#this entry brought to you because someone recommended YOU to me

[rixareth]

As requested, I have examined my fondness for terrible characters, and I have concluded that I like them because they're terrible and I'm not sorry.

#light yagami #joe goldberg #jack shephard #joshua kiryu #ardyn izunia #james sunderland #arnold rimmer #this entry brought to you because someone recommended YOU to me #so i checked out the wikipedia article #and the 'cultural influence' section was MADDENING #extremely patronising to be so concerned #about all these foolish and misguided women #(not exclusively women #but i do feel i mainly see this 'concern' targeted at women) #expressing fondness for a Bad Person #who is Not Real

[vampire-meta-knight]

I swear, some of these "goth is whatever you want it to be" people act like telling them they're not goth means the Federal Bureau of Goths is going to break down their door and confiscate all their black clothes.

Loves, no one is gatekeeping what you wear. No one is even gatekeeping goth events! You can still go to goth clubs as a non-goth--you just may not enjoy it as much if you don't like the music. All we ask is that you not use the label, which is shorthand for "fan of goth music," to describe yourself if you are not, in fact, a fan of goth music.

We love seeing your cool outfits and gorgeous makeup and flawlessly-dyed hair, and we love sharing aspects of our subculture! But the second you try to redefine it and take away the ONE requirement, we get protective. Darkly-inclined is a wonderful label--use it! Use alternative! Don't use goth, emo, punk, or grunge if you aren't fans of the corresponding music genres. Can you imagine if I, who's never listened to K-pop, only heard of two K-pop bands, and couldn't name a single member of BTS called myself a K-pop stan? (Punk is probably the only one here that's a little more flexible, since it's also rooted in a political movement and protesting, but it still found its birthplace in the music--music which then led to post-punk and goth rock, might I add).

Subcultures have to have a barrier of entry to be a subculture. There has to be a way to set apart the people who are in it and those who aren't. Saying someone isn't goth is not an insult! We don't look down upon you. We get annoyed with poseurs, but not someone who's just into the fashion and makeup aspect and doesn't try to redefine what a goth is. I guarantee there's probably a spooky, black-clad non-goth that I've followed a makeup or DIY tutorial from, and I think that's wonderful. I love that we have this shared interest, even if we have different taste in music.

We're not trying to be mean when we enforce the one rule to be a goth (there is a second unspoken rule, to not be a bigot, but that's a rule that goes without saying for most groups--please know that when you see a so-called "goth" spewing racist bullshit or other kinds of hatred, the rest of us are NOT in agreement with them and want them evicted from our subculture). We love welcoming new people in, and we love seeing the goth scene thriving. It's just that our subculture means a lot to us, and although fashion is a big part of it, it has always truly been about the music. The music came first (watch old videos of 80's goth clubs--hardly anyone there looks recognizable as a goth today!), and it's the backbone of goth. When you call yourself goth, you're telling fellow goths "we like the same kinds of music." I want to get music recommendations from you, dang it, and share some of mine! I've had so many people insult the music I like and tell me my taste is shit, so it's nice to find someone who likes the same sounds and connects with the same lyrics, you know? Music is the strong glue that holds us together and unites us all. It brought us together in the 80's and has kept us together up until now. So when you try to take that away, to mold the goth label into whatever it takes to fit you because you didn't fit it, that's when we've got a problem.

And if you're into the fashion but don't like goth music now, do not despair, because that doesn't mean you'll never be a goth! Give it a listen. Check out different subgenres and bands. You might like what you hear. Synth and EBM were what bridged the gap for me. I started off being super into the fashion, but would be hard-pressed to name a goth band other than Bauhaus or Siouxsie and the Banshees. I was listening to Halloween Vocaloid songs and Lady Gaga, for the most part. I tried a few goth rock songs and didn't like them. And then I found The Birthday Massacre, and suddenly, those goth rock songs didn't sound so bad anymore. They sounded beautiful, atmospheric, ethereal, melancholy in a way you can still dance to. It wasn't long before I was devouring every subgenre of goth music I could get my hands on and making an ever-growing list of bands to check out and songs I liked. I was digging goth music like a grave, and all it took was a band that fit somewhere in the middle of the upbeat, techno dance-worthy music I was used to, the spooky lyrics I liked, and a gothy sound that got me craving more. Sometimes that's all it takes. Goth music is noticeably different from other genres, and hearing the unfamiliar sometimes results in dislike. It's an acquired taste for some, kind of like coffee, but once you get into it, you'll wonder how you even hated it at all in the first place.

Goth is my home, my family, and although I welcome all who show an interest, there's a difference between someone who actually wants to get involved in the subculture and those who wear a mask so they can pretend to be because they like the sound of the label, the allure, how cool it makes them feel, and insist they must be goth and all who tell them otherwise are just elitists. We call those people "poseurs," friend--don't be like them. If goth music just isn't for you, but you love the fashion, that's cool. Just don't call yourself "goth" if you're not a fan of goth music, since that's what the word means in the first place.

#so this unexpectedly turned into a rant #but I've seen some nonsense recently and it's annoying so-- #goth #gothgoth #goth subculture #goth music #goth rant

[mdhwrites]

Going back through TOH's episodes, it strikes me how boring they are. Part of the problem seems to be how criminally unfunny the show is, generally speaking. I can count how many times I've laughed on one hand. In fact I can list them:

There was the "It's been my dream since I was a boy" guy pushing kids off cliffs (Moving Hassle), Luz's "He'll be fine" after throwing Hunter overboard - and then his subsequent re-entry (Hunting Palismen) - and lastly Luz tumbling offscreen in front of Amity after a spider crawls on her face (Grom). That's 3 scenes, 4 jokes if we're being charitable. And sure, maybe my sense of humour is just incompatible with TOH's and I'm being harsh.

But I can't deny that I just feel like there's no rewatch value in TOH? Like it's just... the jokes are so bad to the point it's not fun, it's not entertaining, it's a slog, I see no value in retreading the same ground. And I am a SERIAL rewatcher! This is coming from someone who spends maybe 85% of their time experiencing the same stories! I love seeing well-done media all over again, because even if I know what's going to happen or what they will say, a well-structured joke or a skillfully delivered line is still gonna engage me.

I can't even recommend the show to anyone because I HAVE in the past... and what ends up happening is they watch the first couple episodes, get bored, go "I recognize that you like this, but it's not my thing" and drop it. And I CAN'T BLAME THAT! Because that's how I reacted too when I got into the show! I only stuck with it because it seemed like it was going really interesting places. And it tried to, I think, and failed.

I'm also a very fandom-heavy person so TOH's boring episodes have made it increasingly harder for me to stay within it. Because I'm not rewatching anything, I can see myself in real time as I forget more and more of the plotlines, and even a lot of the characters. It's just... kind of disappointing. It's like I just had a gradual fizzling out of interest. I don't even hate the show, which might be better in some ways - instead I just can't muster enough shits to feel any type of way towards it.

I rambled a bit but I guess my ultimate ask here was: what are your thoughts on whether or not TOH manages to entertain new/old viewers?

So I like S1. I think the characters are what carry it and that they are at their most interesting, EASILY, in S1.

The vast majority of S1, in terms of concepts and executions for plots, is OKAY AT BEST.

This actually just comes down to a simple tonal decision of TOH and also just the fact that a boring world with boring magic creates little to do with bog standard plots and TOH actually has a LOT of bog standard plotting. It is a pretty classic story structurally and takes genuinely very few risks in the structure... Which is okay in theory.

There is nothing wrong with not reinventing the wheel and TOH talks a big game about subverting tropes but no. As a fantasy fan, I can tell you this is EXCEPTIONALLY normal. Like... Insultingly from how much it talks a big game. Especially because if you're going to do classic, you have three options: Shoot the moon, lean into the unique elements of your concept or do it VERY. VERY. WELL.

And remember: They did a body swap episode and it is one of the most hated episodes of the entire show. That's not a good sign.

But this touches on the second problem I brought up: This is a boring world with boring magic. Because TOH's fantasy world is so basic, has little magic and little flair with its magic, it inherently limits what it can do. Now, it doesn't have to be this way but the show made it this way with how little we see of it, how limited it is (like how plant magic is 99% vines), and how often it just blatantly makes one to one comparisons between it and our world with effectively NOTHING altered like how the covens are just jobs, right down to them being introduced through a job fair and a boring one at that.

So when we look at a classic episode concept like the body swap episode, the three plots are... Easily replicated elsewhere. One person gets in trouble in the swap's job because they don't know what they're doing (with the most unique twist of this actually landing them in prison), a classic animal plot where they're taken in by a place that seems cozy and then isn't with literally no changes, and finally... Teenager pisses off bullies and agrees to jump DEAD MAN'S GORGE! But instead of skateboards and people really building it up, its rat beasts.

None of these plots are actually bad, they're go tos for a reason, but... No one is bringing anything special to this. Luz is entirely ignored so her character may as well not matter, Eda is doing NOTHING to add to her plot and King... King is fun for about two minutes leading the bullies and otherwise is just any other character in this situation. It's not bad, I personally enjoy parts of the episode... But it's nothing special. From the second the thing that X character is going to do is revealed, you can guess every step of the plot and they don't even really throw in good jokes in the process. A couple jokes but nothing memorable because everything is weirdly subdued compared to how other shows would be, even in an episode that is definitely trying to be more over the top.

And this runs into the inherent tonal issue of TOH: It doesn't want to be an adventure comedy. Those are genres that are commonly really over the top. They hear jump the shark and go "How about a shark jumping ten other sharks in order to finish making a can of tuna for their fire giant overlord?" And the face of this fact, in that the genres it pitches itself as for the first two episodes!

TOH flatly refuses to be silly and over the top. It's characters are very... 'realistic'. I don't mean real, just that they're meant to feel more mature by being more in control. They don't let them interrupt each other for a joke, they don't let a character be potentially OOC for a one off gag like Hop Pop screaming "EAT THE RICH!" or Sprig asking "Have you ever killed a a man, Hop Pop," and I can only think of one time Luz got mad for the sake of a joke and honestly, yelling about the Rusty Smidge barely comes across as a joke because of how genuine the anger feels after a point. Otherwise, stuff that would normally get exaggerated frustration or the like to at least let you laugh at the reaction just... doesn't get one, like how Luz yells about Luzura being killed off but then... Just walks off and is passive aggressive mostly instead of even exasperated. For a drama or romance, this is not a bad approach but for even just an adventure kid's show... It's not great to put it mildly because people meet odd situations with weird levels of nonchalance. Not quite irony poisoned levels but getting there.

It's why TOH is mostly remembered for the romance and drama episodes. Not only do they allow some of the romance scenes to actually include melodrama, they also just fit how the characters act better. It's why Amity has some of the biggest emotions of the series and why Lumity have such great lines between each other because they're actually willing to lean into the sort of genre fiction that they're doing. This is also why S2 works better than S1 because a lot of the pretense of being a comedy adventure gets dropped but like... There's still plenty of boring in S2 with stuff like how Elsewhere Elsewhen takes time travel and includes a couple jokes at the beginning and then is just... horribly bland and barely qualifies as an adventure.

This lack of allowing people to be emotional and jokey also leads to the reliance on comic relief characters. People like Gus, King or Hooty, or S2 Lilith, who the characters can mock in someway, including the writers. Characters who can be the punchline even if it means a lot of people come off a lot meaner than they should, i.e. Luz absolutely rejecting Hooty for the vast majority of the series despite supposedly liking the weird and rejected. That also means that most of the time they're not on screen, either the scene starts getting pretty dry or you have a character suddenly warp to be comic relief, like how Eda gets in some S2 episodes like Elsewhere Elsewhen or Eclipse Lake where suddenly she's MUCH more of a joke than she normally is and also REALLY bad at it too and seeming potentially brain dead for it. Thanks to Them even does this to Amity even though she is probably the last person in the cast to make sense as a sudden clutz.

All of this stuff makes it so that if you go in wanting a kid's show, a fantasy show, ANYTHING that is pitched in the first episode... S1 is going to be just okay to you. I enjoyed it... But I also fell off when I first watched it. I thought the characters were good but none of it stuck with me as actually memorable and I watched until I think Adventure in the Elements. I never was never compelled to come back until Lumity animations (literally THE Little Miss Perfect animatic that is nowadays probably hard to find actually) made me go "I remember this show being neat." And Lumity was what kept me, not because I was generally laughing or calling these episodes something special. In fact, that sense of unsatisfaction is probably why I watched through it faster than Amphibia. No one episode of TOH is really great to watch on its own because... It's just kind of boring, or like half of it is boring because the B plots across the board are SO BLAND. S1 or 2 for that matter since Lumity starts getting boring B plots like with the archives or finding out the author of Azura. Both concepts btw that could have been really interesting setups and instead... If you're not into blushing Amity, get FUUUUUCKED.

That's without getting into REPETITION. Repetition kills comedy so King having one joke for S1 and also taking up like half of the B plots for the first ten episodes means you are going to be in agony eventually anytime someone talks to him because you know where it's going and you have DEFINITELY heard this joke before. And you know, he also gets three repetitive B plots which just hurts the joke even more, even as they try to make twists on it, and hurts the feeling that the show is doing... Anything..

It's just not good. Which is probably why once the characters and the 'subversive/unique' elements of the show both weakened, more and more people left because... Why would you keep watching this then? Those elements are what made up for boring plots with boring execution in a world that didn't allow for more interesting storytelling because it had few ideas and expanded on NONE OF THEM. So of course people pitch it using the elements that say "this isn't like other kids shows/fantasy shows" because if you pitch it to people who like those... They'll just be disappointed eventually and bored quickly. Like i think a lot of people did to be quite honest.

And a lack of creativity, and a lack of genre understanding, isn't something time could have ever fixed.

======+++++======

The short version of proving this point btw is going "Compare Bumi's introductory episode, which is a character giving three trials to prove another's worth, versus when the Bat Queen challenges Luz. One is exceptionally funny, interesting and has genuinely interesting twists while the other is... There. So very there. Painfully just... there. Not even bad, just... There.

Also, yes, comedy is extremely subjective which is why I tried to talk more about how a lot of these premises are boring because that can be a bit more objective.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.

I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.

If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #toh #the owl house

[sumire-no-nikki]

To Be Here

October. My beloved October. The kotatsu blanket is back on, the indoor plants don't need as much watering, the fallen leaves in the backyard need sweeping and the Summer clothes have been put away. Funny how many friends I've recently chatted with about the bliss that comes with October. It's a burst of orange ochre and apple red in my head. When the season turned, the sun who has since made herself scarce is a warm embrace whenever she pokes her head out. The wind and clouds are constant companions. The evening is perfect for mysterious reads under candlelight. What a splendid month.

As I am typing this, however, October is nearly done. Something this good always leaves too soon, doesn't it? I love the first taste of cold after the pesky Summer heat and September’s false promises of colder days. October is where it really gets going. But it's always nearly done before I feel like I can properly savor it. How melancholy!! But isn’t that how it always goes? Love is more deeply felt after only the crater it left is the one thing you’ve got to remember it by? Love defined by the lack, the absence, the loss? There will never be enough Octobers for me. I’m a creature of want in this way, yearning is an instinct for me. I watch the days go by and the thought that there won’t be another October until next year is like quicksand for my mind.

That said I’ve spent the month working diligently and on the whole being rather productive in both work and personal matters. There’s this project I’ve started and making good progress on! Once completed I promised myself a trip where I can apply what I’ve learned and I’m so excited to reach that goal. I’ve also read a lot this month. I really surprised myself. I’ve read six books and the month isn’t over yet! I read two Agatha Christie books, all three of the Toshikazu Kawaguchi series (the fourth one is coming out next month!! And I’ll have to read the fifth one in Japanese because I don’t want to wait for the translation to come out!!!) I also read Matt Haig’s The Midnight Library as recommended by a friend and I'm so glad she brought it up! I've had a copy of it for ages but just never managed to pick it up due to associated memories (it was given to me by someone during a bad period in my life!!) I swear that book might've just saved my life. I also finished two manga volumes in Japanese this month. It's a series called Yotsuba&! which is just the most wholesome series. Maybe I'll talk about it someday on here. But that series is such a light in my life. I picked it up on one particularly tough day last week and it instantly revived hope in my heart that there's still good out there no matter what.

Other things I've been up to: I've been running a lot these days and I'm actually surprising myself with how much I enjoy it. Earlier today (I'm typing this before bed) I went on a run while it was drizzling. I felt like a kid playing in the rain. I couldn't stop smiling!

Also, the podcast show I mentioned some entries ago!! Case 63!! It has a season 2!! Actually, I found out it's originally by a Chilean writer, so the version I listened to is an English adaptation. Anyway, I'm so happy there's more of it. Season 3 is the final season in Spanish so I expect the English adaptation of that will also be made (since they went so far as to continue with season 2). Fingers crossed! I'm so intrigued as to how it will end!!

As for TV, I started and finished watching HBO's Barry in like a week. I was absorbed!! All four seasons! Mind you, each episode is only 30 mins so it wasn't really that long. It's such a funny and dark show I love it so much. I've heard good things about it through the years but I never found the time to get into it. Plus I have this terrible illness of "I-Can't-Get-Into-Things-When-It's-Super-Mainstream-I-Need-To-Wait-Until-The-Hype-Dies-Down-itis" lol. No, seriously I just didn't feel like getting into a new show until this month apparently. But I'm so glad I watched it. The show is a goldmine, the best Hollywood/LA culture satire I've seen in ages. The way it highlights the gender gap in the workplace, how a writer must compromise on truth in order to sell something, even the way a woman needs to be a "perfect victim" in order for her story to be worth anything! It's so witty!! And the central question of can people truly change--I'll be thinking about this show for a long time. It's so good. Watch it if you can.

Early this month I also managed to sneak a quick trip to Croatia and Slovenia which was so relaxing and peaceful. Trips can be quite stressful for me especially when it's a big city full of tourists due to my OCD (I'm looking at you Paris, and literally all of Italy smh... jk jk) But this trip was restorative and gave me a genuine sense of discovery and wonder, which is what I aim to travel for.

I've been listening to the new Mitski album and rethinking my home library's organisation system! I haven't decided yet but I mainly want my Classical Mythology books, both fiction and non-fiction in one area. Also wishing I bought two Caryatid statues in Athens last year instead of one! Would've been nice for her to have a buddy!!

Now, the title of this entry comes from a realisation I had this month--a very important one. As someone whose nature is to think and think and think, it's difficult to be in the present. I'm always in agony over the past, and anxious about the future. I can be quite dismissive of what's in front of me as a result. This is a chronic issue of mine. But while reading The Midnight Library, tucked in my reading chair, savoring the scent of a pumpkin pie candle, all the pieces of advice I've read both online and in person suddenly clicked.

When writing a first draft of a novel, it simply needs to exist.

When making art, it simply needs to be there.

When yearning to do something, I must attempt it

When wanting to exist, I simply am.

I just need to be here in the most literal sense. To be. Not in the past tense, not in the future tense. There's no need for qualifiers. There is no standard to fulfill. I know this is neither new nor revolutionary, but in the embrace of an October evening, digesting this advice and accepting it made me feel so brave.

It hit me like a sucker punch. I thought, I need to untangle my sense of self and my worth from anything external. I cannot keep on doing this to myself. Because the truth is if I don’t stop this constant self-flagellation, I have simply replaced my mother in adulthood. I will have been no different from her and her constant need to criticise me. This is something I've been actively trying to improve recently and I can feel myself getting better. I feel, somewhat ironically, that by being present, I'm regaining a sense of hope that I haven't felt since childhood. Like somehow my past is healed and my future is assured.

So despite how much I've gone on about loving October at the beginning of this entry, as much as I know I will miss it, I have to be where I am. That means accepting that all things end--good or bad. That means being in November when it comes. That means understanding that what I've lost, while dearly missed, is out of my grasp now. That means what will happen to me is tomorrow's business.

This entry's song I've repeated to death (which is a very good thing) this month. It's by an artist I really enjoy. I cannot wait for new material from her and this new single is a sign of really good things to come!

I leave you with a photo of a friend I made while out on a walk. What shall I name him?

Have a wunderbaaahhh rest of Octobaaaahhh! 🐑

#diary #sumire-no-nikki #Spotify

[magicalmelancholy-blog1]

A Quick Overview Of Why You Should Vote For TsubaKuro

@homoerotic-shonen-rival-showdown

Look I know CatAdora is going to sweep because they're fucking CatAdora. But why not consider a ship you've never heard of instead?

At the very least, read this if you've never seen She-Ra, because if you're going to vote based on second-hand knowledge, you should at least vote based on second-hand knowledge about both sets of characters.

And by secondhand knowledge, I mean I'm going to post dialogue straight off of the wiki. I'll try my best to include context, but it'll be short since I wanna focus on the stars of this poll.

The most important context is that Len'en is a bullet hell game, and thus for most of the on-screen time, people are going to be fighting.

Reason 1: Kuroji is always going on about being inferior to Tsubakura.

(Note: The Tsubakura here is a fake Tsubakura. Still, Kuroji hadn't realized it at this point so their response is genuine.)

Tell me there's a heterosexual explanation for this. I mean, you're allowed to interpret Tsubakura and Kuroji's genders in a way that would make them straight, but even if they're straight, that still doesn't make them straight.

(Note: Yabusame is a mutual friend of theirs and works with Tsubakura at the shrine you'll see talked about in these dialogues.)

(Note: Saragimaru is someone Kuroji blackmailed into doing their bidding because they're an asshole. This is a section of the game where KuroSara and YabuTsuba fought because the game creator didn't have enough slots to fill in all 6 stages otherwise, and a bullet hell game's gotta have 6 stages right? This isn't a critique I love all the duo attacks, themes, and character interactions that came out of this arrangement.)

(Note: Shion is a newborn youkai made up out of many souls that got entrusted to YabuTsuba after the third game.)

Reason 2: Kuroji vagues Tsubakura even when they're not around.

(Note: "black" here is used because Kuroji has kinda black hair and Tsubakura wears mostly black. I assume it's more natural in Japanese.)

(Note: Shou and Lumen are boss enemies in the second game.)

Reason 3: Witty banter

(Note: "The dumb one" is Yabusame.)

(Note: This is after Tsubakura said that Kuroji is actually a good person sometimes. You'll see that bit of dialogue later.)

Reason 4: Tsubakura has praise for Kuroji too!

(Note: This is YabuTsuba's bad ending for the third game. I actually forgot to include this in my submission! Anyway, the joke is that Tsubakura died but got brought back to life by a magic flower, and everyone is acting like they're still dead for the bit.)

(Note: Jinbei is the familiar of the shrine YabuTsuba work at. They help out with various duties.)

Reason 5: This Conversation

This time I'm going to give the context beforehand, since this conversation is a bit long. Some dialogue for the upcoming Len'en game was released a year ago, to give us a teaser. This dialogue consists of two characters, NiLU and Tom, going over the dialogue for the first game for the sake of information gathering.

Mainly it's just an excuse to have the dialogue from previous games in there at all (since it's a mobile game that the creator plans on using as an entry point for people that are interested in his series).

You remember from before when Kuroji said something like "You always, always surpass me"? This is the reaction to that.

Reason 6: I dunno where to put these two interview questions so they're going here:

Some Fanfic Recommendations:

This is mostly so you can experience the same thing that the runner of the poll did when I sent them a submission. Remember, these are not a reflection of canon. They are, however, fics I like (yes I know one of them is mine, that's because I'm proud of it).

Typhoon Commute by Nobelium

The Next Step by Nobelium

I Kept It Warm For You by FatalYeet

Only A Fool by MagicalMelancholy

#len'en #len'en project #tsubakura enraku #kuroji shitodo #tsubakuro #kurotsuba #poll propaganda

[grassyhorizon45]

Saw you looking for microfic requests… feel free to ignore, but what about a first-date style microfic in Hogsmeade or something? Thinking like year 6 or 7? Not sure if you’ve done one of those before and sorry if this is too broad. Any character(s) would be cool!

aaaa this took me a while to brain but I hope it's what you were looking for 👀

oh and my friend gave me three words to try and incorporate in this too 😅👍

the way he immediately switched to bomb and death :sob:

word count: 1113

ding~

The bell above the door chimed, announcing my entry. 

“Welcome to Honeydukes,” the owner, Mr. Flume greeted me. I responded with a subtle nod, not wanting to say anything but not wanting to be rude at the same time.

I scanned the nearby shelves; toffees, chocolates, some Fizzing Whizzbees……

There it was, carved neatly into the wooden sign board were the words ‘Special Effects’.

My gaze was followed by none other than the owner himself.

“Ah, the special effects section. Might I recommend you the–” I stopped him, smiling. 

“I've already made up my mind, thanks Mr. Flume.”

Not at all offended, the lovely Ambrosius Flume nodded and left me be.

I grabbed a blue box off the top shelf and brought it to the cashier.

“The finest sugar quills,” he said, taking one look at the box of sweets. “You my dear, must have an eye for confectionery, no?” 

I blushed, not taking compliments well. 

“It's for a friend,” I explained. To which he replied with a knowing, “I see.” 

I never did like giving people chocolates, they were too common. But sugar quills? They're my signature go-to when it comes to gifts, my own little flair you could say.

I left Honeydukes with the box of sweets neatly bagged, roaming the streets of Hogsmeade a while before finally settling down in the Three Broomsticks Inn, giving my watch a quick glance……

Ten more minutes.

~

“Someone's early.”

His silky voice took me by surprise. I looked up and smirking gray eyes met mine. I smirked back, rolling my eyes. 

“Sit down, Malfoy.”

Never in my life would I have expected this. Draco Malfoy, the very guy that tormented me for years, was now on a freaking date with me. 

Though it was true that Draco was the one who initiated the date, deep down I knew I too had developed feelings for the boy.

Draco was an absolute player, every soul in Hogwarts knew that; and as the silence between us dragged on, I started to wonder why the heck I was here in the first place. 

“Y/n– You okay?” His voice drew me back to reality. “Madam Rosmerta just asked if you'd like to order anything.”

“Oh, huh– I'll just have butterbeer, th-thanks.” Draco only continued staring at me intently, like I was a mystery yet to be solved. I avoided his gaze, mumbling a quick, “Sorry, I zoned out.”

It felt so out of place when he just grinned back. He wasn't making small talk, we weren't talking at all. Was it because of our history with each other? Was this whole thing just a joke to him?

“Hey,” Draco spoke in the most casual way possible, gaining eye contact with me.

“Hi?” Was the only thing I could think to blurt.

He smiled at this.

“First time, love?”

How did he know—

“And I bet you've been on tons,” I slipped, echoing the negative thoughts in my head.

Draco tilted his head. “And why would you say that?”

I looked away, “No reason.”

He grabbed my chin and forced me to face him. Draco's touch was gentle but unfamiliar, sending shivers down my spine.

“I know you think im some asshole that loves messing around,” his voice was stern, the very kind he used when he was actually being serious. “But I really want you to trust me on this. You and I, this isn't a little fling I'm playing at.”

The man in front of me knew me more than I knew myself. At times I saw it through his insults and bullying, but at times I saw it through the way he secretly cared for me…… Maybe that was the reason I'm here.

“Please?”

I nodded, “Okay.”

His stern face melted away and was replaced with an indifferent one. “So tell me about yourself,” he tried.

“Seriously? I've known you since year two…” I mumbled.

“Well, tell me something I don't know then, y/n.” There was a tinge of harshness to his voice but that somehow only turned me on even more. 

“I don't think I could live a day without you.”

Shocked, Draco was completely speachless. And I only realised the weight of my words after I'd blurted it. 

“I-It's true… I don't know what I'd do without your daily snarky remarks and insults… Th-They give me a sense of hope that somewhere under all that,” I gulped. “Y-You cared.”

It was a strange feeling, wanting his attention. It was even weirder that I was admitting all of this to him but that's just how I am, an absolute pushover.

Our drinks arrived just then and I dived into my mug of butterbeer without a thought, wanting to wave off the bomb of awkwardness I had just dropped.

“Look, y/n… I do care,” he stated. “I care about you way more than you know. It's just something I don't find easy to show, I've never felt this way for someone before.”

I smiled at him, he smiled back, and I felt blush creep all the way up to my ears.

“Oh! I almost forgot–” I pulled out the lapis blue box I had bought from earlier. “I got you something…”

“Hm?” Draco took the box from me, “You didn't have to...”

I caught him take a quick peek at the sugar quills inside.

“Just something small, I didn't want to show up empty handed.”

He chuckled, putting the gift aside. “Thanks.”

Secretly, I was relieved; I didn't want to see his reaction anyways.

Draco and I chatted as we slowly drank our butterbeers, touching topics like school and family, basically filling the empty silence we would otherwise have between us. 

But as our drinks neared their end so did our conversation burn out, leaving us to sit there silently in each other's presence. 

The silence this time round was oddly soothing, knowing there wouldn't be any judgment from either party. We were already close before this, taking this ‘date’ as a progression in our relationship from enemies to lovers.

Draco got up to pay short after, leaving me alone at the table. The box of sugar quills was open in front of his seat and it looked like he'd already gone through one over the course of our conversation. I smiled, I think this relationship is gonna work out just fine.

Two gentle hands found themselves on my shoulder from behind. I tilted my head upwards and was once again met with his loving gray eyes. 

“So, what do you say? You, me, we make this official.”

I smiled back at him. “Deal.”

He grinned. “Alright then……

Till death do us part.”

#draco x y/n #microfic #draco malfoy #butterbeer #hogsmeade #draco × reader #fluff #honeydukes #microfiction #oneshot #writing requests #requests open #draco x you #first date #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry

[netherworldpost]

In late September 2022, I hosted an informal survey asking “Should blog posts have an ebook download?” The survey was completely anonymous and hosted on SurveyMonkey.

I did not track respondents, nor ask for emails. It consisted of the question and a feedback box. It was open for 30 days, advertised with unpaid posts on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram.

I received 70 responses with a ~68% “Yes.” However. It was clear from the comments the survey question was severely flawed.

Some notes and feedback on said feedback:

Several comments were brought up about blog author business models and so I wish to include the following statement: “I am not in a position to force anyone to do anything, I do not desire to be in this position.”

Similarly, I am not acknowledging the cost of construction of ebooks because -- as above -- if it does not fit in your business model, don’t do it. Despite what you may think of my overarching power, it does not extend into the realm of blogger customs and reader expectations.

RSS feeds are not supplanted by this proposal. That’s not how ebooks nor RSS feeds work. I acknowledge a better phrased survey question would have made this clear -- to the effect of “Should blogs offer ebook downloads in addition to RSS?”

Building on above, ebook creation is a specific set of tasks. In this instance, it would duplicate material. RSS feeds are (usually) automatically generated by blogging software and are (usually) always on. They have to specifically be turned off and there is rarely a benefit.

Based on this, it was surprising how much RSS feeds are used. As someone who has always enjoyed the functionality, it is heartwarming. I hold out hope an enterprise-level free system returns and/or is better supported in browsers and blog design trends.

“Save Website” was brought up a few times. I acknowledge this exists and disagree with it’s use because I do not trust code pulled from websites to last for a very long time. I know of arguments “oh the pull of HTML is static” and yes, it usually is. Usually. Further discussion goes beyond survey reporting.

Useful notes for the future:

The idea’s receptance ranged from lukewarm to moderately warm.

Longer posts are favored over shorter. This is a key learning to me. I have no problem having an overwhelmingly large ebook library that I will read, then delete upon completion. This is not a shared experience. Respondents specifically preferred smaller quantity, longer entries over larger quantity, shorter entries.

Building from above, serialized pieces are favored. Especially stories.

Some respondents commented that it is useful to have an archive in case of a blog’s disappearance or tech failure.

Overall: The worth of this system is, at best, neutral to neutral-positive.

There is a disconnect between ebooks (which are objectively very popular) and blog posts, which is fascinating.

The overall internal recommendation I’m taking:

As blog entries pile up, bundle a huge swath into a single ebook. Repeat when another huge swath accumulate.

For anyone seeking to do the same: Netherworld Post Office has the tools to handle this from ass-to-teakettle without additional cost or burden.

I would not recommend pursuing unless you are in a similar position, or, your direct audience is known to be heavy ebook users.

[taylorgraymoore]

November 30, 2023

Well, I didn’t go to Avenue du Mont Royal. I felt like I was fading, as I finished dinner, and thought it was best to stick to close by where I was staying. This was one of these fateful decisions, or at least it was what shaped the night.

I started to walk back towards the AirBnb. Via Duluth, which has always been a favourite street to me—I thought I would go along it and then just end up back close to where I would fall to sleep. I had been meaning to stop at some place I’d passed on St-Laurent earlier, when I’d been dragging my bags up it, have a couple of beers and then go up to bed. But a couple blocks short of the Main, still on Duluth, I saw a second-floor-bar up inside on the building across the street. I stopped—because I was my first night in Montreal, so why pass by a fleeting inspiration? It won’t be this second ever again. So, across Duluth and up the stairs I went. Unlike the jazz place, there was still room. I got a seat at the bar, next to someone going over the draft of a story in French while sipping a wine. I got out the white sheets of my own draft, ordered a beer and set to get a head start on that project.

Got to the third page of what I’d brought to work on, while I was there. More than I expected to get done that first night, which was nothing. It got harder to work on it after I was done my second drink, but I was still more than satisfied. I sent my friend Matvey, who lives nearby in Vermont, a picture of the bar out of happiness, because we used to go to places like this. 

Hey! Turns out Bar Suzanne (that’s the name of the place) is also Matvey’s latest favourite spot in town. Small world. He was quite happy when I sent him the picture, and he recommended I try the dumplings. I had already eaten, but what the hey, I’m in Montreal, so I tried them. They were good. 

All this sounds silly and superficial, I know. but these things are draped in the emotions of a past. You have no idea what Montreal in general is draped in, for me. Everything in this city, down to the dust motes, is draped in all that for me. So I get a lot out of it past that layer I can put into words in a space like this.

I took his advice there and on where to go next—Big in Japan Bar, which is directly underneath where I’m staying—when I wasn’t even planning to go anywhere. This ended up shaping the entire night.

Big in Japan Bar looms large in memory. Nothing here is important but memory. I only when there once then, back in the Montreal phase of my life, but it does loom large. It’s important, is what I mean. Matvey showed it to me, that first and only time. How well do I remember it? I think he brought me there early one evening after we’d been on a long walk. The place would’ve had to have just opened that day. Matvey said you’d have to be early to avoid waiting in line outside. I listen to Charles Aznavour as I write this and something is thereby infused in it. La Boheme, if it matters, it is late and I am drunk. 

Excuse the quality of this entry, because I wrote it drunk—even though I’m fixing it two days later, that is the context I found it in.

There wasn’t any line when I waltzed in this time: that might’ve been luck or it might’ve just been the eight years in between. That time, we sat down in the same seats I took this time. Or, roughly—but let me have the synchronicity. 

Why is memory already so fragmentary? I want to remember details, but I have nothing I can call a narrative. I have flashes. I have snapshots. 

But tonight: I order a champagne and the plate of artisanal chocolates, per Matvey’s recommendation, because he steers one in a good direction if you can handle the price tag. I finish that, get an impulsive martini, because the ingredient list is so odd (it has sake in it). It, unfortunately, just tastes like a martini. Something exotic on the nose, but still a martini. I would’ve left after that, except, as I was finishing it, the woman seated just across from me asked me what it was I was so intensely focused on. 

I had had my nose in my notebook. Over the two drinks, I’d written a couple of little poems and the first notes of what became this entry you’re now reading. I tell her that. And we end up talking. 

Justin and Diane: they were my company for the rest of the night. Sitting across from me, the two people other side of the flickering candlelight. The room fades to darkness as it passes behind them. I really had noticed them before—Justin was having beer, and seeing him have that made me aware of how much money I was spending on champagne and cocktails—but it hadn’t occurred to me that I might interact with them. I’m used to being an atom; it doesn’t occur to me that I’ll occur with anyone. 

We all—the two other people nearby, over my right shoulder, eventually get roped in—start talking. The conversation is good. Since it’s clear I’m staying for longer now, I order a Manhattan, the other retro-classy choice, the sound of Otis Redding and an electric organ. Diane goes to Vancouver often, and likes the food there, and we talk about sushi on Robson St to the sound of Charles Aznavour—that is why he’s still in my life as I copy this out. She asks for recommendations and I give her some, off the top of my head. Because it is identical to the one she’s drinking from and because I’m distracting her, she picks up the candle’s glass and burns her hand. She flexes her hand against the heat in it and reaches for the glass with the other kind of flame, the one she can drink. 

Justin hands me a two-panel dubble-dubble comic that has been ripped in two. He says the bartender gave it to him, and he asks me to explain it to him. It’s “Pud.” I remember “Pud.” Let’s see if I can remember the comic: first panel has our Pud filling a bubble bath, and he says he wants more bubbles. The next panel shows the outside of a house and bubbles are pouring out all the doors and windows. I had the two halves back to Justin and explain the joke is that he fills the bath too much and it consumes the whole house. It’s not really much of a joke, but I don’t say that. Diana suggests that it’s a pun on the name of the gum: double bubbles.

Haha. Ahaha ha. Ha. It’s a better joke than the comic could’ve come up with. 

The music in that place is very good. Half of any place like that is the music. While I’m taking a moment of silence listening to that, the other two I mentioned are roped in properly. Zach and Brian. They ask for a poem, I wrote one. Here it is:

Brian and Zach

Eavesdropping

Got roped into the night

And we introduced each other

Humanity accumulates this way,

It forms clumps of event

And grows like that

And the night endures as an imprint

In ink of itself

And reclines in immortality there

Like the chipped and fading youth

Who live on the side of an excavated urn. 

There it is, with very minor edits. Forgive me if it isn’t any good, I was several more drinks in by this point. 

Everything past that point is going to be in flashes and fragments. It’s already a memory to me now, see, and I only have these notes in front of me to work with to build the narrative of it back up. You never do realize how fleeting a present moment is while it’s still the present, but it does hit you over the head when you’re trying to copy it all out in black and white like you were still there.

I asked Justin what it was like being a lawyer: he said that sometimes you feel like you’re fighting for something meaningful, fighting the good fight as they say, and that is the part that makes it worth it, and things click then; the other half of the time it feels like fighting for nothing. Like everything in the world, those two halves. I know those halves too. I tell him so. 

The night is vanishing into smoke, like the day Charles G.D. Roberts wrote about that one old poem I forget the name of that I read that McGill once. Night is the day here. The whole world is smoke except for what we put into words and maybe even that. (See how drunk I am, scribbling this down? Or was—it’s really two days later, I’m recalling the smoke as best I can—but don’t think about that.) 

What do you see when you blink?

This is a blink. All this is inside a blink. Tomorrow this will have been a blink, but look at all the population in it. 

Diana asks for my impression of the two of them. I am on the spot, but I tell them. I am unusually honest, blame the drink, but I have nothing bad to say. I like Justin and Diane. I’ll keep my exact words between the three of us, because it was for them and not for all of you--but I said, more or less, that I thought they were honest and human. 

Excuse me, for I am drunk.

The place is emptying out around us, and we’re still here. Never let anyone tell you that isn’t a good feeling, having the bar empty out around you as your night endures: we’re going to get to see if we outlive the candles.

The chanson continues; therefore life continues.

(There is an absurd amount of ice in the urinals here. They’re like American glasses of coca-cola.)

We all settle up, and our bills all come to the exact same amount. The bartender gets roped into conversation too, at this last moment. I think I may have given him one of my cards. He writes his name down on a napkin, as I put my coat on, because he’s the last person there whose name I don’t know. “Majd”—it means ‘Glory,’ he tells me. The three of us who’ve just paid up blow out the candles in front of us. I pick up the glass around the dead flame, hold it like something is in there. 

Then we file out into the street. A man stumbles over from across the street, stares at us like he’s never seen people before. I give him a nod. Say goodnight to Justin and Diane, walk two doors over to the building I’m staying in—so much for an early night. 

#montreal #prose #writing #big in japan

[velkynkarma]

-Breaks into your Ask box-

HI Hello I am. An Old fan of your Voltron fics. Parallel by Proxy was the first Clone Shiro Fanfic I gave a chance after the theory became Prevalent. See I HATED that theory with a burning passion, and I wouldn't read ANY of the fanfic. But I finally gave yours a shot and i fell in LOVE. I've read and re-read multiple of your fics and I love how you built Ryou and his character arc!! 😭 I'm not quite caught up right now since I haven't read any of the new stuff you posted after like... 2019??? I"m guessing but there was a small gap of time with no updates and I got distracted HAHAHA. HOWEVER I AM READING PRICE CUT PALADINS AND IT HAS BEEN DELIGHTFUL!!!! I missed these clowns and you reminded me just how much I love them 😭😭😭😭🧡🧡 LIKE OH MY GOODNESS ITS A BLAST FROM THE PAST, and a lot of your excellent writing carries that, so THANK Y OU SO MUCH FOR WRITING IT. I'm Getting close to the end and I can't wait to see crap hit the fan!!! Its been my little bed time story for a bit now and has brought me so much joy ;;v;; And this weirdly correlates to uh. I visited your blog a bit ago because I remember you being a cool person and I saw that you were Reblogging stuff for the life action One Piece. I've never WATCHED One Piece, but I've seen a lot of AMVs at conventions and its so Clear that the fans just. ADORE IT. SO when the fans were saying the live action was good I was kinda wondering if it'd be worth watching. But then when I saw you liked it??? Nail in the coffin. I ended up Binge watching the whole thing in 4 days and I now have another Gangle of Beloved Idiots to Cry over So thank you a lot for dragging me onto this sailing ship asdlfjSDLGJLSDGJSD

Me getting this message right before bed:

What a great message to get, thanks for taking the time to write me such a nice little letter!

First off I am delighted I was able to change your opinion on the Kuron/clone!Shiro theory. Because I totally get it, it can be super frustrating when everyone's throwing a theory in your face and you just don't vibe with it. That happened for me back in S1 when everyone was swearing up and down that galra!Keith was totally going to be a thing and it was such a popular theory. I did not vibe with it at all and I nearly stopped watching when it was confirmed canon in S2. So I get how annoying it can be, but I'm glad you were able to enjoy my fic and give at least one clone Shiro a chance!

I'm also equally delighted to hear you've been enjoying the Price Cut Paladins series. I love having a little bedtime story I can treat myself to at night before bed so it is always an honor to be that story for someone else :) I hope you continue to enjoy hyper-competent ex-monster-hunter Shiro and his gaggle of accidentally adopted cryptid family members.

Me? A cool person? Well, I certainly do my best to be at least. I'm just glad my messy pile of personal interests called a tumblr blog also appeals to others sometimes lol.

As for One Piece...

Welcome aboard, sailor. You may never leave again.

Real talk, the live action is a great entry point for One Piece...it still captures the spirit of the series as a whole, but 8 episodes are a lot less intimidating than the 1000+ the anime currently has going. I enjoyed it a lot and highly recommend it to anyone even moderately interested, since it's not nearly as huge an investment.

Thanks for making my night with such a nice ask :)

#Velkynkarma answers #voltron #one piece

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

Yeah Yeah, The Limerence, We've All Seen It.

Soooo... I've been loopy enough this week to almost break my own rules about "don't post anything about the Muse that's both weird and obviously identifiable" and that feels like a sign to maybe examine what's going on.

(Extensive, eye-wateringly boring feels under the cut.)

I've been sick, and apparently my inner adolescent has been louder than usual. When I was actually a teenager, being sick enough to stay home was always a mixed bag because on the one hand, given that I was on track for burnout by that point in my life, I desperately needed the rest. But on the other hand... Lowell. Enjoy catching up on lecture notes and homework if you miss more than one day in a row. Things are probably more seamless now with the internet fully integrated into people's lives. But back in my day- (yeah okay I'm cutting myself off here, that's not the point of this entry)

The point here is that being sick with a bunch of projects weighing on my mind has probably brought me back to that same headspace I was in during high school. Annnd what did I do to self-soothe when I was in high school? Obsess over my first Muse, of course. I was not exactly discreet about that one; in fact I was pretty embarrassingly fucking loud about it in a way that I was not for pretty much anything else in my life. I am very lucky it only came off as "cute/funny" rather than "yikes/we need to stage an intervention".

And here we are again. Stressed and sick, a little loopy, and wanting to wear my heart on my sleeve like a highschooler.

Ahhhh, limerence. Where would the world of art and music be without you? I mean, what else are you really gonna do with those feelings anyway. May as well sublimate them into creative output. Dante's Beatrice comes to mind, or Shakespeare's Fair Youth. I also think about Berlioz being instantly, absolutely bonkers obsessed with Harriet Smithson... until he later discards her for someone younger and sends her on a downward spiral that ruins her mental and physical health. Acting on these feelings doesn't always go well in real life. I'm well aware.

I've noticed that a lot of self-help material these days models limerence as an "addiction", and recommends going cold-turkey on the person in question to get over it as soon as possible. And look, I'm not going to claim that this shit is totally healthy; I think it's telling that a lot of us who have c-PTSD find ourselves dealing with limerence more often than the rest of the general population. But at the same time calling it an "addiction" (especially with all the moral baggage that comes with that word) feels... off.

Would that make me a "functional addict"? I don't feel like that's the right description for my situation. It's not like being in limerence is holding me back from my full potential right now--quite the opposite. I'm finding my way again after years of feeling lost, thanks at least in part to the Muse. I still have some hangups about the whole "am I doing this for them or am I doing it for me" thing, but I'm hoping that if I can keep this going long enough I can find a way to truly believe in myself as a creative being. And weirdly enough this whole thing has been helping me articulate some stuff about my gender identity. Also it's kind of... led to me having a better body-image? I dunno if it was just some background-level dysphoria that got resolved when I figured some things out about my gender, or what. But it's difficult to look at this whole experience and be like, "yeah, I should definitely stop thinking about them and go do something else with my life". Is that even possible at this point?

Also I don't completely jibe with this whole "you don't actually want to know what your limerent object is really like, you'll be in denial about them as a person even if you try to get to know them" idea because I feel like that's not true in this case. (It was true for the Muses I had when I was especially vulnerable, but it's not been true for all of them.) I would dearly love to meet this Muse in real life, to get to know the person whose artistic output inspired me so. Even if it meant confronting a contradiction between the real flesh-and-blood person and the image I've built up in my head. But I also realize the chances of that ever happening are... slim. I'm strange and off-putting and I come from a very different world than the one they inhabit. I am aware that I'm not everyone's favorite flavor.

Admittedly though... the whole "they'll probably be mildly repulsed by me and my depraved ways" thing has also been fodder for my fantasies. I have a bit of a corruption kink and they seem so adorably wholesome in a way that makes the blood pulse a little harder behind my canines, LOL. So I can't say with complete confidence that I'm being "realistic" about what I'd come off to them as--I might still be feeding a very specific fantasy dynamic in my head.

Over-analyzing this shit is also pretty emblematic of limerence. Ha!

I also have to wonder how much of the over-dramatic-ness of these limerent crushes is due to being aspec. Once puberty was over, I gradually stopped finding people attractive on sight and settled into being mostly demisexual. That's my primary model for how relationships and dating work for me; I have to get to know someone a little bit in order to figure out if there's going to be chemistry at all.

But the Muses do not fit this model. Aside from meeting one of my Muses by talking online, the rest of them blindsided me with feelings of immediate attraction. It's just so far outside my normal wheelhouse I hardly know what to do with myself. But also... it's hard not to ascribe some kind of significance to it, to find something special in experiencing this facet of the human condition. You feel so alive and the world seems to vibrate with possibility. Even the pain that comes with limerent desire still feeds the fire of my soul in a way that few other things do.

I believe the real peril is in deciding what to do with those feelings. Maybe don't get up from the audience in the middle of a play and yell at your limerent object onstage that you're gonna marry her (*glares at Berlioz*). I think the most ridiculous shit I've done while in limerence with someone has come about because I was incredibly vulnerable and had no room to spare emotionally to step back for a reality check. I'm hoping that I have the wherewithal this time around to keep myself from being stupid... mostly.

But that's why I have such a wide anonymity moat around my brainrot. I don't want a chance search leading to the Muse wondering for the rest of their career who in their audience wants to drink their blood sdfghjksdfghjks. I just need to make sure I stick with this even if I'm brain-fogged or hopped up on Benadryl.

#tw kink mention #...ANNNNND POST

[annieintheaair]

I waited all my life just to fall for someone like you

Lewis Capaldi released a new album yesterday (Broken By Desire To Be Heavenly Sent). I've always felt that music finds you when you need it the most. Whether you're having the best day or the worst day, a song comes on and it completely moves you. It speaks to the deepest part of your soul and somehow, the things you felt like you didn't understand before, suddenly make sense. That's how I felt listening to his new album today. It started playing on Spotify as an album recommended to me so after a couple of songs, I put in my AirPods, grabbed my dogs, and went for a walk.

Am I cured of all of the pain and sadness I've been feeling? Absolutely not. But do I feel like I'm not alone? 100%. Listening to a song, or an entire album, that just speaks to you, makes you realize that you're not alone in all of this. The things that you're going through, others have gone through before. They survived to sing about it.

It has been some time since I've written here. A lot has happened in my life since then. Eight months ago, I moved to a new house an hour away from where I lived for the last 8+ years. I felt like maybe I needed a change of scenery or something. It was almost a blessing that my landlord sold my townhouse, forcing me to move out. I honestly started thinking I'd probably just stay there forever because it was all so perfect. Even so, it seemed like so much hurt and sadness had been absorbed into those walls. I loved that house; I loved that neighborhood, and I really loved my life. Even though the house held me during a time when I experienced so many losses, somehow I was the happiest I had ever been. Eight months later, I'm still asking myself how and why I did that to myself. I needed a change but I didn't need to abandon my entire life.

Don't get me wrong, I now live in a beautiful house, but I'm the loneliest I've ever been. Where you are doesn't matter nearly as much as the people you're surrounded by. It's about people, not places.

My last entry here was in May of 2022. Three months later, Dan passed away, which is likely why I couldn't come back and write again. I spent months going to therapy, every week thinking I'd walk in there and talk to my therapist about how I was feeling but instead, I felt like I was at a loss for words. Up until this August when it was a whole year since he passed, I couldn't talk about it. I found other unimportant things to talk about every week and walked out of therapy still feeling so weighed down by everything.

Part of me felt wrong for feeling sad when Dan texted me the day before he died and I ignored it. He called me many times that week and I didn't pick up the phone. I felt such guilt when I shut him out, thinking maybe he would just go away. Deep down, I knew I didn't want him to go away. He was one of my oldest friends and people who knew me the best. He always called me out whenever I said things I didn't mean or when I was sad and lied and said I was happy. It takes a long time to get to know someone on that level and after 15 years, he knew me better than anyone and somehow still loved me anyway. He never missed the chance to tell me that he loved me and my biggest comfort after he died was knowing that at least I knew how he felt before it was too late.

Losing Dan came with a lot of lessons. It brought out the part of me that I had tucked away after middle school. I always believed in telling people how you felt but life as a teenager told me not to do that. I related sharing your feelings with losing people. For fear that telling the truth would send them away, I kept it all inside. When Dan passed away, I realized that you should never lose those opportunities. If sharing how you feel is going to chase them away then they're not someone worth keeping anyway. The people who care about you and care about your heart, those are the ones who will stay. You'll never scare them away with honesty.

Our relationship was never perfect. It was far from perfect, but one thing that was perfect was that we never gave up on each other. On my last night in Rhode Island before moving out of my apartment, as the snow came down outside, I think deep down I knew that was really going to be the end of us as we were. While I cried, he told me that we were so lucky to have found what we did at such a young age because some people wait their whole lives for what we had. After he passed away, I told myself that I didn't even want to date for a while and if I ended up alone for the rest of my life, it was okay because I had found love at one point in my life.

The thing is, life is hard, and having people to go through life with you makes all the difference. You can't time travel to the past to fix your mistakes or say what you wanted to say. All you can do is live in the now. You should never let a day go by without letting people know how you feel because someday, it just may be too late.

Unfortunately, when people are present, sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things about them, and once they're gone, we realize all of the good that we lost. When you're mad, you see the worst, and soon, it's too late once you start comparing the positives with the negatives. Always try to see the good things and always turn those feelings deep in your heart into words.

xoxo

Annie

[tipnation3]

The Story Of Indra From The Brahma Vaivarta Purana

But Christian gospel says you can not fight this cosmic battle. Luke is not sure whether he is battling for the right reasons. Obi-Wan instructs Luke that the path to victory is to join hands with Jedi and to believe in the Force. Krishna instructs Arjuna that this is a battle between dharma and adharma, righteousness and unrighteousness.

When one presently notices what they are noticing while they are noticing, that noticing can continue for a long time and help one be caught up.

Once understood to a certain extent, they can provide a solid anchor for our lives and help us figure out the meaningfulness of any actions and effects of previous actions, taking place now.

Nor is it the aim of the Bodhisattva to change — or, as we like to say, to "improve" — this temporal world.

But, we may be less inclined to take the journey to do so for, inevitably, it requires nothing short of our death - the death of what stands in the way of our entry into unity with the Soul of the World.

For instance, although the authors suggested that myths are good for human pleasure, they failed to identify the type of myth that delivers an objective fact.

“You are already okay.” This is the basic premise of the Positive Paradigm. It’s the realistic foundation upon which to build valid self-esteem. It’s the key to personal freedom — freedom from ignorance, freedom from fear. It’s grounds for rethinking what the word really means and how to implement its promise.

Top Customer Reviews: Oriental Mythology

It answers Joseph Campbell’s call for a universal “myth” , capable of recognizing the humanity of those living on the opposite side of the planet. Whatever it is, Smith believes that all religions converge in a movement toward “the other” when one digs deeply into their underlying strata. Ultimately, it is up to each individual who longs to know the ground of all being to make their own pilgrimage. This entry was posted in cleveland yoga, iyengar yoga, karen allgire, yoga, yoga cleveland and tagged cleveland yoga, iyengar yoga, Iyengar Yoga classes, Karen Allgire, Karen Allgire yoga, yoga cleveland, yoga philosophy. In the first stage of the hero’s life, there is isolation and a feeling of being disconnected from others and the world. In fiction this is represented by the hero being an orphan, or having had their home planet destroyed, or having been abandoned by their family. His prizes and awards included several honorary doctorates.The Hero with a Thousand Faces won the National Institute of Arts and Letters Award for Contributions to Creative Literature. In 1985, he received the National Arts Club medal for honor for literature for his work on theHistorical Atlas of World Mythology. In his eighties, Campbell launched a multi-volumeHistorical Atlas of World Mythology that set out to investigate the major mythological periods. The earliest era is indicated by shamanistic hunter-gatherers. Next come the planters' rituals of birth, death, and rebirth. The third stage involves high civilizations of Goddesses, heroes, and priestly orders.

Buddha: The Heros Journey To Nirvana : By Nitin Kumar

However, according to this Moslem reading of his case, it was rather because he loved and adored God so deeply and intensely that he could not bring himself to bow before anything else. And it was for that that he was flung into Hell, condemned to exist there forever, apart from his love. This rids occasionally interested and inspiring for me, and sometimes confusing. https://bestreviews.tips/joseph-campbell-bhagavad-gita_415309/ So here it is — Joseph Campbell’s recommended reading list — the books that most influenced his influence. Pick one up that stands out, or if you’re wondering why someone would read so many books, grab a copy of The Power of Myth and experience what all that reading amounted to in him. It wasn’t easier, but I relished the process that brought a deeper understanding of these two texts, the Tao Te Ching and the Bhagavad Gita, which have always held a special place in my life. Whereas TotIs took the form of a symposium led by Socrates, I began Gita by trying to replicate the form in the Bhagavad Gita while adopting a more narrative style for the sake of readability. The first book of Jung’s that he read in German was Symbols of Transformation, which explores the archetypal roots of the fantasies of an American woman ultimately pronounced schizophrenic. He quoted, Goethe when he was showing the conflictual workings of the Faustian mythos in Western Culture, when he would say, “All that is transitory is only an appearance.”… And our life is lived among colored reflections. Frazer showed that the theme was universal, and permeated world mythology. The book’s central concern was the strange rite of the Year King and through the slaying of the King, the archaic mythical formula of renewal of the land was accomplished. On the ship he was given the book, “The Light of Asia” by Edwin Arnold, which included the enthralling story of the prince Siddhartha, who would become the historical Buddha. The devotee offers all the activities of the senses, together with the flowers of the garden, at the lotus feet of the Lord. Seeing his or her beloved in every form, he or she worships the whole creation. Friendly and compassionate to all, he or she is contented with whatever he or she gets, for everything is an image of his or her beloved. Such a devotee is balanced in joy and sorrow, free fro envy, fear, and anxiety. They have no disappointments, since they have no expectations. They are perfectly satisfied with whatever comes unasked, for everything is a gift from their beloved. It should normally be three hours of reading and then an hour for dinner and then three hours free and an hour getting to bed so I’m in bed by twelve. That is to say the Mahabarata contains the Bhagavad Gita in it amongst other Epic stories, of which the Bhagavad Gita is one of the most well known. The Pandavas on the other hand were continuously bullied by the Kauravas and they were subject to go into penance for some years because of Dhritarashtra’s blind love for his sons. The eldest son of Dhritarashtra, Duryodhana was always greedy for the Kingdom for Hastinapur and he along with his maternal uncle Shakuni would go to any extent in order to defeat the Pandavas. Duryodhana then gives equal status to Karna for the sole purpose of defeating Pandavas. Esalen Institute — Educational center at Big Sur, California founded in 1962 by Michael Murphy and Richard Price, devoted to the “exploration of unrealized human capacities.” Campbell was partly the inspiration for the institute, and a frequent lecturer.

#joseph campbell bhagavad gita

[of-dreams-and-dust]

Entry 21

Dream, Dream, Dream...

I saw your ghost in a house we shared last night. It was the first time I saw you, how I remember you for the first time in years. You smiled at me, welcomed me home - but the problem was, this house was desolate. It was just the two of us. It was different, yet it felt like it really was home. It was brief, but it seemed like it could’ve been this year or the next. I was welcomed with open arms, and just a nerd with her glasses and aversion to photos. She’d pose for me, but give me a smirk and present herself in such a way I thought I was the happiest person alive. I saw a field of sunflowers from the dream I had of you years ago. That sundress you bought with the hat still hung on that house’s white walls. Yet, in that one, I tried running after you and you weren’t there. But now you’re here, waiting for me. Blonde hair, blue eyes. They seemed cold, but in truth all I saw was wholesome warmth. Even now as I try to envision you, there’s just this all encompassing, yet sorrowful glow about you.

I don’t really remember what we did. But you looked happy. I was happy. We were happy. It seemed so mournfully sad that it couldn’t be this way. I came to hug you for the first time in years, your scent so sweet. Things were alright. We were friends. We were free, as free could be. No obligations in life, just peace. Yet my mind focused only on you and the wondrous chaos you brought to me amongst the peace. There was a dream-like aura between us, because instead of asking, “Why are you here?” I asked, “Are you really here?”. I can’t fathom what happened next, because it wasn’t anything like real life. It seemed to just unfold so fast. Transience is the best way to describe it. Just a fleeting dream, and nothing more. It felt like a lullaby to wake up from this unreality.

When I did wake up, I supposed that the recesses of my mind made you retire back. It was high time anyway, 7 in the morning. We must’ve had quite the fun all night long. Out of the rabbit hole I went, while you stayed in Wonderland.

In my wistful awakening I remembered, none of that ever happened, real or not. There was no house we shared together, for the home is broken. It’s a rift floating in an infinitely black void. We’re not friends anymore. I don’t love you anymore. I felt nothing but the dullness of my old hurt surfacing. Yet, much like the dream, it ended in merely transience. A fleeting moment of regret and pain, before it became reassurance.

I had a fear a month ago I’d never see you again, nor did you want to see me anymore. But I was wrong. You visited me in a time when somebody important in my life, even if I’ve never met him in my time, passed. He was - is - a therapist. He was more important than people ever realized, and made everybody around them joyful. He’d sacrifice everything to achieve his dreams, including his own happiness, all in the process of making everybody else happy. In my mind it was trying to make sense of it all and...maybe it reconnected back to you, somehow.

This poet that Nine recommended me once has permanently stuck his hand in my head. I love his eloquence, the way he portrays an absence, and am prideful to share his house name.

“In Vietnamese, the word for missing someone and remembering them is the same: nhớ. Sometimes, when you ask me over the phone, Có nhớ mẹ không? I flinch, thinking you meant, Do you remember me? I miss you more than I remember you.” - Ocean Vuong, “On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous”.

Each day I have to remind myself, we weren’t made for each other. We hurt. Cherished. Burned.

Loved. Praised. Hated. Argued. Bargained. Compromised.

I’ll settle with a memory of your ghost lingering around. I’ll wait in that long abandoned house for her comfort. Eagerly, keenly, I long for her joy and kindness. I mourn her long absence.

I will see you again. But just know that I miss you more than you could possibly know or care to remember.

“It’s in these moments, next to you, that I envy words for doing what we can never do—how they can tell all of themselves simply by standing still, simply by being. Imagine I could lie down beside you and my whole body, every cell, radiates a clear, singular meaning, not so much a writer as a word pressed down beside you.”

#Andrew's whimsical musings #andrew rambles on

[wetookeachothershand]

Journal Entry: My Husband Has Been Missing For Six Months

Pairing: Bonten!Mikey x GN!Reader

Genre: Angst, Mystery

Warning: Mentions of abuse, cheating, murder, sex, swearing, violence, may be disturbing to some audiences-read at your own risk.

W/C: 1K+

Summary: Your husband, Mikey, had been missing for six months and suddenly returns. You keep a journal writing your thoughts.

Additional: This is my first time writing a journal entry type of writing, and it was a lot of fun. This is also heavily inspired by this reddit post: ♡. I would recommend reading the post after reading this so as to not spoil anything for yourself. Also each journal entry date is actually some Toyko Revenger's characters' birthdays.

Journal Entry: My Husband Has Been Missing For Six Months Ending 2.1 | Journal Entry: My Husband Has Been Missing For Six Months Ending 2.2

Ultimate Masterlist | Mikey Masterlist

Journal entry: August 1st, 2018

My husband has been missing for six months now. Mikey went to the Bonten hideout for an emergency meeting, but he never came back. He was completely missing, in fact the security and even executives said that he didn't even go to the hideout.

I cried for days, nights, weeks, months. I cried for so, so long. I admit that Mikey might not have been the best husband, but I still loved him very much. I wake up every morning hoping that maybe there'll be news about him.

Journal entry: August 20th, 2018

He's back. Mikey, he's really back!  He came back on his birthday too. Is this some kind of miracle?

I was tending to my petunia garden, when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and my garden shovel fell out of my hand. There Mikey stood; the same white hair, eye bags, clothes, empty eyes-everything the same. Except for his smile. Mikey rarely smiled, the last time I can remember him smiling was at our wedding. Even then though, it was a small smile. This smile, however, was a big smile. The same smile he used to have back in middle school. Back then.

When I had asked him what happened to him, he said he didn't know and couldn't remember anything. Not. One. Single. Thing. Still though, I happily brought him into my arms and welcomed him home.

Journal entry: August 30th, 2018

Everyone is so happy that Mikey is back. All the Bonten executives were confused, but came to accept that their boss is back and that they're not running around like headless chickens. I know that everyone almost can't believe it, but that's the thing: I don't believe it.

I understand that I sound insane, and that I can't turn to anyone but you-my dear, treasured journal. If I were to try and talk to any of the executives they'd think I'm crazy, but they're the crazy ones! They're criminals! They murder people! They're insane! Not me, I'm not insane!

I'm not insane.

Journal entry: September 16th, 2018

I'm not one for horror movies, or supernatural and paranormal things. This situation though, it makes my skin crawl. Mikey's been acting off lately. Usually he wakes up early to leave for Bonten, not bothering to wake me up or anything. Lately however, he's been staying home in the mornings. Sometimes he'd stay in bed and I'd wake up to our limbs intertwined together. Sometimes he'd even make breakfast, but the thing is that Mikey doesn't know how to cook. Suddenly he's cooking gourmet meals for breakfast.

I know it could be that he just learned, but someone doesn't suddenly become an amazing cook out of nowhere. Above that, Mikey always said that eating breakfast is a waste of time. He always liked to leave for Bonten early in the morning because he said I snored too loud, and he hated the ear bleeding noise I created in my sleep.

So why is it now that Mikey is acting like this? I don't know, but I don't think the man I sleep next to every night is my husband.

Journal entry: October 15th, 2018

I came home from the grocery store today, making sure to dress appropriately so as to not receive another bruise from Mikey like the ones he used to give me before he went missing. Bruises for dressing "inappropriately", not cooking food "correctly", there being even a single wrinkle on his clothing, not having dorayaki stocked in the cupboards. Dorayaki.

That's right I went to the grocery store to get dorayaki for Mikey, but weirdly he seemed unbothered by the fact I got dorayaki. He simply treated it like any other food, and helped me put away the groceries.

Journal entry: October 18th, 2018

I couldn't sleep well last night. Not after I woke up in the middle of the night. It was 3am and I could feel a presence looking at me, even while I was sleeping. I opened my eyes to see Mikey's face inches away from mine, staring at me with...lifeless eyes. I forced out a laugh and asked him what he was doing just to not get a response.

It stayed like that for what felt like an eternity before Mikey blinked and flashed me a smile. He said "Oh nothing, I just can't believe this is real sometimes" before cuddling my body and falling asleep. I was not able to fall asleep again, fear washing over my body as I was held by someone I didn't know.

Journal entry: November 3rd, 2018

All the Bonten executives' schedules had cleared up, and so had Mikey's so they had decided to all go to a club as a late celebration for Mikey's return. Mikey had invited me which confused me, he never wanted me to go to a club with him after an argument we had before he went missing. It was an argument about how he had fucked this woman in one of the vip rooms. Her name was Sayaka. Kakucho was the one who took a photo and sent it to me. I remember that the next time I saw Kakucho after that he had a black eye and wouldn't even look me in the eyes.

Mikey said that if I couldn't trust him alone at a club, then I wouldn't trust him if I was with him in a club and that he doesn't want me to go to a club with him after that. It didn't make sense, it still doesn't. Still though, I listened to my loving husband.

So why is it now that he invited me? I don't know, but I went. We stayed together the whole night, his arm wrapped around my waist. All of the executives were there, Kakucho's black eye gone but he still wouldn't look me in the eye.

Sayaka came over to our vip table, wanting to give Mikey a lap dance but he declined. That seemed to shock everyone except for Mikey himself. Sayaka left and I let out a laugh, calling her a home-wrecking bitch after she left.

I knew I screwed up. I knew I shouldn't have said that. I was prepared for Mikey to lash out at me, but he didn't. He agreed with me, saying he couldn't understand why she'd try giving him a lap dance when she knows he's married.

Married to the person he loves the most, and would never want to hurt.

Journal entry: November 25th, 2018

I'm terrified. I'm so fucking scared, I feel like I'm going insane. That thing isn't Mikey. I know it could be that he just had a freak accident that caused some kind of brain trauma that caused him to forget things, and maybe even have a personality change. Still though, earlier is how I knew that the thing pretending to be my husband isn't actually Mikey.

We had sex and I noticed something that petrified me when he took his shirt off. I hadn't seen Mikey shirtless since he came back, and what I had seen terrified me. Or rather what I hadn't seen.

There was no scar over his heart. No stab wound where I had stabbed him to death.

I'm so damn close to digging up my petunia garden to make sure his stupid dead body is still there. I don't know what this thing is, but it's not Mikey. It's not the Sano Manjiro that I married.

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#mikey #sano manjiro #mikey x reader #bonten mikey x reader #mikey angst #mikey mystery #bonten mikey angst #bonten mikey mystery #mikey x reader angst #mikey x reader mystery #bonten mikey x reader angst #bonten mikey x reader mystery #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers angst #tokyo revengers mystery #wetookeachothershand

[etheravie]

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎 -- 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐒

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 ´ˎ˗

❝ ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ. ❞

○ An analysis on CSU!Tommy, as promised! He didn't show up too much, however when he did he caught my attention immediately and think he should get the attention he deserves along with everyone else.

○ Bear in mind when reading that the following contains spoilers for Slimecicle's 100-Day Apocalypse video. If you want to avoid spoilers and haven't yet watched it, I highly recommend you do. The humor is amazing and the story is phenomenal for a year in the making. Well done once again, Charlie!

○ And with that, allow me to ramble:

· · ─────── ·🙜· ─────── · ·

○ So! First things first: where did he come from? A lab, obviously; more than likely the lab that Charlie discovered where he found the Deuce Logs & the Mad Scientist. But was he made there? Raised there? My hypothesis is neither. If you recall, when first meeting Tommy on day 26, Tommy went off on a lil' ramble before his words were cut off. Something noticeable I caught was the sentence, "Ever since my family died I've just been on my own..."

○ I dunno 'bout you, but to me, what else could this point to other than, well, a family outside of the lab? Tommy wasn't always a zombie; he was put into another world and brought the virus back, presumably from being bitten by one in whatever world he had initially been in.

○ Yet another notable mention is, when the scientist mentions about "not trusting trusting british," he said that it was his fault for hiring a british guy. This could very well just be a twist on words to make Charlie think otherwise, but it may not be just twisted: it could be true. Because they've worked together. He made it sound as though it were a collaborative project. He's stated we instead of I in the logs, has filled a page with pure apologies, and has seemed to show genuine concern for him. However, he's titled the Mad Scientist for a reason. I won't delve too into his character over Tommy's, but his logs, experiments, etc. are equally as important to Tommy's character, but I'll touch on that later on.

○ Tommy had a family; this is irrefutable evidence. But what kind of family? Friends can be family. It could very well be biological, too. There are some Deus Logs that weren't revealed in the video. But by what we do know, we can infer and use context clues. What he says and his posture explains a lot about this. For instance, take log 1 & 3 (Day 1 & 6): the first log states that Tommy was successful in infiltrating a new world and that he brought something back with him that had to be analyzed. What exactly this is we don't know, but it has to be tangible in order to be analyzed. It could be a small, insignificant object to a gift from someone, or some thing there. Aside from weapons and rotten flesh, Tommy hasn't held or carried anything of strong significance or anything out of the ordinary. We may never know, because it either got destroyed here in the apocalypse, or something else happened in the world that he's been visiting.

○ Notice the time gap between log 1 & 6. Log 2 could be any day ranging from 2-5, however if you bear in mind that the success was on day 1. Day 6 (log 3) is where he was noted to have presumably beginning to show neurotic signs. Anything could have happened in. This period. Obviously the bite did, or whatever may have first spread the virus to him. Anything could have been destroyed. Anything could have led him to have a want to escape, on the very next day. So what happened? Him and the scientist were good friends, weren't they? They worked together and he didn't seem too disagreeable in comparison to entry 1.

○ To answer this question we need to figure out where Tommy was sent to. It had to A, have zombies, or at least the virus. B, it had to have some sort of connection with him for an object to warrant such a reaction. And C, he surely had to have wanted to go back on his own. Why? Well, why would a spare Octatic Capacitor be around -- nevertheless that Charlie had found and threw into lava? Even though coworkers, he was more than likely treated as a test subject instead. Remember the cells in the lab; two were occupied and one was empty. Of course Tommy wouldn't know how to work it. So when he escaped? He made it. He figured it out -- he could be back to the people and places he loved and see the things he liked! I don't think we'll ever know where this is, but my closest bet would be where him and Charlie were last taken to when Tommy could take damage. I don't recall him ever taking damage prior (days 26-28) for the simple reason that Charlie never thought to swing at him; he was never grazed on accident. The reason I mention this place specifically is that it's all dark. Every building is destroyed. They're on the edge of a plain surrounded by lava overlooking it all. What better place would set the scene for the apocalypse? What better place do we know of that we've seen Tommy, Charlie, etc. in that fits the description Tommy said to Charlie? On day 26 he said, quote, "I've been out of touch for so long," alongside mentioning that almost every building he had been in was destroyed. He looked at the cows in Charlie's base with utter awe and fascination. This isn't surprising for any Tommy no matter what AU. But it isn't impossible, either.

○ We don't know when the Deuce Logs first began, but we can assume that it began when the first day of 100 did. The virus was mutating, allowing the zombies to break stronger blocks, jump, charge, etc. In a world where almost everything is destroyed, you don't need these advantages when you know your grounds and your prey. In a city where everything is spaced, tall, and the humans have the high ground? The virus has to adapt. It isn't instant, but a lot can happen over 100 days.

○ Following this, Tommy presumably escaped the lab on day 7. He met Charlie first on day 26, and this timeline makes sense if you consider him first bringing the virus on day 1.

○ But wait! Tommy said that it's been months! If he brought it back, how could he have infected so many while still being a test subject! Well, remember that he supposedly has family. Alive. It wasn't stated when this occurred, so it could be at any period. Regardless, he couldn't have stayed forever. He had to have gone home. He had to have gotten hungry. He had to have eaten skin to sustain himself. He had to have bitten. This would explain how his test room had smelled of rot, because it wasn't coming from his person. When Tommy first stitched back up his outfit, he looked brighter and more like a human, right? You wouldn't expect anything out if the ordinary.

○ More time was passed in the time proportion from 1-28 days & 28-95 days. More changes can happen. Tommy can't eat humans when he's trapped in a cell. So why not take what he's "collected" to bring with him as a snack? He was never caught. The scientist couldn't find anything.

○ Even with this he wasn't happy. He thought Charlie's world putrid. He spoke of the zombies as beautiful creatures. If he thought so deeply of these zombies -- of his people, why wouldn't he tell the scientist, too, how wonderful this world is? The scientist wouldn't know. He hasn't gone. He didn't want Tommy to leave. This is, of course, simple speculation. But remember entry 6 (Day 9): the words "I'msorry" rewritten approximately 35.5 times on a single page. A decaying mind from a virus and insanity. Tommy couldn't have written this. If he did, why would he apologize to the person that's written whatever else on the logs that we've yet to see? The scientist has made it clear that he wants to save the world. His view has altered Tommy's as well. But he's a kid; what else can he do?

○ Have the support of his people. He's stated this before, and only was attacked once the entire apocalypse. Why? It's odd how it only happened when he was directly beside Charlie.

○ It's no surprise that he can influence the zombies; a plausible explanation for the precious point would be the attack being pre-planned. Tommy has taught a many as he can and more about how to best fool humans to infect every last one. In turn, he can be influenced by them. He's stated, quote (Day 28), "Charlie... they've convinced me, Charlie." "Charlie- I spoke to them, Charlie. We made an executive decision."

○ Furthermore, there are various reasons for his deep knowledge of the brain, or presumably human anatomy, organs, etc. One reason can be working in the lab. Another, however, could be from his experience in whatever world first gave him the virus. The first reason is most plausible, however, thanks to a specific sentence (Day 28): "What's the tastiest part of the brain scientifically?"

○ He wasn't like this all the time, however: remember how, in the beginning and towards the end, too. Tommy cried when he had used "all that he had." He had asked Charlie to let him explore the city. He had spent time with Charlie. This can be concluded with something simple he once said to a zombie (Day 27): "But listen to me, alright? The trick is these days- you infiltrate them, you gain their trust, you do work for them, and then you eat them. It's the meta strategy!"

○ This wasn't all there was to it, though. Tommy did genuinely care for Charlie and his wellbeing in more than one instance (Days 28 & 29): "Charlie, I wouldn't lie to you. Stone and iron bars are the only thing(s) I can't break out of. And I wouldn't lie to you in this form." "Wait- Charlie- it's me now, Charlie. Wha- I... what have I done?" "I've sabotaged myself. I-"

○ Don't forget that, during this, he's aware of what's going on. In the second sentence above, he asks himself what he's done. Yes, this can be rhetorical. But it could could be literal. He's switched from coherent sentences to groaning in a second. He's coughed between sentences. He can feel something happening (Day 26, 28, & 29): ""And then I was kinda walking around, and it all goes a bit fuzzy and blurry..." "'Cause I can feel it going through me. The more of this flesh I eat, the more- the more I feel it. The more I feel the virus." "I don't know why I did that." "Charlie, I wouldn't lie to you. Stone and iron bars are the only thing(s) I can't break out of. And I wouldn't lie to you in this form." "Jeez, man. Maybe I'm a zombie, but I got feelings, man. At least make it two-by-two." "It's okay. I know (that) this is the best for me." "You know, one of the things about the virus..."

○ Some things in what he's said have contradicted themselves, however. He knows he's eating rotten flesh, but can't stop and even refuses the milk Charlie tried to give him. At a later time, he's expressed to a zombie to only enact violence on humans. Why would Tommy be eating flesh, if not that of his own kind? It may be a stretch, but remember back to the mention of Tommy having brought something back from the world that he had visited. One of these is the virus. The other is the object. A found trinket is possible. Something given to him is as well. Why else would he hold something of such great importance when his lab partner hasn't given him anything except poor treatment? Why else would he be so distraught to have it ripped from him and never be able to return back to retrieve it? What if it was for more than one reason?

○ In conclusion: The world that Tommy visited is the one we see where he was killed by Charlie. Someone gave him something of importance, and it was lost when he tried to get back on his own, resulting in temporary expulsion. This along with the virus has made him neurotic and gradually lose his sanity, now dead set on creating the world in the present; the one that he was stripped of.

· · ─────── ·🙜· ─────── · ·

○ Thanks for coming to my TED Talk! A friendly reminder that this is all pure speculation from gathered information, personal inferences, and other background knowledge. If I've missed anything, need to address something further, etc., please don't hesitate to add onto or correct me on whatever; once I find more stuff I might make another post if needed! Either way I had a lot of fun with this; it's been a long while since I've been able to get a good ramble out. If I can't get answers I'm makin' my own. :}

#minecraft #tommyinnit #charlie slimecicle #slimecicle #charlie slimecicle cinematic universe #scu #slmccl #mcyt #minecraft youtubers #mcytblr #mcytumblr #character analysis #tommyinnit character analysis #tommyinnit analysis #thoughts and things #hardcore!tommy #hardcore!slimecicle #hardcore!charlie #hc!tommy #hardcore!tommyinnit #hc!tommyinnit #hardcore!slmccl #hc!slimecicle #hc!charlie #hc!slmccl

[allthatyoulove]

Now or Never

Poe Dameron / Reader

Summary: It’s your first mission back on base, and you haven’t seen Poe since you broke up. When the mission goes wrong, unsaid feelings are revealed.

Warnings: cussing, angst, fluff

Words: 2.8k

Request: hi! could I request 6 from the prompt list for Poe? just some angst to fluff maybe?

A/N: This is my first requested story! Thank you sooooo much to the anon who recommended prompt 6 from my prompt list for Poe! Hope you enjoy! Feel free to leave any feedback and please let me know of any warnings or errors I missed! Thanks for stopping by :)

*****

“So after we take out the surface cannons, we come back to base. Got it?”

I finished my speech, slightly out of breath. I looked around at the other pilots to study their reactions. Some looked ready, bobbing their knees in excitement. Others looked pale, like they were going to puke or fly away to another planet. They all managed a nod in response to my question, which I took as a good sign.

I gave an over-dramatic, encouraging smile. “Great. Any questions?”

I paused for half a second before continuing, “Okay, so let’s gear up and load up the fighters.”

The pilots got up and walked to their fighters, murmuring to each other about how they felt about the mission. I stood on the makeshift stage for a second, watching them walk out.

Crash!

I flinched at the loud noise, following it to the entrance of one of the fighters. One of the rookie pilots had run into the box of bombs lined up when carrying another box in, and was frozen in place as they waited for the bombs surrounding them to stop moving.

I laughed to myself and jogged over.

“Get down, it’s gonna blow!”

The rookie immediately dropped to the ground in fetal position, holding onto their head and preparing for the bombs to blow up.

I reached the entrance, laughing to myself as I tried to keep a neutral look on my face.

“I’m kidding, they aren’t activated.”

The rookie slowly got up as if the bombs were still to explode any second. I took the box from their hands as they looked at me with a “I would beat your ass if you weren’t my commander” look and let them go rest somewhere before I got in trouble for tormenting the newbies.

I took a look around the ship as my laughing died down, trying to figure out where the box went. The box was filled with parts of a ship, which I assumed was meant for another fighter because of how new this one looked. It had a shiny new control panel, with thousands of buttons, which looked like they’ve yet to be used.

I sat down in the pilot’s seat, looking at all of the buttons in awe. I reached up to grab the steering wheel, feeling the smooth material and pretending to fly it.

“Watch it, sweetheart.”

I immediately tensed up and waited a second, sighing before I turned around.

Poe was leaning against the wall next to the entry ramp a couple feet away, looking at me with a sad smile.

“Sorry, I just-”

Poe was already shaking his head, dismissing the apology.

“You don’t have to apologize.” He whispered. The ship was quiet, the only noise was the low buzzing of the hull. We’d broken up a month prior, but this was the first time we had seen eachother since. I’d made sure to keep myself busy with every order General Leia gave me. It started to become obvious when she would send me on useless missions just because she could tell how badly I wanted to stay away from him, so I came back. This was my first mission back as a pilot and I already failed in staying away from Poe.

He was wearing his orange jumpsuit, with the white vest and black holsters around his legs and waist. His hair was curlier than last time and parted to the side. He looked good. He looked really good.

The room was suddenly extremely stuffy and almost unbearable to be in any longer. Only a minute had passed, but it seemed like we were staring at each other for hours. I cleared my throat, attempting to get rid of the tension.

“I’ll talk to you in a few, flyboy”

I smiled at him before getting out of the seat, making my way out of the ship. X-wings are fighting ships, which is why they’re so small and cramped. It’s hard to really understand that until someone else is on the ship with you.

Poe turned to face more of the wall next to the entry ramp of the ship as I attempted to slide past him to leave, which made me unintentionally grind on him. His hands immediately shot out to my waist, holding me in place as he let out a shaky breath.

I was suddenly out of breath. My skin was on fire under his touch. It was something familiar and comforting. I had almost forgotten how good it felt. His grip was unyielding, but soft and almost hesitant.

“Sorry.” I whispered.

He leaned his head forward on my shoulder, resting it there. I brought my right hand up to run my hand through his curls. It was still silent, both of us scared to talk and ruin this moment between us.

Fuck I missed him. I missed his touch, I missed his smell, I missed his voice.

The pain of being this close to him was too much. My eyes started to tear up as I stood there against him. I let a couple more seconds pass before I speed-walked out of the x-wing and towards my own. I didn’t turn around to look at him, even when he called my name.

I wiped the tear that left my eye as I walked to my fighter.

I came here for a mission.

I’m here to do that mission, then leave.

----

“It’s not every day we get a shot at a dreadnought, so let’s make this count.”

I’m not gonna lie, we are severely lacking in backup. I wasn’t going to let the rookie pilots know that, but for a job like this, we could’ve used a much bigger fleet.

This mission was Poe’s idea, and very last minute, so we couldn’t take any longer to carry this through. I tried to keep an optimistic view on it. Kind of.

I left the channel that included all the pilots and joined the channel that just Poe and I would be using. Poe and I were the ones who actually had to fly up to the dreadnought and take out the cannons, while the other pilots hung back and made sure no TIE fighters blew us up. So, we wouldn’t have to all be on a channel together unless absolutely necessary.

At least that’s what I told myself.

“You ready, Blue Leader?” came Poe’s voice through the comms.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, Black Leader.”

I looked to my left at him from our fighters, and our eyes met. He gave me a big smile as he talked again.

“Let’s go kick some Imperial ass.”

I smiled at him before I punched the fighter into acceleration, flying towards the dreadnought. I braced myself against the seat as my speed jumped and took aim at the first cannon.

I fired at the cannons that were lined up, turning the ship on its side before any of them could take aim at me.

I was on a roll, taking out cannon after cannon all while dodging the lasers being shot from them. I cheered and laughed, feeling the adrenaline pumping through my veins and feeling unstoppable in this moment.

“How you doing, Black Leader?”

“Better than you, doll face.”

I felt a familiar heat crawl up my face at the nickname, but managed to stay focused on the remaining few cannons. Poe was on my left and we were in unison. We had the same amount of cannons taken down, but he always loved to make it a competition between us.

I almost forgot how euphoric it was. Fighting against the First Order with a Resistance fleet behind me, side by side with Poe. Side by side with someone I love. We were taking out every single cannon, making a show out of it to overperform the other and give the rookies watching something to be entertained by. We were both laughing through the comms, watching each other's fighters flip and duck down in skill to show off. I made quick work of taking out the last cannon on my side so I can do what I planned to do next. Poe had just 1 more cannon to go on his side, and I was ready to take it out using the best cannon-destroying-move-thingy these pilots had ever seen. I held the steering wheel in anticipation, sitting all the way back against the seat and bracing myself.

The pilots behind us must have been too into our little show, because the only warning I got was Poe yelling in my ear seconds before it happened.

“Oh, shit, here comes the TIE-”

I looked over at Poe to see where he was looking before my body got thrown to the left against the seat belt strapping me in.

My x-fighter steered down and left, falling down fast and aiming directly for the top of the dreadnought.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck-”

I yanked the steering wheeling as hard as I could towards my lap, aiming the ship up into the galaxy. Seconds before colliding into the Imperial ship it raised up, throwing the rest of my body down against the seat. I did a loop before correcting the fighter to it’s rightful path, coming around the back of the dreadnought to face the fleet. I caught my breath as I stared at the small fleet for a second, before I saw that there had been an ever bigger fleet of TIE fighters released from the Imperial ship. I immediately sprung back into action, following every TIE fighter I saw until they were down. Poe’s voice came through the comms.

“You alright, baby?”

I cleared my throat and tried to not give him the satisfaction of having a reaction to the nickname before I replied.

“Just fine, Black Leader.”

I had taken out five TIE fighters before General Leia’s voice came through the comms.

“Commanders, you did it. Now get your squad back here before we lose anyone.”

I immediately replied, “You got it, General. Coming back to base.”

I switched the comms over to the general one to relay the message.

“Time to head back, crew. Nice job today, now make sure to get back to base safely. These TIE fighters are relentless.”

I took out a few more fighters on the way back to base, making sure none followed any of the other pilots. My lip felt like it was bleeding from the force of the earlier crash, so I needed to get that checked out. Besides that, it was a very successful mission. We took out the cannons just like Poe had wanted, without the need for much backup from the fleet. I’m sure most of the pilots were thankful for that. I put the fighter into hyperspace before landing back on D’Qar with the base.

I jumped out of the fighter, taking a huge inhale of the fresh air and stretching my arms out. I was still smiling, giddy from all of the excitement that came with being behind the wheel again. I looked around the fighter landing, seeing all the pilots exiting their x-wings and running over to their friends to talk about it.

I looked for the ship with the black lines running across the top but couldn’t find it. I figured he must have already ran to Leia to bring up an idea for another mission.

I made my way towards the ship Leia was in with the rest of the crew, congratulating some of the pilots on the way over.

I walked through the doors and looked around for Leia. I heard her call out for me and ran over to her, analyzing the worried expression on her face and dropping my smile instantly.

“Where’s Poe?”

I froze.

“What do you mean where’s Poe? He didn’t return with the rest of the fleet?”

I walked around to the front of the panel Leia was looking at, switching to the screen to see the online status of the fighters. All of the fighters were checked out.

Except for Poe’s.

His voice rang through the panel.

“General, I can do this. I have the chance to take out a dreadnought! These things are fleet killers, we can’t let it get away!”

Leia replied angrily, “Disengage now, Commander! That is an order!”

Poe didn’t reply to her, the comms going silent. I knew what that meant. After being together so long, I knew he wasn’t going to listen. That was the best and worst thing about him. There was no stopping him from what he thought was best.

I still had to try.

I grabbed the mic next to the panel, pressing the button to speak into it.

“Poe?”

He sighed through the mic, taking a second to reply. I held the mic in anticipation, holding my breath.

“Sweetheart, It’s now or never. I have to-”

I paused a second, looking down at the panel.

“Poe? Hello?”

A big red “X” blinked over the image of his fighter on the panel. It seemed like the entire galaxy stopped, holding their breath and waiting for something to happen. Something to change.

“No no no no no… Poe? Can you hear me, Poe?”

Leia rested a hand on my shoulder.

“He’s gone offline, Commander.” She said sadly.

“No, General- he just- he’s fine, okay?”

I messed with the panel pushing all possible buttons to refresh the status, flicking the comm switch off and on repeatedly and continuing to talk through the mic. Nothing was working.

“I have to go help him.” I said before running out of the ship.

Leia called for me, but I ignored her and continued to run out to my fighter. A few tears left my eyes and I frantically wiped at them to try and clear my eyesight. I couldn’t fall apart now. Poe needed me.

I looked around for my ship, having a hard time looking through the smoke of nearby ships and people running around. I turned as I looked all around me for the blue stripe, not finding it anywhere.

I started to freak out, not having control over my breathing anymore.

“C’mon where are you… don’t do this now, c’mon..”

Tears were falling from both my eyes now, and I stopped trying to wipe them off. My vision was blurry as my mind went 100 miles per hour.

“He’s gone offline, Commander.”

I dropped to my knees in the middle of the runway as I sobbed.

He can’t be gone, please. He can’t.

I still looked around, trying to find my fighter from the ground. I saw a pilot lift a droid in the shape of a ball from their ship, setting it on the ground.

BB-8?

I frantically wiped my eyes, slowly standing so I could get a clearer view. My eyes finally cleared from the tears as I saw him.

Poe was kneeling down, patting BB-8’s head in congratulation as he turned and saw me. He got off his knee and smiled at me, starting to fast-walk over.

My face dropped in surprise, happy tears threatening to fall once again as I smiled at him with everything I had.

“Poe!”

I ran towards him as fast as I could, jumping into his arms. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, burying my face into his neck.

He wrapped one arm around my waist, holding me in place, and put the other on the back of my head.

He whispered frantically in my ear, “The cannon I missed- it hit my ship. The comms and weapon systems went down, I couldn’t- I lost you. I swear, I was on my way back. I was coming back to you.”

I picked my head up, bringing both my hands to cradle his face as I looked him in his eyes. I moved a few pieces of hair out of his face as I spoke, “I believe you, Poe. I just wanted you safe. Maker, I thought you- they said you-”

My voice died as I started to cry again, and he rested his forehead against mine as he spoke, “I didn’t realize you still cared.”

I sniffled, looking him in the eyes again.

“I never stopped.”

His gaze shifted between both my eyes, his eyes roaming my face in disbelief before he spoke again.

“I love you.”

He didn’t give me a chance to reply, resting his hand on my cheek and pulling me in for a kiss.

I stopped breathing as I immediately kissed him back with everything in me. He pulled me impossibly closer to him as we emptied all of the unspoken words between us into the kiss. He slowly set me down on my feet, wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me in closer to him as I arched into the kiss. We broke away, panting and out of breath. We looked at each other for a second before bursting into an adrenaline-infused laughter. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He picked me up by my waist and spun me around, setting me down before we heard someone yelling at us.

“POE DAMERON!”

We both turned, seeing Leia storming out of the ship towards Poe.

“Shit.”

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