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iamahugegeeknicetomeetyou · 3 years

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okay lemme just sprinkle some yueki into your feed real quick

let’s ignore the fact I’m about to change so much of the canon plot

anyway so

let’s say as in book one they arrive at the northern water tribe like usual sokka has his schoolboy crush on yue and as in canon she is engaged to another man

but on the moonlit meeting instead of just confessing she is married to another man she confides in sokka that she actually also is doing it to cover up the fact she likes girls

The Southern water tribe is very small and I can imagine them being very excepting of different sexualities as they are very close and tightly knit so they are probably very supportive and caring

however we’ve seen how the Northern water tribe is much larger on formalities and with a casual sexism ingrained in their society I can imagine that homosexual relationships are probably disapproved of

therefore being royalty in the Northern water tribe she probably decides that for political power and presentation it will be best just to cover up and marry a man

however ever sokka has been so sweet to her ever since he arrived and coming from a place that she’s heard is more excepting she takes a leap of faith and confesses her true motives for not being with him

and sokka being sokka is just immediately cool and completely supports her so instead of being there as a lover he is there as a friend to distract and support her while she has what looks like a bleak life in front of her of pretending to be someone she’s not

but then comes the fire nation attack and zhao being an absolute piece of trash and kills one of the water spirits and yue has to sacrifice herself

but just imagine as she does this but the spirit only take some of her life force and allows her to live as well almost as a thanks for her sacrifice

and she is overjoyed because she’s allowed to live however now it’s time for the avatar and sokka to move on and she suddenly gets this horrible feeling of being isolated and alone her entire life because sokka was the first real friend she’s ever had and she’s been able to confide so much in him

so she says the fuck it and decided she’s going to escape from the northern water leaving a message for her father admitting the truth about who she is and travel secretly with the avatar among the nations helping them in any way she can

obviously being a royal she doesn’t know that much about the outside world or about combat fighting however with sokka as her teacher and actually knowing a lot about political powers in the outside world I can imagine that she would be a useful ally to the gaang

skipping forward to book 2 episode 12 we finally see suki again but this time yue is there

they first see her when they’re trying to enter ba sing se and right off the bat yue is so into her however here comes the problem that so is sokka and she obviously does not want to hurt him in anyway so she kind of just pretend her feelings don’t exist as she usually does

but it’s actually really hard to see one of the first girls she’s ever felt feelings for and can now be open about them she still has to hide them for fear of hurting her friends

regardless this is the last time she sees or hears of Suki until they invade the fire nation until the day of the black sun when azula mentions she has been arrested and put in prison

then obviously they have to escape the fire nation and take refuge in an air nomad temple but yue hasn’t stopped thinking about Suki ever since she met her let alone now she knows she’s in fire nation custody

and when sokka confides in her that he plans to break her out of prison yue, with her new training decides to tag along on the mission with zuko and sokka because even if she can’t be with Suki romantically like hell she’ll just let her rot in a fire nation prison

the boiling rock episodes go more or less the same where she pretends to be a guard like sokka and helps with the prison break although it’s kind of uncomfortable for her the entire time because she has these feelings for Suki that she has to hide

nonetheless they break her out and she is now free and comes back to the air temple with them

now they have quite a bit of time where they’re just at the temple with aang learning fire bending and waiting until they can attack again

and during this time she actually gets really close to Suki as a friend

at first it’s kind of awkward because they don’t know each other that well and they only met once but gradually as the others train suki notices that yue has dramatically less experience even if she is a diligently strong fighter

so she offeres to help and teach her some of the kyoshi moves

yue absolutely loves this idea until she realises how intimate training can be and how much Suki ends up touching her even if it’s just slightly change her position or adjust her stance she realises that training was probably one of the worst idea she’s ever had because the entire time she’s having the biggest lesbian panic

but aside from training they also begin to become close friends, yue opening up about how much she misses home even though they forced her to be something she’s not and Suki opening up about how much she misses the kyoshi warriors as they are like family to her

but then I can imagine that sometime in the air temple Suki and sokka kind of agree that they just work better as friends and that their romantic relationship was lovely but they just work better in a platonic way

and I head canon that yue absolutely loves to look up at the moon because it reminds her of home but also how she got here and the connections she has to water bending and the spirits so I can imagine while the rest of the gaang sleeps she always sneaks out and just stares at the moon for hours on end

but imagine Suki starts to notice this behaviour and instead of calling her out on it just joins her occasionally and watches the moon silently with her and that they have these quiet intimate moments they have every now and again

however one night Suki seems kind of down when she joins her and yue has noticed that her visits are getting more and more frequent and Suki only really comes out there when she is struggling to sleep herself so she asks what’s up and Suki confesses that her and sokka broke up

anyway even though she’s really into Suki her first priority making sure her friends are okay

Suki explains that it was a mutual decision and she’s not heartbroken in anyway because her and sokka both decided that they work better as friends and their relationship is better when it’s platonic but nonetheless she did really like him and it’s still a shame

and yue is just here listening on the edge of her seat because her crush is finally single

but she also feels really awkward because it’s her best friends ex and also a presumably straight girl so she just decides to pretend once again have feelings do not exist

but from then on every night Suki joins her even if its only for a 10-20 minutes it’s an everyday sort of thing and sometimes they sit for hours at a time in a comfortable silence or talking quietly about things and gradually their relationship grows more and more intimate

until one night they’re just sitting in the moonlight and yue accidentally starts staring at Suki and she doesn’t mean to but she can’t help but admire her beauty so Suki jokingly says “see something you like?” upon noticing yue’s gaze

and yue just lesbian panics so hard and it’s just like “no no just looking at the moon” and Suki starts teasing her jokingly of course but yue actually finds it really hard because she’s trying to deny these feelings and her being all cute about it is not helping

but trying to defuse the awkwardness Suki confesses that she finds yue very pretty too and yue just kind of sits there gobsmacked and Suki goes on to say all of these wonderful things about her about how she’s not just pretty but she’s also kind and caring and sensitive but is also an amazing person with a forgiving heart

and yue is just kind of sitting there in shock because it started out as teasing and now she’s going on this huge tangent about what an amazing person she is and yue swears she’s never been more in love with anyone in her entire life

and the entire time Suki has been staring at this moon must suddenly after she finishes her tangent about how amazing yue is and as she turns to look at her yue realises that in this moment she doesn’t care about anything else but her

so she kisses her

and Suki at first is kind of shocked but she doesn’t pull away until after a few seconds and in those few seconds she stares at back at yue are the most terrifying of yue’s life because she thinks she’s made the most terrible mistake ever and completely misread every signal she gave her and thought that she had a horrible misunderstanding

but then Suki suddenly just kisses yue and her brain just completely collapses in on itself because she has no idea how to deal with all these feelings but they end up kissing for awhile under the moonlight and after some time Suki gently pulls away and rest her forehead against yue’s and just says so delicately “i’ve been wanting to do that for a long time”

and yue just shuts off because this is too much because she just kissed the girl of her dreams and found out that the feelings she feels are not one-sided

but after that they have a long talk about their relationship and about how they both obviously feel more than platonic feelings and about Suki being bisexual and realise that dating is actually something that really love to do but of course with sokka they don’t want to hurt him they decide to secretly date and just go slow for awhile

and it all goes well but yue is a terrible liar and feels horrible from concealing this from sokka so while the rest of the gang are out and the three of them are left at the temple they decide that they should tell him

and they are completely terrified he’s going to be really horrible about it but they sit him down and confesses that they are dating and sokka is just like “took you guys long enough”

and they just sit there opened mouth because they thought that they’ve been so good at hiding their feelings for each other that no one in the group suspected they’re dating

but sokka says he could tell from the beginning yue had feelings for Suki but didn’t wanna push so just left them in peace but then once him and Suki agreed they worked better as friends he was basically just waiting for them to end up telling him that they’ve gotten together

and they are both just so shocked he isn’t mad but he confesses that he is also bisexual and has feelings for zuko that he’s been repressing for awhile and isn’t going to face any time soon but has nonetheless and that he completely support and loves their relationship

and they’re both so relieved and so happy

and yeah from there they go into finally defeat the fire nation and win the war and afterwards yue returns home to her people and she is so overwhelmed by the amount of love and support she receives when she returns home and her father confessing he never meant to make her feel like an outcast but just wanted what was best for her and the water tribe

but yue isn’t ready to come home yet so she continues to travel with Suki for awhile and the avatar as they continue postwar to do whatever is necessary to make peace

but later on she’s called back home as it’s time for her to take the position as chief and she feels she’s going to have to leave all of her friends behind however with zuko as the fire lord and the fire nation as a close ally and the avatar needing to protect all places in the world she’s actually still really close to everyone

and on top of that Suki decides to move to the Southern water tribe with her and she works as a bodyguard and also bring some of her kyoshi warrior friends as well as training some non-benders in the Northen water tribe some martial arts while there

and yeah they are just like bad ass wives in the Northam water tribe together

sorry this is so long but I just felt that this had to be said because like c’mon guys it’s yueki 🤲😩 also if you wanna see any good you yueki edits go onto @/s4ppos page on instagram she has a couple of them I think and they are the most beautiful things I have ever seen

#lgbtq #lesbian #bisexual #yue #princess yue #suki #suki x yue #yue x suki #atla #avatar the last airbender #yue alta #lesbian yue #yue lesbian #suki bisexual #bisexual suki #suki atla #zukka #yueki

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hiccanna-tidbits · 3 years

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Do you maybe have some headcanons or Au or something for Moana x Merida? I really like that ship! 🤗and I like your moodboards with moanida! ^^

Anon I need you to know I am literally crying TEARS OF JOY because I have FINALLY received an Ask on this humble little blog and I am OVERJOYED

Yes, I would love to talk about Moanida!!!

I’ve got a few AUs I kinda play around with for them--might make moodboards of them one of these days! A couple I really like are a Mermaid AU and a Selkie AU, probably with Moana as the mermaid/selkie because of her ocean connection??? But I really like the idea of Selkie!Merida too, since it would go so nicely with selkies in Scottish folklore and all that. Either way it solves the geographical issue because they can just swim to each other!!! Also yes, these gay girls crossing literal oceans for each other is absolutely the hill I’m going to die on. I’m also a fan of a sort of Mythology/Goddess AU where like Moana is an ocean goddess and Merida is a volcano goddess of sorts akin to Te Ka with cool lava hair and scary volcanic rock skin and only Moana’s soothing ocean waters can calm her eruptive (heh, get it?) rage. And this also means FORBIDDEN SAPPHIC LOVE FORBIDDEN SAPPHIC LOVE FORBIDDEN SAPPHIC LOVE

Also MOANIDA HEADCANONS YESSSS

I thought up some just for you <3 Some are more general and some are more specific AU-focused so I tried to sort them by AU but there’s probably gonna be some overlap.

General ~Merida is THE most overprotective girlfriend. Like she knows Moana’s independent and can take care of herself, but she absolutely will not tolerate slander of or threats to her girlfriend of any kind. If Merida were to meet Maui at any period in the timeline where he and Moana weren’t really cool yet and he was still being kind of a dick to Moana, Merida would try to fight a literal demigod. She doesn’t give a single fuck. ~Once Merida hears about the Tamatoa Incident, she wants to fight every crab she sees. She also develops a taste for crabcakes and crab rangoons because she starts eating lots of crabmeat solely out of spite. Moana finds this endlessly amusing. ~Moana definitely has the braincell between them. She’s constantly having to hold Mer back and talk her down from starting shit. Merida would unleash the Rage of a Thousand Suns upon her enemies if given half the chance. ~Merida is very physically active and loves working out--she would work out twice a day if given the chance. She’s just really about those exercise endorphins. Moana makes her fresh tropical fruit bowls and tropical fruit smoothies for after her workouts. Merida adores these and eventually she absolutely refuses to drink any smoothies not made by her girlfriend. ~They’re both lowkey caffeine addicts. Merida usually loathes getting up early (unless it’s to work out or go riding with Angus) and will snap at anyone and everyone until she’s had coffee. Moana knows how to get her hands on these really amazing-tasting, obscure types of Polynesian coffee, so she hooks them up with The Good Stuff. After tasting the coffee Moana gets, Merida honestly never wants any other B-tier type of coffee again. ~They love to go sailing in Moana’s boat. In a modern AU where the boat has a motor, Merida likes to make them go really fast for the adrenaline rush and the feeling of wind in her hair. It kinda freaks Moana out to go that fast, but it’s honestly worth it for the look of absolute elation on Merida’s face, and the way she laughs and cheers the whole time. ~Sometimes they like to go out on more calm, tranquil night sails. Once they’re a ways out, they just lie on the deck and stargaze. Moana points out all the constellations to Merida and rambles about how to navigate with them. Merida just turns and watches her with this super-smitten look the entire time. ~Moana teaches Merida some Maori. She teachers her how to say “I love you,” and, at Merida’s request, how to swear. ~Sometimes Moana calls Merida Maori words Mer doesn’t understand. Merida gets mad because she thinks Moana’s insulting her. It turns out she’s just calling Merida a bunch of super sappy Maori pet names. ~Sometimes Merida and Moana just like to talk shit about people who are pissing them off IN Maori, so they don’t understand. ~Whenever Merida absolutely goes OFF on someone for saying something homophobic or sexist or whatever, Moana just stands back and crosses her arms and smirks, and says “Thaaaat’s my girl!” It absolutely never fails to make Merida blush like a madwoman and start blubbering like an idiot and lose her original point completely. ~When they fight, they are SO stubborn, petty, and dramatic about it that they can stay mad at each other for DAYS. For really bad fights, they usually end up needing a mediator (in a RotBTD+ AU, I imagine this would be Rapunzel, Anna, or Hiccup). ~Angus and Pua are best friends. No, I will not be accepting criticism at this time. They get into lots of hijinks and shenanigans, and sometimes they sneak out together and Pua likes to ride around on Angus’s back. When Pua and Angus go missing, Mer and Mo just kind of sigh like “Oh, they’re out adventuring again, aren’t they?” ~Angus also always protects Pua so he never has to be scared of adventuring again!!! Pua still remembers his and Moana’s disastrous first sailing attempt, and Angus makes sure little Pua never gets into danger like that again. ~Hamish, Harris, and Hubert ship it SO hard! Moana turns out to be really good with kids, and has even been known to assist with the boys’ mischief from time to time. They definitely think Moana’s a good person to keep their sister’s chaos in check while not being TOO much of a boring wet blanket stifling her fun. ~Sina absolutely ADORES Merida and basically adopts her and treats her like a second daughter. After hearing Merida doesn’t have the best relationship with her own mom and feels like her mom doesn’t try to understand her or respect that she’s different from her, Sina gets like...SUPER angry and and starts doting on Merida to an almost annoying extent. She never wants Merida to have to feel forced into being someone she’s not, since she saw that with Moana and how much it absolutely KILLED her to be kept away from the ocean. ~Tui is leery of Merida at first, mainly because she seems like she’s going to be a bad influence on his daughter. However, he eventually comes around to her once he sees how much she loves his daughter, and they bond over both being ridiculously overprotective of Moana. ~Fergus also adores Moana, and basically knew Merida was gay from the jump--them dating is 0% a surprise to him. He’s honestly just glad that his daughter has someone more rational and down-to-earth to prevent her from doing anything TOO stupid. ~Elinor meanwhile, traditionalist that she is, is NOT about this whole lesbian thing and would probably be pretty homophobic...at least at first (steaming hot take, I know, she’s just got tradition so far up her ass I don’t know if she’d EVER be okay with her daughter choosing not only to forego marriage to man COMPLETELY--not just delay it--but marry a woman instead, who she couldn’t produce an heir with. Also sorry but I do not like her and probably will not portray her particularly favorably in my HCs sorry not sorry lmao) Maybe she comes around, maybe she doesn’t. I’ll leave that up to your imagination. Although I am not an Elinor fan so I think you already know my take XD ~Moana is grey-asexual grey-aromantic, so she CAN be sexually and romantically interested in people, it’s just...very rare. Merida is basically the only person she’s ever wanted to legit date. Maybe she likes boys too, but she wouldn’t know--she hasn’t found any she’s into thus far. Merida, meanwhile, has always been a raging lesbian, and has had lots of crushes on girls over the years (in an AU where she has the opportunity to, anyhow--ARE there even any girls her age in Dunbroch??? XD). When her parents would read storybooks to her as a kid, she’d always finding herself getting doe-eyed over the “fair maidens” rather than the fearless, ripped warriors who saved them from danger. No crush ever hit her quite as hard as Moana did, though. But Merida knows for a damn fact she isn’t into men--90% of the time she can’t stand them and their antics, and the only men she’s ever really felt any kind of affection for are ones in her family or ones who remind her of one or more of her family members. ~Moana makes Merida flower crowns. Merida grumbles endlessly about how “girly” they are, so Moana hunts down some black flowers to make one with so it’ll look a bit more badass and intimidating. Merida absolutely LOVES it and wears it everywhere. ~Merida teaches Moana how to horseback ride and how to shoot a bow and arrow. She’s pretty not great at either at first, but Merida is incredibly patient with her. This shocks everyone around them, because since when is Merida patient with anyone? ~Merida also teaches Moana swordplay, and they LOVE to spar with each other. Agressive flirting during sparring sessions is very commonplace. If anyone attacks either Dunbroch or Motunui, Merida and Moana are a force to be reckoned with. ~Likewise, Moana teaches Merida how to sail and some kinda basic naval combat skills (i.e. how to shoot that harpoon gun or whatever it was she used to fight the kikimora off). ~They don’t have sex that often because neither of them has that high of a sex drive, but when they do, Merida tops if a strap-on is used. ~Moana is the kind of person who just kinda sings songs to herself as she goes about her daily routine and her chores. Merida loves to listen in because she thinks Moana has the prettiest singing voice on earth. That doesn’t stop her from teasing Moana about “singing all the got dam time,” though. ~Literally ALWAYS cuddling and kissing when they’re watching something together or just doing any kinda idle activity at home together. These girls cannot keep their hands off of each other. They hold hands in public pretty much everywhere they go, and Merida yells at anyone who makes a fuss about it.

Modern AU ~They meet while Merida is studying abroad in Tahiti. Maybe because Maui (who’s Moana’s cousin or older brother or something) has a tattoo parlor, and of COURSE Merida goes in to get some edgy bow and arrow tattoo to piss her mom off. Or maybe Merida is just snorkeling in one of the coves on one of her days off, and she runs into Moana and they just Vibe. ~I also like the idea of them meeting at a bar/nightclub type place in Papeete--like maybe Maui owns the nightclub because he just likes to party like that, and he lets his little sis Moana poke around in there because he’s lowkey a terrible influence XD And maybe one night Moana’s bartending to make a little extra cash and Merida comes in and gets really drunk on like a huge Sex on the Beach or something and starts really clumsily hitting on Moana and Moana gets SUCH a kick out of it. Merida can’t remember much of the flirting the next day, but she and Moana still become fast friends. ~Merida is constantly ditching class to sneak off and go see Moana. Her grades are plummeting. ~When the semester abroad is over, they promise to keep in touch over the internet--although Moana also wants to write letters because she loves the idea of having a pen pal. Merida teases her mercilessly for being so “old-fashioned” but also doesn’t have the heart to say no. ~They end up confessing they like each other over internet chat. Merida damn well knows she’s gay and has for a while now, but she’s terrified of telling Moana she’s into her because she’s really scared Moana’s straight. So when Moana is the one who ends up confessing to Merida, Merida has literally never been happier in her entire life. ~Once Merida graduates, they decide to just say “fuck it” and move to some big seaside city together (for some reason I really like the idea of them living in Los Angeles???). Merida needs to get away from her overbearing mom and Moana just really wants to see more of the world besides the South Pacific, so away they go! ~BROADWAY MUSICAL NERDS BROADWAY MUSICAL NERDS BROADWAY MUSICAL NERDS! They both fucking LOVE musicals, especially those with sapphic undertones (Wicked, anyone?), and will loudly and obnoxiously sing along to the soundtracks, much to the chagrin of all their neighbors. They’re also pretty big theater fans in general--especially Merida, always rather the dramatic type. ~At some point they save up and go to see Wicked on Broadway together. The trip ends up being one of their all-time favorites, and their fridge is covered in goofy, dumb selfies of them in New York. ~Moana goes to every SINGLE one of Merida’s archery tournaments, and every single game of any other sport she plays. Literally no one cheers more boisterously or enthusiastically than Moana does. Whenever Merida hits a bullseye or scores a goal, Moana grins and nudges the people next to her (even if they’re complete fucking strangers) and goes “That’s my girlfriend!!!” ~Merida is a goddamn punk, and is always walking around in spiked jackets, combat boots, and basically any other clothing that says “don’t fuck with me.” She tried to start a punk rock band once, but it ended up falling through because no one would sponsor Merida’s angry screamo songs about smashing the patriarchy. Moana still went to all of their tiny-ass, tacky concerts though, for the few months they were “touring” the city. ~Merida taught herself how to play electric guitar because she thinks it’s Edgy and Cool. Moana really likes to dance, and knows a fair number of traditional Polynesian dances and has even taught a class or two. Merida learns how to play some traditional Polynesian music on the electric guitar so she can play while Moana dances. The combination of hard rock-esque shredding and a very mellow island dance looks extremely bizarre to anyone watching, but the girls absolutely do not care.

@takaraphoenix I said I’d tag you in Moanida content I made and I am a woman of my word!!! Enjoy!!!

Please y’all, send me more asks about my ships!!! I love to talk about them!!!

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wolvesofinnistrad · 5 years

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On AO3

When Hen shoves the tickets in Eddie’s hands last minute he doesn’t get to ask much beyond “What are these?”

“Baseball tickets. Got them for Karen and Denny and I but, well, shit came up.”

Eddie looks at the tickets then back to Hen. “These are really good seats…”

The look Hen gives him says more than her words. “I know.”

“Sure you won’t be able to make it?”

“Definitely not. I don’t want them to go to waste though, thought you could take Christopher.”

“Tha-”

“And Buck.”

That makes Eddie pause. He’s forgiven Buck for all the drama, and they are back to being friends, but a day out with him seems a little more daunting than it would have last month.

“No buts Eddie. That boy needs a little fun and relief after all he’s been through. All three of you do.”

Eddie starts to say something but decides against it, nodding and smiling.

“Thanks Hen.”

“Don’t mention it. Have fun.”

“We Will!”

He waits until later to talk to Buck, avoiding it like the coward he’s apparently turned into. Finally, knowing he needs to do this before Buck makes plans or Hen finds out he’s a chicken he swallows his pride, sighs and heads over to Buck.

“Hey Buck.”

Buck looks up at the sound of his voice, a smile instantly passing over his face, albeit still a bit apprehensive.

“H-hey Eddie.”

He’s packing up, shift over and Eddie’s glad he caught him honestly.

“So, uh, Hen had some baseball tickets and, well, they can’t make it anymore so she gave them to me.”

“That’s great!” Buck pats him on the arm, though it’s clear by his expression he isn’t sure what this has to do with him.

“Well, uh, I thought you could come with us. Me and Christopher?”

It’s then Eddie realizes how different the smile Buck gave him before is, because this time it seems to engulf his entire face, lighting up his eyes in a way that makes Eddie feel like he’s staring at the sun.

“You want me to come with you guys?”

His voice is so hopeful and happy that Eddie can’t bear to say Hen all but forced him to do it. And in that moment as he nods and Buck grins and shakes his head up and down like a golden retriever Eddie forgets why he was so worried about this.

It’s just Buck. Buck his best friend.

Buck nearly jumps on him giving him a hug. Eddie winces, but tries not to flinch away like the last time, he doesn’t need Buck to notice his sore body.

Luckily, Buck’s too distracted with the idea of going to the game with the Diaz family to notice because he bounds out of the station with more pep in his step than Eddie’s seen in months.

Christopher is, of course, overjoyed.

Not so much about the tickets themselves, he doesn’t care too much either way about the game.

But a day with Buck?

Christopher doesn’t stop talking about it the entire day.

Or the next, or any of them really until its the day of the game.

When Buck arrives he runs over, picking Christopher up and swinging him around for a big hug.

“I missed you buddy!”

“I missed you too Bucky!”

Something pulls in Eddie’s chest when he sees it, its something he’s been noticing for a while, and after the tsunami even more, but then with everything that had happened with Buck after he’d kind of forgotten the way his stomach kind of swooped as he watched Buck so effortlessly show affection for his son, so genuinely enthused to be around him.

Eddie didn’t bother looking anything up about the tickets, so he doesn’t notice anything different about the mess of fans swarming into the stadium along with them. At least not at first.

It’s only when the fifth rainbow flag passes by him that it starts to click, just the tiniest bit. His eyes scan the crowd and there’s the usual fans milling about, talking and laughing or running off to the bathroom or their seats, but there’s also a ton of families.

Families that look a lot like his family right now.

2 men are swinging their daughter, he assumes at least, between them, they both have on Dodgers jerseys with a rainbow color scheme. Another two men kiss briefly before one runs off to the concession stand. 2 women and their three children are waiting in line to buy funnel cake. Another 2 and their son are carrying beers while their son swings a memorial foam finger around.

His throat feels dry as he stares back at Buck and Christopher who are walking back towards him. Christopher is riding on Buck’s shoulders, a little Dodger’s hat on his head that has a rainbow on the side.

“Where’d you get that buddy?” Eddie asks, just to have something to say because his mind is kind of reeling from how this must look to everyone else.

“Bucky bought it for me! Isn’t the rainbow pretty!” Christopher swings the hat around wildly, giggling like mad.

Buck’s looking up to him, hands braced on either side of him to make sure he doesn’t fall and Eddie sees it, how clearly from the outside they look like every other couple here with their kid. He doesn’t know how to describe the feeling he gets, so he tries not to think of it.

Fumbling with his wallet he grabs a couple bills. “How much was the hat?”

Buck shakes his head, pushing the wallet away, his hand resting over Eddie’s for just a moment and sending a jolt up the older man’s arm.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s my gift to Chris for not seeing him for awhile. Sorry about that again buddy.”

“It’s okay Buck. I missed you.”

“I missed you too Chris. SO much.”

Eddie has to turn away because his stomach feels like it’s full of butterflies and he really doesn’t know what the fuck is going on with him today. He tells himself its just the weirdness of the entire situation.

That’s all it is.

It has to be.

“So uh, let’s get to our seats, yeah?”

Eddie leads them down to their seats, which he still can’t believe are this good. He’s going to really have to thank Hen after this.

They pass quite a few more gay and lesbian couples, and others that he thinks might be straight ones before seeing little flags in different colors on them that he doesn’t quite recognize all of them.

They take a seat, Christopher in between them and Eddie smiles, taking a breath of the fresh air, looking up at the sky and then back to Chris. To Buck. His boys.

He doesn’t know where the thought comes from but it makes him smile, and when Buck turns towards him, he smiles too.

If Buck has noticed anything odd about the huge amount of LGBT couples and their kids he hasn’t said anything, and Eddie’s at least glad for that. Of course, Hen bought these tickets so it wouldn’t be on Eddie anyway he reassures himself.

But then again, Eddie questions why he feels like he would even need to reassure himself if there’s nothing abnormal about any of this. It’s just him and his best friend taking his son to a baseball game.

The fact it must be, like, Pride night or something doesn’t mean anything.

He’s certain of it.

They laugh and chat, explaining some things to Christopher, when Eddie’s thoughts get a bit too uncomfortable he excuses himself to go grab them some drinks and food.

As he’s walking towards the concession stand, which is pretty crowded with lines snaking down the interior hallway, one of the merch booths catches his eye.

He stops for a moment, not sure why since he doesn’t really want to buy any of this overpriced stuff. He feels pulled towards a board with a bunch of enamel pins on it and he realizes this is where all those people with the flags must have gotten them.

He’s not sure why he keeps looking, but up close he can tell it’s not exactly a flag, or rather it is, but instead of a flagpole the flag is hanging from a baseball bat. He sees the rainbow one which he recognizes, but there are so many others. A blue, pink and white one that he remembers seeing someone wearing earlier, a mostly black and gray and white one, a couple weird ones that look like a desertscape and a police flag, but they have strange animal symbols and a heart on them.

Then he notices underneath they say what they are and he goes back and rereads them. He’s not really sure what it means under the Bear and Leather ones, or really half of them if he’s honest, but as he keeps scanning his eyes stop one and he feels his stomach clench.

He’s seen it before, he can’t quite remember where, but he knows he has. The little pink, purple and blue lines seem so straight, even if he mentally laughs at the way that sounds. His fingers reach out, wanting to touch it, feel it beneath his fingertips but he stops at the last moment, not sure why he should do that.

Bisexual.

That’ s what the little sign under the flag says, he stares at it, maybe for a bit too long.

“Bisexual.”

He hears the words, and for a moment he thinks he’s said them himself before there’s a hand pointing past him.

“Sorry man, but yeah, I want a bi flag for my boyfriend, and then a gay one for me. Thanks.” The voice comes from a shorter guy beside him. His skin is deep and dark, he gives the guy a bright smile as he passes him his card back and forth before taking the pins with him.

Eddie follows him with his eyes, watching him walk over to a veritable tower of muscle. The second guy, his boyfriend he guesses, picks him up and spins them both around after he’s been given the pin. Eddie looks away when they start kissing, not sure why he’s stared so long. When he passes by them on the way to the concessions he sees they’re putting the flag pins on their jerseys and he shakes his head.

Get it together Diaz, he thinks.

Once he has the food he takes it back, both relieved and weirdly disappointed he doesn’t see the two guys from before anywhere around. Eddie shakes it off, walking back to his seats, seeing Chris yelling along with Buck, albeit a moment or two after, taking his cues from the man.

He laughs, grinning as he slides into his seat and passes them their food. Christopher immediately starts eating his mini donuts out of the little hard plastic baseball cap they’re sold in. It was stupidly expensive, but he figured Chris would be excited to keep it as a memento.

When he looks over to Buck his eyes are on the game, taking his hot dog and putting it to his mouth. Eddie chuckles as he watches Buck shove far too much of into his mouth before finally biting. He’s surprise the man doesn’t choke.

And then his eyes shift sideways towards a guy sitting a seat down from Buck who’s staring at Buck like he wants to devour Him.

Eddie narrows his eyes at the guy, giving him a royal stink face and once the guy notices he puts his hands up, flushing and turning away in embarrassment.

A little surge of pride or satisfaction flows through Eddie and he’s not sure why. He studiously ignores that seeing that guy so openly staring at Buck felt a little like jealousy.

But that’s stupid.

So stupid.

He just didn’t want Buck to feel weird or uncomfortable.

Not that Buck had even noticed or probably would have, his eyes seem to only go from the game to Christopher, although as he’s staring at Buck, and he can admit he is staring now, the man turns to him and gives him a quizzical look.

“D’I got sumfing on my face?” Buck says with a too full mouth and Eddie cracks up.

“Yeah Buck a bit of mustard.”

Buck wipes at his mouth with his wrist but doesn’t get it.

“Nope.”

Again Buck wipes, and once more and neither time does he manage to eradicate the stray topping. Eddie sighs, taking pity on his idiot best friend and reaches over, swiping his finger over Buck’s chin, his thumb catching for just a moment’ on Buck’s bottom lip and tugging at it.

It’s only when he meets Buck’s eyes, or rather notices that Buck won’t meet his, cheeks subtly pinking that he realizes that was kind of weird.

Do friends wipe the other’s mouths?

Is that a thing bros do?

God he hopes so. He really, really hopes that’s a totally normal thing that guys do.

After that Eddie busies himself with his own food, with Christopher who needs to go to the restroom after a while, and later with grabbing some peanuts from a vendor that’s yelling what he thinks might be a bit more suggestive slogans than is entirely necessary.

Buck of course has laughed at every one of them which makes Christopher and then Eddie laugh like a domino effect.

In fact Eddie’s almost forgot about the weirdness of earlier, getting out of his head and just enjoying the game, enjoying this day with what are honestly two of his favorite people.

And that’s when he hears Christopher squeal between them and he looks down to see Chris frantically pointing up at the big screen.

“What?”

“We’re on TV!”

That makes Buck and Eddie both look up, noticing at the same time what’s currently on the hugest screen in the stadium.

It’s a camera zoomed in on Eddie and Buck and Christopher, and there’s a big rainbow colored heart overlayed on top of the image that surrounds all three of them.

Eddie, quite frankly, wants to murder Hen in that moment.

He turns to Buck and sees him blushing furiously, and he’s at least thankful someone is as embarrassed as he is.

And then the chanting starts up.

“Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!” It feels like it’s coming from everywhere all at once, he flicks his head back to the screen and it’s still on them, waiting.

Oh God it’s waiting for them to kiss.

For him and Buck,

To kiss.

On live TV in front of thousands and thousands of people.

“Kiss, kiss, kiss!” Christopher chants now between them, joining in with the rest of the stadium. With seemingly the entire world it feels like.

His eyes turn to Buck and he expects to see that same embarrassment, maybe even anger, but instead Buck just smiles, laughing.

Then Buck shrugs and grabs Eddie by the front of his jersey, dragging him into a passionate kiss.

Eddie’s entire world stops, sound rushing out, eyes closed, and it feels like the only thing that exists in the world is Buck’s lips pressed against his, the hand that’s snaked up to cup his cheek.

Then the sound comes back in like the tides, a roaring crowd clapping and still all he feels is Buck.

Buck Buck Buck.

He kisses back, maybe a bit more eagerly than he intends to because this is the best thing he’s felt in years.

God he forgot how good it felt to kiss someone.

To kiss someone you really cared about.

And it’s right as that thought passes through his head that Buck let’s him go, Eddie collapsing into a puddle of goo in his seat.

Faintly he hears more whoops and catcalls, out of the corner of his eye he sees someone clapping Buck on the shoulder from behind. Eddie’s mind is having trouble processing hat just happened, he feels like he’s drowning in endorphins though, his stomach bottomed out like he just went on a roller coaster.

When he can finally move his head he turns to Chris, needing to check on him, to make sure that he isn’t freaking out, but he’s just, sitting there laughing and smiling.

“Hey daddy! We were on TV!”

“Yeah… Yeah we were kiddo…”

Eddie feels breathless, he looks over at Buck and notices he’s staring at the field, or trying to anyway, his eyes slide towards him but as soon as he notices Eddie is watching him he casts them back out to the field.

There’s a blush high on Buck’s cheeks.

Eddie can’t believe that just happened.

In fact, by the end of the game, after the fireworks have gone off, to Christopher and Buck’s utter delight, he almost thinks that maybe it was all some kind of dream or trick of his imagination.

That is until he feels someone tapping him on the shoulder as they’re waiting for some of the crowd to die down before chancing taking Christopher out of the stands.

“Hey, I thought you should have this. It turned out really well.”

The woman is smiling serenely, her hair is graying and she’s got a camera around her neck and another in her other hand. IN the hand held out to Eddie there’s a photo, one of those instant ones, but a really good quality one he can tell just by glancing at it.

“Me?” He says, a little confused.

“Yes, you and your partner and son just looked so… Adorable, I couldn’t resist, I hope that’s alright.”

He takes the proffered photo, and there it is in brilliant color. Buck kissing Eddie, their lips locked together, a look of utter bliss on both of their faces. Just beneath them is Chris with his head bent back screaming or laughing, clearly overjoyed. And in the far back is the big picture on the screen, partially obscured, but just enough to see the opposite angle of them that everyone else saw.

Eddie’s breath leaves him for a moment and before he can say anything a second woman is at the other’s side.

She’s about the same age, but her hair is done up differently, or was before the heat of the day had messed with it.

“We have to go honey or we’ll be stuck in even worse traffic.

“Alright I’m coming, I just wanted these wonderful boy to have that photo.”

They leave and all Eddie can do is shout “Thank you!” to them after they’re already halfway up the stairs.

The woman stops and gives him a little wave before leaving with her partner.

“Well that… was a wild game.”

“Yeah, it really was.” Buck is smirking now, and since when did Buck’s smirk make Eddie’s mind stop working.

Probably when he learned what it felt like to be kissed within an inch of his life by Evan Buckley.

“You have a good game buddy?” Buck is conversing with Christopher as the rest of the stands empty out into the hallways and lobbies.

“Best day EVER!!!” Christopher yells, laughing and smiling.

Buck and Eddie share a glance, Buck biting his lip, Eddies eyes drawn to them before he breaks away.

“Well let’s, uh, get going, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

They have to wait in a crazy line just to get out of the stands, and as they’re finally breaking into the main area he spots the same vendor from before, or just another selling the same things, he can’t be certain.

His eyes catch on the pins again and his mind is chanting at him not to do this, that it’s stupid, that he can’t take this back if he does it. But his heart is just aching to touch the one from before.

“Can I have one of these?”

“Which one you want?”

Eddie turns, sees Buck coming towards him carrying a dozing Christopher who’s worn out by now.

“The, uh, the bisexual one?” Eddie’s certain his voice raises two octaves as he says it, but he doesn’t back down. His eyes meet Buck’s and there’s recognition there, but no reproach, no disgust.

Buck stands besides him, their eyes locked on each other, and as the man’s reaching for the pin Buck says “can you make that two Bisexual pins?”

Eddie feels a grin splitting his lips.

Buck smiles at him, and he realizes it’s one he’s never seen before. It’s shy, private.

Just for him.

And really, the fact he knows Buck’s different smiles maybe should have clued him into some things before this.

Buck puts the pin on Eddie’s shirt, and Eddie puts the pin he bought on Buck’s baseball cap. He’s reminded of the two men that he saw before doing a similar ritual and he can’t help but smile.

When they walk out of the baseball stadium they look like any other family there.

Right down to their interlocked hands as they head to the car.

#eddie diaz #buck buckley #evan buck buckley #buddie #eddie x buck #9 1 1 fox #mine #fanfic #my fic #100

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perfecttimeseleven · 4 years

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PERFECT TIMES ELEVEN EP. 3 TRANSCRIPT

ACT ONE

SCENE FIVE

(REMINGTON and JAY are still seated at the living room table. REMINGTON is leaning forward with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands, bored. JAY is leaning back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, frustrated.)

REMINGTON

I can’t do it. All the voices are too loud, and the “Joyce” one is quiet as shit. It’s like, I‘m listening for “Joyce”, right, but out of nowhere another voice is like “Birds!” and I’m all like “Fuck!”

JAY

(fed up, without looking at REMINGTON)

Try again. It might help if you say “Joyce” along with the voice.

REMINGTON

Can’t you demonstrate? I really won‘t judge.

JAY

(still not looking at REMINGTON)

No.

REMINGTON

C’mon, just take off your little ring there — I’m guessing that’s the accessory you use and just...do your magic.

JAY

No.

(REMINGTON lets her head fall onto the table, exasperated. Jay lifts up a foot and is about to kick her hair when REMINGTON suddenly raises her head again.)

REMINGTON

Were you about to kick my hair?

JAY

Maybe. Maybe not.

REMINGTON

Better have been maybe not. My hair is my best feature. You should get it. I mean, you have lots of good features — like girl, you’re fucking hot — but your hair is pristine.

JAY

Thanks?

REMINGTON

You know what I don’t get?

JAY

(lowering her foot)

A lot of things.

REMINGTON

(ignoring JAY)

Why animals attack me. Is that…normal? I get that it was the sign I needed help with this, but…

JAY

You’re not special. Animals sense the “perfection” in us. In the whole several-human-reincarnations-in-a-row thing. Stay away from zoos.

REMINGTON

Hm. Come on, show me how to do the thing —

JAY

(betrayed)

No!

REMINGTON

Please! I’m really stupid. You’re smart and beautiful and experienced in this and beautiful. I’ll owe you one. Plus, your sugar daddy Dr. Morello’s gonna be pissed if we spent all this time sitting here and accomplished nada.

JAY

Oh, God, please never string those words together in that order again —

REMINGTON

And then he’ll dock your pay from nothing to less than nothing.

JAY

Oh, that makes so much sense. How would he be a hypothetical sugar daddy if he doesn’t pay me? That’s the opposite —

REMINGTON

Do you want your nonexistent salary to suffer, you sadistic bastard?

JAY

If I do it, will you stop talking?

REMINGTON

Probably will.

(JAY takes off her ring and places it on the table. The moment it leaves her hand, she winces.)

JAY

(in pain)

Aghh!

REMINGTON

(shocked)

Shit. Do I call 911?

JAY

(forcefully)

No. Just...watch this. Focus...

(pauses)

Here, this voice’s word is Clara...and then...say the word if it helps...

(pauses, gripping the table with both hands)

Clara...Clara...there. I’m in.

(With a painful movement, JAY grabs her ring. The moment she touches it, she relaxes.)

JAY

You’re welcome for that. Don’t fucking say a word.

(pauses)

Your turn.

(REMINGTON takes off her bracelet and places it on the table. 6. Love is a Constant.)

VOICES

HARVEST, OCEAN, CREATE, CHANGE, FIGHT, ART, FAMILY, FREEDOM, JOYCE, TRADITION, BIRDS.

HARVEST, OCEAN, CREATE, CHANGE, FIGHT, ART, FAMILY, FREEDOM.

REMINGTON/VOICES

JOYCE.

VOICES

TRADITION, BIRDS.

HARVEST, OCEAN, CREATE, CHANGE, FIGHT, ART, FAMILY, FREEDOM.

VOICES

TRADITION, BIRDS.

HARVEST, OCEAN, CREATE, CHANGE, FIGHT, ART, FAMILY, FREEDOM.

REMINGTON/VOICES

JOYCE.

VOICES

TRADITION, BIRDS. HARVEST, OCEAN, CREATE, CHANGE, FIGHT, ART, FAMILY, FREEDOM.

REMINGTON/VOICES

JOYCE. JOYCE. JOYCE. JOYCE.

JAY

Remington? You good? Did it work?

REMINGTON

(strangely tenderly)

Joyce?

(Suddenly, REMINGTON lunges forward and hits JAY's hand. JAY drops her ring onto the table. Almost immediately, she freezes.)

JAY

(also incredibly tender, but even more shockingly because this is JAY we’re talking about)

Clara?

REMINGTON

(overjoyed)

Joyce!

JAY

(gently)

IS IT REALLY YOU? DO I DECEIVE MY MIND?

NEVER IN MY DAYS DID I THINK I WOULD FIND

A KIND OF LIFE AFTER DEATH, NEVERTHELESS YOU!

REMINGTON

Yes, Joyce! It’s me!

JAY

Clara!

REMINGTON

DO YOU RECALL THE EVENING WHEN WE FIRST MET?

JAY

OH, YES, I RECALL!

REMINGTON

AT THE GATE BETWEEN OUR GARDENS, RIGHT AT SUNSET?

AND YOU WORE THAT DRESS, CRIMSON,

JAY/REMINGTON

WITH THOSE BUTTONS LIKE FLOWERS?

REMINGTON

Yes!

JAY

I WAS TOO SHY AT FIRST TO EVEN TELL YOU MY NAME.

REMINGTON

YOU WERE SO SHY!

JAY

BUT WHEN YOU SMILED, MY FACE FLUSHED UP, AFLAME.

YOU MADE ME FEEL AT EASE.

REMINGTON/JAY

WE TALKED AND WROTE FOR HOURS.

WE’VE LIVED, WE’VE DIED, AND NOW WE’RE HERE!

NOT QUITE TOGETHER, BUT, MY DEAR,

WE CAN SEE LOVE IS A CONSTANT!

WE’VE LIVED, WE’VE DIED, AND NOW WE’RE HERE!

UNSURE WHERE THIS IS, BUT I HAVE NO FEAR

SINCE I KNOW LOVE IS A CONSTANT!

REMINGTON

I RECALL ALL THOSE SUITORS WHO’D COME TO YOUR DOOR,

AND

REMINGTON/JAY

WITH EVERY PASSING YEAR THERE’D SEEM TO BE MORE.

REMINGTON

I WAS BAFFLED WHY YOU STILL CHOSE TO SPEND YOUR AFTERNOONS

WITH ME.

JAY

OH, WELL, I WAS FORCED TO MARRY AFTER YOU PASSED.

A RICH MAN, OLD, BUT WITH MONEY AND CLASS

WE HAD NO CHILDREN. HE PASSED AWAY. I LIVED OUT THE REST OF MY DAYS LONELY.

REMINGTON/JAY

WE’VE LIVED, WE’VE DIED, AND NOW WE’RE HERE!

NOT QUITE TOGETHER, BUT, MY DEAR,

WE CAN SEE LOVE IS A CONSTANT.

WE’VE LIVED, WE’VE DIED, AND NOW WE’RE HERE!

UNSURE WHERE THIS IS, BUT I HAVE NO FEAR

SINCE I KNOW LOVE IS A CONSTANT!

LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE

LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE

LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE

LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE IS A CONSTANT, OH,

OUR LOVE

REMINGTON/JAY

I’D FORGOTTEN HOW MUCH I TRULY MISS

OUR TALKS, LONG AFTERNOONS, YOUR TENDER KISS

OH, WHAT I’D GIVE TO LIVE WITH YOU AS MY WIFE.

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND EMBRACE ME, MY LOVE

FORGET THESE HIDEOUS BODIES WE’RE TRAPPED INSIDE OF

OH, HOW I’VE YEARNED FOR YOUR TOUCH ALL MY LIFE.

VOICES

OOH, LOVE IS THEIR CONSTANT...

(Someone is knocking at the door between the kitchen and the living room. It’s DAISY.)

DAISY

Remy? Jay?

(DAISY knocks again.)

VOICES

OOH, LOVE IS THEIR CONSTANT

DR. MORELLO

Are they still in there?

DAISY

I’m pretty sure. Hang on. Guys?

(DAISY knocks a couple more times, louder.)

VOICES

OOH, LOVE IS THEIR CONSTANT

(DR. MORELLO and DAISY enter to see REMINGTON and JAY embrace.)

DR. MORELLO/DAISY

Janette!/Remy fuckin’ Ratatouille!

(DR. MORELLO immediately notices JAY’s ring and REMINGTON’s bracelet on the table. He grabs JAY’s ring and shoves it in her hand. DAISY takes REMINGTON’s bracelet and does the same. JAY instantly snaps out of her trance.)

JAY

Holy —! God! Remington!

(pushing REMINGTON off of her. REMINGTON stumbles a little, almost falling off the table.)

REMINGTON

Shit!

JAY

What the hell was that?

(JAY quickly slips the ring onto her finger, evidently very embarrassed. REMINGTON regains her footing.)

REMINGTON

Eh, who cares. Let’s pick up where they left off —

DR. MORELLO/DAISY/JAY

No!

DR. MORELLO

Remington! Jay! Get down from the table immediately. Sit down!

REMINGTON

(noticing DR. MORELLO and DAISY for the first time)

Oh, shit. Hello. Sorry.

(REMINGTON and JAY make their way down back to their chairs. DAISY nudges DR. MORELLO.)

DAISY

See, I hate to say “I told you so”, but I told you so.

DR. MORELLO

Kids, what happened here?

(There’s a pause.)

REMINGTON

I think we got possessed. By dead lesbians.

DR. MORELLO

Oh.

REMINGTON

The word is most definitely Joyce now though. She’s, uh, she’s got Joyce.

JAY

You know how one of my voices is, uh, named Joyce? And how her word is Clara? She’s Clara.

REMINGTON

I guess Joyce and Clara knew each other back in the day...both in the literal and, uh, biblical sense...

DR. MORELLO

There’s really no need for profane hand motions. Go on.

REMINGTON

And then, well, we ended up in a situation when both of our accessories were off —

JAY

You mean your accessory was off and then you slapped mine out of my hand.

REMINGTON

Clara slapped it out of your hand. Anyway, then we got possessed.

DR. MORELLO

Okay.

REMINGTON

Yeah. Um...what do your big doctor brains think about that?

DR. MORELLO

I...I have never seen anything like this before...but I’m guessing the explanation is actually quite simple.

JAY/REMINGTON

What?

DR. MORELLO

The word a voice says is its most recurring thought manifesting itself as an imprint on the soul. Now, a person has to be quite important to someone if they’re, quite literally, all they think about. And for that to be something going both ways...these ladies certainly had an exceptional bond.

DAISY

Star-crossed gal pals.

DR. MORELLO

Yes. Soulmates, if you will.

JAY

Hold up. “Soulmates” as in Clara and Joyce were just one in a billion, or “soulmates” as in my soul and Remington’s soul?

DR. MORELLO

We have no way of knowing right now, but from what I think — well, this is quite a rare case, especially the fact that an echo of a previous life was able to take over the current host...I’d conclude that, yes, you are “soul-mates”, quite literally.

REMINGTON

So! How ‘bout it, eh, soulmate?

JAY

(ignoring REMINGTON)

That can’t be a real thing, can it?

REMINGTON

Only one way to find out!

DR. MORELLO

Now, seeing as you have actually uncovered some important information, you may have recreational time for the rest of the evening. I need to look deeper into this. Uh, there’s some video games in the cabinet. I’ll be in my office upstairs. Also, I was going to come in here to let you know we’re having pizza for dinner. It should be coming in half an hour.

DAISY

And I made sugar cookies.

(DR. MORELLO leaves dizzily. He looks like he has a headache.)

REMINGTON

Swell! Some quality soulmate time?

JAY

Someone get her away from me.

(DAISY looks back and forth from JAY to REMINGTON. She’s a smart kid. She knows when she should leave people alone.)

REMINGTON

Oh, I get it. You’re too good for me.

DAISY

I’m...gonna head out.

(DAISY exits.)

JAY

Listen, kid, you don’t know shit about me. I don’t know shit about you. It’s better if it stays that way. I don’t know what he’s talking about with this soulmate shit, but I do know that you don’t want to get involved with me and my life.

REMINGTON

Oh, ha. ’Cause you’ve got some kind of “issues”?

(JAY is silent.)

REMINGTON

Wow. Damn, I didn’t know someone could be this angsty in real life. With your wearing-all-black deal and e-girl hair and ear piercings and shit? Ooh, I bet you pierced them yourself with, like, the finger bone of a shark you strangled or something.

JAY

Sharks don’t have fucking fingers. And no; I got them pierced at a mall Claire’s when I was 11.

REMINGTON

(finding this funny)

Off brand, but okay —

JAY

Yeah. Fucking loved Claire’s. Still do. What about it?

(There’s a pause.)

REMINGTON

(quietly)

Nothing. Claire’s is valid. You’re a lady of fine taste.

(REMINGTON and JAY are silent for a moment.)

REMINGTON

They called our bodies “hideous”. Did you hear that?

JAY

Yeah, that was uncalled for.

(They both chuckle a bit awkwardly.)

REMINGTON

Sorry for earlier. It was my fault.

JAY

(tensing back up)

Yeah, it was.

REMINGTON

You could’ve told me listening to your voices...hurt.

(pauses)

How does that even work?

JAY

Didn’t tell you ‘cause I knew you’d ask that.

(pauses, before sighing)

I’m...in a peculiar situation. See, once the voices started to manifest in my soul’s earlier hosts, they...joined groups, or organizations. Similar to this one, but more serious. Cult-ish, almost. They’d dedicate their shitty lives to preserving the goodness of the soul to continue the line of human hosts. One organization like that a good half of my voices was involved with — it was large and thriving and would track down new hosts.

REMINGTON

That’s cool, but why does that...cause pain?

JAY

See, look past the single word a voice presents itself as and you “unlock” the memories of that person. Over time, the more you listen to them, the more they become an interactive collection of memories — almost a voice that reacts to your thoughts.

REMINGTON

So you can talk to them?

JAY

I guess.

REMINGTON

Wack.

(pauses)

Still don’t get why that causes pain.

JAY

We’re humans. We’ve got a limited view of morality that’s shaped by our society. Our perception of “good” or “bad” is probably different than what ultimately is considered by the universe as “good” enough to give a soul a human life. And...some of my voices have views of good or bad that are...incredibly outdated.

REMINGTON

(knowingly, slyly)

Ohhhh.

JAY

What?

REMINGTON

Your voices probably tell you to...ah...hee hee.

JAY

(more frustrated)

What?

REMINGTON

To, ah,

(pauses)

Pray the gay away —

JAY

God.

REMINGTON

They detect your sinful lusty thoughts about the incredibly attractive woman sitting across from you and go “oh, no, dear Janette —“

JAY

Oh God.

REMINGTON

Yeah, don’t pretend I didn’t hear that! “Oh, Janette, you mustn’t! Thinking about holding hands before marriage was already stepping on the line, but this? Oh! Unacceptable!”

JAY

No.

(pauses)

Though in a weird way, you’re on the right track.

REMINGTON

Ha!

JAY

Not like that.

(pauses)

It’s a lot of things, combined. See, I, ah,

(sucks air through teeth, evidently uncomfortable)

don’t fully identify as female, I think. I mean, I use female pronouns, but...I don’t know. I don’t fucking know because I don’t have room to figure out who I am. Don’t even have my fucking brain to myself. It started when I was a kid, but, throughout the years, it’s just gotten worse and worse and now — they just...scream at me. And it’s fucking loud. It’s so fucking loud.

(7. Bad Luck.)

JAY

IF I THINK I’M SOMETHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE TOLD THE WORLD I AM,

I’VE GOT TEN VOICES TELLING ME OTHERWISE.

IF I DON’T EXACTLY STRIKE MYSELF AS A WOMAN OR A MAN,

EACH ONE OF THEM DOESN’T HESITATE TO PULVERIZE

WHATEVER CONCEPTION OF MYSELF I HAVE AN INKLING OF

THAT DOESN’T FIT THEIR TINY MIND.

YOU’RE LUCKY YOU HAVEN’T FREED YOUR VOICES YET.

YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND!

THESE TEN SUCKERS HAVE WASTED THEIR YEARS

LIVING LIKE BEES IN A HIVE,

TRAINED TO MAINTAIN THE SOUL’S PURITY.

WHAT A TERRIBLE WAY TO STAY ALIVE!

THEY’RE STUCK UP, SHITTY PEOPLE —

REMINGTON

EVEN JOYCE?

JAY

EVEN JOYCE.

YOU KNOW, IT FUCKING SUCKS TO BE A "CHOSEN ONE"

‘CAUSE IT JUST MEANS YOU NEVER GET ANY CHOICE!

THEY SAY "JAY! YOU’RE PART OF A LEGACY!”

“JAY! WITH YOUR HELP, WE’RE GONNA GO SO FAR!”

“JAY! THIS IS YOUR DESTINY!”

“C’MON, JUST PLAY YOUR TINY ROLE IN PRESERVING THIS SOUL.”

“JAY! YOU MUST STAY CLEAN AND PURE!

A HUMAN REINCARNATION WE GOTTA GUARANTEE!"

WELL, SORRY YOU GOT A HOST SO IMMATURE —

IT WAS YOUR BAD LUCK TO GET STUCK WITH ME.

AS A KID, I’D DO ANYTHING TO REBEL.

I’D STEAL SHIT AND I WOULD LIE.

I WAS A BIT OF AN ATTENTION WHORE, IF YOU COULDN’T TELL

AND I BET YOU CAN GUESS WHY.

TO PISS OFF THE VOICES, OF COURSE, JUST FOR FUN!

I’D NEVER REALLY BEEN FORGIVING.

THEY CALLED ME "ABOMINATION" SO I GAVE THEM ONE.

BEING AT WAR WITH YOURSELF’S A NEAT WAY OF LIVING.

OH, AND WAY BACK WHEN I WAS FOUR,

MY FATHER LEFT MY MOM AND ME.

HE THOUGHT I WAS A FREAK OR A BURDEN OR A CHORE;

MOST LIKELY, SOME COMBO OF THE THREE.

MY HOUSE GOT SET ON FIRE A FEW YEARS BACK

BUT THERE’S NO TIME FOR THAT STORY.

SUMMARY: MY MOM PERISHED IN THAT ATTACK.

IT WAS DEPRESSING AND A BIT GORY,

SO EVERYONE GOES

"JAY, WE’RE SO SORRY ABOUT IT!"

WELL, I DON’T NEED YOUR BULLSHIT APOLOGY!

AND DO YOU REALLY CARE HOW I FEEL? I DOUBT IT.

DREAM ON, YOU CUCK. YOU’RE FRESH OUTTA LUCK.

"JAY! YOU DIDN’T DESERVE IT!"

WHAT’S SAD IS I DON’T AGREE

NO ONE’S GOT THE GUTS TO ADMIT IT WAS JUST

THEIR BAD LUCK TO GET STUCK WITH ME!

I’M NATURE’S BAD LUCK CHARM.

STAY AWAY FROM ME, STAY AWAY FROM HARM.

UNLESS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR YOUR LIFE TO GET WORSE,

LEAVE ME ALONE.

I’M NATURE’S BAD LUCK CHARM.

STAY AWAY FROM ME, STAY AWAY FROM HARM.

YOU GOTTA TRUST ME ON THIS; IT’S LIKE A CURSE

SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

I’M NATURE’S BAD LUCK CHARM.

STAY AWAY FROM ME, STAY AWAY FROM HARM.

UNLESS YOU WANNA END UP A CORPSE IN A HEARSE,

LEAVE ME ALONE!

I’M NATURE’S BAD LUCK CHARM.

STAY AWAY FROM ME, STAY AWAY FROM HARM.

YOU GOTTA TRUST ME ON THIS; IT’S LIKE A CURSE

SO LEAVE ME ALONE!

"JAY! YOU’RE PART OF A LEGACY!”

“JAY! WITH YOUR HELP, WE’RE GONNA GO SO FAR!”

“JAY! THIS IS YOUR DESTINY!”

“C’MON, JUST PLAY YOUR TINY ROLE IN PRESERVING THIS SOUL.”

JAY! WHAT A FUCKED UP KID! ON THAT, EVERYONE CAN AGREE!

JAY! OH, I’M SORRY YOU DID,

BUT IT WAS BAD LUCK TO GET STUCK WITH ME.

(gesturing to REMINGTON, imitating her)

"JAY! DON’T YOU WANNA HANG OUT?”

“JAY! C’MON, LET’S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER!"

(to REMINGTON)

CAN’T YOU GET MY SIGNS OR DO I HAVE TO SHOUT

“MOVE ON BECAUSE I’M JUST A WASTE OF YOUR TIME!’

"JAY, WHY ARE YOU BEING SO RUDE?"

I’M TRYING TO PROTECT YOU! CAN’T YOU SEE?

ANYONE AND EVERYONE I LOVE IS SCREWED!

IT’S ALWAYS BAD LUCK TO GET STUCK WITH ME!

#perfect times eleven #transcript #px11 #jay mazziotta #remington long #Rupert morello #daisy noxx #musical theatre #musicals #podcast

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fanwright · 4 years

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Fanwright’s Five! (... other ships besides Sokkla)

@gd2go2 - Very late with this. Apologies.

So, I have five other ships I like as well. Some are more recent than others, some have been near and dear to me for a long time, and some might even surprise you. Here are just a few ships that like, in no particular order of importance.

1.] Alita and Yugo - Battle Angel Alita

This is closest I've ever come across to a cyberpunk Romeo and Juliet story. Besides the couple themselves, this manga (and OVA) solidified my love for the cyberpunk genre and showed me that one could tell story within a dystopian future that could revolve around a tragic love story. There is a reason why the recent live action adaption was made with their particular story arc in mind. Its about a cyborg girl with a mysterious past trying to find her place in a cruel world, about a hard working and desperate boy who’s just trying to find a better life beyond the slums.

Its young love, sometimes innocent, and sometimes gritty, and ultimately tragic. Their story hit me hard and harsh lessons were learned by the main character. Alita became a more mature yet embittered girl after Yugo lost his life, but she kept on going all the same. She met other men, but Yugo, I like to think, continues to hold a special place in her cybernetic heart. Its not a story that’s going to win Oscars, but but man, did it really click with me.

They’re very sweet with each other and on a few occasions they even address the fact about how odd their relationship is. Alita can’t actually feel his hands when they touch. Yugo even comments on the fact that their first kiss was electric. Literally. Like kissing a battery. It got me thinking about how relationships with a few physical hiccups can be possible, but also that they can be overcome in unique ways. As you can probably tell, the little moments between them really resonated with me. Its just very sweet.

2.] Dio and Luciola - Last Exile

Yes, those are two guys. And yes, that would make this a gay ship. In fact its probably only one of two that I ship seriously, the other being Korra with Asami. Surprised? So was I. So let me me explain.

These two have a very interesting relationship. They’re technically childhood friends, but they first met as master and servant. The blonde guy, Luciola, is a servant to the white haired guy, Dio Eraclea. He’s essentially like a one-man retinue for Dio. And Dio is a kind of prince from a mysterious faction called “The Guild” who have a monopoly on technology in the world of Last Exile. Since they were young Dio and Lucciola were inseparable. There are strong hints that their relationship goes beyond being just close friends and its actually very touching to learn in its own way. Dio is very carefree, a bit childish and spoiled, and also sort of enigmatic. Luciola is very quiet, sober, and expressionless, often the voice of calm and reason for Dio.

They have a weird charm that really resonated with me, being both oddly funny yet extremely loyal to each other. They actually got me to thinking that its okay to ship gay ships like this, even if I myself am not gay. If I have no qualms about lesbian ships why should I have qualms about gay ships that I happen to like? Its a learning experience. It is what it is. Same-sex fictional ships don’t really resonate with me, but this one did.

... also Luciola died trying to protect Dio. That kinda sucked. This would be the second ship to have someone die in it.

3.] Jack and Ashi - Samurai Jack

When Samurai Jack was announced to be making a comeback for a final season, I was overjoyed. I had never thought in a million years that the show would ever make a comeback after it was dropped. It was last hurrah for a solid show and I was totally on board with seeing how it would end.

It did not disappoint me. Not one single bit. And if anything reignited my love for this show all over again. Even more so, it actually had a coherent story to follow and really did pull at my emotional stings in some places. Jack finally got to go back home and defeat Aku and he had some help along the way, from one of Aku’s daughters even - Ashi. Yes, Ashi actually a daughter of Aku and its just as disturbing to imagine as you might think.

Jack and Ashi’s journey could be said to be one of the emotional driving forces of this final season. They started off as true enemies, with Jack actually having to kill Ashi’s sisters. She was honestly spared almost by chance. And the deaths actually weighed on Jack a lot, with Ashi bearing witness to an internal struggle that nearly concluded in Jack ending his own life. It was only narrowly avoided with the help of Ashi. It was honestly such an emotional roller coaster ride to see. and the payoff with them getting together and getting married was so good, along with Jack finally going back home after all the harrowing adventures he went through. It was great!

... but then Ashi died because of some time travel mumbo-jumbo shit and that made Jack really sad. I’m still salty about it. I’m starting to see a theme with the ships I like so far lol.

4.] McCree and Asche - Overwatch

Cowboy and Cowgirl. I just... I just really dig it. Its an awesome aesthetic. They sweat bullets and bleed whiskey and they’re like a futuristic Spaghetti Western couple with a bit of history together. I just really like that and I dig it.

I have no in-depth reason for liking this ship. I just do and I love it. Heheheh.

5.] Jaune and Pyrrha - RWBY

This one is a recent ship that really captured my interest as I rewatch the show. RWBY has been a show I’ve been able to follow only very erratically, but from what I’ve seen so far its been a very solid show for me. And I also like the personalties of these two a lot, as well as how they play off each other and how the develop a relationship. Pyrrha takes inspiration from Achilles, while Jaune takes inspiration from Joan of Arc. I’m still trying to get to know them as properly rewatch the show, but I definitely like them together. Its a nice couple.

And yes, to those who already know, I know Pyrrha dies. It seems to be a running theme with the ships I like on this list unfortunately. Its not like I pick these to torture myself! I never wanted her to die anyway!

... seriously why do all these ships on my list have deaths in them!

Anyway, there is my list of five. These aren’t my only other ships of course, I more less chose them at random.

#Battle Angel Alita #Samurai Jack #Last Exile #RWBY #Overwatch

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ruumiinlaulaja · 5 years

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Terminator Dark Fate is obviously a lesbian movie and I love it.

WARNING: Spoilers below.

First of all, Sarah Connor is so butch, badass and awesome, and when she entered the movie for the first time, I was overjoyed. We definitely need more of 50+ women as badass action heroes.

Second, obviously this being a mainstream movie, they’re too cowardly to make the two female leads (Grace and Dani) kiss each other on screen but... come on. They’re obviously lesbians. The subtext is just SCREAMING “gay gay gay!”. Of course, they’re trying to make it seem “not gay” by having the big butch lesbian (Grace) say how Dani “raised her”, after having been saved by Dani when she was a child. And now Grace is all grown up, and has traveled to the future to protect Dani. But the entire movie is still literally about a tall strong butch lesbian fiercely protecting a small femme lesbian. She even pulls an altered version of the classic “come with me if you want to live” line at Dani; you know, the one that was said to Sarah by her LOVER.

Besides, I don’t see it as an impossibility that a young girl would develop romantic feelings for the heroic older woman who happened to save her life, and then for that older woman to fall for the person who grows up into the person who once saved her in the past. Who knows, perhaps Dani was already in love with Grace, before even meeting her as a child, since she knows her from the past. She first meets Grace as a grown woman. A very handsome, protective woman. Lmao, who wouldn’t fall for that? And I think Grace is definitely in love with Dani, because obviously, she already knows her. She’s ready to die for her. There’s a lot of intimacy between the two, as well as familiarity. At one point Grace makes a comment about “having seen that face too many times before ”, in an almost flirty way. You immediately get the feeling they know each other intimately.

THIS MOVIE IS LITERALLY SO GAY.

As for John Connor - I love that despite the fact that all these years John Connor has been *the* savior of the human race, painted as the most important person in the Terminator universe... he still gets killed in this movie, literally within the first few minutes. Lol. He’s not needed. The real hero of humanity is a latina woman. Humanity is not saved by the love child born from a fleeting heterosexual romance, it’s saved by a butch lesbian and a latina lesbian. And another badass butch woman. Brilliant.

It was a bold move, I think, to kill John. Then again, they wouldn’t let him go without making some homage to him. He may not be the hero of humanity and therefore, not very important regarding the future, but he is obviously important to one of the heroes of the story. He’s important to Sarah. So the whole “for John” scene is rather touching. But also, it just has to happen - Arnold the terminator always has to die for John, one way or another. Hah.

AH AND YES, there are robots indeed. Proper, robot-like robots. I love the new terminator. Reminds me of venom, with all that liquid black stuff it seems to be made of. Venom-terminator.

So yes, I enjoyed this movie a lot. Definitely the first good Terminator movie since Judgement Day.

#ruumiipersonal #spoilers #another good thing about this movie is that it doesn't invalidate T1 and T2 #like all those other movies did basically #you can easily ignore everything between judgement day and this movie

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gunterfan1992 · 6 years

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Episode Review: ‘Come Along with Me’ (S10E13-16)

Airdate: September 3, 2018

Story by: Ashley Burch, Kent Osborne, Adam Muto, Jack Pendarvis, Julia Pott, Pendleton Ward & Steve Wolfhard

Storyboarded by: Tom Herpich, Steve Wolfhard, Seo Kim, Somvilay Xayaphone, Hanna K. Nyström, Aleks Sennwald, Sam Alden & Graham Falk

Directed by: Cole Sanchez & Diana Lafyatis (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

In August of 2012, I had just moved into a university dormitory to begin my second year as an undergraduate. On one of the last days of the month (the date escapes me), I was relaxing in the hall recreation room with my roommate. To my left sat another friend, watching something intently on his laptop.

His focus was remarkable, and so I was intrigued. “What are you watching?” I asked.

He glanced over and responded, “Adventure Time!”

I’d heard of the show, and seen a few clips. At the time, I was taken aback by its combination of high brow and low brow sensibilities. But I saw how much joy it gave my friend, I put down my guard and decided to give it a watch.

He tilted the screen towards my face, and what was I greeted to? Why a geometric space-god with a flaming blue sword attacking a green individual in a bright yellow jacket. Suddenly, a boy and his dog were in the picture. What was going on?

As it turns out, I was watching season four’s “Sons of Mars”, one of the show’s wackiest episodes. In time, I was enthralled by the bright colors and the silly jokes. There was Abraham Lincoln. There was death. By the end of it, I was won over.

I still think fondly of that day (as readers of this blog might be able to attest), for it was then that I was introduced to my favorite show, Adventure Time.

For years, it seemed like Adventure Time was just an omnipresent facet of popular culture. From t-shirts to Happy Meal toys, Finn and Jake were everyone, blending into what Marshall McLuhan would call the “beaten paths of impercience.” When we all learned that the show was ending in late 2016, it was sad, but because there were dozens of episodes left to air, this reality never really hit me.

But this week, it finally hit me. The end was nigh.

At 5 pm today, I sat nervously on my couch as the intro started, and we were off to the races.

The episode opens 1000 years after the lives of Finn and Jake. We are greeted to two new heroes: Shermy (voiced by Sean Giambrone) and Beth (voiced by Willows Smith). The two are heavily implied to be Finn and Jake reincarnated, and the latter is likely a descendant of Jake himself. After an encounter with the Prizeball Guardian (last seen in “Grabyles 1000+”), the two discover Finn’s robot-arm. They decide to journey to Mount Cragdor (where the Enchiridion was once kept) to find the all-knowing King of Ooo.

Once our new heroes make the journey and reach the top of the mountain, we the audience learn that the King of Ooo is not our favorite charlatan, but rather BMO. After Shermy and Beth present our little robot with Finn’s arm, BMO begins to tell the story of the “Great Gum War”:

1000 years prior (that is, during the show’s normal timeline), Princess Bubblegum and her Uncle Gumbald had each amassed armies to take one another down. Just before the battles are to commence, Finn devises a plan to stop any blood shed: He calls one last meeting between the Candy Kingdom and Gumbaldia, and then, using the magic, nightmare-inducing potion given to him by Nightmare Princesss in “Orb”, he knocks everyone into a subconscious world, where he hopes that they will make nice.

Everything goes a bit haywire, but in the end, Bubblegum and Gumbald realize that their is no real reason for them to fight one another: they each want different things, and are rightfully ticked off at one another, but through dialogue they can likely work things out. Finn and Fern, too, realize that they share the exact same fears that they have locked in their collective “Vault”. Putting aside their differences, they team up and kill the grass-curse spider that has held Fern a prisoner for so long.

At this point, our heroes (and villains) wake up and decide to make amends. Gumbald, however, is tripped by Aunt Lolly, and after being splashed with dum-dum juice, reverts back to Punchy. Lolly, however, vows to maintain the peace with the Candy Kingdom.

Just then, King Man crashes out of the sky and reveals that he, Betty, and an unconscious Maja donked up in a major way. He and Betty were trying to use magic to summon the primordial space demon/god Golb so as to undo the magic of the Ice King’s crown. However, their magic was too effective, and they accidentally summoned Golb to this plane of existence.

Golb begins to use his chaos magic, mutating candy kingdom and Gumbaldia citizens alike into grotesque monsters. Ice King is summoned by King Man and told to try and stop Betty from completing her ritual, but in the commotion (which sees Maja literally explode) they, along with Finn, are accidentally swallowed by Golb, where they start to get digested.

Things start to go downhill fast. Golb’s monsters are extremely effectively, and decimate Bubblegum’s forces and those of her ragtag allies. As Bubblegum is standing on a rock, one of the Golb-monsters lunges at her and seemingly crushes her!

Marceline turns around and seeing the death of her past paramour, loses it. Unleashing both the beast and magic girl inside her, our favorite vampire turns into the Dark Cloud, last seen in Stakes and absolutely wails on the Golb-monster, tearing it to bits. She is absolutely furious that her best friend has been smooshed.

But luckily, it turns out that Bubblegum’s advanced battle armor had a handy shield, and she was saved from any danger. Marceline is overjoyed, and flies into the candy monarch’s armies, weeping tears of joy. The two hug.

And then comes the Bubbline kiss.

As Marceline and Bubblegum were holding each other close after the latter was very nearly squished, I knew it was now or never.

I was on the edge of my seat, as a tearful Marceline tells PB: “Even back when we weren’t talking, I was so afraid that something bad would happen to you and I wouldn’t be there to protect you and... I don’t want to lose you again!”

There’s some cute back and forth, and then the two quietly, effortlessly kiss.

The debate online as to whether or not the two were in a relationship has raged on- and offline since “What Was Missing” first aired years ago. As the two’s friendship evolved over the years, I came to believe that a romantic relationship was the next logical step for both the characters and the show itself to explore. Marceline and Bubblegum are unique in that they are two strong, intelligent, and emotionally complex female characters who often spend time exclusively with each other; the two ace the Bechdel test, a fairly rare occurrence in modern media.

It’s a bummer that the show waited until the very end of the series to canonize their relationship, but perhaps that makes it all the more rewarding? We have worked towards this culmination, and now we have a fully-acknowledged lesbian relationship between two major cartoon characters! How ground-breaking! Furthermore, regardless of when this canonization happened, the confirmation that Marceline and Bubblegum are “more than just friends” will inevitably help to undo some of the erasure that queer communities have faced since the dawn of media (if not time).

To sum up my feelings, let me just leave you with a (heavily) modified quote from Virginia Woolf:

“‘Marceline liked Bubblegum...’ Do not start. Do not blush. Let us admit in the privacy of our own society that these things sometimes happen. Sometimes half-demon vampires do like sentient pieces of Bubblegum.”

(Of course, I am curious as to what their future holds. We seem them together snuggling in the epilogue, but they are not around one thousand years in the future. This is, honestly, the biggest question that will bug me about the finale!)

Despite taking a literal pounding from Marceline, Golb’s evil creatures pull themselves back together and march towards the Tree Fort. Jake gives chase, but is not able to reach them in time: they smash Finn and Jake’s beloved home, and seriously injure poor BMO.

Jake is beside himself! His house is gone! But then, BMO comes over to him, and lovingly calms him down. BMO points out that Finn and Jake have long been a parent to the little robot, and now it is time for BMO to be the parent. And then, BMO begins to sing a tune “for his son Jake”, entitled “Time Adventure”.

"Time Adventure", written by storyboard artist extraordinaire Rebecca Sugar herself, encapsulates the best of the series: it's sad but uplifting. Melodic but rough-around-the-edges. It celebrates the wonders of life while also admitting that we can't really see all there is to it. Some people online criticized it for being too obvious (yes, the song’s title is just a flipping of the show's title), but in some way, I find that it's the most poetic and philosophical thing that its ever done.

When I was 11, I had my first real panic attack. I was out with my family when I was struck by a thought that has not left my head since: I'm going to die. Not that I can die, or that death might hurt. No. I am going. to. die; presumably, my consciousness will disconnect and I will not exist. I want to believe in an afterlife, but it’s an idea that seems oh so very hard to accept when faced with what we know about nature (but that’s a whole ‘nother discussion). These revelations horrified me, and it has taken years to really process what death actually means—and I’m still not there. None of us really are.

But as I’ve aged, I've been comforted by some rather Stoic ideas, like the idea that what will be will be and we should not stress about things that we simply cannot change. I also like the idea that we are all part of the cosmos, and while we will die, we don’t cease to exist: we just merge back into where we came from.

These musings are adjacent to another comforting idea: the fourth-dimensional view of time that BMO sings about:

Time is an illusion That helps things make sense So we're always living In the present tense ... Singing, will happen Happening happened [...] And will happen Again and again 'Cause you and I will always be back then

It’s true. Perhaps my “arrow-of-time consciousness” will be blasted into nothingness once I die, but I’m not ceasing to be. I eternally am. What happened is happening will happen. “Time is an illusion/That helps things make sense.” While this idea might not extinguish a fear of death, it’s a nice thought. And just like Adventure Time, when you combine enough nice thoughts, you often get something beautiful.

And beauty is all that was really needed for our heroes. It turns out that Golb is a creature of chaos, meaning that the only weapon that the citizens of Ooo can effectively use is concordance—harmony in music. It might seem a little silly that “beating the baddie with music” is how Golb’s minions are defeated, but considering the sort of magical role that music has played in the show, it’s not too much of the stretch. It also remains me of how the show used (and subverted) “defeating a baddie with heart” to great effect did in Stakes.

BMO (who hilariously declares, “My art is a weapon!”) is joined by Marceline and Bubblegum, and soon by Jake and the rest of the crew. Their combined harmonizing weakens Golb, allowing Finn and Simon to escape from his belly. However, Betty decides to remain behind. She realizes that the singing has also reset the ice crown’s phantasmal magic. Putting it on, she wishes for the power to ensure Simon’s safety, which entails her transforming (in a stunning sequence that IndieWire writer Eric Kohn refers to as “straight out of Don Hertzfeldt”) into Golb him(her?)self. Golb promptly leaves this reality, dropping the crown onto the ground. Gunter grabs it, and—despite Jake’s warnings that the naughty penguin will wish to become Orgalorg once again—Gunter merely wishes to turn into the Ice King (or, “Ice Thing”).

Finn and Jake return to the ruins of their tree fort, where they plant Fern’s seed. A new tree immediately sprouts from the ground, with the Finnsword embedded within it. Bubblegum arrives on the scene and thanks Finn for directly disobeying her. She gives him an appreciative kiss on the cheek and then muses that he is getting taller.

We cut back to Ooo 1000+, where BMO wraps up the story. Shermy and Beth still have questions (just like the audience!) about ‘Phil’ and Jake, and Marceline and Bubblegum. BMO shrugs these questions off, saying, “You know, they kept living their lives.”

Shermy and Beth set out to find the “Ferntree” to verify BMO’s story; they eventually realize that the large tree reaching up to the heavens near their stomping grounds is almost certainly it.

We cut back to Finn and Jake, who are sitting around the Music Hole from the episode of the same name. The hole tells our heroes that she has a new song for them, and she begins to sing “Come Along with Me” (which every Adventure Time fan knows is the show’s closing number).

While the Music Hole sings, we see Shermy and Beth climb to the top of the tree. We are also greeted to a montage of what happened to all our friends in Ooo:

Lumpy Space Princess is crowned a bonafide princess (or perhaps even a queen)

Ice Thing and Turtle Princess get married

TV becomes a private detection (just like his grandparents!)

Sweet Pea graduates from school and eventually becomes a super-huge hero, who carries Finn's Nightosphere-sword

Aunt Lolly and Bubblegum seemingly make up and learn to love each other as family members

Lemongrab gets one of Jermaine’s paintings to hang above his bed, which brings him peace

BMO blasts Moe's harddrive into space with the help of Banana Man

Flame Princess and NETPR get popular and perform at Hamburger Hills Cemetery to a huge crowd

Magic Man is the happy King of Mars

Simon spends quality time with Marceline and Bubblegum, and seems to try and summon Betty back using Prismo’s wish magic (sadly, it doesn’t work)

Marceline and Bubblegum, meanwhile, are shown snuggling on the couch in the former’s house; it is implied that they are raising Peppermint Butler, who once again is showing an interest in the dark arts

Humans return to Ooo, and Finn is likely reunited with his (digital mother)

We also see what the Jiggler, Tiffany, the Crabbit, Susan Strong/Kara and Freida, the Candy Kingdom citizens, Tree Trunks and Lemonhope are up to

The episode ends with Shermy and Beth finding the Finnsword in the Ferntree. After Beth pulls the sword from the (metaphorical) stone, Shermy holds it up, just like the show’s title card.

So now let’s talk about what worked and what didn’t. The last half of the finale, if I do say so, was wonderful. Nothing to complain about here: we got arc resolutions, emotionally touching moments, and a nice sense of closure. In regards to this latter point, I specifically like how the show gave use an ending but emphasized that this finale was not really the full-stop end of the characters that we know and love—it was just the end of the story that we’re privy to. As BMO says, everyone kept living their lives and the world kept on spinning. That’s a very nice way to end a show like this, and it feeds into the existential ideals of Adventure Time: there is no grand, overarching story that has to have some big punctuation at the end. Finn and Jake are heroes, but long after they’re gone, the world will still be here, and there will be other great heroes to take their place.

With all this said, I must admit that the finale’s first half is something of a missed opportunity. Opening with Shermy and Beth was a totally inspired move (and the new intro is gorgeously animated, courtesy of Science SARU Studios), but I believe the show lingered on their introduction for just a little too long. Likewise, the weird trippy nightmare portion of the finale was about 15 minutes too long. We did not really need 1/4 of the episode to be devoted to wacky dream imagery that both “King Worm” and “Orb” did more effectively. And given that the show chose to linger on these sections—sections that, in the grand scheme of things, are not super essential—the final portions of the episode came across as a bit rushed. The storylines are all satisfying, but it would’ve been nice if we had gotten a little bit more focus on Betty, Simon, and Finn, or Simon and Marceline, rather than Bubblegum and Gumbald’s wacky nightmares.

And speaking of Gumbald, his ending was a total cop-out. I’m not too torn up about this, given that he was never the main baddie in this episode (that was Golb), but his deciding to make peace and then accidentally reverting to Punchy was contrived and anticlimactic. To go back to a criticism I had of “Gumbaldia”, if the show had been given just a little more time to flesh his character and motivations out, I think his role in the finale would’ve been much better served.

But like I said, I wasn’t too torn up about this, because the main focus of this episode was on Golb and the horrors that such a being could unleash upon Ooo. And the show did this wonderfully. Indeed, it was quite exciting that the show finally had a villain that Finn couldn’t just punch a lot until it died (remember, he beat the Lich this way). Golb was, arguably, invincible. It was only the extremely broken magic of the ice crown could do anything.

Speaking of satisfying, “Come Along With Me” also gives Fern an excellent conclusion. The poor grass-doppelgänger was never evil, just confused. By finally coming to terms with his existential crisis of a life, he and Finn were able to patch things up. Sadly, this came at the expense of his dying (the scene in which Finn and Fern kill the grass-curse spider was quite fun). But even in death, there is life, and Fern’s demise allows a new tree to replace the old tree fort. How sweet is that?

Finn coming to terms with his disability was also a nice touch. As I mentioned in my review of Islands, Adventure Time seems to have a somewhat pessimistic view of technology. With this episode, Finn loses his robot arm once and for all, and instead of having PB build him a new one or dabbling in arm-magicks, he decides to let it all be. This is a very important lesson for the show to emphasize. Finn is still Finn with or without his arm. By constantly trying to ‘fix’ himself, Finn was trying to fill a hole that didn’t need to be filled. After experiencing all this Golb biz, it seems that Finn has come to terms with his essence and who he is as a person. And arm or no arm, he is still Finn.

But as satisfying as I found the episode to be overall, I still have some lingering questions! What happened to the Candy Kingdom that resulted in it getting totally razed in the future? Why was the Prizeball Guardian built? What happened to Marceline and Bubblegum, given that they, in their own ways, can evade death in various ways? These of course are questions that will likely never be answered, and they certainly can be filled in in the minds of fans, but these quandaries are probably going to bother me for awhile! (Heck, I just want to know what Marceline and Bubblegum’s future looks like: I don’t really care too much about that other jazz!)

As I write this, I’m both happy and heartbroken: I’m happy because my favorite show of all time has just aired perhaps the most satisfying finale that I have ever seen. I’m heartbroken because the story is now over.

But hold on.

Like BMO and Co. sing in “Time Adventure”, just because the story is over from my point of view does not mean it has slipped away into the ether of oblivion.

It’s comforting to think that in the fourth-dimensional view of existence, I still am in that rec room with my friends, watching “Sons of Mars” for the first time. In a way, I’m eternally laughing and smiling at the jokes. I’m eternally still realizing what a wonderful program Adventure Time really is.

And in that way, it’s true what they say: the fun will never end.

Final Grade:

Season Grade: Were this a standard season, I would probably have been a little harder on it. The Gum War, having been developed two or so episodes, really came out of nowhere and needed more time to be properly developed. It also seems a little odd that the series finale is at least partially focused on an antagonist who was only introduced this season. But these issues were not the fault of the production staff; they were problems with the show being cancelled by the network and the staff having to tidy-up everything before it was all over. Muto et al. honestly did the best they can with the hands they were dealt. And make no mistake, the result is pretty good, even if things are rushed. Yes, there is a lot to love about season 10. It’s got humor and heart, action and adventure, and plenty of romance! It’s not my favorite season by any means (that’s a tie between season 4 and 7), but its episodes are definitely in the upper-tier of the series, as far as quality goes.

Series Grade: Do I even need to say this?

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angelwingsxxo · 5 years

Text

Sempiternal

Tom Hiddleston x reader

Summary: As you stand before the altar, you reflect on your relationship with the man you are about to marry.

Warnings: none

Word count: 7395

How in the world did I end up here, you think to yourself as you stand in front of the mirror, as Amelie fixes the train of your wedding dress. The dress has long off-shoulder sleeves, embedded with small pearls on the bottom, and is floor-length. The top is corset-like, with laces at the back to adjust the shape, and it is heart-shaped, with colourful flowers on it. The skirt runs from the waist down, loose around your legs, layers of tulle, decorated with small flowers. The train is a beautiful white colour, decorated with small pearls and flowers, and it is at least half a metre long.

Miriam and Arianne walk into the room, carrying your veil and the tiara that you were given by Diana. They are both smiling brightly.

Liz had curled your hair and fastened it with pins. Together with Miriam, she puts the veil on your head, adjusting it slightly so the front falls over your face. Then, Arianne places the tiara on it, fastening the veil. Diana pulls the front of the veil over your head, and Rosa works on your make-up.

"You look marvellous." Amelie says softly, and when you open your eyes, you can see her reflection in the mirror. You had chosen Amelie as your Maid of Honour, and Miriam, Rosa, Liz, Anneli, Nea and Arianne as your bridesmaids.

The five girls are wearing simple white dresses without sleeves and skirts that fall to the knee, and Amelie is wearing a similar dress to theirs, only with lace all over it, and flowers on the bottom line of her skirt that are a deep blue colour.

Amelie wipes away a tear, and you turn around to hug your sister. "Don't cry." You whisper, and she nods as you pull away. "Turn around," Anneli commands, and you do as she says, while the girls perform the last touches. Your mind swirls, and you think about how you got here.

It started when you were casted in Thor, and then in Thor: The Dark World as Sassa, the woman promised to Thor, next queen of Asgard. Sassa was stuck in between the two brothers; Loki had fallen in love with her, but her duty to Asgard stood first.

During the first movie you could - luckily - leave your three-year-old daughter Cecily behind with Amelie, but when the filming for the second movie would start, Amelie went back to Finland, and you couldn't bear to let Cecily go with her. So, you took Cecily with you to the United States.

The girl had been ecstatic to meet the other actors - she was specifically fond of Rene Russo, who played the part of Frigga. You, however, weren't so happy about everything. You had appeared in the media a few times over the years, considering your fame in your work as a surgeon, and by playing in Thor, but you had always managed to keep Cecily out of it all. You didn't want her life to change.

Plus, nobody knew of your personal life. Nobody knew of your deceased husband - he had died of cancer just before Cecily was born, in 2008 - and of Cecily. You were unsure of their reactions.

As expected, the women gushed over your four-year-old daughter, and Chris and Tom weren't too far from that too. Especially Tom liked her a lot. He didn't have any children of his own, at the age of thirty, and he wasn't sure if he wanted them.

"I'm not a good boyfriend," he told you one day, when the two of you caught up over a cup of coffee, "and I doubt I'd be a very good father. Jessica and I are nothing serious anyways, so it won't last too long, but I don't think I'll get children."

He opened up to you about his fears in relationships, and why they never lasted long with him. He told you that he had fallouts with his father on a young age, and that some of those played a big role in his life. You felt honestly honoured that he shared this much information with you.

And in the mean time, you developed a small crush on him. But you knew that he was with Jessica at the moment, and you also knew that a relationship just really wasn't in the cards for you two, because he was away a lot, and he wouldn't be able to offer you what you needed. So you never acted on it, in the beginning.

He and Jessica split at the end of the year, just before the premiere. You couldn't be there, because Cecily had to go to school, and you still had a job in London. The cast expressed their regrets at your leave, but you assured them that you would catch up someday.

After that, you tried to cut yourself off. You managed to make some friends in the normal world, who weren't celebrities. You met Miriam and Arianne, a lesbian couple, in a bar, and from there, you gradually made your way into their group. You managed to pull two of your old friends from Finland in it too, Anneli and Nea, and they settled in London for a while.

In spring of 2014, Tom returned to London, and you were very surprised to find him at your door the following morning.

"Tom?" You yawned. "What are you doing here?" He looked strangely nervous. "Let me take you out for breakfast," he said, and your eyes widened. It was a Saturday morning, and you had already brought Cecily to her grandparents the Friday before, to catch up with your friends. "A-alright. I just need to put on some clothes." As soon as you said that, he looked at your top and shorts, that left nothing to the imagination, and his cheeks turned pink. "Come in." You opened the door more and he stepped in as you rushed upstairs.

You had breakfast in a small restaurant in the outskirts of London, chattering about everything and nothing - about filming, favourite animals and colours, and eventually also about Cecily.

"She's almost six now," you smiled, and looked at your coffee. "Looks a lot like her father." It stayed silent for a while. Tom cleared his throat. "Can I- can I ask what happened to the father?" You looked up to meet his beautiful blue eyes. They had a green tint, and appeared greener in the light that came from the lamps inside. "Julian had cancer," you said softly, "he died just before Cecily was born."

You blinked the tears away, and bit your lip when you felt his hand on yours. He squeezed your hand softly. "I'm sorry." He whispered, and you shook your head. "Don't be sorry. You can't help it." You smiled. "I suppose fate decided. Sometimes life takes unexpected turns. I miss him, but I make sure that Cecily knows she is loved by both of us, even though he is no longer here." You took a deep breath. "My sister helps me a lot too, even though she's back home now, in Finland." Tom smiled at you. "How about your family?"

"Well," he started, "I have two sisters, Sarah and Emma. Sarah is the eldest, with thirty-five, I'm the middle child with thirty-three and Emma is the youngest with twenty-eight. My mother Diana is a stage manager, and my father James is a scientist. You didn't tell me who your sister is." He pointed out, and you chuckled.

"Your family sounds more interesting than mine. My sister's name is Amelie, and she's married to Samuli Vauramo, a Finnish actor. She's an artist, and she's pretty popular back in Finland. My parents," you hesitated before continuing, "our mother Astrid died giving birth to Amelie, and our father Aabraham succumbed to alcohol not long after that. Child support took us out and placed us in a home in Denmark. We didn't stay very long, and we were separated." You sighed deeply. "I went to Winchester, and she went back to Finland. Long story short, I met Julian when I was nineteen, and he helped me locate Amelie. We went to Finland and stayed there for a while, and I made a few friends before going back to England." "And your foster parents?" Tom asked. You smiled. "There was no man in the picture there. Just one woman, who raised me. She died ten years ago."

He looked at you with something that resembled compassion. "I'm sorry for your loss. It must've been hard for you." "I got out stronger. Life's not a fairy-tale and not everyone gets what they want. But it's the way things work." You shrugged. Tom looked at you for a moment before nodding. "You're right. Now, what about a walk?" You smiled. "I'd love that."

It became official a few months after that. The first months weren't hard to navigate through. He stayed in London most of the time, and he worked, but you worked too, so you could make arrangements easily to meet each other.

You hadn't told Cecily yet, however. You didn't want to let her have hope for something that might not last.

It turned out you were right.

In 2015, after he was done filming I Saw the Light and High Rise, you introduced him to Cecily as your boyfriend. Cecily was overjoyed, happy to finally have this kind of father figure. It soon appeared that that wasn't really what happened. Tom started to come over more and more, staying several nights after each other, and eventually even dropping Cecily off at school on Fridays when you had to leave early for work. But when Crimson Peak came in, the visits stopped, and you only had contact through cell phone.

"I miss Tom," Cecily said one night, when you were seated on the couch in the living room, eating pizza and watching The Pirate Fairy. You stopped mid-bite, looking at her. "When is he coming back?" Your daughter asked, and you bit your lip. You didn't know. He was so busy lately, and you hadn't called this week. "I'll call him tomorrow sweetheart, and I'll ask him. Eat your pizza, then I can get you to bed and grandma will come over to watch over the house." Cecily nodded.

You put her to bed not long after that, and she asked, "Do you love Tom, mommy?" You sucked in a breath. Did you love Tom? "Probably," you answered with a smile as you kissed her forehead. "Because if Tom doesn't treat you right, then you shouldn't love him." Your smile evaporated. "Tom does treat me right, darling. He's just very busy. His job is his first priority." "Shouldn't family be his first priority?" She asked, innocently enough. You sighed deeply. "In this business world, I'm afraid he can't let any opportunity go. Go to sleep, darling." You kissed her forehead again, and then left.

"Will you be okay?" Alice asked, her brow furrowed in worry. You smiled. "I will, I promise. Just going out with the girls. We'll be okay." "You know I wasn't talking about that." You sighed, putting on your coat. "Tom and I will talk about it. Cecily deserves someone who can give her everything. I care for Tom, I really, really do, but I also understand that work comes first, and that he simply can't put us first. Besides, Cecily isn't his daughter. He is not obligated to be with her." You shook your head. "I'm just going out to clear my head and live. I don't want to think about men right now." Alice smiled and patted your cheek lovingly. "You go do that. Have fun."

In the bar, you told the girls about what happened with Tom. Liz told you that you'd have to wait, because his job was important too, and he was indeed not obligated to spend time with Cecily. Miriam and Arianne had no opinion in the matter, simply told you to think about it, while Rosa told you that this was unacceptable. "You're his girlfriend, Y/N, and as your boyfriend, he needs to spend time with you. And if he chooses his work instead of you, well, I think he loses a lot more than he anticipated."

True to your word, you called Tom the next day.

"Hey love, how's your week going?" He greeted you with a smile, and you nodded. "Everything is just fine. Busy, as always." He frowned, noticing the lack of emotions on your face. "What's going on?" You bit your lip, trying to keep the tears from spilling. You had to break up with him. It was best for everyone.

"We need to talk," you managed to say. "About us." He seemed taken aback. Then, he nodded. "Alright. I'll be finished on set this Sunday. Where do you want to meet?"

"Our favourite café. Two O'clock." He nodded. "I'll see you then, love." The endearment struck a cord, and you cancelled the call before bursting into tears.

Liz and Arianne went with you. They waited outside for you to go in, so they could catch you when you'd go outside.

Tom was already sitting at a table, with a steaming mug in front of him. There was a cup of coffee for you. You swallowed as you sat down.

"How was filming?" He looked up and smiled. "It was exhausting." He said, and then, "What did you want to talk about? Are you alright? Is Cecily okay?" "We're fine," you said, "but Cecily misses you." He bit his lip and looked down. "Thomas," you started, and he looked up again, "I think we should take a break." It stayed silent, and your heart shattered at the hurt on his face. "You put your job first in your life, and I respect that, and I can accept it. But it's hard for Cecily, and- well, for me too. You haven't seen us in three months. And at this point, my feelings don't matter. Cecily is the deciding factor here. And I don't want to hurt her. I want her to get the love and attention she deserves. And.." you wiped away a tear, "you can't do that."

"Are you sure?" Judging by the tone of his voice, he was struggling to hold back his tears. "I think it's best for us, right now." He tried to smile, but failed miserably. "If that is what you want... then that's okay. We can take a break." You nodded and pulled out five ponds. You put them on the table as you got up, grabbing your bag. In an impulse, you leaned forward to give him a kiss. You wiped away a tear from his cheek, and then you turned on your heels and walked out.

You were lucky that the girls were there to catch you, because as soon as you were out of sight, you had to sit down to prevent yourself from falling.

The first months were hardest. And the thing that made it even harder was that just three months after your break-up with Tom, he was spotted kissing Taylor Swift. Tears were spilled, and you ate a lot of chocolate. The girls were there to pick you up, however, and Nea, Anneli and Amelie all came over to England to help you get up on your own feet. Summer vacation started, and you decided to take Cecily to Finland. Miriam and Arianne joined you, and you had the time of your life.

But getting over Tom was practically impossible. At some point, it was easier, but the love you felt for him - it had struck you eventually, that you did love him, and by god, wasn't that horrible - was still there, simmering under the surface.

"Y/N?" Rosa asks, waving her hand in front of your face, and you blink, brought back to the present. In front of you stand your bridesmaids. Amelie walks up to you, carrying your bouquet. You swallow, taking it from her.

"Let's go." Nea says, from the doorway. You nod, taking your place behind your bridesmaids. Normally, a bride's father would walk her down the aisle, but since he wasn't there, you would walk alone.

Liz squeezes your hand. "Take a deep breath." She tells you. You nod, taking a deep breath. "We're going in when you're ready." You nod again, and try to calm yourself. Your hands are trembling, and there are tears burning behind your eyes.

It is amazing that you got to marry the man you love, but the fact that your mother or your foster-mother can't be there, is a huge slap in the face.

"I'm ready." You say, and then the big wooden doors open.

You take a deep breath as Miriam and Arianne start walking.

Your eyes find those of Amelie, who is already standing at the end of the white carpet on the grass. Tom is there too, but you can't look at him, because you're scared you're going to cry.

Nevertheless, as you come closer, you look at him. He looks ravishing in his white suit with creme-coloured details. His lips are curled in a soft smile, and his eyes are solely on you. You can't push back the tears now, and they roll down your cheeks. Now you thank Diana and Alice for deciding on a veil that covers your face.

You take Tom's hand and climb up the steps to stand in front of him. He smiles, and carefully lifts the veil over your head. You quickly wipe away a tear with a trembling hand, and he takes your hand and squeezes it. "You look beautiful," he tells you with a smile, and you smile at him.

"We are gathered here today...."

Your mind swirls back to the past, and your thoughts focus on Tom and how you got here.

"You cannot stay here, Sassa,"

"I can!"

"You need to take care of the people."

"Loki will take care of them. I am here to help you." You grabbed Chris' arm, and look him in the eyes. "To defeat-" you were cut off by a disgusting sound, and you coughed, spitting out blood. The camera moved down, to focus on the tip of a spear coming out of your stomach, and you looked at with wide eyes. "Sassa!" Chris yelled, and then, "Cut!"

You smiled, and took the prop off your costume. "Very good." Taika said, clapping. You turned around, letting your cloak swirl with you, and bowed deeply. Everyone laughed. "Alright, Cate, come on up! Sassa, prepare to drop to your knees." You nodded at Taika's words, and went back to your place. Your team raced up to place the prop back, now with a lot more blood. Cate stood behind you, and the cameras started rolling again.

You dropped to your knees, clutching the prop, feeling your hands wet with blood. In horror, you stared at your hands, and you slowly slumped to the ground, your temple softly hitting the marble stones.

"Aaaand cut!" Taika yelled, and you got up again, brushing off imaginary dust from your cape. "Can we do that again?" You nodded, and got back in your first stance, ready to fall to the ground again. And then, a loud wail sounded through the room. "Mommy!!" You looked to your side, and were surprised to see Cecily running your way. She was crying. "What's wrong baby?" You asked, tugging her close. "Don't die, mommy, don't die!" She pressed her hands to the prop in your stomach, and you laughed silently. The other members of the cast were trying to hold back their laughter. "I'm not dying darling, it's just a prop. See?" You pulled it off your clothes, and showed her there was no wound. "Now go back to Mary, so mommy can finish up." Cecily nodded. "Be safe mommy." She gave you a kiss and ran away again, eliciting soft aww's from the cast. You smiled, putting the prop back on.

"Thank you," you took the coffee out of Chris' hand, taking a sip. He grinned. "It's your favourite-" "Dark coffee with just a pinch of sugar and no cream." Another voice said, and you turned your head to find Tom standing besides you. You nodded. "Thor! You're up next!" Taika yelled, and Thor nodded. "Have fun guys." He said, and walked off.

"How are you?" He asked softly. You looked at him. "It's been better. But it's okay-" you were cut off by Cecily, who ran up to you two. You expected her to come to you, but she hugged Tom's legs. He laughed and lifted her up in his arms. "I missed you!" Cecily chirped, and you watched with big eyes as Tom and Cecily started whispering, and your daughter laughed - she hadn't laughed like that before with you.

"She needs a father, Y/N." Alice told you when you Face Timed her. You sighed. "I know you're trying the best you can to be both mother and father figure, but it's different. She's surrounded by females every time. Being with a man is something exciting and new, and it's also good for her to be with men from time to time." "But she's with the crew sometimes." You said. Alice smiled. "I know. But it's different. You know that, right? You grew up with Amanda in your life, and you didn't have much boys around you." You shook your head. "I get where it comes from," you admitted, looking down. "Don't be sad, Y/N," Alice said, "you and Tom took a deserved break. Maybe that was just what you needed to get back together again." "I can't just get back together with him," you said, furrowing your brows, "he doesn't have much time for us. Cecily adores him, but if he can't be there for her when she needs him, what's the point in getting back together with him?" Alice chuckled. "You're in love with him, Y/N, even after all this time. It could work out, if you just work hard enough on it. You're the one who is able to travel, so you can just go with him." "But that's expensive," you said softly. Alice laughed out loud now. "Money is not the problem in our family Y/N, and you know it. Just think about it, alright? Now go back to sleep. It's like three in the morning." You nodded. "I will. Have a nice day." "Sleep tight."

You pulled out your earphones and looked at the sleeping form of Cecily. She was holding her small stuffed animal - Loki, how ironic, you thought - and she seemed peaceful. You sighed deeply. "Do you want him in our family?" She didn't answer, of course. You smiled, and laid down next to her, putting an arm around her.

"Sassa, you need to get back to the ship," Chris said, and you frowned. "You need to take care of our people, to ensure that they will be safe." "They can't be safe if there's no Asgard they can live on." You hissed.

"Cut!" Taika yelled, and everyone ran around to get everything ready for the next scene. "Alright, people, move quick. Next scene!"

"Fuck off, Thor," you spat, and his eyes widened in surprise. You got up from the floor and wiped the blood on your hands on your white cloak. "I am Asgard's next queen, and I will stand and protect my people-" "Be careful!" Tom's voice sounded next to you, and you looked at him.

"Cut!" You let your shoulders drop, and Tom took his hand off your shoulder. "Great work everyone," Taika said, laughing, "you can take a break."

"Cecily?" You asked carefully, not to frighten your daughter. She nodded, looking at you in amazement. "Mommy, you look like a queen," she said, touching your face. You smiled. "Do you want to watch us act the last scenes?" She nodded, excited. You took her hand. "Well, come on, no more waiting."

You were standing in between Chris and Tom, holding Chris' hand and gazing towards the camera.

"Do you really think it's a good idea to go back to earth?" Tom asked, and Chris and you looked at each other before Chris answered. "Yes of course, the people over there love me, I'm very popular." You bit back your laughter. Tom looked at him. "Let me rephrase that: do you really think it's a good idea to bring me back to earth?" "Probably not, to be honest." Chris answered, and Tom smiled. "I wouldn't worry brother. I feel like everything's going to work out fine."

It stayed silent for a few seconds. Then, you slowly looked up, as Tom and Chris did the same, and widened your eyes in surprise. "Just fine," you mumbled, and then, "Cut!" Was heard over the set.

"Take four." The person said, and you smiled, straightening your back as Chris walked forward. The people around him parted ways to let him through. "Your throne." Tessa quipped with half a smile, and Chris nodded.

As he sat down in the seat, you stepped forward and put your hand on his arm.

"So, king and queen of Asgard," Idris said, and you and Chris looked at him. He then turned his head more, to look at the people behind them, and waved.

"Where to?" Idris asked. "I'm not sure," Chris answered, looking to his other side, "Any suggestions?" to then look at Idris and you again. "Mick, where are you from?" "Oh, Mick's dead," Taika said, "yeah, I accidentally stumped on him on the bridge. I just feel so guilty. Been carrying him around all day." And then, "Oh Mick, you're alive." Taika looked at the others. "He's alive guys! What was your question again?"

"Earth," you told Chris. He looked at you, and you leaned down to kiss him softly. The camera momentarily zoomed in on Tom's pained expression. "It's safe there." Chris nodded, pulling back. "Earth it is." Chris looked forward. "Cut!" It was yelled, and you smiled, relaxing a bit.

Chris poured a bit of the juice in a glass, and took it in his hands, staring at the mirror. You stood next to him. He touched his eyepatch. "You look like a king," you told him, and he turned towards you. "And you like a queen." You touched his cheek, and he bent down to give you a kiss. When you parted, you smiled at him. "I'll be going." You turned and walked away as gracefully as you could.

When you appeared out of sight, your team rushed up, to add fluid to your eyes. You blinked, and closed them, and waited for the cameras to focus on you as you heard Chris say something.

And then, "I caught it!" Tom squealed, and you smiled, because it sounded adorable.

When you walked through the hallway, the camera zoomed in on your tear-stained face. You smiled, and wiped your cheeks dry, holding your chin high. "I am queen." You said softly, and then the cameras stopped rolling.

"You are amazing!" Cecily said, laughing widely. Tom laughed and crouched down on his knees. "That is very sweet of you Cecily." She cocked her head. "Why didn't you come back?" She asked, her voice soft, and Tom could almost feel his heart break. "Your mother and I decided it was for the best to take a break." He answered. She raised her eyebrows. "But you love each other!" He smiled. "We do. But in this world, it's hard to love one another when there are so many more important things around you." "I think your love and family should come first," Cecily declared, smiling, "I'm going to say hi to mommy." She ran away, leaving Tom behind with his thoughts.

"Hey baby," you said, lifting her up from the ground. "I want Tom back." She stated bluntly and you sucked in a breath. Next to you, Chris shifted on his feet. "Darling?" You asked, unsure if you heard well. She looked you in the eye, determination settled across her face. "I want Tom back. You love him, he loves you. Problem solved. I want him back." "You-" you cleared your throat, "you want him in our family?" She nodded. You nodded, and put her back on the ground, unable to hold back your tears. "I- I'm going to the bathroom." You turned and walked away quickly. Chris tried to grab your arm, but you avoided him and ran towards your trailer.

"I brought you coffee." You looked up. Tom stood in front of you, carrying a Starbucks cup of coffee. Smiling gratefully, you took it from him, noticing how both your fingers lingered on each other.

"Cecily told me something." Tom said, sitting down next to you. You looked at him, curious for what he was going to say next. "She told me that family always comes first." He looked at you with those beautiful eyes, and your heart began to beat faster. "She looks at you as a part of our family." It was hard to speak those words, but when you saw him smile, you felt relieved. He took a deep breath and took your hands. "I want to be there for her," he said, and your eyes widened, "As a father." You couldn't talk. No word seemed right to say. "And I'm sorry that I didn't fight when you told me you needed me. I'm sorry I didn't do anything at all, because I found my job more important. I want to change that." You nodded, finding your voice again. "We can try." He smiled so wide you thought his face was going to split. "Thank you," he whispered, and pulled you into a hug. You relaxed in his arms and nuzzled his neck, closing your eyes. "It can work out."

“Thomas," you say with a quavering voice, noticing the eyes on you. "I take you as my husband, with your faults and your strengths, as I offer myself to you with my faults and my strengths. I further promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve all of your goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” He smiles at you.

“I, Thomas, take you, Y/N, to be my wife, to have and to told, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ‘till death do us part. I further pledge my heart, body and soul to our union. I promise to support you in your endeavours and counsel you when you need my guidance. I will accept your counsel with an open and open mind. I will share my thought, dreams, hopes and fears with you. I will hold you close when you laugh and when you cry. I vow to be a strong individual within a solid union so we may both grow in love and wisdom for the rest of our days.” His voice is strong and steady and you blink back the tears as his eyes gaze lovingly at you.

This is all I ever wanted.

The bright lights were focused on the two of you. You tried to keep calm. It was just like acting. You stroked the fabric of your pink skirt, and looked up at the hostess.

“Welcome, welcome," Ellen said with a big smile. You smiled back, a little nervous. It was the first time you’d done this, and luckily you’d been able to prepare for the questions that were going to be asked.

“So, Tom Hiddleston and Y/N Y/L/N, you play Loki and Sassa in the Thor movies and in the Avengers movies.” The two of you nodded.

“Y/N,” she looked at you, “am I right to understand that Sassa is stuck in a love triangle?” You laughed out loud.

“It sure seems like it in the movies, yeah, I get where you’re coming from. But well, you see,” you said, pushing yourself to the left to face her better.

“Sassa is Thor’s promised, actually, since birth. The two Odinsons and Sassa grew up together in the palace, and although Sassa shares quite the connection with her betrothed, her best friend and companion is usually Loki. In the first movie all goes well, it’s a little behind the scenes, but if you look closely, you can see that Sassa and Loki share a bit more than friendship.

“In the second movie, when Thor brings Jane to Asgard in order to grand her immortality or something, Odin specifically tells him that he can’t do that because then he needs to annul the arranged marriage. Frigga intervenes there, stating that she wants Thor to be happy. It’s a little complicated from there.

“In the third movie, Ragnarok, it becomes clear that Sassa never left Thor’s side, the marriage is still there, because when he arrives back in Asgard, she goes with him and Loki to Earth to search for Odin. When Loki and Thor find him, however, she retreats, and she eventually notices Hela coming in and travelling to Asgard. Sassa goes back to Strange, and eventually gets on Sakaar with his help to find the two gods. There, she is basically Thor’s shadow, and she stands by his side through everything.

“As soon as Ragnarok starts in Asgard, she goes with Thor to battle Hela. She gets wounded, so badly that Thor fears she is going to die – he does have a soft spot for her – and he tells her that she needs to leave. It’s my favourite scene in the movie, because she just tells him to fuck off and let her do what she wants, and he is shocked.”

You chuckle. “But anyways, he then proceeds to almost get killed, Sassa is not much of a help, and then he takes her towards the ship, where Valkyrie helps her on. In the second cameo, she is reunited with Thor, and only there it becomes clear that there’s a bit more between those two than friendship. In a deleted scene which was supposed to be in the cameo’s, Sassa kisses Loki, to show him her support.

“So yeah, it is basically a love triangle. She has strong feelings for Loki, but she has also developed feelings for Thor, I mean, who wouldn’t, after spending so much time together and knowing you’re going to get married eventually.”

Ellen nodded. “And Tom, can you say anything about this?”

Tom looked at you for a second before answering.

“Well, I can’t really say that much about it, because Y/N told most of it, but I can say that Loki has a lot of issues. And Sassa is one of the biggest. Loki is in love with her, but he beats himself up because he can’t, as she is going to rule Asgard one day, besides Thor. So he knows he can’t have her. And that’s agonising.” The two of you shared a smile.

"I'd like to make a toast," Tom says, raising his glass and getting up, "before the others can. To my wife." There is applause as you blush.

Tom smiles at you as you take his hand. He looks at the people around them. “I like to take this time to say just how you make me feel.” He glances at you. “Your smile brightens my darkest day and makes our friendship real. Every time you hold my hand, I feel butterflies take flight, and I find myself missing you each time you’re out of sight.” You squeeze his hand as he continues. “Each morning when I wake, you’re the first thing on my mind, and I’ll protect the special bond we share because true love is hard to find. You’re someone very special and this I know is true. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I owe that all to you.” “Aww,” slips out of your mouth, and he leans down to press his lips to yours.

Everyone applauds and cheers, raising and clinking their glasses as Tom sits down again. "I love you," he whispers to you, and you don't know if it's possible that anyone is happier than you at that moment.

"It's my turn now," you say, getting up. You raise your glass, putting your hand on Tom’s shoulder.

“You make me feel beautiful. You’re there for me when no one else is. You make me laugh. You accept me for who I am. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I am more than happy to be able to call you my husband.” You glance down at him with red cheeks, and he smiles at you, getting up to kiss you. You smile happily against his lips.

"I love you," you whisper as you sit down, taking his hand and squeezing it.

“Why do you still put up with me? Why are you still here, Y/N, tell me why!”

You were caught up in some stupid argument, in Tom's home, in the middle of the night. Cecily was with Alice, and you and Tom wanted some time for yourselves. You didn't know how it got to this, but here you two were, in the living room, in front of each other, and you were on the verge of tears.

“Because I love you!”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Because-“ you heaved, “I am madly in love with you, you fucking asshat!” You were crying now, hot tears spilling over your cheeks.

“I love you at two in the morning when I can’t sleep. I love you at six am when I wake up. I love you when it’s ten am and I’m at work and my thoughts end up drifting to you and thinking of how much I care for you. I love you at three in the afternoon when the world is at full bustle and when I’m in the middle of a crowded city street. I love you when it’s five pm and I’m having dinner surrounded by my family. I love you all the time. When I’m lonely or happy or excited or scared. I love you, and that will never change.

"I want your last name. Your Sunday mornings and daily commutes. I want your phone calls and your quirks. Your sick days and your hair in my shower drain. I want your laugh. Your arms around my when I walk by because you can’t let me walk past. Your eye contact. Your smile. I want to find your lost keys. Do your laundry. Make your tea the way you like it. I want the other side of the bed to be yours, our fingers intertwined. I want your silences. Your Internet history and your electricity bills. I want your twisted past, and your convoluted future.

“I’m going to love you - I’m going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones. I’m going to love you when you’re happy and I’m going to still love you the most when you’re sad or angry. Don’t you understand? I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I want to love you, each and every piece of you. I want you with your imperfections as much as I want you. And I’m always going to want you, I’m always going to be here loving you with everything.

“I love you so much my heart aches. And I hate it when you’re gone. I hate it when you’re angry or sad, but I love you so, so much when you smile, and I love it when you’re here with me and I get cuddle time with you on the couch. And I know you told me you don’t like things like this, because you’re a terrible boyfriend and you feel like you can’t live up to any expectations because you everyone expects so much of you. And I know you feel like you can’t do it. But I know you can. And I love you. We can work it out.”

Your voice was hoarse now, and you felt like you were going to fall down if you remained standing just a little longer. “I want you, Tom,” you said softly, wiping away a few tears.

“I want all of you. I want you in the mornings, gruff and tired, I want you in the afternoon, happy and jumpy and I want you in the nights, romantic and loving. I can live without you, but I don’t want to.”

You looked up from the floor, only to find him standing in front of you, carefully taking your face in his hands and wiping away the rest of the tears. You bit back a sob.

“I want your Sunday mornings as well,” he whispered, stroking your cheek with his thumb, “I want to make your coffee and see you smile when you smell it. I want you in my future, and I want to hold you every day, and be able to kiss you every day and see you smile until the day I die.”

He leaned down and captured your lips with his, and he pulled you flush against him. Your arms locked themselves around his neck, and you pushed yourself up on the tips of your toes, as your eyes closed.

Panting, you parted, and you felt giddy when you saw his adorable smile. “I’m going to be here for a while,” Tom whispered, “before I need to return to the States for the next movie.” You nodded. “Stay with me,” he said softly, “spend your Sunday mornings with me. And in the future, we can decide what we do next.” You nodded again. “I would like that very much.” You giggled as he leaned down for another kiss. He smiled against your lips. I love you.

"You should wear this dress more often," Tom whispers in your ear as you move slowly on the dance floor. You giggle, looking up at him. "If it pleases my husband, I will." He smiles and kisses you, long and soft.

"Y/N?" Alice calls to you, and you look up. Tom holds your waist as Alice walks up to you. She's smiling. "Cecily wants to dance with Tom." She says. Tom lets you go, but not before giving you a kiss. You smile, and then you let Alice pull you away.

"Congratulations!" Everyone shouts, popping champagne. You laugh, letting everyone hug you and kiss you on the cheek. At the end, you're left with Tom Holland and his assistent Harrison Osterfield. You smile. "You must be Harrison. It's nice to finally meet you." Harrison smiles and shakes your hand. "Congratulations with your marriage." He says, and you smile. "Thank you. Now, Tom, could you please gather all the girls and women, so I can throw the bouquet?" Tom is more than happy to comply, and together with his best friend, he calls for all the ladies to stand together.

You stand, with your back towards the group of women, hands on the bouquet. Your husband winks at you from the other side of the room. You then lift your arms and throw the bouquet backwards, and turn around to see who catches it.

It's Katherine. She laughs and holds up the bouquet, letting Chris spin her around. You smile.

Much later that evening, when Cecily is fast asleep and Alice takes her home with her to give the two of you some space, you say your goodbyes to everyone. Tom holds you all the while, and kisses you in between. He has been unable to keep his hands off you all night.

"I can't believe I can finally call you my wife," Tom says as you step out of your reception dress, a dress with layers of pink tulle on the skirt, and two pockets. You take the pins out of your hair, letting the locks fall on your shoulders. You smile. "Well, if it helps, I can believe it." You turn around, as his lips meet yours.

This will work. We will love each other through it all. We will be a family.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #reader #wedding #marriage #reminiscing

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etiennedatiwa · 5 years

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Deconstruction: the journey of a year long process of discovering myself.

Wassup. For those who don’t know, my name is Tiwa and this is my first serious blog post. Let me introduce myself. I’m a 21 year old Nigerian-British boy from London and I’m about to finish my Master’s degree in Chemical Engineering. I’m an avid book reader and I also love video games, hip hop and pop culture. It’s nice to meet you.

Now that’s out of the way, I want to get straight to the point of this blog post. I’m gonna be describing how things have been going for me faith wise over the last year or so. Deconstruction. That’s an interesting word. It can be defined in various different ways. Here’s a definition: “A philosophical movement and theory of literary criticism that questions traditional assumptions about certainty, identity, and truth.” In a sense, it involves questioning traditional beliefs that you have grown up with and questioning the values that have basically shaped your entire identity.

I grew up in a Pentecostal African church. There was a big emphasis on dancing, singing and prophecy. We believed in the manifestations of spiritual gifts, i.e. the speaking and interpretation of tongues, prophecy, healing etc. We believed in the moving of the Holy Spirit and I would see people fall down in their seats, scream, shake etc. When I think about it, I was always slightly creeped out by the screaming lmao. Growing up, everything was very much black and white for me. We believed in the strict interpretation of the bible, we had long church services (why are 3+ hours service a thing? That’s a nightmare for this VERY introverted boy.) It was pretty much the same thing when I entered university minus the long services. I went to an Evangelical church and I loved serving on the worship team, I loved helping around when I could.

But…. there was a lot of emotional turmoil that I was dealing with. Firstly, being one of the only black people (especially young adults) was very isolating. I felt like an outsider because of the cultural differences of being an ethnic minority. Then over time issues of race began to come up. I’d never experienced any racism growing up in South London as I was raised amongst diverse groups of people. Coming to Middlesbrough, my eyes were opened and I was so shocked. But, that’s a story for another time. I realised I had assimilated to mainstream church culture.

I got saved (the moment you accept Jesus into your life as we do in Pentecostalism) when I was 16 back in 2013 and I experienced so much joy. I’d never experienced so much love like the way Jesus had and still loves me. I’ve had struggles obviously, but I’ve grown as a person. My Christianity was very much black and white and I never realised until last year (2018) how much of a bubble I lived in.

Therein lies my issue with Evangelicalism. The literal strict interpretation of the Bible causes more harm than good and it has done so much harm to women through the Purity culture (think “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”), the lack of social justice and to simply “preach the gospel”. I’d been raised in fundamentalism and my whole world shattered when I began to read about the experiences of LGBT Christians who were raised in strict Evangelical families. It started last summer when I read “Undivided” which is a memoir of Vicky Beeching detailing her experience growing up as a lesbian within mainstream church culture. She was a popular worship leader who came out a few years ago and she ended up losing everything… all because she decided to stop hiding who she truly was. It was a tough read and it completely changed how I saw my faith.

The Evangelical Church’s lack of empathy when it came to social justice and the way it treated the LGBT community. Not to mention the obsession with evangelism in the way of hellfire preaching, sales pitch evangelism etc. I’m an introvert and the whole going out and speaking to people about Jesus is scary. I prefer developing good relationships and having conversations about faith naturally as the relationship develops. I realised I no longer fit in to church culture. I’ve always felt like an outsider. I never fit in amongst the other guys at school who were sporty, I preferred to read instead. I get along with girls much better than I do with guys. I never quite fit in in my own Nigerian community. I was an anomaly.

Everything changed for me. I saw how problematic Evangelicalism was and I could no longer subscribe to many of the Christian beliefs I had grown up with. I’m no longer a fundamentalist. Unlearning so much toxic theology has been painful. I wasn’t sure what I would have left. But I’m thankful for two of my best friends who are Catholic who went through similar journeys as they transitioned away from Protestantism. They introduced me to the Coptic Orthodox book of Prayers known as the Agpeya and Church Fathers and these have changed my spiritual life. I finally became comfortable with being myself. Western Christianity wasn’t the ONLY way to do Christianity and I was overjoyed because I could never live up to the Evangelical standard. I realise there’s nothing wrong with having doubts and questioning and these keep us open to the revelations of God. An album that helped me during my deconstruction and reconstruction phase was “I: the Arrow” by rapper Andy Mineo which describes his own journey through doubt in his faith.

I still haven’t figured everything out yet, but I’m okay with that. I’m still somewhat a Pentecostal but I’m free from all the toxic and anxiety inducing rules Western Christianty caused me. As Andy Mineo said on “…Lost”: when I get above those clouds, I know that’s the Sun’s Out. I’ll be alright. I’m free to be Tiwa.

#faith deconstruction beingfree reconstruction

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driftingglass · 6 years

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A Few Words...

I could say that this post is just about Pride Month, but if I were being truthful, it’s not just about Pride Month at all..

This isn’t... a particularly usual type of post I like to put up on my blog. In actuality it’s a little terrifying writing this (hands are sweating and everything) but it’s a little necessary to deliver.

Recently (and with great happiness and satisfaction) I’ve noticed a giant slew of articles on other websites and posts dedicated to people expressing themselves freely in honor of Pride Month, of becoming one with their identities and feeling that inclination to finally be able to become a voice for themselves. Not just for a cause, but for them individually.

This type of freedom and expression of thought is an incredible thing to see. It’s something to appreciate and acknowledge, and of course it’s disheartening to see opposing points of views attempting to make that experience derogatory or shameful.

But, that’s not all what I want to talk about today, despite how important that is. Bigotry and prejudice will always exist whether we want it to or not, and understanding that is the first step to becoming our best selves and living our best lives.

Anyway.

Since it’s Pride Month, and being a a little bit hesitant in exposing pieces of myself that are more private (unless communicating with close friends), I wanted to take this time to say a few things that matter. To not only me, but hopefully to others who share these points of views but are too afraid to discuss them openly.

Things that, while I’ve talked about them before, will be opened and spread in a different light. Or, at least, a fresh one with newer perspectives.

A few months ago I came to terms with being asexual.

This isn’t something that I think completely defines me, but what prevented me from wanting to even think about it as a possibility was because of how others perceived me.

To explain this better, I’m the type of person who really, genuinely hates it when others presume that they know more about me than I do. Unfortunately, in this case, others noticed this about me many years before I wanted to realize it.

When telling a good friend of mine about this thought process that led me to a conclusion that not only made so much sense, but left a sense of feeling oddly vindicated, the first reaction they had was to be excited. Not that I came to terms with it, but that I was finally “not straight.”

They were excited, and overjoyed, like I was joining a special club.

I don’t think I was ever more confused.

While that mentality and type of acceptance works for some people, coming to terms with a part of who I am that I never thought possible before does not make me feel welcomed.

I don’t want to be a part of a club. I don’t want it to feel like a ticket to an event that I was previously not allowed access to. I don’t want my sexuality to be glamorized and seen as something that defines me so much as a person that it actually changes the social dynamic of my friendships with some of my LGBTQ friends. For better and for worse.

I’ve been told that it’s lucky. That being asexual is lucky. That not being associated with sex in a certain way is lucky. That my family has nothing to complain about, and that they should be lucky too.

That I have no right to feel unsure and unhappy about it.

And this is where understanding this new part of myself is a problem for me.

Granted, I don’t care about sex. But that doesn’t mean I feel lucky. Why would that lead to any sort of luck in society? Is it because I’m not interested in sex at all that I’m somehow completely excluded from the idea of sex entirely? That if I “step out of line” and a few years from now think back and think I’m wrong, that I’m suddenly invalidated from my concerns?

Sex and sexuality are complicated subjects. Everyone knows this.

Why is it a bad thing to be unsure about yourself? I do want to reach a point someday where I feel happy with myself and okay about being asexual. But why is it a race to a finish line? Why do I have to be set in stone about how I feel? Why do I have to feel happy about it just because I have no intention of becoming sexually intimate?

Right now, it’s become some sort of dissonance with my understanding in some of my relationships. There’s also this guilt, as well.

“Oh, I’m not gay, so I have no right to complain. I have it better.”

In a way, I do believe this. But that doesn’t mean I think it’s right.

Pride Month has inspired this post to come about because it’s been a huge burden on me and a problem to think about and understand because of how difficult it is to grasp as a real, living concept.

So here’s the meat of what I’m trying to say.

Years ago, as a child, even, I was told I was strange for not having crushes on other boys (or even girls).

No one struck me as attractive. Not girls. Not boys. No one. Was it odd? Well, to peers and superiors alike, it apparently was.

“That’s so weird, she must be either a lesbian or an asexual. Who doesn’t have crushes?”

Growing up in high school, it felt odd to not be attracted at all to other people, and this was pointed out to be.

I never wanted to be touched.

I never wanted to kiss anyone.

Even in my first official relationship I never wanted to be physically intimate with him. I was afraid of it, of losing a piece of myself.

Attraction has always formed emotionally, and maybe physically after I get to know them, but never sexually.

It’s difficult when people you love tell you: “oh, you just haven’t found the right person yet.”

Or maybe I’m just this way because I am.

This all circles back to one thing that should be made clear to any person, of any sexuality, of any identity:

You. Are. You.

Even when countless people will always assume who you are and think they know about you more than you do, only you have that true knowledge and control. You know who you are, even if you don’t realize it yet. Everyone else? They only have external perspectives.

They don’t have your life. Your mind. Your spirit. Your heart.

You are free to be you.

You are free to love not only others the way you want, but yourself the way you want. It’s a dream to accomplish, something that seems to be a common denominator with humanity, but the LGBTQ community in particular.

For Pride Month, I hope that you, whoever is reading this (if you’ve made it this far), can say those words back to yourself. Assumptions do not matter. You are you, and you are allowed to love you.

For Pride Month, I hope that you learn to love yourself. And if you do, to continue loving yourself, and that love will spread around you.

For Pride Month, I hope that every person of every identity, of every background, of every race, of every color, of every heart, of every home, of every laugh and tear and smile and frown and dream and reality learns to love and love and love.

Because learning to love yourself can be really fucking lonely.

Happy Pride Month, everyone.

Sincerely,

- Tay

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peraltiagos-paper-rings · 6 years

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I kissed a girl (and I liked it) - a Haline fic

you can also read it here

***

Jace Wayland (Morgenstern, Lightwood, whatever his last name was these days) was Aline Penhallow’s first kiss. He was a good kisser, she supposed; he was neither clumsy nor awkward, his lips were gentle on hers, he knew exactly where to put his hands. If she had been attracted to him, perhaps she would have seen sparks fly when their lips met, felt butterflies in her stomach when he placed his hands on her back. He kissed like he’d done it a thousand times, like it came to him as naturally as breathing. But – to Aline, at least – there was no feeling in their kiss. It was quick, no spark of electricity between them, no rush of sexual attraction, no tongues sliding between teeth. Kisses weren’t meant to feel like that, she knew. Kisses were meant to be hot, full of energy and fiery passion. Kisses were meant to make the whole world disappear, to make time stop, to make you forget about everything except your partner. Aline felt none of that with Jace, and she suspected he felt the same, because he didn’t love her, he loved Clary Fray, who he’d thought was his sister. That was why he had kissed Aline, to try and prove that he wasn’t in love with Clary. Aline assumed, from the look on his face when Clary had walked in on them, that it hadn’t worked.

Aline, meanwhile, wasn’t quite sure why she had kissed Jace. She knew she didn’t like him, not like that. He was just a friend. She had never been interested in him – or, indeed, in any boy. She knew she wasn’t supposed to feel that way, that she was supposed to want to kiss boys and go on dates with them and hold their hands, and more. Her parents had laughed, when she was little and had pronounced boys “gross” and said she never wanted to kiss them. They had told her that she would understand when she was older, that one day she would find a boy she wanted to kiss and hold hands with, and she wouldn’t think they were gross. She had believed them. Every time she shuddered at the idea of kissing a boy, every time she couldn’t understand why her girl friends giggled and blushed and squealed over them, every time she found herself staring at girls rather than boys, she told herself that maybe she was still too young, maybe one day she would coo and swoon over boys just like her friends did, maybe one day she would find a boy and kiss him and it would feel as magical and wonderful as her friends and family said it was.

But as she grew older, as her female friends hooked up with boys and went on dates and gossiped about how it felt to kiss them and sleep with them and hold their hands, Aline began to understand that she was different, somehow. She didn’t find boys beautiful or cute or sexy. She didn’t stare longingly at them or doodle little hearts around their names in her demonology textbook. She didn’t fantasise about being with them, about them sneaking into her room in the middle of the night, about running away and marrying them. The idea of a boy touching the intimate parts of her body made her skin crawl just thinking about it. Instead, she found herself mesmerised by girls’ long, sleek hair, by their long eyelashes and the shape of their lips and the curves of their hips and the strips of bare, smooth skin she saw when their tops rode up above the waists of their jeans and skirts. She caught herself daydreaming about holding their hands, imagining what it would be like to run her fingers through their hair and touch her lips to theirs. She kept it to herself, though; she would never giggle and blush and gossip about girls with her friends, because she knew they’d think she was weird for liking girls the way she was supposed to like boys. Her parents would think she was silly, too young to understand. They would tell her this was all just a phase, that she would grow up and get over it and start liking boys when she was old enough.

When Aline kissed Jace, she finally understood. She wasn’t too young. She wasn’t just going through a phase. This was who she was, a girl who liked girls rather than boys. When Alec Lightwood kissed Magnus Bane, in a room full of Shadowhunters and Downworlders, it gave her the courage to accept herself. Alec and Magnus didn’t make it look wrong or weird or disgusting. They made it look natural, two guys who loved each other, not afraid to display their affection to the whole world. Alec kissed Magnus the same way boys kissed girls, with intensity and passion and burning desire, eyes closed, savouring the moment. She admired him, for having the courage to show everyone who he really was, for not being afraid of being laughed or sneered at, for not caring what his friends and family thought about him liking boys. She knew she would have to tell her own friends and family one day, when she was ready. When she met a girl she really liked, so her parents knew her feelings were real and honest and valid, not just a phase.

When Aline met Helen, she knew right away that she was the one. Helen was beautiful, a study in feminine perfection, her wide eyes the colour of the sea, her long hair the colour of spun gold, her delicate porcelain features and her slender fingers and her Cupid’s bow lips making her look like a princess from a fairy tale. Helen was kind and gentle and funny. She laughed at Aline’s lame jokes. She listened to Aline more than her parents or her friends had ever listened to her. She didn’t think it was weird when Aline confessed that she liked girls; Helen was bisexual, which meant that she liked boys and girls. Helen was the one who taught her that a girl who liked girls was called a lesbian. It felt nice to finally have a word to identify herself by, and she told Helen that the Clave really ought to teach them this sort of thing, to allow young Shadowhunters who were just coming to terms with their sexuality to be able to identify themselves, to feel accepted because there were words out there that described them, which meant that they were normal and there were other people like them in the world. Helen agreed.

Kissing Helen felt totally different to kissing Jace. When Helen’s lips touched hers, when Aline tasted Helen’s lip balm and felt Helen’s hands moving up her back, under her shirt, she realised that she finally understood what all the fuss was about. She understood why girls moaned when boys pressed their lips to their throats. She understood why girls dreamed about touching boys’ naked skin in all the places they wouldn’t be allowed to touch in public. She understood why girls found it so arousing when boys touched their breasts and their hips and their backsides. This was what they meant when they described the tingling sensation of a boy’s fingers tracing their spine. This was what they meant, the blood singing in her ears, the desperate feeling of wanting, longing, needing. She’d wanted Jace to stop the moment his lips touched hers, but Helen – Helen could go on kissing her all day, all week, all year, and she wouldn’t mind. It didn’t feel wrong or gross to her. It felt right, so right, like their hands had been made to hold each other, like their lips were meant to kiss each other. Time slipped by without either of them noticing or caring, and when they broke apart they stared at each other, flushed and breathless, exhilarated by what they had just done. Aline could not quite believe that she had kissed a girl, a real girl, in real life instead of in her dreams. She wanted to do it again and again, until the end of time, to experience all those things her friends had told her about that she had never fully understood until now.

They did do it again, many times, each time more wonderful than the last. Aline knew that she would never tire of doing it, never grow bored of the sensation of Helen’s tongue in her mouth, never stop feeling that thrill when Helen’s bare skin touched hers. When they held hands, Aline relished the feeling of Helen’s slim fingers entwined with hers. When Helen smiled, the sun seemed to shine brighter and all of Aline’s worries vanished. Helen was there for her when she came out to her parents, there for her when her friends’ snide remarks made her eyes sting with tears. When Aline was upset, Helen would make her giggle by peppering her jawline and her nose with little kisses. Helen understood her more than anyone else in the whole world. Aline had rolled her eyes more than once when her friends talked about how in love they were with one boy or another, but now she understood how they felt, because she felt that way about Helen.

Her parents took the news that she liked girls better than she expected. Sure, they weren’t overjoyed about it, but they weren’t angry or disappointed or disgusted either. They didn’t openly object to Helen, but Aline knew her mother worried that Helen would break her heart. Which was ridiculous, of course, because Helen would never dream of doing such a thing.

She wasn’t able to thank Alec until after her wedding. She cornered him while Helen bid farewell to her siblings, before Magnus could whisk him back to New York, and thanked him for what he’d done back in Alicante, because it had made her realise that the things she was feeling were normal, that it was okay to like someone of your own sex, that there were other girls like her who liked girls, boys who liked boys, boys and girls who liked both or neither – that love wasn’t just restricted to a man and a woman. Alec’s bravery had enabled her to confess her feelings for Helen, to tell her friends and her parents without shame that she was a lesbian, to open up about her sexuality even though the Clave would disapprove. Without Alec, she would never have met Helen and married her. Without Alec, she might have spent many more years, perhaps the rest of her life, concealing herself from the world. Alec seemed bewildered and stunned at her gratitude, at the thought that one simple, spontaneous action could have affected her so deeply. They hugged, and Alec told her that he was glad that she had found Helen, and that he hoped Helen could make her as happy as Magnus made him.

Aline smiled. She was glad to have found Helen, too.

121 notes · View notes