#and I feel bad about it.

[skrunksthatwunk]

see 0 note flop posts aren't that bad when they're personal but 0 note fandom posts feel literally so bad. like if you don't wanna play toys with me anymore just say that. i'll pack up my super cool awesome things and go and i'll sit on the other side of the playground by myself and i won't even look at you. fuck

#yes i AM thinking about a particular post. no it wasn't that good but still. a moment of heartache for sure #like it feels so bad but im too prou dto delete it and also too lazy

[catskullery]

#posted on my uhhhh side art account on twitter and thought i should make it clear here too #since they've been coming out of the woodwork lately #carry on #the terfs are really in their feelings about this one <3 #really down in their hurt little ugly feefees <3 #my they pronoun scares them soooo bad too #awww it's okay little dumb dumb the pronoun can't hurt you here have a binkie

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[feypact]

public libraries in the usa offering free digital library cards to people not in their areas (as of october 2023):

brooklyn (13-21yo us residents)

seattle (13-26yo us residents)

boston (13-26yo us residents, EDIT: just commonly banned books)

los angeles (13-18yo california residents)

san diego (12-26yo us residents, not the whole collection just commonly banned books)

these books unbanned cards (unless otherwise stated) get you access to each library's complete libby/cloud library collection, no hoopla/kanopy/physical copies included.

ebook collections are expensive to maintain (many american libraries have annual fees for non-residents because of this) but because of an uptick in book banning (particularly brutal in mississippi last summer) larger libraries have opened their doors more, which is very kind of them!

i've used my seattle card for the last several months and their libby collection has about three times the books that my local library does, which is wonderful for accessing more niche titles or skipping a waiting list. would love to hear of similar ebook initiatives internationally!

i use library extension (firefox/chrome/edge compatible) to check all my collections (+ the internet archive) at once, works for several different countries highly recommend it.

spotify seems to be offering 15hrs/month of audiobook listening to premium subscribers and while that does seem useful if you're already paying and are after a new release with a long library waitlist, libraries are better for everything else.

#library tag #banned books week #banned books #emmybody talks #for international users... your mileage may vary! #i mean i suppose you could lie about your age/location to get some of these. i doubt theyd check i would just feel bad. personally. #post brought to u by banned book week but also being moderately annoyed at ppl mad about the spotify thing #libraries are wonderful but they have their own limitations and i think using both is good!

[mroddmod]

everyone be quiet i'm manifesting

#the bad batch #tbb #star wars #star wars the bad batch #sw tbb #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb tech #tbb hunter #mods art #mods draws #my art #YAYYYYY ITS DONE #i've been tinkering w this for like a couple weeks now i think #just on and off #whenever i was nervous about their fates or just generally sad about them i would work on this #it was supposed to make me feel better but it would usually just make me more sad 😭😭 #but i still really like how it turned out!!! so that's cool #very self indulgent but!!! whatever #i think i'll add this to my inprnt soon too :) so keep a look out for that i guess lol #okay byeeeeee #ALSO THE NEW EP WAS SO GOOD #okay bye fr

[ineed-to-sleep]

Collection of bg3 sketches I've been nibbling at over the month. teehee

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 fanart #astarion #karlach #shadowheart #gale dekarios #tav #orin the red #bg3 tav #oc.nawen #I'm soooo normal about these characters like so so normal not obsessed w them at all #still upset u can't sleep w orin tho #you can sleep w mizora but not w her??? I've never been so heartbroken #ALSO I've had to reject gale after astarion confesses his feelings and oh my god #he looked at me with the hugest roundest puppy dog eyes I've ever seen #I still feel bad abt it tbh #the image of him looking at me like that. burned into my mind #sleepyscribble

[thornhawthorne]

My FFS surgeon, Sarah Saxon in Austin, Texas, who is not legally allowed to block patients' phone numbers, blocked my phone number because I had post-surgical complications as a result of her giving me a surgery I didn't even consent to in the first place.

I've already reported her to the Texas state medical board & they basically told me to go fuck myself so the next best thing is to tell as many trans people as possible what she did to me.

If you're a trans person from Texas, avoid her at all costs.

#She had a lot of opportunities to buy my silence by not ghosting me when I raised concerns about her INJURING ME SEVERELY #so don't feel bad for her lol #facial feminization surgery #Sarah Saxon MD #FFS #transgender #girls like us

[teaboot]

When I was a kid, I regularly lost reading privileges for "having an attitude" and "acting out".

It wasn't as simple as being told not to read during other activities- one of the first times it happened, I remember being six years old, watching my stepfather pull fistfuls of books off my bookshelf and throw them to the floor in a heaping mess while I cried and asked him to stop.

It was weird. Every other adult I knew described me as exceptionally well-behaved, but at home, it was the opposite, and it was blamed on "learning bad habits from that shit you're reading".

Because I couldn't read at home, I spent all my free time at school in the library, reading with my friends.

When I grew up and moved away, I realized that my family life was toxic and abusive, and the "attitudes" I was being punished for were standing up for myself, standing up for my younger siblings, and resisting actual, real-life psychological abuse. Because I'd learned from what I'd read that my family wasn't normal, not like my parents said it was, and in my stories, the heroes were the people who spoke out when it was hard to.

It is insane to me that there are students right now who can't access books. It is insane that books are being outlawed. It is perverse that we are stealing away an entire generation's ability to contextualize their lives, to learn about the world around them, to develop critical thinking skills and express themselves and feel connected to the world or escape from it, whatever and whenever and however they need.

That is not how you raise a compassionate, thoughtful, powerful society.

That's how you process cattle.

It's fucking disgusting.

#I know this is old news but Jesus #Every day I hear more about school book bans and I feels less real #Restriction of information is restriction of freedom #People need stories #Even bad stories #Even tragic or problematic ones #We need to set purity culture on fire I'm not kidding #Abuse mention #Abuse tw

[theyhitthepentagon]

post from my priv sorry i cooked

#my truth #adventure time #finn mertens #<- nobody posts about him and i feel bad for other finn fans #i see the vision with trans boy finn but also its just really funny if hes cis #finn the human

[rixareth]

As requested, I have examined my fondness for terrible characters, and I have concluded that I like them because they're terrible and I'm not sorry.

#light yagami #joe goldberg #jack shephard #joshua kiryu #ardyn izunia #james sunderland #arnold rimmer #this entry brought to you because someone recommended YOU to me #so i checked out the wikipedia article #and the 'cultural influence' section was MADDENING #extremely patronising to be so concerned #about all these foolish and misguided women #(not exclusively women #but i do feel i mainly see this 'concern' targeted at women) #expressing fondness for a Bad Person #who is Not Real

[fallahifag]

palestinians don’t owe you anything

#like i shouldn’t have to say this but #we aren’t responsible for absolving your white guilt #please stop dming me weird shit it’s just going to get you blocked lmao. i already said i’m going through a tough time #your first response to that shouldn’t be #‘let me tell this random palestinian that i feel so bad about what’s happening i might *insert extremely graphic suicide mention* #please go to therapy. #like i’m a real person who’s dealing with real life things lmao #im not playing fr i don’t want this shit in my messages i WILL block you and i won’t read it #this goes for asks too.

[cappycodeart]

"The dead one! Yeah I haven't thought about her in a long time!"

A little theory I've had about Winter King's original motives based on his heartless comment about Betty and Ice King's original motives for kidnapping princesses in the first place...... clearly she gave off Bad Ex Vibes…

#adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #winter king #candy queen #princess bubblegum #ice king #betty grof #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time spoilers #at spoilers #spoilers #fan art #digital art #sketch #2023 #SORRY THIS IS SKETCHY I NEEDED TO GET IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS JERKWAD #SO MANY QUESTIONS SO MANY THOUGHTS AND NONE OF THEM WILL EVER BE ANSWERED LOL #I say bad-ex in quotes I feel like I hc that this Simon definitely had some ego issues to begin with... #and whether betty left him or died in the apocalypse he held that against her and became resentful instead #after he became Winter King he grew out of it and stopped caring because he's having a fantastic time now #but PB has always been a subconscious reminder of Betty. Why else would he target her specifically.

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[pineapple-frenzy]

Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara

They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them

But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd

The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #book 2 au #my art #i mentioned in my last book 2 au post that i wanted to include short hair katara into it and y'all were so supportive of it!! 😭😭😭 #so this is how i think it would go #it would happen as katara is trying to evade one of zuko's fire balls #she manages to avoid it but since her hair is long it still caught on fire #she'd be pissed so she water whips the hell out of zuko #and then promptly forgets about it akfhkakdkakdj #even after the sparring session she still hasn't remembered cause 'oh no zuko's in pain i have to help him!' #it isn't until zuko even mentions it that she remembers #zuko thinks she's more calm than i thought she would be after burning her hair so he mentions it to her #little did he know katara just forgor aldjlakdkaljd #n e ways zuko does feel bad so she offers to help fix it up for her #i think after the haircut katara would find herself looking in mirrors when there are any around cause 'zuko thinks i'm beautiful?? really? #zuko doesn't know this tho and he thinks katara is till sad about the unwanted haircut so he keeps telling her that she looks beautiful #and katara just keeps losing it aldjlakdlald #in conclusion they are idiots your honor

[alouvrr]

eye of the vulture king

#ahhhh I feel like I drew buddy too innocent here. wish I could give more indicators that he is being manipulated #but all the stuff I drew felt too cheesy! #my art #buddy dawn #kristen applebees #fantasy high #fhjy #d20 #unironically that one minute segment changed my feelings about buddy so bad. evangelicals who die without questioning their faith #make me feel so tragic #trauma bonding w these two would be fun but also consider: he meets helio in the afterlife and see what a wreck his religion is and #wants to help helio out lmao #would be fun