#also not saying that this hasnt been talked about ever the game is 27 years old after all

[pine-needle-shuffle]

Something I haven't seen people talk about pertaining to Aerith's death is a) Sephiroth's intent of how it was to affect Cloud and b) how it failed

So Sephiroth killed Aerith partly because he knew that she was attempting to stop him. But another major motive behind many of Sephiroth's actions is revenge. He views others as being below him. Including Cloud. The one person who stopped him.

In turn, Sephiroth made it part of his plan to knock Cloud down a peg, make him regret stepping out of line. Killing Aerith was the most efficient course of action in this scenario. Sephiroth wanted to take from Cloud, as he felt Cloud had taken from him.

This is where Sephiroth's desired effect doesn't happen. Cloud doesn't view him killing Aerith as a slight against him. His entire reaction revolved around the fact that she was robbed of her life. Not that she was taken from him, or anyone else.

Aerith was her own person, she had her own dreams and desires, she lived life the best she could. And Sephiroth took that from her. Not from Cloud.

It highlights the difference between how Cloud views others and how Sephiroth views others. Sephiroth applies his own views and ideas of how the world works. How feelings work.

He claims Cloud has no feelings. That he's just a puppet. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. Cloud sees the people around him, Sephiroth sees tools. Just like how Cloud saw Aerith as someone robbed of her life, Sephiroth only saw a tool to hurt someone else.

#dude idk Cloud's reaction to aeriths death was devoid of selfishness #his full attention is on Aerith's loss not his own #and i think thats neat #cloud strife #aerith gainsborough #sephiroth crescent #ffvii #ff7 #final fantasy vii #sephiroth #also not saying that this hasnt been talked about ever the game is 27 years old after all #i just think its worthy of discussion #pine.log

[vivipuppy]

continued ask-

Brorre, the Dark Elf anarchist Druid who can converse with the plants and animals world unlike anyone else- but has never left a city in their life. Questions about what happens to a person when they will outlive the animals they can talk to, that they can have a TRUE bond with?

6) Who in the party do they relate to the most? I mean... the happy go lucky city boy charlie of course! They even both play music! Sure, idealogically theyre very very far from eachother. But thats not because charlie is purposefully undercutting things that brorre has spent their life understanding about the world around them- but because he’s so new at it. He doesnt understand the nuances that brorre has so much life experience understanding.

15) do they trust their party? why or why not?

Oh yeah! The only one they dont trust, actually, is like. Titus? But thats because of the curse that kills his friends. But they can handle titus, and put him down if need be. It was.... a very rocky start with Pori. But i think theyve gotten a grudging... not respect, but understanding of eachother. They get why they think the other way. But they also know pori isnt dumb enough to get herself killed.

21) do they follow their head, their heart, or their body?

do you. Sho you play in the same group as brorre. You know the answer to this question. Its heart! Their heart is so full of love!! Thats where the anger comes from. The really hot, harsh anger of the people who get hurt by people who dont need to hurt them. They’re so stupid that im afraid of getting killed because i wasted wild shapes when i should have saved them.

27) how do they mourn? Ive thought a lot about this.... about how brorre handles being an elf who can live for up to 500 years and yet can have a conversation with a rat who will die in 3, if its lucky. And i think when it comes to death, theyve stopped mourning. Its no longer something that hurts. Now, its become anger. When people are hurt, when they see titus struggling with his curse, when they see Charlie struggle with understanding that there are people in the world who are cruel to simply be cruel... it angers them. Thats the fire. Its why I prepare flame blade and gave them produce flame. Its why they threw a tantrum in the underdark. Anger is the core to Brorre. And not a bad anger, necessarily. Its a good one, anger from love. But its anger.

33) What makes them cry? I..... dont... think brorre cries anymore, at all.

39) Are their hands calloused or soft, or something else entirely? I think theyre very soft. Lots of magic and turning into other things, of talking to help solve issues. Violence ideally comes rarely, and if it does, magic solves it.

45) How do they hug people? TIIIIIIGHTLY. Gets the dirty druid smell on you. Dont think theyve GOT a strong hug, but they try.

54) What was their education like? Lots of talk about mining, caves, and funnily enough, about how certain governemnts (hesitate to call the underdark they were in a specific governmental system) work. They were born only to mine, to become a miner and expand the cities walls. In order to be ALLOWED to concieve a kid, their parents had to figure out what job they would have. So, ever since birth, that was the only thing they were taught. But in mining, you see, theres a foreman who barks orders to the rest of the workers who actually do the thing. And brorre didnt like that, and brorre began to see similarities to the world they grew up in. The rest you already know

57) what makes them angry? any injustice to their friends and loved ones. Go back to 27.

63) What fight has scared them the most? Strahd.Ive said it in character before, but to brorre, they often feel like prey to larger animals... but to strahd, who’s destroyed the future of the dark elves in barovia? They’re not even prey to him. And that scares them. For the first time in their life of being a pest, this is the first time theyve felt like a true INSECT.

69 nice) How would they describe their party members? In our sessions, already did! Pori is the Smart one, Brorre themselves is the pretty one, Bec is the funny one, Charlie is the happy one, and Titus is the hot one!

In seriousness, Pori is smart. Too smart. Sees the end of the problem and cares not at all about the method to solve it, or to understand the use of the 1 and the 2 that make up 3. Only cares that 3 is the answer..

Bec is smart, and funny, and needs to cheer up! People like her! She just doesnt feel comfortable with being liked, which like, brorre doesnt get? but brorre accepts. Lets her do her own thing, and bring her in when they feel she hasnt been able to say her own peice

Charlie... look back to the first question! Titus! Hot boy, sure, but inreality brorre has lots of thoughts on titus. Thoughts they dont really address, cause it makes them sad, and being sad makes them angry, but they cant direct that anger at anything. But titus is cursed to hurt his friends, to one day be envealoped and kill anybody nearby... and that hurts brorre, because thats all titus thinks he is. But brorre thinks hes very, truely kind. You dont become a monster hunter if you dont care about helping people. And its nice to help him slowly realise hes a person. To tell him that colors can be favorited, that he’s allowed to love things. Theres a lot brorre has to say about lifeline stuff... but we havnt had in game conversations about that. Which stucks. Cause its very integral to both our characters, the length of their life. But when it does, brorre wants to talk about how permanence doesnt exist, and temporary is ok.

#brorre

[b0stonmanor]

since yall kept fuckin asking heres 1-155. Go ahead and see how fucking lame I actually am

1: Full name: Madison Lyn (I’m not putting my last name on the internet lmao)

2: Age:19

3: 3 Fears: heights, elevators, being alone for the rest of my life 

4: 3 things I love: cats, coffee, sleeping

5: 4 turns on: (I’m gonna make it nonsexual okay): body mods, humor, good vibes, nice laugh

6: 4 turns off: (gonna make these nonsexual too): rude, nasty, conceited, takes days to reply lmao

7: My best friend: girl: @bohoangel guy: @bostonnanner

8: Sexual orientation: pansexual

9: My best first date: haven’t had a best one yet, need someone to change that lmao

10: How tall am I: 5′8

11: What do I miss: lots of things and people both too many too name

12: What time was I born: 2:06am

13: Favourite color: blue

14: Do I have a crush: still crushin on my last man

15: Favourite quote: either some vine or “I’m here for a good time not a long time” I have way too many favs

16: Favourite place: my room, best friends house, or beach house

17: Favourite food: buffalo chicken or alfredo

18: Do I use sarcasm: of course not 

19: What am I listening to right now: music ;)

20: First thing I notice in new person: smile

21: Shoe size: no

22: Eye color: hazel

23: Hair color: naturally brunette currently red

24: Favourite style of clothing: gothic, pop punk or hippie/boho

25: Ever done a prank call?: I havent personally 

27: Meaning behind my URL: I needed to change my url of 8 years and I wanted something short and easy to remember but I also wanted it to be a band so it would fit my blog and surprisingly this one wasnt taken

28: Favourite movie: I have way too many 

29: Favourite song: again way too many

30: Favourite band: AGAIN way too many

31: How I feel right now: I feel fucking exhausted 

32: Someone I love: okay now Im sad 

33: My current relationship status: okay NOW Im crying but single

34: My relationship with my parents: welp my dads dead and my mom and I are okay

35: Favourite holiday: Halloween or Christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing I have: no tattoos yet and I have my nose pierced and first and second holes pierced on my ears

37: Tattoos and piercing I want: too many

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I was 12 that should be enough

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: No. In fact I could never hate him and I dont think I’ll love anyone like I did/do him.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: eh sometimes

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? last text over imessage yes

42: When did I last hold hands?: I have no idea

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: I dont do anything really so not too long

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: dont out me

45: Where am I right now?: my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: @bohoangel

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: both

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: mom

49: Am I excited for anything?: nah

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? @bostonnanner

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: eh

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I mean idc but it’d just be fucking weird cause they’re kissing in front of me 

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: plenty of people lmao

55: What is something I disliked about today?: I’ll do yesterday since today hasnt really happened. But it was fathers day and my heart was hurting so bad cause I miss my dad more than anything and really wish he was still here

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: my fuckin soulmate bitch

57: What do I think about most?: in all honesty, my ex

58: What’s my strangest talent?: I can do this smile thing that nobody else can do and it makes me look like a frog

59: Do I have any strange phobias?: probably

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: in front

61: What was the last lie I told?: that I was a child of God

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: video chatting but I dont mind either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: fuck yes and fuck yes

64: Do I believe in magic?: I’m a god damn witch bitch

65: Do I believe in luck?: I believe in karma

66: What’s the weather like right now? according to my phone its currently clear and 61 degrees

67: What was the last book I’ve read?: I have no idea

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: eh

69: Do I have any nicknames? Maddie, Mad, Mads

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I had a staph infection in my foot that went back and forth across my foot and then up my leg (doctor said if my mom didn’t bring me when she did I would’ve died cause it would’ve gone to my heart)

71: Do I spend money or save it?: spend it 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?: nope

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? ye

74: Favourite animal?: cats

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: I have no idea

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: oh shit I’ve never thought of this

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: good question

78: How can you win my heart?: Be Italian 

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I honestly have no idea

80: What is my favorite word? bitch

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I get asked this way too much

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: probably some hippie bullshit

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: I’ve had relatives in jail but I dont think anyones in jail rn

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? theres too many lmao

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? probably if I’ve smoked or drank or have done anything bad but only if my mom was asking

86: What is my current desktop picture? its just basic 

87: Had sex?: nah

88: Bought condoms?: nah

89: Gotten pregnant?: nah

90: Failed a class?: nah

91: Kissed a boy?: ye

92: Kissed a girl?: ye

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: nah

94: Had job?: ye

95: Left the house without my wallet?: ye

96: Bullied someone on the internet?: nah

97: Had sex in public?: nah

98: Played on a sports team?: ye

99: Smoked weed?: ye

100: Did drugs?: nothing hardcore just smoking weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?: nah

102: Drank alcohol?: ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: I’ve tried

104: Been overweight?: no answer

105: Been underweight? also no answer

106: Been to a wedding?: ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: ye

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: ye

109: Been outside my home country?: nah

110: Gotten my heart broken?: of course

111: Been to a professional sports game?: ye

112: Broken a bone?: ye

113: Cut myself?: ye

114: Been to prom?: ye

115: Been in airplane?: ye

116: Fly by helicopter?: nah

117: What concerts have I been to?: pink, metallica/volbeat, warped tour 2016,2017,2018, jingle ball, some birthday bash, I cant remember if I’ve been to any other ones lmao

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: not entirely 

119: Learned another language?: not fully

120: Wore make up?: ye

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: I’m a child of god

122: Had oral sex?: nah

123: Dyed my hair?: ye

124: Voted in a presidential election?: not yet

125: Rode in an ambulance?: couldve a couple times but my parents decided to drive me

126: Had a surgery?: nah

127: Met someone famous?: I guess? 

128: Stalked someone on a social network?: who doesnt do this

129: Peed outside?: ye

130: Been fishing?: ye

131: Helped with charity?: I think so

132: Been rejected by a crush?: who doesnt get rejected

133: Broken a mirror?: probably

134: What do I want for birthday?: lots of things

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?: I have no idea

136: Was I named after anyone?: No but I have the same middle name as my aunt

137: Do I like my handwriting?: ye

138: What was my favorite toy as a child?: I have no idea

139: Favorite Tv Show?: American Horror Story, Bob’s Burgers, The Office, or Drunk History

140: Where do I want to live when older?: New Hampshire

141: Play any musical instrument?: I can play the violin and piano and can also sing but idk if that counts lmao

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?: its barely noticeable but literally right under my left eye (like right at the edge of my dark circle lmao) I got attacked by a dog and it bit me in the face and I had to get stitches but I bitched out and had it glued instead lmao

143: Favorite pizza topping? cheese

144: Am I afraid of the dark?: depends where I am

145: Am I afraid of heights?: ye

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?:nah

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: haha yeah

148: What I’m really bad at: everything

149: What my greatest achievements are: I fucking graduated from high school. Like I would never wish what I went through on anyone ever not even my worst enemy. It was worse than hell

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: I honestly dont remember 

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: lots of stuff

152: What do I like about myself: my eyebrows

153: My closest Tumblr friend: I cant say @bohoangel cause I’ve known her since 5th grade so I’ll say @bostonnanner even though we met on omegle years ago lmao

154: Something I fantasize about: lots of things

155: Any question you’d like?: literally whatever anyone wants to know

[deadllock]

@argento-capitani tagged me to do this thing sO

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: water

2. last phone call: i think it was my mother

3. last text message: also my mother

4. last song you listened to: currently listening to crash the party by ok go

5. time you cried: i cried on the way to work this morning bc i was listening to the eleventh hour and it was the bank heist part and fucking ‘junebug’ gets me eVERY TIME

6. dated someone twice? yes,,,, it was a bad idea both times lol

7. kissed someone and regretted it? mmmmm probably?

8. been cheated on? considering some of the people ive dated? probably

9. lost someone special? yes

10. been depressed? lmaoooooo

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? no thank god

favorite colors

12. red

13. purple

14. gray

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? yeah :’)

16. fallen out of love? mmm probably? i tend to do that a lot

17. laughed until you cried? yes :’)

18. found out someone was talking about you? yes,,,

19. met someone who changed you? not in the past year i think

20. found out who your friends are? yes?

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? ye B)

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? 99%

23. do you have any pets? i have a poodle named bo and hes perfect and also the worst

24. do you want to change your name? legally yes

25. what did you do for your last birthday? i spent it with @snarkyspeaks !

26. what time did you wake up today? 8:30

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? watching polygon videos probably

28. what is something you cant wait for? valentines day 

30. what are you listening to right now? now its love on top by beyonce which is clearing my skin and watering my crops as i type this

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably

32. something that’s getting on your nerves? sO MANY THINGS 

33. most visited website: probably tumblr youtube and twitter and/or instagram

34. hair color: brownnnnn i need to dye it again

35. long or short hair: its very short but still too long for me i really need a haircut TnT

36. do you have a crush on someone: oH GOSH DO I

37. what do you like about yourself: my ability to immediately repress any memories or emotions i dont want lmao

38. want any piercings? nah im good

39. blood type: literally no idea

40. nicknames: mostly key

41. relationship status: im dating two(2) people !

42. zodiac: virgo 

43. pronouns: he/him or they/them

44. fave tv shows: shadowhunters, mbmbam, and voltron (if a netflix show can count)

45. tattoos: none yet

46. right or left handed: right

47. ever had surgery: ive had both my feet done and my tonsils and my wisdom teeth and a few others

48. piercings: its called a scapha piercing which i had to look up and it was surprisingly hard to find the proper name of 

49. sport: lmao

50. vacation: this is so vague yes i have been on vacation before? ive gone to most of the states and canada on vacation 

51. trainers: yes? i need them for work

more general

52. eating: i ate some leftover indian food when i got home from work

54. im about to watch: justin mcelroys ongoing quest to play every fmv video game and also russ trying to talk simone thru various videogames while she is blindfolded and then probably even more polygon videos bc thats who i am now

55. waiting for: my mother to come home bc she hasnt answered my text :(

56. want: money

57. get married: lmaooooooooo

58. career: who tf knows

which is better?

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: eyes

61. shorter or taller: idc

62. older or younger: most of my friends are younger than me so

63. nice arms or stomach: arms!

64. hookup or relationship: depends i guess

65. hesitant or troublemaker: troublemaker tbh

66. kissed a stranger: lmao yes

67. drank hard liquor: yes

68. lost glasses: ive never owned glasses so

69. turned someone down: y e a h

70. sex on first date: i want to say yes

71. broken someones heart: yes lmao

72. had your heart broken: yeah

73. been arrested: nah

74. cried when someone died: yes

75. fallen for a friend: yEAH

do you believe in

76. yourself: hmmmmmmm

77. miracles: not rly?

78. love at first sight: i guess in theory

79. santa claus: i mean??? no

80. kiss on a first date: for sure

81. angels: not really i think

other

82 best friend’s name: daisy and micah and jack

83.eye colour: blue

84. fave movie: paCIFIC RIM and also CATWS

85. fave actor: oh jeeeeeeeeez a whole lot

#keyspeak #long post #im not gonna tag anyone bc im sleepy #but if u wanna then go for it

[joshuabehr]

International Men's Day

Today is International Men's Day. Which means in large part it's no different than any day. Although much of the idea a day dedicated to men doesn't sit well with me, I do appreciate at least one aspect of this days intentions: to raise awareness for mental health issues affecting men. Specifically, men are far more likely to commit suicide, due in large part to society molding men to think that talking about their emotions or seeking help is a weakness. "Be a man". "Boys don't cry". Countless other phrases and mindsets mold men into thinking that expressing their emotions in a healthy way isn't what men do. So for International Men's Day, as cringe worthy as that sounds, I wanted to write a bit more about my mental health issues, but also about the woman who is responsible for finally changing me. By being the biggest part of my life, and by then being completely removed from it.

I personally have been very guilty of ignoring my mental health and expressing my emotions in an unhealthy way, largely as a product of the environment I was raised in and my own unwillingness to seek help until a few months ago. My mother's alcoholism, which I've detailed in length in several Facebook posts, created trust issues, commitment issues, and abandonment issues that affected my ability to create and maintain interpersonal relationships, especially when it came to forming romantic relationships that requires utter vulnerability. My Dad was hyper-critical of my brother and I growing up and only knew how to express his feelings through anger. This caused me to become a "perfectionist", afraid to make a single mistake, critical of others mistakes, and unwilling to admit I was less than perfect. Because to be less than perfect was to be a failure.

Combining my parents issues caused anger to be the only way I expressed my emotions. I couldn't take out my feelings of frustration and helplessness on my parents, so I took them out on my brother. Then my friends later in life. I couldn't stand up for myself. And I felt powerless. Rather than let myself be vulnerable and able to be hurt again and again as a child, I bottled up my emotions. I pretended to be okay. If I didn't talk about the problems at home, I wouldn't think about them as much. And then I wouldn't feel them. This continued into my adult life. I had trouble making friends, afraid to be myself around people. Afraid they wouldn't like me. Afraid they'd hurt me, like my parents did.

The friends I did make usually would be shocked to know how much I struggle with mental health. But I've always been a very performative person, able to pretend everything was okay just to get people to like me. Just to get them to think I was normal. My closest friends have seen my anger issues. I've gotten into fights with several friends when my anger boiled over. As shameful as that sounds. Others have seen me distance myself rather than be close enough to be best friends. Because the closer I let people, the more vulnerable I was, the more I could be hurt. So I pushed back.

Romance didnt fare much better. Those of you who know me are likely aware of my history of drunken makeouts at parties, pining after women who didn't share my feelings, etc. Before her there were a solid 7 or so years of one night make outs, or months and months of chasing the same girl who clearly wasn't interested. My confidence was always shaky at best. But night in and night out I was almost always after some girl. Or two. I was constantly seeking affection because my Mom never showed me maternal love. And failed attempt after failed attempt only made my trust issues worse. I *thought* she seemed into me. Guess I was wrong. And because I wasn't consciously aware of my mental health issues, I kept trying the same method without changing anything. Pretty sure that's the definition of insanity...

Things began to change when I met her. She genuinely seemed interested in me. Which was very "new" for me. But also scary. Because I was finally getting what I wanted  (a girlfriend) and that was also "new". And new is usually scary for me. Because the unknown can hurt you. But this was what I had spent years chasing. So I kept falling farther and farther for her. Until I finally mustered up the courage to say "I love you". I still remember that night. And numerous others. Like our first kiss. Or our __ month anniversaries.

She made me feel like I could be myself for once in my life and I can't even begin to express how great a feeling that is. I could be a nerd who collected action figures and played video games. I could show my ability to be a gentleman and take a beautiful woman to dinner, but also cry in front of when I was sad or upset. I thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She was without a doubt the best thing that ever happened to me up until that point.

But with being myself came the side of me no one before her ever was close enough to see.  The side that couldn't control his anger. I could cry, sure, but if I wasn't sad all my other emotions were expressed through anger. I would lose my temper. My anxiety overtook me and kept me constantly on edge. Worst, sh saw the side who couldn't let himself be truly vulnerable. And without that I couldn't maintain a genuine relationship with her or with anyone.

And as our talk of love moved towards "forever", my fear overtook me. I was so terrified of being that in love with someone that I emotionally withdrew from our relationship and began to push her away. Because she was getting close enough that she could hurt me worse than anyone before her could. Because I genuinely wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And that left me paralyzed by fear. So I pushed her away and sabotaged our relationship and things became toxic for the last several months we were together. Ironically I abandoned her in ways similar to what my mother had done to me. And eventually she couldn't stay. She wasn't happy anymore. And we ended.

Which, as horrible as that is, was sadly what I needed to change. My childhood trauma had been so buried, so far down in my subconscious that I wasn't aware of *why* I acted the way I did. I knew what I was doing. And could temporarily correct it. But it wasn't a long term solution because I couldn't fix what was contributing to my actions because I wasn't consciously aware of it. It took an equally traumatic event, losing someone I loved with all of my heart, to shake me out of it and bring all of my issues to the surface, where I could face my demons head on.

For the first time in my life, I had to be accountable for my actions and how they affected someone else. I had to take responsibility for hurting someone I loved. And accept that I had lost her because of the way I was. And that is the hardest thing to do.  Sometimes we dont get a second chance, which is a lesson we all need to learn. I had to admit I wasn't perfect. I had faults. And I needed to fix myself. For the first time in my life I had to genuinely care about taking care of my mental health and correct toxic behaviors I had.

So I started therapy 3 months ago. And I've been working day in and day out to fix myself and take care of my mental health. To finally address 27 years of repressed trauma for the first time in my life. Slowly but surely I've unpacked a lot of issues that have plagued me for years. And I've made a lot of progress towards a much, much better me. I recognize my anger when it starts to boil up and can control it. Not always, but much better than I ever have. I can express my emotions. I can communicate how I feel. I'm mindful of how what I say and I do affects others. My empathy has always been there, but now it's at a point where I truly can help other people because for the first time I can help myself too.

But it hasnt been a smooth ride the whole way. I've had nights where I wanted to die, because someone I loved hated me. To have someone you spent every day and night with become a stranger. To have them go from loving you to seeing you as nothing but bad things. I was a toxic person and nothing more. And to be that devalued as a person was one of the most painful things I've experienced.

I've stumbled along the way, and there are days and nights over these last few months I regret. Along with days and nights from my last relationship. Together, that regret keeps me mindful and motivated. When I stumble, I'm aware of it. I can address it. And I can continue to change. And that is huge for me. I continue to push forward and continue to change for the better. Getting closer and closer every day to where I want to be.

So today, International Men's Day, I bring awareness to my own mental health issues and thoughts of suicide. And to the woman who forced me to change. I will always be grateful for her for that, even as sad as I am that it took losing her to be the catalyst to change. I still think of her often, and hope she's happy. She deserves that much and more. But I'm happy to have known her and happy that she's contributed so greatly to me becoming a "real Man". One who can express his emotions in a healthy way. One who takes his mental health seriously. And one who continues to work day in and day out to never be a toxic in any way again.

I know one day soon I'll reach the potential I have. I'm so close I can almost taste it.

#internationalmensday #writing #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled words #my thoughts

[eriquebittle]

You should do holsom for that 31 questions thing like do all of them

here we fucking go,

1. Who in your OTP is the serial butt-slapper and who is constantly getting their beautiful butt slapped?

theyre equal opportunity bros...if ur bf gets a killer shot at beer pong or aces his chem exam you have to slap his butt it's the Bro Code

2. Who wants to be immortal and who wants to die before they’re old?

they had a conversation about this at 2am and they both decided that they would pick the same option ("i never wanna live without you bro" "BRO") however, holster has tried to get his poptart out of the toaster with a fork three different times so dying young seems likely

3. Who smokes and who pulls the cigarette from between their lips every time they try to light one?

i mean they're college athletes so neither of them smoke but i bet holster tried it once freshman year and ransom had to run back to his dorm to find his inhaler

4. Who always has cold hands and who is always warming them up for them?

ransom's hands are freezing and holster breathes on em and gives them kisses 2 keep them warm

5. Who plays candy crush in important meetings and who elbows them in the ribs to make them pay attention?

when they have a lecture together they just snapchat each other uglie badly-angled selfies

6. Who can fall asleep anywhere (and does) and who has to put them to bed?

ransom is forced to survive on three hours of sleep during finals so he passes out mid-conversation and holster sets an alarm and rolls him into bed so they can nap together

7. Who is the genius procrastinator who wings every test but still comes away with straight As, and who takes preparation and conscientious work very seriously?

justin "4.0 but never goes to class" oluransi, a beautiful coral reef, is a strange combination of both, holster has seen his textbooks maybe twice this semester and manages B's

8. Who takes their coffee black and who likes it with milk and two sugars, getting called a pussy by Person A?

ransom gets his with like six sugars and holster has been drinking black coffee since he was 6

9. Who initially seems shady but turns out to be a cinnamon bun, and who initially seems like a cinnamon bun but turns out to be shady?

not so much "shady" as douchey? initally they come off looking like the "you kno i had to do it to em" guy but theyre just two Bros....in love....who don't know how to be quiet in the library

10.  Who moans and talks with their mouth full whenever they eat good food, and who tells them to stfu but can’t help laughing?

do i even need 2 say it,

11.Who gives the bear hugs and who is always sidling up to them and snaking their arms around their waist?

ransom gives the Best Hugs and holster is a fucking giant who loves sneaking up behind his bf and resting his head on his shoulder and giving him. a smooch

12. Who still buys juice boxes and fruit snacks to put in their lunch?

whenever they go to stop & shop they stock the fuck up on gushers and capri suns “bro. as a future doctor? this is not how two college athletes should be fueling our bodies. fuck it throw in a few more boxes of gushers”

13. Who packs the other’s lunch and who repays them in sexual favours?

ransom has an 8am lab and forgets to bring food, and holster is happy 2 oblige to bring him his granola bar after ransom punctuates his text asking for lunch with a bunch of eggplant emojis

14. Who leaves notes in the other’s lunch and who tells them they’re dumb (but secretly has a collection of every note Person A has ever written them)?

holster leaves notes in ransoms bag a lot when he knows he’s getting really stressed out, and ransom keeps them in a shoebox under his bed and reads them when he needs to calm down

15. Who unconsciously holds their breath the first time they kiss, and who pulls back and says, “Breathe…”?

ransom holds his breath because holy fuck? hes about to make out with his best bro? and theyre sober this time? and whatififuckitupandourdmanmagicisgoneforeverandwenevermaekeitpastthefirstroundeveragainohmygodijustruinedsamwellmenshockeyforever and holster is like “breathe. can we just make out now please”

16. Who gets arrested for a petty crime they committed by accident and who bails them out?

holster gets arrested for jumping into the fountain at the mall on a dare, ransom bails him out 

17. Who grabs the other’s hand just as they’re getting out of bed and pulls them back under for cuddles?

ransom has early classes and holster grabs him and rolls over on him so he’s trapped under a 200 lb d man who just wants to spoon a little bit longer

18. Who gets mad about something unrelated to Person B and punches the wall, and who patches it up and kisses it better?

holster trips over his desk chair and accidentally puts his fist through the wall, Doctor Justin kisses it until the throbbing is gone

“is this gonna affect my handjob game, doctor?”

19. Who has the plain black phone case and who ordered one with cat ears off ebay?

ransom has a black one that he coated in stickers, holster bought the cat ear one by mistake but just decided to own it

20. Who likes to drive with the music blaring and who is too shy to sing along?

holster has a 500 song driving playlist that includes every banger in the discography of one direction, and neither of them are shy about singing along at maximum volume

21. Who’s the fantastic kisser and who has the beautiful eyes?

they both insist that the other one has both and get into fights over whose eyes are prettier and who kisses better

22. Who has the sunshine smile and who has the seductive gaze?

ransom defo has that killer smile, but holster has a resting bitch face and when he tries to look Seductive he looks tired and mad hfdjfhwhgfwb

23. Who gets offended by the intensity of the other’s crush on a celebrity?

UMMMMM justin “ransom” oluransi mashkov is in love with tater and holster has learned to accept that if given the chance, ransom would leave him for tater in 0.000007 seconds

“babe would you really leave me for mashkov”

“you know i would but ill always remember you”

“ ;___;”

dex: “can you guys not do this in the facebook group chat”

24. Who is embarrassed that they have to wear glasses sometimes and who wants them to wear them in bed?

ransom has a slight stigmatism but he mostly wears contacts, holster falls asleep in his glasses and when ransom tells him to take them off during sex holsters like “but how else am i gonna see your beautiful face bro”

25. Who cheats on the other then immediately begs for their forgiveness?

“you do this every fucking time and im tired of it”

“justin im so fucking sorry ill never do it again i promise”

“no im done playing monopoly with you dude you sneak extra money into your pile every time im sick of it”

26. Who is the jealous one and asks why the other was being so flirty all night, and who is oblivious to their own charms?

everyone has a crush on ransom and he doesnt see it, holster has the worst fucking game in history but he loves his boyfriends personality and every relationship needs to be built on trust, bro

27. Who orders a milkshake with their food and who orders a soda?

holster orders a milkshake for the sole purpose of asking ransom if its gonna bring all the boys to the yard

28. Who runs their battery down to 1% and who feels the need to charge theirs at 80%?

ransom takes care of his phone like its his child, holster hasnt seen a charger in three days and keeps the brightness up to 10000 so its constantly dead

29. Who has the excellent singing voice and is always singing around the house (and for Person B), but has no interest in going professional?

holster regularly belts out les mis aroud the haus, ransom joins him occasionaly but leaves most of it to adam 

30. Who would rather be barefoot if the setting is appropriate, and who has the huge and spectacular shoe collection (possibly also socks)?

when holster is anywhere he considers himself comfortable his feet are BARE, ransom has a sock collection a la spencer from icarly

31. Who takes their liquor on the rocks and who likes it neat?

holster orders on the rocks so he can chew on the ice with his massive horse teeth, ransom orders it neat but 99% of the time theyre drinking its at a kegster so they mainly just drink tub juice and natty light. classy

#if u read all the way to the end: bless u #thanks anon!!!! #ask games #anon #answered #message in a bottle

[bookwormcheerleader]

i was tagged by @trevorfindsthestrals (LOOK i finally got internet access on my laptop again!! Sorry it took so long) 1. Coffee or tea? tea, i had my first cup of coffee on like thursday last week 2. Black and white or color? black or soft, but not pastel, colours 3. Drawings or paintings? idk, whatever is more moving in that moment i guess 4. Dresses or skirts? dresses because i never know how to match with a skirt 5. Books or movies? how DARE you make me choose, i think books, but i wanna make movies (potentially havent really explored that yet) so it seems like the wrong answer 6. Pepsi or Coke? i dont drink fizzy drinks 7. Chinese or Italian? definitely italian on an everyday basis but i LOVE chinese too 8. Early bird or night owl? its almost midnight and i havent started my reading for tomorrow, that counts as an answer right? 9. Chocolate or vanilla? chocolate, unless its a milkshake 10. Introvert or extrovert? introvert, i don’t really like people 11. Hugs or kisses? ive never been kissed so hugs 12. Hunting or fishing? aesthetics of hunting but uh with fishing you can not put a hook on the line and just kinda sit there and chill without looking like the animal lover that your family judges you for being 13. Winter or summer? yes. idk im probably more of a summer person, but i also really like the implications of winter in that everything has to die in order to be reborn, plus i can’t really breathe in the heat, but i also have poor circulation in my extremities so the cold sucks ass 14. Spring or fall? spring, i like the crisp air of fall dont get me wrong, but the rebirth and the petrichor after a spring rain with a crisp breeze that doesnt chill you is just so relaxing 15. Rural or urban? i grew up in the woods so rural but i need to at least be kinda close to a hospital to avoid panicking  16. PC or Mac? pc 17. Tan or pale? is this preference, cuz i dont have one of those, but i am so white that i was the same color as my cheer uniform in high school 18. Cake or pie? cake, i dont like pie crust 19. Ice cream or yogurt? frozen yogurt tbh, it jsut tastes fresher and less heavy 20. Ketchup or mustard? my brother likes to mock me for how much i loved ketchup when i was like 7 as if it was yesterday 21. Sweet pickles or dill pickles? i dont like pickles 22. Comedy or mystery? can we do a hybrid where its like theyre fighting crime but have no ability to act serious, cuz im basically writing a comic book like that with @spectralflutterbeast 23. Boots or sandals? i live in a colder wetter climate so usually boots, but i love sandals 24. Silver or gold? i like white gold typically because its often a mix, it has the matching ability of silver with the warmth in color of gold 25. Pop or Rock? i grew up on steve miller and journey from my mom and simon & garfunkel from my dad 26. Dancing or singing? all i can think of is my shitty karoke the other night, so uh dancing, at least i don’t suck more at that when im drunk 27. Checkers or chess? checkers is easier and i could probably actually win, but chess is more likely to hold my attention 28. Board games or video games? we used to do family board game nights (im currently holding the winnign streak for clue because any games played without everyone dont count) (my extended family is also obsessed with card games, its how we bond, we talk shit and play cards) 29. Wine or beer? wine if i have to have one of these, i dont like fizzy stuff ever so no beer but wine dries out my mouth 30. Freckles or dimples? i have freckles, and i love it when people have dimples 31. Honey mustard or BBQ sauce? i guess bbq 32. Body weight exercises or lifting weights? idk what body weight exercises includes but i have always liked lifting weights, its something im fairly good at 33. Baseball or basketball? BASEBALL IS THE BEST I LOVE IT, i miss playing it so much but its been too long for me to feel comfortable joining an intramural team 34. Crossword puzzles or sudokus? sudoku...i think 35. Facial hair or clean shaven? preference right, um stubble.... im not big on full beards (probs cuz my dad has always had one, seriously pics from when he was 20 we are the exact same but he has a beard, he says he hasnt shaved his upper lip since he was 16) clean shaven is nice too tho 36. Crushed ice or cubed ice? i prefer no ice, but if i have to i like that ice you get in hospital cafeterias 37. Skiing or snowboarding? never been 38. Smile or game face? smirking, its the happy medium 39. Bracelet or necklace? i feel naked without any piece of my jewelry (watch on right wrist, a bracelet on my left, a necklace for me to fidget with, both sets of earrings) 40. Fruit or vegetables? fruit 41. Sausage or bacon? bacon 42. Scrambled or fried? scrambled unless its on toast 43. Dark chocolate or white chocolate? dark chocolate 44. Tattoos or piercings? i have two sets of piercings and i just got my first tattoo last month 45. Antique or brand new? antique unless its something i would feel like i couldnt be comfortable using, i always wind up with a very eclectic mix 46. Dress up or dress down? dress down, never really have a reason to dress up 47. Cowboys or aliens? cowboys, space gives me anxiiety 48. Cats or dogs? dogs 49. Pancakes or waffles? depends on who is making the pancakes 50. Bond or Bourne? uhhhh what 51. Sci-Fi or fantasy? fantasy 52. Numbers or letters? letters 53. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings? lotr tbh 54. Fair or theme park? fair, i grew up in puyallup (look it up, i can even sing the old theme song) 55. Money or fame? money, i want to buy my parents and aunt nice things 56. Washing dishes or doing laundry? laundry (no icky wet food pieces!) {this is what @trevorfindsthestrals had i just could not have said it any better myself} 57. Snakes or sharks? ummm snakes? cuz theyre smaller and i can run from them if theyre dangerous 58. Orange juice or apple juice? orange 59. Sunrise or sunset? sunsets seem more satisfactory to me 60. Slacker or over-achiever?.....i dont’ know how to answer this question 61. Pen or pencil? pencil, unless im worried about it smudging, then i bought some erasable pens for that 62. Peanut butter or jelly? peanut butter is more filling but i make jam every year so theres that 63. Grammys or Oscars? oscars 64. Detailed or abstract? why cant we do both, like a painting that is overall abstract but the closer you get the more you see the things that make it what it is, ya know, like life 65. Multiple choice questions or essay questions? idk multiple choice questions are harder to get wrong for not having enough info about a particular topic, but im good at and enjoy bsing things 66. Adventurous or cautious? i wish i was more adventurous but insecurities 67. Saver or spender? yes 68. Glasses or contacts? i dont wear either 69. Laptop or desktop? laptop 70. Classic or modern? what medium 71. Personal chef or personal fitness trainer? i would like a personal trainer until i get back in the habit of it and then i would jsut need a gym buddy 72. Internet or cell phone? cell since you cna get internet on your phone 73. Call or text? social anxiety so texting  74. Curly hair or straight? mine is beach wavy 75. Shower in the morning or shower in the evening? ive been showering in the morning because i like what it does to my hair 76. Spicy or mild? spicy please 77. Marvel or DC? wonder woman was my first favorite character, like about the time that bugs life came out because i obviously had two and the other was Flick  78. Paying a mortgage or paying rent? rent, i like assurance but i dont like permanence 79. Sky dive or bungee jump? never been but uh im not that trusting so i probably am jsut gonna go with a no 80. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? chewy chips ahoy 81. Jello or pudding? jello 82. Truth or dare? im a chicken so truth 83. Roller coaster or Ferris wheel? roller coaster, ferris wheels are all of the fear with none of the fun 84. Leather or denim? I NEED BOTH I CANT CHOOSE 85. Stripes or solids? stripes and fat people lol no, solids for me 86. Bagels or muffins? bagels probably 87. Whole wheat or white? whole wheat 88. Beads or pearls? pearls, my mother was a jeweler for 13 years, i cant not 89. Hardwood or carpet? hard wood in a hall, tile or linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom and then carpet everywhere else 90. Bright colors or neutral tones? uhhhh for what, cuz it really depends  91. Be older than you are or younger than you are? i want to be like 34, not rn obviously, im enjoying being 20 and stupid, but i feel like 34 is a good age, of course thats abotu how old my bros were when i idolized them so that might be reflective of that 92. Raisins or nuts? raisins, partially because every time my dad sees nuts he says nuts for the nutty and it has become a conditioned response for me now 93. Picnic or nice restaurant? picnic 94. Black leather or brown leather? brown 95. Long hair or short hair? mines somewhere in the middle 96. “Ready, aim, fire” or “Ready, fire, aim”? wtf does the second even mean 97. Fiction or non-fiction? fiction 98. Smoking or non-smoking? i have asthma 99. Think before you talk or talk before you think? i wish i could think before i talk more than i actually do 100. Asking questions or answering questions? i like to listen to people imma tag: @kiavachiisanoob @warriorsatthedisco @colecast1 and anyone lookinng for an excuse to do one of these

[sxdomy]

All numbers

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? not @ all3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? tissues, napkins, sticky notes, random cuts of notebook paper4: how do you take your coffee/tea? two-four sugars w creamer or 1/2 n 1/2 (tea)5: are you self-conscious of your smile? not after i got braces6: do you keep plants? no7: do you name your plants? 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? idk the only art i do is in photography, and i try to do dark/spooky shit.. it doesnt have a meaning9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? i dont rly have a friends group, less drama that way12: what's your favorite planet? smth has always intrigued me abt mars13: what's something that made you smile today? lars (:14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? idc it's somewhere to live.. we can fix it up if we have the money. if so, i would prob have a bunch of shit everywhere lmao15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it says language programming ??16: what's your favorite pasta dish? some plain old penne/rigatoni w red gravy, but it has to be GOOD red gravy .. none of that ragu/preggo shit17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? black and it already is dyed that color, but i do want to experiment a bit and get few pieces red18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. JESUS.. these are endless... once i RLY had to pee, and i was @ school. it was after school hrs. my friend and i were waiting for the game to start. all the doors were locked up @ the school. i think they took out the portapotty from outside, so i said to my friend, "let's go to the lower field" (we have an upper and lower field idk what other schools have lmao) despite it saying there are cameras down there (which IK for sure bc i've seen the computer w the school cameras, and there are ones surveilling the fields), i peed. in 8th grade during lunch, this girl pissed me the fuck off. i can't remember what she did, but i picked up her sandwich and threw it to the ground.another time in 8th grade during gym, my friends and i were fooling around during a fitness walk (walk thru the trail surrounded by woods oooo). i was yelling "IN DA GREENZ" bc i was a rly weird kid, and now we bring it up whenever we see bushes. OKAY lasT memORYYY in 8th grade, i was on the soccer team. i sucked @ it... the ball was coming to me, and i tried to kick it. instead of kicking it, my foot went on top of the ball resulting in my fall19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i used to keep a journal. last winter was the most recent journal i'd had, and my guidance counselor purchased it for me. i was going thru a rly hard time, and it was an outlet from that. after the winter ended, i never felt the need to write in it again.. it hasnt gotten that bad20: what's your favorite eye color? lars' eye color21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. 22: are you a morning person? depends... if my sleeping schedule is just like that, I LOVE WAKING UP IN THE MORNING. if i don't usually, then no fuck it lmao23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? literally nothing, but i do that when i have obligations... i get to it @ some point24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? lars25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? i've broken into my friend's house and my own. breaking into my friend's house wasn't rly that weird. i was out of it bc i had hardly gotten sleep the previous night. i also had permission lmao it wasn't as if i just went in. my friend had forgotten her key. breaking into my own house was actually bizarre ...26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i usually wear my docs, but i switch out. before getting my docs, i wore my all black vans W LITERALLY EVERYTHING. the only time i wouldnt was when i wore a light outfit, which wasnt often bc 98% of the time i wear all black27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? i don't chew gum. it has aspartame, which is literally poison28: sunrise or sunset? i haven't seen a sunset since i was a child, and i want to definitely see it again29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? monty is my lover30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. socks are good. if you wear them in the cold months around the house, you are less susceptible to sickness. they also work well when you wear them w most shoes bc they prevent sweat. lars take notes (; i love wearing weird socks. i love socks. i usually never match socks bc no one will see them?? if i wear a black sock, i try to match w another black sock tho. i do sleep w socks in the cold months. otherwise, my feet would freeze. sometimes i wear multiple socks in the summer to keep my feet warm. i do wear white socks sometimes32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. i wasn't w my friends, but i found a drunken man in my rm after 3am on st. patricks day two yrs ago33: what's your fave pastry? cannoli34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept this one stuffed animal who was a girl. she had blonde braids, and i used to kiss her on the lips when no one was looking. i knew it was weird bc she wasn't real. i also used to pretend i was fucking her... it was a weird childhood. idk where she is now35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I LOVE PENS!!!! okay im going to sound like a weirdo.. i only love certain kinds. i hate cheap ass pens. my fav pens are the ones that u click on the bottom to get the tip bc the clicking helps me concentrate. it's also fun to just click it. i haven't used a clicky one in awhile bc i bought myself pentels. i love pentels as well bc they come in nice colors, and i rly like the cap for it. i like pens that come from certain companies bc it looks like i've been somewhere.. maybe i have? i've gotten free pens from places and some of them i just found w that lettering lmao 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? nine inch nails (:37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? dont care as long as ik where everything is. my parents call it messy, but i call it my peace38: tell us about your pet peeves! i hate when ppl put things back where they don't belong. idk i dont keep track of this shit39: what color do you wear the most? black40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? none41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? 1984 by george orwell42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! starbucks LMAO43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? no one44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? the last time i was w lars45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yes46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. idk47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? high fructose corn syrup48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? idr what it was then, but now it's getting raped.. ive had this fear since i was 14 i think49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? i dont usually buy that shit50: what's an odd thing you collect? wristbands.. i like to say i've been places51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? lars , peach // the front bottoms52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? the yr just started, bUT I LOVE IAN'S (IDUBZZZZ) VIDEO OF "I HAVE CRIPPLING DEPRESSION"53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i want to see rocky horror picture show. i've seen heathers, beetlejuice, and pulp fiction. i love heathers and beetlejuice. i didn't understand pulp fiction entirely, but that could be bc i was spammed by a gc while watching it54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? idk55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? idk56: what are some things you find endearing in people? smile57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i never realized that this song sounds like five mini songs put together... i did reenact them in my head58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? nonexistent lol59: what's your favorite myth? black eyed children60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? anything from edgar allan poe61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? idk i hate getting gifts i'd rather give them, but i don't usually give them bc i never have money when it's time62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? ORANGE!63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? no64: what color is the sky where you are right now? grey65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? lars66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? idk67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i have SAD soooo68: what's winter like where you live? FUCKING HORRIBLE, but it's worse in other places69: what are your favorite board games? ive been missing guess who? lately70: have you ever used a ouija board? no, but my math teacher says u have to make it from a certain wood and put a spell on it for it to work... too much work 😩71: what's your favorite kind of tea? lipton lemon!!!!!72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? i try to note everything down, but sometimes i can remember things w/o writing them down73: what are some of your worst habits? staying in bed for too long74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. bye75: tell us about your pets! i have a dog, and she's old af lmao i never rly liked her idk i hate dogs76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? homework and probably calling up my new job to see when i have to go in.. cant be arsed.. 77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? FANCLUB!!! (:79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?lars gave me cute cat headphones80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white.. i didn't choose it81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i can't rn82: are/were you good in school? i made it into university, so i guess so83: what's some of your favorite album art? the devin n god are raging inside of me // brand new .. cant think of many in particular84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? one in remembrance of my friend who died and a full sleeve85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no86: do you like concept albums? which ones? YES YES YESSSS MANSON 'S CONCEPTS R SO GOOD (: 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? idk88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i just rly like frida kahlo89: are you close to your parents? no90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i want to visit/live in philly so badly ):91: where do you plan on traveling this year? texas92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? i only put a little fresh mozz on it if there is quite a bit93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? i just wear my hair the same everyday94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? lars95: what are your plans for this weekend? none96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? omfg i had 20 or so awaiting updates last summer that i had to finally do bc it was fucking up my computer97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? what98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? i dont hike99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. NOBODY'S PERFECT BY HANNAH MONTANA100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 yrs into the future.. why would i want to relive the last 5 yrs of life ?? idk im just fine living w my past mistakes.. they've shaped me

[krysrawfiggs]

1-154

1.Full name:Krysten Alexandra Figueroa but you will reffer to me as Krysfiggs

2.Zodiac sign:Im a cusp baby born as the day changed. I am a leo/virgo

3. 3 Fears:Spiders, being alone forever, my fam disowning me for being gay

4. 3 things I love:Being surrounded by awesome people, video games, outdoor activities

5. 4 turns ons:Firey passion, neck biting, n eyes.. its always the eyes, n intelligence

6.4 turns offs: Lack of intelligence, if youre rude in general, if youre clingy, lack of understanding n compassion

7. My best friend:I have a coupleNadia, amanda, n bree (when shes not being an idiot)

8. Sexual orientation:Lezzzzzzzzbbbbiiiiannnnnnnnn

9. My best first date:So far going out into town in the middle of a rainstorm running dancing n dickin round and then showing up soaked n eating at friendlys

10. How tall am I:Im 5'5"11. What do I missNot paying bills

12. What time were I born:12am on the dot

13. Favourite colour:I like deep colors. I used to say deep blue but i do love red n grey too

14.Do I have a crushXD maybe! Ok yea. I do. But i aint tell you.

15. Favourite quoteGod theres too many…

16.Favourite placePuerto rico

17. Favourite foodGawd this is hard ok. I have the soul of a very very fat man. If i had to pick one thing…itd have to be my moms pernil (pork shoulder)

18. Do I use sarcasmNever im a sweetheart😆

19. What am I listening to right nowEvie- last dinosaurs

20.First thing I notice in new personEyesss…eyess…eyess…….!

21.Shoe size822. Eye colourBrown anytime of dayGold in the sun

23.Hair colourBlack as the normBrownish in the sunlightBlue when its overcast

24.Favourite style of clothingandrogynous 25. Ever done a prank call?Yup i bothered the fuck outta kymmie for months before i gave myself up xD

26.What colour of underwear I’m wearing now? Burgandy See thru lace

27. Meaning behind my URLWelp minus the word raw its just my name. If my father didnt delete my 1st blog and of someone in asia didnt take my old username right after it wouldnt be as stupid.

28. Favourite movieToo many brahhh

29. Favourite song

30.Favourite bandBloc party, last dinosaurs, split milk society

31.How I feel right nowHorngry n lonely. Lusting for warm weather and beach weather

32.Someone I love.In what context?

33.My current relationship statusSingle af

34.My relationship with my parentsCurrently ok..

35. Favourite holiday Hmm i dont have one

36.Tattoos and piercings?I have average ear piercings But i want a lip ring n a tatoo of leo n virgo fighting inside of the sun ony shoulder

37.Tattoos and piercing i wantWhoops jumped the gun. Please refer to 36

38.The reason I joined TumblrMy friends at the time

39.Do I and my last ex hate each other? Nope we’re cool

40. Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?I used too from my so. But now its just my good friend manny

41.Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Hmmm no

42. When did I last hold hands?Non romantically:I held hands with my lil sister cuz she doesnt know how to cross a freggin road without getting hit by a car! But romantically: its been over a year and a half.

43. How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10mins

44.Have I shaved your legs in the past three days?Its been a good 6/7 months. Im at man status rn

45.Where am I right now? Trapped on a bus with zombies from nyc somewhere on the way to newburgh

46.If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? In oswego it would be chance. Here.. idk it hasnt happend.. but my best bet would be nadia

47.Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Both. Depends where i am

48.Do I live with my Mom and Dad?Yes. Please dont ask how its going. Its not well.

49.Am I excited for anything?Yes. The 3 day weekend

50.Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?No i only have 2 chill male friends

51.How often do I wear a fake smile?Often enough

52.When was the last time I hugged someone?That would be last sunday i hugged holly. We went for a movie and a bite n caught up since inhavent seen her in 5ever

53.What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?Its w/e as long as you happy n your not like eating face

54.Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?Yea

55.What is something I disliked about today?Evelyn being passive agressive towards me. Makes me uncomf. But i could care less.

56.If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Rebecca sugar

57. What do I think about most? Its gonna be one of 3 things, women, video games, food

58. What’s my strangest talent?I can get really creepy really fast. Iv been told to try out to be villians or serial killers in movies

59.Do I have any strange phobias?Spiders

60.Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Both

61. What was the last lie I told?

62.Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?Im old skool ill show up at your house ;) jk phone so no one can see this akward mess

63.Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Yes

64.Do I believe in magic?Yes

65. Do I believe in luck? Yes

66.What’s the weather like right now? Bloody cold

67. What was the last book I’ve read? Allegiant

68. Do I like the smell of gasoline?Addicted

69. Do I have any nicknames?Krys, elmo, jesus

70. What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I have 12 stiches on my thumb both for cuts by blades oh n the one time i was going down a mt. On my longboard n i fell and got the worst road rash on my ass.

71. Do I spend money or save it?Both

72. Can I touch my nose with a tongue?No

73. Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Idts?

74.Favourite animal?Otter

75. What was I doing last night at 12 AM?Hehhhh better not say

76. What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Idfk

77.What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Anything fr the last dinosaurs

78. How can you win my heart? Compassion understanding and a drive no one else has.

79.What would I want to be written on my tombstone?Im not gonna be burried.

80. What is my favourite wordOogle

81. My top 5 blogs on tumblr Ill answer later

82.If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83.Do I have any relatives in jail?Yes

84.I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Speed

85.What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Feelings are a tough subject

86. What is my current desktop picture? An image from second son

87. Had sex?Why yes i have

88.Bought condoms?Nopes

89.Gotten pregnant? Nopes too gay for that shit90. Failed a class?Several

91. Kissed a boy? Yep im not a gold star lezzy no more

92. Kissed a girl? Many

93.Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?Yes. Im super cheesey i do things like that all the time

94.Had job?I have a job95.Left the house without my wallet?Keys and liecensexD

96. Bullied someone on the internet? Nope

97.Had sex in public? Yes

98. Played on a sports team? Several

99. Smoked weed? Yasss

100. Did drugs? Ive tried some shit

101. Smoked cigarettes? Never now thats nasty

102. Drank alcohol? Yes

103. Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Never

104. Been overweight?yes

105. Been underweight?yes

106. Been to a wedding?yes

107. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Days

108. Watched TV for 5 hours straight? When i was younger

109. Been outside my home country?yes

110. Gotten my heart broken? Many times

111.Been to a professional sports game? Yes

112. Broken a bone? Do Teeth count?

113. Cut myself? Not on purpose

114. Been to prom? Unfortunaly. Thats an akward story. If i didnt go i coulda stayed in puerto rico longer. But nooo joe had to ask my parents…

115. Been in airplane? Yes

116. Fly by helicopter? No. But ive been in some heavy duty military air craft

117. What concerts have I been to?Walk the moon, in hs i saw i see stars mega concert there were like 20 bands there idr them all, versaemerge, dragonforce

118.Had a crush on someone of the same sex?Yeaaa im megagay

119.Learned another language?I can fully understand spanish. But i cant speak it.

120. Wore make up? Im alergic to eyeliner xD

121.Lost my virginity before I was 18?Yes

123. Had oral sex? Yes.😍

124.Dyed my hair?Ive never dyed my hair

125.Voted in a presidential election? Yes both times for obama♡ . n fuck you, you lil orange dicked cheeto (donald trump)

126.Rode in an ambulance?Yes i did when i sliced my thumb deep with an exacto and was bleeding everywhere

127. Had a surgery?No

128. Met someone famous? Yes i have i met that guy from “what would you do” when i was staying in maryland. Also i stick around after theater shows and concerts to meet the actors, performers, and musicians

129.Stalked someone on a social network?Guilty

130. Peed outside?Um who hasnt?

131. Been fishing?Yes. Anyone wanna join me this spring?

132. Helped with charity? Yea every 3 weeks i participate in a soup kitched in poukipsee with my siblings and my cousins.

133. Been rejected by a crush?I have unfortunate luck.

134. Broken a mirror? Haha yea i did once

135. What do I want for birthday? Id love to go somewhere amazing and warm with awesome people. If im dating someone id love to actually have a birthday kiss. #neverhadoneonmybirthday

136.How many kids do I want and what will be their names?By kids you mean dogs? N id have all of them. Theyd have really crude/harsh spanish names.

137.Was I named after anyone?No but krysten means follower of chridtXD

138.Do I like my handwriting? Sometimes

139. What was my favourite toy as a child? Why it was my stuffy scooby doo

140.Favourite Tv Show? Gawd theres so many. But steven universe👌🖒

141.Where do I want to live when older?Puerto rico when i hit the lotto

143. Play any musical instrument? I can play the trumpet, the recorder, basic drum beat, and im learning the uke

144.One of my scars, how did I get it?Sliced my thumb with a woodcutter one year. Then the next year same thumb with a brand new exacto. Landed me in the hosp 2ice total 12 stiches

145.Favourite pizza toping? Extra cheese

146.Am I afraid of the dark? Sometimes. Im more worried bout the it under the bed that comes out when you dont have sheets on.

147.Am I afraid of heights?No. In my stage craft class i was the only one who wasnt scared of heights they sent me high up to work on stuff they also sent me 60ft up to the grid too 😎

148.Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?Yes and i had my ass handed to me on a silver platter several times.

149.Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?Yes. All the time.

150.What I’m really bad atBeing social. Talking to girls. Drawing.

151.What my greatest achievements are. Being the first to graduate college.

152.The meanest thing somebody has ever said to meYou should see the list of stuff my parents have told me since i was little. Its a little too awful to put on here.

153.What I’d do if I won in a lottery. Top secret Plans back the fuck up

154. What do I like about myself Um my bed head. Idk

155.My closest Tumblr friend Haha nadia

156.Something I fantasise about my exTisk tisk ladies n gents we shouldnt be reopening wounds like this. *points finger n shakes it like a noodle*

[thefuturebelongs]

All 170?

Ask me! I'll answer honestly 1: How tall or short do you wish you were? - I wish I was either like 5'10 or 5'3
2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) - german shepherd, Great Dane, corgi, hedgehog or Newfoundland
3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? - uh comfortable 
4: What was your favorite video game growing up? - probably Super Mario 64
5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: - my knee, my future job/plans, my relationship 
6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? - Uncontrollably Inquisitive
7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? - uhhh
8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] - meh usually phlegmatic
9: Are you ticklish? - not really
10: Are you allergic to anything? - very mildly allergic to cats
11: What’s your sexuality? - whatever floats my boat
12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? - cocoa and then coffee
13: Are you a cat or dog person? - dog
14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? - lord of the rings elf
15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? - not specifically
16: How tall are you? - 5'6ish
17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? - I hate my name but I don't know what I would change it to nor would I ever
18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] - HA
19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? - no
20: Do you like space or the ocean more? - SPACE
21: Are you religious? - I used to be ha. I find religion fascinating but I'm too scientifically based
22: Pet peeves? - open mouth chewing, slow drivers and bad grammar
23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? - diurnal. Like I already am. 
24: Favorite constellation? - Orion or Perseus 
25: Favorite star? - meh Betelgeuse
26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? - no?
27: Any phobias or fears? - I don't like the same but nothing irrational 
28: Do you think global warming is real? - global climate change is real and you're an idiot if you disagree
29: Do you believe in reincarnation? - uhhh it would be cool! Ha
30: Favorite movie? - Lilo and Stitch
31: Do you get scared easily? - I jump/blink/react easily but I don't scare easily 
32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? - um 4 dogs, 2 turtles, 2 frogs, like 18 fish, 3 hamsters, and a guinea pig
33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] - what
34: What is a color that calms you? - like a dark sea foam/wave color
35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? - travel everywhere I've never been and live in Germany or England or Australia or Netherlands or Arizona or Colorado or Seattle ha
36: Where were you born? - New Jersey
37: What is your eye color?- dark brown
38: Introvert or extrovert? - introvert 
39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? - no
40: Hugs or kisses? - I do love me some good hugs
41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? - a few select friends I haven't seen in awhile
42: Who is someone you love deeply? - my girlfriend
43: Any piercings you want? - nah
44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? - TATTOOS
45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? - no and no
46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! - currently dating mine
47: What is a sound you really hate? - chewing or slurping
48: A sound you really love? - rain on a window or a baby cooing haha
49: Can you do a backflip? - no way
50: Can you do the splits? - I used to be able to
51: Favorite actor and/or actress? - ha currently @natvanlis and Elise Bauman or John Kraskinski or Meryl Streep or Emma Watson
52: Favorite movie? - currently Interstellar because I'm a nerd
53: How are you feeling right now? - bored
54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? - I've considered an ombré but then I remember I'm half Asian and my hair should never be anything other than dark brown/black
55: When did you feel happiest? - when I'm all comfy in bed on a lazy Sunday morning and then sun is just coming in
56: Something that calms you down? - love me some classical music and nobody pestering me ha
57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] - not that I know of
58: What does your URL mean? - it's the beginning of my favorite quote
59: What three words describe you the most? - adventurous, inquisitive and unrealistic
60: Do you believe in evolution? - yes
61: What makes you unfollow a blog? - I don't remember following them or I no longer care for what they post
62: What makes you follow a blog? - they has cool stuff
63: Favorite kind of person: - someone who knows how to laugh but also knows when to be serious
64: Favorite animal(s): - all doggies, tigers, cuttlefish, elephants and pandas
65: Name three of your favorite blogs. - that's a lot of work
66: Favorite emoticon: 💁🏻
67: Favorite meme: - I have no idea
68: What is your MBTI personality type? - INFJ
69: What is your star sign? - libra?
70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? - HA no
71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? - I wear my under armor leggings a lot but I do like my knee maroon pants
72: Post a selfie or two? - uh maybe
73: Do you have platform shoes? - what is this, 1975?
74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? - um my record for expert minesweeper is 95 seconds?
75: Can you do a front flip? - maybe into a pool
76: Do you like birds? - sure. I like the peregrine falcon 
77: Do you like to swim? - well I did swim competitively for like 17 years 
78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? - depends on who I'm with
79: Something you wish didn’t exist: - Donald trump. Or mosquitoes 
80: Some thing you wish did exist: - Hogwarts. Or flying cars 
81: Piercings you have? - one in each ear 
82: Something you really enjoy doing: - traveling and taking pictures
83: Favorite person to talk to: - a very small select group of friends
84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? - what the fuck do I do
85: How many followers do you have? - like 240 or something 
86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? - yes. Barely. Thanks to my knee. 
87: Do your socks always match? - 86% of the time
88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? - I can go beyond my toes 
89: What are your birthstones? - opal
90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? - it'd be cool to be an albatross
91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? - maybe some big annoying hibiscus 
92: A store you hate? - uh I don't think I hate any stores
93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? - 1-2 at absolutely most
94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? - hm fly
95: Do you like to wear camo? - like old school camo... No
96: Winter or summer? - Autumn
97: How long can you hold your breath for? - currently like a minute ha. In high school, the longest I ever held for was 2min 26sec
98: Least favorite person? - don't have one
99: Someone you look up to: - not really sure right now
100: A store you love? - Dick's hahaha
101: Favorite type of shoes - sneakers
102: Where do you live? - uhhh temporarily in Cleveland
103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? - I love steak
104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? - hm sapphire I guess. Or basic ass diamond
105: Do you drink milk? - yup
106: Do you like bugs? - only the pretty ones
107: Do you like spiders? - no way Jose
108: Something you get paranoid about? - my future
109: Can you draw: - I like to say I'm a good doodler
110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? - I've been asked quite a few. Usually sex related
111: A question you hate being asked? - So what do you do?
112: Ever been bitten by a spider? - who hasnt
113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? - absolutely. I could fall asleep to them
114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? - sunny with big fluffy clouds
115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: - you know who
116: Favorite cloud type: - cumulonimbus 
117: What color do you wish the sky was? - blue is fine
118: Do you have freckles? - nope
119: Favorite thing about a person: - the way their eyes wrinkle when they have a big genuine smile
120: Fruits or vegetables? - both
121: Something you want to do right now: - travel hahaha. Shocker. 
122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? - ocean
123: Sweet or sour foods? - sweet. Never sour
124: Bright or dim lights? - bright
125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? - uh no?
126: Something you hate about Tumblr: - how much time I spend on it
127: Something you love about Tumblr: - how much time I spend on it
128: What do you think about the least? - putting make up ha 
129: What would you want written on your tombstone? - not sure. Maybe some punny quote ha
130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? - nobody
131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? - I care a lot. About everything 
132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? - yeah
133: Computer or TV? - oohh hmm both. Can't decide. No. Computer. 
134: Do you like roller coasters? - YAS
135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? - on occasion 
136: Are your ears lobed or attached? - lobed
137: Do you believe in karma? - sure
138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? - 5.07
139: What nicknames do you have/have had? - my mother calls me wubby or pest, my sister calls me Libby, some family calls me Liz even though I hate it, and everyone else calls me Lizzie 
140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? - nah
141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? - nope
142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? - I would like to hope a good influence
143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? - giving but I'm horrible at picking out stuff
144: What makes you angry - inconsiderate people
145: How many languages do you speak fluently? - ha English and I should be fluent in mandarin but I'm not
146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? - boys or girls. Whatever. Someone human
147: Are you androgynous? - no
148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: - I have nice calves. I guess ha
149: Favorite thing about your personality: - I'm very empathetic and sympathetic 
150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. - Alisa, Bethany and Candida
151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? - Ancient Rome
152: Do you like BuzzFeed? - yeah
153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] - Tumblr ha
154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? - yeah
155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? - I love hair
156: What embarrasses you? - people bringing up something I was trying to avoid
157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: - public speaking
158: Biggest lie you have ever told: - I have no idea
159: How many people are you following? - like 85
160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? - no idea, like 6000?
161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? - zero I think
162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? - not many 
163: Last time you cried and why: - a few days ago and for personal reasons
164: Do you have long or short hair? - long
165: Longest your hair has ever been: - ha last fall it was just above my butt. Whoops. 
166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? - I never grew up religious and I'm such a scientific-I-need-proof kind of person 
167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? - yes. I love me some Big Bang theories and string theories and shit
168: Do you like to wear makeup? - on occasion
169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? - ha no
170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? - sure