finger guns at the boy to make him smile and to put your gratitude on display in the most you-way possible: you acted like those few weeks with Woong had already been in the past. (Because they were. They needed to be, for everyone’s sake.)

Not long after Miyoung got back to your table and squeezed her chair between Donghyun’s and yours, you saw Woong and his girlfriend leave the café, holding hands while swinging their arms back and forth between their bodies like playful couples did in movies. Eyes glued to their figure on the other side of the glass doors, you pouted like a kicked puppy until Donghyun stuffed a blueberry muffin into your mouth.

Coughing, you felt a little lighter when his laughter embraced your grieving soul. It was time to speed up your recovery, skip a few stages, and advance towards the last step: acceptance.

Lacking first-hand experience, Woong had always thought that every break-up was the same until you liked the other person. After all, he had cried just as badly when he had lost Bbang, his goldfish in kindergarten as he had done in middle school when his cat had run away from home while he had been in the academy. Shouldn’t all hearts have broken the same?

He learned that the answer was no when he broke up with Hari and asked her to remain good friends. With her curse words ringing in his ears and her petite figure disappearing at the end of the hallway, feet frozen and eyes wide, the boy didn’t feel sadness or disappointment like he had anticipated. Instead, he was relieved.

Obviously, he still thought that she was an amazing person - hence his offer to stay present in each other’s life -, but while she had been nothing but kind to him, something had felt forced in their short-lived relationship while it had lasted. Maybe, it had been the girl’s smile that had seemed different whenever Jangjun or Seungyoun had hung out with them. Maybe, it had been his body that had felt stiffer every time the girl had wanted to check out a place where he had already been on a date with you. Maybe, it had been you and your sad eyes that had haunted him since the night you had told him to go on a date with Hari.

Or maybe it was all about timing and his heart simply wasn’t ready to care for someone new when it was still in love with you.

‘Hyung! Could you come already? I really, really can’t stay until eleven this time,’ Daehwi’s plea reached Woong’s ears only a couple of heartbeats before you said:

‘Let him be! I’ve already told you, you can leave at ten.’

The younger boy’s exaggerated sigh and your playful banter about how Daehwi would have never been able to ditch either of you (but mostly you) while you still had promising ideas to talk through made Woong smile. The whole situation and those tiny yet significant steps that led him to this moment were so surreal. Had he really broken up with his first girlfriend five minutes before your Friday brainstorming session? Had he really done it because he had seen Hari frown at you in the elevator?

The chokehold you had on him was insane.

‘I’m coming!’ He exclaimed as he shook his head and brushed aside his overwhelming urge to be there for you all day every day for the rest of your life. He didn’t want to burden you with his feelings, especially not after what had happened between the two of you - not to mention that he might have needed a bit of time alone to organize his thoughts and emotions before he could have come clean to you -, but he hoped that with time, you would give him a second chance. A chance to show you he didn’t need anyone else; you had no reason to doubt him.

Since Daehwi had an assignment due at midnight he still had to proofread and submit, the three of you decided to skip your usual break and wrap up the meeting around nine regardless of how far you got, because the boys could always improvise during their show in case they ran out of scripted material, but the younger boy only had one chance to impress Mrs. Park with his academic knowledge and that woman was hard to win over once she lost her faith in you. Professors in the Business Faculty were infamous for holding grudges against students who didn’t take their studies seriously.

Considering that your tactic to avoid being alone with Woong was the same since the day you had distanced yourself from him, the boy knew he needed to be quick if he didn’t want you to slip through his fingers again. Therefore, he made sure his papers and pens were already in his backpack when you jotted down your last ideas in your notebook, then stood up from his chair as soon as you did, so that he could follow you to the corridor.

‘Hey!’ Woong jogged after you when you gained a head start because of the table he had to skirt around first. The boy hoped that he could catch up to you in front of the lift, but then he noticed that you were heading towards the stairs, most probably to save yourself from an awkward elevator ride. He could only pray you still had enough kindness in your heart for him to not ignore him intentionally when he was clearly talking to you. Sure, you hadn’t spoken since he had gone after Hari, but that had been your idea and…

When your steps came to a sudden halt with your hand on the door that led to the stairway, the boy almost tripped over his own feet. He was so damn glad you hadn’t ran away.

‘Khm, so I was thinking…’ he started, a little uncertain, but still determined to live with this chance. ‘Would it be okay if I walked you back to the dorm?’

Relatively speaking, Woong didn’t ask for much. He would have been more than satisfied with the tiniest baby steps like walking at arm’s length from you either by your side or behind you if that made you feel more comfortable. Although, the latter might have made him feel a bit creepy, but until you let him, it would have been fine.

The resigned sigh that left your mouth could hardly mean anything good, but turning back now would have been awkward, Woong thought, and he had already done a super impulsive, super reckless thing that day. What was one more? Even if you rejected him or called him a confusing jerk in your own, curseless way, he could have at least said that he had tried.

‘Actually, if you have something to tell me, I’d prefer if you did it here, while we’re still in the building,’ you told him in a neutral tone, making him wonder whether he overreacted it or you treated him differently from everyone else (in a completely different way than before). He tried to recall your first ever conversation, whether you had smiled at him back then or his memories were playing a trick on him, but it was no use.

He was clearly overthinking it: a warning sign that he wasn’t ready to be with you and that he should have given himself a bit of time after his breakup. But you were finally close enough for your moles to be visible and more importantly, you were with him without Woojin who always had a rude comment to Woong when he hung out with the boys.

‘Because of Hari,’ you said, as you most probably mistook his silence for not knowing what you were talking about. Which was funny, because while his mind was filled with you, you, and you, once you spoke up, Woong realized you were actually right. He didn’t understand your reasons, he just hadn’t dwelled on them or questioned your request. ‘I don’t want her to misunderstand. Her friends are already giving me the stares.’

The boy furrowed his eyebrows. What had you just said?

‘I… I didn’t know,’ he stuttered, the confession heavy on the tip of his tongue. Truth to tell, he had rarely paid attention to Hari’s friends since he hadn’t liked what they had done to you and his ex-girlfriend had understood. She had actually encouraged him to spend more time with her without either of their friends, so that they could have gotten to know each other better. It had sounded logical back then. ‘But she’s not my girlfriend anymore. I broke up with her,’ he felt the need to correct you at least, since he couldn’t promise you that everything would be okay. The thought that he might have unintentionally made things harder for you with his actions worried him more than he showed. He didn’t like the thought that they could have put the blame on you, when it was him whose heart hadn’t been in their relationship with Hari.

‘Is this what you want to talk about?’ You asked, raising one of your slim eyebrows as if you were suspicious. It reminded Woong of your arcade date when you had caught him cheating, but he quickly brushed aside the memory.

‘No. Partly. I don’t know,’ he rambled, uncertain of how much he could have told you when his thoughts and urges scared even him. It couldn’t be normal, how much he missed you when you had never been his. But his mouth chose this moment to completely disregard his brain. ‘I just miss you. I miss walking you back to the dorm, holding your hand, spending time with you.’

After Woong’s confession, the silence was deafening. It made the boy anxious that your lips parted to speak, but no words came out of your mouth. The longer you stood there frozen, the more he started to question his decisions. Since when had he been so afraid to take the initiative? He was usually so unbothered by others’ opinion, he was the first to volunteer when someone needed to do something stupid. Like when he had rapped his part of the presentation in first year because they had been talking about popular genres with his partner and they had wished to do something out of the ordinary. Woong was a terrible rapper.

‘Fine. We can walk together, but no hand-holding,’ you pulled him out of his thoughts with a few simple words that made the boy smile even though you couldn’t see it because you were already with your back to him.

Woong didn’t point out that you could have taken the elevator, too, now that you had agreed to let him tag along. Instead, he accepted your decision and followed you from a comfortable distance until you waited for him in front of the main entrance and he could finally walk by your side with a lighter heart.

If he wanted to be honest, Woong had tons of things to tell you on the way. He wanted you to know that he might have needed that anonymous letter to have an excuse to get closer to you, but he had always thought that you were kind and interesting. It just didn’t feel right to bring these up. In fact, he felt utterly selfish from the mere idea to force this conversation on you when you had already let him stay.

Therefore, he stuck to neutral topics. He asked you about the radio show, your seminars without him, and complimented your presentation skills since he couldn’t have congratulated you after class because of Woojin, the girl you had been partners with, and Donghyun who had pulled you out of the room before he had realized. Blushing, you apologized for your best friend’s behavior and he reassured you it was fine. Sure, it hurt his feelings that his friend had openly taken your side, but he was also grateful that the younger boy had been there for you.

Without taking detours and competing which one of you could take smaller steps, the walk to your dorm felt shorter than Woong remembered, but he didn’t complain or ask you to stay outside for a bit longer. The boy would have liked to believe that his consideration was why you smiled at him so brightly before you bid your goodbye.

Your individual decisions might have damaged your relationship. Yet, your actions gave him hope that it wasn’t beyond repair.

You were as stubborn as a mule. Or maybe, you were just afraid of disappointing your best friend, but it took you longer than any of your friends would have predicted to get back together with Woong.

The night he had told you that he had broken up with Hari, you had been doubtful and so had been Woojin whom you had called up as soon as you had gotten in your room. You had been in desperate need of advice and you had known he had had a movie night with Donghyun, so it had been like killing two birds with one stone: you had gotten both the pros and the cons of letting Woong back into your life in a span of one and a half hour.

What had convinced you to not push him away in the end had been the same thing that had made you sit behind your desk in your dorm room exactly one hundred and fifty days later to write him your own love letter for Sunday: you loved him and you had regretted not holding on to him firmly on each day he had been with someone else.

Before Woong, you had thought that 100th and 1000th day’s anniversaries were only excuses to be a bit more romantic, to spice things up with your partner, and while you were still a bit skeptical, you believed your relationship with the now-brown-haired boy was still exciting and fun enough to not need tricks and aids like these. Nonetheless, you were hyped about your celebration dinner on Sunday and the amusement park you had bought tickets to weeks before your date.

Despite laughing your ass off at Lotte World and filling your tummy with delicious snacks in the shade between two rides, you thought the park itself was overpriced, but it was a special day and the memories were worth every won - thank goodness Woojin had let you tutor two of his students who were preparing for CSATs, you had definitely needed the extra pocket money.

‘Are you ready for the best present anyone has ever given you?’ Your boyfriend asked once you finished your main dishes at the Italian restaurant you had chosen together and you put your elbow on the table, placing your chin atop of your palm, smiling. He looked so proud of himself like a child who had gotten his first shiny star from his homeroom teacher in elementary school. His goofy smile was absolutely adorable.

‘You mean the laptop dad gave me for high school graduation? Nah, I don’t want to leave before dessert,’ you joked, earning an exaggerated groan with your playful attitude, but one look at your boyfriend’s pouty lips was enough to know he wasn’t done with you for real.

‘Very funny,’ Woong grumped, reciprocating your carefree giggles with his own chuckles as he pulled an ocean blue gift bag out of his backpack and shoved it into your hands. ‘Here! Open it!’

You looked down at the small package he had prepared for you, then bit back a smile and took a similar gift bag out of your tote bag in green color.

‘Let’s open them for three!’ You suggested, because no matter how much you wanted to see his reaction and burn it into your memory, you also hated standing under the spotlight and this way you could share it with each other. It was a small sacrifice for comfort - something that your boyfriend didn’t seem to mind.

So you counted to one, two, and three, then pulled every item out of the bag one by one until you had a bunch of self-care products piling up in front of you on the table. Woong hadn’t been joking: it was indeed the best present ever, especially for a busy university student like you whose skin liked to turn into her enemy under stress. He had bought you a box of slime for stress relief, face masks, that fancy vitamin c serum you had been talking about for weeks, a plushie headband, a white USB stick with a winking emoji drawn on one side and the words “you did great, honey” written on the other.

Already overwhelmed, your lips parted when you noticed a light pink envelope.

It wasn’t closed properly, so you could pull the handwritten letter out of it easily, but before you would have started reading it, you stole a glance at your boyfriend and grinned at his similar reaction to your lilac love letter. Gosh, you were both so cheesy.

‘I can’t believe you stole my groundbreaking idea,’ Woong whined, his furrowed eyebrows and sulky voice urging you to roll your eyes with affection.

‘Maybe, you stole mine,’ you retorted, cheeks red like tomatoes when the waiter chose the same moment to walk up to your table with your chocolate cake. You darted your tongue out for good measure.

Not that the old man had any interest in your conversation with your boyfriend or made you feel bad for acting so childish. In fact! He was gone before you could have said thank you for the food.

‘Should we read them now? Not gonna lie, I’m super curious, but if you would rather wait until you’re alone, that’s fine with me, too,’ Woong offered, giving you a chance to save yourself from embarrassment (and most probably, second-hand embarrassment as well), but you wanted to show him just how grateful you were for him as a person… so you gave yourself a quick pep talk and shook your head with pseudo-confidence. Until he was with you, you had nothing to be afraid of, right? And this was your 100th day’s anniversary. When to be crazy and wild if not tonight?

‘Nah, we can read them now,’ you reassured him, waving with your hand as though a single motion could have brushed aside all your worries.

It obviously didn’t work.

You barely reached the end of the first paragraph and your cheeks were already crimson, your heartbeats erratic, and your lips bitten. You couldn’t stop munching on them because of how utterly ridiculous your boyfriend was. Comparing your laugh to a dolphin’s and your eyes to blizzards? Was either of those a positive comparison to begin with?

‘Yah! How could you write so much nonsense about me? I don’t drool like a sick fairy, nor is my snoring adorable. I do not snore, Woong!’ You whined, regretting every real compliment you had given him in your own letter, especially when he shot the most amused grin at you, you had ever seen on his face, then started quoting you, too, just because in his opinion - his words, not yours -, it had been you who had started it.

The rest of your celebration dinner was spent with constant whining, scoffing, and laughing. You both dissed each other for certain words and phrases you had used in your confession such as ethereal, angelic, and your personal favorite: morning voice as smooth as Woong’s to-go strawberry smoothie. You competed to see which one of you was more hopeless based on the months behind your backs and teased one another a bit more when you failed to eat your chocolate cakes without getting some on your faces.

But there were undeniably sweet moments, too, between your playful banters. Like when the boy told you he liked your letter better because it was handwritten and smelled like you. Or when he sat next to you to pull you into his arms as soon as you started crying soundly because of those love yous he had oh so casually written at the end of every paragraph.

‘I love you,’ Woong whispered against your temple, feeding you as though you were a baby, his baby, when you refused to pull away.

‘I love you, too,’ you reciprocated his words immediately, swallowing the cake and shoving a couple of bites into his mouth, too, with your chopsticks.

That night, neither of you knew yet that you had started the tradition of cheesy love letters and exaggerated diss battles that secretly you both liked or that - three years later - this tradition would make it super easy for Woong to ask you to be his for the rest of your lives.

the end.

#woong x you #woong x reader #ab6ix scenarios #jeon woong x you #jeon woong x reader #jeon woong #woong #secret admirer au #college au #ssbyme #ab6ix woong

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Build Up Ep 8, Part 2: 💖Guilty 💖

Hello and welcome to another Build Up recap in the series! In the previous one we saw a team rock out! In this one, we’ll see a team get sexxxy. I have a lot to say! Let’s do this!

We start off with the team coming out on stage as usual and greeting everyone. They joke that Donghun and Jeup are the parents and that Woong and Bain are their sons #1 and #2.

Left to right: Bain (Just B), Donghun (A.C.E.), Jeup (IMFACT), Woong (AB6IX)

Their name is transliterated Dongupjadur, I think? It’s written in a really stylized way and my hangul reading skills aren’t quite up to it.

As they’re coming out, the other teams backstage wonder out loud if the guys will be showing their abs -- specifically, if Jeup will be showing his abs. When I was watching this episode for the first time, I didn’t know that Jeup showing his abs was that a thing that could happen. I was like… What? Jeup? Abs? Tell me more!

Ohhh.

등 부시러 갑니다 = “I’m going to break my back.”

So you’re telling me that he just looked like that? Under his s w e a t e r s? THE WHOLE TIME?

Anyway, the team is going to… perform? A song? Something like that. What? Yeah, a song. This is a singing competition. I remember now.

The judges say that the combination is unexpected, and yeah, it kind of is. They’re all good, but aside from Donghun and Jeup singing one song together, no one in this group has performed with anyone else from this group so far on this show. So… what is the unifying concept? Why did Jeup pick them? You guys. YOU GUYS. I have so much to say. More on this soon.

We flash back to them meeting… on a… I don’t know, staircase. A big wide staircase.

Just like, a good staircase to have a meeting on, you know? We’ve all had meetings on big indoor staircases, why am I even explaining this?

Woong asks Jeup why he chose Bain and himself.

s w e a t e r

Jeup basically answers that Bain and Woong are good singers and he wanted to work with them and make a team that can do anything. Hmmm.

On a first watch, I wondered if maybe the real reason was that he wanted a group full of debuted idols? Bain is from Just B, Woong is from AB6IX, Jeup is from IMFACT, and Donghun is from A.C.E. But that just doesn’t seem convincing, does it? Ok, like I said, more on this soon.

The guys do a little skit where they pretend to be choosing a song together, but it seems obvious when you watch it that they already know what they’re doing, and what they’ll be doing is Guilty, the song by Taemin. That’s a ballsy choice! A choice full of balls!

Ok, a little bit about Taemin, in case you don’t know him well. He’s a member of SHINee, the same group that was once home to Jonghyeon who we talked about a lot during the 2x2 round. Taemin was only 13 when he debuted, and at the time, he basically couldn’t sing. At all. Like, at all at all. He was there to dance -- and boy can this guy dance -- and to be a cute maknae.

Over the years, a combination of a lot of hard work and some really good vocal training has made him a quite good vocalist. He also absolutely, positively drips with charisma -- both as in the sense of “star quality” and in the sense of “sexiness”. If you have never listened to Move or Want, you’ve been missing out, so rectify that ASAP.

Guilty came out in October of ‘23, shortly after Taemin came back from military service. He’s said in interviews that he drew inspiration for the album from a book called Erotisicm by a philsopher named George Bataille. A summary of the book: “Bataille challenges any single discourse on the erotic. … Investigating desire prior to and extending beyond the realm of sexuality, he argues that eroticism is ‘a psychological quest not alien to death.’” Well, ok then! So that’s the book that inspired him. What about the song itself? Well, the lyrics could be summarized: You know you want me, baby!

In other words, my friends, the song is a fuck song. And boy, do fuck songs do well on shows like this. Consider Boys Planet, if you will. Songs like Love Killa were always going to beat songs like Home. Team Over Me was always going to place ahead of Switch.

In addition to being a fuck song, Guilty is a good song, but I don’t know if it’s fucking good, if you feel me? Something about it -- I don’t know, I didn’t fall in love with it the way I did with Move and Want. In fact, the day I first watched the episode, I had actually skipped Guilty when it came up in my shuffle. Twice. Don’t get mad at me sometimes I have to hear some EXO or I’ll die okay?

Alright, back the episode. Where were we? Oh yeah, the guys were pretending that this was the moment that they chose the song. The show reminds us that Guilty, with its attention grabbing choreography, is a popular “challenge” right now, for idols and just anyone who thinks their belly is flat enough. (Hwang Soyeon, where are you?)

Woong points out that they really have to do the up-the-shirt-neck-grab move -- and he’s right, I mean imagine doing Gashina and not doing the finger guns? Some choreography is so connected to the song that you can’t take it away without missing it a lot. They also know, though, that they have to prioritize good vocals.

Next question -- should they all show their abs? The immediate answer is yes, but -- and this is really interesting to me -- Donghun gestures to his ab area and says “I’m going to wear Heattech in here.” I did some research and can’t find anything on singers traditionally keeping their abdomen warm in order to sing better, though it doesn’t seem completely crazy. I have a chronic illness (endometriosis) and I know that heat is really great therapy for a lot of things, but I just have never heard of singers doing this.

Plus, go with me on this -- even though in their little skit Donghun is the one who appears to suggest Guilty as their song, he apparently hadn’t thought through the necessary ab exposure or he wouldn’t be bringing this up now as a possible issue. See what I mean about it just being a skit? I’m pretty sure that Jeup had already picked out the song when he put the group together and then for some reason had to make it look like someone else was suggesting it when they filmed this scene.

And poor Bain is like, um, guys, I don’t *have* abs. Bain isn’t skin stretched over muscles like most kpop idols, it seems. That’s ok, Bain, I still love ya! I sure as hell don’t have visible abs. He says he thinks he needs to work out, as if it’s possible to go from not having abs to having abs in like, two weeks. Sorry, dude, that is not happening, or at least, not without doing something super dangerous for your health.

Anyway, luckily for the team, they have a leader who can also lead them in personal training.

The show gives us some good shots of Jeup’s bod, and in the interest of thoroughly covering this topic, I’ll take a screen shot.

What can I say -- I’m a hard worker. (That’s what he said!)

Then the guys go work out with Jeup and he does fucking leglifts hanging from a bar the way you’d lift a single finger.

“It’s easy,” he says. “Just hang on. And just put your legs up.” Sure. Just do that. Just. Do. That.

They all take a turn doing this incredibly difficult advanced move. Woong asks Jeup to hold him up from behind and says “I feel like I’m going to die,” but he can do it. He has abs already, anyway.

Donghun also needs Jeup to hold him up, but he can also basically do the move.

It turns out that Bain absolutely cannot do the move -- he can’t hang there and he can’t lift up his legs. So the whole team helps him.

I think it’s supposed to be funny? It’s a weird combination of horrible (because Bain is the butt of the joke) and oddly wholesome (because they’re all approaching it with kindness), but it’s also kind of wrong, because “abs start in the kitchen,” meaning, that it’s much more about whether you have abdominal fat than whether you have abdominal muscles. So all this work will not actually give him visible ads unless he, IDK, does this for two hours a day and also doesn’t eat, which is a bad thing to do.

They also do some rehearsing at BR N W MUSIC, whatever that might be!

And that brings us to performance day! Right before they perform, Yeo One backstage says that Donghun drew his abs on with a marker. Hey, man, don’t blow up his spot like that.

It’s time to perform, which means it’s also time for a commercial!

Full version without reactions

Alright, I want to talk about the performance itself and believe me I will but first, get your tinfoil hat ready because I think I know why Jeup picked out this group. It became clear to me as I watched the performance and did some thinking.

It’s because

Jeup is very smart

Jeup knows what a mostly-female survival-show audience loves best is sparkles in their pants

Jeup selected the other three guys on the show that can pull off a sexy concept most easily.

Look, I am not saying that I find any of these guys besides Jeup particularly sexy when they’re just goofing around. But they’re all sexy when they perform! Or rather, I should say, they create a sexy mood. Let me explain.

Have you ever listened to a sad song that makes you tear up a little, even though you’re not actually sad about anything in real life? Or maybe a song kind of makes you feel inspired and lifted up? Into the New World by SNSD does that for me. Or maybe a song makes you feel snarky and sarcastic, like Wife by G-Idle. It’s like that, but with sexiness. You get to live in a sexy world for a few minutes, without it being focused at anyone or anything in particular.

To put it differently: it’s like they emit the smell of baking cookies, only instead of baking cookies, it’s sex. You breathe it in instead of actually… having it.

Woong, Bain, and Donghun can all do the sexy concept. Not everyone can do sexy. In EXO, for example, I’d argue that Xiumin and D.O. struggle with sex appeal in performances, despite their beautiful faces; that’s part of why a comeback like Obsession was only possible when those two were away in the military. Suho can kind of do sexy on stage, but that’s helped by the fact that to me he seems the sexiest off stage. I don’t know, I guess it’s all subjective of course, but “doing sexy” is different from “being sexy” and both are different from actual sex.

So yeah, Bain can do sexy, abs or no abs. That’s why his whispering “like a river!” in River worked.

Woong can do sexy, as you can tell if you watch AB6IX perform.

And Donghun can do sexy, despite being kind of not sexy at all in real life.

Jeup knows that he’s a Kai/Hyunjin/Kang Daniel/Baekho/Wyatt type, and he knows that he has to give the ladies sparkles in their pants. That’s why he had to ditch Suhwan, despite Suhwan’s strong vocals. He needed a group that could be his backup sexies as he hit us full bore with the force of his sexiness.

And boy can this boy do sexy. I actually learned how to make gifs in order to make this one:

Just Park Jeup stroking his mic stand lightly all the way down, while Donghun hits a high note. Jeup is a fucking genius, and yes, I mean that. He knows exactly what he’s doing. It's funny because I later on noticed that all of them are doing the microphone stand stroke, but Jeup is the one who the editors decided to highlight, and I mean, come on. Yes. He does it best.

The ab reveal was fine. I think Jeup is sexier just staring into the camera, but that’s just me. Here are some gifs to delight you:

Did Woong tear his shirt?

As to the song and the performance itself.

I am now the world’s foremost expert on this song as I have listened to it approximately one million times in the past few days. I listen to it the way I listen to an EXO song -- noticing each new voice (“ooh, that’s Jeup! Ooh that’s Bain!”) and enjoying it.

And in my expert opinion, this was PERFECT -- the perfect choice of song, the perfect group, the perfect performance. There were high notes for Jeup to croon, whispered parts for Bain to whisper, emotional parts for Donghun to emote, and sassy parts for Woong to sass. And they all did their jobs.

I almost don’t even want to analyze their various vocals because I just love this so much, but I also do want to because they were so good. First off, if you listen to the studio version that was released and compare it to the live version, the live version is actually better. Seriously. There isn’t a note out of place here.

GOD but my Bain is SO GOOD. I am so proud of myself for picking him out at the start of the show as my main pick. He’s so good. His voice is just perfect. His adlib at 3:16 in to the Youtube version is so gorgeous. His technique is so clean, with no closed throat sounds or a feeling of being out of control of pitch or anything like that, ever. No nasality that I notice. Just the perfect amount of vibrato. It’s just perfect overall. His vocals are my favorite on this team.

Woong’s vocals are obviously not powerful and perfect like the other three’s but he adds this sassy contrast to the others. I wouldn’t swap him out for anyone else. He slightly reminds me of Woongki from Boys Planet -- offstage, not sexy at all, in fact kind of feminine seeming. And then give him the right concept (Supercharger for Woongki) and you see what he’s capable of.

Jeup is an absolutely top tier vocalist in addition to being a gorgeous man. I don’t know if I have anything more to say than that. It’s just like, yeah. Did you hear it? You heard it, right? I’m getting used to his vocal color and liking it more and more.

Donghun does a great job here too, obviously, especially in providing harmonies with the lightest touch imaginable. That’s a real talent. In fact, I think my favorite part is from :39 to :47, when Jeup and Donghun climb up that lazy scale together. It’s like a hand moving up your leg to your thigh. It’s really something.

See, Jeup is a genius. Everyone else kind of leans forward, like Donghun on the left. But Jeup keep his head up and just looks to the side, while leaning back slightly and tilting his pelvis up. He GETS it. How can someone look as tasty as Kai while also singing as well as Chen and not like, be the most famous person in Korea? I don’t get it.

I think I’m going to be cheering for Partners at this point. I just want this team to release a whole cover album with them singing like, IDK, Taemin’s entire catalog. I want this team to manifest. Just more singing like this.

EDIT: I just showed this performance to My Fella and he said, "So that won, right? That had to win. That made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up." My Fella is the best, isn't he?

Counter offer: I don’t really have one. This was the right song. Hoo boy. But if they had to pick out a song for next week (and I don’t think they do, based on what I think its next), I’d recommend Touch by NCT. There are lots of kinds of sexy, and they’ve already done the vaguely menacing kind of overt sexy, so next is the “boyfriend in jeans” sexy level to conquer. Alternatively maybe they could do Playboy by EXO (another song written by Jonghyun). It’s overtly sexy but in a jazzy flirty way instead of in an aggressive dangerous way.

Ok, so in the MNET edit the focus seems to be mostly on the shirt lift moment. There was a cute bit where Jeup the Genius gently strokes his collar bone area, as if to remind everyone of what’s under his shirt, and backstage, Wumuti is like, “hey! I was promised abs!!”

Wendy is impressed with Bain’s vocals

Jaehwan needs an adult!

So when they’re done, of course the audience goes batshit while the judges applaud. Jaehwan stands up and Wendy gives a thumbs up.

Backstage, the other guys have mixed reviews. They seem to think that this was pandering to the audience, but I think that’s unfair. I have been *listening* to this performance for days. Just on repeat while I’m on the plane or driving my stupid rental car around. If I could listen without watching or watch without listening, I’d much rather listen. I love this performance vocally, truly, I do. I respect the sexy cloud they generated, too. That’s not easy to do.

VCG compliments Woong and he lets out the cutest, goofiest grin.

The judges vote, and the highest score is revealed: It’s a 95 from VCG.

Seems like they’re pretty surprised by that.

Backstage, Haram says to his teammates that he’s not surprised by that high score. “You can’t ignore the sense of presence,” he explains. That’s the name of my next Jeup x reader fanfic -- “The Sense of Presence.”

VCG explains his grade. “I felt that the skills of reading the song for singers who have been on stage was different.” He also says that Donghun really understands the stage and how to change up his voice based on the flow of the performance.

Eunkwang says that the team had good teamwork -- that they divided the parts properly and worked well together.

Solar praises Woong, and he grins again.

Wendy asks about the killing part -- “Did you all work out together?” Ha ha!

VCG asks how they feel the ab reveal went -- did they get the response they were hoping for? I mean, if they were hoping from high pitched squeals from all the women -- and most of the men -- in the audience, then yes. Hilariously, Jeup can’t help but be honest and say that they had difficulties with that in rehearsal because their abs weren’t being revealed properly. They had to really work at it. I find the idea of them conscientiously making sure that their abs showed when they lifted up their shirts to be so funny. It’s this sensual move, and here they are like, “Is my shirt lifting properly? Let me adjust the angle. Hmm, I might need a different shirt. I think cotton slides more easily than poly blends.”

Solar’s like “it showed really well, don’t worry.” I mean, we know she was looking.

”Hey Solar, I know you do a bit of pole dancing. I do that too, on the side. It’s great for the abs. Want to hang out and work on our abs together? I know a lot of cool moves that will improve your balance and control. And abs. We can do ab lifts and drink supplement smoothies and then take pictures of each other for Instagram.” -- Jeup, probably

Backstage, Soomin wonders if his team should also show their abs, and Seohyung continues to be everyone’s favorite when he says:

“It’s kind of weird to reveal abs while saying MILKY UP.”

Dude, it’s kind of weird to do anything while saying MILKY UP. In fact, it’s weird to just say MILKY UP. I hate it.

And with that, we reach the end of this segment! We didn’t hear a single word of praise for Bain or Jeup’s vocals. Fuck that shit, man.

In the next post, we’ll visit with Waterfire, Wumuti’s team, who are doing a cover of Aespa’s Drama. See you then!

#mnet build up #bpr recaps build up #build up #build up mnet #park jeup #a.c.e donghun #ab6ix woong #bain #just b #a.c.e.#ab6ix #imfact

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