#aforementioned anxiety

[madame-fall]

Spent months agonizing over something and finally just did it and found it wasn’t bad and made me feel better and more free. Maybe I’ll learn from this one, even. That’d be neat.

#fuckin had me in a vice for way too long #ironic that the ting that helps my anxiety gave me an anxiety attack any time i thought about doing it despite it helping with my anxiety #i'm getting there #slowly but surely i'm fuckin making it #also yo sorry if i haven't messaged you lately #aforementioned anxiety #i'll get back to you soon just give me a little #baby steps and whatnot #love ya #see ya soon

[bodhrancomedy]

A thing I said in pure sobriety today:

“Wow, I am never beating the Chihuahua allegations.”

#deaf #queer #funny #actor #this was in reference to me having denied I have anxiety #and my flatmate pointing out I was shaking like the aforementioned dog

[grandwretch]

im sorry but you cannot attribute every single human behavior to capitalism. yes capitalism has shaped literature for the worst. yes the bookish world would probably be a better place without goodreads or booktok.

however the concepts of bibliomania and tsundoku were created in the 1800s, well before there were thousands of ads for shiny covers and celebrity authors being flung into your face. people were already buying more books than they could ever possibly read when books were still made with manual typesetting. you can't blame this one on amazon.

that's not even touching the fact that bibliomania is sometimes a symptom of ocd, or the existence of hyperlexia.

sometimes, people just like to do something, and it makes them act irrationally. and, yes, capitalism corrupts that. but to pretend that all human excess is because of capitalism is simply erroneous. you need to stop pretending that eradicating capitalism will make us perfect creatures free from hedonism oh my fucking god

#shut up az #in fact under communism i plan to read and hoard even more books #for you see i am one of those aforementioned hyperlexics #there's a goblin in my brain that tells me to read and then points an anxiety gun at my head #gonna venture that goodreads didnt put him there #sorry the original post about judging others by how much they Consume was correct #but so many people in the notes took it to mean that all book hoarding and reading fast is inherently because of capitalism #as if this is not the website where people read millions of words a week that were posted and obtained For Free #WHAT IS MY AO3 MARK FOR LATER IF NOT TSUNDOKU BY ANOTHER NAME #never talk to me and my collection of vintage paperbacks ever again

[lonepower]

You said I could beat up my dad, but I didn't expect like that!! 😭

#MAYBE HE SHOULDN'T HAVE THROWN ME INTO A DEAD BABY PIT THEN #to be clear i do pity the pale king. it was. in layman's terms. a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation #was there another way? if his prescience couldn't see it then i don't know. maybe. #do i think he did any of it lightly? of fucking course not. i think it was the guilt that killed him. #did he Consciously choose to go ahead with the plan knowing [spoiler that you NEED to find before you leave the palace]? unclear. #i feel like if he'd Really known it consciously he would've tried another way #or at the very least still condemned hollow Knowing it was a stopgap measure and then continued to try and find a permanent solution rath #er than retreating. i think he was probably willfully blinded by a horrible combination of hope and despair. #but like even with all that being the case... *gestures at hollow* *gestures at ghost* *gestures at the aforementioned dead baby pit* #RUINED TEN THOUSAND PERFECTLY GOOD CHILDREN IS WHAT YOU DID. LOOK AT THEM. THEY'RE ALL DEAD AND THEY *STILL* HAVE ANXIETY. #curlyparmesan #replies

[marsixm]

i love seeing stuff in a theatre but it also stresses me out when theres other people in there because im anxious someones gonna dislike something and start being obnoxious about it or just be obnoxious in general

#this is especially stressful when watching really queer movies lol #mostly its an anxiety of something especially trans happening and someone loudly being a bigot #like idk i can deal with the lynchian arthouse bullshit but what about joe schmoe in here #i guess this film in particular attracts the right people but its still a thought that occurs during the movie #i wish i could just be alone but thats not how it works lol #unfortunately i worry at times this affects my own enjoyment of something #for example the aforementioned slowness of a movie gets more stressful when im worried someone around me will be upset #this is why i dont like watching things with friends sometimes

[alexanderpearce]

they should actually invent a fucking pill that stops me from being autistic for like 4 hours because maybe i don't want to be ticcing so bad i genuinely look possessed because what my glasses sit too far down my nose

#been thinking about how i get like severe symptoms (aforementioned violent tics‚ going nonverbal‚ really debillitating meltdowns due to #sensory/anxiety issues. like what im going through as we speak. where im like clawing at my hair and the line between stimming and ticcing #is shaken into oblivion) but like it literally only happens when im alone or around my parents and so i feel like people who know me irl #dont like. understand how much the autism really affects me i guess lol. anyway #i had a shower and washed my hair and brushed my teeth really intensely and brushed and dried my hair and had dinner and i still feel compl #etely out of whack because of my glasses so i guess i wont be continuing writing like i had been planning on #shut up ulrike #autism tag

[bisexualbard-writes]

what if I just go through the 10k i have written and rewrite it to be in present tense instead of past tense. I just can’t with the past tense, I don’t know how anything works anymore and my sense of pacing and timing is all wonky and AUGH. AUGH. BLECH. 

#writing woes #i never intended to become a present tense writer #but want and need felt better that way because then you were more immediately in chay's anxiety #this one I want to be a little more distanced from the anxiety #i don't even know if that makes sense #boy howdy there's a reason y'all aren't getting this fic until it's done #and that reason is because it's a disaster #and i don't know how to stick the landing on this one #which normally resolves itself once i start posting and get a good feel for what people are vibing with #but because of the aforementioned disaster don't feel great about posting it incrementally #but WHAT IF i finish it and then i get inspired through the comments to make a change #so maybe i should just go ahead and start posting

[in-the-corner-taking-up-space]

Do you ever think about how all your hobbies started as a way to bond with someone and that they’re more someone else’s than your own? And that when they leave your life the hobby is ruined and you can’t do it anymore. So as everyone leaves a chunk of your leaves to. And since your only personality besides being a melodramatic asshole is hobbies or habits you took to please be like others you are loosing more and more of yourself? Doesn’t that make you scared for when in 6 months you’ll move out to college and won’t see most of these people ever again? So you have to throw everything in the shredder and be a blank slate for god knows how long? And since then you’ll be so blank no one will notice you you won’t get anyone to mimic which means you’ll just be like that forever? Being a blank no one shell? Do you think about that?

#my writing ability is from my best friend. #my interests are from the guy I hate but am friends with so I don’t lose all the interests. #my ex traumatized me and gave me these damn anxiety problems and attatchment issues #do I want to be a teacher or do I like my current teachers. #I can’t engage in hobbies that my grandma taught me after her death #my sense of humor is from my new friend group #I am trans but sometimes I wonder if I would have known if not for my aforementioned best friend who I looked up to a lot and #wanted to be just like when we were little. #god damn I even got the ED from my mom telling me if I was skinny people would like me in elementary school #can’t have shit in a crumbling non existent sense of self

[libraryfag]

not being anxious all the time really does solve 99% of my problems

#when i first got on anxiety meds 🤝 now. #im having like the best sleep in the world. every day #i woke up at 4 today but i basically went to sleep for 3 hours just after that #my posts #aforementioned 4am wake up waz probably due to the anxiouty of potentially overdosing on melatonin

[sinkableruby]

did you ever finish Ikusa?

i made it to 010 before my anxiety and sense of increasing dread over the Ougi Situation™ got to me

i'll finish it.... eventually

#but you know due to aforementioned anxiety and dread it will be very hard

[missr3n3]

I'm too nervous to go off anon haha I'm sorry. But cut down the alter rlly made me so happy. Jonahs character ending so soon always made me incredibly sad, I love the interactions with everyone. I just want them to be happy in canon !!! And your story fulfilled that :)

i understand completely, im quite socially anxious myself <3

its been interesting. ive seen people a couple times in the main mandela catalogue tag wish for jonah-centric stories in which he repairs his friendship with adam and like. i want to recommend my fic. but i'm also very aware that there's several chapters of torture and gore to get through before that happens, and such content is definitely not for everyone lol.

but for those who can handle that kind of intensity, i'm glad my story has filled that void!

#ask the skeleton #cut down the altar au #also im just bad at self promotion lol #because of the aforementioned anxiety

[zjofierose]

.

#feeling frustrated tonight #i was supposed to go do a new thing #but it’s Fucking Storming in a way that i didn’t really feel safe going out and driving around to a place i’ve never been before #so after gearing myself up for it all day i flaked #and didn’t go #which i HATE doing #i used to do it a lot in my early twenties because depression and social anxiety #and i have mostly trained myself out of it #so i feel Real Bad about it when i do give in #also i’ve had this shitty low-grade headache for several days now #pretty sure it’s weather related (see aforementioned Fucking Storm) #and i am also super not feeling the Beginner Mind space i am stuck in w/ piano rn #like i have only been doing this for… six-ish months? i am not supposed to be Good yet #but i really committed to practicing every day in the new year #and so it FEELS like i should just be able to sit down and *play* now #which spoiler: i cannot #and rationally i get it #but emotionally i am having a temper tantrum #and i’m tired and there’s always too much too do #and no one has commented on my new fic which of course feels like no one likes it #so then it’s just like well why the fuck did i even bother writing it and should i even bother writing anything else #or will no one care about that either #and yeah i’m just whining and yes i know i need some ibuprofen and some dinner probably #but like ugh #and it’s only fuckin tuesday

[echowilds]

drop some flyxxt facts! i'm curious

ask and ye shall receive!

he's extremely good at playing the harp. not professionally mind you but he probably could have been if his parents had allowed it. which is why i use the orchestral staff skin for him ingame ^^

he's a genius with music, maths and magic. and he found a way for himself to combine those three things! chronomancy is his specialty.

that being said, character wise he's. exhausting to say the least. a spoiled brat who's far too used to getting his way and people bowing to his whims. a true nepotism baby! it's a lonely existence. he does get better tho. *quietly shoves trauma behind a curtain*

he's always liked wearing skirts and more feminine pretty clothes à la 'sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me'. it's a long running joke that you can hear the jangle of his jewelry from anywhere in the world if you're quiet enough.

it actually took him meeting cianáed (they/he/she) though to start questioning his own gender. he didn't know you could do that. it's still a giant ??? (for me as the creator too) so we're sticking with mainly he/him at the moment. [his pronouns in my pinned are listed as (he/she/they) because i think that'll be what i'm/he's settling on but we aren't there yet]

in terms of story he belongs to hel's AU, joining the party during lws3 (although not exactly voluntarily) and later formally DW as well! if i remember my own timeline correctly he's about 17 at that time

and some stuff about his creation:

he was supposed to be a simple keyfarm. by now you'd think that i should know better than putting any amount of effort into keyfarms but alas. i made him and was instantly obsessed with his look. two years of semi-coherent blorbo thoughts!

as i said in the tags i very deliberately made him related to a canon character because the whole 'you can't have your ocs be related to a canon character or they're a mary sue!!' thing became a pretty ingrained fear. mid 2010s fanfic culture thank you for making me insecure about my own little guys ._.

since he isn't actually much of a fighter he's mostly toughness, healing and concentration based and i slapped a homebrew support build on him

latest fashion wars! mistlock is the perfect spot for him

#flyxxt #asks #anon #not getting into the heavy lore yet bc of the aforementioned Anxiety™ #thank you for asking!! i love this little bastard #and sorry for taking so long to answer >.< #wall of text strikes again #yu's ocs

[transgaysex]

my emotions are all over the place

#wind howls #i feel like i am in a state of a mild anxiety attack. #perhaps i am anxious. huh. #atsv left me feeling weird which isnt a bad thing and i know that Specifically will pass. it happened with totk as well #but the travel to the movie and back were not great #so now im not feeling great. my body hurts and i feel vaguely sick. #i think a big part of it is me just. ranting to my boyfriend abt those events and my sibling listening in on me and texting me abt it #i think. that really really bothered me. my own privacy is very important to me. and i hate when it feels like thats taken from me #next time ill just text from the get go i guess. but also im just upset still. #i dont know how my sibling expects me to take their side in an 'argument' when the other side is my 11 year old baby sister. #and its not even an argument. its my baby sister just being a child and my sibling taking offense to her being a kid. #and like. its not even a case of me liking one of my siblings more than another. this is a case of 'youre being needlesly cruel to a kid.' #and somehow they havent realized by now that a kids wellbeing will always be more important to me than literally anything else. #especially when the kid is my own baby sister. #i dont like getting into arguments with my sibling because theyre strong and confrontational but also theyre just 18. almost 19. #theyre an adult ! but they still have all their teenage immaturity and fragility. #which obviously they refuse to acknowledge. because of the aforementioned immaturity and fragility. #genuinely if i had to pick anyone in my family that should talk to a therapist first. it would easily be my sibling. #i hope they get better soon for their own sake because i love them but my patience is running thin.

[portrait-of-a-little-thing]

yall ever just get violently nauseous while in the shower then proceed to vomit up about a Cup of pure stomach acid? kinda slay ngl,,

#i like to call what i deal with Something Is Wrong Disease #its very fun #nobody has figured it out yet <3 #usually when i get an episode of it i tend to get Insane anxiety about it #before then i just try to ignore it ❤️ #anyway thats all for this morning folks <33 have a nice day #blogging #personal blog #new blog #hot bitches have stomach problems #stomach problems #slay #i cant take my self seriously rn or else im probably gonna get the aforementioned anxiety #chronic illness? probably? maybe? ive dealt with this for like 10 years so maybe? #chronic illness #i really have no clue #thats the really fun bit #cyclic vomiting syndrome

[ajokeformur-ray]

I actually think SSRIs may not be the best treatment route for me in general, tbh, because I'm not willing to risk weight loss or weight gain and some of the other temporary/potential side effects made me have an hour long anxiety attack just from thinking about experiencing them because they're triggers for my anxiety PLUS my brother did experience those particular trigger things (for me; he didn't care) when he went on the medication I was just prescribed, so there's a likely biological trigger involved in there too, plus my problems already with food and my body image and the high probability I'll lose or gain weight alongside the fact that bodily changes trigger my anxiety too plus I'll have heightened anxiety for the first few weeks when I'm already more anxious than I have ever been in my life ever... yeah. Maybe SSRIs aren't it.

Okay, back to the doctor's next Monday...

#literally just thinking aloud at this point #in conclusion im not even gonna try the med i was prescribed today #for aforementioned reasons #if reading the list of side effects caused an hour long anxiety attack then taking the actual med would be stupid as shit