#all my routines are fucked my mood is fucked

[riddlesb1tch]

Nature's A Bitch

Azriel x reader

summary: Reader is on her period and amidst the crankiness due to a lack of sleep and her hormones going haywire, she says something to Azriel she doesn't mean. Now, she has to apologise.

warnings: mentions of blood (only once and nothing gory)

~●○°●○°●○~

You clutched your stomach, groaning in pain as another cramp hit. Earlier in the night, you’d woken up to excruciating pain in your abdomen and had odiously discovered you’d gotten your period. The rest of the night was spent barely getting any sleep, staying in a fetal position in an attempt to relieve the cramping. However, they only seemed to intensify as the night went on. Your only option was to ignore the pain and try to fall asleep. 

It was a Saturday morning when the usual knock sounded on the door. You buried yourself under the covers, groaning, trying to drown out the annoying sound of Azriel knocking on the door. Due to having barely gotten any sleep the previous night, you’d rather never wake up again than be awoken at this hour. Especially knowing what waking up entailed. 

This was routine for the two of you. You and Azriel had been best friends for decades and somewhere along the way, you fell into a routine where Azriel woke you up on days he was home with a hot cup of coffee. The two of you would sit in bed and drink it then head to training.

Of course, this caused both of you to get teased a lot by the rest of IC about each other but you didn't care. It was fun chatting with Azriel about anything and everything over a cup of coffee. Today, though, you just weren’t in the mood or the physical state to wake up. 

By your guess, it was the ass crack of dawn right now, like every single day when he came to wake you. Mother Nature had built a chicken into this male that started cawckawing at the first rays of sunlight. This normally amiable quality of his annoyed the shit out of you today.

The knocking continued on the door but you didn’t respond, doing your best to ignore the sound and sleep again.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Azriel’s voice boomed as he barged into your room.  His thudding footsteps approached the bed before he rolled you over to make space for himself to sit. 

“Brought you coffee,” he said gently. Extra black as you like it.”

You continued ignoring him, hoping he would take the hint and leave you alone for the day. He did not, however, because you could still feel his knee slightly nudging your back as he sat next to you on the bed. Honestly, his presence felt quite nice because suffering all night felt a bit lonely. It was only his relentless attempts at waking you up that nagged you. 

When you didn’t reply, Azriel’s brows furrowed. “Y/n?” He asked, peeling the covers back from your face a little bit. 

You didn’t know why this simple act enraged you so much. It was the mood swings that came with a period but the simple act of Az lifting the covers off your face made you snap. You sat up so fast that Azriel jerked back in surprise, spilling some of the coffee on your covers. 

“What the fuck do you want, Azriel?” you yelled, furiously glaring at Azriel who looked at you stunned. He had never witnessed an outburst like this from you. 

He gaped for a second, then said, “What do you mean? I came to wake you up like I do every morning,” he stated in confusion. 

You shook your head in frustration, massaging your temples to relieve the building headache now. 

“Yeah well maybe I don’t want your ass barging in here every fucking morning to ruin my day,” you said in frustration, pulling the covers back over your head and trying to fall asleep. 

Azriel’s heart dropped all the way to his feet. That was the one sentence he’d dreaded to hear from anyone in the family but it especially stung coming from you. You and Azriel had been there for each other for the longest time. You had been there every single time he felt his inadequacies overtaking his qualities, been there to bring him down from every single nightmare, every reminder of his horrible past. So for him, it felt like having all that information made you realise you didn’t want to be his friend and simply put up with him because you were too kind to hurt him. Well, that had been his suspicion. A suspicion you’d just confirmed. 

You didn’t see the pained look in Azriel’s eyes when you said that, completely oblivious to his inner turmoil of emotions. Some part of him knew you didn’t mean it and were probably just having a bad day. Another, bigger part of him though, was chastising him for being a burden, telling him that he was as unwanted as he’d always thought and now the truth was in front of him. 

He got up from your bed and set the coffee cup on your nightstand. This time, no thudding footsteps were telling you he was walking out of your room. You barely heard the sound of the door closing behind Azriel before you were pulled back into a deep slumber. 

~●○°●○°●○~

You woke up around noon, still in excruciating pain from your cramps. Some part of you wanted to stay in bed, in the comfort of your blankets and the warmth they provided. Eventually, though, the disgust from the blood overtook your need to be comfortable, and you willed yourself out of bed. You took a hot shower, used some muscle relief balm on your back and stomach to relieve the pain, changed into some shorts and an oversized t-shirt, then guzzled down a couple of painkillers from Madja to rid yourself of some of the misery. 

Afterwards, you headed out to eat something. 

Because it was the weekend, most of your family was home. Chatter was heard from the living room: sounds of talking, laughing, dishes clinking, and chairs scraping against the floor. A small smile made it to your face. While the scales of your emotions were tilted more to the negative side during your cycle, the bright sounds of chatter and laughter never failed to lift your spirits a little.

“Good morning, everyone,” you greeted in a much more chirpy mood than earlier this morning. 

“‘Morning’ ended 2 hours ago,” Mor judged.  

You rolled your eyes at the blonde and looked around at everyone in attendance. One person seemed to be missing; the one who was always there if he was home because family mattered to him the most. So when he was absent from family time, you frowned.

“Where’s Az?” you asked. 

“I actually…don’t know,” Rhysand replied, brows furrowing. It was weird that even Rhysand didn’t know where Azriel was since due to his prying nature, he always entered people’s heads and found out what everyone was doing. So if Rhysand was unable to do that, that meant Azriel had blocked him out, which could mean only one thing: he was brooding. 

Without another word to your family, you turned around and headed straight for Azriel’s room. Honestly, chances were low you’d find him there since his favourite place to brood was either the terrace or the bench in front of the Sidra, but given the rest of the family was home, there was a higher chance he’d stay in his room to avoid the risk of people talking to him. 

You gently rapped your knuckles on the door. There was no response, so you tried twisting the door handle. His room was open, as always, so you walked in…into complete darkness. The room was shrouded in shadows running rampant, trying to veil Azriel from whoever may enter the room. 

You practically felt the shadows exhale in relief when you entered as if they’d been waiting for you to come and negate whatever thoughts were running around in their master’s head. 

“Azriel?” you called into the darkness. 

Silently, you closed the door behind you. Azriel would not appreciate more people prying when he was feeling like this. From muscle memory, you took slow and careful footsteps towards the bed. Shadows swarmed you as you walked, brushing your legs as if urging you on. 

Finally, you reached the bed. Your shins hit the mattress and you leaned forward to rest your hands on the bed and feel around to see where exactly Azriel was. Your hand slightly brushed the side of his thigh and you exhaled with relief. Immediately though, that turned into a sharp inhale when Azriel jerked away from your touch. 

That was weird. He’d never done that before. 

Guessing as to which way he was sitting, you settled down next to him on the bed, one leg folded on the bed while the other dangled off the edge. 

“Az?” you called, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong, love?” you asked. 

Once again, Azriel turned away from your touch. Your anxiety was growing now as you grew more agitated with not knowing what was bothering him. 

“Talk to me,” you pleaded. “Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.” 

“You-” a broken voice came. “You don’t need to pretend to care, Y/n,” Azriel said. 

“‘Pretend to care’ what? What do you mean?” you asked. “Pretend to care about what?” 

“About me,” he sniffled. 

Your heart audibly cracked. 

“Azriel,” you said in a stern voice. “You know I love you. How dare you accuse me of pretending to care about you when you know you’re my best friend.” 

He scoffed and you just knew he rolled his eyes. “Didn’t sound like it this morning,” he said angrily. 

Now you were confused. You thought back to what happened this morning. You recalled Azriel walking in with a cup of coffee. You didn’t like that he was trying to wake you up. And then you said-

Your eyes widened as the realisation dawned on you. 

“Oh Azriel,” you said, at a loss of words to excuse your shitty behaviour. “I- I’m so sorry,” was all you could manage. 

“Just forget about it, Y/n. At least now I know the truth,” he resigned. 

“No,” you stated adamantly. “You don’t know the truth.” 

“Then please, enlighten me. Cause where I’m sitting, it looks like you’ve been putting up with me for the past five decades because you don’t have the guts to tell me that you don’t want to be friends with me!” 

The pain in his voice killed you. 

“Azzy,” you sighed in defeat. “I started my cycle yesterday,” you explained. “I know it doesn’t excuse what I said to you. I just couldn’t sleep the whole night and the thought of getting out of bed was the most painful thing ever so I snapped when you pulled the covers back. I’m sorry, I should have just told you what was going on.” 

As you spoke, you noticed the shadows slowly retreating to their corners. Little by little, you could see Azriel sitting in front of you. Bloodshot eyes, messy hair, and tear-stained cheeks. You felt horrible. You brought a hand up to his face, gently stroking his cheek. 

“Oh Az,” you sighed. 

“Is that true?” he asked, searching your eyes for confirmation. 

“Yes,” you nodded earnestly. “Azzie, there’s no relationship I value more than yours and I would never, ever intentionally do anything to damage it. I would especially never intentionally hurt you. I hate myself for saying what I did. I hope you can forgive me,” you pleaded with him. 

Finally, a small smile appeared on his face. “Of course.” 

You could finally see all of him now. The shadows had completely retreated to their corners save for a couple that remained to stroke your cheek with affection as if thanking you for clearing things up with their master. 

“I love you, Azzie,” you smiled at him. 

“I love you, Y/n,” Azriel said. 

He pulled you into a tight hug, burying his face in your shoulder and clung to you. In that one hug, he communicated what losing you meant for him, and you vowed to yourself to protect this male at all costs.

tags: @berryzxx @thelov3lybookworm @sarawritestories @milswrites

#azriel fanfic #azriel x reader #acotar fanfiction #azriel x you #azriel shadowsinger #acotar #acotar fluff #azriel x female!reader #azriel imagine #azriel shadowsinger x reader #azriel x reader angst #acotar angst #azriel shadowsinger angst #azriel shadowsinger x reader angst

[thedomesticanthropologist]

I made it thru day 2 sober 🫡

#im suffering #but i trying #all my routines are fucked my mood is fucked #all my responsibilities are being procrastinated #in favor of just holdingnmyself together #but im trying #sobriety #addiction recovery #alcohol and cannabis

[buggbuzz]

semi-heavy adhd vent tw 🫢🫢

personally of the opinion that the worst thing about adhd is the subtlety. we joke abt how obvious and silly it is but its barely visible 95% of the time.

& u spend your whole life not knowing if the mental struggle you have doing basic shit is what everyone deals with or if something's wrong. even when you KNOW you have adhd and even have it TREATED you STILL don't know if you're having a normal amount of obstacles.

i've been on meds for two years now and i just spent a whole fucking summer semester not sure if i was having adhd burnout or if my meds weren't working or if i was actually just being lazy. i think its all three, but who knows! and now i have a final tomorrow that i have to pass and i dont know if i can because i could barely fucking do any work all semester.

this happens like every year/semester but this one particularly stings cause it was supposed to be really good this time!! lots of free time, one class to worry about, the best nd-friendly note-taking system i've ever used, lots of flexibility, and friends to spend time with. it was even a science class!! chem, not bio, but better than non-science, right? but apparently, the only way i can ever stay motivated and on the ball is if im chained to a super-stressful and merciless schedule. so i have to choose between my long-term success and my mental health!!

i don't envy neurotypicals for the weird fucking ways they operate sometimes but good lord fucking jesus it sounds nice to be able to do things. i feel like a loaded gun with a busted trigger; i have all these amazing ideas and well-thought-out schedules and all the passion and desperation to follow through, but my brain and body just. won't. do it.

#vent #adhd #im really freaking out ngl but i will pull through because i HAVE to #i did the math and as long as i get like a 50 on this test i will almost definitely pass #but i'd at least like a -B #im just trying to find a way to be productive without destroying myself #cause i tried the insanely busy routine in the spring semester of my senior year of highschool and it worked!! #but i was sickly and exhausted and losing weight and everyone but me noticed #i kinda promised my friends not to do that to myself again #god i hate having adhd sometimes FUCK #i keep telling myself im only 18 and i'm still figuring out my adhd and unlearning the habits i learned growing up to survive #and that a lot of people do stupid shit and struggle in college even WITHOUT adhd #but omg how long is it going to take until i can rely on myself #im really scared im never gonna figure it out and i wont be able to do the things i wanna do #i just wanna sit in a lab all day and research cells or some shit man!! put me in a room full of bugs or worms or something!! jesus!! #this isn't the fun witty adhd stuff i like posting about but hey at least my brethren out there will be able to relate :) #adhd student #adhd struggles #adhd mood #adhd problems #neurodivergent #neurodivergent student #college #stem student #buggie's nerd stuff

[intertexts]

sorry for complaining so much about my current situation however it's kind of like my personally tailored saw trap or something

#never seen those movies idk. #but it's so funny.... like hey. guy who had zero privacy for four years & has severe paranoïa oh weird why did autocorrect give me the #french spelling. gross. over like. doing Anything i enjoy In Public or in an open area of the house guy whose #very beloved autism routine involves coming home and decompressing alone in my room for hours otherwise i get fucked in the brain #what if. hey what if u suddenly had No fucking privacy whatsoever like fucking at all. #and people USE YOUR QUILT. because it's by the couch because ur sleeping on the couch. regardless of the fact that its URS and one of ur #most beloved possessions and u don't want weird other people germs on it even if its ur family. -_- #and u can't do anything you fucking enjoy ever because you literally Can't because your brain stays in awful mode if u don't have a door u #can close before u turn on ur steam deck. god. sorry im in a shitty mood even though she's being as good #as she can about all this im just pissed. like thanks i appreciate being able to have my room to myself for an hour #but i don't WANT that. i want to curl up in my own quiet cozy safe space n put my glasses where i always do & go to sleep at 10pm.... guh. #neg #txt

[sttoru]

⠀ 𝝑𝑒 ⠀⠀ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. the jjk men coming back home to their lovely housewife after a rough day at work <3

tags. satoru, suguru, toji, sukuna x housewife!female reader (separately). fluff, mostly smut. size difference for all of em. manhandling here n there. p in v -> unprotected. crēampies. brēēding themes. half asleep when writing this—apologies for any grammar errors

𝐆. 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔. dry humping, cūmshot, reader gets called ‘angel, baby’.

“mmmh.. ya smell like cookies,” satoru sighs as he hugs you from behind, lightly swaying your bodies back and forth in a romantic dance. you had jazz playing in the background while you were baking some cookies, completely relaxing in the comfort of your home.

you got somewhat startled when satoru first appeared behind you, his arms sneaking around your waist. you scolded him—though were quickly soothed back into a loving mood when he kissed your neck and enveloped you in his embrace.

satoru can’t help but to let his urges take over. having his pretty little wife in his arms in that apron he bought, is doing unspeakable things to his body. his hands roam all over your torso until they stop to fondle your breasts.

“no no,” your husband swirls his tongue around your ear as his hands squeeze your chest from underneath your shirt. “continue what you’re doing, angel. let your hubby do what he needs to do, ‘kay?”

you’re used to the usual routine by now; satoru coming home, spoiling you with either gifts, food or his affection before relieving his stress on you. satoru never leaves you sexually frustrated—ever.

“kay,” you nod and just continue to work on the batter for your next batch of chocolate chip cookies. it’s difficult to concentrate when satoru’s warm breath sends shivers down your spine. his tongue slithers from your ear to your neck, unapologetically leaving hickeys. he always makes sure to give you them. you’re his and he needs to keep reminding you of that fact.

“fuck, baby,” satoru’s breath hitches once he feels your hips jolt back against his groin. his fingers brushing against your sensitive nipples was all it took for you to get worked up. you whimper his name under your breath—body squirming in his arms.

satoru bites your earlobe gently, his own hips not able to stay still for another second. he rolls his lower body against yours from behind until you can feel the imprint of his hardening erection pressing against your ass. you grind back against him, to which satoru responds by tweaking your swollen nipples, “such a naughty fuckin’ wife i have.”

your husband is on the edge of just cumming into his pants without any shame. he’s done so before when in your presence—the dry humping always gets to him. it’s a weakness of his that he isn’t good at hiding. he rubs his huge bulge right between your sweet and plump asscheeks, getting off from the feeling.

“gonna make me cum in my pants,” satoru whines and his slender fingers dig into the fat of your breasts even more. he’s needy for you, for every part of you. the fact that you’re sweet enough to accept what he gives you is driving him to the brink of insanity. he tries to stop himself, though to no avail, “shit— don’t wanna— need to cum inside of y—”

a string of whimpers leave satoru’s mouth and his hips spasms against your ass, pressing you against the kitchen counter as he gives one last thrust forward. “my god,” satoru breathes against your nape, his throat dry as he imagines that it’s your warm cunt swallowing every drop of his cum instead of his boxers.

you turn your head to look at satoru behind you. “are you okay, hubby?” you ask through soft breaths. the white-haired man shivers at your smooth voice which makes him press the bulge in his pants against your behind even tighter. you can feel a certain wetness starting to form on the front of your lover’s pants.

“yeah, totally fine,” satoru breathes out, trying to stay cool, calm and collected. he’s trying his best not to ravage you right now. he’s throbbing—blood flowing into his cock again already. you’re the only one who could trigger such sensual reactions from him.

satoru pats your ass a couple times, letting his wet tip rub against your folds through his pants;

“just wish i could’ve bred y’r cunt instead. fuck—can i? need to pump my pretty girl full before i go insane.”

𝐆. 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔. on the table top lol, reader gets called ‘sweetheart, darling’

suguru always makes a beeline towards you after he gets home. it’s tough being a cult leader—having to ‘treat’ people who come begging him for help. having to exorcise those curses that haunt those incompetent buffoons.

all of it is exhausting to the sorcerer. and what better way is there than to find solace in the presence of his stay at home wife?

“sweetheart,” suguru shows you that handsome smile of his the moment he steps into the living room, “need some help?” his eyes dart down at you on your knees, manually scrubbing a spot underneath the couch that was hard to reach. his gaze is focused on the arch of your back, how your ass sticks up as you complain about you’re inability to reach that spot in the corner.

“no, ‘tis fine,” you sigh and give up. you sit up straight on your knees and finally look at suguru. you didn’t expect him to stand so close to you in under a second, his hands reaching for you the moment he comes into your vision.

before you know it, you’re stripped from your shorts and panties. your back is on top of the nearest dining table and suguru’s standing right between your spread legs. he reveals his stiff cock after unzipping his pants and gives it a good few pumps as he looks you up and down, “i’ll fuck the frustration out of you, yeah? don’t you worry, darling.”

a win-win situation; suguru gets to take care of his needs and you get to forget about your exhaustion from all the household chores. your back arches off the surface and your eyes widen the second you feel his dick invade your tight pussy.

“mmh, yeah— that’s it,” suguru grunts, not able to take off his eyes from your wet folds as his cock disappears between them with each thrust. he starts off slow, allowing you to get used to the feeling of being stretched out, “you’re doing so well. you deserve this and so much more.” you appreciate the little things your husband does to make sure you stay comfortable throughout the entire process.

“suguruu,” you moan out his name, to which he responds with a short hum. your nails dig into his muscular back with every move—each time his tip taps that sweet spot deep inside of you. suguru kisses the inside of your upper arm before moving up to place a peck on your forehead.

“mhm, such a good little wife,” he sighs in content and fails to contain those noises of pleasure. you catch the faint grunts and moans that leave his lips between heavy breaths. suguru’s completely blessed to have you be his forever lover, “thank you for taking care of the house today as well.”

your stomach fills with butterflies because of his smooth tone. suguru’s calm yet hoarse voice ringing in your ears makes you want to burst already. the long-haired man punctuates his thrusts with pecks on your cheeks—kissing you after each slow yet harsh hip thrust.

your teary eyes meet his and you’re completely mesmerised by the way he looks at you. your husband is careful about the way he treats you, especially during intimate moments where you’re the most vulnerable.

though at the end of the day, he’s also but a man. seeing his gorgeous wife underneath him as he’s drilling into her will make him lose it. no doubt. all suguru wishes to do is to make that belly of yours expand with his love—his cum;

“hold onto me, sweetheart. i’m going to go a bit harder on you today, is that okay? yeah? good girl, take it for me.”

𝐅. 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈; mating press, reader gets called ‘doll, wife, ma.’

assassin work is not for the weak. you know it, toji knows it. he always comes back home late at night. sometimes he doesn’t return home for days on end. you’re constantly living in fear that your husband may never return. even as toji reassures you that he will, every day.

“were ya worried again, doll?” toji asks as he tries to console you. you had been crying, he could guess by the dried tears on your cheeks. it’s around three in the morning and he had returned from yet another mission. only to find you still up.

“you promised you’ll stop doing such dangerous work,” you hiccup, trying your best not to cry again. toji sighs and turns your face so he could look you in the eye. he can’t help the tingle of excitement that runs down his spine—you’re adorable when you’re upset, “i did, didn’t i?” toji nods as his callused hand runs up and down your side.

he feels guilty every single night. he’s going to quit his job for your sake, though first, he has to save up some money that would last you a couple months. toji hates seeing you in distress about him and thus always tries to distract you.

by pleasuring you until you’re unable to think about nothing but him.

“i’ll make it up to ya,” toji grunts the moment he has your legs up in the air, your body nearly folded in half underneath his bigger one. he loves this position solely because he can see every change in your facial expressions. “c’mon, wife,” the dark-haired man mumbles, his eyes glued to your bouncy breasts and pouty lips, “told ya not to worry too much ‘bout me, yeah?”

you nod, knowing you should trust your husband. he’s never once broken his promises of coming back home to you. so, you simply let go and moan his name repeatedly as his tip kisses the deepest parts of your insides. “i—i trust you,” your tongue rolls out due to how well toji’s pounding you into the mattress.

toji grins at the sight. just a couple thrusts and you’re gone—completely cockdrunk without a worry in sight. he lets out a moan at the way you’re holding onto him so desperately, like you don’t want him to go. “fuck, keep that up ‘n i’m gonna knock you up, ma,” toji hisses. he can’t keep himself from cumming right inside of your cunt if it keeps on squeezing him.

you can’t even respond due to his thrusts knocking the wind out of your lungs. you can only babble about how deep he is and how you’d love to carry his kid. toji’s on cloud nine as he hears you confess your desires to get impregnated by none other than him;

“mmh, don’tcha worry, ‘m g’nna make you a momma soon enough. that way y’ won’t be lonely no more when i’m gone. gonna give you a kid so that you’ll always have a piece of me around—heh.”

𝐒. 𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍; heian era. degradation. cunnilingus. reader gets called ‘woman, brat,’

all you can do when sukuna isn’t around, is bore yourself to death. you hang out with your lady-in-waiting or with the cats walking around the estate. sometimes you go visit markets or other beautiful places right outside of the area, but that’s all there is to it.

though, when sukuna returns from his duties, you’re always happily welcoming him back. you’re the first one to greet him and lead him to a place of relaxation. that place being your shared bedroom. sukuna’s hungry eyes that are focusing on the way your clothes fit around your curves tell you more than enough.

“where ‘s my dinner, woman?” the king of curses’ deep baritone nearly makes you shake. you watch as he sits back against the headboard of the bed, his expression stoic yet amused. you know he doesn’t mean real food—he means you.

you’re his dinner.

you take the hint and slowly undress yourself, a strip tease to make sukuna excited about what’s to come. however there are more consequences to teasing him, as he isn’t a person known for his patience.

“stop wriggling,” sukuna scoffs against your wet cunt not a minute later. your clothes are ripped off your body and your legs are wrapped around his head. you can’t stay still when sukuna’s tongue is quite literally devouring you.

you moan out his name loudly, just the way he likes it. sukuna grins against your wet folds, letting the tip of his tongue roll up and down your slit while his thick finger lazily stimulates your clitoris. “got a fuckin’ brat as a wife,” sukuna delivers a harsh slap against your sensitive cunt after cupping it with one big hand, “stay still, i said.”

you squeal at the rough contact. you attempt to listen to your husband, but your body doesn’t allow it. your sticky thighs keep shaking and your hips keep jerking upwards against his mouth. his wet tongue slobbering all over your pussy is a clear sign of just how much sukuna looks forward to coming home—to watch you beg for mercy when he goes too far.

“delicious,” sukuna pants as he dives deeper into your folds, burying his entire face against your cunt. he sniffs your scent and simultaneously enjoys the taste of your wet juices. you’re all he needs after a frustrating day of taking care of duties back to back.

one of his hands brushes against your lower abdomen to keep you pinned to the bed. you grab the wrist of that hand and hold onto it for support. sukuna groans at the sight of you trying so hard to not cum on spot from his actions.

he speeds up the movements of his tongue and his big hand squeezes your tummy a little in the meantime;

“i think i’ll go for a second round of dessert after this one, ey? what’d ya think? wanna let everyone know that you, your cunt and your whole body is all mine—so i’ll probably fuck ye so good y’re gonna be heard all ‘round the estate.”

#sttoru writes. #jjk smut #jjk x reader #gojo smut #geto smut #toji smut #sukuna smut #gojo x reader #toji x reader #sukuna x reader #geto x reader

[s1x-s1x-s1x]

July 13, 2023 — 1:39pm

Bruh I fucking hate my period bro— MY FUCKING STOMACH HURTTSSSSS

#tw #trigger warning #tw period #tw period mention #dove speaks #don’t even get me started on the fucking mood swings #tell me why #I was upset literally about to start crying #cuz I was meant to go to my mom’s job to work volunteer hours for my school #and I was tired today cuz I unintentionally stayed up until 5am last night so I said no #and I woke up and I forgot that I said no and I had planned everything out too #my outfit what I was gonna eat for breakfast my energy drink— #all of it #and my mom literally tells me not to worry about it #and all of a sudden I’m energetic and I do my skincare routine and make myself a bowl of cereal to take this pain medicine #cuz my uterus lowkey feels like a spring lock suit rn ngl #like what happened babe??? how did we get here???

[thebibliosphere]

Speaking of therapy, I say, as though we're old friends, and you're not a stranger trapped in this metaphorical elevator with me and you can hear the suspension wires starting to fray.

I've been doing a lot of work recently that's focused on imposter syndrome and the feeling that no matter how well or how much I do, I'm not good enough. That I'm somehow tricking everyone into thinking my work is actually good.

Some days it's a minor niggle in my head that I can gentle and soothe with logic and affirmations. Or smother, depending on the mood. Other times it's loud and all-consuming and the mental anguish it causes me is so real I can feel it twitching in my muscles. This desperate fight-or-flight instinct with nowhere to go and nothing to fight but myself.

Anyway, because I'm several types of Mentally Unwell™, I was switching between workshop sheets ahead of next week. Filling in different forms. (Trying to get a good grade in therapy) And I got my "recognize your harmful ADHD coping mechanisms" worksheet mixed in with the "you're not actually lying to people, you just feel like you are because your brain is full of weasels" worksheet, and seeing them side by side made something go topsy turvy in my head, and I just had to sit and breathe for a couple of minutes until the urge to scream passed. Because it clicked, it all suddenly clicked.

The reason the imposter syndrome workshops and therapy sessions aren't sticking was because I do routinely trick people into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Because I'm masking my ADHD for their convenience.

I've always known there was something wrong with me. My neurotypical peers made it abundantly clear I didn't fit in or was failing in some way I couldn't see nor remedy, no matter how hard I tried.

So I compressed myself into a workaholic box of hyper-competence in the hopes they'd stop noticing the flaws and exploit like me instead. And then subsequently lived with the daily fear that if they looked too close, they'd realize I'm a monumental fuck up with enough personal baggage to block the Suez Canal.

If you ever need someone to burn themselves to ashes for your comfort and convenience, I'm your gal.

Or I used to. Until I had a bit of a breakdown, and the rubber band holding my brain together snapped and pinged off into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.

Unfortunately, the trauma of living like that didn't also fuck off and instead left a gaping maw where my personality ought to be, so now I get to deal with that aftermath.

And it's that aftermath that's affecting the imposter syndrome shit. Because yes, I am hyper-competent and good at what I do-- but it doesn't feel real because that is how I mask.

And the truly frustrating thing is I am good at what I do. I am not pretending. I worked hard to be good at this. It just feels like I'm dicking around because 90% of my personality turns out to be trauma masquerading as humor in a trenchcoat, and having people genuinely like something weird I'm doing is so foreign my brain has decided it's just another form of masking.

I'm pretending to be a good author so people will think I'm a good author, and my brain thinks we are in Danger of being found out. We are in Danger, and writing is Dangerous because then people will know I'm Weird and not whatever palatable version I've presented myself as for their NT sensibilities.

Like the neurotic vampire with a raging praise kink wasn't an obvious giveaway.

Anyway. I got nothing else. Thanks for listening.

I'm going to go be very normal in another room and not stare into the abyss of my own soul for a bit.

#adhd #mental health #mental illness #trauma #imposter syndrome #sorry for the wall of eratic text #feeling jittery af #possibly hypomanic tbh #either way #aaaaaaaaah

[evie-sturns]

5 times you pissed Matt off today, 1 time he did something about it.

summary: you've been self-centered and bratty to matt 5 times today, 1 time he puts you in your place.

warnings: smut, nsfw, teasing, fingering, orgasm denial, small use of bondage, swearing.

-----------------------.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.---------------——

1.

i stay perfectly still on the couch next to matt, i'm a solid meter away from him as i stare directly at the tv, the glare from the screen being the only light in the room.

i feel matt's eyes burning into me from the side, his arm reaches round and his cold fingers graze my bare thigh. i don't bat an eye towards him, keeping my eyes fixed on the movie.

he scoots closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and tugging me closer to him. he leans down, placing a kiss to my lips which i dodge.

his eyebrows scrunch, his arm rubbing my lower back. "you okay?" he whispers. i shoot him a side-eye before moving back over to 'my side' of the couch.

"i said are you okay?" he repeats himself, slightly louder this time.

"you okay you okay!" i mock him, he shakes his head quickly with his eyes shut "what?" he says, almost shocked.

"c'mere" he says, grabbing my thigh. i grip his wrist, pushing him off me with a "bro, fuck off of me."

his eyebrows scrunch "new nickname?" matt laughs, he thinks i'm joking.

"not a 'fuckin nickname." i say, heaving myself up off the couch. i walk out of the living room in a strop.

2.

i walk into the kitchen, matts standing over the stovetop. "making lunch, do you wanna help?" he asks me with a small smile.

"why would i wanna help..." i reply back, his eyebrows knit together, "just tryna be nice? are you okay?" he mumbles,

"am i okay? i'm alive and fucking breathing im fine matt!" i say, my tone bratty as i fold my arms.

matt turns back around, keeping his eye on what hes cooking up. i jump up onto the countertop, my eyes fixed on what hes doing.

i jump down and stand next to him, letting out irritatingly obvious breaths from behind him.

after another minute of silence i decide to break it instead of keeping up my 'obvious' hints. "why aren't you offering for me to help!" i say, he laughs slightly

"stop laughing matt" i groan, he looks down to his side at me "i asked you if you wanted to help and you gave me a pretty harsh no, i didn't know you changed your mind so quickly?"

i scoff, grabbing the spoon off him and starting to mix, he runs a hand through his hair as he watches me. he reaches a hand down to tie up my hair, instead i pull away

"my hairs fine! i can do it myself."

3.

i sit up against matt and i's headboard on our bed, scrolling aimlessly on my phone as i try to wind down for bed, i hear several soft taps on the door before matt walks in, he looks around.

"its a bit messy in here" he laughs as he looks around at the clothes i wore today spread across the floor, our bed is decorated in skincare products after my extensive night routine.

"not really" i shrug, tying my hair above my head.

he bends over, scooping up my clothes and shoving them in the closet,

matt walks over to the bed, reaching out to pick up the bottles of serum on our bed.

"matt no! you're gonna break them stop" i whine, "sweetheart half of the lids are off they're going to spill on the sheets." he sighs, going to pick the small containers up again.

i sit up, crossing my legs as i push his chest away, keeping up my stubborn mood.

"look at me, i'm getting into bed now and if you want your 'fuckin potions to spill then you can, but i'm telling you to move them yeah?" matt says in a serious tone, i shake my head.

he folds his tattooed arm as he looks down at me pouting on the bed, my pyjama shirt clinging to my body.

he leans over and picks me out of bed, placing me down on the arm chair in the corner of the room before cleaning up all of my products.

"matt-ugh!" i protest, throwing my head back into the comfy pink chair that matt let me pick out just over a week ago.

4.

"chris and nick are coming over, we're discussing video ideas okay?" matt says to me calmly. i nod "when?"

"they're pulling up now, but they will be here for a while so you're gonna be alone for a bit okay?" he continues, i hum in response with a small sigh afterwards.

after a handful of minutes nick and chris swing open the door, i run up to them, giving them a hug.

"its been so long!" i smile, "yeah i swear i've been in hibernation" nick laughs, placing his bag down and flopping down on the couch, chris follows along with matt next to them.

chris instantly starts speaking, "i think we should do a actual camping video, like out in the fucking wilderness" he says, reading off of his notes app.

"absolutely the fuck not, you can remove that from your list" nick laughs,

i slowly walk towards matt and i's room, already bored. i lay spread across the bed, mindlesly scrolling through instagram.

i hear the distant chatters of the triplets from the other room, i open messages,

matt

matt

matt

-read: 9:34pm

i spam texts, after a few minutes he walks into my room "you okay? whats wrong." he asks me, holding the door open

i sit up in bed, walking over to him "matt... i'm bored." i say, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"i know, i'll be another hour i'm sorry." matt whispers, "no stay here matt please." i protest, matt shakes his head. i don't let him go, clinging to him with a over-dramatic pout.

he scoops me up with a sigh, carrying me out into the living room where nick and chris sit still yapping on about video ideas. matt sits down, placing me on his lap. i lay against his stomach, throwing my head back on his shoulder.

each time matt talks i feel his chest move, shifting me slightly.

after a couple of minutes i start to fidget with the loose fabric on his shirt with a small exhale, "matt" i whisper, barely audible. he shifts his gaze towards me,

"mm?" he hums, "how much longer." i breathe out resulting in matt huffing with a roll of his eyes,

"can you be patient? c'mon." matt says, his tone serious.

5.

chris and nick just left, matt's gone silent now as we both stand by the door.

"whats up with you today?" matt asks, folding his arms. i look up at him with a shrug, "thats like what, 4 times now you've acted bratty?" matt states

"what are you trying to say matt!" i snap back at him, he scoffs.

"are you serious? you've been on my last nerve for the past 12 hours what's actually going on with you today." he says, i laugh

"sorry that you're being sensitive matt." i say, purposley pushing his buttons which i assume worked

he grabs my wrist firmly, dragging me over into our bedroom "matt let me go!" i protest, matt stays silent, his jaw clenched and lips pursed.

"put your arms up." matt says,

the best sex we have is when hes angry so i can't turn down this opportunity.

i lift my arms up with a eye roll, matt practically tears my baby pink tank top off my body, discarding it to the other side of our room.

he lifts me up before throwing me down onto the mattress, his hands getting a firm grip on the waistband of my pyjama shorts, he pulls them down my legs,

i have a smug smirk painted across my face which matt seems to notice, "think this is funny yeah?" matt asks, my smile only grows.

he leans down, his mouth inline with my ear "you aren't gonna be smiling like that once i've pushed you to your absolute limits." he whispers

my smile drops, my mind now fogging with scenarios.

he unbuckles his belt, pulling it through the hoops of his jeans. instead of pulling his jeans down he keeps them buttoned, him fully clothed and me bare infront of him

he gently grabs my two wrists before tying them together, he doesnt make the belt tight because even after everything i've done he doesn't want to physically hurt me.

he takes a firm grip of the insides of my thighs, pushing them open.

his fingers graze across my thighs, covering every inch of skin execpt for where i crave him most.

i whine, bucking my hips up into his fingers which causes him to smirk. "matt.." i groan

"i don't wanna hear it." he instantly replies

he continues to drag his fingers across my lower stomach, hips, inner thighs. i throw my head back, squeezing my eyes shut as the heat between my thighs grows painfully.

"matt.. 'm sorry." i give in he shakes his head, "wanna hear that louder." matt says,

"i'm sorry! please- fuck." i raise my voice in frustration.

"please what, what do you actually fucking want." he says

"touch me please! i need your hands oh my god." i almost beg him, "you do?" he teases

"i do please- please please.." i repeat myself.

he finally gives in, pressing two fingers inside of me easily after how worked up he's got me. i let out a breathless moan as he curls his fingers inside of me, repeatedly hitting a spot which is driving me crazy.

"you think you deserve this?" matt says, i hesitate before shaking my head 'no'.

he nods before pulling his fingers out of me, i sigh now feeling empty and on edge.

matt unbuttons his jeans, letting them fall down to his ankles. he pulls off his boxers.

hes fully hard, his tip the same shade as his lips and now dripping pre-cum.

i clench around nothing as he presses his tip to my hole, resting comfortably as he stares into my eyes, his eyebrows slightly raises.

hes waiting for me to speak, i'm willing to do anything at this point so i start

"matt please, i need to feel you inside me. i'll do anything please, matt please." i say, maintaining eye contact as i look at him with doe eyes.

he presses the tip inside of me, before stopping his movements.

he pulls out, i throw my head back in frustration "please!" i raise my voice.

i'm actually not sure how matts keeping his composure, i think i've pissed him off so much now he doesn't even care about himself he just wants to push me.

"im so sorry matt i just- i was in a weird mood." i say, which seems to be enough for matt to give in

he presses his length into me bottoming out, i sink my top teeth into my bottom lip, feeling him push against my walls.

"fuck- thank you." i sigh, earning a small laugh from matt

he doesn’t waste time on picking up his pace, repeatedly slamming inside of me

my desperate moans echo through out bedroom,

“acting like a brat all day? having an attitude and now your begging for my cock?” he says, his hair flopping against his pale forehead with each thrust

i hum in response, my voice breaking as he reaches a hand down and pinches my clit

“shit! i promise i didn’t mean to!” i shout,

matt shakes his head, his thrusts become messy as i feel my stomach tighten, my orgasm rapidly approaching.

“don’t cum.” matt says as i clench around him

“i can’t!” i instantly reply, my voice whiny.

“you will.”

with each second that passes i feel the knot in my stomach tighten,

i can’t help it anymore and i release with a pornographic scream of his name, matt never stops thrusting in and out of my hole, chasing his own orgasm.

i try to squirm but the fact my wrists are tied above my head aren’t helping me,

the sensitivity clouds my brain as i feel a mix of pain and pleasure “matt ‘m sore” i manage to say, fully dumb fucked.

“i’m not.” matt replies, his voice strained,

i hear several whimpers fall from his mouth before he thrusts into me a final time, coating my insides white.

he pulls out of me, collapsing on the bed next to me.

we lay in silence for a few minutes, trying to process what the fuck just happened.

he sits up and reaches for my wrists, untying the belt around them.

“was that too much? are you okay sweetheart i’m sorry.” matt says, still out of breath

“i’m- i..” i try to squeeze out a sentence but it just results in us both dying laughing

“i think i need a minute” i smile, rubbing my eyes. matt pulls me onto his lap, stroking my hair as he pecks kisses all over my face.

—

i said i wasn’t gonna post this today but i lied

#sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic

[omgeto]

☆ I WANNA BE YOURS — GOJO SATORU

summary: your best friend was used to picking up the pieces of all your heartache. and he's been idly waiting for the day that he could have you all to himself — but when he you give him a chance just for you to snatch it away you realise you might just loose more than his heart.

w/c: 3.3k

cw: afab!reader angst to fluff, you break his heart and put it back together again by giving him a great big blowjob so mdni! also unprotected sex (its more like making love if you ask me)

an: I actually really fw this fic. id say it was my best one yet so give it a chance people, just like how you should give gojo a chance. since he's actually super loveable here. hope you enjoy!

gojo satoru was hopelessly in love with you, and everyone seemed to know that, but you. he was your best friend, someone that you relied on, depended on, its been that way since you were kids. ‘she’d never see me that way,’ he’d whine to all his friends about you, whenever they’d see you together, holding hands, cuddling, but still proclaiming the title as ‘just friends.’

you were currently crying in his arms, as he consoled you, caressing your back. gojo was used to this routine by now – you’d get a boyfriend, they’d break your heart, and he was left to pick up the pieces. “i just don’t get how this one failed, i thought i was doing everything right,” you mumble, your voice breaking as you sniffle against his chest.

“they just don’t appreciate how great you truly are,” he comforts you, a silent “i do though,’ left unsaid, as he stares down at your tear stained face.

“satoru?” you ask, pulling slightly away from him, “i'm pretty, right?”

“don’t even ask me that shit,” he scoffed, “you already know the answer.”

“just answer.” you did know what his answer would be already, but you just had to hear it, “i just need to know why all my relationships end.”

“listen to me,” he demands, tenderly holding your face in both of his hands, his gaze unwavering as he looks at you, “you're beautiful. you always have been, and it's not even just your looks, it’s your whole being, everything about you. there’s nothing wrong with you, you just have a terrible taste in guys,” he finishes with a goofy smile trying to lighten the mood.

“yeah, maybe you're right,” you reply with a soft sigh, your gaze dropping to avoid his intense stare. It was both comforting and unnerving how he could always see through your insecurities.

“i don't say things i don't mean, you know that.” he tilts your chin up gently, forcing you to meet his eyes once again. “anyways we should prob–” 

you press your lips against him, interrupting his sentence, and he eases into it, his lips moving against yours with no hesitation. but you pull away as quickly as you kiss him, your eyes widening as you realise what you’ve done. “shit im sorry satoru, i didn’t mean that.”

the air around you seems to shift, the atmosphere heavy with the weight of the unexpected moment. you can feel your cheeks flushing, and you look away, unable to meet his gaze. his fingers brush against your jaw, gently guiding your gaze back to his. the intensity in his eyes is undeniable, a silent acknowledgment of the shared feelings that had been hovering beneath the surface for so long.

"fuck that," he murmurs, his voice low and tinged with a mixture of determination and vulnerability. he closes the gap between you again, his lips brushing against yours in a gentle, lingering kiss. 

the softness of your lips against his is a sensation he’s dreamt of, and now that it's happening, it's even more intoxicating than he imagined. his hands cradle your face, his fingers threading through your hair as he deepens the kiss.

his lips move against yours with a skilled finesse, his breath mingling with yours, creating a heady mixture that leaves you breathless. your fingers find their way to his hair, tangling in the silken strands as you pull him closer, your bodies pressed together. 

“satoru, i need you.” you tug against the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his. you were desperate, craving his touch, “need you to make me feel better.”

gojo took your words seriously, aiming to make you forget about all the heartache you’ve ever felt with those other guys, and focus only on him. he lays you down on the couch, unbuttoning your shirt, pulling your tits out of your bra. 

“don’t worry, ‘m gonna take care of you,” he mutters, pressing kisses into your cleavage, until his lips eventually circle your nipple, suckling and pulling at it. you gasp slightly at the feeling of his tongue swirling on your tits. your hands go back into his hair, roaming through his scalp, tugging hard as he bites down on your nipple.

his mouth remains on you, his hand trailing down into your underwear, rubbing circles on your clit. you whimper at the contact, feeling yourself getting wetter as his fingers enter you, he starts off slow pushing his digits in you gently.

“is this okay?” he asks, he wanted to make sure you felt good, that was his priority. he grins as you nod, too caught up in your pleasure to verbally respond. his quickens his pace, gyrating his fingers into you, pressing another searing kiss on your mouth. 

you were dripping over his digits, as they pistoned in and out of you, but your hands reach out to his belt as you moan out, “‘toru i wanna feel you.”

“you wanna feel me huh?” he teases, unbuckling his belt with his free hand, he pulls out his hardened dick and strokes it a few times before rubbing it down your wet slit – teasing you with just his tip.

“c-c’mon,” you whine, grinding your hips down against him. he smirks at your excitement, forcing his dick inside you, your eyes widen as your pussy stretches and gojo can only bite down on his lips as you clench around him.

“you feel so good, y’know that right” he murmurs, forcing himself into you deeper, “so fuckin’ tight.” his eyes stay fixed on you, he loves you like this – pinned under him, clawing at his back, your mouth parting at the pleasure that he’s giving to you.

your legs wrap around his hips as he sinks into you further, you could feel his breath on your neck as he whispers in your ear, “you’re perfect, this is perfect.” he sucks on your collar bone, kissing and biting as he continues to thrust into you.

“‘you’re t-too much, i-it’s too much.”

“but you’re taking me so well,” he argues, with a grin. peppering kissing against your neck as he fucks you to a hilt. your hands find their way back into his hair, pulling and tugging at it as you moan out his name. 

his dick twitches inside you as you call at his name, you could feel that he was about to cum. his strokes were getting sloppier, and his mouth went from biting to sucking on your neck. you could feel yourself about to climax, scratching at his back, as he continues to hit your spot.

“toru, i’m about to–”

“cum with me,” he demands, thrusting into you a few more times before you both reach your peak. and just before he’s about to release into you, his whispers a barely audible “i love you” right in your ear. he sprays your walls and you cum all over him, mixing in with him. he slumps down on you, pressing his forehead against yours, his dick remaining in you as he catches his breath.

as you finally disentangle your bodies, gojo reclines on the couch, a blissful smile gracing his lips. his breathing gradually transforms into gentle sighs, a sure sign that he has succumbed to sleep. you weren’t oblivious to his feelings towards you – the way his gaze would linger a little too long, how his hugs would be tight and comforting. he was in love with you – and you didn’t know how to deal with that.

all of your relationships never lasted, they always had an issue with something you did. you ruined them. and you didn’t want to ruin gojo, you’ve been together since you were children and he’s always been so good to you. you couldn’t bear the thought of causing gojo pain.

your gaze lingers on him for a moment longer before you turn away, your mind racing with a storm of thoughts. you've been friends for so long, and the prospect of losing that connection is heartbreaking. but you also can't ignore the truth that's been staring you in the face – gojo's feelings have crossed the line from friendship to something deeper.

as you quietly gather your clothes, your heart aches with conflicting emotions. you've always been there for each other, and the thought of hurting him tears at your very core. with a heavy sigh, you dress in silence, your mind a whirlwind of thoughts. 

“you’re really just gonna leave?” he calls out behind you as you head to the door, your hand frozen on the handle.

“satoru,” you gasp, turning to face him guiltily, “i thought you were asleep.”

“you were actually just gonna leave?” he accuses further, ignoring your comments, “after this, after what we just did?”

“this doesn’t change anything,” you say shaking your head with your eyes closed, you couldn’t see his face.

“it doesn’t change anything?” he scoffs, standing up, walking over to you, “how can you say that? after i've given you my all, literally everything i can offer to you, and that still isn’t enough.”

"i was scared, toru," you ramble, the truth spilling out of you, your voice catching as you admit your own fear. he was upset, this was the last thing you wanted, him looking at you, his eyes pleading for you to choose him,"i've seen how my past relationships have crumbled, and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you too."

his gaze softens for a moment, his fingers itching to reach out to you. "but things can just go back to the way they were with us," you continue, your words wavering, unsure if they're just a desperate attempt to keep things safe and familiar.

“i think we both know they can’t,” he says bitterly, his hand clenches at his side, “just answer this. why was it never me?”

“i’d ruin you,” you explain, your hand reaching out towards his, a soft smile on your face, “you’ve seen how i am with all those other guys. you’re too good for me.”

"no, I'm not good enough for you," he concludes, his voice laced with a mix of frustration and sadness. he takes a step back, his expression conflicted, as if grappling with his own internal turmoil.

with your eyes brimming with unshed tears, you watch as he rushes past you, his departure leaving an ache in your chest. "you stay, I need to clear my head," he mutters, his voice strained, and then he's gone, leaving you standing there, torn between your fears and the feelings you've been trying to deny.

as gojo stormed out of the apartment, his emotions were a tangled mess within him. the mixture of frustration, hurt, and longing had him feeling like he was caught in a whirlwind. he couldn't believe how everything had escalated so quickly, how he had allowed himself to be vulnerable, only to feel tossed aside.

“suguru, i fucked up,” he cries into the phone to his best friend, his voice laden with distress, “i fucked up so bad.”

“satoru, calm down,” geto tries to soothe him, his tone steady, “what exactly did you do?”

“I fucked her,” he forces the words out, a mixture of regret and frustration in his voice, and he could sense geto wince on the other end of the line, “she kissed me, and i fucked her.”

"that's a good thing, isn't it?" geto's voice holds a note of confusion.

gojo's sigh came through the phone, heavy with a sense of defeat. "bro, she doesn't love me back," he practically wails, the weight of his realisation crashing over him, "she doesn't love me back. i got too greedy, she gave me an inch and i took it too far.”

"are you sure?" geto inquires, his tone thoughtful, "she wouldn’t have agreed to have sex with you if she wasn’t feeling something. i've seen you two together, i've seen how she looks at you. she loves you."

"if only it were that simple," gojo mutters, frustration lacing his words. "she said it doesn't change anything between us. that it was just a moment of weakness."

there was a pause on the line, geto processing gojo's words. "look, satoru, I know it's not easy, but maybe she's just scared. she literally just got out of a break up too, she’s probably just overwhelmed."

"but what if I've ruined everything?" gojo's voice was laced with uncertainty. "what if I've made things worse?"

"you won't know unless you talk to her," geto advises, his voice gentle yet firm. "honesty is the best way to navigate this situation. tell her how you feel, listen to what she has to say, and go from there."

gojo sighs, his tension slowly easing as he absorbs his friend's words. "you're right. i need to face this head-on."

"good, this whole ‘will they? won’t they?’ schtick that you two have going on, has gotten old. very old.” geto finishes, abruptly ending the call.

gojo takes a deep breath, feeling a mixture of anxiety and determination. he knew he had to confront the situation, to lay his feelings on the line and hope for the best. with a newfound resolve, he gathers his thoughts and prepares to have the difficult conversation that lay ahead.

“you came back,” is the first thing you say, when gojo enters the apartment. you couldn’t gauge his mood, his expression was off, and you didn’t want to upset him further. 

“well it is my apartment after all,” he spits out a bit too coldly, his words laced with tension. however, his face softens as he takes a step toward you, the coldness melting away,, “besides i didn’t go far, just outside.”

you nod in acknowledgement, not knowing what to say. your uncertainty making it hard to find the right words. the atmosphere is tense, and you're acutely aware of the weight of the situation between you.

"i had some time to think," gojo starts, his voice softer now, "and i realised that running away from this won't solve anything."

his words draw your attention, and you meet his gaze, searching for any clues in his eyes. "satoru, I'm sorry about what happened earlier. i shouldn't have acted on my emotions like that."

“it’s ok i-”

“no it’s not okay,” you insist, stepping towards him grabbing his hand, “i never should of acted that way, disregarding like you’re nothing. i was wrong.” you had time to think after gojo left, and you knew you were being unreasonable. there was a guy who was ready to love you, give you his all, and you were just going to throw him away without a chance. 

he weight of your words hangs between you both, the air thick with the shared acknowledgement of your mistakes. and as the intensity of the moment settles, a newfound sense of clarity takes hold – the understanding that your feelings for each other can't be ignored, no matter how much you try to suppress them.

“you really fucked w my feelings y’know,” gojo’s words hang in the air, heavy with hurt. his eyes bore into yours, his emotions laid bare.

“i know,” you reply softly, your voice laced with regret, “and i’m so sorry toru. i never meant to hurt you like that. i was scared, and i didn’t know how to handle my own feelings so i lashed out.”

gojo's gaze softens, a flicker of understanding in his eyes. "you were scared? of what?"

"of losing you," you admit, your voice quivering slightly as you reveal your deepest fear. "you mean so much to me. you're my best friend, and I was afraid that if we crossed that line, it would ruin everything we have."

a mixture of emotions passes over gojo's face – surprise, realisation, and something else, something that you can't quite pinpoint. "you think being with me would ruin our friendship?" he asks, slightly offended.

you shake your head, your eyes locking onto his. "no, that's not what I meant. I just... I've seen how my past relationships ended, and i didn't want the same thing to happen with us. i didn't want to hurt you or lose what we have."

“i love you.” he declares simply, “that’s all that matters.” you couldn’t even respond because he was right, nothing else mattered. he places a gentle kiss to your forward, wrapping his arms around you.          

“let me make me it up to you,” you whisper, looking up at him bashfully through your eyelashes, “let me show you how much i love you.”

“you don’t have to–” he starts, but he pauses, taking a sharp inhale as your hands slip into his jeans. you peck his lips before working his way down to your knees. you take his dick out, licking your lips as you stroke him, massaging his dick. you pepper kisses all over the tip, still keeping your eyes trained on him.

“c’mon don’t be a tease,” he whines as you focus on his tip, sliding your tongue around it as you continue to pump his dick with your hands. 

you take him into your mouth, its warm and wet as you suck him in. you move your hands to cup his balls with a firm grip, massaging them as you continue to twist your mouth on his dick. you can hear him lightly cursing, drying his best to moan out at the pleasure you’re giving him. but you were determined to get him to cry out your name.

he was loving the sight of you, mouth stuffed, slobbering all over him. you were sloppy, just how he liked it, using your saliva and his precum to glide your mouth over and over his dick.

“f-fuck,” he stammers, biting down on his fist, he usually last way longer than this. but the difference is you, he would’ve never had imagined that there’d be a day you’d be on your knees all pretty, swallowing his dick. but now that you are, he wanted to burst.

you could tell that he was close, so you jut your head faster, using your hands to pump what your mouth can’t cover. he thrust into your mouth, aiding you in reaching his climax, forcing his dick deeper into your inviting mouth.

“you’re mouths t-too good, it’s–” his hands rest on your head as he releases into your mouth. you swallow all of him, licking your lips, satisfied.

“now toru,” you coo, with a smirk standing up to face him, “can you see how much i love you now?”

the rest of the night was spent just like many others you had shared together over the years, wrapped in each other’s arms in the comfort of his bed. this time, however, it wasn’t masked under the guise of friendship, you now exchange kisses with ‘i love you’ said in between each one.

AN: and that is all folks, TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS I actually dislike the friends to lovers trope, not gojos biggest fan, and I hate sucking dick BUT I LOVE IT ALL HERE. HE'S ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY SWEET, AND DONT U JUST WANT A GUY THATS DOWN TO JUST LOVE YOU! DIVIDERS BY @/CAFEKITSUNE.

#stampedwithanE★ #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujustsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #gojo smut #gojo angst #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru smut

[klipkillakai]

your alarm rings through your room and you open your bleary eyes, you lazily grab your phone, nails clackaling against against the screen to press stop, and you yawn as you open instagram quickly tapping through people stories.. you heart your friends story and decide that’s enough and you drop your phone on the bed and get up—

you scratch your hair through your bonnet and slip on your slippers as you make your way to the bathroom.. you look in the mirror and inspect your face… and deep down you don’t like what you see.. you look at your body with slight displeasure but you try to no to think about it.. you shake it off and start brushing your teeth.. you walk out your bathroom and turn on your tv, quickly going on the youtube app and turning on your playlist…soon after sza starts playing in your room and you’ve officially started your day—

you finish your repeated routine, skincare, hair care and finally some makeup.. just so you can feel okay enough to leave the house..

with headphones slipped over your ears you get off the bus and start walking into the school, you try to look down you try to avoid people’s gaze, you turn the music up all the way to block people out.. but you still feel the states you still catch the whispers.. and that makes you feel other.. alienated even..

“last year” you think to yourself.. a few months until you graduate..

while your at your locker you feel a presence behind you, you ignore it but you feel a tap on your shoulder and it’s johnathan.. a boy you’ve known since middle school and the same boy who’s made your life a living hell since then..

“whats up y/n” you stare blankly at him as you try to collect your stuff.. “why you gotta be like that..?”

“leave me alone fr” you say not in the mood today..

“nah i just wanted to say my boy likes you”

you know that’s a lie.. his boy comes up to him while he’s standing there and jonathan says “right you like y/n?” the friends face cringes in disgust “ew no nigga tf is wrong wit you?”

that sends a pang in your heart.. are you really that ugly? is it that impossible for someone to like you?

you simply close your locker and walk to class leaving behind both boys laughter and a piece of your pride..

you get to class siting in your seat in the back, you slip your headphones on and you look out the window..you want to cry, you want to leave, you want to crawl out your fucking skin if you could.. every diet you’ve tried.. every workout.. but it never works.. this how you are and you so desperately wished someone thought it was beautiful..

as class is going on, the door opens..

connie springer..

he walks in looking down at his phone, he has a folder tucked under his arm and he slowly walks through the desks not seemingly paying any attention to anything other than his phone..

he looks up for a sec looking for a seat and you realize the only one left is the desk next to you, you make eye contact with him and you quickly look away, he walks down the row of seats and slips into the desk, leaning back a bit and spreading his legs and he continues to type on the phone..

you inwardly think he’s cute and you keep that inwardly because you’ve never perused any crush that you had in fear of the rejection that you unsolicitedly receive daily..

you take the handed back worksheet and begin todo the work, and you softly nod your head to the beat of the music constantly playing in your ears,

you feel a tap.. you softly look up and see connie looking at you, you pull out one of your airpods and look at him..

“you got a pencil?” you nod and lean down and open the front zipper of your backpack and hand him one of yours, you hand him the pencil and he mumbles a “thank you” and you turn back and put the airpod back in your ear and continue on your work..

getting bored of the mathematical equations on your sheet, your eyes wander around the room and eventually land back on connie, you look at his buzz cut seemingly freshly cut, the diamond stud in his ear and the tattoos all over his arm, the rings on his finger and his relaxed nonchalant posture..

“he’s fine” you think to yourself..

catching you staring connie looks up at you, and you awkwardly smile and your about to look away until he speaks..

“is the pep rally tonight?”

you think about it

“umm i’m not sure but if you follow the school on insta it should tell you”

“what’s the @?” he replies and you pick up your phone and your open instagram, nails clacking against the screen while you look for it..

you feel him looking at you and you try not to squirm under it, there’s no point.. he doesn’t like you like that and never will, but you gon let yourself be delusional regardless..

“here it is”, you turn your screen towards him and he leans closer a bit, typing the @ in his phone..

“you going?” he says, you think about it,

“mm prolly not, you?”

“i might pull up ion no yet, jus checking”

“oh okay” you smile, and you look down at your phone thinking the conversation is over..

“what’s your name?” you look up..

“oh y/n” he looks at you and nods.. “i like that name”

“thank you” you say with a slightly bright smile..

he smiles back a bit, a bit and says “im connie”

“i know” you say.. “we’ve been in the same math classes for like 2 years now” you laugh a bit..

“ah my fault” he says with a slight laugh and rubs his jaw a bit.. “no your good, it’s okay”

you hate how he’s making you feel, this is the longest conversation you’ve had with a boy without him calling you a name.. or making you feel other..

connie on the other hand is just looking at you, all of you.. to be fair he’s noticed you before but not in this way, you were always sweet to the teacher, soft spoken and quiet.. but he’s never really seen you.. he looks at your body and your curves and your soft belly, he looks at your dark skin and nice lips.. he looks at your pretty hair and edges.. and fuck that smile.. that pretty little smile..

he wants to see it again, and again and again..

he smells you, sweet and clean, just like you are..

he’s heard the shit other people have whispered about you, comments on your weight.. he’s never understood it.. so what.. your gorgeous, he can’t believe other people can’t see that.. he wonders if you can see that..he knows he wants to talk to you more…

“what’s your insta” he says and you pause for a second, why does he want your insta? “ u-um here”

you open your insta and show him your account and hand him your phone, he types it in and follows you and hand it back, the bell rings and he gets up..

you grab your back and headphones and you start to walk out, he walks with you and you give him a small smile and before you walk out the door he holds out his hand and you dap him up before he smile and, walks out.. catching up with his friends and walking down the opposite end of the hall..

it’s lunch time and you grab a sandwich and a juice and you hold it in one hand as you look down at your phone and follow him back while walking through the cafe.. his profile is seemingly barren except for one highlight showing his car, and few faceless pics of him..

you swipe out his profile and you tap through your stories until you feel something snatched out your hand and your head snaps up..

it’s jonathan again and he’s letting out his dumbass laugh

“bro stop fr, that shit is not funny your always on my dick”

he smacks his teeth “you don’t need it anyway, your not gonna miss it”

“i payed for that bro, if your broke just say that”

that’s seems to anger him and he steps closer to you

“shut the fuck up”

“back up” you say angrily and you try to grab the juice back, he jerks his hand away and you push him, and he pushes you back nearly making you fall

“the fuck is your problem!” you say your voice cracking and you look around realizing you have an audience.. and you immediately want to cry and feel embarrassed.. he steps closer to you and before he can reach you you see connie walk up and shove jonathan to the ground with so much force you thought the floor broke..

jonathan quickly scrambles up and tries to punk connie, but connie towers over him, you watch as connie’s eyes darken and there shoving each other, a crowd starts to form around them and you start feeling hot.. and dizzy and you feel like your about to suffocate..

you hate when this happens, your eyes gloss over and your heart palpates and you start looking for a way out.. the teacher is here trying to separate connie and him and you start pushing through the crowd to leave..

“i just need to get out” you say to yourself.. “l-let me out” you think again.. at this point tears are rolling down your cheeks and your stumbling out into the hallway.. you need to go outside or something.. you feel trapped and you don’t know what to do..

connie realizes your gon and slips away from the drama in search of you.. he wonders if your okay, he say the sadness and anger on your face and he never wanted to see that again, he finds you walking down the hallway, broken sobs leaving your lips and his heart almost breaks, he catches up to you and places a hand on your shoulder..

“hey.. cmon it’s okay” he mumbles and he rubs your arm and looks at you, “don’t cry mama”

he cups your face and makes you look up at him, you avoid his gaze not wanting him to see you cry, and he simply uses both his thumbs and wipes under your eyes.. “don’t wanna ruin that pretty makeup” he mumbles and you finally look up at him with your teary eyes.. “there you are” he whispers

he pulls you into a hug and you hesitantly wrap your arms around him, you sniffle a bit and he smiles softly

“you wanna take a ride wit me?” you softly pull away..

“mm, y-yea” you say after thinking about it and softly smiles and nods for you to follow him..

he leads you out to his car, a shiny black hell cat with fresh raindrops all over it, he opens the door for you and you slip in, looking around at the inside and smelling his musky fresh scent, with a bit of weed..

he slips in with a sigh, and he puts his phone in the cup holder before turning the car on and reving the engine, and pulling off..

“where we going?” you ask with a soft rasp..

he softly looks at you “mm you hungry?”

you feel your face heat up and even tho he can’t see it he can tell that wasn’t the best thing to say

“you don’t have to worry about eating wit me mama”

“i want you to eat, that shit is important, don’t let anyone let you think otherwise”

you look up at him and almost cry at his words..

“so? you want sumn to eat?”

“y-yea” you say with a shy smile

“there you go” he mumbles and smiles before turning up the music a bit and he pulls into a chick fil a—

you feel a bit sad about what happened and you bite your lip in thought..

connie watches you, and hates how jonathan has affected you, he feels so sorry for the sweet girl next to him.. how long has she been bothered like this? how long has she felt this way? how many times did she cry like she did a few moments ago..

he pulls up to the drive thru and looks at you

“watchu want?” you look up and look at the menu

“ummm can i get the tenders and mac and cheese?”

he nods and hums before pulling up to the speaker, “lemme get 4pc tender and a medium mac and cheese, and a delux chicken sandwich meal large, with two large lemonades”—

he pays and he pulls off into the parking lot..

“wanna eat here?” you nod softly not really caring and he parks and grabs the bag from your lap and gives you your food..

y’all start eating at talking, getting to know each other.. while your talking connie reaches back and grabs a tin and opens it and pull out a blunt..

“you smoke?” “only carts” you say, which is true, your friend usually gets them for you when you hang out.

“mm- he hums starting to light up “you wanna try it?” you smile a bit “you trynna get me high?” he laughs throwing his head back a bit “nah mama it jus helps with anxiety nd shi.. jus to relax you”

you roll your eyes a bit, “yea ill try it” he takes his hit first and softly smoothing down the lifted ends and hand it to you.. you take it, taking a small hit than you usually do cause your not used to it, you ghost and connie almost feels his dick twitch watching you do that..

“you like it” he says and you nod “it’s smooth” you say with a smile and you hit it again..

after a while you both loosen up, the highs are hitting you and you both vibe to the music and talk, until you hear a phone ring and connie picks up with a slight annoyed look..

“yo” he says with a harshness in his voice that you haven’t heard before..

he silently listens before running a hand down his face and starting the car.. he looks at you and silently mouths “seatbelt” and you quickly start putting it on and he puts his on while pulling out..

“tell him to wait his ass there, do not let him leave that fucking house trey, i swear to god” he hands up the phone and plops it in the cup holder and speeds a bit..

you stay quiet mot knowing what’s going on, and he looks at you

“sorry mama, i’m gonna have to take you home”

“oh okay um.. do you need my address?” “yes ma’am, he mumbles and he hands you his phone and you type it into the map.. he speeds there and you softly hold onto the seat, but you trust him enough to know what he’s doing, he finally pulls up to your house, and he gets out the car.. you unbuckle your seatbelt and go to open the door but he beats you and does it for you, you grab your bag and your drink and he shuts the door and looks at you..

“did something bad happen?” you sweetly ask

“you don’t have to worry about that mama, im gon handle it.. aii?” “mhm” you hum and he nods

“gimme a hug” he whispers with a soft smile and you hug him shyly before he gets another call and you pull away..

“i gotta dip, you aii right?” you nod.. “words please”

“yes” you say and give him your best smile, “there you go” he says and presses a kiss to your cheek and picks up the phone and gets in the car, you walk up the steps to your house and notice he doesn’t leave until you step foot through the door..

|a/n|

y’all! that was the first installment of “young thug” im very excited to start my first series with y’all! i obviously choose connie since that was the winning vote and i’m so excited for y’all to read it, please forgive any misspelled words as my eye tend to skip over words when i proofread! i really hope you like it and comment some things you wanna see in the series! i really wanna hear y’all! i do this for y’all as much i do it for me! i wanted to see more fics with black girl! readers so i’m here to come through!!! ily 🩷

#black fem reader #black reader smut #connie x black reader #connie springer x black reader smut #connie springer x black!reader #connie springer #connie smut #aot connie #aot x reader #aot smut #aot #connie x black y/n #black reader #black fanfiction #black y/n #plug!connie #black writers #black women #black tumblr

[notdrifting]

pls be patient with me today guys, i’m mad as hell with some irl stuff my roomates are doing and i’m physically too angry to think straight now, i’ll try and work on some stuff but no promisses bc holy shit i’m so angry rn

#sometimes the void screams back 「DASH COMMENTARY」 #this gif is a visual representation of what i'm like rn #trying to calm myself up #while losing it #ugh #for context #i work a full time corporate job and go to college at the same time (which in itself is no big deal) and as obvious #i sleep less than i should during the week bc i gotta get shit done #recently one of my roomates have been bringing people over without letting me know first (we have an agreement as most common areas are #as the name suggests common ) #and she pulled that crap yesterday as well - i wouldn't have a problem with it if it wasnt for the fact that the dumb fuck she brought home #is a loud mf who cannot understand the concept of indoor voice #they were talking loudly till almost 4am #loud enough to be heard from outside the house (i realised that when i was taking the trash out) #and if that alone wasn't enough they were playing loud music in the ass crack of dawn today #needless to say i am in an awful mood and will have a serious talk with my friend once i'm calmed down (i'd be too rude and lose my nerve if #i did it now so its best to wait) #i am exhausted and annoyed #they know my routine is crazy and that i usually use the weekends to rest #yet they keep pulling that crap all the fucking time #ugh sorry for the vent #i feel like im losing my damn mind #anger issues aside i think i'm handling it better than i would in the past but still #cw; vent #tw; vent

[hier--soir]

take your medicine

pre-outbreak joel miller x f!reader

rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni summary: *tv sales advert voice* so you've been finding it hard to reach orgasm? lucky for you, our best-selling item "hunky boyfriend joel" is on sale at half price. shipping is free, and he is very determined to help you achieve your goals! call the number on your screen to buy now! OR your medication makes it difficult to orgasm so joel (and your vibrator) help make it happen. warnings/tags: set in the early 2000s aka early thirties joel my lover boyyyy, boyfriend joel, depression [nothing dark or sad], anti-depressants, brief discussion of food/eating, cigarette smoking [f], soft!supportive!joel, mentions of masturbation [f], unprotected piv sex, use of a sex toy, ride 'em cowgirl (1939) dir. samuel diege, cream pie, dirty talk, joel talks you through it. word count: 2.9k masterlist a/n: so this one is.... self-indulgent. shout out to all my friends on anti-depressants that are strugglin' to reach orgasm. me too, pals, me too. and there will be no medication shaming on this account, no there will not! so happy sunday, i hope someone else out there enjoys this short little thing with me x follow @hier--soirupdates if you'd like to be notified when i share my writing

Medication is a journey, they say. Every day will be different.

Medication is not the end all be all, they say. We can always try different avenues.

Six months on, now.

Six months since Let’s try the Zoloft for a few months.

Six months since We can reassess in April.

It’s June and summer has settled over Austin with a hot wet vengeance. April came and went with a mutual agreement that you weren’t ready to be weaned off yet. A gentle hand on your forearm and a softly spoken Why don’t we check in again in July?

A low dose. A starter dose. A you shouldn’t experience too many side-effects dose.  

And she was right – for the most part. There were no headaches, no nausea, no dizzy spells, no changes in appetite. That shallow, low mood that’d been haunting you for months suddenly began to lift. Begrudging exercise in the afternoons, a three-meals-a-day regiment implemented by your boyfriend, and a happy little pill with every morning coffee.

But fuck – you can count the number of orgasms you’ve had since January on one hand.

Countless nights spent alone in your bed, tangled betwixt sweaty sheets, fingers and forearm cramping until you finally give up. Drink a cold glass of water, wet your face, and go to bed frustrated; a routine disappointment.

You’d gotten lucky a few times, of course. Vibrator on the highest setting possible, pussy all puffed up and numb from the rough speed. Frustrated tears in your eyes, lightheaded by the time you finally feel that sweet sweet relief coursing through your veins.

A few times with Joel, too, in those first few months. And ignorance was bliss—quite literally—until he caught onto what you’d been doing.

“What was different tonight?” he’d asked you on one of those nights, laid out beside each other in his bed. Chests heaving, satisfied smiles spread across your faces.

Your hand had paused against his head, fingers twisted up in his sweaty curls, and you hesitated. So quick, the briefest pause before trying to play it off, but he caught it. Always too perceptive, too watchful of an eye; especially since you’d been diagnosed.

“What’s wrong?” Joel frowned.

“I… didn’t… my…” you’d mumbled, face tucked against his pillow.

“Can’t hear you when you do that,” he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. “Baby?”

“I didn’t take my meds today,” you repeated, voice still low, still wary. But you could tell he heard you. Knew from the way his body stiffened beside you. From how when you looked over his smile had dropped, eyebrows pinching inward. 

For a moment he didn’t even say anything. He hardly breathed. And then—Darlin’, why would you do that?—so painfully soft, the faintest tinge of worry in that deep, rasping voice of his. 

“I don’t know,” you sighed, and something hot began to burn behind your eyes. Wet, pinching shame. “Just… I woke up and I wanted you. And I wanted it to feel like it used to for us, and I can never… you know I can’t finish when I’m on them, and I hate feeling like I’m disappointing you—”

“Baby,” Joel shook his head, strong hand cupping your jaw. His forehead knocked against yours; a tender but firm kind of insistence. The type that says look me in the fucking eyes and listen up. “You’re not disappointin’ me.”

“Joel,” you sighed, face hot, foreheads tacky where they pressed together.

“No,” he grunted. “I fuckin’ mean it. This stuff takes time, okay? We’ll figure it out the way we always do. Just… don’t do that again. Please.”

“I won’t,” you murmured feebly, nose smushed against his.  

“Promise me,” Joel had urged you. “Promise me you’ll take your medicine.” 

“I promise, Joel.”

You kept strong on that promise. Didn’t get frustrated when he’d stay over more nights than usual, or drag you back to his place in the evenings – all just to watch you pop that little white pill in the mornings.  

It brought out something new in him, the day you’d showed him the prescription. Like some instinctual protectiveness was unlocked and he just kicked into hyperdrive.

Cutting work early to drive you to your doctor’s office, cooking up different meals every night for dinner.

Most days you wake up alone in his bed; wipe the sleep out of your eyes as you wander downstairs. Let him nudge you into a chair at the table, beside Sarah, so he can set identical bowls of cereal in front of the two of you—his girls. Hell, if you had a dollar for every time that man has said Breakfast is the most important meal of the day in the past six months, you’d have more money than you could spend.

Joel didn’t even get mad when you started smoking again in May.

Didn’t bat an eye when he found you at two in the morning, sat on the back porch in one of his sweatshirts with the smell of tobacco staining your fingers.

“Been a long time since I seen once of those in your mouth,” he’d smirked, settling onto the stoop beside you.

“I’m sorry,” you grimaced, remembering how proud he’d been when you quit. He rested his head against your shoulder, eyes watering with a yawn.

“S’late,” he grumbled sleepily. “N’you smell now.”

“I’m sorry,” you’d repeated, stamping the cigarette into the concrete. “Today was just… hard. Couldn’t sleep.”  

“S’okay,” Joel told you. “Just don’t like it when you sneak out on me, yeah? You know I ain’t judgin’ you.”

The only thing that frustrates Joel, is that he comes, and you don’t.

And it’s not a frustration with you. No, it’s a hot faced guilt that spreads through him every time you fuck. Evident in those frantic touches, desperate pleas of your name, of tell me what to do, tell me how to help, of fuck I’m sorry.

Because you still want him, despite it all. Still can’t help your wandering hands, your fingers that tease back his bed sheets and then his boxers and coax orgasm after orgasm out of him, night after night.

Tonight, you thought, would be no different.

Covers strewn across the end of your bed, pillows askew, you sit astride his lap.

It’s hot; the AC in your apartment has been broken all week, and your thighs are tacky with sweat where they press against his skin. Everything wet – sweat in your hair, slick between your thighs, the soft squelching sound that raises with every press of his cock inside of you.

“Fuck,” Joel pants, hands tight against your waist. “I can’t—goddammit, I’m not gonna last, baby.” 

“It’s okay,” you moan, eyelids heavy as you rock your hips over his.

It’s late, and you both have work early in the morning, but the burn is so good like this. The heavy weight of him reaching so far, pushing the limits of what your body can take. For years it’s been your favourite way to fuck him; poised above his body, admiring the way his stomach tightens and his eyes roll when you sink down on his cock.

“What can I do?” his voice is strained, the veins in his neck bulging as he holds his breath – anything to stave off the impending high.

You only whimper pathetically, grinding your hips into his. Can feel everything in your stomach knotting up into a white-hot ball.

“Hey,” Joel urges, hand landing in a soft slap against your outer thigh. “Talk to me.”

“I don’t know,” you cry out, shaking your head. “It’s right there, but I…”

“But what?” he murmurs, hips snapping up again.

“I don’t think I can,” you finally admit, eyebrows drawn tight in frustration. Your lower lip is bitten raw at this point, incessantly gnawed at by your own teeth. His grip tightens on your hips and he drags you upward until his length slips out, falling against his stomach with a wet smack.

“C’mon, tell me what you need,” he says quickly, and you’re sure that the desperation you see in his eyes is mirrored in your own. Pupils blown round and fat, endless black—pleading.

You stare down at him for a moment. Watch the way his chest heaves with harsh, stilted breathes. How little dots of sweat have gathered at the hollow of his throat. And fuck, you want it so bad.

“Top drawer,” you exhale roughly, pointing to the side table.

Joel doesn’t question the order. Doesn’t say a word as he spreads a long arm across the bed, yanking the drawer open and shoving his hand inside. You watch him rifle around for a moment, pulse increasing as you wait for him to find what you want. What you need. And you can tell when he does; his shoulders stiffen and he lets out a choked sort of sound, pulling out the black wand and shoving it into your hand.

“Show me,” he says, eyes wild.

Your finger drops down against the button, turning your hand to show him which one to press.

“There’s four settings,” you murmur, slipping it back into his palm.

“Does this normally help?” he asks, grunting softly as you grip his cock, notching the tip back at your entrance.

“Sometimes,” you sigh, sinking down, sucking in the heavy weight of him. “Can still take a—a little while.”

He presses the button tentatively, watching as the rounded head of the wand starts to vibrate. Spread open around him, he can see your swollen little clit so easily, and he lowers the wand to press against it. Your body jolts forward, mouth splitting open with a groan as heat flares through you. Your hips stutter against him instinctively, chasing that intense feeling, and he looses a gravelly moan at the feeling of your wasted cunt squeezing around him.

“Look at that,” Joel grunts, dark eyes trained on your face. That wicked pink tongue slips out to wet his lips and he nods in encouragement. “I know, baby, I know it’s a lot, you feel good?” 

“Yes,” you gasp, jaw going slack as you settle into the feeling. “Fuck, yes, it’s good, it’s good.”

It’s nothing you’ve ever felt before; nothing your past boyfriends had ever been comfortable enough to try. It has the muscles in your thighs tensing up already; the thick press of his cock paired with that unrelenting, almost overbearing, vibration.

“Can feel it,” he hisses out, head tilting back into the mattress.

“Yeah?”

“Mm,” he nods, expression grim. The muscle in his jaw twitches. “So fuckin’ tight like this. All wound up, y’need it so bad, I know.”

You moan, eyelids fluttering as he presses the button again, notching it to a higher speed. You lift up slowly and then press back down over him, and the two of you groan in unison. His free hand falls against the curve of your ass and he squeezes, encouraging you to rock against him, starting up a steady pace.

One of your hands settles on your chest, fingers twisting and pulling at your nipples. You need more, always more, something, anything.

“Look so fuckin’ good like this,” Joel mutters, and you can tell how fucked out he is already as he watches you. Dark eyes glazing over, mouth hanging open deliriously. “My pretty girl, so damn good for me.”  

Your heart stumbles in your chest and you whimper, appreciation for him flooding your senses. He’s been so close for so long tonight already, teetering precariously on that edge but holding off for you. Fucking you into the mattress before pulling out and tucking his face between your thighs, doing his damnedest to get you to that same place. Urging you to get on top, to take what you needed, to use him to get yourself off.  

“I love you,” you mumble breathlessly, eyes pinching closed as something sharp starts to tingle at the bottom of your stomach.

“Fuck, fuck,” Joel snarls, hips snapping upward.  

“What ar—” your words cut off with choked moan as he clicks the button again, and then again, taking it to the highest speed. Your shoulders shake and you tilt forward a little, hand gripping his shoulder to steady yourself.

“Joel,” you cry out, chest heaving and stomach tightening.

Your fingers wrap around his wrist, searching for something to ground yourself against. That firm press against your clit doesn’t falter for a second, and you let out a rough moan.  

“Good,” he grunts. “Good girl, give it to me.”

The muscle in his bicep spasms and strains beneath the skin, everything pulled taut as he keeps the wand pressed firmly against you. And it’s almost painful, the way you can feel your high coiling inside you, burning, but never quite reaching fever pitch the way you need it to. 

A symphony that builds and billows and writhes within you. Sloping swells of violins and cellos and trumpets. Up, up, up to that shattering crescendo you just can’t seem to reach.

“Joel,” you mewl, and there’s tears in your eyes, on your cheeks. Hot, fat tears that stain your face now, dripping from your chin to splatter against his chest.

“C’mon now,” he grunts, hips shifting up off the bed, meeting you thrust for thrust. The stretch of his cock is so wide, so deep, and every shift of his body punches the air from your lungs.

“I don’t know if I can,” you shake your head, stomach on fire. The vibrations are so intense, the speed so fast, you can feel your clit going numb beneath it. But Joel doesn’t pull away, doesn’t stop the fast pace of his hips. The muscles in his abdomen twitch under you, tan skin glistening with sweat.

“You’re so close,” he goads, jaw tight. “Don’t fight it, baby.”

“Stop moving,” you beg then, your voice a high keen. Joel stills instantly, wary eyes darting across your face. He doesn’t pull the vibrator away though. Not yet.

“Fuck,” you cry out, hand firm against his stomach. “Just let me-just—”

Knees on fire against the bed, you grind your hips down into his. Gasp as his cock presses hot and heavy against something deep inside of you that sets your entire body shaking, vibrating against him; buzzing at the same high-speed rhythm as the wand between your legs. You rut against him again and again and then something pulls tight and hot at the base of your spine.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp, eyes widening. “Oh god, Joel, I think—”

“Shh, I know, I know,” he moans. A bead of sweat rolls from his hairline to his chin. “You’re okay, let it happen.”

“Touch me,” you say, breathless and needy and so so desperate. “Fuck, please.”

Joel groans – a deep, guttural thing. A sound that comes from somewhere in the base of his stomach. It rattles your bones and has your fingernails digging into his stomach, and then his hand is on your chest. Rough fingers squeezing and stroking and pinching and you’re gasping, keening his name as he whispers frenzied words of encouragement and it’s building it’s building it’s building and and and—

Everything goes silent when you come. It’s all blurred vision and deafened ears; an intense ache in your jaw from the way your mouth hangs open. You can feel a vein in your neck, raging beneath the skin; a staccato rushing sound that echoes inside your head.

And you think you can hear Joel’s voice, somewhere beyond it all; Fuck, there it is, good girl, good fuckin’ girl.

When your eyes flutter open, you can only see Joel’s face swimming in your vision. His eyes rolling back, lips parted as he snarls your name.

“Fuck,” he spits. “—yeah, that’s it, there we fuckin’ go.”

You feel his cock kick inside of you; fast jerking spasms and then a warm rush as he starts to come. Your hand wraps around his, pushing the wand to the side of the bed, but he doesn’t fucking stop. He grips your waist and fucks up into you, spitting curses and warbled slurs of your name as he pumps you full of his hot spend.

It’s obscene – a mix of your come and his, squeezing out around his girth and smearing against the inside of your thighs. It pools around the base of his cock and you whimper at the sight, swollen cunt still tightening around him. Only when you start to sag down against his chest does he rest, his thighs twitching and tensing with the aftershocks of his high.  

Joel raises a hand, calloused thumb brushing the tears from your cheeks. Then, carefully, he grips the back of your neck, guiding you down to rest against his chest.

Your shoulders slump and you press a lazy kiss against the jut of his collarbone. And for a moment there’s just this. No sounds but that of heavy breaths and a soft buzzing, forgotten somewhere in the sheets. The swipe of his fingertips down your spine, your lips against his salty skin. A gentle tap against your waist and he’s slipping out of you with a sigh, but not letting you pull away, not letting you move from where you’ve collapsed directly on top of him.

“Missed that,” you slur sleepily, fighting to keep your eyes open.

“Me too,” he mumbles. “Did so good. Made me proud.”

“S’that right?” you smile against his skin.

“S’right, baby.”

You hum, dragging your head up to press a kiss against his mouth. Both of you so exhausted that it’s just a brief, lazy swipe of your lips, but it’s enough. It’s thank you.

“Shower?” he suggests softly, smiling up at you.  

“Or… cigarette?” you respond, eyebrows raised, teasing.  

“Watch it,” he smarts, laying a quick smack against your ass before nudging you off of him. He stands and holds out a hand to help you off the bed, tutting underneath his breath. “Although I guess you’ve earned it.”

a/n: in hindsight, idk why the fuck i wrote that it took them six months to try this but what can you do lmao.

thank you for reading! x

#my writing #fic: take your medicine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller one shot

[nor-4]

Nsfw Alphabet ft. Mike Schmidt

Bad writing

A = Aftercare

He got everything ready cause this boy don't know how strong he is especially if he fucks his frustration out so he gets every thing ready. He will definitely make you coffee or just get you some water is if you ask, then hug you until you guys fall asleep.

B = Body part

Although he loves every part of your body he has this favoritism for your thighs, like it's multipurpose he can hold it while fucking you on missionary andd can be a pillow when you guys go to picnic!

What he loves for him is his arms like something about it looks attractive for him, probably because you love to hold it and compliment it.

C = Cum

You can't tell me he don't cum a lot. Before bursting his seed he always ask where do you want it. If he's too lazy he'll just cum in your stomach. It's on his system to ask if it's hot or how does his seed feels.

D = Dirty secrets

To my previous headcannon, he wants to fuck the attitude out of you. Like it makes him feel cocky knowing he takes control. He wants to invite you to his work and fuck you in the table he doesn't know why but something about risking it turns him on.

E = Experience

Actually you both lost your virginity to each other. He isn't experienced but he knows everything about sex. He knows how to make you cum easily by just his fingers, this man doesn't joke when it comes to knowledge on sex. He can make your girl cum than your playboy ass

F = Favorite position

He lovesss missionary, he loves to see your face while fucking you. He loves kisses so.. Andd he loves back shot, he wants matching back tattoos with you it turns him on. Something about caressing your back makes him insane.

G = Goofy

Not really he's serious when it comes to making out. But sometimes he cracks a small joke when the mood get so tense up, he love it when he see you chuckle. Come on this man needs happiness in his life let him be.

H = Hair

Not that much hairy but he trims it when he thinks it needs a little bit of cutting. For you well he doesn't care about hair okay, it's natural if you want to keep it okay if your comfortable with it. He loves em bushes bae dw.

I = Intimacy

He loves to grip your hips or waist when he fuck you in missionary. This man fucks like there's no tomorrow he hugs your waist, he loves putting hickeys on you especially your breast. He is sooo good at praising like he coos in your ears on how he much loves you.

J = Jack off

Doesn't really have a time to do it. If he does he just imagines things with you. Just the thought of you turns him on. He does it too when you're not in the mood to do intimate things cause you know he doesn't wanna push you.

K = Kink

He's into edging he love to see you cry just because your orgasm is declined. He also loves size difference he can't believe the strength he has, he can fuck you in the wall nd he is still be surprised.

L = Location

Mostly on his bedroom because abby could be roaming around somewhere, well sometimes if abby's at school he loves to fuck you in the kitchen. He loves to eat you out at the kitchen it hits something for him.

M = Motivation

You. Everything bout you turns him on, especially when you motherly cares for abby. It's awaking something in him. He can be too distracted on his work and still think about fucking you. It's like a daily routine for him when he's bored.

N = No

Something that might hurt you, like he likes rough sex but not that rough like your about to scream from getting hurt. He don't like bdsm something about it turns him off plus he remembers all his trauma yk.

O = Oral

He is more on giving, but he loves to recieve like you giving him head. He still loves it when he is the one giving you head, something about you makes him addicted. Like he wants to drown from your pussy.

P = Pace

He's more on slow and gentle. If he's frustrated he fucks rough. His pace is up to the atmosphere, you have two boyfriend. One who make love to you touching caressing your body and praising you and one is fucking you like an animal. Sometimes he fucks you rough when he wants to sleep tightly.

Q = Quickie

Mehhh he doesn't really like quickie. He wants long sensual make out not like fucking you as if it's the end of the world. Plus it makes him want more.

R = Risk

If you just want it. But seeing someone watching him fuck you turns him on, it's like his adrenaline rush is rising. He just want to take the risk when he feels cocky.

S = Stamina

Can only go to 2 to 3 rounds because he's a beat up minimum wage worker who works 24/7 so he doesn't really have that much energy. But like i said when he's frustrated he can probably go for 5 rounds. If you can handle it.

T = Toys

I dont think he's really up to toys but a vibrator is enough. Since he loves edging he will probably have a vibrator especially those vibrator thay you put in your panty that can be controlled by phone. He will love those.

U = Unfair

He loves it when you beg for him. He can leave you without continuing your orgasm just for you to beg him. Sometimes when he is bored he tends to talk about how you are a mess for him.

V = Volume

He is whiny if you are the one who takes control. He is a bit vocal like he moans, but he often talk about how good you are for him.

W = Wild Card

He wants you to sit on his face. What if you crush him? He will be the happiest man alive. He wants you to dominate him especially when he is a whining mess, he just want to see you being a bossy then be a mess once you ride his dick.

X = X-ray

This man has a fat dick for aroundd 5'8 inches. Pretty pink mushroom tip. He's gifted i wanna rail him.

Z = Zzz

He's not a fast asleep he loves to spend the time with you. He only sleeps when you are already comfortable and clean. If he's tired he will fall asleep fast but he will do something for you tomorrow but tonight hug him to sleep.

#mike afton #mike schmidt x you #mike schmidt #mike schmidt x reader #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf movie #josh hutcherson #josh hutcherson x reader #Josh hutcherson x you #mike afton x reader

[diveinyouastro]

♤Another astrological observations♤

Ps: i am still learning and astrology is a forever learning subject. It may or may not be relatable. :)

-------------------

•° solar return observations °•

Solar return 7th house- the sign in your 7th house of your solar return will probably be the one to backbitch/backstab you👀. For eg- having Sagittarius descendant, people with sag sun or prominent sag placements are likely going to do you very wrong. 😊🪰

SR Uranus in 1st- an apparent change in the appearance of the individual. Dying their hair, a haircut, change in the makeup looks, joining the gym, having skincare routine, etc.🦄😋

SR Jupiter in the 12th- spiritual enlightenment🧞‍♂️. Could be the time youre very sensitive to the energies of the people. Seeing spirits frequently👻. (Hack- wear black tourmaline for the shield against negative energies). This is the time when everything will be clear to you, the intentions of the people, their traits, their habits, their trauma🤠 (your's aswell).👽

SR moon in the 6th- sensitive to other people's words, their criticism, etc. Take care of your health at this time please. Eating disorder. Very moody. Might eat spicy food alot. 🥲

SR neptune in the 11th- the friends, peers, acquaintances you have, you'll be getting to know about them more clearly👀 in negative way ofcourse, Alot of deceiving, lying, manipulation, taking behind your back, cheating, blah blah blah.😗🪓🩸

SR Saturn in the 11th- yes you ARE GOING TO LOSE FRIENDS, even the closest friend you have🙃. I honestly LOVE Saturn whatever house it's in because it fucking slaps you so hard that you begin to see everyfuckingthing very clearly🤪😶‍🌫️. Its going to be hard for you but dont worry youre better of with little to no friends than lying poopies.💩💝

SR venus in the 1st- you're going to be every 2nd person's crush, like literally fr. You're guna appear more ethereal and soft to the other person, maybe innocent too which will make the other person wAnT tO pRoTeCt YoU aT aLL cOsT🥺 because to them you're vulnerable to the world😐😐😐😐.

SR mars in the 3rd- alot of fights with your siblings/ cousins/ childhood friends. Way of communication may be direct, more straight forward, could even be a little cruel ehe🤭. Probably guna put people in their fucking place. Humbling down people alot.💅

SR aquarius ascendant- very detached from the emotions. Its like giving yourself 5 minutes to feel everything then after that, stop feeling completely until the next year. ORRR.... you could be in your feelings for the 1st or last 6 months then the rest of the year? Nonchalant🧘(could be opposite).Your mood for the year: 'eehh'😐 'Okhay'😐 'Yeah'😐 'Mhm'😐 'No'😐 'Don't'😐 'Shut up'😐 'Can you leave me alone'😐 'Youre so annoying'😐 'Can you stop'😐 'Omg youre a fucking fe/male'😐. Might be the year you'll question your sexuality.

SR lilith in the 4th- watch your closest ones/ own family turn against you just cuz you stood up against their negativity and manipulation. Oof!! 😍😍😍THE BEST YEAR EVERRR!!!🥳🤯💋 Sarcasm intented. Theyre going to spread false rumors about you. Play victim card in the situations they create. Its like creating a problem for you to solve.🧍🏻‍♀️🧍‍♂️🗣

SR venus in the 5th- will attract ALOT of love interests👀🔥🧲 but since its a 5th house, it wont be long lasting. For girls: this placement can make guys crazily obsessed with you for monthsss beware as they can note down your every move (3 of my friends had this and the guys ended up following them home, it was scary). For guys: this can make girls want to be with you just bcz everyone wants you, youre the center of everyone's attention (cheating could be involved too👀)

SR Sun/mars/pluto in the 6th- take care of your health because; sun: can make you vulnerable to the evil eyes which could lead you to falling sick frequently🪰🧿. Mars: your anger, impulsiveness, all the othet martian feelings, can make you sick as well, so beware of your surroundings and your mental health🎭. Pluto: the jealousy with this can turn physical real quick✂️. And all three: JUST. TAKE. CARE. 😀 🫠

SR moon in the 7th- sweeeeettttt cravings will ⬆️⬆️. Feeling very joyful for no reason🌞. Feeling 'Butterfly in the stomach' frequently🦋. Lovesick🐕‍🦺.

SR mercury in the 5th- you could hear from a friend that a lot of "certain someone's" like you😊. Love to talk about your interests and hobbies. Involvement in frequent get-togethers, random friends meet💁🏻‍♀️.

SR saturn in the 8th- might deal with your own fears. Could be a triggering year for you🧘.

SR nn in the 9th/12th- frequent travels🗺. Might overthink alot about the world and the life (a lot of what's, why's, who's, how's, etc).

Wherever SR Jupiter is, you're expanding that. Like for eg- 5th house: your interests, might pursue your hobbies, or if you already are, lets say an artist, youll expand your art, the type of drawings you make. 2nd house: your business. Money. Self esteem. Confidence. 11th house: your friend circle, electronics, etc.

SR saturn/neptune in the 8th- out of nowhere setbacks, betrayal, cheating, etc are possible. BUT you WILL receive a news about CERTAIN SOMEONE which will make you question them🤫. Or youll get to know some f-ed up family secrets😗.

SR Scorpio ascendant- watch people getting intimated💁🏻‍♀️. You're guna hear rumorssss about youuu👀🤫. Random guys/girls approaching you with the intention of "hUmBLiNg YoU dOwN" 🗣💩 (ykwim).

SR venus in the 7th- randomly, out of nowhere, falling for someone veryyyy haaarrrdd🕳🚶🏻‍♀️.This usually happens within 3-5 months after your birthday.

Whereas... 😗

SR neptune/saturn in the 7th- showing you why you shouldn't have😊. (If i were you i wouldn't give them a 2nd chance, many people don't deserve it🧘. Pay attention if its their "traits" or "company" either way, you shouldn't forgive them because "traits" are self explanatory, they wont ever change, and if its the "company" affecting them then its guna be tiring for you and trust me you wouldn't want a person who is gullible🧍🏻‍♀️).

SR Uranus anywhere- sudden. Anything sudden. For the better or the worse🎭. Out of nowhere. Unexpected👀. The ex you didn't see? Here s/he comes💩. Job offer🌞. Oldest friend contacting you🏌‍♂️.realization about career path. Your personality, your looks. Family dynamics. Home, etc.

SR lilith/neptune in the 1st/5th/7th/8th/10th/11th- people be copying youuuu i seeee👀. Your secret enemies wanting to be you👀. Copying your style, outfit, skincare. Haircare, haircut, your hobbies, even your career path🤾‍♀️. Amd they'll still have the audacity to TELL YOU how you should be doing *insert what you're good at* 🧍🏻‍♀️🧍‍♂️like?????. Jealousy runs deeeppp 😶‍🌫️.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Thank you for reading :) <3

#astrology observations #astro notes #astro community #astro placements #astrology placements #solar return #solar return observations #astrology notes

[vent-stink]

When Seonghwa got mad at y/n

a/n: I'm sorry I've been neglecting you all! Here's my apology angst c/w: angst, hurt/comfort pairings: owner!Seonghwa x cat hybrid!reader, cat hybrid!san x reader w/c: 1.6k

Y/n didn't realize Seonghwa was in a bad mood.

At this point, even though she felt bad, it was routine of him to break up with partners because they didn't like her. He'd come home sad, and y/n would cuddle his sorrows away.

This time was different.

This time, Seonghwa came home with a sad aura, but clenched fists. No, he was frustrated, so frustrated. Why were people so closed minded? Hybrids have been a part of society for so long and even if not everyone cares for their hybrids the same way, the extent of his care had been normalized enough by now, he thought. Yet he hadn't met anyone who could accept it.

Y/n wasn't his girlfriend; he didn't want her to be nor did she want to be. He loves her and takes care of her. Sure, hybrids could be in relationships with their owners or with other people, but that just wasn't their relationship. Why was that so hard to understand?

He wasn't mad at y/n, he could never truly be mad at y/n, but in that moment he was just so frustrated. It was moment of weakness, but he seriously resented her, if only for a minute.

But it was in that minute that she crawled over to him, unapologetic smile adorning her face (because she had nothing to feel bad for, he had made sure to reassure her every time before), as she asked for his attention, hands pawing at his trousers.

"Stop it. Move, y/n." His voice was stern and cold and she felt her hair stand on end. "Daddy? Are you okay-?"

Hearing her voice, her sultry, sweet, beautiful voice, he snapped, "GET OFF, Y/N. GET OFF." She flinched away from him, looking at him a little scared, "D-daddy‐?" "I'M SO TIRED OF THIS, Y/N. YOU'RE ALWAYS- YOU'RE ALWAYS THERE. YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He was yelling, really yelling. No one had ever spoken to y/n like that before, especially not Seonghwa. Sure, he'd scolded her, but he'd never so much as punished her let alone raised his voice like this.

She trembled as he yelled at her, curled up into a ball as she was frozen in fear, waiting for him to finish. "It's like ever since I adopted you, I haven't been able to think of anything but you. I can't be selfish. I can't enjoy myself or be loved for a single fucking second-"

"HYUNG!" San yelled, coming down to hug y/n and shield her from Seonghwa. She was shaking, tears running down her face as she whimpered, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Honestly, Seonghwa had yelled at San like this before, and Y/n was spoiled so he initially had been enjoying her get a little scared. It was only natural for a harsher scolding at least once or twice... but this felt too harsh. San stopped feeling smug very quickly as he came down to comfort their princess.

San's presence snapped Seonghwa out of his rage, allowing him to actually see how y/n was reacting to his anger. He broke his own heart knowing that he made her look like this, trembling with tears falling down her face, terrified noises leaving her. Oh my god, what was I thinking?

"Y/n, I-" he reached out to her but she wailed, running to San's room and slamming the door shut behind her and burying herself in his sheets.

Seonghwa watched her run and then looked at San helplessly, only to be met with San's angry hiss as the feline followed after his mate to cuddle her as she cried.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Seonghwa could still feel his emotions hot in his blood, so he sighed, sitting on his recliner as he waited for his heart to settle.

He didn't realize how badly he had fucked up until he'd gone back to his room. Y/n hadn't come to sleep. She'd always always slept with him in his bed at night. She'd never been able to sleep at night without her owner.

Yet, right now, as he laid awake, waiting for her to crawl into his arms and tuck herself under his chin, it was almost 1am, and his arms were empty.

He hadn't realized how used to her he'd gotten. He felt cold, even with his blanket tucked up to his chin, body crunched into a ball, he felt like his body was trembling. Now he couldn't sleep without her.

Obviously, he couldn't stand to be like this. He got out of his bed and went to San's room, knocking lightly on the door. He thought y/n might be awake. He thought there'd be no way that she could sleep without him.

But there was no answer. "Y/n?" he called softly. Nothing. "San?" A grunt.

Seonghwa opened the door a peek and first saw San's piercing glare. It wasn't the first time he'd been on the receiving end of it, San got pissy with him all the time, but this was the first time it was over someone else. The next thing he saw was his little kitten wrapped in his big kitten's arms, head tucked into his chest as her chest raised and fell in a steady rhythm.

She was asleep.

"She cried until she was so exhausted she couldn't stay awake anymore," San said quietly to not wake her up. Seonghwa felt his heart lurch harder than it ever had before. "I'm not giving her to you, if that's what you're here for."

"No... I don't want to wake her," Seonghwa whispered, "I just can't... I couldn't sleep." San didn't reply. He wasn't in the mood to give Seonghwa consoling words. He'd used them all on y/n already.

Both of his hybrids were upset at him, rightfully so. He sighed, sitting in San's chair that faced the bed. San eyed him before letting out a sigh and cuddling farther into y/n to sleep.

Seonghwa just watched them until he felt his eyes droop and sleep overtook him.

He woke up to a sniffle. It started him awake. The first heartbreaking thing he saw was y/n's face scrunched up in a sob, fresh tears falling down her face.

"Y/n-ah," he croaked, not even letting himself fully wake up before he was on his knees in front of her, "I'm so sorry... I didn't mean it! I..."

"I- I'm sorry... I made daddy's life so hard. You haven't been able to be happy since I'm here-" "NO!" he exclaimed loudly, making San jolt awake, but the big cat went ignored, "I didn't mean it. Daddy was just upset. I was just sad, I didn't mean to say those things. I didn't mean a single word."

She didn't believe him and Seonghwa could tell as she covered her face, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry they don't like me. You never should have brought me here. I'm so terrible."

"Y/nnie, please," he choked, "I'm so sorry baby. I was feeling sad because my partner left me... but I don't need anyone. I only need you and Sannie, my love. I- Everyday, you make me feel so loved, more loved than I have ever felt from even my own mother..."

Y/n sniffed, looking at him properly, but wearily.

"I didn't mean a single thing I said. It was all in anger. Like- like when Sannie says he's mad at you and won't share his clothes, but he still shares them anyway...," he reasoned desperately.

"You should send me away...," she cried quietly. Seonghwa finally broke completely, letting out a sob, bowing his face to the ground, "You are my most important girl in the world, y/n-ah." His voice was cracking and his pain was agonizing, extremely evident from his voice, "No one loves me more than you, and I can't live without you. I can't sleep without you in my arms. Even if you wanted to leave me, I am the one that's selfish. I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. I want you to get so mad at me for yelling at you. I'll make it up to you forever. I'll buy you so many gifts and treats. I just- I need you to know that I love you so much."

She sniffed, getting out of the bed to kneel in front of him as well. When he heard her change positions, Seonghwa looked up to see her looking at him with teary eyes. A wail escaped her throat as she slipped herself into his arms, sobbing into the fabric of his t-shirt.

His arms wrapped around her so tight she would have suffocated if she was thinking about it. He wasn't loud, but his tears slipped down his face and onto her hair, "No one matters to me more than you. You're my baby. My sweet, y/nnie. I'm sorry, I got upset, but I won't do it again." "I th-thought you d-didn-n't want m-me, any-nymore!" she hiccupped between sobs.

"No my princess. Even if I'm only with you for the rest of my life and everyone else leaves, I'll be happy." San wanted to protest, but he didn't because he was too tired and because he knew y/n needed reassurance more than he needed to reaffirm his existence in the house. She was soft. He'd live.

"I'm sorry, daddy," she whimpered. Seonghwa pulled away to cup her face and press soft kisses all over her face. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I meant it when I told you that you and San are a part of me. No one is more important than us. We're a family, okay? You're my family."

Y/n sniffed and hugged him so tight, nodding into his chest. "You promise?" "Mhmm," Seonghwa hummed, "I'll never let you think otherwise again. Even if daddy gets mad at you again, I promise I will never make you think for a second that you belong anywhere else, but here with me."

#ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez #atz #ateez fluff #hybrid ateez #choi san #park seonghwa x reader #park seonghwa #choi san x reader #seonghwa angst #seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa fluff #choi san fluff #choi san imagines #san x reader #san fluff #ateez hybrid au #park seonghwa fluff #park seonghwa angst #park seonghwa ateez #ateez angst

[writingmeraki]

here and now.

a kim mingyu drabble !

pairing : secret!agent!mingyu x secret!agent!reader, established relationship ( they are married )

genre : angsty with fluff :)

warnings : reader is pretty miserable, cussing, cheol is mean but annoying mean, petnames, kissing, unhealthy routines.

author's note : ohhh i can't let go of these two, i rlly jst like this au a lot lol, i wonder if you would want more set in this same au, lmk hehe :) hope you like this !! but also the fact that i have other wips but i can't get this specific couple out of my head ???? very self indulgent bcoz tell me why i want this mingyu with me rn. also third work this month...let's hope we keep balling like that!!!

set in the SAME universe as this !

word count : 1.6k

The world was miserable.

You wanted to curl up in a ball and just lay in your bed, sleeping until you could no longer differentiate between reality and dreamland.

But alas, you couldn’t. As an agent, sleep to you was like a reward. One would think a need should never be something you get once in a while but, your job was practically making all your essentials feel like rewards. 

Mayhaps not the healthiest, but you were already used to it and your body as well, so you were not truly affected when you couldn’t get any of your essentials. 

Though, you were sure the world felt more miserable because you hadn’t seen him in so long.

Kim Mingyu, the man you married. Your husband.Your other half, your other puzzle piece, your other- you get the point. Six months, twelve days, and ten hours since you last saw him. 

He was gone on a mission that was supposed to take no less than a month, but who were you kidding? Who was your boss kidding? Top priority missions always took up time. 

The thing that still pisses you off is why you weren’t allowed to go with him. 

Apparently, you were needed back in Seoul and not there was the bullshit reason. You spent enough time being annoyed and angry at that, now you just felt terribly upset. Upset without him in your life physically, sure virtually he was one message away, but being on the complete opposite side of the globe also meant time zones were a pain in the ass.

Sighing, you made your way into the tall building disguised as one of the offices but it was where your agency was. You held a cup of coffee, that was just as bitter as your mood, in fact you didn’t even like coffee, but today you felt no point in trying to uplift your mood because the only thing that would was a certain person who you were not even sure when you’d meet. 

It was not you who felt this way, in fact Mingyu was probably feeling worse. Having been someone whose love language was physical affection, it did not feel the same through a fucking screen. He was ready to quit actually, three months into it because he terribly wanted to see you, but you convinced him he’d be back sooner if he finished it. 

You knew you were lying to him and yourself, but you had no choice. This was your duty right? 

The boss’ office was still as peculiar as he was, never failing to amuse you whenever you’d enter and always finding new collections or items decorating it. Today, you saw an art piece that was of the sun and the moon. 

Everything reminded you of him. He was your sun, even your moon too. 

You frowned more at the thought, wondering how the heck were you not able to not think of him for a few minutes. Then again, perhaps being together for more than a decade would do the trick. You’re practically bound permanently by that point. 

Sitting down on the cushion chair in front of Seungcheol, you didn’t even bother greeting him, still in thoughts until you heard a chuckle from in front of you. 

“What’s funny?”

“You look extra miserable today.” 

You glared at the man, annoyance changing into anger with retorts about how he’d feel if he was kept away from his partner for this long, considering he was someone who was pretty boastful about his partner. 

“But- I did not call you for that. I have a special mission for you. And no, I don’t have any updates on Mingyu.”

You groaned at his words, considering what he said was just getting worse and worse as he spoke. 

“For this though, you’ll have someone with you. You’ll be needing another person to complete this task. They should be arriving in a few minutes.” 

“Please don’t be a rookie, I don’t have the patience to deal with one, not right now.” You figured you couldn’t not do it. It was your job after all. But perhaps he’d be a little considerate. 

“Oh don’t worry, I think they are pretty experienced, maybe even more than you.” He grinned but you couldn’t quite put a finger on what he meant. His eyes gleamed with something you couldn’t tell. 

“Just say you hate me, Cheol. It’s easier.” You bitterly spat out, taking a sip of the now cold coffee and frowning in distaste. It seemed it was up to par with your state. 

You leaned back, looking at the watch on your wrist, seeing it’s been a few minutes already and wondering just how long this person would take. 

You tried to pinpoint who it possibly was, but you were never good with names of people you might have seen in passing. That was more of Mingyu’s thing, he always remembered the forgettable things. 

The sound of the door opening was what made you perk up. You sat a little straighter, feeling like perhaps you shouldn’t make it outwardly obvious to the entire population how you were truly feeling. 

Seeing the chair pull, you didn’t bother looking besides you, feeling that seeing them from the corner of your eye was enough. They were a little further from you, but you could tell they were quite…large? They were wearing a cap and a mask, practically their entire body was covered with a black coat. It was suspicious and you just wondered if this was just an excuse for Seungcheol to have you murdered in a discreet way. 

Seokmin…? No, he's almost my height, probably Chan? 

You didn’t even realise the person had taken your coffee, pulled off their mask,took a sip of it and almost spat it out. 

“Baby this is actually so disgusting, since when did you drink this?” 

Wait.

You recognised that voice. 

He kept the cup back down on the table in front of you, wearing that very very familiar ring on his left ring finger. 

You think your brain short circuited at that very moment. 

Now you knew why Seungcheol had a sly grin. 

The fucker planned this. 

In all his glory, Kim Mingyu sat beside you, now seeing no point in wearing the cap, he tossed it off and threw it on the table. He shuffled his hair, which was now longer than you last saw it.

“Missed me?” He had the audacity to say that with his stupid canines peaking out, wearing that stupid grin that made you feel giddy all over and the stupid glint in his eyes that shone as he took you in.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Mingyu for making you feel like throwing up in all mixes of emotions. 

So in the mix of it, you just remained frozen. Eyes blank, nothing on your face physically to indicate any emotion. 

“I’ll leave you two…just don’t do…stuff.” Seungcheol retorted and your hands itched to strangle him. 

Before you could even comprehend you were now alone, you felt your chair being pulled to face him. Your mind still in disbelief and conflict.

“Hi.” He spoke gently, his hands now reaching towards yours and grasping them. It had been way too long since he smelt your signature perfume, held your hands in his with the same intensity, felt your touch. He thinks he might just die in peace now. 

“I’m just trying to figure out if I’m dreaming.” You murmured as you blinked slowly at him, still unmoving even though he now was bent down and closer to you.

The grin on his face widened as he leaned in, and next thing you know, you felt his lips on yours. 

Familiar…just like…home. 

He pulled back, still smiling as he softly laughed, “Real enough, darling?”

Mingyu wasn’t someone who was caught off-guard easily but he was the moment you launched forward and wrapped your arms around him. He yelped as he held you, surprisingly not toppling over.

You didn’t even grasp you were full on sobbing at that point, your entire body shaking and held you even more tightly. He stood up, one arm around your waist and the other gently rubbing your back. 

“I’m here now, I’m here.” He whispered softly as his hand caressed your hair, you moved your arms to wrap them over his shoulder as you placed your head in the crook of his neck. 

“i-i really-” missed you. I felt incomplete without you. I just…I really missed you. I really fucking love you.

You wanted to say as cheesy as it may have sounded, but cheesiness be darned you couldn’t hold back, not when the time apart made you realise that it didn’t matter if it was just another way of showing your love for him. You also realised Kim Mingyu deserved all possible ways of showing your love for him.

“I know, ‘s okay baby, I know.” You only sobbed harder as you pulled back, not caring how you looked, probably a whole mess with red eyes and tears all over, his arms were still around you as you held his face with both hands. 

He was there. You thought as you caressed his cheeks. He was there. You thought as he looked at you like he’d finally found his treasure,eyes twinkling, smiling at you.

And he was there, right there, with you as you tilted your head up, closing your eyes and placing your lips on his. 

Because no matter what or how long, Kim Mingyu would always find his way back to you, his other forever half. 

And oh, you’d make sure he was never apart from you from then on. Not even for a day. 

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